#something to be said taht i cannot say at this moment in time...

[mechanically-made]

shockwave fucking slamming into the ground compilation

[savingnightfall]

Dealing with crazy bf's dad

lately between me and my partners relationship and life our biggest hater and challenge has been his dad. typically, i only really hear of SO mothers hating their sons' daughters but it's the opposite case here. i want to post here because it's not something they would easily find as we currently lease under his house at the moment. it's stated that he can void it at any moment for any reason, which brings me a lot of anxiety. but i want advice on how to deal with this sort of stress that otherwise could be dealt with if we were talking about someone who had the usual amount of ego and accountability.

unfortunately, we are dealing with someone i can't describe otherwise other than a narcissist. i really don't like using that word lightly because it's a heavy word, but with everything that I've seen and heard i have to agree with my partner. I've made a list of different things that he has claimed i have done. i want to go through some of them but first i want to explain some context.

I've been living with my bf for a year and some mo., and we've been together for nearly 2 years now. during this time his father has recently went through a divorce and we had to move another state. there were a couple of things promised that fell through that i can explain in another post, but due to the price we decided to continue staying with him so we can save more money and have more time to look for places. everything was going really fast. I've tried being nice and understanding his multitudes of reasons he could be acting harshly, but his claims are baseless and I'm tired of hearing them through my partners mouth instead of directly to me. I've tried having conversation with him, but its tense and we don't have a lot in common, i don't mind that sometimes it is what it is, but the constant disrespect and reluctance to speak to me is what tires me out. here are some of said baseless claims that he's said to other people instead of me:

starting small and inconvenient

steal his water bottles from the fridge

ruin the washer on purpose to destroy it and the household with it

imply he cannot buy anything. i sent a message asking that i noticed someone using my coffee machine, which is fine, but i asked for them to use a coffee filter so there's less of a mess. he bought a bigger coffee machine. the exact same.

semi-serious

not buy anything for the household and claims i use my boyfriend for his money and i take advantage of him. i buy literally so much it's not even funny. I've made decent improvements on my spaces i have access to and i make meals for my bf, his brother and I. i don't eat his food and when i do i suggest buying the next (mostly chicken). i don't even know what to say to this.

we were promised a basement, and we got a room. no previous disclosure it was the same day that we saw the new house. we asked for at least another space, either public or private to use. offered to spend more money for it but was declined. his brother wanted to make into a public chill-out space because its being used as storage space but was told that he shouldn't let us take advantage of him so we can steal the room. steal the room. might as well steal the moon too while we're at it.

hes called olur jobs personally to see if me and my bf were lying about the day that we quit. they told him its been a couple months, as it has. my bf thinks hes bluffing but its not out of character for him so i believe it. pretty stupid but the action is crazy to me.

serious claims

thankfully right now its down to one, he hasnt said it to me which makes me think it was just another thing to blame on me, and he realizes its baseless, but hes half said/joked that before he went on a weekend trip with his gf i tried getting into his bank account. he apparently got a notif taht there was an attempt on his account and one of his first thoughts were me.

so, with all of this not only does he not communicate with me, and continue to make these claims, he doesn't expect me to know either. he has said most of this stuff (and more nasty stuff about me) to either my bf or his brother, but he doesn't know i know. this is our last lease with him and its only 2 months, but since I'm not able to properly defend myself to him, i want to know if anyone's dealt with something like this and any good tips on either getting out or making it easier for the rest of the time we have. I'm grateful to have my bf to stand up for me, but he's equally exhausted because of all the mental and emotional abuse from him. everyone just wants to be away from everyone. it's expected we most likely will cut off contact when we move out. sorry for the long post, thank you if you made it this far and thank you for any input you can give.

[15ktherapy]

hiiiii okay stupid time.

SO. I’d like to start off with some YouTubers!

my first one is astralspiff— he’s mainly around the indie horror scene, fnaf n shit yknow, he’s known for speedrunning and breaking shit. I quite like him and his videos tend to be longer, so if you know anything about security breach and wanna watch one guy tear it up, I’d recommend watching some of his shit. although be warned if you start binging his content hes made like two dream dragon city jokes when he’s been sponsered (yes I know how many I’ve been keeping count. sorry for my droloisms) . he’s never said anything like outright bad against dream he’s just been like. “DREAM DRAGON peepeoStare” as far as I’m aware. I let him get away with it because it’s been just the tiniest slights and he’s very involved in speedrunning communities. let’s be real the dream cheated minecrfat speedrun thing is the least of our problems.

TWO. RTgame. he does variety, his vids are shorter. I’ve been watching him for I think five years so he has to go on this list. be warned he is MILDLY, very MILDLY, involved in the mcyt community as he’s been in mcc and used to make some videos with wilbur (fun fact tahts actually how I found out about wil, way back when)

THREE. literally. among us lobbies done by itshafu and dumbdog. there’s this group I watch of those two and a few others (they’re kinda otv aligned I believe) and I quite like them, and Tina’s in some of their older lobbies!! there’s so much content there it’s practically endless for a good while.

oh and if u want like horror arg whatever stuff watch nightmind/nick nocturne.

okay. now. if you want minecraft? I have to recommend you hermits. IM AORRRRYYYY. I’m sorry I’m sorry but I really have a lot of fun with them. now I’m not gonna start with grian and scar, although I do like them, because their stans are kind of. rabid.

SO! my recommendations areee

builders:

bdoubleo100. he’s insane. he’s so dramatic and so fun. he’s also a good builder whoda thought. he’s very silly, I quite like him. he is incredibly dramatic and loud though so if you’re looking for something chill you will not find it with bdubs. he is a yeller.

pearlescentmoon! she’s pretty chill but will also be Incredibly silly at a moments notice. she likes bits. she’s also a really good builder whoda thought! her stuff usually gets compared to literal artistry.

zombiecleo!!! cleo is devious but usually low energy. she is like the perfect example for a mean bisexual. she’s scary if you watch any pov but her own. if you watch like an etho pov he’s terrified of her and SHE HERSELF is terrifying. but if you watch her pov she’s like “I have no idea what I’m doing what the hell—“ I think it’s because she used to be a teacher. many a hermit has attested for her effective scolding. mostly bdubs.

redstoners:

