#sorry I'm having a bad day :'(
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
676 notes
·
View notes
Text
posting this with absolutely no context
#am i a cryptid now? i log on like once in a blue moon to post cringe and then leave again#ace attorney#apollo justice#tikki#random stuff#my stuff#ooookay okay okay okay. anyone reading the tags can have a LITTLE context‚ as a treat#so. sitting on my ao3 currently is an unfinished fic with exactly this premise#i want to finish it so bad. it haunts me every day. people leave such nice comments and everything#but i just have no motivation. trust me i've tried#i thought that perhaps drawing it might finally kick my brain back into gear#i'm so sorry readers i'm sorry i WILL finish it i promise it's not abandoned#it was so much fuuuuun#tikki are you seeing this. cringefail author who keeps playing video games instead of writing lmao#anyway goodbye friends i am gone again. logging off once more
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Life is too short.
[ my art ] [ twitter ]
(detail + ratio rambling under the cut >_>)
This is one of those "I need a break between my ten other illustrations, let me do a lil sketchy sketch :D" that got too ambitious etc. etc. I never want to see the color red again" moments. BUT!
I really, really like to explore Ratio's viscerality and what's happening between his brain and his nerves, like... all of this thorough control and discipline and he still has to breathe and react to himself and his surroundings, you know? His accomplishments are insane for "his age"* but he's going to run out of "age" at some point! His ambitions are so far reaching that he's not worried about getting doctorate degree Number Nine! Rather, his efforts are pointed outwards, into the universe, for the universe. As you know.
Speaking of his degrees, I had a half thought a while ago that we've seen him with two types of laurel pins.
One is him in his suuuuuper cute mother goose avatar (three leaves) and the other is the hat he's wearing everywhere else (eight leaves).
The thought was, "Aww, what if they're like commemorative pins counting the number of his degrees or whatever :)". Literally only because there's eight in the current one. This is kind of silly because then you'd HAVE to have an obscene number of degrees even for a normal person for your leaf pin to start looking like a laurel in the first place so scratch that BUT it's cute to think that it's still academic regalia. Something something I work in higher ed myself and it's like... it's like that.
The university goldsmith appreciates the job security.
I REMEMBER WHY I BROUGHT THAT UP. FOLLOWING the fantasy where more leaves = more knowledge!, in summary, even though Ratio seems to be a little beyond trying to get a prize every time he learns something now. But he does want to Keep Going. He can only Keep Going.
So I drew him in a bathtub full of an uncountable amount of gold leaves looking at the camera with an indescribable expression born from a hunger that will never be satiated lol DETAIL SHOT!
*Referenced only vaguely in a comment in the context of astonishment, but it could have easily have been "woah he's accomplished so much for his age (young)" as it could be "woah he looks good for his age (older)". There is no canon age and even then, reconciling standardized system time versus planetary time versus "does his particular breed of lizard human have the same lifespan as tumblr user nhura?" is a losing game for everyone involved! Here's what I think: I think he started going grey in his early twenties, whatever that means in spacefantasygame, and that that's very cute on him.
Do YOU think Ratio would be tempted by immortality???? Or would he MIND HIS BUSINESS
#dr ratio#dr. ratio#hsr fanart#veritas ratio#hsr#my art#SORRY FOR THE INSANE COLOR CHOICE I feel bad posting this in ratio circles because normal ratio art is pleasing on the eye.#blue and gold and white. some ivory. tan sometimes. like fresh air on a brisk day#not piss christ is what i'm saying#in my defense his eyes look like that anyway so this is actually Topical.#I want to talk about Ratio's self image and relationship to his own flesh but that's for another day. unless you ask me niceys#my art: hsr#honkai star rail#holding up a sign that says I LIKE THAT RATIO'S PHYSICAL BODY IS BOTH A CONTINUOUS PROJECT AND LABOR OF PERFECTION WHILST BEARING THE CONSE#THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS EXTRAORDINARY LIFE#PART 3: why does ratio not have an art degree? it's simpler than you think.#okay i'm done BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
560 notes
·
View notes
Text
See this lil' thingie on my neck? It's a Steppe talisman... against maras like you!
Day 12, Amulet
#do you ever think about that changeling route quest where saburov asks her to interrogate grief about the spreading of the plague#and he refuses to answer her until she retrieves a severed head for him..#and that's the only way to distract him and make him confess that his men have been killing people and dumping infected corpses in the rive#pathologic#clara i'm so sorry#clara saburova#the changeling#bad grief#grigory filin#pathologic fest#pathologic_fest#day 12!#pathologic fanart#jajadraws#hope everyone is having a nice day!! this will be my last pathofest drawing for a while I think :)#Мор Утопия#artists on tumblr#commander wolf
383 notes
·
View notes
Text
Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
383 notes
·
View notes
Text
gonna be 100% with you all I don't relate to a lot of adhd content online that's always being cute about special interests and having lots of hobbies and whatever!!!! and I get that it's destigmatised some elements of the disorder but I can't relate because the kind of adhd I have is the kind where i frequently I have days where I Can't Do Anything, where I sit for hours not even scrolling or anything just...sitting or lying for hours with my brain on fire with the effort of Trying To Do Things and then the day ends or the week or the month and I've missed deadlines, birthdays, job opportunities and so there's a constant hum of shame and embarrassment that has very much made me suicidal. For a long time I thought I couldn't have adhd because the predominant image of adhd is someone who's hyperactive but uhhhhhhh that really is not the case for everyone lol. and now I'm kinda mad at how much adhd content is just like, "omg yeah I'm always on the go it's the adhd 😜" or "haha watching my special interest show to do dishes cos I'm adhd 😜" cool. great. good for you, but I can't relate to that because genuinely most days not being able to do basic tasks in my life has fucked up my life and makes me want to kill myself.
