#somethingwickedoc

[afoolandathief]

[ID: The phrase "Something Wicked" in bold type with "Chapter 15" written above and "Excerpt" written below; it is surrounded by a black-and-white image of a wineglass, a red-and-black image of a window with curtains, a red-and-black image of bottles; and a black-and-white image of sheets and pillows. End ID.]

So, I still need to work on this passage; but as it is much later in the story, I probably won't get to it with revisions for a while. But I really enjoy this scene. Jade and Caz go looking for a suspect to interrogate using an infatuation potion, only for Jade to find Caz distracted by a lovely dancer he's looking to bring home. Then, the next day -

•

Caz woke up in the late afternoon to a banging sound. He stretched lazily and threw on a robe before walking slowly to his living room, rubbing his eyes.

Tracing the noise to his balcony, he opened the curtains to reveal a furious Jade pounding on the glass doors.

“Oh fuck, what now?” he muttered, opening the doors.

Jade, holding her longboard under her arm, marched into his condo.

“I’m just here to say what I should have said last night,” she said, practically shaking. “I hope you’re happy to have made all those profiles I created, all that research I did, not to mention the predictions, all a fucking waste.”

“Wait, what are you -” Caz began. “Why are you saying that’s all a waste?”

“Because despite saying you had a change of heart, that you’d only prey on the worst of the worst, you still went after that poor woman and, and -"

"Ate her?" Caz asked, smirking.

He began to laugh. It was surprisingly high-pitched and grated on Jade’s ears and nerves.

“Oh you are such a - such a pig - in more ways than one!” Jade jabbed a finger towards his bare chest. “I - I - I hope you get indigestion! All day long!”

This only caused Caz to laugh harder.

“Do you want to see her?” he asked, taking a breath.

“I’m not helping you get rid of the body, Caz.”

“I don’t think I’ll need your help,” he said. “I’m hoping she’ll stick around for a bit.”

“Why, are you planning something -” Jade paused. “Wait, so you didn’t -?”

Caz stared at her.

“But you were - and then you -” Jade paused. “So, you just let me make a total ass of myself just now?”

“It’s pretty fucking funny,” Caz said. “Especially knowing you apparently think every interaction I have with a woman has an end goal to drink their blood.”

“I didn’t say that,” Jade said. “I let you go off with Ruby.”

“Who you know is a witch who can handle herself,” Caz said, crossing his arms. “Wait, so you were just going to let me take Rebecca home and kill her? That’s almost worse.”

“What could have I done to stop you?”

“Saying ‘This man will kill you and drink your blood when he takes you home later,’ would probably have killed the buzz a bit,” Caz replied.

“I mean, you used the fragrance on her so I doubt anything would have stopped you,” Jade said.

“I didn’t use the serum,” Caz said. “Jesus, Jade, what kind of monster do you make me out to be? If you must know, I actually like this girl. I think we made sort of a connection.”

Someone stirred in Caz’s bedroom.

“Shit, she’s up. Jade, I can’t have you here.”

“She’s here?”

“Well, I did satisfy something last night.”

“God, you're gross.”

“Seriously, Jade, how am I supposed to explain why you’re here? Get out.”

He pushed her out onto the balcony and closed the thick black curtains just as Rebecca exited the bedroom.

“Hey,” Caz said.

“Oh hey, thought you left,” Rebecca said.

“Why would I leave my own home?” Caz asked. “Anyway, I thought we could maybe -”

“That sounds fun, but I’ve got a bit of a headache and think I need to head home,” Rebecca said.

“So, maybe then -?”

“Okay, thanks, bye,” she said, shutting the door.

Caz slumped onto his couch.

“I didn’t even get her number,” he said.

Jade poked her head from behind the balcony door.

“That’s because she didn’t want to give you it, Caz.”

“Shut up,” he said. “I miss Amelia.”

“Who?”

“Why are you still here?”

[afoolandathief]

Caz stepped back, his mouth in a firm line. Pacing, he grabbed his hair and looked up at the ceiling before evaporating into a white vapor.

“Oh, you’ve done it, now,” Jade said.

“What just happened?” the prince asked.

“He turned into a mist. He’s never been able to control that too well, so it only happens when he’s extremely frustrated.”

“When has he done it before?”

“Think I criticized an outfit of his or something. He’ll be back momentarily.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

How that interaction probably went down:

Caz: When you’ve been around as long as I’ve had, you develop a thick skin.

Jade: Silver is not your color.

Caz (starting to atomize): Silver brings out my eyes, you prick!