I have to say etho. ethoslab. so bad. I love etho so bad he’s so weird and silly and a little awkward. he’s a bit of a recluse but he’s awfully endearing. I don’t know shit about redstone so I can’t like actually attest to his skill, but I can tell you he has invented things and they are named after him. he has the longest running Minecraft let’s play. look up fundy hbomb awesamdude or tubbo and the ethoslab right after one of their names and you will see clips of etho being gushed over.

tangotek! he sounds like a cartoon character he literally could’ve been a voice actor I bet. he’s got the perfect voice for it. he also makes a lot of weird noises. they are very funny. I once again cannot attest for redstone skill because I am an idiot, but he’s been in a Minecraft cave for like six months making a game IN THE GAME. he’s fun. also a little crazy. mostly fun.

docm. there is. things wrong with him. if you poke him he will sucker punch you. watching people mess with him is so fucking funny. you get someone to blow up one of his walls? he gives you ur number one sought after item on a silver platter and then it blows up ur friends front door. you fill his base with chickens as revenge and he not only puts some of those chickens into your base, but he also DUPES THOUSANDS OF DRAGON EGGS and then places like a few hundred all over u and ur neighbors bases. you challenge him to a robot fight and he builds additional robots after you both lose to blow you up. you write live laugh love in his base and he replaces it with a fancy sign with an animation and then it blows up ur rebellious camp outside his base…………you blow up his tunnel bore accidentally, beg for forgiveness, and he puts STATIC WITHER SKULLS, not wither heads, wither SKULLS, THE PROJECTILES that withers SHOOT AT YOU, up above ur base to just sit there menacingly. and then all that other stuff I just listed before the tunne bore thing, actually happens after with you and that other guy you blew up the tunnel bore with.

OKAAAAYYY tv shows. honestly a little while ago I watched like every marvel movie over the span of a week and a half just because I had the time to waste.

ummmm, I’d recommend rewatching old stuff you enjoy and haven’t seen in a while-refreshers can be quite enjoyable.

most of my Netflix recs are cartoons ngl anyway here we go. * will be elaborated on after

disenchantment, kipo and the age of wonderbeasts, CENTAURWORLD*, the sea beast (that’s actually a movie), Carmen sandiego, the umbrella academy, community, sweet tooth*, wendell and wild )another movie), the imperfects*, I am not okay with this*.

*centaurworld is. well it’s stupid. it’s mostly stupid but the VILLAIN… oh the villain of that show is. chefs kiss. if you have the time to watch it I’d recommended it but it will be. fairly stupid as times. fair warning.

*sweet tooth just got a second season, and I actually haven’t finished it because of Netflix shenanigans and also. as a Netflix original it will probably be cancelled. so I watched up to the end of season 2 episode six. it works as an overall happy ending except one thing that I choose to ignore ^-^

* the imperfects. I believe this how has been cancelled and does. have a cliff hanger ending? but like. the overarching plot was solved it just kinda pulled something out at the end that you can just ignore I think.

*I am not okay with this was cancelled after its first season and I will never forgive Netflix for that. it does have a cliff hanger ending but I loved that show so much I’d recommend it anyway.

Disney plus recs I guess?

watch the Star Wars clone wars shit. it’s good. I promise. the original series has like seven seasons you’ll be eating a while. if you watch that I’d recommend the bad batch after.

honestly I’d recommend miraculous ladybug. if you want to watch stupid stupid shit. it’s a so bad it’s good (to me at least) half the time I was scolding at my tv like I was marrinettes mother.

I’d recommend the three guardians of the galaxy films.

and yhhhh idk what else.

I’m tempted to rec music but I’d be here so much longer. maybe I’ll make a separate thing for that

okaaaay postponing talkies bc I kinda already did it so I’m gonna do another silly think instead called recommending other shit because with the interpersonal fucking drama we get I personally at least like to pick up something completely different for the time being to focus on

[arthurflecksgirl]

I was wondering if u could write a ff where Joker comes home after he drew the smile on his face with his blood. He managed somehow to escape from the police and he return home to the female reader with all the blood on his face. :)

Thank you soo much for the beautiful request. Sorry that it took me so long. I started with Arthurs point of view and switched to readers point of view. I hope thats okay with you ?

ARTHURs point of view

I feel the hot blood trippin down my forehead. Into my eyes. Its burning. Everything is burning. My skin, my eyes, Gotham, my heart. Everything is a blurr with blood all over your face. Everything seems foggy after you ran from the cops. Especially your mind. At the same time I feel like I can see clear through all the foggyness. Its ironic how chaos can make you feel like you see clear for the first time. Chaos makes me real. People noticing me makes me even realer. I am aware of the fact that those people out there, all the protestors didnt really saw me. I mean, for a moment it truly felt like it. Like I have been seen by many people, a crowd for the first time in my life. And it felt....good. Through all the pain and hurt and confusion it felt good. But... there was something missing. There is always something missing inside of me. Except when I am with her.

She is the missing part of me. No one in that crowd cold give me what Y/N holds for me. Not as single soul. Yes it was interesting to feel all those eyes o me. I need an audience. I need to be seen and heard. But after I took my fingers to the corner of my mouth to form that smile everyone wanted to see on me I realized something. Every single one out on the streets...all those people didnt even knew my name. Arthur Fleck. To them I was the Joker. Someone who wanted to start a riot against the rich. I never wanted that. I never had those kinda plans- The only plan I had was to make people happy by telling jokes. They applouded me for something I didnt even wanted to start. They didnt loved me for who I am. Only for the idea they had of me. To them I was a symbol. A movement. They would be disappointed to find out that all I wanted was a hand to hold.  Arthur would bore them to death.

I toch the fabric of my red suit. Being Joker feels good. Protective. This suit is an armour. A shielt to protect me from the world. But the only shield I need is her embrace. They keep me save at night. I need her now. More than ever.

I finally arrive where she lives, trying to catch my breath. My finger presses the doorbell. I bet she wants to come over to my apartment for the evening. Y/N loves the cosyness of the living room. She loves to sleep on that damn, old couch. Too bad she can never do that again. We both can`t. Randalls body is still there. We can`t stay here eighter. I have to explain this to her. We gotta leave Gotham behind. Finally. Who wants to stay here anyway?

"Daring?" her soothing voice calms me down immeaditely. She openes the door with a shocked look on her face. I`m sorry to scare her. I never intened to do so. One look at her face and my entire world is bathing in sunlight. She sees me. She really sees me in a way I want to be seen. Not like these protestors. She sees right through my heart. Into the most hidden corners of my mind. For a moment I get scared of everything that happened today. I dont want to burden her with my actions. I need her to be save. I just need her love now. I need to feel how much she loves me. To prove that there is someone who doesnt only see me as a symbol.