#adhd#sorry I'm having a bad day :'(#I don't have the adhd that makes me funny or the ocd that makes me useful!!! sorry!!!#I can't clean things!!! I can't even send an email or go for a walk!!!
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can't answer an ask two times so I'll just smack a low res screenshot sorry XDDASLJDAKL😭💀
There they are, this was the original idea but then I though of that softer one XDD (I'm sorry it's been ages since I did that ask 😭).
Wild would definitely be that nasty, ewww 💀. I MEAN, he ate those monster guts in the first place bruh 💀💀💀💀. He's wild ;).
I'm surprised Legend didn't get mad at Wild ruining his hat, HIS BELOVED HAT- He was being too nice already by taking care of him XDDJASH.
And Four poor guy, idk where I saw that headcanon but thanks, now he's scared of throwing up :***, like, he could take any hit or have a really ugly wound but don't even mention that thing in front of him. I can see it XD.
Thank you so much for the ask (double ask :·3¿) it was really fun doing both doodles and I hope you like them hehehe!!!!💖💖🥹
#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu fanart#lu legend#linked universe legend#lu four#linked universe four#lu wild#linked universe wild#my art#I had a friend who was really scared aswell and omg I can imagine the struggle#so now Four is scared too >:)#let's pretend the background doesn't exist okay 💀#I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THEM AAAUUUUGGHH#also I'm so sorry I posted this almost two months late but the comic eats all my time X'D#now I'm doing some requests I have in my inbox since december I feel so bad sorrysorrysorrysorry TAT#I promisse I'm not ignoring you I just need more hours a day#you can request but just know that I'm not the quickest at drawing augh#the good thing is that some random day you'll get the little surprise that I did your request muhehehe >:·3
127 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! This is the first time I'm sending an art prompt...
I was thinking maybe both Danny and M'gann are floating (preferably in space but anywhere would do) and M'gann is yapping about something (maybe a recipe she's trying to learn?) and Danny is just smiling and listening to her.
idk. I kinda just want a fluff piece.
Please and thank you 😊
Anon, anon I cannot begin to tell you how much I loved drawing for this prompt. It has everything I love doing tbh. Floaty/flying stuff? Check. My fav ship being cute? Check. Space/stars as background?Check.
Ibis paint loved it a bit less, but I didn't let it stop me (I hope that Tumblr or the way I got it on my laptop to post didn't mess up quality)
She got cool recipe down without turning on fire alarm or any accidents and she had to share hah
Here is without the speech bubbles and face close ups:
I'm super happy about how this turned out :D
And also, little thing I made along the way because I got inspired when I turned off sketch layer and saw lineart alone on the background. Anyway, them the constelation
I hope you like it anon, I certainly loved making it.
Also, here is reference for background because I love this photo and need to spread it far and wide
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#spearmint ship#wandixx arts#along drawing this I learned somewhere along the way of drawing Danny#I just conditioned myself into recognizing him in my art by big bangs flopping in front of his forehead#and I spent *hours* trying to figure out what was wrong with him#going as far as to trace my other art and it still wasn't right#so in the end I had to draw chonky strand going down to be able to proceed xD#sorry if this stuff is somewhat incoherent#i'm having kinda bad day and try to trick myself into being positive again by being positive about unrelated stuff#and staying away from stuff that made it a bad day#anyway#digtal art#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
No. You're a victim.
