#song choice the fact that she usually acts as one of the lower vocals the others just not rly meshing with her excetera

[spaceorphan18]

Kurt Hummel Solos Ranked

Ever since I finished the Kurt Hummel Meta Series - Finding Kurt Hummel - I’ve been wanting to talk about the music a bit.  Well, here we go.  I have four different categories -- Solos, Duets, Small Groups Numbers, and Large Group Numbers, and I’m starting off with Solos.  

Kurt didn’t have a ton of solos on the show, but that made them special when we did get one.  Kurt’s solos are usually integral to his story line, and usually hold a great deal of emotion one way or an other.  And while not all of them are 100% tied to his own plot - I think they all show bits and pieces of his character.  

As a note - there are a few songs on here that may not initially be counted as a solo, but I’m doing so anyway -- either there’s a studio version with just his voice, or the tiny bit of someone else singing I’m kind of ignoring.  For this discussion, I’m counting them as solos. 

There are two songs, however, that I should mention first -- two short solos that didn’t have a studio release -- 

1. Pink Houses (Laryngitis, 1x18)

I still find this number quite hilarious.  Kurt’s attempt at emulating his dad, and therefore singing John Mellencamp, to seem more ‘masculine’ is not only a great comedic spot, but shows us really what the opposite of who Kurt is.  While, clearly, not a great song for Kurt -- we do at least get to hear Chris’s low register for once, and get a rare moment when we get to see Chris be actually comedic during a musical number -- something that didn’t happen all that often because Kurt’s musical numbers were usually serious in nature and involves a lot of crying.  It’s not a great performance - but it’s a damn entertaining one. 

2. Music of the Night (Choke, 3x18)

Another non-studio release for what is an extended comedic moment.  Kurt’s right - his rendition of this is pretty bland, and you can tell he’s not putting forth his best effort.  There’s clearly no emotional connection to the song that is a hallmark of his songs, especially his solos.  That said - the scene itself is pretty entertainingly comedic -- from his ridiculous choreography, to Tina’s bored version of Christine, to the massive amount of candles on stage.  The scene is a lot of fun - even if it’s not meant to be a serious performance. 

So, with those out of the way.... 

Kurt Hummel’s Solos Ranked: 

I should preface this with, these are, obviously, my own objective opinion.  While I am taking into account performances and effectiveness of the song, at the end of the day, these are my own opinions, and everyone will have their own version of the list.  

17. I’ll Remember (Goodbye, 3x22)

I don’t think that there are any bad Kurt solos.  There are ones that I don’t think work all that well, and this is one of them.  First off is the fact that I’m not a big fan of the song, originally done by Madonna.  While the song does fit the moment lyrically, and I do buy Kurt singing it, the song itself isn’t that great.  The performance is fine. Despite all the tears and wistful looks, it’s a bit standard of a performance that doesn’t lend itself to being all that memorable.  Also, there’s the fact that this song is dedicated to all the men in the room.  Ug, Glee your plot points suck sometimes. 

16. Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina (Special Education, 2x09)

This is the first of a few songs on the list that are technically sung by two people, but this has a Kurt-only studio version, so it’s here as a solo.  Kurt does relatively well vocally with this song.  But it’s clear that it’s not his song at all.  This is a Rachel song, which is made clearer as they sing it side by side as a comparison.  While Kurt sings it technically and proficiently fine, he doesn’t embody the song the way Rachel does in the scene.  (And that’s fine - the point is that it doesn’t fit him correctly.)  Kurt is a little stiff and uncomfortable with this song, with a sense of emotion that doesn’t quite connect.  And while fine for the scene that they’re doing - it lands this one low on my list. 

15. I’m Still Here (Bash, 5x15)

This is Kurt’s last solo of the series, and, unfortunately, the only representative of season 5 (and 6), which is why it really pains me to put it so low on the list, but, also unfortunately, there are a lot of issues with it.  First of all, at this point in the series, while old Diva Broadway numbers were his bread and butter - he had been growing past them, and while the song choice works for the story (mostly), the selection feels a little tired.  Vocally, he’s proficient enough, though it lacks some of the grittiness and understanding of, say, an actual old school Broadway Diva.  (I can see Rachel Berry singing this when she’s 80 a la Elaine Stritch.)  The choreography is a little weird at times - but they did let Chris do the choreography of this one nearly by himself, and it shows a little.  

One weird nitpick I have about this number is actually a production thing -- it’s clear that in the close ups Chris is doing better acting and giving more of an effort than he’s doing in the wide shots.  It’s a weird thing to notice but between that and the tepid performance in general, it brings this one way down on the list for me. 

14. Some People (Funeral, 2x21)

This one is a huge step above the others on the list, as the rest of this list is really a bunch of fantastic performances.  Chris really brings it in this one (and fun fact, he helped do the choreography on this one), as Kurt’s energy is high and all of his moves here are quintessential Kurt classics.  It’s like all of standard Kurt Hummel in one song, especially since it’s a classic old diva Broadway standard.  While I don’t have any complaints about the performance, the reason it’s so low is for two reasons.  The first one is the context -- it’s for an audition for a solo and not directly connected to any meaningful Kurt storyline.  And secondly - it’s just not a favorite song of mine.  But, Kurt at least gets to have a peppy and physically entertaining solo, which doesn’t happen very often, so it is worth a watch. 

13. You Are The Sunshine of My Life

Honestly, the only reason this as low as it is, is because I’m not a huge fan of this song.  There’s actually a lot of great things going on here.  For one, this is a really sweet performance for Kurt as he sings a sentimental song for his dad.  The choreography is silly, but it’s intentionally childlike as little Kurt came up with this with his dad.  Kurt sounds really good when he’s in his lower register (I actually love his lower register - which isn’t complimented enough).  And one thing I really like from second half of the series Kurt is that he’s less choreographed Broadway style and more reflective of the quirky weirdo that he is.  And this performance is exactly that. 

12. A House is Not a Home (Home, 1x16)

This is an interesting one, because there are a lot of great things going on here that bring it up the list, but a few things that very much drag it down.  First of all -- it’s the first showcase in the show of something I don’t see Chris get much credit for (outside the fandom bubble).  The fact that he’s able to act while sing.  It’s a difficult thing that Chris does masterfully here -- it’s not easy to make a solo next to a piano visually enticing but he really sells it.  Anyway - the way Kurt’s emotion bleeds through the song is perfect, it’s not too overt or too subdued.  And we really feel everything Kurt is feeling in this moment.  It feels real, in a way that isn’t apparent in a lot of the other characters when they sing songs (coughrachelcough).  This song is a fantastic reflection of Kurt’s emotional stance, and fits into the story wonderfully. 

Bringing it down... first of all, technically, Finn sings a verse of this.  And while I don’t consider this at all a duet (duets, I feel, are sung together), it’s still there, and still a glaring ear-sore.  (Sorry Cory.)  It sticks out like a sore thumb that Finn’s voice is not suited for this material, and while I see what they were doing with the story, it’s cringey when it gets there.  The other thing about this song is that it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch.  Kurt sells all of his emotion, but it’s focus point is an unrequited love, and the discomfort on Finn’s face, as well as a few others, makes it not an easy watch.  Still -- overall, this is a great number and a fantastic performance. 

11. I’m The Greatest Star (I Am Unicorn, 3x02)

This is kind of an interesting one to talk about because there are a lot of conflicting things going on.  It’s one helluva performance, it’s a terrible interpretation of the song, and it’s not a great choice of audition song for West Side Story (all of which was the point), but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with Coach Beiste, that Kurt made the song his prison bitch.  If nothing else -- this really showcases just how talented Kurt is -- not only can he act while he’s singing, he has other talents as well, such as climbing scaffolding and using sai swords.  The comedic/tragic element of this song, for me, is the fact that Kurt’s trying to show off everything he’s able to do in one song -- and in effect, while being an incredible spectacle, kind of backfires for him.  (If he had done this one for his NYADA audition - I would have bought Carmen Tibideaux’s remarks.) I think this is often an underrated Kurt solo due to the high level of proficiency that’s needed to pull this off -- but it’s also not the best Kurt has to offer.

10. Bring Him Home (Diva, 4x13)

This is another one of those Kurt/Rachel comparison numbers that I count as a solo because there’s Kurt-only studio version and because it’s not really sung together but side by side.  What I really love about this number is that subtle delicacy that Kurt brings to the number.  It’s sung with a restrained emotion that’s perfect for the number that is a pleasure to listen to when compared to the over-emoting mess that Rachel is doing next to it.  The other fascinating thing I’m learning, as I do this list, is that there’s a sense of maturity about Kurt’s voice that I’m finding in the later seasons - which is really neat to listen for. My only real reason it’s as low on the list as it is - is because there’s the song holds no real weight for Kurt’s story.  I kind of wish the Midnight Madness song had not been the popular number of the year thanks to Les Mis, but something more meaningful to their friendship - but ah well, for Kurt, it’s still masterfully done. 

9. Le Jazz Hot (Duets, 2x04)

This is a fun number that really showcases Kurt’s talents and ability.  I really love the moment at the end when he sings his entire range.  Like I’m The Greatest Star and Some People, it’s a showoff number, but I think more so than those other two, Kurt really brings it extra in this one as the choreography and costume additions are incredibly inspired.  It’s not his greatest vocal solo, or the most meaningful, which is why it’s a little lower on the list, but it’s quite entertaining to see Kurt push in so much on himself, especially when forced to do so by the story, and thus makes it a memorable solo. 

8. I Want to Hold Your Hand (Grilled Cheesus, 2x03)

I believe with this one we’re getting into the iconic Kurt-solo territory.  The show already knew that Chris was a great pretty crier, and that was used to great affect in this entire episode.  The one really great thing that Kurt (and Chris in his acting) does is not over emote.  He sings songs with great emotion, but it’s usually controlled and right under the surface, making it incredible compelling.  (By contrast - Rachel is always over-emoting, and always giving the same kind of over emoting that feels bland the more you see it.)  The fascinating thing is that Kurt draws you into his world and his pain with song, and while he’s not doing much but standing there, he is letting you get a glimpse of what is behind the guarded shield he uses so much.  This is why Kurt solos are special, because they’re rare, and a rare glimpse of what’s going on in a character who blocks himself off so much from the outside world -- especially in the early years.  While I just happen to like the other solos on the list more, I believe this is one of the best performances on the show. 

7. Defying Gravity (Wheels, 1x09)

So.  This is the last of the side-by-side comparisons that I have on the solo list.  And I want to start by saying that vocally, even minus the intentionally botched note, it’s not very good.  Honestly - go listen to the season 5 version, and you hear how much better a vocalist Chris became, and it’s really a treat to hear him grow into his voice.  And I do think Rachel won this competition.  However...  there is something magical about this performance.  First of all, the song is deeply resonant for Kurt (and for Chris) and that comes through clearly in the song.  He embodies the emotion of the song in a way that Rachel (and I’ll argue Lea) doesn’t.  The lyrics are meaningful, and are acted out superbly.  And on top of that is a layer where Kurt is debating with himself as to whether or not he’s going to throw the song.  The vocals might not be there, but the acting is, and the emotion is, and on that alone brings this song so high on the list.  This is a character defining song if there ever was one.  

6. Blackbird (Original Song, 2x16)

Do yourself a favor - go on Netflix and watch this one, the youtube version cuts off Kurt’s head, which really is a disservice to the song and the performance, but it’s the only link I could find. 

First of all, I’m biased, because I really love this song.  Kurt sings it beautifully, too, which helps.  But really -- I think it’s an incredible story element on multiple levels.  Kurt’s singing a eulogy for a dead bird, which is bizarre when written out.  But this moment is perfect.  It’s a moment where Kurt’s restrained emotion is channeled beautifully through song, and we see, again, an element of Kurt himself, who has been caged throughout the whole Dalton arc.  So, it’s not only about the death of Pavarotti, but about the death of Kurt trying to be something he’s not - and the freedom that comes with allowing yourself to be you.  

On top of that, it’s a pivotal moment in the Klaine story, where Blaine finally gets to see the raw emotion of who Kurt is, and realizes he’s in love with him.  The fact that this song is so multilayered on top of a great and beautiful performance is really what makes it one of my favorites.  

5. I Have Nothing (Dance With Somebody, 3x17)

This might be the most controversial choice on this list, but I’ll stand by it because it is one of my favorites.  Yes, Kurt is straining to get to some of those high notes, vocally it’s a bit raw and forced.  But my god, it’s one of the most stunning displays of emotion that he ever gets to do.  Not only is this song about him, and the type of person he is, it’s also about love, and how Kurt expresses love.  

Like so many of his best performances, there are a lot of layers going on here.  Not only does it have the emotional intensity that A House is Not a Home did, but it has a razor sharp, singular focus that the other song lacks.  Kurt is expressing himself, the best way that he can, to communicate to Blaine -- and the two of them have an unspoken dialogue during the song, which is really incredible.  (The acting chops for both Chris and Darren here are really remarkable.)  It is the most romantic performance on the list, and one of my favorite moments on the show. 

4. The Boy Next Door (Choke, 3x18)

Believe it or not, this is one time I’d actually recommend the studio recording over the show performance.  Despite lacking the Gold Lame Pants of Infamy, the studio version really showcases just how amazing this performance is.  But anyway - unlike Carmen Tibideaux, who clearly doesn’t know our Kurt Hummel, there is nothing surface level about this performance.  And unlike I’m The Greatest Star - this isn’t Kurt trying to shove everything he can do into one performance, it’s showcasing who he is as a person and a performer.  Vocally, it’s fantastic, and I’m glad the later seasons allow Kurt to do more songs settled in lower registers - as that part of his vocal range is really quite beautiful.  Visually, this is Kurt emulating a bit of Hugh Jackman while retaining some of his own, unique elements.  This performance is truly special because it’s a time when Kurt realizes that it’s okay for him to be himself, and lets that shine through song. 

3. Rose’s Turn (Laryngitis, 1x18)

Kurt’s first real big solo in the show, and it’s absolutely stunning.  The fascinating thing about this one is, again, just how much is going on here.  Kurt slowly gets to unravel, shaking off the expectations that he thinks society is putting on him, and blossoming into who he really is.  This song is perfect for him as a character in this moment.  While the vocals are a little shaky at times (I’m noticing that a lot about season 1 Kurt) the performance is not.  We never really get to see Kurt be angry and gritty through song again, but I’m glad we do have this moment to show how it would go.  I love everything this number chooses to be, and everything that it says about Kurt, which is why I feel it’s one of his best numbers. 

2. Being Alive (Swan Song, 4x09)

There is something kind of magical about this song.  And this is the reason that I find it tragic we don’t get an emotionally powerful song from Kurt after this point.  (Though - after this point, we don’t get a long going individual Kurt arc either, so I suppose it makes sense.)  But here’s the thing about this song... It is Kurt going inside himself, and reflecting on all the pain and heartache that his life has given him, and all the struggles he’s had in the change from child to adult, and almost unknowingly, as the song continues on, getting lost on that emotion as he reflects.  It’s very hard for, I believe, for a musical number such as this to work on TV -- that relies on more action and visuals than other mediums.  But as I’ve stated in all of these other entries -- Kurt (and Chris, really) is the master of reflecting all these different, conflicting emotions on his face, and making it visually compelling, even if it’s one person in a room, and nothing else going on.  The emotion, the complexity, the story is all there in a performance much more mature than anything that had come before it.  This is really one of the most beautiful and richly developed performances on the show, and truly one of the best that Kurt has to offer. 

1. As If We Never Said Goodbye (Born This Way, 2x18)

I debated for a while which would take the top spot, and what I kept coming back around to was that while Being Alive is the most technically proficient, and deeply profound of Kurt’s solos... As If We Never Said Goodbye is the epitome Kurt’s character and story all wrapped up in one.  It is his most iconic solo, and for a reason.  It’s all of the emotion, vulnerability, and deeply layered story telling we get so often from Kurt Solos.  It perfectly describes the journey this character has been on and where it’s going, as well as just being a fantastic performative piece.  It’s helped by the fact that the show allows the whole five minute song to be sung, where we get to follow Kurt as he moves from one stage of his life to the next, again another song about coming out of his shell to reveal his true identity and what is buried in his heart.  This song is why I love the character, and why I love his story.  The fact that it’s subtle and refined, but having so many layers if you’re willing to look.  It’s beautiful and imperfectly perfect, just like Kurt Hummel.  

[19mrs-barnes17]

Wedding Guest

Summary: Bonus Theme Day - Wedding Date

Part: 1/1

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Warnings: little steam

Word count: 1,683

A/N: A bonus fic for theme weekend! Enjoy!

~

You had developed a habit of always checking the plus one box, just in case. Life had been a swarm of weddings as of late and you were feeling left behind. Usually you would bring some friend who was free, but this time you knew you couldn’t. This was a family filled wedding which meant that if you didn’t bring an actual date you’d be interrogated all night. And you’d rather be asked pleasant questions about a fake relationship than be scolded for wasting a chair and being alone. So, there you stood before your best friend, your eyes begging her to accept the invitation.

“What’s in it for me?” Strands of her fiery red bob were slipping from the scrunchie, her brow arched. 

“Free food and an open bar?” 

“Boy you really do know how to treat a girl. I’ll do it.” You nearly tackled her with a hug, her arms wrapping around you as you thanked her profusely. “Yeah, yeah. But you have to wear the dress if I do.”

“That old thing?” She leaned against the door frame, smirking. “Yeah, ok. Then I get to pick your dress.”

“I’m glad we could come to this arrangement. Come on in, sweetheart.” Shaking your head at her laughter you follow her to her closet and get to work.

In the passing weeks you and Nat forged a solid story, planned for any questions that might arise, and booked your flight. The plane ride was fairly standard, the two of you watching movies off your laptop. Soon enough it became time to introduce her to a family member, and of course it had to be the most guilt tripping one of them all. Your niece. She had run up to you in the airport and wrapped her arms around your legs. 

“Aunt Y/N! Is that your girlfriend?” She peeked around you at Natasha with curious little eyes, smiling when Nat squatted down and waved. 

“Hi there. My name’s Natasha but you, you can call me Nat.” Her gentle smile seemed to coax Lyla in, her small frame emerging from behind your legs. 

“I’m Lyla. I’m 6 and a half.” Your attention was torn from the adorable scene to the group approaching you. 

“Isaac!” In mere seconds you practically tackled your big brother to the ground, his wife laughing as you pulled her in. “Marie you look better. Healing okay?”

