#sometimes i wonder if anyone would notice if i just disappeared now cus in my experience the answer is no

[esaari]

🦇🐺.

[harrysgoldenline]

I know it's been done a million times but what if Harry out of nowhere suddenly compares you to Camille or any of his ex and it's angst but also very sad 😔✊

Differences

It was just a normal day, everything was fine- amazing actually. Having a cuddley fun day filled with love making, movies and all kinds of snacks, but things turned south rather quickly.

“Can we watch Tangled next?” Y/N asked with a smile, looking up at her boyfriend as her head laid on his shoulder, “or just any princess movie? Really in the mood for one.”

“God, you are so different from Camille.” Harry dryly chuckled, rolling his eyes in disbelief, “she was always so mature and, like, proper and you’re just like a little kid.”

“What?” She squeaked out in shock, surprised a sound even came out.

Y/N had always been insecure about her age, already been younger than Harry made Camille even more so her senior in relation to the age difference between the ex-lovers... something Harry knew.

She had always been insecure about their relationship period, granted she felt guilty for. She felt silly feeling so inadequate and insecure about a woman he had previously been with long before she met him, but the girl was only human. A non model, average looking girl human.

And Harry loved her! Wrote a whole album about her and knowing the man he is she knew he had big plans and just the thought of them together made her nauseous with jealously.

“What?” He asked, seemingly unaware of the mental turmoil she was under, the demons screaming in her mind all that was wrong with her, wondering when was the last time they spoke and if he compared her to the other often... how often he thought of her.

After seeing her blank expression and glazed over eyes, now father away as she scooted away from him, sitting off by herself on the couch.

“I’m sorry I can’t change my age.” Y/N whispered, “believe me, I would if I could. Anything to get me to be more like her.”

As soon as she finished, Y/N quickly stood and ran off to their bedroom, letting the tears flow once she was around the corner and out of sight, sobbing into the pillow the second she fell into it.

Y/N was never one to run away from an argument, believing it needed to be talked out and discussed, no matter how hard it is. But this hardly felt like a fight to her and more like a confession, as confession that he was still thinking of her, still loved her. And how she would never be enough.

Her tears ran like a faucet with a broken handle, unable to control herself as she hugged her pillow tightly, trying to transfer the pain into it, but of course failing.

She wanted to scream, cry out and yell how she felt, but she just couldn’t even find the words to explain. She didn’t even know how to start. How are you? How are you supposed to tell the man your in love with that you wanna spend forever with him when he is still hung up on somebody else? Has he been thinking this the whole time?

“Darling?” She heard a soft voice and Y/N gripped the pillow tighter, turning and moving it so her back was to the door, pulling the covers up closer to her neck and burying her face in the pillow, wishing she could disappear.

“Baby, what are yo- Oh fuck baby.” Harry whispered, a heart wrenching sight in front of him as she was curled in a ball, seeing her knuckles turning a ghostly white from her tight grip on the pillow, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- I didn’t mean it.”

Y/N shook her head quickly, trying to signal she didn’t want to talk, hoping he would take the hint and just go away, but of course he didn’t. He slowly approached the bed, Y/N feeling it sink a bit under his weight and she could feel his ghostly touch from how close his hip was to her back.

“Don’t touch me!” She screeched the second his hand came in contact with his back, and both parties flinch. Harry in shock and Y/N arching away from his touch as if it burned her. Her voice instantly turning soft as she refused to look at him still, quivering as she forced out through sniffles, “just go. I-I just wanna be alone.”

Harry say quite a few moments, thinking back to the many rom coms he has seen and wondering if this is the situation where you are supposed to stay or you are really supposed to leave. The bed squeaked quietly under his weight, his body unconsciously swaying slightly as his mind swayed back and forth between the two ideas.

“A-are you sure? We can talk later and just cu-cuddle- or I can just sit here with you now or if you want we can-“

“Go.”

Harry nodded, knowing she couldn’t see, his hand coming up to run through her hair but stopping himself as he stood, retracting his hand and squeezing his own tightly, feeling immense pressure from not trying to comfort her.

“Okay, I’ll be in the living room. Just come out there or call for me and I’ll be in here in an instant.” He whispered, voice hoarse as tries his best to hold in his tears, feeling as if he doesn’t deserve to cry, knowing he was the one who fucked up, “.... I love you... I’m so in love you, Y/N... I’m so sorry.”

He bite his bottom lip, hoping for some kind of hum or nod or any kind of return, but he was only met with hushed cries, seeing her pull the pillow tighter to her chest and he could feel his own cave in.

As Harry turned on his heel, he headed to the living room after shutting the bedroom door quietly, wondering if he just fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him.

***

Harry sat out there for two hours and forty three minutes and he cried the whole time, tugging on his hair as his fingers ran roughly over his face, dragging the skin to try and relive the grief he was feeling.

And Harry surely knew how she was feeling, he knew exactly what thoughts he put in her head. She was going, innocent even, hardly ever being with anyone besides him so him having that serious relationship before her, worried her. After only having Harry and loving him so much, she wondered how anyone could stop, and she knew how hard Harry loved too.

He knew it scared her, reassuring her that he wanted her, just her and how much he loved her clearly wasn’t enough.

Maybe it was but you just had to fucking ruin it, didn’t you dickhead? Harry thought to himself, wanting to scream aloud.

A soft patter came from the hall made Harry perk up, seeing Y/N come around the corner with puffy eyes and messy hair, the saddest angel he had ever seen.

“Love?” He grabbed, standing from the couch and rubbing his matching eyes, approaching her quickly but stopping as he noticed her flinch slightly, “I’m sorry, fuck, here um, do you want some water? Tea?”

“Tea please.” She whispered, voice cracking and dry as she avoided eye contact, “can we uhm... talk please?”

The word talk a much higher octave, looking down and seeing the girl bite her bottom lip as more tears welled up in her eyes and she looked to the ceiling, cursing under her breathe and wiping then quickly, making Harry wonder if she had to practice talking before coming out, knowing how hard it is for her to tak when she’s upset.

“Absolutely.” He assured, quickly grabbing her two favorite mugs and brewing the hot water, “why don’t you get comfy in the bed and I’ll be in there the second these are done, yeah? Unless you would be more comfortable out here.”

“The bedroom is okay.” She nodded, making eye contact for the first time in hours, “I-I’ll be in there.”

She quickly turned her head down before scurrying away, leaving Harry by his lonesome again, although his heart started to regain speed both with nerves and excitement at the ability to just try and talk this through.

A few minutes later, both cups were ready and he carried them to the bedroom, setting hers down on her night stand before moving over to his side, setting it down before hesitantly crawling in beside her, the lovers turning to face each other instantly.

“What did you say that?” Y/N whispered, “If you... if you still love her I understand but please don’t do this to me anymore.”

“Still love her? Absolutely not. Not even in the slightest, darling.” Harry instantly spoke, shaking his head and scooting a bit closer as she stared up at him wide eyed, “I don’t know why I said it and i really don’t know why I said it like that but I swear it wasn’t meant to say be like her. I love you because you’re you.”

“... do you think about her often?” She whispered, heart pounding and she reaches behind herself, grabbing the mug and using it to distract herself, “do you compare me to her a lot?”

“No!” He shot back, nearly wanting to laugh at how obvious it was to him but there is no way to prove that, “I never do, honest! I don’t know just tonight, just spending the whole day with you doing nothing and thinking about nothing and not talking about work or anything having to do with it... was so nice. I realized how amazing the simple things are and I’ve never had that before.”

“But why did you have to say her na-“

“Because before I met you, I thought that the relationship I was in, was perfection. And I was so wrong, even looking back at the good times we were always bringing up work or do something like that. With you, I get to be myself all the time... you make me feel young again.” Harry explained, hesitantly teaching over and intertwining their fingers, smiling when she didn’t pull away, “I know i shouldn’t have said it and I sure as hell shouldn’t have said it like that, but you know I’m not so good with talking sometimes...”

Y/N let out a slight giggle at that, thinking back to when Harry met her family and just could not form a proper sentence the first hour within being there. Also thinking back to their first few dates, how nervous he was and how he mixed around his words.

The sound made him smile, his other hand pushing away the stray hairs from her face and smiling at her, “I love you so much, Y/N. Just you and only you forever and I’m sorry your stuck with me because I can be a bit of a twat.”

Y/N starred up into his eyes a few moments before scooting closer and falling into him, arms going around him as her face nuzzled against his chest, “yeah, you can be.”

Harry chuckled lowly and Y/N giggled at the slight way it tickled her cheek that was pressed against him, pulling away and looking up at him, “I’m sorry if I acted crazy, I just know how much you loved h-“

“You didn’t act crazy, I was a proper arse.” He sighed, leaning his forehead against hers, “and notice the past tense? This love with you is so different and real... so intense it scares me, that’s why I fuck up sometimes. Don’t know why you stay with me.”

“Because I love you so so so much....” She whispered, pressing her lips softly against his jaw, “and that’s why I get so crazy emotional, I’m so scared of losing you...”

“I’m not going anywhere, stuck with me till the end of time.”

“Good.”

