#sometimes i think ny autistic brain and its facination with shows fucked me over bc i love the idea of grand gestures. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hairydykecunt · 8 months ago

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once my friend said that sometimes it seems like i don’t want a girlfriend and just want to be some girls pet and like. yeah okay sure, but is that really all people see in me. is that what they think i’m only capable of? i want to give so much, i want to fill them with so much love and make them feel safe and loved and adored. i Do want to do more than just be a pet, i want to be a Provider, i want to take care.

#kitty talks #maybe that is animal behaviour. maybe i jsut wanna be a guard dog. idk. i just feel weird #it sucks but i cant see myself in a relationship and idk if its cause im insecure but the thought of someone chosing me and staying is. fake #and i think everyone can tell too. i think thats it. thats the thing that makes ppl stay back #sometimes i think ny autistic brain and its facination with shows fucked me over bc i love the idea of grand gestures.#i want a grand gesture that wipes away every little doubt ive ever had snd that makes me think Fuck why was i so riddled in worry #anything in oublic would embarrass me. id be shy. but id still gush. idk. i want personal thiught out expressions of love #man im high and just cant stop thinking. im just so lost. i dont even know how to feel. it feels weird reverting back to highschool +#mentality but Nothibg is ever rnkugh and will never be enkigh and ill always keep asking for more snd more no matter what till i break them #gonna attempt to put an experienced adult point of view on it tho and say that i think nothing will evrr be enoigh for anyone #but that whatever is there is good and it will stay good snd if it gors something else will be good. the world is so fucking shitty to us #but i will still love despite it. people will still love me #i will get a girlfriend some day. or not. and itll fill me up. or be bad for me. i just need to take csre of myself snd my loved ones #and i can live on that. i guess. idk. bye

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