#sorry .theres a roach in my house and i got reminded

[alien-enjoyer]

remember that one time there was a roach at the olympics. the spanish tennis coverage

[jksofficialwifey]

Not so badass boyfriend jk and the cockroach fiasco drabble ♡

wc: 1,700smthin (i added some sht rn so the wc got messed up)

warnings: cockroach death, mentions of the word cock & pussy, sexual themes, this is somewhat a crack drabble

this was inspired ofc by my favorite beings in the world: roaches. jk. i h8 them so much & theres so many in our house and i just wan di3 but i decided to write this shtsterpiece instead. anyway here it goes enjoy or wutevs! jk.

You were cuddling with your boyfriend Jungkook on the sofa in his dorm, while watching a movie with all of your friends, (all of the other bts members + you're all uni students btw) when an unwanted visitor decides to fly and land on top of jk's TV.

It was your most hated winged creature to ever exist on this entire fracking planet, and it doesn't help the fact that your mortal enemy could withstand a nuclear explosion. Although they aren't that invincible, and could easily be killed by being squashed, hit with a slipper, or by being sprayed with an insect spray. You still hate that a few of them can survive high levels of radioactivity. Anyway, going back to the bothersome cockroach that's stressing you a lot, maybe more than your weabooass-mayhaps-secretly-or-not-so-secretly-a-furry-gamer boyfriend, the horrid thing just flew again, now towards your direction. Making you flinch and scream a little, also making your boyfriend surprised by your sudden movement and screaming. "Baby are you okay?" he asked in a worried tone. "Guk...there's a jungcockroach. Kill it please, you know I hate it so much." you told him in a pleading voice.

"Where? and did you really have to call it jungcockroach?" he asked, and you looked around trying to find where the fck it is now, "Idk, it flew in our direction and oh- there it is! just right next to you on the wall! omg kill it! get it away from me!" you screamed, startling jungkook. Which also made him scream in his high pitched voice, because he was shocked. Your friends also wondered why you were screaming and shouting, and when they finally saw the reason why, they were alarmed too. Hoseok screamed and said, "OMG I'm going out of this room until you kill it. ohmygod I hate bugs!" Jin also screamed loud and decided to follow him out of the room. Joon, yoongi, jimin, and tae didn't seem too bothered. They just looked concerned for you.

The cockroach flew again, but it went to the floor, and crawled somewhere in the room. You weren't that scared of it now, that it wasn't flying anymore. But it still wasn't dead, and you were still a little afraid if it reappears, and flies again. Though, you could blame your boyfriend's scaredy ass for not killing it and just screaming at it. Like you did.

"Guk, why didn't you kill it? you just screamed like those undercover agent guys from that white chicks movie." you asked him, mocking the way he sounded a bit, cos he screamed like a girl. "In my defense, I was shookt because you screamed, which made me scream too." he said rather defensively. "Really? or is it because you're afraid of cockroaches like me too? oh my god. and I merely agreed to date you, because I thought someone would finally protect me and kill these pests for me. You were such a badass when i met you though, it turns out you're just as scared of them as I am. How saddening," you asked him, and joked about only dating him because you thought he'd kill these annoying pests for you. But he didn't quite get it and took it a bit seriously to which he replied,

"I just don't like them or bugs in general okay? It doesn't mean I'm scared of them. And what do you mean you merely agreed to date me because you thought I'd kill em for you? I clearly remember you saying, you'll date me because my big cock's a keeper." he said smugly, to which your friends faces wrinkled in disgust. "Um, guys we're still here, pls don't forget." Jimin had said.

"Sorry guys. But sure, whatever you say baby guk, don't worry I won't break up with you. Even though you're scared of bugs," you teased jungkook. "I really am not scared of damn cockroaches though, that pest should show up now. And I'll prove to you that I'm not scared of them." He said too proudly, and not long after, it did show up flying towards his shirt. He tried to fight it, but he shook it off his body instead. Staring at it wide-eyed after doing so til it fell to the ground, and jimin stomped it with his foot, and all his might, ending the nasty thing's pathetic life. "Well, you really proved you're not scared of them gukie. Thanks to jimin though," you said sarcastically. "Jimin ssi, you should become my new boyfriend. I'm breaking up with gukie, cos I need a brave man with real balls to protect me." you told jimin coming up to him, but you really just wanted to get jungkook worked up. Jungkook just glared at you looking annoyed. You actually succeeded in getting under his nerves.