“The surgery went well and the doc says I’m recovering quickly. Enough that I might dance at least once tomorrow night.” Her daughter came running back, latching onto her leg like a leach. “You actually brought a girlfriend home?”

“I know, we’re gonna be swarmed.” Nat caught up, one hand resting on your waist and the other extended toward your family.

“You must be Isaac and Marie, right?” She turned to you feigning the guess, a soft smile dancing on her lips. “I did my best to learn names beforehand.”

“You found yourself a clever one, eh sis?” Isaac smiles shaking Nat’s hand, his eyes still cautious. Marie linked arms with Nat and led her toward the car, Nat glancing over her shoulder at you with a sweet smile. “Finally bringing someone home, she must be important.”

“She’s been my best friend for years, I trust her. And I trust that meeting you whackos won’t deter her.” Isaac smiled before tossing you over his shoulder, your screams turning into giggles. 

“You still walk too slow.” 

“We passed the entry exam. Get ready for the next level.” She shook her head at you and mumbled something along the lines of ‘I used to be a spy you know’. “I come from a family of therapists and professors. They eat bullshit for breakfast.” 

Nat sat in the middle seat of the back of the van, her fingers intertwined with yours as the hour long drive began. The ride consisted of sing-a-longs, in which only your niece participated. If you didn’t know the words to every song in Cinderella, you did now. The parking lot of the hotel was packed, you recognized 70 percent of the cars from family and friends. Nat carried both your bags and rejected all offers of assistance.

“She’s pretty independent.” Marie shook her head, a knowing smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. 

“You should have seen her when I moved in. Helped me carry every box and sent the boys to pick up lunch. You should have seen their faces.” You laugh as your thoughts go back to the day you moved into the avengers facility. She had given the guys one look and they went scurrying out the door.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone Y/N. She seems to suit your temperament very well.” Perhaps she did, but that was what had made the two of you such instant friends.

Every waking moment around your family with Nat felt suffocating, they all seemed so proud of your choice. Apart from your Aunt Dinah that is, she was a little stuck in the wrong part of history and never approved of your life choices. She was quite vocal about it and Natasha was not very happy to find this out. In fact, she seemed to up the fake romantic touches whenever your aunt was near. While it made you smile to see her so furious, it also meant a lot more touching than you had planned on. Skin to skin contact with Nat had you questioning your relationship and on a few occasions forgetting it was fake. You thought you could be stronger than all those fake couples in the movies, however, it turned out you were just as susceptible. 

The day of your younger brother’s wedding had arrived and you could not be more grateful that this charade was coming to a close. Pretending to be in love with someone really does a number on your emotions. Hours spent readying the room and double-checking that everyone was being prepped, everything was underway. Tonight you would dance with Nat a few times before saying goodnight and heading back to the hotel. Easy peasy. 

Oh, sweet jesus. Not easy peasy. In no way would her being close to you in that dress be easy peasy. You felt rather compelled to jump her right then and there, which was rather problematic. Even worse your sister-in-law saw the look you had on your face when Nat rounded the corner, it was definitely lustful. You couldn’t hide it.

“Someone’s getting lucky tonight.” Marie smirked as she nudged your arm, eyes twinkling mischievously. “You both look fantastic.” 

“Marie!” You whispered, shooting her a warning look before turning back to face Natasha. “Wow, I told you that was the dress.”

“Then was it your intention to make all the men in the room drool? If so, you’ve done splendid.” One of your cousins was staring at her with a look that you wanted to smack from his face. She moved closer, whispering so only you would hear. “If not, I can only assume it was because you wanted to see me in this dress.”

She wasn’t wrong, you had always wondered about the black gown hanging in her closet. All that she had ever said was that it was for specific missions. By this point you were beginning to gather what sort of missions she utilized its stun capability for, and you were flush in the face. My god, you had done this to yourself.

“Why choose this dress for me? And why it was your stipulation?” Nat smirked and gestured that her lips were sealed, linking her arm with yours before leading you into the elevator. 

Eyes followed the pair of you everywhere, the entire event someone was gawking at her or staring incredulously at you. The entire thing made you squirm in your skin, far too much attention was being placed on the two of you. However you took this opportunity to become even more physical, partially to send the onlookers’ gazes elsewhere and partly because you needed to know whether her flirtation was real or had limits. Your hand rested on her exposed mid-thigh, her hand soon covering it and moving it upward. Either this woman was the queen of acting or she wasn’t having to. Dancing was even more intimate, no matter the speed of the song she was close to you. Her hands roaming and eyes flirting. This was send your gay heart into a panic, you had absolutely no idea what to do with this kind of attention. 

“I need to ask you something and I need an honest answer.” Nat’s hands rested on your lower back and yours at the nape of her neck. Her eyes met yours and with a nod of her head her attention was yours. “Is this even fake anymore?”

“I was wondering when you’d finally ask.” She smirked, something hidden behind her eyes. “I’m not sure it ever was. Maybe when we arrived, but not for long.” 

“So you felt the same? This whole time?” She nodded, arching a brow at you. “When did you?” It was a vague question, but she knew the answer you were seeking. 

“New Years.” The drunk kiss, well half drunk apparently. Only you were tipsy, Nat barely buzzed when you pulled her in for the midnight kiss. It had been passed off as nothing, but it seems both of you knew it was so much more. “Care for a redo?”

“What?” 

“Kiss me while everyone is watching.” Your eyes glanced from hers to her lips, heart racing in your chest as you pulled her into a kiss. Deeper and deeper you fell into the kiss, soon breaking to move it elsewhere as the song ended. A round of goodnights and you were on your way back to the hotel, in the elevator, and behind a closed door. Nat had pushed it shut with her back and you were quick to pounce, tongue sliding in. Your body was coursing with adrenaline as things began escalating and your mind slowly turning to putty. “Seems Marie was right after all”

~

Tags: @qtmeryr​ @broken-hearted-barnes​ @asphalt-cocktail​ @gstran18​ @cantnkrusshedevil​

[ryujinrk]

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5: episode 5, kyung’s outfit (lyrics + line distribution)            performing block b “jackpot” with @rkjaemin & @rksuwoong 

They look absolutely ridiculous in their brightly yellow outfits that makes them all look like some giant bumble bees but honestly, Ryujin does believe that if they are going to have a fair chance to win this whole thing they need to walk the extra mile that she reckon some people will skip. It should be more than enough to gain attention though, and part of her love, love, love, that they are actually about to be this extra about the whole concept. They aren’t only covering the song, they are stepping into the roles with the same enthusiasm as Block B.

Considering how the week started it’s almost unbelieveable how comfortably Ryujin sit next to her partners, SUWOONG in particular, their first impressions of each other so turbulent it even resulted in the teen experiencing her very first migraine attack that sent her to the infirmary. If it wasn’t for JAEMIN then the trio would likely have been doomed because truthfully, the dynamic between them was just that bad. They call themselves the Golden Trio and are the very last to parform today; saving the best group for last, is what she like to believe. 

There are so many strong song choices this week but for some reason, she is confident in her own group. It’s a familiar trait for her to be convinced of the fact that her stages are good but it isn’t just her this time, Ryujin has such strong faith in the Golden Trio because they have been through both good and bad together, they have bonded in a way that she think has brought the three of them closer. The performances start off strong, some certainly more interesting than others, and she looks forward to the group that she shared practice room with.

Ryujin is beyond excited when they head down to ready themselves to perform, the eyes that she has felt piercing through her the entire month suddenly don’t feel so scary anymore since the truth has finally been brought to the table. CHAERYEONG, NAKYUNG and WOOJIN step away from the stage and leave it empty, ready for the very last group to perform. She walk out with the males that she has worked with for seven days straight, a cheeky grin playing on her lips as she know that they look silly. They introduce themselves, THE GOLDEN TRIO. 

“I’m Lee Suwoong, I’m Na Jaemin, I’m Shin Ryujin - And we are the Golden Trio!”

Not necessarily because they are the best, though she believes that SUWOONG would argue that they most certainly are-- she too, honestly, but the group name means something more to complete their concept. As they shift into their positions she know that they are starting quickly, and she has to hit the beat, which has yet to be a hinder for her. They look stiff like dolls, which obviously is by purpose, their whole posture revealing what they are aiming for. Tense shoulders, bright smiles, head moving from one side to the other as Ryujin voice the first line.

0.00 저 오빠들 이상해 Those oppas are weird

She almost can’t contain herself when SUWOONG screams, that alone setting the mood for a great performance, but she remain professional and instead of laughing she grin genuinely as she move behind the elder as she and JAEMIN pose as the current backup dancers. They are swiftly and playfully shifting between who carry that particular role, depending on who’s in front doing their part. JAEMIN is the first one out with a proper verse, the two others dancing slightly differently to him before they hide behind him, only to pop out soon after to each his sides.

His rap is flawless in Ryujin’s ears and she is proud, in one way, to see him perform something like this. He’s quiet and usually keeps to himself, so that he agreed to such an energetic stage definitely took her by surprise. It’s fun though, they are having fun-- she thinks, at least. She is preparing herself for for the next part of the song, the first verse that she has been assigned. It suited her perfectly, being able to pretend for a moment that she is the famous P.O of Block B-- he’s not a dancer, they don’t have that in common, which makes it so much more fun.

Fit한 턱시도와 Brand new shoes Fit tuxedo and brand new shoes 여비서와 Well-being food Female secretary and well-being food 근사하게 외출준비, Fabulously get ready to go, 눈떠보니까 꿈이야 opened my eyes and it was a dream

난 지금 레이스중 I’m in the middle of a race 내 출세가 남에겐 Bad news My success to others is bad news

Midways into her verse the males position themselves perfectly to each her side, SUWOONG kneel in front of her to the right side while JAEMIN stand suspiciously to her left. The former is supposedly, through acting, kicked away and at the same time the latter is knocked to the very opposite side. The first part of the rap lacks dancing from her side as P.O refrain from it during the original choreography, but when she moves into the short part of dancer and rapper U-kwon she get a chance to do both herself. The song has a short pause, before the refrain.

SUWOONG comes in strong as he always does, during a part that requires a power vocal. It’s potentially risky picking a song with such power vocals but Ryujin has faith in her partners, the very least she can do is believe in them as they have practiced their asses off for seven days straight to make it through. He and JAEMIN share most of the refrain as well as the bridge, she only has one line in there but that’s okay, she is about to deliver a full verse soon after anyway. High kicks, twirls and giddy moves shift into the puppeteer dance from the intro.

While the males stood in front during that particular part Ryujin slide effortlessly in, in front of JAEMIN and lead the march of dolls until another playful fighting scene takes place to introduce her next verse. One apparent hit from one male, another from the other, twirl a few times and then JAEMIN kicks her off into the spotlight again. She absolutely loves this song, there is so much happening although there is a obvious red thread throughout the whole masterpiece. She grins broadly, the others waiting in the background for their choreo to start.

Aight- 나이를 먹어도 Even though I age 지갑은 탄력 넘치겠지 I bet my wallet will become very flexible 헛스윙 날려도 나, Though I make a bad swing, 나이스샷이라는 Caddie “nice shot” says my caddie 나를 무시했던 놈들에게 I will shake the hands of those who ignore me 복수대신 악수를 건네네 instead of getting revenge 조심해 넥타이와 손목시계는 Be careful, my necktie and wristwatch 목줄 또는 수갑으로 변해 becomes a collar and handcuffs

During the fourth line she swing her hand as if holding a baseball bat, the others pretending to watch the imaginary ball fly away. Part of her can relate to the lyrics that she’s assigned, from the very start to the end. These oppas are weird, they most certainly are. Fabulously get ready to go, opened my eyes and it was a dream, she was ready to debut but suddenly she was cancelled. I will shake the hands of those who ignore me instead of getting revenge, she is better than a certain someone who most definitely deserved revenge.

The beat shift slightly during her verse and while the origianl choreography calls for two girls, as backup dancers, and a somewhat suggestive squat, SUWOONG and JAEMIN came up with an alternative that they were both comfortable with. Ryujin follows the original choreography as the dance itself is rather basic, she’s only moving her free hand, lowering her body at one time, and then getting back up just in time for SUWOONG to lead her out of the spotlight like a cop and a criminal so that JAEMIN could step into center. They walk casually back and behind him, as to effortlessly claim the roles as backupdancers once again.

Refrain comes, refrain goes-- bridge and finally, the final act of their show. SUWOONG, along with Ryujin, pretent to fight in a silly manner. One hit, another hit, Ryujin pretends to grab onto the other’s blazer before JAEMIN breaks them apart as he then lead them into the final refrain and thus the ending part. Ryujin was looking forward to this bit the most, the entire stage has been practiced to fit perfection but this last scene was something that they came up with all by themselves. SUWOONG, in fact, but she loved the idea so she went with it. They all share a line here and a line there, performing around one another just like practiced.

And then...

When JAEMIN voice that they have hit the jackpot they begin to toss out a bit of chocolate coins to the audience, like they are sharing their wealth with everyone else. It’s hilarious that they are the final group on the stage performing, having this ending to the whole lineup-- the coins complete the act, in Ryujin’s eyes and she feel amazing as she close up the stage. Her eyes meet some random pairs in the audience, they meet the judges, and Ryujin is goofing around while having fun. 

라라라 라랄라, uh, Luxury Luxury life Lalala lalala, uh, luxury luxury life 라라라 라랄라, Get that money money Lalala lalala, get that money money get that right get that right 라라라 라랄라, Luxury Luxury life Lalala lalala, luxury luxury life Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky

NOTE!! please pretend like ryujin is as energic, joyful, playful and expressive as they are in the original performance stage. i know i didn’t get to write that obviously bc i’m short on time :(

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON INDIGO’S MAIN VOCAL PARK RUWON...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 26 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 19 COMPANY: MSG SECONDARY SKILL: Musical acting

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): wonnie, vitamin d ( explained away as a revitalizing stand in for sunshine on variety, he cringes too ) INSPIRATION: a desire to soothe the souls of people the same way his favorite singers did growing up ( or so says his profile. it’s somewhat true, though his inspiration for why he became an idol singer in the first place was simply because he was unsure of his chances of making it in his originally desired career choice ). SPECIAL TALENTS:

can sing high enough to crack glass ( or so says his profile. he actually can’t, but he’ll try it out on variety and get into fake arguments with mcs about how they need to get their eyes checked when they inspect it after the fact and say he’s lying ).

killing point dances ( or so says his profile. he’s not the worst dancer in the entire world, but he is terrible at picking up and remembering choreography. he’ll usually recycle the same three dance moves while adamantly insisting he’s doing it perfectly, and that everyone still needs to get their eyes checked ).

can perfectly imitate any animal on cue ( or so says his profile. he does an alright pigeon and dog, and anything that’s technically silent. beyond that and it’s a bit of a stretch. when desperate, he’ll start insisting that motor vehicles also count, and that everyone needs to get their ears checked ).

NOTABLE FACTS:

was scouted at one of his university’s musical performances when he was in his first year. musical theater was his major.

he took a deferment from school but finished his degree between the years 2014-2016 when indigo was struggling and given smaller promotions as a result.

has become known as a musical actor, and before indigo appeared on re.group felt more recognized for that rather than being a member of indigo.

is known still as a ‘happy pill’ member after putting too much emphasis and overacting into variety during indigo’s debut when they were struggling.

has a biting sense of humor, though it’s often covered up and forgiven due to how he plays it off after ( he has a rather infectious laugh and innocent face ).

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

as far as his career goes, ruwon has two goals. to try and keep the ball rolling with indigo’s newfound fame, and to continue to pad his resume as a musical theater performer. he wants to accumulate more lead roles and really prove himself as a singer, so he doesn’t have to keep seeing the word ‘idol’ stuck next to his name whenever he lands himself a role. like meat to critics wanting to rip casting directors for it.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

as far as where ruwon’s loyalties lie, it’s always been with his own aspirations. and his own aspiration has always been to make it on stage. but not on music shows. instead, the sort of stages that are strung up with heavy red curtains and have an orchestra to punctuate whatever outlandish story he’s singing about. what ruwon has always wanted to do was the become a musical theater performer. he took msg’s offer because he was unsure of his chances in his not-so-great university. but indigo is more of a stepping stone than anything. and in all honesty, indigo’s sudden surge of popularity only muddies the waters of ruwon’s future plans rather than revitalizes him

IDOL IMAGE

just like indigo itself, ruwon’s brand has changed and shifted along with the group’s image. it makes sense. version one didn’t work out. so it was erased. as well as ruwon, or who he was in the group ( to a certain extent ). sometimes ruwon wishes he’d gotten a stage name pushed at him, or cared enough to fight for one. then it would seem less personal. at the beginning, they were the same as everyone else under msg’s roster, eclectic, edgy, with one song sounding like 14 glued together and dances that ruwon really couldn’t keep up with. he could help carry the group vocally when they lowered the volume on their backing tracks at music shows, but ruwon hadn’t been signed as a dancer and it showed.

so how do you make fans love a member thrown into a clearly performance based group to balance out that vocal line, that can’t quite keep up? you make him infectiously happy! give that exec another raise, a true visionary. ruwon became a happy pill. and then an over the top one when it became clear that indigo were floundering and it was at least moderately easy for mcs to play off it at the few variety shows they were invited to. he’d laugh ( too loudly, because he needed to get a reaction ), he’d attempt to copy dances ( poorly, to get a laugh. cement an image of himself as the kid with two left feet ). make a big deal over his ‘special talents’ ( and try to turn it into a comedic bit, because who cared what ruwon was really interested in? ). ruwon was happy, bright, and comedic relief throughout indigo’s advent.

they slower down, a few years with one korean promotion each and ruwon left that persona for moments on camera. treated the man that did musicals as a different entity entirely. then the last-ditch variety show happened. they shot to fame, another member pulled in large viewership and popularity ( despite ruwon going out and making a fool of himself all those years, and for what? ) new music, new songs, new fans, another token comeback under an experimental idea for msg ( which, funnily enough, was to try out non-experimental ), and suddenly indigo is an entirely new group. it feels like it anyway.

gone are the days of choppy electronica and spending exhausting hours in a practice room trying to keep up, vocals coming second. it’s a concept that suits ruwon more, but now feels strange. his identity is shifted, subtly, to keep up. that old ruwon can’t just disappear. but he doesn’t need to be a tryhard anymore. sometimes he’s still regarded as annoying as he figures out how much to dial down, what to rewire and change. he’s allowed to shift his brand of humor as a result. a little more impish, a little snarkier. he covers it with a laugh, because now he can fall back on that old happy pill familiarity of just wanting everyone to have a good time. so he’s still pushed as humorous. he’s still pushed as bright. but now they try to push his talent, too. he’s getting more chances to push his interest forward with musicals now that they wanted indigo to be branded as a ‘talent-focused’ sort of group. it feels excessive, and it feels like a fluke. ruwon settles like a stranger into his own remodeled skin.

