#sometimes things can be silly and a bit incredulous and thats okay

[ditch-lily]

everytime someone is all oh i love these books but (insert derogatory statement) i'm like. embrace cringe. be free

[fabulouspotatosister]

emotional support timelord(tm)

summary: yes, it does suck that you've been heavily drugged by an unfortunate understanding, but team tardis finds that you are still up and meme-ing! mostly.

anyway just take this. idk what this even is i just wanted to write this after seeing “emotional support timelord” on a post lmao

"Where have you been?"

That's Yaz's voice - or at least, you hope it's Yaz's voice. There's a firm hand gripping your arm, the faint, far-away sounds of a busy street, and the feeling of cold stone against your back. Where am I? What...

"I haven't - " You blink. "I was just with you guys, I didn't go anywhere."

You hear Yaz sigh, and you can imagine her turning her head to the side in frustration. "We split up to find you. The rest of the team are all around the city. Are you okay?"

You want to say "I'm fine, I'm totally fine" but your mouth feels like its full of cotton. Instead, a strangled noise escapes you, a cross between a groan and a grunt, and the grip on your arm tightens.

"Can you walk?" It's Yaz again, concern coating her words. You must look terrible for her to sound like that. You manage a nod, but the motion makes your head spin. You groan again, feeling your arm escape Yaz's grasp, but she catches you just as fast as you're falling.

"Okay, you're not walking like that," she says finally, holding your arm and throwing it over your shoulder. Yaz is warm, really warm, so you lean into her, breathing shallow. You're so sleepy. When did you get so sleepy? "Come on."

You feel yourself being moved, being lifted, and you drift. Time moves forward in lurches - sometimes, all you can feel is the leather of Yaz's jacket on your cheek and other times you can hear the sounds of a city around you, feel the biting wind against your face. Sometimes, you can hear Yaz speak, pleas for you to stay awake, before you slip into darkness.

You jolt awake when you hear someone shouting your name faintly - Ryan. Blearily, you try to get a good look at him, only to see a dark blue person-shaped blob standing against a tall building. Beside him seems to be Graham, hands in his pockets. You raise a hand weakly.

"Doc! They're back!" Graham shouts, and another vaguely person shaped shape emerges from behind a door - not the TARDIS, you note. The person raises their hands in the air (in excitement? Exasperation? Both?) before running over to you and Yaz. It's only until the person's close to you that you see the curling blonde hair, the lilac jacket and the bright inquisitive eyes that you realize who it is.

"Doctor?" you manage, then internally flinch at the sound of your voice. It sounds rough, like you haven't drunk water in years, and it's terrible. You try to look up at the Doctor, but find yourself squinting at the sun - suns? - behind her.

"Where'd you find her?" the Doctor asks, looking up at Yaz.

"Near where we parked the TARDIS. It was like - like she'd run away from something, but couldn't make it far enough," Yaz says.

"Agh, worm," you mumble, impassioned. They were probably right. Terrible, indeed.

(You hear Graham incredulously say "worm?!" to Ryan, who can only laugh and say "worm" back at him.)

There's only silence before the buzzing, whirring noise of the Doctor's sonic fills the air, the sound getting louder and softer as she scans your body. The noise is a lot in your muddled state. It's actually piercing. You wince, earning you a soft and familiar "sorry".

"What's wrong with her?" When did Ryan get here? "Is she okay?"

"She's been drugged," the Doctor began, "special blend native only to this planet. They must have thought she was an invader when we stepped out of the TARDIS. To them, it's an instant tranquilizer, but for humans… it just slows them down a lot. Yaz, help me -"

You feel Yaz shift, feel her unhook your arm from her shoulder, and the you're weightless for a moment, before you're caught in someone else's arms. You smell tea, and peppermint, and you know --

"Oof," you mutter, leaning into the Doctor's touch. "Feels organic."

You hear Ryan cough.

"Are we heading back to the TARDIS, then?" Graham asks.

"Yeah," she says, an air of finality in her voice. She pulls your arm around her shoulder, just like Yaz did, but her hold is a little bit firmer, a touch… more protective. She's got her arm around your shoulder too, the touch of her hand like an anchor.

And you drift again. It's not fun, you realize, because it feels like whoever was writing your life didn't want you awake for the boring parts. Conversation drifts through the team, Yaz occasionally speaking up, Graham cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and Ryan asking the Doctor questions about the drug, which she was all too happy to answer.

