#sorry Ilove her

[eclrrtwo]

Lucy graybeard….

[googiesita]

who will take the fall who of us is stronger you’ll just want it more if you could, you’d have fought it but you know you’re not from the start, they knew you were wrong

inbred - ethel cain.

[neonlitlesbians]

hey @jofiah your vtuber model is cool as fuck so i drew her.

[goldiipond]

almost every papermario title gives you a best friend in the form of a very opinionated small woman with extensive knowledge on everything in the world. and these women are my favorite characters every time

[send-me-a-kae-via-subspace]

quinn is so stylish like?? they got the best outfits

[bumblingbabooshka]

Having Nonbinary Sapphic Tuvok Brainrot Lately…

You're the realest motherfucker on planet Earth and I hope you know that.

Here's a bunch of bullshit I doodled on the topic of Nonbinary Sapphic Tuvok !!!! And I HOPE you will share YOUR personal brainrot with the class (my ask box, the masses, a text post....whatever gets the word out.) If you've been paying attention you KNOW I love a 'Tuvok discovers he's trans while in the delta quadrant' story Guy who likes girls and has always liked girls...but....not in the same way OTHER guys seem to like girls... Tuvok who never quite fit in with 'other' men even Vulcan men...always preferred spending time with women and girls but never felt precisely LIKE a woman or OVERLY uncomfortable with being identified as a man and Vulcan society doesn't seem like it would be heavily gendered so he never really questioned it seriously. Tuvok who found comfort in titles like Husband and Father...those fit, those are good. Then in the delta quadrant he isn't able to be a husband or a father any more and is just some guy surrounded by humans...hmmmmmm....

Still doesn't really seriously think it's worth questioning or exploring his gender identity (partially out of a desire to return home as he left...what will his wife and children think? He's experienced a LOT of sudden change in regards to his personal identity and life, he doesn't really want to undergo more.) until Seven of Nine comes along and also begins to go through a "Questioning Her Gender" arc. Tuvok thinks about it on his own time for a long time and then finally goes to Janeway for support and assistance and together they spend like SEVERAL months just the two of them seeing what this whole gender thing's about. Tuvok slowly exploring expressing himself in a more feminine manner because he's spent his whole life adhering rigidly to one sort of Look. Unexpectedly struggles with anxiety about this. Neelix: Don't be nervous Ms. Vulcan! Tuvok: [nervous] I am not nervous. Tuvok and Seven BOTH exploring masculinity/femininity and their own nonbinary gender identities...late night slumber par- experimentation. Painting each others nails is...very scientific. It's important. Talking with Janeway was good because she's his friend but talking with Seven, another person actively questioning their gender is....well, it's something else.

[girlsammylover]

think9gn abt girl sam gets me so giddy i feel light headed. thinking about her stealing some nail polish one time when they go thrifting. waiting till dean and john are asleep and shakily painting her nails by torchlight under her covers. its not like theyd mind, this is just something she wants for herself, you know? she obviously doesnt do the best job, it's her first time, but she doesn't really care. she had fun doing it and loves the way the light reflects off the color (some sort of pink probably, whatever was closest to the front). dean teases her for being a pretty little princess but still helps her pick off the polish thatd gotten all over her fingers. maybe he holds her hand more often for a week or two, pressing little kisses into it whenever possible. she paints her nails whenever she can after that.

[neolxzr]

ITSUKI SHU YOU AGREE REBLOG PT 2

happy shu friday i made another one of these (first one here)

[embraquil]

The ending of totk was something I knew I was gonna be disappointed with but man I wish Zelda wasnt "cured" at the end :/ I knew it was coming cos the ham fisted need for a happy ending. But either way the idea of Ganon and the royal family being each other's demise in the end and having the average citizen of Hyrule needing to pick up the pieces themselves. Each nation dissolving themselves from being under hyrule's banner would've been so cool. But bleh get a Luke warm happy ending 😭

Okay I'm done complaining I swear

[h3cat3cor3]

hate seeing people make remix designs adn then just copy paste callie's outfit. Hurts me deeply

[itlogarts]

xenia has me writhing screaming sobbing but like not in that way

[planetpiastri]

pairing: lando norris x fem!australian!reader [no faceclaim] summary: honestly, you kind of expected this part-time gig to just be four days of pure chaos that gave you an excuse to see an f1 race up close. then some guy in the fanzone complimented your shoes, and the rest is history. notes: requested by anon!! this has been sitting in my drafts for aaaaages, sorry love <3 y'all are so brave for putting up with me while i try and remember how tf to write these uhhh yeah this one took a turn hope u like it anyway LMFAO

liked by oscarpiastri, ynusername, and 13,024 others

ausgp Arriving in style! The lads looked great at the Melbourne Walk today 🤩🤩

view all 1,654 comments

username1 lewis and zhou are absolutely slaying!! and oscar is also there

ynusername oscar i love you but you gotta step up your game mate, i wanna wear your merch so bad but it is UGLY!!