[afoolandathief]

Day 25 of the writeblr challenge - Share a snippet from your main WIP that you’re proud of

I've been a little nervous about this one. I was hoping I'd have revised enough of my WIP to have some of my favorite scenes polished and ready (i.e. my beloved butter knife self-dissection scene), but I've only just finished chapter one revisions.

With that in mind, I posted the first section of chapter one here earlier this week. It's ... a lot, and I don't expect people to read it if they're not comfortable with the subjects brought up, but I swear at the heart of it is Jade and Caz being their dorky selves.

But, for something with less gore, here's this scene below:

There was a long silence before Caz leaned back and yawned.

“Maybe I should go lay down in the back,” he said. “You know, I think this is the first time I’ve been in the front seat here.”

He paused suddenly, his eyes widening.

Jade followed his gaze to the rosary hanging on the mirror.

“Sorry,” she said, grabbing it as she tried to steady the truck with one hand on the wheel. Caz was watching attentively, his back and shoulders tensed as though ready to jump out the window.

“Caz,” she began. “I know when items have power, and this plastic rosary isn’t one of them.”

“It can’t hurt me,” he said, as though affirming it to himself as well. “It’s just sort of a painful reminder of some attempted exorcisms.”

Jade ran her thumb over the plastic beads. They were still warm from the sun. She looked over to see Caz studying her with narrowed eyes.

“Now I have to ask, are you even Christian?” he said. “Why do you have that thing?”

Jade bit her lip. “Just a protection thing,” she mumbled.

“A what?”

“Like, you know, in case you try to kill me,” her voice trailed off.

Caz stared at her for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

“Jade, I’m ten times more afraid of you than a rosary,” he said. “Is that like that stupid life insurance policy?”

“It’s not stupid,” she spat back. “It’s — well, it’s insurance for me.”

“Jade, you’re way too valuable to me for me to kill you,” Caz said, stretching out and cracking his back.

“Is that supposed to be reassuring?”

“Yes,” he said, attempting to stretch his legs.

← Day 24 Day 26 →

[afoolandathief]

Vampires are good at counting and Mr. Fish is going in the lake.

I should be working on Something Wicked, but instead I'm writing backstory for Caz set in the late 1940s involving a now-bitter ex.

“I’m real good at poker,” he said. “I figured, you know, I could at least make a living out of it.”

Mraz nodded, and slid another glass to Mr. Fish and Gino.

“You are real good,” he said. “In fact, you’re too good. Thing is, friend, the casino’s actually been losing money when you play here. And well, the people invested in this establishment have noticed.”

Mr. Fish’s eyes grew wide. He stared blank-faced at his glass.

“So, can you tell me how you’re doing it?” Mraz asked. “Is it counting? There’s no shame in that. I even do that, sometimes. Can’t help myself. At a glance, I could tell you that fella over there has 18 chips on him, or that pretty broad has 137 polka dots on that dress of hers.”

Gino knew he wasn’t lying. Mraz’s brain really did just start going like that, at times.

But Mr. Fish shook his head.

“I’m not card-counting,” he said. “I’m not cheating, I swear.”

Mraz pushed another glass in front of him.

“You gotta help us out here, friend,” he said. “Casino knows you’re playing too well to be doing this unassisted. But we might be able to help, if you work with us here.”

Mr. Fish stared at his glass again, opening and closing his mouth like his namesake. He finished his drink before answering.

“It’s mirrors,” he said.

[afoolandathief]

Underwing Challenge Day 5

5. What’s your favorite excerpt from this WIP so far?

This was difficult to decide. I have so many scenes from Something Wicked I'm excited about, but most of them are still very rough in terms of writing. The excerpt I chose is from a chapter I revised recently. I mostly want to share it because it brings up Caz's colorful attire, and the fact that he has a mental lapse about what being a goth means.

“Why are you dressed like that?” she asked, when he finally strolled up to her. “I told you this was a party.”

He looked down to inspect his gray-checked suit. He had paired it with a navy-colored tie tucked neatly into the vest and a shirt in robin’s-egg blue.

“This is a new suit,” he said. “I don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

Jade locked her truck and fixed him with a glare that should have burned the clothes right off him.

“Do you not own a pair of jeans and a t-shirt?” she asked.

“What am I, a house-painter?” he replied.

Caz followed Jade along the sidewalk. He had nothing against house-painters, but he had earned his last coin with manual labor nearly 600 years ago, and intended to keep it that way.

“Maybe you’re just jealous I can pull off this print,” he continued, hoping to goad something out of the Ice Queen. “Or that this shirt brings out my eyes.”

