#sometimes still friends but there is a lot of bullshit and pain there on both sides

[ratwars]

Dazai is like the ex I never got over despite being the one to leave him but if the love of my life died he would worm his way back in and I would be like sure fuck it let's destroy each other again why not? Gotta live a little.

[mrwinterr]

The Nerve

Pairing(s): former!Steve Harrington x Female Reader; eventual!Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Summary: The nerves of some people. 

Warnings: Cliché af. Toxic behavior. When they go low, I go lower. Revenge. Not a girls’ girl here bc once you fuck around w/ another girl’s man it’s “yes, and?” from there. Implied smut. Language. We’re probably not gonna like Steve (or even the reader for a bit) here. 

Disclaimer: Typical !former and !eventual pairing. Some time hopping. None of the spooky events of the Stranger Things (2016) series take place in this piece. Everything is just where it’s at because this is made up. 

Pre A/N: This is embarrassing. I was in my villain era. I was certainly in the business of misery. I was angry (still am sometimes), so I wrote this. We all cope differently.

The nerve. 

She had the nerve to steal your boyfriend. 

It had been a few weeks since Steve broke up with you, only to start dating a girl you had harbored no ill will toward until that night. He even had the guts to reveal who she was and how long he had been losing interest in you. You weren’t going to lie, it hurt – a lot. Discovering his real need for “space” during the last two months of your relationship was painful to realize because in that time, while you were being understanding, he was finding a way to end things with you.

Looking back, you couldn’t help but dissect the memory. It was an ordinary day. School was let out for the weekend, and you were spending it with Steve, a cozy night in without interruptions since he was often left alone at home. The two of you lay on the couch, cuddled up, bodies parallel, his arms around you, the room dimly lit by the TV screen. 

“I have something I wanna talk to you about…and it’s been on my mind for a while,” Steve says, loosening his grip and pausing the movie that was mindlessly playing midway. 

“Okay,” you reply, pushing yourself up from the couch to make space for him to sit up. He shifted, swinging his legs over to plant his feet on the carpeted floor, settling into a seated position and scooting aside to allow you room to sit back down next to him.  

The atmosphere shifted noticeably, and it made you nervous. The way he ran his hands through his hair and avoided meeting your gaze – it all felt ominous, and you couldn’t prepare yourself for what he was about to say. 

“I met someone,” he revealed. 

It wasn’t the news you expected, and you could feel your heart sink into your stomach as you absorbed his words.

“Oh,” is all you manage to say, now turning your gaze to the ground too, unable to look at him. 

A whirlwind of emotions swept through you – hurt, anger, brokenness, betrayal. The signs had been there. Why hadn’t you seen them? He had been growing distant – more withdrawn, fewer “good mornings” and “good nights”, less calls, more canceled dates. You had been looking forward to tonight, thinking he was just preoccupied with work or his upcoming graduation, believing whatever he needed space for was resolved. Turns out, he needed space from you. 

You had so many questions, even though you weren’t sure why you needed the answers. In that moment, you wanted to know what you had done to make him lose interest in you. You had thought the relationship was salvageable. 

What? He was breaking up with you. 

When? He’d been feeling like this for almost two months. 

Where? At work.  

Who? The other girl he worked with, also attends Hawkins High, but she's a year above you, therefore had more classes and events with him. 

How? It just happened. 

Yeah, that last one was a classic, but not as much as him telling you that you did nothing wrong and that you both could stay friends. Bullshit. With Steve, would come her, and you couldn’t believe the nerve of her to pursue another girl’s boyfriend. You’d seen her while visiting Steve at his job, but you hadn’t felt threatened by her. The hurting phase was brutal, but now all you could feel for her was anger – after all, who didn’t know that you were dating Steve Harrington? 

She had the nerve to act all innocent.

The school hallways were not pleasant for you. A few days after the break up, rumors circulated that Steve left you for someone else, though apparently their relationship hadn’t been made public yet, sparking widespread gossip. 

How would you have known that though? His business wasn’t yours anymore. In fact, you’d made a deliberate effort to distance yourself from them because the breakup was still fresh. Fuck trying to be friends. This time you were the one that needed the space. The last thing you wanted was to think about them together. 

Steve had the audacity to point the finger at you because you were supposedly the only one aware of the relationship. Even when you tried to explain, he left you hanging. The disbelief on his face hurt to witness. He didn’t believe you. 

“How do they know about us?” Steve demanded as he approached you at your locker, hands on his hips in typical, upset Steve fashion. No hey, hi or hello. He just went right in. 

“I don’t know,” you scoffed, continuing to unload your textbooks from your backpack.

“Well, you’re the only one who knows,” he persisted, leaning in closer, determined to get an answer. “And your name is going around.” 

“Look, Steve,” you finally turned to face him, your tone sharp, catching him off guard. “Your new relationship isn’t my concern.” This is a side of you Steve isn’t used to. “Why would I go around telling everyone that you left me for her? In all the time you’ve known me, have I ever given you a reason to think I’d do something like this?” 

You could see him reconsidering his accusation. The questions seemed to stump him, as if he knew the rumors were absurd and gossip wasn’t something you partook in. 

“Why don’t you go talk to your girlfriend and figure it out?” you suggested, turning back to your locker, not in the mood to continue the conversation. 

All Steve did was stare at you before shaking his head then going into a tangent of how some of the rumors were negatively affecting her when they weren’t true and how she shouldn’t have to endure them or receive any of its backlash…as if you did. But when he started saying something along the lines of how she wouldn’t do that because she told him she didn’t, you knew this was all a wasted effort on your end because he had already made up his mind. He believed her. 

Did he truly think you cared that much about them? Did he really think you'd stoop so low as to announce his new relationship? Did he ever really know you? 

She had the nerve to lie. 

Steve apologized to you when he discovered it was actually his new girlfriend that spread the news. He recognized his rash behavior and conceded that he should’ve believed you. Why would you waste energy on them? They weren’t worth your time anymore. 

“Hey,” a voice calls from behind, and you turn to see Steve standing there, looking contrite. Unlike before, you receive a greeting.

“Hey,” you reply, briefly acknowledging him before returning to organizing your locker, now cluttered by your chaotic friend’s belongings - stashing the shit that no one would suspect the good girl to possess. It didn’t bother you much, except for the occasional stench it left behind. 

“You were right,” Steve admits, hands in his front pockets and moving to the side to look at you. Pausing your task, you wait for him to continue. “She was the one going around telling everyone that I left you…for her.” Boy, that was awkward and lowkey stung. It hadn’t even been that long and he didn’t fail to remind you how you all got here. 

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” he continues, visibly ashamed, “I should’ve known better than to believe that.” His apology didn’t really move you. The damage had already been done. You were branded as the ‘psycho ex’ and all Steve had to do was trust you from the start. 

She had the nerve to act like a girls’ girl. 

She never directly apologized, but she had the nerve to claim that she harbored “no hard feelings” toward you. Hard feelings? Why? Because you’re the ex? Was she fucking stupid? How did she expect the girl whose boyfriend she stole to feel? Everything that came out of her mouth infuriated you.  

It was no ordinary day – it was your birthday, and your friend had organized a night out to celebrate. You never liked to make a spectacle of your birthday, but it was also a good reason to go out, distract yourself, and avoid dwelling on unwanted thoughts. 

“You’re lying,” your friend responds, baffled by what you just told him, “she really said that?” 

“She fucking did!” you exclaim, still grappling with her impeccable timing. She wouldn’t know it was your birthday or would she care. 

“Jesus. Of all the days…” he says with a low whistle before attempting to lift your spirits, “But, hey, we’re not gonna let her ruin your birthday!”

“I know, and I won’t!” Your voice wavers as you try to convince yourself this wouldn’t affect you. You were determined to not cry today, but the truth was, it still hurts. Her little stunt reopened a wound that was almost healed.  

“He’s such a fool,” he remarks, followed by a brief silence. You were preoccupied with regaining your composure, fighting back tears, unable to respond. “He didn’t know what he already had in front of him. Lucky son of a bitch,” he added, and you’re not sure if he was speaking to himself or he meant to say that outloud, but you heard him nonetheless. 

“Stop,” you reply, turning your away from him. You’re not gonna cry. “I know what you’re trying to do, Eddie.”  

“What am I trying to do?” He asks adjusting to move to your line of vision, but you keep your focus averted.

“Hype me up, make me feel better…I don't know,” you answer, finally meeting his gaze, the tears now freely falling. 

He understood how hard you were on yourself, replaying what could’ve been avoided. Your relationship with Steve wasn’t something you anticipated. Steve pursued you, and initially, you were fine with a casual fling, but he insisted on something more serious. You had doubts about whether he was the right person, but what if he was? It’s a reminder that life isn’t planned; it’s lived.

Eddie’s support during your breakup was invaluable. He watched you cry a lot – at home, at his trailer, at school, at work. He watched you criticize yourself for the breakup. He watched the light go out and he was determined to reignite it. He simply wanted his friend back. 

“Sweetheart, I promise you,” he assures, hand over his heart, “everything I’ve said is sincere,” accompanied by that charming, stupid trademark Eddie grin. He was so endearing. 

“Well,” you begin, but he’s got you. He had a knack for flipping the script, leaving you wondering why you were arguing in the first place. 

Despite your curiosity about what attracted Steve to someone else and away from you, you had to accept that you probably wouldn’t ever know. 

If there was one thing you knew about Steve, it was that when he falls, he falls fast. With that realization, it sparked a wicked plan in your mind. If you could bag him once, you could probably do it again. 

The nerve. 

You had the nerve to lie. 

The only person you had confided in about your breakup with Steve was Eddie, and you had the right to do so. You needed a friend. You also knew he had no interest in high school gossip, so it couldn’t have been him that told the whole school. You trusted him. 

People liked to talk and they didn’t hold back. Although the lies bothered you, you had a strong support system in Eddie and his friends. If any group could shrug off that nonsense, it was the Hellfire Club.

“Are you sure you didn’t tell anyone?” Steve asked, continuing to badger you, even suggesting Eddie as the culprit. You knew Steve well enough that he couldn’t take gossip about him for this long. After all, he had a reputation to uphold, and not all of the rumors were in his favor. 

“Eddie?” You asked, confused but also guilty because you had done just that. 

“Yeah, I know how much time you’ve been spending with him lately.” 

“Why is that any of your business?” You countered, a bit snappy.  

“Because,” Steve began, grasping for an excuse, “people talk.”

“And you really think Eddie would? He doesn’t care about shit like this or you-”

“Please,” he interrupts with an eye roll, in the annoying way Steve always did. 

“You don’t know him,” you defended your friend, “so get off your high horse and go talk to your girlfriend about your problem,” leaving him questioning everything again.  

You had the nerve to act all innocent. 

The birthday incident, as you tried your best to keep thoughts of Steve at bay, she unexpectedly approached you, alone, feigning sweetness and innocence. You listened as she spun her lies – lies about overhearing people gossip about her, Steve, and you; lies about rumors allegedly started by you; lies about having “no hard feelings” toward you. It was all fabrication.  

Politely, you attempted to have her understand your side of the story, clarifying that you had not spread any rumors and had discussed the situation with Steve, as civil as that could’ve been, and ultimately, how she should address the matter directly with him. What were you now? A couples counselor? You didn’t have time for this or them.

You weren’t going to start lying to yourself now, but it angered you. All you saw was red. So, you gave it right back, feigning innocence yourself, doubling down on it, subtly planting a seed of doubt in her mind. 

“Watch out for him,” you said sincerely, your warning devoid of malice. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked genuinely curious. God she was fucking stupid. Did she think she would walk out of this situation without a scratch? She had just proven she was not a girl’s girl for actively pursuing your boyfriend while he was with you. The world is a jungle, and it was every woman for herself now. 

“Nothing,” you shrugged, maintaining composure, “...just a girl looking out for another girl,” you added, offering her an innocent, warm smile. 

“Okay,” she replied, sounding confused and a bit shaky. You could sense her discomfort, and she deserved to feel uneasy. 

Ultimately, you weren’t lying. Yes, she should watch out for Steve – what made her think he wouldn’t treat her the same way he did to you? However, if you were in her shoes, you’d watch out for yourself. 

You had the nerve to not act like a girl’s girl too. 

The sudden breakup with Steve left some unresolved feelings, but he was now with her, not you, yet that didn’t stop the urge to act on them. Steve was weak and you realized that soon enough. 

With your head turned to the side, you observed him, listening to his ragged breathing, how his lips parted, emitting small puffs of air, his chest rising and falling, the sweat that dripped from the top of his forehead, and eyes closed in post-bliss. Your gaze traces the freckles that speckled his skin as you studied his profile, wrestling with the questions swirling your mind.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked cautiously, breaking the silence. Why fight for him?

He didn’t respond immediately, but didn’t linger too long before replying, “Not really.” 

“We’re gonna have to,” you said and it sounded almost pathetic. Why were you trying to hold onto him? 

“I…I think we shouldn’t talk for a while,” and when he said that, you knew that actually meant this was done. He was done with you. Why did you want to change his mind?

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks. You knew it had to end eventually. There was no intention or hope of remaining friends. 

That night, you went home feeling hurt, broken, angry, and disgusted. You knew what you did was wrong, a sad attempt on your part. He probably wanted that reaction from you. You were more than willing to feed his male ego. What guy didn’t enjoy the idea of two girls vying for him? If it was easy for her and it was easy for you, it would be easy for another. What made him so special?

You had the nerve to try to steal her boyfriend.

