#something's up with you two i can sense it (theyre sick with gay)

[ponuchuu]

ppgear core (first one if niko, second one is wanderer)

[doyouremem8erme]

being disabled was a lot like being gay or trans when i was growing up. i knew it existed. i knew their experiences contained certain elements abled and cishet peoples' didnt. but they were all kinda distant and not things i considered as something i could be or become. it felt a lot like a personal version of the "as long as its not my kid" defense except "as long as its not me." i didnt dislike the idea of me being gay, i actually loved it--the popular crowd at my school was in fact the gay friend group--and that makes sense in retrospect. it just wasnt an option that felt available to me. i hung out with the queer kids in middle school and spent so much time wondering if i was like them, but it was so foreign that i didnt even know how to conceptualize that difference from "theyre gay" to "im gay." they were like two different states and all those other queer kids out there were their own people while i was just me. and then lo and behold, skip ahead a few years later and im a queer nonbinary lesbian.

and like with queerness, i always knew disabled people were out there with different experiences, and that they too needed rights and acceptance--but even as my genetic chronic illness began presenting itself and my pain became worse and i began struggling more and more, i still suffered so much imposter syndrome. i was chronically ill, but of course i wasnt disabled! i didnt have to use a cane, i could get by without people knowing i was sick, and once again, i considered myself an outsider to that community because i couldnt imagine myself fitting in.

and its only set in recently that oh my god i am disabled and it does fuck me over just as much as the disabled influencers across social media i see vlogging their struggles. these days, most of my time at home is spent in bed. i can barely function enough to make it through school or even do my hobbies. its incredibly disheartening and discouraging and somehow, only once i see my lifelong dreams of my future put in peril by this shift in my life, i finally see myself as disabled.

i feel like i had an actual thesis to this but the brain fog has been kicking my ass lately--but really theres both just something to be said about the overlap of queer and disabled experiences and why so many queer people are disabled and vice verse because of the mindset these experiences put you into, and also the reminder that anyone can be disabled whether they appear to be or not (yes, even physically) as well as the fact that disability can happen at any age. im 17 and was diagnosed with ehlers-danlos at 16. there were signs throughout my life but over the past year and especially last months, its actually started to really really impact me more extremely negatively than before. i wrote this because i didnt have the energy to do the 6+ homework assignments i needed to do today so . idk it used up the rest of my energy and i might go to sleep very quickly after hitting post. bleh

[dollar-store-sparklez]

I am here to ask about the 2b2t headcanons (as somebody who actually played there 4 years ago and on other servers like 9b9t, 0b0t and constantiam) because it absolutely will piss off some people and that's always funny

HELLO REAL 2B2T PLAYER WELCOME TO MY GAY LITTLE HEADCANONS

so i have a lot but therye very scattered and not always the most important. the main cool headcanon i have about 2b2t stuff actually ist directly 2b related, its hack client related and how i speciffically made it so a hack client would function in a for realistic written setting.

so the tldr of it is that it becomes fucked up magic tattoos.

so basically, hack clients are enchantments for a living person, tattoo ink with lapis for stability and whatever goo is inside bottles of enchanting. they can really fuck up your player code (weird mix of like. dna and your soul) if you do it wrong or even just is you use it a lot. like overclocking a computer but its your soul and weird magic.

obviously not everything in a client is actually like, translatable into a written setting (like how the hell are you supposed to turn anti afk into a real world thing anyways) but yknow, a surprising amount can be. now bc theyre tattoos you can kinda pick and choose which ones you want, and i have a little bit of lore for the tattoos themselves, which is that obv hack clients are banned in a lot of places, so if youre trying to hack on say, hypixel, your would have your client hidden in the designs of a normal tattoo. also jsut cause its cool the different runes of the client glow depending on which ones are in use. this is optional ultimately but it looks sick so... why wouldnt you?

i have other lore also! so obv 2b players go through lots of totems, and theres a common headcanon of popping totems giving you gold scars and slash or a strip of gold hair, so my headcanon basically is that its really common for 2b players to appear to be blond. they have full heads of totem gold hair and its equally common for folks to dye it. some folks like to show it off as a mark of survival, some like to hide it so its hard to tell theyre from 2b or so you cant tell how many totems theyve popped, or just cause they like a different look. its also an easy way to tell new players from older players, because if youre walking around with their actual natural haircolor and only a strip or two of gold they obviously havent been here long. some folks have the gold scars and some dont, thats more of a personal design preference, i tend to say the combined regen from the totems and from everyone chugging god apples tends to wipe the worst of them away

beyond that, honestly its mostly just a matter of taking existing 2b2t history and culture and tweaking it to for a less videogamey setting. honestly one day id lost to run a oneshot of something with 2b as the setting. theres the obvious stuff like melons and signs on highways, though the melons make more sense now bc theyve been specifically bred over the years to still grow in absolutely dogshit conditions from lack of water to salt water, freezing weather, little, poor, or otherwise nasty soil (i imagine a lot of earth in the greater spawn region is unusable due to withering and explosives), while still providing ample fruit for wandering souls.

its also of course, kinda hard to turn things like backdoor drama and nocom into written lore, and thats something im currently working on but well. i havent needed it for lore so its been on the backburner.

i think culturally, theres not too much knowledge about 2b2t outside of anarchy circles, though i think theres probably enough for there to be occasional suspicious about it if youre like. naturally blond and have a sleeve, not that most folks would say anything.

more 2b2t things, i think like, 2b2t 'fashion' tends to learn toward things that are durable and easy to move in, less about looking good, but looking good is a bit of a status symbol. if youre wearing delicate clothes, things you cant/shoulder get dirty like suits and silks and the like, then like, youre doin good if those things are clean and intact. kinda the same with jewelry, its mostly just a statement about yourself rather than a show of wealth, it shows youre doing well enough you can take the time to look good rather than survive. cause yknow. rampant inflation bc of duping. also a bit of a statement about clothes being like, if youre in something restrictive like a suit (which is fairly common on skins i notice) it implies youre either good enough at pvp you dont need that extra movement, or that you just dont need/want to pvp. theres also a decent amount of copycatting, trying to dress like well known players but that mostly just outs you as being newer and less experienced.

now actually getting to 2b2t and actually leaving is a little bit harder, ive thought about this a lot and really, in the end it comes down to what the lore youre currently doing is like. the story im in currently doesnt have a server hopping mechanism, everything is just like, places on a map. 2b is almost like... its own dimension? or like the backrooms. you can go there on purpose and leave on purpose, but you can also end up there on accident at times.

i almost imagine 2b2t to be like... a scary story? like a lot of people arent really convinced its real. its like an urban legend almost, a myth kids whisper about at sleepovers after trying to summon bloody mary in a bathroom

i could probably go on about stuff but this is really long tbh

[spaceysp]

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY 

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy 

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely) 

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues 

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns* 

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal) 

n u m b e r f o u r 

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other) 

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF) 

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

[flamebrain]

mattfoggy hcs, straight from the bastard empire sorry these all read like shitepostes(L O N G post under cut you’ve been warned)

WTNV au:

nightvale is just populated by like. vigilantes and other poewered people and foggy shoes up one day like. hey anyone need a lawyer? and the whole town falls in love w him

MURDERDOCK IS KEVIN

matt does radio and talks about foggys perfect hair and perfect teeth and foggy calls in like "heh, thanks dude, but aren't you like blind?" and matt shuts the call off immediatley

everybody knows matt is daredevil because he makes wink wink nudge nudge comments about it like 'ah. it appears that an entity has appeared near the dog park. castle appears to be on the scene now, and...ok, he's got a gun. i cant do anything about that, but my pal (noises of him scrambling and obviously knocking things over) daredevil might be able OKHERESTHEWEATHER" and it cuts off and like. he shows up 5 seconds later to kick frank in the face for using lethal measures AGAIN

EVERY TIME IT CUTS TO THE WEATHER AND THEN CUS BACK AND THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED ITS JUST MATT. like. breathing just a little heavier than normal into the mic like. 'so it appears uh. the issue has been resolved thanks again to daredevil and his pal moon knight. such a shame i had to cower under my desk while the weather was on. ok goodnight'

the funky thing abt nightvale in this au is that it's basically just like. new york from 616 but foggy's like. from our earth so he's like HWAT THE FUCK AND AHIT IS GOING ON IN HERE ON THIS DAY AND WHY CANT I LEAVE he gets kidnapped by super villains on like his second day in town and immediatley regrets every life choice he's ever made

matt works at nightvale radio by day and conviently cuts to the weather every time something comes up so sometimes there's like. 7 half hour weather broadcasts a day and the townspeople just. humor him

foggy falls in love with matt after figuring out after .5 seconds that he's daredevil and he saved him from a bunch of baddies on like his second day and matt compliments him on the radio like every day and yeah they're fuckin good ok assorted stupid college hcs: matt and foggy like to chill in each other's beds. foggy doesn't notice that often because matt moves back b4 he gets back and matt pretends not to notice but  like. he can smell foggy was there. foggy. stop napping in this bed you're making my sheets smell like you, foggy, i KNOW they're silk and i know you think you're getting away with it but you're NOT,

matt, coming back into the dorm after being out for the day: foggy are you laying on my bed foggy, sitting up straight: nah pal. just sitting on the end for a minute hehe. just had to rest the old joints matt, knowing DAMN well that he was lying down a second ago and he's obviously lying but not being able to say anything; haha ok. move

hrnnn matt knows foggy is gay long before he tells him because he catches him in a lie about who he was out with but he can't say anything and like. he knows foggy is scared to tell him but he doesn't know how to bring it up and he's like. i want him to know he can trust me but i don't know how to tell him i know please foggy

foggys heart goes a mile a minute anytime the subject of being gay comes up around matt and matt wants to yell at him that it's OK and he doesn't care but his hints that he's fine with it seem to fly right over foggys head and so one day he gets so fed up with trying to convince foggy he's chill with gay people he just kisses him. wig

hrnnn. matt doesn't like the snow because it messes with his senses and he can't see but he can't say that to foggy so he just says he doesn't like the cold and foggys like "yeah doofus you weigh like three pounds you're skin and bone compared to me smh" and insists on cuddling him every time he sees matt get like That bc he thinks he's just chilly and it's. oddly comforting to matt because yeah. nobody really Holds him like that, and he Is Cold, and foggy is Warm,

matt gets Very touchey around people he's close with and so when he gets close with foggy he puts his arm around him a lot, rests his head on his shoulder, holds his arm even when they're not going anywhere, etc. foggys heart speeds up every time but matt just assumes that's what people hearts do when that happens because he doesn't really do that with anyone else and hey, he's happy when he does it and his heart maybe spikes a little too, but then he gets someone else's arm to lead him when foggys sick one week and their heart stays the exact same, what's up with that? so then he starts paying attention to all the people on campus, and the touching doesn't usually make the hearts go wild, but, well. matt 'sees' it happens and he's like HaHa, See, This is A Thing, and then he realizes that the people that have it happen to them? they're couples. and he just. freezes because first of all, Foggy- and at him- an- and second, his heart ALSO does a thing, so-

heres a rEALLY stupid unrelated au/hc i got after hearing a friends disater story hfdjhskja matt goes on a blind (hehe) date with a girl and it's pretty much a disaster, it turns out she brought her friend who is also meeting a guy at the same place, and like. she's obviously incredibly wack she says blind people are god's mistake and stupid shit like that so matt gets up halfway through their meal to go sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes while he thinks of an excuse to leave? and eventually a guy comes in and he's like 'uh hey, dude, you in here? your date grabbed her friend and left so we're both dateless now, thats a relief for me and unless you're just having incredibly bad bowel movements i think it's pobably one for you since you Have been in here for like half an hour uh im foggy by the way' and then they go back out and sit together and talk about how wack that fuckin was and like. inadvertent date

hey i can talk a lot of shit about how matt falls asleep on foggy but. sometimes foggy falls asleep on or next to or with matt and matt goes !!!! and he does not move and then he eventually falls asleep with foggy head on his shoulder and his head on foggys and when FOGGY wakes up and realizes matts still there and is ALSO asleep he doesn't move and eventually falls back asleep and then it's just like. waiting until the time aligns that they're both awake at the same time because neither wants to move and wake the other send tweet

SOULMATE AU:

foggy looks up from his college bed, sees matt, and suddenly EVERYTHING is fucking rainbow and he's like 'oh fuck. oh shit. wait. this is a dude' and matt's like 'is everything ok my guy?' because foggy's like. >:O and of course he has no idea because he's blind but foggy doesnt realise this and for a hot minute he;s like "OH FUCK. ITS ONE OF THOSE RARE OCASIONS WHERE HES PERFECT FOR ME BUT I'M NOT FOR HIM," and is about to s o b before he's like wait a fucking minute

yknow the au where like. the first words you hear from your soulmate are marked on your skin at birth? foggy's are 'excuse me', absolutley common, a chance meeting, and he stops jumping every single time he hears them after age 8 when he realises just how many times that phrase is said. matt's are 'yeah, who're you looking for,'  but he doesnt remember that, there's no constant reminder of it since he's blind, the nuns wouldn't tell him, the kids made up childish shit like 'poopoo', and stick DEFINITLEY wouldnt fucking tell him because hes stick and hes an asshead and eventually matt stops asking and caring. it takes WEEKS for after they meet for foggy to ask matt about his words and matt just says 'oh yeah, i dont remember. here" and shows foggy and when he sees them he's like. 'hm. sounds familiar' and forgets about it untill like two years later theyre drunk and talking about the first time they met and matt's like 'yeah you asked like 'who'm i looking for and then panicked because i was blind' and foggy's brain just like. short circuits for a whole ass minute and then when it clicks he just goes. "yOU"

TRANS MATT:

matt realises when he's still in the orphanage that mayhaps he hates being not a dude and haha! hes not gonna fucking come out to catholics he knows about That. he tries to tell stick, around the time their closest, and FUCK STICK he refuses to call him anything else or support him becaise stick is a peace of fuck shit FUCK STICK so that scars matt from coming out for a DAMN while so like. when he goes to college he introduces himself to everyone as matt and emails his proffesors like. 'hello please my name is redacted on your forms please call me matt its uh. a nickname' and he's not like. out to anyone but matt is close enought to his deadname that most people don't question it. foggy does, though, a little while after they meet, and matt is so fed up with not telling people and being called the wrong pronouns he just goes 'i want to be a guy ok' and goes absolutley APESHIT when foggy's like 'oh, cool. do you want me to use he pronouns for you' because wait. people are...ok sometimes? and matt's like. about to cry 

 alternatley: matt says "I don't wanna be a girl." and foggy goes "oh hey are you trans? same hat!" and then foggy tells matt like. binding tips and shit and theyre Good ok

deadpool kills transphobes, sm n dd just fucking beat the SHIT out of them in a back alley and like. they let DP know where they are but whatever happens happens :D

elektra, impaling two transphobes onto the side of a building with her knives: matthew, i know you can hear me, why

one day elektra sees matt has dumped a guy on her roof and just. sighs and goes back inside and matt waits for like 15 minutes before halfheartedly picking up the dude and dropping him off at franks.

matt dropped them off at nats One Time and she went apeshit and hunted down like 20 more of them.

foggy, holding a bat: cmon matt let me kill ONE matt: 'fine but if you get caught im not going to be your lawyer.'

INTO THE DEVILVERSE AU:

earth 14512/TRN700 (peni parker’s universe) matt murdock has a robot seeing eye dog who's also a vigilante

hddjdsjdhdn they all show up to earth 6's foggy and he just. sighs and all the devils start crying because He Is Here

hmm ok. canonically we know nothing about miles's matt but we know he exists and is known figure because miles knows of him but doesn't know he's daredevil i'm Prefty Sure so like. i'm gonna say he's just a successful lawyer who has radarsense but never got yoinked away from the orphanage by stick and never got training so like. hemndhdjsjnow the QUESTION is who finds that matt because there's a Very Different outcome depending on if like. murderdock meets him first or the matt from hobopeters universe does

hmm. murderdock comes in first like gwen does but doesn't out himself as competent w like swords and shit. but he OH HES THE OPPOSING FORCE FOR UH A COURT CASE MATT IS IN AND MATT HAS NO IFEA HOW SIMILAR THEY LOOK BECAUSE HES BLIND HRNNNNNHSHDHDHDJ and then matt from HP's universe comes in like HEY YOURE ME RIGHT. what the FUCK i need the laws in this dimension STAT and murderdock ':"sees" him and is like ah fuck. my goose may be uhhh cooked

ok mileses matt is like 'so what brought y'all here??? hhh????  and murderdock sighs and goes well my boss who's not really my boss from MY universe is doing something stupid here and opened a dimensional portal and it could maybe tear the multiverse apart which i guess i'm not stoked about' and matt's like 'who's your boss?' and murderdock begrudgingly says 'wilson fisk' and matt immediatley goes >:O because he's CONSTANTLY defending people who were injured as a result of what fisk and his company do

anyways. matt immediatley rushes to foggys because "foggys my partner, he's helped me deal with fisk, he knows him, he can help," and he swings open the door and like. one of two things happens actually either A: foggy is like matt. MAATT. AHAT IS GOING ON WH. WHY IS THERE A TALKING DEER WEARNING SPANDEX WHO CLIMBED THROIGH MY WINDOW MATT PLEASE HE SAYS HES Y O U or like. matt walks in and deerdevil is playing pattycake with robodog and daredevil noir is incessantly flirting with foggy and when matt comes in foggys like 'hey. i don't know what's going on but i think i'm trading my best friend'

murderdock is like...the cool college student who tells freshies about weed murderdock: so, you don't know how to fight right  matt: no??? i'm blind??? md: but you can kinda see right. matt: yeah like a radar kinda md: normal blind people can't do that you know matt: they wHAT md: you can listen to heartbeats if you try hard enough. you can tell when people are lying matt: i can W H A T md: yeah. what me to teach you how to kill a man matt: W H AT NO IM A L A W Y E R WH

hrnnn the matts in this universe push our matt away to stay with foggy because he doesn't deserve 2 die and you KNOW every matt pushes people away but foggy is like. matt i know you tried it's ok i lov you buddy and he's like HRGGHHHH FUNCK YOU and makes foggy tell him stories untill he can distinguish lies and hide in a place around their office untill matt can like. find him instantly and training montage shit you feel me and he rolls up to the collider in his black pjs like "hello my fellow devil men. i hear you all have no plan. well. i don't either but i'm here" and one matt is like. how did you go-OH YOU DID IT and all the mats high five and cry a littlethey're still reluctant to let matt come help but they're all like. "we're all depressed and suicidal anyways we all have big guilt and if we didn't let him i lnOW he's gonna have big guilt forever he can stay"

THE PENUMBRA PODCAST AU:

foggy is a private eye, kinda depressed a lil bit, and he works w his secretary karen who helps him with tech and stuff because he is god awful at all that 

"mike whatevermaggiesmaidennameis" is an occult specialist from dark matters agency assigned by an agent natasha of dark matters to help him with his current case. 

foggy does NOT want to do this with any damn occultist or whatever the hell but before he can escape mike shows up and god DAMN is he charming and catches him before he can climb out the window, so. that's that for introductions. anyways, hijinks, elektra is cassandra, if you care listen to the murderous mask, anyhoo foggy stars to notice something is kinda weird about matt but brushes it off. they finish investigating and retrieve an important artifact.

it's cold, mike says. sorry dude, all the places near here are closed, foggy says. is your place? mike asks. oh, says foggy they go back to foggys place and maybe make out a little bit, but foggy realizes oh shit, mike just tried to steal the keys to my safe where i stored the artifact, shit, and plaxces him under arrest before he can do anything, and calls the cop cops.

they come to take mike away, and minutes later foggy finds a note, scrawled INCREDIVLY messily, in his pocket. "sorry," it says, "i wasn't tricking you about anything i said, and i meant everything i did. -matt murdock ps. check around, say, X avenue. you may have to do a bit of cleanup." when foggy checks cameras that overview there, he find the officers that took murdock from his apartment hogtied together, and sees their clothes strewn on the ground - forming letters - with love. their car is gone. PODCAST AU:

matt listens to podcasts a lot right and so foggy is like hmm mayhaps this is a good idea. but the type of podcasts they listen to differs so incredibly like matt listens to serial and the wildest one he listens to is probably judge john hodgman whereas foggy listens to shitpost podcasts like mbmbam and can i pet your dog foggy keeps referencing mbmbam around matt because he just assumes that he listens to it and matt is so confused every time and one day foggy says "damn matt you're really horny for this one huh" and matt just snaps and says FOGGY WHAT DO YOU M E AN

so then they are like oh shit you're not listening to the good ones. no YOURE not listening to the good ones. solution?  listen together which means sharing earbuds which means sitting next to eachother on small college bed which means????? cuddling

also eventually they decide fuck it. let's make our own podcast and they combine the mbmbam and jjh format so they get questions and do goofs and stuff and then give actual legal advice but sometimes foggy will be like "ok. here's what you do. you need a cat? go into the pet shelter and take one. what are the gonna do beat you up with their cat toys? didn't think so." and matt starts crying because "Fo g g y WE ARE LAWYERS I KNOW YOURE GOOFING BUT THATS ILLEGAL FOGGY YOI CANT TELL OUR LISTENERS TO GO DO CRIME"

COFFE SHOP AU:

matt has a caffeine addiction and constantly comes to foggys coffee shop and orders one black coffee every morning and foggy eventually is like. hey buddy. do you EVER drink ANYTHING F U N EVER

matts like...no...i need coffee as strong and dark as my soul... and foggys like ok edglelord. wait up i'm about to change your life

foggy makes him a latte that's just a little bit caramelly but not too sweet and he's like here. drink this. no charge you deserve to live a little. also here's your boring edgy coffee you still have to pay me for that one. matt tries it and he's like hmm. not bad, but just not. Good and foggy is like wow fuck you. i'm going to find a good drink for you that isn't this hell water so every morning matt comes in and foggy gives him a black coffee and a free Fun and Cool coffee on the house

matt always is polite even when foggy can tell he DESPISES what foggy made but he's not going to stop untill he finds something god damn it matt

ok anyways they start meeting up more. matt starts taking his breaks in the coffee shop and and foggy hmmm...always seems to have a shift off when matt comes down..hmm. coincidence....hmmm....theo suffers for him by covering all his shifts when matt comes in and he's like well, actually fuck work

eventually foggy is like hey dude. do you wanna test my drinks before they go on the menu or help me perfect my recipes and shit you have a good toungie right (matt goes apeshit, because fuckin FOGGY YOU CABT SAY THAT) but he's like haha yeah. that'd be fun. haha

and then foggy finds out matt is INCREDIBLE at baking when he hands him a cookie and matt goes. hmm. too much flour add a fourth a cup less and a pinch more of saltand he's like??? bitch. i'd like to see you do better. and then matt does

so basically every day foggy closes up a little earlier and lets matt in and they dick around in the kitchen and bake and make coffee and foggys shop gets more and more popular because hey this already really good joint just started selling the most BALLER carrot cAke waht the fucké

anyways fall comes around and foggy is like GUES WHATT ITS TIME FOR WHITE GIRL DRINKS TRY THIS and he gives matt a pumpkin spice latte and matt is like. •.• THIS IS IT. THATS THE ONE

and foggy starts crying MATT PLEASE YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. PKEASE MATT, MATT I CANT ADD PSL YEARROUND BECAUSS YOURE A BASIC WHITE BITCH MATT

he bullies foggy into keeping the latte on the menu by threatening to stop helping him bake and foggy is SO OFFENDED, on behalf of good taste everywhere, matt, please,

anyways foggy continues rags on matt for only liking the shittiest fucking drink god damn it matthew fucking hell i make you 3 billion and THIS is the one you pick you disaster and matt is like haha shut up. stoopid

foggy doesn't, and you can guess where this be headed because i'm gay and soft,

matt kisses him and foggys like. ?????????? and matt goes AH FUCK. I COULDNT THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO GET YOU TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH SORRY. GUESS ILL GO and foggy throws cookie dough at him and drags him back over because he's not leaving fuck that. fuck you. and then they're happy and domestic the end

wait i lied matt opens a pro-bono firm in the back of foggy's shop and he gives all his clients freshly baked dessert and coffee and he's so good at being a lawyer and foggy becomes so good @ running his shop that customers keep coming and they're the Cute Gay Couple everyone knows abt and loves

ACCIDENTAL (?) KISSING:

SO. there are so many god damn moments foggy nearly fucking breaks and smooches matt out of sheer unbridled uwu soft feelings. SO MANY. when they win their first mock trial together and matt looks so FUCKING happy and he tells foggy how good they work as a team and foggy is about to lose his mind but he just goes. 'haha yeah' and gives matt a fist bump they finish taking the bar: matt's had to take it in a seperate room, stupid blind accommodations. he finishes first because OF COURSE HE DOES HE'S MATT MURDOCK and the second foggy finishes and leaves the room he sees matt there and he's filled with so many emotions he's about to go apeshit but he manages to contain them JUST enough not to make out with matt on the spot but gives him the tightest fucking hug and matt's like "ok buddy! love you too! please dont break my ribs!" and foggys too happy to notice matt forgot to flinch like he didnt know foggy was coming

