#sometimes they both just didnt eat their dry food and it got me really worried

[yoshistory]

its also interesting cause Hope always had a chronic vomiting issue her whole life which vets could not figure out and basically said "sometimes cats are just vomiters" and when i first moved in with my roommate, she got a LOT better (1nce a month vomit instead of daily), but it came back overtime. now that my roommate's gone... she's literally only vomited once this week

[bokutosbubblebutt]

A little help

from us students

- Since Sensei Y/N joined team 7, the three students noticed that their usual teacher behaved a bit weird, weirder than normal! So they assumed that Kakashi had a little crush on their new teammate and they tried everything to help him out

Pairing: Kakashi x fem!reader

Words: 2540

Genre: fluff, a bit 16+

- a/n: This was fr so much fun to write and I‘m honestly really proud if it lmao

—————————————

„Okay, guys! We need to talk!“ Sakura sat down next to Naruto and Sasuke. The three we’re eating ramen together after their training session with Sensei Kakashi and Sensei Y/N.

„I was watching him now for a really long time and I came to the conclusion that Sensei Kakashi has a crush on Sensei Y/N!“ she said and ordered some ramen with pork.

„Hu? What do you mean, Sakura?“ Naruto asked confused and raised one of his eyebrows. Even Sasuke turned his head and started to think about it.

„Haven’t you noticed? He’s been acting really weird the last few weeks since she joined us. Well, weirder than usual.“ - „I noticed that he doesn’t read his book when she’s with us.“ - „Yeah, and when we have training with her, he’s always on time, sometimes even earlier.“ - „And when we had this fight with the rain Ninjas, he had a nose bleed after that even though he didn’t got hit.“

„But when I think about it, Y/N likes him too, in my opinion.“ Naruto said and put his chopsticks down. „She’s always with him! Since she joined us, you barely see them alone.“

„They even do personal training with each other, although they are both extremely strong!“ - „And she’s always laughing at his jokes!“

„I remember Sensei Guy eyeing them and he made some weird facial expressions towards Kakashi when we met him.“ Sasuke laughed and drank the left over soup.

„Thats it! It’s obviously that they like each other! Everyone notices that but not themselves.“

„We could help them out a little bit? I think they are pretty cute together and Sensei Kakashi just needs a girlfriend. Maybe he will stop reading these weird books!“ Sakura suggested and looked at her teammates. They all agreed on doing that and started to make some plans on how to get them together.

-Plan 1-

It was a casual trainings day and everyone did their own personal exercises. Sensei Kakashi and you were watching over the three, gave them tips and helped them out. Everything was normal and you all minded your own business.

Naruto was standing on a tree he just walked up with chakra in his feet. „Y/N! Look I made it!“ he screamed over to you and you just threw a thumbs up at him.

„Good Job! Now try to walk down again!“

That was the signal for the first plan they came up with. Now it’s was Narutos job to bring you up on the tree. „Uhm, Y/N Sensei! Can you please help me a bit? I‘m scared that I fall.“ he screamed down to you and tried to make a nervous face.

„I think you should try it on your own Naruto! I believe in you!“ - „But I‘m scared that I fall on my face! You probably don’t want me to get into the hospital, do you?“

Annoyed you rolled your eyes and walked up on that tree to the student. He simply thanked you and then made his first step downwards. „See? You can do it! You have nothing to worry about.“

Naruto casually walked down the tree and looked over to Sakura and Sasuke. The girl was training to put a certain amount of chacra in her Kunias with which she simply can hurt her enemies and paralyze them, a special technique she wanted to learn from Sensei Y/N.

You were about to walk the tree down as well right after Naruto. Kakashi was sitting on the ground and watching you doing this simple task.

Sakura was about to throw one of the chacra knives at a dummy but suddenly Sasuke screamed her name. Of course, this was all planed and the little girl stopped paying attention to where she was throwing the knife and looked over to her teammate. Sakura threw the kunai ”accidentally“ in your direction and managed to hit both of your ankles.

Since this technique caused paralyzed body parts and prevented the chacra flow in some certain areas, both of your feet turned numb and you weren’t able to concentrate chacra to walk down the tree. Slowly your feet started to slide and you fell. With a scream you expected to hit the hard ground and break your bones but this didn’t happen.

You fell into two strong arms which catched you bridal style in the right moment. Immediately your cheeks turned bright red and you tried to avoid eye contact with Kakashi, who catched you. He just stood there and smiled slightly. „Th-,Thank you.“ you stuttered and covered your eyes with your arm.

Kakashi looked down at you and scanned your facial features. Once again he noticed how pretty and cute you were. Slowly he sat you down to check your ankles.

„Oh my god! I‘m so sorry, Sensei Y/N! I‘m so sorry, it’s all my fault!“ Sakura tried to make it look like an accident and apologized immediately. Sasuke and Naruto gave each other a secret high five and then walked up to their teachers with a faked concerned look.

„Dont worry! At least you got it right. It’s wasn’t a big amount of chacra anyways.“ you said and tried to brush it off.

„Next time you better pay attention to where are you throwing your kunai!“ Kakashi warned her and then slightly touched the cut on your feet. The bandage, which was tied around your ankles, was covered in blood and a slight cut was visible. „Does it hurt? Can you move them?“ he asked and put one of his hands on your thigh.

„I can’t feel anything in them, they are numb.“ you answered and massaged the bridge of your nose.

„Kakashi, I think you have to carry her to the hospital when she can’t walk!“ - „Yeah, I guess I have to do that!“ Both of you just looked at each other and blushed. Carefully he placed one arm under your knees and the other on your back. His left hand rested on your hip and pulled you close.

They probably would never admit it but they secretly liked it how close they were to each other. The physical contact wasn’t uncomfortable, more like the opposite and they enyojed each others touch.

-Plan 2-

A week later your ankles were completely healed and you could move them normally again. Now it was time for their second plan, which was well, less painful.

The friends noticed that Kakashi visited you almost every day and brought you flowers. When you got released it was time for the second part.

You five were walking trough the village and talked to each other. „Uhm, Sensei Y/N! We wanted to invite you for dinner as an apologize and we will pay, together.“ Sakura said shyly and hit Naruto slightly in the side. He just nodded and agreed to what she said.

„You don’t have to. It’s okay“ you simply answered and smiled. „We won’t take a no! And we are already here.“ Sasuke threw in and walked towards the restaurant.

It was their favorite ramen noodle shop and Sasuke hold up the sheet for the others. „Hmm, when we are already here.“

Quickly the three picked their seats and made a gap for their senseis so they had to sit next to each other. Normally you sat down and put your hands on the table.

The nice lady took your order and then they started to make your food. As always you ordered ramen with lots of veggies and your favorite drink.

