#sometimes ideas just don't leave you alone and 3k words later you have a mess of emotions

[tripleaxeldiaz]

sing me something brave from your mouth

based on this post

read on ao3

Eddie’s losing his mind. That’s the only explanation for the way his brain has been working lately.

And by “working”, he means not working. At all.

His default is generally stoic, quiet. If he doesn’t have anything to say, nice or otherwise, he doesn’t say anything at all. And if he does have something to say, it’s articulate. Thought out. Words carefully chosen so that his point is direct and clear. People may think it’s because he doesn’t have much to say, but it’s really because he’s had too many people in his life twist his words to be something they’re not, and this has become his defense. He does have things to say, he’s just careful.

Usually.

The issue now, however, is that he has too much to say, too many things he’s been holding in for too long, and his brain has no idea what to do with all this information. He doesn’t have the storage space to keep it buttoned up like normal, waiting for at least a once over before he speaks. So now his words come tumbling out, unfiltered, unedited, raw and real.

And never, ever, at the right time.

“Maybe you should go home first” wasn’t supposed to come out at all. In the end, he’s glad it did, but that wasn’t the plan. He was going to be gentle, considerate, account for the fact that none of this was actually Ana’s fault. Thank her for being so good with Chris and hoping they could stay on good terms. But he did say it, and she had some choice words of her own, and then she was gone, leaving behind nothing but leftovers and a lingering pain in Eddie’s chest. He’d hoped that was that, that the panic would subside for good and he could get back to living, that his brain would settle down and lock everything back up, restart the filtering process that Eddie had spent so many years perfecting.

Apparently, a little peace and normalcy was too much to ask for.

It’s three weeks later, after Maddie left, after Chimney left and came back, after Buck and Chimney hugged and made up as only brothers (blood or otherwise) can. They’re all three at the apartment on their day off, to see Jee-yun and keep Chim company and help him clean out his fridge so he can get rid of “the smell of death and decay that has taken over since I’ve been gone”. Eddie stands dutifully next to the fridge, trash bag open, as Chim dumps container after container of leftovers out, each smelling more foul than the last.

“Jesus, Chim, you didn’t think to do this before you left?” Buck chirps from the barstool at the island. He’s got a babbling Jee in his lap and a cut up banana in front of him that he’s determined to get her to enjoy. 

Chim glares at him, no real heat behind it. “I was a little preoccupied.” Buck nods in fairness, wincing a bit as he turns back to Jee, another slice of banana in his hand.

“Are you sure you don’t want it?” he asks. “It’s really good, see?” He takes an exaggerated chomp, makes a show of chewing and swallowing, sending Jee into peals of giggles that fill up the whole house, brightening it and making everything warmer. His smile matches hers, and Eddie feels a soft fondness rush through him, the same one he feels when he watches Buck do anything with Chris.

“You’re going to be a really great dad.” It’s not a new thought — he’s had the same one in passing more times than he can count over the course of knowing Buck — but it takes Eddie about five seconds to realize that he said it out loud.

Luckily, it doesn’t rock Buck’s world as much as it does Eddie’s. He just smiles that bashful smile of his and says, “Well, I’ve had some pretty good teachers.”

“Thank you, Buck, glad my parenting wisdom has had such an effect on you,” Chim says, voice carrying from where he’s chest deep in the fridge. Buck sticks his tongue out at his back and turns back to Jee, who’s smile quickly melts away as she starts crying.

Chim emerges and sighs. “She probably needs to be changed.”

“I got it,” Buck waves him off, scooping Jee up and heading to the bedroom. “You probably have biohazard material on your hands anyway.” 

Eddie stares after them, smiling at Buck’s soft murmurs that quiet Jee’s cries and transform them back into laughter. That fondness is still curling around his chest, making itself at home, until he feels something land in the bag in his hands with a heavy squelch, startling him back to reality and leaving him chilled. He whips his head back, and Chim is giving him a look that’s half smug and half exasperated.

