#sometimes i remember he's a cancer and suddenly everything makes sense

[howtodrsw]

wanting was enough

for me, it was enough

🥐⠀𓇼ㅤ🩹ㅤ𓂃⠀⠀🫧⠀⠀.ㅤꜝ 🐟

私たちは恋に落ちているの?

[oscarthedino]

Jeremiah x reader

Summary: y/n Conklin is the middle sister of Steven and belly. You have been dating Conrad sense last summer but lately you have been noticing he was off. As summer is now approaching fast you can’t wait to see him and also hope you can figure out what is going on with him but you can’t believe what actually is in store for you.

Warnings: cursing, mention of death/cancer, cheating, possibly assault and smut

Chapter 2

(Not my gif)

You get out of the pool and walk into your house without even looking back. You don’t even want to know what that was about. This has been the first time you have seen Conrad in a while you guys talk all the time over text and sometimes call but still it looked like he was almost flirting with your sister. Maybe he was just being nice to her you tell yourself, I mean he obviously knows she has always had a crush on her.

You walk into the kitchen to find the moms and belly sitting and decide to join them not making eye contact or looking at belly. Susanna come up to the both of you “stand up girls let me get a good look at you guys” she tells us and we both do as she says “omg you both have grown up so much, you are gorgeous” she has the biggest smile on her face while she says this and you can’t help but smile back almost forgetting what just happened.

“Thank you” you say to her blushing before both you and belly give her a hug

“Go get dried off girls your dripping all over the floor” you mom says breaking the moment. Susanna tries to argue that it’s fine but you know how she is and immediately run upstairs to your room.

Your and Jeremiah’s room are right next to each other maybe that’s why you guys are so close. You can hear everything that goes on in each others rooms so you always knew when he was upset and vice versa. You tried not to cry in your room because of that, you felt bad when Jeremiah came to check up on you so you learned to hold it in or sneak out of your window to the beach.Your stuff is already in your room your mom or Susanna must have brought it up. You immediately on short Jean shorts that are your favorite to wear in summer and a tank top and then lay on your bed.

After a few minutes you contemplate going to find where Conrad is there’s a good chance he is in his room, but won’t he come to you you thought to yourself. You wait a few more minutes trying to decide still upset about earlier plus he was acting weird earlier to he also has been acting off the past few mouths but ever time you brought it up he shut it down so you just stopped asking. “Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped” you mumble to your self quietly. Before you have any more time to think about it there is a knock on your door. “Come in” you say sitting up hoping it’s Conrad your heart drops a little and so does your face with you see brownish curly hair

“Oh hey Jere” you say “Wow you can’t be a little more excited to see me” he says with a teasing tone. “Sorry” you tell him dropping you face a little and rubbing a hand through your hair. “Long day so far and I thought you were Conrad” you say the last part laughing a little. Jeremiah looks at you a little concerned before he says “are you guys alright, more importantly are you?”. You pause for a second before you say “yeah I’m fine just thrown off by earlier yk, can’t help but be a little upset that you know your sister still likes your boyfriend”. “Yeah I get that” he tells you looking back up at you with discomfort and sadness. You wonder what that’s about , does he have a crush on belly you wonder but decide to ask him at a later time. “Aren’t you supposed to go on a swim with belly?” You suddenly remember that they always go to the beach when you guys first get there. “ yeah I’m about to go get her, but wanted to check on you first” he tells you pointing to the towel that you didn’t even realize he has with him. As your about to say something else someone appears in the doorway. Conrad. Jeremiah gets up and takes it as a way to go find belly giving you a quick smile before leaving.

“Hi” he says to you in a soft voice. You move to sit on the edge of your bed and Conrad comes to sit next to you. “Hey” He opens his arm inviting you to lean against him. “I’m sorry about earlier, I don’t know what happened and didn’t want you to think something else” he tells you. “Yeah well that’s a little hard when you know you’re not the only one who likes you” you say pushing away from it so you can look at him. You see his face drop a little and immediately feel like you’re being stabbed in the heart. He sees your discomfort and your hurt and says “look we both know what belly thinks of me” wow can he not even fully admit to it by saying it. He continues “ but that doesn’t change anything for us we have been over this before”. Your head drops again now feeling embarrassed for even thinking anything else. He tilts your head back up to look at him so he can finish what he was saying. “If belly ever says anything to me a promise that I will confront her ok, and I will tell you after”. “I’m sorry” you tell him. Conrad doesn’t respond but he moves back to lay on your bed and once again opens his arms for you. He knows the one thing you hate most about being long distance is that you never get to touch him or he can’t hold you. You don’t say anything either and immediately go to lay on his chest as he wraps an arm around you. You look up at him and he leans down to kiss you. It’s slow and like your just kissing each other for the first time exploring each others mouth and the way he feels again after so long. He places his other hand on the back of your neck and you hands are pressed up against his chest. He pulls away first and rests his forehead on yours. “I’ve missed you sweetheart” he tells you rubbing a hang through your hair. You don’t say anything else not wanting to ruin this moment. You and Conrad usually sit in silence sometimes I think you both find it comforting, but for some reason sitting here in silence now is unnerving and you wonder if you’re the only one who feels like that. You lay there with him for a little while more while your head goes crazy like it normally does thinking about everything from what your wearing tonight to the bonfire to how are Jeremiah and belly to and hoping they have fun back to earlier where you where wondering if jere liked belly and for some reason that thought didn’t sit right with you. You then thought about Conrad as you looked up at him and he is just lying there staring up at your ceiling with no emotion on his face. Why has he been acting so weird you feel he has been so much more distant lately. You don’t want to have to ask him now to not ruin this moment but you are alone and if he was going to tell you something it would be now. “Hey Connie” you ask. He looks at you which makes you go on. “Are you ok? I feel like something has been going on with you not just today but for the past few months you’ve been so distant and I’ve tried to give you your space to tell me but you always just tell me your fine” he looks like he is about to say something like I am fine but you continue before he can’t “ I know you are not fine so don’t even try to say that something else Is going on and I want you to talk to me”. He sits up causing you to sit up to. “I’m fine” he says “it’s just school yk with going off the college soon” he doesn’t look at you. This opens up so many other questions that you have now like what’s going to happen when he goes to college you guys haven’t even talked about that.

You can also tell he isn’t fully telling the truth. Before you can ask anything else or even say anything else he gets up and walks towards the door. “I’m going to go surfing before dinner okay” he tells you not even looking back at you as he leaves. “Conrad” you call after him but there is no use he is already gone. You sit there for a min just staring at door wondering the fuck Happened and push down your tears for later. You get up and go downstairs and decide you’re going to see what Susanna needs help with for dinner.

Cooking has always been yours and Susanna’s thing no matter what. Ever sense you where little you have loved to cook and Susanna loved to teach you. You couldn’t help but hate keep this one thing because ever one else has there own especially belly, we all knew belly was the favorite she has always done everything with the moms like while we went out to the bonfire they stayed back and watched movies or when me and the boys went to do stupid shit she stayed home with them. I think it’s more she is the baby then anything Jeremiah mostly vouched for me and Steven just accepted it but it was harder with belly because she is always a snitch. But no matter what me and Susanna had this to are selfs.

“What are we making” I ask rubbing my hands together as I walk behind the counter. “Where just making pasta and a salad tonight” she tells me “Oooo nice I will start cutting vegetables” I say walking over to the fridge and grabbing veggies then getting a cutting board and knife. Me and Susanna work around each other in silence sometimes we like to catch up with each other but otherwise it’s quiet which is exactly what I need right now until Susanna asks me “how are you and Connie doing I swear he probably will only talk to you right now”. I freeze cutting and then resume when I find the right words. “Where ok I guess” I pause for a second not sure if I can continue but then remember who I’m talking to “it’s just that something seems up with him idk he has been more distant and won’t talk to me as much and ever time I bring it up he shuts me down”. I stop cutting again and this time look at Susanna who is now draining the pasta. “I had hope he would be willing to talk to you about what’s going on but he will come around to you” she tells now putting the pasta into a bowl then coming over to give me a hug. “I’m just so worried I want he to be able to tell me things” you tell her wrapping your arms around her “Give him time and he will” she tells me pulling back and kisses my forehead before going back to getting things ready on the table. “Yeah I know your right” you say putting a piece of cucumber in your mouth.

Your mom comes around the corner as you do and immediately sees you snacking on some of the veggies. “Y/n stop eating your about to have dinner don’t spoil it or eat to much” she scolds you. You immediately put the next cucumber done and start helping Susanna put the rest of the food the table.

You guys are all now sitting at the table messing around and talking. It’s the normal sitting Conrad at the head the two moms and belly on one side and Steven, Jeremiah, and you on the other. “So how is football doing” your mom asks jere and Conrad. “Ummmm” jere says hesitantly looking at Conrad before continuing “it’s going pretty good for me you know I love being on the team” this is Jeremiah’s first year playing. “Oh I’m so glad” laurel responds “what about you Conrad” but he just sits there quietly. You reach your hand out and place it on his under the table but he still doesn’t even look at you. After some silence Susanna says “did he not tell you guys, he isn’t playing anymore” she looks at me and I’m so confused. “What??? When did you quiet” you ask him. He shrugs and all he says is “didn’t really like it anymore” and you immediately know that is a bunch of bullshit. He loves … loved football what happened why didn’t he tell what the fuck is going on with him. You look at him with hurt and confusion and all he does is give you a quick halve showing you nothing giving you nothing. You take your hand away from his and place it on the table. “Well I bet you will find something else” laurel says with just as much confusion as you have. Jeremiah chimes in and starts telling the entire table a funny story about what happened at his school this year but your to distracted to even pay attention to what he is talking about. The rest of diner goes by in a flash with you barely touching your food and your mom suggests you eat more of the salad before the pasta.

All of you are heading up to your rooms when you hear belly call after us. What is she doing you ask yourself. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for movie night” you ask her stopping at the top of the stairs like the rest of the guys. “Actually I was hoping I could go with you guys to the bonfire” she tells all of you. Steven starts laughing “hell no” he says “no way you’re going”. “Idk guys it wouldn’t really hurt would it” you tell them looking at everyone. “I’m staying out of this” jere says walking to his room. “I agree with Steven” Conrad chimes in getting an immediate confused look by me and once again I know he is aware I’m looking at him but he doesn’t look over. “Please come on just let me go this year” she pleads. “Not happening sorry bells” Steven says again walking to his room. Belly storms off without saying anything else. Then there where two, Conrad tries to open his mouth to say something but after him storming out and what happened at dinner you don’t want to hear it right now and turn to your room and shut the door. You lean against the door for a second trying to keep your tears in check but a few tears fall silently before you can do anything. You finally hear Conrad’s door close and sink down.

What the fuck is going on. What didn’t he tell you he quite football that is suck a big thing to him, omg is that why he wouldn’t let you go to any of his games. Why did he quite though he loved football what changed and why didn’t he feel comfortable telling you, what else hasn’t he told you. Is that why he has been acting so weird is it just because of football. What is happening this summer your not even a day in of your last normal summer and it’s already a mess and your sitting on your floor about to have an anxiety attack. Then it all sets in, this is your last normal summer with everyone in high school. By next summer jere and Steven will have been graduated and Conrad will be about to go into his second year of college. After that thought there is no holding back your tears and then just flow out. You try to keep as quiet as you can not wanting others to worry and ask but you can’t help it, so much has happened and it’s so overwhelming. You finally calm yourself down after what feels like forever and pick up your phone. You see a text from Conrad saying that you guys need to talk you think about just ignoring it but decide to respond. “We will talk later” you send him. Then your eyes make it way up to the clock and you realize you have 30 mins to get fully ready, “shit” you tell yourself getting up off the floor and wiping your tears.

You decide this is exactly what you need right now to get really drunk and dress really slutty, not for anyone else but for your self. You pick out one of your favorites when you’re trying to impress but it also makes you feel good. It’s a black dress that ends right under your ass it is spaghetti strapped and in the front there are 3 cut out circles that go down to your belly button and each one is attached by a small golden chain. You put in golden hops to match and do a simple face of makeup. As you are picking out your black sandals and purse there’s a knock on the door and half of you hope it’s Conrad so he can see you in the dress right now if you can even call it that and half of you hopes it isn’t him. Luckily for the second half it’s not him and just Jeremiah. Once you have fully opened the door you say “hi what’s up, time to go”

He just stands there for a moment and so do you until you break the silence by saying “ever thing ok there” and snap in his face, this pulls him out of whatever he was in before. “Yeah sorry you just look amazing that all” he says graving your hand and giving you a little spin “you ready to go” he asks grabbing your purse for you. You nod your head and start heading to the car. I mean you don’t blame Jeremiah this dress makes you look amazing especially since your boobs are almost hanging about and It hugs your curves perfectly. You get out of the house as fast as possible so your mom doesn’t see you , she has no clue you own this dress and probably would flip out if she did. The other boys are already in the back of the car and you notice how you are probably a little over dressed with Conrad still wearing what he was wearing from earlier jere is in a over shirt but knowing him he would take it off later and same for Steven except his would probably stay on. You get in the car and so does Jeremiah handing you your purse. You don’t even look in the backseat but can feel both there eyes on you but you don’t say anything instead you pull your mirror down and reapply your lip gloss after you finally look back and ask “is there something I can help you guys with”. Conrad just sits there for a second and lets out a long almost groan still staring at you but Steven insisted he needed to say something. “Don’t you think that’s you know a little much and a little reviling . I don’t need guys looking at you all night your my little sis and you you kinda look like a…” but before he could finish his sentence both Conrad and Jeremiah and intensely looking at him but I don’t need them to stand up for me. “Are you sure you really want to finish that Steven” you say not even looking back but the silence that you get tells me his answer. “Ok then let’s go” Jeremiah says turning on his music full blast but even as I look over to him his knuckles are white from grabbing the steering wheel. You can’t help but get this weird feeling inside of you close to the same one earlier when he came to get you but right now Is not the time to think you tell yourself your here to enjoy yourself and have fun.

The rest of the car ride you are just screaming the lyrics of the song and at one point like many times before Jeremiah lets you hang your head out the window and it feels amazing. You can’t help but look back and see Conrad smiling at you but you also see concern in his eyes. Why most he ruin a good moment of me having fun once again I don’t need him worrying about me for having fun. You guys finally get there and all get out. Steven And jere go off together probably to find someone to make out with and thinking about that gives you a weird feeling again but you completely push it down this time. You and Conrad silently walk towards the beach together your hands intertwined because even if you are upset you hope and tell your self there is a reason why he didn’t tell you. He breaks the silence first but you wish he hasn’t when he says “It’s kinda dangerous when you lean like half your body out the window like that I mean ik you like it and it’s probably fun but I don’t think you should”. You immediately stop in your tracks dropping your hand from his for now the second time tonight and just look at him for a second before you finally say “ really that’s what your going to fucking say ti me out of all the things you could and after everything that has happened tonight” he goes to speak but you just hold your hand up “ no don’t even try I’m done with you tonight I will talk to you tomorrow when you have some common sense” and you walk over the beer cooler before he could even call after you. You grab a beer from the cooler and the next thing you know you are being tackled by two people.

“Omg Shayla, Nicole” you say turning around giving them a hug “ it’s been forever I’m so happy to see you”. Shayla and Nicole are your best friends during the summer most of your other friends from home go on expensive trips and you do have much time to talk so the three of you have gotten really close over the past few years. “Omg we are to it’s been to long how are you , how is Conrad” Nicole says smirking at the last part. “In doing ok right now and he is fine” you tell the both of them while rolling your eyes “you know guys especially him” you sigh. “I mean if he is open you know” Nicole says laughing she has always thought he was super hot . “ you know if we ever need to kick his ass just let us know and we will, right Nicole” Shayla says bumping Nicole’s arm while looking at me. “No it’s ok” you tell them laughing “and I very much doubt it Nicole if my sister hears he’s open I will bet my life on it she will try” the sad part is your not really wrong. “Speaking of your sister” Nicole says nodding over to where an older man and is that belly??? Are standing. What is she doing here you wonder. “Ummm I will be right but guys” you say before heading over.

By the time you get over there the guys are gone and it’s just belly. “Well look who finally grew some balls and came” you say looking over her. You also didn’t recognize the very short pick dress she was wearing not that you could say much. “Where did you get that dress from it looks good ” you ask her. “ oh thanks and Taylor gave it to me” she says. Ofc Taylor did, you don’t like Taylor much while he’s she was fun to party with everything was always about her and she could get really annoying real quick I also over heard her and belly talking skirt me and Conrad and let’s just say they weren’t nice things. “Look” you tell her “stay out of trouble don’t get to drunk and if anything happens come find me ok” and I hand her the rest of my beer. She nods and I take that as a yes before walking back over to your friends.

“Sorry about that guys making sure she stays out of Trouble yk” you tell Shayla and Nicole. “Isn’t she the same age as you” Nicole asks. “ yeah kinda she just made the cut for as being the the same grade but she has never really been to a party before”. Nicole and Shayla are both 1-2 years older than you but you have always gotten along with them better. “Yeah I get that” Shayla says. “Anywayyyy” I say “what’s up with you guys this summer” I ask them. “Well me and Shayla are both doing the Deb ball this year” Nicole says “I’m actually a big sister this year you shouldn’t definitely consider doing it with us ”. “Omg really yeah I will think about it” wait I ask “who’s going to be your escorts” my smile is already getting bigger by the minute I knew this would help. “That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about” Shayla tells me “ I wanted to start talking to ummm Steven”. TBH you’re not even really surprised by it I mean you always kinda saw it and you trusted Shayla. “ yeah you definitely should” you tell her. “Wait really” she says shocked “ I just wanted to make sure it was fine with you, you know before I did anything”. “Shayla” you say grabbing her hands “I’m completely fine with it but thank you for asking”. The next hour goes by fast with all of you catching up and you learn about all there flings and friend drama. Then Shayla leaves to go find Steven and so does Nicole for some guy she said looks hot and how she needed to find a date still. By this post you have had at least four beers and are definitely a little more tipsy. As your sitting there looking out over everyone you spot your sister next to a guy sitting close to the beach and can’t help but think how cute and feel a little bit better about the whole Conrad thing especially if she is talking to someone else. Before you can start your next thought some guy comes to sit down next to you.

“Hey” he says looking over you. You get a bad vibe from him as soon as he sits not and you hate how he is looking at you. And then you realize you recognize him he was talking to Steven and belly before you went to say hi. “Umm hi” “Where are your friends at” he asks you. “They will be back soon don’t worry” you tell him standing up to get away with him as he is still looking over your body. “Well why don’t I keep you company then” he tells you reaching for your waist and his grip is strong. “Let go of me” you yell at him “I’m perfectly fine alone”. “Stop being such a tease” he says now getting a little annoyed. “Get the fuck away from me” you yell at him again my his grip just get tighter. But before you know it you hear an angry voice behind you say “ she told you the let go” you immediately know who it is. Jeremiah. The next thing you know is he is no longer holding you waist and is now in the sand. “What the fuck man” he says to Jeremiah then looks to you before walking off and says “your suck a fucking whore, you should have expected this when your dressed like that”

You pull your dress down and cross your arms over your body instinctively. “Are you ok” Jeremiah asks you rubbing a hand over your arm which weirdly sends sparks through you but you just ignore them right now. “ yeah I will be fine” you tell him but can barely get out before you look over and both you and Jeremiah hear and see Conrad and some guy fighting over something probably alcohol you think to yourself. But before you know it Jeremiah is rubbing over there but before he can get there you see belly run into view and Conrad hits her right on the check before he hits the other guy but he doesn’t land the punch but the other guy sure does. You don’t know if you want to you scream or cry but can’t because the next thing that happens is you all start hearing sirens and everyone is running.



[loveemagicpeace]

💧Astro Notes💧

🧚🏼‍♀️Neptune 1st house-you always idealize things, people around you without realizing it. You become convinced of some things that cannot be exactly as you imagine them to be. And you want to believe it and you believe it. The problem when someone tells you the reality of it. And you don't want to accept reality, you want the idea you have in your head. You are actually hurt by the truth, as if someone took away your dreams. For example: you always believed that your favorite actor is intense in character, kind, etc. In the end, it turns out that he has the opposite qualities that you thought he had. You create a picture and see the things you want to see.

🌛The moon represents your emotional memory. What do you remember most emotionally and what sticks in your heart the most & for a long time. For ex.: Moon in Cancer in the 7th house - your emotions are deep and connected to everything you feel deeply. Many times, however, your memory is tied to other people or the relationship you have with them.

🌞The sun in the house represents where you get inspiration and where you find your happiness the fastest. Sun in the 9th house - most often when you travel, you do something active, something related to energy. Sun in the 10th house - you find happiness in work, career , building public identity.

1st house synastry is connected with direct energy, how a person sees you, how you give energy to a person, how direct a relationship you have with this person. For ex.: Jupiter 1st house - a person perceives you as positive, energetic, optimistic, whenever he is with you he feels fulfilled and motivated. 12th house synastry is connected with our subconscious, spirituality. Here, however, you give the person a feeling that the person cannot describe and does not know why he feels that way. For example: the moon in the 12th house - the person gives you emotions that are hard for you to understand and perceive. You feel something, but you don't know why you feel that way. Things are happening that are related to spirituality. Both suddenly feel a feeling, both suddenly think of each other. You are connected to this person through their subconscious.

🏹A sign that is really difficult to understand is Capricorn. Capricorns are actually a very complicated sign, because they hide a lot of things that others don't know about. They always seem calm, emotionless, firm, stubborn or ruthless. But in reality, they are very kind souls. You can understand Capricorns by getting to know them. They also find it difficult to open up and talk about private things, in this they are very similar to Scorpios. The difference is that you know that Scorpios hide things, while in Capricorns don't. Capricorns put you through tests that you are not even aware of. Sometimes I think they can even be unpredictable. Capricorn loves you when he confides his problems to you, when he tells you about his day, when he shows you his vulnerable side. And if a Capricorn cries in front of you, he really loves you. And both signs, Scorpio and Capricorn, have trust issues.

✨I think libras are good friends but when they have a boyfriend you are no longer their priority. It is a bit difficult to build a solid friendship with them because many times they are prone to relationships more than friendships.

🪀Geminis are not secretive, they just like to play mind games. They like it when someone guesses their identity. They are always looking for something that will be interesting and fun for them, so they often leave you guessing.

🪁Virgos are so critical and picky that when they choose someone who suits them and are ready to do everything for that person, then you know they really love you.

💡People with saturn in 11th house hate when people takes selfies or posting too much on social media. They prefer the old school things. They will not write to you, they will call you. They are people who will like to do things that are practical and make sense. As for friends, they prefer to choose those who give them stability.

🛼The 5th house represents how you like to date. Sagittarius in the 5th house - you like adventures, meeting someone on a trip, do spontaneous things. You like the date to be fun, funny. Taurus in the 5th house - you like to date in a old school way. You prefer someone to take you somewhere where you can enjoy yourself or do something fun. You don't like meeting people through social networks. You like romances that are more natural and unpredictable. You prefer to meet people live.

