#sometimes expressing sadness or pain is the hardest part about it because they're so used to turning the other cheek to survive

[stardust-moth]

looking at some takes on characters or relationships or scenes in which things happen between them and just thinking,

How in the hell are people interpreting it this way??? But then i step back and realize that the story or character in question is fundamentally and extraordinarily different from the average person's life experience and I go,

ah,

you guys just... don't have a deep enough understanding of trauma responses...

[septembersghost]

This is the hardest week or so that I've ever had as a longtime swiftie. I saw people say this can't be worse than 2016 but it is for me because back then we were on her side and knew she was being wronged, we could defend her, but this time it's us being hurt and we can't. it's marginalized fans being upset and other fans talking over and ignoring us. I've never felt this bad and I love her and her music so much but I don't know how I'll ever look at her the same after this, and I'm not holding her accountable for that guy's actions, but that she'd be okay with it is complicity and giving him more of a platform, mouthing "ily" (barf) onstage to someone who's views are disgusting? I'm sad. I'm sorry it's been really hard for you. 😞

i'm so sorry. i'm at the point where i don't have words to express it because it's just exhausting and is crushing my heart. and i know i shouldn't even look at comments for my own mental health, but i've read a lot of things in the sub, and it's...killing me to see fans feeling this way, especially bipocs/jewish/muslim/disabled (is there a marginalized group he hasn't targeted? :/) fans, that they are not only asking these questions about her, but that they are feeling unsafe and unheard in the fandom. this post was shared with me, and it's a difficult read but it articulates a lot about the impact here, as do many of the comments.

my emotions have ranged all over the place this past week, but where i am now is this deep sense of sadness because i don't know what to do or where to go from here. she is intimately tied to her music, in an unusual way (i'd argue she's more connected to hers in ways fans know about than many other artists), which makes it difficult to separate. and yet her music is also ours and has accompanied countless fans through their lives, sometimes for many years (like i've said, fifteen in my case!), and that matters too and is extremely hard to disconnect from - music is such a profound and precious thing, it's not only sentimentality, it's in the very wiring of our brains, it's in our core memories. knowing fans are grappling with pain from that and trying to reconcile it...it hurts me so much. and there's a realization that overall, anyone struggling is still in a minority, so it doesn't make that much difference - thousands of people being upset feels wrong and terrible to me, no one should be experiencing that, and yet that's such a tiny fraction out of millions, which i think is another part of why the ones raising their voices feel a bit lost. i'm also frankly sick of seeing pushback about how fans hurting right now shouldn't be allowed to speak, because some intense double standards are at play (praise her and never criticize her is not a fair or healthy environment tbh). every fan i've seen upset is very clear about why, they're not holding her responsible for his actions, they're not confusing their reaction with real activism or social justice, they are raising concerns, and they're grieving a safe place that brought them joy and comfort before. you can't underestimate what art means to people and how valuable that safe space is, to feel like it's been shattered is a deep loss.

kelly (@butimnotseventeen) wrote a post about why this isn't comparable to 2016, and i think part of the conflict here is that, previously, it was always us with her, against the many who've torn her down and hated her unfairly. in this instance...that's not the situation. this is fans hurt and disappointed, and not being able to defend her, and it's also fans against other fans, which i think has made the anger worse. feeling attacked and shut out in a space you've cultivated and that makes you happy is terrible.

idk if we've reached the moment yet where we have to decide what we're going to do moving forward, or that moment likely will come at different times for everyone who's currently struggling. this is not something that's going to be addressed, and i think everyone needs to face the reality of that. we cannot demand anything from her personal life, and everyone knows that. if he apologizes, it will be because his hand was forced, and it won't change anything. if/when they break up, this still happened. anyone who leaves the fandom permanently is a drop in the bucket compared to how vast the fanbase is, so ultimately it's like...the decision you make should be centered on you and your well-being only. allow it to be about you, and your heart, because there's unfortunately no larger impact to be had here. is her music still meaningful to you, does it still make you happy? you're allowed to hold onto it. do you still love her and are you able to recognize she is flawed and contradictory and a wealthy white celebrity who lives in a world of privilege and never has to confront certain realities, can you reconcile that with caring about and enjoying her? because it's not wrong or hypocritical if you do. it's complicated. and if you want to step away for a while, or permanently, you're allowed that too. it truly is whatever is best for you.

selfishly, i miss coming on here and reblogging posts about her (and the beautiful things creators make) and being happy and excited, i miss coming on here and not feeling a sense of unease, and while i am in groups he targeted, and fundamentally am disgusted as a woman and human being, i cannot imagine what it's been like for bipoc fans. i've intentionally prioritized those of you who are hurt because you're important and you've been impacted in a way that taylor, who is not here seeing this, will never understand. she will never know how vulnerable fans feel. she will never have to read your pained and disappointed messages and try to counsel people through this. it makes me ache that any of us are struggling or experiencing that disconnect. i'm personally more affected by caring about other fans right now than i am by her, though i am worried about her to a degree too. we desperately need to hold onto empathy whenever we can.

her music has been such a light and carried me through so much. there's almost an irony to the fact that at any other time when i was hurt, i'd immediately turn to her music for comfort, and at the moment that's exactly where i can't go. it's very heavy and hard to say when that will fade. i just...i want you to know i've heard you and i love you and i'm sorry. i'm sorry you're hurt and sad. i wish i could do more. i wish i could predict the future and somehow tell you this will get better. i wish nobody felt this way at all. you matter and your safety and happiness matter. you can decide what brings that to you, and i hope you can keep finding it.