“What?” Eddie asks. 

“Nothing,” Chim says, shaking his head and turning towards the sink. “Just remembering the times when I used to think you were smooth. Clearly things have changed.”

Eddie whips a stray paper towel at his head and curses himself for blushing.

~~~~~~~~~~

It continues. Actually, Eddie thinks it might be getting worse.

“How did you know you were in love with Karen?”

Hen looks at him sideways from the driver’s seat, eyebrow arched. They’ve been working well together on the days when Chim is off taking care of Jee, but they haven’t crossed the threshold into “intimate life talks in the ambulance” just yet. And, like every other time this has happened, he didn’t mean to ask her that. But ever since the parade call, he’s been thinking about those girls, about Cassie, who’s first thought when she came back to consciousness was her best friend, who she clearly cared about more than herself, and—

He wonders. And the thought clawed its way out of him before he could tame it into something normal and nonchalant yet again.

Hen’s quiet for a minute, staring at the road, thinking, and Eddie tries his best not to fidget or take back the whole question.

She looks over at him again, finally, eyes softer this time. “Did you know I met her when she was supposed to be on a blind date with someone else?”

“Really?”

Her smile goes a little dreamy. “She thought she got stood up, but she was just in the wrong bar. I saw her sitting alone, offered to keep her company. We ended up shutting that place down and another one too.”

“So you knew on your first date?”

Hen shakes her head. “I just knew she was special. It felt like the universe brought us together for a reason and I wanted to see what that reason was. I got her number and we texted all the time, met up for dinners and drinks, and the conversations just kept going. They’re still going, honestly. Eventually she became the only person that I wanted to see after a shift, the only person I wanted to spend all my free time with.”

Eddie nods, swallows his anxiety back down into his stomach where he keeps it locked away. He knows that feeling. He knows wanting to see only one face after a good shift or a bad shift or even a boring shift. He knows what it’s like to not be able to see that face, how it gnaws at you, grates your nerves, flays you open until you get back to that person and you feel your lungs fill up again. But there’s a difference between knowing and having — knowing is personal, something you can control, that isn’t left up to fate or the universe or whatever powers control the trajectory of life. To get to have something, you have to give up that control, and the decision of who gets it is completely out of your hands. It could be beautiful, everything you’ve ever wanted, or it could shatter your heart more than you ever thought possible.

Eddie’s struggling enough with not being able to control his own damn mouth at the moment. He’s not sure he’d survive giving up any more, no matter how much he wants to.

And so he asks, “Weren’t you scared? Of messing up whatever special thing you thought you guys had?”

They pull into the station and Hen kills the engine, turning towards Eddie fully. Her look is gentle and knowing, and it takes every ounce of Eddie’s willpower to not run inside and hope she forgets this whole conversation.

“No,” she says. “I was more scared of losing her to someone else because I didn’t try and give her everything she deserved.”

Eddie finally looks away then because yeah, he knows that feeling too.

There’s a knock on the passenger window that makes them both almost hit the ceiling. It’s Buck (because of course it is), his hands held up in apology. “Just making sure you guys were coming in for lunch.”

“We’ll be right there, Buckaroo,” Hen says. “Save me a plate?”

“Already done. There’s one for you too, Eds.” He drums his hands against the door and winks before skipping away. Eddie tries to keep his face in check, but he has a feeling it’s edging toward the same dreamy look Hen was sporting earlier.

There’s snort from beside him, and he knows he’s right.

He clears his throat and looks back at her again. “Thanks Hen. That was...helpful.”

She grabs his forearm, squeezing lightly. “Be brave, Edmundo. It’ll turn out better than you think.”

He smiles and nods one more time before he hops out of the ambulance. Hen was helpful — he certainly feels a little less alone in these feelings he’s trying not to drown in — but fear is still settled deep under his skin at the thought of laying himself out there like that, of taking that leap, of letting go.

He wants to be brave. He knows he can be brave. But being brave, especially being brave like that, is a lot easier said than done.