"Artie" she says, wrapping her arms around me, touching my bloody forehead with her fingertips "What happened? Are you hurt? Is that your blood? I watched the news. I got so scared. How did you escape?" All those questions escaping her shaking lips.

Artie. I love it when she calls me that. I`m still Artie to her. Even with all that blood on my face. Even after shooting Murray.

I wrap my arms around her hips. It doesnt feel right to touch her with my bloody hands. I stain her clothes with a mixture of my blood and the blood of others. I feel dirty.

"I`m....fine I think. Now. I am fine now that I am with you. But we gotta leave, baby. I did some bad shit." I try to explain while catching my breath.

"Is that true? What they said on the news?"

"I guess so"

"Oh my god, Arthur. What have they done to you?"

"What do you mean?" her reaction is surprising.

"I know they cut the funding. You couldnt buy your medication, right? Thats why all of tis happened. They did this to you." Y/N starts crying. I cannot stand to watch her cry. I want her to be happy, so I pull her closer to my chest.

"Shhht baby, its okay. We will figure something out. We`ll run away together. I dont need Gotham. I dont need any of this. We just need each other. And most of all I need you to love me".

She touches the corner of my mouth, realizing the blood forms a smile on me.

"You know I do. " she whispers.

"Yeah...I felt it. After I got off taht police car I felt that the only person who ever saw me was you. So I needed to escape. But the cops ran after me. "

"We should go to your place and get your stuff before we leave"

"We can`t, Y/N.  I dont need this stuff anyway. All I need is your hand in mine while I run."

Y/N looks me deep in the eyes, trying to get an answer. Trying to understand why we cant get back into my apartment. I hope she can forgive me.

YOUr point of view

Seeing Arthur like this breaks your heart. That bloody smile on his face. That smile he always wanted to give to others but he couldnt feel himself. That smile that he drew onto his face for so many years. Now drawn with his own blood. He`s breathless from running, his chest lifting up and down while you put your hand on it. The blood is running down his forehead. You ask him about the accident you have seen on the news. But he claims he is okay. The news scared you to death. You couldnt handle him getting hurt. Or worse...

You just want to bring him to his apartment, helping him into the bathtub and wash away this bloody mess. But you know you can`t. He said you cannot get back home, so he has his reasons for it. You wouldnt even ask why.

Arthurs intense eyes stare right into yours. There is a delusional look to them. Like he just had a weird fever dream and he didnt came back from it yet. You put your hands on his cheek. The blood staining your palms. A real smirk shows under the blood smile. For a second you caught yourself getting turned on by it. You immediately feel bad about that. He is hurt. Confused. Yet so extremly attractive.

"Are you really okay, Artur?"

He noods "Yeah. I am, baby. I just need to know if you still love me. I will explain it to you. I mean...everything that happened today and why I did what I did....but....please baby, dont stop loving me..."

You put your finger to his smeared lips.

"I cold never...." tears start running down your face. This is all too much. Seein him vulnerable like that.

His face so close to yours, his breath ghosting across your skin.

You know he wants to kiss you right now. You know him so well. But he wouldnt allow himself to smear all that blood on your face without being sure if you are okay with it.

You are okay with it.

More than that.

You want it.

You want to kiss away the blood.

You long for the taste of it.

"Kiss me" you breathe into his face.

"I`m a bloody mess" he replies while he pulls out a cig. And just as he is about to light it up you grab his hand to throw the cigarrette away "Make me a bloody mess,too."

Arthur smirks right before he pushes you against the wall to press his bloody lips on yours. You taste it. You taste it all. His hopes and fears, the confusion running through his head. The anger and passion. The love. the pureness within his racing heart.

As his tongue eagerly parts your lips you know that you cannot stay here for long. The cops are after him. You gotta run. You gotta run fast. But you know that you both would run hand in hand. Which made it all bearable.

But first you gotta show him how much you love him. No matter what happened. No matter how much of a mess he is right now. You`ll show him that you will kiss his wounds until they start to heal. The taste of blood starts to fill your mouth while he pulls you closer. His  green, messy curls tickeling your skin. His muscles twitching under your touch. Everything drowns in red. His fave color. Arthur kisses you until your head is spinning. His wounded hands holding your face so gently, like they never did anything else.

"I taste you" you moan into his mouth "I taste all of thats inside you".

His blood filling your mouth is different. It feels like its not even possible to get closer to him than that. With every twist of his warm tongue you swallow him down.

"I love you so much, Arthur"

He stops kissing you for a moment "Lets run away together and never come back" he whispers "But first let me love you like there is no tomorrow".

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[microwaveabl]

Okay, this is long, and just some of my thoughts I needed to put out there, to try to explain. I may add more, I don’t know, but for now, i’m putting this [Keep Reading] thing so that you don’t have to scroll past all of it, so that it at least appears short.

Waiting. Life, or mine at least, is spent waiting. Daily, weekly, yearly. I wait for the school day to be over, i wait for those fun moments.

Weekly, i wait for monday. Most kids, most people don’t look forward to monday, but i do. I look forward to monday because it’s the last day with my mom, at least until after being with my dad. I look forward to it because my stepdad isn’t there most of the day, and again, the next day is tuesday, which i have with my dad.

I wait yearly, waiting until I was 14, until my voice could count for shit in court. Even now i wait, waiting for the courts to move forward, for the custody case to go through. I wait until im 18, until i can leave home, go out into the world. but i worry. i worry that my life won’t go as i want it to, that i’ll look back and wish i had enjoyed these years more, these years I cannot enjoy. I’m losing out on my childhood, and i see that, and I can’t regain it or change it. And it all dates back to the best terrible thing to happen to me.

The divorce. I say it’s the best terrible thing to happen for a reason. It broke me, has hurt my mental health and possibly depressed me, but it again, was still the best thing to happen. The years before, the cause of it, was because of my mom. She is of a specific faith, and took it probably too far.