„Do you know what our next mission is going to be? Hopefully something cool, I wanna see Sensei Y/N fighting again!“ Naruto laughed and looked over to Kakashi. Naruto sat besides you and Sasuke sat next to Kakashi.

„Yeah, she is really good, right Kaksahi? The way she does her genjutsu is amazing.“ Sakura mentioned and smiled at their Senseis.

„Hu? Uhm, yeah! I-, I also think your fighting skill is pretty good. It’s, uhm, nice to watch you.“ Kakashi stuttered and tried to hide that he was blushing.

Finally the soup was ready to eat and you all started seating silently. Suddenly Naruto reached over to Sasuke with the intention to get a towel to clean his face.

Accidentally he managed to push against your arm and make you spill your drink all over yourself. Now your shirt and pants were soaking wet and it felt disgusting.

„Oh my god! I‘m sorry Sensei Y/N! I‘m so sorry!“ he started to apologize and looked shocked at you. Sasuke and Sakura gave each other a little high five and just giggled a bit.

Annoyed you looked at your student and then at your wet disgusting clothes. „It’s okay, just be careful next time!“ You tried to brush it off.

Kakashi asked the nice Lady for a towel and she gave it to him. „Wait, let me help you.“ he said and started to gently pet the towel on your wet clothes to dry them a bit.

Carefully he pat it on your torso and on your boobs. You didn’t even realized it at first what he did because you just thanked him for helping you but after a while you noticed the gentle touches. Your face turned bright red and you tried to cover it with your hands. „Th-, thank you!“ you stuttered and looked away. „This is so embarrassing.“

„I can give you my jacket!“ he offered and immediately took it off, although you haven’t answered yet. Now he just sat there with a tshirt and his mask. Slightly he threw it over you and closed it for you. Again you thanked him quietly and smiled.

His jacket smelled good. It smelled like him. Not what you expected, even better what you expected. He smelt like the forest after a rainy day and a hint of wet dog. Maybe he had washed his dogs while wearing it.

-Plan 3-

Your team planned instead of training to do a day off and just hang out and spend some time together. And the tree students had the idea to relax a bit and go to the public bath together.

„You are really exited, aren’t you?“ you giggled because the three rushed immediately into the building. Together you and Kakashi paid for their bath and said „see you later“ to each other since the bathes were separated into men and women sections.

While humming a little melody, you took off your clothes and wrapped a towel around your body. After that you went outside and made your way to the hot bath. You didnt even look in which part you went because you knew the women bath was right and the men bath was left. Suddenly Sasuke stopped you.

This was their third plan.

„Uhm, Y/N Sensei, this is the men bath you are walking in!“ he said and pointed towards the sign. A little figure which looks like a boy was on it. „I think they changed it, I almost walked into the girls bath.“

„Oh! Thank you, Sasuke.“ you smiled and looked at the sign again. Weird, you thought but went through the other door.

Little did you know that they changed the signs before you could walk in. Kakashi went into the right bath and then they changed it. Exited the looked trough a little hole to see what happens.

„If this doesn’t work, than they are both too stupid. A better plan doesn’t exist“ naruto laughed.

Unbothered you walked into the bath, dropped your towel halfway through and threw it over a stone. Slowly you walked into the water and let your body react to the hot steamy atmosphere around you. The hot water hugged your body and relaxed you sat down and finally closed your eyes.

After a while you opened them again and looked around. Where is Sakura?

Quietly you heard a embarrassed male voice which cleared his throat. „Uhm, Y/N, I think you are in the wrong bath room.“ he said calmly and slightly smiled at you amused.

„Oh, fuck! Kakashi!“ you screamed and pulled your legs closer to hide your body. Why does this always happen to you?

„Don’t worry, I haven’t seen anything.“ he said and tried to avoid eye contact with you. His hair was down and he didn’t wear his mask. That was probably the first time you saw his full face and, and he was beautiful and hot. You have fantasized about how he looks several times and this just topped your expectations. He was really attractive.

„But, but even Sasuke told me that I have to go in here.“ you whined and tried to hide your bright red face in your knees. This was so embarrassing!

„Dont worry, it’s not like that I don’t know how a female body looks.“ he giggled and slowly swum into your direction. With distance he placed himself next to you and quickly scanned your body.

You were beautiful in his opinion. Your skin looked so soft and the little rolls your stomach formed, were adorable. The wet hair and your blushed skin caused him to not taking his eyes from you.

„You don’t have to hide your body.“ he calmly said and grabbed your chin to make you look into his face. „I-, I think you are really pretty, Y/N. And I’ve liked you since the first day you joined us.“

„You, you really do?“ you asked and looked into his blushed face. Slightly he nodded and then started to pull your face closer to his.

Finally it’s happening.

At first he gave you a gentle kiss, just a little one to make sure you were into it. After that he smiled and pulled you closer again. This kiss was way more exiting and got heated pretty quickly. Slowly he placed his hand on your waist right under your boobs.

After a minute you pulled away and you smiled but immediately started to laugh at him. „Kakashi, you got a nose bleed!“ - „Oh shit! It’s quite a long time ago since I kissed someone.“ he giggled and tried to make it stop.

~Time skip~

After you two spent sometime together in the bath and talked about the last few things that happened you went outside to face your students.

„Okay! First of all, that was evil and very inappropriate! We are really disappointed and you three will get cleaning duty!“ Kakashi said and looked down at his students.

„We‘ve noticed that you three were acting really weird in the last few weeks and now you have to tell us. Of course it wasn’t an accident that Naruto pushed me and Sakura "accidentally" threw her knives at me! Explain!“ you wanted to know angrily and crossed your arms in from if your chest.

The three looked at each other and then finally they explained everything to you. „We noticed that Kakashi might has a crush on you Y/N Sensei! And, and we know that he is, well, a bit stupid when it comes to girls and love in general.“ Sakura started to tell the story. „And so we decided to help you a bit with that and made these plans.“

„And we guess it worked out, right?“ Naruto smirked.

Masterlist

[rightnowyoucanttell]

Malibu, Next To You

Title: Malibu, Next To You 

Summary: Is it supposed to this hot all summer long? Or is it just him? A very fluffy date with some minor molehills between Veronica and Grayson on a Malibu beach. Just because the sun is down, the night is still young, and so are they. But which way does it go...

Warnings: Fluff, implied smut (I don’t write smut, sorry guys), talks of anxiety 

A/N: When this idea came to mind, i say that because i have a roughly planned full series timeline in my head it started with just the first part as a blurb but then I was like hey let's make a series, it was originally to be a reader insert (Y/N, Y/L/N, ect.) but i always have problems doing that as they feel too weird to write so I came up with Veronica and added it to the plot/timeline whatever you'd call it. so you can do that or appreciate it for the beauty it is with Veronica and Grayson. 