It was a toxic situation. You found yourself doing exactly what she had done to you. What did that accomplish? Bragging rights and a fleeting sense of revenge, perhaps, but it didn’t bring you and Steve back together. It only highlighted how destructive you both could be. You sought revenge at the expense of homewrecking a relationship. You were no better, yet in a twisted way, you didn’t care. You wanted them to feel the same pain you did, even though deep down, you knew Steve was capable of sabotaging his own relationships. 

You told Eddie of the misdeed, feeling ashamed. He wasn’t upset with you. He understood that you would follow your own path no matter what. He didn’t have the right to control you. Both of you recognized that this would only lead to your own suffering. Unfortunately, you had to learn this lesson the hard way. 

“I know you’re upset and that’s okay,” he tries to console you, “...your feelings are valid.  But I don’t think you need to find the answers to everything. They’ll just lead to more and it’ll never end.”

He was right. The more you held onto what happened between you and Steve, the more questions arose. He was living rent free in your head. 

“I just-” you struggled, trying hard to make sense of the situation, “I just wanna know. What did I do wrong? How did he get bored of me? When was I not enough?” 

“Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule?” he asked, and you shook your head. “It’s basically a theory that when someone cheats, they are drawn to the 20% in another person that is missing in their current partner.”

You’re not sure how much that helped you because it begged the question…”And I know what you’re thinking, so stop that!” Eddie’s quick to read you, “you’re lacking nothing, alright?” 

“Everyone knows I’m not a big fan of Steve Harrington,” he said, scrunching up his face at the mention of his name, “...but he’ll regret this. His type always comes back…fucking roaches.” That last remark elicited a small cackle out of you. 

He then took your hand in his. It’s a stark contrast to your own hand – larger, a bit rough, warm and slightly clammy – but it provided a sense of comfort. You don’t realize how long you’ve been staring at your hands clasped together until he gives it a light squeeze and says, “He’ll realize he was much better off with the 80% he already had.” 

Damn Eddie Munson. He was too good to you. It gave you a new perspective. Why were you being so hard on yourself? Why were you trying to convince yourself that the relationship’s downfall was your fault? It was Steve who started pulling away from you. It was Steve who did pull away from you. It was Steve who was actively pulling away from you. Everything that happened wasn’t solely on you. 

These kinds of things happen to everyone every day. Feeling hurt, broken, angry, betrayed and ashamed were normal and acceptable emotions. You just have to learn to swallow your pride and accept this as part of life. You live and learn – not necessarily forgive or forget, but move on in your own way. 

You were once happy without Steve, and you could be happy again. You gave up or changed a lot for Steve, losing sight of what made you happy. Now, you were committed to reclaiming your happiness. Fuck, when did you start crying? 

“You alright, sweetheart?” Eddie’s voice laced in concern, bringing his other hand up to wipe the stray tears running down your face. 

“How do you do it?” you asked, looking down to compose yourself. 

“Do what?” he responded, amused. You didn’t answer verbally, but twist your hand in his to thread your fingers between his. The small smile on your face conveyed your question, softening his features. It’s a rare emotion from Eddie, mixed with vulnerability accompanied with a newfound awareness. 

He brings your now interlocked hands to his lips but not before saying, “...because I’m a big fan of you,” and kisses the back of your hand gently.

The nerve.

Steve had the nerve to lie. 

Several months have passed with minimal communication from Steve. Occasionally seeing them together around school and town didn’t bother you anymore – well, not entirely. You can’t deny it still stirred up certain feelings, but you didn’t give it a second thought and eventually they weren’t a blimp on your radar. The past no longer consumed you, but unexpectedly, it started consuming Steve. 

Evidently, he still knew your schedule and had been desperately trying to find a chance to talk to you – just the two of you, without Eddie, other friends, teachers, classmates, or family around. When he approached you, you were confused; unsure if he was still with her or anyone else. You intentionally tuned out gossip and never paid attention to their situation. Besides, you had a better reason to not care about Steve anymore. So, when he starts pouring out his feelings, you take it with a grain of salt, this time with a clearer mind. 

“Hey,” Steve calls out as you step out of your front door, ready to head out with your ride nearby. 

“Uh, hey, Steve,” you reply with uncertainty. 

“Can we talk?” he asks hesitantly. 

“Now might not be the best time,” you respond with unease. 

“Please, just give me five minutes,” he begs, his eyes full of hope and pleading. What could there possibly be left to talk about? Despite your instincts telling you to stand firm, you reluctantly agree to hear him out, which you soon regret. 

Steve begins with an apology and offers to explain his actions. What more was there for him to explain? You no longer desired an explanation. It was simple – he grew tired of you, became interested in another girl, and left you; perhaps grew tired of her too and now he’s back. You had moved on from your failed relationship with Steve months ago. However, he felt he “owed” you an explanation. Was this all a joke to him?

The more he spoke, the more you got lost in your thoughts trying to comprehend the reality that he was standing before you, admitting to his mistakes, and seeking a second chance. His voice started to fade into the background as you felt the weight of deciding how to respond, all while knowing your ride would arrive at any moment. When the pressure got too much, you finally managed to step up. 

“Steve,” you interrupt, “I don’t know what you want me to say to you.” 

“You don’t have to say anything right now. I just–” he’s cut off by the sound of loud, muffled music, causing both of you to turn your attention to the bulky van that just pulled up in front of your house. 

You glanced at Steve sending him a tight lip smile before taking the short few steps to the curb, not looking back, knowing you were never going to get that "owed" explanation.

Steve had the nerve to try to act all innocent.

The atmosphere in Eddie’s van is tense the moment you climb into the passenger seat. Neither of you expected to see Steve today, let alone right before a date. And it happened. The lingering feelings had unearthed between you and Eddie and you welcomed it, a testament to your decision to move on from Steve. Right when things are looking up, life throws you a curveball in the form of your ex. 

“Are you okay?” Eddie asks cautiously, stealing a quick glance at you before focusing back on the road. 

“Yeah,” you reply unconvincingly, then quickly retract, “no,” followed by a sigh, “I mean, I was…I am. I’m just annoyed at Steve right now. I swear I had no idea he was stopping by.” 

“You’re fine,” Eddie assured, dismissively waving his hand to convey that it wasn’t a big deal to him, though his mind was racing with a million questions. When he saw Steve with you, he couldn’t help but wonder: Why was Steve there? What were you two talking about? What did Steve want? Had you been in contact with him and not mentioned it? Not that Eddie could control who you talked to, girlfriend or not. 

“I can’t believe he had the nerve to say he ‘respects’ my feelings!” Your emotions spill out as you unload on Eddie, “After everything he did to me, does that look like someone who ‘respects’ my feelings?” 

“It is a pretty shitty thing for him to do,” Eddie agrees, not just coming from the boyfriend perspective, but from any perspective. 

Steve thought that by acknowledging your feelings upfront, it would ease his case. However, upon reflection, you realized it was more about saving face for the hurtful way he left you, attempting to depict himself in a more favorable light.

“Right?!” The audacity Steve had to arrive at your door, unannounced, just before your date with Eddie. God, Eddie. It was a brief but uncomfortable moment. Steve knew you were friends with Eddie, he never bothered to understand the depth of your relationship because he didn’t care enough to meet your other friends. “I’m sorry, Eddie,” you say, feeling remorseful.  

“For what?” he chuckles softly because can’t believe what you're apologizing for.

“I didn’t expect to see Steve today,” you explain. 

“That’s not on you,” he assures, “remember, I told you they always come back.” 

“True,” you agree, “but that’s not what I want.” 

“What do you want, then?” he asks.

“You,” you admit, “just you, Eddie,” reaching for his free hand to hold for assurance. 

Yeah, Steve wasn’t going to fool you.  

Steve had the nerve to try to steal you from your boyfriend. 

During the initial months, Steve made attempts to regain your favor. You questioned repeatedly whether you could genuinely consider being just friends with him. That had been his original intention after breaking your heart, but he failed to uphold his end of the deal. Was it worth attempting to rebuild a friendship with him? Would it reflect poorly on your judgment if you did? Could you bear being around Steve in any capacity? If Eddie hadn’t arrived on time for your date that evening, you didn’t know how much more of Steve's admission you could take before you hit another breaking point. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you,” Steve begins, pausing, his mouth opening and closing as he carefully chooses his next words, “I miss you.” He observes your lack of response before continuing, “I miss us. We worked…and I really want to try and get to that again…to what we had.” 

You can see it was difficult for him to admit this. Seeing your unphased reaction, he begins to ramble and talk out of his ass, “I mean, only if you want to. I can understand if you don’t. I do respect your feelings.” 

You knew you didn’t have the mental or even emotional capacity to deal with Steve at that moment, and fortunately, the interaction didn’t progress any further. More importantly, it didn’t ruin your date with Eddie. 

Steve’s graduation, once an event you looked forward to celebrating, was now a canceled event on your calendar. While you wished you could’ve joined in celebrating, Eddie had unfortunately not passed his exams again. Hopefully, on his third attempt, he will be able to graduate and walk the stage with you next year. 

You had started working at a music store, which you enjoyed because it allowed you to be surrounded by something you loved – music. Eddie particularly appreciated the employee discount, a place to hang around during your shifts, though he seemed less excited about the store’s proximity to a certain video store.

It was inevitable that Steve would eventually walk in. Initially, your classmate and presumably Steve’s co-worker, now friend, Robin accompanied him. Over time, Steve started coming in alone, conveniently when Eddie wasn’t hanging around. 

It wasn’t that you were afraid to be alone with him, and Eddie trusted you; he simply didn’t trust Steve. Despite Steve not being the same person from high school, multiple events humbling him, his efforts to revive your past relationship persisted. Although his approach was more subdued than before and masked as friendship, there was still an underlying motive. It was no secret either that you were in a relationship with Eddie. 

Given the small-town geography of Hawkins, you accepted Steve wasn’t going to just disappear. You managed to adapt to his presence. While you couldn’t deny that this attention boosted your ego, you were resolute about not revisiting the past with him. 

“So, I’ve got a copy of Pretty In Pink hot off the press,” Steve announced, showcasing proof of the video tape during another lunch break he spent at your workplace with you on a slow day. “Interested in watching it with me tonight?” he asked, trying to sound smooth and hopeful, adding and emphasizing “as friends,” though not convincingly considering you haven’t agreed to any plans with Steve let alone as that. 

You glanced at him, then at the tape in his hands, and then back at him. “Thanks, but I’m not really into rom-coms,” you replied with a small smile. 

“What? Since when?” he asked, visibly surprised. 

“Since forever…” you answered with a light laugh that almost sounded like a scoff. It internally annoys you because as a former partner, he should’ve known that.

“Oh,” he said, setting the tape down on the counter between you. 

“Yeah,” you drawled, trying to fill the ensuing awkward silence. Fortunately, the door chimed, signaling a new customer – saved by the bell, literally.  

“Babe, you’re gonna love me! I convinced Robin to save me a copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and she fucking delivered,” Eddie exclaimed excitedly about tonight’s movie, barely noticing Steve’s presence until he reached the register. “Oh, hey, man.” 

It’s amusing yet endearing to see Eddie straighten up and square his shoulders around Steve, as if they were in competition. You couldn’t blame Eddie for feeling that way, though he really had no reason to worry he’d lose. 

“Hey,” Steve replied, shoving the copy of the romantic comedy aside, embarrassed that he had forgotten your preference for horror movies. 

As you and Eddie enthusiastically discussed the sequel, Steve felt out of place, as if you and Eddie were in your own little world, completely forgetting he was still standing there. He couldn’t contribute to the conversation because he hadn’t seen the first movie and didn’t know anything about it to share in the excitement. Eventually, he quietly slipped away with the tape in hand, on the short trek back to Family Video concluding his lunch break. 

The notion of ‘forgive and ‘forget’ was bullshit. While you could be civil, deep down, you still harbored hurt and anger over what happened. Much of the past year was spent in an emotional decline that affected various aspects of your life – home, social interactions, physical and mental well-being. Now, however, you were focused on reclaiming your happiness. Places and things around town that once reminded you of Steve and your past relationship no longer brought sadness; you were forging new memories with someone else.  

Whether it be in a friend or significant other, Eddie was like your rock. He was there from the start, witnessing your first date with Steve and even expressing his reservations about him. Yet, he knew he had to let you navigate life, love and mistakes on your own. Despite any reckless choices you made, even those that disappointed him, Eddie remained a source of comfort and support because he genuinely cared for you. 

Growing closer to Eddie was a breath of fresh air compared to Steve. You didn’t feel the need to impress Eddie; he was always impressed by you. Reflecting on it, you realized how much you had changed to fit in Steve’s world, which now seemed almost pathetic. With Eddie, you don’t have to change anything – your clothes, your diet, your friends, or your interests. He respected you for who you were. 

It’s ironic that just as you’re back on track and happy, Steve wants to interfere. What’s even sadder is that he promised an explanation but hasn’t delivered, yet he’s actively pursuing you. So what? You tell your ex you still have feelings for them and miss what you both had. What did he expect? That he was Steve Harrington and you’d jump back into his arms? No. He had moved on, supposedly, and so did you, finally. 

Part of you cherished early memories with Steve, and you weren’t going to fail to admit that during the initial attempts, you entertained the thought of what if you got back with him. However, he’s the reason why you struggled to move on and became recluse. Who knows? Maybe he learned from his mistakes or not. What he did to you, he did to her and would likely repeat to others. He only proved that second chances sometimes didn’t matter because rarely do people change. You concluded you couldn’t be more than what you currently were to Steve. 

He was the one who chose to end the relationship. He was the one who decided you weren’t enough for him. He was the one who chose to engage with another woman. He was the one who strung you along. He's the one who decided to cut you off. And now, he’s the one seeking a way back in. It was comical because all the tactics he used the first time he convinced you to go out on a date with him didn’t work this time. It had him trying harder and he was failing miserably. You were now the one living rent-free in his head. 