Harry states at her, thumb running over her cheek bone as her admired every small detail of her face, “I’m sorry I made you cry... I’m sorry I made you feel so hurt.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel the same.” She shyly frowned, looking down at the sheets in her own shame, “promise I’ll try and get better at talking, shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

“Well I shouldn’t have been a dick.” He chucked, making her laugh which made her smile which made Harry happy, “I’ll do anything to keep that smile there.”

The pair quickly leaned in, pressing their lips together as they almost instantly molded into one another, Y/N crawling on his lap. They both had their arms tight around each other, hardly letting the other person move as the met their lips softly meet.

“What princess movie are we gonna watch first, Princess?” He smirked, pressing a playful kiss on her neck making her let out a loud laugh, “Were watching them all.”

[the-lupine-sojourner]

An Early Christmas Gift [For the Daily BNHA Secret Santa Exchange]

Tada! Here’s your gift, @swiftthumper!! 

Okay, so...before you read the fic, I need to tell you I’m using my OC for this piece. I do have a bio for her Here. 

Sorry if I confuse you or anything! I just couldn’t help it! My OC thinks of Toshinori as an uncle, so it seemed to fit our shared headcanon that All Might would be a great dad (or uncle lol). Takara(my OC)’s adopted parents are a female Shota (cus I wanted to be a little more original) and Present Mic. 

Last thing is Takara starts dating Eijiro at some point before the Kamino Ward arc (I don’t want to spoil cus I do have a fanfiction about her. ^.^’), So they are dating in this piece.

Anyway, so sorry again if this is confusing, but I couldn’t help myself. 

Now, if I remember right, All Might fought All for One near summer, right? Idk, so I apologize if this timing is off.

Okay no more talking! Let’s get to the story! 

Hope you like it!  

God Bless and Happy Holidays!

~The Lupine Sojourner

It had been a few months since All Might, the world’s top hero, and my adopted uncle, had retired. 

That fight had been awful to watch on the TV, unable to do anything to help. 

I still have nightmares, honestly. So does everyone in 1-A, I assume. 

During that time, it was obvious the retirement, and the circumstances that led him to retire, weighed heavily on Oji’s mind. He tried to still out on a brave face, but anyone with eyes can tell it’s just a facade. 

And now that Christmas was around the corner, I knew he’d not be feeling the best. 

So I came up with a plan, and talked it through with my parents and Eijiro. Everyone seemed to think it was a good idea, so I went ahead with it. 

=#=#=#=#=

“Thank you so much!” I chirp, waving as I walk toward the door, package in tow. “Merry Christmas!” 

“My pleasure! Merry Christmas to you, too!” I smile back at the friendly cashier at the post office as the door closed. Now all that was left was to set up the meeting under the pretext that I had my own gift to give him. 

He wouldn’t have any idea what was waiting for him. 

I hurry to the dorm building, opening the door eagerly. “Guys, I’m back! Is everything ready?” I ask, slipping of my shoes.

“Nearly, Kara.” Eijiro smiles, walking over, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing my forehead, relieving me of the package. “I think Eraserhead is out getting dinner.” He fills me in, handing the package to Toru, who took it to the wrapping paper on the table, where Momo was meticulously wrapping the presents that were yet to be wrapped, which were few. 

“Perfect.” I reply, slipping my jacket on the back of a chair and texting Toshin-Oji (an affectionate nickname I’d given All Might during his time as my after-school babysitter). 

“Is All Might on his way?” Izuku asks, walking over. “I can text him--again--for you.” I hit send and pocket my phone. 

“No need. If we keep texting him, he’ll get suspicious. Thanks, though.” Izuku pales, doubtless thinking of the worst-case-scenario.

“You think both of us texting will make him suspicious?” 

I laugh, waving aside his worry. “No way. All Might can be a tad oblivious sometimes, honestly. He doesn’t have a clue.” I gaze around the main living area of the dorm. It was freshly cleaned, with All-Might themed decorations Izuku himself picked out, spread everywhere. 

In the midst of Christmas and all the hectic celebrations going on, I wanted to take a day to celebrate the world’s greatest hero. 

Eijiro squeezes my shoulder, having not let go yet. “You’re amazing, you know that?” He muses, smiling warmly at me. 

“I know.” I retort wryly, winking at him and laughing. “But in all honesty, I wanted All Might to know we still love him and think so highly of him, even after his retirement.”

“And this party was an amazing idea, Kara.” 

My phone buzzes just as I was helping carry some snacks out to the table. 

I’ll be there in a few minutes. Is that okay?

Perfect! I replied, putting the phone back in my pocket. I glance around, finding nothing much left to do. 

“Alight, guys! He’s almost here! Remember, don’t crowd him, but make sure he feels welcome!” Mom instructs after I tell her where Toshinori is. 

We all try to act natural and soon enough, there’s a knock at the door. 

Walking over, Eijiro and I opened the door. I grin at All Might, making sure he focused on me and not the decorations he could doubtless see behind me. “Hi, Toshin-Oji!” I greet, hugging him. 

“Hey, young Yamada! And, of course, Eijiro Kirishima. Merry Christmas to you both.” I nod. 

“And to you. C’mon in!” He thanks me, trailing off as he fully takes in the dorm’s living area. 

“What...what is this?” He asks, a little breathless.

“Well, we figured we’d throw you a little party, just to say thank you for everything you’ve done for the world and for all of us personally.” Takara explains happily. Toshinori clutches his chest, looking rather emotional. 

He then yanks me into a hug, happy tears plopping on the top of my head. 

“Yo-you’re so wonderful, Takara.” He murmurs, voice thick. I pat his back. 

“Toshin-Oji, you’re wonderful, too, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that.” 

“You never fail to amazing me, kid.” Toshin-Oji replies, ruffling my hair before walking further into the dorm. 

“This was an amazing idea, Tik-Tak.” Mom murmurs, holding a glass of water and watching All Might happily join the class of upcoming heroes. “I haven’t seen him this happy since he retired.” I nod. 

“I noticed that, too, and thought this might help.

“I think it is precisely what he needs.”

After mingling with the kids and trying not to cry in front of all of us, Toshin-Oji was finally convinced to open his presents. “Consider them early Christmas Presents!” I call, walking over hand in hand with Eijiro. 

“Alright, alright!” 

Somehow, Takara’s present ended up being last, and Takara handed it to him, beaming warmly at her adopted uncle. He grabs it, and opens it. 

He then gasps and holds up what was inside the bag. 

“My...my Golden Age costume! What..? Why?” Takara scratches the back of her neck. “Well, um, it fits you, you know...now. So you can always be ready for action.” Toshin-Oji is suddenly standing and hugging me tightly. Nothing needs to be said and everyone is quiet around us, feeling that this was a private moment. 

There’s a lot he’s not saying, and I can tell I made the right choice in my gift.

Eventually, All Might releases me and wipes his eyes. “You little rascal. You always were amazing with gifts.” I smile, patting his arm. 

“Never hurt to put thought into it, right?” He hugs me again. 

“Not at all, Takara. Now, I’ll go try it on.” He says and disappears. Moments later, he comes back and everyone seems to have some unspoken cue, clapping in unison. 

“There’s the world’s best hero!” Takara cheers, clapping as hard as anyone else. All Might seems flustered by the attention in his small form, but accepts the praise regardless. 

“Thank you. Thank you all.” Toshinori murmurs thickly. 

I smile at him, giving him a thumbs up.

“Merry Christmas, Toshin-Oji.” 

[harrieatthemet]

Okay so I got this idea the first time I listened to this song so bear with me. If you’ve ever heard “Over Now” by Post Malone then you’ll know what I’m talking about, but imagine Harry and y/n breaking up and they’re both really hurt about it but Harry puts up a front and that front becomes like really noticeable when they see each other at an awards show or something and Harry acts like he’s with another girl and y/n confronts him afterwards and they fight like scream but end up back together

LOVED THIS!! Took me THREE DAYS to get this done!! Worked so hard on this and I really hope it’s exactly how you wanted it babe. My fav blurb yet.

He’d see you. No, actually he’d heard you first. He’d never mistaken that laugh, and when he first heard it he’d subconsciously smile to himself. It didn’t matter how many weeks had gone by (21, he’d been counting), he could never not be able to hear your laugh over the clanking of glasses or obnoxiously loud chattering. He’d be mid conversation with someone, a drink in his hand as he’d partake in aimless banter, when he’d hear it again. So he’d subtly peer across the room, overlooking all the people that were jammed into the restaurant, just to see if he could catch a glimpse of you. That’s all he needed, he’d tell himself, just a quick peek at you. And when he did, when he’d finally catch a glance at your face as you’d turn your head around, he’d feel a few butterflies start up in the pit of his stomach. You’d look beautiful, even more so since the last time he’d seen you. 

“Harry,” Jeff would chirp from behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder, “you okay?”

“Great, yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” He’d reply curiously, even though he knew why Jeff was asking.

“Oh,” Jeff would wipe the concerned look from his face, “was just asking, ‘cus, just ran into (Y/N) here and-alright, good.” 

Harry’d have to withhold himself from asking Jeff about you. He’d wanna ask to see if Jeff knew how you were doing, how you’d been since the last time he’d seen you. He’d be itching to ask if you’d told Jeff if you were seeing anyone, but even if he had the balls to ask he didn’t think he’d want an answer. 