☔️I think that someone with an Aquarius stellium can never really settle down or have only one person. Aquarians are prone to freedom and hate when someone takes that away from them.

🫧Pluto is one of the slowest planet and transits 3-4 of your house in your life. That part is your greater influence on life than the rest. Because this is where you most often transform and feel greater depth.

-Rebekah🫧💧❄️

[bloodydragam]

11 for the ship prompts!

11- Write about your ship waking up together. 

Hey! A million years late, but here it is...

I also posted this on AO3 because I want to start writing one-shots there...

He was her cancer, her doom. It was a new nightmare that was getting repetitive these last few nights. One day, out of nowhere, V just disappeared. One second, they were talking normally, and suddenly this feeling of emptiness began to spread, from his chest and into the entire world. He tried to call V, but there was just silence. He suddenly had a new body and could do anything he wanted with it, he had not taken this one to the limit with alcohol and drugs, but it wasn’t fully untouched by his destructive manners. The body was his because he killed V, and even if he had tried going on with his life, it just made no sense. Nothing could make him get rid of the emptiness.

“Val…” he mumbled, starting to wake up in the middle of the night. He immediately felt the bed against him, V’s pillow under him smelling like her shampoo, and her hair falling down his face. He tried to reach her, wanting to caress her face and move the curl of red hair out of the way, but then, as every time he woke up, he remembered the Relic and how the hand he was moving wasn’t his and how she was totally out of his reach.

Johnny sighed, knowing that V would be awake and in full control again in a few minutes. The nightmare he had was still a possibility, and that made him shiver.

But suddenly, someone touched his hand in a soft manner.

“Hey…” V said, sounding drowsy. “What was it?”

Suddenly memories of the last few weeks and some promises made in Mikoshi got to his mind, and he was relieved that everything had, in fact, been a nightmare and that everything was fine. For now.

“I have to get used to this, ya’ know?” he commented, squeezing her hand, letting her know he was fine; no anxiety attack, no horrible flashbacks that night, just a harmless nightmare that was losing all meaning now.  

Around Johnny’s torso, V’s hands wrap around him, as her curl of hair moves away from his face.

“Yeah, me too,” she nodded, “I sometimes go around life, just doing stuff, and I still expect you to suddenly appear in my view, making some snarky remark about something.”

Johnny wrapped his arms around her too.

“I bet you miss me doing that,” he whispers to her while playing with her hair. “Your daily life must be boring as hell without me.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” V agreed, knowing there was no point in denying it. “I must admit, doing merc work is not the same without you… it feels more… more.”

“More…?” he pressured.

“You’re gonna make me say it?” V groan.

“Mhm” Johnny kissed her cheek. “Make me happy.”

“It’s lonely, okay?” V smiled, feeling his kisses. “It is so fucking lonely… I actually don’t know why I am still doing it. I never wanted this, for starters.”

“Then just drop it… join the band, you will make it big as our singer.”

“If you keep saying that, I am gonna start considering it. Ready for me to steal your spotlight, rockerboy?”

“Now, now… don’t let it get too much into that pretty head of yours. You are still not better than me.” Johnny tickled her a bit.

V rolled to her side of the bed, smiling. She looked so happy, Johnny doubted anyone could make her as happy as him, and he cherished that idea.

“There’s still that plan about hitting the road, though… playing at different bars across the coast, maybe causing some mayhem along the way. Corpos won’t bother themselves anyway.” that made Johnny smile too, doubting anyone would make him as happy as she did.

“Yeah, there’s that too” he said, caressing her face in the most tender way he could, making her lean into his touch.

“So… you’re gonna tell me what that nightmare was about, or is it one of those you won’t talk about?” V asked, sounding a bit worried.

Johnny shakes his head, enjoying the view of V looking happy and calm, just as he was in that one moment.

“I will tell you in the morning…” he says, dragging her closer to him. “Let’s just keep talking. Tell me how much you miss my incredibly good looks being there with you every damn second of the day.”

V chuckles, knowing this quiet moment in the middle of the night was helping him with whatever he had dreamed about.

“Alright, alright… where could I start?”

[lexyvey]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐀𝐔)

I didn’t really have your typical upbringing. I mean, even before, when I had no mom and an alcoholic piece of shit father. All it did was make for a 12-year-old runaway burdening his Uncle Wayne’s doorstep. And sure, that’s normal-ish, but then the world ended. I don’t think anyone was really shocked – mean, yea it was shocking to the masses of mindlessly pathetic capital pigs twiddling their thumbs never asking questions of why or should I – but I digress. It wasn’t really much of a shock to those whose lives had been shaped by the Upside Down before the end of times. Robin kind of always thought it might after all the times it had screwed our little rag-tag group over, but then it finally happened. How it happened, now that’s where it gets interesting.

In 86’ we thought we’d finally defeated Vecna. I had only just joined in on the fight, but apparently, this guy was tired of waking, eating, and sleeping —or I think that’s how his evil cliche monologue went (truth be told I remembered every word because… well… he wasn’t exactly wrong on that front, but whatever) – and decided it was his purpose to turn earth into some monster fucked hellscape. The superhero girl gave him a hell of his own using magic powers though and the world was saved… except that didn’t quite end up happening. See, Max… she didn’t quite make it to the hospital before letting go. It wasn’t until two days later that everything changed.

And by “everything,” I mean cold-blooded creatures. 

And by “changed,” I mean supernatural cancer that caused temperatures to plummet and weather to shift, an overwhelming increase of fungi and sense of rot, and an unhealthy appetite for death. Flower-faced-face-sucking-fuckers, giant spider thingies, mutated bats: You name it. There’s a lot of them.

I knew this one kid, whose cat was eaten by his “pet lizard,” Dart, which turned out to be one of those juvenile flower-faced-face-sucking-fuckers. Man, Dustin loved Dart… and that cat.

So, for most of human history, if you wanted to kill a bat, all you needed was a glue trap. Well, suddenly you needed a shotgun – thank God for Nancy Wheeler. And sometimes even a tank. And sometimes… even that doesn’t work. Especially if you don’t stay in the tank.

Eventually, the really big ones and our military took each other out. We lost 95% of the human population in about a year. Mean, that’s one way to combat overpopulation issues, but… that’s a lot of Bobs… and a lot of Barbs that never deserved to die (Billy can suck my --).

Those of us who survived, we hid anywhere we could. Bunkers, caves, panic rooms, all around the world. So, for the last seven years, I’ve been living in an underground bunker. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Really. It’s a great group of people, and we all love each other. It’s kinda what I imagined college would have looked like (not like I’d ever be caught dead there even before all this shit).

“Are you sure he’s asleep?”

“Who?”

“Eddie. Who else?”

“Yeah, he’s asleep.”

“Hang on. Shh.”

“He’s not awake.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s just you.”

“I just… I don’t…”

“Eddie. Eddie.”

“See? He’s not awake. It’s just you.”

Dear Stevie,

I am wide awake. I’ve just gotten really good at not really moving or breathing. Being stuck in a survival bunker with a bunch of people who have all found their soul mate is less than ideal. Karen and Ray got together a few months ago, so they’re still kinda in their honeymoon phase. It is super physical. Good for them. They’re both very attractive and apparently quite flexible.

Hey, life’s short. Especially down here.

After Tim’s parents were eaten by a swarm of demobats, he and Ava became inseparable. So, pretty much everyone’s coupled up down here. Our first baby was born last winter. It was super emotional.

Welcome to the apocalypse, kid.

The food sucks. At least you’ll never know what you’re missing.

Kala and Connor got together after Sharon died. Sharon was a cow that ate a box of laundry detergent – it was a pretty Ozzy move – and now we only have one cow. Her name’s Debbie. Debbie is great. Debbie’s not our only food source. We actually have a hunting party that brings back whatever they can from the surface. It was easier in the beginning, you know, before we ran out of bullets. Facing down one of those things with a janky handmade weapon is no walk in the stuck-up suburban neighborhood dog park. Or so they tell me.

I don’t go on the hunting parties. They need me in the kitchen. I’m kinda the, uh… the chef of the bunker. I know, I know. Ironic that the guy who lived off a diet of Yoohoos, weed, and Combos is the chef. Laugh it up Harrington, but everyone likes my Minestrone.

Being the only single person in the bunker has its perks too. I get to hang out with Tomy Omnibot 2000. Of course, he’s not much for conversation. The core battery’s shot, just like every other Tomy, I’d imagine. Actually, I’ve never seen a working one.

Sure wish you were here, Stevie. I’d love for you to meet everyone.

[yawn-emoji]

[socheckitout-mikey]

Can I request a Johnny x soc reader where they hide their relationship and suddenly realize they really dont want to so now they have to adjust

heya birdie! i only really write hc’s so that’s the format they’re in. also, i kinda focused it more heavily on the reader meeting the gang, bc johnny would be pretty set on her meeting them since they’re pretty much his family. i hope you enjoy what i came up with! - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Johnny Dating a Soc Reader and Hiding their Relationship Hc’s:

° None of the gang seemed to pick up on the fact that Johnnycake is dating you, and honestly, Johnny is pretty happy about that. Boii get’s teased enough as it is whenever he does open his mouth, he doesn’t need to be flooded with an onslaught of attention in regards to you.

° It’s just not Johnny’s style to be propped on top of a roof of a building, yowling about how he’s together with you. That’s more of Two-bit’s style. It’s not born out of embarrassment of dating you, someone who’s in a different social class altogether, it’s more over the fact that attention tends to overwhelm Johnny since he’s a raging introvert.

° In fact, Johnny is incredibly ecstatic to have you as his s/o despite the ample amount of insecurities he has about himself and his social status. He considers himself a lucky guy to have bagged someone as amazing and understanding as you. You balance a lot of his anxieties and insecurities out with patience and reassurance: Two things that we all know Johnny desperately lacks outside of the gang.

° Johnny tends to get effortlessly embarrassed whenever the spotlight is scorching on his form. So when you had told him you wanted to keep your relationship a secret, a part of him was incredibly relieved, but not before his mind started racing madly over the negative avenues for your reasoning.

° That other part of him felt ashamed of himself, especially because he primarily thought you were doing this out of the fact you were embarrassed of what others would think of you if they discovered the pair of you were dating.

° Yet you swiftly shutdown those ridiculous avenues of thought, ensuring him that you cared for him deeply and that societies prim and proper nose wouldn’t make you change who you loved, - even if it was upturned -. Similarly to Johnnycake, you relinquished from attention, the sheer thought of all these eyes being on you both made your skin crawl grotesquely.

° And thus began the comfortable pinnacle of your relationship with Johnny Cade. There was never much pressure, the pair of you free in the lack of obligation of speaking about your relationship to anyone else. It was beautiful while it lasted.

° You see, the gang weren’t blind. Soon they began to notice a spring in Johnny’s step, how he spoke a little more, how he disappeared frequently. The amount of times he’d led the gang on wild goose chases across town to lose them somewhere along the way to yours drove him insane!

° Teasing became an ample part of his life, the gang eventually guessing that he was dating someone. And although his crimson cheeks probably gave him away, his mouth never did. But Dally was hot onto the younger boy with a knowing smirk because Johnny may’ve slipped it loose once or twice whilst the guy was drunk: Sometimes, miraculously, Dally remembered his drunk endeavors.

° And your friends... fickle they were! Figured it out two weeks into your relationship with Johnny. Though fortunately for you they were trustworthy folk, they never pushed the topic, ready for whenever you were ready to tell them on your own terms.

° It was incredibly comical when you and Johnny met one night, both wild eyed and slightly breathless. The pair of you were sat in your car, the soft drawl of the radio humming whimsically in the background as Johnny sucked the life out of his tenth cancer stick of the night.

° “We gotta talk-” the paid of you mumbled out desperately in unison, the anxiety shivering in your tones made the pair of you spooked. Now that you look back on it, you laugh.

° “You first-” a unison it was once more and Johnny couldn’t help but crack a wry toothy grin before throwing his cigarette butt out the window.

° “Okay, you shoot first, Y/N.” Johnny stated in a shaky tone, his stammering long gone. You were one of the only people he felt real comfortable talking with.

° “I-I think we should tell our friends, because my friends are figurin’ it out.”

° And that night the pair of you stayed up till the early hours devising a plan on how best to break this to your friends.

° Johnny decided he’d need to pull up his bootstraps and meet your pals first, considering they were the nicest of the bunch. After all, the gang were notorious for being nasty to people they didn’t know, though laid off once they did get to know people. It was precautionary.

° And him meeting your friends went spectacularly! They loved Johnny so much and had nothing but great things to say about him. It was a bit of an ego boost for the kid, albeit incredibly overwhelming. He was still grinning in the vacant lot that night when Dally sat with the kid, fully sober for once.

° “Dal,” Johnny had hummed through the night air, shaking softly as nerves wracked his guts, “I gotta come clean about somethin’.” Did he have to say it so corny?

° “Shoot, Johnny-kid, what’s up?” Dally stated, seriousness taking him by the reins.

° And out it all came...

° Dally was ecstatic to say the least, taunting came out in boisterous fits and soon enough he’d wrestled Johnny into the Curtis house, gloating about how Johnny had snatched himself someone fancy.

° No one believed him initially, but then Johnny told them your name and when I tell you Soda’s jaw slammed onto the floor, it really did. They were so happy for him! And with happiness came the wild teasing of six boisterous boys, all eager to meet the person who’d won Johnny’s attention.

° Johnny was on edge about you meeting the gang, considering that you’d seen some of their antics in person from afar. He assured you that after awhile, they’d lay off; but for now, you’d be like that new attraction at the zoo. You hated that analogy but it made you laugh.

° You’d pretty much prepared yourself for the absolute worst, and although you were scared stiff, you sure didn’t show it. It made Johnny admire you more because you took everything the boys gave you in stride: I mean, it wasn’t like you weren’t a stranger to how teenage boys acted, after all, you did go to school with a whole bunch of em’.

° Darry was the most intimidating besides Dallas, due to his stature and height, but also because of that notorious icy look in his eye. He’d firmly shook your hand, muttering a brief “Hi, I’m Darry,” before slinking back into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. Darry was a tough nut to crack, something Johnny had told you not to take personally: In fact, Darry really liked you from the moment you walked through the door because you were precisely what Johnny needed in a partner. You were also a good kid, something he hoped eventually would rub off on the other boys, but he wasn’t exactly expecting miracles.

° Sodapop was wild eyed and dreamy as ever, albeit just as dirty as the other boys. He flirted with you every chance he could get, eliciting Johnny to wise off to him; something that made the gang both gawk and simper like wolves.

° “What? You’ve never heard him speak before?” You’d quipped back wittily. You were also weary on how witty you were, seeing as you were typically seen as someone out of their leagues, you didn’t wanna come off as preppy, like you looked down on them. The truth was, you didn’t look down on them. After all, they were important people to Johnny, so they deserved as much respect as anyone else.

° Steve was cocky and smart mouthed, something you had witnessed all too often at school: In fact, you were pretty sure you’d been on the receiving end of his callous words more than once. You took everything he said with a grain of salt. He was also a little intense to begin with, joining in on Soda, Two and Dally flirting with you, but only in the sense to get you to be severely embarrassed.

° And Johnny was almost defensive of you, swatting away the gang and wising off to them to cut it out and leave you alone. He should’ve known better than to rise to their bait, because after all, that’s what they were really looking for; to get him going all red in the face.

° “You guys are nasty! I swear, ain’t nobody was this bad when Evie came round...”

° The minute you’d walked through the front door, Two-bit was hot on your heels, with Dally in tow, attempting to make you laugh up a storm. Well, he did, because it’s Two-bit after all: Who couldn’t that guy make laugh? His flirting would’ve been smooth if not for him having hiccupped halfway through his sentence.

° “Hey, sweet cheeks, why don’t you ditch Johnny for a real good lookin’ man like me, huh sugar?”

° “If the mirrors the one who told you that, then it’s lying.” You quipped back skillfully, more than comfortable taking on someone as wise-cracking as Two. The insult seemed to break the ice somewhat because Two didn’t take anything personally. In fact, all the boys thought it was pretty funny.

° Dally was the one that genuinely terrified you. The lines between a hood and a greaser weren’t present in him after all: Dallas Winston was as bad as they got, like Tim Shepard, and if it weren’t for him being Johnny’s buddy, you’d have avoided him at all costs. You weren’t sold short on his little show at the beginning, flirting with you, pulling on your hair like you were his kid sister or something... Dally found every way to irritate the hell out of you.

° “C’mon now, Dal! Cut that shit out!” Johnny snapped particularly at one point, but he meant business: Johnny never really wised off to anyone, so it took some guts for him to go out for Dally like that. Dally just grinned at him silly before ruffling the kids hair. “Alright, alright! Who knew you dug this one so much, eh?”

° Ponyboy, although quiet, was probably your most favorite of the gang. You really weren’t a stranger to him at school, often having some classes together with him. So it was somewhat refreshing to see someone you knew a little well in class. Every so often you’d catch the kid looking at you apologetically from the dining room whenever Steve or Two would say something that would’ve made anyone else run for the hills.

° “You know, if you keep goin’ like that, Johnny-cakes’ heads gonna burst into flames.”

° Whenever the boys got too rambunctious, Darry would pipe up from the doorway, reminding the boys that they needed to tone it down. After all, they’d promised Johnny they’d be on their best behavior, which in fact, that whole promise had been thrown out the window long ago. You’d just accepted it at this point.

° Eventually nighttime curled over Tulsa Oklahoma, and it was time for you to head on home. As soon as you and Johnny got down to the lot, he was intent on apologizing for their awful behavior, absolutely certain that you wouldn’t wanna be with a bum like him that hung out with trash like that.

° “What’re you apologizin’ for? I like em’. I mean, they’re awful, but...” You grinned at your boyfriend, linking fingers with him.

° “Did Two sneak you some booze?!” Johnny was animated, his voice cracking as it reached an octave that it hadn’t before.

° It did take awhile for the gang to accept you as Johnny’s girlfriend, but that didn’t matter to you as the cat was out of the bag: Outing your relationship to both of your friend groups was probably the best avenue to have gone down, since it was never in either of your guys’s nature to have just shown up to school one day holding hands and all that mushy galore!

° Everyone at school made a huge deal out of you guys dating for about a week until the next ‘crazy’ rumor swept their attention. Although you were still subject to some odd looks and some remarks, the pair of you just ignored them.

° The most the pair of you would do in public was hold hands or Johnny’s arm was around your shoulders. Subtle things. He got a whole ear full from the gang about how whipped he was. Johnny just didn’t dig the whole possessive thing that Dally was into. He didn’t need the whole world watching him make out with you!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

please like, reblog and follow for more!

requests: open!

[variousqueerthings]

Johnny and ADHD

alright, I’ve wanted to write something about ADHD Johnny for awhile now.

Waaay back in February @deliciousbananavoidpurse made this post and I made some haphazard additions, but now, at last, I ramble!

This isn’t really an addition to that list so much as a... idk, seeing it from an almost fic-but-kind-of-meta point of view. Those points In Practise, with an additional young Johnny.

1.

Johnny’s a kid. He and his mom have been living hand-to-mouth for as long as he remembers, in and out of schools, in and out of apartments and cars. Of course he’s going to be flighty, spaced-out, unfocused.

He’s an easy target – not very big (he doesn’t get a lot of good meals), dirty clothes, and… weird. He gets beaten up sometimes, but mostly he sticks as much to himself as he can and doesn’t go to school if he can help it. Laura saves up and gets him a walkman.

After that it’s like the world doesn’t exist to him at all.

She thinks that’s easier than trying to make him live in it. But he deserves better. They both do. So she makes a decision that changes everything…

2.

Johnny’s not going hungry these days. In fact, he eats constantly, like he’s making up for lost time. His clothes are new and he gets anything he wants. He’s enrolled in school properly.

But Johnny himself doesn’t change much. He’s vibrating with an energy he can’t explain – normal for boys – he skips school, he goes off somewhere in his own mind, struggles with making friends, gets into fights he can’t win, and all day he listens to music. Still skinny, still flighty, still weird.

Tries new things that become all-encompassing for him and drops them one day to the next – normal for boys, all normal for boys – and then -

3.

Johnny sees those boys: Tall, broad, leather jackets, rad bikes, shining, beautiful. He watches them through the window for hours, transfixed in a way only riding his bike and listening to music used to do. 

He joins Cobra Kai.

And finally, like a dam breaking, he focuses. He focuses like he’s a machine. Like nothing else matters. He takes everything happening at home, every beating he ever took, every failing grade (he tries, but school never manages to matter – the other Cobras help, simply by being there and sometimes especially Bobby forces him to sit down and write a paper, but he’ll never be smart, that’s fine), and he puts them into his fist.

He trusts Kreese to tell him what to think, what to feel, what to do. Finally, finally, everything makes sense. It’s just him and his body and someone he trusts telling him what to do with it. 

Nothing else matters.

4.

There are other things that matter. 

He’s getting his life in order so he can leave Sid’s and take his Mom with him. He’s going to be the right kind of boyfriend to Ali. He’ll do well enough in his final year to make up for the previous ones, and he’s got karate, and Kreese, who’s telling him he’s the champ. 

Who he can trust.

But he gets into trouble, he drinks, his grades continue to slip, and suddenly (or is it gradually, he can’t tell with time sometimes) Ali is telling him he’s changed – angry, volatile, forgetful, (okay he was always forgetful, but it’s getting worse – is karate the only thing he cares about?), but it’s fine, he can fix that too. He just has to change everything that doesn’t work. If he can be that good at karate, it just means he’s not trying hard enough everywhere else. Just needs to try harder.

Just. Easy. He has a plan. He has a hundred plans.

5.

It all blows up in his face and suddenly he’s faced with the truth: that there really is nothing he’s good for. Karate? What’s that ever gotten him? What else has he got to show for it? 

He’s still just the same kid he was – alright, he’s bigger, babes will stop and check him out, he’s learned how to charm people if he has to, but those are just scripts and they don’t work for long if he doesn’t have anything else to back them up and they bore him - they bore him in ways he thinks have gotta be different to what everyone else means when they say they’re bored. 

He doesn’t have a plan. He has a hundred plans. He doesn’t have anyone to tell him what to do. He doesn’t know what to do. He knows what to do.

He drinks more. What does it matter, he’s young, life’s short, there’s nothing he can learn now (and really, if you know a couple of things you can scrape by – when they turn off the lights he knows he forgot to pay the bills, when he gets arrested he knows he fucked up and let his emotions get away with him), and before he knows it it’s 2002.

6.

His mom dies. Robby is born. Someone smarter than him could figure out some kind of poetic meaning behind that, but he’s not smart, so he just lets the moments pass him by like everything else has passed him by.

He’s getting by with what he knows. The world outside is like a blur. He’s got what he’s always had: music, a car, his looks. He’s doing okay for someone in his mid-thirties who doesn’t know how to boil spaghetti and drinks first thing in the morning.