IDOL HISTORY

PARK RUWON – the fall, flatline, and slow climb of a unknown idol.

PLAYBOOK.

WHO’S WHO IN THE CAST?

a deadbeat father. he was probably a drunk, he probably hated his life, he probably hated his mother, and he probably hated ruwon himself. when presented with the possibility of divorce, he left and dropped the shame of raising a child as a single parent in his mother’s lap. probably off somewhere working on a ship yard. a small role, name unimportant.

a single mother. kim misook, managerial position at a private hospital. she had ruwon a little too young and divorced soon after. additional details of the marriage are withheld from ruwon ( and, subsequently, the audience ). deals with muted stress, often put ruwon first. managed to work her way into a better lifestyle over the years. now somewhat comfortable, but she was dealt a harder hand at the beginning.

their child. park ruwon, grew up without some of the opportunities of his peers. his mother couldn’t afford multiple after school academies or private kindergarten on a one parent salary. had some amount of talent when it came to singing. wouldn’t bench his dreams. is a quasi-mix of illogical, stubborn, and unresponsive to the realities of the world until they hit him hard.

msg. the entertainment company that signed him. whoever first started calling all those executives sharks was probably right.

indigo. the boys he was thrown into a group with. ruwon’s future distilled into a single, depressive color.

SYNOPSIS

ruwon doesn’t remember his father. he left too early, before memories formed and solidified. he’d been interested in him at first, like some kids in similar shoes. that lingering hope that he wasn’t abandoned. that he was a secret agent. or an astronaut, pioneering through space. the whimsical stories from the mind of a five year old not yet ready to hear the truth. eventually it was put to bed when ruwon got old enough to understand why his mother cried sometimes behind the locked door of the bathroom. curiosity turned into resentment. communities aren’t always nice to families in situations like theirs. and public schools aren’t always nice, either. bullying happens to everyone. someone’s too pretty, another is too ugly. he’s too short and she’s not smart enough. ruwon’s parents were divorced. that was what got him picked on when he was younger. and then in trouble later, with reddened knuckles and a scowl in place. his mother’s sad eyes when a teacher explained that ruwon had lashed out and used physical violence when he could’ve used words. that was his childhood. not all bad. not all good.

when he gets older, he discovers singing. music. it’s high school and he’s in a club. he likes the stage, and picking roles. getting to pretend to be someone he isn’t for the duration of the show. he likes the music, everything sung out and emotionally high or low in a way that feels so much more gripping to him than anything in a movie. he falls in love with the stage. that stage. his mother’s sad eyes come back when ruwon wants to treat this seriously. when he tells her he wants to get it together, study harder for the entrance exam. that his music teacher thinks he has real talent, not just the sort they tell kids to make them feel better about themselves. but that maybe he could pull it off, this dream. turn it into a career. that one in a million shot. those one in a million shots are helped along by people with the money needed to push them along though, and his mother knows this. so he lives with heavy lunged sighs and subtle shakes of her head whenever he brings it up, like that will dissuade him. it doesn’t, because he isn’t yet ready to face reality. he wants to keep believing he can squeeze into his pipe dream. he’s seen his mother’s life, and he doesn’t understand why he has to do it too. why he should keep living for the miserable and rote. he wants to make it. he wants to get into a good school. a really great one, where he can network his way onto a bigger stage.

but ruwon doesn’t. because life isn’t a fairy tale, and reality didn’t just walk away because he wanted to be illogical. he was an average student, and he got an average score. an average ( or below average, depending on who got asked ) university admitted him to their okay musical theater program. and even as ruwon studied, and took his classes, made friends and auditioned for school productions, it all felt so pointless. foreshadowed regret. where was he going to go once he got his degree? a worthwhile piece of paper in a sea of kids who could all sing, who were all talented?

reality isn’t a fairy tale, but every once in a while people get a little lucky. after a school production his first year, he was seen and pulled by a talent scout at msg. a coincidence, their niece was in the orchestra performing the same day. they were looking for a vocalist, and ruwon had an alright enough look, so they gave him a card and told him to stop by on the audition date msg was hosting soon. the card got him through the door and granted him a little more attention than some of the others packed into the room with him. and even sitting there, in an uncomfortable plastic chair, ruwon felt like a fraud. he’d gone only because he’d realized he was an idiot. that he should’ve listened to his mother all along. thought that maybe if the gods shined down upon him he could use it as his opportunity to climb out of the hole he’d dug himself into.

the god must have been someone nonsensical, with an enjoyment of black humor. ruwon got into the company. he was stronger vocally than most of the other boys he trained with. maybe not surprising, since msg leaned toward dance and performance. he lagged behind them all massively in those two very areas. he put his school on deferral, his mother sighed some more, stared at him sadly over plates of food at dinner before he was eventually moved into trainee dorms. ruwon treated it like school, because that’s what he’d turned it into in his mind. he still wanted to be in musical theater, this was just a different rig to climb to get there. so he tried. he stayed late in an attempt to learn dances that didn’t come very naturally to him. he sat through lessons on how to look properly into a camera, or answer questions on variety. when he was selected for the final lineup of indigo, it felt surreal. he was added for his vocals, he wasn’t an all rounder and he didn’t personify msg’s style. but he could sing pretty damn well. that was supposed to be his big break. but it wasn’t.

MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT 1

FACE. it’s their debut. it hurts ruwon’s ears. he hates it in the same way some of the others seem to love it – with a passion. it sounds like two songs fused together forcibly, and he’s not even sure why they’ve decided to add him to the group if they’re just layering auto-tune over his voice anyway. but he accepts it, he knew what he was getting into. he accepts his newfound image, and his role on variety shows. he does his best to pull attention for the group. he’s never been shy. and he wants this. maybe not in the same way as some of his group mates, but he wants it to work out. it’s a two-tiered plan. indigo succeeds, and then ruwon can ask about doing what he wants to. but the song doesn’t garner a whole lot of acclaim or attention. they scrape together the beginnings of a fanbase, some fallouts from the previous boy group msg housed, and some from their subpar showings. but it’s not always instant success, and msg is a fairly popular company. they just need to keep a positive face.

ACTION. this one, somehow, manages to do even worse. it’s both more all over the place and boring, which manages to shock critics for all the wrong reasons. their fanbase doesn’t grow exponentially. their song doesn’t chart. they get invited to even less variety shows than last time. ruwon acts out and makes a fool of himself whenever a camera is pointed at him out of desperation that someone will find him funny, that the group will get a call-back. whenever his mom calls, she sighs into the receiver. despite the static, he can hear the disappointment and judgement. he has no way of explaining that getting painted up in sparkles just to be ignored by pre-teens is in any way a good idea. he gets quieter, when the cameras are off. when the door closes in his shared room. he gets permission from the company to go back and continue his degree.

BEEP BEEP. does anyone even know they made a comeback? even when msg gets around to buying them a promotional pann, it’s always just spammed with who??? and it seems pointless. he still has debt. probably way more than he would’ve accrued if he just stayed in university. he’s a giant mistake of a boy, and he wonders at night how many more mistakes he’ll continue to make. if he’s just going around punching holes in his own godforsaken life, busy calling it interior decorating before he realizes years later he’s just ripping himself apart. he doesn’t sleep well. he focuses on school work, and people don’t even recognize him in the lecture halls. he goes out and auditions on his own for a role in a musical. his guidance counselor passes along the information, figures he might have a chance even if he isn’t a top star, sub-par name value if they squint. he manages to get an alternate role. it should make him happy. but ruwon’s now drowning in debt and frustrated with himself. his choices. he is a little happy though, when that curtain falls.

OVERCOME. it’s at this point that even the company refers to them as a failure. not to their faces. but ruwon hears about it. msg’s failed group. which just means ruwon the failure, doesn’t it? there’s a whole identity crisis that comes with it, but ruwon takes the opportunity of the company ignoring him to finish up his degree. he auditions for more musicals and starts to get more roles. he decides he doesn’t mind so much that indigo’s not doing great. he doesn’t have to put up with their songs, doesn’t have to spend too many hours learning dances, or coming up with new and stupid ways to start shouting on variety shows. he owes msg too much money, and they take cuts from his paychecks. but he has a place to live. he’s performing, doing the job he’d sought out to do. he’s not comfortable, but he’s complacent.

ACT 2

DEJA VU. re.group happened. it was one of those last ditch efforts before msg was planning to throw them overboard like a dead carp. for some reason, re.group got really popular. insanely popular. people knew their names. msg tried a different approach to music, something to match the show and their newfound fans. something that fit ruwon’s own skill set and range a little better. and then they were off, like a firecracker in the dark. ruwon wasn’t ready for it.

WHERE YOU AT. firecrackers eventually fizzle out. so msg crammed in another comeback soon after the last, to make the most money off of their success before it died down. ruwon wasn’t used to the pacing, and was suddenly presented with the expectation to do all of the things he hadn’t even enjoyed that much. his image had to be tweaked, parts disregarded. a group rebranded in an attempt to keep this spark stoked. ruwon didn’t think any amount of magic could turn it into a fire.

HELP ME. this is where the exhaustion starts setting in. ruwon had never been overworked quite like this. reject groups don’t get pushed onto so many shows, into so many photoshoots, with so many performances and talks of concerts. when he falls into bed, he aches. there’s a melancholy that grows, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it because he doesn’t know why it’s there. despite the group’s turnaround, despite how he doesn’t even mind their music, despite how he’s able to still pursue his passions, it’s still completely different from the life he’d decided was alright. was his own. there’s more attention, and the expectations stack higher. ruwon feels like a fraud, an imposter wearing perfectly printed skin.

BEAUTIFUL PAIN. the new year rolls around and indigo’s popularity snowballs. msg is delighted, and happy enough to push the new angle of their music if it means money, even if it’s a little out of the box for msg’s signature sound. ruwon tries to get more accustomed to the fame. to the fans. to the new dynamic of their group. ruwon tries to better balance his time, and tries not to get so frustrated with himself when it still takes him twice, sometimes three times as long to nail down the same choreography as his group mates. he starts acting like a wise ass on tv. a new brand of loud, like it will somehow offset the reclusive way he shuts down when he’s finally allowed to sit by himself at home.

IT’S OKAY. his mother doesn’t sigh when she calls him anymore. it should count as a victory. there’s still debt, but he knows indigo is pulling in decent money now. ruwon wants to focus more on himself, on his musicals. but the group is still shaky-legged. they have public appeal, and a bigger fandom than before, but it’s not otherworldly. they’re no atlas, no olympus. they could be swallowed by that pit of anonymity once more, if they’re not too careful.

REMEMBER THAT. his father does sigh when ruwon picks up the phone. it’s long suffering and sounds like bronchial pain. i didn’t want to leave you. but you mother. you mother. you were in a bad spot too, ruwon. you understand, right? ruwon does understand. he hates him, but he still gives him that money he asks for. like tithings at a church, paying for forgiveness you’re not even sure exists.

WAY BACK HOME. a new year. again. tired sighs. uncomfortable silence. suppressed thoughts and desires, bending at the whim of others. a reaction to please them. he smiles too much, until his cheeks ache. he laughs, louder. until he can’t hear himself think. this is his job. until the curtain falls.

[scottgalina]

Every Kellyoke So Far, Ranked

My morning routine at work has become thus: First, I enjoy the greatest iced coffee with skim milk and sugar that New York City has to offer, courtesy of Bashir on the northwest corner of 43rd and Broadway. Second, I do whatever work things I have to do that are none of your business (unless you’re someone I work with in which case I prioritize your things). Third--and at this point it’s around 10:45a/11:00a--I open YouTube and click my first recommended video and laugh. You see, every weekday morning, without fail, in the top left corner of my YouTube homepage is the day’s Kellyoke. If for some reason you’re reading this and don’t know what Kellyoke is, allow me to educate you. Kellyoke is the way Kelly Clarkson opens every episode of The Kelly Clarkson Show. But more than that, it is, quite simply, a way of life.

Born from Kelly’s extensive history of #KCRequests on tour (fans request songs on Twitter, she covers them) Kellyokes are approximately two minute covers of popular songs--usually a verse, chorus, bridge, culminating with Kelly simply vocalizing at the end. This is where I laugh. I laugh because not since Jessie J was on that Chinese reality show has there been such a consistent stream of covers sung so exquisitely and captured with such perfect audio.

And I laugh because Kelly Clarkson’s voice is not to be believed. I know everyone “knows” what a good singer she is, but I’m not sure that people have fully come around to the cold, hard fact that she’s one of the greatest vocalists of all time. Certainly that she’s the greatest singer of her generation. 

Each Kellyoke begins with a “Woo!” or “How y’all doing?” or some other burst of excitement from our fearless leader. Then she launches into the cover of the day. Sometimes (mostly upbeat songs) she’ll travel through the audience, traversing down and up stairs and dancing through the rows. Other times she stays stationary at a mic stand either by her band, or somewhere else in the studio surrounded by fans. (This super informative, though nowhere near long enough (nothing could be, really), Vulture piece sheds a little more light onto what goes into these decisions.) Most end with Kelly at “home base” in front of the couches she interviews guests on, which is captured by a weird camera that seems like it’s a GoPro and is stationary so never has her perfectly framed, and always seems lower quality than the other cameras. Kelly concludes each song with another “Woo!” or “Hey!” and always gestures to her band, usually accompanied by her saying “Give it up for my band, y’all!” She’s a class act! (If you’re used to watching Kellyokes on YouTube, then you’re used to them immediately being followed by the official Kelly Clarkson Show bumper which begins with Kelly saying “I will not stop talking.” I learned how to use GarageBand so I could edit that out from the mp3s I make of each Kellyoke. It’s a sad life, what can I say!)

As God decided was my duty (I was bored and, again, sad life!), I recently rewatched all of the Kellyokes that have aired to this date (I mean, you can imagine, it wasn't a hardship.) and below have “ranked” them. But I use the term very loosely. Because how can you rank perfection? Even the “worst” (and I use it even looser this time) Kellyoke is still at least a minute and a half of KELLY CLARKSON SINGING. Which is better than anything else on the planet. It’s better than mango even. So please take the “ranking” aspect lightly.

A brief housekeeping note: I have omitted both the first Kellyoke, “9 to 5”, because it was the first and there was a pre-taped component to it, and the medley of her own songs she performed on November 1st, because I wanted the list to only be covers. “Can’t Stop the Feeling” was performed on November 6th but seems to have been scrubbed from the internet. I remember it being perfectly fine, but didn’t include it because I can’t prove it. I’ve also not counted the November 21st “Neon Moon” cover because it was performed with Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton, and John Legend, and November 25th’s “Ain’t Going Down (Til the Sun Comes Up)” because it was a duet with Garth Brooks. This is about KELLY and KELLY ONLY.

With all that out of the way, please find every Kellyoke so far ranked.

53. Express Yourself - 9/20/19 Okay, this one is really scary. On paper all the pieces are there: Kelly Clarkson, looking amazing, singing one of Madonna’s most famous songs, working her way through her audience. The catch is that the audience in this instance has been replaced by soulless facsimiles of human beings that seem to have been directed to tune out the music they can hear and instead focus on a song in their head (keeping what it is to themselves) and engage with Kelly as though that’s what she’s singing. It’s horrifying to watch as no one sings along with her and everyone claps to a different beat. Even when she gets to two seemingly gay men, they don’t sing along! Were they told not to? It’s almost like when you watch a party scene in a movie or TV show and you know they either played elevator music or were dancing in complete silence because they didn’t know what song they were going to dub it in later. This is a good excuse to make something the worst and not have it be Kelly’s fault, because she’s perfect.

A quick note on the audiences of The Kelly Clarkson Show before we go any further. It’s unclear what they’re told before each taping. A lot of times it seems as though they’re instructed to clap any which way but on the beat. Almost like the warm-up person says to everyone “Forget anything you’ve heard or instinctively felt about clapping!” It’s very strange. It’s also very strange to watch the way they interact with Kelly Clarkson who is singing sometimes inches from their faces. I know you can’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes, but I am VERY confident in saying that if Kelly Clarkson was singing anywhere CLOSE to my body, I would be neither calm nor collected. I might be shocked. I might be stunned. I might faint. But in no way would I be able to carry on normally. More of all this throughout the list!

52. Believer - 9/19/19 This is a totally solid entry that suffers only because it aired back-to-back with the “Express Yourself” episode and I resent how into this song the audience here is; the total opposite of the other one. Everyone should know “Express Yourself”! I don’t think that’s too much to ask! 

51. Come and Get It - 11/8/19 This is ranked low mostly because I’ve always had an issue with a song that’s opening lyric is a young woman singing to a man “You ain’t gotta worry, it’s an open invitation,” so this choice bummed me out. Kelly sounds great, but we’ll keep moving! 

50. Cake By the Ocean - 11/13/19 A pretty straightforward rendition of a song that doesn’t allow many vocal pyrotechnics. That’s okay. It’s still early.

49. Blow Your Mind 10/8/19 The least-known song Kelly’s covered so far (I think? Right?) leads to some pretty low energy from the audience. Kelly sounds really good, but the whole thing just kind of...happens.

48. Happy - 11/22/19 This is about exactly what you’d expect, which is not a bad thing. Kelly Clarkson singing can never be a bad thing! 

47. Wrecking Ball - 10/15/19 An understated opening with a bit of a funereal vibe, if we’re being honest. This one finds Kelly starting planted in the middle of the audience with a few terribly uncomfortable looking people right in her shot. She plays with the melody which we love, and things get better once she starts walking, but all in all this isn’t one that moves the needle.

46. Delicate - 11/5/19 Some confusing excitement at the top as we try to figure out where Kelly is and what’s going on and then it’s like...Oh! She’s there and that’s what’s going on! We almost do really well with a song that feels like it’s fool-proof in terms of clapping on the beat, but our friend in white and our other friend in yellow prove that’s not quite the case! It really takes all kinds!

45. Sucker - 9/10/19 The second Kellyoke, and first proper one, is perfectly solid. The faster parts trip her up on the words a little, but her voice sounds impeccable on the chorus.

