#soon2bthinn

[soon2bthinn2]

Society has so deeply misunderstood eating disorders that they have even convinced ED sufferers that the reason they have an ED is because of "Diet culture" and society glorifying thin bodies. Like hold the fucking phone for a second.

1. The types of bodies that are glorified in media (ESPECIALLY nowadays when everyone wants either slim-thick or just straight-up thicc women) are really not the same kind of bodies that most ED sufferers are chasing. They aren't "Skeletal" looking, which is what a lot of ED sufferers aspire to, especially the longer you have the disorder.

2. There is some evidence of disordered eating behaviors, like anorexia, going back for THOUSANDS of years, well before photoshop or runaways were a thing, well before thin bodies were ever seen as the ideal.

3. Studies have shown that the brains of many people who suffer with anorexia nervosa have an altered number of a certain type of serotonin receptor. I won't get too technical with it but basically they've shown a tangible, observable neurological difference in the brains of people with AN that suggests that sufferers may experience elevated anxiety because of those serotonin receptors, and that because tryptophan (Which is found in food) is necessary to make serotonin, starving oneself may UNCONSCIOUSLY medicate this anxiety by lowering your overall serotonin levels.

All of this to say that while society and its attitudes towards weight/food can absolutely INFLUENCE eating disorders, they are not necessarily the primary CAUSE of eating disorders.

I am not telling you that if you feel societal influences have had a role in your eating disorder that that's not valid. You know your own experiences better than I ever will, and I don't speak for you. I just want people to understand that eating disorders are not just the product of society praising thinness.

Eating disorders have been here since long before thin bodies were glorified and they will be here regardless of whether we stop glorifying thinness as well. If we're going to heal and prevent EDs, I think we need to be aware of and take that into account.

[soon2bthinn2]

Me: *feels like a fraud for saying I have an ED but still eating 1,200 cal/day this week*

Some rational part of my brain: "You know the fact that you feel GUILTY and REPULSIVE for eating an amount of food that most people consider hard or impossible to limit themselves to is in itself a sign that you have a disorder, right?"

Me: "... Nah, that don't even sound right."

[soon2bthinn2]

Made this because this shit doesn't make sense to me.

[soon2bthinn2]

Me: "I don't even have an eating disorder, look at how much I've been eating and how healthy it is, I'm perfectly fine. I was probably faking having an ED."

*someone skinnier than me walks past*

Me:

[soon2bthinn2]

Me: *eats a healthy amount of calories for weight loss, but still gets dizzy/lightheaded when I stand up*

My ED:

[soon2bthinn2]

Made a lil something I bet some of you can relate to.

[soon2bthinn2]

Weight gain is THE most triggering thing ever.

[soon2bthinn2]

Idk if this one has been done before but it happened to me last night so I had to make it. 🖤

[soon2bthinn2]

NEW LW!! I FINALLY BROKE THROUGH MY LW 😭😭😭 I'm a day late getting under 124 lbs, but Idc because I was terrified I wouldn't have lost anything when I stepped on the scale this morning. I'm so stoked, I finally lost all the weight I gained with my binge-relapse last month, thank fucking god.

[soon2bthinn2]

No fucking way, I just looked in the mirror while changing to get ready for the gym and

CHEST BONES??? 🥺🖤 Only very subtly in the light but I have NEVER been able to see the bones there AT ALL. It was always a marshmallow-y pudgy looking surface. I almost didn't believe I ever would see those bones, but oh the euphoria I'm feeling right now after seeing them start to peek out at me.

And I still have like 21 lbs to lose, I can't wait to see them more later. 😭

[soon2bthinn2]

I'm gonna fucking cry, I swear to god, I took my waist measurement and it was smaller than what it was when I was last at my LW so I decided to risk stepping on the scale, BUT I'M STILL 3 LBS HEAVIER THAN MY LW

I'm fuckin heartbroken, my whole day is ruined. How am I still this fat. 1,200 calories is too much after all it seems.

[soon2bthinn2]

PLEASE I just weighed in after waking up and I'm HEAVIER than yesterday, this is fucking unreal in the worst way!! I can't stand this, what am I doing wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Please, just take the fat away because I cannot spend another year of my life needing to lose weight, I just can't do it. I'll spend the entire month of July eating only 200 calories a day if that's what it takes to reach my UGW by August so just let me lose the weight now while I'm trying to do it the "Right" way, for fuck's sake

[soon2bthinn2]

When I look at photos of myself from my SW I feel this awful mixture of disgust, sadness, and relief. The way my body looked before literally makes me nauseous, it scares me to look at. It makes me sad because I really did that to myself, I just kept forcing food down my throat even when I was full, anything to try to survive the amount of emotional pain I was in back then. And then the relief comes from how much weight I've lost now, I wish I could go back in time and show that version of myself how things would turn out. I wish she knew that we were really going to lose all the weight, I wish she could see how I look now and know that things actually would get better. I feel so sad for her every time I look at the pictures, and I have a hard time even grasping that that girl was me. I've struggled with dissociative/identity symptoms for a long time and back then, I didn't even feel like I was myself? I felt like the real me was trapped inside this monstrous "Other," and now I feel real. I wish the old me knew it could be this way.

[soon2bthinn2]

Sunday I was 125.8.

Monday I was EXACTLY the same.

Yesterday my weight went UP to 126.2.

Today it fucking went up AGAIN, to 126.4?!!?!?

WHY DOES GOD HATE ME, WHAT DID I DO WRONG

I'M LITERALLY IN A CALORIE DEFICIT EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE LAST MONTH, WHY IS MY BODY REFUSING TO FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS????

[soon2bthinn2]

I'm gonna fucking cry, I swear to god.

The last 3 days: I weigh in at EXACTLY the same number, over and over again.

"It has to go down eventually, it has to."

And then today: my weight goes UP. BY 0.8 FUCKING LBS.

I'm literally doing everything right, why the fuck is this happening to me?

I stay under my calorie limit.

I drink a FUCK ton of water.

I don't change the content or sodium levels of my food from day to day.

I stopped taking ANYTHING that might make me bloated or constipated.

And the last week I've been working extra hard to make sure I get plenty of sleep.

So why the fuck am I being punished like this????

[soon2bthinn2]

The fact that I've eaten over 1,100 cal for the last couple weeks without bingeing.

What it looks like: I recovered from my ED!

What it actually is: My EDNOS that used to be uncontrollable bingeing followed by periods of restricting is now rapidly becoming Orthorexia, fear of saturated fat/sugars/excess sodium/etc. 🙃