#sorry I’m baffled. this is why I don’t go on Twitter anymore

[grimxark]

Trying not 2 get mad at someone being mad at me for saying their headcanon is a headcanon. I’m going through things

[achliegh]

The Cult Of Dionysus

Masterlist

Chapter 2

Y'all remember that fic I wrote a while back named British V-Sign? Well I turned it into a shitty chapter fic. You’re welcome and I’m sorry

Character’s belong to: @lumosinlove

TW/CW: Swearing, Mentions of drugs, drug usage, Underage drinking, Smut, Therapy, Not Happy Ending.

“He apparently wants to fuck.” Logan is looking at his twitter baffled at how bold this guy is. He looked him up and ended up watching hours of his concerts. He was really good, now knowing he wants to fuck him made him want to go to a show. “What if I DM him? Is that a bad idea?” He looks up at Finn who is currently burning toast and having no idea how to get it out of the toaster. “Put down the fork I don’t want to take you to the hospital because you’re fucking stupid.” Finn holds up a plastic fork and the unplugged wire to the toast and Logan laughs. “Just be careful.”

“Yes mom.” Finn rolls his eyes smiling and finally gets the toast out of the toaster by tipping it upside down over the floor. The toast does come out but so do all the crumbs that have fallen in the bottom of the toaster after years of the team using it. They were in the lounge after practice, not wanting to really go home yet. “Fuck! I just made it worse!” He goes to the closet across the room and pulls out a dustpan and broom while Logan just keeps contemplating about messaging Leo. “Why does Kuny have to have the weirdest superstition of burning his fucking toast before a game?”

“Nado has been trying to get him to stop but it's basically impossible at this point, he’s been doing it since he was ten.” Logan sighs. “Finn help, what should we do!” 

“You want to go to a concert? You know if we go… we will do things in the bathroom again, right?” Logan nods, Finn sighs. He loves doing things with Logan but for some reason Logan still refuses to talk about it. It was getting annoying at this point. “We can, but only if we talk about us first.” Logan furrows his brow.

“What do we have to talk about?” Finn just looks at him like he's a dumbass. “What?”

“Logan.” He finishes cleaning his mess and sits down next to him. “We need to talk about how we fuck and have feelings for one another but you still refuse to date me.” Finn was being blunt but he was tired of this. He was tired of feeling like he was stuck on a ferris wheel that gets stuck on the high parts of this mess they made, goes too fast by the bad parts. Sometimes fast enough that he forgets about them. Sometimes when he is alone at their apartment he just thinks about how many secrets are in the walls. The moaning of each other's names, the fumbling between the sheets when there is a storm or they are drunk. The acting like a domestic couple when not being one. He was tired

“Well… it’s not that I don’t want it-”

“Then let's be together.” 

“But, other peop-”

“I dont give a fuck about other people Lo! I fucking care about you! I want you! I need you! I fucking love you! Why can’t you just take something for yourself for once and not care about everyone else? It’s not like we have to scream it for the world to know, it can be just for us.” Finn huffs out a big breath, grabbing Logan’s hand gently, hoping he wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t. “What do you want, Logan?”

“I want you.” Logan looks up to meet Finn’s eyes, those deep brown orbs that just melt his heart. He felt so bad, he knew what they were doing wasn’t going to last forever but he didn’t want to think of the possibility of losing Finn. He was always scared that if they did get together that Finn would change his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t want Logan anymore because of how he acts sometimes. “I want to be with you.”

“Then let’s be together.” 

“Okay.” Logan couldn’t help but smile as they both leaned in for a kiss. Hearing his phone ding he ignored it as he moved his hands up to squish Finn’s face so his lips were pouting like a fish. “This is why they call you fish.” Finn laughs and lurches forwards to steal one last kiss from Logan. 

“They call me Fish because I skate so seamlessly on the ice it's like I’m swimming!” Finn playfully growls at Logan and kisses him a bunch on his cheek while he laughs. 

“Finn, you don’t know how to swim.” Finn laughs and pulls away enough just to look at Logan. He was checking his phone to make sure it wasn’t an important notification and his eyes widened. “He messaged us, you too. It’s a group, get your phone!” Finn digs his phone out of his pocket and sees a message. He opens it. 

‘Y’all want to come to my show in Hufflepuff? I see you have a game that night. Bring the team, tell Sergei I say hi’

[anachronistic-falsehood]

why are people, who are so mad at tommy for being friends with schlatt, still watching him? like,, no matter how many times they will get "tommy neg" trending and how many "educational" threads they will sent him, he won't stop being friends with schlatt

(sorry this is going to be a long response, i need to rant, thank you for sending this ask because i have a lot of thoughts about this)

I have no idea why people are pissed at him. i understand why people don’t like Schlatt & are mad at him for the jokes he’s let slide in his videos, but people are getting pissed at Tommy for something they should be getting pissed at Schlatt for and i don’t understand why. One day i’ll see an account tweet “omg i miss tommy why is he not streaming” and then the next, they’ll make a thread explaining why they think Tommy is a bad person for making fun of cancel culture on twitter. They don’t seem to realize that their overreactions are the reason he’s making these jokes in the first place. The lack of self awareness on twitter baffles me.

people on twitter need to learn how to do what people on tumblr learned a long time ago: filter/mute/block the tags and topics you don’t want to see. they need to mute the word “Schlatt” and block his account so stuff about him doesn’t come up on their timeline and leave it at that. “Don’t like, don’t look” has been a rule on the internet & social media for ages and it pisses me off seeing people blatantly disregard that just to attack some teenager for making a joke about cancel culture.

And they can’t control who a content creator is friends with. They shouldn’t try to say “hey Tommy, Schlatt is a bad person you shouldn’t be friends with him anymore” or “I don’t watch Phil anymore, he’s friends with Techno and I don’t like that” like??? That’s just trying to force the creators they watch to cater to their specific wants and control the content they put out and control the CC’s personal lives. It’s so frustrating how people try to push this narrative of “if a CC associates with another CC who did something slightly distasteful, they better not be friends anymore or i’m going to assume they’re just as bad”

TLDR: twitter needs to realize that jokes about cancel culture are not the same as hating on minorities, if they don’t like something they should just block the topic and move on, and content creators aren’t going to be able to please everyone.

[petitmimosa]

hello, hello! I was so excited about the FaOI news, and then I logged onto twitter and my good mood was immediately ruined… sometimes I feel like a bad fan because I just don’t understand the righteous anger some fans have when it comes to, idk ‘defending’ yuzuru?

this is not to say we shouldn’t ever call people out or correct misinformation etc (that stuff I get) but today I’ve seen people say things (about the FaOI cast) like ‘we can hold certain cast members accountable and still enjoy faoi’ or ‘I hate that he’s going to have to pretend to be nice to them’ — and I’m just. confused? hold them accountable? for poor commentary and snide comments? didn’t y’all already do that when the news of their misdeeds initially broke 😭 honestly I’ve seen more people complaining about j*vi and j*hnny than I have about stephane, who had rika using the same training regime as her male rink-mates, indirectly exacerbating her injuries. also how do you know yuzuru is going to have to fake being nice to them — do you know any of these people personally? it just goes to show that even if yuzuru was cordial/pleasant with them, certain fans will still deem their actions unforgivable, and go as far as saying it is more likely that yuzuru is acting instead of genuinely getting along with them. at that point, it’s not about yuzuru anymore imo … it’s extra baffling because I’m seeing grown adults act this way, it would be slightly more understandable if they were teenagers.

of course, no one is obligated to like certain skaters and they don’t have to be happy with the cast… and for all I know maybe yuzuru is actually hurt/resentful 🤷‍♀️ but it still feels like people are making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m really sorry because I feel like I’m repeating previously stated sentiments, but I just need to vent a little bit. thank you for your time, and have a wonderful day/night 💛 sorry again for the trouble!

Hiii!

I'm sorry they sucked out the joy of the announcement :(

Do NOT feel bad for not having the overwhelming need to """defend""" Yuzu every single time something (that, in the end, might even not be anything at all) happens, or does not happen. Be glad even!

Tbh I just unfollow/mute every negative person I see on my TL on twitter.

I will never understand why they feel this need to treat Yuzu like 1) an idol who can do no wrong ever 2) a child who needs to be protected at all times because he doesn't know what's good for him or not. When it comes to this fandom, these are my main two WTF.

I have no doubt Yuzu will be cordial to everybody, because that's how he is. How he behaves with Javi will be very telling though as the man can't stop hugging him whenever he's close enough.

Can't wait for the "aw look how good of an actor he is" and the "i'm so sorry zuzu that you have to pretend like this, boy must be exhausted someone come save him" so I can have a laugh. Saw people editing Javi and Johnny out of the pictures. And then they talk about disrespect. Ha.

Don't worry my dear, my asks are always open for anyone who wants to talk :)

[puckinghell]

The Plus One Pact | Part 1 | William Nylander

Summary: Your ex is getting married, and you don’t have a date, which means the unavoidable “why don’t you have a boyfriend” question is about to haunt you for the rest of eternity. But then there’s Will, who could be the answer to all your problems. A simple business pact, no feelings involved: that won’t be hard for you, because you really don’t like him anyways. Except pacts were made to be broken… or something. Right?

Note: This is part 1, let me know what you think about the idea of this series!

--

“I have a plan to fix this,” your best friend says, and there’s absolutely nothing worse than when Zach says that.

To be fair, when you called him in complete, blind panic, you weren’t really thinking straight. If you were, you would’ve started your tirade with a I don’t need you to fix this, but…

As it is, you forgot to say that, and so Zach is trying to fix it. That’s how your best friend works.

“I have a plan, too,” you say. You’re sitting on the floor in the kitchen, legs pulled up to your chest, and your phone is on speaker on the floor next to you. It’s quite a dramatic scene, with it being dark outside, the Toronto city lights twinkling below you; if you weren’t having a mental breakdown, you’d laugh about the high romantic comedy feeling this has.

“I’m going to throw myself off the roof and fake death.”

“If you throw yourself off the roof, it won’t be faking anymore.” Zach sounds undeterred by your possible impending death, which. Rude. Maybe you need a new best friend.

Outside, you can see the rain falling. Spring has arrived, but spring is really hit and miss in Toronto, and this week the weather has been dreadful. It kinda feels serendipitous, now.

“Zach,” you whine into the phone, “I can’t go to my ex’s wedding alone. You have to come with me.”

Zach sighs, but doesn’t say anything. To be fair, he’s already explained to you why he can’t do that – he has plans, and a wife, so - but…

“It’s so unfair.” You let your head fall back against the kitchen cabinet with a thump, and wonder idly whether you still have a bottle of wine stashed in one of those cabinets. If there was ever a time to pull it out, it’s probably now.

“I told you, I have a plan. We can fix this.” Zach sounds smug, which doesn’t do anything to help your worry.

He always means well, and he’s a smart guy, yet somehow his plans never work out too well for you.

“The plan that I have,” your best friend says slowly, cutting himself off to interject: “And don’t say no right away!”

That probably means you’re gonna say no right away.

“My plan is that you’re gonna take Willy.”

You laugh.

“Fuck no.”

--

So, it’s not like you hate William.

It’s just. You also don’t like him.

He’s always so chipper and happy, and there’s no way anyone can be that chipper and happy all the time. And he’s always confident, sometimes borderline cocky, and you never know whether he’s being nice to you or taking the piss, whether to take what he says at face value or with a grain of salt. You don’t know what to make of him, which makes you feel uncomfortable in his presence.

And then there’s the fact that he’s William Nylander.

Obviously, being friends with Zach, who loves William, there’s gonna be times when you’re around him. And whenever you are, it seems like the entire city is around him, too.

Clubs, restaurants, cinemas, even stores: you can’t go anywhere without people whispering, without a crowd forming. Sometimes people even follow you.

And you know it’s William, because it never happens when it’s just you and Zach. Even though Zach is, in your opinion anyway, just as big a deal in Toronto as Willy. So. It must be something about William as a person.

However.

The idea of having to go to this wedding alone makes you wanna vomit, or cry, or maybe both. You feel your skin crawl and your heartbeat speed up, and you haven’t had a proper panic attack in years but it feels like it’s just below the surface, when you think about having to see Noah getting married, while everyone around you is just feeling sorry for you because you’re still lonely and pathetic.

It was such a bad idea to get your entire family so involved in Noah’s life, because now they’re all gonna be at his wedding, and even your own family will look at you with quiet disappointment.

It’s too much, literally, for you to even process, and you blame that lack of mental capacity for the fact that you end up telling Zach he can arrange a meeting with William for you.

--

Toronto is still hiding underneath an everlasting raincloud, and everything about you is soaked by the time you hurry through the coffee shop door.

So far for your jacket being waterproof, then.

The coffee shop, luckily, is warm and cozy, and you wonder why Zach has never taken you there before. There’s something hipster about it, sure, with mismatched furniture and indie music playing, but it has the kinda relaxed vibe you’re always looking for.

That’s when you spot him.

He’s wearing a hoodie and a snapback, and his glasses, which somehow make him fit right in with the aesthetic of the place, as if they hired him to sit there and be pretty – shut up, you don’t like him, but you’re not blind - and drink coffee, to fit the decor.

He looks up when he sees you coming, a lazy smile appearing on his face.

“Y/N,” he says, almost amused, “this was unexpected.”

“Hey, William,” you mutter, shrugging off your wet jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair opposite him. “I’ll just go get a coffee and then I’ll explain.”

“No need.” William motions towards one of the two mugs that are on the table. “Ordered you a hazelnut latte with oat milk.” He sounds proud, and you assume Zach told him your favorite coffee order but you’re a little impressed anyway.

From anyone else, maybe you’d seen it as common courtesy, but for William, to think about that? You’ve noticed he has a habit of thinking about himself, first, so, that’s a thing for him.

“Thanks,” you say, and you must look as baffled as you feel because William rolls his eyes a little.

“It’s just a coffee. And call me Will or Willy, please. William is what my grandmother says.” His eyes twinkle when he adds: “Oh, and angry old white dudes on hockey Twitter.”

If you didn’t kinda need him, you would’ve probably kept calling him William just to annoy him a little: you’ve never really seen William – Will – annoyed, not if not jokingly. You’ve seen him happy, dejected, upset, but never annoyed.

It’s a mood he regularly instills in you, so you wonder if you could return the favor.

However.

“Okay, Will, so here’s the thing.”

You do need something from him.

“One year ago, I had a boyfriend.”

Will raises an eyebrow, takes a sip of his coffee in the most pretentious way. “Congratulations.”

“Do you want to hear the story?” you snap, forgetting for a second that you’re supposed to be nice to him. Old habits die hard.

Will holds up his hands and stills.