NBC's Hannibal (1.09) // Breaking Bad (2.13)
#hello everyone i have returned from the grave to make this post#not supernatural i know but i have been on another blog and this felt like it belonged over here more than it did my other one#also first attempt at making a gifset i'm sorry the breaking bad ones look kind of ass#but yeah i watched this breaking bad scene the other day and abigail hobbs confession scene was all i could think about#follow me on rehide if you miss me#breaking bad#hannibal#abigail hobbs#hannibal lecter#nbc hannibal#gifset#animated gif#gif#walter white#jesse pinkman
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#sbs#this is going to be entirely unrelated to the sbs above here bc i havent seen reservoir dogs#but i feel like i havent done a little tag life update in a minute#as of time of queuing this the season has been going for about a week#work hasnt been too bad we're normally done closing by like 3:45 but we still have to wait for the bus#which doesnt leave until almost 5 which. i get it.#like the lifties dont get done til after 4 and same with retail and such#bc rentals arent due until 4:15 so they have to stay open for at least that long#but man its not fun just chilling in the lodge for over an hour until the busses start loading#but the work is fine i'm enjoying it enough#hopefully by the time this posts i'll have been able to start taking my ski lessons which i'm super excited for#i want to learn to ski so so bad#also!! i managed to befriend one of the ski instructors on accident#he's from the same area i am as well so we talked a lot about that lol#but he's sweet i like talking to him#i made a comment about how my brother was getting so old bc he turns 18 in june and he went#so what does that make me#sorry but you are 21 you are baby to me (a whole 24 years old)#the difference is i've known my brother for his whole life and you for all of like. three days#but yeah that's mod's life so far its been chill#but man i get winded just climbing the stairs up to the lodge every morning#tbf we are at like. 11000 feet above sea level so like#the air is suuuuuuuuper thin#also we're right along the continental divide too#its beautiful 10/10 would recommend#also editing this on 11/21 to add the steve buschemi screengrab
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
Please un-learn guilt-tripping, not only in the RPC, but in online spaces as a whole.
This is a passive behavior that people may not even realize that they're even engaging with. I understand wanting asks, starters, replies, or any engagement with this collaborative hobby. However, a lot of people say things such as;
'I wish more people would interact with me...' 'My (canon muse) isn't as good as other (canon muses) in the rpc...' 'I should just delete... Nobody's writing with me...' '(reblogs open starter again) #some replies would be nice...'
I hate to be blunt, but ask yourself. When was the last time you sent your mutuals some asks, anonymous or not? When was the last time you replied to someone else's open starter? I understand being in a bad funk, but there are better ways to deal with those negative emotions that don't involve guilting your follower-base for not engaging with you constantly. You can't be possessive of your following and expect them to be happy to engage with you. Your writing partners are people, too.
Please stop guilting people, and recognize when you may be doing it when phrasing things in specific ways. Un-learn passive aggressive engagement with your following and partners as a whole. Put yourself out there if you think other people aren't. Be the writing partner that uplifts people, not make them feel 'obligated' to engage with you. Please.
#rp psa#basic manners#not a meme#I'm very tired. I've seen guilttripping since 2014 and I feel as if a lot of people have just gotten complacent with it#no! it's a manipulation tactic I'm sorry! intentional or not!#be more keen to block people who guilt folks! we all have bad days! asking for asks isn't a huge deal!#but it's the /way/ you ask. it's the /way/ you do it.
556 notes
·
View notes
Text
STANDING NEXT TO YOU (2023)
for @yoongikook ♡
#HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLIE<33#jungkook really did give us the biggest present in the world 😭#i havent giffed in like.. 3 months I'm sorry if these are bad I lowkey forgot how to dsjhfdsh#anyway i hope you have the most wonderful day<3#jungkook#bts#jungkookedit#btsedit#btsgif#bangtan#golden#standing next to you
528 notes
·
View notes
Note
we get it you watched a movie
ah you must be new here!
welcome to tumblr:
#sorry. i'm having a bad day so you get the snippy tags#but you don't like the fact that i reblogged things?#on the reblogging things website?#when they were all properly and consistently tagged so you could filter or blacklist them out#via tumblr or xkit or tumblr savior or whatever your blacklisting function of choice is?#yeah i watched a movie#i regularly binge blog about most of the stuff i watch#often it's just spread out over a 1000 post long queue so they don't all spit out at once#but yesterday was the in-universe date that humanity cancelled the apocalypse#so you got like 75 posts about it in a row on the day of#if you didn't want to see any but didn't filter them out after you saw the second one on your dash that's on you friend#also. if you don't like what i post on my own blog#or the fact that i routinely hit post limit when i'm online and not just letting the queue run on auto#just unfollow me#go find other things that you like more#like seriously. please. hit the unfollow button#it takes less time and effort than coming into my ask box#and it will make both of our lives better#replies#anonymous#ss
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
kirbytober 2023 06: royalty [ prev || next ]
i just think objectively that he should be absolutely covered in waddle dees at all times.
bonus flat-colours version:
#kirbytober#kirbtober#my art#king dedede#bandana waddle dee#waddle dees#i also think that he can have a little tail and webbed feet as a treat!!!#sorry but as a bird autist this is not the last birdlike headcanon you'll be seeing from me. i have so many... please ask#apologies in advance for day 07: headcanons. sorry. sorry! sorry#ALSO i am posting this a little early coz i wanna post prompts semi-regularly but there are some i'm skipping? lmk if this is bad form
417 notes
·
View notes
Text
Azula's most overlooked characterization element
Why, hello there.
It is I.
And I'm back on my bullshit.
I didn't WANT to be. But a bunch of factors pulled me back in.
For the record: I'm not here to start any fights or light the fuse of arguments that I most likely won't have time or interest in responding to. What I AM here for... is to prove that there's something out there a bunch of people are delighted to sleep on because acknowledging it would render maaaany simplistic interpretations entirely invalid...