The events of this whole situation have allowed you to build emotional strength and learn to love yourself and someone else again. You were happy, and happy with Eddie. You weren’t going to let something silly as an 80/20 rule or a past relationship with Steve interfere with that happiness.

Yet, it goes to show the nerves of some people. 

Post A/N: I wish I had this happier ending in real life. Please like, comment and/or reblog. It’ll motivate me to write more and you know also help my self-esteem.

[monstrousfemale]

After the world finally stops threatening to end, sometime in late 1989, Steve quietly gets a tattoo across his ribs. It’s something personal and private, something he just needs etched into his skin because to not have it there would feel like a lie. He feels disconnected from himself, he feels alone, he feels like bullshit. Going into Indianapolis for the weekend and shoving the handwritten line at a tattoo artist is the most human Steve has felt in forever. The sharp pain of the needle followed by the dull ache of the healing process finally grounds him.

No one but Robin hears about this, though. And turns out outside of saving the world, now that he doesn’t swim as much, Steve doesn’t have that many excuses to take his shirt off anymore. So, the tattoo is a secret by omission, and Steve is fine with that. It’s his thing, and it doesn’t have to be exposed for it to mean as much as it does.

And it does mean a lot. It’s a mark of a new beginning, something physical to prove to Steve he is still around and kicking. 

And after that, life feels livable again. He has his friends, his only real family. He is managing Family Video now, after the owner had moved out of town due to world-almost-ending experiences. He is finally settling into being someone he actually wants to be.

Most importantly, Steve keeps in touch with Eddie as much as he can. They’re hanging out on and off all the time, falling into an easy routine without either of them meaning to. And by 1990, before either of them knows what hits them, they’re fumbling in the backroom at Family Video, making out against a shelf, VHS tapes raining down on them like falling in love: fast, hard, unexpected.

It’s all a blur of finally expressing things they had been keeping hidden for too long. Sharing secrets at midnight, back and forth with the pass of a joint or two or five. And after they start, they couldn't stop even if they had wanted to. They need this good thing. And they both know too well how fast the shit hits the fan around them. So, they don’t care for taking things slow, not after years of dancing around each other. All this to say, it doesn’t take long at all for Eddie to find himself in Steve Harrington's bedroom.

He’s sitting against the headboard, watching as Steve gets rid of his clothes. He had been expecting an almost childish awkwardness from Steve, because Eddie knows he hadn't done this before, not with a man. Not that Eddie has that much experience to speak of himself, but he had come to terms with it way earlier. It doesn’t matter what he had expected though, because in truth Steve is smooth, sexy even. He removes his clothes with purpose and devastating eye contact. He gets rid of his pants, and then his shirt is coming off – finally, finally messing up that amazing head of hair of his.

Eddie almost gets too distracted by Steve's intensity to notice the tattoo. When he comes closer, though, Eddie places his hand over his ribs. Instinctively, he just has to look and see what his skin looks like against Steve's skin. And there it is, right by his fingers. Pitch black ink, already healed over, already fully Steve. The words are stark against his pale skin. I want to be adored. Eddie has the air knocked out of him.

Steve looks down, confused for a moment. "Wha-?" he starts to ask, but then his brain catches on. Steve feels self-conscious, kisses Eddie to distract him from what he'd found. He hadn't known this is how he would feel, had never felt ashamed or embarrassed of much about his appearance before. And this isn’t quite shame. But this is Steve, bared, naked, in ways that go above a state of undress.

Eddie breaks the kiss, hand splayed over Steve's chest. "Fuck, Steve. When did you get that?"

"A while back. It's nothing." It is everything. It means so much to Steve, he'd never have the words.

Eddie's eyes soften, skimming the words again and again. The smile that graces his lips is tiny, a kind little thing Steve usually only sees on his face whenever he is around the nuggets, Max or Dustin usually.

"I can make that happen," Eddie says, honesty dripping from his words. It isn’t his usual, larger than life rambling. This is Eddie seeing him, really seeing him.

"What?" Steve asks, to diffuse the tension. A self-sabotaging little jab at their clear connection, because he actually thinks he knows exactly what Eddie means.

"I can adore you, big boy," Eddie says, and his playful spark was back. He winks, pulling Steve close by the shoulders. He gets both of them on Steve's bed. Steve's chest aches.

"Shut up," he says, because he doesn’t know how to accept something like this. Doesn’t know how to process that anyone would care, that anyone would pay attention.

Eddie rolls his eyes at him, flips them on the bed so he can straddle Steve's hips. Eddie traces the ink on his skin like it is precious. He kisses Steve hard, kisses his love into his lips, pushes it into his mouth like he does his tongue.

"I do adore you," Eddie says later, after they're both tired and spent and sated. After sex has made things fuzzier. It feels so simple now. It is so true.

"Eddie," Steve starts, ready to tell Eddie about all the ways in which he, Steve, is fucked up. Instead: "Thank you."

"Hey, I got you."

And Eddie does, he really does.

[enheene]

Loosened Tie

Lee Heeseung | words: 0.9k | warnings: afab reader, breeding, ceo and husband!hee, not proofread, shorter than i thought it is | A/N: might be cringey ,,,

18+MDNI

Laying on your bed waiting for your husband, Heeseung, who is at a business meeting, to come home is quite boring, right? He typically works from home, to provide you his presence at all times, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. You’re all alone in his sleeveless „Golden Dreamer” shirt, that is as long to only cover your panties, inhaling his scent, not being able to find anything on the TV, not hungry enough to make something to eat, friends at work and on social media all what’s posted is bullshit.

Trying to kill the time, you force yourself to watch some show which results you in getting completely dozed off. You don’t even hear your husband opening and closing your front door aggressively and walking up the stairs with loud stomps but not loud enough to get you out of your trance.

As he opens the door to your shared bedroom, you feel relieved, knowing that you finally have someone to talk to, play some games with and kill the time. He walks in, shutting the door behind him. You smile widely, welcoming him with a warm hug. He didn’t leave for long but you still managed to feel lonely and miss him a lot. What you didn’t notice at first was his angry and cold stare, that could possibly kill anyone, but as soon as you saw it and felt the way his body was fully tensed up, you ask out of worry “What happened, baby? Is everything all right?” To which he responds not by words but by throwing you on your emperor sized bed.

The sound of your squeak overfilled the room, as you got really surprised by his sudden action. On the other side though, Heeseung was really fed up with his work. Boiling with anger inside, since something didn’t go as planned at the meeting. As the CEO of the internationally recognisable IT/Software company, he naturally wants to provide all what’s best for his employees. Well, it won’t work at all if the employees don’t cooperate with him. The only known for him way to release his anger was by playing with his fuck toy. With you. You agreed to have sex everytime he initiated something but it was all soft sex, where Heeseung was praising you, worshipping your body, caring about your comfort and release, kissing you all over your body and delicately marking you up.

As you gave him a closer look, he looked too handsome in his black pants, shirt and partially loosened tie. “Lift your hips for me, kitten.” The building wetness of your cunt stained your panties so much, that he left out a quiet, deep chuckle, which you have never heard through your whole relationship and marriage with him. As you did what he said, he slid off your panties, admiring your glistening cunt for a moment. Curiosity taking over you, you ask “Babe, what’s up with you? You never acted like this.”

Him being too lazy to undress himself, he just unzips his jeans and pulls out his dick. This made you take a finger into your mouth and bite on your nail as you saw his, now free, erection. Heeseung rubs his tip up and down your cunt, between your folds, making you whine, only for him to hear. “Meeting went not as planned. Now shh, pretty baby.” He said before pushing with his whole force right into your tight hole. “F-fuck, you didn’t even warn or prep me.” Your hands held onto his arms, as you moaned at the sudden stretch and slight feeling of pain. “We both know you can take it, slut.” Not even giving you time to adjust or react at the name he called you, he thrusts harsh into you. Breathing in and out multiple times to calm yourself down, the pain is turning into pleasure.

Fastening his speed, he fucks his whole length into you forming a small bulge in your stomach. He rolls your his shirt up and presses down your belly making you feel some different type of euphoric. “Do you feel it? Only you can make this happen. Little cock whore.” You pulled his tie lowering his head closer to yours, so you can get the chance to kiss him, moaning and whining out loud in between.

“Heeseung, I- I have to, fuck- cum.” The both of you breathing loudly. „Me too, kitten.” as his movements started getting sloppier, he placed one of his fingers on your clit, drawing small but fast circles, making you scream the most beautiful sounds ever to exist.

Moaning his name loudly, you release your juices, wettening your bed sheets and his pelvis. “Oh yeah, such a good slut. My slut.” Heeseung said as his cock was twitching, feeling your pussy clenching around him. “Can fuck you whenever I want to, yeah? Let me fuck my anger out on you? My innocent, or not so innocent, cock slut. What do you think? Are you innocent or not?” Loading you full of his warm seeds, you whine at the feeling of it and sound of his groans. “Answer me.” He stated coldly. “I- I am innocent. I’m your innocent cock slut.” You answered with doe eyes, almost tearing up. “Good.”

At some point the anger left his body but he was still visibly annoyed and frustrated. Though after you both came back to your senses, your husband changed his persona back to the soft and delicate Hee. Now wanting to give you all of the best treatment, which you deserve, for being his innocent cock whore. He prepares a cherry scented bubble bath with rose petals for the both of you. “You did so well, princess.”

You never knew this side of your beloved husband existed, but you’re not complaining about it.

[wonwoonlight]

shiny star | lee seokmin

➝ Seokmin x Reader

➝ shiny star!au // university!au // non idol!au // strangers to lovers // fluff // slice of life

➝ word count: 5.3k~

➝ warning: curses, food.

➝ inspired by: Shiny Star (2020) - KyoungSeo

➝ shiny star playlist

➝ Shiny Star masterlist (can be read as standalone)

Seungcheol // Jeonghan // Joshua // Junhui // Soonyoung // Wonwoo // Jihoon // Seokmin // Mingyu // Minghao // Seungkwan // Hansol // Chan

A/N: in an ideal world, this would drop on 18 February 2022 00:00 KST and be proofread. alas, this world is nothing but ideal. happy late birthday seokmin, it's been long since i write anything so i hope this is... okay. enjoy.

A/N 2: shoutout to @twogyuu and @lily-blue who share the same birthday as our precious boys <3

널 좋아하는 내 마음이 표현이 안 돼 the way I like you can't be expressed 꿈이 아니면 좋겠어 자꾸 웃음 나와 I hope this isn't a dream, I keep on laughing

[✾✾✾]

Seokmin has never liked people whispering.

It makes him feel like he’s out of loop and sometimes it feels like they’re whispering about him. He doesn’t like it even more when he catches people whispering with each other without trying to be subtle; why bother whispering then? Might as well just talk loudly if they’re going to make someone uncomfortable one way or another. Why make them anxious for no reason?

That said, he’s very annoyed right now because the group on the table next to him is clearly snickering to each other about someone in his class, whispering to themselves (even though he can still hear parts of their conversations that he doesn’t want to be a part of) as they not so subtly point at someone in front of the class.

Seokmin truly wishes whoever they’re pointing at, this person doesn’t notice because at least they’re not facing each other.

…always by herself. Tsk. She probably thinks she’s above everyone.

True. Just because she’s top of the class and everything. No wonder she doesn’t have friends.

Have you ever seen her talk to anyone in class?

No. I;m pretty sure she–

And he puts on his earphones and drowns their voices, turning up the song so he wouldn’t have to listen to whatever bullshit they’re spewing anymore. It works, but his eyes travel to the girl sitting by herself on the second row up in front; her body slumped forward as she leaned on her arms.

Cruel how one can stay silent and people would still make shit up somehow.

[✾✾✾]

The next time Seokmin comes to class, his eyes find the same girl on the same seat, this time with earphones on and hand busy scribbling something on her notebook. 

He also notices the same girls seating a few rows behind, whispering and pointing like no one else can see what they’re doing. It irks him, but he’s never been one to confront people and act heroic; so he does what he can in his own way, makes his way next to the girl and sits on the empty seat right next to hers.

The whispering seems to stop, if only for a few seconds. And when the faint hushes continue, he assumes it’s for a different reason.

“Is it… okay to sit here?” He asks, albeit a little late.

You look so startled, as if not expecting anyone to be addressing you–let alone sit on the empty seat next to you when there are obviously lots of empty ones on the back.

“Umm… Yeah, sure.”

He beams even though you seem like you’re still not sure how to interact with him.

“I’m Seokmin, by the way. It’s too noisy in the back nowadays, figured I should try sitting in front.”

This seems to satisfy you, as you nod and offer him your name, and Seokmin pats himself in the back when you take out your earphones and put them back in their case. This means you’re not against him being there, right?

The awkwardness that follows is a little hard to swallow, but he forces another question after a painful three seconds for the both of you.

“You always sit in front, don’t you?”

You shrug then repeat what he exactly just said a while ago. “It has always been noisy in the back for me.”

And the conversation stops again.

You don’t look like you don’t want to talk to him though, just very unsure about what to say and Seokmin will take that as a win. Thankfully, Professor Kim comes in just in time and starts the class almost immediately after. It’s a hit or miss when it comes to his class, and sometimes it’s such a big miss that Seokmin regrets taking History of English Literature as an elective, cursing Wonwoo for saying this course was easy and he didn’t have to do much.