 Probably all the fighting. He kept it up, informally. Maybe because it’s too deep in his bones for him to let go of, even if it just reminds him over and over that he couldn’t take it. That he can’t take it.

He fights whenever it all gets to be too much and even the drinking doesn’t work. Sometimes he punches walls to fight himself. It’s like a sharp feeling that he can’t ignore that can only be silenced with fighting. The off-button.

7.

2017 (again, the past is a blur. 2017? what happened to thirty-five? What happened to being young? Someone who’s young is allowed to be like this, but he’s…)

He never owned a computer. He never learned new words or anything else that wasn’t immediately important. He makes a handshake deal, because his credit is shit, but also because he never figured out how contracts really work. He still struggles with bills (you can leave anything to the last minute and beyond and things can still turn out okay), struggles with communication. His old scripts don’t work any more and he can’t learn new ones. He’s forgotten enough promises he made to watch Robby’s matches or drive him to school – even his birthday sometimes, even when he writes it down and forgets where he wrote it down - that Robby wants nothing more to do with him. Forgets groceries. 

He’ll do or say something and people will look at him like he’s stupid and he doesn’t know why. He refuses to ask, because he just wants the looks to go away. He knows he’s stupid. He knows he can’t figure things out. He knows, okay? Shut up.

He’s not an alcoholic. He just drinks to wake up. To forget. To calm down (that electricity that existed in his body as a kid never went away, even though he’s so so tired. The machine inside of him that won’t shut off without a fight, won’t let him stop moving). To sleep. To drink. To do something.

He sees Miguel and has a hundred new plans. He sees the future like it’s right there and a million miles away. He was never good at implementing long-term plans. He thinks maybe karate can save him, just like it did when he was a kid. 

8.

There’s something wrong with his brain. Has been all his life. That’s not how he was told, he was given a bunch of tests and gently informed – undiagnosed it can lead to some of the problems you’ve had, it’s normal, it’s okay – like he’s dying of cancer. But that’s the gist of it. He didn’t fuck up because he didn’t try hard enough, he was always going to fuck up. That doesn’t make him feel better.

It means quitting the alcohol is gonna fail. It means he really is stupid. It means he could’ve never been the kid his mom needed. It means he was easy for Kreese to manipulate. It means Robby could be fucked up too and he’s failed him again. It means he’s not worth the time and pain that people invest in him, like his mom, Ali, Shannon, Robby, Bobby, Miguel, Carmen, Daniel -

“Hey.”

It means he’s got Emotional Dysregulation. Translated: he’s the kind of man who has to work extra hard not to cry (explains why he was such a pussy as a kid. Also explains all the pain in his chest and throat right before roughly... 70% of his most recent fights). And fuck, he just failed.

“What?” Anger is better. It’s also a dysregulation apparently, but it’s better than being weak.

“It’s okay,” says Daniel, and of course he’d think that – he’s never seen a nameable problem he didn’t wanna fix, but didn’t you hear LaRusso, you can’t fix this. Never could. 

“It’s not about fixing,” answers Daniel. “It’s about understanding. It’s about knowing who you are. If you know who you are, you can make a choice.”

“What kinda choice do I have?”

Daniel shrugs. “You chose to take in Miguel. You chose not to fight me, more times than I chose to fight you in the last couple of years. You chose that you wanted to know who you were. And you chose to try being sober. Those are all good decisions in my book. Anything else… we can figure things out from here. Trust me.”

He places a hand on the back of Johnny’s neck, grounding him. Daniel has that power. The power to make everything okay for a second. 

Johnny thinks: Please tell me what to do. I was always okay once you gave me something to do. Like karate. Figuring things out is… too abstract. Eventually though, he knows, if he’s patient, Daniel will tell him what to do next. 

He just has to trust him.

9. (Extra: things Johnny does, because of the brain he has)

Johnny trusts easily, despite it all. He’s honest (and sometimes too literal). He’s passionate. He’s driven. He’s loving. He feels, so so much. He’s protective and he’s loyal. He tries his hardest, even when everything – including his own brain – refuses to help. He believes in second chances for others (and he’s beginning to believe in it for himself). He’s good with kids when he lets himself be. He’s learning to be gentle with himself and others. He’s learning that bravery takes many shapes. He’s learning that he can learn, and he’s learning what he needs for that to happen. He’s a good mentor. He’s learning to be a better friend. He’s kind. He’s honourable. He’s trying to rectify his own mistakes, and he’s trying not to let the mistakes of others continue to impact his life. He’s moving forwards.

[it-was-summer]

Sudden Desire (Five x fem!reader)

Requested: yes!!!!!

Plot: Could I request a Five X Reader where the reader is the next door neighbor (her parents wanted to keep her but still wanted her to master her powers) and she sees Five leave the house before he time travels for the first time maybe she like trips into him and are both teleported (sorry just wanted to help w/ backstory) but anyway they fall in love in the apocalypse but when they get back she is worried that he won't pick her cuz he has other options you know given that they aren't the last people alive anymore. I hope that you like it! @andreasworlsboring101 

Word Count: 3451

Loving. That was the first word that came to your mind when you thought about your parents. They loved you with every bone in their bodies, even if you were some freak of nature. Maybe it was because they decided to keep you, your mother was in her late twenties and already trying for a baby, so to her you were viewed as a miracle instead of something alien. 

She wanted you, but she wanted you to be able to have a purpose. That was clear, even early on.

Wind blew through your braided hair as you pushed the gates to knock on the Hargreeve’s door. Not having the pleasure of being one of the numbers that lives there, you always felt out of place. It was for the better that you were being trained to be contained. Trained to have a purpose. Being trained so you could feel better about yourself. 

Maybe it was because you knew something was unnatural about you or maybe it was because your little power was a destructive one. Pyrokinesis, one little snap from your fingers and a dangerous little fire would sway in your palms. Sir Hargreeves took great pleasure in your power and always made a backhanded compliment about how wonderful it was to be so dangerous. That just didn’t sit right with you. 

Luckily enough you never had a hard time controlling your powers and being that you were so scared of them, you never abused them. So here you were sitting with Ben in the kitchen, watching Five make a marshmallow and peanut butter sandwich. “Why wouldn’t you toast the marshmallows,” you watched Five disappear in a flash a blue before you continued “, or just use marshmallow fluff?” you questioned, sipping on a glass of water. 

“Marshmallow fluff,” Ben hummed with interest, earning an agreeable nod from you as Five let out a small sigh. 

“Doesn’t taste the same,” he spread smooth peanut butter on bread with a frown “ Why are you two in here anyway?” 

“Dangers of a feather stick together.” you said with a playful giggle, earning a side eyed glare from Five. “I know that's not how the phrase goes,” 

You sat on the window sill with a thin blanket wrapped around your torso tightly in a desperate attempt to stop the shiver that was going down your spine. You head tilted up as you heard a gentle thump in your bedroom, and yet you remained unchanged. You knew who it was. 

“Five,” you muttered softly as you moved your head to stick out of the window, letting wind style your hair and cold grace you with a smile. 

“You’re going to get sick.” he sat next to you on the bench with a soft sound of annoyance. 

“Worried?” 

“Only when you get that look in your eyes.” 

You turned your head quickly to look at him with a laugh. “What do you mean? What look in my eyes?” you questioned, inching closer with rosy cheeks from the cold. 

He waved his hand and mumbled incoherent nonsense before saying “You know that look you get, like you are miserable.” 

“I don’t get that look in my eyes,”

“Okay, sure.” Five scoffed gently as he leaned out of the window. You frowned slightly before copying his actions. 

The next day you couldn't help but notice how Five was watching you during training, whenever you would catch him watching you he would smile before zapping away. Allison shared a look with you sharing an unspoken question ‘What’s going on there?’ That question did seem daunting, however you decided that it was better to not say it out loud, so back to training you went.  

You were running late. You had to be at lunch with the Hargreeves, but you ended up sleeping past your alarm. You were rushing to get dressed appropriately, combing your hands through your hair nervously as you finally stepped out of the door only to crash into Five. He groaned, looking over at you with a look of sudden guilt. “Five,” you said his name in relief, thinking he was on his way to come and get you. He turned on his heel very suddenly however and started to run. Panic flooded your veins as you started to run after him, a terrible feeling filling all your senses. 

You reached out once you caught up to him, touching his shoulder before the two of you disappeared in a terrifying flash of blue. Then again, and again, and again, till there was nothing to teleport to but fire. 

It was everything that controlled your nightmares, everything that tormented you in waking life as well. There was not a person to be found, the ground was decorated with black soot. Your face heated up rapidly as you let out a scream, allowing Five’s arms to wrap around you tightly as you dropped down to ground to the sound of soft “I’m sorries” in your ear. 

You knew he didn’t show it as often as you did, but you could tell he missed his family. You assumed he probably even missed his father, he wanted to go back so back. He was working so hard. The worst thing was how he looked at you, he would look at you with a look that screamed agony. You sometimes would fill with such rage that you wished that you would have stayed asleep that day, but then you can't help but think about how lonely Five would be. He had lost his family, but at least he had you. You had him. 

You could see it in his eyes when the sky would seem especially clear, you could see the anguish. At first the two of you would fight about how stupid you were for following him out of the house that day. Now the two of you didn’t fight at all, it had been a couple of years, seven maybe. 

Seven years of fighting with each other, seven years of staring at each other. The two of you only had each other. It took seven years for him to make a move. It was a clear Summer’s night, if there was one good thing about the apocalypse it was how clearly you could see the stars. Millions of miles away, beautifully astonishing and out of your reach. 

Five played with a faded book, flipping through the pages aimlessly before he looked up at you. You smiled as you caught his gaze. “Do you remember when we found that old record player,” he nodded as you sighed “I miss music so much.” your voice cracked lightly before you let out a shaky sigh. Five stood, walking over to you as he offered his hand. You stared down at it before you laughed “I can’t dance”

He knew that. “Let’s walk.” 

“Okay.”

So the two of you walked talking about little things. You were sure that Five missed Marshmallows the most out of silly material possessions go. He laughed. Sometimes the days would be so bleak that you forgot that his laugh was so pretty. So wonderful. The two of you slowed, the dark of the night becoming so black the two of you could barely see. 

You took a tiny step back as you held out your hand, fire weaving through your fingers and illuminating the two of you in the dark. “Still scared of the dark?” Five teased gently as he leaned in towards you. 

“No.” you replied with a small smile. You moved your flaming hand away from his body as he got closer, his eyes dipping to your lips before meeting your eyes once more. You smiled wider as you gave a tiny nod before Five kissed you. He pulled away quickly, surprised “Your lips are so warm!”

Now several years have passed, youth faded, but love stays strong. You were happy that through all the miseries you got to spend your life with someone. Someone who loved you. Then the biggest misery of all eras made an appearance, the Handler. A stunning woman, the only other woman you had seen in years. The only other woman that Five had seen as well. She was attractive and smart. She had an offer. You were initially against her offer, so terrified of how painful your powers could be to people, but Five convinced you. He knew it was the only way that the two of you could go back. The only other way the two of you could see the others. The only other way to save the world.

So the two of you said yes. They put Five on more cases than they did you. Something you were grateful for. It had been years of not seeing people and only having Five to talk to that you dreaded that the people you actually got to meet were the very same ones you had to kill. Killing hurt you more than it did Five. He handled it better, anything to get back. You would sleep next to him only to wake up covered in sweat as you dreamt about arson. Flames covering houses, boats, bodies and lives. You were still learning how to handle it. Five was just better at it than you. 

It was a case that they assigned the two of you on, the Kennedy assignment, that he came up with the plan to go back. It was impulsive, but it was just crazy enough to work. You held onto him tightly as time began to twist and warp in front of the two of you. Then, after the slight struggle, you were both children again in the backyard. 

You wanted to save the world, you knew that your mind should have been fixed on saving the literal world. Fixed on something other than the house next door, but you couldn’t help yourself. Five was running around, trying to preoccupy the commission, you know that this was the best time to check on your family. You doubted that the Hargreeves gave your parents much attention. You knocked on the door lightly, breath leaving your lungs and water filling your eyes as you waited for the door to open. When it did, you father stood, gasping gently as he whispered your name. 

That afternoon you learnt that your mother died of cancer a few years back. It was heartbreaking to hear how the last thing she thought about was her husband and her long lost child. Your father told you how the two of them would look through photo albums at her hospital bed. He told you that he never left her side, how he couldn’t bring himself to leave her side. Through tears you explained your situation to a man who was seeing his pre-teen daughter for the second time in seventeen years. 

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that the world would be ending in a couple of days. You told him that you and Five ended up in a beautiful version of the future. A small white lie you said to keep him smiling. To keep the two of you smiling and maybe, with the help of you and Five, it would become true. 

Now you were in Five’s bedroom, wearing Allison’s old uniform, waiting for him to come back home. It was at times like these that you wish you could see him, when your brain was eating away at you. You knew he wouldn’t want to know about your father. His brain was too focused on the end of the world, just like how yours should be. 

When you were with him, you noticed something strange. Sometimes when the two of you would be on the important mission of stopping the end of the world, he would get stares. You didn’t think he noticed them, but you noticed he wasn’t looking at you as much anymore. Sometimes looking at anything but, like he was avoiding your eyes. The thought made you dirty, but you couldn’t help but think that these strangers, these children were making him realize something. Maybe he was realizing that you are nothing. Nothing but a destructive toy, something that he could easily discard at any moment. Of course you never said anything, he had something more important on his mind. 

You were being foolish after all, you had been with him for years, for a lifetime. He would never leave you, but then he had that look in his eyes. He looked like he was planning something. When you asked he only looked at you, sighed before saying ‘I’m saving the world’. 

You hated that language, the two of you were saving the world, together. Yet, he said ‘I’m’ as in I am. He was saving the world, you were just something to keep him warm at night. Something to make sure he didn’t get bored. Something that was so disposable, you didn’t get to be involved in his plans. 

You so desperately tried to pull away from your own dreadful thoughts, but he was missing. Luther left with him, he insisted you stayed at home, that you watched his family till he got back. You knew it was an excuse to keep you safe, you were trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t because he was leaving you for something else. For someone else, but then he was gone and his siblings were fighting again. You wanted to be helpful, you wanted to keep them in place, but Diego would hiss that you weren't part of the family and you never will be. You nodded wordlessly as you left the living room, Vanya following close behind with her boyfriend who you didn’t trust much. She muttered a soft apology to you before leaving, leaving you on the steps of the house.

Now you were in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere. You weren't exactly sure how you ended up here. Tall grass surrounded you as you sat on the damp soil. You felt your core warm up with rage as you sat there. The longer you sat there, the more you felt like you were going to explode. He left you. He left you, begged you to stay home so he could leave you. He wanted to make sure you couldn’t follow him this time, because this time he wouldn’t be kissing you underneath the stars. This time he wouldn’t be muttering an embarrassed ‘I love you’ in an abandoned house. This time he didn’t want you there, He didn’t want your love, he didn't want your laughter, your jokes, your hands, your lips, and he didn’t want you.

You left out a heartbreaking scream as flames surrounded you. You started to punch the ground in a desperate attempt to get all of the rage out, the fire spewing out of your finger tips ranging from red to blue before it finally disappeared along with the field around you. You broke down crying in a burning field, ash filling your lungs as the moon shined down on your mental breakdown.

You let out sobs so loud, you were sure your lungs were going to break. You cried so hard that your eyes seemed to dry out. They were dry until you thought about how he didn’t want you, then they managed to fill with painful tears once again as you laid down on the dead earth.

Then the day repeated itself and the field was there again, but you were back in the Hargreeve’s house, silently watching the siblings fight amongst each other. You were about to speak when Five arrived in a flash of blue. Your mouth closed slowly as the lump in your throat appeared, stopping all words from leaving your mouth. 

He was surrounded by his siblings and yet all you wanted to do was to pull him away and scream at him. You wanted to scream how he was selfish, how you hoped he was happy with his new person. You were so childish and so horribly invested in him that you could feel the flickers of flame swaying inside of you, dissolving the imaginary cotton in your mouth and replacing it with something more passionate. Your eyes were trained on Five now, how his body shivered against the chill wind and how he was walking around Harold Jenkins house. Then he dropped to the floor and you felt the flames flicker out, leaving you an empty husk of ice. 

Maybe you were being a child. It was childish of you to assume that Five would ever do such a thing. Maybe you were only thinking rationally because he was injured. You bit your lips, picking at it so much you ignored the taste of blood that filled your mouth as you watched Five sleep. You didn’t realize how much needed Five till these past few days, there was no way he could live peacefully without you either, right? How could it all be so terribly one-sided? It had to be mutual. You watched his eyelids open and the panic set in.

Five didn’t seem to notice you till he was trying to get out of bed. He looked at you with a frown “Don’t just sit there, help me up!” he grumbled as he waited for you to move. You didn’t move through, eyes refusing to leave him.

“I need you to sit.”

“What? I need to go! We have to go!” he fought against your words, standing up with a moan of pain. 

“This won’t last long,” you stood up and pushed him back down onto the bed with a frown, staring down at him with cynical eyes. So many things were racing through your mind and you stared down at him. You felt so cold. 

“You left me,”

“I didn’t.”

“You did!” your voice broke for a second as you swallowed. 

“We don’t have time to fight! We have to go, Vanya-”

“Now it’s we, huh? No longer ‘I’m’?” you questioned harshly as Five stared up at you confused. “I get it, the world is ending! We both know that, your siblings know that, the commission knows that, but you! You decide to work alone, I’ve been with you for years, forty-five years! That’s how many years we’ve been working together! Forty-five years of us loving each other? Then we get back to civilization and you,” you choked on your words, gasping softly “, you don’t even care about me!” 

“I never said that,” he reached up, grabbing your wrist gently as he attempted to pull you down to the bed. You yanked your hand away, sitting away from him on the bed, stopping the tears from leaving your eyes. “ You know I never said that. I just,” his eyes locked onto yours as he gave you a heartbreaking smile “I was scared that they were going to hurt you. I thought that if I kept pushing you away, they would only focus on me. They did! It worked, but I guess I couldn't comprehend the idea of losing you.” he explained in a tone so gentle you weren’t expecting. You built up this horrid fight, a horrible heart shattering moment where your own personal world would end. 

You opened your mouth to speak only for Five to hold up his hand with a frown “I needed to know that no matter what happened, you were going to be here. That you were going to be somewhat safe till I got back, even if it was with my dysfunctional family. I needed that, because I love you.” He reached for your hand and this time you let him take it, guilty washing over you. 

“I just,” you swallowed hard and held his hand tightly “, I thought you were going to leave me, for something better, or maybe for someone better. Someone who, you know doesn’t shoot fire at people or something?” you joked half heartedly as you forced a chuckle to escape your mouth. 

Five brought your hand up to his lips, kissing it gently “Leave you? For someone normal, how stupid,” you eyes filled with tears instantaneously “, wait, wait, wait don’t cry!” he said, scooting closer to brush your tears away with his fingers, cupping your face with both of his hands. 

“I’m so sorry,”

“It’s okay,”

“No, no, I’m horrible. I’m so sorry!” you whimpered gently as he inched closer, kissing your redden cheeks, laughing. 

“You’re okay, it’s okay. I forgive you, okay?” he dipped his head a little to look into your eyes as you nodded, mouthing a wordless ‘okay’ before kissing him on the lips, the fire returning in all of its splendor. 

[beeexx]

The missing Tarlos scenes from 2x06

Word count: 4.8    Read on ao3

.......

“You know you need to tell him this, right?”

“No, no, I really don’t.” TK protests loudly, by banging the frozen bag of chickens into the counter, hoping they will shake loose with the excess force he is using. Carlos lifts an eyebrow from where he is standing in boxers and an old tank top, too much skin on display for it to be good for TK’s health, cutting onions into small, stupidly neat pieces on the chopping board. 

“TK….” Carlos begins, in that voice of his and TK turns around, eyes flashing.

“Carlos.” 

Carlos huffs.

“Babe, this is clearly bothering you, and taking it out on our poor dinner isn’t ideal.” He points out.

“Oh, sure Carlos, I’ll just tell my dad that him having another kid is a terrible idea because I’m a prime example of how they messed up with the first one.”

“TK…” 

“Oh and while I’m at it I might as well bring up how I am feeling about it and make it all about myself like I always do, that ought to go down really well.” He snaps and Carlos sighs. 

“You don’t make everything about yourself.” TK lifts an eyebrow and Carlos snorts. “Okay, sometimes you do, but often not without a legit reason and this is definitely a situation I feel you’re entitled to feel whatever it is that you’re really feeling and express that.” 

“Okay, well if we’re on the subject of telling parents what we really think then why don’t you take a page out of your own book and tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, oh, or better yet, the way you’ve been feeling for years about them refusing to acknowledge that you’re gay.” As soon as the words leave his mouth TK regrets them and he winces at the wounded look Carlos sends his way at his harsh words.

Fuck. 

“That’s not the same thing.” Carlos mutters, he sounds bitter about it and were it not for the deeply thoughtful look also making its way across his features TK would take the words back immediately.

“I could have gone about that differently, sorry…. But, but isn’t that exactly the same thing as this is though.” 

“We were talking about you.” Carlos points out in an attempt to deflect and TK just chooses to let it go because he doesn’t have the energy to have an argument about two different things at the moment. His head is enough of a mess as it is. 

“My point still stands, talking to your parents about all the ways they have hurt you is fucking hard, okay?”

“Yes, okay I will agree with you on that.”

“And if you really want to make this all about me this time then fine. Try telling my dad, Owen Strand, Captain of the 126, adored by his crew, envied by even more, hero, cancer survivor, the list could go on for a long time Carlos, yes try telling that person that oh yeah by the way dad you neglected me as a child and now I have both abandonment issues, self esteem issues and a constant fear that no one is ever going to love me because I am not worthy of it, that will go down real well.” 

He hits the bag three more times against the counter and lets out a triumphant sound as the frozen chickens finally rattle loose inside and he turns to hold it up to Carlos, a sly little smile at the corner of his lip, because his tactic did work even though Carlos had doubted it would. Carlos isn’t smiling though, he’s frowning, concern written all over his face, eyebrows pinched together and TK drops the bag in confusion.

“What?”

Carlos puts the knife down and takes the bag from TK, throwing it lazily, without looking in the direction of the kitchen sink before he steps up close, wrapping his arms around TK and pulling him close. TK lets out a huff of air, taken aback by the fierceness of the action. 

“I hate it when you do this to yourself…” Carlos starts and TK sighs, wraps his arms around him back and nods against Carlos’ neck, can’t help but breathe him in, feeling the calming effect of it already working through his system. 

“Sorry.”

“No, no don’t apologise.” Carlos leans back and TK looks up to meet his stormy eyes. He opens his mouth but he isn’t sure what to say. 