"You see, Ryan, this drug - it's meant to keep intruders at bay so they can be captured and interrogated." The Doctor's voice is like a beacon, so you try to hang on to it, clinging to any semblance of concsiousness so you could stay awake for longer and not be completely useless. "It knocks species of the same physiology as them out right away, but for some reason it doesn't process as quickly through humans. Why does it do that? I might have to run a few tests when we get back. Maybe I could ask them for a sample!"

At "knocks them out right away", you groan. "God, I wish that were me."

"No, you don't," the Doctor says suddenly, probably not understanding that you just wanted to sleep. "That drug also can be fatal without the antidote. So hopefully I can synthesize one - "

Suddenly, there's a booming noise, and the Doctor staggers backwards, taking you with her -- and then in front of you is a large, hulking being, definitely larger than the whole team combined. It's silhouetted by the light of the planet's suns, casting a shadow over you.

That was the one that --

You stiffen, something in you recognizing that it was the one that might have drugged you, and the Doctor turns to you, something stirring in those bright eyes of hers. Then, she turns away to face the being, staring it down (or up? It was quite tall, after all).

"Did you do this to my friend?" the Doctor asks, planting one booted foot in front of the other.

The being is silent for a long time, before it bows. "I apologize. We did not mean to hurt your companion. We simply made a mistake. They ran away before we could administer the antidote for the tranquilizer."

The Doctor hums, and then you notice that she's running her hand up and down your arm. "And you promise to let us leave after this?"

"Yes. You have not commited any crimes against our kind. We thought you were intruders, but you were simply - " The being pauses to think. "Tourists."

"Yeah, well, there's isn't a big difference between intruders and tourists," the Doctor says, and you chuckle weakly. She beams. "How will you administer it?"

"If you would just hand your companion over," the being says, outstretching a giant arm.

Hesistantly, the Doctor unwraps your arm from her shoulder - and then she's gone, a strange vacuum replacing the space that she used to be in, and everything blurred again, the world shifting and moving and -

"...no," you mumble, your words slurring, your mouth not catching up with your brain, the only thing coming to you being a classic line - "no, sir that's my emotional support Time Lord."

You hear what's probably Ryan wheezing from behind you.

"Your what?" the Doctor asks, amused, and you blink at her. No, she wasn't laughing at you, but her arms were crossed and she looked very, very happy. No, no, don't talk -

"Emotional support Time Lord," you say, quieter this time, enunciating the words carefully as if they had a trademark after each one. Yaz is hiding her mouth behind her hand, and Graham's just smiling.

"Oh, that's brilliant," is the Doctor's response, a smile spreading over her features. She reaches out, and, still smiling at you, takes your hand. "That's an honor. Emotional support Time Lord. I might just give up the whole saving the universe business!"

While Yaz breaks out into laughter, the being brushes away some of your hair, and places something very warm on your neck. A tingling sensation spreads from your collarbones to your fingers, and the haze thats been clouding your mind lifts, if only a little bit. Just enough for you to really see the Doctor, and the rest of Team TARDIS, all beaming at you.

"Don't," you warn, and then you promptly fall over.

The Doctor catches you for the second time that day. You cringe up at her, suddenly feeling very silly, but she keeps smiling at you, her face scrunching up in that familiar way that it always does.

You grab her hand and step out of the being's grasp. It may not have a mouth, but it seems like it's smiling at you, so you nod at it. "Thank you."

"You are very welcome," it booms, then it disintegrates, and you're left watching its ashes lift up into the air and zoom away.

"Back to the TARDIS, then?" Yaz asks, and the Doctor nods. "Good, 'cause I was getting a little tired of the double suns."

"Yeah, it's a bit hot, innit?" Graham groans, and you laugh. Except -

The world seems to tilt again, and your heart climbs to your throat. Not again! "Hey, Doctor, did the antidote actually work? Because - I mean - I don't feel so good."

"Too soon!" Ryan mutters, then - "Oh, is something actually - "

The Doctor rushes to you, holding your arm. She turns on the sonic, whirring and buzzing, then brings the device to her face. She scrunches her nose, her mouth open in confusion. "It is working!"

"Then why am I - "

Somewhat mercifully, you black out.

(After you pass out, Ryan solemnly stands over you, hands clasped over his stomach, and says in a quiet tone, "F." He gets a smack from Yaz before she tells him to help pick you up.)