landonorris excuse me ausgp i think my fit was deserving of recognition in this post :(

ausgp Can't compete with the hometown hero 🤷‍♂️ landonorris but daniel isn't in this either ? oscarpiastri You're funny.

landonorris

liked by mclaren, ausgp, and 811,364 others

landonorris he shoots, he scores! thanks for such a warm welcome melbourne :)

view all 7,023 comments

oscarpiastri You and I have different definitions of scoring I think

landonorris ever heard of playing the long game? oscarpiastri Nurse he's out again

username2 where's the worker with the shoes i think they're indirecting her

username3 GET THIS MAN THE SHOE LADY'S DIGITS

maxfewtrell Now that's just uncalled for

ausgp Love to see the spirit 😉

username4 aww lando always looks so happy in melbourne, he loves it here :'))

ynusername oh wtf

liked by ausgp, yourfriend, and others

ynusername busy busy busy day, absolutely buggered, but very excited for tomorrow 😁 (also peep The Shoes on the last slide)

view all 89 comments

yourfriend i mean... he's right, they are sick shoes

ynusername you're just saying that cos you made me buy them yourfriend well yes!

username5 omg are u the girl who was working the fanzone today??

ynusername i was one of them!

username6 ok if this is the shoe lady i don't blame lando for staring she's so pretty omg

yourfriend "the shoe lady" ynusername i've been titled?????

ynusername

liked by yourfriend, landonorris, and others

ynusername weirdest work day ever (included today's shoes bc apparently it's a thing now)

view all 112 comments

yourfriend that wrap was good as hell tho

ynusername deffo the most exciting part of lunch

username7 wait who is this girl and why does lando follow her?

username8 go to lovestruckln on twitter, she has a whole thread about it!

landonorris ...weird in a good way, right?

username9 your lack of rizz is astounding lando username10 bro STAND UP ynusername weird in an interesting way landonorris i'll take that

landonorris

liked by ynusername, ausgp, and 1,011,023 others

landonorris melb, you have my ❤️

view all 8,327 comments

username11 SHOE GIRLLLLLL

username12 i hope they never hard launch and he just keeps posting pics of cool sneakers

georgerussell63 You're welcome

charles_leclerc You did it, you crazy son of a bitch ausgp Where's our credit?? georgerussell63 You put the pieces in play, I moved them into checkmate ynusername you threw a shoe at me. calm down. ausgp He what???

username13 bro's collecting aussies like infinity stones

danielricciardo ?? oscarpiastri No ynusername :// landonorris 😁😁

ynusername you're cool ig 🙄

landonorris your swag style and utter disdain for me has captured my heart ynusername oh my god stop i'm blushing

tagging: @thearchieves @sheridamn @nikfigueiredo @charlig123456789 @ilove-tswizzle @aandreea2005 @sideboobrry @vellicora @eire-the-egg @marymustdie @cocote1410 @taygrls @koalapastries @vroomvroommuppett @nichmeddar @d3kstar @333kiki @ririyulife @resident-swiftie @zimm04 @jupiter-je-taime @ever_bizzare @clemswrld @hollieeelol @leireggsworld @ironmaiden1313 @lunar-racing @lightninginab0ttle @maddie-naps @bwddermilch @pnkwhskyprncss @landossainz @chaotic_version

request: hiya! i love how funny your smau’s are and i’m begging for an aussie!reader x Lando one. maybe she works for the AusGP and they met in Melbourne? idk -anon

[strab3rr]

(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT

I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY

IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)

i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how

anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)

two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water

youve read it correct drinking water.

i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.

i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)

being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage

being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)

being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)

glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)

dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)

healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)

and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)

then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:

new phone, +macbook air

dream apartment of my own

pinterest closet

lifa app for this reality

financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)

knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)

a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)

my parents being more lovable and away from me

every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling

and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)

then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)

one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.

still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀

4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much

a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.

and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.

for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.

sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.

oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.

YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.

and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.

and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.

and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.

and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS

i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself

because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)

is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check

the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck

dream body and hair- check and check

i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself

not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.

im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help

now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess

loves, siena.