Tags: @dzoint ​ @graysavant @blindedbythelightt ​ @tadadolan @heartofalionxo ​ @beatement-l ​  @grayswhore ​@saggitariusagirl @tattoogray @onlyangels-world @dxlxnbby

Part one 

Series Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know..��� Ronnie drifted as she walked kicking the sand beneath her feet forward in a rhythmic pattern,” I’ve never enjoyed going to the beach..” Veronica glanced up from the sand and over to Grayson who gazed down to the ground before making eye contact.

The smell of saltwater brushed their noses, seagulls cawed in the distance as the water crashed closer and closer and then pulled itself back out. The pair, Ronnie and Gray watched the sunset as they walked barefoot as the tide came in and set back out, like both of their hearts, coming to a calm stop and then flooding back in a rampage of fluttering butterflies, beating in there chest.

He explained the currents and she just gawked in a secretive manner, so he didn’t notice, the dumbfounded look his body gave her. 

    “Really? You don’t say, I mean I figured that much, for someone who has a fear of seagulls and drowning…” he pondered the thought as his feet stopped the wallow in the incoming tide that was just far enough from Ronnie who was in the dry portion of sand.

She giggled shaking her head continuing down the shore all while facing Grayson,”..are you saying you’re not enjoying yourself?” he shouted over the crashing waves that he ran from to catch up to her. 

“You remembered…,” Ronnie’s heart fluttered. Grayson knew about her anxiety.  Ronnie explained to Grayson that night in Starbucks, her fears, in return for him doing the same.  There was a semi prolix list. Seagulls, birds, circus clowns, large crowds, heights, and significantly Drowning.

She shook herself from the bliss and continued, “but, no. No no, no.. of course not. You brought me here!” she exclaimed twirling with open arms, the wind catching her grey wool shawl that covered her white strapless sundress with bright red roses.

Her damp dark brown hair caught in the breeze flew gently, her eyelids covered her vibrant green eyes. Grayson’s eyes followed Veronica in awe as she twirled in the sand and breeze all the way as she ran back to him and nearly ran into him. 

   The two laughed and turned around to walk back to the there picnic blanket, both inaudible deciding it was time to eat,” Your something else, you know that?” he offered up to the conversation. His hand brushed against gently against Ronnie’s. 

   Ronnie just smiled letting silence sit between then,”..Something good I hope…” the entirety of the walk back to the picnic blanket and the food was silence, blissful and incentive for Grayson, but nervous and nerve wracking for Veronica. She hastily wondered if she had said the wrong thing, or turned him off or away and that’s why he hadn’t said anything, but she tried telling herself it was just the anxiety and the nerves this Italian boy from New Jersey stirred up. 

  Veronica Chandler likely always would be anxiety-ridden. After all, Fears my life, Ronnie had the words tattooed on and wrapping around her wrist. The black ink still had water droplets from when she had been swimming and wading in the water with Grayson. Veronica left the fishing on her stepfather’s, Darren,  boat to him and her older brother Noah, even all the while, an excelling science student, she never got how they were floating.  

    However, if tonight, if Grayson asked her, Ronnie probably would step foot on a boat.  She never willing went to the beach, even though living in Miami with private beach access growing up at her home, and certainly did not stand by the ocean. But on this evening, Grayson brought her there, and she was happy that he did.

So here they were. 

  The sunset warmed Veronica the pinks and blues entangling themselves, like the hopes of how Veronica undeniably wanted to be entangled with Grayson later that night. Something in Grayson hoped it too.

On a picnic blankets, following a stroll along with the tide on the now rather deserted from the public eye, on a beach in Malibu. Munching on what Ronnie’s mom would call “Rabbit Food”. 

  “This is one of the best wraps I’ve ever tasted,” Ronnie added as she quietly finished chewing her toes in the sand below and surrounding the blanket. 

"Its from.." Grayson paused to chew," this stand in downtown LA, Marty's I think, they're delicious." They made eye contact, Ronnie smiled with her eyes, covering her mouth as she was chewing.

"We should go together sometime,"Ronnie offered nervously.

 "Defiently...,"Grayson brushed his hands above the wrap on a clear piece of plastic wrap beefy ass salad chickpea wrap sat on, in between final swallows of his bites of food he started, "so... care to explain why you ignored me for a week, 'ronica?"

   That's when the evening went south.

What Grayson didn't know, that the week Veronica avoided him..one week desperate Gray was left with no sign she was alive, no text, calls, and no DM’S except the confirmation seen from the first night. 

 That week the week she ignored him, the week he was referring too, Veronica,  was in Miami visiting her mother. Veronica had deep-rooted feelings for Grayson.. but, again, like a record used, the last had left a few scratches, and overtime... they scarred.

But it was nothing, Gianna, Mama Chandler couldn't fix...

   Ronnie sighed heavily,"Why does everyone I love settle for someone so low of them?" She pondered the thought in silence as she finished her rant of the night she met Grayson.

 “..well, he sounds like a keeper..and handsome....,” her mother drifted. Ronnie wasn’t paying attention fondling with the small strands that belonged to the blue and white polka-dotted beach towel her mother and herself were tanning on. Within seconds her attention was grabbed by an incoming frisbee, that landed...perfectly in one of the white polka dots. Ronnies eyes widened when she caught its sight, she gazed curiously and then picked it up examine it, before tossing it to the wind aimlessly,”-Veronica! You could have hit someone!” Gianna gently smacked the four-arm of her daughter’s right hand with the back of her hand. 

    “Mom!? What the fuck? Did you not see that it landed in the circle, that’s not a coincidence...that’s a fucking conspiracy. Like how a cartoon predicted 9/11 and then moon landing was faked...," Ronnie slumped back so her back rested against the beach chair set up behind her. 

"It was an accidental coincidence..dear," her mother licked the tip of her finger pulling the pages apart. Her sun hat covers her sunglasses covered eyes, and held her brown hair in place around her shoulders, she was paler than Ronnie, she and noah got there skin from her absentee father, he was the Brazilian in her jeans.

"Yeah well, accidents don't just happen, accidentally, mother," Veronica huffed and crossed her arms leaning back farther and closing her eyes, enjoying momental peace before the woman started up again.

"When you head back to Los Angeles, you better text that boy, I'll be damned if you pass up a chance with someone like that. He's a good one that Grayson, I can tell. You cant let your life wither away to nothing and give up on love because of one bad drinker and a beater bad apple.. theres good people out there.. you just gotta look in front of you."

The memory on the beach faded, she hadn't realized she had been gazing into Grayson's hazel eyes the entire time the flashback played out in her head like a scene from a movie,"do you, uh. Really want to know? Is it fundamentally necessary.." she drifted off leaving a tenacious gap of silence. Just the wind and the waves to be heard.

Grayson scoffed a chuckle,"..well, no, but, I'd like to know."

