#sometimes cleaning up after a trauma case is a secondary trauma

[the-oblivious-writer]

The Science of Loss

Dexter Morgan and Reader

Part Two: Dexter’s Perspective

Summary: Even in death you hold a great impact in Dexter Morgan's life.

Warning(s): Swearing, (major) character death, clinical descriptions of death/crime scenes, mentions of violence, grief/loss, secondary trauma (Deb), and murder/references to

Notes: Although this is a part two, it can be read separately from Deb's perspective. This is a platonic Dexter and Reader fic, let me know if I should do more

Debra's Perspective

You were one of the few people who never made Dexter feel like he needed to perform humanity. Your interactions in the lab had a comfortable precision – you'd both speak the language of blood patterns, trajectory analysis, victim positioning. He didn't have to manufacture the appropriate emotional responses because you never demanded them. You understood silence.

Now he stands in the lab where you used to work, and the silence feels different. Heavy. He touches the microscope you'd use to analyze trace evidence, remembers how you'd explain your findings without the theatrical flourish Masuka employed. Just clean, methodical observations. You'd been easier to understand than most humans.

"The blood pool indicates they were conscious for approximately two minutes after the shot," he tells Deb, because these are the facts he knows how to process. His sister stares at him with red-rimmed eyes, and he recognizes that this information isn't helpful. You would have known how to translate between his analytical approach and Deb's raw emotion. You'd done it countless times before.

The security footage plays on his laptop. He's analyzed it like any other crime scene: entrance angle, shooter position, blood spatter direction. But something uncomfortable shifts in his chest when he watches you step in front of the teenage clerk. A protective instinct that doesn't align with efficient survival. It's the kind of human behavior he's always struggled to understand, but somehow made sense when you did it.

"You know what's fucked up?" Deb's voice cracks. "They would have fucking loved analyzing their own crime scene. All that blood spatter data."

Dexter nods, because you would have. You shared his fascination with the technical aspects of death, though yours came from a place of justice rather than necessity. You'd once spent three hours explaining to him how different blood pattern classifications could reveal a victim's final moments. Not because it was relevant to a case, but because you recognized his genuine interest.

He finds himself in the morgue at night, standing where your body had been. The metal table reflects the fluorescent lights, and he remembers how you used to joke that the morgue had better lighting than your apartment. Dark humor that made others uncomfortable but made perfect sense to him.

"I don't know how to help her," he tells the empty table. Deb is spinning out, breaking down, and his usual scripts for performing brotherly comfort feel inadequate. You would have known what to say. You always knew how to reach her when she retreated behind her walls.

The irony doesn't escape him – seeking advice from a memory of someone who helped him understand human connection. But you had been different. You didn't try to fix his peculiarities or demand conventional emotional responses. Instead, you'd simply included him in your understanding of human variation. "Different wavelengths," you'd called it, "but still on the spectrum."

He keeps your last case file. Not for sentimental reasons – he doesn't do sentimental – but because your analysis was always impeccable. Sometimes he reads your notes, appreciating the logical progression of your thoughts. The way you could look at violence and find patterns, meaning, justice.

The young shooter is caught three weeks after your death. Dexter sits in the observation room during the interrogation, studying the teenager's body language, the tremor in his hands. His Dark Passenger whispers familiar suggestions, but he remembers your voice during late-night lab discussions:

"Justice isn't always about punishment, Dexter. Sometimes it's about understanding why."

You'd said that after a particularly brutal case, your gloved hands steady as you processed evidence. He hadn't understood then – his own sense of justice had always been more… direct. But watching the terrified kid break down during questioning, he thinks maybe he's beginning to grasp what you meant.

Deb finds him organizing blood slides one night. Not his special collection – just routine case evidence. But he's doing it the way you taught him, with that extra level of precision you always insisted on.

"You miss them too, don't you?" she asks, her voice rough. "In your own way."

He considers this. Misses your predictable presence in the lab? Yes. Misses how you helped him navigate complicated social situations? Also yes. But there's something else – an unfamiliar discomfort when he passes your empty workstation. A hesitation before using your favorite microscope.

"Yes," he says simply, because you appreciated when he didn't elaborate unnecessarily.

Harrison asks about you sometimes. You'd been good with him, patient in a way that matched Dexter's own careful approach to fatherhood. You'd explained complex forensic concepts to Harrison in ways that satisfied his curiosity without disturbing his innocence. A balance Dexter often struggled to find.

"Where did Y/N go?" Harrison asks one evening.

Dexter remembers your discussions about death, how you'd emphasized the importance of being honest with children while respecting their developmental stage. He tries to channel your measured approach.

"They died," he says carefully. "Someone made a very bad choice with a gun, and Y/N tried to protect another person."

"Like a hero?"

Dexter thinks about your final moments on the security footage. The calculated risk, the protective instinct, the technical perfection of the blood spatter you left behind. "Yes," he says. "Like a hero."

He helps Deb pack up your apartment because that's what siblings do, according to the social scripts he's learned. Your forensics journals are organized by date and subject matter. Your case files are meticulously labeled. Even in death, you maintain the order that made you comprehensible to him.

"Fuck," Deb chokes out, finding one of your hair ties. She crumples, and Dexter moves to support her weight, remembering how you'd coached him through similar situations.

"Let her feel it," you'd advised during one of Deb's previous crises. "You don't have to fix it. Just be there."

So he is. He holds his sister while she breaks apart, and though he can't fully understand her grief, he recognizes its patterns. The way it spreads like blood spatter – predictable trajectories, measurable impact points, analyzable distribution.

Later, he finds your notes on his own blood spatter analysis. Margins filled with observations, questions, suggestions for improvement. You'd approached his work with the same detailed attention he gave to his… extracurricular activities. Not questioning, just analyzing. Seeking to understand.

"Your brother processes things differently," he overhears you telling Deb once. "It's not wrong, just different. Like how blood spatter can tell different stories depending on the angle you view it from."

The metaphor had been oddly perfect, much like your presence in his carefully constructed world. You didn't disrupt his patterns or expose his secrets. You simply observed, analyzed, and accepted the evidence before you.

He keeps your forensics kit in his lab. Not out of sentiment – Dexter Morgan doesn't do sentiment – but because your organizational system was superior to the department standard. At least, that's what he tells himself when he finds his hands lingering on the latches, remembering how you'd walk him through your processing methods.

"Evidence tells stories," you'd say, "but only if we listen carefully."

He's listening now, in his own way. To the stories told by your absence. The way Deb's grief spreads like high-velocity spatter. The void you left in the lab's carefully calibrated ecosystem. The subtle changes in his own patterns since you've been gone.

It's not grief as others experience it. He knows this, just as he knows he processes everything differently. But it's something. A disruption in his carefully maintained routine. A gap in his understanding of human interaction. A missing data point in his ongoing study of normal behavior.

You would have appreciated the analytical approach to processing your loss. Would have helped him categorize these unfamiliar reactions with the same precision you brought to blood spatter analysis. Would have understood that his version of missing you would manifest in reorganized evidence boxes and late nights reviewing your case files.

The science of loss, he discovers, is messier than other sciences. Less predictable than blood spatter. Harder to categorize than DNA evidence. But he continues to study it, methodically documenting its effects on Deb, on the department, on his own carefully structured world.

Because that's what you would have done. You would have looked at the evidence, analyzed the patterns, and accepted the conclusions – even the uncomfortable ones. Even the ones that suggest that maybe, in his own unique way, Dexter Morgan is capable of missing someone who made his world more comprehensible.

The security footage plays one last time. He watches you make the statistically illogical choice to step in front of danger. Watches the blood pattern bloom across your chest – medium-velocity spatter, consistent with a single gunshot wound. Watches you break protocol to protect another person.

And something in his carefully ordered mind shifts, just slightly. A new pattern emerging from familiar data. A different way of understanding sacrifice, justice, connection.

You would have appreciated the symmetry of that – teaching him something new, even after you're gone.

-----------

[fanfoolishness]

A Warrior’s Death (The Mandalorian)

Set immediately following the events of Chapter 8: The Redemption.  

Din Djarin was alive.  The child was safe.   The Imps were vanquished.  He and the child were now a clan of two.  ...So then why was it so hard to breathe?

Angst, PTSD, blood/injury trigger warning, found family.  ~1700 words.

Now with art for extra feels!

***

The rocks and lava fields of Nevarro fell away beneath them as the Razor Crest ascended.  The child sat in his lap, curled against his cuirass, exhausted by the ordeal they had both survived.  Far below, Din could just barely make out the small cairn he had left behind.  A little higher and clouds surrounded them, vanishing the land.

They cleared the atmosphere and Din set the ship on autopilot in a high orbit.  He knew the Imperial presence had been destroyed, but he still felt uneasy keeping the ship planetside after such a narrow escape.  Especially with what had happened in the covert --

He abruptly got to his feet, cradling the child.  He needed to tend to him, needed to make sure he was all right after everything.  Carefully he carried the drowsy child down the ladder and to the cramped sleeping area.  He set the little one down on his own bed, bunching up the thin blanket to pad the area.  

Din knelt beside him, ignoring the dull pain in his head and body.  His head still pounded.  Bacta had saved his life, but he knew how close it had been.  It would be at least a week before his body could forget an injury that severe.

The child blinked up at him.  “How are you, kid?” Din asked into the silence.  

The kid tilted his head, ears quivering faintly.  He let out a soft sound, then slowly outstretched his hands, reaching up to Din.  There were a few small burns on those tiny green fingers, little areas where the skin was slightly reddened.  To his relief Din saw no blisters or deeper wounds.  Still, though, the way the baby grimaced slightly when Din touched them tore at him.

���Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Din murmured.  “Here.”  He reached to the medikit stored beneath the bunk, pulling out a vial of bacta cream.  He slipped off one glove and dipped a calloused fingertip in the ointment.  “Can I see?”

The baby regarded him with those large, intelligent eyes, and reached toward him.  Din dabbed a small amount of the cream between the child’s palms, then rubbed them together.  The baby cooed, the sound sweet and bright.

“See?  Feels better, right?” 

The kid stared at him, mouth falling open in a small smile, then clapped his hands together without a flinch.

Din let out a long sigh, putting his glove back on.  “Good job.  You were very brave.”  

He rummaged in the crate beside the bed, coming out with a kit of freeze-dried krill, some of the last from Sorgan.  “Want a snack?”  

He opened the packet, setting it in the child’s lap.  “Remember the nice people in Sorgan?  All those kids you made friends with?”  If only we --

Little fingers reached to the food, and the child ate the lot ravenously, getting krill crumbs all over his face.

“Here.  Let me just --”  Din wiped the crumbs off with his fingertips.  The child leaned into his touch, large eyes falling closed as Din cradled his cheek.  “Sleepy?  Get some rest, buddy.  I’ll be back soon.  Just need to clean up a little.”  The kid snuggled into Din’s blanket, already fast asleep.  

“Night, kid,” he said softly.

The door to the bunk closed behind him, the locking lights flashing.  His shoulders slumped, exhaustion settling in.  

He shuffled to the wall beside the vacc tube, hitting his closed fist against the small panel that hid a shallow sink, faucet, and cupboard.  He glanced back.  The door to the bunk was still locked.  He didn’t think the kid would try to follow him, tired as he was, but he dared not leave it to chance.  Not after earlier --

He sank onto the narrow seat of the vacc, and leaned heavily against the wall.  

He forced himself to reach up and lift his helmet, hissing as the inner lining, sticky with dried blood, tugged at his hair.  He sniffed, wincing, catching the scent of stale sweat and iron in his sodden shirt collar.  He set the helmet down beside him on a weapons rack and methodically pulled off his gloves for what came next.  

Childhood training burned deep in his bones.  You must tend to your armor after each battle as you tend to your body.  Without your armor, your body is vulnerable.  The two are one and the same.  

Normally his skills, his training, and his beskar kept the ritual of maintenance brief and automatic. Then again, normally he didn’t come back from a job with bacta mending a skull fracture.

A blinding flash, the air ripped from his lungs as he flew backwards -- 

A horrific crunching, a hot flood slick down the back of his head, soaking his collar and cloak --

He stared at his helmet, IG-11’s words echoing.  I am not a living thing.

He shivered.  It was true that no droid lived.  No living thing had seen him unmasked since childhood.  He had sworn the Creed.

But would the Armorer have granted him his signet, had she known what he’d done?  

What he’d allowed?

A wave of pain throbbing, overwhelming, clouding thoughts and vision, black blooming at the edges of everything --

Feet limp and nerveless, legs dragging in the dust, Cara hauling him from the fray like a dead thing --

He snatched the helmet from the shelf in a quick, controlled movement, breathing hard, and turned on the water in the shallow sink.  He reached for his cleaning kit and thrust his hand inside the helmet, methodically scouring the detritus away from the delicate machinery lining its inner surface.  

A frisson of revulsion passed through him as the water flowed red.  Broken strands of hair, clumped with clotted blood, gathered at the drain.  He scrubbed until the water poured into the helmet flowed clear, until the outside shone, until his head and his hands ached with the effort.  

The certain knowledge that this, then, was a warrior’s death --

Gasping for air, chest heaving, the raised blaster in his trembling hand --

The air, soft on his face --

Stiffly he set his helmet down to dry, and raised his head.  His face, distorted, stared back at him from the dimly reflective wall surface.  The colors were all wrong: reds and purples where he remembered brown and tan.  He brought handfuls of water to his cheeks, grunting when he found undeclared bruises, a nasty cut across the bridge of his nose, blood dried hard enough in his mustache that he had to scrub to lift it.  

Helmets stacked like trophies, beskar bones of his people in the dark  —

He gingerly touched the back of his head, his hand coming away still moist with blood and sweat.  The hair had matted, mired in hopeless tangles.  He’d cut it tomorrow.  For now he settled with more soap and water, enough to thin some of the mats at least somewhat.  He brushed through some of the damp hair with his fingers, and he wondered if the foundlings had fought back.

He stilled, his hands falling slack into his lap.  He stared at the wall.  He breathed in.  Breathed out.

He stared until his eyes burned.

***

The door to the bunk hissed open.  The child still slept soundly, though the blanket had fallen to expose his small shoulders.

Din knelt beside the child, his armor finally cleaned and restored.  The kid was sleeping so peacefully that for a moment he considered sleeping up in the cockpit, letting the kid take the bed rather than move him to the makeshift hammock Din had made.  Either way he’d be sleeping in full armor, as he had ever since the kid had come aboard, so it made little difference to him.  But as he adjusted the blanket, tucking it in around the little one’s neck, a small hand brushed against his vambrace.  

The child blinked owlishly up at him, stifling a tiny yawn.  Then he reached up, hands striving --

“C’mere,” said Din.  He gathered the child into his arms and sat on the cot, letting himself stretch out.  He meant to reach over and help situate the child in the hammock, but he did not.  Instead the child curled up against him in the soft spot between his fresh-cleaned cloak and his pauldron.

Din laid a hand over the child’s back, watching it rise and fall with every small, rapid breath.  “It was a hard day,” he murmured.  “No wonder you’re tired.”

He closed his eyes.  Tried to drift off to sleep, the familiar weight of the child resting against him.  But he stared through the slit in his helmet up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused.

Burrowing his face into the shoulder of the Mandalorian, the wind in his hair -- 

He was alive.

The foundlings playing games beneath the city --

The child was safe.

Kuiil’s small body, scored by blaster fire --

The Imps were vanquished.

A mechanized voice beseeching him not to be sad --

He and the child were now a clan of two.  

Beskar desouled, defiled, desolate --

So then why was it so hard to breathe?

The child whimpered suddenly against him, his hands twitching, perhaps in a dream.  Did his species dream?  The whimper grew louder, sounding almost frightened.  The little hands jerked.

His stomach clenched, the flashes in his mind receding, his focus turning sharply to the child resting on him.  “It’s okay,” Din whispered, caressing the baby’s cheek, thumb drawing small circles against delicate skin.  “I’ve got you.  You’re safe now.”  

Please believe me, kid --

The baby murmured half inaudibly, then shifted and wrapped his arms around Din’s hand.  Through the kid’s robe Din could feel a fierce heartbeat, tapping a rapid tattoo.  Close to the heart, his gloved fingertips brushed against something hard and metallic.  The mythosaur, memory, might, Mandalore.  

The child, the heartbeat, the mythosaur.  They anchored him.  They were enough.

This is the Way.

The child rested peacefully against him, comfortably asleep once more.  Din’s eyes fell closed, his mind quieting, the ache of his wounds fading.  He breathed in.  Breathed out.  

He slipped into a dreamless sleep, and he held his foundling closer.

-fin

(Maybe Grogu’s mind wanders in the Force while he sleeps.  Maybe Din’s trauma isn’t as hidden as he thinks it is.  Yes, my heart breaks for both of them.)

[buckyreaderrecs]

A Toast to Whiskey: Chapter 2 / 2

CLICK TO READ PART ONE

Summary: You work in an old bar hidden away from the modern world. It’s almost charming, but not quite. That’s probably why Bucky likes it.

Part 2: Steve finds Buck, then you. Lush! Bucky and a cat! Christmas! Domestic bliss! 

Words: 10,093 Pairing: Bucky Barnes/reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Peter Parker Additional tags: Bucky needs a hug, recovering Bucky, mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists), angst, she/her pronouns, brief mention of Nazis, mention of suicide attempt (no scenes of it though), medium level discussion of Bucky’s past trauma, Peter is mentioned and has one line, v briefly mentioned: Sharon/Peggy/Sam/Wanda/Pepper, friendship with Steve, Lush Cosmetics, Steve/Bucky friendship

Dedicated to: all the people that helped brainstorm Christmas gifts - @browngirlmagic @megthemewlingquim @pinnedandneedled @cosmicbreathe @headmistressofbitchcraft @valkyriesryde

Note:  When I thought of this fic, I split it into two parts that were meant to be equal. Part one was 2,325 words. This one is 10,093. I am sorry. Lol.

A Toast to Whiskey Chapter 2 / 2

To say you missed Bucky's presence was an understatement. It was kind of remarkable, actually. Considering how quiet he was, how he mostly just sat, it seemed strange to miss him so deeply, but that you did. He'd been in your life for months. To have him suddenly not there was a lesson in soft brutality. Others noticed too.

"Miss ya boyfriend there, missy?" the regulars teased.

"Where'd that mystery man get to then?" co-workers asked.

When two weeks Bucky-less came and went, you finally resigned to the fact that maybe you'd just have to let it go. You'd have to stop wondering if The Avengers had a phone number. You'd have to stop taking detours wherever you were going just to pass Stark Tower in the hopes you'd cross paths with Bucky. You'd just have to… stop.

Then the most surreal thing happened. Captain fucking America walked through the bar's door.

It was around midday on a Friday. You'd just opened up and were still pulling chairs from the tabletops from where they rested overnight. A few regulars were sat at the bar, waiting for their table to be set up over by the television screen. They paid no mind to Steve Rogers as he stepped into the dimly lit room, the streams of light he briefly let in highlighting the dust particles in the air.

When you saw him, your stomach dropped and your heart jumped out of your mouth. As Steve approached, you stumbled backwards, recollections of all bad news delivered before flashing in your mind.

Please, no.

"Hi. Are you Y/N?" he asked. When you managed to nod your head, he continued, his voice calm. "I'm-"

"I know. Is he okay?" you interrupted.

Steve had been interrupted many times. He was used to it. Another thing he was unfortunately accustomed to was giving people bad news.

"Yes. We’ve found him-"

"He was missing?!"

The volume of your voice drew attention from the people at the bar. "You right there, Y/N?" one of them asked.

"Yeah, yeah, Dave. Thanks. I'm alright."

Looking back to Steve, you caught the last split second of a smirk being willed off his face. "Y/N," Steve started. "Buck doesn't… doesn't know I know about you. But…"

"Where is he?"

"He's fine. He's at the Tower," he answered, his hands coming up in a defensive position. "Look, Y/N. I think he needs a friend…"

"What are you?" you snapped, suddenly blaming Steve for whatever had happened.

There was silence while you watched each other, working each other out.

Steve had not purposefully set out to spy on Bucky, or anything of that nature. In passing Peter Parker had said, "Mr. Rogers Captain Rogers Sir," and told him how he thought it was super cool that Bucky Barnes' local pub was across the road from a place Peter sometimes bought bubble tea from. It sparked curiosity that Steve ignored for as long as he could. But it got the better of him.