The thing about Professor Kim is that he speaks quite fast and his power point sucks. He explains well, but sometimes Seokmin struggles following his pace that he’d miss words in his notes. He sighs as this happens yet again, then his gaze ends up on your notes and he must’ve gasped audibly because you turn to give him a questioning look.

“Your notes are… very nice.” is the only thing he dumbly manages to say.

“Thank you…?” You blink in confusion then, without meaning to, turn to look at his notes. You hold back a wince at how messy it is, though you appreciate the fact that he’s trying and he’s here to actually learn something. “Do you… need help?”

With the way he looks at you, you might as well be offering the world to him. Damn, you’ve never seen someone who looks so much like a harmless puppy.

“You’d do that?”

You shrug, telling him you don’t mind. You’ve always liked helping people study, but no one except for Jennie and Jimin ever asked for your help. Even those two hesitated at first and only gathered enough courage to ask you after you got close. 

“Can we talk after class?” 

“Sure.”

And that’s how you end up here one hour later, still in the classroom even though everyone else has left. Seokmin, as it turns out, is not very good when it comes to speed writing. You went through his notes for a bit after class ended, and you pressed your lips together to hold back whatever you wanted to say because you don’t know this guy enough to see if he’d get offended.

Well, whatever. You were the one who offered to help, anyway, and he does look very harmless of a person.

“How do you want me to help?”

“Mmh…” Now that you put it that way, what was he expecting of you? “I either miss his explanation or miss writing things down because he speaks quite fast. So it’s always one or the other and I always end up borrowing someone’s note or asking a friend to explain it again after class.”

You seem to consider this for a bit, lips pursing in thought as you focus on his notes and Seokmin takes that time to finally, finally look at you. How has he never noticed you before? You’re not the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life, but you’re definitely attractive and you’re most definitely his style.

You have a lot of piercings on your left ear, he notices (because your right one is covered by your hair), and when his eyes wander to your lips, he realizes that they are on the smaller side and it’s then that he snaps out of his gaze because your lips are moving and he barely registers whatever’s coming out of them.

“–tomorrow?”

“Sorry?” He smiles sheepishly. God, you’re so going to think this is why he’s bad at taking notes, that he’s bad at concentrating and you’re going to regret offering him help.

Unexpectedly, you let out a huff of amusement before repeating your words, not a speck of annoyance in your eyes.

“I said I already have plans today so I’m not sure I can help you as much as I’d like to. Would it be okay if we see each other tomorrow?”

The ‘yes!’ that comes out of his mouth is way too fast that he’s almost embarrassed, but seeing the way your face scrunches up in amusement is worth it and he quickly asks for your number so he can text you tomorrow. He feels like a high school boy all of sudden, heart giddy as he patiently waits for you to punch in your number into his phone.

Seokmin bites back a smile as he looks at your contact even minutes after you left the room, saying goodbye with the prettiest smile and a small wave.

[✾✾✾]

“I want to try this katsu place.” Jimin announces his presence before he plops down on the empty seat in front of you, though neither you or Jennie look up from your phones. “And because you brats don’t have manners, you two are coming with me. No choice whatsoever.”

Jennie groans, but still asks when and where, finally putting her phone down to give him the time of her day. You listen to the conversation, not really in the mood to join in their usual banter because you honestly just want to take a nap but you already bailed on them three times this month so you have to be here now.

You value your life more than that. You’re not risking Jennie and Jimin taking your life with their bare hands if you miss another hang out.

“Somewhere in Yeonnam. And I want to try immediately. So, lunch tomorrow.”

“Can’t.” You sigh, then glare at Jimin when he dramatically whispers that you finally put down your phone. “Promised someone I’d help them with this subject.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. This guy from my History of Literature class.” You pause. “But you guys can go ahead and try the katsu place without me if you want.” When you look up to meet their stares, you wince and sit straight on your seat. “...or not. Reschedule or we can have late lunch? I should be finished at 2 ish.”

“Late lunch it is.” Jimin grins, clapping his hands together in satisfaction. “And I’m picking you up. I’m not letting you bail last minute for whatever reason.” 

[✾✾✾]

“Do you want me to be completely honest?” You end up going straight to it. Seokmin looks soft-hearted, and you mean it in the best way possible, but for someone as curt as you are, it’s not always easy to thread around someone like him. You don’t want to offend him by accident, but you don’t know him enough so you suppose you don’t really have any choice but to go straight to the point and see from there.

“...sure.”

“I think it’s less about you not paying attention, but more about you not used to writing… umm… summarized notes?”

Seokmin tilts his head, and the way his eyes are trying to find answers in yours almost make you blush, so you clear your throat and pretend to point at something on his notes.

“You don’t need to write down every single word he’s saying. Just the keywords.” You start off, making sure he’s listening. And once you’re sure he’s grasped what you say next about taking notes, you continue to go through the subject and parts that he still doesn’t quite understand.

It goes on like that for about 40 minutes, which is already more than you expected it to be. You thought Seokmin would be the type that would take breaks every fifteen minutes, even for a bit, but he’s been so focused on studying that you actually feel a little touched that he’s taking this seriously.

You have always had a soft spot for people who work hard, and even though you don’t know which major Seokmin is actually taking, you know this course is just something he takes for the credits. Perhaps he thought it’d be easy? That’s the general impression people have when it comes to literature. 

Whatever it is, you appreciate him working hard right now.

You jump when your phone buzzes with notifications, and when you look at it, it’s the group chat blowing up yet again.

[13:36] Kim Jennie: we’re meeting at 3 right???

[13:36] Kim Jennie: am like 30 mins away from yeonnam so i’ll head out at 2 30

[13:43] Jiminnie: ok ok

[13:44] Jiminnie: where u at @yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn

[13:44] Jiminnie: ynnnnnn 

[13:44] Jiminnie: yn answer me😡😡😡 

[13:45] STOP wtf

[13:45] Jiminnie: YN😡😡

[13:46] Jiminnie: oh youre here

[13:46] Kim Jennie: yes jimin wtf?? I’m muting you guys

[13:46] Jiminnie: not my fault she’s not answering???

[13:47] Have you considered that some of us have something to do????

[13:47] I told you I’m tutoring this guy from my class

[13:47] And I’m in the Central Building, you’re really picking me up?

[13:50] Jiminnie: yes 🥰

[13:50] Jiminnie: brought my car with me today

[13:50] Hooo nice. Then please get me some boba while you’re at it <3 Thank you, mwah 

[13:51] Yeonnam is only like 10 minutes away by car tho right?? 

[13:51] I’ll wrap up my tutoring session at 4.30 then

You look up when you hear Seokmin groan from your side, cracks his neck then straightens his back.

“Let’s take a ten minute break?” You offer, and his appreciative groan makes you chuckle that he scrunches his nose in embarrassment. You look through your bag to see if you have some snack, and when you find a chocolate bar you tap his shoulder and offer it to him.

“You sure?” He asks like you’re giving him some kinda expensive gift.

“You deserve it.” You shrug. “I’ve never seen someone so focused on this subject.”

“That’s a compliment… right?”

“Definitely.” The grin you send his way is enough to make him grin too, and Seokmin thanks you once again before taking the chocolate and immediately breaking it into two. “Oh, thank you.”

He looks at you weirdly, though the smile doesn’t fall from his face. “This is literally your chocolate, why are you thanking me?”

“I gave it to you though. So it’s yours.”

“Yeah, but it’s still originally yours?”

“Do you want the chocolate or not?”

“Right. Sorry.” He pretends to sulk, but the smile in his face betrays the whole act and you end up laughing with Seokmin before your phone buzzes again, making you jump once again. Seriously, you never get used to the sound of electronic devices vibrating against any surface.

Your phone lights up, Jimin’s message on top of your screen.

[13:55] Jiminnie: you’re lucky i love you

Next to you, Seokmin tenses. Why, he’s not sure.

“Boyfriend?” He says before he knows it, and when you look at him in surprise, he clears his throat and gives you a hesitant smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to look. I thought it was my phone vibrating and I accidentally looked at your text.”

“It’s fine.” You shrug, understanding that it could happen. “And no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

And you leave it at that, not giving him any explanation because, frankly, you don’t owe him any. You don’t seem to notice Seokmin’s curious and lingering gaze though, and you start another topic as you ask about his major instead.

You end up talking for more than ten minutes, because conversation falls easily with Seokmin. You’ve always liked making new friends and talking to people despite your way of talking, but approaching someone and talking to them first is a personal fear of yours that you don’t think you’d get over anytime soon.

That said, Seokmin seems like a very sweet person and talking to him proves that your assumption has been right. He’s not overly chatty, but you can tell he’s passionate about certain topics and he’s very attentive to what you’re saying even though you’re just talking about some random episode you remember happening in retrospect to something he said.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone as sincere as he is.

[14:32] Jiminnie: you finished? Am gonna arrive in front of the central building in 5 mins

“Oh.” You blink at his text. Huh. It’s already half past two? Didn’t you just take a ten minute break right before two?

Seokmin looks at you in worry, and when he asks if something’s wrong, you give him a small smile and lock your phone again. “Sorry, I promised to have lunch with my friends at 3 and I need to leave in a bit.”

Friends, huh? He wonders if you’re just saying it. But he can’t deny the bitter feeling on the tip of his tongue as he remembers ‘Jiminnie’ once again and the text he saw. But, then again, doesn’t it make sense that someone as attractive as you to have a boyfriend already? Or someone who’s close to being one?

His mind suddenly takes him to the girls snickering about you; the absolute bullshit of assumptions they’ve been spewing about you. They don’t know how fun you actually are, and even though you can be blunt with your words, even from the short time he’s spent with you, he can tell that you’re very considerate. You seem to know when to stop yourself before saying anything too blunt.

“Seokmin? Are you not going to tidy up?” You ask when you realize he’s been zoning off, your fingers hovering over your phone screen.

“Huh. Right.” He wonders if he should just leave or study a little more, not that he wants to at this point. Maybe he can text Seungkwan and the others to see if they’re still in uni. “Where are you having lunch?”

“Oh! My friend wants to try this katsu place in Yeonnam so we’re going there.” You pause and wonder if Jennie and Jimin would mind you inviting him to your lunch date. Seokmin seems nice enough, though you’re not sure just yet if he’ll mix well with your little circle. Hmmm, maybe next time. “You going somewhere?”

Seokmin shrugs. “Not sure yet. I’ll try texting my friends to see if they’re still around, I don’t really feel like going home just yet.”

Should you just invite him?

“Do you w–”

“Heyyy!” A familiar place echoes through the classroom, Jimin’s happy grin peeking from the door. When he realizes you’re not by yourself, he blinks and stands straight before making his way to your table and places the boba you asked for then greets Seokmin with a friendly smile. “Oh. Hi! Sorry, I thought you’re by yourself.”

You look at the drink with twinkles in your eyes, and hug him a little from the side as a thank you.

“I’m Jimin, by the way.” He kindly offers his hand with a smile, and Seokmin returns the gesture as he introduces himself. He takes the guy in and wonders if this is the kind of guy you’re into, or if he really is just a friend. He knows he shouldn’t assume, but, then again, he always tends to do that when he’s interested in someone. Everyone feels like a competition.

Wait.

Is he interested in you?

“Oh! You’re friends with Hansol, aren’t you?” The older guy exclaims once he realizes why Seokmin looks familiar. “I think I’ve seen you around with him before.”

“Oh, yeah, I am. How do you know Hansol?” He really doesn’t feel like talking to Jimin at this point, but he doesn’t want to be rude and it’s not like he’s done anything to piss him off. He seems nice, if anything. Seriously, he needs to get his mind together. 

“A friend of a friend. I need to hang out with him one of these days.” He trails off on his own, when he notices you finish organizing your stuff, he asks if you’re ready to go. “It’s nice meeting you, Seokmin! I’ll see you around.”

He returns the sentiments, giving him a forced smile that’s hopefully not too strained. His smile softens when he sees you though, and you shyly wave at him, whispering a ‘I’ll see you in class’ before you leave with Jimin.

Damn, he’s already in deeper than he thought he was.

[✾✾✾]

It becomes a routine for you to meet and just hang out with each other after Professor Kim’s class. The first few meetings, you mostly studied and would talk from time to time during breaks. But at some point, you end up just talking with so little studying on the side.

Seokmin seems to be better at taking notes nowadays, and the fact that you’re helping him probably contributes a lot to him understanding better too. Objectively speaking, your notes are really easy to understand and you’ve kindly offered him to study together if he's up for it.

Why wouldn't he be?

"I don't think I can study today," you say as soon as you sit next to him in class. That's become a routine too, one that, thankfully, has made the whispering die down even though it still happens from time to time.

“It’s fine,” he reassures you, something inside him flips at the fact that you feel the need to apologize even though it’s not like you’ve both promised to meet each other every week. It’s been… what, almost two months? Wow, has he really been constantly hanging out with you for two months straight? “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah. Jimin wanna go somewhere and he decides that I’m going with him.” You scrunch your nose in mock annoyance. 

After two months of hanging out with you and Jimin popping in out of nowhere from time to time, Seokmin realizes that he really is nothing but a friend. You’d sometimes complain about his tendency to drag you and your other friend (whose name you’ve yet mentioned) without really giving you any choice to refuse. Though, most of the time, you do end up having fun so it’s just a reflex for you at this point to complain just for the sake of it.

Judging from the way you talk about him and the few times he’s seen you with the older guy, Seokmin has had his own share of close girl friends to know that you really do consider Jimin as a friend and nothing more.

“Did he at least tell you this time where you’re going?” He grins.

“Nope. This is the only thing he said.” You say as you show him your phone, a pout in your face.

[09:07] Jiminnie: lunch today.

[09:07] Jiminnie: i know none of u r busy, so.