44. You Look Good - 11/11/19 My biggest takeaway from this perfectly lovely Kellyoke is that Kelly’s pocket is literally...every note ever written. It’s a common theme that will come up over and over on this list, but it never ceases to amaze me how flawlessly she sings. Even watching all of these videos back to back, it doesn’t get old! She is the greatest singer in the world! 

43. Juice - 9/30/19 She’s looking great and having fun here! If I could complain, it would be about Kelly not singing enough, which reminds me of a story MIA told after she worked on Christina Aguilera’s album Bionic. MIA was excited to write songs to show off Christina’s insane range and Christina was excited to make mellow, less-showy songs in MIA’s style that didn’t require her to belt the way she usually does. It seems their time together was...fraught. 

42. Jealous - 10/16/19 Kelly’s at home, both in leopard print and staying in one place at a mic stand in the band area. It seems pretty obvious that it’s because she really does not know the words to this one, and to make her navigate the stair-business along with the cue-card-business would be totally unfair. We have many more exciting entries on this list, but then she does....that at the end and you wonder why anyone else bothers singing ever!

41. What Makes You Beautiful - 10/10/19 This is fun for everyone, and the arm swaying alleviates all the clapping mishegoss so the audience looks good too. Nothing of it is too consequential, but her alternatives to the melody at the end are great!

40. Independence Day - 10/23/19 If this entry is a tad underwhelming, it’s only because it’s so in Kelly’s wheelhouse. But what a wheelhouse to be in! 

39. Ain't No Other Man - 9/16/19 A lot of YouTube comments on this video (Yes, I read the comments. Have I not been completely transparent about how miserable I am??) suggest that Kelly was holding back vocally on this one which feels true. Is it because she’s not fully confident on the choppy arrangement? Is it because Christina was a guest that day? Is it because she wasn’t feeling well? Who could ever know. Regardless, she still sounds better than literally every other singer on their very best day so who cares?  My only true “note”: It would’ve been nice to hear the “D-do your thang, honey,” right?

38. Any Man of Mine - 10/18/19 Another song that Kelly seems to love singing. I know I’m wrong, but the violin player doesn’t necessarily feel like he’s not chasing her throughout this whole thing. This is also, by my calculations, the first ever Kellyoke to feature a key change. We love to see it! (Am I using that right?)

37. Let Me Blow Ya Mind (10/9/19) The strangest thing about this Kellyoke entry is that every which way its listed on YouTube only credits Eve, leaving out Gwen Stefani, which I can’t figure out. The title is “Let Me Blow Ya Mind (Eve Cover) By Kelly Clarkson | Kellyoke” and the description is “Kelly Clarkson covers Eve's 2001 single, "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" for a live audience.” What gives? This one really makes the case for Kelly making every single song sound, not necessarily better, but like a song that was written for her. Maybe there are songs she wouldn’t sound good singing. If there are, she’s smart enough to not try!

36. Roar - 10/11/19 Kelly’s “Woo” at the beginning is maybe the most excited one in the Kellyoke canon. She looks great in purple (even if the sleeves are a little funky) and the vocal run on the final “roar” is breathtaking. A real motley crew of audience members here!

35. What About Us - 11/4/19 A slightly wonky arrangement that Kelly can’t seem to get in the groove of, but it’s Her singing P!nk, so it’s hard to complain. Kelly and P!nk should co-headline a stadium tour together. I think everyone would love that. Thank you in advance!

34. Shut Up and Dance - 9/23/19 This is all good and fun, but I’m most fascinated by the two women at the 26 second mark, one of whom seems to be hugging herself in order to reach her hands back to her wife, girlfriend, friend, or stranger behind her. It’s a really sweet moment that’s only marred when Kelly gets closer and the woman releases her hands to reveal that she, like the vast majority of The Kelly Clarkson Show audience members, hasn’t yet mastered the basic human function that is clapping.

33. Wild One - 10/17/19 Kelly enters through a new side door for this one, bypassing using the stairs at all. This one is great because Kelly seems to really genuinely love the song. 

32. Straight Up - 11/18/19 This one is fun both because it’s unlike most of the other songs on this list and because Paula Abdul was the guest that day (along with Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Justin Guarini.) The lyric flub during the first chorus is a little vexing, but for the most part it’s all just a joy, with everyone firing on all cylinders. 

31. Love Me Like You Do - 10/7/19 This song feels a tiny bit like you can hear her say “Oh, I know that one. Let’s just do that.” right before she goes on. The high pony seems like it was styled by God and the option-up at 1:01 garners a rare reaction (from the girl on the aisle and her, seemingly, sister) that acknowledges that the people in the audience are MERE FEET from Kelly Clarkson while she sings like THAT. Kelly’s vocals at the end are gorgeous.

30. Sugar - 10/29/19 This is the perfect example of a song that Kelly sings and instantly makes feel like her latest single. Her voice just elevates everything! There is nothing she can’t sing! I hope I’ve made that clear at this point! The audience loves this one and how cute is Jessi with her beret and tambourine? Give it up for Jessi, y’all! 

29. Mine - 10/28/19 Kelly looks and sounds amazing here and the audience crowded around her are all doing their best impressions of human beings having a good time and enjoying live music.

28. Can't Feel My Face - 10/14/19 A fabulous horn-centric arrangement lets Kelly’s voice really soar. One of the best audiences, clapping-wise, that we’ve seen.

27. Ride - 11/14/19 Obviously the stars of this entry are Kelly’s dress and hair and the queen in the audience who knows all the words. We get the octave jump earlier than usual which is exciting.

26. Feel It Still - 11/20/19 I’m wondering how many of the artists whose work is represented on this list have heard these covers. Do you think they lose their minds? Are they so honored? Does it make them crazy to know that they will ever be able to sing as well as her? Do they reach out to her privately? Or can they not stand the thought of speaking to someone so talented?

25. Til the World Ends - 9/26/19 When I first saw that she was singing this, I was thrilled because, along with “I Will Wait”, “Crazy For You”, “Go Rest High on That Mountain”, and “My Man”, her 2012 cover of the full version is one of my favorite #KCRequests of all time. (If she ever does “I Will Wait” for Kellyoke I will cease to exist. Know that.) This arrangement is a little different and a little slow to my ear, but still...what a song! 

24. Miss Me More - 9/17/19 Kelly’s having a great time with this one in spite of an audience full of people who are dressed like they didn’t know they’d be on national TV, not only that day but in this lifetime, nor are capable of acknowledging that Kelly Clarkson is singing like that a few feet from their stupid faces. Bonus points for the logo colors. Pink goes good with green.

23. Lips Are Movin' - 10/30/19 We still don’t know why this had one of the most dramatic entrances in Kellyoke history (I can only assume it’s because they taped it the same day as the Halloween episode and wanted to take advantage of Bridget being at the studio? Can anyone reading this even begin to imagine how terrible it is in my head?) but it turns into a perfectly lovely rendition.

22. Never Be Like You - 11/7/19 What could it possibly feel like to sing like this? Do us mere mortals have a point of reference? Is it similar to the way we walk or sleep because it’s so easy for her? Or is it something she has to work towards and feels accomplished after completing like me jogging for one city block or completing a customer service phone call?

21. If It Makes You Happy - 9/25/19 A little low energy and doesn’t lend itself totally to the walking around (she almost doesn’t it make it to where she needs to be at the end!), but again, her voice is so unreal that it doesn’t really matter. I wonder why she chose to do the second verse (“I still get stoned” isn’t totally her brand) and it’s nuts to me that the verse is literally low for her but...whatever! HPA (high pony alert) as well! 

20. Uptown Funk - 11/18/19 First of all, how great is this entire look? This made me smile because when it started I thought, “Oh sure, we know how this will go.” And then I thought a little ahead through the rest of the song and was like “Oh shit, she’s really going to tear into all the ‘Don’t believe me just watch’ business isn’t she?” And, reader, she does! And the vocalizing at the end is just gravy. 

19. Better Now - 11/12/19 I know everyone has different tastes and it takes all kinds, but this is just factually better than the original, right?

18. Chandelier - 9/13/19 A more somber mood to close out Kelly’s first full week of shows, and the audience doesn’t quite know how to be. But GOD, does that dress move well! The words get botched a bit but the voice makes up for it. I know it goes without saying (and yet I still keep saying it!) but, Kelly Clarkson’s voice is ABSOLUTELY INSANE. If you listen to nothing else on this list (WHY???) at least listen to this one. 

17. I Love Rock ‘N Roll - 10/4/19 Kelly’s right at home here rocking out in her signature leopard. The audience is eating it up--they know this one and it seems like they’re actually listening to it in the room! Kelly screams and growls and sounds amazing. The high pony really solidifies this entry’s status.

16. Before He Cheats - 10/2/19 This doesn’t even sound like a cover. It literally just sounds like her song. 

15. Stay With Me - 11/27/19 Choirs make me cry so I’m a big fan of this. It’s another one that makes you laugh when you remember there’s a literal daytime talk show that unfolds over the 58 minutes that follow it. But then makes you emotional from the beauty of God’s voice. Lots of emotions in one minute and 40 seconds!

14. The Story - 11/19/19 This is absolutely beautiful. Doesn’t feel like there’s much more to say, right? 

13. If I Could Turn Back Time - 10/22/19 Four days after the first Kellyoke key change comes this one that almost doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen! By the time she gets to the mainstage it seems like she’s getting ready to wrap things up, but it’s just a fake out. The key changes and it’s insanity. As much fun as the audience seems to be having here, it does make me think that once a week there should be a taping that is solely attended by gay men. I think it would be just an insane Kellyoke to start, then a Q and A with Kelly and the audience for the rest. I’m not positive what it would mean for the ratings, but that’s not my job! 

12. Bitter Sweet Symphony - 11/26/19 My first thought during this one is that I couldn’t believe that there was more to the show after this. This IS a show! This should have played on a loop for the rest of the hour and everyone else should have gone home. I mean, is this the most gorgeous or WHAT?? An unexpected song, a beautiful arrangement, the voice of an angel. Instantly legendary. Few Kellyokes have begged for an expanded, complete version the way this one does.

11. Why Haven't I Heard From You - 9/27/19 Reminder that Kelly Clarkson is as famous as she is in spite of never releasing a country album. Would she be more famous if she’d only released country music? Or even just one country album? Listen to how at home she is on this song! And look at how much loves Reba! You can just tell! I don’t want to be too presumptuous, but I do feel like the pants here aren’t a coincidence. Feels to me like there might have been a discussion about mobility and how into the song she’d get at the end. And she does! That last line! A true legend! 

10. I Put a Spell on You - 10/31/19 We love a production and this is one, honey! I’ll pay this Kellyoke the highest compliment I can which is that it’s the closest we’re going to come to recreating The Rosie O’Donnell Show in this year of our lord 2019. (That would be assuming, of course, Rosie O’Donnell was the greatest singer in the history of the world.) There’s some questionable back-up dancer business around the one-minute-mark (Was she supposed to be alone? Was she actually supposed to touch Kelly??), but that’s the only thing that’s not absolutely perfect about this. 

9. I Like It, I Love It - 10/25/19 It probably won’t surprise anyone reading this to find out that I wasn’t particularly familiar with this song before hearing Kelly’s version (unless there’s an emergency, I try to make sure the only male singers in my iTunes library are Harry Styles and Steven Pasquale), but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to Kelly’s version. What really struck me is that she didn’t change the pronouns which...well, it made me cry at my desk. It was a long week, okay?

8. Walking on Broken Glass - 10/1/19 Animal print? Check! Iconic song? Check! And buy me that skirt! The real killer here is Kelly’s bridge, which she chooses to FULL THROAT BELT (she knows no other way, really) instead of following Annie Lennox’s falsetto-ed lead. We still get a glimpse of Kelly’s head voice (if not whistle tone) at the end. Kelly’s happy, the audience is into it, this is a good one!

7. Think - 9/12/19 This was only the third episode of the show, so it was easy to think that it might never get better than this. And the truth is, it rarely does! What makes this even more unbelievable than the sheer power of her voice, is that she does this all while going up and down two sets of stairs! Who can do that?! I’ve been known to stop conversations getting on the escalators going up from the Q train just to be able to really focus on what I’m doing, and she’s singing and wearing heels and doing it all at once like it’s no big deal??

6. If I Can't Have You - 10/3/19 This one starts out as a little bit of a bummer because on paper it looks like it may be track seven of her album All I Ever Wanted. (Two quick things here. First, if you ever want me to get light-headed from talking too much and too quickly, ask me about my theory that the best song on any album is track seven. Second, if you don’t know “If I Can’t Have You” get the fuck on it! And then listen to the Smoakstack Sessions acoustic version. And then listen to the live version mashed up with “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” that she only performed a few times in Australia. And then you may marry me.) Anyway, once you get over that initial disappointment, this is a near perfect Kellyoke. If there’s anything else wrong with it (and I know she can’t control the title of the song), it’s only that her whole look is reminiscent of a middle schooler who is playing Smitty in How to Succeed and had to provide her own costume. BUT! Don’t let that take away from everything else to feast on during this one minute and 55 second masterpiece.

5. Alone - 10/21/19 “Anyone here like Heart?” is a clunky opening to what will go down as one of the all-time great Kellyokes, but by the time we get to the “Y’all ready?” we’re off to the races. Because we’re NOT ready! We think we are, but how could we be? I mean, it’s Kelly Clarkson singing “Alone” and somehow it’s even better than you could ever possibly imagine?? Even the audience engagement here doesn’t bother me as much as it usually does. Maybe because I would watch a documentary mini-series about that group of friends, especially the woman in the denim jacket who plays the air drums after Kelly walks away. I feel like she has a gay son. She better work. 

4. Bad Romance - 9/11/19 This one ranks high on both personal and technical levels. Personally, this is certainly something I feel responsible for conjuring through sheer force of will and witchcraft. I don’t want to be buried (“Jesus, I thought this was a silly list of Kelly Clarkson covers!” -you) but if I did, I’d feel comfortable putting here in writing that I’d like “Kelly Clarkson sings a powerful rendition of Lady Gaga's 2009 single ‘Bad Romance’ #KellyClarksonShow #LadyGaga” engraved on my gravestone or the door to my mausoleum or whatever. Technically, again, not much to say beyond “Well, listen to it.” Taking the second verse up an octave is inspired and the ad libs are divine. The flubbed lyrics are a plant to make us think she’s human.

3. Only Girl in the World - 11/15/19 I said “Oh shit” out loud at my desk when I saw the song title, leopard print, and high ponytail all in one Kellyoke. What a trifecta. And what a performance! Let’s be real, this one boils down to the 55 second mark when you and Kelly start a will she/won’t she dance as the bridge crescendos. And like, OF COURSE SHE WILL. SHE’S KELLY MOTHERFUCKING BRIANNA CLARKSON. YOU THINK SHE’S NOT GONNA BELT THAT NOTE YOU WORTHLESS SWINE? I’m no Mister Golightly so I don’t know how to read music that well, but this seems to be the highest belted note in a Kellyoke up to this point. (And PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong. Feels like it’s important for me to know.) Her kids at the end are sweet, but this one became top ten long before they ran out onstage.

2. Let's Go Crazy - 9/24/19 The “Dearly Beloved” probably sounded better in theory, but what otherwise sinks this totally perfect vocal performance is an audience full of goons who deserve to be incarcerated or, at the very least, fined. Did I take for granted that everyone knows how to clap on the beat? Even if EVERYONE doesn’t, the odds don’t seem to lend themselves to how many people in this audience have no idea how to clap. Was there an a support group meeting for the rhythmically impaired that morning somewhere near the Universal lot? Do you think they were laughing in the control room? Also, doesn’t it feel strange that the below people could be in the same room and making those faces at the same time? Surely someone’s should be different. And I know which one I think!

1. I Wanna Dance With Somebody- 10/24/19 This is the Kellyoke motherlode. It may never get better than this. Every choice Kelly makes is the one you want her to. This one has it all: full-throated belting, whistle tone, iconic song, iconic outfit, option-ups left and right. The brief moment of audience participation lets us know that Kelly wants you to think this is for everyone, but it’s really just her taking the opportunity to go fucking wild. It’s what we and, more importantly, she deserve.

[spaceorphan18]

Kurt Duets Ranked

Part 2 of my Kurt Performances series, we move onto duets -- which will probably the least exciting of conversations, because this isn’t going to be much different than my Klaine Duets rankings.  I didn’t go check that, however, so we’ll see how I feel about them now that more time has passed.  

Meanwhile, the thing about the duets section is that while there are a ton of great songs in this one, it feels limited.  Glee didn’t like to stray from what it knew worked, and therefore, we get Kurt having only a handful of duet partners, and only two of them make up a majority of the songs.  It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get more Kurt and Mercedes duets, but even more unfortunate that Kurt didn’t sing with a larger variety of people.  I mean, could you imagine a season 4 Kurt/Santana duet? Or something season 1 or 2 with Kurt/Quinn?  Lots of possibilities, little room for experimentation.  

That said - I do enjoy a vast majority of these songs, and like the solos, most of them complement Kurt’s story nicely.  

Kurt Duets Ranked:

27. Candles (Original Song, 2x16)

You guys can’t seriously be surprised by this, right? As with all of these numbers, I went back to listen to see if I’ve changed my mind.  Nope.  And here’s the funny part - I actually do like this song.  But the arrangement, production, and context of this number is terrible.   My theory is that Original Song had so many songs in it that they were rushed to get this one done.  Coupled with the fact that that the arrangement was redone (by Darren? - idk, Darren’s usually better than this.) and probably rushed means that it was just sloppy by the time they got to production.  

From a music point of view, the arrangement is not complementary to either of their voices, and both of them clash on harmonies and go out of tune multiple times throughout the song.  On top of that, the emotion of the song is completely off.  It’s a break up song -- purposely more tailored for the Finchel story line at the time -- but doesn’t mesh well with Klaine’s getting together story.  It feels awkward and out of place, and one of those times where I think who ever picked this song made a bad choice.  

I know there are those out there who like it -- and that’s great! Don’t let me slow you down.  But it will remain a weak link in an otherwise solid discography.  

26. Get Back (Tina in the Sky with Diamonds, 5x02)

While this is way, way better than Candles, I do think it’s a weaker number for Kurt, and Kurt/Rachel, seeing that you’ll see they have some fantastic numbers coming up on this list.  Not a favorite Beatles song of mine in the first place, not helping is the fact that this song should have a grittier and harsher sound than either of these relatively more classically trained vocalists can give it.  