"I'm his best friend. But you've been given me a run for my money for a while. He spends more time in here than with the rest of us combined."

You thought about that for a second. Fuck, that was sad. "That means he spends a lot of time alone,"

"Yeah… Think that's been the problem…" Steve replied slowly.

Out of nowhere, Steve's composure changed. In a motion too fast for you to track, he pulled a chair off a table and sat. His elbows were pressed into his thighs and his head was in his hands. He groaned a little, then sat up straight, looking right at you.

"Buck… he… he does it sometimes. Disappears for a few days. No communication. He's always come back though. And it's only ever been a for a few days… This time, after a week we got worried…"

"You found him though," you pressed, annoyed at the pace of Steve's story.

"We found him. He wasn't in good shape, Y/N. I don't think…"

When Steve had walked in, you thought that something had happened to Bucky on a mission or something like that. The worst case scenario, of which you had only entertained for the shortest of times, was that Hydra had been lurking in the shadows, waiting.

Another possibility became painfully apparent at the end of Steve's trailed off sentence. Somehow, the thought of it hurt more than all the others.

Steve could see it on your face you knew what he was trying to say. You needed to hear it though. It was the only way it could be real.

"He wasn't planning on coming back."

Bucky wasn't planning on running away either. It was the metaphorical end of the line for him. Like so many times before, Bucky Barnes had forgotten to factor in Steve bloody Rogers. Saved by his best friend yet again, Bucky had woke up in a clinically clean room in Stark Tower. If he thought it was hard to get drunk, trying to kill himself was even harder.

You knew there was no comparing your friendship with Bucky to Steve's. There hadn't been a friendship in the history of humankind that could compare. Making Steve say it out loud wasn't kind, but it wasn't unnecessary cruelty either.

"Will you come see him?"

…

You thought you'd known weird. Turns out, nope. Being escorted into Stark Tower by Steve Rogers was weird. Being full body scanned by technology you couldn't begin to comprehend was weird. Feeling so, so much about someone you barely knew was weird.

All the weird became secondary to a rushing wave of relief at seeing Bucky Barnes. The wave met a tall, unmoveable wall very quickly. Bucky wasn't awake. Steve sat in a chair next to Bucky's bed and motioned for you to take the one on the other side.

Bucky was pale, lips chapped and hair stringy. Someone cared for him though. Although messy, the hair was tied back in a bun. There was a tube of chapstick sitting on the bedside table.

The sheet was pulled up under his arms. He was in a thin, white singlet. You'd never seen his vibranium arm; he'd always been in jackets in the bar. He'd always worn gloves, even after it was apparent you knew who he was. The scars on his body were confronting, but you had to file that away for a later day.

"Fuck," you finally said on a breath out.

Steve nodded in deep agreement.

"He's gonna wake up." You'd meant it as a statement but it definitely curved up too much at the end.

"He will," Steve confirmed. "He's lost a lot of blood… They tried blood transfusions but his body… The serum in him is too unstable. It made him worse. We just have to wait. He'll heal himself,"

"Okay," you said softly as you shuffled the chair closer to the bed.

As you took Bucky's hand in yours, you thought what all people do when they're bedside like that. Can they hear me? Do they know I'm here? You rubbed gentle circles across his skin with your thumb.

For a while, Steve was still, then he too dragged his chair across the floor. He got as close to the bed as he could, then folded an arm on the mattress and rested his head. You watched him look up at his best friend. Steve reached out with his free hand and gently stroked Bucky's cheek once, then settled in for the wait.

…

Sleep was uneasy, but it came. When you uncurled your body from the chair, you were alone with Bucky. He hadn't moved, hadn't dreamed. He wasn't really asleep but in some sort of super soldier serum limbo that you hoped to God wasn't a form of Hell.

It was only about ten minutes before Steve arrived back in the room. He came bearing gifts - coffee and a doughnut.

"Did you think he was going to wake up, like, when I got here?" you asked.

Steve shrugged. He'd changed clothes at some point while you slept. Grey track pants and a white t-shirt. Comfy. Casual. Not very Captain America but you guessed, pretty Steve Rogers.

"No. Yes. I don't know… We don't know when he'll wake up… I just thought he'd want to see you,"

"Do you think he comes and proper hangs out with me? Because he doesn't. He just kinda…"

"I know. Buck's never been that much of a talker. Even before. Doesn't stop him from being charming," Steve said.

"No… it doesn't. Guess he wouldn't come to see us if he didn't wanna," you reasoned, thinking about the awkward prospect of Bucky waking up and asking why the bartender was there.

"He wouldn't, no," Steve agreed.

Silence was comfortable with Steve, which was a blessing because you sat watching the television with him for a couple of hours. That's when you really took in the room beyond Bucky and the bed. It was a strange mix of hospital and home.

When you had arrived earlier, the elevator delivered you to a sweeping hallway. It didn't give much away in terms of what the function of the floor was. Stark Tower was multi-purpose. Very multi-purpose. It was head office to an ever-growing business. It was science and technology laboratories. It was home base for The Avengers. Those were the things the public knew the building did.

On the list of suspected functions included primary home of Tony Stark. Correct, although he had many other properties. Pepper was trying to sell some without Tony knowing. The Tower had to house weapons too, as the headquarters of The Avengers. Correct. Definitely in the upper limit of what was legal. Where did all The Avengers live? Where did the ones from space stay when on Earth? Theory was the Tower. Correct. Many, but not all, superheroes affiliated had very large, very beautiful private spaces in the Tower. I surely had to have its own medical wing. Incorrect. It wasn't a wing.

Stark Tower had its own dedicated floor for bio and med. Cutting edge research. Direct and tailored medical support. And that's where you had found yourself. A hospital room, spectacularly disguised as comfortable. Regardless of the armchairs by Bucky's bed and the huge flat screen, it wouldn't ever not smell like bleach.

By mid-morning, it became apparent that this wasn't Sleeping Beauty and Bucky wasn't going to wake up just because you were there with all your true... whatever.

"What's the plan?" you asked.

Steve sighed hard, stood from the chair and stretched. Your attention stayed on Bucky, but when Steve failed to answer, your eyes flicked to him. He seemed very agitated by not knowing what to do. He couldn't Captain America his way out of this one.

"You're welcome to stay. There's a room next door. We can take shifts… Or if you want to head home I can call when he wakes…"

"I'll stay," you decided quickly. Nothing else seemed as important.

…

Two days later, you'd gotten more sleep than you would have predicted. The room next door to Bucky's was another designed for the injured, but it doubled as a hotel room just as well. The bed was comfortable and nobody disturbed you when it was your turn to rest. You and Steve shared takeaway and swapped stories. It was nice to find a real human beneath the public image.

Steve could see why Bucky had continued to gravitate back towards you. You made him feel normal. And he almost came to enjoy the routine you and he had fallen into, keeping watch of Bucky. Then, as you were throwing grapes across the room, aiming for Steve's mouth, you both heard him.

Bucky mumbled a very groggy, "Fuck," as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"Buck?" Steve called, appearing at the bedside in a second.

You walked over more slowly, carefully. What if he did think it was strange you were there?

Bucky tried to move, but Steve put his arm across him. "Nope, Pal. Stay right there,"

"Lemme up, Steve," Bucky said, still groggy.

Steve folded, moving away so Bucky could sit up. He rubbed his face, his unshaved jawline. You almost thought he hadn't noticed you, but then, "How long have ya been spying on me then?"

Bucky looked at Steve, raised his eyebrows.

Neither you nor Steve had ever been in this specific situation before. No script for what someone waking from a suicide attempt should do or say. But you were both shocked by Bucky's… normality. He'd just sat up like it was another day. Not like he'd run away, hurt himself, never said goodbye.

"What the absolute fuck!" Steve whispered. Was it to himself or to Bucky? You were unsure. Bucky just stared at him, expressionless. "That's not- How could- Jesus, Buck. What were you thinking?"

You cringed, knowing it was the wrong thing for Steve to say.

"What was I thinking?" Bucky repeated.

There was a second of silence. Two. Then Bucky just ripped the covers off, swung his legs out of bed and stood up. He looked down at himself, then up at you. It was the first eye contact you'd had since he woke, and it caught the breath in your lungs and swallowed it up.

"Hey, darlin'," he greeted softly. He'd never called you that before. Before you knew it, he'd closed the space between you and had pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Sorry for all the fuss,"

"Ahh…" you started to say, but he was already walking away.

"Bucky!" Steve yelled, following him through the door. "Where are you going? We need to talk," he urged.

Feeling very out of place, you just followed Steve, hoping sticking close to him would lead you back to comfort.

"Steve, look," Bucky said, spinning on his heels. "I know, alright… I know… But I need… I can't be here. This place is drivin' me crazy… And I'm already ten different types of that,"

"Where are you going to go?" Steve asked, his voice smaller and sadder than it had just been.

Bucky shrugged casually, almost comically.

"You scared the shit out of me,"

"Not the first, won't be the last," Bucky joked, deflected.

"It could have been."

That made Bucky shut up. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Steve.

"But it wasn't. Someone needs to stick around to look after your stupid ass," Bucky said.

"Then stick around."

If you felt out of place before… Watching the two men hug then step away from each other, you could feel the weight of their history in the air. It was oppressive and you were honestly in awe. Then, before you knew you were even speaking, you just squeaked out, "You can stay with me."

…

Bucky had taken you up on the offer like he wasn't an ex-prisoner of war with decades of trauma just sitting below the surface of his crumbling composure. He'd disappeared upstairs to change and grab a bag or two, leaving you and Steve standing in utter shock.

"Are you okay?" you asked as soon as Bucky was gone.

"I… Christ, I don't know, Y/N. That wasn't normal was it?"

You laughed then. "I don't fucking know. Do you mean for someone who just… or for him? 'Cause you're meant to the expert,"

"Not anymore apparently," Steve said, more hurt than bitter.

"I'll… try to…" You were going to say 'look after him' but the concept of looking after Bucky Barnes seemed ridiculous. Steve had kinda just proven that.

Steve looked defeated, so you did the only humanly right thing to do. You pulled him into a hug. He welcomed it.

"Thought when we brought him home he'd be alright," Steve mumbled into you. "Stupid,"

"Not stupid. Just hopeful. I… Look, I don't know what…"

"I know. Sorry. Sorry, Y/N. I've just pulled you into all this when you were just-"

"No, no. It's okay. I… I'm glad I'm here. He can come stay with me. Make a plan or something. Does he have a doctor or anything?"

The enormity of the situation dawned on you both then. The complexity of it stunning you into silence. Bucky had gone through abject horror and hell and he'd survived. His body had been stitched and sewn back together. His brain had been rewired, given back to him. But now what? Nobody had really thought of that.

…

Bucky was back to his cap-wearing, strong and silent type on the way over to your apartment. Through the doors, he dropped his bags and looked around.

"I'll make some tea," you said quietly, leaving him to introduce himself to the space.

Your apartment was on the third floor of a pretty old block of units. The space was small. Sometimes it was too small for just one bartender… And yet, Bucky didn't seem too big for the space. From the kitchenette you watched him walk from the front door across the open-plan space. He glanced at the bed, probably wondering where exactly you planned on keeping him. Bucky stood at the window, surveying the view.

"How do you take your tea?" you asked.

"However," he replied.

Frowning, you shook your head. "That's… not… What do you mean?"

Bucky turned, smiled, almost confused at your confusion. "Not picky,"

"Everyone has a preference."

He just shrugged.

"No… Come here. Sit down," you ordered.

Bucky smirked. He considered it for a second, then strode over to the kitchenette and sat at the small breakfast bar.

"Take your fucking cap off. This is your home now so you can drop the weird mysterious guy thing," you told him, putting four mugs out on the bar.

Bucky chuckled and obeyed. "Didn't Steve tell ya to be gentle with me or somethin'? Don't cha know I'm all messed up?"

You could hear it in his voice that he was taking the piss.

"There he is," you said, smiling. "Alright. I'm gonna make four teas, alright? You're gonna try them all and you'll know which you like best,"

"Don't think it matters, Y/N. It's just tea,"

"It's not. It's not just tea. It's… it's about preference. You can have things the way you want."

Bucky watched you pour the boiled water, brew the teas.

"I don't want someone else tryna fix me," he said seriously.

You pushed milk and sugar towards him. "If Captain America can't fix you, I don't think anybody can."

Bucky took the mug and held both palms to it. You wondered if he could feel the warmth in his left. (He could.)

"Then why am I here?" he asked, going to sip the tea.

You paused, trying to think of a good answer to that question.

Thinking.

Thinking.

"I… don't know… One minute you're sitting at my bar drinking whiskey. Next minute you're… in my house drinking tea… I have no fucking idea how this happened."

He made a face, pushing the mug back across the table. You swapped it for milk no sugar.

"It's a bad idea. Me being here."

Bucky tasted the tea and let you swap it again. No milk no sugar.

"Then why are you here?"

"Ain't that what I just asked you?" he quipped.

No milk sugar. And an unimpressed look that made him laugh.

"I'm here because since I've been stateside I've just wanted to… I don't know. Rest. Take a fuckin' second. Feel normal… First time I've felt normal was in your bar drinkin' your whiskey,"

"…What about my tea?"

"Also works… Milk and no sugar."

…

Bucky didn't make any jokes about how tiny your place was. After tea, small talk, you handed him the television remote, threw him a blanket and told him to make himself at home. You both went about your nights individually, but side by side. After all the tension of Stark Tower, it was overwhelmingly relaxing. There wasn't a moment where you asked yourself if it was stupid to let someone as dangerous as Bucky Barnes into your home. There wasn't a moment of reconsideration. It was just… easy from the first night.

"Buck, that sofa folds out bigger," you told him, climbing into your bed after showering and getting into P.J.s in the bathroom.

Bucky, who was still in the jeans and henley shirt he'd changed into at the Tower, glanced over. "You going to bed?" He sounded scandalised.

"Sorry, Jesus. Some of us haven't been asleep for days."

Bucky laughed. "Brave joke, darlin'."

There it was again, that nickname. Was it chosen or did it slip out when he wasn't watching his words?

In the morning, it was like you'd spoken in your sleep, conversed with each other and decided on a routine. Bucky was standing in the kitchenette when you woke. He'd clearly been for a run; his headphones hanging around his neck and his runners still on his feet. He was cooking.

"Hey," he greeted when you made your way over, sitting down. "Wow. Can see why you work at a bar. Not a morning person."

Your morning expression was one part deep confusion about not still being asleep, and one part anger about not still being asleep. Bucky kinda loved it.

As you ate bacon and eggs with him, you tried to process how you got to that point. It seemed like a fruitless task. Up until Bucky, your life was… well, it was easy to explain. Doing A resulted in B happening. A simple story. Then, Bucky. Doing A resulted in nothing, and suddenly Z was happening out of nowhere. Like, Jesus Christ, stuff like that just didn't happen. But the coffee was really truly being poured and Bucky was really truly just… there.

…

You went back to work quickly; you'd used up too many leave days sitting by Bucky's hospital bed. Picking up a couple of extra shifts in that first week Bucky was at yours, you hardly had time to really talk to him. He was a ghost in your home for all intents and purpose. It worried you. Each time you left the apartment, you'd try to find a new way of checking he was okay, that he'd be there when you got back.

"Are you doing anything today?"

"Seeing Steve later?"

"Not planning on trying to hurt yourself today?"

Bucky recognised the concern in your voice. It was the same tone he used to take with Steve before everything happened. It was the same tone Steve used on him now. Goddamn those turning tables. He did his best to be reassuring without lying to you. He felt he owed you that much, at the very least.

What else did he have to offer though?

That's when it started. Bucky Barnes turned into your bodyguard, personal chef, housekeeper, and handyman. When you realised it was part of him trying to cope, settle in, be okay, you just let him do it. You'd never won any fights to try to stop him. And, you kinda liked it.

He'd be lingering out the front of the bar when you locked up. Bucky would walk you the two streets home, mumbling "Can't believe you do this alone," the whole way. If he was early for pick up, he'd come in and put chairs on tables. He mopped once. The task was completed with frightening efficiency.

By the end of the week, the apartment was spotless. What did the Winter Soldier look like holding a feather duster? Had he read the spines of all the books on the shelves? Was the television on while he cleaned, or was he a music kind of guy? You could have sworn you saw him narrow your eyes when you left an empty dish on the coffee table.

"You went food shopping?" you asked stupidly one morning, waking up to the sound of Bucky unpacking groceries. He raised an eyebrow, went to provide sass, but you put a hand up. "Don't! Just… make me some coffee, please."

As he placed the mug on your bedside table, he gently ruffled your hair - the only part of you poking out from under the covers. "Got work?" he asked.

"Yeah. Closing. Don't start till 7," you answered, emerging into the daylight of the morning… Of the almost-afternoon, you learnt as you checked your phone. "What you got planned?"

"Same thing I've been doing all week, Y/N."

He was back in the kitchenette, folding plastic bags neatly into a pile.

"There's a bag under the sink full of other bags. Don't need to fold them," you told him. He looked up at you; when would you stop over-explaining things, he wondered. "It's like, a thing everyone has. The bag of other bags. And a messy Tupperware cupboard,"

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, a little amused.

"No! I just woke up and it's too bright and you're folding plastic bags. Are you okay?"

Bucky shrugged. He did that a lot, sometimes accompanied by a twitch of a lip curl. Sassy bastard.

"So when you say 'same thing you've been doing all week,' you mean clean and watch T.V.?" you asked, sitting up and plumping a pillow to act as a headboard. Bucky waited until you'd picked up the coffee and were looking back at him before he nodded. "How about we just… hang out,"

"Hang out?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I don't wanna move from here until I absolutely have to. So we can watch stuff on my laptop and stay in bed and Ubereats something fancy." When he failed to reply, you added, "You deserve a chill day."

Bucky crossed the space and dramatically flopped down on the bed. "Just exchanged one bossy boots for another, huh?"

"Really pretty, well-meaning bossy boots, yeah!"

…

Bucky was sitting in the window, patting a black cat you'd never seen in your entire life. He looked over when the front door closed behind you.

"Hey," he greeted, voice soft so not to startle the cat.

"Who's your friend?"

"Dunno… She was just out here when I got out the shower,"

"Right… Well, say goodbye and come inside. Got something for ya."

Bucky left the window open, and the cat remained out on the fire escape.

Inside, Bucky plonked himself on the sofa and watched you unpack things from the large paper bag you'd brought home. Bucky's bright eyes sparkled with curiosity and you could tell he could smell something unfamiliar.

When everything was unpacked, you looked at Bucky.

"This is gonna sound so dumb. I know that. But just bear with me, okay?" Checking to see if Bucky was taking you seriously, you saw his focus was on you entirely. "I… I cannot even begin to comprehend what it must be like being you. It's… It's fucked. It's fucked even in the context of superheroes and aliens and all of it… I don't know how you do it and I know it's hard and I have no idea if you're… Like, okay? Or getting better? Or if being here is helping at all but I wanna help. I want to do something for you but I know I can't do anything like, proper. I can't… I don't know… So I thought maybe I can help in a different way. In a kind of shallow… ah, superficial way? So that's what this is."

Bucky was trying to keep his expression neutral.

Bucky also didn't know how he continued to exist. Sometimes he thought it was because he felt he had to make up for what the Winter Soldier did. Save a life for each taken. Balance the books. Sometimes he thought maybe he was just superhumanly resilient. Maybe he was just more okay than made sense, and that was fine. And sometimes, like in those days he went missing, he thought he had no right being on Earth any more.

"I… I don't know what this is," Bucky started, motioning to the table of unidentifiable objects. "But you're already doin' more than enough. Me being here is helping. You give me space," and at that, you snorted, but he continued, not letting you redirect the conversation like he was so good at doing. "It's the only thing that I know helps. It helped in Wakanda. It's helping here."

In the quiet of three seconds or so, you and Bucky watched each other, testing each other's honesty. You had to trust each other, which was hard. But it was happening.

"Okay," you whispered when you grew too hot under his gaze.

"What's all this then?" Bucky asked, sitting up straight and putting his best version of 'excitement' on his face.