[fangirl-dot-com]

Certified Lovers

what is this?? two posts in a day?? how crazy, sorry this is short

I'm also sorry I'm late for valentines day - I was too busy crying from being alone but I wanted to do at least a little something

be warned: horny kids on the main and twitter blows up

happy (belated) valentines day guys! love you all

y/n.jpg has posted

y/n.jpg so it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard. and we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you, forever. you and me, everyday

liked by maxverstappen1, y/n.nation, box_box_express, and 109,204 others

y/n.nation this just called me single in multiple different languages

rookies_secretbf everyday

boxbox_nightmare SUSPICIOUS???? y/n&co this CANNOT BE THE BF'S BURNER ACCOUNT??

charles_leclerc when did he get that shirt?

y/n.89 I bought it for him btw maxverstappen1 why? y/n.89 cause it's cute (I also got ones for Alex and Kelly too)

y/n_on_top oh my gosh the beach picture??

rookie_lover THE NOTEBOOK QUOTE - I'M CRYING

thurthur_leclerc why do I kinda feel bad for Arthur :/

y/nxarthur CAUSE THEY WERE END GAME AND THIS MF TRYNNA BREAK THEM UP f1fan chilllll they were never together in the first place - besides I don't think that he even has a girlfriend

arthur_leclerc has posted

arthur_leclerc you have bewitched me, body and soul...and I love you. I never wish to be parted from you, from this day on

liked by f1fan, logansargeant, oscarpiastri, babyleclerc, and 230,204 others

f1fan I may have spoke too soon

babyleclerc ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? THE PICTURES?? THE AESTHETIC??? THE HAND PLACEMENTS????

fan_all_around THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE QUOTE?? HELLO??

maxverstappen1 glad you took her out. I know you can't cook

arthur_leclerc show some love please? it is valentines day after all?? maxverstappen1 no.

leclerc_bros sheeeshhhh no need to be horny on the main - no one is gonna take her

his_love all yours

box_box_express SUSPICIOUS

f1 happy valentines day!

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19 @lizzypiastri

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

your art makes me explode in a positive way like

im chewing and swallowing it in an aggressive way like

it's just SO good im melting ilove your shading and KEHEKEBEKJDJF

anwayshi hello do you happen to have any headcanons for showtime rolls on the floor and dies

Thank you so much, really appreciate it!

Oh God I don't know if this will read as coherent because my thoughts about Showtime are all over the place. But I'll try to format this the best I can

✨Showtime HCs! ✨

Their relationship starts when they start spending time together.

(The reason why they do so could vary. In Supervised Machine Learning's case, Pomni becomes something of a "tutor" to Caine; They discover that they work well together, and the other's company can be quite pleasant!).

So Pomni and Caine build a weird, but comforting friendship, and all is well.

Then the feelings appear.

Caine is the first to realize he fell in love.

It sounds illogical but hear me out… it'd be really funny--

Ok no seriously I think Caine can actually feel. Keyword "can". He's very much still a machine and it shows in the pilot. But like his inspiration (AM), Caine is also a rogue AI. Whatever his programming originally intended him to do, he probably doesn't follow it as closely now as back when he was created (which is a whole other post).

Caine knows what love is and the extend it can go, since the Moon is so open about her feelings. He just doesn't like the Moon back specifically haha (sorry Moon) :}

All this to say, I do believe this is within the realm of possibility for him. (Not that it's ever gonna happen towards anyone in the show. These are just wishful shippy thoughts).

He might not recognize it as love at first, because it manifests in such a different way from his one reference point.

His friendship with Pomni had gone through phases.

When they first met, he continuously touched her with no concern for how she felt.

Learning from and about Pomni herself led him to come to respect her boundaries (and becoming mindful of everyone else's).

Then they're close friends, and gradually, Pomni does not mind his regular wacky, touchy-feely self. So Caine acts as he had always done before.

Caine expresses his love for Pomni with physical gestures and his undivided attention.

When they teleport to travel to other places, he holds her close so she doesn't get too dizzy; he pats her head to reassure her; he touches her arm to get her attention; he grabs her hands when he's excited about her ideas; he holds eye contact for prolonged periods of time; and he touches, and touches, and touches, and touches.

It's selfish, and so he keeps it buried in his deepest 0's and 1's. But he'd like to keep hanging out with Pomni, having her in his sight, and feel the texture of her gloved hands until the end of time.

Despite all this, to him, virtually nothing changed.

What? He's spending time with Pomni as he'd always been doing, and behaving as he'd always behaved!

It's Bubble of all people that has to point out that, "Hey boss. I think you WANT her!"

Absurd. Nonsense. Preposterous! It is merely a relationship of mutual support and affection between a ringmaster and his trusted, former-human companion. Nothing more.

(Declaring his love to her unprompted didn't ever cross his mind, so there's no way it could be that. Is there?)

Caine finds out that yes, there is.

Pomni had always been a nervous wreck, but her mind state becomes more manageable over time. She eventually adjusts to the circus life like everyone else did.

"Accepting" her fate is a different story. The will to escape, to remember, never really leaves. She's just more careful about it.

So when she starts working with Caine - to improve life so people don't go abstracting anymore, and hopefully find a definitive exit - she's not expecting to end up liking her time with him.

Not that she'd absolutely hate it, either. He's… "okay"… Just-- outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space, he keeps touching her, and it makes her die a little every time.