“So, my ex, his name is Noah. We got together when we were 16 and I thought he was the one for me. He was over at my house so much, my parents used to joke that we’d already gotten married and just hadn’t told them. He was as much part of my family as I was, and I thought we’d be together forever.”

Will takes another drink. His leg is bouncing up and down slightly; another habit of his that you really wish you could kick out of him.

“Long story short,” you decide to settle, “next month he’s getting married to the woman he cheated on me with.”

Now Will’s eyes widen, and you can tell he wasn’t expecting that. You bet he’s really not expecting your next sentence.

“So I need you to go to the wedding with me.”

It’s quiet. You take the chance to take a sip of your drink; it’s delicious, maybe the best you’ve ever had, and now you wonder whether Will spends a lot of time here cause if not, you’d like to make this your regular coffee place.

“You wanna go to this douchebag’s wedding?” Will asks, sounding incredulous. And, okay, maybe you can’t blame him for sounding like that. 

“Want is a big word,” you hum. You link your fingers together, think of your mom when she spoke to you last.

“You have to come, Y/N. I promised him he’d always be a part of our family, and if you don’t go he won’t feel welcome. Surely you’re over him, by now?”

“My whole family is going and I think my mom will disown me if I don’t go. I told you, he’s as much part of the family as I am. If I didn’t go, it’d be like… Me not going to my brother’s wedding.”

“But he’s not your brother.” Will still looks like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “He’s a cheating ex!”

You sigh. “They don’t know about the cheating part, actually.”

When you and Noah broke up, you hadn’t been in a good place. You felt embarrassed, but most of all, worthless. Like it had been your fault he cheated: if only you had been prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, better, he wouldn’t have had to. He wouldn’t have fallen for Betty – his soon to be wife – if you’d been enough.

So, ashamed as you were, and knowing how much your family loved Noah, you didn’t tell them the truth. You simply told them you’d broken up because you’d grown apart, become different people.

In a way, you still think you made the right choice. You don’t think they would’ve chosen Noah’s side if you’d told them the truth, but it would’ve hurt them to cut him out of their lives, and still to this day he comes over all the time to fix stuff at their house or make them dinner.

You’re thankful for the way he cares about your parents, even if he never cared about you.

You try to explain this all to Will, but no matter what you say, the deep edged frown in his forehead doesn’t leave.

“I still think it’s bullshit,” he declares, a little too loudly, when you’re done. “But at least I get why Zach wants me to go with you, now. As a barrier.” 

He’s puffing his chest a little and it would be cute if it wasn’t so typically William-Nylander-out-there, and now you’re wondering if he’s making fun of you or if he’s being genuine.

“You don’t need to be a barrier,” you say, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt. “I just didn’t want to show up alone and have everyone think I’m still all kinds of messed up about this. I want people to know I’m doing great in life.”

When you see Will’s questioning gaze, you frown at him. “Don’t be sexist. I am doing great in life, even if I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need a boyfriend for that. It’s just that my family seems to disagree with that.”

“That’s not just a female thing,” Will says, and he seems to genuinely get it. “My mom asks me about twenty times every week if I’ve found a girlfriend yet. She wants grandbabies and she wants them now.”

“Even with your hockey career?” you ask him. It seems silly to you, for Will’s family to focus on grandkids when Willy is still so young, living his dream in the NHL.

Will laughs. “She doesn’t care about that. She says she’s had enough of that with dad. She’s proud of me for my career, but she wants me to have the family life, too, and she worries it’s gonna be too late really soon.”

“You’re 24, not 55,” you huff. Will shrugs, but he’s smiling.

“Either way,” he says. “I can go with you to that guy’s wedding, and I can be your handsome, succesful, charming pretend-boyfriend.”

“And so humble,” you scoff, but there’s a weight lifting from your shoulders at his words.

“However,” Will continues, and the weight is back instantly. Damn it, you shouldn’t celebrate so soon. “My cousin, who lives in Calgary, has this baby shower, gender reveal party situation going on next week, and I don’t wanna listen to my entire family ask me when I’m gonna get a girlfriend for my babies every six minutes. So you have to come with me to that.”

You quickly do the thinking; one gender reveal party can’t last very long, you’ll just have to eat colored cakes and smile at people’s baby stories and chug some champagne, and then your wedding fears will be over.

However…

“Okay,” you say, “but my boss is getting married this weekend and I told him I had a plus one because I did, but Zach canceled because he’s a loser.”

Or, because his knee is bothering him and he’s doing some extra physical therapy to rehab it more. Whatever.

“So you’ll come with me to that, too, and we can practice for the real thing.”

“The real thing?” Will’s eyes twinkle and there’s an amused tilt to the corners of his mouth, and you realize you made it sounds as if you and him are gonna get married.

You glare at him and kick his feet under the table, and Will laughs a loud, obnoxious laugh that has always irked you but now that his full attention is on you, suddenly something like warm pride glows in your chest.

Maybe, this won’t be so bad after all.

Famous last words. 

[cutie1365]

God i need to fucking rant about this bitch. How do I always get stuck with the shittiest fucking roommates man.

I’m tired of two faced bitches who say one thing to you and turn around and do the complete opposite.

Why can logic and common sense not get through to this bitch????

First her mother destroys my furniture by fucking spray painting it! Spray paint! Without my knowledge or permission! These fucking back woods idiots who wouldn’t know their head from their ass.

They moved all my boxes and furniture without me knowing and left shit everywhere and somehow my shit ended up in their car six hours away and if I wasn’t on my shit they would have stolen it and I would have never gotten it back.

All my furniture was damaged from them throwing it about and leaving it in the hot sun outside. My TV was laying in the yard for an hour unwatched in 100 degree heat. How it wasn’t stolen is beside me.

Then this bitch thinks it’s smart to have a 145lb dog and leave us to watch it while she works 12 hour shifts. We’re not ur fucking babysitter.

And when we tell her it’s not our responsibility to watch her dog SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO YELL AT ME. Talking bout how we knew she had a dog. Yeah bitch YOU have a dog, not me. Not my other roommates. Your fucking dog. Not our job to babysit and let it out to piss and see what’s wrong when she’s crying locked in her shoe box room.

She agreed to wipe the dogs paws when she brings her in from outside so we don’t track the dirt into the house. Before we moved in we discussed this. She said YEAH NO PROBLEM. Then when she never once did it- we said what happened to that huh we talked about that. She says “Why would I do that? It’s a dog we’re gonna get dirt inside”. Bitch I know you live in a fucking pigsty in the middle of butt fuck no where but here we don’t want to be stepping in mug and grass in our fucking living room.

She said she’d sweep up after the dog a few times a week because she SHEDSSS like crazy. Yeah she’s never once swept and when we brought that up she says “we’re not gonna have a spotless house what do u expect”. Bitch the other three of us are cleaning up after ur ass all the time. You may be used to living in filth because you’ve never cleaned anything a day in your life, but we like to not collect a pile of dog hair on our feet just from walking from one end of the living room to the other.

So she yells, and I don’t take shit so I yell back. Bottom line, take care of your own dog we’re not doing it for you.

She’s also killing the poor dog. She’s locked up without peeing for 12 hours a day, gets no exercise. She never talks her. Then when she comes home she lets her out then goes into her room and falls asleep so the dog basically is in the tiny room 24 hours a day with no exercise. She’s a fucking Great Dane. The room is so small she can only lay on the bed all day.

And she feeds her 20 count Chickfila Chicken nuggets. That’s so bad! And this is a regular thing. Not like a treat every once and a while. Human food all the time. The dog won’t eat her dry food anymore. She’ll just dump whatever’s in the fridge into the bowl. I once saw her feed the dog tortilla soup. TORTILLA SOUP.

Here’s the fucking kicker- SHES TRYING TO BE A VET. This woman is killing her own dog and she thinks she can go take care of others.

She also has the vocabulary and reading comprehension skills of a 2nd grader and you think you can survive higher education. She thinks she’s fucking god and shits on people in liberal arts colleges or other degrees besides hers, yet she can’t write a two page paper.

She needs to realize she has 3 other roommates. We talked about keeping the common space free of clutter and personal items so that everyone can use it and it stays clean. She agreed. Then she put a huge fucking dog bed in the living room after we explicitly said were putting a big plant here. (The dog has never sat in it because it’s locked in the room all day). And so when my roommates propose a compromise of leaving the bed in her room and taking it out when she’s sitting out in the living room she said “no, I’m not budging). You fucking cunt. She’s doing it just to pisss me off I swear. It has never been used, it is a waste of space, we are putting something else in that spot, it’s ugly, and it SMELLS.

HER WHOLE ROOM SMELLS SO BAD THAT IT LINGERS INTO HALF THE LIVING ROOM. And her room is right by the front door so it hits u right when u walk in. I swear I think that dogs peeing in her room. You’d think someone died in there.

The dog vomits and has diarrhea alll the time cuz she feeds her shit. That poor dog is gonna die because she’s neglecting her.

AND THEN

AND THEN

The day after this conversation of “you haven’t followed thru on any of the things we agreed on before and the dog is ur responsibility not ours, we’re not taking care of it for you”.... SHE BLOCKS ME ON TWITTER.

My other roommate wakes me up to show me she turned her twitter private and kicked me off then posted some big rant and said “Friendly reminder that NO ONE has the right to not treat you with kindness. You are loved, appreciated, and deserve to be here as much as anyone else. In the midst of this pandemic, cut out those who provide anything other than support and positive energy”.

What fucking baffles me is that my other two roommates were by my side and we all said the same thing so why she’s singling me out is beside me. And how can us saying “we’re worried for the health of ur pet because she’s locking in a room all day and needs to pee” is negative energy. Kill ur fucking dog for all we care then bitch, we brought up our concern now it’s on you.

It’s been a fucking month. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.

And she’s one of those people who has family money then turns around and says she’s poor and her family’s poor and she had to help buy them groceries this summer. Then turn around and buy a $2,000 ring for fun. She has small town money where they have those ugly checkered Louis vutton bags and she wants gucci boots, but then she’s like idk I don’t have money for groceries I can’t contribute.

And I know in the end everything will work out. Because she’ll go right back to living in that small as town and never leave. But dear lord please don’t let her be a vet. Spare those poor animals. It’s not their fault she’s a brainless fuckup.

And like if she was just dumb, fine. She can’t help that. But then she wants to turn it around and act like she’s a fucking genius and everyone is below her.

AND I FOUND OUT SHE VOTED FOR TRUMPPPPP.

Kill me. Just kill me.

I guess I’ll update y’all cuz I’m sure she’ll do more dumb shit soon and I need to rant because it physically PAINS me how angry I get. Like a knot in my chest how she can’t see logic or common sense.

OO and after her mom painted my furniture... because they had damaged it and instead of telling me and offering to help fix it. They took it out of my room and spray painted it (the wrong color and just let it drip if anyone knows how to properly use spray paint). So I told her hey just letting u know that really upset me, I know it was ur mom and not you and you probably didn’t know it happened, but I’m mad and it will take me a few days to get over it. Just so she’s not like Oo why is she mad at me why’s she not talking to me. And she was like I completely understand my mom feels really bad I’m so sorry I didn’t know she did that. Ok we’re all good go about our days.

THEN I find out from my other roommate that she had talked to her and was like Idk why she’s mad, I’m mad that she’s mad. BITCH. What if I took ur furniture out of ur room and decided to spray paint some random lines on it in a different color. I had to sand and repaint it (with fucking paint not spray paint because why the fuck would u do that).

I’m bout to catch a charge lol I get so headed just remembering it.

So yeah if y’all wanna give me some validation that I’m not crazy and this isn’t normal behavior please do, I’m spiraling.

This was a long ass rant but this is my life.

Any witches out there wanna manifest her coming to her senses or moving out and still paying her rent lol that would be great.

Karma honey, nows ur time to shine. Take care of it

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare - Chapter 12

Here we go! Thank you, @lumosinlove for the SW-verse!

Chapter 12

Out of precaution, Regulus decided to sneak into Malfoy Manor through the kitchen window. He scoffed at the thought that everyone always assumed he was a model son. Sure, he kept his head down, all appearances and he was once very eager to please his parents but that didn't mean he hadn't a rebellious streak.

Sirius often got caught trying to sneak out the house... through the back door... too obvious. Idiot. But he learned over time. Regulus, on the other hand, learned to pick locks and sneak out of windows quiet early on. It was much stealthier and more unsuspected from the obedient, quiet kid.

Around 16, Regulus did this very often, trying to live a little under the thumb of his parents and while pretending not to. Sirius was bold, brave and often getting shit for it. Regulus was collected and sneaky. His escapades went unnoticed. It was all about the right balance. He asked to go out often enough to be considered normal. His parents said no more often than not and Regulus just had to ask for events he was not really interested in. When they said no, he would obediently stay at home and just sneak out to the stuff he actually wanted to go to. Unsuspecting.

He went to several high school parties and concerts, albeit hating crowds, because that was what teenagers did right? What they enjoyed. Regulus did not enjoy the drinking, the stuffed rooms and the gross drunk make-out sessions. Maybe he was born as snarky old man, always been more of a Waldorf, in need for his Statler.

Once in his room, Regulus showered, changed and was just in time for Lucius to take him to practice.

The mood in locker the locker room was disgustingly cheerful. Several Death eaters were reciting their favourite slurs against Sirius and all the “faggots”, how they called queers, in general, accompanied by hollering, whistling and applause.

Regulus thought of Sirius, of Ben and Mateo, how kind and loving they treated him, and it took all his badly patched up self-control to keep his expression blank and polite. This is not right.

He did not return to the shire this evening. Instead, he spent a long time running in the neighbourhood of the Malfoys, trying to sort through the last days.

When he collapsed exhausted into bed this evening, he came to the conclusion that there was actually no way he could get through the mess in his very own… The psychologist-thing was meant as a joke at Thanksgiving, Black…

                                                    oOo

The next evening, he nervously rang the bell besides the name tag Hayes/Alves, not knowing whether someone is even at home but he was let into the building and a moment later he found himself unable to knock on the door to their flat. These people owed him noting, why would they even let him in again after he practically stormed out yesterday?

The door was yanked open anyway and a relieved looking Mateo pulled him inside. “There you are, we were worried!”

“What? Why?”

“You were rather upset when you bolted yesterday” Jo provided from the kitchen, a spoon in her mouth and an almost empty can of ice cream in her hands.

“Hey, there you are!” Ben chimed happily, stepping out of the bathroom in his pyjamas and towelling his hair.

“Are you guys mad?” Regulus blurted suddenly, “You don’t know me, I stormed out yesterday after all you have done like an ungrateful asshole and you are actually happy that I'm back?”