[09:08] Jiminnie: will see u guys in the usual place at 2 &lt;3

Seokmin laughs at that, then shows you a meme Hansol sent to the group chat some time ago that reminds him exactly of the situation you’re in. After talking so much with Seokmin, you’ve realized that you share almost not one single interest with him. Your preferences in movies, music, or TV shows are all different, but you’ve found out that your humor code when it comes to memes are exactly the same that you’ve also started sending each other memes on Instagram.

The texting has become a routine too for you two. And while he doesn’t really see you a lot around campus because your faculty’s building is on the opposite side of the campus with his, he’d see you from time to time in the campus’ park, making your way somewhere.

If he’s to be completely honest, he’s been trying to find a good time to ask you out on a date. Yes, you’ve spent a lot of time together, just the two of you, but it has never felt like a date because it’s become a routine and Seokmin wants something special. 

Do you feel the same though?

What if you don’t? Will this scare you off?

No, you’re not that kind of person, he believes. If you’re not into him, you’d probably politely reject him and go on as usual. He doesn’t think you’re the type to ghost a friend just because of something like this.

The thought eases him a bit, but it still scares him a little. Perhaps he should start thinking about where to invite you first before asking you to go on a date.

“Something on your mind?” You offer him a comforting smile, one that makes his heart melt every single time.

He shakes his head though, telling you it’s nothing.

“Okay. Just know I’ll listen if you need someone, okay?”

His chest warms at your words, and a full smile blooms on his face as he nods and thanks you, his gaze piercing into yours.

“I’ll keep it in mind. But it’s really nothing, don’t worry.”

You hope Seokmin doesn’t notice the way your cheeks heat up at the way he’s looking at you. 

[✾✾✾]

“You’ve been hanging out with Seokmin a lot, haven’t you?” Jimin starts the moment all of your food are served in front of you, the waiter leaving your table barely a second ago.

“I told you I’ve been helping him study.” You try to play it cool, shrugging with nonchalance. Anyone else would believe your act, really, but these two know you too well to be fooled by your faux indifference.

Jimin narrows his eyes at you, but before he can say anything, Jennie cuts him off saying, “I think he’s friends with my cousin. A pretty close one, at that.”

“Oh? Is he cool? He seems nice the few times I’ve met him. A little too nice, to be honest, but he does seem the type.”

“I… don’t talk to my cousin enough to know.” She smiles sheepishly.

“Why did you even bring it up then…”

“Well, my cousin doesn’t really make friends because he’s quiet. And he’s pretty… uh, choosy when it comes to people he associates himself with, so I think it means something that they’re close.”

“Can we move on to the next topic?” You urge with an innocent smile. You don’t even know what you feel for him, really, but you know for sure you like hanging out with the guy and you’re more conscious of yourself when it comes to him. A part of you wants to keep on talking to him, and sometimes you find yourself wondering how would it feel like to just… go around campus with him by yourself. It’s such a small thing to wonder about, but even that itself is enough to make you bite back a smile.

“No. Not until you–”

“Jen?” A deep voice calls for her, and you’re about to thank whoever’s listening up there for the interruption only to freeze when you look up, because Seokmin is there, together with… whoever these people are.

“Oh, Wonwoo, hi.” She waves and greets everyone in his party, apparently familiar with all of them. You share a smile with Seokmin, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jimin. He grins to himself before standing up to greet a familiar face behind Wonwoo.

“Hansol, man! Been a long time.” He meets him in a half hug, nodding at Seokmin before turning to Wonwoo. “Hi! I’m Jimin. You’re Jennie’s cousin? Why don’t you join all of us here?”

Wonwoo looks at his friends, but none of them says anything so he shrugs and says ‘sure’. Asking the waiter to put the tables together, Wonwoo and Hansol go to order while Seokmin is left with Seungkwan at the table.

Naturally, Seokmin sits next to you and Seungkwan on his other side. Seungkwan introduces himself, and Jennie takes the role to introduce you and Jimin before the younger guy launches into different topics to find mutual grounds.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here.” Seokmin says lowly, his voice only for you to hear.

“I know right,” you murmur back, somewhat shy to be talking to him in front of your and his friends. You’re not embarrassed of him by any means, but there’s just something so embarrassing about being perceived together with him when you know Jimin already has ideas on his mind.

The feeling is pleasant, but you can’t help but turn bashful.

Your eyes meet Jimin’s, and when he raises an eyebrow just to mess with you, you glare at him in hope he’ll shut his mouth.

“So, Seokmin,” he starts, blatantly ignoring your pleading eyes. “You’ve been hanging out with our Y/N here a lot, yeah?”

“She’s been helping me study Professor Kim’s class. She’s really great at teaching, really.” He shrugs, unsure how else to address his current… situation with you. What was he supposed to say, anyway? That he’s currently looking into the right time and place to ask you on a date?

“She is, she is.” Jimin nods in agreement, chewing on his fries. “I think she mentioned his class wasn’t pleasant though. Something about people being nosy. Is it true?”

“Jimin.” You frown at him, not expecting him to take that route. You knew it still bothers him, but you thought he has let it go once you said you now have Seokmin with you in class. He’s always been protective when it comes to you and Jennie, and you had let it slip some time ago that you considered dropping Professor Kim’s classes because some people just wouldn’t shut their mouth while you’re just there to study.

“What? I just want to know if it’s true.”

Seokmin looks at the two of you, something in him breaks a little at the fact that, apparently, you know that there are people whispering about you.

“I’m…” He considers pretending not to know, but he doesn’t think that’d help and decides being honest would be best. “Yeah, I think so. That’s why I started sitting in front, actually.”

This is the first time you’re hearing this also, and the way you snap your neck to face him would be funny if not for the current topic and the atmosphere at hand.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It gets really annoying even for me.” He shrugs like it’s nothing. Because it’s really not. Sometimes he wishes he has it in him to talk to those girls and tell them to shut up, that they don’t have the rights to talk shit about people, that they’re being a nuisance and they should stop.

But he doesn’t. And he feels like a coward at times for being so soft-hearted.

Jimin hums and drops the topic though, seemingly satisfied for whatever reason. The topic moves to another one, though you don’t really join in because you’re not in the mood after the talk earlier.

Is that why Seokmin sat next to you at first?

You bite your lip as you collect your thoughts together, and when Seokmin nudges you and asks if you’re okay, you try to reassure him that you’re fine and thank him for asking. It’s almost an hour later that you’re outside to get some air, everyone’s finished eating, but they decide they want to talk some more so you excuse yourself out for a bit.

You don’t need to look up to know it’s Seokmin who’s followed you out, and you smile at him when you meet his eyes.

“You’re really okay?” He asks once again just in case.

“Mmm… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is that… really why you sat next to me that day?”

Seokmin doesn’t like that he’s not sure how to decipher your feelings. Are you upset? Are you thankful? Are you indifferent?

“Yeah. I noticed some people whispering and it irked me.” He admits softly, his eyes moving away from yours. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell them to shut up and stood up for you instead.”

“What? No, Seokmin, I want to thank you for even doing what you did.” You reach for his hand despite the loud beating in your chest, cheeks heating up once again when you feel him squeezing your hand. “And for sticking around after that. I didn’t expect anyone to do anything, actually. So what you did is more than enough.”

He squeezes your hand once again, then remembers something that Jimin said a while ago.

“You considered dropping the class because of it?”

“Yeah… I was thinking about dropping it that day, actually. But you sat next to me and… yeah.” You scrunch your nose adorably, looking down at your hand wrapped against his.

His face breaks into a smile at your words, and his thumb caresses your skin before he decides to just go fuck it right there.

“You want to go on a date with me?”

[✾✾✾]

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved.

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[goodolddumbbanana]

TO BE A MIRROR [2]

An Au when Sun is dead (by Nexus), Dark Sun pretends to be Sun while trying to find some way to revive him in secret. Nexus is having a mental breakdown, maybe get some redemption later. Everyone is not having a good time except Sun, that poor boy only when he is dead (temporarily) can get some rest.

It starts with hope and ends up with despair.

Dark Sun would never understand why , out of all variants of Sun. This Sun, or his naive version of himself, is still trying so hard to save 'Nexus' - the 'brother' who already fell gone, the one who claimed he would be different so frequently, ends up doing just the same things every Moon did when things don't go as they pleased. Being a piece of shit and ruining everybody's fun.

He doesn't hate Nexus, not that much as he hated the other Moons. He hated all Moon's variants equally, mind you. But, that pinkish version of his so-called brother recently started getting on his nerves.

He stared become too reckless for Dark Sun's liking. Putting his family in danger isn't a big deal in Dark Sun's concern list, but if what Nexus's tampering pose a greater enemy to approach Dark Sun... Well...It could be a delay for all Dark Sun's plans and a pain in his ass to solve it. Dark Sun wants to stay low, thank you. Not everyone is as dramatic as Moon.

Maybe he had taken the wrong move. Maybe, recruiting Nexus is a mistake, causing him more harm than good.

If this situation continues, Dark Sun will have to deal with Nexus first. Even though it must be a waste of talent, and time. But, oh well, you need to do what you need to do...

Oh, he is getting a side track again. Where was he? Oh right, that Sun, the spineless one, is truly something different. Dark Sun has traveled to a lot of dimensions, it always ends up with Sun kills Moon or the opposite. Or if it is not, Sun would be too scared or stutter to do anything, never see a Sun still think about the others like this Sun. It truly rarely sees a version of himself, after going through so damn craps, still stays the same like this.

It almost puts him in a different perspective, and makes him feel a little bit of pity and...angry for no reason.

-----Some of my rambling words that maybe one day I would try my best to write all of this out.

Anyways, The feeling of emptiness and anger (a little bit flavored of jealousy and bitterness, pity and curiosity) is what makes Dark Sun start to stalk Sun from the beginning. He shows up at Sun's room randomly, he uses Neptor to talk with Sun when nobody is around, and calmly gaslighting him that if Sun talks about these 'Neptor thingy' with anyone, Moon will destroy 'Jack and Dazzle 's new best friends' and it would be all his fault. Also, Dark Sun promised that Sun doesn't have any value in Dark Sun plans so he doesn't need to worry, because if Dark Sun needs anything, he would go to Moon.

So, after a long long ass interaction and episodes, Sun gets used to Dark Sun's bullshit. He talks back, he ignores Dark Sun present, and sometimes, he expresses his thoughts for Dark Sun like he forgets who the person he is talking with.

They both know there have been some changes between them, but both choose to ignore it. They rather believe it is just an illusion than a real friendship.

They’d rather think between them just purely the manipulator and the one who is being manipulated, than both Dark Sun and Sun actually feel comfortable and understand each other.

They are Sun. They are experts at lying and suppressing their own emotions. So, it is no surprise that even with this  information that Dark Sun and Sun actually like to hang out with each other, nothing changes.

Dark Sun still continues his suspicions plans may or may not affect horribly with Sun's life, and Sun still tries to rely on his nonexistent plot amor to find out Dark Sun's secret and how to stop the bigger threats to hurt everyone he loves, and when push comes to shove, he has to realize and accept that he will have to kill Dark Sun just like every of his enemies.

And, it is why the confrontation happens.

Some episodes go by, Sun and Moon figure out there are some sinister reasons behind Nexus going off to madness. Sun wants to try to save Nexus, and Moon just wants to kill Nexus for good..

(MF can't stand the idea of another version of himself just hurting his family and getting free tickets to go back like nothing happened.)

They succeeded in getting into Nexus's lab (it is a trap), but they got separated. (Because it is a trap, Moon, you are dummy)

And because Dark Sun still has some Self destructive tendency he gets from Moon, he decided to be a little silly.

"Dark Sun!!? Why are you here??!"

"Oh don't worry about me. Say, Sun. Consider it my pity. Do you want to know where your New Moon is? "

They have some talk. About some secret unshow things.

And then we see Sun just get out of his trap room, and see Nexus, for the first time since a very long time and boy... It is bad.

Nexus, the one Sun feels responsible for, the one Sun thinks if it is not because of him, Nexus wont turn out that way, is just laughing like a freaking maniac and talking about his evil plan with a bot while dressing in pink.

Nexus despite his downgrade episode, in my AU, Sun is the only person he doesn't want to harm, yet. So when Nexus lost his control, he just hit Sun hard. And Sun dies.

Anyways, while Nexus gets yeet in a different room because he is too unstable (pinkish boy having a mental breakdown about killing the only one who still cares about him) for Dark Sun's liking, Dark Sun walks in front of Sun face.

Sun asks why he is not dead by now, Dark Sun said he has already planted some kind of technology in Sun head that makes Sun stay awake for more minutes than just go poof. Sun is still dead though. It just slows down the process, a very painful process for them to talk, the last talk.

Turns out between Dark Sun and Sun, they had made a deal. If Nexus can't change and kill or hurt Sun, Dark Sun wins. And if Nexus comes back to his senses, Sun will win and Dark Sun has to admit not every Moon is the same.

And when Dark Sun looks at Sun's eyes to see some regrets or hatred for Nexus like some symbol of victory, he is surprised because there is none. Just classic good old Sun - in Sun's eyes, he only sees the feeling of shame and guilt and blames himself for not being better, or trying to talk more to Nexus.

And in this moment, Dark Sun snaps. He yells at Sun's face, begging Sun just to just get angry, to just stand up for himself. Don't defend Moon anymore, he is not worth it, not worth for Sun's truth and love, not like that.

But Sun literally only likes a minute to live, the first and the last time in his life, tell Dark Sun to fuck off, so he can die in peace.