Ronnie thought for a few moments, if she didnt tell him, he'd be suspicious, if she told him he might doubt the feelings she had if they were legitament,"I was in Miami. With my mom, i needed advice. A break. I was worried you were..a player. And now I know, I know that your not. Your kind, cute, hot, sexyyy, and-"Veronica's ramble was cut off by Graysons hands wrapping and cupping her head into his hands and pressing his lips to hers.

Internal fire works went off, if it were a movie they would be exploding over the water between there heads just visable to camera shot. Both hearts beat against there respective rib cages, not knowingly they both had been wating for this moment the entirety of the night.

Ronnie's hand came to touch Grays chest shortly before she came up to breath in the salty air,"that.." she panted,"was hot. But, I dont know.. if this'll work. I'm lonely and broken.. and can barely take care of myself, just, Grayson-"

"I like that your broken, and lonely" he grasped her face one hand still behind her head his thumb caressing her cheek,"not like in a kinky sort of way," they both laughed for a few seconds, Ronnie looked down. He placed his pointer fingern underneath her chin, tilting it up,"I could be lonely with you.."

"My place or yours?" She smirked. Hoping that night of entanglement would happen after all.

"Mine, definetly mine." He breathed there chins pressed together.

Ronnie had never run faster than she didn that night, all the way back to the porsche.

[starryknightace]

I had Top Surgery! (Post Op 1 1/2 Weeks pics)

[[MORE]]

Suprise! I had top surgery almost 2 weeks ago. It was a bit of a process to get to that point and i was literally counting down the hours til i went under. I kept joking to people i was most excited about my "induced 4 hour nap" more than anything. I got to my day surgery clinic early in the morning, to which i got changed into scrubs, was told to wait under a blanket to keep my body warm, and met with the nurse, anesthetist and my surgeon for pre op discussions. Then i was escorted into the operation theatre where i hopped on the table, got nice and comfy with blankets, tubes, oxygen mask annnnddd.... woke up 4 hours later forgetting i had surgery 🤣

I did this in my last surgery (which in comparission was more terrifying cause i had blood in my mouth and couldnt remember what happened to me), but i woke up and couldn't work out where i was, why i felt so dizzy and how i got clothed 🤣 i spent about 2 hours in the recovery room sat in a recliner chair dozing off, except to eat (cause i had been fasting prior) and drink. I did try to pee but couldn't which was frustrating 😅 then i was taken home, where i promptly went to sleep lol

I had my drains in for 72 hours and they were the worst part of recovery. I carried bottles in a pillow case and they had be be positioned lower than my chest at all times. Luckily i wasn't able to move much and while i was on strong pain medication i mainly slept. I had my mum stay with me for a week and i'm thankful she did cause she really saved my butt by doing everything for me (i really had to let go of my control which was weirdly hard, i just felt bad making her do things for me but she was happy to). The drains were uncomfortable and by the morning there were to be taken out i was really hurting where they were inserted. After they were taken out it was a blessing and recovery got A LOT easier. I had shallow baths every few days and my mum helped me was my hair. I had baby wipes for my armpits and chest area which again saved me from being stinky. I still mainly slept, or watched tv shows with my mum up until she left. She prepped me a LOT of meals before she left so i wouldn't have to cook.

Sleeping on my back was probably the most uncomfortable part (after the drains), because i'm a stomach sleeper. I have been managing to sleep though which has been nice (and Maple has been good, sleeping beside me all through the night!). I've been sleeping elevated to help with swelling. I actually got told off by my nurse while doing my week post op check up cause i was still doing too much. I went to Uni for a 6 hour workshop that day too and went to a costume showcase that night. Safe to safe i was exhausted the next day and didnt do much but sleep.

So i'm still quite swollen and bruised 1 1/2 weeks in, which will eventually settle down. my nipples seem to be taking well so crossing fingers the blood returns. I was worried about puckering but being able to closely examine my chest it's due to the swelling at the moment so hopefully that goes down too.

All in all i can't stop smiling at my chest - i finally feel like myself 😁

Some tips for those looking to have Top Surgery based on my experience:

MEDICINE

I have a high pain threshold - i was willing to go to uni a week post op because i could stand to - would recommend people booking off at LEAST 3 weeks prior to work/study if you can help it. I have only one class per week at the moment and its only theory so thats why i was able to travel and even then i was taken pain killers ever 4 hours.

In my mother's words "don't be a hero, if you need to take pain relief, do it". Best advice. I've weened myself off pain killers to 2 just before bed (panadine forte), or before i need to go out and do things (genral paracetamol). If you need to take more just do it - also write down when you've taken things (because its good to know how much you've had per day!) You can take iburofen and paracetamol intermittedly in 4 hour intervals (eg. Iburofen at 12pm, paracetamol at 2pm, another dose of iburofen at 4pm, etc).

You'll also be taking antibiotics - generally 3 times a day with meals. I also took probiotics 2 hours after taking my antibiotics to avoid the sideaffects of them (eg. Mouth Ulcers (which i did get dang it), thrush, etc).

I was also taking strong pain killers (for the first few days i took 2 every 4 hours then weened down to one per night). Be careful with strong pain killers - the thing doctors/people don't tend to mention is that they can be addictive/dependent drugs. Sometimes you would prefer to keep taking them and that can be an issue. I asked my surgeon at my 1 week if i could please get one more script of something a little stronger than paracetamol to take a night and it took a bit more of a discussion to get it. If you can try to get by on the paracetamol alone do so and remember you can alternate with iburofen every two hours.

WEIRD BOWELS

With all these medications you'll more than likely get constipated so adding to the list of medications i also took good ol' laxatives. The first poop after surgery was like 3 days later and it hurt 😅 the laxatives helped me after to soften my stools (cheat mode is when you're lactose intolerent and you eat a bunch of cheesecake whoops 😅). Also peeing was weird for the first week due to the anesthestics in me. It took me ages to pee, sometimes i had the feeling of needing to pee but nothing happened, and i was peeing like, every hour.

SUPPORT

Both in furniture sense and people sense.

My mum was my main support especially in the first week. She looked after me, my house and my cat. She grabbed things i couldn't access, drove me to my appointments, managed my medicine, cooked me food and generally just helped me around the place. Originally i only wanted her there for a few days but im glad she was there cause i was sore and out of it most of the time. Alongside her my two best friends were also a massive help - coming over to keep me company, drive me places, help me do my grocery shopping, tell me off for overdoing it, gave me plenty of entertainment (thanks to katie i finished wind waker!). Get yourself some support and let go of that control, you will honestly be too tired and sore to do anything anyway.

Make sure you get yourself some comfy pillows. I got myself a U shaped pillow and it has so far saved my neck so much pain. I sleep elevated which means more pillows to prop myself up. And pillows for my couch.

