#sometimes my balls itch and then I remember they're not there

[estrocum]

are tomboys still cool or should I leave?

[hotluncheddie]

'but like, why do you like it so much?'

steve passes eddie the blunt; fingers, shoulders and thighs brushing or pushed flush as they're slumped on eddies floor. a black sabbath record plays softly in the background.

steve just can't seem to understand metal, or maybe he just can't understand how loud it always gets in his head when he listens to it. maybe he's just sensitive, after so many monster fights. if things are quiet, he's grateful.

eddie huffs, side eyeing steve a little as he shifts around. eddie's always moving, fidgeting, its just who he is and steve likes that. likes how reliable eddie moving around is, shifting in and out of his space. but right now he seems a little more on edge than usual. or than is usual after a couple shared blunts.

'stevie, its. its just good. it makes me feel good okay?' eddie spins his rings and puts a knuckle in his mouth. steve watched the movement. eddie has nice lips... and hands.

''i had a fucking, like, counselor of whatever once tell me that i needed things to help me focus and help me relax and help me if i ever felt overwhelmed or whatever. i only saw them like twice but they said music could do that for some people and i guess metal did it for me.' eddie shoves all this out onto steve in a slightly panicked way. which is the last thing steve wants. the last thing either of them need is more stress.

steve smiles at him, trying to show how completely none judgy he feels right now. 'okay.. so it makes you relax? all the noise. it helps?' he wants to understand. so so bad, steve just wants to understand the eddie munson he met after the upside down got closed, after life was put back together. eddie is really great and steve just, he feels good with eddie.

'yeah i like, need stuff sometime. need to move and feel a certain way to kinda scratch an itch i get in like, my bones. sometimes its a fucking ball ache, nothing helps. i can get so stressed out i wanna rip my skin off.' eddie says it with such a humourless laugh steves heart breaks a little. 'that's kinda part of why i took so long to graduate. can't focus in class if your skin is crawling, can't remember to do homework if you get home and gotta like, rock back and forth while staring at a wall for two hours just to feel like yourself again.' eddie is staring at the carpet now, eyes unfocused. steve wants to hear more, just so maybe he can help. maybe make it a little better one day. eddie deserves that.

'shit' ...okay so maybe steve is a little too high to help with words right now. but he stays pressed up next to eddie, hooks an ankle around he leg, keeps him close. hopes he keeps talking. that steve just being there is enough.

steve gets a little, tentative, smile out of eddie. his soul soars.

'you ever been to a live gig stevie?' steve shakes his head, no one ever comes to their little town and he honestly never really liked anyone enough to treck over to indi or chicago to see anything there.

'live music does it the best. just fucking letting go and feeling. all the noise and the bodies washing over you, getting inside you. its fucking magic.' eddie is smiling properly again, thank god steve thinks. he never wants to see eddie frown ever again.

'like, when you head bang, or go in a mosh pit, or just fucking sway to the music just right. it like sets all my insides right. like i'm all put together correct and it feels so good. feel like a hug maybe. like soothing or whatever, like so good over and over again. but everyone is doing it, all together. so you, you don't look like a freak you know?' oh no, he's frowning again. oh god, steve needs to fix it. eddies big cow eyes look sad again.

'mmm when i used to run laps, i'd get to a point where i was so tired it'd feel, like really good? like i could only focus on breathing in and out and everything else went quiet. is it. is it kinda like that ed's?' steve is too high for this. it feels important, and all he can come up with is this? fuck, harrington! your fumbling the ball here!

but eddie smiles at him, smiles all sweet and syrupy and his eyes are so pretty. steve is a goner. a big, too high goner for eddie musnon and his big dumb sparkly brown eyes.

'a little yeah stevie. a little something like that.' eddie is still twisting his rings and his leg is bouncing against the carpet and if he needs that to feel good steve hopes eddie never stops moving. hope he fidgets forever if it feels good, feels right.

'um, next time, next show, can i come too?' steve hadn't planned on inviting himself to a metal gig when he came over earlier, but found a lot of rational thought went out the window when he was around eddie. 'you show me what feels good yeah? wanna feel it too ed's.'

eddie looks at him with so much disbelief, steve is sure he fucked uo somehow. backtrack poised on his tongue, but eddie giggles, fucking giggles at him. steves heart melts out of his ass.

'ooh baby. i'll pop you concert cherry for sure!' eddie is cackling now, delighted it seems at the idea of steve at one of his gigs.. steve thinks eddie has a great laugh.

---

the blunt is long dead and steve is well on his way to passing out. he, he needs to get on the bed. get on the bed and try to not cuddle eddie too hard... a little is okay though.

'um steve? um thanks, by the way. for not like, thinking i'm weird or whatever, for what i said. those things i gotta do, i can't always help it? so thanks, for not thinking i'm a freak.'

steve tuggs eddie by the arm. too sleepy to talk, and not much to say anyway. tugs eddie up onto the mattress with him, up on the mattress and slings an arm over his stomach, a leg over both of eddies.

'never a freak ed's. ‘kay? never ever' steve falls asleep then and there, nestled in eddie munsons sheets, right where he belongs.

eddie can't help pressing a chased kiss to steves forehead. the big, kind, brave steve harrington asleep in his bed.