“Your eyes are silver,” Jade said.

Caz paused at that. After all these years, he still forgot his eyes had been drained of their color. Leave it to Jade to figure out how to shut him up, even if she didn’t entirely know why.

“You look nice,” he eventually said.

She really did. Jade tended to wrap herself in dark-colored dresses or skirts and various trinkets. Caz wasn’t sure if this was to mark her status as a witch, but it certainly made her fearsome. She had once mentioned allegiance with a group named for one of the tribes that sacked Rome. It fit. When he had first seen Jade — her lips and eyes painted black, the tattoo on her shoulder, the metal stud through her mouth — he would have offered his head on a platter if she invaded his village.

[afoolandathief]

[ID: The phrase "Something Wicked" in bold type with "Chapter 1" written above and "Excerpt" written below; it is surrounded by a black-and-white image of a fence, a red-and-black image of medical blood bags, a red-and-black image of a truck; and a black-and-white image of a notebook.]

It was a quarter to eight when Jade heard a rapping on her screen door.

A figure stood far too still on her porch, not seeming to mind waiting in the pitch dark.

“May I come in?” the figure asked, too-white canines glinting in the bit of light from Jade’s kitchen.

Jade crossed her arms, tossing her curtain of dark hair as she did. She never bothered to answer that question.

“You’re early,” she said.

After making the painful decision to scrap my prologue, I've been working on rewrites for Chapter 1 of "Something Wicked." And happily, it's been flowing a whole lot better, and while I'm not done with it yet, I wanted to share the first section I finished edits on.

Trigger warnings are in the tags below, including for graphic violence, a staged suicide, and a pretty explicit discussion of child sexual assault.

Image made with and photos provided by Canva.

~

It was a quarter to eight when Jade heard a rapping on her screen door.

A figure stood far too still on her porch, not seeming to mind waiting in the pitch dark.

“May I come in?” the figure asked, too-white canines glinting in the bit of light from Jade’s kitchen.

Jade crossed her arms, tossing her curtain of dark hair as she did. She never bothered to answer that question.

“You’re early,” she said.

Then she flicked her porch light on, causing the figure to dart back and blink slightly under the beam.

He quickly recovered, though.

“Notice anything different?” he asked.

He straightened his suit and brought his hands to the item at his shirt collar. Not letting Jade answer, he continued, “Bolo tie.”

“Wow Caz,” she replied, her voice as dry as the soil outside. “Are you going to pair it with a cowboy hat and some boots?”

“You really think I could pull it off?” he grinned, and Jade couldn’t tell if he was serious or not.

She pinched her shirt sleeve, her fingers rubbing the material together.

“Look, I’m still getting ready. Wait by my truck, and I’ll be out at our actual designated time.”

Caz was leaning against the truck when Jade exited the trailer with a purple binder. It was a relic going back to her high school days, scratched and marked up with ink.

“Get in,” she said, opening the rusted door of the pine-green pickup.

Caz watched Jade climb into the driver’s seat, his eyes darting to her rearview mirror. Jade wasn’t Catholic, but it didn’t hurt to keep a rosary there for her line of work.

“I can take it down, but it’s going in my pocket,” she said.

“I’ll just take the backseat, like I usually do,” he replied.

He stepped into the rear of the cab, unceremoniously sweeping several items onto the floor to make room to sit. Jade raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything as she took one, two, then three times to start the engine.

The truck was as old as Jade and the two felt every pothole or bump it rocked its way over. While most trailers in Henderson were laid out in neat rows, Jade’s sat alone at the end of a road that wound through the desert like a viper. She had bought the land there for that reason; she liked the isolation.

She eventually stopped on a side street that ran parallel to a worn wooden fence along a backyard.

“You’ve got your gloves?” Jade asked, stepping out of the truck. She pushed against a gate on the fence, testing it. It opened easily.

“Course,” Caz said, wriggling a leather-clad hand.

Then he moved so quickly across the lawn it appeared he’d stepped behind a curtain, emerging near the back door.

Jade took slightly more time to approach the back of the building. Only the screen door was closed. She pushed her hand under the seam of the mesh, unhooking the latch from the other side.

“Come in,” she said to Caz, who smirked slightly at the absurdity of her gesture.

Jade’s binder was filled with criminal records, release dates, online purchases — all profiling different individuals. She knew from an old real estate listing that the bedroom would be through a door to her left.

But before approaching the sleeping figure on the bed, something drew her to the bottom drawer of the nightstand.