My father is agnostic, so he doesn’t believe in a God, but my mom does, and she oppressed him because of it. She indoctrinated my sister and I into the faith, and a specific day comes to mind to really show how bad it was. One Sunday, our dad, who we really didn’t know very well, asked us if we wanted to spend the day with him instead of my mom, not going to church in favor of being in the company of our father. We chose to stay with him, and mom went to church, and when she came back, she stayed out in the car, away from us all. When she came back in, she said she had been out there for so long because she didn’t feel welcome in the home.

My mother, who forced her faith on us, the one time we wanted to be with our dad, said she wasn’t welcome. Eventually, my dad got so depressed and apart from our lives that he divorced our mother. It allowed me to choose, to learn about agnosticism and faith and how it didn’t necessarily make sense, to grow and become my own person. So, while the divorce might’ve hurt my mental health, it allowed me to form a bond with my dad, eventually find my identity and lack of religion, and not be completely indoctrinated into her faith.

Through it all, my sister has helped me. She’s been the closest to me, the one i can always rely on. Most kids don’t have the best relationship with their siblings, but my sister and I, even though we’re 4 years apart in age, are close to the point of being mistaken for twins. We’ve been there for each other, no matter what, even when we fight or don’t agree. She’s my best friend, and I hope to stay close to her throughout my life.

I have made so many great and wonderful friends here on tumblr, and I love all of you so much. I love interacting with any and all of you, whether we’re mutuals or not. I tell my friends they can tell me anything, that I won’t mind, that I won’t hate them or dislike them, it won’t hurt me. And it’s true, I will always be there to help them as much as i can, because I want to help them however I can. The only pain i go through as a result is that I can’t do more. I want to comfort them, but in the end im just there, sitting at a computer screen or looking at my phone, crying because I can’t do more than text.

That’s why I don’t want to talk about my problems, and why I understand why my friends don’t want to talk about theirs. I know what it’s like to be there, wanting to help, but only being in pain because I can’t. So, I push through, knowing i’ve made it through worse and i’ll make it through this, holding my burden silently. The only person I really tell everything to is my sister, because she’s been there with me, she knows exactly what I’m going through, and she knows how to comfort me.

Sometimes I hate myself, because of things i’ve done and the way i’ve treated others. However, whenever it ends, whenever I stop hating myself, I can realize. I may have done horrible things, things I don’t want to talk about, I don’t want to burden my friends with, but I’m getting better. I no longer do those things, or I do them for a good reason, or im working on stopping.

 I lie to my mom so that I can go on discord and tumblr, and it’s for all of you, because I care about you. I’m not so egotistical to say taht I’m holding my friends together, that if i left they’d fall apart, but they still need me. They’ve shown me how much I mean to them, and I want to be there with them, helping them through their issues.

The moment may be terrible, but it’s just a moment, and it can get better. I remember when I was 10, living at a different house my mom was renting before buying this one, crying into my pillow because I couldn’t do anything, because I didn’t want to have to live there. But I pushed through, i persevered, and look at me now. I may not be doing perfectly, I may not have the time wtih my dad that I want, but the steps necessary are progressing, getting closer. I’ve worked so hard to do so little for so long, for probably at least 5 years waiting for this, waiting until I could be with my dad, and it’s finally happening. 

So to all of you that are going through shit, going through something that seems to have no end, I promise, it can get better, and I want to help you if I can through it. If you push through, even if it’s just going through the motions for however long it takes, I want to comfort and be there for you. 

Whether you’re trying to find your sexuality or gender, need to rant, or just explain somehting, my inbox and DMs are always open, so just message me. Even if you just want to interact with me, send me something, for I love seeing an ask appear in my inbox or a message show up at the top of my screen. I want to help you.

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part Sixxty Eight/

Word Count:10.9k

A/N: continuation from 67! Enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated

Warnings: language, extreme angst, intense therapy sessions, SMUT(bear with me. I haven't wrote smut in a hot minute)

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyesx​ , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless,, @venus-calum, @justjodeye,  @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland @awesomealmostdopestudent,  @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy,  @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1,  @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe,   @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe​,  @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks  @unknownoblivion @siliwanoel @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor @kellysimagines @meetthesixxter, @duffshairdye, @xpoisonousrosesx​, @m0rnlngstar, @cranberrirolls, @oskea93, @love-struck-aries, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @cruesixxlover1991, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @dogmom2014, @sinningsixx, @motleycrueprincess​

*Nikki's POV*

"Nikki, Vanity is in the hospital. She doesnt want you here but im not taking Arianna to the hospital because I dont waknow what kind of condition Van is in. So, I need you to be here for your daughter, or are you actually the asshole I think you are?"

I stared down at the desk, trying to Process waht was going on, "Nikki? Did you hear me?" My stomach was twisting into knots as my heart felt like it was stuck in a vise grip.

"The hospital? Is-is she okay?" I breathed out the words. You know when you have those moments where it feels as if all time is standing still and you are the only person in the univer? Thats how i was feeling.

"I dont know Nikki! All i know is Arianna wasnt picked up from school. I found her waitin ginside when I left. I tried calling Vanity but she didnt answer and I had a voicemail from the hospital saying she was there and im her only emergency contact she has."

I reached for my water, dowing it until the bottle was empty, "Uh...uh...it's gonna take me hours to get there regardless..."

Clementine scoffed, "Unbelievable, do you not fucking hear me? Vanity is in the hospital!! The mother of your child and so called loved of your life needed medical attention!"

"It's gonna take me hours to get there..." I repeated.

"I don't give a shit Nikki. You have the fancy jet, use it."

I shook my head, "Look, im the last person Vanity wants to see right now. Can't you just send Ari to one of her friends or something.? Can't someone else watch her while you go to the hospital? Clementine, I'm across the country..."

She laughed, "As if I would send her to stay with Jason. I'm her only friend here, Nikki."

I felt my bood boil and my body become tense, "Ja-Jason? She's talking to Jason?" My jaw was clenched as I galred at the doorway, seeing Brandi scowling against it.

"Well Nikki, if you had kept your promise Jason wouldnt be an option." I closed my eyes, breathing through my nose as I shook my head, "He's not a fucking option!!" I yelled back in defense, "He aint even a fucking blimp."

"Are you coming or not? Arianna has already been so upset and stressed out lately. I don't want her to be upset even more. Trust me, Vanity feels the same way."

I glared at Brandi, "Just give me a few hours." I watched as she threw her arms up and shook her head.

"You fucked up this time. I mean it. You can ignore Vanity, but you dont lie to your kid."