Jeff would nod, kinda sorry he brought you up and a little surprised that Harry’d be so unbothered by it, before slinking back into the sea of people. Everyone was a little shocked when news broke that the two of you had went your different ways, and it really wasn’t plausible until Harry’d confirm with close family or friends that you had taken all your stuff and moved out. In the beginning, people would call or text and sometimes even swing by his house, just to see if he was coping alright. What seemed to be more shocking than the break up, was how suspiciously well he’d been taking things. He’d play it cool, and assure to all that asked that it ‘wasn’t a big deal’ or ‘I don’t really care about it’. But he did, he did care, and it absolutely was a big deal to him. It’s just that he’d put up a front, a good one at that, and had tricked everyone around him into thinking that the whole ordeal hadn’t affected him at all. 

A few people would quiet down the lull of chatter, to give a speech for the engaged couple that everyone was here celebrating. At first, Harry was a little surprised to see you here. It then dawned on him that the two of you still shared mutual friends, and that it was you who had introduced him to the bride-to-be. It made him feel sort of guilty, that he’d come, because he didn’t know if you’d even want to see him here. She was your friend first, after all. He’d wonder if you’d even noticed him here, if you were stealing secret glances of him like he wad been doing with you. And when he’d see you, talking to a different person each time, he’d realize that you probably didn’t even know he was here.

You’d have to push through and sandwich yourself between a few people before you’d finally get to the bar. The alcohol seemed to be the only thing getting you through this engagement party, and as you realized your glass had been empty you’d b line it to the bar. And Harry would do the same, leaning against the wood of the bar stool as he waited for the bartender to refill his drink. Unintentionally, you’d walk up right beside him, swirling around your empty glass at the bartender to let him know you needed another of whatever you’d been drinking for most of the night. It wasn’t until Harry’d hear a familiar voice utter the words Margarita that he’d turn his head to the left. His palms would get a little sweaty when he’d lay eyes on your side profile, your hair tucked sweetly behind your ear and your earring catching the light. You’d be fidgeting with your straw, poking the bottom of the glass as you waited for a new one. His teeth would find their place on his bottom lip, nibbling on it nervously. Sure, he’d been good at keeping up the careless act, but he didn’t know if he could keep it up as well when he was standing right in front of you. And he’d be ready to kick himself for staring so long, when you’d turn your head towards his direction and his eyes would meet yours.

“Harry, hi!” Your voice was like honey, thick and sweet, “Thought I saw you earlier.” and the soft smile you’d have tugging at the corners of your mouth made his chest ache.  

“S’nice t’ see yeh.” He’d force an exaggerated smile, leaning in as you roped him into a hug. 

He’d let out a content breath amidst the hug, happy that all the little things he adored about you still remained the same. Your hair still smelled like citrus, and he figured it was because you always had to use the same shampoo. And he could still smell the faint smell of vanilla, your signature smell that came from your favorite perfume. He’d pull back, and you’d chuckle, because his rings would have the tendency to get stuck in the ends of your hair after a hug. 

“Been good?” You’d sigh contently, before taking your drink from the bartender.

“Yeah,” he’d lie, “been great.”

He’d lied through his teeth, sugarcoating it with a smile and a nod of the head. He couldn’t have brought himself to tell you how awful he really felt. He wouldn’t tell you that’d he kept one of your sweaters you’d left behind, that he’d hung it up in between a few of his suit jackets in the closet so he’d have a little reminder of you when he was getting dressed. He wouldn’t tell you that he’d still watch your favorite show, every Thursday night at 9, regardless of where he was or what he was doing. He’d choose to keep to himself about how, up until recently, it’d take him hours to fall asleep because he’d grown accustomed to the little dip on the opposite side of the bed. 5 months had gone by and he still hadn’t washed your pillow case, because sometimes when he’d roll over in the morning and he could smell what was left of your perfume, he’d open his eyes thinking you were there. And as strange as it sounded, it was comforting for him. 

“How’ve yeh been?” He’d ask genuinely, studying you as you sipped your drink.

“Good,” you’d answer happily, “yeah, work has been crazy but- I’m good.” 

Good, he’d think to himself. Not great, just good. He wondered if you had taken the breakup as bad as he had. You wouldn’t tell him that he’d cross your mind constantly, or that you’d stay up late at night and replay the breakup in your head. You’d keep to yourself about how you’d sleep in one of his old shirts sometimes, when you missed him a little extra. If he knew that you were just as miserable as he was, maybe he wouldn’t be acting so cocky and unbothered. 

And maybe if you knew how upset he was, you wouldn’t be so put off by the leggy brunette that would come up behind him. Her hand would slide onto his shoulder, smiling politely at you before going on her tippy toes to murmur discreetly in his ear. He’d bow his head, nodding as she finished up whatever she was telling him. She’d disappear into the crowd, heading over to the table where a few people had sat down with their drinks.

“Oh, I didn’t- you’re here with someone.” Your tone would be brittle, as it was disheartening and a little maddening to see that he’d moved on so quickly. 

“Christine, yeah,” he’d lie, again, “been seein’ her for a little.” 

He didn’t mean to say it. He had only thought of it just before he blurted it out, in attempt to deflect the fact that he’d been moping about his house for weeks since you left. Watching your smile disappear, your face falling as you tilted your body away from him a little, he’d immediately wish he hadn’t said what he did. Nodding your head slowly, trying to get an understanding on how he had moved on so quickly, you’d suddenly feel the urge to b line for the door and get the hell out. 

“S’good,” you’d exhale shakily, “you know what, I think they need me to do a toast.” 

“Sure, yeah.” He’d nod, disappointment washing over him as you headed away from him.

You’d slink off, towards the opposite end of the room, settling into a chair. And he’d watch as you sat there, knowing you were uncomfortable as you would shift awkwardly in your chair a few minutes. Your shoulders would hang, sad and just a bit annoyed, your face stoic and reserved as you stared blankly at the newly engaged couple. He’d retreat to bis table too, sitting beside the brunette and contributing very little to the conversation being had by the people who sat around the table. And as the night would go on, and he wouldn’t see you go up to do a toast at all, he’d realize that you used it as a way to get away from. So he’d feel a little guilty, especially when you’d peer at him from your seat and see how his arm was placed, resting his arm on the back of the girl’s chair. And her body would be leaned into his a little, unintentionally because the table was so crowded. You’d be quick to snap your head back forward, a long sigh leaving your lips as your stomach would start to twirl just at the sight of them seeming to be cozied up.

His eyes would be on you, focus completely zeroed in, as you’d stand yourself up from the chair. His brow would furrow in confusion as you’d give the couple of the hour a kiss on the cheek, and he assumed it was you saying your goodbyes. His assumptions would be confirmed, watching you politely maneuver your way through the packed restaurant, as he’d realize you were heading to the coat rack to grab your things and head out. 

He’d politely excuse himself from the table, abandoning his drink that sat on the little napkin, as his arm would retreat back to him and fall along his side. It’d take him a minute just to get through a few groups of people, getting frustrated as he’d have to give a little shove between a pack of men just to get to the other side of the bar. He’d frown when he’d see you fumbling with your coat, jamming your sweater sleeve into the long black coat. Maybe he should’ve let you leave, because it was obvious you were a little overwhelmed and flustered. Not to mention a little annoyed, he could tell by the way your eyebrows were binding and your lips were faintly pursed. 

“Where yeh goin’ in such a hurry?” He’d ask casually, waiting for you to turn and look at him.

“Home.” You’d answer flatly, keeping your back to him as you wrapped your scarf around your neck.

He’d let out a nervous breath, trying to convince himself to walk back to his table and let you be. But he couldn’t, he didn’t think he could get his body to move. Seeing you, for the first time in 5 months, had brought him some comfort. And on top of that, it even made him a little happy. Putting up this front was getting tiring, and even a little hard at times. He was sick of acting like he didn’t care that you left. 

“Didn’t even give y’toast yet and-”

“I don’t get it,” you’d interject, finally turning to look at him, “I really- it’s barely been 5 months. You’re already seeing people?”

“I,” he’d get flustered a little, stumbling over his thoughts and trying to figure out what to say, “m’not supposed to?”

“You can do whatever you want.” You’d laugh coldly, buttoning up your coat.

“Can I?” He’d hiss, “M’not allowed t’move on?”

“2 years,” you’d rebuke, “we broke up after two years and you’re already seeing people! After 5 months!” 

“(Y/N),” he’d start, biting back on his lip as he tried to restrain himself.

“Two years, I mean, did it even mean anything to-”

“Yeh left!” He’d bellow, earning a few head turns from people. 

Your eyes would flicker upon a few of the faces that were now staring at the two of you, cheeks getting hot as people sent you bewildered looks. Harry’d run a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath to collect himself. The coat boy would stand still, clearly uncomfortable and feeling a little awkward. You’d mumble an apology to him, shifting all your weight onto one leg as you stared at Harry in disbelief. 

“Harry..” You’d sigh, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. 

“M’not-” he’d exhale, voice quieter now, “Christine, she’s just a friend. Kinda a loose term, friend. Don’t know ‘er tha’ well.” 

“Oh,” you’d nod, extremely relieved, “okay.”

“Been pretty shitty.” He’d laugh, relieved to finally have admitted it.

“Yeah,” you’d sigh, “me too.”

“Really?” He’d perk up a little, taking comfort in the fact that maybe you really were as bad off as he was.