If he's up to listening, though… it can't be that bad, right?

Turns out that no, it wasn't that bad.

Yes, he is outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space and touching her. But she explains what she means to him, clearly and patiently, and he makes an effort to do better. An actual effort.

Sometimes he'd misinterpret what she meant - the ambiguity of human language - and the new games would go horribly. But little by little, his efforts make life overall better. Something reminiscent of actual, real life, the one they've all forcibly left behind.

And he tries, and he tries, and Pomni finds herself enjoying the process as much as the good results.

Pomni likes Caine's eagerness to learn. His enthusiastic attitude borders on silly, and the absurdity makes her laugh on occasion. When faced with the prospect of a "real" exit, she loves his upbeat optimism.

When she's not hanging out with Ragatha, Jax, Gangle, Zooble and Kinger, she begins to enjoy spending quality time with Caine.

Each one of their hang outs is a new surprise. They make a picnic in the tallest mountain exactly in between day and night. They learn to dance - while floating in the air. "Since you asked, here's a DIGITAL camera! Let's take pictures of the Void for one tenth of a second at a time!"

Sometimes he just comes by Pomni's room, and they end up losing track of time. Just chatting about how things have been, what they could be, and what to do next. Ideas and ideas and ideas.

Before Pomni knows it, she's comfortable enough that recalling his old habits makes her not dread them anymore. So when Caine stands close and lightly touches her arm due to oversight, she makes sure he knows it's all right.

And they keep spending time together, and he touches, and touches, and touches her. Pomni, in turn, feels lighter, and lighter, and lighter. Peaceful, at ease. Dare she say, happy, even.

Life is not perfect. As it stands though, it's good enough. No one has abstracted. No one is at risk of abstracting so far.

Progress is slow, but the research for an exit continues, and she is hopeful. The thought of actually leaving grows closer to reality. But a part of her feels heavy.

When it occurs to Pomni that leaving the Amazing Digital Circus means leaving Caine behind, she is alarmed by how much she'll miss him.

It'll hurt. Badly. So much the thought pains her even now.

The moment Pomni realizes this, she comes to the unexpected conclusion that she may like Caine a little more than she thought she would.

This later leads to an interesting discussion with Ragatha.

By the time Pomni comes to that conclusion, Caine is already down bad.

Neither has any idea that the other is in love with them.

Cue dumbasses trying to deal with their feelings while the potential conflict the escape brings looms over their heads.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

[flem17ng]

Pretty girl: KCC x reader

keep on pretending, pretty girl

note: here it is! I may have made myself cry writing this

summary: Kyra is straight. She has liked boys since she was little. She had boyfriends all through high school. She is straight. At least she thought she was... but then she met you.

warnings: internalized homophobia kinda, Kyra being a cutie, angst (Sorry), the effects of the lesbian master dock, happy ending (Because i Ilove ya'll)

word count: 4.8k

"Kyra!" you yelled from across the dance floor, "come dance with me!" She hesitated for a second before moving towards you. It wasn't normal for her to think twice about dancing with her best friend but recently she had been getting weird feelings every time she saw you, or was near you... especially when she was near you.

The club was crowded with sweaty couples, all twirling together in time to the pounding music. Kyra finally reached you and you danced. some mindless pop ballad that neither of you knew the words to. You watched her dance, one hand in the air, grinning like a maniac and giggling. She was absolutely gorgeous like always.

"how much have you had to drink ky?" you asked with a smirk as she moved closer to you.

"huh? nothinggg" she slurred, proving her point moot. You knew she was drunk, she only got touchy when she was drunk and now she had a hand on your waist was was slowly dancing into your personal space. Maybe if you were smart you would confront her about this, but you weren't. On the contrary, you were utterly and completely in love with her. So instead you pushed her off you gently, grabbed her hand, and subtly started pulling her towards the door. You weren't smart but you were wise enough not to let her get ahead of herself. Your best friend was straight, you knew you had no chance, it would be torture to let yourself pretend while she was like this.

"come on ky ky, let's get you home" You opened the club door for her and let her walk onto the street.

"it's so pretty tonight!" she exclaimed, looking up at the Sydney city lights before turning to you, "you are so pretty tonight" she giggled. You tried to ignore the way your heart stuttered at her words and her drunken smirk. It helped to remember that she didn't mean it. Kyra walked towards you with a cheeky grin, placing her hands on your shoulders.

"you are the prettiest girl in the world! you know that right" she laughed. you just frowed and looked at the ground.

"come on. You're drunk. I'll get you an Uber." You took out your phone and started typing when you felt her lean forward and press a quick kiss to your cheek. You wished it was easier to fall out of love with someone, but it wasn't. Especially when that someone was Kyra. Kyra with her perfect teeth, her tanned skin, and her warm eyes. Kyra who sent you 'good morning texts' and knew your coffee order off by heart. Kyra was standing on a street in Sydney on a Saturday night with the prettiest smile. Kyra who was straight.

