#sorry I just hate Henry the eighth so much he was terrible

[signify-nothing]

Ranking All 61 Movies I’ve Watched So Far This Year From Worst to Best

So this would work better as a countdown but I’m too lazy so 1 is the worst and 61 is the best.

1.       Tomorrow is Forever

It is a testament to my love for my grandmother that I even finished this godawful excuse of a movie.

2.       Flower

If there’s one thing I love it’s stories about teenage girls who are characterized by their quirky desire to give blow jobs to gross men for fun... said no one ever.

3.       Savage Grace

Even Hugh Dancy couldn’t save this dry, stale train wreck of unsexiness.

4.       Hellraiser

There’s a thin line between classic and stale and this movie treads right over it.

5.       The Devil’s Candy

Forgettable.

6.       Night of the Living Dead (Remake)

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

7.       Eighth Grade

I wanted to love this movie but it seemed too devoted to being realistic to actually tell a satisfying story.

8.       American Psycho

One of those movies you feel like you’ve already seen even if you haven’t.

9.       Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I wanted to like it. I really did. But it had all the charm of a wet sweaty sock.

10.   Thelma

Great premise but it just felt kind of mediocre in execution. Maybe I was just too tired when I watched it.

11.   Lady Bird

I HATED THIS MOVIE. It was so bad that I honestly can’t even rate it as the worst because it was so actively terrible I almost enjoyed it in retrospect. I love Greta but honestly it was such a mediocre piece of basic white girl shit I can’t even review it properly.

12.   To Have or To Have Not

It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t particularly good.

13.   Professor Marston and the Wonder Woman

I wanted to love it. Who wouldn’t? But it was just weird and unsexy and creepy.

14.   The Big Sick

Actively lacked charm.

15.   Dracula (the one with Winona)

I mean, it was creative enough to almost save itself from its own stale take on the novel.

16.   White Zombie

The film itself wasn’t interesting but I watched it for a class and the criticism was really eye-opening.

17.   The Unknown

Joan Crawford plays this woman who falls in love with a supposedly armless Lon Chaney in a sideshow because he can’t touch her with his dirty hands, not knowing that he’s lying about being armless to hide from the law. The novelty of the plot alone makes it worth a shot.

18.   Possessed

Joan Crawford plays a crazy woman. Somehow this is surprising to no one.

19.   Saw

It just felt dirty and not in a fun way.

20.   Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte

Another movie I watched with my grandmother. I’d seen it before which made it lose its bite.

21.   Stepford Wives

I found the book more enjoyable.

22.   A Quiet Place

There’s something cringe-y and self-indulgent about watching John Krasinski direct himself as the self-sacrificing macho-male hero in a movie he literally starts in with his wife. Pass.

23.   Babysitter

I have a crush on Samara Weaving, ok?

24.   The First Time

I honestly don’t even know why I watched this movie but it filled a teen comedy shaped whole in my watch list so I’m not about to complain.

25.   Rosemary’s Baby

I liked it more than I thought I would.

26.   Ingrid Goes West

I thought it would rank higher honestly.

27.   Apostasy

Jesus. This is a tough, ugly movie on every level, and all its characters feel totally un-redeemable. With that being said, it’s a pretty accurate portrayal of Jehovah’s Witness life.

28.   Disobedience

Sexy light.

29.   Killing of a Sacred Deer

I just didn’t feel it the way I felt The Lobster.

30.   Equals

It had Kristen Stewart, ok??

31.   Princess Cyd

Cute.

32.   The Importance of Being Earnest

Cute again.

33.   Hour of the Wolf

A bit disturbing but well done, I think? I don’t know, I was tired as hell when I watched this.

34.   Gaslight

Wasn’t as great the second time around but still ok.

35.   The Exorcist

Much better than I thought it would be.

35.5 A Star Is Born

Good music but fucked up plot.

36.   Into the Wild

Note to self: this is not a good movie to watch during your first nine-to-five job.

37.   Cleo from 5 to 7

The aesthetic is strong with this one.

38.   Phantom of the Opera

Rewatched it for the first time in ten years. Realized the phantom was a fucking creep.

39.   The Greatest Showman

I liked it so much more than I thought I would?

40.   Mamma Mia 2

Judge me all you want. I watched this movie with my mother and grandmother in the theater at the end of summer. It was a good memory.

41.   Crazy Rich Asians

I just liked it.

42.   Obvious Child

Similar to The Big Sick but just felt like a few steps up.

43.   Ritual

Fun and very creepy.

44.   Assassination Nation

I honestly don’t even know what the fuck to mentally do with this movie. It defies categorization and is undeniably bad but in a can’t-look-away-from-the-car-crash way you have to almost admire.

45.   What. Bo Burnham

I love Bo.

46.   Kid Gorgeous John Mulaney

I also love Mulaney.

47.   La Pianist

I like sadomasochism occasionally in my feature films, ok?

47.5 (Sorry, I forgot this one in the original count) The Miseducation of Cameron Post

I was admittedly in an altered state watching this. If I wasn’t, it might’ve ranked higher.

48.   Hereditary

It made it this far on the strength of a single scene which was my favorite of the year. The movie as a whole wasn’t the strongest, though.

49.   The Purge

Enjoyable horror.

50.   Nanette – Hannah Gadsby

I’m a simple girl. I like long walks on the beach, pina coladas, and comedy that makes me ugly cry.

51.   Frances Ha

I actually watched it twice this year and loved it both times. Greta is perfect.

