#sometimes I just think about them and how Gafinilan is gonna die and Mertil will be all alone

[kiwisandcoconuts]

Happy pride month animorph fans have some doomed yaoi (Gafinilan and Mertil)

[curligurl0896]

First of all, in regards to Jake and Cassie's relationship (although this post isn't specifically about them)-- I'm not sure if Cassie could have done better by Jake, or how, but I am certain that Jake couldn't have done better by Cassie, not without doing better by himself, which, clearly, he didn't want to do. Jake was really fucked up after the war, wracked with guilt from all the shit he'd done during the war, and tbh I got the impression that he didn't think he deserved happiness? And I feel like that's at least part of the reason they stayed broken up, because it's clear that he still loves her, yet he makes no effort to mend their relationship because he's convinced himself she's too pure for him or whatever, and he doesn't deserve to be happy anyway. In short, Cassie might be all about helping others with their problems, but she can't fix his shit for him, not if he doesn't want it for himself, and she can't really have a healthy relationship with Jake while he's stuck in that mindset.

Second, in regards to Rachel and Tobias-- the couple this post is actually about-- I don't think there are any easy answers. Tbh when I think about an AU where Rachel survives the war and she and Tobias have to figure out how their relationship is gonna go on, I always imagine Tobias being the one to nothit himself back into human form, I never really imagine Rachel choosing to get stuck as a hawk to be with Tobias. But sometimes I can't help but think that expecting him to deliberately get stuck as a human is just as unfair to Tobias as it would be for Rachel to expect her to deliberately get stuck as a hawk. Because like, in all that time he's spent living as a hawk, it's become a big part of who Tobias is as a person, and like, is it really fair for him to have to give up that part of himself just for her sake?

I mean I guess they could continue on as they were. It would be difficult, but not impossible, and sure, Tobias would die of old age long before Rachel, but life do be like that sometimes, as tragic as it is (and now I'm reminded of poor Mertil being all alone after Gafinilan inevitably dies). Unless there was a way to prevent Tobias from getting trapped in morph in the first place, like I said there aren't any easy answers for these two-- either one of them goes nothlit for the other, giving up a large part of themselves forever in the process, or they stay the way they are and just try to make it work regardless, knowing and accepting that Rachel will long outlive Tobias.

AU where Rachel acquires a female red tailed hawk and gets stuck to be with Tobias, instead of begging him to get stuck as a human

Answered here!

Anon, yours just happens to be the ~10,000th comment in this general motif, so congratulations, you’re a winner!  You get to hear my thoughts about my slight but nagging frustration with this general trend even though there is nothing whatsoever wrong with this specific ask.

I get a LOT of asks about “improving” or “fixing” Rachel’s and Tobias’s relationship, or else making Tobias “healthier” or “better off” — through changing Rachel’s behavior.  I don’t believe anyone’s ever asked me about what Tobias could have done to be better to Rachel, in [checks blog stats] 4 years, ~2000 followers, and more unanswered than answered asks.  For that matter, the Jake/Cassie questions tend to be more neutral (or low-key racist, but that crap gets deleted immediately) like “what if they’d never broken up” or “what if they’d had a threesome with Ax” BUT I’ve still received one or two “what if Cassie had done better by Jake” and zero “what if Jake had done better by Cassie” at last count.  Because gender.

To give credit where it’s due: Rachel’s not great to Tobias in several instances.  She does a crappy job of expressing her worry that he’s going to die young in the opening of #33 (although I would argue against the interpretation that she’s deliberately trying to trap him in morph), she snaps at him in #37, and she inadvertently pressures him to fake good in #13.  However, she also listens to him and supports him when he’s trying to figure out his life in #13, when acknowledging that he does actually want to quit the war in #23, when struggling with the aftermath of Taylor’s crap in #33 and #40, and when being righteously pissed at Loren in #49.  She brings him food (#23), books (MM1), and company (#7).  She defends him from Marco’s bullying in the first several books, and from Jake’s impulse toward pity in the back half of the series. She makes him laugh, snaps him out of his own head, and bodily throws herself between him and danger time and again.

To give credit where it’s due: Tobias is not great to Rachel in several instances.  He tends to deal with problems in their relationship (most notably thinking that she’s Doing It Wrong when she tries to lead in #29 and #37) by muttering passive-aggressively and then going with the “oh, nothing, it’s all fine” routine when asked directly what’s wrong.  He makes her come to him 90% of the time when they’re hanging out, even though she’s a lot easier to find and access at home than he is.  He knows that she’s spiraling in #51 and #52, but mostly fails to reciprocate her support when he could instead go hang out with Marco and Ax.  However, he also loves Rachel and supports her through the extreme weirdness of her crisis in #32, snaps at Marco to get off her back any time Marco’s teasing goes too far (#12, #35, #43), responds to The Other Guy with amusement rather than possessiveness (#32, MM4), and helps bring out her softer side (#12, #33).

Anyway, those two don’t have a perfect relationship, and I think it’s up to debate whether they have a healthy relationship.  I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with speculating about how Rachel could have played a different role in Tobias’s life.  I do think that there’s something wrong with the way that normativity causes all of us (INCLUDING ME) to prioritize discussions of women’s obligation to provide support for male partners over men’s obligation to provide their support for partners of any gender.