“Yes,” you’d chuckle at his demeanor, “miss you all the time. Sleep in your tee some nights, well, most nights I guess.”

“M’so glad.” He’d breath, a puzzled look on your face, “no no I mean- no, that yeh been missin’ me. Been missin’ yeh too.”

“Like to hear that.” And you’d smile again, making him smile too.

“Let me take y’home.” He’d offer generously, before asking the coat checker for his coat as well.

“Home?” You’d smirk, watching him swiftly stuff his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, hoping home was his house. 

“Our home.”

[sanjipussyindulgence]

Bloody Ocean Waves: Chapter 1

My arms wrapped protectively around my legs as I curled into a tight ball, doing my best to disappear. The cold bathroom tiles chilled me to the bone. I didn’t feel well enough to get up and get dressed. My extreme lack of body fat wasn’t really helping either. Fuck I can’t remember the last I ate, though there’s a good reason for that…

Monsters don’t deserve to eat.

My stomach growled loudly which echoed throughout the large bathroom. Yeah thanks body really needed that reminder, not like I’m already fully aware of how hungry I am. How could I not be when it’s always so painful. Even if I wanted to eat, which I very clearly DON’T, there was nothing around for light-years. I left my only food source back on Earth.

I could always just ea-

I shook the thoughts from my head before they could finish. It’ll never come to that. I’d willingly launch myself into space to prevent that. Especially considering the mess I’m in right now. The thing with being one of the saviors of the entire known universe, you aren’t allowed to be weak. But I’m weak. So all I can really do is pretend I’m not. Just keep pretending until it’s true, right? I breathed heavily while my thoughts wandered to my family back on Earth.

They were all “monsters” like me. But they’re the best monsters in the whole wide galaxy. None of us had ever killed, we only fed on the already dead. Mostly suicide victims. Mama always taught us how to hide, we weren’t allowed to live without the constant fear of being found out. Papa was the “hunter” of our family, he was the only one with a job when I was growing up. He had to care and feed for a large family of seven ghouls. Big sis was never ashamed of being a monster like I was, she would always help dad with the “food”. When someone was having a bad day she’d even make us special treats. I never asked her how she made them, I didn’t want them ruined for me. Her name never seemed to match her. Lola meant “sorrows” yet she was anything but.

I never knew my big brother, he was caught before I was born. Mama didn’t like talking about him. Rosa or as I called her “Poco”, ‘cus I was the older twin, was never the same after she lost control for the first time. My bright and curious little sister was gone after she refused to eat for too long. She tended to keep to herself after what happened. Thankfully Mama stopped her before she could kill anyone but… Mama still has the scar. I’m afraid I’ll end up like her, not that I’d survive if I lost myself out here. Either the guys would kill me or I’d do it myself when I come too.

Last were the little twins Verita and Paz, or as I like to call them the little troublemakers. Despite being twins they looked nothing alike yet they were basically the personality-wise. You could never see one without the other. And when you saw neither of them it meant trouble was coming. Mom and Lola were forced to get jobs because of the now larger family. And since I was the eldest I practically raised them myself. Though Poco used to help before her accident. The twins are still too young to understand just what we are.

It’s pretty rare to find a family of ghouls nowadays. Our lifestyle is too dangerous to bring children into, when someone is born a ghoul they might have well been born dead. But I can’t bring myself to be mad at my parents for their choices. They wanted to be happy, they wanted to be human. I can understand the feeling. Anyone would prefer to be human instead of a human-eating monster. I just wish I had a choice to be something else.

I guess I got my wish. I was accepted into the Galaxy Garrison, the top military school for space exploration. I even got promoted to a fighter class pilot, even if it only because the top pilot dropped out. And god was I reminded of that everyday.

“Why can’t you be more like Keith, Lance?”

“Oh if only Keith hadn’t dropped out.”

“Why are you even here Lance.”

But I still tried every day while I was there. I wanted to be more than a ghoul, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be like my hero Shiro. But I never succeeded no matter how hard I tried. I guess monsters aren’t allowed to have dreams. But then I found a giant mechanical space lion with Keith, Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge. Then that lion chose me as her pilot and the five of us were sent far away from our planet.

We were thrust into a galaxy ruined by another kind of monster, The Galra. Purple space aliens that had spent the last 10,000 years ruling and expanding their empire. We met Allura and Coran, more aliens, that told us we had to pilot five ancient lions that combine into the legendary warrior “Voltron”. We were told we had to fight this war because no one else could and if we didn’t Earth would soon be conquered. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to everyone, they probably think I’m dead.

It seemed everyone sans me took to the whole “savior of the universe” thing. Shiro was an escaped prisoner of the Galra who wanted to make this universe free once gain, he was our super cool leader. Pidge’s family were taken prisoner by the Galra along with Shiro and she spends every moment she can looking for them. Keith aka Mr. Im-super-cool-and-dont-try-with-anything-but-still-succeed-because-im-so-PERFECT was meant for this life, a life of battle and bloodshed. Hunk took the longest to reach his full potential, I mean he’s still incredibly nervous and panicky about everything but after seeing what the Galra are really capable of he started to grow into the role.

Meanwhile, I’m just here starving. I’m not a good leader like Shiro, or a stupidly talented hacker like Pidge, or a super skilled fighter and pilot like Keith, or even a great chef and engineer like Hunk. I don’t have a “thing”. Well, my thing is being a bloodthirsty and murderous monster but I try to forget that. But I’m not allowed to show my ever growing weakness so I cover it up with bad flirting and even worse puns and jokes. I’m the weak link already, I can’t let myself be even weaker by showing just how unstable I really am.

Not that anyone seems to notice, no one thinks anythings wrong with “jokester” Lance. Guess I should be happy no one knows about how fucked I really am. Wonder if that’s because I’m such a good actor or because no one cares to look deeper. I’d guess on the latter. Even Hunk and Coran who like me only like the front I put. They’d all be either terrified or murderous towards me if they knew I’m a ghoul. Ghouls don’t really have to best reputation with good reason. After all, we are superhuman, human-looking, and human eating monsters.

I raised my head from my knees. Guess I’ve sulked here long enough, not that anyone would really notice my lack of presence. I picked myself off the ground and walked over to where I left my clothes before taking my shower. That happened to be in front of a mirror. I looked at my reflection, our malnourished bodies that really showed how long it had been since we’ve had a meal, our still damp hair that hung over our borderline skeletal face, and just how human we looked. For the first time in awhile I let my kagune out. Bright blue pupils quickly changed to a deep red with a black background that leaked red veins onto my face. Funny how I can barely see the ones on my eyebags, guess I haven’t been sleeping enough lately either. A brightly colored “tail” sprung from my tailbone. It was made up of countless shades of blue that collided and bled into each other before ending into a white seafoam-like color at the tip. This “tail” was of course my kagune, a special organ that only ghouls have that can manifest outside the body. It kind of looks like when an ocean wave hits a rock that sprays seawater everywhere. The coloring and shape were the same. I’ve always loved the ocean. I used to think my kagune was beautiful when I was young and naive. Now it’s just a reminder of the monster I really am.

I relished in my monstrous appearance for a few minutes before tucking it away. I can’t afford to be found out. No matter how much it hurts to keep it hidden for so long.

Monsters aren’t allowed comfort.

I quickly got dressed before leaving my bathroom and into my room. Though it wasn’t really my room since I left that back home. This room was missing the glow in the dark stars glued to the ceiling and walls, the posters of various shows, the waterbed my mom finally let me get after years of begging, my surfboard I’d always hang over that same bed, but most importantly it was missing the sounds of a family of seven living together in a small house. Poco and I used to share that room before her accident, after that she always just slept on the couch. I guess she wasn’t comfortable sleeping next to someone.

I left my room and stalked down the long and empty halls that made up the ship. Most of this place was empty and abandoned with only me exploring the many rooms scattered throughout the castle-ship. I guess the others had better things to do. Either way, I love finding new secret rooms that I can use for whatever I want. Sometimes if I just forgot about everything and watched the colorful galaxies swirling into each other while bright stars twinkled all around me, I enjoyed myself. I love space I mean I wanted to be an astronaut, of course, I love space. I guess it’s not the worse place to die in hindsight, just wish I said goodbye to everyone. Man, I’m pretty damn depressive today. Well enough moping I’ve got a galaxy to defend and a space princess to save.

On our last mission Princess Allura was captured by the Galra and was taken to their home base by the order of Zarkon, leader of the Galra. Our ship was currently traveling by wormhole to get there after all of us, sans Keith the dick, decided to rescue her. While we were indeed traveling pretty fast to her location The Galra were still about an hour and a half away from us. When we first entered the wormhole Shiro ordered us all to get prepared for the upcoming battle. I went to take a shower and ended up moping for a lot longer than the healthy amount but whatever it’s totally fine~

The ship’s intercoms sparked alive.

“Paladins we are nearing The Galra’s home base, get to your Lions!” Coran’s voice echoed throughout the empty hallways. I quickened my pace to Blue.