"I know! I know! I just...look I'll explain everything whenI get there, alright?" I retorted as I hung up the phone and looked at Brandi, "You! It's all your fucking fault!"

Brandi was appalled, "Me? I did nothing! You were the one who didnt call and kept saying you were too busy! Don't put that on me!"

"I did nothing." I mocked her voice, walking past her and to my bedroom, "As if you didn't fuckin use coke and your body to make stay with you."

I shook my head, quickly grabbing garments from the closet and throwing them on my bed, "Filled my head with bullshit!" I shouted as I threw the duffle bag on the bed next.

Brandi laughed, "Oh come on Nikki. You know who you really want."

I shook my head, trying to rid my ears of her nasaly voice, "Yeah, now I do! Now that I know my daughter has been crying over me and that Vanity is in the hospital! It takes her getting hurt to make me realize it!" I screamed, watching her flich at the loudness, "It always takes Vanity getting hurt to make me fucking realize how much of an asshole I am!!"

God, I fucking hope she's okay.

"Oh my god, she's probably being dramatic! Nikki, please don't go. I just got you back, stay here with me. Please baby?"

"Why?! So you can keep ruining my fucking life? So you can keep going on the lavish trips and shopping sprees?! Fuck you and fuck off! I'm done. If I get back and your shit is still here, I'm burning this fucking house to the ground with you and your shit in it!" I threatened, grabbing my bag and then my car keys right after.

"I'm serious, Brandi. I am done. I'm signing the papers and giving them back to the lawyers."

*A few hours later*

I got out of the rental car, slamming the door as I parked outside Vanit's apartment building. I went inside, repeatedly pushing the elevator button until it opened,. I stood in the elevator, pushing my hair out of my face as I tried collecting my thoughts. I had called Clementine on the plane and she said she was at Vans house waiting for me. I couldn't wait to see Arianna.

The door slid open on her floor as I speed walked down the hallway before I was face to face with her front door. I knocked and waited until it opened.

"Took you long enough." Clementine answered, a bitchy glare on her face as I sighed, "I'm sorry, okay! I am sorry!" I said, almost out of breath as I looked at her.

"I am not the one you need to apolgize too." She snapped at me as my eyes glanced over to Arianna who was staring at me from across the living room.

"Pumpkin.." I got down on one knee, smiling at her, "I've missed you."I frowned when she completely ignored me and walked straight to Clementine.

"I want Mommy." She whsipered, pulling on Clem's hand and looking up at her.

"I'm gonna go get her babe, okay?" I tried reassuring her, but all i got in return was mean glare.

Clementine smirked as I straightened back up, "Good luck, hope you come back in one piece."

*Vanity's POV*

I glared at the wall, sitting uncomfortable as ever with my arm in a sling, dried blood around my nose and six stitches on my forehead. My glare then went to the nurse who entered my hospital room. "Can I just fucking get something for pain?! I'm dying here!!" I yelled at her, they've ignored my requests three fucking times!!

"Hello! Are you fucking stupid or something?!" I groaned, pushing the bed side table towards the nurse as she was standing at the counter.

"And something other then god damn ice chips?!" I shouted grabbing the pink plastic cup and throwing  it out into the hallway.

The nurse turned towards me, "Ma'am, you need to behave. r I will get psych down here to take you to thier side of the hospital. You understand me?" She berated me like a fucking child as I looked away from her and out the window, "I will work on getting you something to drink. Buut I cannot give you any medications." I rolle dmy eyes, pulling my arm away from her touch as she tried to wrap the blood pressure cuff around my bicep.

"Do you have any recollection of what you have put into your system? cocaine and diamorphine were all found in your blood system."

"What the actual fuck is diamorphine?" I qustioned her, rubbing my temples as I felt myself becoming irritated even more.

"Plus, when you came in your blood alcohol contenet was at a point one five and thats three times the legal limit in the state of New York." I looked at the banana bag I was hooked up too, "Diamorhpine is heroin, Vanity."

"Jason..." I mentally cursed him out, "I don't do heroin." I told her as she looked at me with the same look she probably gives other druggies taht tell her the same exact thing.

"Well, we did have difficulty setting up an IV, your veins are shot in both your arms. Luckily, we were able to get the veins in your hands to cooperate or we would have had to do a pick line straight to your heart."

I shook my head, "I don't do heroin. The blow was probably mixed with the heroin. I wouldn't willingly touch heroin. I didn't- I wouldn't."

"You are very lucky the car accident wasn't your fault, but the police will be in touch with you later to get your statement. May I take your vitals now?" The nurse, whose name tag read Margie questioned as I nodded.

"Statement? I don't rember anything. When can I go home? I have a daughter-" I gasped, "I have... i have to call Clementine!" I tried getting out bed but the nused pushed me back gently by my other shoulder.

"Our charge nurse has already conta ted her, now please, relax. I'm sure your child is fine." I took some deep breaths as I relaxed into the stiff bed, "Now, since youre awake and coherent, you dislocated your shoulder and you have a concussion so no blood thinner or it could make it worse. You had a minor laceration on your forehead but the doctor took care of it."

"Sorry to interrupt you Margie, but your patients husband is here." Another female nurse stated.

"I don't have a husband." I told them and right on queue, the blood pressure monitor started beeping eratticaly when I saw Nikki.

"Get out!! I don't want him here!!" I picked up a cup of jello, chucking it as hard as I could at him but he ended up catching it in his hands.

"I thought you said you were her husband?"

"I'd rather fucking kill myself than be married to him!"I shouted at the nurse, her eyes widening at my statement.

"Margie, should I call psych?"

Nikki put the cup of lime green jello on the counter, taking hesitant steps towards me, "I am just here to take you home. Clem called me and I just flew on the jet all the way here. She's with Arianna, she didn't want her to worry."

"You're her ride home?" Nikki nodded, "No! I'm not going anywher with this psycho!" I motioned to Nikki as he frowned.

"Doll, please?"

I pointed my finger at him, "Don't do that to me, Nikki! Don't look at me like that and don't talk to me like that!"

He rolled his eyes, completely ignoring me as he started talking with the nurse, "Can i have her discharge papers, please? She'll be safe with me. She's just a little uh...pissed off at me at the moment. It's nothing new." Nikki tried to laugh as I glared at him and as the jurses looked a bit weary.

"Do you have another ride, Vanity?"

I exhaled in a defeated manenr, "No. I don't."