Foggy gets the sign to matt and he can tell how fuckin stoked matt is and all he can think about is how grateful he is that the two of them get to work together and fucking do GOOD together and he's trying to express that in his awkward foggy way and he's GOING to kiss him right then and there!! hes about to do it look out world!!! and then matt says "you're NOT going to kiss me" and foggy realises haha YEAH THATD BE A BAD IDEA HUH and jokes it off and gives matt another hug - "i'll be careful not to break the ribs this time, buddy, seems like you've been falling over and hurting yourself enough recently,"-

foggy almost kisses matt out of anger when he finds out he's daredevil, when he won't shut up about how this city needs him and foggy would have done the same and blah, blah, bullshit because maybe then he'd FUCKING listen to him, or at least it'd shut him up, but the honest betrayal he feels - at matt for not telling him and at himself for STILL having a part of him that wants to kiss matt - is enough to get him just to leave : ^)

alright. the gang is watching fisk get carted away and see that SHIT, he's broken out, of course it wasnt going to be this easy. matt puts karen in a taxi goes to run off and foggy grabs him by his coat because MATT. you're not going to go fight fisk in your god damn pajamas right now it's too dangerous you're going to die you stupid son of a bitch idiot

and of course matt doesn't listen, he tells foggy to get back into the car with karen, go to his place, they'll be safe there, and grabs his own taxi

and foggy's left to sit there with karen in the cab as it drives Oh Too Fucking Slowly to matt's, and he's mumbling curses all the way and karen is trying to calm him down, he doesnt know why he's so worried, and all foggy can think about is what if matt dies because i didnt stop him and what if karen never gets to hear it from him and about 10 billion what-ifs that wont leave him the FUCK alone, and he sits next to the windowsill he knows matt comes in through and waits, not even wanting to look at the tv because what if he sees worse news Hrgh

matt beats up fisk and he barely even waits for the cops to get there, he gets one look and confirms 'yup, that's mahoney,' and fucking BOOKS it to his apartment, he climbs through the window and foggy's just sitting there waiting, karens in the next room watching the broadcast at a 3 minute delay on her phone, matt doesnt have a tv hes BLIND >:,\

and when matt comes in, bloody and beaten up and doing That Panting Thing He Does, but definitley alive, foggy just fucking. grabs him by the shoulders and kisses him because HE IS A L I V E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and matt is suprised but he doesnt even try to protest because he's still riding the adrenaline from the fight

anyways. foggy pulls away for air and says 'you're so fucking stupid and i hate you' and then matt kisses hIM because uhh, thats FOGGY

and it's a minute later that matt senses another heartbeat and realizes karen's standing in the doorway, and she raises an eyebrow and obviously trying not to panic asks 'uh, foggy, pray tell, buddy, why you're making out with the devil in matt's bedroom' and foggy goes apeshit and tries to think of an excuse that doesn't invole 'uh thats matt' but it just kinda comes out as some stupid shit like 'i,,, uh,,,,, secret,...affair,,?i',m....gay." and matt just sighs and pulls off his helmet like "hey karen. it's me. hey karen whats poppin its me blind matt murdock" and needless to say they all have a Lot to talk abt

DRUNK KISSING:

so like. the first year they're together matt and foggy go out a lot, and it's mostly foggy dragging matt places and matt reluctantly coming because A) if someone doesnt watch foggy this idiot is going to puke and pass out in a ditch and B) he really like his company shh. no telling because that gay

anyways matt usually only drinks a little but foggy is mad lightweight right. he doesn't get shitfaced too often, usually only after exams or when he knows he has no classes the next day. when he does get shitfaced though he absolutley loses his shit and becomes even more touchy than usual, which is VERY TOUCHY because fuck you its my au and i get to choose the default affection levels

so basically. once foggy starts hugging matt and leaning on him and whining into his shirt about the 'hot girls' and 'killer nachos' at the party matt knows it's time to head home and foggy is too busy wrapping his arms around matt to notice he's being dragged out untill its too late

and y'know, thats fine, that's usual, all normal friend stuff, except what foggy also has a tendancy to do when he's drunk is kiss matt. sometimes its on his cheeks, or his forehead, or his shirt?? matt doesnt get that one??? and sometimes foggy even tries to go for the lips when hes particularly wilde. matt knows to expect this by the third time they go out, but it's still always a suprise when it happens, because sometimes it'll be out of nowhere when theyre walking back, or foggy'll stop matt and grab his cheeks and kiss him? sometimes they'll get all the way back to the dorm and matt will make foggy lie down and foggy will grab his shirt and pull him close enough to give him a quick peck before rolling over and promptly beggining to snore

which, y'know, is absolutley great for a maybe-gay-for-his-best-friend-catholic. what's also great is that foggy never seems to remember the fact he kissed matt the night before, and if he does, he definitley does NOT bring it up

so that's fine. whatever. thats life and matt will pretend like he doesnt care when foggy gives him a smooch because hes straight and loves girls and jesus christ, no homo, amen

but THEN. . then matt and foggy have been studying for exams for weEKS and theyre FINALLY DONE, FINALLY, and they are both going to get wasted out of their mINDS you better BELIEVE IT

so they do! and eventually they stumble back to their dorm together and sit together on the floor with a half-downed bottle of tequila and matt decides fuck it. he tells foggy he's never kissed a guy and foggy is like "haha cool. i have." matt's like "haha was it good" and foggys like "hell yeah man better than girls" so matts like hmm. "foggy i think i want to kiss a guy" and you can guess where this is goin

foggy is an oblivious little shit and just thinks matt's having a gay awakening so he's like "oh cool" and matt starts vibrating at inhuman frequency because FOGGY THIS IS THE ONE TIME I"M BASICALLY ASKING YOU TO DRUNK KISS ME AND YOU D O N T" so he just goes "haha yeah." and foggy's like "haha yeah"

and then matt chugs the bottle of tequila and says "foggy i think i wanna kiss you" and then he does but he's a good christian and also stupid so he just like. goes mwah on foggy's cheek

and foggy stares at him for like 15 seconds before basiclly challenging him to 'kiss him like a man, murdock, how are you supposed to get the gay experience if you dont go all in' and then they make out for like 20 minutes and life is good

(they both wake up w the worst fucking hangovers and theyre passed out on the floor and matt's like "foggy....im gay..." and foggys like "haha do you remember i kissed you" and matts like "????foggy i kissed YOU" and foggys like "oh yeah you did. you should have done that earlier" and matts says "????you were too busy trying to kiss me" and foggy goes "oh haha i was. cool" and then they fall back asleep...then they.....boyfriend.s)

FLOWER SHOP/TATTOO ARTIST AU:

so. matt is a florist and he runs a little shop across the street from an empty piece of real estate. a tiny place that used to be a deli but had just the WORST sandwiches, it was no wonder they closed down, god damn. anways. matt runs his shop with his best friends kirsten and karen who have IMPECCABLE taste in flowers and less impeccable taste in impulse control and not being huge lesbians.

one day this dude pulls up into matt's shop. his request is maybe the strangest matt's ever heard - 'can you get me two bouquets of like, the most metal flowers you have? like, ones that just look super cool but also, yknow, smell super good and sick and shit?' 

matt laughs, and tells the guy that yeah, he can't help with the looks part, but he'll make sure to get him some that smell 'quote' sick and shit, come back tomorrow morning and they'll have some ideas-hey, what are these for anyways?

and the guy tells him, oh, hah, i'm moving in across the street, opening a little tattoo place? wanted some flowers to make it seem more, uhh....welcoming. matt laughs and says yeah, sure, cool, and tells him if he has anymore questions to call the store and ask for matt. the guy tells him if he ever wants a tattoo just cross the street and ask for foggy and unless the flowers matt gives him really suck he won't do him dirty and tattoo a dick on him

so anyways, they have a couple meetings, foggy decides on the flowers he wants and thanks matt and tells him hey, he should come check out the shop, it's opening tomorrow, and foggy wants to be able to point to the guy who did the sick florals. matt doesnt have anything better to do and he likes the sound of this guy's voice so hell, he might as well

when he goes over matt realizes oh shit. he really is out of his element here, but he asks the guy at the counter for 'foggy' and is led over to  a corner where foggy's sitting and tattooing...himself? and matt realizes hey. i kind of have no idea what this dude looks like

so he sorta. sits there awkwardly untill he asks like. 'uh. i cant actually see what youre doing' and foggy goes OH IM SO FUCKING STUPID. i'm. man, saying this out loud seems kinda really stupid and cheesy i cant believe i have to do this...i'm....it's one of the flowers in the bouquet you made me....i just thought it looked really neat and smelled good and it....kinda reminds me of you and OK i KNOW that sounds really weird we met like 4 days ago BUT you seem super cool and i kinda hope we can maybe like. be friends or hang out or something,

and matt's like. o//////o yeah okay. uh. thats cool. thats cool uh im sure the flower is really pretty haha i love that type haha UH DO YOU WANT TO GET LUNCH OR SOMETHING haha maybe ill get a flower tattoo one day its pretty cool that you do tattoos UH IM FREE TOMOROW WAIT MAYBE THATS TOO SOON IM SORRY UH IM FREE WEDNESDAYS,

and foggy just kinda laughs and says 'no, tomorrow works,' and hey! they make plans and get coffee together and matt's like so. what tattoos do you have and foggy starts listing a bunch and eventually matt's like :( i wish i could see them they sound beautiful and foggy's like. here. heres my arm can i. yeah ok. and he grabs matts ar,m and he's like ok. feel the skin, its still a little raised can you feel that? ok, run your fingers over here and i can like. tell you wjats there

cue like an hour of sensual arm touching and tattoo explaining and the more matt learns about foggy and his tattoos and the more he hears the way he talks the more he's like A) oh fuck, i kinda really like this guy whos letting me feel up his arms and B) do i want a tattoo? i kind of want a tattoo

anyways. time jump they hang out a bit more, foggy always comes into matt's shop and talks to him in between customers, shows him the patterns he's designing, etc, and one day he comes in with a paper that has a design of some flowers on it and shows it to matt and as he's running his fingers across it he stops and says 'foggy? will you do this to me'

and foggys like 'bud are you sure? first tattoo, right, do you-are you really sure you want to do this, like, when, and wh" and matt's like 'shut up and put this ink in my skin before i chicken out' so matt sits through a PAINFUL ASS TATTOO and when it's done he's like FOGGY CAN I TOUCH IT CAN I TOUCH IT FOGGY CAN I TOUCH IT and foggy has to physically restrain matt from fondling his tattoo because its FRESH MATT

so foggys like 'ok, this is cause for celebration! babys first ink! we;re getting beers cmon' and they both go out to drink and matt's like 'hey foggy...can i touch more of your tattoos' and foggy's like 'uh, sure, i have another armfull,' and they do that for a while untill matt gets to the one foggy did the first time he visited foggy's tattoo parlor and foggy's like hah. remember this one? and matt's like yeah. i do. and they kinda just. sit there for a minute and then foggy's like 'ok. im gonna kiss you now punch me if you hate this, flowerboy' and matt absolutley does not punch him, thank you very much

and when they finish having their moment matt's like 'wow. i shoulda....i shoulda asked to feel you up again way sooner if i knew you were gonna do that' and foggy's like 'hey...i'd let you feel me up anytime' and they both kind of laugh and decide ok, worm, this works, and decide theyre gonna do that more often

they start to go out for drinks / dinner / lunch / any time they possibly can, and matt learns the curvature of foggys (suprisingly muscley?) arms down to a t, but he runs out of space to run his fingers over one night, and foggy kisses him and says 'hey. i've got more tattoos, y'know, but i don't think many people would appreciate it if i showed them off to you here' and matt is like 'wh-O H'

and foggy laughs and drags him to his apartment and pulls of his shirt and says 'ok, we're alone now. tell me what you feel' and matt sits on the bed in front of him and theres lots of sensual chest stroking going on and then yeah. matt gets fed up with all this touching foggy and not enough of foggy touching him and. they fuck oopsie

and after that they decide worm. that was good, wanna do that more often, holy shit, and decide to actually date date and thats like. thats that babey!

but years later they open a joint shop, an absolute mess of soft/punk aesthetics and everyone knows them because matt is still a soft florist who just has a fewwwww dozen flowers inked all over him and foggy is the punk god who flexes his sleeves all over town but flexes his soft boyfriend husband even more tHE END

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[bigskydreaming]

A lot of the discussions about AoX and the stuff said about the X-Tremists has altered my view of some elements of all that, I’m not gonna lie. The X-Tremists definitely isn’t what I initially thought it was, and in the context of all the X-Men being heavily brainwashed and operating based on a selectively altered sense of self and reality, even if I still don’t agree with it, I GET the intention behind picking gay and bi characters to be the cast of this particular book. 

Like, I can understand how when focused on the end goal rather than the set up, there’s a satisfying payoff to it being gay and bi characters pissed at being shoved back into the closet who are the ones best positioned to figure out what’s really going on and fight back against it once they do. I can connect those dots, see how that story choice makes sense and has the sense of catharsis Williams talked about getting from writing it. From the angle of gay/bi characters fuck shit up because they’re not gonna take society or some higher authority determining who they can and can’t love, that fits.

In a lot of ways, its the compulsory sexuality story I’ve ranted for months about wanting to see in regards to Bobby’s situation and the fact that Jean’s actions are ultimately the reason he spent so long in the closet.

BUT. At the same time....that’s kinda the problem?

Because that story I talked about wanting to see with Bobby, it didn’t come from nowhere, I didn’t just go ‘oh hey what if.’ It came from just putting together the pieces that were already there. Everything needed to tell this particular story about being pissed at someone overriding your own sense of self and telling you who you needed to be for the sake of society, the timeline, whatever....it was already there. In the main universe. Already written. Every single element needed to tell that specific narrative was already in place.

Completely unacknowledged.

And I think that’s a big part of where my cynicism comes from, beyond just not trusting Marvel as a whole. Because the fact that this specific narrative was already laid out, already in play, hell, already the fallout of a Grey’s choices and mucking around with Bobby’s head.....without it ever being addressed, its hard to see how a five issue mini (that needs at least an issue or two to set up the revelations to the characters) can do for that narrative spread out among three gay/bi characters what nobody bothered to do with just one character in three years worth of opportunities.

(And if in the end it turns out by the time all of this is over NOBODY in-story has drawn the parallel between this and Bobby’s own narrative even before all this, like.....that’s gonna bug.)

But anyway. When you look at it from that perspective, as essentially the same narrative that was already set up and put in place and then completely overlooked for Bobby already.....then its hard to see this as anything other than gratuitous. Because that was already this same narrative, WITHOUT the fascist imagery and associations. Bobby already had every reason to be pissed - just needed those reasons to be raised and acknowledged - WITHOUT needing the trauma of being made unwillingly complicit in storm trooper actions heaped on top of how much he would already be fucked up from just the forced closeting. The painful catharsis of watching a gay hero push back against forces trying to make him something other than he is and wants to be, it was already locked and loaded ready to go - WITHOUT the trauma part of that narrative needing to be added to two other characters’ narratives additionally.

It just feels...unnecessary.

Like, I can’t stop fixating on that damn armband, is one of the things. I understand the in-story logic, that its ultimately one of the clues that makes them wake up to the realization something is very wrong, for Bobby to be wearing that. I understand that the intention there is for it to be a motivating factor for Bobby’s anger, making him intensely furious that this was done to him, put on him. But the thing I can’t understand is what makes the armband necessary to do all that?

Its not needed in order to leave bread crumbs for them to see how things are messed up and where. There are other options available, other ways to portray how things are different or wrong. I’ll never agree its necessary for THAT to be the thing that makes Bobby enraged. Like look at everything I was saying about his main universe storyline. Why not just use this to allow Bobby to have a different perspective on his lack of agency in all that and the how and why of his staying repressed for so long, have this second instance of telepathic meddling with his sense of self make the first more clearly obvious to him. Isn’t that already more than enough to make Bobby furious and intent on beating the fucking shit out of Nate Grey because he’s sick of not knowing how much of his sense of self is actually HIM and how much of it is the result of telepaths sticking their nose where they don’t belong, without any hint of remorse?

When its your perspective that the more offensive elements of this story aren’t necessary, its all but impossible to look at anything else. They’re the elephant in the room. The things your eye can’t stray from in those ‘what in this picture doesn’t belong’ games once you find them, because its so painfully obvious then that they don’t belong.

And the other thing, the big thing that I’m really upset at seeing so many other white LGBTQ+ readers dismiss or just trivialize....personally, I find it impossible to find empowerment in three white gay/bi characters who are used to police the romantic and sexual relationships of characters of color and especially LGBTQ+ characters of color. I get that this isn’t on Williams, that it wasn’t her choice to have the X-Tremists arrest Bishop and Bling specifically, that those happened in other books. But this is an area where editorial oversight - used properly - would not only be useful, but I honestly believe was NECESSARY. If you’re gonna tell a story like this, do an event like this, play with these themes specifically and talk about how its meant to explore intersectionality, about how intersections of power affect how an individual interacts with society and its institutions....you need to bring your fucking A game, and this event just didn’t. At all. 

You need to be conscious of the fact that Marvel has given its readers, particularly its most marginalized ones, NO reason to have any faith in them, give them any benefit of the doubt, after they’ve spent the better part of 20 years deliberately driving this franchise into the ground because they didn’t get any of the X-Men movie profits. Editorial absolutely NEEDED to be aware of the nuances of this story and be prepared to step in where necessary to prevent things like what happened with Bishop and Bling interfering with the intended point of the X-Tremists mini and costing it more readers. There should have been someone watching all the pieces, someone whose JOB it was to look at the script for NextGen and hand it back and say no, Ed, you can’t have the X-Tremists arrest Bling, you need to pick someone else, pick a straight white character. We’re not having three white gay/bi cops arrest a black lesbian teen for impure thoughts. Nuh uh, no way. Not happening. Same with Bishop. If he absolutely had to be imprisoned in order for the events of Prisoner X to unfold, there should have been a different reason, rather than a random out of the blue pairing with Jean Grey that gets him locked up and her a slap on the wrist. Like, how about the fact that Nate Grey - being from the Age of Apocalypse - is aware that Bishop being a time traveler enabled him to know the AoA wasn’t how events were supposed to happen, and preemptively locked him away because he was afraid Bishop would be similarly able to see through this altered reality and warn people?

Like, when you have a character LITERALLY playing God, as in that’s the entire narrative....deus ex machina isn’t a problem. It’s your actual story engine. You can set the stage however the hell you want and Bishop can be wherever the hell you need him to be with the only reason being Nate Grey arranged for him to be there because that’s where he wanted him to be, fearing he could be a threat.

But seriously, white LGBTQ+ fans need to shut the absolute fuck up about the instances with Bishop and Bling and stop talking over fans of color when they bring them up. Stop trying to minimize it or handwave it away as no big deal, like, that is ugly. That is just, plain UGLY. Stop telling fans of color and LGBTQ+ fans of color any issues they have with white characters arresting black characters for ‘impure’ and ‘barbaric’ thoughts and relationships...like, stop acting like these things are no big deal or that they’re not big ENOUGH of a deal to take away from the empowerment you get from three white gay/bi characters’ narratives. Stop saying the latter is what they should be focusing on, as if its the only variable here that matters, and that they’re just blowing things out of proportion.  Some readers developing a dislike for Bobby because they have to read and see him being depicted the way he is at the expense of characters of color - even if its not ‘his fault’ - like, some readers not wanting to read or see Bobby in stories for awhile or ever because they just can’t get that image out of their head, that’s a valid and understandable reaction to what’s on the page, what they can’t avoid if they want to take in this story on any level at all. Its a reaction EARNED by the narrative choices made overall, and if its not a reaction the narrative wanted to earn, different narrative choices needed to be made.

Honestly, the more I think about it, if this event was going to happen like it or not, if writers had to just make the best of it as much as they could, knowing editorial wasn’t going to be interfering on their behalf when other writers used their characters in ways detrimental to the first writer’s intentions....Bobby, Jean-Paul and Betsy should have been in the cast of Prisoner X, I think. Like, they shouldn’t have been the secret police, the guilty parties motivated by outrage at being used to hurt others like them, they should have been part of the ones who already had plenty of motivational outrage based entirely on experience with being told their love was impure and wrong.

LGBTQ+ characters IMO were already a natural fit for seeing through Nate Grey’s changes to reality, to be arrested for engaging in romantic and sexual relationships in defiance of society’s laws and arbitrary morals. It could have easily been built into the event itself that Nate Grey (who has never identified as anything other than straight) viewed the world through a heteronormative lens. And thus when ‘eliminating’ love and memories of it and things like that, he did so according to a straight person’s perception of what that looked like...and thus potentially overlooked where LGBTQ+ peoples’ experiences had taught them how to keep a secret part of themselves hidden away at the core of their being, their mind, where no one would stumble across any truths they weren’t ready to reveal. LGBTQ+ characters were already a natural fit to be caught breaking the rules of this society instead of keeping it to themselves and staying safe if they started to suspect something was wrong with the way things were....because they were the ones who had already defiantly pushed back against unjust rules and restrictions the first time they realized something wasn’t right with the way society told them they should feel.

The same is true of characters of color of any sexual orientation, given past laws against interracial relationships - I’m not expanding on that not to exclude them, but just because imprisonment narratives have a different context and history with characters of color and that’s not my lane.

But like, if the event was structured to remove the variable of mutant oppression and thus explore intersections of power when everyone was on the same field in that respect, its disingenuous to make up forms of oppression to highlight the flaws in a dystopian society when existing marginalizations already exist once the mutant metaphor is removed. Those already marginalized in our society should be the ones marginalized in that society, else you end up with a ‘what if straight white people were the oppressed and sympathetic’ narrative that nobody asked for. And I do suspect that part of the way AoX is structured IS intended to reflect that, to have LGBTQ+ characters like the X-Tremists and characters of color like Bishop play key roles in toppling Nate Grey’s dystopian vision....I just don’t believe making any of them the secret police works in FAVOR of that rather than against. If your marginalized characters are united by common experiences of being oppressed by straight white mutants once they in turn are no longer oppressed by humans, then you also eliminate the stuff I was talking about earlier, the issue of having an oppressed group fight to put things back to where they were more oppressed. Instead of SPLITTING your characters’ identities along different axes, with the world according to Nate Grey being better for them in the sense that they’re no longer persecuted for being mutants but worse for them because it tries to restrain their sexualities...they don’t need to prioritize between their marginalizations at all. These characters don’t have to ‘sacrifice’ a world in which they aren’t oppressed for one where they are, if they’re still oppressed by that society as gay and bi individuals even though they’re no longer persecuted for being mutants. That’s still messy as hell for a variety of reasons this long fucking post doesn’t need to see their unpacking added to it, but like....

Sigh. Thing is, I know I have a tendency to go off and running in some AU direction like “this is what I would do if I were writing this story” every time I’m critical of shit. Its honestly not because I think I’m the greatest writer ever or oh my ideas are so much better than everything else. 

Its just....I don’t know how else to say it, even though it fails to sink in every damn time I have a variation of this argument...I’m not critical so I can hate things, I’m critical cuz I want them to be better. I don’t come up with different ideas for how else to tell a story BECAUSE I’m critical of it and hate it as is. Its the reverse. I’m critical of stuff BECAUSE I can’t turn off my writer brain and I can see where things could be better or at least fail in new and different ways than the same old repeated mistakes (and thus at least get us closer to better, by eliminating more of what doesn’t work).

Like, I’m just so fucking tired of being talked about like I’m this bitter angry dude who just hates everything and is never happy with any content ever. I’m not angry and loud when I criticize shit because I’m thinking like “This thing you like offended these three people and thus its fucking terrible and you should feel bad!” I’m angry and loud when I criticize shit because I’m thinking “This thing you like offended these three people AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING HAVE TO. THAT CAN BE AVOIDED.”

I don’t posit all these alternative scenarios when I criticize shit because I’m thinking that doing it any way other than my way is bad, and I’m just an egotistical jackass who will never be satisfied with any work other than his own. (LMAO, hell no, I’m insecure as hellllllll about my work, like lolol. How critical I am of other shit is nothing compared to how critical I am of my own).

Point is, when I do that, I’m only doing it to say like....see, look. Here are alternatives. If I can find some, other writers can too.

But other writers have to LOOK for alternatives in order to find them. They have to have a REASON to write things differently than what they already wrote. THAT’S WHAT CRITICISM IS FOR. TO GIVE THEM THAT REASON. TO TELL THEM THIS DOESN’T WORK THE WAY IT IS, BUT IT COULD WORK IF YOU DO SOME OF THESE THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

And when people say “lmao some of you just need to go the fuck outside, like calm down and let people enjoy shit for a change,” what that ACTUALLY sounds like to some of us is “well this thing works for me as is, and thus I see no reason to care about it being better for the people it doesn’t work for or actively offends.”

It’s honestly depressing as hell how many people on this site smugly reblog that “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people” post, only to turn around and five posts later complain about criticisms of a show they like and are perfectly comfortable with as is.

Its not about telling you that you should never enjoy anything ever. Its not about saying well this thing offends us, and if we can’t enjoy it, nobody should.

Its just like.....its great that you enjoy this thing but wouldn’t it be better if you could still enjoy it and all these people who AREN’T able to enjoy it because of these reasons could now enjoy it more too?