“I love you, okay? So much and I wish I could hit that into your thick skull sometimes but I can’t, so I’m just going to have to spend every day in this relationship proving that you are indeed worthy of love and no past damage or mistakes will change that, okay?” TK can only nod, his throat suddenly thick with emotions he doesn’t know how to express.

“With that said, you’re not very good at keeping things bottled up, especially not for a long time and especially not something this big, so you should probably really think about what you actually feel about this whole situation before you choose to do that.”

“Judd said I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, something about me wanting to push the baby down a well or something because I couldn’t handle not being the only child anymore.”

“He said what now?” TK chuckles at Carlos’ incredulous look and he shrugs.

“It was some biblical reference I don’t know. Prodigal son?” 

“Oh, like Cain and Abel, like a lesser known older brother and the jealousy that stems from it because it’s natural to resent the baby because you’re scared it’s going to take your place.” Realisation dawns on Carlos’ face and his eyes light up like they always do when he gets to talk about things he knows, which at times is a surprisingly big amount of random shit.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly that.” TK says sarcastically, gives Carlos a curious look.

“What? I read.” He shrugs and smirks proudly. TK hums. ”Well Judd is good at a lot of things, maybe giving advice isn’t his forte.”

“And yours is?” TK lifts a challenging eyebrow. 

“I am an excellent advice giver, I’ll have you know. The issue isn’t me, the issue is everyone else and no one listening to what I’m saying.”

“Oh, so you have a lot of experience then, giving advice?” TK bites down his smile as Carlos glares without heat.

“I chased Michelle around for years when she was getting in trouble searching for her sister. I definitely have a lot of experience.” TK chuckles and leans up to kiss his nose. It wrinkles adorably and TK’s heart tugs in his chest. He loves Carlos so much.

“I love you too, so much. And I’m sorry for bringing up your parents again, that wasn’t nice of me.” TK apologizes and Carlos nods and watches back with quiet brown intense eyes.

“It’s okay, you were right though.” He grudgingly admits. 

“Maybe, but there is no pressure, as I’ve said you can take all the time in the world that you need to figure it out and I’ll support you either way.” He promises and Carlos gives him a soft beautiful smile.

“Thanks.” Carlos whispers, grateful and TK nods, and gently starts scraping his knuckles against Carlos’ scalp, pulling at his curls in a way that makes his face soften immediately, eyes falling shut in contentment and his arms tighten around TK, breathing heavily. His reaction tells TK that Carlos feels really comforted by the way he is touching him and that he needed it more than he let on.

TK has always responded well to touch, Carlos picked up on that a lot quicker than most, but it’s also not uncommon for Carlos to like it as well. He just doesn’t always express it, so TK’s taken to doing it when he senses it’s something Carlos needs, while not always being aware of it himself. It’s these small gestures TK’s learnt, that you do for the other person and that they do for you that love really is. 

Carlos’ eyes are closed and he’s letting out soft sounds of pleasure, it’s distracting as hell, and it’s making it even more difficult being this close to him and not kissing him, so TK does because he feels he can’t not do it, and angles Carlos’ head down and captures his lips in a searing hot kiss. As always when they kiss like this, starting out soft, but then growing with intention and heat, the slowburn of arousal starts to make its way through his veins, electric energy flooding his system. Only Carlos has this effect on him. 

When Carlos reaches to grab at his hair and then bites at his lip it makes TK whine and chase after him when he moves back. 

“Dinner, remember?” Carlos reminds him, but with his curls standing up unruly and his pupils dark with want, it’s very hard for TK to remember the reason why he can’t skip dinner all together and eat Carlos out instead. Carlos huffs and his hands tighten around his sides like he can read TK’s mind.

“After dinner.”

“Is that a promise?” TK asks slyly. 

“Yes.” Carlos reassures and the slow self satisfied grin tugging at his lips is fucking obscene and TK cheekily grabs his ass in retaliation. Carlos knows the effect he has on him. 

“You know cooking in boxers can be a fire hazard.” He points out.

“Good thing I know an excellent firefighter then.” He says and kisses TK hard on the lips before he steps away, walking back to his mostly finished chopped up onions, giving TK a very nice view of his ass in the black tight boxers he’s wearing. God, his boyfriend is hot as fuck.

The rest of the evening is so nice in fact that for a moment he doesn’t think about his parents or the baby, or anything other than how much he loves Carlos and how lucky he is to really have him in his life.

…….

TK unlocks the door to Carlos’ place, throws the bag towards what he hopes is the direction of the shoes, and puts his keys down in the bowl by the door, where Carlo’s are already lying. He steps inside and almost jumps out of skin when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the stairs, frowning and very clearly waiting for him. Most of the lights are off and it casts his features into stunning relief, even when angry, Carlos is too good looking for his own good.

“So, you heard?” TK gulps and Carlos nods.

“Yes, yes I did hear, from the group chat, but not just that, every goddamn news station in the state is covering how two firefighters jumped through a minefield to save two boys that were hurt.”

“Well, only one of them was hurt.” TK shuts his mouth when Carlos levels him with a deeply unimpressed look and he takes a slow step forward and tries again.

“In my defense, I am certified and I was qualified to do it.” TK stops, draws in a sharp breath, backtracks. “Are you mad?” 

Carlos lets out a deep breath, and his features soften slightly before he shakes his head, scrubs a hand through his face and when he looks up his eyes are wide and sad.

“No, no, of course I’m not mad. Just extremely worried.”

“Oh?” TK asks, feels confused, scrambling to catch up with the change, having been expecting that Carlos would be upset with him. Carlos huffs and opens his arms and it’s all TK needs for him to take a few steps forward before he sits down between Carlos’ legs, wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling him close. Carlos plants a kiss in his hair, and tightens his grip around TK, almost unconsciously starts stroking his hands down his back and TK lets him, can’t push away the guilt that’s come on so strong, mixing badly with the elevation he’s also feeling after the day he’s had. But when his boyfriend reacts like this it can’t help but leave an acid taste in his mouth too.

“I’m not sure whether I want to never let you leave my arms ever again or brag to everyone that I am for sure dating a hero.” Carlos says and were it not for the slight tremor of his voice that he tries to conceal, TK would laugh. 

“I wouldn’t mind never leaving your arms.” He admits because it sounds appealing, especially now, when adrenaline is starting to make way to exhaustion instead. 

Carlos huffs. 

“You’d get bored after a day or two.” He points out and TK shakes his head.

“You underestimate the excellent sex we do have, I’m sure I could be convinced for three days or so.” Carlos laughs, but then one of his hands wrap around TK’s wrist, feeling out his pulse, comforted by the steady thumping of it. TK lets him, allowing himself after the hectic day he’s had to tuck his face into the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck to breathe him in. They both have different ways of calming themselves down when the other one is near and on certain days they need it a little more than on others. 

“Your pulse is beating insanely quick.” Carlos points out after a while and TK hums against Carlos’ neck, gives himself a moment before he detaches himself slightly so he can look at him. 

“Adrenaline.” He shows Carlos his hand that’s still trembling slightly and Carlos’ eyebrow pinch in concern.

“I’m sorry -” TK begins because he really does hate it when Carlos is sad but Carlos shakes his head and interrupts. 

“No, no, this is on me. I know you have a dangerous job that sometimes requires that you take risks, I just wish they didn't have to be this big, a minefield, that’s just insane.” TK nods, he understands.

“But also really cool.” He can’t help but let slip out, eyes alive in excitement and smirking. Carlos snorts and pokes his nose, a little hard maybe, but only a little.

“Yes and designed to give me a goddamn heart attack, you know I’m not even 30, by this rate I’ll be going grey before I hit 35.” He points out, gives TK a look that speaks volumes about how offended Carlos seems to be over that. He laughs and reaches for Carlos’ hair, tugging gently on it.

“I think you’d suit grey really well to be fair.” Carlos wrinkles his nose in distaste and it’s so adorable that he can’t help but laugh again and Carlos distaste slowly melts into something much softer and he sticks his tongue out instead like a mature 26 year old that he is. “And if we’re pointing fingers, remember that hostage situation a while back where an office was shot and I thought it was you because you wouldn’t answer your phone?” Carlos winces and he looks momentarily guilty about that because TK had been so fucking worried he could barely even do his job that day and when Carlos hadn’t answered by the time they were both off shift TK had lost it a little bit. 

“Not my finest moment.” Carlos admits.

“No, so don’t go pointing fingers.” But he’s mostly joking even though that day had been scary as fuck, he so very much understands Carlos’ worry today, he really does. Carlos hums.

“How was it then?” He asks and TK bites at his lip, trying to figure out how to word everything. He turns towards Carlos and sits up on his knees, bringing him eyelevel with him and wraps his arms around his neck. Immediately Carlos’ hands come to rest on his waist, his fingers slipping underneath TK’s jumper to trace skin. 

“It was incredible, well the minefield aside which was scary for sure, but after that I’ve been feeling like I’ve been on this incredibly long lasting high ever since.” Carlos lifts an eyebrow at the metaphor and TK shrugs sheepishly. 

“Yeah, but it’s an apt metaphor for the feeling. I guess I haven’t felt good like that in a while.”

“No?” Carlos asks and there is no trace of judgement or anything in his voice, just kind and curious eyes looking at him. TK nods.

“The only other times I’ve felt this kind of high is you know actually getting high and when I’m with you, I guess the job’s been missing that spark for a while.” Carlos smiles and leans forward to plant a kiss on his nose.

“I’m not totally sure about comparing this relationship to a high.” He points out and TK snorts.

“I’m not, I’m comparing the feeling. Being with you is like pure happiness you know? I feel, just, like I’ve never felt before and even when it’s tough it’s worth it because I love you so much and I know deep down that you love me too and I never don’t want to spend my time with you, so yeah, the feeling is addictive for sure. I really just love you.” He goes quiet and Carlos' eyes have softened and he’s met by a look of pure love and a breathtakingly beautiful smile breaks across Carlos’ face before he pulls TK close and kisses him softly and slowly, making TK’s toes curl inside of his shoes. 

“Fuck.” Carlos whispers against his lips. “I love you too, so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos says with adoring eyes and voice full of love before he runs his hand through TK’s hair and gently pulls him close, kissing him hard on his lips again. It’s TK who pulls back though making Carlos lift an eyebrow in surprise because it’s unexpected for TK to be the one to do this, so before TK can chicken out he blurts out the words.

“But I might have done something stupid…”

“Oh?” Carlos asks, amusement dancing in his eyes like he’s totally expecting it. 

“Yeah, I might have handed in my resume to Vega for the position to become a paramedic.” He rushes the words out, hates the silence between them and can’t help but feel ridiculously nervous all of a sudden waiting for Carlos' reaction. Carlos opens and closes his mouth a few times then shakes his head.

“Okay, wait, I think you need to back up a few steps here so I can follow.” He says, confusion evident in his eyes. But he’s giving TK an encouraging look at TK takes in a deep breath.

“The minefield was not fun and the thought of what could have happened to me and my dad while out there was really scary. I’m not trying to take massive risks anymore, not when I have you to come home to.” Carlos smiles, lovingly, and gives him an encouraging look spurring TK on. “But I knew someone had to get to the kid and with the help of my dad and Vega that I could do something about it, so I volunteered. And the elevation afterwards, that all came from saving the kid. It just… it felt really good to save someone, to be the one to actually do it.” TK confesses loudly for the first time since his shift ended and he in the spur of the moment added his name to the pile in Vega’s office, and saying it makes him feel a little calmer than he has ever since walking off the field. 

“Oh, okay.” Carlos says, not fully understanding yet what TK is trying to say, and yet being so patient with him, waiting for TK to figure it out. 

“I don’t know, I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough in the field, like I could do more... and while I also know that’s not the case because every day we all go out in the field doing our best together. But I think I’ve been carrying this with me for a while now, it’s just that this year has been a lot, and even when there is a pandemic going on people still forget to turn their stove off, and they get into car accidents or have their cats escape up in trees unable to come down. The world hasn’t stopped, it’s been moving and I’ve been moving with it without having the time to reflect a lot on myself and the job. But today, I don’t know, I felt like something just clicked while out there and when I could really help him...I guess, I really liked doing it.” TK blushes because he’s been ranting and he’s averted his eyes but they move back to Carlos by their own accord and Carlos’ eyes have cleared from all earlier confusion, instead understanding has taken over and he nods his head thoughtfully.

“And that’s why you handed in your resume? Because you want to continue doing it?” Carlos fills in and TK nods biting his lip.

“D-do you… Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“It’s not up to me to tell you what to do babe, but you know what?”

“What?” TK asks, hanging onto every word he’s saying. 

“I think you’d be good at it.”

“Yeah?” He asks, hopeful, and Carlos smiles.

“Of course, you’d be amazing at it, if it’s what you want.”

“It is yes, it’s what I want.” TK says with certainty. It’s just clicked, like all that has been shaking loose and upended recently inside of him finally settle a little more.

“Then yes, it’s an amazing idea. You’re going to be so good.” Carlos grins and TK melts because while he doesn’t depend on Carlos’ approval for this it’s so nice to see him be actually happy for him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos promises and TK releases the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and his own face breaks into a relieved smile. 

“I think I could be good at it too.” He confesses a little shyly and Carlos beams and pulls TK slightly forward, his forehead resting on his and everything just settles for TK because nothing beats this, nothing beats Carlos. 

“I’m proud of you.” Carlos says and TK can’t bite down the smile. But it falls off his face after a moment and he moves back, looks a little unsure again.

“I might have done something else that wasn’t very smart.” Carlos huffs, lifts an eyebrow, so ever patient with him.

“What did you do now?”

“I didn’t tell my dad…” He trails off and Carlos grimaces but then a look of determination takes over and he shrugs before he gently grasps TK’s face between his hands, stroking a thumb lovingly along his cheek.

“Well, you know what I think?” TK shakes his head. “I think it’s not any of his business really.”  

That surprises TK to be honest and he lifts an eyebrow.

“W-what? I mean really?”

“Yeah, I mean maybe you should have told him before you just went and did it, but it’s your life and not his. And as long as you’re not doing it for someone else then it’s not really his choice to make.”

“I’m doing it for me, it’s what I want.” Carlos’ lip lifts in a proud smile and he nods.

“Good.”

“But, what if he’s not happy?”

“I don’t think he will be unhappy, maybe a little surprised and maybe give him a moment. But if he knows you like I do, then he will realise it’s a good thing.”

“Okay, I hope so.” TK musters up a wane smile, still can’t push away the spikes of anxiety about the conversation he’s going to have to have with his dad. But it can wait, for a little while at least. 

“You know Vega is going to bust your ass right?” Carlos jokes, eyes full of mirth, smirking and TK snorts.

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

“I remember when Michelle started training under her, the stories she would tell me, Vega is badass and she taught Michelle who is also a badass, I’m expecting she’s going to do the same to you.”

“I’m already a badass.” TK reminds him and Carlos chuckles. 

“True, I think she will do you some good though. Challenge you and allow you to really thrive under her, she has that effect on people.” TK nods.

“It’s a tough job…”

“Yeah, but as you said, you’re already a badass, you’re going to do great.”

“It will be nice to be the paramedic, rather than calling one.” TK says and it grows a little more serious between them. 

“I mean -” TK clears his throat at Carlos’ silence. “I have experience of being on the other end and I know what it’s like being helped. I guess a part of me is looking forward to doing the helping.”

“I see, well you care so much about people and if you get a chance to show that, to show them this.” Carlos' hands move to cover TK’s heart and it flutters in his chest, warmth spreading to every cell of his body and he smiles shyly. “Then, well, you’re going to be very good at it.” TK bites his lip and nods.

“It feels… I don’t know, just right.”

“Good, that’s amazing.” TK doesn’t know what to say but he’s grateful, more than how he knows to express at the moment but in the way Carlo’s face softens, maybe he can read between the lines.

“Have you talked to Owen about the baby yet?” TK groans, can’t help but glare, the moment between them broken suddenly, like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown at him, and he moves his head away, hiding in the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck and nibbles at his skin making Carlos chuckle, twitching in his arms.

“No, not yet…” He says though, voice muffled by Carlos’ skin. 

“Well, do you want to talk about it?” TK sighs but takes his head away and meets Carlos’ eyes. 

“I feel… I mean I am happy for them of course but...” He bites at his lip, hard and Carlos reaches forward with his thumb to gently stroke it over the swollen redness making TK stop the action. He takes in a deep breath instead.

“But they always do this, and I don’t even think they are realising it, but they get so single-minded and focused on themselves that they forget everything else. The fighting isn’t fun, I’ve been in the middle of it and I know how lonely and unwanted you can feel when it happens. What they’re doing, it feels like they are just falling into the same patterns as before without even realising that they are, and it’s not going to last if they do it that way.” 

Carlos looks thoughtful and TK feels annoyed and frustrated because he can’t help but think it makes his parents feel so irresponsible and it’s hard to come to terms with that because his parents in their own right are extremely competent people, it’s just when together, they aren’t always. 

“I support you, I always will and your feelings here are valid and to be worried is honestly a sign of growth.” Carlos begins.

“Oh, you're calling me mature, that’s unusual.” TK jokes, changing the subject.

“I mean you’re definitely a hot mess, a terrible terrible driver for sure.” Carlos easily fires back.

“God, did Judd text you?”

“And filmed some of it. This is why I’m never letting you drive my baby.”

“Hold on, I thought I was your baby, and here I find out you have someone else on the side?” Carlos’ arms tighten around him, biting his lip, the smile threatening to take over. 

“What can I say, I really like that car and I paid a lot of money for it.”

“It’s a terrible car for making out in.” TK reminds him and Carlos smirks, reminded of the few times they’ve gotten frisky in it. 

“True, still not letting you drive it.” He teases and TK glares. 

“Rude.”

“Maybe, but I care too much about the possibility of my greying hairs to get here sooner than I’d like to, to get into a car where you are driving us.”

“Well I might be a paramedic soon, so at least you'd be with someone where your odds are fractionally better if you were to get in an accident.”

“Still not letting you drive it Strand.”

“Worth a shot.” TK laughs and Carlos smiles.

“So, do you want dinner or?”

TK shakes his head.

“No, I’m good, but I’m getting too old to sit on my knees like this.” He grumbles and shifts to get the blood running again. Carlos chuckles and makes it all the easier by just scooping him up in his arms. TK yelps and Carlos grins, delighted by the sound. TK wraps his legs around Carlos’ waist, tightens his arms around his neck.

“Please don’t drop me.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby.” Carlos reassures grinningly. “So, bed?”

“Bed.” TK agrees.

He lets Carlos carry him up the stairs and into the bedroom, feeling so safe in his arms, that whatever conversation that’s waiting for him tomorrow with his dad, doesn’t matter as much anymore.

[captainstarkky]

In ep13 in DAYS, Why do you think TDK was dreaming of MM crying? There has to be a reason right? How can she see a possible future?

Hello!

So, let me tell you in advance, although I work in the discipline of psychology, dream analysis is never my cup of tea (lol) simply because most of its meaning changes overtime.

But either way, since we are here let's do this!

On my short analysis of Episode 13, I gave a bit of what I thought was the reason of TDK dreaming of MM. You can check it here.

But I think I got to elaborate on some parts - since it's short and kind of very straightforward and confusing.

In there, I explained that dreaming of death actually means having a hard time coping up with changes. The thing is that, that change isn't encompassed by whatever we think change is. It actually is the literal change - yes, the one that is constant: change.

TDK does seem to experience a lot of changes throughout the episode doesn't she? She was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer (1), then she discovered that her boyfriend was already married (2), her boss was a sexist that always pointed out the disadvantage of her being a woman, a weirdo showing up to her doorstep (Myul Mang), discovering that this weirdo is actually a supernatural being that is the personification of death himself, entering a contract with him, and finally, probably the biggest, is when her memories were all wiped out - leaving her back to zero before meeting Myul Mang.

Of everything mentioned above, she was able to cope up because she had Myul Mang by her side. But what if we remove MM from the story? It's obvious that her mind wouldn't be able to handle the stress. But she got her family with her. That is the point. Instead of being comforted, I bet she feels even more burdened. She can't talk to anyone how she really feels. She can't easily confide to anyone if she feels scared or what. It was way too different when MM was around.

(He might have a nasty personality, but MM really helped TDK cope with accepting her own demise - and now he's gone from her memory)

Take note that she have a reason why she did it. She had a reason and her reason is that (1) she doesn't want him to feel pain when she's gone; and (2) she already knew what he was planning to do and she doesn't want him to disappear -which he eventually did in Episode 14.

Because of this too much things that are happening in her head - plus the unexpected return of MM in her life, it's inevitable that she would experience a great deal of anxiety and stress. And most of these, if not channeled out of the body could manifest themselves as dreams.

Now we're here. Answering a question on why did she dream about MM crying over her funeral.

So let's lay down the things we know before that scene happened.

Flash back, TDK had her memories of MM wiped out; it was together with their initial contract.

TDK met MM in the most unexpected way at the parking lot.

They talked and we realized that the contact was void when we heard her thoughts - he was not supposed to.

Then they renewed the contract.

MM got very curious about TDK after renewing the contract because Sonyeonshin told him that she did not do anything to him but to TDK.

He asked questions - basically interrogated her.

He saw his phone, then probably asked himself "why does he have a phone and why is the wallpaper of my phone a picture of me and that TDK?" It made him a lot more piqued.

Then TDK was informed that after the biopsy, a portion of her hair would be shaved and her hair would start falling down as the chemo and rad therapy starts. So she was advised to shave it off while she still have time.

She went solo. She went to a saloon and styled her hair before asking the stylist to shave her head off.

But even before that happened, her nose bled and she slightly panicked when the stylist panicked; as she was standing up, she suddenly had a dizziness attack and stumbled. MM caught her as she was falling and he brought her back to the hospital.

Now the dream. Okay, if you've read my short interpretation of it then the explanation of the dream should be OK already. As for "why he dreamt of MM specifically?"

Well, in a scientific point of view, it's easy. It's not that she wanted to see MM. It is because MM was the last person she saw. But that is just too boring, tbh. So let's get haphazard and explain it with fun.

I think, her dreaming of MM, is an indication that her mind is trying to piece out together specific events that would possibly happen. It's not foreseeing, dreams oftentimes don't do that - unless you're a psychic. It's an imagination on what could happen given the facts. MM could be a representation of the great deal of people that would mourn her death - now, why not any from her family? Why specifically MM? Because of either: (1) he's the last person she saw. The closest her brain could describe as 'most human', that is. (2) her brain was closely piecing up information about 'someone' and he fit the bill; (3) she's also equally curious of MM that's why her brain was trying to personify him in her subconscious, now using him as the 'model'; (4) Sometimes, the person you see in your dream is a reflection of what you really feels inside. In my own analysis, Sa-ram in her dream is a reflection of what she really feels inside - sad, sorry, and pity to herself that she would die and she cannot do anything.