WASHING

So for the first 72 hours i was just a gross gremlin with dry shampoo because of the drains. My chest was covered in bandages so i couldn't wash that area anyway. After the drains were removed i was told i could have showers, but i opted for shallow bathes anyway. I was able to wash myself fine (just go slow), then i would put pants on and get my mum to help wash my hair. After my 1 week check up i started having showers, but stood out of the stream. I only have tape to cover my stitches now (i took them off for the photo) so am able to carefully wash parts of my chest and back i couldnt get to before. I can now wash my hair (slowly). Raising my arms is still not easily fesable but i can lift them to a certain point.

EMOTIONAL

Now, i wasn't as emotional as i thought i was going to be but i do know other trans guys who said they went through bouts of depression after their surgery. Its something to look out for. For me, it was emotionally draining to talk to people about it constantly. I didn't mind though and it was nice people checked up on me but it did wear me out. Its always good though to check in with your emotional state throughout to see how youre feeling. It's not an inmediate grattification, the swelling and bruising is a lot and it won't look right for a while. Also leading up to surgery people can feel fearful and doubtful, always chat to a loved one about your feelings! Personally i had no nerves leading up to surgery but afterwards i was constantly worried that i wasn't healing right. Talking to your surgeon will HELP trust me!

SCARRING

Ok this was a big shock to me so i hope this helps other people but scar medication/ointments don't actually work. I asked my surgeon about it and as a skin professional who has been studying the effects of scarring for over 40 years - this is a beauty scam you don't need to bite into.

"Time and your genetic biology are the only ways that help your scars heal, sorry to burst your bubble but save your money on that placebo".

Looking after yourself the first few months post op will help you get good results later.

Of course i understand if people will still want to buy scarring products but thought i would post the words of a professional too 😅 don't shoot the messenger on this one. And if you do decide to use the stuff then wait 6 months before doing so.