~~~~~~~~~~

He’s trying to take Buck. A man is pulling Buck into the hospital to hold him hostage and Eddie’s brain is firing on all cylinders and there’s no time to think or plan or breathe because he’s trying to take Buck—

“Take me.”

The man stops, arm still wrapped around Buck’s throat. Buck’s eyes are wide, panicked, and Eddie has a feeling it’s not just because he’s running out of oxygen. But while he didn’t necessarily think he’d resort to offering himself up as a sacrifice, a panicked and desperate brain is a truthful one, and this is a truth he knows down to his atoms.

He’s trying to take Buck. He’s trying to hurt Buck. Eddie will do anything and everything in his power to prevent that.

“Eddie—”

“Leave him. Take me instead.”

For the first time in months, he doesn’t curse his unpolished words. There’s a pause, a moment of stillness in the chaos, and the man shrugs, dropping his arm and shoving Buck forward before grabbing Eddie roughly by the bicep.

“Whatever, I only need one of you.”

Eddie has just enough time to look back and catch the devastation in Buck’s eyes before the door slams shut behind him.

It’s okay. He’ll be fine. Buck will make sure of it. They always have each other’s backs.

The waiting is the worst part. The man is not the best captor — the rope he tied around Eddie’s hands has already come loose — but he’s been negotiating with the police for the better part of an hour, and Eddie’s getting restless. Is Buck okay? The guy (unsuccessfully) tried to knock him out with his gun and left a pretty bad gash. Did he get it looked at? Or, more likely, is he ignoring it, trying to stay in the action, stay close to the people who are trying to get Eddie out? He’s itching, buzzing, but not for fear of his own safety. He needs to see Buck, needs to touch him, needs to know for sure that he’s out of harm’s way, he needs he needs he needs— 

There’s shouting and loud footsteps, and the door opens with a slam. SWAT pours in, detains the guy, and helps Eddie off the ground and out the door. It’s chaos, more shouting and flashing lights and more people than there were when he went inside. But none of that matters, no one else matters as Eddie frantically searches the crowd for familiar curls. 

“Buck!”

He hears him before he sees him, voice louder than any gunshot or siren.

“Eddie! Eddie!”

Relief hits him so hard he almost falls over.

He doesn’t realize he’s running — sprinting — until they crash into each other. Eddie flings his arms around Buck’s shoulder and buries his face in his neck and he breathes.

“Jesus Christ, Eds,” Buck says into his hair, voice cracking. “What the hell were you thinking?”

That’s the thing, though — he wasn’t thinking. Protecting Buck, keeping him safe, that was all instinct. That’s not something he’s ever had to think about, even when his brain was cooperating with him. 

He pulls back, just enough to see Buck’s face, clocking the angry, red cut on his forehead. His fingers ghost over it before his hand settles on the side of Buck’s head. “Are you okay?”

Buck leans into his touch and nods. “Yeah, it’s— it’s superficial, looks worse than it is.” His eyes are shining as they move over Eddie’s face, down his arms and chest, so intense Eddie swears he can feel everywhere they land. “Are you okay?”

By all accounts, no, he’s not. He’s exhausted, his nerves are fried, he wants to go home and sleep off the emotional hangover he’s sure is coming.

But still — he’s with Buck. They’re alive, and they’re together.

“Yeah. I’m okay now.”