People shutting up about the ways content offends or hurts them or people just settling for sucking it up and dealing with the microaggressions in a creative work, like those things shouldn’t be necessary in order for you to enjoy content or be comfortable with what you’re reading or watching. 

And if it is, that’s a you problem and if you could PLEASE stop projecting it on to people who just want things to be better and more enjoyable across the board - like that’d be great kthxbai.

[grimolkin]

h

so! that one lowkey tea filled meme i posted got some responses to go off ig so thats what im gna do. i have negative experience in making structured arguments, so if some of my stupid shit doesnt make sense, im sorry lmao! rant under the cut.

ok. im gna be talking about shiro, adam, and allura, and why i dislike the fandoms response. if you didnt kno already, sdcc showed trailer stuff and revealed on twitter that shiro DID have a significant other named adam, and they broke up before kerberos. im not super informed on this, but the fandom seems to have taken it as uh they were engaged or maybe were bfs and then broke up bc kerberos?? and then shiro has a disease?? idfk man listen. im gonna just be listing some little points but theres ya background lol

1. shiro being gay!

the team told us that shiro did have a significant other, and that his sexuality can be interpreted as bi, gay, whatever. and im so fucking down with that??? ive been w lgbt hcs for most if not all the vld characters, including shiro!! he was always bi in my mind, for allura or matt or whoever just bc chemistry. but this influx of mlm shiro just feels... weird. not saying you cant hc him as gay or whatever, but this one tweet about this one stranger that we’ve literally never heard about once is whats setting it off? i lov lov LOV ,my gay brothers n sisters, but damn if it doesnt feel like bi erasure lol!!!!! im not saying everyone who posts gay shiro is a dirty exclusionist but it really feels like we out here, ignoring that bisexual people exist and are precious n beautiful. idk.

2. allura and girls in general

so. this might be a touchy topic. but i ALWAYS see this shit. boys and mlm couples in general always recieve more attention and love than girls and wlw ships, or just het ships in general. and im not tryna be That Het but jesus christ! i see so many of my fave girls get these years or seasons of development w someone, only to have it overshadowed by one tweet, or one video, or one anything. im really sick and tired of seeing people just go nuts over a pairing that we haven’t really even seen yet, and completely overshadow one thats so well developed and healthy. hhhnhmnh.

3. shallura in general!

as i said before, shallura has gotten seasons of constant development. theres ALWAYS something there for us, and i’d say we’re pretty fuckn lucky!! shallura has parallels with two canon couples in the universe, matching themes, colors, its just really apparent to me that theyre endgame!! or, were- idk where the crew is going with this. but anyway, the introduction of adam, even though the crew has told us theyd been thinking about it for a while, feels so rushed. almost exactly like matts arrival, but worse. yall know how hard shallura has had to fight to be a popular ship? it wasn’t so bad in the beginning, but it still kind of sucked being second to klance. then matt came along, and shatt became a thing, and shallura went under the water yet again. we’ve been pretty steady, but this whole adam thing has just dropped the popularity, and i dont even know why. we know nothing about adam other than his appearance and that he and shiro were a couple. its either this fandom has a PHAT distaste for allura, or just shallura. i dont know, but its jus. annoying. a bunch of the popular shallura blogs are being really gracious and nice about it, but shadam fans seem to be jumping on that opportunity to erase allura and shiros relationship completely and go back to shipping their uwu gaybies!! im willing to give shadam a chance, but im just displeased now because i feel like the fandom is way overreacting. we know nothing about him.

i probably forgot a few things but thats kind of all my opinions. hoo. im heated. hope you enjoyed the rant :ppp

[macphairlane]

connecting with profs or nething at this point is not unlike the velvets live at kansas city, its a melodic and more or less productive affair considering lou reed the lead singer had just had electro shock …with friends of old and icons of great value to share ideas with; the record litterally comes fourth as a paranormal entity, in human forms. …but simply; its vinyl.

Shiney shiney, shiney rolls of tape, girls only I could help escape. blue eyes i could never see them take. rollin 365 up the staires, a crackhouse dive dweeb squaires, why whine, rye, a wife in mind. La monde avoir its roots entwined, 1st word; thyme in ice in time greedy pigs and shocks a freak, day in day out don’t miss a beat i love you still white light white heat ill miss your mother’s little feat; you glowies; children of the wheat. telepathy jealousy bahing sheep

one last and first thing to comprehend; to thrust forth and defend, to lash out introspectively, war on our brains unjust effectively we cant depend for they are liars with no morals only wires.

those we are forced to trust however wrong and evil they are to sever. Know that in time the universe will punish their evil doing, karma will get you through the abuse. Let logic steer you away from the danger they have on display the sick drs who will pay fake degrees and up and ha all together to wreck the day.

god bless the youth with their troubled times against them and theyre healthy minds 365 its live now draw a line between the fake malpractice swine and your mind and tricks entwined freed by the knowledge that you’re fine. now 705 thisle and thyme this matters more, to our kind they laugh and make you compromise your life to better fit their knife there gay and you are a good wife to me. someday they’ll go back to pay, and fuck you up a different way,

For that I think ill stay and wait here for alternate ways around the castle i call home and site beside your empty throne.

“love”  and the knowledge that one can be loved and in my case always, I only philosophise with the partial use of solid evidence that I have been loved by the one I love therefore at and for that moment(pretty much after the moment my phone died, after 30 seconds of reading trainpotting aloud, there was a subconscious subjective foggy notion that was there to be discovered by the psyche,  at this moment I can prove using circumstancial evidence and truth know by both partied involved, the dependant factor being me loving her forever, and the independent factor her being a single indesisive woman looking for a man who will love her forever combining to make a positive chemical and psysical reaction, that is the fundamental tradition that is the goal of all living thngs on this plant and its most evolutionary form of it is when it’s “Love based” one giving the other what its most in need of and deprived of, the others love, not the love of a friend, but physical experiments that are love based, expressing love on not neccesarily a physical level (like if ur on the phone or sumthing)but specifically a sexual level. The compounding factors that result in reactions happenings cresendoes babies,, are when the energy isnt circular but moves in one direction, when the one party is starved, an the other has a wealth, and the act of giving not just what the yearning needs, but what  he wants, when the desired with all her wealth, emparts her secret harboured denied expression love though tradional reproduction based activities, that friendship goes from “limbo” into action, even for a moment, through technology that alerts the senses, in this case hearing, wheather the deprived is even present or physically participating, isn’t the point the point is that the foggy notion of true love was expressed transmitted in a traditional and pivitol form, even though I picked up the transmission through one sense,  my ability to hear, the value of those vibrations, though lo-fi and misenterperted until the last few seconds before the line went dead (FUCK), were interperated and acknowledged and the whole venus in furs philosophy of the one party giving the other what it wants so bad, but has been denied, and doing it with love, or what they BOTH KNOW is the kind of love that’s needed and given over finally with effortless,  voluntary participation from the dominant, resuling in satisfaction in bohe parties (in my case the girl and I were more harmonized cause it was love based. Sex based, and send in the sacred medium of sound, and the talisman, the artifact, the memory the high velocity evidence that the message was of high fidelity, was that she didn’t use descriptive words (language) I was unfortunately (my medium at the time) it was her specific instrumental natural sirens alerting me to the intentions that truly lied behind her actions towards me  even if it was for that day only, this medium I collected from the field is highly obvious and irreplaceable piece of art that is regarded by the mind of the homosapien on a natural level as evidence that it not just social interacton, its a higher form of interaction, sexual yes, the highest form, occurs only when the truly loving is truly loved, on a sexual level, which indicates physical involvement,  and it did, only on one side, the side of the desired, the starvd had revieved the intention, and it was love, something metaphysical that can only be cofimed as occurring for ne length of time is undeniable corporeal action, even if its just her, givin er to you reading literature over the phone, the gift of reassurance that you are loved in this memorable case was not through words, but audible expressions from the depths of physical and mental activity from her diaphragm through her vocal chords and into my eardrum, was evidence enough that our seemingly healthy and thriving friendship was being held in limbo while I struggled with life and suffered over the denial of the true real deal love you were harbouring and saving in yourself for the future, didn’t dim and go out like a candle that burned up all the wax. Without official acknowledgement celebration and because I was still fucked up, without the long lasting  relationship that we wished wold follow and planned for, the sound of her primal sirens, sent mono ideo-dnamically from her entire physical being emitting frequencies that resonate with the earth around her and correspond with the stimuli, me, the correspondence being the brief experience of hearing the broadcast of it, acknowledging the fact that no matter how flawed or un aware I was prior to precieving what was transpiring an how classicly themed to fit my experience it was, that the fucking phone died before I heard the end of it, I clued in to what was going on, (id been informed of this “drone”she makes by her ex boyfriend (the other guy) right before he drove his helpful and convenient car out of her life)  Even if it was “her being noisy” it was fundamental sensual body chemistry, stimulated physically by the best means she knew how mentally by the imperative consciousness of the presence of the instinctualy, reproductivly essential of (in her case) a genuine male emitting stimuli, in both of our cases the stimuli was audio. The rare and most modern evolutionary trait is the simultaneous(I say this empathetically because were using language the figure this out not a live experiment going on right now or some shit) Emotional involvemint by both parties “while during coitus” bein, to into words, (I know that you’ve been loveing me so im gunna love you back) tho words are sweet but it doesn’t compare to the same message sent in the biologically, exceptional quality thats essential to the balance of the bodies involved and there connection to one another, the planet and the unverse, sound and where it comes from and the intention or involuntary reason for its presence and amplitude, dissonant or harmonious, perhaps my reading, my being on the line was the drone, and the harmony was her dissonant siren song. Its our new found puprose as humans to when ready reproduce.  Love is highly evolved, and requires corporeal and linguistic and energetic action on both parties to be confirmed as true love. It works like a battery(the casing of the battery is the relationship here), one end needs what the other end has access to; the positive end has its own energy attached to it(the juice in the battery, posetve energy),(in this case this is our one, the girl)attractive body(+end)and a mind (the positive ends underside that’s harboring all the energy in the friendship/relationship (battery casing)the negative port on the other end of the battery on its outside (my mind in this case)is permanently attached through the casing of the battery to the mind of the desired, this girls memories thoughts etc. (the underside of the positive end) and not her body. Why because the casing is plastic,( the friendship) isnt enough to join the two to create a circuit, but the love(the battery juice made up of strange elemets) attracted by her negative mind(the underside of the positive end) and makes her body(the tip) fertile and ready to create electricity(communication) only the casing of battery acid(loving friendship)charged by my positive actions(the acid is positively charged by the underside of my mind(the negative ends underside) which represents my body, which behaves like the warm intentions of my actions, which positively go nowhere unless her mind (negative underside of the top of the battery)gets inspired by the love in the friendship (which is positively charged yearning, my positive actions played lovingly into her open mind(negative underside of the top) inspiring her to do something with her body(top of the battery positive) in response to my positive charge on her mind and all the love it can unleash,  for the sake of warm intentions she turns on a cell phone,, her phone(or wire casing) the copper thread in the wire(the signal) the positive charge in the wire, (her calling me) and her hooking up the wire touching it to the negative end of the battery(her bodies actions and warm intentions inspired by a recognisable charge I embody that she identifies with(my body and life being negatively charged with aa positive mind and her beautiful face and attractive personality.)  my phone rings and I see its her, the one, I immediately am inspired that its her charge the one im missing positively lovely, what is she up to? and i pick it up,

A simple circuit at this point, is her using a tool or wire to send all her positive energy through to her body by using her minds attraction to positive energy, by simply attaching the wire it sends the positive energy not just through her mind and body but back down on her body, when the extension (the wire) is put on my mind(the negative end of the battery in this case, my mind),deliberately by her, sending the energized current of the love in our friendship (juice in the battery) into my mind(the end of the battery with a bump) by way of the wire (cell phone signals connecting our phones and her voice and energy being the current) all the positive energy meets the negative charge of my mind and then that foreign female tone (positive electrical current) the positive energy stemming from the juice, the love, that’s made up of elements like lithium(in the case of the battery and in my case as well) this element and other alloys, the whole chemistry of the battery acid, holds the charge positive because energy flows, and love or acid can be charged by the bi polarity of conducters meaning they are opposing one anothers charge on the outside leaving potential for power over nature,  while on the inside, inside the battery the compounding nature of the universe is seen between you and me, me and the chemicals and elements the acid the love that is positively charged by me and only me, in this battery regardless of proximity my charge is still the key, litteraly loving you moved energy directly making me alternately free but obviously reflects its imperfections symetricaly and quite similarly to your perfect face and body  only introspectively and this thing I call negativity you existentially use to control and manipulate me by means of electrical currents like a shark in the sea, but the ocean currents in our world somehow moved me so far we couldn’t be but as the drone turns up the heat as chemists cure insanity, inevitably the duality of the friendship followed the trail right back to me,  from the beach into the city,  while metaphysical acid rain fell on her black umbrella,  drops of synthetic nightshade provided a ground and a side effect equaled a perfectly balanced sound resembling a circuit around my neck and down to the nervous wreck, I stand and smoke out on the deck, and remember that was how we met I  stop, wait my energys charge self provides, enough energy to survive, with my new social activity the acid, charge, size, speed and proximity and  the voltage of the current and relativity. My positively charged ablilitys that betray the moon like your fertility, a simple circuit cant explain the lovesick emotional pain still forming drops of acid rain only strengthening my brain, its time I have to get reactive, send this to her radically brilliant highly attractive yet negatively charged mind where chemicals of another kind will get inspired as she reads about batteries and his energy (that she secretly lovingly keeps rightfully under her locks and key with her sharp mind and memory should recall the flattery,  the almost dead battery, poetic licence and mad hattery finally gets me through the matter we, lost all sense of pattern, see, the point was electricity, and keyboards I would never see, played like a former prodigy, with drones that resonate with me just barely metaphysically, through my sleep deprived behavior induced heightened state, Ive always been able to wait, epiphanies sometimes come too late, but revelations give me faith that your negative mind and my positive state, memories of how u altered fate, I know theres more to come but wait, don’t get offended by my state , my batteries dead so save the date, remember wiser things I’ve depictions finished in your head, an electrician would have briefly said, what took me hours,  in ten minutes u will have read, I must finish without my meds, theyd knock me out, blow to the head, ill miss away you time instead,  that lilliad inside your mind