[justauthoring]

One Night Stand

Request: can i request a oneshot please? id like one where you and bellamy secretly like each other but you two are really sarcastic and you fight a lot and one day you two were on a mission and they had to sleep next to each other in a cave and bellamy surprise the reader by putting his arms around her in his sleep and spooning her. just this with a lot of sass and sarcasm, please? thank you :)

Requested by: anonymous.

A/N: Thank you so much for the request, it was such a cute idea! i absolutely loved writing it. By the way, if you’ve requested and still haven’t seen it posted, I apologize. I’m working as quick as i can but i also need breaks and I don’t want to upload too much during one day. Know, that your story has been noted or already written, and is just being waited to be uploaded. I do them in the order I receive.

Warning: fluff.

MASTERLIST

“Princess!” You rolled your eyes, anger rolling off you in waves as you clenched your fists. What could he possibly want now? Straightening out, you turned to look for Bellamy only to gasp when you noticed he was directly in front of you, with no shirt.

You let your eyes wander down his chest, hating yourself for loving every inche of his body. He was rude and cocky and thought he owned the place, but he had an incredible body and you might just like him secretly. But you’ve never done or said anything in fear of rejected. Bellamy was a playboy and liked to sleep with any girl he could get his hands on, you weren’t willing to be a one night stand and why would he give it all up for just you?

But despite that you were always around him. Constantly bickering over things you didn’t agree on, arguing over stupid little things or name calling and insulting. Part of you hated it because it was so silly and you thought that Bellamy thought nothing of it. Sometimes you thought maybe you actually did really annoy him that much.

But despite that, you kept coming back because if that was the only way you were gonna ‘be’ with him, then you’d deal with it.

“What, ol’mighty king.” You snarked back, trying to not let your eyes wander any further on his chest. If he noticed what you were doing, he’d never let you live it down. But when you finally refocused on his face and not his ungodly body, you knew he’d already figured it out.

“See something you like princess?” He smirked down at you, and you fought the blush that threatened to creep up.

Smacking his arm in a none to gentle way, you glared up at him. “No, but maybe you should learn to wear a shirt.” he laughed, before finally stretching a shirt over his head. Make his hair flop slightly and just look a tad bit more adorable then it already did. Okay, now you really needed to stop.

“So, what’d you need me for?” You questioned when his chest was now covered in a blackish-purplish shirt. Part of you wandered what he needed seeing as normally he just came to bother you.

“I need you to come with me on a mission.” He stated, suddenly looking serious. A mission? Bellamy never let you go out of the camp, though you weren’t sure why. You could fight for yourself but every time you’ve tried to join on a hunting revenue or go out to grab herbs and such for Clarke, you’d been stopped by Bellamy. Which would in turn normally end up in a fight.

“Me?” You asked incredulously. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to leave camp. You said it yourself, Blake.” 

Bellamy’s eyes narrowed, and you knew you got him. He hated to be called by his last name but you still did because, well, it pissed him off. “You’re not.” He spat, and you rolled your eyes. “But, I need you specifically on this mission, so it’s just gonna be me and you.”

Ignoring the way your heart fluttered at the thought of just being alone with Bellamy, you feigned excitement. “Oh!” You smiled, smirking secretly at him. Putting on a fake accent you laughed. “How lucky am I, that i get to go one on one with King Bellamy!” You joked.

“Shut up.” Bellamy ordered, flicking you on the forehead. You immediately stopped, holding the assaulted spot. 

“Well, what are we going for exactly?” 

“There’s been reports of grounders lurking around. I need to see if that’s true.” He said and you blinked, this really didn’t seem like your type of job. But you’d finally get to go outside and with just you and Bellamy, so hesitantly, you nodded.

“When do we leave?” You asked, grabbed your pack of water that’d you been refilling. 

“Now.”

Turns out, the whole grounders thing had been a lie. You’d spent all day walking around and searching with Bellamy only to come up empty handed. And when you started to head home a horn had been sounded. It had scared the shit out of you but before you’d been able to ask Bellamy what it was, he’d grabbed your wrist and yanked you into a cave.

So thats where you were now. Huffing at exhaustion and trying to ignore the way your feet ached. You’d never been outside before and though Bellamy seemed perfectly calm at the green hue that floated outside, you were scared.

“What the hell was that?” You huffed, staring at the oddly calm boy before you.

“Acid fog.” He bluntly said.

Your eyes widened and you closed your eyes to take a breather. No wonder Bellamy didn’t want you out. The forest was beautiful and the air felt great, but truthfully this was all too much. “Acid fog?” You questioned.

Bellamy stopped what he was doing to look up at you, giving you a look that meant to stop questioning him. “Yes. We are most likely going to be here all night, you should get some sleep.”