There is some fun with the choreography (weird NYADA piano tuning thing aside - that’s not how you tune pianos...), and Kurt and Rachel’s voices mesh just fine, but the rest of songs on the list just offer a bit more.

25. Memory (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

This one is... rough.  And it makes me sad to say that about a song picked specifically by Chris Colfer.  For Kurt’s part, it’s a perfectly adequate rendition of Memory, though I think it lacks any of the deeper emotion that Kurt normally brings to his solos.  But marring it further is the addition of June Squibb (who doesn’t have the same caliber of voice) and the fact that the scene itself is a bit of forced sentimentality.  I get what Chris was going for in the script, but we’ve barely met these people, and they’re not memorable enough for us to get a tug on the heartstrings that this song wants us to have.  The scene just kinda falls flat. (I’m sorry Chris!)

24. Lucky Star (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

I promise, I’m not picking on Chris, even if the two songs he specifically wrote for himself are down here at the bottom.  At least this one has more entertainment value even if I think it’s not a great performance.  Kurt flying around as Peter Pan is super cute, and the song choice works relatively well with the scene.  Once again, though, June Squibb’s Maggie is not a vocalist (And that’s fine - she’s a super cute old person), as well as this is bogged down in that weird sentimentality Memory was going for.  It’s not really good, but at least it’s entertaining.

23. Story of My Life (The Back Up Plan, 5x18)

On a list featuring the what works and doesn’t for Kurt’s performances, this one just... oy.  First of all, technically, the boys sound fine.  Their voices mesh just fine, as usual, though Blaine’s voice is better suited for these slightly melodramatic boy band numbers.  It’s a fine song to listen to in the car.  Watching the performance, though, is rough.  It’s done that way intentionally, to fit the context of the story -- and while it’s supposed to be comedic, to me it comes off as awkward and cringeworthy.  Kurt has some odd performance choices, but normally a good performer, and this makes him kind of a bumbling idiot for the sake of the story, to the point where I rarely ever watch this one.  I get what they were going for, and enjoy the song as just a song, but am not really a fan of the actual performance.

22. It’s Too Late (Jagged Little Tapestry, 6x03)

This one I definitely have some mixed feelings about.  The song is fine, albeit a little on the pop-y side, though that’s intentional for the theme of the episode.  And it’s the first time one of these songs directly commentating on the story that’s actually going on with Kurt.  On the one hand, the angst of the scene is played well, and these boys pining for each other works for this part of the story.  On the other, the vocals are a tad on the generic side (though these boys always sound great each other), and I’m still not sure I understand what was going on with the fantasy element during the middle of the song.  Still, it accomplish the feel the story needed, which is why it gets bumped up here.  

21. I Am Changing (New Directions, 5x13)

We only get two Kurtcedes duets on this show, which is a damn travesty.  But what makes it harder is this one is, well, a little one sided.  Mercedes freakin’ brings the house down with her half of the song -- clearly Amber Riley deserves all the credit she got for doing Dream Girls.  Kurt, on the other hand, sounds a little rough here.  I’m not sure if it’s because Chris’s voice changed during the show, and it actually got deeper, or if it’s due to the weird production values of season 5, but Kurt’s solo verse is a bit harsh and unrefined, and not in a good way.  Mercedes saves it and steals the show, and when the two come together they sound fantastic, but this one gets dropped a little further down because it’s just not a strong one for Kurt.  Add to that the fact that they’re trying to make Rachel and Santana be friends again, and the song is unfortunately a weaker one.

20. I Believe In A Thing Called Love (Frenemies, 5x09)

Look, I love Elliott, and I love that Adam Lambert came onto the show.  He and Chris had some great chemistry, which actually does show through this performance.  It’s fun and crazy and a bit out of Kurt’s normal repertoire, but that’s okay, because Kurt lets loose a little, and it’s really fun to watch.  No - Kurt can’t match Elliott when it comes to the heavier rock material -- this is much better suited for Lambert than it is for Colfer, and there are times when Kurt kind of gets overshadowed and out performed, but that’s fine.  We get to see Kurt pole dance - I think that’s justification enough to have it where it is on the list.

19. White Christmas (Glee, Actually, 4x10)

Believe it or not, out of the three Christmas duets Kurt and Blaine have, this is my favorite to listen to.  I love this song, and I love this arrangement.  They sound gorgeous on it as it highlights the strengths of their voices when singing together.  My biggest issue is, really, with the scene overall.  Look - it’s not easy choreographing people who aren’t used to doing routines on ice skates, and I get that.  But due to that fact, the performance ends up being a lot of shots of people who aren’t Kurt and Blaine, and that’s a shame.  The other two Christmas duets are much more in sync than this one, and this one is really being held back by the technical difficulty.  Still - I like the song, and the context that it’s in, which is why it’s as high as it is.  

18. Let it Snow (Extraordinary Merry Christmas, 3x09)

While lower than it perhaps deserves, upon watching it again, I know I’m placing it higher on the list of Klaine duets.  It’s an incredibly hard number to do with all the dance steps and vocal runs, and the two of them nail it while being in character as their characters and as the Christmas special characters.  I’m kind of in awe at the technical ability of this one, and it’s a shame the writers didn’t always play to Kurt and Blaine’s (and Chris and Darren’s) strengths.  It’s not a personal favorite of mine, nor does the song hold much weight with their story, but it’s an incredible embodiment of what makes Klaine - Klaine, and showcases how well they can work together when given really good material.  

17. You Make Me Feel So Young (New, New York, 5x14)

This is one of those songs that I go back and forth on, and really could write a dissertation on it, because I think there are a lot of elements both internal and external going on, which makes the onscreen performance... weird.  But I feel like that would get way too long for the likes of this already too long post.  So, I’ll say this.  Vocally, they sound fantastic together, which is why I think it deserves to be up there on the list.  It’s also one of the few times that we get to see genuine domestic Klaine being themselves with each other, which is also very cool.  My issues with the acting and directing of the scene are very nitpicky, and it all lines up with my growing consensus that one of the weaker elements of season 5 were the musical numbers, but if y’all want more, I’ll do another post on just this song specifically.  For now, I’ll just say that I enjoy the good things about the song, even if some of it leaves an awkward taste in my mouth.

16. Animal (Sexy, 2x15)

Animal is one of the few truly comedic performances Kurt gets to do.  Between the silly sexy faces, euphemistic foam, and overkill addition of plastic balls, it’s hard to take this one very seriously, but that is the point.  Both boys sound great on it, and it’s a lot of fun to watch -- being cringy in a good way.  I really don’t have any criticisms of it besides I just prefer the others on the list just a bit more.  But we’re getting into that territory where I think all of these songs are solidly good, and on any given day, I could rearrange the whole list.  

15. 4 Minutes (The Power of Madonna, 1x15)

The second, and original, of the Kurtcedes duets, this is the first time in the show that Kurt gets to turn his sexy on, and it’s really awesome that they give him the chance to shine in such a way.  Despite the fact that Kurt is doing the occasional weird hand gesture and choreography in this one, he and Mercedes play off each other incredibly well, and it’s a shame they never let these two really get to do anything once the juggernaut of Hummelberry came along.  No, the song isn’t the best for Kurt’s voice, but sometimes it’s the spectacle of what’s going on during the number rather than how it sounds.  

14. Love is a Battlefield (Tested, 5x16)

Showing that not all Season 5′s numbers were, well, not up to par as everything else, we’ve got this Klaine duet, which might be one of my favorite pieces of choreography and showmanship on the show.  I really don’t like the song, at all, which I know goes against the grain of a lot of you, but it’s a testament to how powerful this number is visually that I’ve ranked it so high. (It’s about anger sex guys, and more sexual than the scarcely few sexy time-ish scenes we actually got.)  The boys sound great on it, and the layered acting in it is pitch perfect.  I love this duet, even if I’m not a fan of the song.

13. Ding, Dong, The Witch is Dead (The Purple Piano Project, 3x01)

Well, there is a reason Hummelberry was what it became, and this showcases that to perfection. The song isn’t worth much story wise, but it does show just how wonderfully these two play against each other, as well as sounding great together.  This song is playful and light and the perfect showcase for what real talents they both are.  I have my issues with Hummelberry (really, I do) but I can’t deny that they’re standout performers together, and everything about this number comes together to show that off.  

12. Perfect (I Kissed a Girl, 3x07)

Look, this list is subjective.  Yes, there are a few that stand over the rest and a few that are really not that great, but most of Kurt’s duets, like his solos, are really all solid performances.  And I just happen to really love this song.  I’m not going to defend Blaine’s questionable rapping or the context this song is performed in the episode.  But what I will say is that I love what the lyrics have to say about Klaine’s relationship at the time, and the fact that they both (but especially Kurt) sound so great here.  Plus, I enjoy jamming out to this one in my car.

11. Daydream Believer (Dreams Come True, 6x13)

This just happens to be one of my favorite songs ever, and I’m so glad this got to be the last Klaine duet.  I have no issues about how well they sound together.  As cute as they are dancing with the kids, I do wish the context would have been totally different -- I wish that they were singing this to each other -- or their own child.  But I still think it’s a pretty meaningful song, and I love it, so here we are.  

10. Just Can’t Get Enough (I Do, 4x14)

I unabashedly love this song.  Sure the song is rather repetitive and is going on during other people’s plot lines, but every time I hear this one, I just want to get up and dance along with it.  The boys sound great on it, and they get to be rather flirty in the moments that the camera is actually on them.  If only the had more screen time, I probably put this one higher near the top.  

9. Somebody Loves You (Transitioning, 6x07)

A lot like Just Can’t Get Enough, this duet is flirty and adorable and I love everything about it. They sound great together and, as usual, play off each other well.  On top of that, the song itself plays nicely into the Klaine story of the moment, which I appreciate.  It’s not a perfect performance, but an incredibly enjoyable one, and that’s what matters.

8. American Boy (The Untitled Rachel Berry Project, 5x20)

Are either Kurt or Blaine suite for Rap and R&B? No, not really, but do I care? No.  As you’ve probably noticed, I love these flirty duets, this is one of the best ones.  Sure, they don’t really capture the style or tone of the original very well.  But they’re having a lot of fun out there and being adorable while doing it.  And Kurt simulates having sex.  I mean, do I really need to say more?  But really - I actually enjoy this song a lot, so there we go.

7. Popular (2009, 6x12)

This is easily the best performance of Kurt’s limited performances in season 6.  Kurt and Rachel haven’t head a duet together since Season Five’s Get Back (interesting right?) but they’re able to turn right back on the magic that was going on in the earlier seasons.  This song is near perfection -- the acting is solid, the performance is layered -- being both comedic and a commentary about the both of them, and they sound wonderful together.  This is truly a treat for the end of the series, and I’m a little sad the rest of the season didn’t put as much effort into its musical numbers.

6. Come What May (Girls and Boys on Film, 4x15)

The thing about Come What May, for me, is that it’s deeply a romantic song - and shot (intentionally) in a very movie-like way.  I love so much about this, from the staging, to the bit of flashbacks setting the tone at the beginning, to the misdirect and reveal that it’s really Kurt’s fantasy and not Blaine’s.  Vocally, there are a few weaker spots towards the beginning, but that can be overlooked when visually and lyrically there is so much wonderful things going on here.  I love when a performance can have layers to it -- and this one say so much about Kurt as a character and the head space that he’s in, while being deeply romantic without being vulgar, that it firmly takes a spot near the top of the list.  

5. Got to Get You Into My Life (Love, Love, Love, 5x01)

The thing that’s so great about good Klaine duets is their push and pull of each other.  This duet has a ton of that -- each of them playing against each other in such a flirty way.  They sound great, they look great, the number has a ton of energy, and the bright tone is a nice change from all the somberness that came along with season 4.  It’s a visual treat as well as a aural one, and nearly flawless in execution, which is why it’s ranked so high on the list.  

4. Rockstar (New, New York, 5x14)

Is this really one of Kurt’s best duets? Technically, probably not.  I don’t really care - I. Love. This. Song. Really, I listen to it all the time, and it’s just a song I never tire of.  It’s really Adam Lambert’s show, and Kurt is kind of dancing around like the littler brother of the rockstar that is Elliot ‘Starchild’ Gilbert.  And I do think Kurt and Elliot’s voices mesh rather well -- even if Kurt’s overshadowed a bit here.  But that’s all fine - because this song makes me happy for no other reason that it does, and that’s a fine reason to be near the top of the list.  

3. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (A Very Glee Christmas, 2x10)

I keep trying to think of reasons not to put this as the number one Klaine duets.  I keep looking at the list thinking that something else about one of the other duets will stand out more, and I just can’t.  This scene and this performance is damn near flawless.  I’ve already talked about this scene at length, and I really don’t have anything new to add, but here’s the thing -- this song sounds wonderful, the game of cat and mouse they play with each other is one of the best scenes on the entire show, and I can’t say enough at how brilliant and layered and amazing this scene is.  Hands down, best Klaine duet, and one of the best overall duets on the show.  

2. Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy (Duets, 2x04)

The thing is, about this duet, is that it’s iconic.  Just hands down iconic.  Not only were they able to take an old school mash-up done by Babs and Judy and make it their own, but they gave it the same amount of power and emotion the original had as well. I don’t think it’s easy to sit on a stool and make any kind of song engaging but these two are able to do it.  They sound flawless on a technically difficult song.  There’s subtly and nuance in the performance.  There’s balance and give and take. And contextually, it fits in nicely with where each of the characters are at.  On top of that, it’s a really great arrangement of these two songs in the first place.  I have nothing but good things to say about one of my favorite songs and favorite performances on the show.  And while Hummelberry has so, so many issues as a friendship -- their ability to make amazing performances together was not one of them.

1. For Good (New York, 2x22)

I went back and forth on what the order of the top three would be -- they could easily be interchangeable they’re all so good.  But here’s the thing about this one.  I feel like this one just takes an extra step up in, well, everything -- the performance level, the context, the layers of emotion woven through this song, it just hangs itself up a little higher than the rest of them.  Yes, Kurt and Rachel sound as good as they ever do -- playing off each other and meshing with each other brilliantly.  But this song is a grand musical theater piece that they pull off masterfully.

But on top of that... The weight this song has is given is higher than pretty much any other song on this list.  it’s a perfect fitting song that punctuates their paralleling journey throughout the season.  This song is a final statement and thesis of everything that became before it, and because of that, I’m ranking it as the best of Kurt’s duets.  

[sk19972]

DORIAN GRAY - An Opera (Prologue)

http://tricostylistpathophobic.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-picture-of-dorian-gray-from.html?m=1

The Picture of Dorian Gray – From the Composer’s Perspective

https://youtu.be/83upL-GUriU

This article was first published in The Wolfian, “a magazine dedicated to delivering political articles on liberalism and social democracy, as well as philosophical, constitutional and intellectual discussion.” The Wolfian is readily available online from both Amazon and iTunes.

The issue of setting a story well-known by the general public to music, especially writing an opera based on such a story, is one of distilling from the text the essence that must be encapsulated by the music, without throwing out the details that make the tale so particular to other readers. This issue is doubled in the case of Oscar Wilde’s novella The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891), for this work, more so than any of his other plays and books, is an odd synthesis of philosophy, somewhat dark comedy, and gothic horror. The challenge is therefore to write music that thus evokes each strand of Wilde’s writing, be it a “difficult” or rhythmically, harmonically or melodically complex philosophical monologue, as I have found most of the music of the now complete Prologue seems to be; or bleak, aggressive and turbulent passages suggestive of gothic horror music; or even lush, or otherwise light and charming comic music – without any single one of these strands overpowering the general effect of the music. My solution, as much as I might say I have one, is really two-fold: firstly, to find inspiration in music of previous generations, in the passacaglias of Henry Purcell, Georg Friedrich Handel’s arias, Benjamin Britten, Claude Debussy and Richard Wagner’s operas, and extract some understanding from their works as to precisely how they fit these particular strands of literature combined by Wilde; and secondly, by following Wilde’s text, as it is a guide in itself as to how to set the text – Wilde perfectly balanced philosophy, comedy, and horror in his novella, who am I to try and change this balance?

As a composer who also sings, I find that much of my composition is influenced by the composers I regularly find myself singing. In Britain, most young, classical singers are taught to sing using repertoire from German Lieder and English song, that is, distinctly avoiding opera until the voice has suitably developed the much larger volume that is usually required to sing with the large orchestras utilised by Wagner, Verdi and Puccini. Therefore, I should say that my biggest influence, certainly in the instrumentation of this work, is from earlier baroque and classical-era orchestration, with reduced numbers. This is in order to allow singers with lighter voices to be able to sing this music, allowing for greater choice in the quality of acting, and the delivery of Wilde’s excellent text to the audience - This is also somewhat inspired by the concept of a chamber-opera, typified by Britten’s opera The Rape of Lucretia (1946), which was scored for a drastically reduced orchestra, and although I use a few more instruments than Britten in Dorian Gray, keep an eye out, Britten will be littered all over this article. In the case of Dorian Gray, I estimate that the orchestra may consist of around 30 players, That is, single wind (with a basset horn or bass clarinet taking the place of the bassoons for a rounder, warmer sound) 4 trumpets, 2 horns, 4 trombones, a harp and off-stage piano, and reduced strings, without double-basses, compared to the usual 70-100 players in a symphony orchestra. With a cast of 8, plus a small chorus of maybe 8 or 12 singers, a total of 50-odd performers in an opera is much lower, and therefore more intimate, than in the colossal cycle, Der Ring des Nibelungen (1876) by Wagner, with 34 soloists, a massed chorus, a full symphony orchestra with an enlarged brass section, which requires the soloists to have truly gargantuan voices and vocal stamina.