That group of people includes the fandom, of course. And the original show's staff. And the liveaction's staff, to a fault. Surely the TTRPG ones too. And absolutely, the comic book writers.
Hell, I'll even include MYSELF in that group, even though I'm making this post right now.
I found it really curious that I very recently saw this element mentioned in a pretty neat blog I follow, @atla-lore-archive, I absolutely advise anyone who hasn't checked out said archive to do it if you wish to understand a lot of the "extra lore" the fandom had access to, back in the old days when the turbonick ATLA site still existed and used to be the only source of deeper knowledge about the fandom besides the occasional interview that most people didn't even know where to track down.
But the funny thing is that the post I'm talking about proved that even Turbonick forgot about the people this post is about :')
And that would beeeeeeee...
*cue drumroll*
Lo and Li!
What makes Lo and Li an important subject to discuss?
Why, a lot of things. Among them, the fact that almost nobody brings them into the core focus of any analysis made about Azula's character. I've personally mentioned them once or twice I believe, mostly as negatives, there's but ONE positive aspect I've ever found of them: them being non-benders MIGHT be a reason why Azula isn't shown as being quite so obsessive with firebending supremacy as Zuko was supposed to be.
But that's very much the sole good thing I can think to say about them and it's completely subjective, as good as a headcanon, because we don't even KNOW if they influenced Azula in that sense!
Why do they seem to get overlooked quite as much? Why... let's start thinking about it, shall we?
Lo and Li are Azula's firebending teachers. As far as anyone can tell, they're also her advisors. These two people should be an essential part of Azula's life... but ironically, we seldom see them with her. Most times, Azula isn't around these two. Whenever she is? It doesn't usually look like she's having a good time.
And that's no surprise, considering her first scene with those two very much puts forward a dynamic of cold distance between Azula and her mentors: Azula is bending LIGHTNING. We have not heard of other lightningbenders until that point, and once the full show wraps up, there's only THREE (Azula, Ozai, Iroh). Out of those three? Only one is a fourteen-year-old girl. It's very easy to assume Azula's lightning is actually a skill she mastered unusually early in life, perhaps relatively recently, hence the practicing... but she's pulling it off. She's succeeding. She's doing something that genuinely catches a first-time viewer off-guard!
And Lo and Li's entire opinion of what she did is: "Almost perfect. One hair out of place."
This tells you the Fire Nation's idea of "imperfection" is... insane. Strict. Imposing. Unyielding. Unforgiving. Azula's reaction isn't to get angry at Lo and Li for saying what they did: it's to get angry at herself and try again.
But... that's not the only instance where we see Azula getting angry around Lo and Li.
The next few times Azula is around them, she doesn't seem to have much of an emotional reaction (one is when they tell her to find other allies, the other when they herald her as a great hero who returned home from Ba Sing Se). In the second of these scenes, Lo and Li are praising Azula as incredible, beautiful, all sorts of grand things...! And Azula smiles. She smiles at the crowd. She's not smiling at the old ladies who are praising her... she's mostly just happy to know her people are welcoming her as a hero indeed! Most the fandom would go "true! what an ungrateful bitch! She should've been happy that Lo and Li complimented her that way!!" Me? I wouldn't say that at all. Not just because I love Azula to pieces? But because the only information we have of Azula's dynamics with these two... doesn't seem compatible with the idea that what Lo and Li are saying here is for AZULA'S benefit.
Anyone who's had a hypocritical parent/caretaker/teacher must have endured awkward, horrible, unpleasant moments where this adult figure treats you like shit in private but in public holds you as this grand example, and a perfect child, and they never seem to stop saying they're soooo proud of you even though you NEVER felt that what they're saying is true. Maybe the first few times, you're naive enough to believe it. By the tenth time of incongruent messages? You start to realize they're talking you up as a way to make themselves look better. They're trying to show they're doing their job at raising you/training you, be it whatever it may. The praises are not FOR you... they're for a third person to hear and think "Oh, this adult's so cool, saying nice things about this kid they're responsible for! Nice!"
... You're starting to get the picture now, I'm sure.
Lo and Li reappear in the Beach. Azula is notably chill, enjoying the ride, talking casually with Ty Lee, telling Zuko to lighten up and to stop taking Ozai's choices personally, right? She seems... content. Relaxed.
Then, everything changed when Lo and Li attacked.
We don't even see why Azula is making this face at first. But she does it AT ONCE when their ship reaches the dock.
Who is there indeed...?
The stars of our post! :') if it isn't our elderly twin ladies... who brought Azula to a very disappoting beach house. And when Azula sees the house in question, she makes THIS face.
Judge however you may... even Ty Lee is weirded out by the beach house, going by that expression. Zuko and Mai aren't impressed either. But Azula? The look on her face isn't merely disappointment if you ask me... part of it looks a bit like embarrassment too? This isn't at all what she was expecting when she arrived (she has her old beach house for standards, which makes this extra underwhelming, I'm sure). She counts on Lo and Li to provide them with a place to stay, it goes implicit... and then this is what they do. It most likely isn't what she promised the other three in terms of where they'd stay, hence, I'd dare say there's a component of embarrassment here.