DRONe3

.<0_O> — — µ — <_<)))) DRONe³ And other Poems and writings by James McFarlane Telepath/Necromancer James McFarlane·Friday, May 18, 2018 . Telepath may 2018 Pencil sharp, smoke a dart early morning engines start Crescent moon blue grass tunes frost on the window and my spoon. Dopamine and serotonin, pain relief telepath droning, a walk of life, on a limb buds froze until the dawn of spring. Train passing dread grasses, Sage burning sky lasting, electric currents flowing now, necromancer up and down, Dopamine and serotonin pain relief telepath droning, a walk of life on a limb buds froze until the dawn of spring. -Seumas Necromancer May 2018 Floating wearily but in some comfort overhead. Making sheets move on my bed. Conversations in and out, speaking without our mouths. Blue fires light up your darkness please don’t ever find me as heartless I love you always one two three here’s the bass now jam with me Exhale eternally into the mic, angel choirs out on strike. Necromancer up and down, rein / radius across town, soon I will return with thee to this town/life Ville/vie. –Seumas (New Revisions) James McFarlane +Seamus to thee, from my effort unsatisfied underground nothingdrones, its letting go and walking away from it to choose to lose, this is therapy now I need to go, you know it and I got the show on the road I’mtired and now am holding a rose, I’m loosing my grip on the following code DRONe -Seumas (James) Monday, February 22, 2016 OK thisone’s right off the wall: this is a strangely written and personal poem It’scalled “Siren heart Drone” (meant for a mature audience) A’ hem…. I’m nervous, I don’t freestyle often I wish there was a way to put this near the bottom of my timeline, it’ll be my latest and greatest lyric though, + POSETIVE INDUCTION — The positive attraction to your conductive psyche, is a form in itself existing in me, subjective almost ironically, the circuitry, being both electricity and imaginary cranked up high by your fun chemistry by way of the cerebral. (Which is flattering me) The circuitry with chemistry minus proximity, (causing a reaction deliberately) the electrical frequencies that you received from me were; artsy descriptions in accents I read. Other elements of me manifesting masculinity through my dorky frequency, gave off feedback that, officially; for me heralded the dawn of freed energy. So… metaphysical seed, dropped and sewn that day, (I guess what I am trying to say is): My girl my girl, don’t lie to me, oceans away your eyes can see, my bending sending light like this, in response to; the drone from your white laced lips. For the of lack of your treble and charge of your base, my “methadone”, White Light/White Heat, can take its place, anti-acidic mantra chi, surrounding me, a black dot in space. Divided by the curve encased, the metaphysical takes place. The fact that we’re in touch today, makes sirens blare and drones play, I’ll send this over right away, and then appropriately play, ‘beautiful face’ a newer way, I could elaborate for 3 straight days. Now what follows is what’s next on the fret board of your hex. It’s between, us; a fish out of net. So this will be all they get. ok here goes, ya, this is for the ladies in town I know that sounds weak but I blame the moons energy for you cute young women never being around when I finally spit the rhyme on solid ground, neway this is about you, you and the town where I choose, and choose to settle down instead of just stop swimming and drown, no more worries, no frowns, I’m gunna work it on out, cause I’m bound for the tides, not the sound, yea, ok, you know what I mean, yea k here I go, you ready? You steady? I stole the crown from the underground, I thought it would look nice with your gown, I’m upward bound so, are you down with my verbs and nouns? I don’t freestyle rap but this might as well be,flowin literally right now cause i come down hard with a sound that this new town including your highness have minds to breakdown, so get down breakdown, my chic mystique-psychologique will make you turn around and blush while your current boyfriends drunk on the ground cause he substitutes love with down, he doesn’t have an ear, genetically, to hear your siren sound for which I was born to kinetically harmonize, desensitize and heal your weary eyes. This is the treatment we need now ill even show you how, like a bow that goes up and down, helping us resonate these bloody strings, while the clipper ship sinks…… Sinks with the low tide.c’mon lets head home. The moons making my fire rise. That means soon it will be high tide, the ocean spray it stings my eyes, so let’s go inside, its morning time, look at color in the sky the sun is just about to rise. MY clipper ship’s on seas of rye. Empty bottles of scotch catch her in the eye. I’m not afraid of all those guys, they’re lucky they even have a sty. I’ve seen farms that would make you cry. These pale blue eyes are all but mine. And yours are like that brand of dye, that in our last summer together, we ALL tried, permanent like the purple in my mind’s eye or the in the dimly lit sky the night I officially died, all from a med, instead of one I took 10, benzodiazepines, all I wanted to do was compound the prescribed effect at the right dose they make a nervous wreck feel and appear normal so I took them, now I’m in debt, but only tried this cause u have me in check, ready to knock the crown off my head, make it your golden cauldron instead. You know I’m good with shocking steel and know how to forge blend anneal so this golden crown is probably real, and I assure u from the other room that it’s safe to use took a meal. Only cause it’s my deal I leave out the part about removing toxic alloys by melting steel, adding chemicals from the field and as the method never revealed used those same chemicals, that we all feel, all the time in our head to make tiny slow moving particles to turn make gold out of lead. So neways with confidence I said GO AHEAD! But I couldn’t lie to her, so I yelled from the other room, “u should know, that thing is gold but it use to be lead. She laughed, hesitated, placed the pewter cauldron on the stove instead and put the golden crown on her head. She finally walked down the hall and into her room where I was using dust pan and broom, she didn’t say nething, just got up on her bed which was shrouded with purple threads forgetting her glasses, still she picked up my book and read, I said here ill read aloud for you instead, within a few minutes of reading she started to turn red, the stove was on low so she got herself fed THAN served us both breakfast in bed. SUDDENLY I awake and see that we are parked at the end of a pier in some town in Quebec, I yell out stupidly from my stuper, WERE ON A PIER! She had good laugh about that occurrence on several occasions. but ya I took too many pills and was all sleepy on our road trip, all in all, yet again, I fed my head then lost all my cred, it being an accident, it made me sleep like the dead, that’s when I lost you, or you lost me, literally you looked everywhere and couldn’t find me, conscious or not, id soon figure id been stung by the bee, the most painful thing however, and my only memory was later that night when you were beside me, or was it he that got there before me, ok now I must stop and back up, the cheap words pouring from me, telling the details of this pathetic story it’s pissing me off, like losing the love of your life to a drug, and then officially to drugs plural, like 5 years of fucking up pretty much following this one night, the moment you realized you had lost the one girl, the one you compare every girlfriend you get ultimately fucking that up too, the one. its caused ache in whets left of my drug affected love starved blackened heart and caused my excellent poem to go right off the rails, so I’ll get on topic and ill even do it in rhyme, what inspires me to try to try, it’s the ache in my heart that is its key function now when I think of this girl and am reminded of the moment I lost her. ok here goes, regardless, we were in bed together, and from your sleepy head where your soul lies and you can never die, I heard your memories cry, and as I realized all the days I tried so hard to try but wouldn’t, couldn’t try and now I can’t cry is because I was always too shy in your unfulfilled eyes despite being my inspiration for the last 4 or 5 years of drugs and art with your recent if u can even call it that separation the focus intensifies about u and other girls like the sweet PortugueseIrish girl from the only psych ward I recommend at hotel diu in Kingston where I was actually treated properly (maybe cause it’s a catholic hospital, maybe cause I was so fucked up I appeared catatonic for days till this fox brought me down and romanced me for a month) she’s your competition….who contributed to my psychological cardiomyopathy however, a number of “the ones” but evenbefore that I was fucked up, I was the youngest psychiatric patient in Ontario or something, I learned how to smoke inside a smoking room in the shithole Scarborough grace when I was fifteen, I think I checked myself in hen I was twelve just to get away, that may have been what that asshole head of psychiatry was talking about. I also hit the highest highs, and the most demonic abysses of suicidal advanced psychotic depression, and took more abuse for it from nurses drs and the police, not to mention my family, but I still unconditionally love and am loved by my parents and grandparents, Jesus, I sacrificed my life and goals to save my families souls literally offed myself when I was 16 years old to end the devils elaborate foothold on me the people around the household appliances and machines, the behavior of living things the weather and the temperature of the room depending on my tortured state the only common theme is that others hurt and share it with me and my empathy kind of bounces back like an echo, I express and receive the grief while later, I only know this because when I fall, which I don’t do nemore thanks to medical science, its all about them.. but now this, she cried in her sleep and the only difference about these tears the ones that dried before her, is that the tears were for the two of us,not for being hurt but for me getting hurt and that hurt her, and it came out of her in a subconscious later state, kind of like me, this happened something like five years ago and it never gets old, ok , so here’s how THIS sad story goes; back to you, we were basically sleeping on the ground, I was tied up and bound, mothers little helper’s cheque bounced, I stupidly blame the devil in benzos but as of last Chinese new year I now denounce him, clonazepam is free from sin,(the cure), which I am resistant to so even though in the name of a better life I took 1/16th of an ounce I was still wide awake laying beside you, thinking only to myself about how I fucked up, it wasn’t even my own script at the time like u even need to know this it was a gift from the big Mc the tragically crip former editor in chief of legal manuscript, this bug makes the dj tick, and he made me, (sick) so (to this day I thank god for the count and amount per pill per day,,, throw your troubles away and pray that it was ok to stray from your holy bible, “psychology today”) So I was now bound for the pound, complete and total disgrace all around, from the moment u made that sound I knew our plans were going down that I would leave town, shoot smack and somehow return because YOU specifically gave the instruction to COME BACK! But things got whack I dropped out of school after taking philosophy which I passed, took drugs then relaxed let the nothing drone blare and move towards and away from the past managed to stay out of the psycho shack and somehow followed the chemical and psychological path out of the woods, fuck that was one long sidetrack, but it’s over, now, it took a year of wandering to end it but I did so…back before I initially left town your eye lids were down. I’d spent our whole friendship collectively letting you down by being ur favorite one in town and not responding in a way that could let us…. Fuck I was a clown,ever since I pulled a sigmen froid and used white to get off opiates it’s been renown but like the psychologist before me once declared, down (heroin) so satisfying in the right dose, has basically fulfilled their open ended prediction for the drugs future, in one shot like vaccine, the queen of all drugs, administered in the highest healthy dosage intravenously is the cure all found in Montreal, and then a deliberate clean cut from all non prescribed recreational narcotics, that is until the dreaded lady in white shows up on ur doorstep, I say let her in, and move away never to see her again, with the experience and satisfaction of the act of consuming heroin as your catalyst to change your life and only take clonazepam. So before all that we had a healthy friendship, it was doomed but I loved you so u kept me around and there was all sorts of ways we got down without ever fooling around except this time I discreetly describe further down when my phone ran out of batteries while you went to town , I thought I was a fuckin martyr because all id make u do is dance, that’s the gods truth so baaaack to me not being a creep, I geometrically see the opposing symmetrical verticy of our rhombus reveal its true ego as FUCKING TRAPAZOID when I hear your inner pain, I’m no hypnotist (yet) but u were zonked after a day of mosh pitting ultimately falling for the other guy, while I slept in the grass like an ASS. you let out a whimper in your sleep and two out of three of us knew, this chick is deep, from then on I took the title of weak, I had let my biological ancestors down with swords in their hands and in my hand your crown, and still I let you down, AND YOU STILL even tried several sexy and awkward times to make it happen and I let you down, u can tell a social disease when the same set of words are used multiple times to rhyme with other words that have that sound i.e. : I let you down. In that strange little town. It’s been well over a year and to end on a harmonious note after all this purple melancholy. I’m gunna say two words to you and they are not” “I do” It’sI’m sorry. I’m sorry lately for this poem, but mostly I’m sorry for not maturing into the man you thought I could be. I’m recovered from my early episodes now, took 16 years but I used the gear to properly hear and respond without fear, if only I did this within the time frame we had, Now were both sad. And I don’t wanna upset u, ur glowie or ur boyfriend or neone else, soo I’m gunna play a song, it’s called : one thing that keeps this black heart beating””(referring to my heart: that “upturned bass drum” The thing that keeps it beating is the dissonant and strangely beautiful siren song that echoes in my mind as the inspiration, “love” and the knowledge that one can be loved and in my case always, I only philosophies with the partial use of solid evidence that I have been loved by the one I love therefore at and for that moment(pretty much after the momentmy phone died, after 30 seconds of reading trainpotting aloud, there was a subconscious subjective foggy notion that was there to be discovered by the psyche, at this moment I can prove using circumstantial evidence and truth know by both partied involved, the dependant factor being me loving her forever, and the independent factor her being a single indecisive woman looking for a man who will love her forever combining to make a positive chemical and physical reaction, that is the fundamental tradition that is the goal of all living things on this plant and its most evolutionary form of it is when it’s “Love based” one giving the other what its most in need of and deprived of, the others love, not the love of a friend, but physical experiments that are love based, expressing love on not necessarily a physical level (like if ur on the phone or sumthing)but specifically a sexual level. The compounding factors that result in reactions happenings crescendos babies,, are when the energy isn’t circular but moves in one direction, when the one party is starved, and the other has a wealth, and the act of giving not just what the yearning needs, but what he wants, when the desired with all her wealth, imparts her secret harbored denied expression love though tradional reproduction based activities, that friendship goes from “limbo” into action, even for a moment, through technology that alerts the senses, in this case hearing, whether the deprived is even present or physically participating, isn’t the point the point is that the foggy notion of true love was expressed transmitted in a traditional and pivotal form, even though I picked up the transmission through one sense, my ability to hear, the value of those vibrations, though lo-fi and misinterpreted until the last few seconds before the line went dead the compounding nature of the universe is seen between you and me, me and the chemicals and elements the acid the love that is positively charged by me and only me, in this battery regardless of proximity my charge is still the key, literally loving you moved energy directly making me alternately free but obviously reflects its imperfections symmetrically and quite similarly to your perfect face and body only introspectively and this thing I call negativity you existentially use to control and manipulate me by means of electrical currents like a shark in the sea, but the ocean currents in our world somehow moved me so far we couldn’t be but as the drone turns up the heat as chemists cure insanity, inevitably the duality of the friendship followed the trail right back to me, from the beach into the city, while metaphysical acid rain fell on her black umbrella, drops of synthetic nightshade provided a ground and a side effect equaled a perfectly balanced sound resembling a circuit around my neck and down to the nervous wreck, I stand and smoke out on the deck, and remember that was how we met I stop, wait my energies charge self provides, enough energy to survive, with my new social activity the acid, charge, size, speed and proximity and the voltage of the current and relativity. My positively charged abilities that betray the moon like your fertility, a simple circuit can’t explain the lovesick emotional pain still forming drops of acid rain only strengthening my brain, its time I have to get reactive, send this to her radically brilliant highly attractive yet negatively charged mind where chemicals of another kind will get inspired as she reads about batteries and his energy (that she secretly lovingly keeps rightfully under her locks and key with her sharp mind and memory should recall the flattery, the almost dead battery, poetic license and mad hattery finally gets me through the matter we, lost all sense of pattern, see, the point was electricity, and keyboards I would never see, played like a former prodigy, with drones that resonate with me just barely metaphysically, through my sleep deprived behavior induced heightened state, I’ve always been able to wait, epiphanies sometimes come too late, but revelations give me faith that your negative mind and my positive state, memories of how u altered fate, I know threes more to come but wait, don’t get offended by my state , my batteries dead so save the date, remember wiser things I’ve depictions finished in your head, an electrician would have briefly said, what took me hours, in ten minutes u will have read, I must finish without my meds, they knock me out, blow to the head, I’ll miss away you time instead, that lilliad inside your mind….it’s way too late you’re so unkind, but one important thing u need, to know I know u love to read, do not read too much to your seed, it makes a flower yer indeed, with pain killing power guaranteed, but this makes a subconscious need to find a source for output feed, destined to be completely freed ad finally have the urge to read, its therapy apparently, the experiment of reading aloud and they drift off on angels clouds, you think their gunna make you proud, well brace yourself, speakers are loud, they developed and were well endowed, language and its mystic power it not to be strewn on the flowers, this is my dependant variable, the words the use on me were terrible, a bird a seed knowledge unbearable, though every word is understandable, hypnotic methods subconscious dependable, lovely developmental psychology is the cause of my constant source of energy what I was born to do was reap, infinite knowledge in my sleep a steady drone of literature, I’m older now administer reality and life in place of shame rejection and disgrace, aside from my abilities that serve me independently, instinct survival evolution, speed all factors meant to help me breed, but would you read that to your seed, your surly growing potent weed, I’m not a normal human being I spend time speaking hearing seeing, proving while your disagreeing now the sheep are all fleeing, my purpose hear is slowly weaning I’m a negative source of positive energy, that means nothing drones glowies and friends that are enemies, all that I needs a path and an receiver, a sound to ride on, subwoofer and tweeters, it’s the music u shared with me that keeps me going The proof that our signal reached desired objectives, was clear to my ear which contained an elective, my minds using psychology to be less selective, behavioral science removes the block painlessly love, loss and malpractice grew my circuitry aimlessly, evolving survival instincts team with nature, my chemical background makes life like a phase, the instincts resulting are acute like a razor and amplified abilities through manipulating manipulative chemicals without wavers, resulting in behavior that can reach and amaze her… the extent of the damage is to be overlooked, by using knowledge and memory or reading a book design and time weren’t key features its transference of whines from student to teacher, let me out of detention you feminine creature ill read aloud it’s the right way to reach her, the demand and supply was shot at the sky and with lasers for eyes that reflect off her kind I was surprised to find that in no time I heard her wine, go out of her mind, and through her elective design I read junkie sublime and the fidelity was just fine for my desensitized mind. Literally proving her love up against my undying lazerlove therefore, proving that from that moment in time It was (now literally) one(the one) and another(me) falling “in love “officially identified by the subjective and objective forms that equal true love, for a time, which in rhyme and time I now feel it was divine, it’s began and ended in one harmonious line (in a Scottish accent no less) and buried in our minds getting weaker over time the signal is dying the whine and her trying has kept me flying farther away for lack of a sign that she was officially mine, but my nose it did grind on the stone learning life through the drone all on my own stealing crowns off of thrones, almost completely destroying my home, getting dipped in chrome, and then ground to the bone,, but that’s ok now because I how I know, I made her come through a phone, I’ve reaped what id sewn, now I am grown, with skills to hone no more wearing a cone, from the unknown to the known heralded by the morningdrone which is an inaudible tone interacting metaphysical rods and cones in my everlasting home among milestones made of greymatter behind bone in the form of the intangible moan that has royalties owned by the one xylophone a tone so foreign and feminine it may be that of a banshee or crone, the soil of my subconscious, is where I’ve been instructed and shown but my chance was blown there already something growin that knows the suns light is shown, now I’m alone, why did I buy that bus ticket when I could have flown. Another way of iterating this love story is an s follows introduction, obstruction instruction, induction, seduction production reduction destruction I’m trying to link two portions of this production, causing a reaction like a light turning on send notification from yin to yang (2 great friends of the opposite sex ultimately consummating their union in the way nature wanted it to be) but for us it was highly evolved in that even over the lo-fi filter of cell phones she was sending her love, whether she got off or not that id like ton know, but,, I got the drone of her during, (which if I’m not wrong is typically the main attraction for most women, their anatomy makes for a better “during” in her case conveniently, I’ll admit, without my flawed physical presence, I’m sure she didn’t just give up when my phone ran out of batteries, she was by the banks of her own lagoon, , the stimuli for me, the understanding an witnessing this correlative reaction, correlative because based on all the evidence, the great friendship which was WE were In Love,,,, that passes by my standard and I’m a philosophy grad, this Idea of me and this one girl being in love ISNT EVEN PRAGMATIC like most of my theories, the ONLY thing that get in the way of it being classified as nething between us other than, well I’m afraid to word it frankly because it makes y philosophy look dumb, the only factor threatening this TRUTH, this explainable objective form, is.. the time frame, the setting and the timing of the whole ordeal, my argument is that my reserved intense devotion that was pretty much spellbound, was appropriately (although delicately and let’s say modernly)relieved back to square one, literally and true even though it’s in the days ahead, metaphysic means dead.\\ I’m pretty lonely, so I make allot of art these days, like so; since she left me for dead and we both had left town, with thoughts of her crying asleep on the ground, my mind plays a drone, just to keep the pain down, it’s the girls very essence, oh to hear those pipes sound, if I was there this reel could have burned her house down, But our minds were both trying, Scottish lyrics I had, her bagpipes were sighing, and droning like mad, even though I was dying to get under her plaid, her fingers were flying and the lyrics were “rad the sound of her drones blared through the aero phones, I had broken a string and the bow had no rozen, but her body remembered what she had forgotten, string breaking caused her heat up and harden, this dissonant silence was her chance to depart from his flaws and his jigs and his odds and his rigs and ivy wrapped wand honey drippin upon this Venus in tartan who gushed forth the art of his masculine heart, the yin joins the yang and d string goes twang, The key that she played in was the string that I broke;I awoke in a doria mile off the coast. I swear by the sword of Ulysses and QueenMary’s crown you can’t quiet this siren when she fools around. Sending me to the moon and abyss on her sound It’s siren heart drone and that’s written in stone like I said, STELLAR, and you can TELLHER, most likely shell be a be a BETTER SPELLER, most likely ull say THE WORST THING EVER cause you’re a BULLSHIT SELLER, wave got mutual friends that FLOCK TOGETHER, social cannibals up shit creek FOREVER “sharp fanged teeth sheep” identified by Brethr in touch with friends of mine with FEATHERS, who govern karma AND THE WEATHER harmonizing OUR ENDEVOUR dissonance and TAKING PLEASURE in currents charged “+”, sea vessel PROPELLERS droning on for OH SWEET NEVER, nothing “like” inevitably BETTER the next “day, mon” frère, myself sharply dressed, a new pair of ‘GO GETTERS’ high, but fly, “the local YELLER” inscribes, as I dictate the true, (and prescribed), (in “”blood)-”LETER”! …BUY LETTER!”technique””’s psychology thesis of persuasion,-through love cure for; pain from shame stemming from taking the blame for the psychopaths that are perfectly sane who corporally, “embodying hells flames, wicked games to derange, the use of tools to cause pain, so the hands free to gain more control without shame ….and words that confuse and lead them in. vein cutting through lies and psychosomatic pain” making it rain your blood to put out the flames, an empty vessel that openly claims he righteously bears the right to OFFSET karma in his favorite time double negatives stuck on rewind with the fist or the tool of thing without mind, just current flowing into itself sustaining itself by shackling you with a voice that speaks truths that the vessel and devil greedily use to ultimately abduct you consume love your subconscious would refuse to give, to lose, so you wind kicking yourself while he rips on your soul defacing and displacing what’s left of you, what set you apart from a caved in shoe who’s uneven because the others got two, souls are unbreakable but if he breaks you, ill have the words the voice and the truth, the vessel in which to put soul into you, love and affection reflecting on you a new pair of shoes and so basically you feeling loved and in good mood no longer producing that parasite food, by walking and talking, souls in your shoes, while my bare feet support prescribed truth, a chemical network of mes and you ultimately held together with glue your love is the only way I can get through my psychological problems of which I have used to heat cook and serve us both food they drive me to supplementing love with miscues, attempts to draw a good picture of shoes, that drawn the attention of someone like you, or someone who offers a love I can’t refuse, because it me who also has many a bruise, the glue the chemical I trust and I use are prescribed and administered with bruit force and tools, leaving the chemically gifted unloved and unused and undone on the run with the songs you have sung, giving u satisfaction, and leaving u hung out to dry by the sick and the dumb, and the one, that u can give a gift to, is the only way we can say I love you and the fact that we are is what makes it true now I can scrape this shit right off your shoe, here goes, gimme my cloths my cigarettes prescribed glue, a roof over my head a bed and you, and then maybe I’ll start wearing shoes, here’s my complex singing the blues, from my effort unsatisfied underground nothingdrones too, its letting go and walking away from it to choose to lose, this is therapy now I need to go, you know it and I got the show on the road I’mtired and now am holding a rose, I’m loosing my grip on the following code,I’ll let the field talke care I m old, its time to end thiflodi broke the mouldand me with my everything about the shoe, its maker your sou out your soul leaving with bound by psychosocial with day moon SETTERS. home made psychopath GET ER, and lose her to a knitted SWEATER meant to the and if shit hits the fan in my house you become a fuckin CAVE DWELLER you officially for me heralded the dawn of freed energy so metaphysical seed dropped and sewn that day I guess what I a tying to say is seroquel can kill the day and lithium when charged can phase can kill your kidney and your craze over sirens who’ve been underground their perfect face and al around static in the air and sound of talismans and something foud induction tells you write this down what she conducts may flood the town, and this guythatts on the other line isn’t he a project of mine, sais nurse so cute and fine that flirt with my bipolar mind could his stimuli be cut, (if my nurse heard that shed bust my nut the think I’m guna get more worse nuclear winters parallel universe but bipolar ppls irony ill crack the joke an ice your nuclear explosion twice a day while I’m away leading weak dicks astray but giving your negative drones away the moans that I’m familiar with the point is I’m sick, was born with antennae metaphic that can even change channels like sappic girl on girl to girl on me altering duality and that what I get for free cable metaphysically so u better charge your battery, start the car pray she needs a guy with speed, instead of the duality of loving and love being received define love for me because lm low on batteries, finally the irony iron like steel I’m not even funny she gave me a drone that carried me home plate metal armor still that suckers dethroned all because of the ironic poem guaranteed to call my home circuitry and sacred tones, hooked up to my broke dying alone charge that she hears in my voice instinct are what’s the driving force to be my Venus in furs of course striking my eardrums while art of a new form could cure my heart, when deprivation and avant-garde combine to make things into art the the thing that makes drones stop and start my wordsandfingers take a form that independently grows horns, what an art to harmonize your frequencies with, smart, you dirty little butter tart you were supposed to cure my heart at least u got it throughtome you rising storm makes my anteenae start to channel lo-fi forms a and v imnow starting to clearly see I got to hear pure femininity express its love physically, while the ironic truth is easy to see, that my talisman masxulinity had no hand in physically and so my strengths like mediocrity, thisescwe took a short boat that sent out a masculine frequency that was enough to ride that came through the airwaves only a dined, to start your engines, and the elements it’s the charge that ironically subjectively means of a whim of a, separating you from me and that despite ur reaction objective by only induction by the ma lonely ur still a part of me, like the wasted energy of a missing battery that from within bears a charge, that was meant to be, the high voltage current, of hot energy. wat a grT TRIP THIS IS, ALTHOUGH ONG AND UNCOMFORTABLE AT LES I STILL HAVE ROCK AND ROLL AND BY DIVINE TIMING WE TOO A STROLL ADNTALKED A LITTLE THATS MY GOAL AND NOTHING DRONES AND HEAVY STONES WERE LEVITATED WITH THE MOAN OF SIRENSS BUT YOUR NOT A PHONE AND NO SUPRIZE CANT LEAVE ALONE OW I THRIV OFF DIAL TONED CAUSE IM DEPENDANT ON YOU STONE THE TALISMAN YOU CALL MY HHOME AND THAT TIE YOU CALLED ME ON THE PHON YOU WERE IN MY HEAD SAFE IN YOUR HOME BAD TIMING AND A HEAVY TONE BATTERIES DEAD: NOW WERE NOTHING DRONES…………………………………………………………….. thisescwe took a short boat that sent out a masculin frequency that was enough toride that came through the airwaves only a denied, to start your engines, and the elements it’s the charge that ironically subjective by means of a whim of a, separating you from me and that despite urreaction objective by only induction by the ma lonely Seroquel can ‘kill. The day’, and lithium (when charged) can phase, can kill your kidneys and your ‘“crazy” laser ray’s perspective.’ Meant for sirens, waves, underground stalactites, space, and drops of acid rain onto your base. Meant to cauterize with time and phase the straight; your sex, the Vikings take, and that edge they use to reap and waste. ((their secret way through; to slice through the glazed over passageway, that freezes waves of blood they made. Turned to crimson ice seen by my red hot rays, melt into salty ocean sprays) Then not so far away at night I kill the day and reap twilight, my heat turns from red to white like scars that weep acid rain despite my efforts, however insane, you do this over and over again) Relief; from emotional THEN/BY physical pain. In that order, we’re both deranged. here goes, gimme my cloths my cigarettes prescribed glue, a roof over my head a bed and you, and then maybe I’ll start wearing shoes, here’s my complex singin the blues, from my effort unsatisfied underground nothingdrones, its letting go and walking away from it to choose to lose, this is therapy now I need to go, you know it and I got the show on the road I’m tired and now am holding a rose, I’m loosing my grip on the following code, It’s meant for: a couple; of different: ppl 1 knø james ((pérsunµli); ‘(urThInKn èù¹d “Like¹¹ i+ Th0µGh))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ) — ¹o-² øس=FOUR!!!!!!!!²O_O³⁴!! (0_0)T0o?O_o)❤µ¼FOR¼ldd.”( þ+¹na!’(LOL!)?,X&Y” =ø(þ iN þÉd àvèç¹<>³µ)/(µø+þ²)ùþ³@ — ¹²³¹²³¹²³¹²³ James McFarlane•