Jade shuddered slightly as she felt a presence behind her. Looking up from the drawer, she saw Caz looming over her. She nodded wordlessly and got up to join him. They both leaned over the bed as she shined her light on the man.

He was a bit older, rounder and balder than his photo, but it was him. The man sputtered, eyes opening before he shielded them in the light. He glanced to his left.

“I have it already,” Jade said quietly, holding up the pistol.

“Just take whatever then,” the man said.

“That’s not why we’re here,” Caz said, pausing for effect. “Do you by any chance remember a girl named Rachel?”

The man shrank further into the bed, his eyes going back and forth between Jade and Caz.

“I’m sorry, who?” he asked.

“Come on,” Caz grinned viciously. Jade took a step back as he gripped the man by his t-shirt, pulling him up slightly and leaning in. “You know exactly who I’m talking about.”

“Whatever you heard from her,” the man croaked out. “It was years ago.”

“Of course, you just finished up your parole, right?” Caz asked.

“Are you related to her or -”

“And this must be your third charge for something like this,” Caz continued.

“Fourth charge,” Jade muttered.

“Fourth charge,” Caz glanced at Jade irritably before turning back to the man. “And each time a different, yet still very young girl.”

He gripped the man by his forearms, locking them to his side, as he dragged him out of the bed. Caz towered over most people, but he pinned the man against the wall so their eyes met directly.

“Can’t help but wonder who else might have slipped through the cracks,” he said.

“Look, I don’t know who you are, but I did my time, and,” the man’s lower lip shook. “I’m never doing anything like that again. I promise. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Sorry?” Caz let out a quick, high-pitched laugh. “You’re sorry, and you won’t do it again? Well, that’s wonderful, isn’t it?”

He cocked his head over to Jade.

“The thing is,” he said. “My associate has the ability to test that claim. And she’s never been wrong before.”

The man’s eyes widened as Caz lowered him into a sitting position on the floor. Jade kneeled next to the man, removing one of her gloves to grab his cold, calloused hand.

The man locked eyes with her, nose dripping, weak chin quivering.

“Please,” he whimpered. “I promise, never again -”

“Hey,” Caz jabbed one of his wingtips into the man’s side. “Let her do her work.”

His gaze fell back on Jade, whose eyes had glazed over. Her mouth opened slightly, and she drew a rattling breath as her head was thrown back and her body seized up.

After a minute, Jade released her grip on the man’s hand, blinking slightly watery eyes. She felt nauseous.

The man was still staring at her, though she couldn’t tell if it was with fear or guilt. Like her, he knew something bad was happening tonight.

“I would never, I would never -” the man was sobbing now, repeating the phrase until it was unintelligible.

“You watch your girlfriend’s daughter one night. That’s when you,” Jade’s monotonous voice wavered before she continued. “You rape her, tell her it’s a secret, convince her you’re the only one who will love her.”

“This begins next week,” Jade said.

The man choked. “I promise, now that you’ve set me straight I won’t -”

“That,” she sighed. She really hated this part. “That’s not likely.”

“And how sure are you of this?” Caz asked her.

“98.3 percent,” she replied, standing up and stepping back from the man.

Caz picked him back up with ease and pressed him hard against the wall.

“Well, that’s good enough for me,” he said with a wide, eager grin. His nostrils flared. “And thank God it is. I’m fucking starving.”

Jade pulled out her ear buds and busied herself with searching for an old playlist she had made back in high school, keeping the music on the highest volume possible.

She had no desire to hear the man struggle as Caz pushed his head to the side and stretched his neck taut. She already knew the last thing he would see was Caz’s smile growing wider, and wider still, before something would unstick and hinge down from the roof of his gaping mouth.

Caz could find a carotid artery without sight, plunging curved fangs into the flesh to draw bright red blood before closing his mouth over it. She knew his throat would pulse like another vessel, connecting the man’s body to his stomach.

And Jade had no desire to hear the noises Caz would make as he sated himself.

She sensed something behind her and turned around.

“Jesus, Caz,” she murmured, pulling out her ear buds.

In the dark, Caz’s pupils had grown wide as marbles. His mouth was stained red. He yawned, retracting his fangs into his mouth, before wiping his face with a handkerchief.

“Guy’s bigger than I thought,” he said. His voice was throatier now. “I think I’m gonna need a doggy bag.”

“You always do,” Jade said. Caz just shrugged in response.

She opened the bag they had brought and took out the medical supplies for pumping fluids. For a vampire’s venom to turn someone else, it needed blood, and not a drop could be left in the body.