Shortly afterwards, we have our well known scene with Azula being utterly unconcerned with Lo and Li's apparent wisdom to the point of yawning over it. This, too, tells you she's just not interested in whatever those two have to say or bring to the table. Then, they show up again at mealtime and I think Azula just ignores them the whole scene.
After this? Lo and Li vanish until the finale. And what do they do in the finale? Why... it's the first time anyone expresses a verbal concern over Azula's wellbeing! Ah! A sign that Lo and Li have SOME affection for Azula! This time, you pesky Azula fans, you CAN'T twist this into a bad thing! For sure!
... Can't we, tho? :')
What IS Azula's reaction to: "We are concerned for your wellbeing"?
"My father asked you to come here and talk to me, didn't he? He thinks I can't handle the responsibility of being Fire Lord. But I will be the greatest leader in Fire Nation history."
And here, my friends, is when we have finally hit the jackpot.
Lo and Li could have been Azula's Irohs. She could've had TWO of him! Then you'd say: "hey! Ozai is such a dick he let Azula have two elderly wise ladies guiding her but only gave one old wise dude to Zuko! Rude!" and it would be further proof of Ozai's favoritism of Azula, right?
... But actually?
Lo and Li are no such thing. Lo and Li aren't moral compasses for Azula in the least. Lo and Li are not beacons of wisdom that genuinely help her sort her way through life. Worth noting: THEY COULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN THAT WAY. They're not. They're not part of mysterious secret societies, they don't help Azula in any objective, significant, tangible way... there's very much nothing to say they EVER fulfilled the role Iroh did for Zuko. What role, then, were they fulfilling instead?
Why... I think we ought to listen to Azula, shouldn't we?
My take: Lo and Li are OZAI'S STAND-INS.
Someone's going to say "hey why would you assume that when Azula said this in the middle of a breakdown?? Surely she was just DELUSIONAL and PARANOID and ashdgkadhsgkjgh...!"
... Let me counter that one with a fun little analysis excercise:
WHY are Lo and Li Azula's firebending teachers and advisors?
The finale very directly tells us these two are not benders. We could've assumed they were! They're not: Azula's teachers are non-benders.
Has a single person out there ever asked themselves WHY this is the case?
How the hell is Azula, prodigy of the blue fire, epic lightning, cruel and powerful and precise and deadly bending... training under two elderly nonbenders?
Bringing this to a real-life example: do you remember what it was like when you were in P.E. classes and your teacher told you to spend 20 minutes jogging, and if you ever stopped you had to do 20 crunches and then get back to the jogging, and every time you stopped he'd tell you the same thing and you'd want that guy to vanish from the face of the planet? I don't know if that was only my experience, but I rather doubt it.
What did kids typically think/say when that happened?
"I wanna see that old fart doing the same shit he's making us do..."
It's a headcanon indeed to say that this is how Azula must have felt over Lo and Li, but it's VERY likely to be the case. But I'd dare say, in Azula's case, it's even worse because, to put it in another way? It's like taking programming lessons from someone who's never learned a programming language. They'll tell you you're getting things wrong without knowing how to help you get them right because they just DON'T KNOW what you're doing, and are outright INCAPABLE of what you're trying to achieve. They can't offer good guidance based on experience because they have ZERO experience on that subject! And yet they want PERFECTION from you! They expect it!
Lo and Li are these teachers for Azula. We only see them in one scene? And yet everything in the rest of the show suggests that they bring nothing important to the table for Azula, be it professionally, be it personally, be it emotionally... not in any aspect of life.
And this, if you ask me, is why the OG show barely ever brings them into scenes. Why the comics flat-out forgot they existed and even featured people like Sozin and Azulon in Azula's beach hallucinations but NOT the two ladies who looked after her and trained her. Why the live-action didn't even FEATURE them.
And us? The fandom? The fic writers?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I READ A FIC THAT HAD LO AND LI INVOLVED IN IT.
I'm not even saying as main characters, I don't even know if that exists, frankly: I mean as minor, or background characters. I have NOT seen those two be used in basically ANY fics I've read. I've scarcely used them in mine! In fact, I PURPOSEFULLY got rid of them early on in Gladiator because I didn't want them to sabotage and get in the way of Azula's progress as a character and I believed they'd do exactly that. They were an obstacle rather than anything useful, so I did away with them and then realized they could still occasionally serve some purpose in certain situations: I even had Azula visit them once and they were actually helpful! Fancy that! But... that's it. That's as far as I could go with them. I can't do MORE with those two because they're not characters one particularly feels compelled to work with.
And from what I've seen? That's the case for everyone.
So, I ask again:
WHY ARE THEY THERE?
WHAT IS THEIR ROLE?
WHAT IS THE POINT OF AZULA HAVING NON-BENDING TEACHERS?