Well, he was in a bad mood. Sighing you obeyed him silently, laying down you used your backpack as a pillow and tried to get comfortable. You felt slightly uncomfortable when Bellamy just directly behind you but you did your best to ignore it. 

You heard some shuffling, but ignored it figuring he was just going to lay down himself. You shivered slightly, bringing your jacket closer around you as you tried to reach for warmth. That was until two arms wrapped themselves around you and you felt warm breath on your neck. You went stiff, not sure on what to do.

You gasped when Bellamy pressed his lips against the back of your neck, bringing you in closer. Angry, you thought he was trying to get some. “Bellamy,” you snapped, “i’m not going to sleep with you.”

“What?” He asked, shocked. And you rolled your eyes. “Yeah, i’m not one of your one night stands.”

“I wasn’t trying to get you sleep with me.” He said, as he snuggled back into you. You tried to ignore the way his big strong arms felt around your waist and how warm he was, all thought of cold gone.

“Then why are you holding me?”

“Because, it’s cold and we need to share body warmth.” You tried to hide your disappointment. But what were you expecting? He would never hold you just because... he wanted to. He didn’t feel that way about you and you don’t know why you expected him to. You were nothing more than the girls he slept with and there was no way he’d having feelings for you.

“Oh,” you said. Trying not to sound too upset. “Well, thank you. I guess.” You leaned into his warmth. This may never happen again so might as well, relish in the warmth.

“Oh, and princess?” He said suddenly.

“Mmm.” 

“You wouldn’t be just a one night stand.”

hope you enjoyed! Again, thank you for the request!

[terraisnotonfire-blog]

Erin, Chapter 2

A warm breeze lifted Erin's cloak as the leaves of the nearby copse of tress rustled, the dapples of sunlight intermittently dancing across the pair of lone figures laying prone  on the knoll.  The dark green cloaks combined with the visual cover provided from the shade made them hard to spot from a distance, only the occasional glint from a crossbow gave them away. But none of the guards atop the wooden ramparts were looking in their direction.   Both of the crossbows were trained  on the door of a cabin in the middle of the makeshift fort, and they had been for quite some time.  Long enough for the smaller figure to become restless.

"So, you uh, you ever handled one of these before."  Jess motioned his head towards the crossbow in his hand before looking at the one in her hand.

"Shh, we're supposed to be quiet." Erin  hissed at her mousey companion.

"Oh come on, we've been sitting her quietly all morning, I'm bored.  If we were gonna be spotted, it would have happened by now.  A little bit of whispering isn't going to hurt anyone.  And who the fuck knows how much longer those two will be.  They probably got lost."

"Yeah, you're probably right. . . No, I haven't.  Only ever had what I could make with my own hands. Well, a friend forged the steel for the daggers, but I made the hilts and sheathes.  Same friend forged all my arrowheads too.  But everything else I made myself." "What about that armor, its awfully fancy, where'd you get it?"

"Made it myself too.  Parents were tanners and leatherworkers, they taught me everything I know.  I make little things here and then, coin purses, wine skins, caps, simple stuff I can manage on the road and use the proceeds to purchase supplies."

"Your work is truly incredible, if you're so skilled, why become an adventurer?"

"What is this, an inquisition? Your turn, you first, why did you become an adventurer?"

"Well, I came from a small town. Parents were simple woodworkers.  They taught me the family trade, same as yours.  But it never fulfilled me.  I never really latched on to making furniture.  I could make a chair and it would hold you up like a chair, but I had no passion for it.  Not the way that you do with that armor.  Truly exquisite, I could never pull of something so inspired."

"If you think my lust for leather always runs this deep, you are mistaken.  This armor and these daggers only look as good as they do because they are things I care about.  The bags and hats I churn out are bland as can be.  I make them because I gotta eat."

"Fair enough.  Then you understand why I turned to adventure.  Making furniture would have allowed me to survive, albeit simply due to the basic designs of my work.  But it certainly wouldn't allow me to live.  I need something more.  I want to make a name for myself.  Especially one as bland as mine.  There is a Jess in every city I go.  Jess the baker, Jess the butcher, Jess the barrel maker.  Its time to give average old Jess's like me someone to aspire to."

"You know its not all bad having an average name.  If there a million Jess's in the world, you can be any Jess you want to be and no one will know the difference."