Could either of the four. Or: (5) even if she forgot about him, his existence has already been engraved in her system. And by the time he popped out in front of her again, it allowed her brain to see a discrepancy on the system and as it tried to bring back the memories she lost, it brought back the thought of MM crying in front of her memorial. That's the power of curiosity. That is also the reason why most amnestic patients have very vivid dreams - their brain is trying to establish a connection of the severed memories.

And for the record, she did not see a possible future. It was her head making up illusions of what could happen in the future given the facts that she knew. Some of the facts that she knew that probably lead to that dream:

She's dying.

She's supposed to die.

This man (MM) is weird, and he's the last guy I saw.

"He's probably no-one but why does he pop out everywhere I go?"

Bonus information from my theory:

Why did she apologize to MM?

She apologized to MM because she saw him crying. And that's because of her funeral for sure.

Because her brain now recognizes MM as the model of the people who would mourn for her, she apologizes to him.

Because most of the dreams are ambiguous, there is a fictional/conspiracy theory that could say that MM in the dream represents TDK's state of mind. She's not coping up with the change she's been to and she was struggling in trying to connect the dots. She's curious of MM but she can't remember who he is. So she was apologizing.

She was apologizing to herself for literally throwing her happiness away. And even is she forgot who Sa-ram is, she knew that she’s unconsciously longing for him. But she can't remember him - so she was apologizing to him.

Why did she apologize to the real world MM?

It was a brief hallucination - a normal hallucination when a person is asleep. It was her still trying to apologize to the made up MM in her brain, without her knowing that she was really apologizing to the real MM.

It could be that even before MM came inside the room, she was already sleep talking: "I'm sorry." It's just that, coincidentally, he was there, holding her hand and since she saw him in her dream, she unconsciously apologized to him too.

By the way, if a nurse was there, she would've done the same. Scientifically, she was still asleep and not awake. She was in the period of transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep - so technically she was still not on her 100% wakefulness.

I hope I made sense. Lol. It's just, there are a lot of theories popping out and I'm sure most of them are deviating from one another. This is just my opinion of what was happening and others might have different opinions as well. I just hope I laid mine well enough to be understood.

Thank you for asking, doommate!

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track ten

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Indiana’s mental health class was in her first semester in the pre-med program. Abnormal Psychology, PSY 249, in a stuffy room in a building on the far side of campus. She’d hated it. College was supposed to be challenging, her program was supposed to be the most rigorous, and yet the class was a breeze. They went through condition after condition - depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia. The inner workings of the brain, the chemical imbalances, the medications that would help people come back to themselves. She passed the class with a 101%, stowed the knowledge in a seperate folder in her brain for safe keeping, and moved on at the end of the course. But she kept one piece of paper out, one piece of knowledge that didn’t make sense.

Voluntary Emotional Detachment. It was a relatively new idea in the world of psychology, seeing that many of its characteristics could fall under depression. That wasn’t what confused Indy. No, that came when her professor lectured on the voluntary portion. 

“Emotional Detachment is a useful tool sometimes, when it’s used purposefully. For example, if you have a toxic family member in your life, you may voluntarily emotionally detach yourself from them. It’s a defense mechanism, especially during times of trauma. You’ll find yourself numb, unable to feel even if you wanted to. It happens with loss sometimes as well, where you can’t feel the gravity of what you’re losing. Your mind knows what it can withstand, and sometimes, it pulls back. It shields you from the cruel world we live in. It protects.”

Indy had scoffed in her seat, so loud that her professor looked at her and frowned, which was enough to have her blushing red and keeping her head down as she scribbled notes for the rest of the class.

It was the one time she’d ever been reprimanded by an academic authority. Professor Upton pulled her aside before she could escape out of the lecture hall doors. 

“Ms. Cross. You seem like a bright girl, but I don’t appreciate the disrespect.”

“I’m very sorry professor, it won’t happen again.” Indiana had practically stumbled over the words to get them out, her palms sweaty on her backpack strap as she held it on her shoulder.

Indy had a million explanations, but she knew that her professor didn’t care to hear them. And they were lies anyway. The true reason she’d scoffed was something she didn’t want to share.

It was because her professor had made it seem so easy, to just turn it off. Emotionally pull the plug, to sever your ties to someone.

She’d scoffed because if her brain had the capability, and it hadn’t moved to protect her when her mother died, shielded her from the aftermath of unimaginable pain that she’d endured, she wasn’t so sure that she was at all intelligent after all. 

But she understood why now. 

It was because her mother dying had made sense.

Not in the grand scheme of things. Not in a karma driven universe - there was no justifying losing a light as bright as Nicole Cross in a world that had checks and balances, a world that cared. 

But physically, it had made sense. 

Nicole’s cancer started in her pancreas. Stage III when they found it. 13.3% survival rate. And it spread like wildfire. Indiana threw herself into her books, looked for anything, some medical breakthrough that someone had missed. She looked into drug trials, she looked into synthetic pancreas research. All the while, her mother’s cancer took over cell by cell, multiplied and multiplied the way cells are built to. And when it reached her brain, it took over her brainstem. 

When it got to that point, Indiana heard the four words that she would never forget.

“She’s done. We’re done.”

They had echoed out, bouncing off the bleached linoleum, making a cold room even colder. Her father’s voice had never sounded so unfamiliar, and she was glad that her mother was sedated when she broke down. There was no detachment, only raw, searing pain unlike anything she had ever experienced. She sunk to the floor, ragged sobs finally breaking free when she realized what she’d known was coming was finally happening.

The fight was over. It was time to let go. 

Charlie hadn’t cried. No, Charlie stood still as stone in the corner of the room, eyes unblinking as she stared at the shell of her mother in her hospital bed and willed it to be a dream, a nightmare that she would finally wake up from. 

And then, she remembered where she was. She remembered who she was. And she picked her little sister up off the floor and held her in her arms, like she always had when Indiana was hurting.

 Without the vital cues from that little piece of Nicole’s brain telling them to, her heart stopped beating and her lungs stopped asking for air, and she died. 

And it made sense.

This didn’t make sense. His words made no sense.

There was no one to hold Indiana Cross now, and she had a new set of four words that would haunt her.

“I can’t do this.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Six days. Grayson’s thoughts ate him alive for six whole days. He lived through the odd limbo that the world seemed to find itself in on the days between Christmas and New Years. A pause in the spin on the axis, a time to reflect on everything the year had brought, and what the next one had to offer.

Even in his daze, Grayson could only remember one other December he’d tried to hold onto so hard. 

His father’s face was at the forefront of his mind, but not the images that he wanted to see. All he saw was a look of disappointment in his eyes with each hour that Grayson’s lips stayed pressed together while Indiana rested, oblivious in his arms. He towed the selfish line of wanting to enjoy the last days he had with her while his guilt threatened to drown him with every breath he dared to take. He hid it well, as he always did when he really needed to. They had their date nights, with movies and postmates since he still didn’t want her out in public with him. They stayed in the tiny house again to enjoy nature, snuck into Jet’s a few times. He smiled when he was supposed to, went through the motions that were expected of him. It had worked for him before, for videos, for time with friends when all he wanted to do was sit in his room and speak to no one. The only person he could never fool was Ethan, who kept his distance, but stayed close enough to keep his eyes on him. He thought he had everyone but his twin fooled.

But Indiana noticed. Indiana always noticed. 

Nicole had called it the curse of intelligence when she was younger. 

“Sometimes,” she’d said. “When you know too much about how the world works, how people work, you see things you aren’t supposed to. You understand things you aren’t supposed to.”

Indiana was 12 at the time, sitting on the other side of the kitchen table. 

“What do you mean mom? How can you know too much?”

“You’ll know one day. You’ll see.”

The way she’d said it made Indy sit her fork down, her stomach suddenly tight. 

And now she’d seen.

On New Years Eve, Indiana Cross leaned in to kiss her boyfriend as the clock struck midnight, on her couch in her apartment, with her picture frames on the shelf over their heads and the sound of fireworks outside her window.

Grayson didn’t lean in. 

He leaned back, and he spoke.

“I can’t do this.” 

Indiana took a breath. In. Out. Filled her lungs and emptied them again.

She’d noticed. But she hadn’t let herself believe it. She’d pushed every little nuance she’d seen, every time that Grayson’s eyes didn’t catch the smile he tried to put on his face the last few days- she’d pushed it to the back of her mind and justified it. He was just worried about leaving, he was just stressed about Bekah like she was, he was just tired. She’d seen every sign and she’d justified it. 

She swallowed air, her throat painfully dry.

“What?”

“I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”

Indiana did what she always did, what she’d always done her entire life when anything didn’t make sense, when anything went slightly off track. 

She tried to understand why. 

She racked her brain for everything that she’d done, every syllable she’d spoken, and every movement she’d made since that first day at Frazier outside, with him in his green pants on the bench, and her with two Jet’s coffee’s in her hands. 

Her fingers were cold as she pressed her hands together. There was a finality in his tone that had her chest tight, her ribs pressed together, muscles pushing on bones and squeezing everything until she felt like she was going to suffocate. She opened her mouth. 

“Oh.”

Grayson had his head in his hands, leaned over his knees on the couch. He shook in an unfamiliar way, like he was choking, and it took Indy a moment to realize that he was crying. 

She felt like she was in a dream, watching what was happening to her from the outside. It was like slow motion as she watched the girl on the couch curl in on herself, her walls reconstructing at ten times speed - he’d been so gentle with each brick that she didn’t even realize they’d been taken down. He spoke after a moment of heavy silence.

“I love you, but we can’t. I can’t do this to you.”

Her brain refused to process it, refused to even try to dissect it, and she spoke the only word she seemed to be able to find.

“Oh.”

“Indy I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I should have said something sooner, I wanted to, I’m an asshole for waiting this long.”

She swallowed and wrung her hands together.

“When is your flight?”

His tears streamed faster somehow as he blinked.

“Tomorrow afternoon. We have meetings on the 2nd.”

In. Out.

“What time?”

Grayson looked up. Indiana was sitting straight up, head up high. The only thing moving were her hands, which she kept squeezing together over and over. It scared him, to see his once bubbly girl so still while his tears continued to fall. He couldn’t read her. 

“I’m not sure, I’d have to check. Dee, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She smiled her hospital smile, the one she used when she got bad news, and it was somehow worse than if she’d yelled at him.

“Indy.”

“It’s okay. C’mere, it’s okay.”

She opened up her arms for him, and she didn’t even seem to notice that they were shaking ever so slightly.

Grayson’s eyes were too blurry to see the quiver. He was fighting himself again, wagering whether sinking into her arms would only cause more damage in the long run. But he knew how it felt to be there, and he wagered that it would be worth whatever hellish guilt it was sure to bring later. So he leaned in, and just a single touch from her had him sobbing again. He pressed his face into her shoulder with so much force that she fell backwards a bit, and suddenly they were intertwined with him above her on the couch.

His pain was physical. She could feel it, in the way his body shook and paused when he tried to suck in a breath that his lungs desperately needed, the wet hot air soaking through her shirt with every exhale he choked out. His tears were warm, the salt already stiffening the fabric that soaked them up. Her hands found his back, and she lifted a finger to his skin before she paused. 

She didn’t know what to write anymore.

Instead, she moved her hand to his hair, scratching at his scalp, holding him steady. He was heavy against her and she closed her eyes, felt him there with her, took in the weight of him. 

“Shhhh. It’s okay.” We’re okay. “You’re okay.”

Her words only made Grayson cry harder when he realized what she was doing. He came back to himself for a moment when he realized that all the shaking wasn’t him. He could feel the way she held onto him and shook, so subtle that he could tell she was fighting it. His stomach churned at the thought of how bad her pain must be if it was causing a reaction in her body, and he moved to push himself up.

“Indy.”

She clung to him, panic breaking through the protective numbness that had taken hold so quickly. If it was the last time she was going to get to hold him, she’d hoped it would have lasted just a bit longer. 

But she took a deep breath and she let him go, forced her arms to release him.

It hurt worse to see his face again, see the pain in his puffy eyes. She reached back out for him, swiped her thumb across his cheek to catch a tear. Her fingers got distracted in the feeling of his scruff, and she scratched over it for a moment, indulging herself, willing herself to remember the way it felt on her fingertips.

“It’s okay.” It was a reflex to her, and she couldn’t stop herself from saying it.

“It’s not though. Indy, it’s not okay. I’m hurting you.”

She didn’t have a response to that. Her eyes fell to her lap, picking at her fingernails. 

“I’ll be okay.” It was a lie, but she would have said anything to bring some of the light back to his eyes. Her pain she could manage, but his was her breaking point.

“Please don’t do that. Please don’t pretend on this.” He brought in a shaky breath, blowing it out quickly.  

In. Out.

“What do you want me to do?” 

“I want you to scream. I want you to be pissed at me, I want you to be mad that I waited this long to tell you! You haven’t even asked why,” he cried. Indy wondered for a moment why it always hurt more to see boys cry. It seemed to be more painful for them somehow - heavier. 

“I think I know why.” 

He sat up a bit more at her words. Waiting.

“It was a chance thing, you being here. Us meeting. Your life is entirely different than mine, and you have your people in LA. There’s… I mean there’s plenty of girls there who don’t have the stuff I have. Class, work -” Her voice cracked at the end, Grayson’s outline blurring just a bit as she looked up.

“No. No no no, hey,” he stopped her, hands hovering over her for a moment before he gave in and rested them on her arms, holding her without fully pulling her in. “It’s not that. I promise you, it has nothing to do with anyone else. I want you, I don’t want anyone else. But I know you, and your dreams are here, and I’m not gonna take that away from you.”

Indiana’s confusion only grew. She’d only heard one thing he’d said.

“You want me?” Her voice sounded pitiful, even to own ears. 

“Of course I do.” He spoke it like it was the only possible truth, and a flicker of hope rose in her gut, fighting it’s way up. “Indy of course I do.” 

“Then… why?” 

“Remember when we went to LA?”

His words brought back a flood of memories. The two of them kissing in the ocean, the secret beach, sleeping in his bed with his green wall, piggyback rides around the house, the late night Cudi drives.

“Yeah.”

“You remember how much you hated it there? How bad you wanted to come back home? And what did I promise you?”

Indy couldn’t find her voice. Her brain was otherwise occupied, watching her memories being drug through dark ink, staining them. 

“I promised you I would never ask you to leave New York.” He finished it for her. “And I meant it. But I can’t stay here Indiana, no matter how bad I want to.”

“Your life is in LA.” She repeated her words from earlier, monotone and unattached. Her heart fought with her, begged her to tell him everything. Tell him that she was going to start working at Jets and start therapy so she could fly out to see him. Tell him that she was halfway through her UCLA application essay that she’d been working on on nights he fell asleep before her. Tell him that she’d drop everything and follow him anywhere. 

“You’re the most giving person I’ve ever met. You give so much to everyone but yourself. But I’m not letting you give up your life for anyone, especially not me.”

She wanted to be mad that he assumed that she would. But there was an understanding, a sadness in his eyes that reminded her that he knew her better than she had ever realized. 

“We could make it work.”

He looked like he wanted to believe her. 

“You deserve someone who is here for you.”

“You’re here for me.” Her mouth was starting to outrun her mind, a dangerous game that she usually couldn’t stop once it had begun.

“You deserve someone who is here to celebrate your accomplishments every day, not someone in a different time zone on the other side of the country.”

“We could make it work.” It was more of a plea that time, and she saw it register across his face, the pain it caused him. 

“Indy.” 

“People do long distance all the time, we could do it.”

“We aren’t long distance people,” he said, but Indy’s mind was already running.

“We could set up a facetime schedule, and you wouldn’t have to visit that much, I’ll be busy with school anyways. And if we hate it, then we can stop. We just have to try, we’re never gonna know unless we try it.” 

Grayson was silent for a minute, which was enough of an answer. He’d known this was coming. Ethan had warned him that it would happen, that Indiana would try to reason her way through it. He’d told his brother that he had to be confident in his choice or he’d get swayed off course.

Grayson wasn’t sure he’d even be confident in his choice to remove himself from the best person he’d ever known. But knowing that in the long run it would be better for her was the only thing that let him cling to the last bit of resolve he had. 

“Indy.”

Her lip quivered, and he felt his heart crack. 

“Please,” she said.

“C’mere. Just c’mere.”

It wasn’t a surrender, but an offering of comfort. Indy knew it would hurt her later, but she didn’t have the willpower to resist it. She crawled into his lap, and the last of the numbness that had started faded away. In his familiar arms, she lost her last semblance of control.

She crumpled into his shoulder, broken sobs shaking her frame as she clung to him, let him hold her as she wrapped herself around him, as if it would somehow make him stay. 

He rocked her as she sobbed, accidentally pressing a kiss to her shoulder before he realized what he was doing. It was torture in the rawest form, worse than he could have expected to be the cause of her pain. 

“I’m so sorry Indy, I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her over and over, hoping she believed him. She pressed her face against his neck to keep her eyes closed, pretending for a moment that everything was fine.

“I love you.” 

The tears returned to his eyes, and in a moment of weakness he turned and pressed a kiss to her hair, her temple. His lips had missed her. 

“I love you too Indiana Cross.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

Her finger traced against his back. F-O-R-E-V-E-R. She wished she could erase it somehow when his breath caught in his throat again. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he shook his head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice was muffled by her skin, seeing that he was unwilling to lean back from her.

“I know this is hurting you too,” she said, and was met with the feeling of more of his tears on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“The only thing you did was make me love you too much. Don’t be sorry for that.”

The way her heart squeezed wasn’t natural, and though she knew the phenomenon wasn’t as everyone said, she was sure it skipped a beat in her chest. She squeezed him tighter to her, like she had so many times. She synced her breathing to his, laid her head on his shoulder, committed the sound of his heartbeat to memory. 

Their tears dried out over the next hour, the numbness of acceptance starting to blanket over them. Neither of them dared to move a muscle, Grayson especially. All he did was rub his hand over her back, up and down the same as he had been since she climbed into his lap. They both knew that moving would mean having to figure out what to do next. 

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Indy wasn’t sure, and she was scared to look at a clock, to see her fleeting time left with him wasting away.

“Did you pack your bag already?” Her voice was too loud even though it was barely above a whisper, pulling them back into the reality they wanted to avoid.

“Yeah. It’s at home.” 

Indy could see it in her head, his Jersey room, quiet and waiting for him with his orange duffle on the bed. But her stomach filled with a wave of nausea as she realized what it meant.

“So you have to go home.” 

Grayson’s hand paused on her back. She was holding her breath.

“I… I didn’t know if you would want me to stay.” It was the first time he could remember not knowing what to say to her. 

Her arms tightened around him, her breathing getting a little bit more ragged. He ran his hands over her back quickly, desperate to soothe her.

“Shh, shh hey, I’m staying. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yet.” She whispered, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he flinched. “Sorry, that was harsh.”

“Not undeserved,” he said, turning and resting his cheek against her shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. So whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”

Indy sat up. Her eyes had settled a bit, her tears washing the jellyfish blue into a shade of navy that Grayson didn’t recognize. It made his breath catch in his chest. 

“Whatever I need?”

“Whatever you need.” 

She looked at him, and her head tilted to the side just slightly. A small smile tried to make its way to her face, but her lips quivered. 

“Could you kiss me?” 

He paused, watching her fight off her tears with a deep breath. 

“Is that what you need?” 

“Just… just one. I didn’t know, you know. That the last one was gonna be the last one. And we’re here, and I just thought, that maybe - ” 

He kissed her. For the first time, he was hesitant. He kept his hands to his sides, not wanting to push anything too far, not wanting to make anything worse somehow. Indy barely reacted either, too nervous to do something wrong. 

They pulled back from each other, breathing shallow, nerves taking over as they tried to figure out what to do. 

“Thank you,” Indiana said. 

Grayson swallowed hard, watched her eyes as they flickered between his own. 

And then they were kissing. Really kissing, chasing the taste of each other like air at the end of a sprint. His hands went to her face, holding her to him as her hands went to his torso, bunched up his shirt and tried to pull him into her, closer somehow despite the fact that they were already touching everywhere that they could be. The desperation was palpable, in the way their hands roamed and fell back into their familiar patterns. Indy sucked in the first real breath she’d taken in since the clock had struck midnight, breathed him in as best she could, trying to lose herself in him like she always had. But her mind wouldn’t shut off, reminding her that it could really be the last time she had him like this. 

He felt her tears, first on his thumb that was holding her cheek, and then against his own skin. It took all his willpower to pull back from her lips. She let him, her breathing shaky as she tucked her face back down into his neck.

He picked her up effortlessly, standing up from the couch and moving them to her room. The Cudi vinyls seemed to mock him, especially when he laid down and stared up at them on their small shelves. Indy didn’t move an inch, staying wrapped around him, laying on top of him when he rested back against the pillows. 

Time moved quickly, and Indy still avoided the clocks, scared to see what had already passed. 

Grayson wanted to hear her voice. Wanted her to talk to him, wanted to commit every single thing she said to memory, but he wouldn’t ask. She had given him enough. 

He closed his eyes, focused on the feeling of her fingers over his shirt, tried to make out what shapes she was drawing like he always did. He felt her hands travel up higher, up his neck to his skin, scratching over his beard.

Her fingertips were gentle as they moved up, over his lips, around his cheek to his eyelids, down over his nose, then to the other side of his face. She traced the pattern a few times, and Grayson waited until she was on his nose to speak.

“What’re you drawing?”

“You,” she said. “Memorizing.”

He didn’t know how he still had more tears to make, but they started to fall anyways, down the side of his face over his temples. 

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say.

“I know. I wish you could stay just a little bit longer.” 

“Me too.”

He traced a heart on the back of her arm.

“I love you too.”

The truth of it was, she didn’t know how to not love him, and that was the scary part of it all. She couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t love him with everything she had in her. 

She didn’t know who she was without it anymore.

“If you ever change your mind, I’ll be here you know,” she said. He took in a deep breath, pressing a kiss to her hair. 

“I’m not gonna do that.”

Her heart sank.

“That’s not fair,” he said. “I can’t ask you to do that, to wait for me. I’m not going to string you along, that’s cruel. Once I’m back in LA, I want you to move on.”

Indy shook her head against him, burying her face in his chest. 

“No.”

“Indy.”

“No.” Her brain refused to process it, to imagine a single scenario where she felt anything good without Grayson by her side. She knew it wasn’t healthy, and she vowed to never tell anyone but in that moment, she reserved herself to be miserable every minute that she wasn’t with him. 

“I know it’s not gonna be easy, but you deserve to be happy. And I’m sorry that I’m gonna make that harder, but you’ll find somebody who can love you better than I do.”

“Does that mean you’re going to just move on when you get back to LA? Just forget about me?” There was a spite in her voice that she didn’t like hearing in her own voice. But Grayson didn’t flinch. It was almost reliving to him. He was getting what he deserved, what he’d earned for breaking her heart. 

Her anger meant she cared.

“Indiana I’m never going to forget you. If you think I could, I was an even worse boyfriend than I thought.”