I think that's all i can think of at the moment. There's a really good private facebook group for top surgery and i got a lot of my info from there. If people are curious feel free to DM me, send me an inbox and i'd be happy to chat as best i can! My experience is based in Australia so people might have different expectations/experiences in different countries!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈💛💛💛🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: [sends her the posts because no other way she'd see them] Rio: Shit, girl Rio: I was worried it might go down like this Indie: she's so extra Indie: never should have let him in the door Indie: the feds are gonna be hardcore @ it now Rio: Surely she let him out Rio: stupid woman Rio: but that's gonna pale in comparison now so Rio: What's Drew doing about it? Indie: boy was begging for a sick time & i gave it but its on me not him 😒😒 hold ur liquor u tourist Indie: hes flat roofin but other than that no thing to 👀 Indie: it b early tho & we all had a late Rio: They're a 24/7 services though, babe Rio: he'll be wanting to move his stash and generally clear his act up for the visit Rio: you too Indie: is it? on hols too thats a madness Indie: yeah the drum be clear of all his goods like that Indie: idk man mayb its chill like she gonna post that & not post up no harder than Rio: They might take xmas day off maybe but you know Rio: business as usual for all jan 1st Rio: well that's something Rio: maybe, but bitches like that LOVE making complaints about everything so maybe not Indie: she do have that talk to the manager vibe Indie: i done fucked up real didnt i? Rio: big time karen Rio: nah, in the eyes of everyone it's Drew that did Rio: but they won't be able to prove the drugs bit if they're gone so it's not enough to take you, a party gone wrong, bad judgment but maybe we can swing it that he was here somehow Rio: hmm Indie: but like he had mad trust for me & i brought him mad problems Rio: they're grown problems, he's big enough to fix 'em Indie: u too making ur nite go off on a real turn Indie: bet ur boy is bare vexed Rio: you know i'd rather you ring me than let it go more tits Rio: what are big sisters for Rio: but yeah, didn't even see him in the end so he ain't stopped Indie: innit Indie: tell him he can hit me up for something to take off that edge Indie: debts be paid around here Rio: um you ain't supposed to have no thing 'scuse you Rio: there's a plan here Indie: i gots places & heads to trust in Rio: nah, I'll make it up to him, don't worry 'bout that Indie: 😉😉😉 Rio: 😏 shush lil girl Indie: grown problems ur big enough to fix i kno 💋🤤🤤 Rio: so thirsty, go hydrate Rio: know you need to 😘 Indie: rude i got lipsed by bare boys last nite they were rigging dem bottle spins cos im 🔥🔥 dont b tryna put me out Rio: you need to cool off for a minute, bitch Rio: you in trouble Indie: not wit u Rio: yeah, don't push it 😉 Indie: 💔😢😢 dont do me like that on day 1 of the year 🙏🙏🙏 Rio: it started HOURS ago and I was still here with you cleaning blood out the carpet Rio: don't talk to me about day 1s when I'm clearly ride or die Indie: u kno im good for ious & i got mad love Rio: 🧡 Rio: i'm good really Rio: let's sort the actual situation Indie: u gonna charm the social for me? Rio: give it my best Indie: safe ✌✌ Rio: probably the straightest middle-aged lady Rio: so more likely your da will have to get on it Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: what drew b good for Rio: init tho Indie: we all been knew Indie: he better werk so it works Rio: Sure it won't be too hard, like Rio: even if she ain't all that 😂 Indie: she aint gon b bangin but his exes show he aint need that to chirp on Rio: 👀 Indie: 😂😂😏😏 Indie: can u roll up wit eats im about to die Rio: bit rude to both our ma, like lmao Rio: 'course Rio: bring leftovers Indie: ur ma dont count as no ex cos she ✖ed him out Indie: & my ma got that permanent ✖ so bigger problems than my shade innit Rio: no problems when you an 👼 Rio: fucking hopefully Indie: u my 👼 bringing that energy Indie: that means u can jam Rio: is it? Rio: 😏 Rio: let Ryan know eh Indie: he kno u a 😈 too Indie: how he be livin Rio: mhmm Rio: well he gon' have to wait for now Indie: he gon have beef wit me Indie: soz boyyy Rio: nah we was already beefin' 'fore this Indie: yeah? Indie: what he do? 👀 Rio: nah, what I do more like Rio: you know I'm 😈 Indie: o shit Indie: gimme that 411 Rio: nothing exciting Rio: just be looking too bad to be giving him that much air, you know the drill Indie: hes so hyped for u Indie: its been weeks boy no u cant cuff it Indie: who u think u is Rio: can you blame him Rio: hot property, baby Indie: u did look 💣💣💣 last nite my bad Indie: theres a boy @ school tryna chat @ the rest hes my bf so i feel it fr Indie: boy please DO I LOOK LIKE Indie: not tryna hold ur damn hand Rio: is he cute tho Indie: if he werent he wouldnt be able to chat no thing Indie: 💪 fuck him up Rio: 😂 Rio: gotta 'tect the rep Indie: he kno it tho & its like tell me how 🔥🔥 i am dont b talking on urself all the time Rio: not a mood Indie: innit Indie: dry as Rio: that's boys for you Indie: & he didnt show last nite Rio: playing hard to get or just got parents who give a fuck Indie: year up x 2 so he could come thru the ends whenever Indie: but i 💋 all his mandem so itll hit back Rio: play @ his own game  alright Indie: do u think i went too hard tho? Rio: do you want him to be your mans or nah Indie: idk Rio: then it depends Rio: beyond knowing he loves himself, idk how he's vibing Rio: might be too far Indie: hes vibing like hes about me but i Rio: but you? Indie: how do i live that Indie: trust it Indie: drews meshing a new every week he says u gotta keep free on it Rio: works for him Rio: everyone's different Rio: you don't have to trust him yet Indie: mayb hes only about me til i give him something & im not tryna be a show like that Rio: that happens, not gonna sit here and lie and say it don't Rio: you're too young to be thinking on that or worrying Rio: keep him and the rest waiting Indie: yeah okay Indie: gimme a few to have puberty roll up Indie: still waiting on that Rio: it'll happen Rio: not that it's a barrel of laughs, like Rio: nothing to be hyped about Indie: i dont want it Indie: freaky shit going on Rio: unless you gonna stop eating, which unlikely Rio: you fucked, babe, we all are, soz Rio: get boobies though, perks Indie: that best not be you tryna skip on bringing me a meal bitch Indie: bout to hit the afterlife running here like Rio: 🙄 omw you rude ass hoe Rio: like you said, none of us had earlies Indie: omw fr or like when u tell ur mans u @ the club but u still tryin on fits in ur room Rio: like fr when I ever done you like that Indie: dont b starting Indie: ily Rio: 🤞 never Rio: ily more Indie: drews back if u wanna spit at him how to sort his life Rio: i will Rio: he ain't ready for this Indie: resolutions b dashing past this postcode we all avoidin that change Rio: you gotta Rio: sort you both Indie: hey swerve me im good Rio: 😏 Rio: fine i'll focus on your daddy Rio: no love for you Indie: 👼👼🤞🤞 Indie: call him that when you give it & he'll give in Rio: oh you schooling me on how to get blokes to do what I want now Rio: ok miss thing Indie: just him i 👂 what i hear & i kno what i kno Indie: hes here for all that Rio: you poor child Rio: anything grosser than parents going at it 😬 Indie: nah man its nasty & long being under this roof sometimes trust Rio: 🤢 Indie: some of his girls got me tempted to 📱 the social my own self & my ma looking like a saint Rio: that ain't right Rio: negates any buffness he got going on Indie: why lads wanna get on or under ANYTHING?! Indie: true madness Indie: 😂😂😂 Rio: friction 🤷 Indie: yeah but like theres girls out there bringing it & you're gonna hit that Rio: he probably ain't got as much choice as he fronts Rio: lots of grown women ain't about his lifestyle so that leaves him w the younger ones who is Rio: stick at it too long, you get busted, just facts Indie: when you old & so is your baggage 😂😂✌✌ Rio: I mean Rio: I ain't say nothing 😉 Indie: keep that ☮ mama Rio: least he looks p young still Rio: nothing worse than an actual creepy old man dealer Indie: do he? 👴 to me Rio: nah Rio: he only what, 31 Rio: that's no thing to me, gurl Indie: mayb im just 🍋 cos he aint tryna gimme no 💸💸💸 Indie: & he aint caring my head hurts Rio: aw bb Rio: 'round the corner Rio: I'll look after you Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: u didnt tell me it b like this tho partying Rio: didn't think i had to be that quick with the warnings Rio: next day hurts Indie: always? Rio: 'less you prepare and do it right Rio: it can be bearable Rio: better than you feeling, no doubt Indie: how i do that? school me yeah Rio: 'course Rio: on the to-do list now Indie: we doing the next as a back to school thing so you got a few to bring me up Rio: you best be doing it at some other fucker's gaff and all Rio: giving me grey hairs 🙄 Indie: 😂😂✌✌ Indie: imma make that boy host it Indie: if he love me Rio: You're getting a chaperone regardless Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: don't start like you don't know why Indie: i aint trippin you are tho if u think i want a repeat Rio: what, you too cool for me now? Indie: innit 😏😏😏 Indie: but nah just Rio: you so is Rio: you think imma embarrass you in-front of your mans Indie: he aint gon b my mans if u there Indie: whos 👀 me over u Rio: nah don't be silly Indie: im being real Indie: ur 💣💣💣🔥🔥🔥 Rio: so are you Rio: and I don't think a lad who likes you will be into me Indie: every lad b into u they all chat on u fully 😍😍😍💘💘😍 Rio: sounds like plenty are into you too Indie: 😂😂 it was for the spin Indie: cant pussy out Rio: 😏 mhmm Rio: well I promise you I won't be joining in, like Rio: now come let me in if you got strength to get the door Indie: 💪💪 babyyy Indie: [lets her in cos fuck know what drew is doing, flexing in the mirror probably] Rio: [lol watch him rush out when he realize] Indie: [hears her voice & runs out pretending to be casual] Rio: [oh boy, do not deserve her sorting your life, temporarily, but it's for Indie so] Indie: [bless her she's dying rn & just wants to be snuggled cos literal child] Rio: [give them a sec 'scuse you sir] Indie: [I hate everything about this, Carly didn't die for this] Rio: [just making leftovers] Indie: [drew chatting to her like she's here to hang with him & we all know] Rio: [don't you touch caleb's food bitch] Indie: [is nothing sacred you slag] Indie: [indie just fully lying stretched out on the counter like its a bed like let me die] Rio: [getting a bag of peas or some shit in a tea towel and putting it on her head] Indie: [such a good mum but that don't mean you can step ma her drew] Rio: [not her fault she can converse more like a grown-up than you Indie: [we should send Indie running off to the bathroom no offense Caleb but I'm evil & wanna leave them alone for a sec for the mood] Rio: [shoulda gone to hold her hair but now you can level with him and he can pretend he's a responsible adult lmao] Indie: [& Ryan can be highkey & he can pretend he cares] Rio: [ah the joys]

[miclovin17]

Five Nights at Freddy's *Name:Chica the Chicken *Nicknames:Charlotte, Charlie, Miss Chicken and sometimes the kids get confused and tell her Ducky the Duck *Age:20 years :3 *Height:1,55 *Chica suffers from fear of abandonment *Occupation:She is in charfe of serving snacks for the childrens ............................................................

-Chica is the third member of the group Fazbear, a group whose job is to entertain small children.