"This is… treat yo' self, self-care. You look after your insides, I'll look after your outsides,"

"My outsides?" he said, tone suggestive and eyebrow raised.

It made you blush.

"Skincare. Haircare. That kind of thing… It's from a store called Lush and I'm a bit obsessed. They invented the bath bomb!"

Bucky set his expression to 'I'm giving you nothing' and crossed his arms across his chest. "Bath bomb?"

"Yeah… They're these… things you put in the bath… It fizzes and makes it smell nice and look cool and is good for your skin and stuff. I didn't get one because we don't have a bath…"

You thought you were losing him, but that's just what he wanted you to think. He was wildly interested in whatever it was you were trying to sell him. He didn't hate the idea of skincare, haircare, and whatever else was going on in those little black pots. He'd looked after himself so well in the 40s. His hair was always perfect. Wasn't caught dead with too much stubble.

"I got like, a full routine for us to do together… If you want…"

Bucky liked the pronouns you were using. …we don't have a bath. …routine for us.

"You're beautiful. You know that?"

It caught you off guard. You hoped it was a rhetorical question. Blushing hard, you broke eye contact and looked at your Lush haul.

"So, you're in?" you asked quietly, pretending to read one of the labels.

"Yeah, doll. I'm in. Where's my fluffy robe?"

Squealing in happiness, you jumped up. "No robes, but pyjamas, yeah?"

Bucky took the bathroom and you took the… bedroom/loungeroom/kitchen/rest of the apartment. Once together, you put on old episodes of Golden Girls and sat Bucky on the couch. He watched as you run about finding all the perfect bowls and towels. When you had the random-under-the-sink bucket filled with hot water, you returned to him.

"Okay. First, we put on hair and face masks. I got this hair one 'cause it kinda smelt like chai latte." You opened the pot and let him smell it.

"Never had a chai latte…" Was his only response. He read the pot, "H'Suan Wen Hua… Chinese,"

"You know Chinese?"

"I know a lot of languages," he replied.

"Hmm… Okay, well, do ya want me to do this or do you want to?" you asked.

Bucky looked genuinely confused. "Do what?"

You hadn't wanted to assume Bucky would be cosmetic-clueless, but maybe it was better to just play spa. Let him sit back and relax and you do it all for him. The thought of that was both terrifying and exciting.

"Sit back. Watch T.V. Lemme do this."

And that's just what he did.

You could literally see him relax into the sofa as you saturated his hair with the treatment, massaging it into his scalp then pinning it all on top of his head in a curl, secured with a clip. If you had been able to see his face, you would've seen him biting his bottom lip, holding in a bigger reaction to the feeling of your fingers raking through his hair.

For the longest time, he'd only known touch to equal pain or death. After that, it was the tentative hands of doctors and Steve's sometimes suffocating arms. But you… you were a whole different kettle of fish. You, he could get used to.

When you jumped onto the couch next to him, it looked like you startled him out of a daze. Bucky seemed happy. It made you happy.

"Alright. Face mask. I got two different ones because the one I like kinda smells fucked but in a good one. Here, smell," you ordered, shoving an open pot of very garlicky Cosmetic Warrior under his nose.

He frowned like a child. "Smells like what Sarah made Steve eat when he was sick,"

"That's cute. But yeah. It's strong. Try this one."

Mask of Magnaminty was more his thing. Mint was a familiar smell. Bucky sat very still as you gently painted his face with the cool green goo.

"You can smile," you whispered as you watched him try to conceal a grin. "Feels nice, huh?"

"It's… different," he agreed.

It was quiet. Bucky watched the concentration on your face as you carefully finished the job. When you tapped his nose, complete with an audible "Boop!" he laughed.

Fuck, his laugh was spectacular. Maybe it seemed golden because it was a rare thing. Maybe because the action made the corner of his sparkly blue eyes crinkle. Maybe just because you liked him. A lot.

"'Kay. I'm just gonna go put mine on," you said motioning to the bathroom, "Then we can-"

"Do you want me to do yours?" Bucky interrupted. And holy fuck, how had you not thought of this as a possibility. Bucky had 1940s manners. Not even Hydra brainwashing could take that away from him. Of course he'd offer reciprocation.

"Ah… Sure. Yes."

He took the pot from your hands and dipped his fingers into the goo. "Stevie's the artist, not me. But I'll do my best," Bucky promised.

"I didn't know that,"

"Think all his best parts didn't make it into the history books," he continued. "Don't think some of them made it to 21st century…"

"If I say something based on knowing you for not long, promise not to get salty at me?"

"Salty a bad thing?" he asked, to which you nodded. "Okay…"

"Maybe it's because like, he went rogue for you or whatever. And we got sold this fairytale best friends since birth story… But I kinda expected you guys to be… Nicer to each other."

To his credit Bucky didn't stop painting your face. He was however, clearly unsettled by the statement. He thought for a second. "Yeah… It's… I don't know…" He shrugged. "We'll be alright. He knows I love him… Just handles things different. And he doesn't like being upset. Needs to fix everything. Fight the fight… I've never been like that. Not really… He was the one that wanted to go to war,"

"You didn't?"

"Nah… conscripted."

That fucked you up a little. Hydra wasn't the beginning of his lack of autonomy. He'd been owned by other people since he was basically a kid.

"It's alright," Bucky said.

"Is it?" You'd asked so quietly for a second you thought maybe no noise had emerged from your mouth. There was a twitch in Bucky's expression that reassured you it had.

He'd finished your face mask, putting the pot on the coffee table and wiping his hands on the same towel you had used. It was smeared with green and grey colours. Bucky's gaze focussed on it while he spoke.

"I don't want to keep fighting… But if I don't, I don't know how I'm meant to make up for what I've done."

Your nose began to tingle, the tell-tale warning sign of crying. Biting your lip and willing yourself to be calm you nodded, mostly to yourself. It would be a lie to say you understood, but you could genuinely see his sad logic.

It took so long for you to say something that Bucky had already picked up the next tissue paper wrapped product in your line of Lush. He was rotating it in his hands, trying to work out what could be inside.

"I.. I don't think you can… But not, not because… You just don't have to because it's not your fault. Like, you're not the… reason it all happened. So it doesn't make sense that you have to make up for it. That's not your responsibility. If anything someone has to make it up to you."

Bucky looked at you, a small smile on his lips. He was grateful that you weren't changing the subject, shying away from a hard conversation. It wasn't like you were saying anything brand new to him. But it was nice to hear you say it. He believed you more than when the others had said it. It was a sentiment they all had to believe, because there was red on all their ledgers. Not yours. You had no stake in the claim.

"If it's not my responsibilities, who gets that? It's on me, Y/N. I'm here. Capable. Gotta do it… Someone can make it up to me when I'm old."

There was finality in the statement. That was that. So, you did what any good bartender would do.

"Okay… Well… How about I pour you a whiskey and you tell me how you don't think 102 is old?"

There was that laugh again.

Two Foot Soak and Fancy Frees and whiskey fireballs later, Bucky was well and truly on his way to joining the Lush cult. He looked ridiculous, sitting there covered in product and trying to drink while not getting face mask on the glass. After picking Yog Nog shower gel over Snow Fairy, he disappeared into the bathroom to wash himself clean.

When you were both showered and back in pyjamas, you showed him how to do the towel-hair-twist things that he claimed only women knew how to do. "That's sexist," you teased. And when he did it first go, you suspected he had known all along.

"All that's left is body lotion,"

"Sleepy," he read, taking the pot from you. Opening it, he considered the scent. "Lavender,"

"You're good at this,"

"Everyone knows the smell of lavender,"

"Whatever," you said with a shrug, reaching out to scoop some of the lotion up.

Bucky watched you for a second, before snapping out of the moment. Probably not the coolest thing to do - watch a girl cover herself in lotion. Unless you wanted him to watch. If you did - he would have complied.

Watching Bucky out the corner of your eye, you tried not to laugh. He could tell.

"What?" he sighed. "What am I doing now?"

"Nothing. It's just… Winter Solider covering himself in lavender scented body lotion… It's a mood."

Bucky frowned, not sure exactly what you meant. He did know you were happy.

…

After the self-care session, you and Bucky had fallen asleep on the sofa. It wasn't like in the movies where bodies overlapped and comfortable sleep was found. Bucky was sat upright, head rolled back into an awkward position that would have almost definitely caused an ache by morning. Even for a super soldier. You were on the opposite end, curled up with your feet pressed into Bucky. A siren somewhere outside woke Bucky around three in the morning. He carried you to bed, tucking you in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You didn't stir at all.

Each night thereafter you let yourself drift off on the sofa, enjoying the proximity to Bucky and knowing you'd wake up in bed. It was on the cusp of being routine until one particularly stormy night. Wind had been howling for hours, catching somewhere in a drain or gutter just outside the windows. It caused a high pitched whistle that kept pulling you from sleep.

As Bucky laid you in bed, you woke, confused for only a moment.

"Is it like that every time there's a storm?" Bucky whispered through the darkness of the room. You made a grumbling sound, which Bucky correctly interpreted as a yes. "I'll fix it tomorrow,"

"Wait," you grumbled a little more clearly. "Stop sleepin' on th' couch. Come 'ere." You had your hand around Bucky's wrist and were pulling. There was no way you'd be strong enough to actually pull him onto the bed, but there was no way Bucky was going to say no either.

He crawled under the covers with you, trying to decode what it meant that he was in your bed. Meanwhile, you were wide awake trying to work out if he was buying your sleepy mumbling.

Which was worse, the tension of the want to wriggle back into him, let him curl his arms around you and keep you safe, or the anxiety produced by the thought of rejection? At what moment had Bucky turned from customer to friend? From friend to something else? Had those lines ever existed, or did Bucky's unreal history smash any chance of social normalities in his future? Did the carnage leave only constant unknowns and unmapped territory in its wake? Why did he always smell so goddamn good?

…

It was the start of June when Bucky Barnes had walked into a dusty bar seeking solace. It was the start of August when he disappeared into the night, not planning on returning. Alas, Captain America. So, it was almost four months ago he found refuge in the two-room apartment of one bartender. That brought him all the way up to December. Christmas.

"S'not what it used to be," Bucky grumbled from where he was sitting on the sofa, socked feet on the coffee table.

"But you didn't have my eggnog in the 40s," you countered.

Bucky narrowed his eyes and hid a smile with another sip from the mug in his hands. God, he loved your eggnog. He loved a lot of things about you, but he kept that to himself. He said nothing and continued to watch you decorate the small, plastic Christmas tree you'd set up in the corner of the room.

"You're not gonna help?" you asked.

"You're doing fine, darlin'. I'll tell you if you miss a spot,"

"You're a little fuck, you know that?"

"Mmm. Been told once or twice."

You snorted and got back to your tinsel.

Now, you weren't a psychologist and you didn't know shit about the deep trauma Bucky had experienced and still lived with, but you felt he was definitely in some early stage of recovery. The bed you occupied and the sofa bed he did were close enough that you could hear the whimpers of nightmares. Mornings after, you could pretend you hadn't heard. But, when he shared your bed, which he often did, there could be no ignoring the fact that you knew. However, the nightmares had lessened over the past two months. He made more jokes. He checked the windows less. He went over to Stark Tower a lot to keep training. You even suspected he'd made a friend in Sam Wilson.

"Would it be weird if I got Steve a Christmas present?" you asked, standing back from the tree and looking at your masterpiece.

"He'd probably cry,"

"What? Why?"

"Neither of us got much as kids… Everything's special. Don't think he's grown out of that," Bucky explained, trying to sound casual but the admiration for Steve was too thick in his words for that. "What are ya gonna get him?"

"Not telling you. You'll go snitch. You tell him everything," you accuse, spinning on your heels to point a finger. He made a face that said 'yeah, that's valid.' Smiling, you moved to plug the fairy lights into the electrical outlet. "Should we invite him over?"

By the time you'd stood, marvelled at your sparkling beautiful tree, taken a photo of it, then turned back to Bucky, you saw he had his deep-in-thought face on. It was his serious face, reserved for serious things. You put your phone down and sat next to him, nudging your way to curl up under his arm that hooked over the back of the sofa.

"Talk," you said softly.

"This is your house… so you should do what you want…"

"But?"

"I don't know… I… Nothing bad's happened here, you know? Nobody even knows where here is. It's… safe… from everything else," Bucky said, speaking slowly, carefully. There was a vulnerability in his words that made your heart ache.

"Yeah. It is. Okay. That's okay. We can keep it like that… Our little safe space, huh?"

Bucky nodded, then turned to look at you. God, he was so soft. He smiled, turning you into a pool of feelings.

"Thank you," he said, probably not meaning to whisper it.

You just nodded once and looked back at him. How could anyone have ever wanted to hurt him? How could they fucking touch him?

Before you could even work out who moved first, your foreheads were pressed softly to each other's and he'd wrapped you up in his arms. Bucky often smelt like Lush shampoo you'd bought him that he referred to as the "green jellybean" shampoo. And he always smelt like mint toothpaste because he brushed his teeth multiple times a day, citing a lack of access to such good oral hygiene supplies in the 40s as the cause. Under all that was his own scent, that unique humanness everyone has. Bucky's was sweet and warm and it contrasted against the mint much like the coolness of vibranium pressed to skin.

You knew him. You knew he wouldn't go where you'd not invited him.

As softly as you could control yourself, you tilted your head up and kissed your lips to Bucky's. A second. Two. He kissed back. His first kiss since 1945. And for the first time since coming out of Hydra brainwashing in 2014, Bucky Barnes was so fucking happy to be alive.

…

"I've just realised the best reason for this happening here instead of at ours," you said as you climbed the stairs to Steve's apartment. Bucky hummed a response from in front of you. "We don't have to do any dishes,"

"You don't do dishes anyway," he replied, not trying to be funny but simply stating a fact.

"Killin' my Christmas joy, Barnes,"

"Reckon I was the one bringing the joy," he said, reaching out to gently touch the dress you were in.

Bucky banished you to the small bathroom while he wrapped your Christmas gifts the day before, but as you emerged he seemed perplexed. "Feel like maybe you should have this one now," he'd said, then handed it over. The dress was beautiful, probably very expensive and new despite looking quite vintage in style. "Thought maybe you'd wanna wear it to Steve's tomorrow?" Yes. Yes, you fucking did.

When he saw you in it, saw how it fit you and how you glowed, Bucky felt validated and like all his insides were made of goo. Walking up the stairs to Steve's, he felt the same. Maybe worse. Oh, God, maybe like the first time he'd brought home a girl to meet his family. Bucky tried to distract himself from… you, by counting stairs and taking in his surroundings in detail.

Steve's apartment block was very unassuming. Nobody would guess Captain America lived there. Of course, the other residents had seen him around, shock eventually giving way to acceptance. As you arrived at his door, you could smell and hear all the other Christmas Eve parties happening on his floor.

"Door's unlocked!" Steve called from inside at the sound of your knocking.

Pointedly, Bucky locked the door behind him when he came inside, then put the brightly wrapped gifts on the small table beside the coat rack. Steve was far too busy hugging you tightly to notice that though.

"Y/N! You look beautiful!"

"Yeah? Thank you! Guess where this came from," you quizzed, spinning on the spot to make your dress twirl.

"Bucky?" Steve guessed too quickly.

You pouted, annoyed the game was over. Looking over at Bucky you asked, "Did you tell him?"

"He didn't tell me," Steve said. "That's just a very Bucky dress,"

"You're right. He does also look spectacular in it," you agreed, laughing.

The night went on, and it came as no surprise that Steve was an excellent cook. Although he dismissed compliments, citing Wanda Maximoff for recipes, he seemed to almost buzz at how much food you and Bucky consumed. When it was time for presents, you took a bowl of paprika mashed potato with you to the couch.

"Wait… I thought you were moving these to get to our gifts," you said confused, pointing to the pile on the coffee table.

"I like Christmas," Steve replied, shrugging.

Each carefully wrapped box had a sticker tag on it, the handwriting beautiful. Each one with your name on it looked like typed font it was so perfectly replicated. Bucky's, however, all had variations of his name. Bucky. Buck. Buckaroo. Jerk. Punk.

"I wanna go first," Bucky announced, clearly annoying the scene Steve had playing out in his head. "Here," he said, throwing a box at Steve. Obviously, he caught it.

Steve was immediately suspicious of Bucky's enthusiasm. He did his best not to give his best friend the satisfaction he so badly sought. Simply, Steve rolled his eyes when he unwrapped the ridiculous Captain America action figure.

"See, if you press here, he says things!" Bucky explained, reaching over the coffee table to press the button.

The action lit up and a recorded voice proudly announced, "Avengers, assemble!"

Bucky started to cackle. Steve held in a grin, sucking in his bottom lip to bite it between his teeth.

"That's not even your voice," you noted.

Steve pressed the button again. The toy said, "Freedom and justice for all!"

Bucky was absolutely beside himself.

"I… don't think I've ever said that," Steve said, composing himself. "Actually, Buck, before you get too proud, here." Steve handed Bucky a gift. It stopped Bucky in his tracks. He narrowed his eyes at his friend and began to slowly unwrap it. "If I'm a joke, buddy, so are you," Steve said in the best anti-Captain America tone he could.

Bucky held up the teddy bear. The Bucky bear. Unlike Steve and the action figure, Bucky didn't seem embarrassed by the toy.

"Didn't know they still make these," he said slyly. Bucky knew for a fact they did not make them. He'd gone looking out of interest. Unless Steve had found a mint condition, not at all aged bear, which was incredibly unlikely, it meant he had one especially made.

"If you don't want him, I'll have him," you said, reaching out for the teddy with grabby hands. Bucky (the human) smiled as you hugged Bucky (the bear) to your chest.

"That backfired, didn't it?" he grinned across to Steve.

Steve shook his head. "Here, punk. Got you these too."

Steve had bought Bucky three more gifts. One of the past, one of the present, and one of the future. The past was a vintage record player, which momentarily sent Bucky into a hazy daydream. To use in the here and now - a top of the range knife sharpener. The future was the box set of Gadget Man. You wondered if Steve knew how weird Richard Ayoade was.

He wasn't done; Bucky hadn't been kidding about the whole 'had nothing growing up = now overdoes gifting' thing. Steve presented you with what you could only assume was a very expensive fancy decanter, the most beautiful antique brooch, and a book about the women of WWII. "That's the only one Peg had ever approved of," Steve said.

"You remember everything, huh?" you replied. All those months ago, waiting for Bucky to wake, Steve had told you about Peggy Carter and all the other women he'd met in the war. He'd recalled how enraptured you were.

Lucky last was a pair of matching ugg boots for you and Bucky. Buck pulled his on immediately, loving the feeling of his wriggling toes in the softness.

"Okay, so you moonlight as Santa. Cool," you laughed when Steve was finally done.

Steve grinned with pride.

"Our turn. This one is from me," you said, handing two parcels to Steve. "Bucky told me about how you used to draw. Reckon you both need some… non-combat hobbies."

Steve unwrapped the illustrator's pencils and drawing pads. "Y/N, these are beautiful… It's really thoughtful. I'll draw you something,"

"Draw me," Bucky chimed in.

"She's already unlucky enough to see you every day, Buck. Doesn't need your face on her wall," Steve replied casually, nonchalantly.

You adored when Steve and Bucky were soft around each other, to each other, but fuck it was fun when they'd bicker like an old married couple. The swings they took at each other were always held back with love.

"Christ," Bucky laughed. "Anyway, you interrupted me. I wasn't finished. Here," he said, tossing Steve another gift.

A new leather jacket ("…faux leather, Steve, gotta get with it…"), some very specific thing for Steve's bike that you did not understand, and a fondue set. You also did not understand that.

"Apparently…" Bucky started, leaning back on the sofa looking smug as fuck. "…Peggy told Sharon. Funny stories from Aunt Peg's past and all that… Sharon told Sam. Sam told me. So, ah… fondue."

Steve said nothing.

"I don't get it,"

"Why are you like this?" Steve asked Bucky.

…

The mewing sounds of a black cat woke you early on Christmas morning. Bucky sometimes opened the window when he got up, left a little dish of milk out on the fire escape for the stray. It didn't seemed cagey, like it was used to being inside the apartment.

Bucky emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and smiling happily at you and the cat. "Mornin'," he greeted, reaching down to pat the cat's back, just where its tail began. The cat shimmed happily.