Buck’s smile is wet and fond, an eternal bright spot. Eddie tucks his face back into his neck and keeps breathing.

~~~~~~~~~~

He knew it was coming, had been bracing himself for it for months, but he hadn’t expected it to be so quiet.

It makes sense, when he thinks about it. The way he feels about Buck is louder than almost anything he’s ever known — combine that with his love for his son, and it’s a cacophony of emotions constantly running through him, loud enough to keep the demons at bay. And while part of him wants to sing it from the rooftops, let anyone and everyone know how much this man means to him, a bigger part thinks that something like this is too important to blast at full volume. His feelings aren’t for everyone — he doesn’t want them to be — so it shouldn’t be a rock concert, loud enough to break windows and shake foundations. It should melt into the background, like a vinyl record on a rainy day, lingering long after the needle stops, not soon forgotten. 

So, it makes sense that it’s quiet, just for the two of them.  It makes sense that despite the enormity of his feelings, despite the lawlessness he’s been embracing recently, this moment is small and intimate because it matters.

That doesn’t mean he does it with any kind of finesse. 

It’s quiet on the balcony, the shimmering lights of LA laid out below them. Chris is asleep on the couch inside, knocked out halfway through their second movie, and the two of them are facing each other on the bench just outside the window, beer bottles between them, talking quietly. Buck is in the middle of a rundown of a documentary about a cult he just finished (“They branded these women Eddie, how fucked up is that?”), and Eddie wants to live in this bubble of warmth and peace forever. The way Buck’s voice washes over him, protecting him from the dark whispers that tend to trickle into his head in quiet moments like this. The way their ankles are crossed where they hang off the front of the couch. The way Buck keeps glancing at Chris through the window when he shifts in his sleep, making sure he’s safe.

It’s everything Eddie never knew he wanted, everything he never thought he could have. He’s relaxed and happy, so the thought slips out of him without a fight.

“God, I’m so in love with you.” He says it on an exhale, almost a whisper, almost lost in the breeze, but Buck freezes mid sentence, so he knows he hears it.

And Eddie could freak out — he could backtrack and blame it on the beer and laugh it off, and he knows Buck would roll with it. He could hold on to the last bit of control he has over his feelings, keep them far from the edge he’s just accidentally thrown himself over. But even though it was unplanned, even though he’s giving everything up to the whims of fate now, it’s also the truth. A foundational truth, one that’s worked its way into the very fiber of his being. He doesn’t want Buck to not know that anymore.

He waits as Buck processes, not taking it back, not asking for an answer. If he doesn’t get one tonight, that’s fine — he’ll wait as long as Buck needs, even if it ends up being a gentle letdown. 

The sweet syrupiness he’s feeling must not be his alone, because when Buck starts moving, it feels like the slowest of slow motions. He moves the beer bottles to the table in front of them, out of harm’s way, before maneuvering the two of them until he’s in Eddie’s lap, straddling his thighs, looking at him like he just told him every star in the sky now had his name etched into it. Eddie’s hands automatically come up to hold Buck’s waist, and he feels his breath hitch at how right it feels, how perfectly his body fits with Buck’s. Buck’s own hands come up, one on Eddie’s shoulder and one on his cheek, and Eddie’s helpless but to lean into the touch, reveling in the warmth and rightness of it all. 

Even leaning in Buck goes slow, like he’s afraid to spook Eddie, to break this moment they’ve created, but as soon as their lips touch, Eddie deepens it — he lets himself take for once, lets himself be greedy, and it’s everything. He holds Buck tighter, gets lost in the kiss and the feel of Buck’s smile against his, and he thinks that if this is what giving up control is like, he could absolutely get used to it. He’ll do or say pretty much anything if it means having moments like this for the rest of his life.

The kiss gets cut short when their smiles get too big, but Eddie’s still breathless and Buck’s cheeks are still flushed the most beautiful pink he’s ever seen. Buck moves his hands to the base of Eddie’s skull, running his fingers through short hair, caressing him, and Eddie’s glad Buck’s in his lap because he’s pretty sure he’s about to float away.

“I love you too,” Buck whispers, tracing his nose along Eddie’s. “So much, and for a while, I think. I just— I didn’t want to—” Eddie cuts him off with a kiss, soft and sweet, because he gets it, probably better than anyone. It’s hard to take risks with the people you can’t lose.