“No, don’t do that.” She pushed off his chest and sat up. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make me think that the last three months were bad. That’s the last thing I have to hold onto. Those were the best months of my life, you don’t get to take that.” 

Grayson didn’t have an answer. 

“Okay.”

“You made this decision for the both of us, I don’t get a say in it. So I’ll hold onto it as long as I fucking want to. You don’t get to tell me I have to move on.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay then,” Indy said, reaching up to wipe a tear away. She sucked in a breath and pushed it out through shaky lips, trying to hold herself together.

“Sorry.”

Grayson shook his head. “Indiana you can be mad at me. You should be mad at me.”

“I am mad at you.” 

She knew it wasn’t in the way that he meant. Because she wasn’t mad that he’d broken up with her. Because deep down, under all the pain and all the love and all the worry, she knew he was doing it for her. He was doing what she would never have the guts to do, even if it was the right thing.

No, she was mad at him for infiltrating every single part of her. Every thought, every muscle, every cell of her body contained him. Every hope she had for her future was molded around him. He was there in everything. His curls were in the dreams she had about her future children. His smile in the back of her mind every time she closed her eyes. His eyes, bright and green, always there.

“Do you want me to leave?” There was no malice in his tone, only genuine concern. 

She pondered it for a moment. Thought about what it would look like, for him to actually walk out the door and never come back through it.

“No.” 

“Okay. Then I’ll stay.”

“I can drive you to the airport. So Ethan doesn’t have to come into the city.”

“Okay. I’ll tell him.”

“Okay.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, staying very still, waiting for one of them to make a decision. 

“We should probably sleep.” Grayson checked his watch. “It’s 4am.”

“Okay.”

Another pause. Another moment of uncertainty that they’d never had to navigate.

“Do you want me to take the couch?”

She shook her head, and with a sigh, she gave in. Grayson could finally breathe again when she settled against him, pushing her hand up under his shirt, running her fingers over his ribs. He wrapped her up in his arms tightly, focused on the feeling of the weight of her on him.

And he closed his eyes. 

His alarm went off at 9:45. As soon as it sounded, Indy turned her face into his chest, a new wave of tears coming forward as the realization hit her

It was time to let go.

He just held her and kissed her head for as long as he could. She didn’t know if she’d slept. If she had, it was only for a few moments. She’d kept waking up, reminding herself that he was still there. 

They barely spoke. No one ate breakfast. He hadn’t brought a change of clothes, and parts of his shirt were stiff from the saltwater of both their tears. It took all the strength he had to keep it together when he closed the apartment door behind him for the last time. 

She took his hand in the elevator, and his tears fell, making his cheeks even colder when they walked outside. It felt odd, for him to climb into the passenger seat with her in the driver’s as they continued down the road. His mind was flooded with memories, with doubts. He couldn’t stop picturing the smile that would spread across her face if he told her that he’d changed his mind, that they could try. 

He fought it, kept his mouth shut, reminded himself that this was his decision and he had to deal with the repercussion of it. 

Indy was quiet too, evidence of her earlier decision to not hurt him anymore than she already had. She didn’t want to make it any harder on either of them. No matter what, she still loved him, and she didn’t like to see him hurting. She kept herself superficially distracted, focused on the colors of the cars that passed, and the number of the exits on the highway. 

The airport had never come quicker.

Grayson’s chest tightened when they pulled off. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, couldn’t push it down and stay strong like his dad had always told him to. An image of him hugging her goodbye over her console came to his mind, and he panicked.

“Would you want to come in? Like park and come in? I know you hate airports, and you can say no. But… I’d like to give you one last good hug before I go.” 

She merged into the lane that led to the parking as her tears began to fall. He ran his thumb over her hand until they got out. They found each other again behind the car, Indy linking her arm around his and holding on as tight as she could as they walked. She was ten times more anxious than the last time she had walked into an airport, her usual pertifying fear of Grayson being on a plane the least painful part. 

It was hard to keep her sobs quiet but she bit them back as best she could. Grayson heard them, shifted so he had his arms wrapped around her as they walked. Her eyes were blurry with tears but she noticed the bright yellow and orange bags before she spotted Ethan. He gave her a sad smile that she did her best to return. From the look of pity in his eyes, it was even worse than she thought. 

Her vision was obscured by Grayson, who moved in front of her. She clung to the front of his jacket with both hands, unable to look him in the eyes. She didn’t know if she could handle it. 

“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered, tears so full that they dripped off her chin and onto her shirt. 

“I’m so sorry.” His own eyes burned as he watched her. But her next words caused the worst pain he’d felt in a long time.

“Can we have a redo?” As her voice shook, his last barrier fell, and he was sobbing - the kind you try to choke back and keep quiet as he crushed her against him, burying his face in her hair.

“Not this time baby. Not this time.” 

They weren’t sure how they could cry harder, but they did. He swayed as he held her, tight and warm. Ethan wiped his own tears away with his jacket sleeve as he checked the boarding time on the tickets. 

“I love you. So much,” she said. 

“I love you too. I’m so sorry. If you ever need me... “ he trailed off, unsure if his offer would only hurt them both more down the road. She understood what he meant, and she took a deep breath. In. Out. 

“Right now, I need you to turn around, and I need you to walk away, or I’m never going to be able to let you go.” 

“Okay.” 

He didn’t move. She finally looked up at him and held herself together, determined to look at his face in person for the last time without the distortion of tears. 

“Take care of yourself, okay? Be safe. Be happy. I’m always gonna love you.” Her voice was as steady as she could make it, and that somehow hurt him worse. 

“Forever,” he whispered, and then he was kissing her. He wrapped her up in his arms as tightly as he could, held her to him until he forced himself away, only keeping a hold of her hand. 

Ethan, always in tune with his brother, seemed to recognize his cue. 

Indy nodded and squeezed his hand one more time, and then she let him go, their fingers tracing over one anothers until they fell away, the distance too much.

A numbness spread over her body as soon as he let her go, and she watched from her spot as he disappeared down the hallway and into the security line.

She didn’t remember getting back to her car. But somehow, she managed to crawl inside and lock the doors before she crumpled forward onto her steering wheel.

[seanfalco]

Girl Talk | Misfits Timeline Anomaly’verse

Word Count: 4.5k Warnings: smut, oral (f!receiving), voyeurism a/n: Happy Thirsty Thursday from @super-unpredictable98 & I 💚

——

Lydia stared at the Community Centre through the window, as she often did, her fingers dancing over guitar strings as she tried not to disturb the others still asleep in the bedroom. 

"I just wanna tell you that you're really pretty girl, I just wanna know if you will let me be your world.  I just know you got to taste like candy, candy girl.  I just wanna tell you that you're really pretty girl..."

Win stirred as she heard the faint sound of singing coming from the other room and she sat up, rubbing her eyes. Looking down she noticed right away that Lydia was gone, both Nathans sprawled out snoring softly. Carefully extricating herself, Win gently brushed her fingers through her Nathan's curls as she slipped off the bed, grabbing one of the boys’ hoodies from the door handle to wrap around herself as she snuck out to the other room, drawn by the sound of Lydia's voice.

"I just wanna tell you... Jesus Christ!" Lydia yelped, clutching her chest when she noticed Win standing next to her. She immediately turned red as if somehow her girlfriend could read her mind through the song. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

Win smiled at the sight of Lyddie's burning cheeks, sitting down next to her, and tucking her bare legs under her. "Yeah, but it's okay. Your lovely voice is the best thing to wake up to," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear as she leaned in to brush a kiss to Lyddie's cheek. "Were you perhaps, singing about me just now?" she asked innocently.

"Yes..." Lydia admitted, unable to look Win in the eye, but leaning into her touch. "I- God, I'm terrible at this, you're so charming and I feel like everything I say just sounds dorky." 

Another stolen song, she should probably tell Win that as much as she meant those words, they weren't hers, but maybe now wasn't the best moment for that…

"I don't think you're dorky, and you're far from terrible at this..." Win murmured, tilting her head. "You've thoroughly charmed me."

"Maybe you just have a soft spot for former nerds and delinquents," Lydia placed her hand on the back of Win's neck, closing the distance between them with a tender kiss.

Win sighed as she kissed Lydia back, savouring the moment.

"Don't you know, I'm a delinquent too," she teased, "and a closet nerd." At the skeptical look on Lydia's face Win's grin grew. "Oh yes, there's much you have yet to learn about me, Lydia Bellamy."

"That makes a lot of sense, I have a thing for bad girls," Lydia chuckled, putting the guitar away. "But why don't you tell me, then? What do I have to learn about Winrey Lewis in order to become an expert?"

Win smirked, "Oh jeeze, where to start," she mused, twisting a strand of Lyddie's hair between her fingers. "Well, I love a good horror movie... and the bad ones too," she said, thinking. "I read comic books, the dirty ones," she confessed with a laugh. "and I stole the yellow Fender that I use for all my shows," she finished. "What more do you want to know?" she asked.

"First of all, yes, bad horror movies are great. Second of all, I read the superhero ones, but I'd love to try yours. And third of all, that is so fucking sexy..." Lydia groaned, holding Win against her chest as she leaned against the window.

"Tell me a little about your family, how are they? I can't wait to meet them."

Win's smile faltered as Lyddie brought up her family and she went quiet. "Ahh, yeah... my family," she mumbled awkwardly, sighing. "You don't wanna meet them. Trust me."

"Oh," Lydia suddenly felt horrible for even bringing it up. "What's the deal with them? T-t-that is if you wanna tell me, if you don't that totally fine, I understand."

Win felt Lydia tense next to her and she quickly sat up, looking at her girlfriend. "My mum died when I was 16. She had cancer. She fought it for three years and we thought..." she shook her head, "It came out of remission and it took her quickly.”

“After that my dad, he... he changed. He remarried shortly after, like he couldn't even wait for my mum to be put in the ground. And my step mum... she's such a cunt. Just ask Nathan."

Win shook her head, a bitter twist to her lips. "And then there's my step sister, Delilah. She's a year older than me, and the reason I ended up in community service."

"I'm so sorry, Winnie," Lydia didn't even know how to react, she thought about her family all the time and lamented what happened when she left, but at least they were all alive and well. "I shouldn't have said anything, I'm really sorry..." Lydia suddenly stopped when she realized something. "Your step sister, you say her name is Delilah, isn't she the one who threw that party last year?"

"Yeah, you know about that?" Win asked, sitting up straighter, curious as to how Lyddie knew.

"That fucking bitch! She's friends with my bully's older sister, well... one of my bullies. After that fight in the bowling alley, your step sister and those two slags made my life a living hell!" Lydia groaned furiously. "They filled my locker with mice, they told everyone I had sex with our bio teacher, they dumped a bucket of piss on me... That was just the first month."

"Wait, what!" Win gasped, her brows drawing down, her mouth falling open. "That cunt," she growled under her breath. "Lyddie, I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, it was a difficult year... Jesus, I understand why you don't want me to meet them," Lydia shook her head, remembering all the laughs, the stares, and the name calling.

"Hey," Win murmured, slowly wrapping her arms around Lydia's shoulders, an idea coming to her. "Maybe we should go see them sometime, if only t'give Delilah a little taste of her own medicine," she laughed.

"Yeah... I would like that," Lydia smiled, the idea of avenging her younger self was tempting. "And I think your step mom is gonna have a fit when she knows you're in a quad, we can kill two birds with one bullet."

Win laughed. “My dad already hates Nathan, especially after the scene he caused the first time they met and then when we all went over to get my stuff when we got our flat he told him he’d knocked me up.”

"That is the most Nathan thing I've ever heard," Lydia snorted with laughter. "Oh my God, I wish I could've seen his face... I love when Nate pulls this kind of stunt, it's kinda hot."

“He looked like a fish,” Win laughed as she remembered how he’d open and closed his mouth several times, his face turning progressively redder. “And you’re right. It is kinda hot,” Win agreed with a sigh, feeling affection wash over her for her Nathan.

"I wish I could introduce you to my parents, my mum might... have some issues, but my dad would love you!" Lydia smiled sadly, a sharp sting in her heart from thinking about him. "He'd probably tell you my good taste in women comes from him."

“Tell me about him,” Win prompted gently, resting her head on Lyddie’s shoulder. “I mean, if you want. He just seems special to you.”

"My dad is the kindest, most caring man I know, that's where Simon gets it from. He's brave, and funny, and smart... my mum was almost never home because of work, so he basically raised us, he's the only person I regret leaving behind," Lydia's eyes filled with tears, and she looked away, not wanting to seem weak. "I see him from time to time, with Si, or on the street, I always have to remind myself that I can't run to him..."

“I’m sorry, Lyddie,” Win murmured, gently turning her face back toward her, running her thumbs under her eyes to catch her tears. “That’s gotta be hard to see him, but not able to talk to him. Is there any way you can tell him the truth? Or would that mess with the timeline more?”

"The problem is my mum, if she found out she'd go mental. Curtis told me when she found out about Simon having powers in an alternative timeline she freaked out so bad, he had to move out." Lydia sighed and tried to put on a smile. "But it's okay, it's not the end of the world... Maybe one day."

“Ahhh,” Win said, frowning slightly, a thought coming to her. Maybe if there was a way they could get Lyddie’s mom out of the house and distract her, give Lydia some time to talk to her dad without her mom there... It was a thought, and she’d need to refine it first before she brought it up, but it was there. “Yeah, one day,” she agreed, brushing Lyddie’s hair from her face.

"So... how was it that you stole that guitar?" Lydia draped her arms around Win's neck and dragged her lips softly along her girlfriend's jaw. She needed a distraction to forget all that sadness and maybe help Win forget hers as well. "I'm asking for research purposes... obviously."

“What, you gunna become a thief too now, hmm?” Win asked, humming at Lydia’s touch.

"I don't plan on it," Lyddie purred, kissing and nipping at Win's neck. "I just can't stop imagining you doing it."

“Ohhhh, that’s right, you like bad girls,” she moaned, grinning, her hands sliding down Lyddie’s sides. “I only nicked it from the pawn shop while the guy’s back was turned.”

"That's really hot, but then again... anything you do is hot," Lydia's hands snaked under Win's hoodie. "The boys are asleep, what do you say we have some fun? Just the two of us?"

“Anything, huh?” Win mused, her breath catching as Lydia’s hands slid under her hoodie. “I say that sounds good she moaned, arching into her girlfriend’s touch. “You’ll hafta be quiet though, if you don’t wanna wake the boys.”

"That won't be a problem, my mouth will be busy," Lydia giggled before capturing Win's lips in a heated kiss while her hands still roamed the other woman's body. "I wanna taste you..."

“Oh, really?” Win purred, a pleased grin curling her lips as she kissed Lyddie back, slipping her tongue in the other woman’s mouth.

Lydia hummed in response, hooking Win's legs around her waist. "You're so sexy..." 

"Am I still dreamin' or is this really happenin'?"

Nathan's voice made Lydia nearly scream in surprise, then huff in frustration.

Win groaned softly, pressing her forehead to Lydia’s shoulder when the other woman turned toward the Nathan in the doorway. She wasn’t sure, but she had a feeling it the was the Nathan from Lydia’s dimension.

"Don't let me stop ya, I'm- I'm not even here!" Lyddie's Nathan sat down on the couch. "Go on..."

"Usually I have to shake you awake and today is the day you decide to wake up on your own?" Lydia whined. "Brilliant..."

Win snorted, turning Lydia’s face back to her, a strange excitement filling her at the thought of being watched. “You did say you’d let him watch,” she mused.

"Yeah... I suppose it's fair," Lydia felt a weird embarrassment — is that what people call stage fright? "So, where were we?" She grabbed a throw pillow for Win to lay on and crawled between her legs.

Win settled against the pillow, lifting her hips so Lyddie could pull her knickers down, desire pooling between her legs. Noticing the nervous look on her girlfriend’s face, Win held her gaze. 

“Just focus on me, Lyddie,” she purred, opening her legs wider. She knew that nervous feeling all too well from when Nathan had first suggested making their own videos, but she’d soon gotten over it, finding it more exciting than anything. “Are you gunna touch yourself while you watch?” she asked, lifting her head to address Nathan.

"Me? Oh, I mean, it'd be a waste if I didn't, don'tcha think? Such a nice view..." Nathan leaned back with one arm behind his head and Lydia took a deep breath, focusing on her girlfriend as she lowered herself to kiss Win's thighs teasingly. 

Nathan would never judge you or your technique, he loves you, she thought, he's enjoying it, there's nothing to worry about.

Win tried to bite back her pleased smile. Something about the thought of Lyddie’s Nathan getting off to them made her feel even hotter. 

“Mmm, Lyds,” she whined softly, twitching as she felt her lips on her sensitive thighs, feeling herself get even wetter with the anticipation. “Oh please, I want you so much babe. I want that beautiful mouth, please Lyddie,” she moaned, rolling her hips and stretching, slowly unzipping Nathan’s hoodie to bare her chest.

"You look adorable when you beg, Winnie," Lyddie felt a wave of confidence build up inside of her, her hands traveling to Win's chest, rolling her nipples slowly. Watching as her girlfriend squirmed, Lydia bit her lip, moving back to where Win wanted her the most. "This is what you want?" she flicked her tongue on her clit, giving it kitten licks, looking up to catch the reaction.

“Oh yes, God, your tongue feels like heaven,” she moaned, already forgetting about Nathan, Lydia drawing her attention completely. Jesus, but the way she was looking up at her like that from between her legs, it was too much. The subby little Lydia was nowhere to be seen, and Win felt her whole body flush at the confidence that radiated from her.

"You taste so good, baby... my candy girl.”  She dragged her tongue along Win's wet slit, tasting her arousal, which only made Lyddie even more eager to please her. 

Nathan watched agape from the couch, his hand already stroking his rapidly hardening cock. He wanted to let Lydia know how hot that was, but he feared that would only make her feel shy.

Win moaned louder, stretching one arm over her head as the other tangled in Lydia’s hair, catching sight of Nathan for a moment, his lips parted beautifully, the look of pure lust on his face as he stroked himself hot as hell. “Oh, please,” she murmured, squirming, desperate for more. “Bring me undone, Lollipop,” she begged, hoping it was alright to call her that. She wasn’t sure if that was a Nathan only pet name, but it felt so good to say it.

"Oh, Jesus..." Nathan twitched, clenching his eyes shut. It was so sexy when she said it. Lydia felt her own arousal coating the inside of her thighs, this was turning out to be way hotter than she expected.

Without even thinking about it, Lyddie slid two fingers inside of Win and curled them as her tongue kept teasing her partner's clit mercilessly.

“Oh!” Win cried softly, not ready to be filled by Lyddie’s fingers and clenching around them tightly. “Oh, just like that,” she gasped, chest heaving, her hand in Lydia’s hair tightening unconsciously. “Oh, I’m getting close!”

"Yeah? Come for me, baby, give it to me!" Lydia pumped her fingers in and out of Win as her tongue moved at a steady pace, intoxicated by the feeling of giving pleasure. Nathan felt himself getting closer as well, low grunts escaping his lips, his eyes glued to the girls.

“Ahh!” Win cried, tensing, her back arching as she pressed her cunt to Lydia’s face. “Oh God, Lyddie!” she keened, whining softly as her muscles twitched and jerked as she came against her girlfriend’s eager mouth, her eyes squeezing shut as her mouth fell open.

"Fuuuck," Nathan moaned as he came, rolling his head back. "That was so hot... Jesus..." 

"So," Lyddie gave Win one last lick before moving up to face her with a hopeful look. "How was that, baby?"

Win collapsed back against the floor, trying to catch her breath. “You have—no idea—how hot you are,” she gasped, pulling Lydia toward her for a kiss. “God, you’re amazing. I’m so spoiled,” she teased lightly.

"I like spoiling you," Lydia mused at Win's beautiful post-orgasm glow. "I love to hear you moaning for me." 

"Okay, that was... Holy shit," Nathan panted, throwing one hand in the air. "High five, Lollipop, you've got some skills!"

“I agree with Nathan,” Win said, pushing herself up to her elbows. “You’ve got mad skills, babe.”

"Seems like I might have to do it again when your Nathan is awake then... I think he deserves it too," Lydia chuckled before pressing her lips to Win's

Win kissed her back, relishing the taste of herself on her lips. “Mmm, I won’t argue with that,” she murmured, sitting up further to slip her fingers over Lydia’s rather soaked panties. “But what about you, hmm?  You must be awful turned on, babe.”

Simply the feather-like touch of Win's fingers made Lydia gasp softly as her entire body tensed up. "I am, would you like to take care of that for me, Winnie?" Lydia gave her girlfriend an innocent look. 

"I'll never watch a porno again... this is so much better!" Nathan laughed with amusement.

“Hey, where is everyo—?” Win’s Nathan’s question cut off as he stepped out of the bedroom. “I need t’stop sleepin’ in so late,” he muttered, his eyes going straight to Win and Lydia on the floor, Win’s chest still bare in naught but his open hoodie. “What I miss?” 

Win flushed sheepishly, burying her face in Lydia’s chest, hoping he wouldn’t be upset that they’d let him sleep through that.

"Y'missed round one, but round two is still on..." Lyddie's Nathan said as if they were watching a fight. Lydia tried not to laugh, she felt bad for Win's Nathan, but she would find a way to make it up to him. She shed her jumper and threw it across across room, hoping he would be able to enjoy himself at least a little bit…

“Aw man,” he muttered, plopping down on the other end of the couch. As strange as it sounded, he was curious to watch someone else pleasure his girlfriend for a change, wanting to really be able to focus on the faces she’d make or the way she sounded as she squirmed with pleasure. But this was just as good. 

Win promptly ran her palms up Lydia’s bare chest as she leaned in to kiss her neck roughly.

“You don’t happen to have a strap on do you Lyds?” she whispered in her ear.

"Actually, I don't, but I know where to get one..." Lydia raised her eyebrows and looked over at the pair of Nathans. "Which one of you would be so nice to make a strap on for us?" 

"I got it..." Lyddie's Nathan nodded. With a snap of his fingers the toy appeared in his other hand. "There ya go, love." 

"Is this your cock?" Lyddie analyzed the dildo carefully. 

"'Course it is! I know how much y'love the beast..."

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that,” Win laughed, taking the toy from Lydia and standing to put it on, feeling both pairs of emerald eyes on her. “You like?” she asked, tilting her head with a smirk. For a moment she wondered if Lyddie’s Nathan had ever been pegged before.

Lyddie's Nathan uncomfortably looked away for a second, exchanging a look with his clone. He felt conflicted, because that was really sexy... 

"Mhmm..." he responded almost inaudibly. 

"You look so gorgeous like this," Lydia exclaimed, her chest heaving in anticipation.  She’d never done this before, but Win seemed quite experienced, so she felt safe.

Win noticed Lyddie’s Nathan’s hesitance and she had a feeling she had the answer to her question. But there had been a flash of want there. Her Nathan on the other hand smirked and nodded, eyeing her unabashedly. 