It could be said that Chica's personality focuses on the attention of the need of the others, this means that she can always lend her help and she tries to keep her friends in a good mood, there are usually "small situations" that they make her angry. As a manager in the preparation of snacks Chica usually plays with ingredients to get a new flavor that children may like. She proposed the idea that each birthday boy/girl chose the flavors he/she wanted in his/her pizza, cake or cupcake. Freddy to hear that proposal, he did not hesitate to accept. ............................................................. Chica suffers the fear of abandonment, sometimes her mind is being possessed by the idea that others will leave her for the simple fact that it has happened before or because she thinks that it is impossible to have luck. Sometimes she gets a little complicated to be able to concentrate when she is cooking, some ideas turn obsessively around several thoughts until fear begins to invade her mind. Chica devalues herself (sometimes) considering herself inferior, feels that the others no longer want to be with her... especially Foxy. ............................................................... -Relation with the other members of Fazbear:

*Freddy:Chica was the first to meet Freddy, they both bonded a fairly deep friendship and loyal from children, they know well that they can always count on each other's support. When they were children (Charlotte and Frederick :3) they used to play in the pizzeria and all the games they thought their favorite were Hide and Seek, although at first they thought it would be more fun to play with the other kids...even though they were them 3 (she, Freddy and Golden). With the confidence they carry with each other, they don't hesitate to tell things, but they made a promise that neither should hide something from the other (this sounds like they're a couple ... FreddyxChica...no...no .-.). As children, Freddy had asked Chica if it was normal to have feelings for someone you barely know, Chica thought for a moment, thought of those words that her father would have told her about having feelings for others, and she finally answered ''That yes, it was normal to feel appreciation and love for your parents or your friends ... But Freddy quickly replied: It's a boy !!!...leaving Chica baffled and Freddy a little embarrassed, because he just like Chica were just kids, and apparently Chica understood about that ''theme'' but he doesnt... Chica had suggested to him to talk about it with his parents, but when she saw Freddy staring at the floor, she said nothing and heard what the boy murmured:''I dont want to talk about it with them, I mean maybe my mother understands me and helps me to reason ...but my father'' After that, Freddy remained silent without finishing the sentence, Chica as a consolation gave him a hug...(Hey...this looks like a fanfinc .-.) Chica's father had told her that when time passed, she would no longer be a 7-year-old girl, she was going to grow up and she was going to become a young woman ... (She WAS going to convert...) And I also told her that the feeling of appreciation and love was going to change with respect to other people and especially with that "person" with whom she loved and felt happy. Chica as a kid, she remembered those words, but even so she didnt know if those words made a match with what Freddy felt respect for "that boy" But on the other hand her mind as a little girl, she saw that thing a little adorable...And since then she began to help Freddy to reason and control his feelings towards that "red-eyed boy" .................................................................

*Bonnie:She appreciates him a lot and along with the others try to protect him from whatever it is (overprotectors? ... yep) in the same way that Bonnie sees her, Chica also sees him as her little brother ... despite Of her height that makes her look smaller than the purple rabbit, which bothers her a little. Although Chica's mind thinks that others dont want to be with her, she appreciates the fact that Bonnie wants to hang out with her. She knows well that she made a promise to Freddy, about that neither should hide something from the other, but...there is something that she has not told the bear and is that she and Bonnie usually cook in secret, The fact that she as much as Freddy dont want the rabbit to burn, but Chica finds it difficult to refuse that little bunny that she appreciates so much. Bonnie helps Chica in the decoration of the food and also helps her with the washing. Most of the time that she is with Bonnie, she usually caresses his ears, she knows well that the rabbit bothers that and she tries not to do it every day. On another occasion, when Freddy and Foxy are arguing, they begin to talk rudely and that's when Chica covers Bonnie's ears and prevents the boy from hearing those rudeness. It also happens when Freddy often yells at Mike for smoking in the office...After that, she uses her "secret weapon" ...(a frying pan .-. ...)with the bear and the fox or she also usually throw water at them as if they were two felines attacking each other. When she and Bonnie are washing the dishes, she finds it strange to see the rabbit with the sleeves without bending. I mean she advised him something like:''Bonnie you should bend your sleeves, so you will not get wet ''but when she tries to do it for him, he takes a small step back saying: ''Its...okay Chica...It is not necessary'' And the curiosity of Chica increased, although she wanted to leave that scene aside...but she cant. Because she wants to know what Bonnie is hiding, Is it something that he doesnt want her and the others to know?...* coff * Bonnie has marks on his arm *coff* (excuse me, I had my throat a little dry .-.) .................................................................

*Foxy:The little chicken has a relationship with the coyote ... sorry, fox. Their relationship began when that "red-haired boy" met that "pink-eyed girl" (corny, I know). This is the point of view of this relationship, you will think that Chica is the one who usually gets nervous and red when she is with Foxy, but it is the opposite, ok she usually blushes too, but her flushed face does not compare with the nerves of Foxy Here comes the cheesy) Girl being of a small stature, she feels like a little chick in the arms of Foxy. Together they usually protect Bonnie from Freddy for the simple fact that in their minds they think the worst that can happen between these two (.-.). So, whenever Freddy is hanging out with Bonnie, they usually get to the scene Chica and Foxy and they arrive more or less like this: Foxy usually opens the door with a kick saying '' Hurry up Chica we must save that boy from that Pedophile!!! '' and then enters Chica behind him and says ''Dont worry little one, we'll save you from that evil bear!!! '' and Freddy is like '' What the hell are you two doing!!?? '', And after that, they Two take Bonnie away from the bear, leaving  Freddy in a bad mood while saying several rude to the distance. Due to the fear of the abandonment of Chica, she usually feels like an egoist by those questions that go around her head ... questions that on the one hand wants to tell Foxy and on the other hand she is afraid. With their fear the crisis usually begins when their mind often questions questions that can harass the other, in this case Foxy. Such as:''How much do you love me''        ''Dont you love me as you used to?''        ''How do you love me?''        ''Show me that you love me''

Just thinking about those questions, she usually feels worse ... but she tries not to think about it. ................................................................. *Golden:He was the second child she met through his cousin (Freddy), Girl together with Freddy and Foxy feel quite depressed by the fact that one of their dear friends is not with them ... accompanying them. But Chica and Foxy try to be in a good mood not to make Freddy feel bad, since he would be the most affected regarding this second "theme" ... (And when I refer to second, I'm saying that Freddy already Is very affected by the Bonnie affair and his memory loss). .................................................................. -Some data: *Her real name is Charlotte *They also call her Charlie *Like Bonnie is Pansexual *She usually gets annoyed when the children get confused by her name and call her Ducky the duck...(.-. Tell me that I was not the only one to believe that Chica was a duck...) *Her fear of abandonment comes from her mother, who abandoned her and her father *Every day she offers Mike a snack, but this one closes the door in her face *She was the first to see Foxy's left eye under that patch, since he always hid it since he was a child, just like his blunt hand *And when that happened, Chica just smiled and gave him a kiss on the forehead...saying:''You should not be ashamed of your appearance, darling'' *She was the second to die *As a child she used to help her father cook...she used to *When cooking, she tries not to cry because of her father's memories *She used to be afraid of the Cupcake *But over time she got used to it and took care of him *She changed his name to "Chay" *She usually leaves Chay in the kitchen, to prevent him from seeing how the children eat some of their friends ... (mother of god) *Sometimes she doubts whether Foxy's hugs should match. Since, at the time of cooking, Foxy usually enters the door with open arms and she follows the flow ... falling into the trap *After that, Foxy doesnt let her go, ignoring several requests from Chica about to release her. *She loves pizza...She REALLY loves pizza