"Why don't you step outside with our charge nurse while wehelp her get dressed an situated with the sling." Margie explained to Nikki, motioning to the door as he nodded and stepped out.

I pulled up my jeans after they handed them to me followed by my booths. The nurses helped me put my shirt on, with minimal complaints from me about my shoulder hurtinbefore hanging my jacket off my shoulders.

"Van, look, I don't want to be here-"

"You should want to be here, Nikki!" I shouted at him in the middle of the hospital, feeling other doctors and nurses look at us.

"Stop it! Just let me finish! I meant here, in the hospital with you! Clem called and here I am! So i'll take you home and just fucking go back to California if thats's what you want, alright!?" Nikki raised his voice as I stared at him in disbelief.

I vocally let out a "Ugh!" before pushing him to the side, "I can't stand you!"

"Yeah, just keep it coming Vanity. Tell me how much you hate me!" Nikki followed with heavy footsteps as we evenutally made it outside of the hospital, "Fuckin telll me Van! Tell me how horrible I am and how much of an asshole I am! Let's get it out of the way now princess!"

I quickly turned around, shoving him with my free arm repeatedly, "Where were you?!" I yelled, "You bastard! I can't fucking believe you would do this!" I shoved his chest again, forcing him to lean back into the wall as I continued to do so, "i'm so fucking sorry wer're such a bruden to you and your wife!"

"She's not my wife! I was busy!" He defended himself as I shoved him again, "Vanity, knock it off!"

"Busy with what Nikki?! Tommy's been here so don't even tell me it's the band and I highly doubt divorce papers take three months to sign!"

"She tried getting me to stay and-"

"Tried?! Nikki, you did stay! You chose her over me, not even me but your fucking daughter!" I shoved him again, but this time he grabbed my arm and forced it to my side.

"Calm down, now!" He lowered his head, shouting in my face as I fought his grip, "She's getting her shit out while im here! My marriage to her is over! Alright?! Stop acting like a fucking bat out of hell!"

I forced my wrist away from his grasp, "Just take me to my daughter."

"I'm sorry, Vanity. I really am."

I rolled my eyes, opening up his car door before sitting down, "Fucking save it Nikki. You're always sorry."

When we arrived at my apartment door, I unlocked it and tried slamming it in Nikk's face but he stopped it from closing.

"Mommy!" I sighed, trying to keep my tears in check as I picked up Arianna and gave her a hug.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. Mom got into a little trouble and she had to go see the doctors, but im okay now." I smothered her cheeks in kisses, "Pizza and cookies? Wow! Did you tell Auntie Clem thank you?"

Arianna giggled, "We made them for you! And we saved some pizza. Auntie said you would be grumpy and hungry when you got home." I smiled, silently thanking Clementine.

"Boo boo?" Arianna frowned as she pulled on the swing a bit.

I nodded and brushed my finger over her cheek, "Yeah angel, a really big boo boo but i'll be better in no time." I smiled as she kissed my cheek. I saw her then look over my shoulder as I sighed and put her down on the floor, "You should go say hi to daddy while he's here..."

Arianna glared at him before she loooked up at me, "I saw him already."

"Nikki took a few steps before crouching down to her height, "I've missed you princess." He smiled at her and fixed a loose strand of her hair, "Dad's been busy.." Arianna wasn't buying his bullshit either as she walked away from him and went to play with the scattered toys in the living room.

Nikki, the six foot and buck seventy five man that he is, got on his hands and knees and crawled over to her, "You got new toys? Those are pretty cool."

"I want to play by myself." Arianna told him, moving all of her toys away from Nikki and putting them in front of her.

I felt Clementines glaring at me, "I am fine."

"Oh really now?" She laughed a bit, "What the hell even happened Vanity?"

I motioned her to come over to the table and sit down with me so our conversation would be out of earshot from both Nikki and Arianna.

"You cannot get mad, alright? But I maybe snorted a bit too much and drank a little, or a lot. I don't remember crashing, and I sure as hell don't remember getting to the hospital-" I laughed, "And get this, heroin was mixed in with the blow I got from Jason. Isn't that hilarious?"

"Vanity..."

"No worries! It's all good!" I reassured Clementine with a pat on the arm, "I'm fine, I mean kinda. My shoulders dislocated and I have a concussion. They flushed my system, I'm good! I'm great!" I shrugged it off like it was nothing as Clem wore an upset look on her face.

She took off her glasses, rubbing her temples before she looked at me, "Good/" Good until Jason gives you more drugs?"

"I'm not. I'm done. I finished off what he had gave me, I told myself that's all I would do. I'm sorry clem."

She scoffed, "Sorry?" Vanity, you could've been seriously injured or worse. You're wasting money on this crap!" Clementine raised her voice just a tad.

"Well, so what if I am? It's not like I'm broke or poor." i retorted, glancing over and seeing Nikki attempt to get into Arianna's good graces.

"Nice, real nice Vanity." I looked back at Clem, seeign her stone cold glare.

"What?!" I gave her a confused expression, "That was not a shot at you if that's what you are thinking. You're not broke or poor. Your paintings sell and I give you money for being her babysitter."

"I said I wanna play alone!!" We both turned our heads when Arianna had yelled at Nikki, "Give me my dolly!" She yelled again, snatching it out of his hands.

"Princess, I am sorry I've been gone." Nikki spoke with hurt in his voice as he stared at her in shock before he glanced at me for guidance.

"Arianna, c'mon. You can't just ignore me." Nikki smiled before ticking her sides.

I watched as she pushed his hands away from her, "Go away."

"She's as stubborn as you are." Clementine mumbled to me as I nodded.

"I don't want to play with you." Arianna muttered as she moved away from Nikki completely, taking her toys with her but he only followed after her.

"Daddy just has stuff to take care of in California, ya know?" Nikki spoke softly as he laid on his side and tinkered with one of her toys.

"Go back to 'fornia!"

Nikki sighed, narrowing his eyes at her, "Arianna, do not yell at me."

"You lied! Mommy said you lied!"

Remind me to stop gossiping with Clementine while Arianna is within the same vicinity.

Nikki side eyed me before turning his attention back to her, “Babe, I-I didn’t lie. I told you I’d be back and I’m here now.”

“You stutter!”

“Arianna, I didn’t lie to you! Stop yelling at me!” Nikki raised his voice, not necessarily yelling at her but he was stern.