When the Uber finally arrived Kyra pouted. "I don't wanna leave you," she whined and you smiled at her before paying the Uber driver and giving her a quick hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Text me when you get home ok?" She nodded and gave you a drunken wave before getting into the car and driving off.

***

Kyra woke up with a headache and three text messages.

2:45am:

Y/N: Get home safe?

6:30am:

Y/N: hey ky. I dropped some painkillers at your door! I hope the hangover isn't too bad :)

tinder: you matched with Tom G! Message him to get a conversation started.

Kyra groaned. The odd feeling in her chest was back. It was like a flipping fluttering feeling that seemed to appear only with you. It would be a pleasant feeling if it wasn't mixed with the plummeting sensation of dread, confusion, and (weirdly) guilt. She clicked on the notification from Tinder first. The guy wasn't bad-looking, he had similar hobbies. But as Kyra looked through his photos again, she couldn't help but think he looked a little bit like her best friend... she closed her phone. She didn't have training that day so there was no reason she would have to bump into you. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time you you! But she knew she got ahead of herself when she was drunk. She says things she shouldn't, and she gets touchy. She knows this because she does it on purpose: always acting more drunk than she is, leaning into you, batting her eyelids, and knowing she'll get away with it. She knows you won't call her up on it.

Maybe she would meet up with that Tom guy anyway. Why the hell not? She was young and single, and straight and so was this guy. She was sure of all those things! So why did she feel so horrible when she opened up her phone again, ignoring your texts and tapping on the Tinder app?

Kyra: Hey x

Tom G: Hi :)

***

"Y/n you can't just let her do this to you" Ellie groaned as she took another large gulp of her coffee. It had been a few weeks since the club with Kyra and ever since, she had been cold and distant, making up lame excuses about seeing some new guy. It was a cycle that was familiar at this point: Kyra was your best friend, you were her pretty girl, she gets drunk, she flirts, she gets cold, hooks up with a few guys, and then comes back to gossip about it. Unfortunately, Ellie had been there to see it all.

"Look I know! but I just can't help it ok! When she wants me I..."

Ellie's expression softened with understanding. As much as she wished she could snap you out of it and point you in the direction of literally any other woman, she knew it would never work.

"you know my opinion on this. Drunk words are sober thoughts and all that." she shot you a sad smile.

"Yes well. her sober thoughts right now are all about some guy called Tom." you rolled your eyes. Stupid Tom and his stupid XY chromosomes. You chewed your muffin with an aggressive frown. Ellie shook her head letting you finish your bite so you could continue.

"And besides. Yes! maybe she is gay. but she certainly doesn't know that does she. What's the point Ellie?" you sighed. "she only wants me when she's drunk. in the morning it's like nothing happened"

"Look I don't know what you want me to say! You need to get your mind off her. Go hook up with someone" Ellie rolled her eyes. She was terribly supportive but there was only so much delusion she could take in one morning.

"See I would... but she's asked me to come round for a movie tonight" Ellie just groaned. You could never pull yourself away from Kyra, no matter how much you tried. It wasn't like you did try though. you drank the rest of your coffee, feeling suddenly like a bum on a bar stool.

"You're too young to look so hopeless! You're attractive, and queer in Sydney for god's sake!" She laughed, giving you a playful slap on the arm. You knew she was right even if you would never tell her she was. Your phone buzzed.

Ky 🤍: can't wait to see you! I have to tell you about Tom ;)

"Jesus Christ I'm pathetic" You covered your face with your hands dramatically.

"Correct! Now finish your muffin so we can pay and leave please."

***

Kyra rushed forward into a hug when you arrived at her door a few hours later. She was dressed in a loose pajama top and shorts and her hair was in a messy bun with strands out to frame her face. You wished you could greet her with a kiss, or run your hands through her hair... Instead, you returned the hug, handed over the bag containing ice cream and snacks, and walked into the apartment like a friend would.

"I missed you!" Kyra shouted from the kitchen as she put the icecream in the freazer, "I feel like i havnt seen you in forever"

You swallowed back a remark about kyra ignoring you for days and choosing some guy over you and instead followed her into the kitchen with a grin.

"I missed you too Ky! How have you been?" you knew better than to bring up your last outing to the club. She would brush it off with a joke or get cold like she always did.

"Well... Tom took me Bowling the other day! It was so romantic" She giggled, grabbing her phone to show you a picture of the two of them at the bowling lane. You swallowed hard and nodded supportively.

The night wore on relatively the same: you talked and laughed and gossiped about your friends. Kyra was only about 2 wine glasses in when she started feeling weird again. Maybe it was the way your hair was sitting or the way the light was hitting your face... Either way, she needed to be close to you. On the couch she cuddled up to you, resting her head on your chest while some movie played on mute in the background. When she closed her eyes and listened she could hear your heartbeat under her head, slow and steady. The movie, a rom-com, must have been coming to an end as the two characters finally got together in a scene that might have been heartwarming if either of you had been playing attention to the plot.