[selfawarenesscat1994]

accidental long post

i dont normally put trigger warnings but this post speaks a lot about food/binge eating. and i kinda just went off on one haha. talk of money.

im sitting in the office writing this at work cus my boss told me to do the holidays but im done but i need to vent, the store is abso quite and i just need some time to myself.

i have money! 

oh my god the relief. 

im still gonna be struggling til the end of this month but its not as bad as its been through jan which has been fucking HELL because ive obv been doing my manager job and having all this worry/stress ontop ov it.

i paid my rent +fee and i have enough to cover my bills! !!!!

i bought a bus pass but im gonna probably walk to work when the weather gets less horrible as i acctually didnt mind the walk after a while and i felt a lot fitter adding that exercise into my daily routine. before dropping out of uni, i got quite bad for being the type of person who would go to the gym once or twice a week and justify a lazy existence because of that. the bus is terrible but its the difference of walking 6 miles and being out of the house for like 12 hours a day or whatever and taking a 10 minute bus journey from straight outside my work almost to my front door. 

i ordered new earphones becus mine are not working. they were like 6 quid but so worth it. i went into my favourite cosmetic shop and got some nice stuff for my face as its got so flaky and dry and sore. i bought some new combs, not a great expense, no but the last thing on my list of cheap stuff when i didnt hve any money. my hair is short and tuggy and thisll help. i went into a cheaper cosmetics store and bought a lot of cheap shampoo/conditioner, sanitry products n whatnot. i never used to stockpile these so i ended up at the beginning of jan with nothing, i bought a cheap bar of soap for my body and used some of my flatmates stuff (but its expensive so i did it like once a week max). its so nice to have product. its something i never throught was something id miss cos theyre so essntial but i got to the point where i couldnt really afford them because i had bills going out and had to keep my money for other things.

the front door of the flat is drafty so i got the flat a draft exludor on the way. yay.

ive consumed more food/calories in the past day than i probably have in a couple of years - apart from at christmas. last night i bought a milkshake after work. it was thick and tasty and amazing. on my walk home i also bought a bottle of irn bru, which wasnt as good cus i forgot they changed the receipe but ive not drank fizzy drinks regularly in a 

i thought it was gonna be enough to fill me up but my body suddenly decided it really wanted to binge and treat myself.

i odered a med pizza with two sides and cookies when i got home from work. i just stuffed my face and ate it all. it was glorious. i went out with my flatmate a bit later and i bought quite a big shop with fresh food but also a lot of tinned/frozen things bcus i know i will be poor at the end of the month. i binged on salad items at like midnight. i ate two eggs, a whole freaking cucumber and pack of tomatoes, along with half a red pepper, a carrot, some spring onion and spinach. fresh food never felt so good. i had fruit and a bagel wiv creme cheese for my breakfast this morning. ive not had breakfast in about 6 months because when i started uni i got so stressed i couldnt eat in the morning and then i couldnt really afford to. and i gave myself some money today to get some lunch. i planned on buying one of those salad meal deals but i ended up at subway, i only got a 6 inch tough cos i think i may have died if i got anything bigger. i did however get 3 cookies on offer, ive only ate one as of yet but the other two are staring me down right now. i was so tempted to go to mcdonalds but i would have binged too hard. my poor stomach which i mentioned before had became a lot flatter probs due to lack of food/a lot of walking is so bloated.  i was wearing quite a loose fitting shirt to work and you can just see this big round boi now. customers will think im pregnant fuck me. but its a good bloat. but as i also mentioned ive gained a bit of weight and in the past 24 hours ive probably put on about a stone haha. i probably lost around three inches from my tummy in the past coupla months and now its about 6 inches rounder haha. 

i honestly dont regret it. i think if this was a regular thing and i did stuff like this a lot i would probably be different and feel horrible but it was great. i loved all this good food. 

im gonna go back to reasonable spending now/eating now. i have some spicy carrot soup i made a fortnight ago in the freezer so im gonna heat the rest of that up tonight for me and my flatmate, if i even feel up for eating and tomorrow i will probably enjoy a cheeky but healthy fruit salad for my working lunch.

sucks my brother took out a loan but im splitting his repayments and we can both afford to pay it off, im sure you can even pay it off wholly early (for a fee though) so i could even do that in a few months time cos i already know ill be due a tax refund, i paid so much tax @ my last jobs before i quit them for uni and ill be taxed here but i didnt earn over the threshold due to my break and il be due loadddss back, so we will see.

im gonna donate at the end of the month to some people on here, im not gonna really examine who ‘deserves it most’ and just do it randomly tbh. thanks to the people who donated to me, it e a lot but it did help as i mentioned before.

sidenote below

sidenote - i dont have an eating disorder. i just binged today and yesterday because ive not been able to enjoy the food i like. 

ive always had a bit of a weird relationship with food because ive never been thin and have had some disordered tendancies but nothing thats effected my overall health massively. ive been on countless diets thrughout my life. i dont particularly act like that anymore cos it can be dangerous. id only go on a ‘diet’ if my health was really bad, if i was terribly overweight or if another health condition made me alter my diet. ive also a lot of reckless times where ive just not thought about what ive eat... queue the time i ate a whole selection box and half a tub of ben and jerries for my lunch or the time i only ate a loaf and a half of bread in a day and though ‘ah this is enough calories its fine’. but i think thats moreso bpd. if ive been having a bad time with my mental health i wont care about whats being put in my body. but its not been driven through a desrie to be thinner/bigger ever.

 ive been poor recently and not been living on the best of foods (will probably explain why ive gained weight) but i have been mostly cooking from scratch using frozen meat/fish/veg and tined foods (thank god for bootstrap cooking, am i right???), on occasion i bought fresh veg or meat but thats it. the rest of the food i was eating when i was poor and well still will be eating for the next month was and i try to limit this because i know its really unhealthy has been instant ramen/noodles/soups/rice, breaded frozen meat and frozen garlic bread and chips. snackwise its been like those 10p packs of buiscuits and ive also been baking when i can mostly using my flatmates stuff. if my flatmate was making food and had excess id sometimes have some if she offered but thats been it.