Once I reached her hanger she sprung to life shield going down and eyes brightening up. She switched from her sitting position to rest her head on her paws with her rear high in the air with a grace that shouldn’t be possible from a giant robot. She looked like a dog. I rested my hand on her snout and I felt her purr resonate throughout my mind. Guess she could tell I’ve been having a shitty day. She’s so beautiful and wonderful and caring I love her so much how can a mechanical lion be this adorable. Not wanting to waste any more time I quickly hopped into her cockpit and took control of her movements. I switched the intercom in my helmet on was met by an eerie quiet uncommon of our radio station. I guess everyone knew just how serious this was, after all, we might just lose a teammate today. Whether it was a Paladin or the Princess didn’t matter. This was without a doubt the most dangerous mission we’ve been on so far since we first became Paladins of Voltron two months ago.

“Blue Paladin ready for action!” I spoke into my helmet’s mic to alert the others I’ve made it to my lion. A cocky tone seeped into my voice. Hopefully acting like nothing was wrong could bring the mood up.

“Lance what took you so long?!” Keith, The Red Paladin, spoke first.

“Even Hunk got here before you.” Pidge, The Green Paladin, was next with a halfway serious halfway teasing comment.

“Hey! I’m not that bad...” Hunk, The Yellow Paladin and the human embodiment of everything good and pure in this universe spoke next.

“Guys focus! Lance’s here now and that’s all that matters.” Our very own Black Paladin Shiro was quick to defuse the situation in his typical leaderly manner.

“Paladins we’ll be exiting the wormhole in exactly thirty ticks!” Coran’s voice rang through our helmets. Ticks are like a second I think? Wow did I show up late.

“Everyone we only have one chance to get Allura and escape, the moment we leave the ship we form into Voltron and hit fast. Our only objective here is to save her and escape remember that. Don’t do anything reckless.”

“Fifteen ticks!”

“Is everyone ready?!” Shiro commanded.

“YEAH!” We all responded in unison.

As the seconds counted down all of us kept silent in anticipation. Ten seconds left. I could feel my nervousness bleeding into my mental connection with Blue, she was quick to send me her own feelings of an oddly mother-like calm. Five seconds left. I flexed my fingers around Blue’s controls and took a deep breath in. Three seconds left. I let it lose just as the ship exited it’s wormhole.

“NOW!” Shiro orderly loudly, we were all prepared.

All of our lions flew out of their hangers in perfect sync and out into the cold vacuum of space. The Galra base was right in front of us and it was huuuuuuge. The main battleship was easily the size of a moon or a small planet with numerous smaller battleships surrounding it. And surrounding that was this huge mechanical ring. It was a terrifying sight to see so many of those warships at once, it was difficult for Voltron to take down one of those things let alone thousands. This was no time to get distracted. As our lions flew in sync all of them starting changing shape. The red and green lions became arms, the blue and yellow lions became legs, and finally the black lion became the torso. As Blue’s cockpit shuttered and shook I could tell she was connecting with the other lions. Where five lions once were now stood a multicolored humanoid robot. This was Voltron, legendary defender of the universe. Voltron… wasn’t moving?!

“What’s happening?” I cried out.

“Something’s wrong with Black I can’t control her.” Shiro called out, it obvious that he was trying to keep the panic out of his voice. After all, if our leader doesn’t have a cool head then none of us do.

“Uh guys we got company!” Pidge shouted as the hundreds of Galra battleships unleashed their fighter drones while their heavy cannons started charging. Those cannons could level a city in one blast and we are currently a giant multicolored STATUE. I know I said I wasn’t gonna be super negative for the rest of today but we are so fucked right now.

“Shiro what’s wrong?” Keith asked in a mix of concern and panic.

“Black is rejecting me for some reason!” Just as he spoke Voltron split apart leaving five dazed lions and their equally dazed paladins. Wait no make that four dazed lions and five equally dazed paladins. The Black Lion ejected Shiro from her cockpit before flying full speed towards the Galra home base, to Zarkon. Shiro, like the truly badass leader he is, quickly regained his hold on the situation.

“Alright change of plans Pidge you help me get into that base to rescue Allura. Keith you keep Black from getting to Zarkon. Hunk, Lance it’s up to you two to keep the Galra distracted!”

He all nodded our agreement in sync. Or at least I think we all nodded I mean I nodded but I can’t really see the others but- whatever let’s just say we all nodded.

As I took off towards the nearest cluster of Galra fighter drones I saw Shiro getting into the Green Lion alongside Pidge who then switched her ion into stealth mode. Hunk followed me as quickly as he could in the admittedly slow Yellow Lion. No offense to Yellow though I know he’s a real sweetheart just like his paladin. I mean if anyone knows how much a sweetheart Hunk is it’s me I mean I’ve known him forever and he always bakes me stuff even though it tastes disgusting to me, being a ghoul and all, but I always eat it anyways and yeah I know that’s not healthy bu- OH SHIT LASERS.

I veered Blue sharply to the right to a sudden barrage of Galra laser fire. Right, I can’t get distracted right now this is serious, especially if I ramble when I’m nervous. Not allowed to ramble in battle. I turned this sudden right turn into a tailspin to move Blue towards a mass of drones. There were a lot of them, I’d say like thirty, but they’re all pretty close together. So ice beam it is then. I swiftly charged up Blue’s ice beam and it struck the drone fleet dead on, I mean of course it hit dead on I’m the sharpshooter of Voltron. Even though I’m the only one that seems to think that- I’m getting off track again. About twenty of the fighters were rendered unusable from that blast and the remaining ten split off.

I aimed the regular beam towards three fighters that flew away together to make their own little group and fired. Blue’s laser beam hit one of them right through the cockpit causing it to crash into another ship, destroying both in a pretty cool looking explosion. That just leaves one left for me, assuming that Hunk takes care of the other five that flew off. It charged towards me guns a blazing. I gracefully avoided all the shots by rapidly dipping and spinning Blue around. Soon the fighter was up close enough to grab. I launched Blue at the drone and her massive jaws crushed the cockpit of the ship, she then threw the ruined fighter drone at another one that was closing in on us. The drones collided into each other began spiraling out of control, what a good kitty. I felt Blue’s affection come in mental waves at the compliment. I turned around and sped off towards Hunk who I saw had finished the five fighters that had split off and was now taking down a new cluster of drones.

The Yellow Lion was relatively short-ranged compared to his sisters but was perfect for close-range combat with its heavily armored body than could bash and bite better than any of the other lions. Hunk was perfectly aware of this fact and was taking down enemy after enemy. It was a super cool sight to see not that I should be watching instead of fighting. I was about to launch Blue into battle but something stopped me. I saw that a nearby Galra battleship had finished charging it’s heavy cannon.

“HUNK DUCK!”

But I knew that the Yellow Lion wouldn’t be fast enough to evade the blast and even if he was the most heavily armored none of us could take a laser like that head-on. Without a second thought I sped Blue right into the side of Yellow, knocking him and his paladins out of the blast range. I piloted Blue into a nosedive to escape the blast range but it was too late. Just as we were about to escape the cannon fired. Blue’s lower half was directly hit. Suddenly I was shot out of my chair in Blue’s cockpit and violently thrown about as Blue was knocked by the blast. Fortunately my hard ghoul skin and rapid healing factor kept me awake, or unfortunately since I was being smashed into every wall and panel in Blue’s cockpit repeatedly.

“LANCE!”

I was thrown against the right wall once again but Blue had stopped moving. The cockpit was completely dark, or it would have been to a regular human but hey night vision, as Blue’s power had cut out. That only ever happened when she was really injured. I hastily pulled myself over to the piloting and hissed in pain when I sat down. That’s totally a broken tailbone. My lungs pressed painfully against my ribs making it difficult to breathe, so a few broken ribs as well. Hopefully, none of them puncture a lung, a ghoul’s healing can only help so much. Blue’s cockpit flickered alive though the blue light was dimmer than it was before.

“Sorry beautiful.” I said softly as I grabbed hold of her controls.

“Lance are you okay??” Hunk sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack, better calm him down fast.

“Yeah I’m cool, both in health and personality.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. Now that Blue’s monitors were online again I could that Yellow was braced against Blue which is what stopped that roller coaster of pain earlier.

“Thanks for the save.”

“Are you sure you’re okay that blast looked really bad.” Ah Hunk, always the worried mom friend.

“Yeah yeah no I’m super it’s gonna take more than that to take out the great blue paladin of Voltron.” I get the feeling that Hunk didn’t believe me, he was always the one who could see through my act. Better change the subject before he presses more.

“Hunk I need you to take out as many cannons as you can, I’ll handle the drones for now.”

“But you’re injured!”

“Hunk please I’m fine but neither of us will be if the rest of the cannons start firing.” I pleaded with him.

“Alright...” He sounded concerned as he usually is but he took off to the nearest Galra battleship without further complaints. I trusted that he could handle himself.

I launched Blue at the nearest drone fighter and she easily tore into it. Another ten or so surrounded us as we finished off the first one. I fired her ice beam to my right and it froze two fighters solid while the rest scattered. I would have liked to chase after them but Blue’s pretty banged up, I don’t want her to get hurt anymore. I could feel her in the back of my mind reminding me that I’m also banged up. Instead of chasing after them I flew in the opposite direction and activated the long-term cannon, or as I like to call it the “sniper rifle”. Ahead of me, there were two drones heading for us. They swerved left and right rapidly to avoid being hit but that’s alright, patience is key for a sniper. I waited as they closed in on us. In their random swerving they had accidentally lined up, but it’ll only be for a second.