"Y/n?" Kyra asked suddenly.

"hmm?" You had let yourself relax a little into the sofa as the night wore on and now rested a hand on top of her head gently.

"I dont want Tom to be my boyfriend" she whispered, so quiet you almost didnt catch it.

"I thought he was romantic? and smart and handsom?" you asked, looked down to were kyra lay with her eyes squeezed shut on your chest.

"I don't know i..." Kyra opened her eyes and looked up, your faces suddenly very close together. "I don't want him to be close to me like you are" She admitted, her voice sounding vulnerable.

"He woldnt be! It would be different. He would kiss you and all that." you responded confused. Kyra had had boyfriends before, she knew what that relationship entailed.

"But I want to do that stuff with you!" She smiled moving her face even closer so your noses brushed. You felt your heart drop. You had hoped the evening wouldn't take this direction mostly because you wanted to save yourself the pain.

"Kyra..." you breathed. You knew this is when you should pull away, push her off you, and tell her to sort herself out. Instead, you just squeezed your eyes closed in hopes that she could sober up and stop playing with your feelings. "You know it hurts me when you do this Ky..."

"I don't want to hurt you" She whispered and you could hear the cheeky smirk on her lips. You could feel her wine breath on your own mouth. God why was it so hard. You opened your eyes, only to find her still close enough to touch. Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. She was looking at your lips and you knew the kiss was coming before she even leaned in.

It was sloppy and one-sided. You refused to kiss her back despite how much you wanted to, despite the way your heart raced at the feel of her warm lips on yours. She tried to deepen it when you placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her away softly.

"Enough. Time for bed"

"But you taste so good" Kyra giggled with a pout pulling on her rosey cheeks. You swallowed and shook your head. You had let it go too far, you needed to stop, you needed to leave before you did something stupid like let her kiss you again.

"Tom wouldn't mind me kissing you silly" She laughed finally rolling to the other side of the couch to let you stand up. You felt your eyes sting a little. You wouldn't cry in front of her, you wouldn't let yourself be comforted by her.

"I don't want you to kiss me Ky. Just go to bed now" You didn't wait to see her pout at you because you knew your resolve wouldn't last if you did. Instead, you turned on your heel, grabbed your bag, and headed out of the apartment.

***

9:45am

Ky 🤍: Oh man I drank way more than I thought last night! I can't remember anything from after we turned on the movie lol

You rolled your eyes when you saw the notification. At this point, you could predict the fallout of every possible flirty Kyra situation based on her first text of the day. She wasn't a lightweight, she knew how to hold her liquor so the part about not remembering anything was nothing short of a blatant lie and you knew it. Maybe a year ago, hell maybe even a month ago, you would have let her get away with her bullshit, but not now. Yes, you loved her but you loved her when she was just being herself, not some character she pretended to be. Maybe that's what made it so painful: not because of what she did when she was drunk but because deep down you knew that she knew exactly what she was doing while she was doing it. She knew what she was doing when she kissed you, she knew what she was doing when she told you she wanted to be with you...

You needed space, no matter how much it hurt. So you ignored her text. And her call that came later. And her offer to get coffee the next day.

1:05am

Ky 🤍: I miss you pretty girl ;)

That notification was soon replaced with:

Ky 🤍 Deleted one (1) message

A few days latter and kyra stopped trying to call. Part of you was thankful... But most of you just wanted to cry. It was self preservation mostly and Ellie agreed it was the right thing to do. But you couldnt help but feel you would loose your best friend if carried on ghosting her.

10:30 am

Ky 🤍: Tom asked me to be his girlfriend btw.

That was when you really did cry: Hot heavy tears that seemed like they would never end. The tears brought with them a horrible emptiness and you mourned not only your friendship but that delusional part of yourself that still believed that one day Kyra would realize you were there for her all along.

11:00 am

Y/n: Thats great Kyra! sorry I've been off grid for a while :)

You hated yourself as soon as you pressed send. But it was Kyra, and no matter how bad it hurt you were there for her. It wasn't her fault you had a silly crush on her after all. You bit down another sob that threatened to break free. here you were again, making excuses for her.

11:05 am

Ky 🤍: SHE'S ALIVE!! come to the bar tonight to meet him? pleaaseee

Y/n: I'll be there.

***

"Y/n I didnt think we'd be seeing you here tonight" ellie called from the booth that was already very full with the rest of your group. Ellie shot you a knowing look as kyra shot up from her seat to great you with a bear hug.

"Well... I needed to meet the mystery man didn't i?" you tried for a smile but it came out all forced and wrong.