They don’t move for a while, trading kisses and whispers, getting used to this new but familiar connection they’ve created. Even when they get up, driven inside by the late hour and the chilling breeze, it takes them a minute because they can’t stop touching each other.

Eddie finally slides the door shut quietly behind him, turns to Buck who looks equal parts hopeful and nervous. “You’re staying, right?” he asks. “Both of you?”

Nothing in the world — no filter or wall or insecurity — could prevent him from tangling his fingers with Buck’s and saying, “Yes. Always.”

There’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

[chaoticallysapphic]

just a scratch

summary: You were always the hero, always the one protecting those around you. So who could be surprised by your honorable death?

a/n: I woke up this morning literally thinking "why not write a death fic," so here you guys go. Here's your Lin fic. I came up with this idea like two days into having this blog and it’s inspired by this art. 

word count: 3k

When you were little your favorite books were those of heroes. Of great adventures and love so profound it would be talked about for centuries to come. The ones now collecting dust on the third to last shelf on your bookcase, the mahogany one situated between your desk and cedar bookcase, is where you place your favorites. 

A recurring theme in them all is self-sacrifice. Loving someone sometimes requires that and you knew if the time ever came, you'd do it all for her. A life without her is not one you could live through, a world without her is dark and full of monsters and crime. Not only would you do it for your own selfish reasons but because she was so important to other people as well. The death of Lin Beifong is the day the heart of Republic City stops beating. 

If you had to choose a way to go, it would be protecting those you love. And if Lin's life was on the line, then you knew it had to be you.

There are a million scares that have happened in the last few years, ever since Korra arrived the number of times you were jumping in front of her was too many to count. After the fourth, after you pushed her aside so Amon would take your bending, she'd all but screamed at you for hours while holding you, scared to let you go. Despite the emptiness seeming to fill you up like a ship sinking, it was worth it. 

After you got it back Lin didn't let you out of her sight for weeks, suddenly you were trailing after her like a lost puppy. You understand her need to have you nearby and you didn't mind, who could mind the company of Lin? 

One night sometime after the eighth time, Lin notices those books on the third to last shelf. She's read one or two and casually asks you how the others end. In your hands is a new one just as heartbreaking and morbid as the others. You don't realize the dots connecting for her whilst you happily ramble on about them, mentioning how you read your first one in the library at the age of seven. 

“I mean it's what you do for love and it's so-” 

“No you stay alive for love so you can live out the rest of your life with them,” her voice is firm as she grips one of those favorites of yours. You frown, slowly closing the one you're currently reading. 

“Well it's not like you'd just do it for anything, it's to protect the one you love.” 

Over the next few years, Lin's heart almost stops a million times as you keep protecting her. She tries to get you to stay in Republic City when she goes off to protect Korra but your stubbornness somehow beats Lin's. 

That break-in at Zaofu solidifies it for you. Lin slips off with Suyin, so they can propel from the ceiling to save Korra. She makes sure you're distracted before sneakily racing off. When you turn around to check on Lin she's gone. She's gone and as you whip your head around to look for her there isn't a trace of where she went. 

You know you're being selfish, that you should push this panic and fear down to help save Korra but you can't. You need to know where she is, people are yelling at you as you continuously turn, hoping to spot her. You don't notice how the combustion bender has turned to you. Your vision is blurring, you need to find her, and little do you know she's watching from above with her heart in her throat as P'li smirks before taking aim. 

The sound her bending makes has you whipping around. Your eyes widen at the bolt of fire shooting towards you, frozen in place. This is not how you want to go down, you’ve had an unhealthy obsession with how you’d leave this world from a young age and this was not it. In the last second before your life ends two arms wrap around your waist as a body slams into you. You fall to the floor with a loud thud and a pained moan as your head smacks against the concrete. The bolt of fire whizzes past the two of you as it burns through a bush. 

