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#sometimes you gotta use your tumblr blog to monologue🧡 or often if you're me
ashtcnirwin · 11 months
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#sometimes you gotta use your tumblr blog to monologue🧡 or often if you're me#one of the interesting things about going from being a young adult to just a straight up adult is how in a matter of 3-4-5 years---#---the foundation of your daily life can and usually will change so drastically#i think back five years and except for my boyfriend. none of the cornerstones of my day-to-day existence back then exist anymore#the friends i saw on a regular basis no longer live here. they've all moved to other parts of the country#work friends aside i now have...four friends left here. as opposed to the 10-12 i had back then#they're scattered all over the country and i'm lucky if i get to see most of them once a year#the job i loved and adored is no longer one i'm working#it actually doesn't exist at all anymore. the building was torn down and the patients scattered all over town#the path i'd gotten started on in life in terms of education and work is no longer one i'm pursuing#the lifestyle i led is a far cry from the one i'm currently leading#and it's funny is all cos you don't realise that all of these changes are happening in the moment#you just look up one day and realise that a whole part of your life is over#this is starting to sound very sad but that's not it at all#cos truth be told youth is no guarantee for happiness. not in my experience anyway#is there a part of me that looks back and feels a little wistful about the carefree existence i had back then? absolutely#but do i wish to be in my early 20s again? no i do not cos at the time i was fighting battles that i've now overcome#and i have far healthier and more fulfilling sources of joy and happiness in my life now than i did back then#i do think 2018 me would have been lowkey horrified to hear that 2020 me got back into the fangirl lifestyle and that 2023 me is still there#cos i'm fairly certain 2018 me thought that was a past chapter#and that i should've long since grown out of it#but i'd never wanna be without all the good things that faceplanting into the 5sos fandom has brought me#like...even not counting 5sos themselves and everything they are and everything they do---#---i'd NEVER wanna be without all the amazing experiences and encounters that being a fan of theirs have brought me#now i'm just sidetracking cos i'm getting a lil emo#point is that the passage of time is very welcome but also very odd when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture of things
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