52.   Thoroughbreds

Stylish and just ultimately well done and enjoyable. Flirts with Sapphic content which is an added bonus.

53.   The Shape of Water

I have a crush on this movie. It’s basically like that kid in class who is a little bizarre and probably not that intelligent but attractive enough to make up for that deficit.

54.   Phone Call From a Stranger

I fucking loved this little old black and white soap opera.

55.   God’s Own Country

Almost Brokeback.

56.   Henry Gamble’s Birthday Party

I’m a sucker for gay Christians and uncomfortable comedy.

57.   Creep 2

SO. MUCH. FUN. It’s like gazing through the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist times 100.

58.   Cam

Madeline Brewer invented acting in this movie.

59.   Creep

This movie restored my faith in horror.

60.   Make Happy - Bo Burnham

This “comedy” show gave me an existential fucking crisis and ruined my life forever. 10/10 would recommend.

61.   Call Me By Your Name

This movie melted my ice-queen heart and reminded me what it once felt like to fall in love. I can’t even stand how much I love love love everything about it.

[arielmagicesi]

trc and/or harry potter

yay I love spending time on stuff, let’s see:

TRC:

my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: Adam Parrish... obviously... I wouldn’t even call him a “cinnamon roll” but that’s how I feel about him is that I love him a lot

my trash-shit fave: idk I mean none of them are trash-shit really, I guess Ronan is a bit especially since the author who shan’t be named refuses to give him development... but in terms of actual trash fires... maybe Neeve, she’s evil but cool

my I love to hate them fave: I don’t have any faves I LOVE to hate lol... idk I mean I hate Kavinsky but I’d rather not think about him? at this point in the accursed fandom life? hmm

my I hate to love them fave: I guess Gansey, only because while I love him, there’s so much discourse that it’s exhausting

my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: Robert Parrish, and not only would I not piss on him if he was on fire, I would throw oil on instead to fan the flames. OR I would leave him alone to burn if that’s what Adam wanted. man I hate Robert Parrish

my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: fucking. Declan Lynch. before I felt kinda sorry for him, now I’m just tired of hearing about him

my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: I guess Noah? he’s a sweetheart and I love him but also like eh

my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: I mean... obviously Pynch... I’m not actually sick of Pynch but I’m almost like sick of hearing about them because this fandom ruins EVERYTHING but I still love them a lot and I still think they’re a great great relationship

my dirtybadwrong fave ship: I don’t think I have one. Does Adansey count, since TRK smashed it with a hammer, so in a way it’s “wrong” or something... what about Orla/Helen, since both of them are kind of mean but I still love them both... Idk nothing is dirty or bad or wrong unless it actually is and then I don’t ship it!

my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Bluesey, I suppose! Before TRK I would have been more invested in Bluesey but now that I know the wonders of Henry Cheng added to this ship I can’t look back

my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: uhhh... Ronsey maybe? Or Roah? idk Ronan x not-Adam is usually kind of meh to me because he seems like the type to get serious only about one person romantically, but I don’t CARE much, and the fandom doesn’t really either tbh... the only people who are weird about it are the people who are weird about everything, aka the NSFW blogs and stuff

my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: rovinsky ugh ugh stop throw kavinsky into the trash can

Harry Potter [hoo boy I can already tell I’m gonna have 4000 options for each answer thanks JKR]

my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: so many, but Harry, Hermione, Luna, and Remus have to win if I have to narrow it down to a few

my trash-shit fave: Bellatrix, she’s evil and shit but at least she got that aesthetic

my I love to hate them fave: Draco I guess lol. I’m not a Draco stan but you have to admit, he’s got style. in terms of being a lil shit

my I hate to love them fave: Dumbledore is my problematic ��fave”? I have a lot of headcanons about him. I wouldn’t say I love him at all, I think he’s terrible, but his character fascinates me so much that he’s somewhere in the list of “favorite characters” in terms of writing a good villain/hero/mentor/fucked-up dude character

my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: uhhh same answer as everyone which is Umbridge

my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: hoo boy... I’ve seen all the gross corners of this fandom so it’s a tough choice... oh you know what? Pansy Parkinson. Guess what if you wanna ship girls with girls, it doesn’t have to be with racists. shockingly wlw doesn’t equal Bitchy Edgy Evil, it can be Luna or Ginny or Parvati or a million people

my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: lots, I suppose. most of the Gryffindors haha

my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: There’s not too many because I’m a big multishipper for Harry Potter, but I love Romione, Wolfstar, and Ginny/Luna a lot

my dirtybadwrong fave ship: Ooh tough one... I read a Lily/Narcissa fic in eighth grade when I was deeply repressing everything and I loved it but also, probably because I was starving for any f/f content. idk maybe Dumbledore/Grindelwald? 

my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: most of the canon ships tbh, Harry/Ginny, Bill/Fleur, Remus/Tonks, etc.

my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: fucking Drarry, shut up you weirdos, Harry Potter is bi for sure but he’s not into Draco “Bullied Everyone and Tried to Murder a Bunch of People But Didn’t Even Have the Balls for That” Malfoy

my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: like I said I’ve seen every gross corner of this fandom so... there’s a LOT... but in terms of actually-popular stuff... oh anyone shipped with Snape, yeah. Any Snape ship, unless there’s a somewhat healthy one out there I haven’t seen. Dear GOD. Please stop.

Anyway thanks for giving me something to do to waste time! you’re great and these fandoms are really too much of my life lol