Ideas About mental Illness — James McFarlane Here’s my theory on paranoia. (Usually considered a negative symptom of psychosis) It can help gather information or misinform those who experience it. Even in wellness it is always potentially present in all of us. It’s a survival instinct. It makes us more attentive. My unique experience and understanding is when paranoia and other symptoms are present, heightened and amplified alertness to important information perceived by the senses is collected and whatever data is missing the brain either fills it in with logical thought or logical hallucination in some cases. I will further iterate this several ways for you to better grasp it. For most people there is so much excess data you wind up believing a falsity. Simple logic should let you know best which is most accurate among the extra data collected by suspicion, inner thoughts and hallucination ultimately fitting like Lego into the fractured “factual” data perceived. I believe mostly it is our internal sense of logic that is used to make hallucinations like dreams that appear similar to our regular reality. It is your sense of logic that determines how accurate the thought or hallucination might be compared to reality. It is hard to determine between reality and hallucination because hallucination adheres to reality. But if you can detect like in a lucid dream (aware of being in a dream) that it’s a hallucination you’re ok. It’s not that difficult to determine what thought or hallucination fits if you’re experiencing (or expecting) allot of symptoms having an automatic thought process that simplifies things by showing the most accurate possibility alone to the individual by involuntary thoughts and possibly hallucination. This can be a more accurate depiction of what’s not reachable by the actual senses. The point or idea is that hallucinations and involuntary thoughts mimic reality as best they can, so, they can be used to determine what is beyond our senses reach either corresponding with the senses themselves (hallucination) or through mind talk (which is the method that most mimics what we call telepathy and is much more controlled and has less effect on your behaviour and environment than hallucination). This mind talk or “intrusive thoughts” can be our sense of logic. It’s our sense of what’s real that makes up our involuntary thoughts and hallucinations so they’re may be an ounce or two of truth in them even though they aren’t real they can be identical ideas to what is really there. This is to be used for those who can’t see or hear what are out of reach of their senses like sonar or radar and further aid those who have and impairment or just want to experiment with extending their senses. This only applies to the unwell. Like I have said amphetamine could mimic the hypomanic state in regular people perhaps. This could be a tool for treating a range of mental disorders. Depression, lack of communication in certain critical mental conditions.(Alzheimer’s etc.) It’s not just guessing at involuntary thoughts and hallucinations, the tool combines accurate and distorted data collected by the senses. This extends the senses that help us try to understand. (Only some of us may have this as a mental pattern). You may be calling this a delusion well I call a delusion an idea. And remember, an idea can make the body including the brain do interesting things. Mono ideo dynamics Determining what’s real and what’s not isn’t a problem here, you know what’s a thought and an actual sound or hallucination when this is occurring so if they combine to make a more accurate awareness with good results than it doesn’t matter whether it’ telepathy or a mental tool isolated to the mind its generating data for the individual I assure you. Collecting data even from other people’s minds is definitely a factor in this theory (it’s a tangent but it’s important.) Involuntary thought is inner thought that appears to be info coming from an obvious source or other person. This is when the argument for delusion is most appropriate. Telepathy is a possible conclusion in the case of mind chatter or involuntary or external thoughts unlike ‘sense extension’ which is a potential tool involving similar aspects but also the actual environment. The mind to mind thing doesn’t involve physical reality like the sense extension theory which involves hearing and assuming all five senses if you were sick enough could improve the perception of our environment by way of hallucination corresponding with the senses, verses logical lingual additions to your line of thought (involuntary thoughts) which can be thought alone (mind talk) This opens a window to hybrid hearing combining involuntary thought with semi audible data, this was my first discovery and personal experience along the line of useful mental activity. So I would call it all external or involuntary mental data. The reason I included the telepathy as idea in this was because sense extension which may be provable is using the same material our thoughts are made of suggesting that the other ideas are worth experimenting with. I suggest mental information can be projected into the metaphysical reality affectively by a person just like shouting a person’s name. This is blatantly how it works from my perspective. What we imagine goes out into the air and some of us are there to hear it within our thoughts; mind chatter. Talking to yourself in your head as well as other transmissions or incoming additions. Not something we do all the time. Some people rarely do it or experience it. These are introspective expressions nevertheless they are the fabric of what sense extension involves. So if sense extension, (because it uses the senses, reality and hallucination/involuntary thought) can be tested and valuable info is collected from those tests, because of its use of involuntary thoughts which mimics telepathy, it could help prove or add merit to the idea of telepathy and its other explanations that are as follows. Proving telepathy involves seeing how things like sense extension is in the same weave as actual things we use or experience like thought, mental chatter, hallucination, dreams. This part of the universe is becoming objective when using a hybrid or functional form to better understand our surroundings. Just believing in these functions and experiencing them improves your regular perception and observational skills. These are hybrid metaphysical tools for perceiving your surroundings by use of hallucination and or thought and actual fractured data picked up by the senses. I tackle this mind chatter idea more so because it’s a solid symptom that doesn’t fail, like hallucination often does. Thoughts in the form of language coming from people around you or your multipersonalitied conscience is a good thing as long as it’s a good thing. When it no longer is in the range of being able to be used as a tool, these thoughts can be turned off or turned on by meds and belief or disbelief in the idea. But when it’s happening properly, like in hypomania, it does act as an aid in awareness of what’s most likely going on in other people’s thoughts. It informs you of the most likely thought usually in relation to you, aiding you every time by making you aware of something you didn’t know before. Word for word telepathy is a miracle, mental chatter that informs you of what’s most accurately going on in other people’s heads by way of involuntary lingual statements in the mind is not. It’s worth investigating, it’s a gift that has never led me to harm, only understanding. The fact that it’s in your head makes it a passive process where you have the option of responding or not, verbally or mentally if you’re a believer in telepathy. You can have communications, often in the form of mental lingual impressions from people around you, as long as their chattering in their heads. More often they respond verbally or through body language. (This could be also called a thought related delusion, and it probably is) Like sense extension it helps figure out without effort what’s most likely going on somewhere else but this involves getting a mental impression of what’s going on in someone else’s head and apparently only if It’s about you or directed to you, mostly. Telepathy and sense extension go hand in hand. What’s real and usable and what’s a symptom may need to be looked over and not just thrown in the isolation chamber. Mind chatter and thought insertion are two different things I think. Thought insertion means you think someone or something else is in your head and it is overwhelming. Mind chatter or “telepathy” follows a pattern of logic that is more precise than your own usually, it follows a rule, I am certain of it. That’s why it’s better to use cause it’s your intuition delivered lingualy. Thought insertion is like having someone else in control, whereas mind chatter is somewhat under control and mostly in your control as you are the experienced one. Involuntary thoughts (other people’s voices) could be telepathy and if it follows such a dynamic and structured law it should not be called thought insertion. Sense extension is something more practical and objective than telepathy type thinking, but it is untested and like I said, I deal with mind talk even when I am well and it is always accurate and helpful. The idea of partly using data from the peripheries of our trusted senses shows that these elements are not to be underrated or mislabelled. The fact that we can only see farther stars in the sky by looking off to the side is a great example of use of the peripheries of our senses. Similar is my experience of seeing peoples more true emotions on their faces when using peripheral vision. Is esp or just one example of a passive and informative hallucination? Let us not throw aside my interpretation of the experience of useful and unique mental activity by giving it the unattractive label of thought insertion when the fundamentals of these ideas may be useful for inventing evolution like tools to reach out into parts of the universe we have not yet studied. Distorted senses combined with an inherent logical thought process that is accurate if not pragmatic I my experience in every case. This could be an opportunity to reopen the study of parapsychology. (The fact that these are just an accurate perception mechanism is good enough). To reveal this delusion, we’ll assume all this is still only going on in one’s active imagination. However using a pattern of brain activity that mimics telepathy as a tool to read his/her environment better is cool; the only difference this has to sense extension is that there is no real life data involved. This in my opinion makes it the most commonly used and confronted with, solid, and most effective tool I deal with. (even when well) There are practices like muscle reading which is getting data through seeing a person’s movement that are examples of a semi proven method that mimic things like telepathy. I propose mental activities that are involuntary and positive like some of the symptoms of a mental illness, could be used as a link between what we see as dysfunctional mental activity and a breakthrough into the endeavour to prove that thoughts are part of our dynamic world as a form and can be used as a medical or social tool. This mental activity in serious cases of unwellness can alter the way we operate, not just the way we think. Paranoia could take over and it could be false data, and the repercussions could crescendo. In their reality and in reality itself. I say listening to your thoughts (whatever form they take) and interpreting them, it’s safer than experimenting with hallucination because mind chatter can be a factor in hypomania and in wellness. Only in the case of hallucination being used in a controlled environment with positive energy being present, for instance with a schizophrenic, they can be very well while hallucinations are still present. If in that state the hallucination tends follow what the senses are trying to perceive and use a situation like the sense extension experiment involving hallucination and obstructed hearing it may prove to be a good tool/idea possibly for aiding the hearing impaired in this situation or a similar situation that works. It could work because it could fill in more data where it was lacking and it may inherently be attempting to be accurate. This attempt is evident in other mental processes mentioned here. In the case of experimenting with this type of thing never should you be depressed manic, psychotic or over whelmed with psychological issues. If you are in an unwell state seek help, but be open to the new ideas that may present themselves to you. Know that the brain is elastic and does heal. The hippocampus and you are always growing. If it’s suggesting that its telepathy aiding us and guiding us that makes you sceptical I’m not going to just drop it. Be pragmatic and get a bit more insight into how it worked for me. First off, all that makes it telepathy as I’ve said is that it only involves thought. One thing that suggests that it is a thought from another source is the amount of unusable but accurate information that comes along with these seemingly incoming transmissions. It behaves like a mental environment that doesn’t involve just you; the metaphysical plain. You mostly hear in your thoughts what applies to you from those around you but there is other mental exclamations at times coming from different sources for different destinations, or in most cases mental exclamations just for themselves. Also getting an involuntary thought of apparently what is being said somewhere completely out of reach of the senses is a factor here. This is bigger than the structure of telepathy. If you are being talked about in the other room the brain informs you of it and who is saying it, this is clearly a survival instinct to gain intelligence of what may be out there and what most likely is, this type of sense may be evidently seen and utilized more by animals than humans. Probably because of the invention of language, putting the sense in recession. These ideas suggest that the metephysical plain is not just in my head but is there for everybody (and that privacy may be an issue.) The experienced and well user of the mental functions could actually receive and send out positive and effective transmissions with a ripple effect, real or not. (for what it’s worth, even to gain confidence and boost chemicals, respond and react accordingly to these transmissions and you’ll find it fits and improves your presence and role in the situation, that’s my experience) while the sick are just spiralling and not even communicating because their usually using negative or confusing behaviour or energy. What’s also evident of its existence is the obviousness the transmissions go both ways. I’m not just getting your impression of me in my thoughts; it’s obvious you’re getting mine. Its conjoint mental activity. It involves everyone but I think it requires a guide. If these are just symptoms, they rarely intensify and do dissipate more or less with wellness. I say if it’s not the metaphysical plain it’s at least explained by two minds appearing to correspond by (often coincidentally) one playing out the others activity as accurately as it can within the mind. This as a law would be evident enough to prove telepathy. I see a constant pattern in when the transmitters communicate, that they are thinking that thought and responding to one another (seen though body language and verbal responses. That’s telepathy like activity rationalised. It’s not always word for word because often I ask and they say no I did not think those words. Apparently it’s a mental impression of yourself delivered in the form of verbal thoughts or inaudible expressions from other people in the vicinity or elsewhere. Finally the hybrid hearing idea.The most effective and safe of the ideas here. (Thought and hearing mixed) It would be hard to disprove because of a lack of qualified candidates and the scenarios required. The hybrid hearing idea like I’ve said is not activity isolated only to thought, but the idea that involves using factual data and the imaginary simultaneously. Sense extension without hallucination. Deciphering between actual sense and involuntary thought is easy, you know what you hear and what you think, they become conjoint in some mental states indicating that the possibility of an extension “fill in the blacks” scenario. Know that this involves either an overactive imagination. The logical involuntary lingual thought mental activity combined with the brains attempt to hear the less audible is a marriage that could create the extension of the impaired or out of reach sense (hearing in this case) What I propose is happening here may be hearing the bass of a conversation because bass carries farther, and your mind places the other frequencies (treble) in the form of an involuntary imaginary sound. I suggest this is too intricate and accurate to be delusion. To actually be aware of the volume according to the distance or nature of the info that comes from not the unknown but an obvious source is evident of that intricacy. The psychotic skills talked about here are among the skills we’re all born with. All humans are capable of psychosis. Which is the foundation of these things. I just find mania to be safe, similar and more of an advantage. Our brains and beings all have an inner need and desire to figure out what is reality. Even when that reality is obstructed, it uses other means to get around to perceiving the world correctly. This line of thought has the potential to be a step forward in changing others view of these symptoms. To suggest that they are meant to be enhance to our advantage, not abolished; this is the stuff of change at an evolutionary level because as I said earlier it does involve everybody and anybody. The Chemically Endowed / THE HEALTH SYSTEM James McFarlane June 1st, 2016 Mania is the increasing of one’s “reward” chemicals in the brain chronically (a symptom of Bipolar). A fact about mania is that it is not so often as out of control as we are tempted to assume. We don’t know the limits it can push positive wise. A negative aspect is surely something that we have seen occasionally. An example could be a world leader like Alexander the great. On the positive side of it are people like Van Gough and many other artists, teachers and authors. Making tireless efforts at just causes inspired by epiphany is just one of the activities a bipolar individual has the option of pursuing. (Sometimes with phenomenal results) This can be a positive activity of the broad ranged individual. Mania is an abundant source of potential positive energy. The mythical Greek god Dionysus has been called the god of mania. He partied allot and was the estranged son of Zeus. There were cults formed in his honor and the remanence of them still exist today as a common and highly manipulated, manipulative tradition known as the entertainment industry. Antianxietys, antidepressants, antipsychotics and mood stabilizers; drugs that (have attributes that researchers have neglected to even identify) help and plague the bipolar individual as the most commonly used tool to ward off symptoms. In some cases, recreational drugs like amphetamine ((that seem to force up the mood of an individual) among drugs that are normally oriented with unwellness)) I suggest, could be a surprising aid in speeding up the recovery process of depression (the opposing symptom in bipolar to mania which have psychosis as a common theme at the peripheries of both poles of experience) through cognitive stimulation. This is important because antidepressants take several weeks to take effect and suicide could be prevented by the induction of a more open approach to medical uses of recreational drugs. This activity should be combined with social interaction in the case of recovery because it surrounds the recovery of the social aspects of the self (I do not recommend this as the first option for a recovery process). Like most drugs this behavior may take years off the recovery process but could wind up taking years off your life. If closely watched and tested the medicinal benefits of illegal or unreaserched drugs as well as further data released on drugs in general and their common circumstances may be a great stride in the remedy of mental, psychological conditions and social misconceptions which solutions are still being put off by ignorance of the populous and adverse political agendas. Other treatment options not listed above include electroshock therapy and psychical exercises like cognitive behavioural therapy. These alternatives are used less most likely because pharmaceuticals are a huge part of controlling the populous and funding corporations and government. However, a regimented combination of any of these factors could be a breakthrough for some. Called “consumers” by people that work in the pharmaceutical industry, these human beings endowed with seemingly new chemicular behaviors have a heavy cross to bear. I believe that it is obviously possible that over half the population (just to be fair) are born chemically inclined, but forced under the heel of the majority of the others who are from my perspective, psychologically twisted by ignorance, power over the sick, and unjustified behaviour based (((most likely (just to be fair) for some, subconsciously))) on either inherent or just blatant jealousy. I say this because the majority of people in a position of dominance in our society, (security guards, nurses, the police, doctors what have you) are brutally unfair, unprofessional, and ignorant in most cases. This attitude fuels the biggest and oldest and crudest intolerance ever committed by one group against its own people. The mentally endowed verses the psychologically twisted and everyone in between or strung along is the latest and oldest injustice I can see other than the genocide of the shamanistic cultures of north and south America. The most obviously funded sick lack of justice and care for their own counterpart (ever challenged till present day) by a government is currently at hand. It’s a matter of time and interest among corporations. Their need for money will guarantee that the proper drugs will be the end of this problem. Their survival as a business is the only co-dependent factor for the cause. Once the sick become well, ((the inevitable outcome (already achieved)) the drugs will be reinvented a few times ultimately plateauing as a renewable idea by these scientific salesman and their evil subordinates running the place like some kind of sick joke to themselves. Those who wield tools and permission to inflict pain, bondage and any form of abuse they find delectable simply to put off paperwork (and sooth their own often nocturnal boredom) only assigned to be used in the inevitable malpractice suits soon to be ensued by the just with the just against the corrupt. With blunt force and jealousy against their only threat and reliable witness to the sick twisted 24 hour a day fetish of legally and illegally taking the rights and freedoms and everything that makes life desirable from the ill to make way for a prolonged treatment of abuse and betrayal from the psychologically bent nurses and security guards, doctors, police not to forget your everyday sociopath / psychopath walking the streets and perverting the direction and attention of the staff and patients of mental health wings across the country (Canada). Folks like these who lack the basic right and wrong skills, used obviously and openly by the sick and the meek to inevitably over throw the ranks of sociopaths and psychopaths governing, misusing and perverting the writing of history. All of their efforts put into this “note taking” endeavour to be rewarded with indulgence into the sick pleasures of a dysfunctional beauracracy and political disgrace to be. As for the sick, (and well) the neglect of one’s health and deterioration of relationships is often inevitable during episodes and when being forced against such characters mentioned above. These new victims often leaving the institution with their own newly afflicted psychological scars. This is understandable considering how different and under informed the external world and the unbalanced individual usually are. The unwell individual tends to get overwhelmed with heightened and distorted perception, and the outside worlds clashes with their reality. Inevitably against their will, (usually after lots of experience) and sadly, many forms of legalized abuse from the system that seems to be above all law, they become accustomed to the system and more knowledgeable about medication. This is the only way I’ve seen someone become well, for longer. It’s important to channel the knowledge from their experience into productive endeavours. This is the exceptional goal. Chemicals are a big part of the inclined individual’s life (Pharmaceutical, natural and usually recreational). Often enough a well-balanced person emerges but the fight against unwellness and addiction is ongoing for many. Even once well, the psychological challenges of adjusting to life can set in. Thankfully this is also treatable either with anxiety medicine or therapy (or in the case of the Canadian health system, prolonged and tormenting hospital stays crudely striped with prolonged bondage and isolation chambers. Psychology being the completely unfunded and rightful alternative. Wellness comes with time and knowledge as well as trial and error. The potential experience for these individuals is more than the average prescription. Logically and philosophically looking at these problems is key to understanding them. Stigma; it’s a thing like racism that is rampant in every culture today but especially in western culture apparently. A mild example of stigma is using a negative label or misconception such as “split personality” or “psycho”. These are words attached to now folklore, lies and misunderstanding so this ignorance is apparently the first thing to go. In the case of bipolars, it is often amplified social ability versus depression or other emotional states that is confused with complete loss of judgement. Schizophrenics seem to have an even keel in terms of personality in most cases. I know there is no mood disorder but full on hallucinations. This could be due to an unexplained increased constant source of dopamine in their system I suggest gets used to produce complex distractions that could be used to their own advantage, like poetry etc.. (Unproven connection) The biggest problem is the assumption our government and citizens have; that the mentally ill are violent. This ultimately subjects us to being treated like escaped zoo animals by every authority figure you can think of. This is how they legally get us into straps; the word violent. This word can be used in ways it shouldn’t which is often the case. Once declared violent and mentally ill you’re bound for a living hell most likely for quite some time. All the ugly side effects of the system itself leave you psychologically damaged. You get a fate worse than prison by far, especially if you’re rebellious. I have rarely if ever have seen an act of violence towards another from a person that lives in a society that has them already sedated, and threatened by fearful ignorant authority figures with shackles, tasers, injections and cruelty in general at the ready. I’ve mostly seen vigilance or peaceful protest in those in an unwell state, simply because they have the logic to see what they’re up against. We’ve seen this all our lives. Even those who fight back really never had a chance to show that they meant no harm. I say this because our common goal as this type of person is to be understood. While up against a mass of smug sociopath liars who are constantly projecting joyously in groups that we’re mentally incompetent and incapable. This whole thing makes me want to kick an isolation room wall in and pull out the insulation over and over again. That type of treatment on that scale and for that length of time inspires anger in the most emotionally controlled of individuals. This type of passive brutality cannot be easily understood by people who are on a regular level of unchanging dopamine and serotonin. Basically, it is those who are in control and uninformed that are inevitably inflicted with the stigma for mental illness otherwise these are used as tools by the PhDs that as of late have the audacity to wield side effects deceptively like better acting medication (as well as transference upon their staff). Mania is a powerful source of energy. Success of any kind is a possibility with people that have the genetic makeup of the bipolar individual and quite possibly the schizophrenic and schizoaffective system casualties. Most who blindly submit are in a sedated or in a financially constricted reality for most of their lives. However massive bodies of work that gain quality over time with practice are usually seen with all types of mentally ill individuals. Productivity is a given with excess energy and hopefully with excess dopamine. This is something the bipolar individual has at their disposal. (The excess dopamine, like I stated earlier, being the undiscovered advantage for schizophrenic and hybrid diagnosis individuals). If psychological ailment is part of ones developmental makeup, seek help through private practices in your nearest large city center, like psychologist offices, astrological predictions or the cheaper alternative; fortune cookies. ((all systems more trustable than the political money grab being masqueraded by the Canadian government and god knows where)). Hobbies will get lots of attention and skills like writing will be improved for most. Phenomenal ideas and activities must be given attention. It must come from a desire to be appreciated in a world that sees them as useless and treated as such as well as resentment for the genetic advantage and the mitochondrial patterns I will stipulate below. First off I am compelled to write; things like physical agility are improved as well when new energy comes along. Now, the organelle mitochondria in animal cells produces energy for the cell. Like the patterns of the near solar system and probably menstrual cycles and similar monthly patterns recorded to date, all of these cells (differing by their design) work as groups. Most likely shifting by the behavior and the pressures of the environment and or the environments one is involved with as well as (chiefly) the positive verses negative intentions or energy put forth. The positive being more strong and more apt to gaining velocity compared to negative endeavours while the ignorant become subjected to rapid, (fuelled by culture and social upheaval) evolutionary de-emphasis. Tradition will save many who are open minded. It has been theorized that a person who inherits the bipolar gene may have abnormal mitochondrial activity. I reiterate that this would cause fluctuating energy production for the whole body and possibly more so for the brain, ultimately spiking or dropping essential consciousness related chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. Mainly above the baseline of level as far as positive living goes indicating that it’s an innovative evolutionary trait. (These chemicals and the proper medicine are prime factors for the bipolars however independent) the natural chemicals)) These are known simply as chemicals that affect our mood. Or sometimes referred to as (and in everyone’s experience) reward chemicals (endorphins) and oxytocin (the love chemical). The mitochondrial theories as well as more psychological rather than biological theories (i.e. “mono-ideo dynamics”) are unproven. (most called into question more than 100 years ago left unelaborated but proposing a hypothesis unfinished on purpose, ie. Mono-ideo dynamics meaning that an idea can make the body do anything the body is capable of to the peripheries, any part of the body. The “any” part of course cautiously suggesting the brain) The future of mental health I would say is the extensive categorizing of the dosage and drug or treatment in relation to different types of people or circumstances. (i.e. more than 10 conditions, more like a dictionary of conditions to be) Also, once the medical scam plateaus (due to actual research and political attention) psychology as a treatment method will be implemented beyond nurses attempting some form of cognitive behavioral therapy. It is those employed to work with the mentally ill and the graduates of psychology or related studies who must insist on more data collection and way more research into the possibilities the mind itself can offer in medical treatment of all illness. It occurs to me now obviously that psych has been previously placed on the priority list as secondary to the drug trade and religion so to gain funding for an renewable priceless trade like deduction of illogical pursuits and outcomes. (A basic form of psychology that should aid dangerous things like delusion and the laws of attraction). Psychology research mut be put on the forefront so we can get meds chosen, dosages corrected and diagnoses discovered and made faster and more accurately. (And produce more jobs in all levels of the field of medicine) It’s a century old marriage and divorce between medicine, and free will. Psychology should be treated as equally as important as medicine as it is half the battle against corruption of our society, ecosystem and those who inhabit it. Back to the original induction and pragmatic endeavour of self controlling mental chemicals that have their own agenda, or the agenda of the moon and the weather; the social activities of a manic person can be difficult to put up with for others because it’s constant and overbearing at times. This factor most likely is being brought up because of my experience with passive aggressive tendencies. What is interesting is that it can stimulate chemicals in people around the source (more importantly I say between couples). Basic emotional chemicals like endorphins and oxytocin (excitement, survival and `love` related chemicals in any order) can be increased in other people at higher than normal rates and levels (not to mention the freed individual themselves). These chemicals can be a blissful and natural human experience when people are close to one another. This can be achieved through stylized communication between persons. In cases of manic people with other manic people; it’s a vibrant social atmosphere. It’s manifesting the inner emotion or thought into reality or more commonly manifesting it into iteration. In any case one can activate the other pretty easily without consumption of any substance. Any communication and body language is the stimulation factor here when differing types of people get together. This is what psychology is; ‘Behaviour changing chemicals, changing environment’. Boring and seemingly opposing efforts is also a common occurrence because it’s hard to stay positive for most and for those around them because, it’s been a long battle and opposites attract. Phrases like that as well as phrasing like “everybody’s different” is an indication that intellect and work ethic are also independent factors essential to the coexisting of partners in general. The state best to experiment in as far as is hypomania (medium mania) or even just wellness. Ways to activate a slow rise in your serotonin level if you’re not bipolar would be using a mild stimulant like amphetamine (Dexedrine). This is not something to try on your own. I’m suggesting this to be a carefully overseen test involving chemicals that are dangerous to be used in excess and for prolonged periods of time. If you become manic, know that once your manic states have passed and you’re well you still possess the ability to partake in and test different psychological and parapsychological activities (it does stay with you and up to date). One thing to discover while well is that a person can up their brain’s chemicals at will without the use of drugs, rather, behaviour or behavioural exercises. Once you’ve done that and or submitted to the opposing factors of the weaker you are both freed. This has been going on for billions of years in many forms. Dancing, sex, geometry, sensory deprivation (like vision quests or modern culture traditions) gaining knowledge about the earth from the stars, cultural and group oriented endeavours like art or chemical revolution (i.e. drugs rock and roll all stimulate the body chakras as well as the earth’s). Other theories basically thrown around by the wiser of the eastern west in the form of literature or poetry comes to mind, like; “electricity comes from other planets”, in relation to mono-ideo dynamics in relation to bipolars and nature; “The Gift” etc. (The Velvet Underground, 1969). All of these “foggy notions” are there for usually the reason they’re being inspired, meaning put art intentions and science together and you’ve got something good. Unless you succumb to the marketplace. Only drugs inspire chemicals on command without the need for circumstance (this is a modern cultural tradition). The nature of mania is that you become ‘antennae’ of sorts that more easily gathers information. It’s up to you what you do with your energy or your manic that turns the tides in your favour. Your perception may be higher in this state, but there (as always) is; a down side of it as there is duality in all things in nature. Psychosis depression and psychological problems plague the inexperienced young bipolar individual’s lives until an effective treatment plan is accepted or forced on them. Other ways to cushion this (and to avoid too many episodes) is complying with treatment plans to your liking and staying away from recreational drugs for the most part. Or rather, opposing and cheating the laws of the flawed marketplace. The process as a whole is always a learning experience for most. For sure, unbalanced brains are the next step in biological evolution. The union of the mind and body, the relationship between the physical and metaphysical, and how human culture is merged with the ethereal will occur along with the reopening of the practices originating from primitive psychology like the agenda of the heavenly bodies of fire above. Victim Psychology One thing I have realized over the past many years is that there are two kinds of people in the world; the aggressors and the passive. Like the chimps and the bonobos, the psychopaths and the victimized, the sociopath and the weary guardian, the farmer and the farm animal, the nurse and the sickly the dominant prey upon the weak. I have found the sociopath to be friendly and the psychopath to be gentlemanly and wise at times. This does not condone they’re compulsive destructive social and physical abuse that they inflict upon they’re victims. A psychopath is someone who enjoys committing violence upon another. A sociopath is one who has no care for the wellbeing of others. This is rampant in modern Canadian livelihood. One other thing I’ve noticed about aggressors is that they go in and out of remission. (Which is cooperative behavior) A volatile destruction of one’s trust of others and distorting of one’s actions that is prevalent in victims is sexual abuse of the young and old alike. Next to physical assault it’s the most reactive and high profile to this day of violations of another person therefore it falls in the category of psychopathy from what I can see because of its physical and emotional impact. Victims carry on in public, say profoundly erratic and shocking statements, take up malevolence for those who stand by them and seek a vengeance that has no sympathy in any circumstance against theirs and other persons abusers. Their paranoia fuelles the problem of wrongful accusation cases ongoingly across the board. Usually a current abuser is in the background with these cases fuelling the fire while the victim holds out for some kind of mercy or justice. Wife beating and general abuse of children and animals are the most haness and hated by the public and the spectrum of victims in this country. (Canada) Sexual abuse is the most widely discussed and concerning of abusive behaviors towards humanity, (to the point that it’s an ongoing obsession and topic in the daily conversation in a conflictive situation between persons and within groups of all sizes) breeds decay within the psychological health of the groups themselves(like paranoia to a schitsophrenic) and they revel in it, abusers and all. All the power to the victims for their enthusiasm, but to reiterate what I wrote above, these actions are somewhat on occasion either false puppetry put on by the victim’s close and currently occupied as; violator, or by bystanders who just want a show or to gossip. The falsity and sadly sociopathic act of ‘fish netting’ just about every oddball as a possible suspect of these lowly behaviors is very common in today’s society. However, I have realized that their paranoia is justified by the number of women beating and sexual abuse cases showing up as a reality today and that there is a correlation with the amount of homosexuals that are violently “in the closet” who turn up in our courts and also who don’t (mainly due to victims trying to hold their lives together). Can this be explained by ethnicity clashes? Gangs?Terrorism?Languages? Why this correlation? Is it obviously connected to what was formerly seen as perversion, homosexuality, as a factor in these broken homes. Just because by my census in northern Ontario found that heterosexuality was a minority here and that the abuse rate changed for the worse shows that it is possibly a correlation. How long has this been going on? I find that these men need to use women as a shield, a sexual punching bag that’s worth no more than a cheap roast beef. This is a new social disease. Not homosexuality, but the act of taking a mate of the sex you aren’t interested in for personal gain. The action of these men is typical abuse and the women go on destroying their psychological health through these empty relationships. This one (me) who is looking for a healthy relationship feels ripped off however the sociopathic women choose their life like dolls instead. While the jails hold the psychopaths. The police jail and court workers go on with their corrupt behavior in our region. It’s that that continues to choke our young women into a compromise. They are a social disease, we are under siege from sick nations and countries and our men are allowing our women and children to fall by the wayside to make room for more homosexual dominance. It’s time to liberate the inflicted to avoid more people crossing over to psychological toxicity. As these victims start to depreciate into self destructing and outwardly destructive tendencies. Psychologists must prescribe and teach like never before in this age of lies, abuse and corruption