However, that is not to say that I have entirely disregarded Wagner’s music as an influence – indeed, he is probably one of the biggest influence on Western Classical music since Beethoven’s epoch-marking innovations in the early 19th century. His use of leitmotif (a small musical phrase, rhythm or progression associated with an idea or character, developed primarily by Wagner in Der Ring des Nibelungen and his later operas) from Der Ring onwards has influenced so many that his reach is practically inescapable. I certainly haven’t attempted to avoid it, particularly in the Prologue to Dorian Gray. There are several ideas that one might point to as being leitmotifs, but the one I believe is the best example, first occurs in b.81 of the Prologue (c.03:50), and is an idea that I link either with Art as an idea, or the Picture, or directly with Dorian himself. The rise and tumbling fall of the flute melody (the top line) is actually accompanied by possibly two other ideas that could be regarded as leitmotifs. Firstly, the demi-semi-quaver run up to the zenith of the flute melody is an effect I have used frequently in the prologue to indicate an idea, either musical or philosophical, rising to the fore in someone’s mind (It also creates a graceful way to blossom into a new melody). Moreover, the accompanying rising and falling quavers on the stave below (here, the clarinet) is used as an accompanying figure often when discussing aesthetics, and is not simply an accompanying figure for the flute melody. Thus, I have tried to represent the text (Here, “Why he is a Narcissus” and then, “But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins…”) through the music by the use of motivic writing.

This Prologue is based on the first two chapters of Wilde’s novella, which mostly consists of a discussion of the nature of art between Sir Henry Wotton (baritone) and the painter Basil Hallward (tenor), followed by the arrival of Dorian himself (counter-tenor) and Sir Henry’s first monologue about youth, beauty and hedonism. Such philosophy requires textures that enhance the conveyance of the text; for this, I looked at the vocal music of Benjamin Britten, particularly his opera Billy Budd (1951). Britten makes use of heterophony (several instruments performing the same general melody, with rhythmic differences, ornamentation and decoration) to strengthen the vocal line frequently in this work, such as in John Claggart’s monologue http://tricostylistpathophobic.blogspot.com/2015/01/youtube-wednesday-reviewing-christmas.html, in which the villain declares his lecherous hatred for the hero, Billy. The Trombones are clearly playing mostly the same notes as the villain sings, however, they often do not coincide. Similarly, I used the effect to create a strength underneath the soloist, by accompanying the baritone with the French horn, whilst the viola and clarinet play a rolling triplet accompanying figure, as he sings about the sorrows of growing old, (c.29:15). This can, however, when combined with slower accompanying figures, create a slow, dragging and turgid effect. This is suitable when used with the hedonistic, jaded Lord Henry, but is not at all suitable for the more pure and idealistic artist Basil. To find a suitable mood for Basil’s monologues, I drew inspiration from a romance from Anton Rubinstein’s under-appreciated opera The Demon (1871). Rubinstein utilized a fast, pulsing semi-quaver triplet motif to accompany a promise from the Byronic demon to his lover that she will be “queen of the universe” (https://youtu.be/IIjpB3QuQZI?t=15) With Basil’s monologue, I used full wind and strings to accompany the tenor, with an accompanying melody plucked on the 1st and 2nd violins, as he explains the inescapable effect that Dorian has had on his art – he is everywhere, all pervading. He can be found in certain colours, the curves of certain lines. He is all Basil’s art.

The final notable inspiration I drew on in the Prologue is from Henry Purcell, the English baroque composer, with influences (again) upon Benjamin Britten. The influence manifests itself in Dorian’s lament over the Picture, in which he mourns the fact that (for the moment) the portrait will not age, whilst he, the sitter, will; the portrait will always remind him of his mortality. I set this to a passacaglia (an originally Spanish dance form, which involves a constant bass ostinato, and is usually in 3-time), because, as in many baroque pieces it creates a sense of tragedy through the constant bass line, but the ever developing harmonies over the top. This was used notably by Purcell, but fell out of fashion somewhat in the classical era. It was finally revisited by Britten in the 20th century, particularly when he used one in his opera Peter Grimes (1945) - other composers of the 20th century are also known for their use of passacaglias, among them Arnold Schoenberg, Alban Berg, Anton Webern and Dmitri Shostakovich, but (as usual) Britten was my touch-stone. My passacaglia, (c.32:25), is somewhat irregular, though, as it is in 4-time rather than the more usual 3-time, and, unlike most baroque passacaglias, it is a vocal piece, whereas most were purely instrumental. In this respect it resembles the famous chaconne “When I am laid in earth” from Purcell’s opera Dido and Aeneas (c. 1687), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGQq3HcOB0Y even down to the unequal phrase lengths between the voice and the orchestra.

Hopefully this little piece should give any listener to my work a guide to the influences present in the music, and demonstrate the attempts made to balance the three strands of Wilde’s writing. On that note, I hope it serves to illustrate that, as Wilde himself is my guide to the structure of the music here, much more of the music is philosophical for most of the work so far. Going forward, I worry that this creates a rather slow burning Prologue, and therefore the music of the next few scenes must be significantly more varied, be it through the charm of Dorian’s visit to Lord Henry’s town-house, or the farce that is the performance of Romeo and Juliet, with the bombastic, middle-aged Romeo, a wooden, distracted Juliet and a ridiculing, outraged audience.

[realrhythmskrp]

DISPATCH, (05/03/17): Kaleidoscope Records has officially released information about soloist, Han Sebin, on the official website! Sebin is a ‘91 liner and has been beloved by fans since her soloist debut in 2015. Find out more about Sebin below!

I, Han Sebin, have read and understand the terms and conditions as my position of soloist and agree to honor the standards that are to be expected of me as an employee of Kaleidoscope Records.

OOC INFORMATION

Preferred name: Yachi.

Pronouns: She/her.

Timezone: GMT.

Other muses: None.

IC INFORMATION

Faceclaim: Song Ji Eun ( Secret ).

Name: Han Sebin.

Stage name (if applicable): N/A.

Idol concept: Under BKB, Sebin was pushed to embrace a cute concept alongside her fellow silverBEAT members, which she had no issue with initially. She didn’t object to maintaining a bright, cheery demeanour until the idol life wore her down and she found it increasingly difficult to act accordingly. However, it was at Kaleidoscope that Sebin could finally have a say in what she wanted to do, and is now commonly known for her mature yet youthful image; a stark contrast to her debut.

Birth date and age: May 10, 1991 (25).

Company name: Kaleidoscope Records.

Group Name (if applicable): N/A.

Group Position (if applicable): Soloist.

Strengths:

VOCAL RANGE / natural talent, in addition to the endless lessons during her youth, sebin is well known for her vocal technique, especially when it comes to reaching high notes. in fact, it’s quite rare for her to falter due to the amount of control she exerts upon hitting the high notes. in pop music, sebin’s power is most noticeable, meanwhile in ballads, her ability to convey emotion receives praise from both critics and the public. she does admittedly enjoy singing songs that she’s comfortable with, but has demonstrated a willingness to challenge herself across various musical genres and continuing to improve on her skills.

PROFESSIONAL / having been part of the entertainment industry for a long period of time, sebin is very much aware as to what’s expected of her. politeness is key; words and gestures are chosen carefully, while any concerns are masked beneath bright smiles and high pitched laughter. she’s quick to greet seniors, never failing to use the appropriate honorific during brief conversations, and staff are individually thanked at the end of a long shoot. image is everything; a single slip up is capable of ruining a career in an instant, and sebin knows better than to reveal her true thoughts to the world, at least in the public eye.

VARIETY / any opportunity to poke fun at herself is taken up almost immediately, mostly to temporarily ruin her image. sebin quickly picks up on the cues to laugh at a joke before responding with a clever quip of her own. upon debut, she did struggle in joining in on the fun and would rely on her group members to help cover for her, particularly on shows where she wasn’t familiar with the concept. but, she’s since mastered the art of saying enough to contribute to a lively atmosphere, yet not enough to be caught up in a far fetched rumour or scandal.

Weaknesses:

DANCE / by no means is sebin a horrible dancer; she can follow choreography relatively well without making a mistake, but in comparison to her former group mates, she wasn’t a stand out. her movements might’ve been fluid, yet it lacked the sharpness and power to truly “own the stage”, so to speak. as a soloist, sebin is dedicating plenty of time towards perfecting her abilities now that she no longer shares the stage with other proficient dancers— and it hasn’t been easy when she has no one to hide behind.

PERFECTIONIST / there’s no such thing as a half-assed attempt at mastering a particular task — either go hard or go home. sebin doesn’t hesitate in pushing herself to the brink time and time again in order to achieve a flawless result. whether it regards practicing a dance routine or tweaking a song prior to release, it’s no surprise to find her holed up in the studio until dawn, refusing to leave until she’s certain everything is of a high standard. reassurances by others that it doesn’t require further adjustments usually falls on deaf ears.  

POOR HEALTH / after years of unhealthy eating habits and inadequate rest, it’s to be expected that sebin’s health has suffered as a consequence. gastrointestinal issues often interfere with her schedules, and strong medication is sought to overcome the pain in the lead up to performances. though she tries to hide her discomfort in the public, there has been times when she’s been photographed looking a little worse for wear, sometimes avoiding interactions in an attempt to return home and rest, which gives anti fans further reason to bombard her with hate.

Positive traits: Humble, determined, sociable.

Negative traits: Lonely, insecure, secretive.

PERSONAL HISTORY

i. )

the household is calm and void of drama, where she’s constantly showered with love and affection, apart from the times she’s chastised for taking her older sister’s dress without asking for permission. both parents instil the importance of hard work from an early age; laziness is frowned upon, meanwhile self improvement and contributing to society is praised. in comparison to her sister who’s fixated on a career in science, she decides the arts, specifically music, is the area which she intends to explore, and informs anyone and everyone of her goals for the future: a singer. her mother is admittedly a little worried about her career choice, and although she offers to cover the cost of singing classes as a belated birthday present, she believes this is a phase that’ll pass soon enough.

ii. )

singing lessons are conducted every sunday afternoon in a building opposite her father’s dental clinic, and every sunday afternoon she appears right on the dot, ready to hone her skills. which isn’t easy, even with natural talent. the lower notes are problem free, yet striving for those higher notes rattles her to the core, prompting the teacher to suggest she stay within her range if she wishes, sticking to something she’s more comfortable with. perhaps it’s the assumption she can’t do more, combined with the dogged determination to improve that pushes her to practice over and over again, until going up several octaves is nothing. she isn’t paying fees to be deemed a mediocre student, she wants to be the best of the best.

iii. )

the audition for bkb eventually overtakes planning for her upcoming thirteenth birthday. she switches between songs, unable to fully make up her mind when she stresses over the possibility of humiliating herself and ruining her chances. the indecisiveness ceases to disappear on the train ride to the venue, before being overcome by nerves when she’s confronted by the long queue of potential stars, kids like her eager for a taste of stardom. she spends a good portion of her time bouncing around to maintain her cool, then overhears the velvety voice of a stranger and immediately begins to lose said cool. what her parents expect is for her to arrive home to share bad news, what they don’t expect is for her to arrive home with bkb’s coveted card in hand.

iv. )

reality strips her of her innocence. training is harsh, and if she hasn’t cried in the female bathrooms following a long, exhausting dance practice, then she clearly hasn’t pushed herself hard enough. compliments are difficult to come by when everything she seems to do isn’t up to par. she’s either too slow or too fast, too awkward or too meek in her movements. even her singing voice, the one thing that has led her here in the first place goes unnoticed by staff who prefer to criticise her appearance than utter a few kind words. except it’s the shared suffering alongside the other trainees, her future group mates, which stops her from deciding to catch the next train home and encourages her to stay.

v. )

in her opinion, debut couldn’t have come at a better time. standing on stage in front of a screaming audience distracts her from the hardships she’s experienced to get this far; the tiring practices, strict dieting, homesickness. the group rises up the ranks in a short amount of time, and it would be a lie to claim she doesn’t become addicted to life under the spotlight, completely oblivious to the issues set to plague the rest of the girls, herself included. the packed schedules do slowly get to her, along with the lack of consideration towards sleeping properly and visiting family members. she can barely recall when she’d last seen her parents face to face, but she knows better than to complain when the company has already done so much for her.

vi. )

silverBEAT’s popularity soars— and unfortunately, so does her intentions to leave. of course, such a thought hasn’t stemmed from any discord with her members, all of whom she’s grown attached to over the years together. fears instead linger on how long the group is meant to carry on when they’re falling apart, bit by bit. she desperately tries to hold on; smearing layer upon layer of concealer beneath her eyes to hide the lack of sleep, forcing another smile during another late recording for a variety show she’s forgotten the name of, gritting her teeth when she’s berated for her supposedly “lacklustre” performance. but she too has her limits, and after her mother tearily begs her to eat more during a phone call home, enough is enough.

vii. )

the contract termination becomes one of the trending news stories for the next few weeks. is she surprised by the various articles more focused on addressing rumours than fact? no, she isn’t. nor is she caught off guard by the barrage of hate comments left behind on her social media posts, labelling her a “traitor” and a string of other names unacceptable for everyday conversation. though it’s not to say she isn’t hurt. these same people who were cheering for her, supporting her only years earlier, are the same people cursing her existence. alone and despised, she turns her attention to what her new company has to offer, as if to convince herself that what she’s doing is for the best— even if it doesn’t feel like it.

viii. )

step by step, day by day, she adjusts to being a soloist. a new EP on the agenda allows her to channel her energy into establishing a brand new beginning, rather than wallowing in self pity over a harsh anonymous comment. for once, she can safely say she’s finally happy with the opportunity to look over the material she intends to release; something she thinks would never have happened at bkb, not unless she wanted a stern talking to behind closed doors. despite taking it in her stride, there are occasions when she finds herself missing her members, especially when she stands on stage for promotions. she’s singing a song she loves, but without the people she loves. it’s all bittersweet.

ix. )

the concerns suggesting impending failure has disappeared, or at least is drowned out by the determination to capitalise further on her success. pessimism is replaced by optimism, the fresh faced former silverBEAT member is making an appearance once more—to the delight of her parents and fans. the passion for performing has returned, and she vows to strive forward, if not to pen her many life experiences through music, then to assure the public that she has no intentions of going anywhere anytime soon. nevertheless, she realises her situation isn’t shared by those she’s left back in bkb, and is very active in following up on both their individual and group activities, fully supporting their endeavours from a far.

x. )

han sebin is back— and about time too.

[mayquita]

Damn You For Making Me Love You (3/6)

Hello everyone! The hiatus is over, finally! Today is probably not the best day to post anything, but it's been a long time, and now that I've finished this chapter I didn’t want to wait any longer since I need to focus on the rest of my WIP. As always, many thanks to you all for your support. @chrissascorner , thanks for editing, @saraswans , thanks for everything. @zengoalie , a new chapter of your gift is here :) This time it's Killian and Liam's turn. A new plan has been launched, will Liam and Elsa succeed this time? We'll see... ( Note: I have no idea of ice skating, I only went skating once and I was so scared that I was hanging on the railing all the time... )

Summary: Emma Swan and Killian Jones are close friends and co-workers. And both are in love with each other. The problem? They keep their feelings secret not only to the other but also to the rest of their friends. When Elsa, Emma’s best friend and Liam, Killian’s brother and boss find it out, they decide to form an alliance and work as a team with a clear goal, to get Emma and Killian to take the next step in their relationship and confess their love for each other.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

FFnet Ao3

Don’t Stop Me Now

Killian

Saturday night. The adrenaline rushed through Killian’s veins and his whole body vibrated in anticipation of what was to come that night. He could almost feel the touch of the guitar strings on his fingertips, and how his vocal cords tensed, impatient to begin to work out their magic in the form of a melody.

This state of excitement was not something new to him, on the contrary, it was his usual state on his concert nights. Everything was possible above a stage and he could feel it on every fiber of his being. He felt so alive in those moments, freer to express his feelings through the music. He felt powerful, able to get anything he set out to do. —Well, almost everything.

The sounds around him brought him back to reality. He was behind the bar, following his usual routine on concert nights. He forced himself to act that way every night, as a means of distraction, to keep his excitement at bay.

And tonight was not going to be any different. In front of him, two young women waited for their drink. The flash of a white-toothed smile and curved lips appeared on his face as he unfolded all his charms over the two clients. They, in turn, offered him bright smiles and suggestive glances, full of promise.

He was fully aware of the effect he had on the female clientele —and also on some male clients, of course— but this kind of seduction game was just a part of his job. At the end of the day, he always came home escorted by his two favorite people in this world. His brother and his... well, his friend. For this reason, although his smile was directed at his avid clients, his gaze had only one goal, Emma Swan.

She was stunning that night, slipping through the crowd as she took photos, right in front of him, teasing him like a bloody siren. Her choice of attire did not help to calm his agitation, rather the opposite. She wore a tiny black top and black leather leggings, which, along with the heels she was also wearing, made her legs look slender. Her hair pulled back in a high ponytail, enhanced her features, making her even more desirable. A bloody siren.

He couldn’t take his gaze away from her. His eyes watched all her movements through the room and she seemed fully aware of his scrutiny, or maybe he imagined things, but the truth was that her suggestive movements were driving him crazy, especially when thinking that a little later they would have to share the stage.

His lips curled into a smile at the thought of their next performance together, his mind bringing to his memory the moment he unveiled the mystery and informed her of the song they would sing on Saturday.

He hoped he had made the right decision. After this kind of impromptu and then failed date the night before, Killian was going to meet Emma early in The Kraken to begin rehearsals for their upcoming performance. As he waited, his mind relived, again and again, some of the moments experienced the night before.

Emma had come to the restaurant with the same bloody dress of two months ago when they met by chance in that bar. Killian suspected that she was aware of the effect her attire had on him, yet he did his best to hold her gaze and keep his eyes from straying a little lower. ‘Bloody hell’. The sole image of her impressive neckline was enough to make his blood run hot in his veins.

Something different was happening between them. It was such a subtle change that Killian still couldn’t identify its meaning, but from that day on he confessed his feelings due in part to Belle's betrayal, it was as his attraction to Emma had multiplied. He felt freer now that he didn’t have to hide in front of his brother's eyes. The hope that his feelings might have reciprocated became more and more intense, as Emma was closer than ever, more affectionate, more tempting. Maybe it was only a matter of time. Or maybe it was just his imagination and Emma still saw him as just a friend.

The temptation to choose a romantic song as an instrument to express his feelings had been strong. After the experience with ‘Because The Night’, the idea of following the pattern his brother had started was quite attractive. He had even created a list of possible candidate songs. But this time he couldn’t use his brother as an excuse as to the choice of the song. This time the weight of the choice fell entirely upon him. Maybe he was exposing himself too much. Maybe she got the message and that pushed her away, raising her walls again.

No, he couldn’t take the risk, not now that her walls were so low that the line between friendship and something else was so faint. He would choose a fresh, positive theme that would at least allow them to have fun on stage.

Killian grabbed his guitar and began to play the first notes while clearing his voice and trying to adjust the tone to the song. Just then the front door of the room opened, Emma appearing there in all her splendor.