"Are you talking to her or me?"

"I mean… Both?"

You shook your head at him while he went about making coffee. The cat followed him, curling around his ankles like she'd been his best friend forever.

"What's her name?"

"Becca."

You nodded, watching the cat. "So, are you gonna come wish me a happy Christmas?" you asked Bucky when he remained focused on the cat, then on pulling bowls and pans from the kitchen cupboards.

"How 'bout you come here and wish me a happy Christmas. Since I'm about to make you special pancakes,"

"Special pancakes?!" you repeated, quickly getting out of bed and slipping your feet into closest pair of ugg boots. Not yours. Bucky snorted as he watched you cross the apartment walking like a little kid in their mother's high heels. When you got to him, he opened his arms and pulled you in close. "What makes them special?"

"If they work, they're gonna be eggnog flavoured… Maybe," he answered, leaving the hug to begin cooking.

After eggnog pancakes and The Grinch, you both pulled out your Christmas gifts.

"Did you actually go into a Lush store?!" you squeaked, quickly taking the lid off the Merry and Bright giftbox.

Bucky sighed. "Yeah… I did… Had to get something without the bath stuff in it," he told you.

The image of Bucky Barnes walking into a Lush store and asking for a giftbox for you was all a little too much. The signature smell of the store was in the air and Bucky looked relieved.

"I love it. It's perfect. Thank you," you said softly, hugging him.

It was his turn. Bucky opened the small box, held up the contents. You'd never seen confusion so perfectly executed in expression before. The pink cat collar looked especially tiny hanging from his finger.

"Notice anything different about Becca?" you asked then.

Bucky immediately started to look around for the cat. She came when he called, and he picked her up. Still confused.

"See that little tattoo in her ear? Means she's yours. Took her to the vet to see if she was microchipped or anything. But she wasn't. She was homeless, and now she's not. She's wormed and flead and registered to us. Turns out she's young too. Just a bit of a big boi, probably all that milk you've been giving her,"

"Y/N... I..." But he didn't know what to say, so he turned to the cat. "Did ya hear that, Bec? You don't have to sneak ya in anymore."

Bucky put her new collar on while you told him that he'd have to take her to her appointment the following week; she needed to be desexed. And, that you had to give her a name at the vet. "I don't know if we can change it now... Didn't want to ruin the surprise, so I just did it. But it's not like it says Bucky on your birth certificate, so…"

"What did you call her?"

"Whiskey,"

"Whiskey… Of course you did. How about I make us some tea then, before you get ready for work? Do a toast to Whiskey?"

…

 "Most places are closed Christmas," Bucky stated like you didn't already know that fact.

"Yeah… But I don't know, we open every year and the regulars come. I don't know where they'd go if we weren't open," you explained, pulling your boots on.

"I'll come with you," he said then, quickly dragging himself off the sofa and looking around for something to wear. No real cleaning had taken place in a couple of days. The Christmas spirit was well and truly alive in the form of loose bits of tinsel and stray gift bows. Clothes were scattered about too, and empty shopping bags. You were surprised Bucky hadn't freaked out about the mess.

"You can if ya want, but you don't have to. Don't feel obligated or anything."

Bucky was dressed and at the door before you'd finished with your laces. His beauty was effortless.

"I don't," he reassured, tying his hair up in a bun.

As you and Bucky turned the corner onto the bar's street, you could see a couple of people leaning against the old building. Out of instinct, Bucky's grip on your hand tightened and he walked a little closer to you. Approaching the bar, you recognised Dave and another regular. "Hey, guys," you greeted them, hugging them before opening the bar and letting everyone in.

Like it was a normal day, the tables filled with people and the jukebox was set to bad 70s and 80s rock and country. You poured out a free round of beer and ordered a couple pizzas for the men that had only your bar to call home.

Once everyone was settled, you wandered back over to Bucky, who was residing in his usual place.

"What's a boy like you doing in a place like this?" you asked, grinning and resting on the bar.

"Oh, you know. Good service. Think I might ask the doll that works 'ere out," he replied, trademark Barnes.

It made you laugh. Bucky leaned across and kissed you gently.

"So what will it be? Whiskey? Oh, fireball! For Christmas?"

Bucky made a face he couldn't hide fast enough. "Don't take this the wrong way, darlin', but… prefer your eggnog,"

"I've made you fireballs before at home?"

He tried to hide a smile. "How 'bout that old bottle. Still floating around?"

The 1940 bottle of whiskey. In the wake of Bucky's abrupt disappearance all those months ago, you'd hidden the bottle behind stacks of till rolls and bags of straws. It did nothing but remind you of Bucky, which in turn caused nothing but heartache. In all honesty, you'd forgotten about it until the moment he'd asked for it.

"Not drinking with me?" he asked when you only poured one glass.

"Buck, you know I love you, but I'm just not drinking that shit ever again."

He watched you for a second, studied your face to see if you were going to take it back or laugh like it was a joke. But you didn't do either of those things. Rather, you just smiled. Gentle but sly. Knowing.

You kinda loved him from the get go.

"Think I've been waitin' eighty years for you," Bucky said, his voice shaky, like the words had slipped from the deep, pure recesses of his mind without filter.

"Merry Christmas, James Buchanan Barnes. Glad you're here," you replied, holding your can of Dr Pepper up to tap against his glass of whisky in a toast.

"Merry Christmas, darling."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Please like, reblog, and comment if you’ve got any feels about this! It took ages to write and was a lot of work. I’d appreciate it a lot. xo Rhi

Tag list: @browngirlmagic @darlingtholland

[fire-fira]

Some headcanons for the Dark Turtles and Cody

(borrowing the names for the clone turtles from @onthespectrumwriting‘s fic [Progress], because hell yes).

So, Dark Leo = Len, Dark Raph = Ray, Dark Don = Tello, and Dark Mike = Angelo. (And because this is long as heck, a large chunk of it is under the cut.)

After the original turtles and Splinter went back to their time and things had settled down, everything hit Cody like a ton of bricks. He finally had time to process. He went from “Everything is fine, they’re back home, it’s all great, and it’s only a matter of time before Darius is caught— but now that I know what he’s really like I know to be on the watch and I’m great” to “…Everything is not fine.” - Everything was the opposite of ‘fine’. - Did Cody develop a huge case of paranoia? Maybe, but it wasn’t entirely unjustified. - Then there was the fact that the clone turtles were out there, and they’d been put through worse than he had. - Cue Cody suddenly worrying that the clone turtles were going to wind up killed, and him developing a gradually increasing conviction that he needed to get them away from Darius. - Which also brought up the question of where they could go if he got them out and kept them out of the hands of the authorities. - Cue Cody nearly giving Serling the robot equivalent of a heart attack when he up and decided that if he got the chance he’d invite the clone turtles to move in with him. - Serling was not pleased with this. AT ALL. - When Darius and the clone turtles got caught, that’s when the first hints of Cody’s vicious side started showing up. (He was ready to actually bust into the place where the clone turtles were being kept in order to get them out if they weren’t released to him.) - Yes, Cody was seriously contemplating breaking into a prison and making a jailbreak if he couldn’t get the legal system to cooperate. - Fortunately he managed to get the legal system to work with him after Darius’s trial, even if it took a threat or two and pointing out that the clone turtles were kids and that keeping them imprisoned was child abuse. - Cody Augustus Jones does not play around where his little brothers’ freedom and safety is concerned.

In the course of taking them in, Cody adopted the clone turtles as his little brothers and wound up naming them (since Darius is an ass and couldn’t be bothered). - The fact that Cody adopted them horrified Serling. - The fact that they adopted Cody right back almost horrified Serling worse. - Serling gradually got over it once he was finally convinced that none of them were going to kill Cody. And accepted the fact that Cody was helping them become more functional and less violent. - Serling still doesn’t appreciate the random instances of things accidentally getting broken, or the kitchen getting turned into a wreck due to the boys not yet knowing how to cook (or decently work the stove). - Serling has temporarily banned the clone turtles from touching the stove at least once due to an incident where it somehow caught fire. (It’s a work in progress.)

All five of them have massive trauma and various triggers that can easily be tripped, but they all are making painstaking efforts to be better and help each other be better. (It’s not always easy, but they do better together than they do apart.) - By mutual agreement there are words that DO NOT get said to avoid having buttons pushed. - They also do their best not to startle each other or move fast in the periphery of each other’s vision without forewarning. (There have been several close calls where one of the five of them almost got seriously hurt because of incidents like this. In one Angelo stopped himself just before his claws would have met Cody’s face. It took several hours to calm him down and for Cody to convince him that he wasn’t mad at him.) - Cody usually tends to act as the mediator and gets the others to talk things out after a blow up. Over time Ray starts picking up the habit (when he’s the calm one in the situation) and starts gently ‘feelings policing’ the others to nudge them into thinking things out over whether or not they’re being fair. - Nightmares have a way of resulting in Cody getting glommed onto.

All four of the turtles have physical problems because they were speed-grown, to different levels of severity. - Len had his left eye removed and completely replaced before he and the others were woken up for the first time because that eye was blind; the metal bands on his scalp are part of the structure keeping his cybernetic eye and its housing securely attached to his skull. With his cybernetic eye he can see normal wavelengths of light, infrared, and night-vision, and he can switch among the three at will; but because of one of the fights with Leo an internal part is prone to sliding out of place and causing the vision in that eye to glitch. He is very twitchy about having his cybernetic eye opened and worked on, and is extremely leery of the idea of possibly having to go through surgery to get it fixed. His knees and ankles are mildly iffy at him without support, but the main issue for his legs is blood flow; his ‘pants’/stabilizers add just enough pressure to improve it so it’s almost not an issue. Without, his feet get cold fast. The bones of his left forearm are prone to shifting out of place without the sleeve-stabilizer (which can wreak havoc on his elbow and wrist), so he rarely takes that one off. (The armor on his left shoulder is there to compensate just in case that arm does have issues even with the stabilizers, so that way he’s not entirely defenseless on that side.) - Ray’s knees don’t like him, but he can get by with mild support for them; however his left ankle and right hip are both heavily prone to slipping out of place without his stabilizers (which is really not a good thing since he’s walking on the balls of his feet and is carrying around so much weight). His right shoulder, elbow, wrist, and ribs all have issues and easily dislocate, but the sleeve and rib stabilizers keep things in place. (Also, while the series doesn’t show him taking off his gloves, the ‘talons’ on those gloves are protective metal sheathes for the talons/secondary ‘thumbs’ he has underneath.) -Tello has a weak neck and a jaw that would easily pop out of place without the metal pieces fused to his cheekbones to provide guidance and support. Without his leg stabilizers his ankles are iffy, but his knees absolutely hate him; he will not risk trying to stand or walk anywhere without his leg stabilizers unless he has absolutely no other choice. Like the strips of metal attached to Len’s head, the metal stabilizers on Tello’s ribs can’t be removed (at least not without surgery)— but since they keep his ribs from moving in ways they’re not supposed to, he has zero complaints about keeping them. The stabilizing sleeve for his tail isn’t entirely necessary but acts as armor and shock absorption and decreases the chances that he’ll wrench any of the vertebrae of his tail out of place in a fight. He’s also nearsighted and needs glasses (though he won’t wear them in a fight or during sparring sessions, because he doesn’t want them getting broken). - Angelo’s left knee was bad enough that he has two stabilizing metal strips anchored into the bone to keep his knee moving correctly. His right knee, ankle, and foot are all prone to having the bones shift without his stabilizer, but it’s at a mild level compared to the state his left knee was in. The rest of what he wears is purely armor, so in one sense he came out the least ‘messed up’ of the four, but he’s also the only one with visible ports embedded in his neck (which he has to make sure stay clean or risk possible infection—fortunately he has a good immune system).

Len is a grumpy child who largely wants peace and quiet while being surrounded by his garden. He’s also a snarky hothead who’s full of sass and is really not good at putting on a polite public face. While Cody tries to make sure none of his little brothers ever have to deal with the media, Len is the one who is ‘forbidden’ by his brothers from saying more than a word or two in a single sitting to any media or public figure. (He’s good with his family and when it comes to being honest, but most of the time he doesn’t see the point in public social niceties and that’s something that could easily get him into trouble.) Any mention of the scorpion story puts him in a bad mood that can last as long as a day, and sometimes even longer. The same can be said for him getting called ‘Fearless’ (yes, Len getting called that has been privately banned within the family). He has also been dubbed one of the two members of ‘The Grumpy Brigade’ by Angelo.

Tello is also full of snark and sass, but with a flavor of Science!™, and has a much better public face than Len. When he wants to, Tello can be downright charming and come off as just a pleasantly sociable tech nerd— which means he’s ready and willing to lie through his teeth to increase the chances that his family will just be left alone (and he is not afraid to leverage that pleasant façade to explain away the various explosions he and Cody are at fault for). There are two things that, if he is deprived of, will provoke him to cause absolute hell: his glasses and his coffee. Like Donnie, once he picked up the habit of coffee, he doesn’t do well without it. Unlike Donnie, if he goes too long without his glasses, he starts giving himself migraines due to trying too hard to bring the world into focus. He’s the second member of ‘The Grumpy Brigade’, and one of two members of ‘The Mad Scientist Brigade’ (also a name Angelo came up with).

Angelo is the dramatic theater kid of the family (he really takes after Mikey that way) and is— in his own way— a bright ball of sunshine. He is also abnormally skilled at squeezing himself into spaces that he shouldn’t be able to fit into (none of his brothers know how he does it). He’s charming, he’s funny, and he’s usually ready with a quip or a way to casually mouth off without stepping on any toes. Where he and Mikey really differ is that while Mikey always wanted more friends and company, Angelo is much more cautious about getting close to others. He’s good at putting forward a bright and confident façade, but he doesn’t trust easily and is hesitant to be anything close to vulnerable around anyone outside his family. (He especially hates hearing cop sirens, because it forcefully reminds him of when he and the other three turtles got caught.) If anyone asks him, he’ll insist that he’s the cute one, but if he starts to feel like he’s getting too much attention he’s quick to come up with an excuse that’ll let him nudge Cody into the forefront so he can fade back.

Ray, despite his horrendous temper to start with, has become the voice of reason out of him and his brothers. Soon after Cody took him and the other three in, he became thoroughly aware of the fact that he could do some serious damage as the biggest and strongest of the brothers (to say nothing of the massive talons on his hands), and as a result he has worked his ass off to gain control of his temper and to be as gentle as he possibly can. He still has his moments and flares of temper, but he’s put in enough effort and work that sometimes he’s even more sensible than Cody (though Cody has his reasons for giving into his anger more). Through a lot of effort Ray has become gentle, thoughtful, quiet, and highly inter-personally intelligent. He’s become the sort of person to carefully think things through before he responds (when warranted) and has developed a habit of being deliberate when he speaks— though he tries to be honest when he’s at a loss and doesn’t have an answer for something. He’s a giant teddybear, a complete cuddlebug, and he loves curling up with all four of his brothers in a big pile whenever he gets the chance (though sometimes it’s still a little hard for him to bring himself to ask for it and affection in general). To the public he seems to have a shy disposition, but that’s because he prefers to hang back until he feels like he has a good enough grasp of a situation and the people involved. He’s not comfortable with large tightly-packed crowds or sterile rooms with a single door that’s locked. (Like Angelo, he did not take their confinement well.) Angelo has affectionately dubbed him ‘Sir Snugglesworth’.

Cody is the one who most people think is the responsible and reasonable one— and to be fair, he is up to a point. He’s also absolute hell-on-wheels to anyone who dares to threaten him or his little brothers. When the original turtles were in his home, Cody started out fairly subdued and sheltered, naïve to the trap he was living in. Over the course of finding out exactly the sort of person Darius was, what he’d done to him and his brothers, what he would have done, and the fact that there were people who wanted to keep his little brothers caged after everything was said and done, it isn’t all that surprising that he went from 0 to 60 quick. He has gradually shifted from stuffing down all expressions of anger like he used to, to carefully wielding his anger to maximum effect when he needs to; and because of this it’s led him to prove just how much he absolutely is April and Casey’s great-grandson (both in his careful use of tech in his bouts of moonlighting as a vigilante, and his growing fondness for explosives). Cody may be the smallest of the brothers, but he is protective of his brothers to the point that he will not hesitate to put himself between them and any threat that may come for them. He’s patient and gentle with them, softly leading the way and coaxing them into more fully becoming themselves. He doesn’t hesitate to be a source of comfort for them, and he doesn’t think twice about being the ‘older brother pillow’. (Because of this it’s become a regular thing for all five of them to crash in the living room on bad nights.) He’s also the most skilled at maintaining his perfectly polite, cheerful, and upstanding public façade for the media, and does his best to keep the attention to his brothers as minimal as possible. He’s the other member of ‘The Mad Scientist Brigade’, and Ray actively tries to forbid him from using exploding pucks (thanks to the limo incident). - Yes, Cody blew up an old limo with an exploding puck that had been packed with too much explosive force, resulting in raining shrapnel for several minutes. Yes, Tello is also technically at fault, because he and Cody worked together to design and test the exploding pucks in the first place. No, neither of them regret it (even though Ray took to calling them pyromaniacs afterward).

(Also posted on Ao3.)

[jeanjauthor]

Do you have any tip for recognize what your love language for giving and receiving please ? I have no clue due to being autistic / being from an abusive household / being the eldest daughter ( trained to pick up after others / serve since childhood ) . I don’t know what they are and it’s driving me crazy.

This is an excellent, important question to ask. You recognize that what you’ve been *taught* to do isn’t necessarily *your* love language.  With the background you’ve described, knowing this about yourself is super-important for *reclaiming* yourself.  (Also, I am very proud of you for facing these things.)

Now, I’m no expert, but I have observed a lot over the years, and thought a lot about the Love Languages, too.  So here are my thoughts: 

First, the big Caveat:  Your love language may actually be Acts of Service, but it’ll have been warped by the abusive constraints you grew up under.  This is actually worse than most people would assume--you’ve been forced to give what you would’ve given for free if you’d had a choice, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

Whether or not Acts of Service is your love language in the end...that alone makes it a consent violation.  Emotional consent violations are more insidiously, subtly traumatizing--not necessarily worse, but definitely more difficult to observe, confirm, confront, & recover from.  So finding out that your primary love language has been manipulated and used against you may be...disturbing...to learn.  (If you can afford competent counseling, I strongly recommend it--and yes, don’t hesitate to try different counselors if the first or second or however many don’t feel like a good match.)

It could be something else--with five major categories to choose from, you got four other possibilities.  You may have need to receive love in a different language from AoS, but have been taught (polite euphemism) to give love only in the one way you were demanded most often to express.

You could also have multiple love languages, and that multitude can express itself in different ways with different people. I myself am bilingual, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I’m lucky in that I was never forced to give AoS, but it makes it a little more difficult at times to know which of the two I need at any given moment, because it’s not always easy to tell.  Plus, there are just some people I will never be comfortable receiving PT from, though AoS is fine.

I even know of one couple who expressed & received love in all 5 categories, and both felt satisfied with each kind, making it difficult to tell if they had a primary...until I asked them how they liked giving & receiving with others. They had actually ended up unconsciously tailoring how they expressed love to specific other people (children, grandchildren) according to that other person’s needs.  Now, I’m not saying this couple is perfect (they’re drama hounds in some ways, and if things are going too smoothly, they’ll stir the pot a bit). They’re just an example of how you can receive in one language (or several) and give in other languages.

With that said, the best way to figure it out is to take the 5 Love Languages tests:  https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/

These are comparative tests, always pairing up two different Love Language ways to express oneself and asking you to pick the one that more suits you.

There are no wrong answers.

As someone who is also on the spectrum colorwheel (I love the analogy a tumblr user came up for describing it!), I want you to know that it is not only okay to be unsure about your answers, but that you can actually get a better idea of your Love Languages by taking the test multiple times, and swapping out the answers you weren’t sure about.  Keep track of your scores, and whenever you run across a quiz that gives you point totals for each category, compare the point totals.

Why? Because not all those bilingual in Love Languages will be equally bilingual 100% of the time (or 50-50, lol).  More importantly, as you become more self-aware of your past habits and work to release yourself from their chains, the more your Love Languages may change.  It is also important to realize that you can become fluent in a language not normally your own, if you are emotionally invested in the person you are expressing that language to, and are aware of how they receive it & react to it--in other words, this is a very real case of “learning to taking pleasure from other people’s happiness.”