“Are y’nervous?” Win murmured as she gently pushed Lydia to her back and hovered over her, gripping the silicone cock to rub the tip teasingly along her glistening slit.

Lyddie's Nathan stared at the other one puzzled, why was he so comfortable with this? Had he...? Oh God. 

"A little, but I trust you," Lydia nearly whispered, letting her body relax, it couldn't be that different from any other cock, right? There was nothing to be scared of.

“Just let me know if you want me to slow down or go faster,” Win murmured, stealing a kiss before guiding the tip of the toy to her entrance and pushing into her slowly, letting her adjust. It had been too long since she’d fucked a girl like this, fuck but if it wasn’t turning her on again. 

Pulling out nearly all the way, she slid back in, slightly farther, working her way to sheathing the toy completely, her hips grinding against Lyddie’s pelvic floor, the edge of the strap rubbing deliciously against Win’s pussy. “Does that feel good?” she asked, holding in place, watching her girlfriend’s expression carefully.

"Yes!" Lydia moaned, throwing her arms around Win's shoulders as she felt herself deliciously stretching around the toy. "So good..." 

Lydia was wrong, it felt completely different from having sex with Nathan, but it was amazing. 

She fought the urge to shut her eyes, wanting to watch as Win thrusted into her. "Fuck me harder, Winnie, please..." Lyddie begged, bucking her hips.

“Sure thing, Lollipop,” she drawled, smirking as she thrust into her again, harder this time, her small tits bouncing as she found a rhythm, spurred on by the lovely sounds Lyddie was making.

"Wow, she's really goin' for it..." Lyddie's Nathan muttered under his breath, which was completely drowned by Lydia's whimpers.

"Oh, Win, right there! Don't stop, baby! I'm gonna... Oh fuck!" she watched Win hypnotized, her eyes, her tits, her hips, she didn't wanna miss a single detail.

“That’s right babe, I wanna hear you when you come. Be as loud as you want, love,” Win panted, not slowing, each rolling thrust only serving to send another jolt of pleasure through herself as well.

Lydia usually wasn't that loud, always scared to be heard, but something about the way Win said those words just made her want to be heard. "God, you're so fucking sexy!" she unapologetically shouted, letting her orgasm take over in what felt like an explosion inside of her. Lyddie's body relaxed, she collapsed still sighing Win's name like prayer.

Feeling her second orgasm from just the friction alone, Win shuddered as she thrust one last time into Lydia, nearly collapsing herself, feeling sweat roll down her face. “Oh, Lyddie, you did so well,” she murmured wearily. 

“Oh shit, that was hot,” Win’s Nathan groaned, quickly cleaning the sticky mess from his stomach.

"Come here," Lydia pulled Win closer, wanting to be held. "That was fucking incredible, you're you're good at this, lots of practice?" 

For once in his life Lyddie's Nathan was speechless, he didn't know to react, how to feel... Lyds would look good in one o'those, was all that went through his mind.

“Sort of,” Win answered, unbuckling the harness from her waist as she situated herself next to Lydia, wrapping her arms around her. “I’ve not used one on a girl in a while.”

"Oh..." Lydia understood immediately what that meant and giggled while hiding her face on Win's chest, thinking about it. 

"Um, okay, you guys hungry? I'm starvin'..." Lyddie's Nathan got up abruptly and left for the kitchen as quickly as he could.

Win watched him go, her stomach twisting with guilt. Had she said something wrong? Did she make him uncomfortable?

She nearly pushed herself up to go after him, but hesitated, unsure if that would even be helpful. Maybe Lyddie should be the one? Before she could make up her mind, it was her Nathan that pushed off the couch, stretching nonchalantly, though he flashed her a pointed look.

“Y’know, after that display I’m pretty hungry myself. You girls stay there, lookin’ pretty,” he said, following his clone out.

"Hey, man," Lyddie's Nathan tried to sound casual as he fixed himself a sandwich with whatever he could find in the fridge. "The girls are really goin' at it, aren't they?"

“Yeah, it’s definitely somethin’ else. I think we’re livin’ the dream, ain’t we?”

"Yeah, yeah..." he nodded trying to ignore the question lingering in his brain, but it was nearly impossible. "Did Win... Did she ever...?"

Nathan swallowed, clearing his throat. He had a feeling that was what was on his mind. “Uh, yeah... we, uhm...” he stopped to clear his throat again. As much as he found he enjoyed being pegged by his girlfriend, it was still something about himself he was getting used to. “It... it wasn’t exactly somethin’ I’d asked her to try, but she’d wanted to and... well would you be able t’say no t’her?” he demanded, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

"I s'pose not... Lyds never brought that up, I just... It caught me by surprise, that's all. I never imagined myself doin' that."

Lyddie's Nathan felt a little lost hearing his clone talking about those things, because that meant he also had the potential to do the same. That scared him more than he'd care to admit. "But um... Is it good?" he said as quietly as he possibly could.

Win’s Nathan chuckled awkwardly. “I mean, I didn’t think it would be, but... yeah. I wouldn’t have let her do it more than once if it wasn’t,” he admitted, rolling his shoulders. “But hey, just cuz me an’ Win do a thing, doesn’t mean you and Lyddie hafta.”

"That's the thing, man... I know she'll want to, and that shit was really fuckin' hot, so I kinda..." Lyddie's Nathan stopped himself in the middle of the sentence, he wasn't ready to say it. He simply scrunched up his face, hoping his clone would understand, and why wouldn't he? They were the same person.

Win’s Nathan merely nodded, clapping his clone on the shoulder. “Yeah, I get it.” After a moment he looked thoughtful. “I could always ask Win t’give her some pointers, if y’want...” he offered with a shrug.

"I think she's askin' for it as we speak," Lyddie's Nathan chuckled, piling up the sandwiches on a plate, knowing the girls would be hungry as well. "Those two... Jesus."

“They’re certainly voracious,” Nathan agreed. Back in the other room, Win had moved her and Lyddie to the couch, the floor having gotten a little uncomfortable. “How you doing?” she asked, stroking her fingers through Lydia’s hair.

"Never been better," Lydia snuggled closer to Win. "You look so hot with that thing on. I kinda wanna try it one day..."

“I’d like that,” Win admitted, loving seeing her girlfriend be more dominant and confident. “I’m not sure, but I think your Nathan liked it too.”

"Yeah, he got a little flustered there... I should talk to him about it," Lydia mused, and then turned to very gently brush her lips on Win's. "But I might need to practice with you first."

“I like the sound of that,” Win replied, grinning against Lyddie’s lips. “Maybe sometime when we don’t have an audience,” she added wryly.

[tmnt-mags]

Raphael x Fem!Reader

Reader is April's little sister and meets the turtles through her. I changed the ages and timeline a bit just because I don't feel entirely comfortable writing the turtles as 15 year old kids. SO the turtles are 18 the reader is 17 nearing 18 and april is 27.

Warnings: some mention of parent death, but nothing else!

Part 1/ ??

Im still pretty new at writing fanfic and have only done a few and this is my very first tmnt one. Constructive criticism and nice things only please!

I didn't remember my dad. My mother gave birth to me a month before his death. I didn’t remember him but my big sister April did. She told me everything she could about him, all kinds of stories and old home videos. It's almost like I know him but I don’t. Sometimes it's sad and I wish for nothing more than to have some memories with him, but I’ve had a good life and have a great family. I’ve lived with my sister since our mom passed 2 years ago from cancer. I miss her a lot, but I like living with April and I love our apartment.

We both have a deep love for media. She is a reporter with Channel 6 and I started making youtube videos right around the time mom died. It was like a video diary back then and has since turned into something completely different, though there are the occasional personal diary type videos.

I was wearing my favorite oversized sweater. It was a deep forest green and nearly reached my knees. It was worn and a bit tattered in some places, but it was the coziest thing ever.. I was barefoot in the kitchen listening to April talking about the latest Foot Clan activity and thinking about the questions she was planning for some guy who worked on the docks. She had convinced her camera guy Vern to take her over there before they shot her morning segment.

“You’re gonna be late!” I called into the living room while putting some breakfastt in a container for her to take on the road.

“Thank you shorty,” She rushed in and gave me a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her breakfast and rushed out of the kitchen again to grab her bag “I’ll either be back for dinner or late!”

“That's really specific April,” I mutter as a lean in the kitchen doorway and watch her check her purse. “Do you have your touchup bag and your toothbrush?”

April let out a small gasp and rushed back to the bathroom. She came back out with a bag, gathered her things and blew a kiss as she ran out the door. I let out a laugh and went to eat my own food.

I spent the day editing a new video. I just hit 700k last week so I was making a special video to celebrate. It had some songs that I had covered laid over a video of me painting a portrait of my mother and father. It was taken a year before he had died and they had gone on a weekend getaway in the Appalachian mountains.

I didn't look up until April burst through the door. It was already dark out and I hadn’t even noticed.

“I just witnessed a Foot Clan attack!” she called as she walked through the apartment.

“What? Oh my god! Are you okay?” I practically jumped up and followed her as she began pacing around the living room. “April? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! There I was at the docks trying to get some answers and then BAM! They were there!” She went on about the attack and then started about some kind of vigilante that fought them off.

“Vigilante? Are you serious?” She didn't answer, she just went into her room. I sat back down on the couch and tried to process what she had said. In the end I shook it off and went get some dinner ready.

Over the next few days April was hard to find. She seemed to be constantly on the move and didn't answer her phone. She came home talking about dad's old experiments and giant turtles, and over the next 2 days seemed to just be gone. The spire on the Sacks building fell and The Shredder, who was the leader of the Foot Clan, was arrested and Eric Sacks was revealed to have been working alongside him the whole time. It was a wild time for New York, and April was suddenly quiet about the vigilantes.

Time began to move on and April started talking about these 4 new friends she had that were brothers. They seemed like a fun nice group, and the stories she shared were great.

“So,” I started as we sat together on the couch, “when do I get to meet the brothers?”

April choked on her glass of white wine. “What? Meet them?”

“Yeah, You talk about them all the time! I would like to meet them. They’re all you’ve been talking about for like 3 weeks.” I said as I pushed her with my foot.

“Ummm,” April stopped to think and had a vague look of concern on her face, “I'm not sure actually. They’re pretty busy guys.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Uh-huh. If you don't want me to meet them just say so. I was just curious.” I turn my face away from her.

“No it's not that, It's just they’re kinda shy. They don’t really like meeting people.” April's face said that she was telling a lie.

“Okay.” I left it at that clearly something is bugging her about me meeting her friends.

April-

April went to spend some time with the boys, but couldn’t stop thinking about them meeting her little sister. How would she react? She thought to herself, ‘I fainted when I met them, and there are still times when it kinda freaks me out a bit. I don’t want my baby sister to get scared and I don’t want the boys to get hurt because of it.’ They had tried to act like April’s reaction didn’t hurt them, but she knew it did. ‘I just want everyone to be happy.’ She was sitting in the lair watching the boys fight and Mikey brought up their Christmas pop album again. She smiled, (y/n) loved music and often performed covers on YouTube. She was really good at it. She had even written her own songs but at this point refused to release or talk about them on her channel.

“April, is something troubling you?” The brunette turned, surprised to see Master Splinter.

“Oh it’s nothing really.” She paused, “Actually could we talk? I am having some trouble.” Splinter nodded and gestured for her to follow. Not answering the questioning looks of the brothers, they went into Hashi.

“The boys avoid this room as much as possible,” Splinter said with a chuckle, “they will not listen in in here.”

“Makes sense,” April laughed and sat down on a mat with Splinter while looking at the odd structures in the room, “I’m having some trouble with my sister.”

“Oh yes, little (y/n) she had only just been born. I believe your father brought her down to the lab twice in those last weeks.” He thought back fondly on the small soft baby that looked so tiny in the arms of her father but so big compared to him then. “ what is it that is wrong?”

“She wants to meet the brothers. She doesn’t know that they are turtles, but she knows I have new friends.” April said looking down, “ we are very open. We’re the only family we have left so we always know each other's friends. It’s a safety thing I guess.”

Master Splinter hummed and looked at April, who continued.

“She wants to meet them and honestly I want her to too! I think they would all get along so well and I think the boys would adore her. It would also be nice to know that there are 4 ninjas who would look out for her.” April sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I just don’t want the boys to get hurt. What if she is afraid of them? What if she screams and calls them monsters or freaks? What if she passes out or cries. It would hurt them so much, and I don’t want to see my sister frightened anyway.” April’s shoulders slumped and she lowered her face to look across at Splinter.

“You know your sister well? Do you think she will react this way?” The rat questioned.

“I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a situation that has ever come up before or one I ever thought I would be in.” She played with her fingers in her lap and she watched him stroke his beard.

“I think you know your sister well and know what would be the best course of action.” He smiled, “I think the trouble now will be convincing the boys to risk meeting her. I have no doubt that it will be a split crowd.”

April nodded and gave a kind of exasperated smile. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Mikey and Ralph would agree, Donnie was iffy, but Leo would say no.

“Thank you Splinter. That does actually help. Do you mind if I stay in here a bit longer?” She asked.

“Go ahead child. Take your time.” Splinter got up and left the Hashi.

April sat and thought about what he had said. She thought back to everything she knew about her sister and what she knew of the boys. If her sister could be accepting she knew that they could have a great friendship. The boys were half a year older than her and they didn't know anyone their age. It would be nice for them to have that she thought. She knew Mikey would be super friendly right away, maybe even too friendly. Donnie would be polite but wary at first and a bit excited. Raph would be happy just to meet another person, but Leo would be cold. She feared that he would be distant and unapproachable and she knew her sister well enough to know she wouldn't be able to handle that.

She took her time and eventually rejoined the brothers. She brushed off their questions with a simple: “I needed advice.” She sat down with them as they all talked and joked around. Finally Donnie brought up the perfect opportunity.

“April you're lucky you don't have brothers.” He said as Mikey bombarded him with insane ideas for gadgets.

“Well I don't have any brothers but I do have a baby sister.” The turtles all turned towards her clearly shocked by this news. “She's actually about 4 months from turning 18.”

“Woah Angelcakes, We didn't know you had a lil’ sis. Is she as beautiful as you?” Mikey said while batting his eyes at her.

“I think she is absolutely gorgeous, and she sings and does art. She’s about to be a senior in high school.” April said while leaning closer to mikey. “Shes shorter than me and has curves for days. She used to be on the dance team actually.” April laughed and Mikey threw himself back and fanned himself with his hand.

“Why haven't you mentioned her?” Leo asked.

“You never asked if I had any siblings. She was born a few weeks before my dad died.” April smiled sadly at that “She actually asked if she could meet you.”

The boys seemed to freeze at that, and suddenly all eyes were on her.

“You told about us?”. Raph asked.

“Kinda. I might have left out the part about being ninja turtles, but I told her about my new friends and she wants to meet you guys.” Raph scoffed at her answer.

“So you didn't actually tell her about us.” He almost snapped at her.

“Cool it Raph.” leo warned.

“I don't wanna be looked at like a freak. She won't want to meet us when she sees us.” he stood up and walked off. April looked at the others who all looked like they wanted to disagree and agree with Raph at the same time.

“Sorry angelcakes, I'm sure baby angelcakes is great though.” Mikey shrugged.

April sat in disbelief that they all basically said no. The lair was quiet after that and she left after they ate some dinner.

She got home only to remember her sister was spending the night at her friends house. So she had the place all to herself. She let out a sigh and poured herself a tall glass of wine and sat on the couch thinking about the events of the day. She came up with a plan as she finished her cup and decided that by the end of the week they boys will have met her baby sister. She grabbed her phone and invited the boys to come hang out at her place for once this upcoming weekend. They didn't even ask if her sister would be there.

(Y/N)-

April had gone out to pick up some pizza for a late night dinner. I had school, homework, and some video editing to do and forgot to cook. April came home late and said not to worry about it and would grab some pizza. Her new favorite place didn’t offer delivery so she went to go get it. I decided that a nice hot shower sounded good and went in. I got out as I heard the front door open and close. I made my way to my room about to throw on my favorite green sweater only to remember that It had been washed and was in the dryer. So, I wrapped my towel back around me and opened my door to head out into the living room. I walked out and looked up only to meet with 4 pairs of eyes.

“Oh my bad,” I said, turning to go back to my room only to stop and turn right back around. “Ummmm…” I trailed off not sure what to say as I stared at 4 very large, very green, oddly human like turtles, all while in a bath towel that left most of my left hip exposed.

“Oh hi (y/n). I forgot to mention I had friends coming over.” April said walking into the room. “You might wanna put some clothes on though.”

“Yeah…” I said not able to look away from the very large turtle creatures sitting in the living room.

[lolokiquit]

Without Me I

Word Count: 4.4k

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x F!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut (future chapters) I CEO au(?) idk what this should be catagorized as lol

“Tell me, how's it feel sittin' up there? Feelin' so high, but too far away to hold me.”

Without Me (Halsey)

“One day I’ll give you the world I promise.” You only allow yourself to think of him when you're drinking, only when you're drinking. In those nights where your mind is hazed with alcohol, and the guilt of everything begins to eat you alive slowly. You remember the way he used to look at you with the twinkle of the night sky or the way his eyes would crinkle whenever he laughed. You remember the nights where you whispered nothing into his ear and the days when he was your whole world. Then slowly, as those memories start to fade, you begin to recall the screaming, the way he always seemed to come home drunk with blood on his fingers, and the way you begged for him to quit. By the time the memories finished making their rounds, you couldn't stop the bitter taste from crawling back into your mouth. The morning glow outside your small apartment window has started to peek through the night sky, and you realized that you've spent yet another night lost in the man that you lost so many years ago.

"Hoseok, stop that tickles," you giggled as your boyfriend wrapped his arms around your waist. You're in the kitchen of your new home that you had just moved into, an apron on, and smiles as wide as the morning sun. It's been hard coming up with the money to finally move from your small hometown in Busan all the way to Seoul. But through all of your shifts in the convenience store to the restaurant down the street from your childhood home, the two of you had made it.

"You look like the perfect housewife," He giggles into your ear, "I promise one day when I finally make enough money to buy you that diamond ring, I'll ask you to marry me, and we'll live happily ever after," You think that this must be what heaven feels like.

Being at the fresh age of 23, you couldn't have been more naive. Everything that the world had to offer seemed too innocent, and your future with Hoseok seemed so bright. You saw a big house with a picket fence, children running in the backyard, and a loving husband in your arms.

"Yes," you think to yourself, "This is what my future is going to look like." Running your soft hands through his hair Hoseok's eyes glitter as he slowly whispers, "let's never change," mirroring his lovestruck eyes, you slowly whisper back, "ok."

Love is a strange thing. Growing up in a family where the sound of screaming and breaking glass was as expected as the sun rising, could anyone blame you for jumping at the first sign of affection you were shown? It was no surprise that the boy in a leather jacket and tattoos on his arms who promised you all of his love had you wrapped around his coarse fingers in record speed. Meeting him at seventeen, you began to think that maybe life didn't hate you so much after all. It wasn't like you had a choice. After all, his advances towards you swarmed your everyday life like cockroaches and cancer cells that infested every single part of your being. You found yourself unable to stop your doom. He became your reason for everything. You breathed into him almost as if he was the oxygen that ran through your bloodstream. You couldn't live without him.

Your friends had warned you about the boy that had magic in his eyes and sweet words on his lips telling you that you couldn't change a person like him, but you were too young and reckless to care. Maybe it was the glint of the galaxy and freedom in his eyes, or perhaps it was the lingering sense of loneliness that you felt as if the two of you shared. But at that moment, you knew you would risk it all for him.

It was an uneventful Tuesday afternoon. You stood in your local supermarket staring at the little amounts of money you had left in your hands. Your father had stopped sending his child support months ago. With your mother constantly drunk out of her mind, you and your siblings were now only surviving on the part-time job you worked at the coffee shop down the street. You slowly started adding up all the necessities you needed. Milk, eggs, toilet paper….Your brooding was cut short as the loud hooting and screaming of teenage boys filled your ears. Before you knew it, the whole store had turned into utter chaos. The group of, from what you could tell, 7 boys with guns and knives had started running around the store, looting whatever was in sight. The store manager had come out staring at the whole scenario playing out in front of him in shock. He started yelling as well, threatening to call the police as the boys simply laughed in response.

Soon, police sirens began to ring from a distance. You stood frozen solid to your spot by the tomatoes, and your shock slowly melted into fear. Were you going to die today? You didn't have much time to think when suddenly someone grabbed your hand and screamed "RUN" and started dragging you right along with him. You weren't sure if it was a pure reflex or the adventurous inner side of yourself finally showing. But you found your legs starting to move to their own accord as you began to zooming off with the random stranger.

You ran and ran like your life depended on it. The cold winter air ran through your hair, and for a moment, you finally felt like you could breathe again. As if some sort of craze has taken over you, you began to laugh maniacally like there was no tomorrow. You laughed and screamed along with the others as you continued to run. You went on without stopping until you reached the shores of a nearby beach.

The stranger finally let go of your hand, and for a moment, the world around you went still. You stood there staring at each other for what felt like forever before he finally spoke up with a grin. "Well, that was a good one, wasn't it?" He laughed as the boys that were with him also started to chuckle. You continued to stare, looking like a lost deer caught in headlights. "I'm sorry," the boy continued on. "You just looked like you needed something to spice up your life; you looked quite bored up there."

The realization that he was actually speaking to you and that you needed to form some sort of response hit you. You started fumbling for words, the shock from the previous events only now beginning to set in. "I-I yea I mean I.." you trailed off, being at a loss of words.

"It's ok, you can find the right words later. Now how about we continue on this adventure. It would be pretty pointless for you to stop now, wouldn't it be?" He replied before you had the chance to actually come up with a coherent sentence.

After a couple seconds, you came to the final conclusion that he was right. You pondered your options. You could either go home to your most likely drunk mother, who wouldn't have noticed that you had already missed your curfew, or you could take a chance for once in your life. You really didn't have much to lose, so you might as well finish what had already been started, right?

So off you went with him, getting on the back of his bike, you set off.

Riding across abandoned highways, you screamed at the top of your lungs and laughed as you've never done before. At that moment, you felt so free. The stranger promised to show you the brightest sky of stars you've ever seen in your life, and with a smile, you agreed.

You finished the night learning that the boy's name was Jung Hoseok. You memorized the stars in his eyes over the stars in the night sky. You'll never know what it was exactly that drove Jung Hoseok to grab you that day, perhaps fate? Or maybe he just needed a new play toy on that specific night. But at that moment, Jung Hoseok had become your own personal savior, a beam of light that shined down into your dying world. Whether he was an angel sent from above or the devil himself, you weren't sure, but one thing was for sure, you were in love.