LO-FI Music Explained JAMES MCFARLANE·SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2016 LO-FI MUSIC EXPLAINED The additional distorted data collected from the peripheries of our senses deliberately recreated and reproduced by means of adverse, outdated and unintentionally altered technology and style. Recorded or preformed ideally in the form of what we know as music and or film. broken record? More like audible snowflake. The geometry of nature get betrayed and expands when recording art under predetermined and active circumstances at the whim of the conditions of the environment and it’s setbacks. LO-FI Music/Media is the effect that the decay of our technology has on the pristine conditions in which we perform and record our visual and audible experience and the deliberate recreation and reproduction of these anomalies. Atonally thrusting forth with a foggy notion that these new audio and visual recordings of patterns that emerge from the more primitive forms of technology over time vaguely and remarkably respond to and compliment the setting of the reality intentionally being recorded on an almost conscious level. The question of how to activate them and where hey come from arises when artists of our own age with a knowledge of the recent technological and cultural past attempt the avantgard. Using predominantly analogue and traditional technology affected by time itself that we can alter ourselves in combined with natural (random) rate, voltage, velocity selection what have you to reproduce art AND what the ultimate effect of the recording process has on these works of avantgard art is the idea behind and the method LO-FI Music/Media. -James McFarlane (Seamus) I blew up Einsteins theory on insanity — James McFarlane (Seumas) JAMES MCFARLANE·SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2016 Einstein said that the definition of insanity was repeating ones actions over and over again, expecting different results. I say that this behavior is far from insane. It is the fundamental law of how our development, bodies, daily lives, cultural traditions, reproduction, evolution and solar systems function. When looked at closely we see that even the most repetitious behavior is constantly changing at various rates. This is a law in all things in our universe therefore nothing ever really repeats itself. Rotations beautifully exist in nature and follow an imperfect geometry that we mimic in our cultures according the the schedules of the massive bodies above. Rock and roll, like opium or the moon have differing effects on the geometric patterns of our lives and evolution. Some rock an roll music by use of musical instruments (science) has combined the harmony of natures repetitious behavior (the drone) with the ever changing distortion factors like; time, mass, pitch and amplitude that are essential and fundamental to the evolutionary principle of repetitious behavior. Its the repetition that is the foundation we stand on, as long as your standing on it, expect something new to come about. Simply our presence in a scenario changes the physical and metaphysical environment at some rate, its our behavior and descisions that change that rate what manifests as the artwork or reality. — James McFarlane (Seumas) lyrics — James McFarlane (Seamus(Substreet Drones)) JAMES MCFARLANE·SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2016

NEW — weird song (2016) the reaper, put the beat on hold, bones dug up just like the sunflowers in the snow, now deeper into the river of sight, if you go in that cave dont turn out the light, white light shines bright, no stars tonight, behind the vox stack, their singin heart is black, subwayswhislting over my head, thank god i climbed aboard instead, reap what you sew 4x (coda) Heart is black ive been had (ive been had) ive gone mad (ive gone mad) ths is war, (this is war) i told you all this before i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, heart is black face the facts, art is black, oohicant stay, (ooh icant stay) cant go your way, (cant go your way) i felt you sweet smack, Your smoke is black (smoke is black) i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, Beautiful face she thinks shes alright, butshes out of sight, swim in for a bite, underneath the white light, thining of fashons, and still looking smashing appealing to fools, out of all kinds of schools, lo frequency base, mixed with the acid taste, no it couldnt compare, to your beautiful face. you left a hole in my chest, a better shot than the rest, do you have five minutes, for a warhol screen test, at dawn i see a star burning not lie the rest, cant help but sit and wonder where its going next 4x cant help but sit and wonder where shes going next 4x Blue Haired BelleBlue Haired Belle, hangs around the gates of hellMorning stars get lost, in the flow of your blue sky locksDon’t despair, you’ve been on a track please take care, Come fly with me, its your blue sky that’s pure dont you see. Its alright You, me , everybody,we, see, only moonbeams,comets not so high,eathquakes in the sky,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright, You light the way, through tunnels, try not the scrape, the gunnels,on the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timeon the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timelalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalalalaooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaoooooo Main Street When you called me up hereIdidnt feel like walkin, Now your sayin to me,youdidnt feel like talkinwhy are we so clumsy,so clumsy with our breadnow you tell me honey, how you keep your stomach fed, always lending yourself out, to the freaks that dot our lives,honey when you gunna shout, at those drones in out beehive,take a walk uptown, to the bucket where they drown,gunna tell them when they get out,to get theiur handouts downtown MorningAt the dawn of a new age,Sun comes up, smell the burning sage,take a step foreward, turn the pagesay goodbye to all those dark dark days, MAking a brew I stare a the fire,stir the pot, and then connect the wires,turn on the amp, the music inspires,got to free my mind from all the cheats and all the liars. Morningdrone You, you know what I mean, when isay,that nothings gunna happen today,and you, you know what imean,wheni tell you it’s just not my scene, you, yeees you, what the hell are we gunnado?and you, the only one you listen to, is a man, by the name of, Lou. We, yeees us three, could make it at a defferentpace,I, know that, it’s a discrace, Lord, take us to another place, So grab your stuff, your record albums,you take the wine, and ill take the guns, and into the ocean, we will go, cause you know, were headed, for the coast,so raise up your glasses, for a toast,ha, which one of us can drink the most,the father, theson, or the holy ghost,and you say that this car can race,but can it take us to that other place, a different side of mother natures face. take me to another place. Nothing drones honey comes from lots of work, sticky feet moving berserkpatterns form in crude beauty, drones fulfill a pointless duty, honey drips, from the hive, golden jkelly feeds their wife, pretty flowers messy home, nothing drones on like the cone, back and forth, in and out, dancing like we use our mouths,the pay is small and so are you, results of that sweetens my tooth, the task is never ending, constantly descending, dripping in the mouths of those not worth defending. Oppenheimer park Rolling down the open road, to the end of the line,end of the world, end of the illusion of time,I go down to the water, and feel the cool surf,hear music in the air and take it for what it’s worth, cant understand why people, could live on so little,when so much goes through them, and through the needle, so hasty, with the selling of their saved souls,the western downtown is bright, blunt, and bold. Walk up and down throughout the day, out of your mind,think of your home nevermore, till the end of timethe loop drones on and on like a broken clock,don’t need to climb the montain, cause your at the top Hastngs is not coming for you, your coming for it,like hell it bewccons like the incline of a pit,the east side, sits a nd people come from near and far,to sit, and sink, into the grass, in oppenheimer park oracle so your torched,your hanging by a thread,don’t scorch, your pretty little head,wishing through your lips that it worntpass,feels like your turning from a liquid to a gas, take a trip right to the edge of your mind, consciousness poured out and left behind,take a break from all the flats and all the sharpd,ride a cloud of nothing, and numb your broken heart To thew edge of your mind, distortion blurrs the line bettweenwhats out there and whats inside, deep in the cave, breath in the cold air,see shadows on the wall,… stare bring news just like homing pigeon,come down, and start a new religion, leave now, and speak out, littereally or metephorical,the knowledge you posess will make you the oracle. Pipe Dream A science experiment gone totally wronga weather balloon with some kind of evil about it,all the kids at school could see it above the horizon,my friends and i knew we’d be better off without it, king kong, walked along high street, where the freaks and thugs call home,if he could reach this floating disaster on time,he knew he would never have to die alone,hethough about it and realised the people wouldntunderstandhe knew their alien nation would turn this ape into a man, darkened minds turn on a dime, revolve in time along thin white linesyin and yang drip from a wolfs fang, one pulls the trigger the other goes band why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Darkened fool has lots of toolsd, dead at the deep end of the pool, boring times and pouring rhyme, the question, is this really mine? why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Psych em out Psychem out like rabid vermin, make em shout a phony sermon,see right through their simple game,right to their core their thoughts of shame, watchem blow upon the fire, rocks explode right on the liar, social change brings end to war, housewife trembles on the floor,backwardsforewards, up and downvoisc encircle all aorund, observeprecieve hear see know learn mirror be, identify possible flaws, of the menace with no causethe time is now, so try to learn how to bend the rules they use to keep you down. Rabbit hole Salvage you mind while it is illuminated, a fire out of control,a cabbage in ttime, right now it is fumigated, wired and housing a soul,badhabbits in line, schedualed to be terminated, inspire you out of your hole, A rabbit , redefined and underrated but higher than ever before, drink up while the tea is hot and bright blue, the flesh of the gods makes it so,3 caps and some stems is all i can do, to see shooting stars upon the snow, think sweetly of me, with emotions so true as yu stand and look through the window,think of thinkgs to do when im gone for good now, waving at the bus watching it go, Im down in the southland, with deep curving valleys and bridges all rusty and crumbling, with grasses all dying and rivers of green and subways whistling under me. a spot on the corner , a 30 dollar gutar, a case and a cigarette too, is all that i need to get usedd to my home and bring my mind closer to you. The last of this song, is all out of place, but the pace rings true to the rule, of the verses before i shut tight the door on the patterns lost and misconstrewen,becauseits all backwards and forewards like this, its in shambles but its not a ruin,the end of this 4 verse song has arrived, to the point you might not clue in. Sea of lights Rockj and rave, through the night,on speed in a sea of lights,jump spin contort thrust,black white pain lust,spent a week there last might, maybe more,steal yourself a holy death crouching by the door cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Standing there all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the whilestanding all in black behind the vox stack, from behind sunglasses, we inspire the masses, cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Walk and talk it through the park,whiplashgirlchild in the darkrun run run, take a drag shoot your speed while you brag i’ve been orchestrating behind sunglasses,immitatingprodogy, and writer, man, tomboy and a throusand fans zeppelin spotlights on my brain exploding plastic in my veinhypnotyic tones as the propellers drone,mind bending sounds, resonate undreground, dak circles never weed, new york 1963, Chcmysic, velvet freak desensitize alter tweak, no money car moon or sun, sell your blood for heroin,if she ever comes now now, moe beat on that drum now now,pink perfume, mantra neumes silk screen factory tunes superstar test only the best wine coffee speed heroin rest,darkcircl;es never weep, new yourk 1963,theyve been up for weeks, in the white light the tweak, in 63 Skeleton Here we are again, moneys all been spent, you don’t know where hesbeen,hes trying to fend off things that dwell within, hes a skeleton. at the end of days hes been here before he says, narrow in mannyways,hes a skeleton,andidont know where hesgoin, or why he thinks itssnowin, he can see the wind thatsblowin, hes a skeleton, Spotlight Reap what you sew,snakes and poppys in her hair,sun flowers in the snow,make you look like your not so old,it had been so long i could not recall her face,she came outside to meet me though iwas’t her case,nowi sit and wonder if I’m out of place,the memories i had of her, are in outer space Standing all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the while,on the odd days I could talk to her,harmony and dissonence, a modern venus in furs,up and down that hallway, rotating the earth,waiting there for hours and hours, for her the quench my thirst. Sweet grass summertime,see the star shine, and i don’t mind revisiting those times,although my mind is blown, i play the drone,saying goodbye while you’re getting stoned. Vicious lips oooooo what to do,iwanna see you too,i think imgoin mad, ooooim not that sad noooi wonder sometimes where you are,what moon what planet under what star,id like to think your not that far, but we both know that trip was hard your vicious lips, eard on the airwaves, waking the dead, from their graves,your sweet, but your toxic, been three weeks since you dropped itI found it in my pocket, your trains comin I cant stop it You Made Me the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me, Come Back Around JAMES MCFARLANE·FRIDAY, MAY 13, 201610 Reads The process as a whole is always a learning experience like no other. Ultimately, like the brain has a recognition and physical atribute that corresponds with most chemicals in nature (possibly even synthetic chemicals) the psychological functions that a person can aquire are almostordaned and recieved in a timely fashion by the organ and im assuming the subconscious effortlessly and for evolutionary purpose. So I will assume everyones own, (however existential), growth experience is interesting. Having the atribute of spiking and deminishing of at least two of the brains most important chemicals related to experience, and behavior… and the awareness of the (most obvious to you) potential for not only chemical related occurances and their ripple effect, but the behavioral methods that the acute brain, manic brain, almost has a natural function to excercise and use usually either for a better survival or further expansion into astonishing existential and soon to be investigated parapsychological, social behaviors that tend to stick as long as they serve in a new type evolutionary (ie “Counter intuative”, productive and humanistic beavior that the mind eagerly draws in like an antennae recieving and storing up valueable energy. Setting this agenda and also surviving the early episodes, of bipolar, (which are usually the most drastic) are two hurdles to get over, let alone the crude, almost sickening archetectural features in our community hospitals, thats purpose cannot be desguised as heathcare to the human eye. A grossly overused assortment of bondage equipment and isolation chambers (not to mention your absence of any dignifying articles of clothing( also to be moved and set in place on occasion) nowadays plate glass walls, a whole dungeon setup designed by those people involved no less, who really probably care wheather the colour they chose or how their design would function better than the decaying sweat soaked ultimately in our home towns case, my favorite case, dried blood stained, apparenty approved for use by some dr, a single hallway, to alk up and down seemingly endlessly, untill not suprisedby the inevitable dread code white, that is the delight for the predominantly, …listen t me… dominated, by your average practicing as ferociously as they can with as little effort as possible, sociopath and more importantly to re ognise, violent violators psychopaths, who pretymch have the real pl working there stressin over what could possibly be these ppls capabilities, and are alienated inside by this evil thay cannot risk their ,,, virtully anything valuable, like a job or who knows, omg… thats why she left,,,,, so, yaa, these ppl rise like cream, annnnnd they have a really good time eeeehm, .. now nurse practitioners or legends, thir former dominator look like theyve aged, well lets say i was convinced they had beeen using prolongued use on heavy stimulents, like crack. iloldrewaout a blueprint with symboldsfr the patient advocate, neaysi mostly wantd to write and its alot of shit thats gone no doubt as home with ,,,lets say u know like fat cat. what, i was 15, and he was fat then, now hes the last one standing up there that i know of. oh yea… so i would say if u want out, and as of late i thing the design is perfect for the right ppl, socios included, fuckers, but, the dr, they are jst as careless as the security guards who cant hide haw stupid the really are and the odd couple who are revealing that their ok, still, idicovered, ,, maybe not in north bay, but in a proper community, like the city, ………..lost my train,,,, i think that i was getting at how just to be fair and …eyea 50 percent of the staff endowd with the ability to weildstrapps, and are encouraged by their no doubt under educated superiors, to always have the wrist ready to be broken if, now this brings me back,,,, they chokeyou, than comes the bondage that betty page would think is very unatractive, idk,,, the thing is,,, ya the drs, oh waut,, ok…. 1/3 of all of them are,,,, exculding the drs, and the janitors, who if ihaventdiscosedya are always there to pile up on a code white, and i know,, listen to me, no janitor ive met would grab my ass so hard on such a numerous a pile up, i have eyes in theback f my head,,,,,,, italalot,,,,,,, ppl that work so hard tp climb so not that far up the ladder in society, yes, sum of them are costume rocking witchcrftprodiges, who, will, 1 take the whole bunch of guys .. it may have been the forensic unit,,, this little thing is known by ,ppl, ive talked to about the psych who are inderectyl told by their others who work it, and ave stories about the oddity of us. iduno,, alot went down, but,, boring s yea she walks me throught e bysantine conduit iup to the floor, and the police have to walk somewhere behind to uncuff me and ta da, , y o iwanna bring up corporeal action when the best times,,, due to the conditios of bondage uuuuuuuuuuh were strictly through plate glass,,,,, ie. rare appearenced that are pretty much the only way. i really was bloody fucking thirsty 8percent and i mea ya,, when i was younngti chewed up braaaaan and drank my watttaaeer, and drew peace sighnsandd 7 days laterrrrr, after she sumhow managed to get an earbud into my head screaming for any colour you like by pink floyd, and playd the fungsonhggg, badassss. straight jacket. prolly day 4,,,,, i still think cough syrop is good for teenagerswhatver,,m took me to the top. ok… to get offf, the ward do as such; by Ultimately drawin on to no apparent end in crayons complete with nicotine gum (smokes,, the only freedom, not yet a right, that is so hard to get,,,,, and i learned to smoke in side the scarborough general hospitol,,, that room soon became the chamber, i would be locked in, for manny weeks, at different times,, thats where alot also hapened, is where the nude bondage asianfemaldr, ..whati mean i s theatwwhatwuldlou reed say… they never forgave us for nagasaki.,,, newaysive never spent more time in a i also a what appears to be and have bben told by assdocter of the north bay pstychwhi took to court at the hospitol and he got yelled at by a panel while my dad defended him and i ate cookies cus ii was really manic,,,, i also was 15 1/2… he later let me try and commit suicide,, thats a story of a different colour,, sounds like sprockets, idk,, idontwafe war with very real religiossympomatic shat, iuuuuuhm , so,,,, hereswahat krb8tujvcklwelbutrin.,,, ya, it istaken orally it shoul get right to work in three ad a half weeks, if suicidal,,,,, pray, oooir if u cant get dxedrine,, or sum speed beane drink a bottle of childrensgeapecoughsyrup once a day,,,, this acts as a seritonin reuptake inhibitor of a differrentcolour. 2 to 4 hours,,,iu get the mental stimulation,, it reall is a mellow buzz butttttyupppidecare fuck cough syrop…… dexedrineisnt out there and i know it couould really bbe used and they aslso do,, ie. jfk, addisons disease, dexedrine/anphetamine. so,, it will make y0ur 90 year old great aunt we all frogot about over in blind river get up from the abyss of alzheimers and dementia and sing thins is the day that the lord hath made,, ,but with real and concious interaction,,, without memory of course. however,,, she does that,,, did that anyway , but,,, im sure every month not every day,, at least one trial of … iuffingadhd adults can take it,,, why cant she. smeared into the grate of every window and the classy bubble rooom which actually was made with enough pride according to the regionnsid say, to have an even more, almost funny, and certainly battered scratched and spat on bubble for the head psychiatrist t poke his head into every few days. Lets not froget how that scene ended. like my father and grandfather before me who conditioned and alterred the correctiona institutions for fifty fife years now a conmfortablevacatin for psychopaths and whoever, not even the hole could stand up to point blank restraints naked, with your flimsy gown around your chest. at least in the bubble room there was lots of privacy, u know, to each institution their own, glass , bubble blood stained, probably 60 years of ppl that somehow said something that attracted the attention of their nurse, who no doubt vollynteered after printing your file which is most likely epic thick, there is no room for any of their creative stylings in that no, i did just smash the wall into pieces and ya all the insulatin is everywhere, high five and respect from my cute transference mistress, (and a couple others.)

Perverts Dictionary (O_o))))))))))))) Trilateral — jinx No doubt — yes, super Doble- adorable, dobles, adobles Straight up — forthrightly, correct, right, or goof Throwing babies makes them gay Avant garde — protect the old (art) stay the same Downtown, — quiet not ratting Technology — rewind/splice mp3 interchangable Right up — shooting up Not up — free (not in trouble) Word — “my promise” new word, yes Naw — ya goof / no Buzz out — use vibrator / get high Drone- parapsychological anomalie Phe — speed (methanphetamenes) Stellar — awsum / the sun / single thing Figure — shape (claivoiance) One — god / goof Out-gay or leaving No doubt — ur gay / im gay. (For sure (im a whore)) straight up In — a goof out “my thing ‘ — claivoiant animation (repeated) Pentagon/circuit — terrific Duality — love or contrast in nature Straight — not gay or no drugs Up-in torouble/retarded/fucked Goof — crazy p/pedophile / molester/rapist/asshole Pervert-whore/hooker Asshole-incessant talker(mean) Solid-honest reliable Ethereal — heavely, sticky, Bird- girl pervert , moron Badass-pervert/violent, missile Idiot –saying nething Toad- smaker (heavy) old vagina A hard — a stiffy Eh eh- turning vol down and then up to trick parents in the 70s in quebec Bonhome — dildo, goof, good man Ein — get in /out (here) goof (French) ass hole/vagina Institution/church shouting= good Tabernacle-chest Coalis-chalise Zeut-fuck Fuck- rape/damnet or sex Stomping — raping Bang out- beat on Beat up — gay kids trying to get their frieing off violently Rank out — make someone stink by working them or hurting them / cast someone out canadian military style (gay) , gang up on someone till they freak out (psychopaths do it all over Canada)’ Trast- drunk /party/water Dai-morning, cool, fun, ausum, hello! Good-goof Story along-paranormal happening involving ancestral memory Psychic-all in one, prophet telepath Telepathic — mind to mind talker, thinker Telekinetic- moving things/ ppl Claivoiance- seeing colour from other ppls minds Rod-skyfish/fast moving anomaly animal Vaj-old or young vagina Oss — dog or baby vagina Grandma- bag in tree Candy — transsexual My honey — sexy (on the wind(throwing laughter(female))) Beating off — complex Wacking off-pervert Jerking off — solid (female) Move-walk / go Mullet-militia Freak –goof (black word) Ca — crap — crow call Germ freak-someone who forces germs on ppl Quay-(beautiful woman (cunt) — woman) latin Mead-morphene Rin — heroin (dust / cookie crumble) Beans — speed pills Rids — Ritalin No shit- of course Jib-meth Hellfire — run off meth (bad) Food — crack Molly-mdma /e Bombs — ecstacy cid — Acid (lsd) shrooms-magic mushrooms sterl — brother (little) afgan weed — brown pot kife — bad weed (shake) leaves) shibby — cool/goof cool-gay/awsum fade white — see white on od (heroin/mescelin(go to heaven/hell)) road — freedom — out of institution the suck — mescalin myth ast — perversion telekinetic- asty sortof meta/physical movement from the brain outwardly god — goof — one or christ lady stink — female deodorant leave it — shirt on chest (gay /bi) stop it hiboit gland — make you fat cured with amricain medicine merican — goof citizen of America Canadian- a sovereign citizen of Canada (incestewous clown) Were done — end releationship British — gay mongerers Nono –nig mistake Famished — thirsty / starved Sent — innocent Pervert — to change something and make it last nothing — absence, bipolar universai — multiple universes psykinetics — telepathy / telekinetics/claivoiance geniupsy — psykinetic offspring genius — generating new thought (brilliant) bipolar- up and down serotonin and dopamine, psychopath — violent person sociopath — not caring about neone oppositional defiant — opposing help borderline personality — victim misbehaving schitzophrenic — high fixed dopamine, fixed seretonin (normal)\ drone — unpiloted airplane, good worker, artist , schitzophrenic dick — enlarged clitoris get out of here — come here little child aced — gay men trying to get pregnant, daughter , sqaired away k — ketamine ass — dad/grandfather hun — little stut( skank) brecky — greek (breakfast) supper — jewish (Dinner) brecko — Italian (breakfast) avatar — ethereal image of oneself asshole — girl or boy or rapist (north bay / Chicago)\ goof — sad or sexy ethereal image from shame can be cured with desensitization (knumbaning) (telepathic) ya — pedophile dude — black pedophile Italian cowboy, fake doctor (candadian) huffin — pretending to be someone else while using telekinteicks in a sexual fashion. sadomasochist — paingiver/enjoyer earphoning — hearing ppl in ypur speaker — hold speaker up to ear and hand over other ear, psychopaths recommendation pur — rapist/pervert uggz — ug;y phile — pedophile ace — gays — rape — sister — grandma-brother path — telepath or a psychopath/sociopath, can — male whore cop- fake police (pedophile) musac — music laid — losing virginity glowie — acid victims (creep) ente old stupid goof dex — cough syrup bed down — tie to bed (north bay) fuck right off — screw my girlfriend\ fuck off — go cop the u- universe no shit — definitely mangina — friend spect-respect right up — repect straight up — disguise Italian — scot Adisguzi — disgusting excuse me No shit- really? Love — goodbye

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[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

[tiredfangs]

The Age/Site Morality Rant: Why you should leave this hellsite while you still fucking can. (EPSECIALLY IF YOURE 14 AND UNDER OR AN EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE, A NATURALLY IMMATURE, OR A VERY GULLIBLE/EASILY MANIPULATED PERSON. GO SEEK VALIDATION ELSEWHERE, PLEASE. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT WEBSITE TO DO IT)

while making a post on how to deal with mental illnesses (which will be up soon) i got off topic and ranted abt tumblr so im gonna post it separately here

This [edit: ‘this’ referring to the mental illness post- not posted yet] is probably one of my final pieces of advice as a teenager to other teenagers and younger kids, who- quite frankly- need to get off this website if theyre not a teenager yet. 13+ to join tumblr dude, sorry.

HELL if it were up to me, id make this site 15-16+ AT THE YOUNGEST. Thats about the age where your mind stops being a blank whiteboard, free for anyone to write whatever they want on it, and where people typically become less gullibe and childhood naivete starts going away, its about the age where people start to think for themselves a lot more, formulating opinions and morals based on past experiences and the opinions of whatever friend circle theyre in, and, (if they arent horribly abusive) the ideals and wishes of their parents and how they raised their child.