The woman above you isn’t Lin. It’s some guard with black hair and a mole under her eye and you can only half make out what she's saying, partially due to the concussion you now suffer from but also from the icy fear that has encased you. Little do either of you know that by Kuvira saving you, your fate has been placed in her hands for another day.

She’s asking if you're okay, by now Lin has saved Korra and the intruders have vanished. She knows your importance to the Beifong family. Kuvira helps pull you up into a sitting position, she watches you wince from the pain, your eyes squeezed shut. There’s a small spot of blood on the ground, and so she checks behind your head and finds a small cut. 

Lin has given Korra to Suyin, bolting to where she sees you hunched over while Kuvira cleans the cut for you. You don’t hear or notice her coming, the only indication is when her arms slip around you as she pulls you against her body so tight it feels like the air is being squeezed out of you. 

“What the fuck was that?” She chokes out between sobs. You slowly wrap your arms around your lover as you suddenly begin to feel tired. 

“I couldn’t find you.” 

After Zaheer when your life quiets down just a smidgen, Lin proposes. She found the ring at a jewelry store in Zaofu the day after you almost died and knew. You become a blubbering mess, it’s entirely unattractive as there’s snot mixing with tears but you rapidly nod as you choke out “yes.” 

A year later you get married and the day is nothing short of a fairy tale. Everything is perfect as you sway to the song with your wife's arms wrapped around your waist. Everyone watches as you both lovingly stare into each other's eyes. Lin thinks that it’ll be calmer now and you’ll be safe. You're her wife and you love her and you're safe. 

You think back on that day often with a fond smile, the cake you smeared across her face and the scowl she sported directly after. How she then cupped your cheeks in her hands, so she could rub the cake off onto you. There are two photo albums worth of photographs from that day and in almost every single one you both stare at each other in this way that feels so intimate. If a stranger took a look they’d be able to tell just how much you loved one another. 

Lin’s been given her happily ever after, those two years that follow are blissful. You open up a bookstore near your apartment, and she forces herself to come home at a reasonable time every night, so she can enjoy your company before you head off to bed. You settle into a routine that neither of you mind, all Lin cares about is that you're safe and you're happy. 

Some people (like Suyin) say it’s almost sickening how much you two love each other but Lin just thinks that’s because she's jealous of not having this kind of heartwarming, never-ending love. Everyone knows her marriage has dulled into one of convenience, and she’s never almost lost the love of her life as Lin has. It makes you cherish every moment in case it’s your last. 

That peace breaks when Kuvira comes to Republic City, her change in demeanor is shocking and her inability to hand over the Earth Kingdom saddens you. She saved your life and the woman in front of you is not the same one who pushed you out of the way all those years ago. Something in her eyes has twisted, she’s become jaded over time and you seem to be the only one who holds out hope. Even Suyin gives up on her. 

When Toph meets you she's nothing short of surprised. “Hi, I’m your daughter's wife, Y/n.” In the background, Bolin can see Lin rolling her eyes as she begins to walk away. You guys are on a mission, and she really doesn’t want you to make nice with her mother. 

But you do because you're you and when Lin snaps while everyone is quietly eating their flameo noodles you softly calm her down. Still, you look over your shoulder at the first metal bender and say “you may have raised the love of my life but you’ve done nothing for her since the day you left Republic City. If she doesn’t want to forgive you for abandoning her then that’s perfectly fine by me.” 

Your words remind Lin of the first time you met, how she was floored by your ability to bite back despite your otherwise quiet demeanor. You’d been this shy woman who bumped into her on your way out of a bookstore and when she went to scold you for not paying attention you stopped her in her tracks with one look alone. It may seem childish and stupid, cringe-worthy even, but she knew she had to marry you one day just with that look. 

The next morning you save the Beifongs along with Zhu Li, you can’t help but watch Kuvira twist around as she continues to try and take Suyin down. If you go up there, will she do the same? She probably doesn’t remember you but as your savior, you remember her. Lin pulls you onto Juicy and wraps her arms around you, she thought the action was over, that her fear of losing you would lessen but it’s back in full force. 