"Interesting idea.  But personally I prefer to stand out, rather than blend in.  So one day shortly after turning 18, I left my parents shop one day, bought a crossbow with the money I saved up, and set out on the road to adventure, in hopes that one day the name of Jess the Mighty will be known across the land.  So what about you?"

"Well you know most of it by now. Even from a very young age, looking to my future and seeing the life of a leatherworker filled me with nothing but dread.  So when I was a kid I would sneak out in to the woods to practice archery with this crude bow I'd constructed.  My mom found out and rather than get mad she helped me.  She started teaching me how to make armor instead of saddles.  She brought me to the town bowyer to teach me how to make a better bow.  She bandaged every cut and scrape I got.  But as supportive as she was, I could tell it worried her.  So I stayed with them for a while.  On her deathbed she urged me to follow my dreams. And since I didn't have any one left to worry, I set out for Innastorm, and well, here I am."

"Oh I'm so sorry for your loss." Jess's brow sunk as he placed a small furry hand on her shoulder

"Its okay, it wasn't sudden or anything, I had already made my peace.  I've more or less moved on already.  But sometimes I still miss her.  And so I write in this journal as a way of telling her what's going on.  She said it had some sort of enchantment on it that would let those important to you hear your words.  I don't really know what that means but I know shes important to me so I hope my words ring out to her wherever she might be."

"Wow, sounds like you had a really great relationship with your family.  Can't say the same.  All they ever wanted was me to take over the family business.  Never cared about my future or ambitions.  Just wanted me to make beds and cabinets and shit.  Ugh.  If I never see another gouge, it'll be too soon."

"That's unfortunate that whatever skill you accrued would just go to waste.  You shouldn't let your contempt for your parents affect other aspects of your life like that.  Maybe your problem with woodworking isn't the work, but what you were making with it.  The times I'm happiest while leatherworking is when I'm making something thats gonna help me in a fight, like this armor or my quiver.  Maybe you could take a crack at something more you?  Your hands are quite deft, I'm sure you could make something beautiful if you set your mind to it."

"An interesting thought.  I suppose it would give me something to do around the campfire at night.  Imagine the irony of becoming a great adventurer while also surpassing my father as a woodcarver.  The look on his face. . . . You have given me much to think about."

"Well don't think too hard, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Wow, Erin, I think you should leave the witty retorts to me.  What are you gonna start mocking me in a silly voice next?"

"what are you gonna start mocking me in a silly voice next?" she replied in a horribly nasal voice.

Jess chuckled slightly.  "I don't know why but that made me laugh.  Good job.  Now about your wolf, how did her eye--"  Jess's query was interrupted by the sound of splintering lumber.  They both turned their attention to the southside of the bandit camp.  The gate had been broken down and a large man stood where it once resided, a couple of bodies at his feet.  Atop the wall lay two dead guards and the garishly decorated figure of Loramir.  The other guards on the north end, as well as those stationed around the camp immediately began to descend on the pair.

"Show time." Jess raised his crossbow and began firing at the guards on top of the wall, a moment later Erin had her's up and was doing the same.  They fired one after another, knocking bandits off the wall like milk bottles in a shooting gallery.  Before long, they were gone, leaving only the swarm of bandits on the ground storming towards Volfram.  Loramir vaulted off the wall and landed with a graceful tumble next to his comrade.  They squared up back to back as Erin turned her crossbow towards the men.  Jess nudged her with an elbow. "Remember the plan.  I'll focus on the front door, you focus on the back."

"Shouldn't we help them though."

"I don't know, looks like they can handle themselves.  I get the distinct impression that they've done this kind of thing before."

Erin watched with equal parts horror and fascination as the pair set to laying waste to the mob surrounding them..  Volfram swung wide with huge cleaving blows, his greataxe rending men asunder with a single swipe.  Loramir, while ducking and weaving out of the way of Volfram's brutal strikes, delivered precision strikes to those nimble enough to avoid the more overhanded tactics of his partner.  It was a symphony.  A bloody gory symphony of violence and symbiosis.  They had already put a sizable chunk in the horde and showed no signs of slowing down.  "Yeah I guess you're right."

"Come on out you coward.  Show us your fucking face.  I hope you make that same stupid expression you have on your wanted poster."  Jess anxiously tapped his fingers on the trigger guard as his gaze kept alternating between the door, and the leaves of the nearby tree, watching the wind, measuring it. This was nothing new to him, he'd done it a million times before. He'd made a hundred trickier shots.  This bandit had made his escape for the last time.  Because now he was dealing with Jess the Mighty, sharpest eye in the land.