Now!

I shot a beam directly through the one in front that passed through its cockpit to blow the wing off of the one in the back. The fighter drone in the front exploded and the other veered off coarse before crashing into the body of a nearby battleship. I allowed myself a small whoop of joy. Now I don’t mean to toot my horn but- okay no I am totally tooting my own horn that was awesome. Man I wonder if anyone else saw that.

“Paladins I have been safely returned to the castle and am now preparing for a wormhole jump, everyone returns to the ship!” Allura’s angelic voice rang throughout our radio channel, looks like Shiro and Pidge got her out without much problem. Thank god she’s safe now.

“Looks like we’re heading back babe” I said softly to Blue. I was just about to turn around and fly back to the ship but the action was short by a sudden scream in my ear. It was Keith’s voice.

“KEITH!” I heard the others scream.

Looking to my left I could see The Red Lion getting its mechanical ass kicked by- ZARKON?! Apparently when Keith hears “Protect the Black Lion from Zarkon” he translates that to “Go get your ass kicked by Zarkon”. What a modern Einstein we’ve got here. Well looks like I’m gonna have to step up as the hero here, out of my duty as a Paladin of Voltron not because I care about him. I had Blue launch herself at the two figures at top speed.

The funny thing about Keith’s battle against Zarkon was Keith was piloting a giant space lion while Zarkon was piloting nothing, he was winning without even a spaceship. Oh man why am I getting into this I’m gonna die. Oh well, might as well go down swinging I guess. Maybe I’ll get a sweet Viking funeral or like a really cool tombstone that’s got my face carved into it so even in death people can appreciate my beautiful face. That’d be pretty sweet. I’m rambling again oh man I’m totally gonna die.

Blue crashed right into Zarkon right before he could strike down Keith, who was currently sitting in the cockpit of a powered down Red Lion. Zarkon jumped back and out of Blue’s reach before he could be crushed but it gave me just enough time to grab Keith and get out of here. I had Blue pick up Red by her scruff, does she have a scruff I mean she is a cat but a scruff is just a bunch of flesh on the back of a cat’s neck and robots don’t really have flesh ya know? Whatever I picked Red up and I started my very heroic escape. I heard Zarkon scream in anger behind me and it was pretty damn terrifying, not that the heroic Blue Paladin of Voltron was easily frightened.

“Haggar don’t let anymore escape!” He hissed. I’m pretty sure Haggar was that druid lady that hung around inside their ship. Looks like the others had made it to the ship though considering how pissed he sounded. But how is he expecting some hag inside their ship to do to us? Honestly kind of stupid- what the hell is that.

Behind me I saw what I could only describe as something ripped straight from a fantasy game. A beam of purple lightning was coming from the castle and headed right towards Keith and I. It didn’t look like one of the ship’s weapons, it looked like magic. And I knew what a Galra druid’s magic could do to someone.

“Lance dodge!” Oh looks like Keith finally came to good work there champ totally didn’t know I had to avoid the magical death beam.

I couldn’t move Blue away quick enough, not while carrying Red as well. The beam hit both lions dead on. Words cannot describe the pain that rocked my entire body. It felt like someone with cold, sharp, and wrong hands were ripping me apart and putting me back together. I could feel those hands everywhere. I could feel them stroking my kagune even if it wasn’t out. Each stroke felt wronger and more painful. It was like very secret I’ve hidden was torn right out of my body. Oh god, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head. I heard someone screaming, I wonder if it was me or Keith.

Then suddenly the pain was replaced with an extreme lack of breath. All the air had been knocked out of my body and all of my limbs felt heavier than should be possible. I collapsed back in my chair while trying suck in a breath of air. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin everything was wrong. Whatever that witch did she knew what I was now. I could still feel her gripping my tail and pulling as hard as she could. I could feel her ripping open my eyelids and pressing her fingertips down into the sockets. Oh god I think I’m going into shock.

“Lance! Keith!” I heard Shiro yell as Black stood protectively over the collapsed Blue and Red Lions. I wearily pulled myself out of my stupor and gripped Blue’s controls just as she came back online. The moment she was awake she filled my mind with calming and concerned thoughts. I shook my head slightly and mumbled “’m f’ine” to both my team and to Blue. I could hear Keith groaning in the background, looks like he’s doing just as well as I am.

I stood Blue up just as Black picked up Red by her not-scruff and took off once Shiro was sure I could pilot Blue back to the ship. I followed behind as quickly as someone who might be in shock could, I don’t think Zarkon was following us. I hope he wasn’t I can barely keep my eyes-cold nails tracing the sides of my pupil- open. Before I even knew it all three of us were back in the castle and I could hear the rest of the team talking to each other but it sounded really mumbled to me. Surely I could take a quick nap now that we were back at the castle…

Wait, I hear them yelling at each other something’s wrong. I can’t sleep yet oh god what are they saying I can’t focus.

“-ormhole!”

“Corrupt-”

“Can’t stay toget-”

“PIDGE!”

“HUNK!!”

“LANCE NO!”

Huh? When did Blue leave her hanger, why are we outside? Why am I in a wormhole? Why’s Keith about to crash into me-

[queenofnohr]

FGO Material II - Scathach Profile

A commission for @tainbocuailnge!

Scathach’s profile actually has a good lot of comments in her art (and full sentences too!) so I might put that up here too, though it isn’t a priority since they’re just comments on her design and such.

*If anyone is interested in commissioning me, here’s my regular commission page, and here’s my chart for Chapter America/E Pluribus Unum!

Class Skills:

Magic Resistance: A

Invalidates A rank magic. Modern magi cannot touch her with magic.

Personal Skills:

Primal Rune

It is the engraved magic, or runes, of the Norse. The runes this describes is different than those used in modern magecraft, namely being the original runes with the power of the Age of Gods--- They were imparted upon the world by the Great Norse God, Odin. She is said to have bestowed upon Cu Chulainn the original 18 runes - not only is he a warrior, but also a powerful magus.

God Slayer: B

As gatekeeper of the far-off and supernatural land, “The Land of Shadows,” continuously killing divine spirits is her lifestyle, thus that way of life became a skill. A divine spirit-specific attack. It gives an attack up to those who are divine spirits, undead, or possess Divinity.

Wisdom of the Abyss: A+

The Wisdom of the Abyss attained by going beyond mankind, god slaying, and existing outside of the world itself. Almost all skills, barring those that are exclusive to specific heroes, can be performed at a rank of B~A. Additionally, it is possible for her to bestow skills upon those she can truly recognize as a hero. A skill she often uses during battle, is “Clairvoyance” to be able to predict the tide of battle. Even in the Ulster Cycle, she was able to foresee the future with this--- even the end of her favorite pupil, Cu Chulainn.

Noble Phantasm:

Gae Bolg Alternative

Rank: B+ Classification: Anti-Unit Range: 5~40 Maximum Number of Targets: 50 people Gae Bolg Alternative. Their forms are similar, but the truth is it is different than the spear Cu Chulainn wields. It is older than Gae Bolg, which was a gift modeled after it. However, there is is no singular one, but multiple. Its performance when its true name is revealed is a special move that is like a combination of both Cu Chulainn’s Noble Phantasm, “The Barbed Spear that Pierces with Death” and “Soaring Spear that Strikes with Death.” The first strike is a melee attack from one magic spear that “sews the space” of an enemy, immobilizing them, while the second strike is a thrown shot that deals a killing blow. Naturally, any enemies in the trajectory of the thrown spear would be annihilated.

Gate of Scaith

Rank: A+ Classification: Anti-Army Range: 2~50 Maximum Number of Targets: 200 people

Gate of Scaith. This is the summoning of a “gate” that leads to the “Land of Shadows,” a far-off and supernatural land that is cut-off from the world. It inhales all living things in its range into the “Land of Shadows,” the realm she presides over. If what is sucked into thee gate fails a luck and magic check, it is killed instantly. To those who Scathach has not recognized, entering the “Land of Shadows” is impossible while still alive. Even if one resists the insta-death, great damage is still dealt due to the sudden absorption of magical energy. (This was not implemented in FGO)

Personal:

Personality:

She is prideful, though she would tell no one. A born ruling elite. She has the disposition of a monarch, and thus has decided it obvious that she should reign as a queen that brings happiness to her people. Brimming with talent, she understands better than anyone that she is different than average people. “Because I am superior, I will rule the people” “Ruling the people is a duty of the ruling class” Rather than fulfilling her own desires (happiness), she would “rule for the sake of the common people;” That idea seems natural to her. Although she has no desire to become a slave to the people, there is no hesitance in bettering herself for the sake of her people's’ happiness. Just as she is aware of herself, she seems to have eyes that can ascertain the character and disposition of others (especially as to whether they are an ordinary person or not.) In other words, it could be said that Cu Chulainn was a rarity, a genius worthy of her guidance.