She tries to make you evacuate with the rest of Republic City and that stubbornness she loves rears its head as you put your foot down, claiming that you go wherever she does. 

It’s all a blur really, there’s so much to do and such little time as you all try and try again to take her down when finally a reprieve comes in the form of Hiroshi’s sacrifice. Inside you stick with the Beifong sisters as you all work to destroy the weapon whilst Korra tries to distract Kuvira. 

It’s a split second filled with too much to process. One second you succeed and destroy the ammunition and then the arm in which you're all in is being flung across the city. You push Lin and Suyin towards the wall, your wife bends metal around the two of them and tries to do the same for you but it’s flimsy as you're so far away and everything is moving so fast. The force of impact successfully knocks you out.

When you come to there're three things you notice. 

Number one: You are so cold and yet you can feel sweat beading down your forehead. 

Number Two: The metal wrapped around you is gone, it must have broken off from the impact. 

Number three: It feels like you can’t breathe, there’s something inside you and when you try to move a pained scream scraps up your throat, it sounds gurgled and wet as something warm drips from your lips. 

When you finally manage to open your eyes you notice that you aren’t in the arm anymore, with your blurry vision you can make out the faint shape of it against a broken building. There’s so much distorted noise around you. You can faintly make out your name being shouted and when you try to speak nothing comes out. 

You make a mistake in your painful haze, you try to move. It’s then you finally look down as another scream rips out of you, this one slightly quieter, and notice the steel rod sticking out of the upper half of your stomach. You know it’s stupid but the only thing you can manage to think of is ‘that’s not meant to be there.’

Lifting your arm up you try to find a source of water, maybe you can heal what's around you as you slowly pull yourself off, but your call goes unanswered. Your arm gives out and falls onto the jagged pieces of concrete that cut into your skin but your brain is too focused on the pain in your stomach. 

Where is she? Is she okay? Will this pain have been worth it? You don’t know, you're alone and you know what’s about to happen and you're alone. In all the visions you had of saving her, the last thing you saw was her. But now it’s the dilapidated storefront that must have been broken in the collision as you lay where a wall once used to stand. The ceiling is moldy and only half of it is still intact. You don’t even get to see the sun at the end. 

Just as you're about to close your eyes to try and think of happy memories to go out on, you faintly hear someone say in a voice full of sorrow and desperation “No… No, no, no!” 

This site right here is Lin’s worst nightmares all wrapped into one. There’s so much blood pooling underneath you as it drips down the broken concrete of the building. You're pale, so pale she thinks you almost look like a ghost and blood drips from your mouth. 

She surges forward and falls to her knees, the bricks and rocks cut into her pants as pain sears through her legs, but she doesn’t care nor notice. All she notices is how your eyes are closed and how you're shivering in the middle of summer. Two warm hands cup your cheek, bringing you out of your pleasant memory of your wedding day as you open your eyes. A pair of bright green eyes stare down at you, she looks so scared. 

“Lin…” You wheeze out. She shakes her head as she begins to sob. You feel so tired, so weak and if you had the energy it’d anger you but you can’t find it in you to care anymore. She’s here and you can see her eyes, her beautiful face and you know that what you’ve just done to protect her and Suyin was worth it. If not for you pushing her out of the way she would have fallen out of the arm and you’d be the to find her amongst the rubble. 

“No you're fine, we’re gonna get you a heal- Korra can heal you it’s fi-” she’s stumbling over her words as she tries to wipe the blood off your face, it just smears the red liquid down your cheek and onto your neck. You shake your head. 

“I love you…” 

“Stop it, don’t say that you’ll be fine. You are going to live.” 

“Please say it back…” You know you won’t live, no one will find you in time and you’ve lost too much blood. It’ll happen any second now and you want to hear it one more time. 

“I’m not ready for this… You’re meant to grow old with me…” She sobs out. “You’re meant to live.” 

“Please Lin…” you stop as you cough up more blood. It’s close. “I’m scared, please jus-” 