Let's go further and further into logical thinking here, shall we?
Azula is a child. Fourteen years of age at the time she's introduced in the OG show.
Azula has no power over many things around her, particularly, her upbringing. That's in the hands of the adults around her. Her mother, up until she vanished, had some hand in it, then, it all falls to Ozai.
Ozai has been Azula's sole parental figure since Ursa left.
Ozai is the one who would reasonably call the shots regarding Azula's education, as all parents are wont to do... ESPECIALLY when he's a king with absolute power over his children.
... so, Lo and Li? Ozai either gave them the position as Azula's teachers personally, or someone else (Ursa) did, and Ozai either didn't WANT to remove them from the role (cue "Ozai being sentimental over Ursa" theories), or Ozai didn't give a flying fuck about who was training his daughter (cue "Ozai is an abusive dick without a heart or a brain" theories).
Anyone, of course, would likely interject here to say surely Ozai ALSO trained Azula himself because that's what he'd do with his favorite kid, right? See. I don't even disagree with that notion.
BUT IT'S A HEADCANON.
We have zero evidence that Ozai trained her! None! I totally will write that into Azula's backstory in many of my stories, but there's NOTHING in canon to suggest this actually happened and that Ozai was genuinely, actively, frequently involved in her progress as a firebender. Assuming he HAD to be is, still, a headcanon. You can't say that with any more certainty than mine when I say I believe Azula loves spicy foods. Does it seem to be something that would fit with her character? I think so! But if eventually canon goes "AZULA CAN'T STAND SPICY FOODS LOL JOKE'S ON YOU!" I... can't even say a thing about it. People's food tastes aren't reflective of their personalities. They really could do whatever they want in that respect. And that's the case for ANYTHING that isn't part of the show's storytelling or the character backgrounds or any texts we consider canon!
POINT BEING: Ozai, regardless of what you want to headcanon, had Lo and Li as Azula's teachers. HIS FAVORITE CHILD... and her only official instructors are two non-benders. Yang added Kunyo as an old instructor of Azula's when she was young, sure! But Kunyo was sooooo qualified that baby Azula was already kicking his ass. So, for that matter? He doesn't really seem to have been a cornerstone of her firebending development and the only other known teachers for Azula are Lo and Li.
For the last time: Azula's teachers are NON-BENDERS. AS CHOSEN, SANCTIONED, APPROVED AND ACCEPTED BY OZAI.
And with those two remarking on absolutely STUPID stuff like "one hair out of place"? Azula still became the incredible firebender she was.
Cue, now, the irony where Zuko was stuck in the basics 3 years after setting out of the Fire Nation... WITH IROH ACTIVELY SERVING AS HIS MENTOR.
You're not gonna tell me that Lo and Li would EVER be better instructors than Iroh, or are you? Because that makes no sense. Full-stop. Iroh is supposed to be the most profound and complete firebender thorughout the show because he's spiritually enlightened even though I admit I think that's bullshit and he doesn't just teach Zuko how to set things on fire, he actually makes him learn theory and spirituality and his teachings are more profound than just "ONE HAIR OUT OF PLACE".
So.
Banished as he is, disgraced and seen as trash by Ozai, Zuko STILL has a better teacher than Azula does.
... Is this LOGICAL? Is this NORMAL? Does this make SENSE?
If you think Ozai's favoritism of Azula takes the shape of "I'll give you every little thing you ask for, sweetheart, I love you very much, here, have ten million doll houses so you can set them on fire, and all the ponies you ask for and on your next birthday I'll buy you a baby dragon and you'll get your own region of the Fire Nation to govern and a fancy title..."?
Then Lo and Li, unfortunately, are right here to be a HUGE contradiction with your interpretation of Ozai and Azula's relationship.
Azula should have THE BEST teachers. Azula does not. Azula doesn't even LIKE them. Azula is openly shown to dislike them! To be annoyed around them, ANGRY when they're teaching her, she feels they're here to keep tabs on her for her father! In a sense, they're Ozai's SPIES on her! :')
Hence? Ozai's favoritism of Azula MIGHT not be what everyone keeps pretending it is. Maybe Ozai didn't do everything to make Azula get things EASILY... and to be fair? That's not what Zuko said anyway. People interpreted it that way... but that's not REALLY what he says:
"Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. "
Every line in this statement is absolutely questionable and all of it sounds like buuuuullshit to me. This is ZUKO'S perspective. And sorry not sorry, but it's tell-don't-show. People swear by his opinion of Azula and pretend he's absolutely objective about it. He's not.
But "Everything always came easy to her," does not mean "EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS HANDED OVER TO HER ON A SILVER PLATTER." And yet this is what the fandom has constantly interpreted it as.
Azula might just be a prodigy. Maybe she started out ten steps ahead of her brother: this does not mean she needs no guidance, no training, no help. She's seen training herself over perfectionism in her very second scene of Book 2. And the guidance she gets in order to achieve perfection is actually, objectively, stupid.