IT REALLY SHOULD BE 18+ FOR THE SOLE FACT THAT THERES EASILY ACCESSIBLE PORNOGRAPHY ON THIS WEBSITE!!!!!! IM KIND OF A HYPOCRITE DUE TO ME BEING INTERESTED IN PORN AND SEX AT AROUND 11 YEARS OLD BUT STILL!!! Im not even going to mention tumblr’s broken ass safe search/ whatever the thing they made is where it auto-flags completely harmless posts as nsfw. IT SHOULDNT BE SO EASILY ACCESSIBLE, ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH LOTS OF YOUNG KIDS!!! ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH A LOT OF OLDER ADULTS LOOKING FOR YOUNG KIDS TO PREY ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY KNOW THAT TEENAGERS AND TWEENS FLOCK TO THIS WEBSITE AND THEY USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[THE FOLLOWING IS A FICTIONAL SCENARIO, PRESENTED TO GIVE YOU ALL AN EXAMPLE OF A MINOR HAVING EASY ACCESS TO NSFW CONTENT AND INVOLVING THEMSELVES IN THAT COMMUNITY- AS WELL AS AN IDEA OF HOW SERIOUS THIS ISSUE ACTUALLY IS AND HOW SEVERE THE REPERCUSSIONS CAN BE IF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THESE KINDS OF THINGS ARE FOUND OUT- IN A COURT OF LAW, IT DOESNT MATTER IF THE ADULT IN THE SITUATION HAD NO CLUE THE MINOR WAS A MINOR, AND IT DOESNT MATTER THAT THEY WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVED THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT- ALBEIT A SOMEWHAT BELIEVABLE ONE. I WOULDNT BE TERRIBLY SURPRISED IF THIS HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST]

IF A MINOR POSES AS AN ADULT AND COMMISSIONS AN ADULT ARTIST FOR NSFW ART OF THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTER OR WHATEVER, THE ARTIST COULD GET IN SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS TROUBLE!!!! LEGAL TROUBLE!! IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED, THE ADULT ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY MOSTLY BE THE ONE AT FAULT, IF NOT THE MOST AT FAULT, THEN THE MOST HARSHLY PUNISHED OF THE TWO, AND WOULD HAVE TO FACE A COURT TRAIL AS WELL AS POTENTIALLY FACING JAILTIME OR HOUSE ARREST!!!!! THEYD PROBABLY BE LABELED AS A PEDOPHILE OR SOMETHING AKIN TO IT- THEYD PROBABLY HAVE TO PAY A LARGE FINE THAT THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD, DUE TO THIS GENERATION OF AMATEUR/ RISING ARTISTS BEING UNDERPAID AND STRUGGLING IN LIFE TO MAKE THEIR PASSION THEIR JOB!!!! THEY TRUSTED THEIR FOLLOWERS AND COMMISSIONERS AND WAS PROBABLY TOTALLY UNAWARE THAT THE COMMISSIONER WAS A MINOR, WHETHER IT BE BECAUSE THE ARTIST DIDNT DO A THOROUGH ENOUGH BACKGROUND CHECK, THE MINOR ‘SEEMED’ LIKE THEY WERE OVER 18 DUE TO SPEECH PATTERNS OR LEVEL OF MATURITY, OR IF THE MINOR WAS VERY KEEN ABOUT CONCEALING THEIR TRUE IDENTITY AND AGE, CONSTRUCTING A FAKE BUT BELIEVABLE PROFILE!!! THE ARTIST WOULDVE PROBABLY THOUGHT THAT THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT DUE TO THE MINOR HAVING A PAYPAL OR SOMETHING OF THE SORTS!!! WHICH YOU HAVE TO BE 18 FOR!!! THE ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY BE SUPER CAUTIOUS ABOUT SELLING NSFW ART AFTER EVERYTHING GETS DEALT WITH LEGALLY, MAYBE CEASING NSFW COMMISSIONS ENTIRELY. IT COULD BE AS BAD AS THE ARTSIT QUITS DOING ART ENTIRELY- PROBABLY AN IMPORTANT PASSION IN THEIR LIFE, OR AT LEAST A WAY TO PAY THE BILLS/ PAY FOR SIMPLE DEMANDS AND SMALL LUXURIES IN LIFE DUE TO COMMISSIONS BEING UNDER-PRICED IN THE AMATEUR ART WORLD- BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION!!! THE ARTIST WOULD PROBABLY BE EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED DUE TO THE INCIDENT!!! IM NOT SAYING THAT THE MINOR WOULDNT BE EITHER, BUT THE LAW IS MUCH, MUCH HARSHER ON PEOPLE 18 AND OVER.

i dont care if you think youre mature enough, i dont even care if you ARE pretty mature for your age!! thats not the problem!! Its not because i dont think people under 13 arent mature, and its not because im a teenager that hates kids under 15 due to some kind of age-based superiority complex, and i dont think im a ‘cool kid’ because i advise younger folk to stay off most social media, and ESPECIALLY needless and overly-dramatic drama (which really just makes everyone involved feel worse than when they started out)- but because this website is FULL of toxic, horrible ideals and morals that horribly, HORRIBLY misrepresent what the real, outside world is like. young minds will take this as the absolute truth, just because theyre presented as the absolute and only truth, and these twisted views and ways of life will eventually and ultimately screw you the FUCK over if you carry them into the real world and try to presen them as truth and fact to someone who knows a lot more than you, is probably older than you, and bases their world views and base morals off of personal experiences and carefully constructed values that have shaped them as a person- NOT because they saw it on the internet and want it to be true/ is manuipulated into believing its true by this fucked up site. NOBODY IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD THINKS LIKE TUMBLR DOES- AND THE PEOPLE IN THE OUTISDE WORLD THAT DO THINK LIKE TUMBLR DOES, PROBABLY HAVE A TUMBLR!!!! PEOPLE ARENT GOING TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU OR EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL OR THINK IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOURE NOT SPECIAL TO THEM AND YOURE NOT GOING TO GET SPECIAL TREATMENT BECAUSE YOURE GAY OR WHATEVER, THEYRE GOING TO TREAT YOU AS A HUMAN BEING WITH COMMON SENSE AND BASIC DECENCY!!!! IF YOU GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST OVER SOMEONE NOT TREATING YOU LIKE THE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE, OR UNINTENTIONALLY ‘TRIGGERING’ YOU, ITS FUCKNNG???? ITS FINE??? NOBODY CARES EXCEPT YOU AND YOU NEED TO LEARN TO UNCLENCH YOUR ASSCHEEKS AND LET GO OF THINGS.

Tumblr is a disgusting bastardizaton on how the world is, and how people should act. Stop looking at the world from your narrow tube of ignorance and refusal to listen to anybodys opinions other than your own and people like-minded to you. Yall have tried so hard to be loving and accepting to everyone, that youve BECOME the oppressors, only accepting a narrow range of people into your sick cult, pampering and conditioning them to how you want them to be and then dropping them off on a street corner when they start forming problems and morality issues because of your teachings. It took me YEARS to unlearn the toxic shit that tumblr shoved down my throat, and i took as fact, due to me being so young, vunerable, and gullible. 

The people on this website are absolutely horrible and theres a reason tumblr is considered one of the worst social media websites on the internet. The only reason im on here is because it provides a wide variety of art in all different mediums, and i like laughing at funny text posts. 

TLDR: if youre a young teenager or under 13, please leave this website before its too late. sincerely, a teenager that turns into an adult 4 days from now and kind of knows what theyre talking about from the 5 years they spent on this site.

[andystanberg]

~ still not gay ~

Word Count: 2 800

Genre: chat fic, coming out, coming to terms with sexuality, humour

Pairing(s): phan, tiny mention of kickthestickz

Warnings: swearing, so many spelling/grammar mistakes (all on purpose as it’s a chat fic), mentioned homophobia, sexual humour (not a lot)

Summary:

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat. PJ: what? dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

A/N Shout out to the (formerly) ~ still not gay ~ chat, thanks for not believing I was straight. (Loosely based off my own unconventional coming out.)

AUGUST 12TH

dan is gay

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat.

PJ: what?

dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

PJ: you are.

crabstickzzz: SUCK IT HOWELL

LouiseP: Chris, Dan clearly isn’t ready for blowjobs yet.

dannyboy: IM NOT GAY

PJ: sure.

crabstickzzz: wat about ur crush on phil

AmazingPhil: His what now

dannyboy: i dont have a crush on phil

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: im straight guys cmon

PJ has changed the chat name to dan is in denial and gay.

dannyboy: oh for fucks sake

dannyboy: seriously guys im 100% sure im straight

PJ: sure.

-

AUGUST 15TH

dan is in denial and gay

AmazingPhil: Why is the name always about Dan

LouiseP: This group chat is dedicated to whether or not Dan is gay. And memes.

crabstickzzz: thats all we talk about so theres no point in creating another

PJ: i’ve been in this group chat for two days and it’s true.

dannyboy: why does it matter what i am

crabstickzzz: bc u wont admit ur gay! we r teaching u to love and accept urself 4 who u r!!!

dannyboy: bullshit

AmazingPhil: Maybe we should lay off Dan a bit

dannyboy: thank you filip

AmazingPhil: Never mind please continue

dannyboy changed the chat name to i hate you all

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil.

AmazingPhil: You’re not mad, are you?

dannyboy: no

AmazingPhil: Sure?

dannyboy: its fine. theyre joking and having fun. i just dont get why they care so much about my sexuality though

AmazingPhil: Maybe Crabstickzzz and PJ have a crush on you and Louise is trying to wingman both???

dannyboy: yeah right. can you imagine?

AmazingPhil: You never know

dannyboy: for starters, nobody has, or ever had, or ever will have a crush on me, and secondly, crabstickzzz and pj are dating

AmazingPhil: WHAT? WHEN? HOW?

dannyboy: well i dont know for sure but cmon

AmazingPhil: Oh good. I thought I had missed their big reveal

AmazingPhil: Also don’t be so sure about the crush thing

dannyboy: what? who has a crush on me?!

dannyboy: PHIL LESTER ANSWER ME

-

NOVEMBER 20TH

i hate you all

dannyboy: GUYS OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THE PIC ZAC EFRON JUST POSTED

LouiseP: Who’s Zack?

PJ: oh boy.

dannyboy: HOW DARE YOU! ZAC**** IS THE ACTOR OF TROY BOLTON AKA MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

AmazingPhil: I JUST SAW IT TOO HE LOOKS SO GOOD

dannyboy: I KNOW RIGHT?????

LouiseP: daNIEL

PJ: HAH KNEW IT.

dannyboy: what

crabstickzzz: ur not good at being straight, my friend

dannyboy: oh come on! i may be straight but im not BLIND!

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: phil back me up!

AmazingPhil: Dan has a point.

crabstickzzz: spoil sport

crabstickzzz has kicked AmazingPhil from the chat.

dannyboy: OI

LouiseP: Chris, add him back in.

crabstickzzz: fineeee only cause ur scary

crabstickzzz has added AmazingPhil to the chat.

dannyboy has changed the chat name to welcome back fil.

AmazingPhil has changed the chat name to chris sucks.

dannyboy: i second that

crabstickzzz: wat did i do???

PJ: you’re really asking yourself that?

-

NOVEMBER 25TH

chris sucks

LouiseP: It’s been five days are you all dea?

crabstickzzz: yep im so dea

LouiseP: Oh shut up, like you can talk.

PJ: he never stops talking. don’t encourage him, for my sake.

crabstickzzz: do not

AmazingPhil: Do too

PJ: do too.

dannyboy: do too

crabstickzzz: alright i get it

LouiseP: Do too.

LouiseP: Whoops.

crabstickzzz: watevr

crabstickzzz: so dan have u figured out that ur gay yet

dannyboy: for the last time, im like 99% sure im straight

PJ: that’s 1% less than last time.

crabstickzzz: progress!!!

dannyboy: no its just that if evan peters wanted to fuck me, i wouldnt say no

LouiseP: Hardly anyone would.

dannyboy: see? it doesnt prove anything

AmazingPhil: well…

dannyboy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

PJ: welcome to the dark side.

AmazingPhil: I just go for whatever side is winning! Can’t blame a man for surviving

dannyboy: thats not the saying

AmazingPhil: It is now!

dannyboy: weve been over this! you cant steal sayings and try to change them

AmazingPhil: I just did

dannyboy: why am i friends with you

crabstickzzz: bc u like him

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ still not gay ~.

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You say that a lot.

PJ: it’s because it’s needed. if dan didn’t deny the blatantly obvious, i wouldn’t have to be sarcastic all the time.

crabstickzzz: dont lie to urself

-

NOVEMBER 27TH

~ still not gay~

dannyboy: oh my god oh m y god

AmazingPhil: What?!

dannyboy: fcukin evan peters in ahs

AmazingPhil: ARE YOU WATCHING WITHOUT ME

dannyboy: maybe…

AmazingPhil: BETRAYAL

crabstickzzz: gayyyyyy

dannyboy: fuck off let me have this chris

PJ: yeah chris, fuck off.

dannyboy: thanks pj

PJ: it’s okay. also...

dannyboy: what

PJ: gayyyyy.

AmazingPhil: Okay but Dan has a point

LouiseP: True!

dannyboy: phil and louise are my only friends

crabstickzzz: danyul they both like guys doesnt that say something

dannyboy: psh whatever

-

DECEMBER 25TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh im stuck with sucky wifi away from home :(

AmazingPhil: Aw! Does that mean no skype tonight?

dannyboy: im using my data rn and its so slow, skype would be a nightmare. sorry phil

AmazingPhil: I’ll see you when you get back, then.

dannyboy: yeah :)

crabstickzzz: ugh stop flirting

PJ: yeah, get your own chat.

LouiseP: I think it’s cute.

dannyboy: yeah okay im leaving

PJ: he didn’t deny the flirting part though.

-

JANUARY 1ST

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: new years and no one to kiss wow what a surprise

AmazingPhil: My offer still stands ;)

LouiseP: WAIT, WHAT OFFER?!

crabstickzzz: yeah wat offer

PJ: is no one gonna..?

PJ: okay fine I guess I’ll have to do it.

PJ: gayyyyyyy

AmazingPhil: I wish

dannyboy: keep dreaming philly ;)

LouiseP: I ship it.

PJ: join the club.

dannyboy: can anybody read what the title of this chat is

crabstickzzz: we can we just dont care

PJ: the only reason no one has changed it is because of its irony.

-

JANUARY 12TH

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

dannyboy: ahH EVAN PETERS

AmazingPhil: Dan are you sure you’re not gay

dannyboy: well i mean i have liked girls before so even if i did like guys i wouldnt be gay

AmazingPhil: Bi?

dannyboy: maybe idk

dannyboy: but anyway EVAN PETERS

-

JANUARY 16TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: this chat is so quiet

AmazingPhil: For the first time in forever

dannyboy: did you literally just reference Frozen

LouiseP: What’s wrong with Frozen?!

AmazingPhil: Yeah Dan what’s wrong with Frozen

PJ: he probably thinks its gay lmao.

crabstickzzz: dans literally the epitome of no homo

dannyboy: wow what a big word you used there chris

dannyboy: do you even know what it means

dannyboy: also i’ll have you know i have proudly never said no homo

AmazingPhil: I’ve tested that ;)

PJ: WOAH WHAT DID PHIL JUST MAKE A DIRTY JOKE?

LouiseP: PHIL, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHILD.

crabstickzzz: DAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM

dannyboy: wouldnt you like to know

crabstickzzz: wht te h fcuk

PJ: … GAYYYYYYY.

LouiseP: I second that.

AmazingPhil: I hope that

dannyboy: that doesnt make sense

PJ: okay, straight boy, he meant ‘fil hopes you’re gay, as in attracted to boys, no “no homo”’.

dannyboy: im not an idiot

crabstickzzz: debateble

dannyboy: debatable* dumbass

-

JANUARY 30TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL MY BEST FRIEND

LouiseP: Happy birthday! Wow, January went by quickly.

dannyboy: yeah can you believe that Phil Lester created January and the world was so hyped for his birthday it sped up time

PJ: oh my god, guys, holy shit.

crabstickzzz: what

PJ: DAN DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW BIRTHDAYS ARE A STEP CLOSER TO DEATH. AM I ALIVE?

crabstickzzz: hoLY FUCK UR RIGHT

LouiseP: Dan, you feeling okay?

dannyboy: jeez sorry for wishing my friend a happy birthday

AmazingPhil: I thought it was sweet

crabstickzzz: yeah we get it u love each other

PJ: they’re so cute but so gross.

dannyboy: i dont like phil cmon guys

AmazingPhil: I thought we had something :( you even forgot to talk about the inevitability of death for me :((((

PJ: hey, at least he didn’t say he doesn’t like guys or reference the chat name.

-

FEBRUARY 3RD

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh people suck

AmazingPhil: What happened?

dannyboy: nothing

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You can tell us, Dan.

crabstickzzz: as long as its not blackmail worthy bc in that case dont be so sure

LouiseP: Chris.

crabstickzzz: i was joking, ofc he can tell us

dannyboy: nvm, i said it was nothing

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

AmazingPhil: Seriously what happened

dannyboy: one of my old friends from uni keeps asking me when im getting a girlfriend or making jokes about my lack of love life every time he sees me and im sick of it

AmazingPhil: You’ve complained about him before and it you never seemed too bothered

dannyboy: yeah well…

AmazingPhil: ?

dannyboy: i know it shouldnt bother me but this time when i tried to ignore all of his questions about getting a girlfriend or whatever he said “you’re gonna turn gay and be alone”

dannyboy: like i know gay isnt an insult but at the same time it bugs me? is that wrong?

AmazingPhil: I don’t think so. Maybe it was just that he said something like that in the first place

dannyboy: maybe… or like some internalised homophobia idk i feel shitty

dannyboy: im just so tired of everyone asking me when im gonna get a relationship

dannyboy: my mum has been making hints at it lately

AmazingPhil: I love your mum but everyone should back off

dannyboy: this is cheesy but you’re the best

AmazingPhil: No problem <3

dannyboy: <3

-

FEBRUARY 4TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: youll all be happy to know that i almost accidentally kissed a guy today

crabstickzzz: o H YM GOD DANYUL WELCOME TO THE GAY SIDE

dannyboy: a l m o s t + a c c i d e n t a l l y

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: i thought you had stopped with the sarcastic sures

PJ: keep dreaming, howell.

crabstickzzz: shut up time for the important qs

crabstickzzz: was it fil

LouiseP: Please for the love of god let it be Phil.

AmazingPhil: Let what be me

dannyboy: they’re freaking out over the almost kiss

AmazingPhil: Oh! Sorry guys, it wasn’t me

crabstickzzz: NOOOOOOOOO

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: Liesssssssssssssss.

dannyboy: it was this cute guy who ive been friends with for a while and we were messing around and whispering in each others ears to waste time during some meeting that was probably important and i turned just as he was whispering something and our lips almost touched

dannyboy: we jumped back just in time

PJ: there was so much gay in that that I can’t even form a coherent reason as to why it was gay.

AmazingPhil: Can you believe that Dan cheated on me :(((((()(09()

crabstickzzz: CUTE GUY? WHISPERING IN EARS? HOWL U R GAY OK

PJ: good news, chris just said my reasons for me.

LouiseP: Who’s the lucky guy?

dannyboy: first of all, weve been over this. i know when someone is cute, guy or girl. second of all, we were whispering creepy stuff like “mayonnaise” to try and freak each other out and third of all, not telling because id know you guys would stalk him

AmazingPhil: I know who it is ;)

PJ: i bet it’s phil.

dannyboy: nope. i said CUTE guy

AmazingPhil: HEY!

dannyboy: kidding. but no, it wasnt phil

-

FEBRUARY 8TH

~ still not gay ~

LouiseP: Alright, for today we put a halt on the usual Dan is gay discourse.

dannyboy: thank you friend

PJ: why? did someone die?

crabstickzzz: BREAKING TRADITION IS NOT ALLWD!!!

LouiseP: Shush, let me talk about a cute guy I saw today.

LouiseP: Anyway how do I ask him out?

AmazingPhil: Wait until Valentines and anonymously get him a rose.

dannyboy: ask him out or let your feelings pile up and watch him inevitably move on because you’re too scared to make a move

PJ: talk to him on the internet until you become best friends and be gay oops i meant straight for each other.

crabstickzzz: love poems via mysterious skype calls no one gets to know the contents of

LouiseP: The last two are unrealistic. Who talks to a stranger on the internet??? Stanger danger!1!!1!

dannyboy: fil i think theyre picking on us

AmazingPhil: Fair enough

dannyboy: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

-

FEBRUARY 11TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: i cant wait to get nothing on valentines

LouiseP: Same.

AmazingPhil: Same

PJ: same.

crabstickzzz: sam

crabstickzzz: samr*

crabstickzzz: SAME****

dannyboy: this chat is so depressing

dannyboy: also learn how to spell

crabstickzzz: np

crabstickzzz: no*

-

FEBRUARY 13TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ not gay, but bi ~

crabstickzzz: I KNEW IR

dannyboy: shush

crabstickzzz: I FCUKIGN KNEWS IT

dannyboy: you saw nothing

crabstickzzz: YOURE BI

dannyboy: i was right about not being gay though

crabstickzzz: BUT I KNEW YOU WERENT STRAIGHT

PJ: WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENIGN OH MT FGDPL.

LouiseP: PJ ISN’T USING FULL STOPS!!! HE’S BROKEN!

LouiseP: DAN, YOU’VE BROKEN ALL OF US!!!

dannyboy: I SAID I WAS 99% SURE I WAS STRAIGHT

crabstickzzz: I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG

dannyboy: NO YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY

dannyboy: WE WERE ALL WRONG

PJ: S T I L L.

AmazingPhil: This is so amusing

LouiseP: WHY ISN’T PHIL JOINING OUR FREAKING OUT?!

dannyboy: … might have came out already yesterday maybe haha dont kill me

PJ: WHAT?

crabstickzzz: FUK U FIL AND DANYUL

LouiseP: AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING US NOW??????

dannyboy: yeah well coming out to phil was the first time ive ever done it so it was a little emotionally exhausted and i shook so much that i needed to recharge

AmazingPhil: He was so nervous but I’m proud of him

PJ: yeah, same.

LouiseP: I second that!

crabstickzzz: I FUCKING NKEW TOU WERE GAY

AmazingPhil: I thought we had gotten past this bit

dannyboy: chris, read the new name. im still not gay, just extremely bi

crabstickzzz: sry but i cant believe ur finally coming out

LouiseP: If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realise you were bi?

dannyboy: it all started with this one guy in high school who was so fucking hot and i had like a teensy bit of a crush on him and omg he was so pretty and one time i saw him literally leaning against a wall with his hair messed up and i died

dannyboy: i thought it was a one-time thing and i wasnt really sure if it counted considering ive only ever been attracted to girls before that, but recently ive just come to terms with that and the other thing

crabstickzzz: WHICH IS

dannyboy: nnnnnnnothing

PJ: sure.

AmazingPhil: Ha you guys aren’t on best friend level, so of course you don’t know

crabstickzzz: r00d

dannyboy: dont worry he doesnt know either, hes just being a little shit

AmazingPhil: Love you too

LouiseP: Can you imagine how much we would’ve freaked out over Phil’s message in August?

PJ: seasons change and people do too, apparently.

-

FEBRUARY 14TH

~ not gay, but bi ~

dannyboy: [image attached] someone sent me this chocolate rose with a note saying “- Voldemort” i wonder who that could be??!?!?

PJ: yeah, can anyone think of a super pale nerd who likes Harry Potter almost as much as Dan does and knows where he lives??? I’m coming up blank!!!1!!

LouiseP: Awwww, that’s so sweet!

crabstickzzz: barf

AmazingPhil: Thanks Louise I spent 2 whole pounds on it

dannyboy: spending so much for his boyfriend ew sap stop wasting money

PJ: bOYFRIEND?

crabstickzzz: WAIT I THOUGHT U 2 WERE JUST BEING WEIRD AND PLATONIC COUPLEY LIKE U ALWAYS R AND UR TELLING ME UR DATING

AmazingPhil: It turns out that the “other thing” Dan mentioned was him liking me

dannyboy: and also staring at his lips whenever he talks to me and thinkingaboutkissingthemmaybehah

LouiseP: CONGRATS, GUYS!

PJ: this is like my OTP.

crabstickzzz: *teenage girl voice* OH MY GOD MY OTP

dannyboy: lets leave before they start being weird

AmazingPhil: They’re our friends, don’t worry so much

crabstickzzz: so like did your first kiss involve tongue or

AmazingPhil: Yeah, bye.

crabstickzzz: he didnt say no

LouiseP: cHRIS.

dannyboy: if you must know, it involved NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

dannyboy has left the chat.

AmazingPhil has left the chat.

PJ: …there was definitely tongue.

LouiseP: Agreed.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 3: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

ao3

Chapter Summary: There's a substitute teacher, Cheryl and Toni have a plan, and Betty is a "good fucking person."