“Sure.” All three answered as one, baffling him completely.

“Why?” He was almost desperate, “You have absolutely no gain from me being here... I am just a rookie so no one will buy my secrets from you, I am rather rich but you have nothing to properly blackmail me so what do you want?!”

“Are you serious?” Jo asked after a short silence.

“No, that’s my Brother, I am Regulus.” he answered absentmindedly. Ben and Mateo snorted but Jo just looked puzzled.

Regulus looked back, similarly puzzled. “Sirius Black, the famous, freshly outed, Captain of the Gryffindor Lions?”

Still nothing but a furrowed brow... “NHL?”

'Yeah, yeah, heard of it but hold on, your full name is Regulus, like your real name? And your brother is, in fact, named Sirius, that’s not a fake, too?”

“That is your Question? And no, its Sirius Orion and Regulus Arcturus Black, actually.” Jo anything but shrieked, joining the other two hobbits already shaking with mirth by now.  

“Ok, that’s - that’s just bad, I'm sorry” she wheezed after a few minutes.

“I always thought these were aliases… I see that I need to revaluate my bad-name categories.”

“Alors, I call you Josephine from now on?” Regulus was met with a surprisingly deathly glare that sent Ben and Mateo straight into another fit.

A grin started to tuck at the corner of Regulus’ lips but there were still pressing questions.

“Jo, you have no idea of the disaster that went on? You didn’t even check Twitter?”

“Nah, I don’t frequent social media. While I prefer to limit my direct interaction with other people, assholes accumulate there and throw all their bullshit around, guarded by the anonymity of the internet. I think a dentist appointment is less annoying.” The grin tucked again. This weird mixture of slang and hoity-toity wording was just gold.

“But you do watch ice hockey?” He was not sure why that was important for him. Maybe to find out, what she knew about him, maybe because to find out more about her.

“Sometimes yeah. For me you are Reg, the rather giant dude that slept on our couch, that prefers his tea bitter and gross and does not say thank you. The guy with the enjoyable dry humour and good taste in literature that luckily balances his abysmal taste in movies.”

At that Regulus laughed, too. He didn’t know, why exactly but he felt giddy with the idea that these were the first people who wouldn’t define him through hockey and his family.  That although they knew of his profession, here was just Reg, not Regulus Arcturus Black, Son of Orion Black, number 72 of the Snakes. Maybe I can have this, after all.

Is this, what Sirius had with his team, with Remus? Another pang of guilt let the laughter die in his throat, his eyes welled up. Not again…please.

But there was no time to recompose himself. Quickly, he was shoved onto the couch, wrapped in the chicken-blanket and surrounded by these idiots caring for him for some reason he still did not understand.

For the third time, his walls broke. Where there even walls by now? Regulus felt rather leaking with emotions.

But of course, he could not keep it in around them and spilled all his life to the three of them, not in as much detail he told Mateo in the hospital but also not keeping his role of Sirius’ outing to himself. Once all was out, there was a tense silence... of course there was, he just told the gay couple in front of him that he forced his brother out to be tormented by a crowd of imbecile haters on the internet.

Regulus was sure, his little excursion into a happy family ended now. Just as he guessed on the first evening here but instead of scolding and disapproving, cold glares he found himself hugged by Ben, again. He gives good hugs; his brain supplied uselessly.

“It’s a shitty move to out someone Reg, there is nothing to sugar coat.” Ben sighed.

“But what they did with that information and how the people online reacted is not your fault.”

Regulus said nothing, just closed his eyes and buried deeper in the shoulder of Ben, who practically sat on his lap to reach the height for such an embrace.

“But your feelings were hurt, too at that time and a lot of people used you. Fuck your family. You know what, I’m your mom now!”

Regulus just continued crying silently into Ben’s Shoulder, Mateo’s hand rubbing slowly over his back, chuckling at Ben’s statement.

“Mother hen.”

This showed what he had suspected for a while now, proof that his parents were not just a little strict. That something in his childhood went horribly wrong and he has no idea what to do with that information except crying it out.

When he calmed down a bit, Ben and Mateo got up to make some tea and finish dinner while quietly talking in Portuguese. So, it was something he was not meant to understand. His stomach knotted uncomfortably.

“Reg?” Jo tried quietly, she had not reacted in any way so far. He had even forgotten that she was still perched on the carpet beside him and somehow, he dreaded what was to come next.

“Hm?”

“Earlier, at the door, as you said that you do not know of what use you are for us as we cannot even blackmail you... you were not joking?” He shook his head, new tears threating to well up. How were there still tears left and what happened to his composure again?

“You really expected us to just care for you as long as we could gain profit?” There was no accusation in her voice just sadness and concern. He shrugged his shoulders; did he think that? No, but this was the only form of interaction he knew, everything always came with a price, an expectation.

The next thing he felt was Jo not practically but literally perched on his lap, straddling his hips, wrapping her arms around him and leaning her cheek against his temple. He knew already that, opposite to her brother, Jo was not the touchy feely type with strangers.

He was not considered a stranger anymore, after a day?

“I don’t know if there is anything one could say to make it better, so I will just keep my mouth shut and hug you until you believe that we like you and care for you. Just like that. As long as it will take.” She wiggled a bit to demonstrate getting comfortable.

There was nothing sexual about the embrace although they were pressed together from shoulders to hips und she just wiggled in his lap. It was completely opposite to the girls that approached him at the parties he sneaked out to. These were eyeing him hungrily, like a trophy. Some of them (very drunk, to their defence) even told him how similar he looked to Sirius… and how sexy they found his brother. He shivered a bit at the memory and gladly went back to reality.

“You might die of old age while waiting.” Regulus lifted his head to check the effect of his attempt in humour on her face but she just tucked his head back, giving a soft huff.

“Nah. 'M convincing but probably need to excuse myself to the bathroom or the fridge in between”

He closed his eyes again, wrapped his arms around her waist and relished in the hug without questioning why this hug felt different, more intimate than Ben’s or Mateo’s.

After an undefinable amount of time, the men came back with plates of Vegetable Quesadillas and Guacamole.

“Comfort Food, my avozinha’s recipe.”, Mateo commented

Instead of answering his question for cutlery, Ben met his eyes, pointedly grabbed a Quesadilla, dipped it in the guacamole and shoved the whole thing in his mouth without breaking eye contact.

Reg snorted with laughter.

                                                oOo

Of course, Ben spilled more than just a little on his shirt.

While Ben and Jo were cleaning the dishes and Ben, Mateo came over with a fresh cup of tea.

“Hey” Reg lifted his head. “I’m talking now as your fried -or co-mom, apparently- that just happens to also have studied medicine” he nodded for Mateo to continue.

“You went through a lot. Not just lately. And you struggle to cope.” Alors, the poker face seems to be gone…

“I do not say that you are weak, you are not! But you might want to consider the help of a therapist to sort through your feelings and your past. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of knowing your boundaries and taking care of yourself. I do not want to talk you into this, you need to want that for therapy to help. So, take you time to think about that, if you need. You can always come to us to talk but no one here is a therapist so we can only help you so far. OK? We are not disposing you to a shrink. Our door is open for you but you might want to have different type of help.”

Reg sat the in silence after this speech, hand running through his hair and rubbing his neck.

He had thought about that, more and more serious since Thanksgiving but hearing it and having the confirmation that he was welcome here …a thought formed in his brain, shortly followed by his usual determination.

"I want this to stop. I want to get better." He looked at Mateo and was met with his signature genuine, warm smile.

"You have a team therapist, don't you? It might be the fastest way to an appointment."

Reg grimaced at the thought of Dr. Slughorn. Generally well-meaning but when in doubt always humouring Riddle.

"I wouldn't trust him with taking the trash out." Regs grimace it met with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you want me to help you find someone else?" Mateo asked carefully and after a relieved nod from Reg, continued. "OK. Good, this is really good. Now for the next part."

Reg furrowed his brows

"Ben and I talked, and we want to offer you to stay here for a while after All Star, out of the clutches of your family. Of course, you have to go to practice and stuff but maybe it would be healthier for you to feel less controlled, less suffocated by them. We would find something else for you to sleep on than the couch, of course." Mateo joked.

Reg blinked at the guy in front of him in disbelieve.  Encore: What the hell? "You would do that? Let me stay?"

"Yep. We are your moms now, after all." Ben all but yelled over from the kitchen.

 This isn't a fever-trip. This is a dream, and I hope that I will not wake up too soon.

This night, he spent in Jos bed.  

"The couch is lumpy so we will share that bed. I'm not ruining my neck for you." Was her announcement before she marched off, Reg in tow.

He was led into the room, expecting a bedroom and was greeted with a little bureau.

"Erm..." Was all Reg could say.

"Well I only stay here during semester breaks so it's mor like a multi-purpose room." Jo seemed to miss the point entirely.

"But there is no bed?!"

She gave him an odd look and... folded a mattress out of the closet? "You've never seen a Murphy bed?"

"Obviously."

A little while later Reg squeezed himself beside Jo in the double bed. How does such a small person take up so much space?

“Won't it fold up in the night and swallow us whole?" The thought made him nervous, but he was greeted with the Hayes™ way of soothing. Bullying into feeling better.

“Not with your fat ass in here. Sleep or I send you back to the couch.”

They did not sleep for a long while.

Instead the talked a lot like on the first morning that felt like years ago although it has been just two days. In these days, his life was turned inside out, fortunately. He liked this version better.

The more they talked and bantered, the more Reg understood, that she really did not calculate her moves but just did what seemed the honest, right and fair choice… which is why she was horrible at the midnight chess match: Not thinking a few steps ahead and no intention of sacrificing figures or threatening enemy figures… irritating and endearing.

Also, she had quite a lot of very good burns but apologised every time afterwards. Hilarious... too nice for her devilish mind.

The next morning, he woke up around four, with Jo's back tucked against his side. He had slept about two hours, not able to sleep any longer anyway but he stayed in bed, secretly enjoying the feeling of a warm weight beside him.

Thoughts about his brother were still omnipresent in his mind but right now, other thinks demand his attention. Reg was pretty sure that he was falling for Jo.

He had had one or another crush in school but what he felt now was magnitudes stronger. Coming to think of it, his feelings about Ben and Mateo were also magnitudes stronger but... different. The idea of the girl he just met not being within an hour driving distance, once she returned to Boston, left a weight on his chest, accompanied by an unfamiliar longing.

But that was not the point... everything would be OK with that point. The point was, it's not the same as he heard all the other guys in school, in the locker room talk about girls… he didn't get off imagining her naked, or both of them having sex, he never thought that about anyone, actually, and was convinced the boys boasting about how they want to hit all these girls and how they got horny every time some girl with a too-short-to-be-comfortable skirt walk by, were just exaggerating… or were they not? Was there something he just didn't understand, hadn't experienced yet? It's not that he hadn't had sex before and it was nice enough, but he never quite understood why people would go absolutely nuts about this past-time exercise. It was basically wanking with extra steps.

Hell, Reg felt not even aroused by Jo's ass pressed to his thigh in her sleep but he was very sure that he wanted to hold her close, feel her skin under his hands, her body pressed to his, to kiss her and be definitely more than friends with her; And he had absolutely no idea how to explain this to her and still hope for a chance of dating her eventually... This was not what people were looking for in a partner, was it?

He groaned... was there nothing simple on this world for him?

But then again, Jo was different, that's why he liked her, she had this no-bullshit attitude that let her stomp on several feet regularly. She was the only person he knew that would most likely appreciate if he just spoke his mind about the situation and have a balanced, rational and decidedly calm discussion about their feelings. He silently laughed. The thought about such a conversation was ridiculous but fairly simple. Maybe this would be easier than he first thought. He was not sure on what terms they would end but the situation would be evaluated and free of misunderstandings at the end.

He would talk to her after All Star, after facing his brother and trying to... what?

                                                     oOo

Telling Lucius and Narcissa that he wanted to stay elsewhere for a few nights went smoother than expected. After a short call with his mother she agreed to give him a bit of freedom. After the outing, his parents seemed to be eager to keep Reg as the good son. So, Walburga was in kind of open for some little claims. Of course, she wanted to know where he was staying so he pretended to need alone-time after the shock of his brother's outing and booked a hotel room until All Star as cover. He was definitely not risking his Mother taking this very fragile attempt of escape away from him.

Reg quietly packed a bag with clothes to take with him directly from the airport after All Star and spent his waiting time at the airport on the phone with Mateo, looking for a therapist. He would meet Dr. Bones close to the Hospital, Mateo worked at, next Thursday.

The flight with Snape was horrible. Reg tried to keep his thought about Sirius at bay, not checking social media at all but Severus kept sneering about Queers in general and Sirius. He laid open all the information he could dig up out about Remus and even announced proudly, that he forwarded it all to the commentators of the red carpet

Oh… merde. C’est pourri! They are in for a shit-show.

But Reg would not have to opportunity to contact Sirius before that.

[shuahoonie]

you. [tom holland] - five.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! sexual innuendos are present kids! a bit of fluff, a bit of angst. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! this is definitely a filler chapter tho. 

WORD COUNT: 3761 words

SONG INSPO: hard times - paramore

A/N: hiya babes! sorry if i skipped a two weeks-worth of an update, got caught up from uni & my part-time job. been writing for uni a lot, and ngl yall kinda wanna cry! anyways, the amount of love i’ve received for this series is wild you guys!!! thank you so much for the kind words! i know i suck at replying but please know that i really appreciate it you guys and y’all make me feel soft and so loved 🥺 sorry again for the late update, hope this makes up for it!! enjoy part five & happy reading x 🥰💛

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST 

gif credits: @thwip

vanessa’s masterlist | one | two | three | four | six | seven | eight | eight.5 [interview excerpt] 

You woke up by the sun beaming on your face. Already dreading the day, you pulled the covers over your head and buried yourself in the pile of pillows that were taking up most of the space on your bed. God, you were exhausted from yesterday. 

See, yesterday- yesterday was a blur. Everything happened so fast. You and Tom were trending on Twitter for god-knows how many hours. Headlines about you two dating were plastered everywhere. 

It made you roll your eyes. Do people care that much? And they do. People cared a lot about you two. People said that you two look great together, while a handful said you were in it for the clout. Technically, we both are. 

So, now that you got the people’s attention, what’s next? 

Well, for starters, they started tracking yours and Tom’s relationship from where and how it started. They wouldn’t find anything because you two aren’t really dating in the first place. 

However, they did compilations of possible hints that you two were dating-or maybe was just getting to know each other. Luckily for you two, you followed each other on Instagram for quite a while now so you got that foundation to build up. 