"Come on! Sit next to me. I already got you a drink" Kyra shot you a winning smile as she turned back to the table. You couldn't help but smile at the spring in her step.

Tom sat on her otherside seemingly unaware of the subtle tension between his new girlfriend and yourself. Maybe the tension was in your head you bagan to think...

But then you felt a cool hand rest on your thigh and you knew it wasnt. Kyras hand was hidden by the table but you could feel it: Resting on your bare leg, slightly too high to be friendly. You ignored it at first, taking another sip of your coke, laughing at something sam was saying.

But then she gave your leg a squeeze and you felt your breath hitch. Her fingers absent-mindedly began fiddling with the hem of your dress. You shot her a look but she wasn't even looking in your directing.

Already you caught yourself making her excuses: she was nervous, she was a little drunk and did not realize what she was doing, and she was a touchy person by nature (this was true).

"You are my favorite. You know that don't you" You flinched when you felt her hot breath tickle your kneck. You had been so engrossed with your thoughts that you hadn't even noticed her leaning towards you to whisper in your ear.

"Please get off me Kyra," you said, a little loudly making Ellie and Sam look at you with concern. Kyra's smirk dropped into a genuine frown.

"What?" She didn't sound drunk now. You turned to face her, a knot forming in your throat. You couldn't hurt yourself like this, not when her boyfriend was sitting at the same table. Not when you had spent every day since you were 14 falling in love with her.

"I said, Get off me" You pushed her hand off your thigh and stood up suddenly. It was too hot in the bar, too crowded. You turned and almost ran towards the door, needing to get away from Kyra's shocked face, Tom's stupid smirk and drawling voice, and Ellie's pitying expression. No sooner had you exited the bar did you head her run after you.

"What the fuck was that about Y/n?" she shouted, looking disheveled and shocked. You could have laughed.

"What was that about? I could bloody well ask you the same thing. Has it ever occurred to you once, that I'm more than just your drunken experiment" you yelled back, "I mean really Kyra! We're experts at this little dance by now."

"What are you talking about?" you really did laugh then, only to stop the hot tears waiting to burst.

"you get drunk and you want me. I'm your favorite, I'm your pretty girl, I'm the most beautiful person in the world. And then the next day I'm what? nothing? your best friend?" The tears start rolling now, making it hard to breathe but you need to get this all out. It's been welling in your chest for years, building pressure and heat and now you need to let it go.

"So what is it ky? Do you love me like you say or is it just the wine? or sorry, is it Burbon today I didn't ask." you knew it was cruel, especially as you saw the understanding in her eyes. "I'm done with this. I'm done with you. I can't keep wasting my love on you when you can't even return it." Your cheeks felt hot despite the cool breeze and your heart raced.

"Y/n he's not my boyfriend... he asked but I said no," she said quietly as if that was a balm.

"Who cares Kyra? because if it's not him it's some other man. It's anyone but me. or at least until you get a couple drinks in." Kyra was definitely sober now if she wasn't before. Her expression was somewhere between guilt, anger, and hurt. You wished you would hold her, kiss her, and make it all better but it wasn't possible.

"I do... I do love you like I say when I'm... drunk," she muttered to the floor. "I just- I need to figure it out. being with Tom it's like-"

"pretending. It's pretending Kyra." there was no anger left in you now, just sadness. Kyra loved you but she wouldn't face up to it without being knockout drunk and what was worse? you had wasted all your love on her.

"Y/n I love you though"

"Stop. You're being mean" a sob escaped you, "Just keep on pretending. I can't wait around for you to figure yourself out." You took a couple steps backward, suddenly feeling deja vu from the last time you found yourself outside a club on the street with Kyra. She must have had the same thought because she looked up at the city lights, the colours bouncing off her wet cheeks. Before she could look back at you and break your heart more, you turned and walked up the street, hoping she had the sense not to follow you.

***

You didn't talk for months. 3 Months and 2 weeks to be exact but who was counting? Kyra broke up with Tom that night without hesitation. She knew what the weird feeling she got when she was around you know. She had been so scared so so long it felt weird to put a label on the emotion. She loved you. Was in love with you to be exact. And as far as she knew, you hated her. All she could think about was how broken you had looked as you shouted at her. You looked so tired and hopeless and it was all because she hadn't realised how she was affecting you. It was just fun, drinking a little as an excuse to be close to you. She knew kissing you at her house that day was a mistake but it's all she wanted to do.

"Kyra you messed up mate. You're really in the doghouse." Sam stated from the other side of the couch while Kyra cried yet again. All she seemed to do now was cry.

"Is she dating anyone?" She asked. sam just shook her head and didn't answer. She had already told both of you that she wasn't going to be the middle man of this mess.

"I know it's hard to face up to these feelings ok? But remember what she told you? You need to figure yourself out before you try to make things right."