Jade was used to this routine. It had been well over a year since Casimir Mraz had found her in that casino, playing a sloppy hand of poker with her before proposing a deal: to use her rare ability to guarantee he would only feed on the worst kinds of people.

She still had no idea why a vampire who spent years killing people for money would want this. She had only been able to wheedle out a hasty explanation that there had been a change of heart. But it was really none of her concern. She had bills to pay, and Caz had offered her $200 a head, twice a month. Not a lot, but enough to keep her coming back.

The witch and vampire inspected what was left of the man. He was back to being slumped against the wall, and if it weren’t for the two gashes in his neck, Jade could almost imagine he was only passed out.

“So, what do you think, Shaw?” Caz asked, sealing off the last of the blood in plastic. “Are we taking the body this time, or leaving it?”

Jade looked over at the pistol she had left on the floor. She had almost forgotten about it. When you dealt in death, deadly things became commonplace. She picked it up gingerly and handed it to Caz.

“Would you say someone who shot themself might accidentally fire into their neck?” she asked him.

“Maybe,” he crouched down next to the man, picking up a limp arm to estimate its reach. “If he was going for the side of the head and got jumpy.”

He looked back at Jade.

“But his neighbors are going to hear the shots, Jade. If we do this, we have to get out of here fast.”

“Come on, Caz, in this neighborhood, do you really think anyone will notice?” Jade asked, a bit of a smirk playing on her lips. “Just picture it. Poor thing misfires as he attempts to shoot himself. Neighbors think it’s gunfire in the streets, and he bleeds out before anyone finds him.”

Caz sighed.

“You know, I did not think you would be this scary when I hired you,” he said. “Cover your ears for this.”

He fired the pistol, lighting up the room in two quick bursts.

“Alright, let’s go,” he said, placing the gun next to the man.

Jade grabbed the warm, red packets and stuffed them in the bag.

“Maybe we should spill some more blood on the floor to be safe,” she said.

“Jade.”

“Fine.”

She pulled out a glossy, dark gray stone from her pocket, tossing it slightly in the air.

“Nullum uestigium,” she whispered.

The stone remained in the air, rotating slightly as it followed Jade and Caz out of the room. By the time they were at the front door, it was coated in a mass of black and blonde hairs, shed skin cells, and other substances left behind by the pair. Jade wrinkled her nose as she plucked it out of the air, and some of the hairs fell into her palm. The lodestone was a creation of hers, useful for removing any trace they had been there, but it was starting to lose its strength.

They left the same way they came in, with Jade relatching the door on the inside through the ripped screen.

Caz was more at ease once they were out of the house, removing his gloves and sinking his hands into the pockets of his powder blue suit as he strolled across the yard. He was always cheerier after he ate.

“So, the bolo tie, Shaw,” he began. “Is it working, or no?”

Jade looked up at him.

“You’re too pale to be a cowboy, Caz,” she said.

All of Caz was too pale, she thought. In the moonlight, his white-blonde hair and frigid skin tone made him look like a piece of chalk. Even his eyes were a washed out silver. Faded, like the rest of him.

“Shame,” he said. “I would’ve made a great cowboy.”

He leaned against the truck, resting his hands on his waist and letting out a long breath of air.

“I do not feel like flying,” he said. “Drive me home?”

Jade opened her truck door and glanced back at him.

“Pay for my gas?” she asked.

“Course,” he said, with what would have been a bright smile if it weren’t for the red flesh in his teeth.

[afoolandathief]

“Jade.”

The voice pulled Jade out of her thoughts, snapping her head up as though on a line.

“Sorry, Amie, what was that?” she asked, pushing her glasses to the top of her head. Jade hated wearing them in public, but she couldn’t read the textbook’s tiny print otherwise. A hand stayed on her head, plying through strands of hair.

You wanna know why a Seer needs glasses?

Because she's far-sighted.

...

[afoolandathief]

[ID: The phrase “Something Wicked” in bold type with “Chapter 3” written above and “Excerpt” written below; it is surrounded by a black-and-white image of a the bottom half of a woman's face, a red-and-black image of a neon "Open" sign, a red-and-black image of a silverware on a table; and a black-and-white image of a needle.]

Everything has an expiration date. For Caz’s relationships, this could be one night, a few months, or several years; but there was always an end.

This time, though, he swore it would be different. He wasn’t sure how, exactly, but it would be.

An excerpt from what is now chapter three (after I added a new chapter prior to it) of Something Wicked.

For context about the needle brought up in this passage, Jade and Caz use them for drawing blood. And Caz is hungry in this section because, well, he's not getting enough of it. It's also getting harder to hide his vampirism from his girlfriend.