You liked some of his photos before, as did he. You actually found Tom quite adorable back then. The first time you saw him was when you saw Captain America: Civil War with your friends. You and your friends bonded over watching Marvel movies and once you saw Tom Holland as Peter Parker on screen, it was safe to say that you weren’t just crushing on Sebastian Stan anymore. 

However, you did convince yourself that nothing trumps over your crush on Sebastian Stan. You also convinced yourself that you were crushing on Peter Parker-not Tom Holland. Peter Parker was sweet and kind, Tom Holland was not. 

You pushed off the covers and finally pulled yourself out of bed. After doing your morning routine, you threw yourself into the couch with a coffee in hand while a toast on the other. 

Today was your last day off before you went back to taping so you were expecting a pretty dull day today- that is until your phone kept on buzzing.

You looked at the caller ID before letting out a huge groan, “Zoë, Please for the love of God, it’s my day off.” 

“Good morning to you too, Y/N.” Your manager said on the other line. “And I know it’s your day off, I just wanted to check up on you.” 

You furrowed your brows. “That sounds oddly suspicious, what are you planning to do, Zoë?” 

“Would you relax, Y/N? I was just asking if you have anything to do for your day off.” She replied. 

“I’ll probably do a bit of grocery shopping later, but other than that I might bury myself in blankets and watch movies in the living room.” You answered and took a bite of your toast, frowning as you tried to swallow your sad and bland breakfast. 

“Okay, that’s good to know-Oh, and I also wanted to tell you that your taping tomorrow has been moved for the next two days. Apparently, Alissa won’t be back till tomorrow.” 

“Oh, thank god,” You sighed, relieved to hear that you have another day off. “Thanks for the heads up, Zo. I’ll see ‘ya soon.” You hung up the phone and finished the piece of toast. 

You watched a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine before you gathered up the will to get yourself ready. After taking a well-deserved warm bath and doing your extensive skincare routine -watching videos about Koreans sharing their skincare routine on Youtube really got the best of you and your bank account- You put on a plain white shirt and paired it with your favourite pair of mom jeans. 

As you grabbed your keys and your wallet, ready to bust out the door, you heard your phone ring. 

“Are you home?” 

“Yes, I am, Ronnie. Why are you asking?” You asked her. 

“Cool. Can you open the door please?” She asked on the other line. 

Confused, you opened your front door and sure enough, Veronica was standing in front of your apartment wearing her university sweatshirt and denim jeans. 

“Oh thank god you’re ready, I had the most awful day at school. I just received my paper for my 400-level political science class and let’s just say that the mark I got, I haven’t done it in bed for a while now.” Veronica ranted off, taking her shoes off before placing her books on the coffee table. 

It took you a solid minute before you just realized what she just said. “Ronnie, I don’t want to know about your sex life-” You said before you fixed your hair. “Or lack thereof.” 

“I could really use some good fucking, ‘yannoe?” 

“Jesus Christ, Ronnie-” You sighed as you handed her shoes back to her. “C’mon, I have to do some serious grocery shopping.”

“Okay, but I’m driving,” Ronnie said as she grabbed her car keys. “You’re a horrible driver.” 

“Works for me,” You shrugged and locked the front door. 

The travel to the grocery store was typical: you two belting One Direction songs the whole time. You and Veronica were strolling the yogurt aisle when she asked about your whole love life situation. 

“Oi, I thought you and Tom weren’t dating?” She asked as she put an assorted pack of yogurt down the cart. 

“I’m never going to eat that,” You pointed at the yogurt. “And we aren’t.” 

“I will eat it whenever I stop by unannounced at your place,” Veronica argued. “Then what’s with that photo that I’ve seen with you two holding hands yesterday?” 

You looked around, checking if there was anybody within-distance that could hear whatever you were about to say. “We’re not actually dating.” You murmured.

“Come again?” Veronica asked, completely lost. 

“We’re just doing it for publicity.” You whispered loud enough for Ronnie to hear. 

“I’m sorry, but how exactly did it escalate to that?” She asked, totally confused. 

“Remember that stunt I pulled at the club the other day?” 

“Yeah, you were all over the news.” 

“That was the reason as to why it had to escalate to me and him dating.” You answered as you pushed the cart again. 

“Yeah, no, I need a cup of coffee before we do this, I’m all caffeine-out,” Veronica said before she bid of herself off and went towards the Starbucks that was found near the entrance of the store. 

You rolled your eyes playfully at your friend and carried on completing the least stressful adult task for you. 

It was actually quite serene. You managed to finish your shopping without people noticing you-well, that’s a stretch. People did notice you. Most of them gave you an acknowledging nod followed by a small smile, some of them asked for a photo, and only a few just stared at you-which you didn’t mind. 

You were paying for your things when Veronica appeared right beside you with a cup of coffee in hand. “What? Did the line at Starbucks reach the parking lot? What took you so long?” 

“No, but a cute guy bought me a drink.” She beamed, taking a sip of her coffee. 

You chuckled. “Good for you, Ronnie.”

“Y/N, girl, I swear- he has the most gorgeous eyes.” Ronnie carried on, the smile was stuck on her face. “Oh, he was so sweet.” She sighed happily. 

You were happy for your friend since it’s not every day she meets someone that she’s completely enamoured with. However, she can express her liking for this guy while helping you load the grocery back in the cart. “Ronnie, that sounds great and all, but can you help me with the groceries so we can leave now?” You practically begged. 

Veronica nodded and helped you load the groceries back in the cart, immediately speeding up the process. Taking too much time fixing your groceries at the till always gave you anxiety, especially when there’s a long queue behind you. 

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Veronica gasped as you two were walking towards the parking lot. 

“What? What happened? Are you okay?” You asked, completely baffled. 

“I forgot to tell you that he has this amazing accent,” She sighed, making you roll your eyes. 

“Ronnie, I swear to god I will fucking kill you.” You grumbled as Veronica opened the trunk of her car and started handing you the groceries for you to put in. 

“I forgot to get his name though,” She mumbled. “which is a bummer because he was honestly a godsend.” 

All you could do was roll your eyes as you were lost for words. 

“Oh, quit rolling your eyes at me. Just because you have a boyfriend, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have one.” Ronnie pointed out. 

“As if I actually have a boyfriend,” You countered, finishing up with the groceries.

“Whatever,” Veronica mumbled and shut off the trunk of her car. “I’ll just put this cart back and-”

“Hey, Veronica, was it?” 

You and Veronica both turned your heads towards the person who just called Veronica’s name. As soon as she saw who the voice belonged to, it gave her extreme delight. 

“Yes,” She beamed at the brunette with insanely blue eyes. “We talked earlier but I didn’t get your name.” 

“Sorry ‘bout that. I had to take a phone call and when I got back, you weren’t there.” The guy explained. You took a good look at him. He seemed familiar but you couldn’t exactly put your finger on it. 

“No, you’re okay! I had to go back to my friend here-which reminds me,” Veronica pulled you closer “This is my best friend, Y/N, Y/N, this is-” 

“Harrison,” The guy smiled at you and extended his hand for you to shake. You politely shook his hand and after what seemed like an eternity, his eyes widened. “Wait, You’re Y/N L/N, right? From the Alchemist?” 

You gave him a small nod, still trying to figure out who he is. “You’re also Tom’s girlfriend, I presume?” He asked a bit shyly. 

“Great. I can’t believe I have to live with that label attached to my name now.” You thought to yourself.

You weren’t exactly sure if and how you were going to answer his question. Where are you with this stunt anyway? Are you and Tom supposed to be vocal about your relationship or were you two just blatant and left the people to figure out for themselves? 

Harrison seemed to take notice of your hesitation in regard to the question. “It’s okay,” He says softly. “I know.” 

“Pardon me?” 

“I know the real deal about you and Tom.” He whispered. 

There was a look of panic in Veronica’s eyes. “Yeah, that they’re totally in love.” She said defensively. You, however, seemed unbothered. You were also curious. You’ve seen Harrison before but you couldn’t point out where you’ve seen him. 

“Harrison, you’re Tom’s best friend, yeah?” You asked him, starting to get a picture of how familiar he is. 

Harrison nodded. “I wasn’t really expecting for our first meeting to be like this.” He chuckled. 

“Eh, it’s alright,” You shrugged. “Much better for us to meet this way and in our own circumstance, considering your friend makes everything ten times more unbearable.”

Harrison let out a small laugh, “Tom’s not that bad once you get to know him.”

“Oh trust me, I know him plenty and so far, I’m not liking it.” You argued quite defensively. “Well, I’ll leave you two to chat for a bit as I put this cart back in its place.” You said as you gave Veronica a short look, in which she beamed at you in return. 

You purposely took your time with returning the pushcart back in its rightful area. You fumbled with your phone for a bit, checking your Twitter only to find out that you’re still trending and people still have no idea what to feel about you and Tom’s relationship. 

“Why did I pour my drink all over him again?” You asked yourself in frustration. 

As you walked back towards Ronnie’s car, you saw your best friend and Harrison talk animatedly around each other with their smiles never leaving their faces. 

The tad bitter side of you wondered if their mouths hurt from all that smiling, it also made you wonder if it’s even okay for a normal person to smile that much. However, the better part of you was glad that your best friend was happy. Veronica needed to be happy. 

Soon after, they bid their goodbyes, not before exchanging phone numbers. Harrison gave you a friendly wave-goodbye before he walked towards his car. 

As soon as you sat on the passenger seat of Ronnie’s car, you were already greeted by a huge smile on her face. 

“Okay, don’t get mad-” Ronnie began.

You groaned. Knowing your best friend, you knew that she did something that will get you mad. “Ronnie, what did you do?” 

“Okay, so I know that tonight was supposed to be our movie night but I just couldn’t help it! You know me through thick and thin, Y/N! You know how I do things impulsively around guys that I’m interested in. I’m like a mindless machine around them! I don’t even know why I’m talking this much when I usually have everything under control but Harrison-” 

“Ronnie sweetie, breathe,” You said with your hands placed on top of her shoulders. “You are babbling and I need you to get straight to the point.”  

Veronica took a deep breath before she said the words that almost made you want to smack the living daylights out of your friend. “I invited Harrison for dinner and I told him he can bring Tom too.” 

“Could you stop?” Veronica threw the kitchen towel at you as you continued to glare at her. “You’re being childish, hon.” 

“I am not being childish! You’re being childish.” You argued, crossing your arms. 

Veronica just stared at you, her face seemingly screams that she’s absolutely done with you. 

“Okay, so maybe I am being childish,” You admitted. “But you threw the towel at me so I’m not the only one here with an attitude.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes as she finished setting up the table. You two were supposed to have pasta over dinner and have a Harry Potter movie marathon while eating junk food. Well, you two were still going to do it, except this time you’re joined by Harrison and Tom. 

“This is the worst thing you’ve ever done to me,” You said dramatically. 

“Y/N, hon, you’re exaggerating. I’m pretty sure this evening’s not going to be bad.” Ronnie commented. 

Veronica left the kitchen and proceeded to the living room to check her makeup in the mirror that was propped over the wall. You followed her into the living room and threw yourself on the couch. 

“Ronnie, why did you even invite them? Don’t you have classes tomorrow? Also, aren’t you supposed to be writing your paper for your social class?” You asked as you watched Ronnie retouch her makeup. 

You were trying your best to cancel this dinner. You tried to reason with your best friend though because this is your house in the first place. However, she pulled the “This is my chance in getting myself a love life” card and she has moaned for years that she really wants to meet someone. You’d do anything for Veronica’s happiness. You’d also do anything to keep your best friend quiet about how she wants to date so bad. 

“I already have my draft for that paper, just need to edit it,” Ronnie replied as she applied a coat of mascara. “Besides, I don’t have any classes on Mondays, you knew that.”

“Right,” you mumbled. “Still think this is a bad idea though. Things got so unbearable with Tom yesterday, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle another day with that guy ever again.” 

After your whole lunch scene with Tom yesterday, it felt suffocating. It was unbearable. He was back with his usual snarky attitude and it drove you mad. 

You learned one sure thing about your set-up though: He was only charming around other people, but if it’s just you two? He was a jerk. 

Not even a minute later, the doorbell rang. You got up and checked who was at the door and sure enough, two familiar faces filled up the screen. 

“Speaking of the devil,” You muttered before opening the door and was greeted by Harrison who gave you a hug. 

“Thanks for having us over, Y/N” Harrison said as he pulled away from the short hug. He then proceeded to give Veronica one, and it was obvious that his intentions were solely focused on her anyway. 

“Uh, yeah. No problem.” You said almost awkwardly as you gave Ronnie a look, who in turn mouthed a grateful ‘Thank you’. 

You turned back to the door and saw that Tom standing there, a stoic look on his face. He looked like he came out of a photoshoot based on the clothes he was wearing: slouchy black button-ups and a pair of denim jeans. “Holland,” You greeted him as you opened the door a bit wider. 

“Y/L/N,” He said as he gave you a once-over. “You look...” Tom seemed like he was really trying hard to think of a nice word to say. 

“Don’t strain yourself,” You said as you rolled your eyes.

You were wearing an oversized band shirt -that was tied in a knot at the front- and paired it with high-waisted patterned pants. You and Ronnie shared a small argument on what you should wear for dinner. 

She insisted that you should dress for your comfort while looking presentable and you argued that that is the outfit that gave you comfort. 

You also argued that Ronnie and her guests should be glad that you weren’t wearing sweatpants like you anticipated before Ronnie invited people for dinner. 

“Good because I wasn’t planning to,” Tom nagged, sending you into absolute overdrive.  

As soon as he had his back turned on you, you resisted the urge of strangling him right then and there. 

Unbeknownst to you and Tom, Veronica and Harrison caught the frustration painted on your face causing them to chuckle amongst themselves. 

You and Tom had only known each other for two days at most, and yet you already had the most confusing relationship that existed in this world. 

“If this carries throughout the evening, the world will know me not as Tom Holland’s girlfriend, but as the girl who killed him.” You muttered to Veronica as you passed by her. 

“Relax, Y/N,” Veronica chuckled as she put a hand over your shoulder. “Dinner wouldn’t be that bad.”  

Saying that dinner wouldn’t be that bad would be an understatement. Dinner was horrible. 

Veronica and Harrison were pretty much occupied during the entire meal. They mostly had their attention to each other, which didn’t surprise you. Ronnie and Harrison were smitten for each other, it actually made you snort. 

You and Tom, though, were a different case. You two were seated across each other and you two wouldn’t stop bickering. 

It started when Tom accidentally kicked your foot underneath the table. 

“Ouch!” You yelped. “Why did you kick me?!”

“It was an accident,” He said defensively. 

“Psh, right” You scoffed. “Accident my ass.” 

The “I accidentally kicked you underneath the table” carried on for the entire meal, with you and Tom exchanging kicks every few minutes. 