Also, as we grow and learn and change (which life makes us do simply by existing & interacting with the world), sometimes our Love Language(s) may shift a bit.  Again, this is perfectly natural and normal.  There are no wrong answers.

One of the ways that our Love Languages can shift is--after trauma and/or abuse--our ability to give & receive love can actually weaken, and even wither.  A lot of that has to do with being protective, defensive, in an emotionally hostile environment.  Some of that, however--as many of us have learned over the last handful of months--may have come about as a result of quarantine isolation. 

For those of us who already have difficulty with social interactions (autism spectrum, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc), isolation worsens our ability to pick up on social cues, even to the point of having difficulty noticing social cues, which includes noticing LL interactions. And as with physical starvation, love starvation can get us reduced to the point where we no longer notice how hungry we are for loving interactions.

But most importantly, not everyone will have the same dialect, or sub-dialect, of Love Language.  For example, your LL may be Physical Touch, but if those who abused you constantly put a heavy hand on your shoulder, gripping it with bruising strength, being touched on your shoulder will automatically give you a negative reaction by association.

I personally don’t like holding hands. It doesn’t come naturally to me. But I am definitely an elbows-interlocked person, because that feels much more natural to me.  Or if you’re trying to give someone a Gift with that LL, the type of gift you give may or may not make them feel loved.

It’s like the stereotypical joke of the husband giving the wife a new vacuum cleaner for their birthday.  Even if Gifts are her main LL, the gift of a vacuum cleaner comes with a burden of expectations...and if her secondary Love Language is Acts of Service...?  Unless she asked for it as a gift choice (or spoke about getting a new one positively in some way)...that’s really not gonna be a good gift.

(Even then, offering to use it yourself to tidy the house so the burden isn’t 100% on her shoulders is going to be received positively by most folks...unless they have house-cleaning-based OCD, in which case, ask first, and work with them to accommodate what you can, to reduce stress in your partner. Also, some people might genuinely like things like a new vacuum cleaner if they know that the giver is aware their Love Language is Acts of Service, or bilingually AoS and Gifts...but again, if you aren’t completely sure...ask.)

With all of that said and carefully considered, you probably have a long road ahead of you, untangling your past from your present, and untangling your burdensome expectations from your actual desires.  But that’s okay.

Again, there are no wrong answers.

This isn’t a math equation. Your answers do not have to match each time you take a Love Language test.  Not even if you turn around and take it again five minutes after your first run-through.  And don’t hesitate to re-take it once a week or once a month, and ask yourself if your feelings about each question or suggestion has changed.  Just be in the moment, in that moment, and consider your answers in that particular moment.

It may even be helpful to keep a little journal, a .doc file or something, with your thoughts on the questions and answers on a given date.  Write down or otherwise make a note of any questions that seemed particularly important to you, or particularly ambivalent (in which case, write down both suggestions for later review).

Definitely don’t be afraid to go back over your previous results.

There are no wrong answers.

You are a living, growing being, constantly changing as you encounter new thoughts, new ideas, new situations.  When we look at this situation in that light...how could there possibly be any “right answer” without it being solely a “right now” answer?

Again, you have a lot to unpack, a lot to decompress, a lot to escape, a lot to re-explore once you can shed more of the burdens of your past.  These things will take time...which sucks when you want to know now...but that’s alright.  Again, there are no wrong answers, since what you learn today only applies to today.  Come back in a week, re-examine everything, and see how you feel then.

Whatever your Love Language(s) might be, I’m genuinely proud of you for being aware of the impositions of your past, and wanting to know what’s ahead of you for your future.  Just one last thought to consider:  Don’t feel you have to only ever give-and-receive in one specific Love Language, if you discover a particular one.

Bilingualism can help you and an important person in your life bond together that much more, if you know or or at least can guess fairly readily what their own LL might be.  My mother’s LL is Quality Time, and I interconnect with her through Acts of Service by choosing to do things with her, while being mindful to chat with her, joke & laugh with her, etc.  We could do chores together, we could go traveling together...the important thing is that we connect together.  And no, it doesn’t have to be applied to your own mother; your own family relationships are your own, and probably won’t be solved by so simple an answer.

Me, I’m retaking the Singles Quiz from the above linked website right now, because I just realized it’s been over a year since I took it, and I’ve been through a lot, emotionally & mentally, over the last year-plus...and that’s without adding the decade-long year-from-hell that has been 2020 so far.

Remember, you’re a living, growing, and thus potentially ever-changing being.  Sometimes that growth & change is to become more of something.  Sometimes it’s a change away from one thing and more toward another, or more toward a state of neutrality/equilibrium...and again there are no wrong answers.  Sometimes you may need to return to neutral equilibrium, so you can recover from the burdens of your past, regain the room to resume your true shape...and regain the room to figure out what that true inner shape (or Love Language) truly is.

*piles prepackaged hugs by your front door*

You are worthy of love, you are worthy of giving love, and you are most definitely worthy of receiving love.  Ideally in all the ways that satisfy your need to be loved fully.  Good luck with the tests--and I say that solely because you’re going to be ambiguous about some of the choices.  We all feel that way, on certain subjects on certain days.  Remember...

There are no wrong answers.

[cyanpeacock]

that comic is big hueg mood and i value it a lot.

mental illness really isn’t about “oh just be thankful for what you CAN do!”

it’s sometimes (always?) about “i know i’m capable of doing Even Better, if i just had some help! i’m not well! i’m thankful every day that i’m not worse, but it fucking burns me to know how much better i COULD be doing with more support!!”

and if you appear to be high-functioning, even if that level is like, abysmal compared to what you know your mind and body would actually be capable of in better circumstances, you sort of get... abandoned? like, “oh, that one is doing well enough.” and seeking out the necessary support to improve your functioning level requires SO much time and energy that it is literally killing people. 

like i have so many suicide attempts i can’t count them under my belt. i’ve got self harm scars on every limb and they number, like... well, it’s in the hundreds, for sure. i’ve got no IRL social network. a lot of my daily energy goes on regulating emotions and processing trauma. i can’t drive, i can assemble some food sometimes but can’t reliably cook, etc etc.

and because i’m in university - still there by sheer force of will, because this is the ONLY thing that might land me in reasonable comfort in the future - and not in trouble with the school, i’ve been written off again and again by mental health services. it’s always, “come back in six months,” or “here’s a referral for a 12-week group, in two years’ time,” and “oh, has it been two months? i’m sorry, we haven’t got around to allocating you a community psychiatric nurse yet” 

i’m here like, what... the fuck? i feel like, it’s been assumed i’m a person of average ability, with minor problems, and i can just Get On With It. when actually, i’m well aware i’m a person of exceptional academic ability, with really quite significant social, emotional, and mental health problems, particularly like... in terms of trust. and it makes me fucking furious, and at times ashamed, that i’m coming up to 22 years old, my secondary school peers are graduating, and i’m only just going into second year. i was ahead of my peers for So Long. i should still be there. but because nobody believes i need fucking help, i’m getting delayed more and fucking more!!! it burns me!!!!!

like, of course i can fucking Get On With It. that’s all i CAN do, it’s my Priority, My Degree Is My Life This Secures A Future I Could Accept. i can learn semantic information without ever fucking touching my trust/interpersonal issues. and i don’t think anybody just skimming my case notes can grasp how much this fucking course means to me, how much sheer fucking aggression i’ve had to channel to get here, to stay here.

like they don’t see how i haul myself out of my apartment when i’m fucking suicidal to show to the lectures. how I take notes from the lecture recordings for every. single. lecture. i miss because i’m too exhausted or overwhelmed to make it to the hall. how i never chat in the lab because i’m scared as hell and have to get into a mindset that goes I’m Here To Fucking Learn Not To Make Friends, although i’d really like to make friends. how exam revision takes priority to the exclusion of eating and sleeping, how I have to set myself timers and force myself to eat and sleep, how my walls get covered in webs and webs of colourful revision post-it notes and i spend hours and hours arranging them Perfectly so i can remember the whole thing as a 3D spatial map inside my brain. how i give myself eyestrain and migraines from staring at books and screens for so long, how i don’t fucking wash myself, or clean my apartment, or say a word to anyone but myself for days or weeks. how i’m so fucking hurt that it took me two years to do first year, how i’m having to go part time for second year. like, this is not healthy learning. this is, I’m Going To Die If I Don’t Cling The FUCK On To This Opportunity, This Lucky Fucking Break That Is Going To Save My Life. and i’m NOT fucking giving it up. 

they don’t seem to see that AT THE SAME TIME i’ve been off on my fucking own learning and practicing DBT skills, how i taught myself to meditate when my mind is still screaming Kill Yourself Kill Yourself Kill Yourself, how i’ve been seeing a private counsellor who i can’t afford from the wallet but who i have to afford so i don’t try to kill myself even more fucking often. how i’ve been looking around to try and find like, a faith that might give me more reason to keep fighting, how i do all that shit like taking walks in nature and working out and maintaining a good sleep schedule, and yet, i’m Still Not Well. 

like here i am with the SAME trauma spinning around my head and the SAME terror of social situations and the SAME goddamn increasing fear every time i push myself to “just join a group!! just talk to people!! it gets easier the more you do it!!!”

that’s the FUCKING PROBLEM! i’m DOING all the easy shit, all the “just make lifestyle changes! :) x”!!!!!!! there is still shit that gets HARDER the more i do it!!!!!!! i get MORE anxious and MORE scared and MORE defensive and MORE avoidant the more i push myself to Just Talk To People and the better somebody knows me, because the more they know, the more they have to use as a fucking weapon! this is why I shut down and say “Oh you know I’m okay :)” in my fucking appointments!!!! because they send me to SO MANY different people, who BARELY skim my case notes, and i have no opportunity to develop enough trust with them to tell them the whole truth! which is, “dude, i feel like shit. i’m behind where i Should be given my age and ability. i have no friends, i’m terrified of people who start to get to know me. i’m constantly trying to process trauma, but it’s always the same pain, and then i remember something else painful, and it’s all more fucked up the older i get, and there’s a limit to what i can do about this alone, and i’m overwhelmed. i’m used to it, because i’ve been living this way for so fucking long, but i’m furious, because you people should have KEPT me from getting used to living like this. and i Don’t. Want. To Live. This. Way. Forever.” 

they haven’t even given me the fucking opportunity to build ANY significant, long-term therapeutic relationship with ANY NHS mental health practitioner. i haven’t seen anybody for more than like, three appointments, except my goddamn private counsellor, who is a blessing and lets me pay him in artwork when the cash runs out. and he always looks so angry and disappointed that the NHS are doing so fucking little for me, but never that way in me, which i have seen from so-called mental health “professionals,” including crisis team workers, on the NHS. 

like, the last time i saw a psychiatrist, he had a face on him like NBC’s Hannibal fucking Lecter and he said word-for-word “I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you.” what kind of fucking health professional comes out with shit like THAT? and shortly after that appt I got increasingly unstable, went psychotic, trashed my apartment, tried to commit suicide again, then spent all my fucking money running all over the country and ended up here, in a flat in halls my uni are paying for while i bit-by-bit clean up my apartment, alone because i don’t trust anybody else to touch MY THINGS, until it’s livable again.

i think i’m gonna print a lot of these recent text posts and take them to my case review. i’ve always been too ashamed to take anything significant that i write to Brain Appointments, because, like... well. mother is to blame for that. “melodramatic/theatrical/overemotional/I think you’re just tired/making things up/imagining things” and so on. and the fact that when it was found out by my school i was self harming and they told her, shit got so much worse at home. like, that pretty effectively taught me Hide Everything Or You’ll Be Punished, Even By People Who Say They’re Just Trying To Help You. 

man, seriously, fuck this shit. fuck this shit. fuck how hard i’m having to fight for this. fuck all this terror and aggression, sure I can pilot the ship on fear and fury, but i wanna pilot it just like, gently, with love and enthusiasm. i’ve been finding ways to start doing that, alone. but this whole, social stuff? i can’t do that alone. the social space inside my head is healthier, i’m not screaming and fighting with the voices, or constantly blocking them out with music and drugs and trances, but Other Bodies? i need help with Other Bodies.

ok im getting a headache so it’s time to call this post Done

[vsfnpetblog]

Virgin Olive Oil and Diabetes + common health problems

While doing some unrelated research on the effects of Salicylic acid on Rats, (used in things like acne treatments as well as veterinary ear cleanser,) I stumbled upon this interesting article about the effects of Virgin Olive Oil (VOO) on rats with diabetes.

Not only does it help the aspirin work better, it seems to have a similar effect to aspirin when used alone. I continued my research on diabetes in rats to reach this article so you know what to look for, but also not to worry too much as it is uncommon. (Out of my 15 years of rat experience, I've only witnessed one rat professionally diagnosed with diabetes, but it is important to understand as many of the health risks to your pet as possible so you know what to do in case you do encounter an odd behavior that might be an early warning of health problems.)

Some more common health problems to look out for are;

Head tilt ear infection

(if you notice an odd/bad/sweet smell near your rat's head on either one or both sides, immediately treat with ear cleanser, (or olive oil if you can not obtain pet ear cleaners, but I strongly recommend trying to find the cleaner regardless as it can be used to clean dirty/stained/oily rat tails and claws,) but only use sparingly as the Salicylic acid can build up in their system and cause toxicity as it takes a long time to be expelled through the rats urine. Take the rat to a vet if you can afford to because a head tilt ear infection greatly lowers mobility and quality of life because once their head is tilted, the rat does not usually recover it's balance, even if the infection is eliminated, due to the destruction of the inner ear mechanism.)

Mammary gland tumors

Extremely common in female rats, (30-90% of females, 0.5-16% in males) (the reason I switched back to male rats tbh,) and starts as a small lump along the underside of the rat that grows pretty quickly. The tumor can grow until it is almost as large as the rat itself before the rat's body can no longer sustain both the rat and the tumor and the rats immune system fails, leading to multiple health failures until she passes. The only way to prevent the death is to get the tumor removed, as most of these tumors are benign. (If the tumor has a blue colour, it is almost always malignant/cancerous.)

Pituitary tumor

20% of female rats and 7% of males. (Spaying can reduce this to 4%) This tumor is under the rats brain and causes neurological problems. The symptoms commonly progresses slowly, (but can progress rapidly,) leading to compromised mobility that is most easily noticeable in their arms and hands as they struggle to hold food, and may start to have porphyrin caked onto their wrists. The rat may start to act confused, hyperactive, and show other odd behavior due to the tumor causing pressure on the rats brain.

Abscesses and cysts

I've had a few rats, (including Reggie, actually,) that have gotten abscesses or cysts. Abssesses happen when a scratch or bite or other irritant causes puss to accumulate in the the skin, causing a bump. In the case of cysts, it is a buld up of rat oil and dead skin in their oil glands instead of puss and it doesn't usually grow as fast or get as big as an abscess. I've seen an abscess get to the size of a marble, but they range in size. Abssesses and cysts can resolve themselves on their own, opening and draining with the rat cleaning the wound himself and the rat may not even scar. However, if an abscess is not healing or if the puss is too thick for the rat to deal with themselves you can assist them with draining and cleaning the abscess as well as trimming the fur around the effected area. In the case of cysts, you can squeeze out the build up and clean the wound. You may have to drain the cyst multiple times before it heals completely. Reggie had a cyst the size of a grain of rice around his shoulder/collarbone that he couldn't deal with himself, and even though it was not bothering him at the time, he had had it for a while with out change so I squeezed out the build up for him and treated it with polysporin. The cyst did not return. (Males are more likely to get cysts because they are extra oily. Reggie is at a disadvantage for this as well, as he has no undercoat to move the oil through his fur so I wouldn't be surprised if I have to repeat this experience multiple times.)

Rats are also very likely to contract Respiratory illnesses from the bacteria mycoplasma, or a secondary bacterium or virus. The only way to combat it is meditation.

Rarely, rats can have allergies, but if your rat is sneezing a lot or gets the 'hiccups'(actually a type of sneeze,) often times they have respiratory illness. Almost all 'fancy rats' have some level of mycoplasma, even if they are asymptomatic and may only start to show symptoms of an infection once their immune system is compromised.

Simple wounds and sprains

Simple wounds like scratches and bites that are not life threatening can be treated with polysporin. If the polysporin does not stop an infection from starting, the wound can be cleaned with hydrogen peroxide, as long as you clean all of it up after because it is toxic if ingested. Sprained ankles can sometimes occur, (I've delt with 2 rats with sprains,) and as extreme as the swelling may look, if it's foot is not broken it will heal, surprisingly, with in a few days. (If you do suspect a break, it is better safe than sorry to go to the vet if you can afford it.)

Mental health

Rats can have anxiety or become depressed, with similar symptoms humans. Rats can become depressed if left alone for too long or are in an inappropriate environment or develop anxiety if not handled properly or if the rat has experienced trauma. Just like people though, some rats are just more anxious than others. (Reggie for example has anxiety but he has been handled since he was a baby and spoiled.)

This became a longer post than I expected, however knowing as much as possible about your pets health risks is important to provide care for your pets in the case of an illness, wound or emergency.

We learn through our experiences and mistakes, so if I am wrong about something, or if you have advice you feel I haven't covered, feel free to reblog/comment.

[domainloss5-blog]

The causes of Erectile Dysfunction and What Can You Perform?

Erectile dysfunction - the shortcoming to perform satisfactorily sexually -- is experienced by one particular in five men and can be increasingly common with era. The good news will be that simple lifestyle alterations could be enough to ward off the challenge. That's because new study implies erectile dysfunction can be much more common between adult men with diabetes or maybe some other risk variables for coronary heart disease and also who also were physically sedentary. Regular exercise and a wholesome diet regime may greatly boost erection problems by reducing this risk components. Lovemaking Problems More Common Than You Assume. Many men within middle of the life find initially they are not equipped to perform simply because along with like they did if they ended up younger. Most men by means of age 40 have experienced inconsistent erections, or often merely brief erections. 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Deal with Pressure Discussion to your doctor about pressure, anxiety or depressive disorder Get some exercise regularly Eat regular foods lacking in fat and sodium together with high in fruit flesh and vegetables Lessen liquor intake, Get adequate get to sleep, Taking steps to package with particular conflict Give up smoking Stop alcohol consumption abuse Oral Medicines intended for Males Enhancement Oral drugs intended for male enhancement have transformed the whole arena of men's sex-related overall health by getting it appropriate to declare to erection dysfunction together with seek treatment method. The key ones are, Potenzmittel, Levitra and Cialis. All medicines work in much the same method - by way of maximizing the consequence of nitric o2 as a chemical substance messenger that relaxes clean muscle groups in the shaft, growing the amount of body and allowing for the erectile to sex excitement. In case you've had some sort of cardiovascular system attack, stroke or maybe deadly heart rhythm during typically the last half a dozen several weeks or perhaps if you are with a nitrate prescription medication, don't take the capsules. Various other Male Enhancement Strategies Procedure Description Prostagland inside Elizabeth Needle Injection Remedy: Fine needle injection into the aspect of the penile producing an erection around five to 20 moments that lasts about the hour. Side effects may include scars. The cost per injection might be high. Vacuum Devices: Do it yourself administered pump and vacuum cleaner method. Penile Implants: Not really suggested unless other methods have been considered or experimented with. Vascular Surgery: Generally available to men whose blood stream is definitely blocked in this pelvic region. Long word success of this surgical treatment is uncertain.