I'm excited because, since I finished chapter three and am on to revising chapter four, I'm getting closer to rewriting chapter five, in which I plan to add a scene where a himbo engineering student mistakes nearly getting killed by Jade and Caz as an invite for a three-way.

TWs for mentions of drug use and addiction, brief reference to sex, swearing, and needles.

[Image again made in and with photos from Canva.]

~

They were at the diner now: Caz dressed up and sitting stiffly across from an equally-stiff Amelia, who had put back on her clothes she had previously thrown onto his bedroom floor.

He traced a finger from one spot to the other on the fake-marble surface of the table. It was going to be okay, he kept telling himself. It had been close, sure, but she wasn’t going to find anything out.

Amelia tossed aside the plastic menu.

“So, you don’t want anything?” she asked.

“Nah, you know I have a sensitive stomach,” he said. His latest excuse. It wasn’t completely untrue. He gave another quick laugh. “If I ate anything here it wouldn’t be real pretty the next -”

“Caz,” Amelia cut in. “We need to talk.”

He swallowed, before putting on his sweetest smile and cocking his head as he rested his chin on his fist.

“About what, love?”

Amelia wasn’t meeting his eye.

“I’ve been thinking,” she took a breath and looked up. “I’ve been thinking, if we want to keep this going, we have to be honest with one another.”

Caz stared at her with his smile frozen on his face for what felt like minutes.

“So,” he finally said. “What did you want to be honest with me about?”

“Caz,” she repeated. “It’s been so obvious, especially recently. You won’t eat; you sleep all day. The way you’ve been acting, like you’re constantly hiding something.”

Amelia had lovely, fruit-scented lips that she tended to bite when she was anxious or upset. She was chewing the shit out of them now.

“It’s an addiction, Caz,” she said. “And it’s clearly taking its toll on you, and it’s taking its toll on me.”

Caz blinked. What in the ever-living fuck was his pretty dame talking about?

“I wouldn’t call it an addiction,” he said, without thinking. “I mean, I need it to survive, Amelia.”

This was clearly the wrong thing to say, as Amelia’s head went crashing into her hands, hiding her face as she took a deep shuddering breath.

“Oh, God,” she said in her hands. She looked up at him. “It’s that bad?”

Caz’s eyes darted around. His stomach, meanwhile, would not stop growling. Maybe he’d pass out. Maybe he could fake his own death. He’d done it to get out of relationships, before.

“Could you tell me what you’re talking about, Amelia?” he instead asked.

He wasn’t used to Amelia being this upset. She was the one who’d drag him out to see horror movies. Christ, he had to walk out of that one action movie she’d insisted on. This reaction from her would have curdled his stomach if it wasn’t so damned empty.

Amelia wiped her eyes and attempted to steady herself. Her nose looked red and itchy, now. Caz wanted to offer her a handkerchief, but wasn’t sure if somehow that would make it worse. She was pulling napkins from the dispenser, anyway.

“I need to know,” she said, her sweet voice steady. “For my own sake, at the very least. What is it, Caz? Is it pills, heroin?”

Caz studied her face, waiting for her to laugh this off as a joke.

Well, tonight couldn’t get much worse. Maybe his mother’s ghost would burst in and start lecturing him about taking nearly 600 years to get married. Maybe someone would shoot him. Not that that would do much good.

He took a breath. Took stock of the situation. There were still pretty good odds he could save this. Of all the skills he had curated over the centuries, Caz was especially good with his mouth.

He gave Amelia a simpering, slightly-confused smirk.

“Amelia, love,” he began. “All these little things; these aren’t symptoms of being on pills or something. Maybe of my lazy ass not wanting to get up in the morning, but nothing more than that.”

He took her hand in his own, massaging her little fingers. Amelia was smart, but Caz had known a few addicts in his lifetime, and the poor, naive thing didn’t know what to look for.

He knew what to say next.

“Perhaps I have been too secretive with you, lamb,” he said, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss it, appreciating how warm it felt. Just, don’t bite it, he thought, as his hunger pangs returned.

“But that’s because I wanted to surprise you. What if the two of us went on a trip next month? I was thinking -”

“Caz, that’s not the only thing.”

She pulled her hand away and reached into her bag, setting something small and silver on the table. Caz stared blankly at the object in front of him.

“I don’t know where the rest of it is, but that’s a medical-grade needle, Caz. Do you have any idea why I found this in your kitchen?”