Suddenly, the door flew open and a man came rushing out.  Same crazed eyes, same wild hair, same slack jaw, same incredulous expression.  Yep, this was him.  This was Gerald the Yellow.  He frantically looked back over his shoulder as he ran, to make sure the two attackers were unaware of his escape attempt before, asured of his success, he grinned a cocksure smile, and began to sprint towards the woods.

"There he is, what are you doing, shoot him."  Erin frantically turned her attention away from the door and began to point her crossbow torwards Gerald.

"It's okay, it's okay, I've got this.  Believe it or not you're not the only marksman around here." Jess took one last glance at the trees to judge for any last minute wind adjustments, narrowed his focus and steeled his resolve One shot. . . he exhaled as he pulled the trigger.  One-- The slam of wood on wood interrupted his mental one liner as the bolt he fired narrowly missed the target and hit the wall of the fort instead.

"Ugh fine I'll do it."  Erin began to focus on the target

"It's not my fault I missed, you nudged me at the last moment.  Give me some space, I got this."  He threw out his arms in an exasperated manner, a motion to empty his personal bubble.  Erin took the message and scooted over.  The target was farther now.  About 150 yards.  He was free of the fort  and beginning to get in to the trees.  It was now or never, he'd be in too much cover by the time he loaded another bolt.  This was a tricky shot.  One that only a true master could pull off.  The kind of shot he lived for.  He smiled. Once again Jess measured the wind, adjusted his aim, and steadied himself.  One shot, one kill. He exhaled as he pulled the trigger.  This time the bolt soared through the air with grim determination.  Jess watched on with increasing satisfaction, his smile growing wider as mere moments before its impact, Gerald turned his head to see the object soaring directly towards his head, but only quick enough to watch it embed itself several inches deep into his forehead.

With the target dealt with, both Jess and Erin turned their attention back to their party members to see a literal piles of dead bodies at their feet, the pair of warriors seemingly unscathed.  Erin climbed down from the cliff and made her way over to the pair, as Jess headed in the opposite direction to collect the body of their bounty.  Erin arrived to find the duo recapping their fight

Loramir wiped down a dagger as he chuckled to himself.  "Oh man do you see that one dudes face when I stabbed my dagger through his chin and it came out of his mouth.  He was all like 'What's this thing, that's not my tongue, its supposed to be red and soft, not silver and metal.  I'm a dumb bandit who doesn't know how getting stabbed works.'  Ha, what a fucking moron."

"Most of the guys I kill just look sad.  Like they see me and they know that they're going to be one of the countless dead bodies that lies between me and whoever I'm here to fight.  Its like this horrible dread of knowing your fate and not being able to do anything about it.  At least thats what I reckon.  Don't really get to ask em many questions.  I just know if I looked like them, and saw someone like me chop five of my friends in half with a single swing, those are the kinds of thoughts I would have, and thats exactly the face I would make while I was having them."

"Ah maybe, but the tricky ones, the ones that avoid that initial swing, they think they're gonna be the one to get through.  They're so goddamned sure of themselves, they think they can do anything because they dodged one attack.  And then I show up to wipe that smug look off their face when they find themselves with plus two daggers to the hearts, and minus a lot of blood."

"Hey so what took you two so long, you were supposed to be here hours ago, at dawn before the guard change."  Volfram and Loramir broke from their conversation to address Erin, who had now arrived at their scene of unspeakable carnage.

"VOLFRAM RIPPED HIS PANTS!" Loramir barely managed to contain his amusement long enough to get the sentence out before being overcome with racous laughter.

"No I didn't!" Volfram's voiced boomed over Loramir's

"Yes he did!  He farted so hard he ripped his pants."  Loramir barely managed to get the story out between fits of giggles.

"I didn't fart, it was the chair."

"Big boy here was getting up from breakfast, and as he does he lets out this massive blast that knocks over his chair and rips his pants."

"No the sound was coming from the creaking of the wood. When my pants ripped it startled me and I bumped the chair which is why it fell over.

"Then why did your pants rip, oh great Lord of Thunder?"

". . . because I'm big."

Loramir had finally regained his compusure, his cheeks and stomach aching from laughing to hard.  "So long story short, we spent all morning trying to track down pants his size because most stores don't carry Extra Gargantuan."  She was not an empath, she had no mental ability to understand another's mind, and yet somehow Erin could actually feel Volfram's embarrasment.  "So how are things on your end, how did the stakeout go?"