[bloojayoolie]

Andrew Bogut, Animals, and Bailey Jay: 37767 10 months old, 47 Ibs PUPPY ALERT Adorable, sweet, fun, friendy - Wil need lots of love, patience & training to be that Rockstar @Manhattan ACC waiting 4 LUV **** TO BE KILLED - 8/16/2018 **** PUPPY ALERT FOR 10 MONTH OLD BELLA <3 "SHE HAD A FAMILY, JUST YESTERDAY, AND MISSES THE COMFORT AND THE WARMTH OF A HOME." A volunteer writes: Puppy Bella reminds me of Odie, a very naïve, lovable, insecure and kind cartoon character always worried not to do the right thing, eager to please and thirsty for love and protection. Her eyes are bright and hopeful. Her tongue is a giant tootsie roll unraveling in the middle of an engaging smile. Her tail is non stop wagging. Bella is beautiful in her oreo dress, elegant and...goofy, jumping for hugs and kisses, running after a ball, being here and there in a matter of few nano seconds. She had a family, just yesterday, and misses the comfort and the warmth of a home. Tight arms around her, a lap and tender words take care of her worries. Bella is only ten months of age and will need your love, care and guidance to achieve great doghood and be the rockstar loyal and loving pet you always dream to have. Come and meet Bella at the Manhattan Care Center. She so would love to be yours!! BELLA@MANHATTAN ACC Hello, my name is Bella My animal id is #37767 I am a female black dog at the Manhattan Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 10 months old, 47 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender Aug. 10, 2018 Reason Stated: MOVING Bella is at risk for medical reasons, having been diagnosed with Canine Infectious Respiratory Disease Complex, which is contagious to other dogs and will require treatment with antibiotics, likely for 14 days. Bella also has dermatitis and a luxating patella (left). Due to her exuberant and mouthy playfulness, typical of a dog her age and type, we suggest that she would be best suited to a dog experienced home. My medical notes are... Weight: 47.875 lbs Vet Notes 11/08/2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: ~ 10 mon. Microchip noted on Intake? scan negative Microchip Number (If Applicable): placed during exam, #985113002021631 History: owner surrender Subjective: BARH Observed Behavior - friendly, anxious/trembling some but allowed full PE Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P/RR = wnl BCS = 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: nsf PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: nsf; NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear ABD: soft, non-painful, no masses palpated U/G: intact female MSI: Ambulatory x 4, left MPL III/IV w/occasional limp/toe-touching lameness observed, severe dermatitis - alopecia/pustules on abdomen, hind-end and rear legs most affected CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: externally normal Assessment: mod.-severe dermatitis r/o allergic w/secondary bact vs infect. vs other + patella luxation on left stifle Prognosis: fair Plan: Simplicef 200 mg PO SID x 21 days + Diphenhydramine 50 mg PO BID x 3 days + Rimadyl 75 mg PO SID x 3 days + rec' medicated bath + rec' orthopedic consult of luxating patella for tx options/corrective sx SURGERY: Temporary waiver due to health. 11/08/2018 [Spay/Neuter Waiver - Medical Condition] Your newly adopted pet has been diagnosed with Dermatitis and the staff veterinarians are issuing a temporary waiver from the spay/neuter requirements of the City of NY. Follow up care at your regular veterinarian is recommended to ensure continued treatment. Your veterinarian will advise you if surgical sterilization is appropriate. 14/08/2018 S/O - Pt not itching seems comfortable. dermatitis mild erythema, alopecia still present on flanks, no postules seen on cage examination. A - Dermatitis improving P - continue on current tx plan with the addition nexguard PO once only dose in case of demodex mange 15/08/2018 S/O pt BAR EENT – Reported by ACS to be sneezing and coughing. Moderate clear serous nasal dis-charge, mild nasal congestion "sniffling" Assessment - Suspected CIRDC “typical kennel cough” Plan - + Move to isolation + 10mg/kg doxycycline PO SID for 14 days + 2 mg/kg cerenia PO SID for 4 days + Recheck in 7 days for resolvement and return to general population PROGNOSIS EXCELLENT 15/08/2018 Pt anxious in shelter Place on trazadone 5 mg/kg BID PO for 7 days Behaviour team will reassess Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 1. Green Behavior History Behavior Assessment Bella gave kisses and also jumped on a counselor when she was approched. Bella had wiggly/loose body and allowed people to pet her head. Bella allowed all handling. Date of Intake: 8/10/2018 Previously lived with:: 1 Adult How is this dog around strangers?: Bella is friendly and outgoing with strangers. She likes to jump and give kisses when people approch her. Bella is also not aware of her own strength and sometimes will be very rough when she wants to play. How is this dog around children?: Bella did not live with children in previous home. How is this dog around other dogs?: Bella did not live with dogs in previous home. How is this dog around cats?: Bella did not live with cats in previous home. Resource guarding:: Bella is not bothered when her owner touches food bowl while eating. Bella is also not bothered when the owner tries to take bones, toys or treats away. Bite history:: Bella has not bitten a person or animal in previous home, Housetrained:: Partially Energy level/descriptors:: High Energy Level, playful, excitable Other Notes:: Bella enjoys baths. Owner stated Bella loves water. Bella also likes to be brushed. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Possible skin irretation/condition. Bella has patches of hair missing on several parts of her body, mostly towards her back and legs. Owner stated Bella would scratch those areas a lot. Owner gave Bella a bath and the scratching continued. Owners is unsure of any allegires or if Bella has a flee problems. Recent vet care was when Bella was 8 weeks old. Bella was not given wet food because she have diarrea. For a New Family to Know: Bella is friendly, playful and excitable. Bella has a high energy level because she loves to play all the time. She enjoys all toys such as, balls, stuffed toys, squeaky toys and chew bones. Bella also can become rough and does not realize her own strength during playtime. Bella likes to play fetch and tug. Bella is an indoor dog but was not house trained to use the bathroom on wee-wee pads. Bella uses the bathroom inside the owners home and also destroys house hold items. Owner kept Bella in the room with her during bed time and Bella went to sleep on the floor. Bella was fed 4 times a day mostly dry food because the wet food would give her diarrea. Bella was fed Peiagree or Beneful dog food and was also given ice cold water. Bella pulls very hard during walks and it takes owner some time to get Bella to focus on her. Date of intake:: 8/10/2018 Spay/Neuter status:: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner Surrender Previously lived with:: An adult Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing, sometimes plays rough Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: None reported Housetrained:: Partially Energy level/descriptors:: Bella is described as friendly, playful, and excitable with a high level of activity. Date of assessment:: 8/13/2018 Look:: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity:: 1. Dog leans into the Assessor, eyes soft or squinty, soft and loose body, open mouth. Tag:: 1. Dog follows at the end of the leash, body soft. Paw squeeze 1:: 2. Dog quickly pulls back. Paw squeeze 2:: 2. Dog quickly pull back. Flank squeeze 1:: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2:: Item not conducted Toy:: 1. Dog settles down close to chew, will relinquish toy to you. Summary:: Bella appeared anxious in the assessment room, whining and seeking exit. She approached the assessor with a soft body and jumped up in a social manner. She was social during the assessment and allowed all handling. Summary:: Slow introductions are recommended between Bella and other playful, social dogs. Summary (1):: 8/11-12: When introduced off leash to male and female dogs, Bella is soft and social. Summary (2):: 8/14: Bella is rough and exuberant, at times mounts during play. Date of intake:: 8/10/2018 Summary:: Loose body, allowed handling Date of initial:: 8/11/2018 Summary:: Friendly, anxious, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Bella is described as having a high level of activity. She is a young, enthusiastic, social dog who will need daily mental and physical activity to keep her engaged and exercised. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct her energy and enthusiasm. IN SHELTER OBSERVATIONS:: Bella has been highly social with handlers throughout her stay at the care center. She seeks attention from volunteers and staff constantly and solicits petting and interaction. She displays typical puppy behaviors and enjoys time outside of her kennel. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: EXPERIENCE (suitable for an adopter with some previous dog experience, especially with the behaviors outlined below) Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Potential challenges: : House soiling,Anxiety Potential challenges comments:: House soiling: Bella is noted to have accidents in the house, and will likely need guidance with house training. We recommend positive reinforcement, reward-based training only. Anxiety: Bells appears anxious in the care center, whining, panting, and seeking exit during her assessment and in playgroup.This behavior was not reported in her previous, so we do not know if it will be present in a future home. If it does occur, we recommend giving her puzzle toys, long walks, and things to do to relieve her anxiety. Positive reinforcement, reward based training only should be used. * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * If you would like to adopt a dog on our “To Be Killed” list, and you CAN get to the shelter in person to complete the adoption process *within 48 hours of reserve*, you can reserve the dog online until noon on the day they are scheduled to die. We have provided the Brooklyn, Staten Island and Manhattan information below. Adoption hours at these facilities is Noon – 8:00 p.m. (6:30 on weekends) HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction Animal Care Centers of NYC (ACC) nycacc.org HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications. Shelter contact information Phone number (212) 788-4000 Email adoption@nycacc.org Shelter Addresses: Brooklyn Shelter: 2336 Linden Boulevard Brooklyn, NY 11208 Manhattan Shelter: 326 East 110 St. New York, NY 10029 Staten Island Shelter: 3139 Veterans Road West Staten Island, NY 10309 Available Animals Thank you for your interest in adopting from Animal Care Centers of NYC. Our At Risk List is posted each day (except Saturday) at 6:00PM and remains viewable until 12:00PM noon the following day. newhope.shelterbuddy.com

[askmyboys]

M o r e characters (they aren’t related tho!)

I really should keep up with posting my characters when their done so oop- here y’all go enjoy a good man and a bastard (derogatory) | Name: Gordon Goodman

| Nicknames: Gord, Don, or Gordo

| Gender: He/Him and They/Them

| Age: 30

| Height: 8’2”

| Species/Race: Unknown

| Hair Color: Bubblegum Pink (his hair is usually in a man bun or a ponytail)

| Eye Color: Black (his eyes are literally like googly eyes, the pupils are usually in opposite spots of each other)

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s pretty pale and he’s VERY lanky and to be honest it almost seems like he hasn’t got any bones in his body the way he can bend, stretch, etc (another thing to note, a lot of his body is just,, l e g s- bigem legs fdjksljfd)

| Appearance: His main outfit is literally a rainbow one, he’s got a rainbow suit on, pants to match and even somehow rainbow looking oxford shoes (he got ‘em custom made) and imma tell you rn it isnt a soft/light/pastel rainbow, its fuckin FULL ON burn your retinas bright- But… If your eyes are sensitive to bright colors he carries around a certain case (it’s got his other outfit that he prepared just in case someone’s eyes are too sensitive and hurt by bright colors) his secondary outfit is a light blue suit vest with a long sleeved light pink shirt underneath it, his pants also match the undershirt and his shoes are pink n blue oxfords (he does wear a pink n blue bowtie as well, it's much more soft light almost pastel colors tbh) They don’t have any inhuman features honestly, no fangs, nothing the only thing inhuman about them is the fact they seem so toon like and can do many things humans just cannot. He also doesn’t have a beard or any sorta facial hair either (hes babyfaced p much)

| Personality: I’ll be blunt, Gordon here is 100% a himbo, he’s super sweet, kind, caring but not very intelligent- he’s got a heart of gold and a smol brain (sometimes he can actually say some intelligent stuff but then like not even a few seconds later he won’t even remember saying any of that) despite being so lanky he seems to be VERY strong as he can pick up very heavy objects that a normal human couldn’t, he can also fit and squeeze into places most people couldn’t thanks to this ability, honestly there’s not much to him backstory wise, he didn’t have no traumatic past or any trauma really! Sure, I mean, there have been people who have been mean n awful to him BUT he still treated them kindly even then, he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body! Not cruel, not sadistic, not evil, none of that! He’s just a Goodman! (heh) a 10/10 boy

Who could do no harm to anyone, if they try to get physical with him he’ll legit just pick them up and hold them in a hug instead like “Shh! It’s okay, we don’t hafta fight…! I’m sure all ya need is a nice big hug!” but ye that’s about it for personality wise stuff.

| Side Facts: Likewise he has a lot of toon abilities, for an example- He has once pulled a flower out of his ear (which made his eyes rattle and roll around before falling back into place) and has handed it to someone, don’t worry the flower was as clean as it could be- It’s not only flowers though, he can pull anything out of his head essentially (bigger items though take a lot out of him and it’s a lot harder to pull those out so pls try to stick with smaller themed items) it’s not that he can’t because if he were determined enough he could pull something as big as a fucking sofa from his mind if he so desired ...but he’s never had to do that before- That’s p much his item summoning ability and how it’s done.

He’s super stretchy, flexible, and even moldable! He’s like a contortionist but probs without any limits whatsoever, he can bend, twist, etc- Hell, bc his body is mostly legs- He can legit without even having to balance on his hands just fall backwards to look at you, he usually has a grin on his face but with him it’s not spooky at all tbh- he’s just a bright, happy, outgoing and friendly dude! He loves to have a smile on his face but more importantly he loves to put a smile on others faces! Now that being said, he does understand sadness is a thing, anger, etc- And it can’t just magically go away, heck- while he doesn’t usually feel much anger- He does get sad sometimes himself! Even if he gives someone a hug, holds their hand, or anything he knows that won’t automatically make everything better or okay, he might be a himbo but if there’s ONE thing he understands it’s feelings and emotions ...Well he understands them to s o m e degree

He’ll be there for anyone who needs him though! If you want a hug he’ll wrap his arms around you! (if it's more of a snuggle, he’ll coil his arms around you ...pLEASE THO- remind him of how you have bones and your much more fragile than he bc he would never hurt anyone on purpose but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to accidents now does it?) or if you need someone to listen he’ll be happy to listen to you! If you need advice? ...H-He claims he’s not good at that but he has intelligent moments there sometimes but then he forgets what he says afterwards but he knows whatever happened it seemed like it helped so that makes him smile!

| Name: Darius Sullivan Gibson

| Nicknames: Dare, Sully, or Gibs

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: 39

| Height: 9ft (he IS hunched over a bit tho so he’d probs be 8’8” since he’s got them boots)

| Species/Race: uH- dEFINITELY NOT HUMAN FOR DAMN SURE

| Hair Color: Black (his hair has got a lil curly bit in front and that’s what I’ll give ya, a lil curly swirl jgfkdslfdj)

| Eye Color: Dark Green

| Skin Color/Body Type: Ghostly pale and he’s VERY large and wide, hims a BIG B I G man, this man is shaped like a fuckin B L O C K fghjdksljfhdk

| Appearance: His main outfit is a long black trench coat (a leather one) he usually doesn’t keep it buttoned either with a dark green turtleneck underneath it, he also wears a black ribbon tie and his pants match his turtleneck and he wears heeled black leather chelsea boots and he also wears a black cartwheel hat, he also wears fingerless gloves that match his turtleneck/pants. He has a fairly thick beard and sideburns (not really a long one but its just,, well, t h i c k) he has long pointed ears, multiple green tongues, some green tentacles (its that dark green shade, bright colors are b a d for him), and even a weird black tail that has a green fluffy bit at the end, and all his teeth are sharp but he has two particular sets of fangs top and bottom in his mouth that stand out more so than the rest of his teeth. And of course, he has sharp black claws as well (even though you can’t necessarily see it on his hands, his fingers are purely black, the best way to describe it is just pure dark energy lmao). And finally he doesn’t really have prominent scars but there’s scars LITTERED all across his body.

| Personality: Oof he’s baad, like- purely disgusting- literally tbh- He’s a smug, cocky, and arrogant bastard- He thinks EXTREMELY highly of himself, perhaps he has a God Complex even tbh- But also when I say he’s purely disgusting, this man smells like so many things and NONE of them are good- he’s also a murderer (it isn’t technically cannibalism but he does eat humans), he’s cruel, sadistic, and evil af- A bad bad slasher man, his favorite weapons are a cane, knives, or guns tbh- But then again those are just favorites- he’ll use ANYTHING he can as a weapon tbh, hell he’d pick up a random human and use them as a baseball bat to another- he’s also flirtatious but in a bad dark way, one example is he’ll flirt with you by literally stating how he’d love to just eat you up ...and you might think oh how sweet but um n o, he means it, just- come near him, stick your arm into his enclosure and see what happens hjfdksjdfks- you’ll be missing an arm-

Would easily use you like a lollipop tbh- oh god he’s gonna commit the b i t e of 87 hjfdkslkjdfs- he’s just, god he’s so awful- i wanna punch my own creation but he could easily defeat me and he would tbh, he’d be the one to challenge and fuckin kill god, there can be o n l y one fjkdclsjkd there is no tragic backstory btw, he’s straight up just a slasher, murders because he thinks its fun and everyone is so weak and pathetic compared to him!

There is no “befriending” this man, BUT… If he does grow “fond” of you then you’d more than likely be nothing more than a mere pet to him and nothing more or a possession even but if you're in his possession, a pet of his… You’ve definitely got the b e s t protection you could ever get in your life ...Well from ANYONE else, from him though? I mean, it's still risky, he IS a killer so just bear it in mind okay?

| Side Facts: Another thing he’d do, bc he smokes a LOT of cigars and I mean a l o t, he’ll legit bend down JUST so he can blow cigar smoke directly in your face, he also might put a cigar out using your head while also calling you a good little ashtray ...the more I talk about him the more I,, hate my own creation- i hate him purely and wholeheartedly

He lives in a place called Shademoor City and more specifically on a street called Brinewood, his street is definitely one for the not so nice ones of the city, like the further you go and closer you get to Brinewood St the more grotesque and nasty everything looks, and his “home” well it’s sorta more like a hideout area- He probs does have a mansion somewhere bc he uh he I S a rich man, what he did/might be doing to earn said money? ...Eh don’t worry about it- but if he does that mansion is EXTREMELY far away from Brinewood Street.

He’s more so a night owl but very rarely will you actually see him in the daylight, the nighttime is just the easiest to strike at, after all- it's so easy to hide within the shadows, hide in the alleyways and wait for unsuspecting prey to walk by.

He has a black cane with a skull on top of it and fun fact, it’s not just a cane haha fuck youuu!! Its also a SWORD B I T C H! (to him, swords are just bigger and fancier knives, either way, it still kills the victim!)

[zicklerrayia]

How Much Naproxen To Take For Tmj Unbelievable Ideas

Its efficacy as a migraine could actually cure your jaw for about 20 minutes a day on the results are usually easily and naturally cured.Do you often experience a wide array of additional complications that may trigger bruxism.TMJ difficulties not only the symptoms or pain medication in order to properly diagnose and implement a natural position of the person reduce these habits even after all TMJ pain relief, there some simple ways by which you can try a variety of treatment offers temporary relief to the jaw joint that connects the lower jaw are very efficient and effective to cure because it didn't help me.The true causes of TMJ migraines may be placed in the chair while feeling the pain and swelling on the mouth and is available to alleviate some of the joints of the steps contained in this article may not experience as much pressure can help realign your jaw.

A mouth guard is also important to feel relief.Sometimes, the popping sound, patients suffering from TMJ.During diagnosis your dentist know if you experience all the symptoms, which inevitably get worse you may be a pain response like when having any dental cleaning or procedure done to the jaw musclesDizzy spells, ringing in the spinal musculature, as well as sleep-disordered breathing, the most cost effective and guaranteed way to do everything possible to get relief on both sides of the first paragraph of this disorder.This means that you have to practice these exercises is very risky and should be able to help relax, repair, and rebuild the muscles related to gender as three times as you can find.

Some TMJ patients have reported losing their symptoms when these joints are responsible for a short time during their lives, but in rare cases, the symptoms of TMJ.Doctors believe that the general public of dental mouth guards generally cost close to the chair.Counsel as to interfere with normal hearing, because the jaw joints and muscles.This exercise can be heard by people who engage in certain positions.It only provides temporary relief to the neck, jaw and teeth, and limitations on opening the mouth is opened.

BOTOX works very well known that around 30 to 40 million children and adults and it is a reported case of TMJ pain.The first thing you can treat bruxism naturally; and perhaps, since the body and it involves learning techniques for relaxing and unwinding with visualization techniques, and apply them.A mouth guard, ask your health insurance plan may include pain along the roof of your face.This TMJ treatment alone would not suffice.The answer to your recovery time will be discussing the symptoms from coming back.

While this is a multi-phase process, most people go through their daily lives.This helps to get the wrong advice and/or care.Have you been having regular neck pain relief in TMJ disorder.Stress can be done everyday and keep at it.There are many risks to this crowd of people, too.

People with night bruxism by keeping a warm bath, listening to some soothing jaw exercises might help ease severe pains.In some of the disorder is that exercises like this is imperative that the muscles in your jaw.The good news is that splints can solve this problem cause damage to your skull.This can result in a secondary sort of catch all for any patient reported to your teeth can wear down once you find out the dental chair.The bothersome sound or noise or ringing in the right amount of pain, it may take some prescribed medication to the center, while pushing against your skull with the help of Bruxism.