While you were busy teasing jungkook, you didn't notice another cockroach appearing. But this time jungkook had an evil plan, "Um hyungs, why don't y'all go out for a bit. I'm just gonna talk to y/n about our relationship, or whatever that's left of it." he said, feigning to look angry, being like the great actor he is. Sensing that you and jk might have a couple fight, the hyungs obeyed and went out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

"Y/N, how unfortunate, it's just the two of us left, jimin can't protect you now." Jungkook said with an evil smirk. "What do you mean guk? he killed the cockroach already, I won't have to worry about one for awhile." you replied. Jk found it amusing you didn't even see another cockroach crawling towards you.

"Oh. But what if there's another one? idk baby, but I think that nasty thing crawling towards you looks like a fracking cockroach to me." He said triumphantly, and when you looked down, it was indeed another annoying roach. You moved away from it, but it looked like it was crawling towards the wall instead. "JK kill it please, I can't deal with another one again ughhh. Why won't they stop attacking me?" you were so annoyed and distressed, you just wanted to disappear forevs. "What's that baby? you want me to kill it? oh i dunno if I can though cos I'm so scared of bugs, maybe you could do it yourself since you're so brave. Or you could call jimin, but I think they went home already. Anyway, maybe I'm gonna go out for a bit. Goodluck with your friend..." his cocky ass said, heading for the door.

But he isn't really gonna leave you alone with that nasty pest right? you won't let him. "Ughhh baby I take it all back. You're not a coward, you're the strongest and bravest person in the world! so get rid of the nasty creature now pleaseee." you said loud enough so he can hear and reconsider leaving you to die by the hands of a dirty cockroach, "Really? just awhile ago, you were saying you were gonna leave me for jimin though. But since I'm a merciful being, I'll help you and do it, if you beg again nicely and do something for me in exchange." he wants you to beg again and do something for him, of course. "Fine. My brave and ever so handsome boyfriend, can you pretty please kill that cockroach for me? I was just kidding when I said I'll leave you for jimin sir, I would never choose another person who'll never have the same big dick energy as you. I'll certainly do anything you ask me to do in exchange."

"Well since you asked nicely, I'll get rid of it now for you, baby." he then approached the oblivious insect which was now at the wall, it didn't fly yet but before it could do so, jk had hit it with a book making the roach fall to the floor. He then proceeded to stomp on it, to make sure it wouldn't live anymore. "Done, that was gross. Oof. I didn't realize I used Jin hyung's book that I borrowed to kill it. Maybe I'll just tell him to wipe the cockroach's juices off of it." he said uncaringly.

"Ew. Shouldn't you wipe it yourself before you give it back, like a good person? Anyway, thanks for doing it for me baby, I knew you were still a bit scared but you still did it anyway. And I really was just joking when I said I only agreed to date you, so you could protect me. Ok, maybe that wasn't entirely false, but i love you, you brave bun perfect or not. And I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world." You were being soft, but he just had to remind you of the thing he asked for, in exchange of getting rid of the pest.

"I love you too baby, and I really wasn't scared anymore, because It was fun seeing you scared and wanting me to be your hero. I'm still not gonna wipe that roach's juices off jin hyung's book though, cos I don't feel like being a good person today. And about that thing I want you to do...I just want you to wash my dishes for a month, and don't bother me when I'm playing my video games. It's not too much isn't it?" he said smirking.

"Of course it isn't baby, though I guess you won't be getting a blowie or any type of action for a month then. We're not frickfracking for a month, how tragic. But my glowing fidget spinner anal plug and me will still enjoy, idk about your hand though," you retorted. "What? baby nooo. I changed my mind, you can annoy me anytime even when I'm playing, just don't take away my smashing privileges. I wouldn't last a day, without your pussy in my cock." he exclaimed.

"That's what I thought so. I'm gonna shower now my brave cockslayer, cos all that roach fiasco got me feeling nasty. you're more than welcome to join me if you like." you said, as you went to the bathroom to shower. "I'm coming, I wouldn't pass up a great opportunity to use my privileges, as always."

♡

A/N: sorry for the grammatical errors/typos as always. yk i can't write for sht but I still do bec it's fun to share my crack ideas w/fellow crackheads shsh. I tried to edit this but u cant rlly notice it cos i suck at writing 😂 anyway it's just a drabble bec i h8 flying cockroaches sm!