"Everything went well.  We were never spotted. When you came in, they were so focused on you that we were able to handle the lookouts without drawing any attention to ourselves."

Loramir grunted as he planted a foot on the chest of one of the bandits and pulled one of his throwing daggers out of his ribcage.  "And what about the target."

"And what about Jess, is the little guy alright."  A look of worry came over Volfram's face as his eyes darted around for any sign of the Muridian.

"Oh yeah he's fine.  And target is down.  Jess is going to get the body.  But I wanted to talk to you about him.  I think he missed on purpose."

"I thought you said he got him." Loramir looked puzzled.

"Well he did.  But on the second shot.  The first one he fired before Gerald even got outside of the hideout.  It was an easy shot and he missed.  I think he did it on purpose.  I think he wanted to show off.  He claimed I nudged him and he wouldn't let me take the shot.  That's some pretty risky behavior right there."

"What so I'm confused.  Did he shoot the target or didn't he?"

"Well yeah he did, but--"

"Well then who cares.  He got the job down, that's all that matters.  If he wants to have a little fun and challenge himself, more power to him.  He's the batshit one. That's his job.  Keep things interesting."

"I don't know, you elected me the brains of this group, I think that maybe—"  Her concerns were interrupted by Jess's surprisingly deep and booming voice.

"Hey guys, I could use a little help."  The trio looked over to the north end of camp to see an exhausted Jess dragging the body by a foot, its head face down, a narrow rut carved in the dirt where the bolt in his face had scraped along the ground."

"Okay but look, he's also really cute.  He's so tiny and little but he tries so so hard, I just want to pick him up and squeeze him."

"I get the feeling you'd wind up with a crossbow bolt in the face if you tried."  Erin scoffed as she put her reservations aside.  Its clear her worries were falling on deaf ears.  And she did have to admit he was cute.  Maybe cute wasn't the right word.  But looking at him, something about him just made her smile.

"98, 99, 100." Jess finished counting out his gold before placing it back on to the table in front of him and glaring at it dissatisfactorily.  "Ya know, when I joined up with a group called the 'Magnificent Monarchs" I was expecting bigger jobs than this.  This probably won't even cover a week's bar tab."

"Relax Jess, there will be bigger jobs."  Loramir paused from cleaning his fingernails with a dagger just long enough to give his friend a reassuring nod, before returning to his work.  "This was sort of a . . . trial run. Had to see how the two of you would preform in an actual mission. Figured a simple thug like that was as good a place as any to see how you two measure up.  Great work out there by the way."

"Yeah there better be.  One with a bit more action, too.  You and Volfram got to have all the fun."

"Not ALL the fun, I heard you made quite the shot.  Real marksman stuff out there."

Jess cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Yeah, I reckon I did.  But look, no more of this little baby "My First Quest" bullshit.  Look at my fucking scars.  Look at my aim.  I need something bigger."

Volfram interrupted the long quiet love affair he'd been having with his fourth ale.  "Yeah well we 'ad to try out the new girl, and well, as boring as it mighta been for ya, Erin's plan worked wonderful.  Gerald the Yellow has fled the last twenty times some one 'as tried to apprehend 'im.  So I reckon that’s a job well done.  To the Magnificent Monarchs!"  

Erin raised her glass of cider and clinked it. Before taking a swig.  "Oh you're too kind Volfram."

"Oh its nuffin.  Ya did real good today.  Loramir won't admit it but even 'e wuz impressed.

"Do you mind if I ask a question?"

"Go fer it."

"What's with the team name?"

Volfram turned to face Loramir who had done the same.  They shared a look and a single bemused snort of laughter.  Loramir then turned back to Erin, as Volfram returned to his drink.  "Oh, just an old inside joke between the two of us."

"Well, let's hear it."

"Honestly, its so old, I don't even remember the story that well anymore.  And to be honest, its not really that funny in the first place.  We were just stumped for a name and alliterative names were in at the time."

"why not change it then?  Seems like keeping a fad team name that references a joke that only two members understand and barely laugh at is just weird.

"Yeah, but that's what its always been.  And what would you call us?  Something inspiring and serious I imagine.  Like the Ironheart Brigade or something."

"Nah, I got something better. And I think you'll like it."

"Okay, prove me wrong."

"The B Team."

"Really?"