“I love you, I-” she gently rests her forehead against your own, your skin is like ice now, “love you.” Lin feels so warm and comforting, you want to lean forward to wrap yourself around her but you can’t. 

 Tragedy struck within a matter of seconds. Life deemed her unworthy of a happy ending. 

The shivering that let her know you were still there stops. She’s too scared to open her eyes afraid of what she might find. Maybe if she keeps them closed you’ll come back. You were like a cat with nine lives and surely you had one left. She doesn’t know how long she sits there leaning over your lifeless body with her hands cradling your face and forehead against your own, her back begins to hurt from the position, but she does not move an inch.

Everyone is looking for the two of you. They’ve won, victory is finally theirs and everyone can rest easy now with the great uniter being dragged by Suyin and Korra. Lin left the second the blast had cleared, screw victory all she cared about was you and Suyin was worried by the quietness of the streets, by the fact that neither of you came stumbling out of an alley with your hands all over each other as relief radiates from you. 

It’s eerily silent as they turn down that fateful street Suyin and Lin woke up in, and she spots something out of the corner of her eye. A broken storefront that was slightly concealed by a large chunk of concrete. She sees the black of Lin’s suit and hears the faint whisper of someone murmuring something. 

Tossing the injured Kuvira towards Korra to fully support her, she races over to her sister. Everyone stops as they see what's transpiring. No one says a thing, breath being held as they make out Lin leaning over something. Even Kuvira watches because what else is there for her to do? 

Suyin stops a few feet behind her sister, her shoulders dropping when she sees a sight so tragic, so heartbreaking that even she begins to sob. Lin is too focused on you, she doesn’t even realize that she’s repeating something like a mantra, like some kind of prayer that will go unanswered. 

“You're going to be okay.” It’s all Lin can say, eyes still squeezed shut. Hesitantly, Suyin takes a step as she tries to stifle her cries. 

“Lin?...” 

She stills at her sister's voice, those same four words dying in her throat. Suyin braves another step and then one more before placing her hand on her sister's shoulder. She can see the blood now and there’s so much of it. It reminds her of the rushing river right outside of Zaofu. Lin tenses at the touch. 

“She’s fine.” Lin spits out and spirits it is such a useless lie. “She’s going to be fine.” Suyin grips her shoulder and pulls, in that moment of panic at being ripped from you her eyes finally open. You're so limp and without her hands to hold you, your face lulls to the side. Suyin finally spots the cause of your death with the detachment of Lin. Nothing could have saved you from that, not even if they found you immediately. Only spirit water could have fixed that and it’s too far away. 

“Lin…” Suyin starts as she continues to pull her away. Fear grips her so tightly she can’t control herself as she whips around to push her away. Her younger sister catches her arms before she can try to bend her away and Lin struggles to break free. Everyone sees you now.  

“Get off of me!” She screams, her voice cuts through the air like a knife and neither of the sisters notices the display of grief behind them as every person who knows you understands the gravity of the situation. You were like a second mother to Korra, you made sure Mako was fed and healthy during his brief time staying at the station. When Bolin doubted his bending in Zaofu you cheered him on. 

You were everyone's ray of sunshine. No one knows what to do when the sun finally goes out. 

“She’s fine!” Suyin just nods as she pulls Lin into a tight hug. The chief wails as she finally begins to realize that you aren’t fine, that you won’t wake up. It settles into her bones and drags her down until she’s collapsing. Suyin struggles to hold her sister as she gently kneels for them. 

In her defeated, injured state, Kuvira remembers you. She remembers cleaning up the bit of blood from the back of your head, and she thinks ‘that’s too much for me to clean.’  The great uniter remembers the sob that left Lin when she barreled into you. The sound of her voice as she choked out “What the fuck was that?”

Lin can’t breathe, she feels her heart die with you as she wails into her sisters shoulder. The icy cold grips of grief latch onto her like a parasite and make itself a nest inside her now empty chest cavity.

That day victory is not what anyone on that street feels. The sunshine has vanished from this world and replaced it with darkness that’ll loom over everyone’s life for the rest of time.

That day is the day Lin Beifong truly dies.