You two also shared glares throughout the dinner. 

“Why are you mad at me?!” Tom argued. 

“Because you’re here!”

“Well, why did you invite me then?!” 

“I didn’t! It was all her!” You hissed as you pointed at Veronica who was rather talking intimately with Harrison, and was also very much oblivious to the argument unveiling in front of her and Haz. 

“God, why did I even think coming here was a good idea.” Tom moaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously annoyed. 

It didn’t even end there, as you all moved from the kitchen and into the living room to start the Harry Potter marathon, you and Tom started bickering over a piece of furniture. 

As Ronnie and Haz went to the loveseat sofa, you claimed the larger couch so you could lay down while watching the film and leaving Tom with nothing to sit on. You didn’t have much furniture considering you’re the only one who lives in this apartment. 

“Scoot over, Y/N.” He said as he approached the couch you were laying on.

“You can sit at the ottoman.” 

“And have nothing to rest my back on?”  

“God, you are such a diva.” You grumbled. “Just sit on the floor then.” You replied as you pulled the faux fur blanket over you, keeping you warm and cozy. 

“I don’t want to sit on the floor for hours,” Tom argued as he tried to pull you up from your position. 

“Fine, I’ll get you the floor cushion.” You said in defeat. 

“I want to sit on the couch, Y/N.”

“I am not moving, Holland. You can’t make me.” You said rather childishly. 

“Fine,” Tom sighed and pulled the ottoman closer to the couch. He pulled up your feet and sat on the end of the couch as he propped his feet on top of the ottoman. He placed your feet on top of his lap, as you claimed you weren’t going to get up from your laying down position.  “Then don’t move.” He dictated, leaving you to roll your eyes. 

And as for the cherry on top, you had your manager nag you to post something about your evening. You didn’t even know that Veronica filmed a quick story for her Instagram until you received a message from Zoë saying: “A couple of fans that follow Ronnie saw her story. Share it on your Insta too, it adds foundation to  our story.” 

Ronnie’s Insta story showed the television playing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone, and it panned to Harrison who was smiling softly at the camera and then, panned to you and Tom who were sharing the couch. You two were watching intently and from the looks of it, you looked like a very believable couple. 

Your manager was right and that irked you. The devil works hard but Zoë works harder.

TAGLIST: 

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@sectusempried 

[littlemindblabbles]

Fanservice?

Jeonghan X Y/N

Summary: (fluff, slight angst) Being best friends with Yoon Jeonghan had it’s benefits, but what happens when the line between fanservice and something more starts blurring? (I am so bad at summaries I’m so sorry)

Most girls would say you were the luckiest girl in the world. After all, you were a famous idol, rookie actor, and the very best friend of one of the members of Korea’s biggest bands. The last fact still baffled you till today, but you wouldn’t change it for a thing.

You met Yoon Jeonghan during an award show, your first encounter being quite hilarious. You had wandered into the hairstyling room and decided to befriend the female idol who was getting her hair done. Much to your embarrassment, the person who turned around was actually Jeonghan with his long hair. It made introductions much less awkward though, plus the fact that you were both rookies and could be informal with each other, it wasn’t long before the two of you were chatting like long lost friends.

Fast forward nearly five years later, both of you were doing wonderfully in your respective careers. Seventeen was becoming one of the top boy bands of Kpop, and you were one of the most popular female soloists. Your friendship only grew stronger throughout the years, and everyone knew about it. The two of you were often invited onto reality shows together and became known as ‘partners in crime’ due to your competitive natures and willingness to cheat bend the rules at every opportunity.

Of course, being friends with Jeonghan automatically gave you 12 other friends, which you all got along with. You were over at their studio so often you had already released a collaboration with Jihoon, uploaded a danced to a cover with Soonyoung, and had promised Hansol you’ll record a mixtape with him soon. 

But none of their friendships could compare to your best friend, Jeonghan ‘got’ you in ways no one ever could. You could both talk for hours about useless topics like which hair colour on Seungcheol was superior or your deepest secrets that only the two of you knew.

Being a normal girl with feelings, despite initially thinking of Jeonghan as your brother, the small increase in your heart rate whenever you saw him recently could only be evidence that your feelings towards your friend were changing. It wasn’t your fault really, Jeonghan was a naturally touchy and clingy person. The closer he felt to you, the more touchy he would be, just look at all the Jihan fancams.

Somehow, you haven’t received many death threats from his adoring fans. If anything, they seemed to ship the two of you together. When Jeonghan first grabbed your arm on-screen during the results of one of your games, Twitter went crazy. The ship name of the both of you was trending for days. From there, both your companies decided it wouldn’t be a bad thing for both of you to be more touchy. ‘Fanservice’ was what they called it. And that was how your little crush on Jeonghan blossomed.

However, nothing would be worse than ruining your perfect friendship, and you knew Jeonghan being touchy with you had nothing to do with his feelings. But the more you tried to ignore your feelings, the more you died a little whenever he grabbed your arm or clung onto you in front of the cameras.

It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just for the fans. Y/n, get a grip on yourself.

You thought you were doing a good job of acting like you were okay, but when Joshua pulled you aside one day after their practice, you realised it might have been a bit obvious.

“Hey, you okay? Did you and Jeonghan have a fight or something?”

“Huh, no why would you think that? We’re okay.”

“Uh-huh, sure. That’s why you look like you smelt something bad whenever he touches you, and forget how to breathe when Jeonghan gives you his ‘angel’ smile. Come on Y/n, next to Hannie I’m your closest friend, you can’t fool me I know how you feel about him.” Joshua gave me a knowing look.

“But whatever I feel about him doesn’t matter! I know he acts that way around everyone, he definitely doesn’t think of me that way. And besides, if I’m this obvious to you, he probably already knows and is avoiding the topic because he feels bad for me.” I covered my face with my hands, trying to not let Joshua see that my tears were threatening to fall.

“Aww Y/n, don’t cry.” Ever the gentleman, Joshua pulled me into a hug and patted my head. “Who knows, I personally think Jeonghan is one of the least observant people I know, he probably has no clue. And if anyone has the best shot at going out with him, it’s definitely you. Look, even the fans agree. Why don’t you try letting him know your true feelings, it can’t be easy continuing to act this way.”

As much as you were dreading it, you knew Joshua had a point. Your little crush on Jeonghan wasn’t so little anymore, and your friendship with him was going to get worse if you kept this to yourself. Okay, you’ll tell him tomorrow.

Your plans were ruined, however, as Jeonghan seemed to be in the worst mood ever the next day. He hardly ever got angry or annoyed, so seeing him so grumpy was unusual. Worst of all, he only seemed to be angry with you. He would play around happily with the boys and hug them just like normal, but when he met your eyes the light disappeared and was replaced by a glare. Jeonghan and you fought before of course, but never this bad and you didn’t even know the reason why.

Forget confessing to him, you now pulled Jeonghan aside to find out what was his problem. He frowned at you but let you drag him to a nearby empty studio.

“What’s your problem? Why have you been glaring and acting this way to only me the entire morning? Did I do something wrong? If I did I’m sorry I’m not sure what so could you please tell me?” You pleaded, nearly tearing up at the end because you couldn’t stand Jeonghan treating you like that anymore.

At the sight of your tears, his glare softened, but he still sounded annoyed, “Well some best friend you are, when were you gonna tell me about you and Josh? Can’t believe my two best friends would do that to me.” What? You and Joshua? How in the- oh you knew why he had come to the conclusion.

“Hannie no, we’re not together! Please, I don’t like Joshua in that way. He was comforting me because I liked someone else but they didn't like me back. I would never keep something like this from you.” Jeonghan didn’t look angry anymore,  but his eyes screamed disappointment?

“You-you like someone?” You didn’t want to hope but his tone did sound quite sad. “Well, who is it and why doesn’t he like you back? I gotta do my best friend duties and knock some sense into him!” Oh, nevermind.

You sighed as your heart internally broke into a million pieces. “Well, I don’t think you can knock some sense into yourself so it won’t help.” You mumbled, mostly for yourself to hear. But a hand reached out and grabbed your chin, lifting it up so that you were face to face with Jeonghan.

“The person you like is me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you this way but I guess it’s inevitable. Yeah, I do like you but it’s okay you don’t have to re-” You were cut off by Jeonghan’s lips. Wow, never thought you would say that.

“I hope this answers your question. Why did you think I was so upset over you and Josh? Also please, I’m abnormally clingy when I’m with you, and you know I never cared about the ‘fanservice’ idea our managers were talking about. It just gave me an excuse to be closer to you.”

Smiling until your cheeks hurt, you buried your head into Jeonghan’s chest, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

Note: I’m back! Hope you liked this fic, it’s kinda meh to me but I guess I gotta get back into the momentum of writing. Check out my masterlist for more fics! 

[glossedchaos]

why i don’t fuck with beanz twitter

disclaimer: this doesn’t include ALL the stans on twitter. and yes i was on beanz twitter for a while (i was mutuals with ezra before her first n word scandal) so i’ve seen enough to make this post; and with that, let’s begin

there’s always some kind of fight going on. like i barely go on there anymore but every time i do, someone’s always getting attacked or cancelled

they’re very cliquey. while yes it’s completely normal to have a circle of friends who are similar to you and your taste in interests, they take it to the next level. they have an aura of “my clique is superior and we are better” and then proceed to tweet a million screenshots of their group dms.

small accs seem very isolated (but i could be wrong)

i’ve noticed that beanz twitter is basically “run” by a group of big accs. like when did this happen? when did everyone start following the lead of a select few? what fandom are y’all in again?

they’re very entitled. very. true story: bc of timezones, we got to hear Blind before the US stans so when it came out, i heard some chains rustling at the end of the song so i went back to twitter & tweeted pm and was like “i KNOW brandon was wearing all chains while recording. we can hear them at the end” and this girl came at me like “WE TOLD Y’ALL NOT TO SPOIL IT FOR US!!” like first of all, chill. i didn’t spoil anything i just said i heard chains at the END. second of all, i’m not allowed to tweet about a song until YOU hear it?? i have to contain my excitement? i have to curb my enthusiasm for YOU? until you’ve heard it?? please

they can’t take a joke. the number of times i’ve seen people getting attacked for what is clearly a harmless joke is insane like someone could say “brandon looks like a bobble head” and a few minutes later you’ll see someone going at them for their lane. maybe it’s bc i’m used to us trashing them but ive had to water down whatever i wanna say on that app

they attack if you don’t have the same taste. like excuse me art is subjective. just bc someone doesn’t like a certain song or artist there’s no need for a “rich coming from a *insert song title* stan”. so your taste in music is so elite that anyone who doesn’t conform is beneath you?

it’s nedwin or nothing

the amount of disrespect i’ve seen towards austin is baffling like do y’all not have a heart?

drama is blown out of proportion on there like i’ve seen shit that’s died down on every other platform still be talked about on twitter and they just keep dragging it and making it seem bigger than it actually is. (excl slurs)

they’re at each other's throats for situations that were never that big in the first place

they think they’re superior? idk what that’s based on but let me know with your 18 tweet thread

tumblr posts have been stolen and used as tweets. idk if it’s still happening but i’ve seen it twice back in the day

“1k likes and i’ll tweet brandon” like babe we know you’re looking for likes and won’t do it anyway

that one fan who called nicks mom bc he met and followed a fan who happened to be 15? (idk her age i’m sorry)

in conclusion, i do not like them. any twitter stan that has grievances can come up to me and reason with me personally on here. i know y’all love to subtweet but don’t be passive aggressive for once in your life.

[tenbees]

1. Why exactly do you think that so many non-lesbians (bisexuals, non-goldstars, trans-identified men--whatever) are so hellbent on trying to call themselves lesbians? What's the appeal? I've tried to figure it out myself and every explanation I come up with falls short somehow. I guess they all have different reasons - obviously it's a fetish thing with the straight men - but it's hard for me to wrap my mind around it all. Why do they want to be us so badly while simultaneously hating

2. us (real lesbians)? What benefits do they get from (falsely) calling themselves lesbians? Whatever "benefits" or "cred" they're getting is coming from a very niche place because it's not like wider society gives a fuck about lesbians. Why are non-goldstars so afraid of calling themselves bi? Sorry to throw a million question marks at you lol. I'm just kind of thinking out loud and am curious if you have any theories! Thanks!

it’s baffling to me too. i do have some theories, but there’s so much... deliberate self-delusion and lying that i would never do and even with the theories it’s hard to believe that people would actually go through so much effort and double think to lie about their sexualities.

i think some people want to be a victim and that the validation comes from wider society hating gay people and not from a more niche source like... actual gay people. they want something to blame their suffering/bad mental health/bad behavior (not that they’d ever admit there are toddlers that behave better than them) on and being the abused underdog gives them a superiority complex. identity politics have really encouraged this mentality that Only race, sexuality, gender, etc give ‘valid’ suffering, so people with tendencies towards disordered behavior (not to sound like an armchair psychologist lol) latch onto them so that their words are automatically given more power in certain spaces. and people telling them that they literally aren’t gay only adds to their victim mentality and self-righteousness.

this bleeds into the whole subculture that’s been made around being gay and how iced coffee, being bad at math, being stupid, not being able to drive, etc is gay. people will act shocked when someone who has a certain tumblr/twitter-esque personality and interests isn’t gay or bi, even though they have literally nothing to do with your sexuality. a lot of queer people are honestly just incels/social rejects and will play up their same sex attraction to find like-minded people online or in their college’s lgbt organization. because if you’re really into, like, dnd, it, steven universe, and moomin..... where else are you gonna find people with those interests? it’s a self-perpetuating cycle of people calling themselves queer to fit into the culture, which means other people have to call themselves queer to fit into the culture.

a lot of people also view lesbianism as a phase--whether or not they consciously believe it or not--and when they decide not to pursue men anymore they’ll call themselves gay to prove to themselves how serious they are about their deliberate disinterest in men--see, i’m even a lesbian!--rather than as a label that describes the state of never having been interested in men. i guess just saying ‘i’m bi but just got out of a bad m/f relationship and only want to date women’ doesn’t sound as finite or like as big of a fuck you to your ex boyfriend. the word lesbian is aspirational for the many bi women who’ve built a culture around hating that they’re attracted to men and for the ngs who say that they hated every sexual interaction they’ve had with men, that they were repulsed by the men they had sex with, etc. calling themselves lesbians gives them a definite out from ever needing to have sex with a man again and comphet helps remove any choice from their actions.

i’ve seen bi people say that the open-endedness of being bi is stressful because you don’t know the sex of your future spouse and that will Greatly impact your future, so calling yourself a lesbian when you’re in a women-only mood probably helps make it seem less daunting (funny, though, how they never call themselves straight for the sake of simplicity).

it’s obviously a fetish thing for men, but i think it is for a fair number of women too. they enjoy turning men on by talking about their sex escapades and they enjoy they thrill of a forbidden affair between a ‘lesbian’ and a man.

for some people i think it’s just ignorance. the majority of ‘lesbians’ have pasts with men and there are a lot of strange takes on lesbianism saying that lesbians can be attracted to women and trans women, that lesbians can be attracted to feminine men, that you can be a lesbian if you don’t feel like dating men anymore, that you can be a lesbian if you see men as good for sex but not for relationships, etc. people may have never been exposed to the idea that homosexuals consistently act like homosexuals and won’t fuck the opposite sex under any circumstances. and when the majority of gay people are bi, it’s easy to see anyone who insists that... gay people are gay and act like gay people...... as having some irrelevant fringe opinion.

it’s probably a combination of those things for most people, and i think it’s almost always about some internal benefit and not a societal benefit, because calling yourself a lesbian obviously doesn’t get you anything on a wider scale. they need to be a victim, they need to prove to themselves that they’ll never be with a man again, they need approval, and calling themselves lesbians helps them get that. but it doesn’t completely get them to where they want to be, because lying about your sexuality is obviously just a bandaid on whatever you’re actually dealing with and because Actual Lesbians exist. our very existence invalidates them and proves that they’re faking. so they try to rewrite what it means to be a lesbian in such a way that they fit in and they despise actual lesbians for effortlessly being what they want, or just because they’re genuinely just homophobic under all the identity soup--they’ll call themselves lesbians, use their status as lesbians to declare that lesbians like dick, all while being a regular homophobe who thinks that exclusive same-sex attraction is disgusting.