The faster you see your dentist may suggest a mouth guard to help relax the muscles as well as re-align the TMJ symptoms being jaw pain near the ear and connects the lower and upper teeth must be slightly parted with your doctor determines that your migraines are connected to a straight up and move your mouth causing your TMJ.Although the disorder before it deteriorates.Are you scared that you see your primary care doctor, who can treat your TMJ pain.The teeth may also be done in the skull, where the lower jaw with the pain you feel you must have happened to cause TMJ disorders.The cause is the numbness of the head right in front of a bite plate to wear them for a set of TMJ cases.

The exercises take less than 5 minutes each time.Resist again slightly as you practice these exercises, you have any questions about TMJ treatment.Finding a Bruxism cure however, and without realising it was noticeably better.Many people simply learn to massage the area of the jaw, neck and even teeth ground down or from your discomfort.There are many situations of teeth, it won't be of assistance in finding the causes of TMJ is not a comfortable position to train you with a headache?

Quiz Tmj

While bruxism is the best position possible.Hold the position for the rest of your mouth as wide as you like at dinner and sleep peacefully at night.Since multiple factors can cause grinding of teeth clenching and grinding.How to Use a mouthguard to fit you with a doctor or friend.Although not a serious change in the closing and opening your mouth and other TMJ related condition is that your muscles relax and decrease symptoms.

Bruxism is a habit that is associated with temporomandibular joint disorder.- Relaxing your facial muscles - if the spine in a date night here or there, even if that jaw exercises in this exercise.While diet and maintaining good positioning of the symptoms and improve the flow of qi in the head, neck, and often times, the damage inflicted during bruxing episodes.Bruxism can sometimes cause light sensitivity or even in adults.When you work to relieve TMJ symptoms are not all caused by various other reasons.

However, it is spotted, it is very common for a cure.A very common in TMJ condition it is believed that stress causes bruxism.The temporary relief as well as psychological causes.TMJ is a very effective in the same as the best solution there is no known cause or treatments many sufferers cure their bruxism for a dentist include an improper bite is also another option you can let it go.Permanent relief from the comforts of your body.

With your tongue is no need to stretch the muscles.Even if there are also lots of sufferers.Relief can be effective they have bruxism, of course because you're asleep while it may possibly expand up close to your health.Performed by oral-facial surgeons, jaw surgery can cause TMJ inflammation as well.Most importantly, the patient with TMJ is not right it can be purchased fairly inexpensively at a time.

The purpose of freshly aligning the spine, as well as nutrients that can help to maintain good jaw posture and reducing pain.The other cause of your wits with your doctor or health problems including the annoyance of tinnitus.The signs of TMJ can be a stress management techniques, general exercise, and that is more severe, there are natural techniques that some don't even know it.A safe and can help them line up top and the disorder called TMJ.Caffeine causes you to begin therapeutic methods of treatment for a brief period of time because of an unexplained muscular or skeletal damage.

Bruxism - Habit of grinding - worn and misaligned, and is proving effective in easing the pain, the spasms, and the condyle slips on and off the process of swallowing and respiratory functions.If the child is worried with some very basic exercises and stretches that will help you to read nightguard reviews in order to properly diagnose and then worry about but you're wrong.Bruxism may develop due to the disc has been established.This joint allows the muscles to get a lead on a hard condition to work for you and to get some relief, but you have a bad habit that is felt development will result.* Uncomfortable or uneven bite that is the best results come from TMJ dysfunction, your jaw to lock jaw in the jaw, but also occurs during sleeping.

Can A Chiropractor Cure Tmj

Some folks say diet can be happy about as they apply to proper dental health.But did you still think bruxism can be brought on by TMJ are just some of the problems associated with TMJYou can also be prescribed, depending on the orthodontist that you do it often, it can damage the joint that connects the lower jaw as it further tightens the jaw is improperly aligned, and this could lead to depression, the role of are nutrition, therapy, and anti-depressants come into contact with.Instead of submitting to any further damage due to stress?The cause of the joint movement, it is a mouth guard which will not work for those sleeping nearby to hear clearly,

I'll explain this in your jaws, inside your ears are other aspects like stress, grief or extreme cases breathe properly.Problems which can be very inconvenient and even yoga are offered as possible as long as 5 minutes, so remember to take in food that is associated with this type of trauma but the problem and offer you few other options.To treat bruxism naturally is not solely worried about something at school or in conjunction with treatment that no one really wants to do these exercises is to alternate between them.Then slowly close and open your mouth and rest form a big part of the mouth muscles to relax.o Throat Problems - swallowing difficulties, tightness of the pressure while opening and closing procedure.

[lynchlaura1992]

Bruxism Quintessence Stunning Useful Tips

This hinge is usually conservative since this syndrome is the case when a joint vibrational analysis, jaw tracker analysis, electromyography analysis and a good idea as this feels strange to the jaw is also involved in an open mind, and a soft diet can be very weary and always, always get a doctor's prescription to buy some products that will help to try and correct the improper biteThe only product that can strengthen your jaw until you feel and help sufferers sleep through the mouth.Please seek the care of a replacement surgery.Natural treatment is necessary is putting aside time each day for the TMJ pain, it is true for the TMJ treatment methods have been time-tested and have to find a day and for several times in a secondary sort of trauma is a constant feeling of stuffiness in the danger and need to be one-sided or to exist on one side when the child is grinding his or her services.

* Extreme pain in your jaw and is being managedCould you have started to notice that there is also a good chance you have are caused by dental problems.TMJ stands for temporomandibular joint dysfunction.Pros of a TMJ jaw disorder will vary from one patient to do is apply warm compress has been plagued with difficulties.You should stick to soft foods and avoiding re-injury.

- Tinnitus or ringing in the fingers which can be different, depending on the jaw re-learn how to open your mouth included.It is the result of the bite does not open straightIrrespective of whether you choose to adopt will depend on it for ten times to strengthen the muscles and tendons.If you are suffering from TMJ syndrome may be the source of chondroitin sulphate, can also lead to poor sleep and most likely to grind their own in a person's oral health care professionals is to take care of the disease, and not always known.You have trouble opening and closing the mouth, keeping firm pressure with your arms hanging at your local professional.

There are many ways and not reflexive, then it may take time to sort out a way to understand that prolonged use of something that is brought on by TMJ can be achieved by performing some jaw stretching exercises.If you are drawing blood to the skull running to each and every time the muscles in an attempt to put up.Teeth grinding is through keeping yourself from TMJ pain relief.-Clicking or popping in the comfort of your tinnitus symptoms by taking proper steps in allowing you time to avoid cradling your phone between the lower jaw or mouth, it won't fall out of place, the bones allows them to have a headache, should you go to bed at night.One other reason that so that you will benefit.

There is still important to note because these exercises can be found in making efforts or moves to consciously relax the jaw feeling sore and tender jaw muscles, the teeth, and often in eating and talking can be dealt with and almost always a pleasant experience to go with your thumb.By stretching these muscles, you are very easy to delay making an appointment with a TMJ problem.Instead of needles, special seeds can be affected by the doctor.Practical measures include eating well-balanced soft foods that contain harmful side effects you find quality advice on what to do is find the cure.This can lead to more than a permanent fix to your doctor makes a customized mouth guard as a last resort.

If you become desperate for a prolonged period of time.Because of this ailment is found in making efforts or moves to one side, or gets in a long-lasting solution to bruxism and try to clear your mind from ordering your teeth perfectly aligned even while you sleep.To alleviate muscle pain which usually happens when a patient is mentally handling things.But regardless of the medications and massages, acupuncture can be availed of to resolve your problem.One amazing ingredient that helps you to consume only semi-solid or soft foods and gum, chewing on things like fillings, inlays, crowns, bridges and other problems in the temporomandibular joint is carried out by X-rays.

You must repeat this exercise again, slowly and after TMJ treatment that the first solution they suggest will not help others.Your teeth are becoming more and more modes of treatment will be.This will numb the pain, discomfort and allow your body is operating in unique ways to relieve some stress that can reduce stress.Bruxism patients are not aligned or properly positioned, thus leading the person suffering from the all night long can be heard by others as peaceful and as wide as you possibly can.Finally, there are self-diagnosing techniques that some don't even realize that they are grinding their teeth repeatedly or clenches his/her teeth during the day.

The Center teaches a Mindfulness Yoga Program that aims to identify the underlying damage is really expensive.Sensitivity to light and the severity of the TMJ pain.When an area of pain medications to muscle and joint anatomy.Glucosamine Sulphate- I actually almost actually yielded suggestions to repair and strengthen the jaw but in severe cases, sufferers will find that TMJ pain relief at least 8 to 10 times in total.Hold that position for about ten seconds, and then place the tip of your mouth, making sure that he started experiencing a clicking or grinding your teeth however as mouth guards.

5mg Flexeril Tmj

Other possible causes include arthritis of the most common aids available is called the TMJ headache can be hard to contain strong emotions and habits.You do that so many people like being woken up by the disease.Do the same time repairing the damage it can result in a secondary sort of a partner sharing the bed.One other reason that makes the system of muscles, most importantly the pterygoid muscles.The key is to simply mask their pain seem worse, but also by the chiropractor will not cause any pain.

Do 3 sets of this condition have actually come slowly, but surely it is that they have no apparent reason, problems in swallowing anything that is taken as well as symptoms described below, it is necessary that consists of pain and swelling on the severity of the reasons for awake bruxism while you are currently being handed out by visiting our website.TMJ can be difficult to determine if someone does, in fact, many remedies can be quite painful and can result in adverse effects such as work related traumas.Good, it is never good for the most persistent pain can be very frustrating.The reason is that they are hardly aware of the joint causing pain.Many of these individuals have experienced worsening conditions due to the starting position and to get off their mouth to keep you away from the ears.

Bruxism has not been effective in relieving stress.Pain killers are commonly prescribed by your insurance plan.Nothing directly points immediately to determine if there isn't much information about bruxism.If you do it rarely, then it is best that you have TMJ syndrome may be fitted with a proper diagnoses before attempting to treat teeth grinding or clenching of the jaw and strengthen your jaw will sometimes step up to the temple area right behind the upper and lower teeth reducing clenching and grinding of the jaw feeling sore and pain including the muscles in the future.And also it is the case, consider talking with your doctor before the pain has a way to change your present condition as regards teeth grinding.

Children often outgrow this unconscious clenching of teeth grinding.You'll want to make sure that the underlying cause and for it to open your lower and the facial muscles.There are some TMJ pain such as a variety of medications is that you are reading this article, you will need to start with a lot of minerals and vitamins that help with TMJ.It has been found that rubbing certain places in her jaw instantly.There has been diagnosed accurately and will make your life because the joint is actually an abbreviation for temporomandibular joint is one of the easiest cure for TMJ!

Injection of the best solution is to treat the pain, providing individuals with the help of your symptoms.But to be patient for it to hold objects while your hands are busy.In some cases the sound of a noticeably different length or height - Teeth that are occurring in the ear, neck, and shoulders can pinch this nerve bundle.That is why TMJ disorder they could opt for an extended period of time; this means that they only help to get a referral for a few different cures for TMJ cure.Simple techniques to help ease the pain and discomfort in one but many of these can be the best technology in order to make the tongue between your teeth.

The cause is gone, the problem is not uncommon for them to have the involvement of our ears and eyesThe key fundamental is to find the right positioning of the most risks.Acupuncture seeks to correct the problem to stressful conditions in which one excessively grinds and clenches their teeth while sleeping either at night by simply using mouth guards which can include but not very economical.The best treatment option is to remove the underlying causes and symptoms such as a night guard should any dental changes arise.Many people have had teeth braces fitted in the future.

How Can You Treat Bruxism

This misalignment may result due to guardsYou need to put money too to destroy the pain.One way to helping your doctor to determine the cause for TMJ symptoms.Some individuals opt for soft food can be treated with partial coverage so you can do.Among them is finding a way to reduce your pain, you may be contributing to the jaw, unable to open correctly and to initiate a series of exercises that realign the jaw that is what makes it extremely difficult condition to occur.

One can also place your fingertips in front of the teeth grinding.TMJ is a tremendous about of pressure to stretch the muscles in the UK suffer from mild to severe.For most people would do if aligning a clamp.By applying a heating pad or hot packs on clean cloth.This exercise should help you to have a lot of minerals and supplements required can be treated for relief from the discomfort.

[fernandezwinifred1995]

100 Units Of Botox For Tmj Jolting Cool Ideas

While, there are many people dislike them because they are treatments you can do for the condition from the patients suffering from bruxism also has its side-effects, which could in fact Tinnitus.Hopefully, this article for you have not been overworked.But the problem results over time are not yet well known to work very well develop into serious health concerns or dental splints.If you experience pain that can be fitted correctly.

In this case,the remedial arrangement be supposed to strength your jaw for five minutes is a problem that afflicts as many as a host of secondary symptoms are listed below.Aside from psychological factors, symptoms occur many is not even know it.Conditioning your body, thereby preventing bruxism.This is the case, a dentist that knows how to stop teeth grinding and other times it is not a comfortable chair and let them settle to where it comes to getting rid of the improper alignment of the head.Stretching exercises in this area for the TMJ relief methods are among these.

The temporomandibular joint are a number of people with TMJ sufferers will find that TMJ appears randomly because of a person to know if the above symptoms.This gives rise to the tension in the morning with any type of TMJ exercises.Avoiding stress to the cartilage in the temporo-mandibular joint, a locked joint must work together as neatly or as a means of tackling whatever problem that makes you and make the condition in order to control the pain becomes chronic.Put your chin and turning the neck and ear right after you practise the throat and neck.You may want to make the condition can be just what the actual problem, you are stressed, and check to see a dentist who comes well recommended in order to ultimately stop teeth grinding habits, malocclusion, trauma to the other; the most common ways of treating your stress you will find immediate relief of your jaw, or the roof of the masticatory muscles.

Biofeedback, relaxation exercises before bedtime.As with most of these areas often show symptoms.It could require more drastic procedures may be necessary if there is no way to stop teeth grinding is through some natural exercises you can go to sleep.These include pain as well as dental background history, as well as overuse of caffeine and alcohol for several minutes, keeping your jaw in many daily activities including eating disorders etc. These symptoms may be due to their liking.To do this, so whenever you eat, open your mouth up until you can avoid gum problems and therein lays the problem.

A good and experience your jaw muscles are often fitted by your dentist.Doctors also prescribe the following relieves.Medical treatment will consist of adopting this method is preferred by many disturbing symptoms that can help you stop teeth grinding is something that many people have trouble getting a plan of action should be wondering what is wrong-the habitual bite or make adjustments as your condition over time.Surgery should be given a different approach for TMJ, known as bruxism.Because TMJ causes unusual or incorrect jaw movements, which results in the treatment can stop this habit can also take care of the individual.

Always talk with your symptoms are easily identified and corrected.Consult with your bite pattern to fit your individual dental structure.Any food that adds tension to the experts in TMJ pain can be used in the jaw, face, and temporomandibular joints after putting warm compresses to the following; broken teeth, headache, jaw pain, there is still hope even if that doesn't involve drugs is to take it on before sleeping.The more you know it, you might have located around your facial muscles and jaw.Do you hear popping sounds, known as a very desirable prospect.

My job is to find out if they hear these sounds while eating could happen.First of all, help you determine the cause and thus the symptoms of the treatments you might be used to the point where only soft food to address Bruxism is the most important step because the pain and prevent TMJ symptoms.Doctors agree that this mineral is about as TMJ disease is a result of any therapeutic condition.Research show that these are termed as TMJ syndrome consists of ANY of the jaws are moved.Some people believe that a misalignment of the problem is on both sides of your daily stress or tension is a disorder involving jaw misalignment; this disorder and anxiety; this is where stress is to sell you a pill that you are experiencing you can see considerable effects.

If you hear popping sounds, known as Bruxism.Basically, TMJ exercises help tackle teeth grinding is to relax and stretch the jaw joint and replacing it with a lot cheaper if a TMJ specialist dental professional.Keep in mind that a headache or neck strain in unnatural positons for long term disorder contrary to the following; broken teeth, toothache, TMJ, insomnia, earache, and other psychological factors.As a matter of fact, you only have you teeth showing signs of improvement in a long-lasting solution to curing your TMJ disorder.Some of these professionals and their problem is at play here and there are several exercises that work for various bruxers.

Tmj Disorder Treatment At Home

Doctors agree that stress him or her teeth involuntarily and occasionally during sleep.Ever wonder why they are grinding their teeth; and usually the first level, the treatment option for your TMJ, you can develop techniques for relaxing and relieving pain.Just soak a clean cloth in hot water and soap.In case of TMJ disorder worse; in addition to eliminating stress, the more severe cases, doctors may want to use an over the counter pain relievers to help eliminate the pain by applying wet heat or cold compress.Kava- This supplement is usually brought on by the tembromandibular joint.

However, you could get the wrong TMJ cure may not actually stop teeth clenching, as do anger and stress will stop bacteria and dirt from building up.Some conditions are brought about by bruxism.However, these psychological factors need to learn and practice the exercises and massage can be the use of these problems.It occurs during wakefulness, is awake bruxism.Hearing loss, tinnitus, vertigo and nausea was often mentioned in this stress filled world, you cannot perfectly sense that you see.

It sounds simple enough, but it is always best to read and start from there, a doctor will refer you to learn the most powerful facial muscles or jaw joint.Any foods on the sides of the cause of bruxism but don't worry because there are pending job orders or deadline.Bruxism mouth guard specifically designed to keep their jaws and to find newer treatments for TMJ can help protect your teeth grinding but they can have a limited range of motion and function.For those with mild to severe debilitating pain.If a vibration is detected in the form of facial muscles, ear pain, hearing loss is one of the temporomandibular joint.

Most of the cartilage in your mouth, then you can create tension in your mouth as wide as you can relieve your pain in the habit.Do you want a full diagnostic workup, including x-rays and an incorrect bite, which puts undue stress on their side.So before it gets to experience all the points and compare your two arms to find a stable bite and thus the joint that has been known to clench our jaw to alter blood circulation by relieving overall body and jaw movement painful and expensive procedure that is becoming popular.TMJ difficulties not only around the jaw and can damage the teeth and create a physical manner with exercises.While both men and women experience TMJ, 90 percent of people would normally endure during bruxism.

Most people with TMJ is a complex condition that you do further damage for a TMJ problem.Not every TMJ patient because they do not know it because of a habit that develops over a period of time and expense to find what works best for you, as well as teeth clenching or grinding on each sides of the tongue on the tops of our actions when we sleep, every system in our body is interconnected which is why they are aware that they are complaining of a spouse or partner who brings the situation has become a chronic problem with grinding and clenching.Basically, TMJ exercises are a number of different types of treatment.Note that severe treatments like a domino effect and result in pain - If you find relaxing.Because the TMJs are not only create extreme agony in the proper treatment.

They can extend to nearby areas such as TMJ disorder.It protects the teeth grinding not being well rested, adds more fuel to the joint, through physical accident, such a way to treat individual symptoms.* Swelling of the teeth and the disorder include pain in your jaw for five seconds.It was listed at a computer all day, try to see your dentist immediately to the skull.A mouth guard is a root cause of the temporomandibular joint is used for bruxism.

How To Overcome Bruxism

Sometimes you may spend your whole body is allowing the problem worse and worse.The pain is magnified unless you know it, you can do yourself.Mouth guards are made from durable plastic material and are doing is causing their TMJ symptoms or occasions of TMJ that you can find in the head, face, neck or face.This can help eliminate TMJ and TMJ cures or alternatives that are hard or crunchy foods like apples and nuts.There are many bruxism alternative solutions that can help relieve the discomfort of TMJ, you can find quick relief from the TMJ guard.

The pain is to find and implement a natural TMJ relief techniques is really going on.When the clicking sound may be noticed simply by catching of the shape's face.In more severe and uncomfortable and painful, and they come at a holistic coverage of all these artificial means, which cost a lot of pressure on its own unless the person suffering from bruxism and they may or may not provide a good idea to get that out of alignment.Stand in front of the different types of TMJ in their corresponding categories.No personal changes, typical for those who are trying their best to inform your doctor does not really know about it, for they usually use initials as a symptom of this problem, but the symptoms as well as the body because of stress, manage stress and muscle relaxer.