Caz stared at the surface of the diner table, counting the number of dots and splotches on the olive-green sea. What was that song again? It’s only a paper moon, sailing over a cardboard sea. That described this city, with its neon-starlight, to a tee, didn’t it?

“Caz,” Amelia said. “Caz, are you hearing me?”

“Hm?” he asked, looking up.

“Caz, are you high right now?” she choked out, her eyes watering.

She leaned close to him, trying to see his pupils, he realized. They tended to turn to pinpricks under the fluorescent lights. He really hated how bright everything was nowadays.

“No, no!” he exclaimed. “Amelia, please don’t cry.”

“Well, explain to me what is going on, Caz!”

She looked back at him with impossibly blue eyes.

“Was it a relapse?”

“Amelia, I -” he began, before taking a breath.

It was going to be okay. He could still save this.

“Fine, I’ll be honest with you,” he lied. “It was a relapse. I started using again. But I think we can still make this -”

“Caz, you know I can’t see you if you’re like this.”

“I -” he paused. Swallowed again. “Yeah, I know.”

Motherfucking expiration dates.

They sat there quietly for some time, no longer stiff. Just letting the moment hang loosely off them. Then Amelia stood up.

“Well, I have all my things on me,” she said. “I think I’m just going to head home.”

Caz looked up at her. His head hurt, now, and his eyes were burning.

“You planned on leaving tonight didn’t you?”

“After you got up again tonight, yeah. I’m not going to hang around if you’re getting high in your kitchen, Caz.”

She pulled out her phone and began to move in her firm, confident way to the exit.

“Amelia?” he called out weakly.

She stopped and turned back to him.

“Yeah?”

“If I can — manage things again, do you think we might ever have a chance?”

Amelia had a bemused, sad smile now, as she cocked her head at him.

“Manage things, huh? That usually takes a long time for most, Caz.”

“I swear to you, I’ll do it, Amelia,” he said.

Fucking how?

“Well, maybe then, Caz,” she said.

Then, she stepped outside the restaurant, and it wasn’t long before her distorted form through the window had disappeared into the night.

Caz watched as she left, fiddling with a pink packet of artificial sweetener, before lowering his head to the table.

“Diabetic!” the waitress behind the counter heard someone moan. “Why the fuck didn’t I say I was a diabetic?”

[afoolandathief]

“Oh!” Caz practically squawked in relief. “You’re a teacher.”

“I’m a teacher’s assistant,” Jade angled her dark brows at him. “To help pay for my tuition. I told you that when we first met; I’m a doctoral student.”

“Right,” Caz jabbed his thumb and forefinger in Jade’s direction, and repeated the same thing he’d said she’d first told him this. “A scholar.”

Jesus, the witch must have cursed him. Why else would he sound like such a fool?

~

“I should really get going. Thanks for the lemonade,” Jade said. “Oh, wait, I’m supposed to pay you for the lemonade, hold on.” She fumbled for her wallet.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house.”

“Oh, I can’t. Then I feel like I owe you. I mean, not that that’s bad, or — Um, okay then.”

This is bi culture, right?

[afoolandathief]

A vampire tries to take his girl out for dinner

“Caz,” Amelia cut in. “We need to talk.”

He swallowed, before putting on his sweetest smile and cocking his head as he rested his chin on his fist.

“About what, love?”

Amelia wasn’t meeting his eye.

“I’ve been thinking,” she took a breath and looked up. “I’ve been thinking, if we want to keep this going, we have to be honest with one another.”

Caz stared at her with his smile frozen on his face for what felt like minutes.

“So,” he finally said. “What did you want to be honest with me about?”

I don't know why, but this image is immensely funny to me.

[afoolandathief]

“Casimir,” Marie stepped out onto the porch, holding a dead black rooster in one hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Please, come in.”

She handed the rooster to the vampire as he stepped inside.

“You’re probably hungry, you can snack on this until dinner is prepared.”

“Oh, thank you,” Caz said in a slight daze.

~

Marie and Caz were huddled around a phonogram.

“I can’t believe you have a recording of Buddy Bolden,” Caz said. “I thought there were none left.”

“I managed to hold onto a few records after I left New Orleans,” Marie said.

“So you were in New Orleans right when jazz was taking off?” Caz asked. “Wow, I should’ve come to America a lot sooner than when I did. I didn’t get to New York until about 20 years after Bolden was around.”

~

“How old are you exactly, if you mind me asking?”

“Just about 250 years old.”

“Ha! I’ve got you beat by about 350 years,” Caz said. He rubbed his neck, narrowly missing a hanging plant with his elbow. “Um, guess that’s not really something to brag about.”