Motivation and Attitude Toward Master:

In regards to her Master, she recognizes them as her partner in a temporary alliance, but sometimes, perhaps because of her previous role of teaching disciples, that side of her comes out and she acts like a teacher once more. When she notices it happening, she’ll say, “......No, I am not your teacher, so just forget about that,” with a smile. Her wish for the Holy Grail is for “someone who will kill her to appear.” Somewhere along the many, many years, Scathach turned into a divine spirit, thus becoming immortal. She cannot die as a human can. Death is beautiful. There is no ugly death. However, until the world and the realms outside it disappear, so too she must remain. If the Holy Grail truly is omnipotent, to send someone who will kill her would be good indeed. And hopefully, that somebody would be the one she bestowed a spear upon with her own two hands---

Speech Example:

“I’ll be serious. Yeah, of course I will. In my serious opinion, there isn’t anyone on the earth suitable to be my opponent.”* “I wonder if I should call you Master. Are you my lord?” “It isn’t strange that I’m laughing, Master. Understand?” “Nothing’s changed about your cheeky talk, Cu Chulainn. But I wonder if a boy called the Hound of Culann can grow up even a little” “Show me your strength, brave warrior. If you cannot, I shall take your life.”

This Figure in History:

Both a Celtic female warrior and queen of the Ulster Cycle. She is the gatekeeper and queen of the “Land of Shadows,” a distant and supernatural land, and is a genius of the spear and rune magic. She is worthy of the tremendous power to close the gates of the “Land of Shadows” and govern the multitude of dead that flood the place. She later became the teacher of Cu Chulainn, who became the hero of Ulster, guided him, and bestowed upon him not only his skills, but even his favorite spear. She also taught his son, Connla.

This Figure in FGO:

Too many--- I’ve truly have taken too many lives. Those of people, of the undead, of divine spirits. I have encountered countless numbers of existences, and I have slaughtered all of them. I fight. And fight. And fight. I kill, and kill, kill, kill. And in the end, all the blood that flowed out of those countless beings stained this body, and it became immortal. I was qualified to rule over the “Land of Shadows,” and as such was forced out of the world, becoming a divine spirit, though it made little difference to my being. I did not grow old. I could not die. I was changed into “something” that will continue to exist forever. I cannot remember how much time has passed since I held a spear for the first time. No, that’s wrong. By being in this supernatural realm and continuing to defend this gate, I acquired the Wisdom of the Abyss, and so it is possible to measure time accurately. However, I simply don’t care. It is different than melancholy. It is different than resignation. Is it regret? I do not know. Perhaps it is, but I cannot affirm that. At least, there certainly is no longer the feelings I had during my slaughtering or when I taught the mighty warriors of Ulster within my current self. Ah, that’s right. I have taught many mighty warriors. As a result of the passing of so many years, everything should have died out, but in my vague memories, there remains one. There is only a single man whose appearance is still clear to me.

Red eyes--- His eyes. It is only when that radiance passes through my mind that I know something in my heart. Warmth lingers in me, who is immortal and immutable. Does my heart wish for a reunion? It isn’t that. I can affirm this. Then what is it? Strictly speaking, that’s right, that man--- ---I want him to kill me. I want to die as a human. Of course, that would be a story of a man who is now a “Heroic Spirit,” who has already lost his brilliance of life, killing me, who has slain a god, but still.

◆

One few immortal Servants. She is a reliable teacher and queen, yet is a beautiful woman that somehow has the feeling of a girl-next-door big sister-type. I could go on. She is a sage who knows of all events and how they came about, but refuses to tell. If you ask her why she will not speak of it, she will say she is someone who is already beyond this world. Even if the world falls into danger, it would be rude to “those who currently live in the world” to solve the problem herself, as it takes away opportunities for growth. Basically, Scathach will not join the battle directly, and her cooperation ends at giving advice. …...But, because she really likes fighting, she deceives herself with some kind of reason and joins in local battles to show off her special moves. After taking away other Servants’ turns, she goes back to her room to reflect on her actions. Even though this form is adequate and she boasts a performance as a Top Servant, her body seems to have another stage. Although it’s only a myth, it is said that her name comes from a Scandinavian giant, the goddess of the mountains---

Ties to Characters:

Cu Chulainn: Her former favorite pupil. There seems to be a part of her that sees him as a member of the opposite sex. However, she stubbornly retains her role as “teacher.” In truth, although she thinks him killing her = wanting to be saved, she also thinks he can’t really do it, so she isn’t that serious.

Medb: A helpless and mischievous child. She likes men too much. But, she honestly can’t hate her.

Fergus: Likes women too much. But, she honestly can’t hate him.

Chiron: She has a connection to him as a teacher of heroes. They might get along well--- although she thinks that, they’ve never actually met. They may kill each other over differences in their educational policies.

Illustrator Comments:

As Cu Chulainn’s teacher, her attire was pretty much decided on, though there were orders to up the eroticism. I was completely surprised to find out later that she shares Bazett’s color scheme as I was completely unaware. She has overwhelming confidence as a person who has transcended combined with boldness, and because she’s already apart from the world, she’s a complicated character with a cold personality. …...That’s what the room mode breaking through MAX bond limit is for!

*This is something interesting - The first part of this (aka disregarding her last sentence) is found in the game as one of her Battle Start lines. However, including only those lines changes the meaning to make Scath seem more.... Teacher-ish? Like “Yes, yes, I know I haven’t been taking thinks seriously before, but I will now.” But, with the addition of that last line, in makes her way more cocky..... I wonder why they took it out?

[ecotone99]

[HR] We played a trust-building game. The people playing weren’t there when the game was over.

When I was at school, there weren’t that many options when it came to social activities. You had to choose between sports (hockey, netball, tennis, etc.) and the Christian Union (CU). For a few years, I had tried to find a sport I was at least decent at but had no success. This left me at the mercy of the CU to fulfil my social needs. Every Thursday lunchtime, a hundred or so students would pack into the small lecture theatre at the front of the school building to eat their packed lunches, sing worship songs, and listen to a teacher (if we were lucky) or a local preacher (if we weren’t) talk to us about some aspect or another of Christianity. Though this was rural Ireland and the majority of pupils came from Christian backgrounds, we all knew what the one true draw of the CU was; every term, there was a weekend trip to Loughbridge Activity Centre. Even my atheist sixteen-year-old self was willing to sit through a few hours of religious dialogue if it meant I could spend the rest of the day at the nearby beach or climbing wall with my friends. I went along on every trip from twelve to sixteen years old. I’ve never told anyone why I stopped going and I suppose that’s because nobody ever asked me. Why would they?

​

The activity centre was built around an old Georgian house in the countryside, about a half-hour drive away from my school. It was imposing and visible from half a mile away. Its main entrance looked out over a lake which was surrounded by a forest. At day it was absolutely gorgeous; at night, it terrified me. I always looked up at its dozens of windows expecting to see a pale, translucent face looking down on me. I never did catch one. In the middle of the forest, there was an activity site with a climbing wall, squash court, and obstacle course. A stream ran through it, though I don’t know where it came from or led to. It was surrounded by small log cabins which accommodated groups smaller than ours, each of them with either four or six beds. Most of my memories there are purely happy—all except one, even. This single memory has haunted me for the last ten years of my life. The thing that’s most unbearable about it is how relentlessly vague it is; I remember how I felt before and after what happened, but I have no idea what this “what happened” could have been.

​

For weeks after, I couldn’t remember anything past lunch the day before. I had eaten in the canteen with my group, spent fifteen minutes in a Bible study, and then gone back up to my room. The rest of what I know about that day is made up of guesses, deductions, and the vague timeline offered by the itinerary we had all been handed when we arrived. As for the aftermath, I have unclear memories that have been helped along by what my friends and the teachers told me. They say I was found in the dormitory I was sharing with my friends. I was asleep, in my pyjamas, with my hair up in a ponytail and my makeup removed. I remember feeling well-rested when I woke up. Had they come looking for me on any other morning, I expect I would have been found in very similar circumstances. But that morning wasn’t like any that I have experienced before or since. The memories of what happened to me came back very slowly and in no particular order. I remember everything with absolute clarity now, but I have never been able to tell anyone. This is my first remembering of what happened that hasn’t taken place only in my mind.

​

In the evenings, we would be brought out to the middle of the forest to play games. The aim of these games was apparently to build trust between pupils and help us work together as a team. I was mostly just interested in winning, however unlikely that may have been. One of the CU favourites was what they called a Trust Walk. A teacher would go around with an extremely long rope, tying it to and wrapping it around trees to plot a course from our starting point to the end of the course. We would each tie a blindfold on the person behind us and then put our hands on the shoulders of the person in front of us to form a long line. The only person who wasn’t blindfolded was the leader. Their job was to call out any obstacles or changes in the land to us so we would be prepared. I had always enjoyed playing this game before; I always made sure I was either sandwiched between my friends or volunteered to lead. This time was different, though; one of the teachers, Mr Mitchell, had made a list of names in the order he wanted us to line up in. This time, I was between Emma- a girl from another class I neither liked nor disliked- and Andrew, one of those boring people you only really interact with at school or work. Graham was leading. I didn’t know Graham very well, but I had no reason to think anything bad about him. He had gone to one of my school’s many dances with a friend of a friend and she seemed pretty happy with her choice. I tied Emma’s blindfold, stood to have my own tied, and put my hands on Andrew’s shoulders.