But Dark Sun doesn't do that. He is just sitting next to a half broken body of Sun, saying dying alone is very lonely and it is cruel to let someone like Sun, like them, to suffer this fate in the hand of Moon.

Sun asks if Dark Sun has lied about his plans not involving Sun. Dark Sun doesn't say anything.

Sun asks if it is the end for him, the answer is the same. It makes Sun laugh, it is a ugly laugh, the kind of sounds you only hear from a wounded animal.

Then, Sun uses the last of his breath, asking Dark Sun a favor.

And things go to history. Dark Sun accepts his new identity, and while still being manipulative behind the curtain, he takes Sun to a different room in his pocket and lives his life as 'Sun' like a promise for a friend.

[eff-plays]

But Astarion does seem to feel guilt/remorse when meeting the 7k spawns… idk it feels sometimes he does feel guilt and sometimes he’s just heartless.,

If this is in response to this post I made, then that post was in response to this and also some other fandom bullshit.

So I'm not saying Astarion doesn't feel remorse ever, but highlighting that at the core of his being, he is deeply selfish and self-serving, which a lot of fandom seems to either excuse away, or pretend is super good actually.

Here's the thing. Astarion does feel remorse ... in the Spawn ending. And obviously he feels no remorse in the Ascendant ending. So what happens with reglier ol' Asty? Well, he's not letting himself feel remorse. Because he's still not ready for it. He's still afraid of it. And like, yes! That's a totally logical thing for his character to do in that moment.

My problem is what people do next, and it's that they assume that his being this fucked up is actually an excuse to be a shithead to his victims and to others. That we should extend sympathy only to him and not to the people he's hurt.

"Well he was forced into it!" And? If I was forced into hurting someone else for my own survival, I'd still feel bad for hurting them? Most people would. I'm not saying Astarion doesn't, but that is distinctly how he acts. Which makes sense, self-defense mechanism etc etc. And stans agree that yes, he does supposedly feel guilt but he can't express it. So why do they excuse it when he instead chooses cruelty?

Again, I'm not making a moral judgment on him, he's a fictional character. I think what he does is (generally, I agree the reaction to the kids vs Sebastian is a bit odd) logical and makes sense for what he is. But pointing out those flaws of his, that were written like that on purpose, that are acknowledged flaws both in- and out-of-universe, doesn't make someone "gross" or a bad person. People disliking Astarion for his bad traits aren't automatically bad people who just don't get him.

He's a dick! He's written to be a dick! It's fine if people don't vibe with it or joke about killing him or do outright kill him! Will they miss out? Yes! But that's their perogative. People not liking Astarion, or hell, just doing something as innocuous as pointing out that he's kind of a huge asshole, are not uwu missing the point or being "gross" or whatever. They are acknowledging a fundamental and undisputable part of his character.

You can't on one hand wax poetic about how complex he is and how he lashes out because he's in such deep pain, and then take issue with people who point out how he lashes out and how it hurts others when he does so.

Speaking of, the thing about his reaction to the spawn kids? And how he supposedly feels bad but can't express it? He's all about killing them again! He wants to kill them! And when does he express remorse over both this wish and his actions toward them when he first victimized them? In the Spawn ending. The one that requires you to tell him no. Don't do that shit. It's bad. What you want is bad for you and for everyone else, even if it makes sense why you want it.

As a friend pointed out, it is kind of wild to see how life imitates art. In order for Astarion to get better, you need to acknowledge and push back against his cruelty and challenge his view of the world. That includes challenging his shitty coping mechanisms and reactions to things. And yet, it seems some people can't even do that.

You can acknowledge the complexities of his writing without using it as a cudgel against any and all criticism. And in particular, you can sympathize with him without attacking anyone who doesn't have the same level of sympathy, for usually quite understandable reasons.

Like I keep saying. Just because you understand how he acts doesn't make it somehow correct!

Anyway, sorry about that. I just had some thots because my brain is so big and full of worms.

[townofcadence]

I'm really grateful for the people who've made this space feel so amazing and fun to be a part of. Who've interacted and reach out and talk to me and make me feel like they want me around.

For a while when I first got back on tumblr, it was really hard; I had a few people who interacted with me before follow me to this OC blog, but I was pretty much starting fresh. I struggle a lot with my depression and anxiety and even just the usual insecurities, on top of a handful of other chronic health illnesses that make things really hard and painful in general. And for a long while, I was fighting the constant impulse to stop bothering and just leave tumblr again. It wasn't anyone's fault, mind you! I was just painfully lonely and struggling to feel connected or interesting enough or a good enough writer. When I started out, I had many interactions die very quickly without a word after a reply or two, both ooc and ic. All of that is fine to a degree, because tumblr isn't life, it's a hobby, and i totally get things like neurodivergence, exhaustion, forgetfulness, health, work, or anything else that really can impact being available and interaction! But the volume of times it happened was enough I started wondering if it was me, because there was a pattern that was widespread. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. That maybe there was a reason, and maybe I wasn't worth talking to or playing with? I know I can come on strong, and be very overaffectionate, which doesn't always resonate with people, or might be too much and offputting. Which isn't indicative of anyone. But it's another way I sometimes can be a problem. So my brain started using my bullshit mental health against me. I did really start getting in my own head and letting the worries kinda eat at me to the point of feeling like vanishing wouldn't change anything at all. The worries are still there of course, but I feel like I have made some changes for my health, and quite a few friends and connections, and that make it easier not to listen to them. I feel a lot more connected! There's more back and forth. I have so many two way streets, which I really do think is where friendships get made, because I feel like people want to talk to me as much as I do them. I can reply to things and have a short talk, or we can chatter in rp tags, or even in IMs and stuff! And I separated from the spaces that made me feel I didn't belong, or stopped putting my energy where it wasn't valued, since I already have such a limited supply. I've also made some changes in real life that haven't fixed things for me, but have helped me improve in incremental ways and I think that's helping too. But honestly, I love seeing others on my dash and sending them things, and learning about their muses, and I love that people seem interested in mine too. I can have extensive conversations with a a lot of you at our own leisure. I feel like people at least want to write with me, even if I still don't always like the quality of my responses or think they're the best they could be. But we're still writing and making stories and even if not every reply is perfect, the important thing is we get to build those connections and have those moments that become a part of our muses history together! I love seeing them become friends or fight or bond in all the ways they do! I love getting to see everyone's creativity and the amazing things they make! I'm kinda just rambling to ramble, but the people here mean a lot to me and I just-- I'm here because of you guys, and I'm happy I am, and I care you very very much. I love you! And you have made me being here a very joyful thing that I look forward to each and every day! Each and every reply!! Thank you so much <3

[jaozendry]

"Loving you is hard sometimes": PART 2

Pairing: Damian Wayne x Bat Family!Reader

Reader: Gender Neutral, has been part of the Bat Family for a while.

TAGS: @aesthxticneko

PART 1

Type: Mild-angst

Warnings: swearing, blood, wounds

OTHER CHARACTERS: Dick Grayson

Summary: The both of you have been avoiding each other for a few weeks now. One day, Damian confronts you and challenges you to a "friendly" one-on-one. Due to his anger issues, Damian accidentally harms you badly. After recovery, Dick decides to make the both of you attend therapy.

______________________________________________________________

"So, who would like to start?" a blonde woman asks after taking a pen and opening her notebook. Damian sits across from you, crossing his arms. An awkward silence occurs for a few seconds. "Why do you think you're here?" she asks again. Damian turns to you, waiting for a response. "Well, I guess I'll start." you sigh, attempting to break the ice. "Well, I think we're here because of some issues the two of us have been having... with each other." you explain awkwardly while Damian stares at you weirdly. "Would you like to describe what those issues are?" the therapist asks, turning her attention towards your friend. He remains silent. "This is a safe place, Damian. We are here to help you resolve your problems." the woman explains. You look at your friend, crossing your arms as well. He looks back at you and rolls his eyes. "This is a waste of time." he grumbles. The woman sighs and goes through her notes.

"Well, Mr. Grayson filled me in a little about what happened during the last few weeks." she adds. "The two of you have stopped talking after a mission and after training, Y/N was found on the floor, bleeding, with a wound to the stomach." Damian immediately looks at the ground. "Would any one of you fill me in on what happened on the mission first?" Damian patiently waits for your answer once again. "I tried helping him out during the mission and he just wouldn't accept it, I guess. He says he doesn't need help with anything when he clearly does. I mean, he almost died on that mission before I intervened." The lady nods her head while listening to you and taking notes. "And, in the Batfamily, we do everything to help him out and he pretends like nothing ever happened. I guess I just had enough of his bullshit."

The therapist finishes writing her notes. "I see." she says. "How does that negligence affect you?" she asks you. "I guess it hurts me because he just doesn't notice the efforts I do for him, or anyone's, really." Damian finally speaks up: "Shut up! I do notice your efforts. They're just... unnecessary." he declares while looking at the floor. "I don't need any help. At all. Just accept it." You turn to him in disbelief. "Can you just accept that you do need help?!" you finally snap. "I've been pouring my heart out for you all these years and all I get in return is shit! You may be the grandson of Ra's al Ghul or even the son of Batman, but you're not invincible! Batman needs help, Ra's al Ghul needs help, everyone needs help! You just accept it!"

Damian rolls his eyes. "God, you're insufferable." he grumbles. You turn back to the therapist, fuming. She has a shocked expression on her face. "Well... I think it's better for all of us if we just end it here for today."

______________________________________________________________

"So, how'd it go?" Dick asks you while driving. "Terrible." you reply. "He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes." Dick laughs. "Yeah, true." he chuckles. You look at the window. "Does it still hurt?" Dick asks. "What? The wound or my feelings?" you ask him, still looking at the window. "The wound." he replies. "And also, can I ask what even happened in there? A nasty wound like that doesn't just grow overnight." You sigh. "Well, he wanted to spar after a few weeks of not talking. I went easy on him, but I guess he didn't. I don't know, kid has a lot of unresolved anger issues." You turn to Dick, tears in your eyes. "I can't take it anymore, Dick." You lean on your arm. "Am I doing something wrong?" Dick turns to you. "No, you aren't. Damian's just a little asshole sometimes." You wipe away your tears.

"God, why am I still in love with him?"

[ashintheairlikesnow]

When the juice hits you I would LOVE more Jameson and Vincent at Nat’s house content! I love them so much :,)

CW: Chronic pain, discussion of stalking and attempted murder, mentions of dead people, everyone is in a bad mood hooray

-

"Go back to fucking bed." Jameson grunts the words more than speaks them, squinting down into a coffee mug while rubbing one hand over his throbbing left knee. Not that the right one doesn't hurt, too. But he picks one and sticks with it until the pain pills kick in and he can fucking stand up again. "It's five in the fucking morning."

"Yeah, and I've been up since four, so... Don't know what you want from me." Vincent Shield doesn't look like a movie star these days. Just like Kauri's shaggy older brother who needs a haircut and a three-week nap. His bruising is all gone, everywhere but the look in his blue eyes.

All the wounds are there, now.

Jameson watches him pour himself a cup of coffee. In just a hoodie and jeans, you'd never recognize him when compared with the heroes he plays on big screens. Or used to.

"I want you to fuck off," Jameson replies, but there's no real anger in his rasping voice. Vince just smiles at him. Jameson finds himself cataloging the differences between he and Kauri, the biggest being the way Kauri smiles like he could fix everything if he just burned bright enough. Vince smiles, when he isn't posing for photos, like everything will shatter if anyone sees it.

"Landlady seems to like me, so I guess you're out of luck." Vince adds sugar and milk, too much of both. Pauses. Stares down into his mug. "I used to add Irish cream and some whiskey into my coffee every day when I wasn't working. Sometimes when I was. Probably... Probably a lot of the time when I was."

"Huh." Jameson digs his thumb into a spot on his knee. It flares bright with pain, so stark he nearly bites his tongue against a scream. Then something feels like it gives way, and the pain drops from a roar to a more manageable hum. "You're a sad drunk, too."

Vince actually laughs at that. "I really am, aren't I?"

"Based on how much of a sad fuck you are sober, I can only figure it gets worse when you're not."

Vince sits down across from him at the table, watching him. He doesn't even look mad, or hurt. Just... tired. "You think I'm an ungrateful asshole, huh?"

Jameson, still rubbing at his leg, pauses and looks up. "What?"

"Because I'm rich. Millionaire movie star in his giant house sitting around drinking himself to death on two-hundred dollar whiskey. People tell me they love me everywhere I go, if I let them know who I am. People write me letters. I had a stalker, for a while." He runs fingers back through his hair, growing out a little. Looks more like Kauri's now. "I wonder if that was just Owen, too."

"Maybe. To the stalker thing, not the rest of that bullshit." Jameson's fingers ache, trying to stay bent and curled, and he has to fight to straighten them enough to count off as he speaks. "Millionaire movie star whose only friend is a woman he writes fucking checks to, giant house you sit around in alone, two hundred dollar whiskey you don't even share with anybody but your fucked up liver, nobody who says they love you even fucking knows you, those letters are creepy as hell, and having a stalker isn't a fucking good thing, dumbass."

Vince snorts, but a smile plays around his lips. "Owen said he loved me."

"I'm so fucking sick of that asshole. He's dead and still the center of half your conversations. He didn't know you, either."

"We'd been friends since we were kids-"

Jameson is in too much pain to deal with Vincent being a mopey little shit. He hurts in places that don't even have nerve endings. His bones fucking throb. The pills aren't kicking in yet, or maybe he needs to take more. Maybe they don't work anymore. Either way, he groans and leans back in his chair. "Will you just fucking stop? The taste of your voice is making me want to throw up lately you talk so much."