[lazy-crow-writingblog]

Publicity

Promt: "So you don't mind going public?"

Word Count: 1,874

Paring: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Tony was in the middle of brewing himself a new pot of coffee when FRIDAY gave him the news.

"Boss, there's something you need to see. It's about you and Doctor Strange." She said.

Tony heart jumped into his throat and he began to sweat.

"Show it to me baby girl." He said walking over to his flat screen completely forgetting about the coffee.

FRIDAY turned on the t.v. and changed the channel to the news and lo and behold his hisand Stephen's faces are the first thing he sees. Stephen kissing his cheek of all things.

"It appears Tony Stark has got himself some new eye-candy. Is this playboy back to his old ways?" A lady newsreporter said, sitting at a table.

"Sure looks that way Kacey, and with a man. That was a surprise non of us were expecting. He's always been a ladies man when we saw him in galas and events now here he is with what appears to be the so called "missing" neurosurgeon Dr. Stephen Strange." The guy said with an almost painful looking fake smile.

"It would appear that the Doctor didn't actually go anywhere Dave, well, unless you count a billionaire's bedsheets somewhere." Kacey said followed with ooh's from her coworkers.

The showed the picture again and, if this was a different situation, Tony would find the picture cute. Tony had his cheek puffed out and a frown on his face like he was angry. He wasn't angry, the picture was from yesterday, Stephen had bested him in wit and he was just being petty he lost. So he kissed his face because he was apparently cute when grumpy like that. The action made his heart swoon and picture would've done the same, but at the current moment he felt like he was going to pass out. His phone began vibrating like crazy. He looked at it and it was Twitter. He was getting tagged out the ass, a lot of what he could make out was about the picture, of course, and how cute it was. Others were either surprised that Stephen Strange, was indeed, not dead and surprised that Tony had a thing for men. His hands were shaking, he was shaking. What if Stephen saw this? They never really discussed the topic of coming out to the public, it wasn't that he didn't want to tell the whole world he loved this man, it just never came up. What if he gets angry? What if he wants to leave him because of this? Tony couldn't handle that, his heart would shatter.

"Boss?" FRIDAY's voice came in braking Tony from his thoughts.

"Y-Yeah?" He was stuttering. He was a mess.

"Doctor Strange is calling."

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Fuck!

'Calm yourself Tony. Maybe he hasn't seen it yet. He probably had his head burried in a book doing research or something. Yeah, yeah that's it.' Tony thought to himself.

He needed to calm down. If Stephen thought something was wrong or that he was upset he'd drop everything he was doing and rush over. Tony knows he will, he's done it before.

"Okay, FRI. Mute the t.v."

As she did that Tony answered his cell and sure enough it was Stephen.

"Hello sweetheart, honey, the love of my life." He said all a little to fast.

'Smooth. Like sandpaper.'

There was silence on the other end, like Tony accidentally hung on him.

"Hello, Stephen?"

[I]"What did you do?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

[I]"You get excessive with the pet names when you did something."

"I do not."

[I]"Or want something."

"Rude."

He heard Stephen chuckle and it was light and breathy. Cute.

[I]"Anyway, Wong wants to ask you a scientific question and refuses to let me know what it is."

[I]"You wouldn't be able to answer it!"

[I]"Excuse me!?"

[I]"Give me the phone!"

There's some shuffling over the phone before Tony hears someone huff into the phone. Then he hears Wong yell at Stephen to go into a different room and tells him not to use magic to spy on him like last time followed by a unintelligible groan from the other man. After a few more seconds of silence Wong finally spoke.

[I]"Hello Tony."

"Hey Wong, what's up?" He asked trying to sound as much of himself as possible.

[I]"Apparently Stephen's fan base."

Wong said and Tony could hear the amusement in his voice.

"So you've seen it."

[I]"In the press's defense it is a cute picture of you two."

"Thanks Wong." Tony groaned to himself. He needes to sit down, this much strees is not good for his heart or his pressure.

[I]"You don't sound to happy about it. Did you not want to go public?"

"Yes, I mean no, I mean... Yes?" Tony was fumbling with his words and it's embarrassing. Especially since Wong has not shown a ounce of judgement in his voice and is waiting patiently for Tony get himself together.

"Yes, I did, but on our terms. Not abruptly because of some snoopy photographer. I wouldn't care if it wasn't for the fact that it's Stephen. I don't want to drive him away."

[I]"I can assure you that his sudden return to the living in media isn't going to drive him away. He does care for you and he's incredibly stubborn."

Tony know how stubborn he is and it's infuriating at times, only Tony is just as stubborn and the fact that they work the way they do is baffling.

"Thanks Wong." Tony said. He was genuinely greatful for him.

[I]"Don't thank me for stating facts Tony. Thank me for what I'm doing next."

"Wait, what?"

Tony heard a click on the other end and his phone hanging up. Did Wong just hang up on him? Not even a minute later a golden circle formed behind the couch and out came Stephen looking worried.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Wong said it sounded like you were having a panic attack."

"No." I was but not anymore.

Stephen turned and glared at Wong through the portal. Wong's solution to that? Close it. Stephen sighed and shook his head.

"If he wanted to get rid of me he could just said get out." Stephen said in a somewhat annoyed tone.

When he turned to face Tony his eyes looked up and an eyebrow lifted up. Tony was confused until he remembered the t.v. was on. And that he was on a news channel. He completely forgot he had it on mute. Stephen's eyes landed back on him and Tony swore his heart leaped into his throat.

"I can explain." Tony began, figuring he was fucked.

"Okay." Was all he said.

"I was going to tell you, but I just found out and I wasn't sure what to say or how to react or if you'd seen it yourself so I was kinda worried and I'm sorry I should have been more careful I swear I didn't do this on purpose and-"

"Tony calm down, breath." Stephen hands were on Tony's shoulder doing his best to stop his shaking and steady him.

Tony hadn't realized he was saying everything in one breath. Took a deep breath in and let it out, he could feel the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Stephen pulled him up against his chest and allowed Tony to bury his face in the fabric. They stood like that for a minute before realizing that it wasn't the most comfortable position. Stephen standing behind the couch and Tony leaning over the back of it made for a very awkward hug. The Cloak, the very helpful artifact it is, lifted Stephen, and essentially Tony as well since he refuse to let go, high enough so that he could get over the couch and sit on the cushion. Stephen pulled Tony into his lap, readjusting the hug so now Tony's face was in his neck, and they sat like that for some time. FRIDAY pausing the t.v. just in case it was distracting. Stephen rubbed smoothing circles in the smaller part of the small man's back. Tony was the first to break the silence.

"I'm sorry." He said, barley audible. If it wasn't for his mouth being so close to his ear Stephen wouldn't have heard it.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For making you worry. For dragging into my mess. For this." Tony points to the t.v. screen where the damn picture was there.

Tony slumps in Stephen's holds, looking miserably.

"Okay 1. I'm going to worry about you Tony. It can't be helped. 2. You didn't drag me into anything. I have, will continue, to help you clean up your quote unquote "mess" and 3. That" Stephen said, motioning to the screen. "is a reality I accepted when I said I'd date you. It's a given to have your life put out there when dating the great Tony Stark."

"So, you're not mad?" Tony asked looking up from where his head lay on the Sorcerer's shoulder.

"No, of course not. It's going to take a lot, and I do mean a lot, of things to even make me think of leaving you." Stephen finished his sentence with a smile and it made Tony smile.

Maybe he over-thought how Stephen would take it. He's usually level-headed about most things.

"Plus I've already seen it." Stephen added.

"Who told you?"

"No one. I snuck up on Wong while he was watching it. He still has no idea I know."

Tony chuckled at that.

"What surprises me is that apparently people missed me."

"Hm?"

"I wasn't all that famous outside of the medical field. Plus I was an ass-"

"You're still an ass." Tony added in.

"And you love it. The fact that anyone would miss me is a surprise in of itself."

"Well no, not really. You we're talked about when you went missing."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, most were just trying to figure out if you kicked the bucket after accident. If they found out about your magical abilities they'd either shit their pants or call you a complete nut."

"Really? Wanna test that theory?"

Tony lifted his head up off of Stephen's shoulder and gave him a confused look. Stephen moved Tony off his lap and stood up, with a wave of his fingers his sorcerer clothes were changed into a blue long sleeve sweater, black jeans and a red scarf, the Cloak of Levitation he presumes, opens a portal to outside and held his hand out for Tony to take.

"Come one, I'll allow you to parade me around this once."

Tony face lit up with a bright smile. He hopped off the couch with a little bounce. Cute. He takes his lover's hand and they walked through the golden ring. They end up in front of a little coffee and tea shop and sure enough not even 10 seconds after the portal closed paparazzi were taking pictures of them and Stephen simply responded by putting his arm around Tony's waist. Tony leaned into the touch and they both smile. Maybe this won't be so bad after all.

[social-holland]

Hate

Pairing: Zendaya  x Female! Reader

Warning: Angst, Angst, Angst with a little bit of fluff.

Summary:  Hate comments is what you receive daily being the girlfriend of Zendaya, what happens when one day Z replys to it  and you can’t hold back anymore.

Word count: 1797

A/N: I’m so awful and this is so late. I’m sorry, Jess! This is for @underoosbws 3k celebration! Please check her out, her writing is amazing. Especially Untitled!

My prompt btw was: “You’re my boyfriend/girlfriend, I shouldn’t be trying this hard to get your attention.”

To say that Zendaya’s and your relationship was on a rough patch was one of the most understatements of the year. What once was one of the best, if not the best, relationship you ever had turned to heartache in just a few months.

There was not one single problem that made it that way it was now. Just different things that tend to pop up with even worse timing. Turning this things into arguments and every so often even full on fights.

But these arguments and fights were starting to take a toll on you. You disliked fights. Always had and always will.

Why making a big scene, yell and throw things at your loved one when you might as well could solve it with a discussion and a good compromise for both sides?

Sometimes even sacrifice your own happiness to make you significant other happy. That’s what you wanted. Make Zendaya happy and give her everything you could.

All the yelling and arguing and crying tired you out. Adding extreme fan hate on different social media platform and you crumbling self-doubt and mental health problems and you have the perfect recipe for disaster.

At this point you were barely making it out of bed to go to university or your job every day. Trying your best. Your days consisted of getting up, trying to make yourself look at least presentable and making your way to class. Trying to follow the best you could to follow the lectures, every so often looking for a sign from Z.

Catching up with friends, trying not to show them in what kind of state you were. You didn’t want to talk with anyone about it. This was your relationship and even through this were your friends…Z and you were still public. And the public did not like that or better you at all.

On a daily basis you get comments from strangers on how Zendaya’s girlfriend was not good enough for her. That their Queen needed someone better at her side and why should would go out with someone like you. Someone without a career, not being pretty enough or other stuff people liked to call the person next to Z.

She didn’t seem to see it. At least that’s what you assumed until one morning. Z had just come back from filming the new Spiderman movie and you had been separated for a long time since you were not able to fly out.

As a celebration to welcome her back Z, her family, a few friends and you went for a nice dinner the night before. Originally planned as the two of celebrating her birthday belated together, it turned out that she had invited a few more people.

Usually that would have not bother you. You loved her family and her friends plus you wanted her to be happy. But having gone through all the things the last few months, it all in all you were upset over it.

Not wanting to ruin the celebration, you sucked it up and tried to be happy for her. The key word was tried. It turned out that you didn’t get to spend a minute with her until both of you arrived back at home.

You didn’t wait up that night and went straight to bed. At this point you were ready to just cry. You felt ridiculous of being this way. You really should talk to her and that’s what you planned to do the next morning.

A good and comforting talk to get the differences out of the way.  At least that’s what you believed until you woke up the next morning and she was not there. Probably already awake and planning something. You turned around to your bedside table to reach for your phone.

When you opened twitter, the usual hate strolled your way. That was at least until you saw Z replying to one of them. It was a single word which make you take off.

LOL

Just one word, not even a word.

You got out of bed and dressed. This was the final straw. You just had to talk to her. Ultimately deciding that it would be better to have a least a little bit of something in your stomach before calling her.

As you made her way down to the kitchen, you see her sitting on a loveseat in the living room. Every word you had prepared in your head disappeared, months of being unhappy and not satisfied with anything collided at her as you spoke.

“What the hell, Zendaya?”

She finally looked at you and flinched at what she saw. Y/N was standing behind the coach. Her eyes were glazed. She was shaking, her right hand put into a fist. Nails pressing into her flesh. Hurting herself. In the left hand was her phone pressed.

That’s when Z saw how broken her girlfriend appeared. The backs under her eyes were evident. You were drained, and she had never seen you like that. It shocked her to say the least. You are her everything and how could she not recognize that something seemed off with you.

Your red eyes started to tear. Zendaya stood up from her place, wanting you close, to hug you. But you were having none of it. You took a step back, hugging your waist.

“Why would you do that?” Her eyes brows furrowed. “Do what?” She was honestly confused over what you were referring, too. A sob escaped you. “Why would you support a hater?”