"It was hard for me too" Kristie rubbed her back as she entered the room, "I mean things are pretty uptight where I come from and I just wanted to fit in. I know that isn't quite the issue for you but-" she shrugged "For me it helped to remember that life is too short to give a shit about whether you like a boy or a girl."

"I like girls" Kyra stated (It had taken a long time and a lot of girls in red music videos to realise it but now she was dead certain), "But I don't just... I love her." She deadpanned, looking up at Kristie. "That's so scary..."

Sam shrugged again, "It's scary sure, but from the sounds of it she feels the same"

Kyra snorted, "Well maybe she did before I fucked it all up."

"Look man, she isn't going to be the one to reach out to you. No matter how much she loves you, that girl is stubborn as hell. You need to be the one the make amends." Kyra nodded.

She loved you and she knew that now. She loved the way you teased her for her bad jokes, she loved the way you smiled and sang in the shower. She loved to way you squinted your eyes when watching a movie. She missed you. And she knew now that she was a damn fool for thinking any differently.

***

The past few months had been rough to say the very least on the matter. You had taken Ellie's advice and gone out to a few clubs, hooked up with women whose names you can't remember, and tried your best to forget about Kyra. Every other morning you seemed to be waking up in a bed that wasn't yours, and every morning without fail you felt a deep hole in your chest like something had been wrenched out of place. You wanted her, yes, but you needed security more and that was something she wasn't able to give you. Not if she wasn't even able to admit she was gay.

That morning, exactly 3 months, 2 weeks, and one day since you last saw Kyra you felt as though you might finally have forgiven her. Sure you were upset and hurt and embarrassed, and you were sure as hell done making excuses for her; But at the end of the day, Kyra was your best friend and, if your recent escapades had taught you anything, she was also the love of your life.

The knock came at your door when you were halfway through your third cup of coffee for the morning. It startled you enough to leave you swearing and rubbing your hand where you spilled the drink.

"Coming!" you yelled, dropping the cup off in the kitchen before padding barefoot towards the door, expecting the mailman or a delivery. When you opened the door to see Kyra you were glad you had already put your mud down or you would have dropped it again.

"Kyra?" her name felt weird on your tongue, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," She said simply, stepping in and shutting the door softly behind her.

"You could have texted"

"No, I- I needed to talk to you"

"Well. You're talking now" You couldn't help but be a little aloof, you had no idea where to conversation was going to go. Kyra took your statement as permission to continue.

"Can we sit please?" You nodded and led her over the the kitchen where she sat on one of the bar stools. You stayed standing, leaning your hip on the counter.

"I'm sorry" she blurted before you could say anything, "I'm sorry for treating you like shit and for ignoring your feelings, I'm sorry it took me so long to figure myself out. I'm sorry I pushed all these guys in your face like I had something to prove to you. Most of all I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt sooner because maybe we wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place." She took a breath and rubbed her palms on her thighs nervously.

"The truth is that all those times I flirted with you and stepped over the line... I was not drunk at least not like I acted to be. It was a confidence boost I needed to say what I was thinking, what I am always thinking. I've realised now that I've loved you for years, maybe longer. I knew I felt different towards you than I did others but it was so scary."

You nodded, feeling a knot of emotion form in your throat. Here she was, after months of not talking, saying all the things you had been longing for.

"And I know that it's going to take some time to trust me again" Kyra looked into your eyes now, feeling more confident, "But Y/n I love you so much it hurts. I'm done pretending ok? I'm yours." She smiled softly, "If you'll have me that is."

You watched her fiddle with her fingers for a second before opening your mouth.

"Kyra you have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that." She smiled at you and your heart skipped its familiar beat at the sight. "You're right, I'll need time but..." You stood up straight and walked towards where she sat, "I want this so bad Ky."

You stepped in between her legs and cupped her face between your hands. You watched her eyes go a little wider and her cheeks go pink. You felt her heart speed up under your fingers and for the first time, it was you leaning in to kiss her. Her lips were soft and warm and minty. Her breath was hot and clear against your skin. She wrapped her arms around your waist and sighed against your lips making you giggle. You ran your fingers through her hair like you always wanted to and pulled back slowly. Kyra's eyes were still closed, a small smile on her swollen lips.

"You're the prettiest girl in the world Kyra. You know that right?" Kyra opened her eyes and smiled her perfect smile and your chest filled with a wave of warmth. You would take it slow with her, careful... but in that moment it was everything just to be near her and she felt the very same.

You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around her tightly. You just needed to hold her, to keep her there so she wouldn't leave. As if she read your mind, Kyra moved your hair and planted a small kiss on the side of your neck.

"I'm not going. I promise" she whispered and pressed another feather-light kiss under your ear. Maybe you were a fool, maybe you were an idiot, maybe you were just stupidly in love with this girl. Whatever it was you knew she was telling the truth. Kyra Cooney-Cross was done pretending.