Vince pauses. "The... what of my what now-"

"I don't give a fuck about Owen goddamn Grant and you shouldn't either. You're too old keep that shit up."

Vince takes a long drink of coffee, then makes a face when it scalds his tongue. Jameson tries not to smile. "I-... I just, my whole adult life I've been trying to get away from him-"

"Yeah, and you did. You got. You got about as far away from someone as you can get. Dead men don't come back and they can't hurt you again."

It hurts. Everything hurts. His heart joins the party, twisting hard inside his chest. Grief feels worse than any of the other pains. Ghosts that find him in his sleep, whispering accusations or endearments, shoving him away or holding him close. But gone when he wakes up.

Always gone.

"Jameson-"

"Dead men don't come back," Jameson repeats, more firmly. "You slit his throat-"

Vince flinches.

"-and saved someone from him. Probably a lot of someones. Guys like that don't stop at the first dead body. Bunch of dead hot guys with black hair and blue eyes, after a while, probably. He had the look."

"The... look?"

"In his eyes. Somebody figuring out they liked the idea of being the last thing someone was afraid of. Would've been Kauri, and then you, and then that wouldn't fix it and he'd keep trying. Keep finding men like you. Keep killing them and then realizing he had to try again, because nobody would ever be enough. There aren't ever enough dead bodies for somebody like that. They run out of places to hide them."

Vince has slipped into silence, watching Jameson talk with a look of faint surprise. And concern, which pisses Jameson off.

"Don't look at me like that."

"I kept a knife in my bed," Vince says slowly. "Everywhere I went. Even hotels, even in my trailer on set. I always had a knife. Just in case. And I-... I still have one. Upstairs, between the mattress and box springs. Is that weird?"

Jameson shrugs. "No. Maybe for other people. But not for people like us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, numbnuts. Us. People who fucking killed someone just to not die." Jameson fixes him with a glare, then grabs at his crutches to pull himself to his feet. Once his arms are braced for support, he sighs. It takes the work away from his knees, and they seem to soothe a little.

Or maybe that's just the pills.

Finally.

"Listen, Shield. Save your unburdening of the soul shit for therapy, okay? I got my own problems. And I can't help you with yours. Mine wake me up at night."

Vince looks up at him, head tipped to one side. "Yeah. Mine do, too. I wake up wanting a drink so goddamn badly I can barely breathe. I used to drink until I fell back asleep. Now I just... lay there until I give up and get coffee."

"Yeah. I wake up wanting, too."

Jameson wakes up burning for Nanda to lay a hand on his back and whisper in his ear. He wakes up praying that next time the ghosts will find someone else to haunt. He can't be the only one. He wakes up trying not to cry from the pain. And he hears Vince pacing down the hall every single fucking time.

"It gets better, though, right? The... craving, and just... If I could just have the one thing... That gets better?"

"Fuck if I know." Jameson turns away, jaw set as he works to get to the living room. He can't do the stairs, not yet. His body needs to remember how to cooperate first. Weird how it's gotten worse the longer he hasn't been terrified of being caught again. Therapist says he feels safe, and so his body feels safe to show everything because he doesn't have to fight so hard to survive.

She's probably right.

Jameson pauses, then looks over his shoulder. "Look. Sorry. I feel like shit today."

"Yeah." Vince runs a finger around the edge of the mug sitting in front of him. "Me, too."

"Just. Okay. Listen. Some days, I don't think about him at all, yeah? And that didn't used to happen. So... I guess it gets better."

Until he feels so goddamn guilty for forgetting that it feels even worse. He turns away so Vince won't see the pain on his face.

"Also, I really don't care that you're a millionaire or whatever the fuck. Nanda was a millionaire, too, and it didn't save him. Him being rich didn't save me, either. Just made it worse when I didn't have him anymore."

"... Jameson-"

"Never mind. Just fuck off until I'm too high to be mad at you, okay?"

He collapses onto the couch, closing his eyes and drifting on a sea of pain. There's one more pill in his pocket. He digs it out and swallows it dry.

Please, please, please stop hurting. Inside or out. He doesn't care which. But he can't keep this up if it's both.

[theghostwiththeglitch]

A morning with a adhder speedster

It´s at 06:00 A.M., i could stay a little more, but my chest and legs feels overwhelmed. I don´t want to get out of bed, but i have work to do... OH MAN! My hands are cold and warm at the same time... It´s comphy... Let´s just get out of bed please legs, do your thing or whatever. Thanks legs for let me go out from my bedroom.

Everything is so quite in the hallway... please please please... don´t make any noise... don´t wake up the others... I hate the stairs, my legs are still sleepy and i don´t want to wake them up. I said it right? Wake them up, wake up them... wake... wake... oh, i stopped...

-Hm... wake sounds like waka and wakame or wakeme... That seaweed from Animal Crossing...Wait, did i said that loud? Don´t wake them... they are tired from work, college and the hero thing... I want to cry, if i wake them I- Who is in the living room?

Carefully, he approached to the couch and he couldn´t help but smile a little when he saw his formers pattners sleeping. Jaime, Cassie and Gar should have pass out on the couch when they come back from a mission. He thought that maybe they could be cold, it was normal be cold at this hours so he covered them with one of the blankets from the basket near the stairs. Jaime is going to complain a lot for the pain in his spine, neck and back... he pass out again with the armor on. Cassie snoring in her soft way and Gar making poses like a vogue model while he sleep, normal. He smile a last time while his mind was flooded with memories, you can tell that he was falling for them but to him that was normal. Bart can´t tell a lot about his emotions thanks to the alexithymia thing, but he knows when he feel comphy. They feel the same with me? Do i make them feel that too? He look a moment to Jaime and though that he would like to understand his own feelings, it´s confussing. Bullshit, i don´t care about what type of relationship, that happen to them too? Also I can ask them, but not now, later. Sleep well, sweathearts.

It was normal to him ask that type of questions, he wish not, but somedays were more... inexplicable. He started to dissociate in his own thoughts that he didn't even realize he had entered in the kitchen and make some breakfast. In the other side of the kitchen Tim was just watching and debating if he should make Bart comeback or not. Actually, is funny seeing him like that, but, he need to comeback, sorry kid. But sometimes, being a great detective and strategist doesn´t mean always having good ideas, like greeting a person from behind while they are dissociating.

-Hey Bart- Just as Tim´s hand landed on Bart´s shoulder, Bart felt how his heart was going to burst out of his chest as he grabbed his shirt with one hand and grabbed the kitchen counter with the other. His heart and his breath were going so fast, but most important thing: he didn´t screamed so his pals can still sleeping. In this state, he turned his head to see who was behind and he found his friend looking into his eyes as well. They were both like two deer that met a car on the road. They both stifled a laugh.

-Sorry, sorry, I totally forget that- Tim said whispering to iniciate a tone, Bart thanked, he didn´t want to wake them up.

-Don´t mind, don´t mind- Said Bart while moving one of his hands whispering as well . -I should have remember that you are always in the kitchen at this time when you don´t have a mission.- Tim smiled at him and Bart returned the smile. They both share the coffe, Tim always make a lot of coffe, they could open a coffeshop, Bart thought. People uses to think that the caffeine and Bart shouldn´t be friends, but caffeine helps him to relax, something that need it desesperately.

-So, you haven´t slept, have you?

As Tim hear his friend´s question, he sighed while leaving the cup on the table.

-I haven´t, there is this case that it's been keeping me up at night.

-You should to worry less, boy wonder. I´m sure you´ll figurate out, as you always do. And if you can´t because you need some time to relax and think, you can ask for help.

Tim looked and listened. He is good at analyzing and sometimes forget that Bart has that skills too. That´s not new for him, when you have a lack of sleep, the memory is also affected. He didn't wanted to recognize it.

-You are doing it again.

-What i am doing again?- Bart asked confussed, maybe he lose something? Maybe he should start to worry?

-That thing, not looking in the eyes when you said your opinion or trying to help. I know that you can´t control it, but breath, i don´t bite. And if could, i couldn't have the strength to do it.

Bart smirk a little. His friend was right. Maybe the group had problems in the past, but know is different. He comeback to this reality when he heard his friend´s voice.

-Maybe i need to enfocate it from other perspective. My work memory... isn´t working as it has to...- Tim said while rubbing the back of his neck. Bart sigh internally with Tim word´s, he knows how difficult is his friend to convince him about taking some time, so he was glad about what he said, they were worried.

They continued drinking their coffee without saying a word. Tim didn´t have nothing to say and Bart was lost in his thoughs, he didn´t even notice that he was being observed by Tim. Bart mind was fast when he worried about something and he never said nothing, if hefelt like he had nothing to say, he wouldn't say anything. However, his body language was obvious if you payed attention. Maybe Tim was not in his best conditions but a detective is always a detective. He has the itchy ticky fingers. His cheek is resting on the palm of his left hand. With the fingers of that hand he is touching his lobe and the strands of hair bhind it. His gace is lost in the coffe, but his pupil has small movements. His eyes are not full open and in fast moves he looks at the door. His breathing becomes deep and slow... He is worried, but why... Around 3:30 am I heard a sound coming from the living room, Wonder Girl, Beast Boy and Blue Beetle... Maybe... Tim decide to broke the silence.

-Talk to them.

-ExCuSe mE?- Tim let out a malevolic smile, the team found funny broke Bart in that way, it was... cute

-I said, talk to them- Bart didn´t move, he hasn´t talk about this with anyone because for him was shameful. He started to worry about, you can say it thanks for his ticks: hands, legs, jaw tension, silent hiperventiltion, searching with his eyes a way to run away...

-That happens to me too, i mean that things happen. I understand the relation between neurodivergency and alexithymia, but just do it in your way and in your time, just do it so yoy can get use to it. Talk in the way you feel.

-What if he- he stop.- What if they get mad? Please, don´t let him notice

Tim gives a sip of coffe while thinking. He knows Bart, he knows how he worried, he knows how he percieve things, he knows that misunderstood drive him mad, but he need him to stop overthinking.

-Then you have a bad taste in people. He still thinking about his emotions in that way... Like if they are something to apologise for...

Bart died while the coffee was running out of his nose.

Espero que te guste @itsme-inbooks

And... also i dedicated to you @adhdslugcrimes , my adhder partner in crime

[skybristle]

ok. finally my big gc post i've been hyping up. im sorry theres so much context bullshit here my fanon is complicated and this is Very me-specific, i don't think this could ever work in canon. bear with me though.

First: magic system . long story short, there are divine planes of magic, the 'source' of each type of magic's power and usually what the god of it has direct control over. another important thing about them [particularly the celestial planes, which is a distinction you thankfully don't have to care about] is that they can hold souls 'hostage' from the flow of life. this will be important later. particularly, the world of dreams has most of the main celestial body magics, plus some other rudimentary stuff, including the sunlight realm, a daydream facet of the whole world of dreams. normally, a god will by default have the 'birthright' to their realm,,, however sometimes spirits can get minor or even major godhood if they know what they're doing. it's both incredibly painful and simply unreasonable to expect a mortal body to be able to take the inflow of divine magic. [and yes, even though the ancients are immortal, they still Classify under mortal, they don't have any divinity asnd they just got a shitton of magic in their things]

and secondly: city of wizards. i mentioned it, but the world of dreams Does have a sun facet, and there IS a sun goddess, sunshine! [my lovely girlfriend @princess--bongwater 's oc].. i've always wanted them to be connected, but i haven't really figured out a way to make it work since i didn't want gc to straight up have a divine blessing that would set her apart from the other ancients. you see, uhm, a certain Incident happened in the city millenia ago where tldr moonlight got cursed by some twink, the city fell, and the dream barrier [divine in origin since it's technically moonlight's magic, so sunshien can't break through] and eclipse, their adoptive mother, tells sunshine to run before hell completely breaks loose when it all begins. sunshine, locked out with a vieled city only being able to see her twin chained up in the abyss of the dream realm, with an assumption her mortal mother is dead or will be by the time she's able to return,,, wanders off to the mortal realm. and, in a mortal diguise, that's where she's been, unable to face the dream world let alone her own personal godly duties, fucking around in bars getting slammed and shit. so. she's really out of the picture. the throne of the sun has been empty since a time beyond memory

NOW. golden cheese. i imagine a lot of the ancients came from the general place they founded their kingdoms [besides white lily and pv probably], and i've always seen gc as a thief wandering between villiages and oasis' on the sands prior to meeting hb / the others. it's a very disjointed soceity, with only one unifying trait: the worship of the sun goddess.

once she's settled in as the pharoah, the worship of the sun is still very much there, even if gc has kind of become sort of a godly figure among her people. she personally doesn't consider it much, having originally lived a harsh life and never being given sol's grace. until shes on her knees, sobbing, crying, clutching the staffs of her dearest friends and her people over the ruins of her kingdom, over the dried blood in the fractured golden tiles. the wind whistles in her ears. this is the first time in her life the desert sun has felt completely scorching. and, in the deepest depths of her grief, she finally prays to the sun. for anything . [she doesn't know that's what all of the bodies before her were spending their last moments doing]. she cries and sobs to the heavens as her talons are digging so hard into her other hand they bleed. she has no other choice. the heavens are silent

well, golden cheese has never exactly been a cattle waiting for rescue. fine then, sunshine, be that way. she has to bring them back. her finest treasures, all of them. the gold burning her eyes doesn't matter. so she soars. up and up and up. her lungs are burning with the thin air. her wings are pounding in her ears and she can see nothing but light, and she can't tell if it's what she's staring at or her soul jam overflowing with the power of her grief and denial. but she keeps going.

her talons clutch the sun, finally [this is a little metaphorical, she's actually seizing the divine realm, lol dw the literal sun is ok] and as she finally falls back down she holds it close and channels all of her power into it and even if it's fighting back she's wrangling it like a jackal and she'll fucking win. she has to. there's no other choice now.

before she smashes into the sands, it fianlly takes her there. a blank slate. a little messy from hosting daydreams and not being attended to by its god, but it's workable. it's oddly dim, i guess there's no sun here anymore.

perfect. with just the right timing, she grabs the souls here from the hand of death and takes them away.

the 'digital' kingdom is, yes, a lot of technology, but its also a melting pot of magic and souls and code and it's very,,, hectic. thankfully, her people weren't big mage-types, and she mainly assigns the souls of former mages similar powers using the fakeness of her world. just trying to look at this thing using their magic sight would give them vertigo if they were using Actual Magic that's real. i should also add she had to personally bury each one with her own two talons. sure, the cheesebirds helped, but there's only so much they can do. her closest friends to the tiniest babies to her wisest elders. and,,, i mean,,, she's sitting on the throne of the sun. she *is* the sun goddess. but while she is sitting in the vacated land of the sun she betrayed, her soul jam is supporting a lot of it, and she's actualyl despite her ego actively fighting against the transformation into a god. the divinity is seeping into her, but its absolutely *agonizing*, i imagine the 'sun deity' transformation in her skill is absolutely brutally painful, and even if her soul jam cam help her bear the weight of this whole charade, it's not very,,, fun. it's just such a captivating hc to me. she usurped the goddess of the sun to keep up this lie. in fact, that's why the digital kingdom is always night, a false sun can't illuminate it. and there's a timer ticking. stop being delusional and face the music of what really happened, or get eaten from the inside out by the reminder of what she stole. i wonder which she'll choose. a lot of my thoughts with this hc r just visuals. ill have to draw smthin later

[khufiya-khaufnak-antariksh]

So earlier today I introduced some of my WIPs to some new people, and I realised that many people might not be familiar with those two WIPs.