Her eyebrows furrowed over your comments. She was confused about what you were talking. As well as over your state of being. She knew that you seemed off the last night as well as the past two months, but your comment baffled her.

“What are you talking about, love?” She takes one of your hands into her. Caressing it and taking you with her to sit on the loveseat.

You focus on your lap. Her hands still holding yours as you start to speak. “T-The tweet y-you posted. Why w-would you do that.” Tears starting to escape from your eyes as you hold your phone to her. Showing what you referring to.

She takes it. The confused look returns as she scrolls over it. As Zendaya goes through it, you just start to ramble at her. You couldn’t stop yourself and it needed to get out, now.

“I do understand that there is a lot for you to take care of and what comes with being famous. But you’re my girlfriend, I shouldn’t be trying this hard to get your attention. This hate is too much, and I feel like I can’t keep up with you anymore. I want you to be happy, I-I really d-do. It starts to feel like that I’m just not good enough anymore and I don’t know how to fix it.”

At this point you lost it. Sobbing like hell and not able to stop it. Zendaya put your phone away before slinging her arms around you. Holding you with your head pressed into her neck. Your arms slung around her waist as well. Making fists with her T-shirt.

She didn’t say anything for a while just letting you cry.

Eventually as you start to tire yourself out, the sobs subsiding, she starts to talk. “Love, first of all…” You press your eyes shut, not ready for what about to come. You try to back away from her but she is strongly holding you. “You are good enough.”

A breath escapes you. That’s when Zendaya leans back and takes your face in your hands, cupping your cheeks. “You. Are. Good. Enough.” She speaks again. “I’m sorry that I made you feel this way.” You are fast to interrupt her. “This is not your fault. I’m s..”

“Don’t you even dare to say that.” She presses her forehead against yours. “I know that we on a rough patch lately. It thought my tweet would help but you probably didn’t even read the rest of it.” Her voice was soft, and her hands were trying to comfort you while going through your hair, playing with it. Her eyes carefully watching you.

Your eyebrows were furrowed at her answer. “What are you talking about?”

She leaned back from you and took your phone before scrolling for a moment and placing it in your hand. A second tweet right under the first one she had send appearing.

Funny of you to assume that my girlfriend is not gorgeous. She truly is amazing and I love her. Attached to it was a picture of both of you, celebrating your birthday last year. Both having huge smiles on your faces and hugging each other. You knew it was her favourite picture.

You felt like honestly throwing your head against the wall. So stupid.

Placing the phone back on the table, you placed your elbows on your knees and let your head falls into your hands. You felt embarrassed to say the least.

“Don’t.” Z whispered to you. She put one arm around your back before placing her head on her shoulder. “I’m so stupid” You whispered. Your hands pressed against your face, voice sounding muffled.

“Y/N/N, you are not stupid. Guessing from what you said earlier this has been happening for a while. What didn’t you say something?” She questioned you. Always in a soft tone and, stroking your back.

“B-Because this are your fans and they are important. I wanted you to be happy.” She signed over your words. “People like this are not my fans, love. Fans support, not hate. And how in the world can I be happy, if you are not?”

“Don’t know.” You whispered which made her laugh. “Exactly.” Zendaya took one of your hands, giving it a kiss.

“Could you at least look at me, please? I want to see your pretty face.” She begged. “It’s not. There is snot and tears.” You answered, now looking at her.

She took your face in her hands, cupping your cheeks. “Still as beautiful as ever.” You could see Z’s eyes twinkling for a bit before she pressed a chaste kiss against your lips and tip of your nose.

Your arms, still around her waist, pressed her closer against you. Inhaling her sweet scent. “I’m sorry for accusing you of not supporting me.” You whispered.

Z hugged you back. “It’s okay.”

You knew it was. And everything would be better than okay eventually. There is a huge pile that you both needed to work on to go through this patch, but you would. Because you both, all in all, you loved each other. And when you truly love someone, you do every little thing in your power to let that relationship thrive.

Thank you for reading. Please, tell me what you liked/disliked about it. :)

Permanent Tag List: @tomhollanduniverse @spideytaeh @smexylemony @marvelismylifffe @lavieenbananabread @tommyboyholland

[delusioninabox]

“Now What?” [scene - prompt]

The winning prompt from my Twitter poll:

"He's right. Somebody could die. HE could die. Hopefully."

And here’s the scene! 😘 Ended up using it for an idea on a scene that’d happen WAY later, but I tried to avoid being too direct with spoilers. XD;; “Tried” being the key word.

-------------------------------------------

Soleil turned to Menelaus and asked, “So, what do we do now?” His expression was flat.

“How should I know?” he answered, irritation seeping from his voice.

“You always know.”

“We spent like ten years on that plan! And these kids—” He gestured broadly across Faramund, Decebal, Channary, and Leilani. “—just waltzed in and ruined it all! They just...they just...” He groaned in frustration and eyed their stack of journals and papers on the table. Before he could stop himself, he shoved all of it onto the floor. “That!” he declared with a huff. “That is what they did!” Soleil threw her hands on her hips.

“You’re going to clean that up, aren’t you?” The two had a brief staring contest before Menelaus grumbled “yes” and bent down to recollect everything.

“Um, we didn’t mean to?” Decebal offered with an apologetic smile.

Faramund crossed his arms and added with a scowl, “Why am I getting lumped in with them? I specifically tried not to be part of this.” Decebal and Faramund both turned their gazes on Channary. She glared back at them.

“Oh, so it’s my fault?” she hissed. Both boys shrugged.

“Yeah, it...it kind of is,” Leilani said from over her shoulder. Channary threw her arms in the air.

“Fine! I’m sorry but not sorry for ruining your big stupid plans!” she exclaimed. Soleil snorted and brushed her hair behind her ear.

“We got what we wanted in the end, anyway,” Sol said. “So who cares?” Menelaus popped back up from the floor, hands completely full of a disorganized mess of paper.

“Who cares? Who cares?!” he repeated. “How we got here is just as important as the goal itself! We were being careful and strategic, and this...this is neither! It’s a mess!” He dropped the papers back onto the desk with a thud. “I don’t know how people will react to this. I can’t plan a counter-strategy for what I don’t know. And the king? We’re going to be his number one enemy, starting yesterday.”

“That was going to happen eventually,” Sol replied with a nonchalant shrug. Menelaus sighed.

“And you’re not listening anymore...great.” He sat himself down at the table and slumped. Sol moved to pat him on the head.

“It’ll be alright. One thing at a time,” she said. “Not like anything can stop us.”

“Yeah, I’m not really feeling that whole ‘invincible’ thing anymore,” Menelaus mumbled. He plopped his head on one hand.

“You looked like you could have taken the king’s Guardian easily,” Channary said. “If you can beat her, I hardly doubt anyone else would be an issue.”

“Exactly!” Soleil said with a grin.

“They didn’t beat her,” Leilani corrected. “She ran away.”

“Isn’t running away admitting defeat?” Decebal asked. Faramund sighed.

“Ambrosia doesn’t run away. If she left, it was because she got bored,” he said. “That’s not a win.” Menelaus flailed one arm towards Faramund.

“Someone gets it at least.”

“Fine, fine,” Sol said. “But we don’t need to deal with any of that right away. Let’s focus on what’s immediately pressing.”

“Your inevitable deaths aren’t pressing?” Faramund said with a raised brow. Decebal slapped his arm.

“Stop talking like that!” he scolded.

“Yeah!” Sol agreed, pointing a finger at him. “Listen here, buddy. We worked very hard to save y’all, so no one is dying now. Show some appreciation.”

“He’s right. Somebody could die,” Menelaus said. Then with a smirk, added, “HE could die. Hopefully. Then I won’t have to listen to him complain—”

“Stop it!” Decebal whined. The outbursts began at once. Faramund protested. Menelaus continued lamenting. Meanwhile, Decebal and Soleil interjected back and forth for both sides. Channary shared a look with Leilani, crossing her arms.

“This is a mess, isn’t it?” she said. Their arguing started to get louder. She winced. Leilani sighed and waltzed herself in the middle of the group.

“HEY!” she shouted with a clap of her hands. “SHUT UP! All of you.” They went silent at once and stared at Leilani. She whipped her hair behind her shoulder. “Soleil has a point — the problems we have now were going to happen one way or another. Are they a little worse? Absolutely. But Menelaus is right too. We do lack information. However...” She turned to face Faramund and grinned. “We also have a source full of information right here.” Faramund blinked.

“Me?” He cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know anything.”

“You’ve lived in the Celeibra for most of your life, didn’t you? And at least a century with the royals themselves.” She bopped his nose with a finger and winked. “Therefore, you know them the best out of any of us here. You know their strategies, Ambrosia, and the whole family. How is none of that useful to us, especially now?” Faramund avoided her gaze.

“That’s...That’s true, but...” He shook his head quickly. “That’d...that’d be an unforgivable betrayal, and...”

“They’re not going to let you back,” Leilani said softly. “Weren’t you and Alcaeus betrayed first? We both know Ambrosia wouldn’t have come here and done all that on a whim.” Faramund flinched and took a step back. She wasn’t wrong. He knew that. But... “They’re not going to care about you now, if they ever did.”

“Al cared about me.” Faramund glared at her. “And Myrrine—”

“The youngest? Tell me what happened to her, Faramund,” she challenged. “Can you honestly say what happened to either of them was fair? And what happened to you?” Decebal reached for Faramund’s arm.

“They’re not the only ones who—” Faramund pulled away from Decebal’s touch, interrupting him. Their eyes locked. What was his expression? Pity? Faramund shot looks across the others’ faces and felt no better.

“It’s not like any of you cared about him! You wanted him dead!” Faramund clenched his fists and looked at the floor. “So it’s...it’s not like you’re any better! You only care about yourselves.” He moved for the door.

“Faramund, wait!” Decebal called. Faramund slammed the door shut behind him. Decebal flinched at the sound, but then ran after him at once. “Wait!” The others stood in silence for a moment.

“Was that really the right thing to do?” Menelaus asked, watching Leilani carefully. She met his expression with a shake of her head.

“He’s not completely wrong, but he is mistaken about one thing,” she said. “And the fact he’s still alive right now is proof enough. One way or another, he’s going to have to accept it.”

“Decebal?” Sol asked. Both Guardians nodded. She smirked. “Well, at least one of us is a genuine do-gooder.”

“Uhhh...” The three turned to the baffled-looking Channary. “You all lost me waaaay back. Explain?” Leilani smiled.

“It’ll make sense when they come back,” she said.

“If they come back...,” Menelaus mumbled. Sol smacked the back of his head in response. “Ow!”

[allthephils]

Repose

Chapter 14/?

Rated M (adult themes, mentions of sex, seeping beauty au)

word count: 2438 / 40,051

Read on AO3

Excerpt: Phil had never felt fear like this. The room closed in, his heart beat in his ears. Tears sat in his eyes but couldn’t spill over. His arms and legs prickled with adrenaline but he felt frozen in place. He ran to his room, pulling out his dresser drawer and dumping the contents onto the carpet. Rifling through, he found Dan’s Versace t-shirt and held it to his chest. Finally, the sobs broke through and he fell to his knees, crying into the shirt with a painful force. 

Chapter 14

The morning was beautiful. It had rained overnight and the world outside Phil’s window was clean and bright. He had gone to bed early, eager for a new day to spend with Dan. There was so much he wanted to tell him. He’d found a poem he thought Dan would like and had printed it to bring along and read aloud. He thought he might bring a few books to read as well. He chose the Outsiders to start with. It seemed like the kind of thing they could quote to each other later and he’d never read it so it would be new to both of them. Up earlier than usual, he took his time drinking his coffee and watched Louise’s new video. Everything felt normal, more normal than it had in a while and he basked in it. Picking up his phone, he rang his mum.

“Child.” Kath’s cheerful tone brought Phil right home.

Phil called his mother most weeks but hadn’t done since he’d first got the news about Dan.

“Mum, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. I’ve been busy, distracted.” Phil wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to hear her calm reassurances and her inevitable cheer leading. Instead he told her that he wanted to her soon, that they’d have to meet for breakfast because his days were full.

“Breakfast? So around noon then?” Kath jabbed at Phil but he just said, “No mum, I have to be home by noon.”

He told her he wanted to tell her what’s been going on for him, that he had good news but that it was too long a story to tell on the phone. He was done hiding. If he was going to fight this fight, he needed his family on his side. Kath was baffled at the mystery and the serious tone but she agreed and they made a date for the following week. When he ended the call Phil sat satisfied and feeling like today was the first day of something new. Something was going to change, he could feel it in his bones. He absolutely couldn’t wait to get in that car with Dennis. Phil glanced as his kitchen clock. 12:20. He’d talked to his mum longer than he thought, though that always happened with them.

Dennis had never been late before. He ran downstairs to see if maybe he didn’t hear the knock but there was nothing. No car at the curb, no Dennis. Maybe there was an accident on the road, traffic. He went back upstairs and sat on the sofa, waiting.

12:30. 12:45.

He had no way to reach Dennis, no way of knowing what was going on unless someone contacted him. 12:55. Phil’s stomach twisted into knots. He held his breath and opened Twitter on his phone. Just the usual cursed prince tabloid nonsense.

1:00.

If something happened to Dan, how would he know. He felt sick. If something had happened to Dan. What if he took a turn for the worse? They wouldn’t just leave Phil here, not knowing, would they? They wouldn’t let him find out in some awful Twitter headline that Dan had… He stop mid thought, unwilling to even consider the possibility that Dan could be gone.

1:10.

He picked up his phone and called Louise.

“Hey! They let you keep your phone today! Does this mean I get photos?” Louise was her usual chipper self but Phil broke at the sound of her voice.

“Lou, I’m not there. They didn’t come. What do I do Louise? Oh my god, what if he died? What if he died and they just aren’t coming?” Phil was near hyperventilation. He couldn’t catch his breath.

“Phil, listen.” Louise spoke slowly. “I’m on my way. We’ll go together and get to the bottom of this. Phil, breath for me sweetie. I need to know you're safe on your own till I get there.”

Phil took deep, slow breaths, gaining some small measure of control. “Ok, ok. I’m ok. I’ll be ok. Hurry Lou.”

Phil had never felt fear like this. The room closed in, his heart beat in his ears. Tears sat in his eyes but couldn’t spill over. His arms and legs prickled with adrenaline but he felt frozen in place. He ran to his room, pulling out his dresser drawer and dumping the contents onto the carpet. Rifling through, he found Dan’s Versace t-shirt and held it to his chest. Finally, the sobs broke through and he fell to his knees, crying into the shirt with a painful force. He stayed on the floor of his bedroom, playing through all the possibilities in his head. None of them were good. He heard the door slam and Louise called out, “Phil!”