​

The rope was only there for the leader to hang onto in case he lost his way for any reason. The path wasn’t particularly challenging and it had been the same one for the past few years, so I felt as least somewhat familiar with it. We started walking. For the first few minutes, everything was fine. People tripped, giggled, helped each other up, retied their blindfolds, and we carried on. Graham called out all the usual directions and I thought I knew where we were. I moved to turn left, back towards the same ending point as every year before. Graham called out to us to turn right. I was unsure, but I did it. Honestly, I was relieved that they were finally adding a bit of variety to the route. The hands on my shoulders disappeared. The shoulders my hands were on disappeared. I froze for a few seconds. I tore off my blindfold. The sky had gotten dark; this was about seven o’clock in mid-June. I was alone. My breathing stopped until I had to gasp for air. I turned around over and over again for any clue as to where everyone had gone. I felt like I was being watched. I had nothing more concrete than this indistinct notion, but it was enough to silence me. I didn’t speak a word. My right hand brushed against the rope and I clung onto it. I gripped the rope and channelled all my adrenaline and fear into it. Finally, I walked.

​

As I moved, the night got darker still. After a minute, I couldn’t even see a metre ahead of me. I wondered if I should wait in the forest for morning to come, but that unrelenting sense of being watched pushed me on. A few moments later, I could see nothing at all. I heard a light trickle of water—the stream. The rope seemed to lead me towards it. I stepped forward cautiously. My toes got wet. The water was freezing. I stopped. My breathing became heavy and forced. I considered every available option. The only thing I could do was walk. I took a step. My feet were swallowed up by the water and its coldness made me gasp. I took another step, still holding the rope. I became more confident. I sped up. The ground disappeared below me. I was in the lake.

​

I’ve never been a strong swimmer, but I have always been at least competent. Of course, this is when I’m in a heated indoor swimming pool with fluorescent lighting. This was something I had never experienced before. I let go of the rope and I tried to swim. I was fully submerged and, with no light in the sky, I had no idea if I was getting closer or further away from the surface of the water. The freezing lake was making my muscles seize up and I could feel my toes and calves cramping. I felt something wrap itself around my ankles and tug me back; I moved my hands towards them to undo it. I felt the rope, tied tight, and a pair of human hands. It was only then that I realised that it wasn’t Graham’s voice that called out the last direction. It was my voice. Some second-self had led me to the lake. I passed out.

​

As I say, they found me in my bed. They remember the night before differently than I do. Emma and Andrew say that I disappeared. The police were called and they spent all night searching. My parents were there, as were everyone else’s. They say they checked every room in the house and there were people walking five miles in every direction from where I went missing. Amber Taylor was the one that found me. She had come back to the dorm to get her inhaler. Of course, the police, my parents, the teachers, my friends, and my classmates asked me what had happened. I had no answers for them. In the beginning, this was because I had no memory. As time passed, it was because I didn’t want to admit that another version of myself told me to walk into the river and tried to drown me.

​

Sometimes I wonder if she succeeded. The world I’m living in now doesn’t feel quite right, somehow. The first thing I noticed is that it gets darker earlier. Whatever the time of year, it will always be dark by four o’clock in the evening. Or maybe it’s always been that way—how did it used to be? Everyone seems terrified of the dark now. We shut the doors at a quarter to four and don’t open them again until the next morning. There’s barely any time to really live. The people seem different too. I know there’s something strange about them; there’s something they share that I don’t. Sometimes I see it- in their eyes, in the way they talk- but as soon as it’s here it goes away, and when that feeling comes back again it’s never the same thing that catches my attention.

​

But I do know that they are different. I wonder if they see that I’m different too. Sometimes when I close my eyes I think I hear my second-self speaking to me again, but I’m never sure. The feeling is strongest when I’m falling asleep and the dream-world merges with reality. I try not to spend very long with my eyes closed. These people may be versions of the people I knew before, as my second-self is of me. But even considering that is too painful, never mind accepting that it’s true. It’s clear to me that someone who can cross between those two worlds knows much more than I do or can ever hope to know. I often wonder where she is now. I worry about what will happen to my friends and family, and if they’ve noticed a difference at all.

​

Most nights I lie close against my bedroom door with a heavy torch in my hand. I keep the ceiling light on and catch brief pockets of sleep whenever I can. Something is coming. I’ve felt it since the day I woke up in this new reality. I have no idea what it could be, but it terrifies me. Tonight, this feeling is the strongest it’s ever been. My brain translates every rush of the wind and tiny creak into the footsteps of some unknown entity whose only goal is to… I don’t know. Not knowing is the worst part. Maybe the plan is to keep me here forever, with no real threat and nobody and nothing ever coming to get me, and to have me be tortured by my own mind. That sounds like something my second-self would do. I don’t think she and I would get along.

​

And this is why I feel like I can finally write about what happened to me. Silence has always protected me, but now it’s making me weak. If I am ever to get back to my reality, I need to make a decision. I need to decide if I am under threat or not. If I am, then I should probably just shut up and act as if nothing has changed for the rest of my life. If not, then I should do the opposite. There’s no way of telling which is true. For now, I’ll act as if, one day, I’ll be able to leave this place. I know that this is probably not true.

submitted by /u/AquaticDramatic [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2YOLm1f

[shawnkopelakis]

Farewell my sweet Burrito Brothers

Primo Beef and Bean Burrito. Black Beans. Lettuce. Cheese. Red Sauce. So simple. A staple of my life for so many years. And now like so many of the good things in this world, gone too soon. So long Burrito Brothers.

As a kid growing up in South Florida in a working-class family, we didn’t dine out very much. If we did, it was your typical fast food dash and grab. Like more kids than not, my exposure to burritos and tacos in my early years was via Taco Bell. Cringe-worthy now but at the time, everyone was doing it. It was the '80s, man. So imagine my taste buds’ reaction the first time I visited Gainesville in 1991 as a high school senior and was taken to a hole in the wall place on 13th Street for a real burrito.

That initial visit to Burrito Bros. Taco Company was love at first taste. My order was a primo beef burrito, tortilla chips and a soda. We ate in front of my friend Joel Kelly’s dorm hall, Broward. The flavor of the red sauce, the ground chuck melted together with cheese, the green lettuce, the freshness of the tortilla… I mean seriously, this was an option? The mass produced mystery concoction that was tossed out the drive thru window for years into my car wasn’t a burrito. This was heaven on Earth. This was home.

For the next six years as I pursued a bachelor’s and then a master’s at UF, Burrito Brothers would faithfully serve me at least once a month. It was just a quick dash over from Matherly or Norman after class or before a study session at Library East. Diligently, I stuck to the basics. Primo Beef or Primo Beef and Bean (black beans) almost every time. Why mess with perfection? Plus back in the mid '90s, there wasn’t much more to the menu. Most times I arrived, the line was six or seven people deep, sometimes with a few of us cued up outside. Once you made it inside, you checked the pin boards for notices about which bands were playing where, see if any house parties had posted a flier, check to see if anyone was selling anything you might need. It wasn’t just a place to pick up the best burritos in the world, it was a community.

An eclectic community at that. Gainesville has always been a diverse place and Burrito Brothers was certainly representative of that. Punks with tattoos and piercings, professors, locals from the outskirts of town, businessmen in suits, freshman with fear in their eyes who had been sent there on recommendations from older siblings or parents. All were welcome through that door just north of University Ave. And all came for the feast.

I moved to California in 2000 and was introduced to authentic Mexican food for the first time. There are so many wonderful spots for tacos and burritos but my love for Burrito Brothers never died. In fact, my Mom once sent me a few primo beef burritos packed in dry ice for my birthday. On every trip back to Gainesville, I've eaten at Burrito Brothers at least once and sometimes twice.

As the years have passed, Gainesville has morphed and those effects on the old mainstays were obvious. So many longtime hangouts of generations of Gators have long ago disappeared. Joe’s Deli, the Covered Dish, the Orange and Brew, the Purple Porpoise, Common Grounds and countless others… all gone. The corner of 13th and University is prime real estate and the city of Gainesville has exploited that. Burrito Brothers first relocated and spent years operating out of the back of a church. As shocking as that move was to many of us, it still felt like our own special place. It wasn’t the hole in the wall anymore, it was the hole in the back of the church. As long as there was red sauce, we were happy. Surely Burrito Brothers could find a way to survive even when those other Gainesville icons could not.

When I took my family back to Gainesville in November of 2015 for the Florida-Florida State game, as with every trip back, Burrito Brothers was on the itinerary. I had heard about the new digs but when I strolled over for lunch on Game Day, I had no clue what awaited me. An actual restaurant with tables and a patio. Craft beer on tap. A menu with so many items on it, my wife and kids had to take their time figuring out what they wanted. Not me. Primo beef and bean (black) burrito, extra red sauce, guacamole (which incidentally is one of my biggest regrets, not liking guac as a student, I never had it until I returned as an alum, what a loss). I also added a draft of a local Gainesville brew because how cool is that? We took our brown paper bag (I loved that they still stayed true to the brown paper to-go bag) and walked back across University to our tailgate spot in the Plaza of the Americas. And there I consumed what turned out to be my last burrito from the place that binds me to Gainesville as much as Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, Weimer Hall or anywhere else.

I didn’t know it was my last meal at that time but looking back now, I’m salivating at the taste flashback. The fact that my wife and young sons got to partake with me makes it all the more special. I can’t believe they are closing, the blame lies heavily with the city and I know that my next trip back to Gainesville will be a little less joyous because of it.

Farewell Burrito Brothers. Gainesville is losing another piece of its soul on Saturday. We’ll always love you.