This is what Ozai chose for her. This is an OBSTACLE for her growth, just as much as Lo and Li were obstacles for me when I was starting with Gladiator! Azula doesn't have it EASY: she just works herself so damn hard that even shit that should HINDER her does NOT do that. And even when her brother objectively has spent THREE YEARS with an advantage in the shape of being trained by one of the VERY BEST firebenders out there? Azula is still beating Zuko at it. With two non-benders as her teachers.
Where am I going with all this?
To the fact that Lo and Li are overlooked in just about every instance of the fandom.
To the fact that nobody includes them, and their influence on Azula, in their analyses of who Azula is.
I've seen a shitstorm rising over the Netflix characterization of Azula: SHE'S TOO ANGRY, they say. Non-stop. She's sooooo hysterical, all the time! She's just pissed perpetually!
Well. I haven't finished the show yet. But the scenes I've seen Azula in so far? They don't fit the fandom's view of Azula because...
... they're not taking Lo and Li into account.
As usual.
:')
Azula's reactions around Lo and Li being frustration, anger, irritation EVEN in scenes like The Beach, where Azula was FINE until she sees them? That shit is storytelling that went over sooooooo many heads, EVEN MINE! When I saw people going on about how canon Azula is... not insecure? Not angry? Has no frustrations and was only ever smirking 24/7? I... didn't feel that was right. I knew it wasn't right. And when I thought about it hard enough? I realized that one reason why this interpretation of Azula is IMMEDIATELY dismissable is because of Lo and Li: those two constantly made Azula angry. Even if that wasn't their intent, it's nonetheless the effect they'd have on her. And Azula didn't like having them around. She CLEARLY didn't appreciate them the way Zuko does Iroh, for instance! And this could be taken as a flaw on Azula's part... if we EVER saw evidence that these two ladies actually love Azula as a grandchild, or so. If we had any evidence that they actually have cared for her in ways nobody else ever did. If maybe the ones Zuko talks about, upon saying "EVERYONE LOVES AZULA" were these two! And maybe he was jealous of them! Maybe he wanted two old ladies to watch his every move and tell him his every flaw!
... Clearly I'm joking about that last thing, but anyway...
There's nothing to tell us Lo and Li were anything but Ozai's assigned watchdogs to keep control and tabs over Azula. That Azula's immediate reaction upon hearing that someone cares about her is "Oh fuck off, my dad sent you here because he doesn't trust me!" is... telling. It's not just paranoia speaking, even if it sure can be read that way! It's actually Azula's perception of those two, which is 100% supported by what we saw of the twins throughout the show, WHENEVER we did see them: their roles in Azula's life are indeed to keep tabs on her, to keep her under control, to pressure her into perfection, AS OZAI'S AGENTS! Seen this way, it MAKES SENSE for Azula to disregard their concern and immediately assume it's FAKE. She isn't even shown to doubt it, never questions that MAYBE they did care about her! She assumes they don't...
... And considering that, as far as I know, the official concept is that they BOTH LEFT when Azula banished one of them only? That they didn't contest her command, staying to look after her even if she only wanted one? I mean, clearly Azula can't tell them apart, so they could've taken turns: one watches over Azula for 12 hours and the other for the next 12 hours, I don't goddamn know! But they didn't do that. They LEFT. And if they left? It means they don't care remotely as much as they say they do. Not to the point where they'd challenge Azula's orders and help her when they KNOW she's not okay.
And all of this further supports my point.
When we see Azula in the liveaction being angry, bitter, irritable at Ozai's choices?
I see a reflection of the same dynamics that the OG too subtly weaved into Azula's relationship with Lo and Li. I see Azula reacting against Ozai's control over her because she feels it's DISTRUST. She feels it means her father STILL needs to be convinced that she's competent, powerful, ready to do his bidding. It isn't a case where Azula's irritation comes from wanting to rebel against her father... it's Azula wanting her father to UNDERSTAND that she's 100% his supporter and will put everything on the line to serve him and the Fire Nation.
And it's very damn easy to read that exact same thing into Azula's dynamics with Lo and Li as it is to see it EXPLICITLY STATED in the liveaction.
My point?
What the liveaction did is not nearly as much of a distant characterization choice as people think it is.
Ozai is Azula's Achilles' Heel. Everything she became, everything she grew up to be, was for his sake. He molded her to become those things and simply didn't give a shit about raising a daughter, he treated her as a weapon, and absolutely pitted his children against each other, just as much as OTHER adults in their lives did. But the impact of Ozai on Azula in the OG is easy to ignore. Why? Because we SELDOM see them interacting. Because we don't get that side of Azula's character fully explored. Because they didn't want to explore Ozai's character either! They were as cheap as they could be with all these aspects and so, only the people who really got into analyzing things on a deeper level would be able to say, without a doubt, that Ozai abused Azula emotionally with all the expectations and demands he put on his own child. Through the golden child-scapegoat dynamic that people have been bringing up non-stop in the past years.