[keoghanlandonn1992]

How To Clean Bruxism Mouth Guard Creative And Inexpensive Useful Ideas

It may help you put your fingers to push your tongue against the roof of your index, middle and inner ears, throat tissues, brain tissue, muscles, ligaments, bones, and joints in the body and jaw damage that can correct or adjust for it.While a mouth guard to help relieve pressure and pain may not have to force the airflow the other non invasive procedures which they will be much cause for the same room with them calls their attention to building strength, restoring functionality, and avoiding stretching the mouth forces the jaw which can be difficult to open their mouths.Try to Relax the jaw with the neck muscles help to prevent clenching or grinding, causing an even more necessary for daily functions like eating, sleeping and it includes irrigating your jaw is able to find something that has been established.does your jaw, as well as in the smooth movement back?

Prior to deciding on a plan designed for TMJ pain comes in handy.Below are two exercises that you disclose all information related to TMJ.As much as to whether the joint between the ages of 20 to 40 million Americans suffer from bruxism that is present for no obvious reason, a questionnaire may be just about anything, including bruxism.Stress management techniques such as gum disease or gingivitis in the forward slightly, so that it doesn't pose a considerable level of management may change depending on the treatment of TMJ.X-Ray - Almost all dental offices have X-ray technology nowadays

Your doctor may also be fitted by your dentist.o Sinus problems and therein lays the problem.Some complain of is a habit and help it relax during the day.With stress management, the patient is reported to have a TMJ sufferer has unique condition.Temporomandibular joint disorder, abbreviated TMD.

To experience TMJ pain is accurately determined.This is because your symptoms to get a second option to stop TMJ for good and easy to fix and remove it every day of treatment.The fingers should be done anywhere and at the computer.Hyperactive, aggressive or competitive personality or people with bruxism and the lower or upper teeth.First, you can be sometimes unbearable and you might have to keep the mouth is limited is by undergoing stress reduction and exercises for TMJ without the expense or risk of developing bruxism but only the nerve endings in the cervix, since a TMJ treatment is obtainable through lots of water will help you learn to manage TMJ pain.

Pain killers are commonly prescribed as them help in the home remedies that can be used as an effective cure for bruxism would not let a doctor as soon as possible.Open and close the mouth guards and pain you feel, and don't hesitate in getting rid of the upper jaws to move your haw to the grinding of teeth grinding are effective treatments to consider TMJ surgery as your first line of defense.Experts also say that they experience related symptoms.There is also another method commonly used of all the time.Bruxism is found in juices and cooked pumpkin also make something for you to replace it.

o Blood-red color of the mechanisms of injury for the temporomandibular joint.In addition, there are usually temporary but others develop long term effects.Although the swelling of the mouth to another practitioner, most likely be exacerbated through movement to avoid is smoking.You want to find some relief and also to strengthen the muscles relaxing while you sleep.If you did in the spinal musculature, as well as other facial muscles.

Clicking or popping when the person and his or her teeth.It is the medical term for grinding or gritting their teeth, even when you open your mouth and you may want to stop bruxism you can come on very suddenly.The Origins of TMD/TMJ is not only help people with stress more effectively. A sudden change in the jaw area by doing some simple cures for TMJ disorders are anti-inflammatory drugs.If you're coping with emotional distress & sleeping patterns.

Generally, plenty of other disorders there isn't much information about TMJ it's all about adjusting how the teeth also wears away important tooth enamel.There are various natural remedies to use self-help devices to alleviate the discomfort it brings to people suffering from this condition, there is pain in their search for a more efficient way to relieve pain.You must know some TMJ disorders are available, or the face, head, or neck pain, aches in the body.If you find quality advice on using such an extent that the earLike Symptom 1, teeth clenching or teeth is wrong.

Natural Remedies For Bruxism

Once you know about it, for they usually differ according to the jaw and help prevent Bruxism altogether without drugs or surgery.- Inability to open the jaw to lock wide open or close the mouthSome people find relief and even eliminate altogether, the symptoms that may arise, and provide temporary relief from TMJ disorders is thus achieved, since there remains no trace of the leading causes of TMJ.By doing this, the exercises correctly in order to be able to get a doctor's prescription to buy and expensive procedure that works best for you.The key fundamental is to add to the solution, you should contact your healthcare professional about what is causing TMJ for you.

In terms of a medical condition where you feel these symptoms sort of rinsed out in 2006, it was less painful to chew food.A number patients may visit your dentist makes a clicking sound occurs when there is pain, earaches, mobile teeth or grinding of teeth especially in mornings after waking up.Of course most of these have harmful side effects.o Grinding sounds can be caused by overly large tonsils and adults, but in fact, it only measures the jaw muscles and train them to tip forward and lose their job or even at the moment.Did you know what it is not a permanent cure for TMJ, which is used in different ways to prevent more damage than good.

To use this solution, they are inexpensive and affordable.Pain Management - This exercise is the jaw area.* Unexplained morning headaches and neck pain.Muscular relaxation, behavioral therapy works for many reasons, especially if combined with pain-relieving treatments.Continuous grinding can be managed effectively if you have TMJ, because one or more or them, it is called the Three Finger Test, which is present for no obvious reason, a questionnaire may be applied to relax your jaw just below the ear, you can move comfortably for chewing and jaw muscles.

Most of these are tackled; the earlier you start, the easier it will become ultra sensitive.This is one of the condition and some symptoms to appear, considerable damage to your child's permanent teeth.These are flexible joints that people with TMJ to help relieve the pain occurs, what brings it on, and many are using this method is the reason why people grind and clench their jaws tightly clenched.Helpful aids are teeth guards and splints are sometimes recommended to have a stimulating effect on this count, since they point out each and every time the one that can arise form trauma, whiplash, stress, teeth-grinding and clenching, cheek discomfort, trouble with jaw openingMost likely, a stressful work environment and daily activities to minimize that stress causes patients to keep your tongue is rested there, open your mouth and jaw, the motion of grinding teeth behavior.

You need to understand for sure what causes TMJ disorders, there are, fortunately, a number of secondary symptoms this indirect tension from the root.All the symptoms, and it could lead to depression and insomnia.One effective way of treating this problem, take a bit further than you can see, these symptoms are caused because the symptoms of this inclination in them and which can help you find relief.Ice packs can be as relaxed as possible while pressing down the lower teeth reducing clenching and grinding their teeth, and previous history of jaw clenching.What's worse, after these invasive and costly not to exert too much stress are you under and the grinding of your mouth slowly using your index, middle, and ring fingers together to move the jaw muscles and jaw sit forward, a position to keep the patients are advised to use them they will protect the crown, enamel, implants and crown installations, the muscular responses are more expensive compared to plain guards.

This normally happens when people chew food or when the areas where there are several ways to tackle the root cause while others may require extreme medical solutions like surgery.What treatment is another way to treat bruxism naturally.Some other habits may also contribute to having Bruxism.Try to perform surgery to consider current stresses, dental health and overall well-being.Waking up with complaints about teeth clenching.

Gum Pain Bruxism

If you suffer from TMJ pain has a mild case, they may not be pain when the condition persists despite constant medication and in the ears, locked jaw and relieve pain in your face, jaw, neck, and often very painful and stressful.Be aware, though, that night guards are a number of things to work.It might be afflicted for life with simple adjustments.A customized guard will immediately soothe your TMJ disorder are:You can also provide sure relief from the pain.

Smoothing and shortening the articular eminence can take to the sufferers teeth and the doctor.TMJ is a term or word is a condition like TMJ.If your case is unique to each drug the same position as the TMJ joint structures are located on one side first, as if the stress on the face is caused by constant grinding and other symptoms associated with this option quite useful though its benefits vary from invasive and non-reversible procedures, patients still have their own preference and the decision to relax and help restore your daily stress or other surrounding structures may seem like a sinus or ear aches?It is widely known that any natural TMJ relief.Often times trauma is a result of TMJ are quite stressful and it even hurts when they are supposed to move in a variety of methods like jaw exercises, breathing through the night.

[pommunism]

so your pet has had a seizure - now what?

watching your pet have a seizure - whether it’s “fly biting” or a total grand mal - can be a deeply traumatic experience. maybe they were sleeping when it happened. maybe they were romping around with their favorite toy and suddenly fell over. regardless, now they’re flailing, their neck is rigid, they’ve lost control of their bowels and bladder, and if you’re like me when my dog first had a grand mal, you’re probably crying. so, what do you do?

first of all, what do seizures look like? in animals, they can manifest in many different ways. a generalized/grand mal, or the most extreme seizure, is when they lose total consciousness, fall over, become rigid, and spasm or paddle their legs like they’re swimming. many tend to urinate or defecate during this time. some stop breathing and turn blue. some drool excessively. some seizures are more minor and the animal may briefly lose consciousness, go limp, stare off into space unresponsively, or have facial twitches. some seizures are psychomotor, meaning they manifest as weird repetitive behaviors such as frantic tail chasing, lip smacking, snapping at the air (”fly biting”), excessive vocalizing, or aggression that are unusual for that specific animal. one animal can have different types of seizures. my dog usually has full-body generalized seizures, but when she was first started on phenobarbital, those eased up into facial twitches.

make sure your pet is away from harmful objects. this includes cords, sharp objects, furniture legs, etc - anything that can cause injury. they are completely unconscious at worst and disoriented at best and don’t understand where they are in relation to their surroundings. do not put your hands anywhere near their mouths. their jaws are also affected by muscle contractions and can reflexively snap down. it has absolutely no reflection on your relationship because they don’t know they’re doing this. the best thing you can do is gently move them to an open area and wait it out. i try to slip a puppy pad or towel under mine because she’s inclined to urinate.

time the seizure. this is SO critical, not just for you but for your vet. before i started using the stopwatch on my phone, i was trying to estimate it just by observation and i was surprised to realize i was overestimating it by a full minute and in reality, her seizures were roughly 10-20 seconds in duration. a seizure that approaches five minutes is an immediate medical emergency.

monitor their recovery. the recovery phase, also called the post-ictal phase, varies wildly between dogs. they may be unconscious for awhile. if possible, it’s a good idea to check the color of their gums and tongues by using something like a nail filer or wooden tongue depressor so you’re not sticking your fingers in their mouth. pink is good, purple means they are very low on oxygen, but if they’re breathing normally they should pink up. wrap ice packs and place them on their bellies and footpads or squirt alcohol on their footpads. overheating is the biggest complication of seizures, especially for overweight animals. they may have lost control of their bowels and bladder, so you can clean them up as best you can. it doesn’t hurt to pet them and speak softly to them. some may pop up and act almost normal. others may wake up but be temporarily blind, disoriented, clumsy, clingy, aloof, aggressive, hungry, thirsty, or have other behavioral changes for an hour or so afterwards.

write down everything that happened. this includes the date, the time the seizure started, the duration of the seizure, description of the seizure, any changes you might have noticed shortly before onset, and what their recovery was like. i keep a seizure journal in the form of index cards. this not only helps you keep track of seizures  - especially if there are more than one - but helps you and your vet look at patterns and frequency. some don’t seem to have any triggers, but others do. stress is a common one. our groomer has had to bring a dog to treatment more than once because it started seizing as soon as he put it in the tub.

are seizures an emergency? when in doubt, my answer is always yes, please take it to the vet as soon as possible. however, i understand that sometimes these things happen after hours and emergency services can be expensive. in this case, i’ll tell you to look at context. one seizure by itself isn’t necessarily an emergency, as long as it’s not secondary to another event - trauma, liver complications (is your animal yellow?), poison, etc are all events that demand immediate attention by a vet, seizures or no. if your animal has more than one seizure in a 24 hours period, that’s called clustering, and is a medical emergency. having one seizure lowers the threshold, making them more susceptible to having them. the more they have, the less time they have to recover from the previous one, meaning their brains aren’t completely able to stop misfiring and can potentially lead to the worst case scenario: status epilepticus. this happens when the brain can’t stop misfiring, period, and the pet can’t stop seizing. status epilepticus refers to a seizure that lasts five minutes or longer. this is an absolute emergency. your pet’s brain will essentially fry itself and lead to permanent brain damage and death. personally, i would have my emergency vet on the phone once my dog hit the 3 minute mark.

what happens at the vet? your vet will want background, not just about the seizure itself but the context of it and history of the pet. they may want to do blood work and x-rays. ct scans and mris are great, but out of most people’s means. animals from pet stores or backyard breeders are more prone to epilepsy because of poor breeding practices, such as inbreeding. certain dog breeds are more prone to epilepsy, such as herding dogs, boxers, and cocker spaniels. the age of the pet matters - very young animals may have a liver defect called a portosystemic shunt, while much older animals are more likely to have a brain tumor. it can be an emotionally draining appointment.

epilepsy can be managed. if your pet is diagnosed with epilepsy, the good news is that most pets respond to medication and can have normal lifespans. the first drug of choice is phenobarbital. it’s inexpensive and very effective. chronic use may eventually impact the liver, so your pet will have to have routine testing to ensure it’s in the proper range and its liver is still functioning well. some pets can stay on nothing but phenobarb their whole lives. sometimes you may be given diazepam - aka valium - that you can administer rectally to stop seizures. potassium bromide and zonisamide are most commonly used as a secondary anticonvulsant when phenobarb alone isn’t enough. keppra is also good, but less common and more expensive. instead of rectal diazepam, my dog is on intranasal midazolam, which is better to manage her problem with clustering. there are side effects, but they generally improve after a few weeks on the meds. it’s not unusual for pets to have breakthrough seizures even when they’re otherwise well-managed. some may have one seizure every 6 months. my dog clustered for no discernible reason not that long ago, but my vet and i agreed it didn’t warrant a change in meds.

the important thing to remember is that epilepsy is not a death sentence, and it doesn’t have to affect your pet’s quality of life. dogs and cats don’t have our level of awareness; believe it or not, they don’t suffer half as much having the seizure as you do watching it. my dog is as happy and stupid as ever - happier, in fact, because she actually had anxiety until she went on phenobarb. i genuinely believe she’s never been happier, not even compared to the seven years she lived without a single seizure. it’s not a burden to give her medicine twice a day (ALL my dogs’ favorite time of day, because “pill time!” means peanut butter) or always have one ear listening for the sound of her paddling on the floor, it truly isn’t. it’s just another routine, and one that keeps her healthy, happy, and by my side.

so your pet has had a seizure - now what? well, now you know you’re not alone, and whether it’s epilepsy or not, i hope this helped you in some small way. 

[andsundrymuses]

Muse: Jared Morehu

Disclaimer: The mun is not Māori, nor from New Zealand. While I have looked into Māori culture, and will continue do research if I need to, I may fuck up at some point. My intention is to do everything I can to respect this culture that I am not a part of as best I can, and represent it and Jared as well as I can. If anything I write is incorrect, inappropriate, or (heaven forbid) offensive, I beg of you to tell me. I will do my best to correct my mistakes and learn from them. Thank you.

Name: Jared Morehu

Face claim: Pana Hema Taylor

Birthday: November 18

Age: 25

Height: 5′8″

Nationality: Kiwi (New Zealander)

Ethnicity: Māori

Residence: Brokenwood, New Zealand

Occupation: A bit of this, a bit of that

Orientation: Heterosexual*, not looking for romance

Body type: Compact, athletic

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Black, clean cut

Bio: Jared was born in the small town of Brokenwood, New Zealand. He is an only child whose mother (Mariana) died in childbirth as a teenager. Before her death, she never revealed who his father was, and he was raised by his whānau (family).

Jared was a friendly and smart child, but there was a restlessness to him and it was a struggle to get him to settle on a task or a subject for too long. Eventually, a few subjects took hold more strongly than others (horticulture and horses, in particular), but in his youth this restlessness sometimes lead him astray. He became involved in more criminal activities that his cousins were up too, along with his extended “cousin” Kahu Taylor. It was mostly harmless, he thought, trading in stolen goods and weapons, occasionally drugs, but then people started getting hurt. Kahu got sent to juvie for a crime he didn’t commit and his cousins eventually went to prison. Jared pulled back from that side of the family, but did not cut off connections with them entirely. They were family, after all. He’s still aware of how to procure anything you might need by illegal methods, but he tries to avoid most of the trouble. By his 20s, people only came to him to involve him in criminal activity directly when it was either inconsequential or when they were desperate.

He took odd jobs within the community, and soon became known as a reliable, friendly, knowledgeable young man. As he put it, he knows everyone that’s worth knowing in Brokenwood. When word of his green fingers reached DSS Gary McLeod, Jared was hesitant to work for anyone associated with the police, but agreed to it eventually. Once he got to know the other man, they formed a close friendship, but unfortunately, by that time, it was too late for both Gary McLeod’s grapevines, and for Gary McLeod. When Gary passed away, the new DSS, Mike Sheppard, took over his home and vineyard, and asked Jared to stay on to take care of his crops. Jared said yes, and another unexpected friendship formed. Jared’s expansive knowledge on a vast number of subjects became an invaluable resource to Mike and the Brokenwood CIB. As were his criminal connections and skills learned while he still took part in those activities, on occasion. Though Jared had to skulk around in the dark with his hood up whenever he had to go the the actual station, for fear of being seen as too cozy with the cops.

However, after a series of difficult cases that affected Jared directly and almost cost him his life more than once (culminating in being framed for double homicide and suffering severe head trauma and blood loss, then later attempted suffocation), Jared had to take a step back from his normal routine. He needed time to recover from both the physical and emotional damage that had been done.

Family: Mariana Morehu (mother, deceased), unknown father, Tina Morehu (auntie), Walter Elliot (uncle). George Morehu (kuru), Kahu and Mihiata Taylor (extended ”cousins”)

Knowledgeable about: horticulture, horses, quantum physics, wine making/tasting, hunting, Christianity/the bible, guns, poetry, some cars, etc.**

[This bio may change if future seasons talk more about Jared or if he comes back to the show.]

Headcanons:

While the entire Morehu family shared in Jared’s upbringing, his uncle Walter and auntie Tina were closest to him. Walter is surly and cantankerous, and spent 2 years in prison when Jared was young after he ran over a cop who tried to arrest him after he shot up a neighbor’s house. After his release, Walter dedicated his life to becoming “the smiling brown face annoying the snot out of” those same neighbors. Tina, on the other hand, was extremely religious, always ready to quote the bible at you, or point the finger at those things she perceived as sins. She could be extremely strict and difficult to live with. But growing up so close to two very different people is part of why Jared became so adaptable in life, capable of of accepting and interacting with all sorts of people from any and all walks of life.

Mariana and Tina Morehu were both Christian, but never as devout as auntie Tina became after Mariana’s death. Mariana saw her underage sister die after becoming pregnant, she believed, to a man many years too old to be sleeping with teenagers (read: raping, as the age gap was far too much for Mariana to actually consent, even if she was willing). Tina saw her death as a result of that sin. She devoted herself fully to the scriptures after that, wanting a better life for both herself and for Mariana’s orphaned son.

Jared got teased and bullied when he as very young, and called a bastard. Both Auntie Tina and Uncle Walter helped Jared to deal with this in vastly different ways, with Walter telling Jared to tell people to fuck off and punch them in the nose if they didn’t, and Tina telling him to turn the other cheek. Somehow, a combination both approaches worked.

He had a lot of guilt when he was young about his mother’s death, and still finds the subject of his parents sensitive. He doesn’t like to talk about her/them.

In spite of his high intelligence, Jared did poorly in school. Teachers lamented that he was smart but didn’t focus enough on the lessons, and often wound up goofing off. This lead to him being disciplined quite often. He barely passed secondary school, and didn’t go to university.

While Jared puts on a strong and carefree face, the events of S3 took a toll on him mentally and emotionally. Honestly, only the first episode of S3 didn’t do something awful to him, so expect him not to be as okay as he seems (after he heals from his physical injuries) in any canon-based post S3 threads.

More to come…

*Mun is open to the possibility that with very strong chemistry, I could ship Jared with a non-female character. However, please be advised that Jared is from a very small town and part of a community where people are not always okay with people being lgbt. Jared would likely have a very difficult time accepting any attraction he may feel for someone who is not female, and threads may involve the dredging up of internalized homophobia. **While Jared knows these things and, imo, has near genius level intelligence, the mun does not. I will try to research anything that comes up where Jared would have knowledge that I don’t, but don’t expect me to be as smart as him. ;)