Kriya Petri: fantasy (with body horror & dystopian elements). Setting: A country called Fillor on a planet called Thuluke. In Fillor, to bind yourself to the one you love, you require a trinamate potion to seal the bond. 'Trinamate' is marriage (though that is a rather crude translation of the word). But to get a trinamate potion legally, the couple needs to be… acceptable. A man and a woman who plan to have at least one child. Yes, it's been 1000 years since the global apocalypse, but 'sufficient reproduction' is still a concern among the Filore people (plus it's a moral virtue for the Divine Monarchy, who reside on the cloudlands, with an iron grip on the institutes of Fillor). A potioneer wants to elope with their lover, but the pair is, let's just say, not acceptable. So what are they to do? The potioneer brews a trinamate potion on their own, finding the closely guarded methods & ingredients for the potion through who-knows-who, bunch of shady people. The potion explodes. The potioneer knows the punishment for something like this. They'll be condemned to Kaewoe (so will their lover, if anyone finds out), a realm so deep below the ground that it's close to the core of the planet. Kaewoe, where the mind & body are destroyed by the horribly high concentration of magic. Kaewoe, the names & lives & loves of all who enter it, all slowly turned to unknowledge. Good thing stealing identities is absurdly easy in Fillor! The potioneer wipes all memory of their crimes & love (or else the Thought magicians would know), flees to the city of Naebo. Their name is now Kriya Petri,

.

Welcome To The Real World: scifi, fantasy, surrealism, horror, tragedy

This one's in very early stages Inspired by Frankenstein Setting: The Great South Asian Rip in Reality, where physics (time & space both) is just completely twisted. The year is sometime in the 2070s. Sometimes it's the 2040s outside the Rip. Depends when/where you step out. Moh-maya, reality's very fabric & everything that keeps up the illusions that comprise reality, are very malleable in here. Main character: Kabir aka Moksh. A closeted Indian trans man who lives a double life, perhaps even a triple life. One in which he's a cis woman & a regular bright STEM student (STEM studies also include study of moh-maya). Another in which he's just some guy with good friends (the most authentic of his lives), where he goes by the name Kabir & uses moh-maya to present as his true self. If only temporarily. (it's painful, mentally & physically, whenever he has to revert to the female form). The third is some mad scientist bullshit, he's going by the name of Moksh among his fellow mad scientists & his main project is a moh-maya Frankenstein's monster that others can share their consciousness with, such that they can experience shape-shifting more easily & go where they physically aren't, do things they physically can't. Let's simply call it the 'entity'. Due to many reasons, creating this entity is pretty illegal. Hence the new name & collaboration with fellow shady people. the plot, put shortly: he starts doing vigilante justice w/the entity & then goes far & gets more & more consumed w/work & things go verrrrrrryyyyyy wrong despite starting with (dubious but) good intentions.

in this second one i neglected to mention the fact that you, as the reader, get front row tickets to the main character's spiral into madness & justifying murders thru the entity + the entity is a whole person & has opinions + a whole lot of other stuff, I DID mention that this WIP is in very early stages but holy fuck i could go on & on about it (just not in a way that can be packaged in a structured & sensible introduction)

[wishing-stones]

I must inflict this very sad thought I just had on you…

Due to ren having nightmares magic/magic imprint/power of friendship anime bullshit, they have a lifespan that’s much longer than the regular humans (which is canon iirc), but it’s way longer than even the rest of the gang’s lifespans… until eventually it’s only them and nightmare left. Everyone else is dusted, and only the two remain, one a demigod and the other, his faithful partner, who’s been at his side for what feels like centuries, and all anyone remembers at this point is that you do not touch the negativity gods spouse, for fear of a life that’s worse than burning alive in the fiery pits of hell.

Meanwhile ren and nightmare have started to move on from seeing the last of their number die, and although that pain echoes around them, felt in the darkness of shadows many many universes away, they attempt to heal.

Ooof. This one gets emotional fast, so it gets a readmore

This would potentially be several hundred years in the future. They look after the descendants, and there's probably new recruits from new aus that get welcomed into the fold. It's kind of bittersweet, but they both know that this is their lot in the multiverse. As sad as it is to think of their original number being gone, there's still new friends to be made and new places to discover.

Dream is in a similar boat, but after Blue, it was just him and Ink because it felt wrong to try and pick someone else up, to have anyone stand where he once stood. (He and Ink both wear a blue star on their clothes somewhere very visible.)

Ink and Error are still around, arguably immortal themselves. Error is less grumpy over time and has a slightly better relationship with Ren and Nightmare. He doesn't have a lot of other connections and watching the multiverse change around him, even while he's trying to destroy it, is distressing. He has his own space in the castle that he occupies sometimes. Nightmare also commissioned a tapestry from him that hangs in the main hall of the original six. Newcomers get their own tapestries to place beside it when they are gone, so the walls begin to tell a story of how the Guardian of Negativity protects and supports those who are lost, who have nowhere else to turn, who need a hand up, who won't judge them for their past mistakes.

Nightmare doesn't think he'd be able to do it without Ren, but they stay Determined enough for the both of them.

[asteralis-01]

Hello hi I’m still losing it over this song and how well it fits with my oc so I’m gonna infodump even though none of you understand what I’m talking about. Also I am scared of ppl figuring out who I am so Im using other names for them lest someone recognize them.

“Heatseeker, I’m just looking for the truth,

Heatseeker and I’m shooting for the moon

Heatseeker, yeah, be I’m looking for a way

I’d rather be lost than to stay the same”

BC HYUNG IS LITERALLY A HEAT SEEKER! SHE IS HOT (like actively on fire hot I mean) AND SHE SEEKS!! Hyungs most important character arc is that she is looking for her best friend, S, that disappeared- that everyone assumed her to be dead but no one even looked for her. She also knew that the news was lying, because they claimed she died in a way she most definitely would have. Hyung knew that they were working on a portal, Hyung KNEW S was going to go in there at some point or another. BULLSHIT she died while playing with some electrical stuff in a forest that’s a lie! Hyung knew she wasn’t that stupid, Hyung knew everyone was lying to her and she was the only one who even knew there was a truth to uncover.

S is based on the sun, and theres another character who is meant to be her parallel and is based off the moon, so that’s a bit of a stretch but Hyung always associated S with the finer details of the world, the curiosity and fondness it takes for someone to research something like the moon, so it’s not to far to say that she would compare S to the moon and the sun.

The looking for a way goes back to two things- that the only way to reach S was through the portal- one that was locked away in a highly secure facility and still doesn’t work because it was never fully researched. She doesn’t understand it- all she knows is what S told her about the portal, but even still she wasn’t the smart one, she didn’t understand all these big science words and concepts- they were both children after all. It could also be used to refer to her other problem- living in a hetero/cisnormative, predominantly white racist town as a daughter of an immigrant. She delt with constant bullying and othering- if not over her origins than over her liking of women, and if not over either of those than for her general ‘weirdness.’ She was always a bit isolated and in her own head, she thought about outcome more than consequence and it led her to doing a lot of sometimes dumb shit which would land her even more backlash. Shes looking for a way to find S, she’s the only one who knows she’s not dead, but she’s also looking for a way to escape the pain she is in. She also has some family issues sprinkled in (immigrant parents, a not-dx father with depression and not-dx mother with adhd will do some stuff to you but I’m not sure what exactly it did to her yet. All I know is they tried to be supportive of Hyung but didn’t understand and fell into the toxic way they were taught to raise kids) so she is hoping to escape that as well- that comes back and doesn’t just bite her in the ass, it chomps her whole ass off.

AH and this is like that gives me the most feels because she WOULD rather be lost than for things to stay the same- no one is going to change, no one is going to try and learn the truth. No one is going to do anything, and she got to a point where she couldn’t handle that anymore. Anything would have been better than continuing on, that was her true belief. If it took her ending up on the news like S and being presumed dead- so be it. She would come back soon and prove to everyone that they should have looked for S. It shouldn’t take more than a week.. right? She’ll come back and have only worried her parents a little- she won’t be gone for months upon months getting the same abuse that S was going through right? She would return with her family intact… Right?

Anyways I am very autistic about Hyung recently, so far their ‘story’ has been centered around S and what she went through, and Hyung was more so just a plot device for S growth- but Hyung is such a good and complex character and I love them both.

[artemissaggezza]

To my Darling Tumblrinas. Friends, foes, and frenemies alike,

I reach out to you now to do one of the hardest and most terrifying things I have ever done: ask for help. Doing so has never been easy for me (if I explained all the reasons why I could literally write you a TLDR dissertation 😂).

Right now, my wife (@starlghtstarbrite) and I need it more than we ever have. Life is hard for everyone. It has been hard for us too. But she and I have always found a way through. We have survived so much together.

We managed to leave an abusive situation (albeit with a stab wound, nerve damage, concussions and horrible cases of PTSD). The physical trauma from this has left permanent scars for both me and my wife. Every day since then I have lived in severe, sometimes incapacitating pain. Being 12 years sober (😁) this is really hard to manage. My wife has nerve damage she will never recover from and phantom pain on a daily basis. I don't even know how much debt we're in because of this. Honestly, we are both terrified to check.

Beyond the physical shit, the emotional trauma from this has led to at least $10,000 in mental health treatment. Sometimes it was just therapy. But most of the time it was specialized treatment for Bipolar disorder, PTSD, and atypical anorexia leading me to be away from home and out of work for months at a time.

I started treatment for my eating disorder (for the 5th time) a year ago at this time. While I was in treatment my wife lost her job after the company realized they didn't need to pay someone to do her job when AI could do it for free. Bullshit, right?

If you can believe it, I lost my job in the beginning of December for even shittier reasons. Background: I used to work for the largest academic/licensure examination company in the world. I will probably get in trouble if I say their actual name, so I'll give you a hint. If you have ever needed to get licensed for your job, you'll know them as the intimidating people who watch you while you take exams and do "security checks" that make you feel like you're being arrested. For any students out there, they're probably the publisher of some of your most expensive text books and study guides. It rhymes with "ShmEARSON" 😂.

I literally got fired for accidentally LETTING A TOOTHPICK into the testing room. I was accused of "intentionally defying" my boss's "orders" by not following protocol exactly (this was after my male coworker had been accused of sexual harassment four times and still had a job).

Because of this, my wife and I are facing eviction in three days. And have nowhere to go. My parents are emotionally abusive and my wife's mother still introduces me as her "roommate". We've been living off of black beans and rice for a month because we don't have money for food. Nevermind our meds, that even with insurance (which I no longer have) cost hundreds of dollars a month.

Over the years we have struggled and been dealt a lot of bad hands of poker. But we've always managed to bluff our way out of it. We put our faith in each other and pretend there is a light at the end of the endless tunnel, at the top of the bottomless pit. Every now and then we've even been able to run two damp sticks together and make our own light.

But this time our bluff has been called. We've run out of sticks to rub together. Without help and support we won't be able to light the torch that leads us through the abyss and into hope.

So, here I am. Embracing vulnerability and asking for help. I know times are tough all around. So even knowing that my story has been read and validated is a great comfort to me.

If you're moved by our story, relate to it, or see yourself in it and would like to help out my CashApp is below.

I would also like to offer you the chance to get something in return, if you want. I have a lot of random skills I'm more than willing to offer.

I'm an artist (think Jackson Pollock style), an academic writer (specialization: psychology, criminal justice, sociology, statistical analysis and all the associated citation styles), an editor/proofreader, and a poet. Among a host of other bizarre things lol.

I know this was long AF and I do apologize. Mostly though, if you had the drive, compassion and attention span to get all the way down here I AM DAMN IMPRESSED. And more grateful than you could ever imagine.

Thank you, each and every one of you. For hearing my words and seeing me.

CashApp: $ArtemisSaggezza