“Liar!” Arianna shouted, throwing her doll at Nikki’s face before she ran down the hallway to her bedroom. I heard her attempt to slam her door but since little tiny fingers and door jams don’t mix well, I had put foam at the top of the wooden frame.

Nikki mumbled as he got off the floor, “Just like your mother.”

“I think maybe you should go…” I told him as his eyes darted over to me.

Nikki shook his head, “I flew all the way out here. She can be stubborn all she damn well pleases, but I’m not leaving.”

“Then you should have called. Kids aren’t stupid.”

I closed my eyes, wishing Clementine had not put her two cents in as I felt Nikki’s anger rise even more.

“Stay the fuck out of it! It isn’t any of your god damn business!” He snapped at her quickly as she rolled her eyes before she stood up and started grabbing her things.

“Clem..” I spoke softly as I watched her shake her head, probably plotting how to murder Nikki and get away with it.

“Not a single fucking thank you for making sure your kid doesn’t know you like to come home high and pass out. That she doesn’t know how much of a fucking asshole her father is.”

I glared at Nikki as he rolled his eyes at me and went to sit down on the couch, “Clementine, I’m sorry. But thank you for making sure Arianna is always safe. I love you?”

She sighed, glancing at me as she looked back at Nikki, “I love you too…just call if you need me okay? Maybe take your mutt to go get neutered, he likes pissing on everything.”

I tried to keep my laughter in, “Bye Clementine, Thank you.”

I closed the door, turning around and leaning against it as Nikki stood in the middle of my living room.

“Can we please talk now? Just you and me.” I watched as he fiddled with his thumbs as I went to the fridge and grabbed my bottle of wine and glass from the cupboard.

“I don’t think you should be drinking if you…” Nikki stopped talking as he was met with my death glare. I sat down on the couch as he sat down next to me.

“You were gone for months, Nikki. You didn’t even call! You barely called at first and then it just stopped. How is that suppose to make me feel? To make your daughter feel?” I expressed my grievances as I poured the sweet red into the glass.

“Vanity, I’m sorry.” He placed his hand on my knee, “I fucked up. I really fucked up. She…Brandi gave me coke and it had me going for a minute. I was an idiot.”

“Blow? She gave you blow? I introduced you to your fucking child and you just run back to la la land because of some fucking dust? Prioritize what’s important to you, Nikki!”

Nikki shook his head, “I thought…I just thought maybe you didn’t really want me back, that it was all just a one time thing.”

That alone sent a knife straight through my heart, “A one time thing?” I stared at him, “After the night we spent together before you left, you really thought that was a one time thing? I wouldn’t of said the things I said if it was just a one time thing.”

“Babe, I was just…she fucking cornered me and it was a moment of weakness.”

I laughed in his face, “More like a moment of stupidity. Let me guess, she offered a few lines to you with her mouth wrapped around your dick again?”

Nikki took the glass of wine out of my hand before pulling me towards him, “I am sorry, okay? I messed up. I listened to the wrong person. I made a horrible mistake. I promise darling, I’m not going anywhere. I’m done leaving. I should have never went back there to begin with, should’ve made the lawyers fly out here.”

I felt his hand wrap around mine as his thumb brushed over my bruised knuckles, “How do I know that Nikki? That you just won’t leave again? That I won’t have to think of some bullshit reason to tell Ari why you aren’t here.”

“Because I’m not going anywhere Van, I swear to god I’m not leaving again. I’m not leaving unless you and her come back home with me. Brandi’s gone, princess. It’s done. She used coke because she knows it’s one of my weaknesses right after you.”

“Why does she have such a hold on you Nikki? I saw the pictures in the magazine. You two looked so happy.” I felt my chest get heavy as tears started building up.

Nikki kissed the back of my palm, “Those pictures were a bunch of lies doll, you have to believe me Vanity. I had to stay at a hotel for a few days after cause I felt so…so fake and wrong. I just wanted to hide and disappear from the world.”

Nikki wiped my cheek with a finger, “Why didn’t you come back to me right after that? You could’ve came here Nikki.”

I saw tears in his hazel eyes, “I-I was scared. Scared that the weeks I spent here with you and her was too good to be true. That all of this was happening again. It’s us Vanity, when are the cards ever in our favor?”

“We have some pretty shitty cards dealt for us, huh?” I laugh as I wipe his tears from the corner of his eye, “Please stop hurting me.” I begged him as I cupped his jaw, feeling the muscle relax underneath, “I’d wait forever for you, Sixx. I’m stupid for doing it, but I would do it in every universe.”

Nikki frowned, “I know. I know. I won’t, I promise. Please…please don’t take me out of yours and her lives. I want to be apart of it.”

“Nikki, that’s all based on your behavior. Not mine.”

He nodded, “Okay, fine. Where…where can I start? What do you want me to do.” He was acting like an attentive puppy waiting for his next treat.

“Can you get Arianna ready for bed?”

Nikki laughed, “How hard could that even be?”

*Nikki’s POV*

I had chased Arianna round the house for the past hour, even tripping and almost falling over rugs and her toys that were every where. I chased Arianna into her room as she laughed her ass off. No, this wasn’t a fun game of chase.

“Arianna, time for bed. Now!” I grabbed her as she started laughing more. I carried her to her bedroom before pulling down her blankets and putting her in bed.

“You aren’t the boss of me!” She said, kicking the blankets off and attempting to get out of bed. I’d be willing to let her but it was already nine at night.

I lightly pressed on her shoulders, putting her Back down, “Arianna, do you want me to use my mean voice? Bed, now. Or you won’t like it when you don’t get any cookies or TV tomorrow.”

Her big brown eyes turned to saucers, “You’re being a poo poo head!” She shouted, tugging the blanket away from my hand.

“Yeah, and you’re being a brat. Go to sleep.” I realized that was too harsh when her bottom lip quivered.

“You’re being mean!” She pouted as she grabbed her stuffed animal and turned on her side and faced the wall.

“Goodnight angel.” I muttered before turning off her ceiling light and plugging in her night light, “Or demon.” I whispered as I stepped out of her room and closed the door.

I walked into the kitchen, seeing Vanity downing some whiskey. She had just taken her pain pills not even thirty minutes ago, “Maybe you need help. Rehab or something.” I told her softly as she shook her head and put the bottle back in the fridge

“Van, you got into a car accident. We’re lucky this wasn’t another Razzle incident….” I trailed off as she stared at me in disbelief.