But that was in the past. Now, you're stuck in a small apartment in the middle of Seoul alone, working an ok job, eating, sleeping, surviving. But Jung Hoseok, however, Jung Hoseok had become a living god. Even that in itself seemed to be an understatement. His power ran through the streets of Seoul and all the way around the world. Owning Seoul's most prominent and most influential company. No matter how you think about it, you can't seem to shake off the bubbling sense of anger. How you had abandoned your whole family, your whole life back in Busan to follow him here, to a foreign city that you didn't know. How you had stood by his side through all the questionable things he did and all the pain that he caused, only to be left on the curb when he finally decided that you were no longer good enough for him.

The truth was the fact that you had never really gotten over him. How could you? He was your world, your life, your everything. And the moment he walked out of your life, he took a part of you with him.

Sometimes you would reminisce on the old times. The days where the two of you were still trapped in that little town and had nothing else to hold but each other. Hoseok had always been the bigger dreamer out of the two of you. With his miniature gang activities within the town, he had always believed that there was something more. He wanted to see the world, to soar above the clouds, and to experience life. In fact, he was the one that had brought up the topic of Seoul first.

It was four in the morning, and the sun was about to rise as you and Hoseok lay at that beach where you had first met when he finally brought it up.

"Let's go to Seoul" the offer was so sudden, so out of the blue, that you laughed, thinking he was joking.

"I'm not joking," he starts again. "Let's go to Seoul. Let's get out of here."

"Hoseok," you say, slowly starting to sit up, "You can't be serious, can you? We're both dead broke. There's no way we can just spontaneously decide that we're going to Seoul."

You had just graduated high school a year ago and had immediately taken up several part-time shifts at places all across town to try to provide for your family. For people like you, the idea of college was merely a luxury that you couldn't afford.

“Jien-ah listen to me ok? Staying here is a dead-end road. We'll never be able to amount to anything" Hoseok stood up and started to shake the sand off of him. "You KNOW that we have to leave at one point or another. Didn't you want to go to college? We have futures. There are things out there for you to see, places to visit. We can't stay here. You know that"

You sat there, not knowing what to think. You knew deep down that Hoseok was right. You couldn't stay holed up in this good-for-nothing town forever. You had to leave. But you were scared, scared of change. The future seemed so terrifying you didn't know if you wanted to jeopardize your future more than needed.

It wasn't until weeks later did Hoseok bring up the topic of Seoul again. It was after another screaming match with your mother about her drinking habits. This time the two of you were sitting on the roof of your old high school. Your eyes were poofy after having cried out probably all of the water that was in your body when he asked the same question again, "let's run away to Seoul." This time, without hesitation, you answered, "ok."

The decision to move to Seoul with him was both the hardest and easiest one in your life. You knew you had to leave the town that trapped you. Still, the watering eyes of your siblings and the familiarity of everything around you made it so hard to leave. The hurt and betrayal that your siblings had felt the second you walked out of your run down house was enough to have you on your knees. But for once, you wanted to be selfish, to finally chase what you had wanted in life. So after much pondering and hundreds of shifts at your several part-time jobs, you finally packed all of your things in one suitcase, and you left. You walked out of that door, got on Hoseok's bike, and off the two of you drove. From that moment on, you never looked back because you knew that you couldn't. There was no longer a home that you could go to, no matter how crappy, no, Hoseok was all you had now.

Hoseok had told you before you moved that he had connections from old friends in Seoul that had gotten him a job. Apparently, this job had come with an apartment which meant that housing wouldn't be a problem. You, being the naive girl you were, never really questioned this said job and its description. Instead, you busied your first couple of weeks in Seoul, settling into your new apartment. Though it was small, it was still something that you and Hoseok could call your own. You found a job as a barista at the cafe down the street, and life began to fall into a comfortable routine.

For the first two years, the two of you were happy. Hoseok was doing well in his job, so well that two of you were able to enroll you in your nearby college, and you began to study literature. Hoseok never really discussed his job with you, claiming that he didn't like to bring work home. You never really asked either, accepting that his work was the only part of him that he likes to keep to himself. You busied yourself with work and school, you were finally able to live the life you had spent years being envious of. You went to college, made friends, had nights out, and had an amazing boyfriend that loved you. There was simply nothing that could bring you down from the high you were from. Little did you know that it was only the beginning

You set your steaming mug of hot tea on your nightstand, thinking fondly back to the years where your future had seemed so bright. Everything you could've imagined and more. You were finally on the right track, a college degree, hopefully, a good job, a stable income, and maybe children in the near future with a man that you loved. You had slowly begun to lose your edge, you no longer felt sorry for yourself, and slowly, you were starting to believe in the statement that as long as you work hard, you'll be able to reach the goal you had always been so desperately longing for.

But like most good things in your life, they don't last.

It's your fourth year in Seoul and your third year in college when you start noticing the shift in Hoseok's behavior. He left for work so early in the morning and came back so late that you almost never saw him. He seemed to come home later and later each day. The two of you no longer ate dinner together, or baked cookies, or watched your favorite movies, hell, you had barely had a proper conversation in weeks. He wouldn't reply to your messages, once again using work as an excuse, and never picked up your calls. It almost seemed as if you were dating a ghost.

Even though the whole situation made you feel uneasy and as if you were put on the back burner, you never brought it up to him. You were a coward. You were petrified because a part of you deep down knew what this meant, that he had lost interest. You don't blame him though, the two of you had been together for so long there was no longer anything new or exciting. He didn't take you on motorcycle rides anymore. Being in a large city like Seoul, there were no beaches to explore and no abandoned highways to see the stars from. He no longer had the time for you, and you knew it.

Hoseok's job had gotten even more important as time had passed by. He had been promoted and had been making more money than you could have ever imagined. Your little apartment had been traded in for a penthouse that was too big for you and no longer felt like home. Your wardrobe was filled with designer that you weren't used to. Hoseok had gotten rid of his leather jacket and motorcycle and traded them in for a Mercedes and expensive suits. He no longer smiled at you like the sun, and whenever he did smile, it almost seemed forced.

But you never bought any of this up; you simply greeted him with a smile and kiss whenever he had the time. Your mind would often wander off to places it shouldn't go; perhaps he was cheating on you? It wouldn't be hard for a man like him to find women that fancy him. He probably had millions lining up wanting and wishing for some of his attention. He was no longer the scruffy boy that took you on adventures and swore to protect you from the rest of the world.

There were days where you would lie on the king-sized bed you shared with your close to nonexistent boyfriend, thinking of the better days. The days where the two of you were cramped in that small apartment, the days where he would help you with dinner and almost burned down the house, the nights where you talked about everything and nothing at the same time. You ran your hands around the ring attached to the necklace that rests perfectly on your collarbones.

You were slowly stirring the boiling stew in your kitchen while anxiously stared at the clock. Hoseok should've been back hours ago. He hadn't called saying he would be late, and in the years you had been together, Jung Hoseok had never been late without calling. You were worried. It had been close to a year since you've moved to the big city, and life was going pretty well. Granted, there were still days where you and Hoseok struggled with the bills and had arguments like any other couple. But the two of you were living your dream lives, and it couldn't have been any better.

Right as you were about to get lost in your own daydream, Hoseok came bounding in like a kid on Christmas day.

"Hey, why didn't you call? I was so worried-" before you could finish, you scolding Hoseok had already folded you in his arms with a bear hug.

"I love you," He mumbled into your hair. "You know that, right? That I love you?"

"Of course I know. Jung Hoseok, is this your way of trying to get out of trouble? I swear-" But before you could finish the cut, you off again by whipping a small red box out of his pocket, and you gasped.

"Don't worry, I'm not about to propose to you in the middle of our kitchen," He laughed "that would be kind of lame. But this is for you" He opened the box and in it was a beautiful diamond ring. "I've been saving up for months. This isn't an engagement ring. It's only a man-made diamond. But one day-" He pointed outside your window, "I'll buy us a penthouse in one of those buildings in, and I'll really get down on one knee, then I'll ask you to marry me. But for now, this is just a promise ring. I promise one day I'll marry you." He looked up at you expectantly after his long speech. You were staring back at him with tears in your eyes as you choked out a simple "ok."

The two of you held each other for what felt like forever until you smelled something burning in the air, and you realized that the stew you had on the stove was now burnt.

You can't help but smile as you think back to those bittersweet memories. It's been over 4 years since Jung Hoseok has made that decisive step out of your life. But you still wore that necklace as a reminder of the better days. The days where the naive little girl in you still believed in love. When you still believed that as long as you gave in a relationship, you would surely receive.

You're smarter now; you've grown up. You no longer believed in the sweet words of others, and you no longer fell for sparkling eyes. Jung Hoseok had ruined that for you. You were rougher around the corners, and deep down, you knew that perhaps your story with him wasn't as special as you put it out to be because, in the end, you were just another one of his chapters to his never-ending story or girls. But sometimes, you liked to try to convince yourself that you had been something more. You can't help but think that maybe, you could've been something more.

It's midnight, and you've already had an entire bottle of champagne to yourself. Hoseok wasn't home, but that was no surprise. He never was. You laughed quietly at how pathetic you had become. Since when were you one to not speak your mind? But now, here you were terrified out of your mind at the notion of bringing up fears to your boyfriend, who, keep in mind, was supposed to be the one that you were to trust the most, he was supposed to be your home, he was all you had left. But no, you were a coward that was terrified of being alone, so you never brought it up in fear that he would leave you.

The front door creaked, then opened, and in walked Jung Hoseok in all of his broken glory. An expensive Armani suit `bedazzled with gold cuffs adorned his toned figure, paired with Louis Vuitton slippers and his newly acquired stoic expression. If you hadn't known any better, you would've mistaken him to be one of the born elites that the two of you used to despise. But you knew, you hoped and prayed that deep down, somewhere where light could still reach, the boy with shaggy brown hair that looked at you instead of the night sky still existed. That perhaps he was just a little lost and needed some coaxing to come back. Those were the thoughts that kept you sane as the past couple of months had unraveled.

Slowly you stood from your stool and made your way towards the front door. Hoseok was in the process of hanging up his trench coat when he noticed your presence, almost immediately freezing after the realization. There was an unexplainable tension in the air, a silence so thick it could've drowned you both. The two of you stood in front of each other. Either of you dared to utter a word. It was almost as if you both knew that once the conversation started, you would no longer be able to go back to pretending that everything was ok again. After what seemed like hours, you were the one that made the first move, maybe it was the alcohol in your veins that prompted your next words, but at that moment, with all the pent-up anxiety and hurt, you no longer cared. Mustering up all your courage, you finally asked him the question that you had been dying to know. "Do you still love me?"

Deep down, you both knew that the end was inevitable. You both wanted different things now. While you were still envisioning white picket fences and running children, Hoseok had started to see more. He wanted power and control, he wanted to be known, to be respected, and he knew that all of that would have to come at a price. He was selfish, he didn't want to have to choose, no he wanted to have both.

It's three in the morning, and Jung Hoseok stood on the roof of his million-dollar penthouse. The wind was blowing, the skies dark, signaling the arrival of a storm. As Hoseok starred up into the seemingly endless sky, his own storm brewing inside his head. The world underneath him seemed so distant and small, almost ant-like. Compared to his inner hurricane, all the Honks and raging cars of the rush hour seemed practically serene.

 As expected, he started hearing her calling out to him from a distance. She whispered his name, soft and gentle, like the waves by the beach she used to love so much. Hoseok would often hear the voice in the distant winds. It was as if she was so close, just in hand's reach. But whenever he reached out to grab her, she would disappear again.

She was the air he breathed, the drug that he couldn't cut, and if her love were the ocean, he would willingly drown in it. He would do anything just to escape this endless wondering and meaningless life of counting off the days. He would do anything to be able to breathe again. Without her, he was colorblind; his world became a black and white movie that he couldn't quite wrap his head around. Because if we were honest, what was the point of a prince charming without his princess, and what's so heroic about the knight in shining armor without his damsel in distress. Without her, he meant nothing, and his life was meaningless.

Perhaps that was what it was meant to be all along, a tragedy, another pair of star-crossed lovers that bit the dust.

[dreamyaqua]

Helloooo~!! I'm the same person who talked about Hyunjae and Haknyeon's rising signs! When I first wrote it, I wasn't deep into astrology yet. I've researched and tried to learn more about the Greek gods, the mythology, planets and associations to better my understanding. So, this time, I present all 23 members of NCT. To form an opinion on this, I watched their personal variety on their YT channel, took note of their physical habits and appearance, and read first impression stories. (1)

Also, don't worry about answering this right away! I just got very excited and wanted to share this :DD we currently have 5 members with confirmed risings; Johnny, Taeyong, Kun, Doyoung and Jaehyun. That's 18 members left, still! Also, I relied much more on their first impressions of each other as well as their appearance, habits and their neutral face because idols put up an act, which is enforced by their company. I'm running out of words so– (2)

(I decided to put the rest under a cut as the ask has gotten really long and I also put your asks together in regards to each member, I hope that’s okay!^^)

First up, Taeil! My first guesses for him were Scorpio (ruled out immediately lol), Capricorn and Taurus. I went with Capricorn at the end. Taeil just has a home-y, fatherly aura which Earth signs have. According to the members, he has that strong vibe that makes you want to learn from him. And we know that Capricorn is ruled by law and structure loving planet, Saturn. Saturn is associated with Cronus and Hestia. (3) Hestia is peace and home while Cronus was briefly the ruler of all. So, in short, a parent. Taeil as NCT's grandpa is accepted by many czennies. Which fits well. A typical Capricorn rising could have a petite stature as well as a wide-ish body type. Earth risings do tend to be stocky. Lips are usually either thin and wide or round but when they smile it's bright and feels familiar. It all starts from home~ Next up, Yuta! (4)

Yuta? Scorpio rising. I did try to see if he fits anywhere else but landed right back to Scorpio. One main reason, when he smiles, it's real. His healing and genuine smile is definitely a Scorpio rising trait. He's also pretty quiet in general but can get wild *insert clip of Yuta and Taeyong's chair race* and maybe even stir things up. Scorpio is associated with, Hades. Hades is generally a warm soul unlike his gruesome depictions. He's just a peaceful yet lonely guy. When he loves he LOVES (5) Traits seen in our double Scorpio royalty, Yuta. Winwin, Mark, Shotaro and Jungwoo is his Kore and Cerberus (you decide who's who). 

Easy tackle, now we've got Ten! Your local cat mom. As I say that, I guess Leo. Leo risings have feline features and traits, which Ten definitely has. When you watch his relay cam, his day's pretty chill and made more fun by his cats. They're just positive morning people and Ten really has that effect. Leo is associated with Apollo and Heracles (and more). (6) Apollo's a talented man (if you read Lore Olympus, I just hope you don't associate those characters with the actual deities) and so is Heracles. What do they have in common with Ten? Well, both Apollo and Ten are artistic, gifted with languages, and talented in music. With Heracles? Well, we know he's a hero, an ace. Leo is also the sun. The core of our system. We can definitely agree on Ten being NCT's talented ace, which all supports my guess of him as a Leo rising. Next, Winwin.

My first guesses for Winwin were either an Aries or Leo rising. Though, at the end, I settled for Aries. The entirety of NCT is in love (obviously, exaggerated) with Winwin, and fire signs naturally have that magnetism. Aries rules the head area, and one frequent habit of Winwin's is scratching his head. He also tends to put his head forward (called a nerd neck, due to book reading) which is typical of an Aries rising. He also appeals with his eyes when he wants something, also very Aries. Winwin as an Aries rising just feels true and self-explanatory. 

Next on our list is Jungwoo. A total Slytherin. Be a fool and fall for them, I dare you–oh never mind, you already have. Safe to say that Jungwoo is a Libra rising. Libra is Aphrodite afterthewholebeingbornoutofcastratedtesticlesthenformedfromseafoamshenanigans. We all know that Librans are pretty people. So pretty it's sickening, I'm getting too personal now. BACK ON TOPIC. I also had the thought of him being a Leo– I mean, if you've seen NCT World, Jungwoo definitely shone. Leos and Libras are similar in my opinion so it could be why I'm so unsure about it. Not many know but Aphrodite is a war goddess. Her role is very watered down, maybe because war was just not sexy to the Ancient Greeks. Still, Aphrodite conquered hearts, and Jungwoo has that main stage. Life is like a runway, especially with the way he walks. He also loves connections and making people laugh, both an Aphrodite and Apollo trait. Reason why I settled for Libra is that the first impressions of Jungwoo is that he looks serious, radiated sophistication but also wild. Aphrodite, being a magnetic and adventurous (iykwim) mad lad, has a definite influence on Jungwoo.

The next member is Lucas (12 more to go!). Lucas tries his best to make people happy. He loves seeing people be happy. And seeing how he says sorry when things don't seem to be exciting or done his usual way, I'm convinced he's a Libra rising.

I've written notes down but I have school so I'll complete this after LMAO

Back (new classes today so I'm hnghh). Okay, Mark! I believe he's where I left off. Mark is an Aries rising opinion. Also, while trying to hunt for their birth times, I stumbled upon someone saying Mark's birth time is 10:34pm. I tried it and it was Aries rising! Some habits that Mark does that's total Aries; touchy, laughs a lot, swears more than most, loud personality. He also has the Aries t-zone. His lovely gullbrows~

Next, Xiaojun. I was honestly stuck on him until I watched a fancam of him walking to the airport. His steps seem very grounded. Possibly, Taurus. I also thought he was a Scorpio and Leo but with the way Xiaojun gets defensive doesn't feel very water or fire (Aries is an exception). Xiaojun also enjoys food and cooking. He finds comfort in work, likes the easy way better, he's also quite practical. He's also hardworking. Probably either finishes homework the day it gets handed or when he's stressed. No in between. (I erased everything, I wrote by accident...) 

Hendery has the Air sign look and also the Earth sign vibe but in the end, I settled for Sagittarius. Why? Well, Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Zeus) and we all know that Zeus can get impulsive. Hendery seems to be so. Sag is also associated Dionysus, the stereotypical wild "people love people" drunk. Which Hendery also seems to be so. That's all for him. Next up Renjun.

Renjun has a habit of scratching or just touching his ear and head, his fight instinct is on 24/7, gets frustrated when something doesn't go right, very attentive when people tell stories, uses his whole body when laughs (stomping, throwing his neck back like it don't break). I guess he's either a Gemini, Pisces or Aries. The easily bored so they make chaos but also is helpful when needed trio, Hermes, Poseidon and Ares. Renjun just has a distinct style I can't pinpoint. No solid guess.

Dream's papa, Jeno. I believe he's a Capricorn rising. He just has that long faced, big nosed and intense eyes that Capricorn risings, from what I've observed, tend to have. I've also took up Libra and Taurus as other options but I went with Cap. Even if his go-to noises is confusion. I probably don't make 100% sense but I hope it's good enough. Anyway, Jeno has a potential to become a leader and Caps are great leaders. Not perfect but great. He also has some competitiveness in him.

7 more left! Haechan's turn! Haechan really does twist and turn people's heads. He could be a Gemini rising, mostly because he uses his hands whenever he talks, laughs, sing. He's also a trickster. Maybe Scorpio since he has that rbf and the presence that makes you quiver when you meet him in person. Another possibility is Aries, he's wild, impatient and banter skills are top notch. His silhouette either looks Arian or Scorpian. Face, Geminian or Arian. What do you think? 

Next, Na Jaemin. Virgo rising. Jaemin knows how to smile, like he knows how to attract people with it, and we all know his smile is beautiful. He also has that motherly attitude towards his friends. A total introvert as well and is just calm (but can get naggy and fastidious). CEO at eye rolling, even if habitual and unintentional. GenZ Artemis. 

Next, Yangyang. I'm dead sure on him being a Cancer. The way he walks is so baby? and my Cancer rising friends tend to do little skips and sometimes waddle. Whenever an opportunity arises, he takes it. He also enjoys comfort. These may be Taurus rising traits as well (they're similar in many ways) but when I watched ETC, Yangyang seems to have a protective side. A clingy side. So, I went with Cancer. 

Shotaro is next! Always smiling, gentle voice, admires people and loves fun. Libra. A possibility is Aries. This is based on appearance. Arians tend to have weak chins (chins that don't stick out). He also has the "always look forward to tomorrow" vibe.

I-I don't remember who's next...

I suddenly forgot what I wrote before this. I should've planned this. SUNGCHAN. My Virgo buddy. When I first saw him his vibe screamed Virgo, he just had that short face Virgos tend to have. It's a mutable sign so it tends to get overpowered but every virgo I know has a short face despite being different ascendants. I was struggling figuring him out but I decided on Pisces. I'll be taking a stretch here. So descendant is how a person views the world. His being Virgo. Sungchan seems to look at the world as structured so he could feel the want to rebel. He seems to enjoy chaos but probably helps mediate the situation for the sake of doing so. My thoughts are slowly getting tangled.

CHENLE. Chenle's a virgo rising and mostly because his rbf is piercing. He always looks like he's observing and silently judging people. It makes more sense for him to be a Scorpio as well. Yes, he's bright and fun but Scorpios do have that side. Just more serious and a lot of roasting.

FINALLY THE MAKNAE. Jisung Park. Libra rising. He just likes peace but when he's chaotic, he'd want you to match his vibe. A balance, in a way. He also seems to get frustrated/stressed easily, gullible, awkward hands, and he's always quite pretty. Calming to look at. That's all. What do you think their signs are? I want hear your opinion :DD Also, I hope your exams went well!! You probably put in your 100% best so of course it did!!

//

First of all, thank you so much for your support! My exams actually went well and I’m so relieved I got it all over with for this semester.^^ And now, as you’ve already noticed in an ask I’ve answered earlier, I don’t cover NCT on this blog and therefore, I haven’t really given their rising signs much thought so far, so I’m not going to really have an opinion myself but I wanted to thank you so much for your hard work with all of this and for sharing it with us!! It was super interesting to read and I can only say that I think all of guesses make sense to me.

As a Leo rising myself, I felt super flattered while reading Ten’s paragraph - I’d feel super honoured to share my rising sign with him and I also feel like his energy is familiar to me, so I could totally believe that to be true!^^ And also, omg, I’d love for Yangyang to be a Cancer rising! I seem to attract Cancer risings left and right and he’s recently become one of my ults, so that would be great :’) (I’ll definitely start to analyze him more in the near future haha)

Oh, oh!! Btw, my close friend @jacksvnshine made a very in-depth analysis of Mark’s possible rising sign and she guessed him to be an Aries rising like you did! She’s so amazing at what she does and if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t know a thing about astrology. So I can highly recommend checking out her blog and I also really want to link her analysis for you here as you might find it interesting to read, and it’s exceptionally well made!^-^

I’m sorry that I can’t really give you my opinion on their rising signs, I haven’t studied them enough in that sense :( and I personally struggle with rising sign guesses because I always feel like I don’t know enough to make an “accurate” guess but oh well- a guess is a guess, we can never know for sure but my mind doesn’t really want to accept that. :’)

I truly enjoyed reading through your messages and guesses, thank you again for sharing this with us!! I’m sure there’ll be others who’ll find it interesting to read as well!^-^