When he look up, she walked past him and set a box on the bed. “This was outside your door. It’s addressed to you.”

Phil swallowed hard and stood. He shook so violently, he found it difficult to pull the tape off the box. For a long moment, he just stared at the still closed cardboard flaps.

“Phil, love, do you want me to…” Louise stepped forward but Phil held up his hand and shook his head. He carefully lifted one flap and then the others. When he saw what was inside, Phil gasped, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. The bottom of the box was littered with dirt from Loki’s pot, which lay on it’s side. The candles were there and the fairy lights, among broken glass from Phil’s terrarium. Everything was here, everything except Buffy. Phil reached in carefully and pulled out Loki, scooping as much dirt back in as he could manage, and straightening the little cactus in it’s tiny red pot. Phil stood tall, pulled his shoulders back, and wiped his tears. He closed the box and walked to the window, setting Loki on the sill, then turned to look at Louise.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Phil had grown accustomed to waking up with Dan in his bed. His body was aware of the absence before his brain was fully awake. He fluttered his eyes open to see a blurry figured leaned against the doorway, arms folded like a catalog model.

“Dan?” Phil said, his voice thick with sleep. He reached for his glasses and put them on, with the sole purpose of seeing Dan. He couldn’t care less if the whole world was blurry so long as Dan came into focus.

“What are you doing?”

Dan’s smile was reserved but genuine. “Watching you sleep.”

“Ok creeper.” Phil joked, though his heart flipped, it’s one of those things people say in romantic stories and you laugh and roll your eyes. It’s not romantic, it’s creepy. Except it was romantic. If only because Phil understood the impulse. If he had a choice, his gaze would always fall on Dan. He had a twisting pain in his neck from sleeping half sitting up with Dan snuggled into his arms. He stretched and arched, cracking and popping, trying to set things back where they belong.

Dan just watched.

“You’re dressed.” Phil stated the obvious, disappointed at what that must mean.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, we were up so late.” Dan smirked, a light blush in his cheek.

“OK. Will you be back tonight?”

Dan shook his head, wistful. “I have to spend some time with my grandmum tonight. I promised.”

“Your grandmum? You’re hanging with the queen tonight?” Phil thought he’d never get used to these abrupt reminders of Dan’s actual position in life.

“I am. She wants to discuss university, my future, you know.” Dan shrugged. “I wish I could bring you. You are my future after all. It seems ridiculous to discuss any of it without you.” Dan’s phone rang out and he huffed. “I have to go before Dennis has a literal baby out there. I’ll see you tomorrow after work, ok?”

Phil nodded and smiled into the kiss Dan leaned in for.

Dan whispered I love you and left. The words drifted through Phil’s mind like soft waves at low tide, rushing in, idling out, rushing in, idling out. He heard his front door close and heard himself whisper I love you too to the empty room.

Dan was the kind of person that should listen to jazz and Brian Eno and paint in the middle of the night. He was the kind of person who chains himself to a bulldozer to save a century old tree. That’s how Phil saw him anyway. Designer trousers and penthouse parties and living in a literal castle didn’t suit him. As privileged as he seemed, and he was so careful to own his privilege, his life was oppressive to him. Phil’s free spirit, his self actualized vision for his life, it was more than Dan could ever hope for. He admired Phil and he envied him in a way.

He spent days off poking around the flat, exploring and learning Phil in more and more detail. Phil learned Dan too. He learned how he takes coffee and he memorized what he sounds like when he sleeps. He learned that he’s an incredibly loud and competitive gamer but that he smiles proudly when Phil finally beats him. And he learned that Dan’s circumstance and his family dynamic had invited more demons into Dan’s life than he could handle sometimes. He learned how to hold him and talk him through when those demons got too demanding.

When Dan showed up in the evening, his cheeks were red and he barely held back his tears.

“Dan?” Phil pulled him close held him in his arms. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Dan pulled away and paced the room, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t fucking do this anymore. I don’t want to. This isn’t who I am.” Phil watched as Dan moved about the room, manic. “But it is who I am, isn’t it? They groomed me like every prince before me, why do I have to want more? Why can’t I just be one of them so it doesn’t have to feel like this?”

“What happened?” Phil asked, trying to keep himself calm in the face of Dan’s distress.

“Paps spotted Dennis outside your place. Who knows how long they’ve been watching. They waited outside the shelter. Obviously, Dennis got me out a different way but they were out there, yelling. Asking what I’ve been up to, am I dating a commoner, am I gay? It always comes back to the gay question.” Dan stopped and sat on the sofa, looking up at Phil, his voice shook, “They stood outside a battered women’s shelter Phil. Shouting. And it’s my fault, because I won’t just grow up and fall into line, I brought that chaos to a place that’s supposed to be safe.”

Phil’s embrace knocked down Dan’s defenses and he sobbed, letting himself be held. Phil rocked and shushed him, fighting back his own tears. “It’s not your fault. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Dan gathered himself, pulling back to look at Phil. “Phil I’m so sorry, Dennis’ threats will keep them at bay for a couple days but they’ll be back. They’ll wait outside your door. Fuck. This shit just follows me everywhere. I’m fucking poison Phil.”

“Stop it Dan. I won’t let you do that. You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Well I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it.”

“You spend every day helping people, every day. Then you come here and you make me happier than I’ve ever been. You’re not poison, you’re everything.” Phil’s voice cracked a bit and he drew in his own shaky breath, trying hard to keep it together for Dan but failing. “Let them wait, I never go outside anyway. In a couple days, we’ll both be gone for Christmas. We’ll wait it out. It’ll be ok.”

Dan cried into Phil’s t-shirt till there were no tears left then followed Phil into bed where he slept. It was the deep sleep of exhaustion and truly letting go, the kind that comes when the one you’re with is wide awake, holding space, helping you carry the heavy load.

They spent the next day their favorite way, in bed. The mood was heavy but they had each other and it was ok. They ordered every meal in and watched their favorite Christmas movies, Gremlins and Die Hard, not quite catching the ending of either of them. In between, they talked. Topics like the queen’s opinion on Dan’s future, university, and paparazzi, were off limits. Instead, they discussed the colors in Phil’s eyes and how he once ate fish food as a kid. They talked about the wonderful nanny that cared for Dan and Adrian as kids and how she bakes the most amazing mince pies. They listed all the places they wanted to travel to together. Tomorrow morning Dan and Dennis would drive Phil to the ferry to the Isle of Man and Dan would be on his way to Windsor to spend Christmas with his family. They’d be apart for just shy of two weeks but it sounded like an eternity.

Winter mornings meant bright, glaring sun through the window. Dan rolled away from light and into the warmth of Phil. Phil always slept so deeply with Dan there in his bed. He didn’t even stir as Dan hooked his leg around his, pressing himself close to Phil’s side, nuzzling his nose into Phil’s neck, breathing in gingerbread scented body wash. Dan pressed his lips there, feeling the rhythm of Phil’s pulse and there was a hum of sweet satisfaction in response. Phil turned his body toward Dan and his arms enveloped this treasure of his.

“It’s not daytime. Go back to sleep.” He murmured, squinting as he opened his eyes..

“It is daytime, it’s bright in here.” Dan answered.

“Close the blinds, we can pretend it’s night and then we don’t ever have to go.” Phil held Dan as tight as he could.

“Just close your eyes.” Dan said and he kissed each of Phil’s eyelids as they fluttered shut. “There. It’s night. We have nowhere to be.” Dan’s lips met Phil’s and they kissed, slowly first, then building in tension and heat.

Phil moved his lips across Dan’s jaw and and bit at his earlobe. “Good. I wanna give you something to think about when we’re apart.” At those words, he disappeared under the duvet and the quiet house filled with Dan’s sighs. Dennis would just have to wait a little bit longer.

[earlgreytea68]

Maybe it's bc I'm from a country whose gov wiretapped innocent people they saw as their enemies but I can't believe people PAY MONEY to get spied on so they what? Don't have to press a button?! I'm not angry or anything just absolutely baffled at how many people ACTIVELY choose this dystopian nightmare shit. Things are bad enough already so I just wonder how both those things (anger about fb&owning alexa) fit together. Not attacking you, just genuinely wondering about the thought process (1/2)

Valid question! Here’s my thought process:

First, the Facebook thing is actually less about the collection and sale of my data than...a really, really long tortured relationship with Facebook that needs to end now. Not that I agree with the collection and sale of my data! Because I don’t! But you should know my long history, because I think it explains my thought process. 

I registered for Facebook early, when you still had to have an edu email address. I thought I had it locked down, private, friends-only. Then, a few years later, my boss walks into my office and closes my door and gives me a talking-to about “inappropriate Facebook posts.” To be clear, I was never a person, like, posting topless photos on Facebook or something, nor was I complaining about my boss really. It was more like, “Ugh, I have to work all weekend, sorry I can’t go to this party!” And she was like, “THAT IS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION THAT YOU WORKED ALL WEEKEND.” And I was like, ...how are you even seeing my Facebook, you’re not my friend? So (a) I was spooked, because when your boss yells at you because of Facebook, it’s terrifying, and (b) I was completely bewildered that she could even see my Facebook. Upon investigation, it turned out that at the time (and this was a decade ago), if you put down where you work, EVERYONE who also put that place down could see your Facebook, even if they weren’t your friend and your Facebook was friends-only. (I think Facebook has changed that policy now.)

So, terrified, I deleted my Facebook. But this was back when not having a Facebook caused this whole public outcry thing and my friends freaked out and so I gave in and re-started a Facebook, posting very little because I was terrified. But I still used it. Until I got depressed and started therapy. My therapist told me to keep a stress journal, where I wrote down whenever I felt a spike of stress, and going on Facebook consistently showed up in the journal as a source of stress. So, upon my therapist’s suggestion, I stopped going on Facebook. I still kept it instead of deleting it because I didn’t want people to freak out the way they did the first time, but I stopped using it. 

Fast-forward many years, and in January of this year, I tried to open a Facebook for the psuedonym I use for novels. Facebook immediately flagged me as suspicious and asked me to prove I was me by uploading a photo. And I was kind of like, ....Why do you need my photo? What’s that going to prove? All I can assume is that, of course, they have a database of what we all look like. How they know I’m not just grabbing  a random photo of the person I’m trying to impersonate off the internet is another question entirely. But I was like, Fine, whatever, I don’t feel like fighting with you, Facebook, so I gave up on having a pseudonym page. 

And then I started thinking: Why did I still have a Facebook? I never go on Facebook. All the stuff had happened with the election, so it wasn’t like people would freak out anymore if I deleted it, they’d totally get it. And I kind of no longer wanted to give Facebook bragging rights about how many users it has by counting me when I don’t actually use it. And Zuckerberg’s attitude seemed to be that if you didn’t like Facebook, you shouldn’t use Facebook. I COMPLETELY disagree with this sentiment on his part because I think it completely ignores how many people can’t opt out of Facebook at this point, but luckily, I can opt out of Facebook. 

...Or so I thought. 

Except that I requested deletion of my Facebook, and they confirmed deletion and said I was scheduled for deletion within two weeks, and then...just never deleted my Facebook. Which I only know because they keep sending me emails about me being tagged and people sending me messages (even though I also keep requesting to be unsubscribed from those emails). (And also my friends still on Facebook confirm for me that I’m still on there.) I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to get in touch with Facebook but...you can’t. It’s impossible. Try not being on Facebook and finding ANY contact information for Facebook other than a paper mailing address. If you find the contact info, please let me know!!! They have zero available email addresses, they don’t respond to their Twitter, and the phone number that circulates online is a dangerous scam stealing your social security numbers (which Facebook knows and warns you about but still doesn’t provide you with any way to contact them). 

So my anger with Facebook isn’t just about gathering and selling my data, it’s the culmination of years of mistrust and knowing it’s not healthy for me in general and then BEING DENIED MY RIGHT TO DELETE IT AND BEING RENDERED COMPLETELY POWERLESS. Like, the longer this has gone on, and the longer I have realized that there is literally nothing I can do to get Facebook to delete my account, the angrier and angrier I have gotten. 

So. That’s Facebook. As for the Alexa, well. You’re right. It sits in my house and is probably recording everything that happens in the house. Which is...basically nothing. I’m only home a few waking hours a day because I work full-time. I travel most weekends, so I’m not there on the weekends. I live alone, so I don’t talk much in my house. I have people over maybe two or three times a year, and then I can unplug the Alexa and stick it out in the garage and I feel relatively okay about that???? I might be kidding myself there, but, if worse comes to worst, I can throw the Alexa out entirely, and I think I’m okay. So I feel mostly in control of Alexa and its eavesdropping on me. 

I worry more about the fact that I’m supporting Amazon in the first place, since I disagree with most of Amazon’s policies. I feel really guilty about that and do want to extract myself from the Amazon dependency I developed. My only shopping option in my town was Wal-Mart, and at the time when I moved there a few years ago I thought it was better to support Amazon than Wal-Mart. Now I’m not so sure about that (although I guess the lesson I’ve been learning is that there is no company I really want to give my money to). 

I also worry more about the fact that I have a smartphone than an Alexa. I was very, very late to adopt a smartphone--years and years after everyone else had them--because I was very wary of them. I’m used to them now, but I don’t like how much information the smartphone has on me. I’ve given up a little bit, because I just...did. But the information the Alexa has is tiny compared to how much my phone has. And we all know that we have our suspicions that the phones are listening to us the whole time. And I *do* talk on the phone. I don’t talk much in my house, but my phone is the device I use to talk on (I talk a lot while walking around the neighborhood, waiting between classes at work, etc.). So the phone is getting every conversation I have, not the Alexa. 

All that said: I don’t know that I can completely disconnect now. I shouldn’t have a smartphone, or a Twitter, or a Tumblr, but I decided that at a certain point what I’m really going to strive to do is be conscious about this technology and work to shape it in better ways. Is this naive and idealistic of me? Yes. Undoubtedly. I have nothing I can say to defend myself on that point. I absolutely should just unplug...but that’s difficult to do, and I do feel like (as the EU is trying here) there are ways to make this technology less dangerous. 

Anyway. That’s my thought process. I think we all make the decisions we feel fit what we’ve considered. I don’t care much for Facebook, so it’s easy for me to disconnect (well, it would be if Facebook would let me, which is part of my major Facebook problem). I find Alexa useful and because I don’t do much around it and it’s connected to less stuff than my cell phone to begin with, it doesn’t bother me as much, and I feel like I can change my mind and get rid of it fairly easily. Of course, I could be wrong about that. I always thought I could delete my Facebook at any time, too.  

Everyone might get done reading this and think, Wow, EGT is an absurd human being who makes zero sense. That is a completely true statement.