Emma Swan was not a morning person. Killian was aware of it shortly after meeting her for the first time, a day when they had to take inventory in The Kraken at a time when ‘it should be forbidden to get out of bed’. —Her words—  Her complaints and sulky expression softened only when she had ingested a sufficient dose of caffeine. This time it was not going to be any different, of course. Her features were still marked by sleep, her eyes slightly swollen and her lips pursed in an adorable pout.

She grunted something like "morning," and dropped into one of the bar stools, burying her head in her folded arms on the counter. Killian couldn’t help but smile as he set the guitar on the stage and moved behind the bar. He pulled out the cup of coffee-to-go he had previously bought and offered it to her in silence as he gave her a gentle squeeze on her arm to get her attention.

Emma raised her head enough for her eyes to detect the cup. "I'm still blaming you, coffee is not enough." She pointed him with an accusatory finger, but grabbed the cup and brought it to her lips, her throat emitting the most delicious sounds as a sign of appreciation for the hot liquid.

A few minutes later, Emma seemed to have recovered enough. A small wrinkle still remained on her forehead but she straightened her back and at last, she focused her gaze on him.

"I need a reminder. At what point did this one-time thing become something else?" Her tone still had a harsh hue, but though her words were meant to be a reproach, her voice seemed to hide some amusement with the whole situation.

"Since we use it as a business strategy, maybe? Or because you and I had a good time up there?" He offered, pointing toward the stage. Then he leaned over the counter, invading her personal space. "Or perhaps because it's the perfect excuse to spend time with some devilishly handsome guy?"

Emma rolled her eyes, a slight blush staining her cheeks. "We already spend all our time together, I do not need any excuse." The fact that she had not denied the devilishly handsome thing didn’t go unnoticed by him, pulling up the corner of his lips into a wide smirk.

"Shall we start the rehearsals now that the caffeine has taken effect?"

Emma let out a puff of air through a loud sigh. "Okay, if it has to be... Can you just tell me which song we are going to sing?"

Killian cleared his throat as he gave her a mischievous look. Then, he just hummed.

“Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel aliiiiive”

"Seriously?"

“And the world I'll turn it inside out - yeah

And floating around in ecstasy”

"You're serious, aren’t you? You want me to sing ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’? Why?" Her expression showed some surprise as if she were expecting a different song style. Her voice had a slight tinge of disappointment, though the cause wouldn’t have to be that she wanted a romantic song, right?

Killian stepped out from behind the bar and approached her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he pulled her to her feet. "Because it is funny."

"It's funny." She parroted his words as she tilted her head slightly, seeking his gaze, her eyebrow raised in question. "There's something else, right?"

"Well, I've prepared a musical base that can fit well with our voices. Besides, there's another surprise, I'm going to play the piano at the beginning."

"Really?" Her eyes widened in surprise as her lips curled into a pleased smile. "That's a good reason."

They walked together toward the stage. He went up first and offered her his hand. "Shall we begin then?"

“Killian! you start in five minutes.”

Liam's voice coming from the other side of the bar brought him back to reality. He looked in his direction and nodded. His brother was serving at the other end while chatting animatedly with Elsa. She had recovered from her illness and had come to see Emma perform.

Emma's friend spent a lot of time with them lately, even she had come up with a plan for the next day that included the four of them. Killian paused for a moment to observe them. The two of them were totally focused on each other as they chatted as if they were sharing something confidential. Killian wondered if maybe something was coming up between them. He also reminded himself that he would have to ask Emma about it.

He shook his head. He would have time for that later. Now he had to focus on his performance. He went into the back room to pick up his guitar and tune the chords before starting. When he came out, he headed toward the stage. The pre-performance adrenaline run through his veins, his muscles tensed in anticipation.

Emma was already waiting for him in her usual spot, on one side of the stage, a wide smile of encouragement drawn on her face. If things were different he could kiss her senseless before climbing the stage. For now, though, he could only settle for a tight embrace. Their bodies united for a few seconds while he buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her intoxicant scent. He had become accustomed to these hugs as a prelude to his performance. It was as if the contact with her body gave him the necessary energy to give the best of himself up the stage.

Before pulling away, she gave him a soft kiss on his cheek as she lightly squeezed his arm. He, in turn, took two deep breaths and smiled back as he nodded. He was prepared. Emma held up the camera as she told him. "Don’t think I’m taking my eyes off you for a second."

"I would despair if you did, love. I'll see you in a while up there." He winked at her before walking to the center of the stage where Liam was already announcing the performance.

As the public began to clap and cheer, Liam stepped aside as he patted his shoulder. Killian turned, looking for the sound engineer, and nodded subtly. His heart pounded against his rib cage as the music began to sound, wrapping the entire room. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, his gaze sought Emma. There she was, in the middle of the crowd, right in front of the stage, camera in hand. She smiled at him as she nodded. That was all he needed. His fingers slid over the strings of the guitar, generating the first chords as his vocal cords began to vibrate. And the magic appeared in the form of a melody.

For the next minutes, he devoted himself to the music. He let it flow through his body, as the public accompanied him enthusiastically, chanting the songs and cheering him with applause and whistles. Despite being focused on music, he kept track of Emma's movements. She, in turn, kept taking pictures of the crowd, but above all, of him. He couldn’t wait to have her by his side. Although he would never recognize it, Liam's idea of Emma singing with him had been brilliant, on all levels.

He continued to sing a couple more songs, moving around the stage and encouraging the audience to sing along with him. Tonight there was something in the atmosphere that made him feel more exhilarated than on previous occasions. He let himself go and enjoyed the most of the moment. After one last song in which he gave everything of himself, the moment to share the stage finally came.

The last musical notes still echoed in the room when he grabbed the microphone with both hands and set out to introduce Emma.

"Thank you all, you are the best!" He shrieked, his breathing trying to normalize after the previous effort. "We still have one last performance as a colophon for this special night. I ask for the loudest of the applause to welcome a great and talented person, a good co-worker, and the best friend that anyone can have. I present to you all, Emma Swan!"

She was ravishing tonight, he thought as he watched her step onto the stage. He was going to have a very hard time concentrating while Emma looked at him this way, so intense and suggestive. Her lips curved into a smile he wanted to erase with his own lips on hers. But he was a professional first, so before the music sounded, he gave her a brief hug as he handed the microphone to her. He could feel she was nervous, this was new to her, after all. In an attempt to reassure her and before he took his place on the piano, he whispered in her ear, "remember the rehearsals, love, let yourself go, everything will turn out well." He squeezed her arm slightly, Emma nodding with a small smile. Then he walked back to the piano, trying to pull himself together.

Once more, he closed his eyes for a second, put his hands on the keys and after two deep breaths, began to sing.

Their performance was everything he had imagined and more. Killian was especially inspired with the piano that night even though he hadn’t played the instrument for some time. That night, though, his fingers slid over the keys as if they had a life of their own. His voice sounded totally tuned, filling with Emma's to perfection.

Perhaps her presence was what inspired him to give the best of himself. She was a goddess on stage. Maybe it was his partial vision because of his feelings for her, but the truth was that she was a natural there. Once the initial nerves were over, she got into the performance, encouraging the crowd to sing with them. She jumped, and gestured towards him, as in the part of ‘give me a call’ in which she simulated she was holding a phone while holding his gaze. He was surprised that he could be so attuned to such distraction in front of him.

When the performance ended, his heart was beating frantically against his chest, his body was sweating but he was all plentiful, the discharge of adrenaline had had its effect. That was why he couldn’t resist the temptation and pulled Emma towards him, wrapping her in a tight embrace she responded to with the same enthusiasm, to his satisfaction. After a few seconds, they separated a little, but they held their arms around each other's waists. The public was still roaring and cheering around them, so they thanked them with a bow as they waved their hands.

Before leaving the stage, though, Emma had something prepared. She grabbed the microphone again, addressing the audience. Her voice was still slightly breathless after her performance.

"Thank you very much to everyone for joining us tonight, and we hope to see you again next week in a new session of 'Saturdays in concert.' Remember, you can visit our website and leave your comments there. And you can also say what song you would like us to sing together next time.Thank you!" Emma applauded the audience, getting well deserved new cheers. Killian was impressed with this brilliant woman. She not only was able to shine on top of a stage but had the ability to seize the opportunity to boost their business. His admiration for her grew at times.

The ovation of the crowd accompanied them on their way to the bar, where Liam and Elsa were waiting for them. His heart swelled in his chest as he saw the proud smile his brother was wearing. Liam's approval represented the world to him, after all he had done for him in recent years.

"Very well done guys." Elsa greeted them with an amused smile. "You two make a great team up there."

"You don’t have to thank me for having this great idea," Liam added, waving his hand in front of them.

Emma snorted at his side at Liam's words and he was about to reply, but then he realized that Elsa had looked away as her lips curled into a thinly concealed smile. He followed her gaze, checking that what Elsa was watching was his hand and Emma's, which remained entwined since they left the stage.

That didn’t seem to matter to her since she made no attempt to free her hand, so he ventured, giving her a slight squeeze, while his thumb brushed her palm. Far from pushing her away, she turned her gaze to him, her lips drawing a small smile, matching his own. He then looked at his brother, who was giving him a penetrating look that contained a special glow. He could also notice that Liam nodded almost imperceptibly. It was as if he were telling him, without needing to express it aloud, that he was following the right path on his journey to win Emma's heart.

Two hours later all the customers had already left The Kraken with the exception of Elsa, who had even helped them clean up after closing. They were now sitting at the bar sharing shots to celebrate another successful night. It was nice to share these moments of camaraderie with the most important people in his life. The addition of Elsa to the small group was an incentive, as it had been like a burst of fresh air, giving them the opportunity to carry on new experiences.

And that was what they were talking about in that moment, about the new idea Elsa had offered them as a plan to hang out together. The idea of going ice-skating to an outdoor artificial ice rink that worked during the winter hadn’t seemed too attractive at first. Killian had barely skated previously and felt a bit clumsy in that aspect. But little by little, he began to see the advantages of the plan. Since both he and Emma seemed to have the same level of clumsiness, perhaps they would have to hold each other to avoid falling to the ground. Yes, it was definitely not a bad idea. Not at all.

"I'm not sure I like that plan." Emma, sat next to him, didn’t seem so convinced. "I mean, it's freezing outside, and I don't want to fall on the ice, just thinking about it makes me shiver." She groaned as she crossed her arms and rubbed them with her both hands as if she wanted to warm herself up. Her lips pursed in a pout that meant to show annoyance but which Killian found adorable.

"Oh, come on, Emma, we'll have a good time, you just get soaked up. Exercise will make you warm up soon." Elsa encouraged her.

"Well, guys, I don't know about you, but I'm starving. What do you say if we close and go to the restaurant next door? You're coming with us, aren't you, Elsa?" Killian raised an eyebrow at hearing his brother refer to Elsa directly. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but all this looked promising.

That's how they ended up at a twenty-four-hour open restaurant eating pizza at two in the morning. They chose a booth away from the entrance, Elsa and Liam sitting together, while Emma was at his side, in front of them. Sleep seemed to have abandoned them all despite the hour, no one was in a hurry to go to bed. Instead, they chatted nonchalantly about any subject that went through their heads, making the half-empty premises fill with their voices and laughter.

At some point, Killian put his arm around Emma's shoulders as she placed her hand on his thigh, close to his knee. It was an innocent gesture, just a display of affection between two close friends. He was aware, though, that the image they gave to the rest of the people was quite different. Anyone who saw them that way could think of them as a couple. But as long as he could maintain that confidence and closeness with Emma, he couldn’t care less what people might think about it.

What he had with Emma now was so precious that he was not going to risk losing it by acting hastily. He had the impression that Emma could feel for him more than a simple friendship, especially if he compared it to her relationship with Liam, the other person closest to her. However, her fear of ending with her heart broken again kept her paralyzed.

But he was a patient man. And these new opportunities offered by both her brother and Elsa were bringing them closer. For that reason, the plan to go skating was so attractive. It was the perfect excuse to maintain the physical contact between them, something to which he found more and more difficult to resist himself.

Perhaps if he added an incentive to the experience, it would improve even more. The corners of his lips rose slightly as an idea settled on his head. "What do you think, guys, if we make a bet?"

The three of them looked at him, with the same expression of strangeness on their faces. Once he got their attention, he continued. "The first to fall to the ground tomorrow will have to pay a round of drinks to the others."

Elsa smirked. "I like that idea. I know that no matter what happens, I'm going to get free drinks tomorrow."

Liam, though, didn’t seem so convinced. "We are not especially skilled in this matter. I don’t get the point, it is very likely that the first thing that happens as soon as any of us step on the ice is that we fall."

"You know I like a challenge, brother. What do you say, Swan? Are you aiming to get this idiot to buy us some drinks?" As he spoke, he held his arm even more tightly around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him.

"Yeah, we're going to beat you, Liam."

"Hey, that's not fair. This is supposed to be an individual competition and you two have already allied against me." Liam grumbled, frowning as he pointed to both of them.

"Don’t complain, you have an expert to help you stand up. You're going to help my clumsy brother, aren't you, Elsa?" Killian cocked his head slightly, his teasing words disguised in an innocent tone.

Elsa's cheeks flushed furiously, raising Killian's suspicions that something between them could come up. He was glad if that happened. Liam had been so focused on taking care of him in the first place and then running the business and trying to keep it afloat that he had barely had time for himself. Elsa was perfect for him, sweet and calm but with great determination. Maybe they just needed a little push…

Liam's sigh brought him back to reality. He seemed to have resigned himself because then he held up his beer. "Okay, do we have a deal?"

Everyone toasted as a way to close the deal. The friendly talk still went on for a while. Killian hoped the next day's plan would bring them at least as good a time as they had experienced today.

It was a cold, Sunday morning. Killian adjusted the beanie he wore to protect himself from the cold and rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm himself. He could feel his fingers almost frozen despite the protection of his gloves. The idea of ice-skating was no longer so appealing to him, especially as the cold filtered through his bones as he waited for the lasses. They were late.

"There they are, at last." His brother gave him a nudge to catch his attention as he pointed to them.

Bloody hell. Emma was impressive on that Sunday morning. She wore a beanie, her golden hair falling in curls and framing her features. Her cheeks had a rosy hue, her bright eyes and her gleaming smile were enough to warm both his body and his heart.

The two brothers greeted the two friends with kisses on their cheeks. After a brief chat, they all approached the skating rink and slipped on their skates. The moment his feet came into contact with the ground, he had to cling to the railing to avoid falling. Bloody hell, this was going to be more complicated than it seemed at first. How on earth would he stand on only two blades on that slippery rink?

Killian looked around, both Liam and Emma had the same problem to keep their balance. Emma's expression even showed a little panic. Fortunately, Elsa soon came to their rescue. Since she was the expert on the subject, she stood before them, prepared to give them a little lesson. Elsa taught them the basic notions, showing infinite patience to their endless questions and reassuring all their fears. Killian listened attentively, feeling somehow like one of the children Elsa taught to skate. He was willing to absorb everything she could offer him if that would help him stay up long enough not to be the first to fall.

"Okay guys, so far the theory. Now let's start practicing slowly. You two look at our movements," Elsa said to the two brothers. Though her words held their usual soft tone, she imprinted a touch of firmness in her voice. "Emma, come with me."

"What? Why me?" Emma cringed a bit at his side, her panicked expression became more evident.

"Come on, don’t be afraid. I won’t let you down." Her soft, reassuring voice seemed to have an effect on Emma. When Elsa held out her hand to her, she seemed hesitant at first, but then grabbed her friend's hand firmly.

That's my girl, he thought with pride. The two women moved in front of them, Emma emulating Elsa's movements as she tried to keep her balance. The addition of Emma to this kind of masterclass was an incentive, no doubt, since he could observe her carefully without being embarrassed by it. Once Elsa made sure that the three of them had assimilated the basics it was time to move to the next level. She offered Emma her hand again. "Now let's skate a bit through the skating rink. Slowly, just so you can gain confidence, okay?"

Emma nodded hesitantly but gripped Elsa's hand firmly. Both began to move away with slow movements at first, Elsa holding Emma's hand as she did her best to move without falling.

Slowly, Emma was gaining confidence in her movement, printing a little more speed as she slid down the rink. Killian couldn’t take his eyes off her, following her every move. He felt bewitched by her rosy cheeks both from the exercise as from the cold of the surroundings, by her hair dancing in the wind as she moved. And by her smile, hesitant at first, but that was widening as her confidence increased. She was a goddess and she seemed to perform a show just for him. At least it was what he deduced when from time to time she was looking at him, her gaze so intense that it could take his breath away.

"Close your mouth little brother." His brother's voice filled with amusement brought him out of his reverie.

He finally turned his gaze from Emma and fixed it on Liam's as he mumbled. "I don’t know about you, but I'm trying to learn not to be the first to fall. The bet is still up, older brother." His lips curled into a smirk as his eyebrow rose defiantly.

Liam snorted at his side but didn’t reply to him. They both continued to stare at the ladies in silence. In a few minutes, the two lasses skated in their direction, both of them clearly excited as they approached.

Maybe it was the speed or maybe Emma still didn’t control the skates at all. The case was that she rushed directly at him with so much momentum that Killian had to hold her with one hand and cling to the railing with the other to avoid both ended on the ground.

"Easy, Swan. You don’t want us to lose the bloody bet before we start playing."

"Whoa, it's been incredible." Emma made no attempt to move away from him, to Killian's satisfaction. It was a delightful to see her with that level of emotion, she almost vibrated in his arms.

"Okay, next level." After catching her breath, Elsa continued. "Since Emma is no longer a beginner, I'm going to take Liam now, while you, Killian, let her guide you. Remember, guys, it's important to keep our balance point, don't hold your weight on the other, use your joined hands as support to keep your balance. And don't be afraid, let yourself go and have fun!”

Killian had to admit that he had some respect for the ice. He had always preferred water in its liquid state and found it much less dangerous to sail in a rough sea than to slip on the damn slippery ice. But he liked a challenge. He had set a clear goal, that he and Emma would stand for longer than Liam. And, if to beat his brother he had to skate, so be it.

"What do you say, love? Do we show these two what we can do together?" As he spoke, he offered her his hand and she took it with determination and a smile drawn on her face.

"Sure, let's go."

Emma grabbed his hand and they began to move, moving away from the safety offered by the railing. It was much more difficult than he imagined, he had to make great efforts to avoid falling to the ground. Still, having Emma by his side was an incentive as she managed to convey the confidence he needed to keep moving.