"Hear me out.  Okay well, last night after coming back from the tryouts, I spent a lot of time asking around about the different adventurers that come through her, the different plaques on the well, all that kind of stuff.  And I realized something.  The teams most likely to die are the ones usually considered the strongest at the time.  Usually at some point along the way, someone will come along with a quest too dangerous. That strongest will come forward believing themselves capable, and then die in the pursuit.  Then a militia gets involved and the problem is solved.  Then before long, some other team starts to get seen as the strongest, the recognition goes to their head, and then the next time someone comes along with a dragon, they've got it in their head that "no actually, we can do this." and they take it on and they die.  And it just keeps happening over and over. On top of that, I was kind of amused about your philosophy on the 4 B's--"

Loramir's face immediately lit up as the cogs began to turn.  "Ah, so The B Team is a reference to my amazing wisdom, while also planting in everyone's mind that we are second best and freeing us from the pressure of ever taking on a job too big."  He grinned, not because of his own words, but someone else's.  Unusual.  He turned to Volfram  "Whattaya think?  The B Team?"

"Works for me."

"I dunno, it really belies my greatness."  Jess mulled it over for a moment as he took a sip.

"Oh hush, there is plenty of glory to be found in second place.  And you can't have glory when you're dead.  Plus, you're outnumbered three to one."

"Fine, The B Team it is."

"TO THE B TEAM" Loramir raised his glass once more and the other joined suit.  But instead of the gentle sound of four glasses clinking, the room was instead filled with the sound of a door being kicked wide open.  The four turned to see a large imposing figure standing in the doorway.  The first thing that was noticeable was her muscly red-skinned body.  This was probably because so much of it was showing.  She was dressed more or less in the traditional garb of a paladin of Nerva, Goddess of War.  Sandals with knee high leather straps, armored skirt, intimidating plumed helmet, and her spear and giant shield were no doubt being held at the door.  The only differences were the fact that on her helm were three holes, two to allow her horns to poke and a third farther back that allowed here to replace the traditional red plume with her own hair, a ponytail of the purest white.  The other odd thing was that her chest was tightly bound in white linen.  Even as undressed as she was, Nerva's follower's weren't known for even this level of modesty.

"Hello, are you the Magnificent Monarchs?"

"We were up until about five seconds ago, how can we be of assistance?"  Loramir took a drink from his glass before finally lowering it, as Jess and Erin followed suit.

"I am a paladin of Nerva, as you can no doubt tell.  I have been tasked on a great mission from my lady.  All I know is that I am supposed to follow a wolf to victory." With that, Princess, who had been occupied with a bowl of various meat chunks all night, perked her head up at the sudden attention she seemed to be receiving.  Erin, taking notice of this scratched her between the ears

"Oh I don't know how liable ol Princess here is to lead you to any sort of victory.  You're more likely to wind up in the trash if you follow her."  Princess whimpered, as if she recognized the insult.  Erin smiled apologetically and began to double down on the head scratches.

Volfram, who had sat stunned the entire time, eyes locked on the new arrival, finally lowered his drink.  "Well, I fink its a great idea.  The merrier the more I always say.  I mean the more the merrier."  He went to take a sip and missed his mouth overcome once again by overwhelming clumsiness.  Women like her always made him feel more self conscious. He kept trying to look away but there was something about their perfect elegant powerful bodies that he couldn't turn away from. And the longer he looked, the smaller he felt.

Jess, poured the last of his drink into his mouth before overturning his cup on the table.  "Two things, One, I need a new drink, and two, how does she fit in to the B Team?'

Loramir sat for a moment, as if flipping through pages of a book in his mind, before his eyes lit up once again.  "Easy, she's our bonus."

Journal Entry 2

I did it!  I completed my first quest!  Well, by I, I mean we.  The B Team, that's what we're calling ourselves now.  Loramir really seemed to like my name suggestion.  He's kinda cute when he realizes I'm right.  So anyway, we took out this thug who's been robbing people.  They said he would camp out in an area and demand the people nearby give him money, lest they be met with violence.  Real basic stuff, we got the fucker no problem.  So anyway, this other woman ended up joining the party today.  Really badass, break you in half type.  Seems to be Volfram's type too.  He couldn't take his eyes off of her.  I thought that maybe he might have a thing for me with the way he came to my defense during tryouts, but maybe he's just a nice person.  Oh well, not that big of a deal.  I didn't become an adventurer to find love, I became an adventurer to become the greatest hero this land has ever known. Well, I guess I'll have to compete with Jess for that title.  He spent all night telling the story of how he singlehandedly eliminated every bandit in the fortress with a single well placed shot each to any bar patron drunk enough to stay and listen.  If he keeps it up, it will be impossible for anyone to not hear about him.