Monday, 7:17 AM

gays united

hbicheryl: good morning gays

wannabett: CHERYL

hbicheryl: good morning gays, cousin betty

hbicheryl: happy?

wannabett: yes

hisshissmotherfucker: why the fuck are you texting us at this ungodly hour

hisshissmotherfucker: go back to sleep

nopeaz: school starts in less than an hour dipshit

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

veroffica: cheryl, you're in a way better mood than normal. what happened?

hbicheryl: im offended! cant i just be in a good mood because i feel like it?

wannabett: no

hbicheryl: fine

hbicheryl: the history teacher is sick so we have a substitute

hisshissmotherfucker: FUCK YES

wannabett: im confused why is this a good thing??

spillthefogarTEA: oh betty

spillthefogarTEA: poor, sweet betty

nopeaz: substitutes are naive and cant control the class

nopeaz: so we can do whatever we want

wannabett: im not sure thats the best idea

spillthefogarTEA: choni and i have history first period with you, cooper

spillthefogarTEA: we'll show you what we mean

8:16 AM

hbicheryl + nopeaz

hbicheryl: this is even better than i thought

nopeaz: he looks so timid

hbicheryl: this is going to be so much fun

hbicheryl: lets begin phase one

8:19 AM

gays united

wannabett: is this cheryl and tonis master plan? to text out in the open?

jugheadalones: theyre cheryl and toni

wannabett: meaning??

jugheadalones: im sure theres more to it than that

goingtoheller: ^^tru

wannabett: i guess ill just have to wait and see

8:23 AM

gays united

wannabett: okay the sub is asking cheryl and toni to get off their phones

wannabett: theyre ignoring him ofc

wannabett: asdJFDJJSSSKKDXM

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT HAPPENED

spillthefogarTEA: HE GRABBED TONIS PHONE RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING STARTLED

goingtoheller: LMAO

spillthefogarTEA: OH SHIT NOW HES READING CHONIS TEXTS FROM TONIS PHONE

wannabett: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

veroffica: I'M WHEEZING

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT DO THE TEXTS SAY

spillthefogarTEA: "maybe after this we can sneak in a quickie between classes"

spillthefogarTEA: "i could finger you up against the bathroom wall"

spillthefogarTEA: "or i could eat you out in the storage closet"

spillthefogarTEA: "of course... youd have to be quiet"

spillthefogarTEA: "do you think you can do that? can you be a good girl for me?"

wannabett: cheryl is as red as her hair

wannabett: toni looks like she wishes the earth would swallow her whole

goingtoheller: I'M DEAD.

veroffica: THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD

hbicheryl: GUYS STOP LAUGHING THIS ISNT FUNNY

goingtoheller: no, this is definitely funny.

hisshissmotherfucker: wait were the texts from toni or cheryl??

wannabett: he didnt say

goingtoheller: ooh, any theories? i'm still on team vers. cheryl, can you confirm anything?

hbicheryl: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

veroffica: i should hope so!

jugheadalones: ...i did NOT need to know this much about chonis sex life

wannabett: i guess the sub isnt as incompetent as you thought

spillthefogarTEA: lmao sucks to be you guys

spillthefogarTEA: oh shit i think hes looking at the notifications

spillthefogarTEA: "spill the... fogarty!" yep im done for youre all invited to my funeral except for choni bc they got us into this mess

wannabett: fangs' phones has been confiscated as well as cheryls in case you were wondering

wannabett: haha thats karma i guess

wannabett: fuck now he wants mine too why me??

veroffica: ...guys?

goingtoheller: that was the most exciting thing that i've witnessed secondhand in a WHILE.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hope nothing bad happened to fangs

hisshissmotherfucker: or toni or cheryl or betty

jugheadalones: i wonder whats going on there right now

veroffica: well, i don't have any classes with any of them for a while, so i won't be able to know what happened until they get their phones back.

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^

jugheadalones: ^^

goingtoheller: ^^

12:03 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: WE FINALLY GOT OUR PHONES BACK

hbicheryl: I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE FREEDOM

nopeaz: now i just have to go live in a cave for a few years until everyone forgets about that debacle

spillthefogarTEA: thats not going to happen any time soon

goingtoheller: fangs is right, that was iconic.

veroffica: you two will never live that down.

jugheadalones: half of riverdale high is already speculating as to which one of you two sent the texts and which one of you received the texts

hisshissmotherfucker: cheryl, toni, care to make a statement?

hbicheryl: no

nopeaz: fuck off

goingtoheller: well, at least they seem to be on the same page.

wannabett: can we talk about whats REALLY important now??

jugheadalones: and what would that be?

wannabett: ALL FOUR OF US GOT DETENTION!!

veroffica: can the substitute even do that?

spillthefogarTEA: yeah, he wrote us all up for "repeatedly disobeying a clear set of instructions"

nopeaz: at least its only for today

wannabett: ive never gotten detention before! how the hell am i going to explain this to my mom??

hbicheryl: lmao cant relate

wannabett: im a good fucking person i dont deserve this

12:39 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: wait cheryl and toni what was your master plan?

hbicheryl: oh we were just going to sext for a while and then make out in the back of the classroom

veroffica: ...that was a letdown.

goingtoheller: yeah, i expected better.

nopeaz: we were horny when we came up with that plan okay

jugheadalones: now THAT makes more sense

spillthefogarTEA: tbh im still kinda disappointed tho

1:22 PM

gays united

wannabett: SHIT

veroffica: what's wrong, betts?

wannabett: i think the school told my mom about the detention :(

goingtoheller: what makes you think that?

wannabett: shes called me four times today already

wannabett: ive been ignoring her but knowing my mom she'll probably just show up here to talk to me

jugheadalones: she wouldnt do that

wannabett: you underestimate her

veroffica: b is right. her mom is just crazy enough to do that.

1:40 PM

gays united

wannabett: huh i wonder why the secretary is calling me to the office

wannabett: it couldnt be my mom, could it??

wannabett: who wants to bet against me?

goingtoheller: a, congrats on finally living up to your screen name!

goingtoheller: b, there is no way that i'm going to be stupid enough to take you up on that.

jugheadalones: i'll bite.

jugheadalones: 20 bucks it isnt her

wannabett: youre on jug

wannabett: be prepared to lose $20

1:55 PM

gays united

wannabett: angry-mama-cooper.jpeg

wannabett: fork over the money jones

jugheadalones: ...fuck

jugheadalones: this is what i get for believing that alice cooper wouldnt be that petty??

hbicheryl: no this is what you get for being a fool

wannabett: same thing

spillthefogarTEA: okay im sure that im going to regret asking this, but what did mrs cooper want that took fifteen minutes to talk about?

wannabett: the usual

wannabett: "youre disappointing your family, you need to do better, you dont want to end up like polly," etc.

veroffica: i'm sorry, b. :(

wannabett: it isnt your fault v

veroffica: i know, but your mom clearly isn't sorry for the crazy expectations she puts on you because polly didn’t turn out the way she wanted, so somebody has to be. and i want that somebody to be me.

wannabett: you really think so?

veroffica: i know so.

spillthefogarTEA: thats so sweet

hbicheryl: and REALLY gay

spillthefogarTEA: ofc

veroffica: *bi, and betty and i are just best friends.

wannabett: ^^^

spillthefogarTEA: sweets and i are best friends and if i had said something like that to him yall wouldnt think that we were just being friends

wannabett: thats bc you and sweet pea are super gay for each other

hisshissmotherfucker: false

spillthefogarTEA: ...you dont think that im hot? :(

hisshissmotherfucker: no i think that youre the hottest person in the whole damn universe

hisshissmotherfucker: but that doesnt mean that im in love with you

hbicheryl: babe do you see this shit??

nopeaz: i see it all right

hbicheryl: im so glad that we arent like that

nopeaz: me too :)

hbicheryl: i love you toni

nopeaz: i love you too cher

veroffica: awww, that was adorable.

veroffica: but also: what will it take to convince all of you that betty and i are telling the truth??

goingtoheller: nothing, ever. you are both so clearly whipped it isn't even funny.

jugheadalones: like cheryl and toni levels of whipped

hbicheryl: except you two arent even dating!!

nopeaz: the same goes for sweets and fangs too

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

spillthefogarTEA: ^^^

wannabett: ^^^

veroffica: ^^^

jugheadalones: why do i even try anymore

2:29 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: well its time to go into the hellish pit the school calls detention

wannabett: i wonder if theyll make us do manual labor

spillthefogarTEA: sweet pea practically lived in detention at southside high, ask him

hisshissmotherfucker: thats true

hisshissmotherfucker: and yes sometimes they do make you do some janitorial work around the school

hbicheryl: oh my fucking god im going to die

jugheadalones: stop being so extra cheryl

goingtoheller: no never stop being extra cheryl it is the best part of this chat

hbicheryl: for your information hobo i will never ever stop being dramatic and if you say that again i will fight you

hbicheryl: and dont worry keller i wont change

nopeaz: thats my girl!!

hisshissmotherfucker: as i was saying

hisshissmotherfucker: youll probably just sit in a room and do your homework

hbicheryl: thats even worse

2:34 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR PHONES

hbicheryl: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS SWEET PEA

hisshissmotherfucker: i thought it would be a nice surprise

nopeaz: screw you

hbicheryl: IF I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE TELL MY MOTHER THAT SHES AN AWFUL BITCH AND THAT I HATE HER

veroffica: sure thing, blossom.

3:00 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: MY PHONE IS BACK I LOVE IT SO MUCH THIS SCHOOL IS SHIT AND DETENTION FUCKING SUCKS

goingtoheller: that's a lot of moods.

jugheadalones: ^^

veroffica: "that's a lot of moods" is just cheryl's personality in a nutshell.

wannabett: tru

hisshissmotherfucker: tru

nopeaz: tru

hbicheryl: tru

Notes: Writing choni's sexts was the best part of this chapter, honestly. Also, I noticed that I refer to Cheryl and Toni as 'choni' an awful lot, which probably has direct correlation to my laziness. I know that this chapter has a lot less to do with the overlying plot, and that's because I'm trying something different. Tell me if you like it this way or if you want me to go back to more plot-heavy chapters.

[lacnunga]

due to the recent attention quincey and my strange love child has gotten, i’ve decided to do a post of my ‘character building’ aka ‘me just aimlessly rambling at Q in tumblr chat and getting overly invested in our hopeless little loser’. enjoy (or dont idk idc)

Naruto oc Gear

·         platonic bff w/ kankuro

·         i feel like they deserve a mullet. they're completely oblivious to why other people Hate it. they think it's cool.

·         "it feels swishy kank. kank. feels like Wind Country style. kank why are you laughing?"

·         nobody understands why someone 'cool' like kankuro hangs around with this dork

·         its like kakashi and gai. kankuro just shrugs - "dude is a good listener. and they write valentines cards to karasu. they're a weirdo and i love them so back tf off'

·         gear:: nyah

·         kank: what?

·         gear, staring at him through their souless glasses: you know, nyah *makes kitty motions*

·         *gear proceeds to be drop kicked all the way to fire country border*

·         also, nobody know whether gear is male or female or...other?? except their doctor, who enjoys keeping it a secret from a frustrated kankuro.

·         gear has promised him a years worth of buying hi hamburger steaks if he manages to find it out, so kank has some incentive

·         its been nearly ten years...no luck

·         temari doesnt understand the friendship, but its not the weirdest thing her fam is involved in so

·         gear is v scared of gaara though, especially when gaara, in a bid to 'understand his family better' tries to get to know him. gear tries to avoid gaara, but he's. always. there.

·         kank in the end tells gear to Just Talk to Gaara, there's like a 50% chance he won't kill them (if only for kank's sake)

·         wind forwards to a v awkward interrogation session where gear tries to explain the appeal of fireworks and the concept of second hand embarassment

·         no wait

·         i just had a brilliant idea

·         gear is the pioneer of light up ninja sandals

·         are they practical? no way

·         are they weirdly satisfying? hell yeah

·         (when too many shinobi got caught in the field bc their sandals lit up, by decree of the kazekage they can only be worn in the village

·         and preferably never, according to Temari)

·         also gear is a big fan of shino. why? (because I love shino) but Actually because kankuro is still bitter about losing to him

·         so when gear meets shino they make it their mission to become Great Friends, aka the Hoopiest of Froods

·         Rub In That Salt. Can You Taste It Kank? All That Salt.

·         their name is now Gear, or in the japanese version, Giya ギヤ (aka just Gear in katakana - hell, if it works for Lee.) fter visiting konoha kank is sulking bc gear went on and on about how shino was a Cool Guy and had Flair and a certain je ne sais quois ( doesnt know what that means, but it sounds adoring and he Hates it. Gear is his friend, not Shinos)

·         Especially when he remembers that Shino kicked his asssss

·         eventually gear gets ticked off and commisions a cake with big writing on it 'STOP SULKING, KITTY'. kank is weirdly frustrated that gear has remembered his favourite flavour cake

·         gear makes him sarcastic friendship bracelets

·         though gear and shino bond over the fact that nobody knows what their faces/eyes look like. its sort of like an Achievement Unlocked.

·         Gear is then integrated into the Aburame family as a honors member

·         Gets home made pies when ever they visit

·         Kankuro is jelly as usual but does not argue over the pie

·         when shino demonstrates his kikaichuu technique, gear waves their arms around making obnoxious buzzing noises. shino sniggers.

·         hell most things can be forgiven for pie

·         gear actually becomes very good at mimicking the kikaichuu noises so when they go back to suna gear makes the noises when kankuro is least expecting it. the suprised punches to the nose are so worth it.

·         I can just see kankuro just spazzing out before just decking this nerd in the face!

·         Ok but Kin adopts them and loves them but just...just hates their fashion sense more then anything in the world

·         she just eyes their mullet with a twitching brow. gear is holding onto their visor with all their might and watching out for any kunai that might come close to his fabulous mane.

·         lets face it, if shino and gear had a bit of a 'snip snip' training accident, kin wouldn't be disappointed

·         and of course if gear becomes friends with shino, they gotta get along w/ team eight as well. kiba is eyeing their hair with a strange mixture of envy and incredulity. hinata draws gear up some new face-masks. they love them, even the pink floral ones.

·         hinata, handing over the masks: d-do you like them?

·         gear, choked up and holding back sobs: they're fine

·         Gear has a habit of coming to Kank in the middle of the night with the weirdest shit. They knock on his door at three in the morning looking like they're about to cry.

·         G: Kank I've done something awful I'm a murderer

·         Kank is basically ready to help bury a body

·         K:okay okay don't panic what did you do?

·         G: *whispering* I eat eight spiders a year kank. EIGHT SPIDERS. HOW MANY SPIDER ORPHANS HAVE I LEFT TO GRIEVING SPIDER WIDOWS KANK. I'm a MONSTER.

·         K:...go home.

·         K: Spends the night googling 'is it true you swallow eight spiders a year?')

·         i have the idea that gear was a really plain child. you know the kind that never really got noticed and people just realised they were there when they tripped over them.

·         and they finally got sick of it when they graduated the academy like

·         'well now im just going to be so Extra you wont have a choice but to notice me fuck you'

·         now thats not to say they realise the mullet is a bad idea, however it does have the extra incentive of people going 'oh hi- DEAR LORD WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD'

·         plot twist, they look so completely ordinary under the glasses and mask that even the people who saw their face don't remember it the second they look away

·         surprisingly gear makes an excellent undercover operative

·         Just take off the mask and goggles and visor, fashion their hair a lil, and put on a plain kimmon and BAM Gear is an under cover cop

·         exactly. kankuro is really weirded out by the idea that any of the sort of twenty yo people he passes on the street could be gear

·         Kankuro was terrified of gaara but boy o boy does Gear just raise the steaks a lil

·         They could be anywhere

·         Behind that bush, near the bush, IS THE BUSH

·         one time gear was on a mission with their team and they got separated. in the fight, gear lost his mask, broke his glasses and his visor got tossed. when they returned to their team they had to spend the whole journey back convincing them that 'YES this is me i swear see? im wearing the same underwear!' 'how would we know what underwear you started out wearing?' 'I THOUGHT WE HAD A BOND'

·         they meet kankuro on the way into town and gear is just like 'here, kank is my buddy, he'll tell you im me'

·         'well kankuro-sama, is this Gear?'

·         K:...im gonna be honest i cant fucking tell

·         K:but are they wearing blue boxers with ducks on them?

·         Squad captain: WHY DO YOU-???

·         Kankuro: THINGS HAPPENED OK THEYRE WEIRD AND JUST- DO THEY OR DONT THEY?

·         Gear: *shit eating grin*

·         Temari actually thought those two were together for a long time and they both just missed her euphemistic references to their ahem 'friendship' until Gaara mentions they couldn't put romantic partners on a team together and Kank just

·         ucking falls off his chair like

·         K: Wait what? Since when have we been romantic partners?? News to me??

·         When he talks to Gear about it they seem unfazed just straightfaced tell Kankiro that 'you make my kokoro go doki doki'. Kank doesn't speak to them for a week

·         Aka Gear is once again relegated to the sofa

·         Gear seems to say 'so worth it' a lot

·         Most of the time it really isnt

·         Gears surprisingly good a dancing, specifically the fancy pants type dancing.

·         So bc Kank is the kazekage's brother he's invited to a fancy do somewhere and he brings along Gear as his +1 bc hes a loser w/o a bf/gf. before the do he's just pointedly asking Gear like 'look do i need to teach you how to dance? because there will be dancing. fancy dancing. it will be Expected of You. do you want a dance tutor. are you sure? Are You SURE?'

·         Gear is just waving him off 'Relax kitty, its cool' Kank is just mentally preparing apology speeches for Very Important Peoples' crushed toes

·         the night comes along and Kank is making awkward small talk with some girl who roped him in when suddenly he's yanked away from the convo by Gear

·         before he knows it they're on the dancefloor and SURPRISE gear is waaaay better at dancing than kank's stiff penguin shuffle

·         gear takes great pleasure in dipping him really low at the end

·         and they never let kank forget about it

·         so i dont know if kankuro went to the ninja academy but lets assume he does

·         *did

·         so he and gear are in the same class

·         but gear is of course always forgotten

·         until one day kankuro notices them because IDK he runs into them and knocks them over or something

·         so somehow they hang out that day and kank realises 'yeah this kid is a good one i could hang out with this dude like forever. mine now.'

·         and the next day kank tries to find Gear except

·         the fucker is so Unnoticable

·         kank is just standing in the middle of the room scratching his head trying to figure out who the fuck he was talking to yesterday. gear of course doesnt have their sparkling personality yet and so is too shy/embaressed to go up to kank and remind him that 'hey this is what my face looks like'

·         eventually they do hang out again though

·         and the same thing happens

·         kank gets fed up and brings in his face makeup and like draws reminders on gears face

·         gear is fine with it, just wandering around all day with purple paint on their face

·         except ppl keep making fun of them so kank wears the paint as well as like a solidarity thing

·         of course gear finds his own look at the end of their academy days but kank carries on wearing the paint from then on(also gear used to be the kind of person who cried really easily and the paint showed it ALL up. they weren't too keen on walking around with tear tracks and smudges on their face, so mullet it is lol)

·         sad idea

·         gear is kankuro's first and best friend

·         sure, kankuro has other friends, but no real Friends outside of his fam later on, bc when he was smaller every interaction with other kids was coloured by him being related to the Sand Demon

·         kids didn't want to be friends with him bc they were scared for their lives (and kank threw himself into his puppet making for something to do bc puppets werent to emotionally fickle as kids)

·         so he latched onto gear and they became integral parts of their lives without even realising it

·         one day, gear leaves on a mission. they dont come back. they're declared MIA

·         it varies between villages but generally its one-two months before a MIA ninja is declared KIA

·         kank isnt worried about gear. gear is a tough dude, they'll come back.

·         a week passes and kank isnt worried

·         two weeks passes, and he's getting twitchy, spending more and more time hunched up in his studio, tinkering with his puppets

·         three weeks passes without a sign from gear, and he's wrecked seven puppet prototypes in senseless death battles and he doesnt want to think about why he's become so snappy and easily frustrated

·         (temari pops in on him every so often, forcing sandwiches and energy drinks on him even as he ignores her, whittling down a wooden ball joint with singular concentration)

·         the fourth week draws to a close and kank is visiting the mission room every day, lingering inside the doorway, scaring returning genin teams with his impatient aura. he's making trips around the hospitals in case they had an unidentified body turned in (he knows gear by their scars even if their face just wont stick)

·         saturday rolls around and kankuro is dragging himself down to the morgues, the crematoriums, clamping down on the threatening waves of despair - he asks by name, by description, by the rate of decay on any bodies returned by scavenging teams sent out across the sandy oceans

·         there is no sign of gear, not a peep as the fourth week draws to a close, the deadline for Suna mia operatives

·         he goes to the records office to bear witness as they change the status on gear's paperwork, and he feels hollow, like karasu as the red ink is drawn through the status box

·         he returns to his house, silent. temari is there, waiting, with a worried furrow between her brows (he thinks he even saw gaara, who was so changed since the chuunin exams, peer at him through his bedroom doorway opened just a crack, that emerald stare assessing, before retreating again)

·         he closes the door to his workshop with a calm firmness, blocking out temari's questions

·         kankuro stares at his puppets, propped up on various stands and in the corners, half assembled carapaces that seemed to mock him with their glassy stares

·         he snaps

·         kankuro thinks this is what gaara must have felt like, pulled under by the whirlwind of emotions as he rampages, trashing models and ripping up drawings and smashing incomplete headless, armless bodies. it feels like there isn't enough destruction to match the hole gear's death has left in his own chest and he only stops when his fist pulls its punch instinctively, barely an inch to karasu's face, those lovingly sanded planes and features carved with years of practice and patience

·         now karasu is left, his friend before, during, after Gear, and he never thought there would be an 'after Gear' - gear was only a chuunin, they didn't leave the village on any dangerous missions, not like the sand siblings

·         kankuro doesnt leave his workshop for three days

·         on the third he comes out, with karasu and gathers his supplies. he leaves for the funeral, to send off his friend

·         when they had visited konoha, he's seen their Memorial to the dead - a great stone slab, with their names carved into it, the oldest names almost worn away with time and touch. suna doesnt have a memorial - the souls of their shinobi are memorialised at the Oasis

·         the spirit oasis lies a few hours run outside of the city of suna, towards the east - once, or so the tales go, the oasis was part of a giant aquaduct that fed the blooming gardens of a wealthy empress, a long time before the establishment of the hidden villages. now, the oasis is a forest of crumbled stone and faceless statues, a giant pair of stone legs, broken at the knee marking the entrance. past there runs a river, mysterious in its crystal clarity - many suna scientists have tried to find the rivers origins and where it disappears to, but it remains one of the sand's greatest mysteries

·         it became known as the spirit oasis by the first kazekage, who saw the electric blue lights bob and weave above the rushing waters at night - he took it as a sign, and saw, from the top of the tallest ruin, the great crater that he would build his village in.

·         it is to the oasis that the suna shinobi go to remember their dead, and to let them go. it is where kankuro went. it is where he ended up kneeling beside the gently gurgling river, amongst the offerings of food and sake left behind from the visits of other shinobi. bells tinkle melodious in the soft winds, accompanied by the flutter of the shimenawa papers. he looked into the water, so clear he could see the mosaic tiles on the bottom of the aqua duct, and tried to imagine the corpse of his friend, buried somewhere under the grains of sand, lost, decaying until only his bones are left, to be collected one day many generations down, or simply to be forgotten until the gods reclaimed their peoples. kankuro imagines gear's spirit, their soul, instead, bobbing along in this river, laughing and dancing in the night, blue, bright, electric

·         "I- Geez, I can't believe you're making me say this, you idiot. I guess, I miss you. It hardly feels like you're gone. It's been, huh, i don't know how long. For me, weeks, since you've died, but I guess it only really hit me some days ago. You- urgh, you really always need to have the last word, don't you, G-"

·         Kankuro froze as the wind moaned. It was the wind, right? He knew the reports from the shinobi who had visited this place - odd sounds like groans and moans of the deceased spirits, and the embittered jounin who simply waved the tales off as the sounds the wind makes as it howls through the archways and pillars of the ruins.

·         he strains his ear for any other sounds and- there, again. It doesn't sound like the wind, he decides. it sounds like a person, a flesh and blood person. he rises to his feet, slowly pulling a kunai silently out of his pouch. he's ready for an attack as he makes his way through the labyrinth of ruins, following the sounds of grunts and pants of pain. he turns a corner and finds his quarry.

·         a fellow suna shinobi, judging by the tattered dull flak vest. brown hair matted to the head with crusted blood, the shinobi is slumped over a large piece of the ceiling that had fallen down centuries ago. as kankuro approaches, the shinobi gestured weakly with their own kunai, dripping blood onto the weeded tiles.

·         "who..." the shinobi rasps out

·         kankuro doesnt have to hear any more than that word - he recognises the voice, knows it because it's been cycling around his head with endless quips and puns and sarcastic riddles over the past few days. it was a voice he didnt think he'd ever hear again, and now that he has-

·         he dropped his kunai with a metallic clutter and swiftly crouched in front of the shinobi, casually brushing away the brandished knife that couldn't have speared a paralysed mouse. slowly, his hands grasped the drooped chin and he straightened the slumped head, so he could look the shinobi in the eyes.

·         they were brown and bruised around the edges. they stared back at kankuro for a moment, almost dead, before a spark of recognition lit up in them, and they crinkled up. the blood-tinted mouth stretched up too, showing a set of battered teeth. one hand come up to tug at kankuro's hair.

·         "...hey kitty. was the service...good?"

·         kankuro laughs and leans forwards, so his forhead touches the other.

·         "you're- you're a fucking idiot. you asshole-"

·         Gear just grins.

·         ………..

·         also i had an idea about gear's family

·         since they're hoity toity ima imagine they're an Old Clan

·         they were maybe friends of the first kazekage, and howsabout they built the water delivery system for the village

·         sooo even though they're not really relevant anymore (especially with the rise of more modern technology etc) they're still trying to regain that 'friendship'/allience whatever they had with the first kazekage

·         they consider themselves one of the village founders bc of their water systems but they're Not Really. basically the family is pretty stuck up and gear's parents are pretty peeved that Gear doesnt care more about his family history/doesnt conduct themselves with dignity

·         Gears parents are snooty plumbers

·         family name = 水瓶座/mizugameza

·         aka Aquarius/water bearer

·         not their original name but they rebranded themselves all fancy like after doing the village plumbing lol

·         gear is actually kind of embarassed about their family's attitude which is well known (and sometimes mocked) around the village

·         they prefer to just be known as Gear minus family name hence Kankuro didn't actually know which family Gear was a part of until quite a bit into their friendship

·         Gear ur a beautiful child I'm glad u were made

·         gear deserves all the happiness

·         the only reason im glad they're not canon is so they're spared the boruto ending

·