They began to move faster, the grip on the ice felt firmer, and Emma's support helped keep his balance. Once overcoming his initial fears, Killian found himself enjoying the experience more than he imagined at first.

The initial cold he felt was gone. The mixture of exercise and seeing Emma with that carefree, happy expression as she gripped his hand while occasionally smirking confidently, was enough to warm him.

Killian reached for his brother and found him a few steps ahead of them as he tried, and almost failed, to keep his balance. Despite Elsa's help, Liam didn’t seem to be having a particularly good time. He moved up and down his free hand, unable to control his body on the skates. Killian's lips curled into a smirk. It was only a matter of time before Liam fell to the ice.

After a few minutes, the self-confidence he felt was such that he dared to let go of Emma for a few seconds. She wanted to take a picture —how not?—, so she let go of his hand while looking for her phone and skated away a few steps to get a better angle. After taking a couple of photos, she came up to him again, with somewhat hesitant movements as Killian reached out and pulled her to him. He held her in his arms as they regained their balance. When they had already gained stability, Emma held up her phone to take a couple of selfies of the two of them together, immortalizing in this way the great moment they were experiencing.

"It's my turn now, Swan. Hold on there for a moment." Killian felt the need to keep a picture of Emma for the memory. He skated slowly, moving away from her, took his phone out of his pocket and took a few photos, capturing the image of Emma all excited, vibrant and joyful.

Just as he began to approach her again, something happened that froze his heart and paralyzed him completely. Killian watched in horror as a damn reckless guy swooped over Emma at full speed, causing her to fall to the floor, her head and shoulder slamming into the icy surface.

"Emma!" A gasp escaped his throat as he staggered, suddenly feeling the damn skates as an obstacle to reaching her. When he finally got to where Emma lay on the ground, Killian knelt, his gaze traveling frantically over her face to determine her condition. "Emma, love, are you alright?" He didn’t bother to hide the worry in his voice. It was at that moment that he discovered she was bleeding through an open wound just above her left eyebrow.

Emma looked confused, but fortunately, she hadn’t lost consciousness. She tried to sit up, but at that moment a wince of pain crossed her face as she reached for her left arm. "Shit, my shoulder hurts like hell."

"You think you can get up, love? You're going to get frozen on that bloody ice." Killian realized that it was hard for Emma to fix her gaze, so his worry grew, his heart caught in his throat as he struggled against the laces of her skates, his trembling fingers refusing to cooperate.

Liam and Elsa arrived at that moment, Elsa knelt at his side, with concern marked on her face. "What happened?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "We have to get her out of here, her clothes are soaking in the ice. Liam, can you help us?"

When Killian looked up at his brother, his gaze met the damn asshole that had caused all that. He was a little away talking to a group of people, totally oblivious to what he himself had caused, laughing and having a good time. The sight of the unconcerned dude in contrast to Emma's pitiful situation was too much for him.

A sudden rage seized him, clouding his reason. "I'm going to kill that asshole." He mumbled as he sat up abruptly, arms on both sides of his body, his hands curled into fists and his jaw clenched. He felt an urgent need to discharge all his fury and worry in the form of a punch in the face of that guy with the aim of erasing his stupid grin.

Just as he was moving toward the guy, something slowed him. His brother seemed to see his intentions, because he reached him in an instant, his firm grip on his arm preventing his advance and causing him to turn. "Hey, Killian, look at me."

Killian forced himself to take two deep breaths, trying to calm his inner agitation. Reluctant at first, he finally looked at his brother. When Liam seemed sure of getting his attention, he began to speak in a slow voice. "Believe me, brother, I'm the first one who wants to go for the guy who's harmed Emma, but we have a priority. She needs you now."

Emma's mention was all he needed to come to reason again. He took a deep breath once more, trying to slow his racing heart, letting his fury fade away. Killian nodded then and knelt, taking his place beside Emma.

He searched her gaze for any hint of her condition. She looked back at him, but her eyes had lost all of their previous vivacity. "Emma, let's get you up, do you think you can walk?" She nodded in silence, the corner of her lip raised slightly in an attempt of a tiny smile.

Killian's heart broke when he saw her in that state. A few minutes earlier she was full of life and now she was barely able to stay conscious. It was as if the fall had drained all her energy. Although his inner rage still persisted, he tried to put all his efforts into ensuring her well-being.

They managed to get her off the rink and reached a nearby bench. Emma had started to shiver, so he didn’t hesitate and took off his coat to put it over her shoulders while rubbing her arms in an attempt to warm her up.

Elsa was trying to plug the wound over her eyebrow, but this one was still bleeding and from the grimace on her face it looked like her shoulder was still aching. They had to take her to the hospital.

He searched her gaze again. "Emma, love, we're going to take you to ER, so they can check your shoulder and head, okay?"

She nodded again and finally spoke, her voice coming out in barely a murmur through a small smile. "It seems that I lost the challenge and it’s my turn to buy you all a round of drinks."

A wave of affection swept over him, and an almost irrepressible desire to take her in his arms. He felt unable to hide his feelings and at that moment he could not care less.

Elsa and Emma were taking too long. Liam and he had been waiting for what seemed like hours in the waiting room of the hospital. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize he was wiggling his leg up and down until Liam laid his hand on his knee.

"Calm down, Killian, they will come out at any moment."

He tried, he really did, but as time passed without news of Emma, he was getting more and more nervous. The fury that seemed to have diluted before, was now coming back with more force. He wasn’t only angry with the asshole who had hurt Emma, but also with himself. I should not have let go of her hand. That thought kept repeating itself over and over in his head, making him feel more and more guilty about what had happened. And if that were not enough, another even more frustrating thought threatened to drain the little composure he still had. It should be me who was accompanying her inside.

But Elsa was her emergency contact and also her roommate so it was right if she was the one beside her at the moment. After all, he was just a friend, he repeated to himself bitterly.

Bloody hell… He stood up, unable to stand still any longer and began pacing up and down. He felt like a caged animal, while impotence crawled over him, finding himself unable to do anything to help Emma.

To make matters worse, his ghosts of the past, those who were buried in the most hidden corner of his memories, threatened to emerge to the surface, bringing back to his mind the reminder of one of his most heartbreaking experiences.

"It's going to be okay, Killian. It's just been a heavy hit." Killian had been so focused on his own miseries that he hadn’t realized that his brother had also risen, getting in his way.

Liam searched his gaze as he laid his hand on his shoulder, giving him an affectionate squeeze. "I know what you're thinking, brother." Liam addressed him in a slow voice, as he always did when he tried to calm him down. "Emma will be fine."

That was all Killian needed. His brother had always acted as a lifeline to which he could cling to the hard times. And this time it was not going to be less. The confidence that denoted both his words and his eyes were enough to make him calm down. He felt his muscles relax instantly at the touch of his brother as he nodded, his lips drawing the ghost of a smile.

"I know it's frustrating, you feel helpless and you want to be in there with her. But Emma is in good hands, Killian."

"I know ... but she's always so strong, and yet after the fall, she seemed so fragile..." He trailed off, hating the vulnerability his voice displayed, but he couldn’t help feeling a strong instinct for protection towards Emma.

Liam was about to reply when something caught their attention on the other side of the hall. They both turned in the direction of the sound, and, finally, Killian let out the breath he had been holding as the two lasses appeared.

Elsa was holding a weak Emma. Her face was pale, a large dressing covered the wound over her eyebrow and her left arm was in a sling. Killian clenched his jaw, the previous rage threatening to appear again at the thought of the guy who had brought them to this situation.

The moment Emma noticed him, though, she seemed to gather all her strength, since she threw herself into his arms suddenly, clinging to his body as she buried her face against his chest. After his initial shock at the unexpectedness of her movement, he held her in his arms, holding her tightly as his hand gently caressed her back up and down.

Killian searched for Elsa's gaze, encouraging her to explain with a nod.

"She's got a little concussion, nothing serious, apparently, but the doctor has recommended that someone take care of her for the next twenty-four hours. I'll have to wake her up every two or three hours to make sure everything's okay."

“And what about her shoulder?” Liam asked.

"She got a bad bruise, but fortunately there is no rupture or dislocation, she will only have to wear the sling a couple of days. The doctor has administered her some pain relievers."

"I'm fine." Emma mumbled against his shirt. She turned her head a little looking for Liam. "But I'm afraid today you'll have to work without me at the bar." Emma was dragging her words, a sign that the painkillers were working.

He couldn’t help it and held her even more tightly in his arms, careful not to damage her shoulder any further. She didn’t seem to mind him, on the contrary, as she curled up against him. Killian was aware that Elsa would be in charge of taking care of Emma during the night. After all, they lived together and he had other obligations. Still, that didn’t stop him from feeling powerless and frustrated because he couldn’t do anything else for her. Perhaps for that reason, their embrace persisted a little longer, both reluctant to abandon each other's arms.

"Well, I don’t know about you, but I'm already tired of this hospital. Shall we go so that this lass can rest?" As he spoke, Liam gave him an apologetic look.

They walked silently down the hospital corridors, Killian holding Emma by her waist. When they reached the area where their cars were parked it was also time to say goodbye.

Emma seemed reluctant to leave the shelter in his arms. After a few seconds of hesitation, though, she pulled away a little as she gave him a shy smile, matching her gaze.

"I'll call you in a little while, okay? Take the time to rest, Swan." She nodded. Though her smile still lingered, she looked exhausted. Both the hit and the drugs were taking their toll. In a rush of tenderness, he cupped her face with both hands and laid a soft kiss on her forehead, before gently pushing her and helping her into Elsa's vehicle as Liam kept the door open.

Killian helped her to fasten her seatbelt and when he looked at her again, her eyes were closed. With a sigh of resignation, he closed the door gently and turned to Elsa.

"If you notice that she gets worse or needs anything, just call me and I'll be there." Killian paused for a moment. Maybe he was exposing himself too much. After all, Elsa didn’t know his true feelings towards Emma, but after the last events It was difficult to control his emotions. "And thanks for taking care of her, truly."

"Sure, it's the least I can do. And don’t worry, she'll be fine." Her quiet voice and reassuring words had their effect on Killian. He returned her a smile of gratitude. "By the way, I'm afraid of the moment when I have to wake her up in the middle of the night. We all know how bad she feels when she has to wake up early."

"Well, if she yells, growls, or lets out curses, you'll know she's on the right track in her recovery." Liam joked, getting a little giggle out of them and thus releasing some of the tension that reigned over them after Emma's accident.

After the brief distended moment, Killian continued. "I'll replace you tomorrow morning, so you can continue with your routine activities."

Before stepping into the car, Elsa glanced at Liam with a strange expression on her face, perhaps apologetic? He could not identify it. His brother, in response, nodded almost imperceptibly, but that didn’t go unnoticed by him. Killian narrowed his eyes, watching the two of them more closely, what was going on here? He would have time to appreciate it later, during the endless hours at The Kraken without Emma's company.

Elsa got finally into her car after one last look at them. In a few seconds, the vehicle drove away until it was out of sight, leaving Killian alone with a tight heart filled with helplessness and a still lingering worry. He sighed heavily as he ran his hand over his face. It was going to be a very long night without Emma at his side.

Liam

Liam brought the cup of coffee to his lips, lost in thought as he waited for Elsa. They would meet for breakfast in a cafe and take the opportunity to talk about their failed plan. Once again. Killian had left home early after having slept, or at least tried, just a couple of hours after returning from the bar.

A few minutes later the cafe door opened and Elsa appeared. She looked around until she met his gaze, sending him a small smile. There was no doubt that the night had been hard for her as she had to watch over Emma's sleep. Her tired expression and swollen eyes were a good sign of it. Yet, the lack of sleep and enduring Emma's moodiness hadn’t succeeded in diminishing the serenity her features always conveyed.

Liam welcomed her with a soft kiss on her cheek, a habitual act lately, as their relationship became closer by having to work as allies with a common cause. She dropped into the seat in front of him, making a signal to the waitress. Elsa's love of coffee was something she shared with her roommate. Emma couldn’t function properly if she didn’t get her adequate dose of caffeine, and neither did Elsa.

"You look exhausted. It's been a long night, I guess."

"Yeah," she sighed. "Emma can sometimes be too stubborn and she hasn’t taken it well to have to wake up in the middle of the night on several occasions."

Liam gave her a knowing smile. Of course, he knew Emma's stubborn side and her badass attitude, in contrast to the soft side she'd only occasionally revealed, especially when Killian was involved.

"Well, that's a good sign, isn’t it?" The image of a fragile Emma in his brother’s arms was something that had affected them all. "That means she's back to herself.”

"Indeed." Elsa giggled. "You should have seen the way she received your brother this morning. She was sulking like that —I don't need a nanny—." Elsa mimicked Emma's sullen voice.

"That's my girl." Liam answered, unable to avoid a hint of pride in his voice. Both the strength and bravery that characterized Emma were admirable. "Let me guess, my brother sure did return some comment to the height, right?"

"Oh, of course. He put on that characteristic gesture of his, you know, his eyebrow naughty arched and that wide smirk while he answered something like that, — well, love, technically I'm not your nanny, but your nurse.—” This time Elsa imitated both Killian's voice and his expression, causing Liam to break into laughter at such a good performance. "Emma didn’t take it well, of course, and she threw one of those glares at him. Fortunately, it didn't go beyond that and when I went back to the living room to say goodbye before leaving, I found them like this."

Elsa grabbed her phone, searching for something, then showed it to him. It was a picture of Killian and Emma, the two of them deep asleep on the couch curled up in each other's arms.

His lips curled into a wide smile of satisfaction. "It looks like our plan wasn’t so failed, after all, was it?"

"Yeah, did you see how they clung to each other in the hospital? It was as if  they had forgotten to hide their feelings. It´s a shame they are both so terrified that they don’t dare to take the next step.”

They spent the next few minutes talking about Emma and Killian, about their obvious approach, about how it became increasingly difficult for them to hide their feelings.

They talked about the Saturday concert in which the chemistry between them was explosive or at the good time they had on Sunday while they skated until the accident happened.

While talking about skating, an image jumped into Liam's mind, Elsa's showing all her skill on skates. He had been greatly impressed not only by her skill and the elegance of her movements but also by her great patience as she taught them and her tenacity to avoid letting him fall.

"You were magnificent yesterday, by the way. You're very talented, Elsa." They had already dedicated a lot of time to the couple of lovers, there was never a bad time for a real conversation between them. And a compliment was the first thing he found to carry it out. "You looked like a professional on the ice rink."

Elsa's cheeks dyed a soft pink hue as she turned her gaze to the mug in front of her. "Well, in fact, I was a professional skater for a while."

Liam's eyes widened in surprise. He had no knowledge of that information and suddenly found himself wanting to know more about Elsa's past. "It's not that I have anything against teaching children to skate, but is there any reason why you stopped competing?"

Elsa didn’t answer at once. Her thoughtful expression seemed to suggest that she was remembering old memories. When she spoke, her eyes had a special glow.

"Our aunt Ingrid died when Anna was too young to fend for herself. She was sixteen and I was nineteen, so leaving her alone for long periods of time while I was competing didn’t seem plausible to me at the time. We had lost too much in our lives, I couldn’t leave her alone."

A wave of tenderness came over him as he listened to her confession. He felt totally identified with her story since he himself had experienced something similar with his brother.

"That's commendable of you, Elsa."

"Well, you did something like that for your brother, so I guess you'll know how it feels."

Yes, of course he knew. He knew what it meant to take care of his brother when he himself was still too young. He knew what it meant to give up his dream of starting a military career at the naval school. But there was something he was clear about. He would do the same thing over and over if he got the almost full life that both Killian and himself were enjoying now. A business of his own, good friends, a stable life and his loyal brother always by his side, having overcome all obstacles that life had put before them.

His admiration for Elsa grew at times when he remembered that she hadn’t only taken care of Anna but, from the moment she met Emma, she had also decided to take care of her somehow. Although Emma and Anna had gone to the same university, the two blondes had connected much more, creating a very strong bond between them.

They talked for a few more minutes sharing experiences from their hardest years. The level of understanding between them was high having passed both by similar situations. Liam found himself very comfortable talking to Elsa. It was as if he had discovered someone with whom he could share all his fears and all his worries. He knew in advance that she wasn’t going to judge him because she herself would also be reflected in him.

Time passed without realizing it, they were so caught up in the conversation. Their respective coffees lay abandoned on the table, turned into a cold and brown undrinkable liquid.

Suddenly, Elsa's phone, placed on the table, began to vibrate, thus breaking their conversation. It was then that she realized the time it was. "Oh, God, I'm late!" An expression of disappointment crossed her face. "I still have to go and make some arrangements before lessons start." Elsa seemed to hesitate for a moment but then continued. "Are we moving forward with our plan?"

"Sure, but no risky sports this time, thank you very much." He joked, getting from her an adorable smile. "We're not going to give up, I have the feeling that Killian is almost there. He nearly lost his temper with everything that happened yesterday, I'm sure he just needs a little more push."

"Emma, however, is more closed to the idea, you know, but I know she finds it increasingly difficult to hide her feelings."

An idea had begun to form in his mind and he had a suspicion that things would be better this time. What could fail? "How about a quiet movie evening in my apartment? You could invite Anna and Kristoff to cover us up.”

Elsa seemed to like the idea, since, after assessing it for a few seconds, she arched a brow playfully. "Uhm, a movie night, it sounds good, and since Killian likes a challenge, how about we organize some kind of competition?"

"Something like guessing movies?"

"Yes, I know, it's a silly game and we're supposed to be responsible adults, but it would be fun, and of course, they would go on the same team."

"You're brilliant, Elsa, did you know that?"

She smiled sheepishly, staring at him through her eyelashes, in a gesture that Liam was beginning to find perhaps too attractive for her own good. She held out her hand. "So we have a new plan?"

Liam took her hand, feeling her touch warm and firm. He also felt a spark of electricity running through his body with something he didn’t dare identify.

A few minutes later Elsa had left the cafe, he was still sitting there, her warm touch still lingering on his skin. He shook his head as he let out a sigh and tried to gather his feelings. Even if he tried, it was impossible to ignore the fact that he had begun to feel something he hadn’t experienced for a long, long time. He didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or terrified. Maybe a mix of both feelings was the best choice right now. But he had one thing clear. He was more than willing to continue sharing these moments with Elsa.

Thanks for reading :)