“Well, you are blessed with being forever young,” Marie smiled softly. “Witches eventually do age, albeit slowly, myself included.”

“True,” Caz sighed.

~

Jade rolled her eyes.

“Caz, just admit you have a crush on Marie.”

“I do not!” the vampire said, turning a shade of purple.

“You so do.”

“Excuse me,” Violet interjected. “No he does not.”

“Just because she fed me, and housed me, and likes the same music as me and is a stunningly-attractive older woman -”

“Caz!” Violet said.

“Does not mean I have ‘a crush’ on her,” he continued. “Come on, we’re not 12 years old here.”

-----------------------------------

Caz: I have recently taken a lover.

Jade: Well, that's great. Congratulations. Who's the lucky person?

Caz: Vi's mom.

Jade: What?

Caz: Vi's mom. Remember? We stayed at her house?

Jade: You're messing with me.

Caz: About what?

Jade: You did not have sex with Vi's mom.

Caz: Oh, big time.

Jade: What kind of car does she drive?

Caz: She drives a green Subaru.

Jade: Fuuuck.

Caz: And the seats go all the way down. *bangs table* Aaallll the way down.

Jade: Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay, never tell Vi.

[afoolandathief]

“Caz, that’s not the only thing.”

She pulled her hand away and reached into her bag, setting something small and silver on the table. Caz stared blankly at the object in front of him.

“I don’t know where the rest of it is, but that’s a medical-grade needle, Caz. Do you have any idea why I found this in your kitchen?”

...

He watched as she left, fiddling with a pink packet of artificial sweetener, before lowering his head to the table.

“Diabetic!” the waitress behind the counter heard someone moan. “Why the fuck didn’t I say I was a diabetic?”

I’m amusing myself because I wrote this before I discovered this article on vampire bats:

[Image description: a screenshot of a scientific journal article. The header says: “Endocrinology Volume 183, 1 March 2013, Pages 1-6“; followed by the title “Reduced insulin secretion and glucose intolerance are involved in the fasting susceptibility of common vampire bats”; followed by a list of authors: “Mariella B.FreitasaJoicy F.QueirozbCarolinne I.Dias GomesbCarla B.Collares-BuzatocHelena C.BarbosacAntonio C.BoscherocCarlos A.GonçalvesbEliana C.Pinheiro b“ There is a thumbnail in the upper left corner of a line drawing of a bearded man standing beneath a tree with “ELSEVIER” in orange text below; and an abstract green and brown thumbnail in the upper right corner. End description.]

[afoolandathief]

I just wanted to share this one line I'm extremely proud of:

That is all. Good night

[afoolandathief]

“You know, Jade,” Caz began. “I only have a few pet peeves, and one of them is angry women confronting me in dark alleys.”

“Does that happen to you often?” Jade asked dryly.

“More often than you’d think,” he replied.

~

I mean, he's pissed off a lot of people.

[afoolandathief]

“Prove to you?” Amelia’s eyes widened. “Fucking prove to you? What do I need to prove to you?”

“I thought -”

“I’m the one who got the degree, the skills, the connections. I did that all on my own. What do I need to prove to you - the one who’s stayed a detective his whole career and resorted to blackmail to get his kicks once he got close to retirement?”

“Then, why are you doing this?”

“Unlike you, dad, I actually have some integrity,” Amelia’s nostrils flared. “I’m doing this to make sure there’s some actual justice in this world. That killers like these two will never hurt anyone ever again.”

I don’t post enough about my favorite antagonist and vampire hunter.

[afoolandathief]

Someone please throw him off the building

Using this photo post as a reference for the rooftop view:

Jade pressed hard against the heavy door, opening onto a concrete platform. It was a warm night, but the rooftop was high up enough that the wind dried her sweat and chilled her skin. She shivered.

“Want my jacket?”

The man had suddenly appeared behind her.

“Why?” Jade looked up at him.

“I don’t get cold easily,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought maybe -”

A sharp wind knocked his hat off his head - Jade was trying to remember when he had put on a hat - and he took off after it, snatching it before it could fly off the edge of the building. He stood there, taking in the warm yellows, rich purples and neon blues of the buildings lit up below.

“Hell of a view,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jade came up behind him. “I come here when I get - frustrated, I guess - with people at the casino.”

She looked over to him and crossed her arms.

“Like when creeps make remarks about my ass and then bitch out of a game.”

“That’s painting an unfair picture,” he replied. “I could have been commenting on your chest.”

“I should throw you off this building.”

“I’d like to see that, Jade Shaw,” he said, smiling as though he really did.