So, proving herself to her father is what Azula wants to do, more than anything. Proving worthy of his favor, of his approval, is the closest thing she can get to feeling loved. Which is depressing as fuck. Azula gets zero affection: it's not even conditional affection, there's NOTHING for her besides approving words if she gets anything right. And this show's work with Azula's character? It was meant to make these things less invisible to all the fans who like to pretend none of it exists. And yes, I've seen them, crawling all over Twitter shitting themselves in fits of rage because how dare that show pretend Azula EVER had a bad time in her perfect flawless life!!
Well, the irony is that the OG gives you a smidge of evidence -- and yet that's enough -- to show that Ozai was doing very similar things to Azula in ATLA, and her reactions to it?
Huh. No smirks for Lo and Li.
No smirks for the symbols of Ozai's control over her life.
It's almost like the confidence, the smirks, the apparent ease with which she handles everything? Is a front that crumbles easily whenever it concerns the ONE PERSON with power over her life.
I don't believe, worth noting, that Azula's power comes from rage. I've seen people say that in fandom in the past and I find it a completely absurd take when Iroh himself spells out that her bending is about control, about precision, and it's Azula's FURY that makes her a sloppy mess in the finale. It's even INTENTIONAL that when she shoots lightning a second time, in her second establishing scene, THAT SAME HAIR FALLS OUT OF PLACE. She's still angry. She didn't get it "right" this time either. She's imperfect and she's trying NOT to be, but she cannot succeed. And upon bending lightning with emotions (rage/frustration)? That hair falls YET AGAIN out of place. Proof that she's not going to achieve the perfection she's being FORCED (indeed, by her father and the people who are here to represent him, Lo and Li) to strive for.
The liveaction had Ozai pushing Azula for a perfection she couldn't attain either. She's perfectly content in her cruelty at Ozai's side, right until she hears the Avatar was found and that Zuko has a shot at taking away the privileges she's been basking in so far. That she WASN'T nervous about this in canon is pretty damn obvious: OZAI SENT HER TO HUNT ZUKO DOWN FOR BEING A FAILURE. We never saw her reaction to learning that the Avatar was out and about. We have noooo idea what was canonically going on with her back then. The first time we see her besides the flashback is Azula receiving a mission that tells her she's STILL #1 and Zuko is no threat to her because Ozai thinks he's a failure. Thus? She had nothing to fear. Here? Ozai is actively using Zuko as bait to pressure Azula further. And if you're so confident in Ozai's good parenting skills as to believe he somehow WOULDN'T do that? Sounds like you don't understand the very basic and simplistic Fire Lord Ozai from ATLA, and that's not something to be proud of. So probably stop screaming your bad takes at the top of your lungs, because being incapable of understanding Ozai in canon is not a badge of pride, just saying...
FINAL POINT...
This post is not written expressly in the defense of the liveaction and its characterization of Azula. To this point, what I've seen of it doesn't feel WRONG or OFF unless you're the kind of person who thinks Azula is only capable of smirking and if she stops doing that she stops existing or something. Only people who cannot understand the depth, nuance, subtleties in Azula's story would ever be claiming that Azula's relationship with Ozai COUDLN'T be like this, or that Azula couldn't possibly be frustrated with her father or his choices when it's soooo clear what Ozai is going for, and why it's working. But in order to read Azula as a character capable of this range of emotion, frustration and ambition, all at once? You have to be able to treat this character, be it in the liveaction or the OG show, as a human being.
And that's what most the people criticizing this specific change are determined not to do. It's what makes them uncomfy. It's what rustles their jimmies.
Yes. I'm saying it in this very demeaning way because I actually find it quite ridiculous to be this insecure over the portrayal of a fictional 14yo in two TV shows. Whether the liveaction sticks the landing or fails catastrophically, I do not know... but I do know that if it's forcing a bunch of people to rethink Azula's character, and making them panic at the idea that she could EVER have human emotions, even if they're AWFUL human emotions?
Then I'm afraid you're only convincing me that, as bad as that show could ever get? It's getting SOMETHING right. I do love to see misinterpretations of Azula getting slammed in the face by the reality that all those beliefs, headcanons and takes in bad faith are actively, categorically untrue: none of which makes Azula a fundamentally good person, worth noting! But it makes it very clear that reading her as a one-dimensional basic villain, which is what the anti-Azula-redemption crowd actively does, is literally only possible if you overlook, ignore and fail to understand her character and her complexities, be it in the liveaction or in the original show.
There. I said my piece.
Another post, regarding the rest of the liveaction, is bound to come later. I'd say stay tuned but it might take me a while to write it at all. So... wait around and maybe you'll see it someday!
#azula#atla#natla#yep :')#I'm doing it#because I know the bad takes are everywhere so#let's see if mine actually gets any visibility this way#can of worms here we goooooooooo#(this is a bad idea I know it is I'm having a leave of my senses)#(but sometimes you just gotta watch the world burn and this has been... a complicated sad day)#also sorry if anyone saw it without the read more oops I thought I'd put it there#so either tumblr ate it or I forgot yikes#but now it's theeeere#sorryyyyyyyy
214 notes
·
View notes