“Nik, it was just a fluke accident. Plus, the person in front of me was driving like an idiot. I’m fine.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Fluke accident? Vanity, I ended up dying and coming back. If I had someone tell me then I wouldn’t have gone through all that. And you especially wouldn’t have had to find me in my closet after.”

Vanity rolled her eyes, “Literally everyone did tell you to slow down…”

“And did I listen? No, I was too late and I was lucky to come back from it. Don’t you get it doll?”

She huffed and puffed, “You’re being dramatic. I’m not going to die. I don’t over do it like you. Jason just had a bad batch that was mixed with…” I waited for her to say it, “He gave me blow that was mixed with smack.”

”Oh, speedballs. Next thing you know you’ll be freebasing.” I retorted as she let out a gasp, “I would never do that! Listening to you and reading those journals you had were scary.”

I chuckled, “Scary? Well, seems like you’ll be looking for something more intense soon enough. It’d be a shame to make Arianna go through what you went through with me.”

Vanity shook her head, “I would never go out looking for something stronger and I would never do that to Arianna.” She defended herself as this argument was now becoming amusing to me.

“That’s what I said too. You know, you act as if I was never a drug addict. She’s not gonna be able to tell you to stop, she’s a kid Van. I had to watch my mom do this shit.”

She glared at me, “Because I’m not an addict like you Nikki. I’m not hiding in closets and I never do this stuff around her. Yeah, Jason comes over but we don’t do drugs here.”

I shook my head, “A guy you shouldn’t even be associating with in the first place! He’s bad fucking news, Van.”

“What are you? My fucking dad?” Vanity snapped quickly as we stared at one another.

“Fine, do whatever the hell you want. I’m gonna go find a hotel and I’ll be back in the morning.” I grabbed my jacket off the chair as I walked past her, “Goodnight V.” I spat out hastily as I opened up the front door.

I felt her hand wrap around my wrist as I hung my head down low and exhaled, “What? We’re just pissing each other off. You’re on edge because you were forced to detox at the hospital and not thinking rationally. You really want to argue more, Vanity?”

She shook her head as her hand moved to mine, holding it tightly, “I want you to stay with me, please?”

My eyes met hers, seeing the pain and vulnerability in them, “I’ll relax, okay? I’m fine. I just want you to stay with us. You’ve been gone way to long.”

She pulled me inside, walking backwards as she played with the rings on my fingers, “You relax too. I can tell you’re upset.”

I pulled my hand away from her, “Van, why do you think I’m upset? Clementine called me saying you were in the hospital? Do you even have a clue what I thought was wrong? That maybe Arianna would be without a mother and I wouldn’t have you anymore? Do you know how terrifying that is for me? You’ve been the only constant, besides the band in my life. You’re all I have Vanity…and I already had to experience life without you and I don’t want to do it again.” I sat down on the couch as she sat down next to me, her back resting against the arm as she looked at me.

“I’m fine Nikki.” I shook my head, “No you are not. You aren’t fine and you haven’t been fine for a while. Is this…is this because of me? You doing this to yourself. The drugs? The drinking? Hanging around Jason?”

Vanity played with the ends of her hair, picking off dry blood as she looked at me, “I don’t know…” I rested my hand on her knee, brushing my thumb across her skin, “It’s…it’s not because of you. It’s because of the hurt and the pain you cause. I’m high and I don’t think or feel it. It numbs it..”

I laid my head against the back of the couch, “Have you gone to your therapist lately? If you don’t want to go to rehab then you need to be going to therapy.”

“No, I haven’t.” She mumbled as I groaned.

“Vanity, you need too! I’ll make an appointment for you.” I looked at her, seeing her staring down at her nails until I put my hand under her chin to make her look at me, “I think you need to come back home. You live where there’s a dealer around every corner and back alley. You’ll never get clean here.”

Her eyebrows tightened together, “I’m not leaving New York.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want too!” She quietly shouted, “Arianna was born here, this is all she’s known, Nikki.” She expressed her concerns as I listened.

“I understand that, but don’t you think she’d love to see the ocean? Be near me instead of only flying out when I can? She’s a kid Van, she can adjust. I think it’s only you who doesn’t want to come back home.” Vanity looked away from me, wiping her cheeks as I kissed the top of her knee before resting my chin against it.

“Then I’ll fly her out to see you or something. There’s an ocean here too, ya know? You moved around so many times as a kid and look what it did to you. I don’t want that for her.”

“I’m move here, then.”

Her lips parted, “You can’t move here. Everything for you is in Los Angeles, the band, the music. Not New York Nikki, no. I won’t let you do that.”

“Fuck the band, Vanity! I have enough money to not need the band for a while. I want you and I want our daughter, nothing else. I want you.” I told her as she wiped her tears away again and looked at me, “I want you the only way I know you. I want you to be okay again, to be a good mom and to be my best friend. If you don’t want to be my girl just yet, fine. Arianna can just take your place.”

Vanity broke out into a beautiful smile, “The only girl that’s ever allowed to to take my place.” She rested her hand against my jaw, thumb grazing over my cheek, “I still love you Nikki.”

“I still love you more.”

I let out a sigh, I guess we'll save the coming back home argument for another day.

*A few days later, Vanity’s POV*

“Mommy..” I opened up my eyes, glancing over at the clock and saw that it was seven in the morning, “Daddy’s making breakfast and I don’t want to eat it.”

I chuckled, sitting up carefully and resting my shoulder against the pillow, “And whys that?”

She shrugged, “Cause he’s a poo poo head and he’s being mean to me.”

I stared at her, brushing her messy hair out of her face “Quit calling him that Ari. You know, you’re probably hurting his feelings. He said he was sorry, you’re being stubborn like me.”

“I am not stu-stubborn!” She defended herself as she crossed her arms over her chest and gave me the stink eye.

I grabbed her and put her off to the side as I got out of bed, “Let’s go get ready for school and then you’re eating whatever your dad made.” Arianna crawled out of my bed as she started running to her room, “Am not!!” I followed her and went to her closet to pick out an outfit.

“Get dressed and I’ll do your hair after you eat breakfast.” I repeated myself, “No!!!” I chuckled as her tiny hands pushed me out of her bedroom.

I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen seeing Chef Sixx attempting to flip pancakes, “Ow! Fucking piece of shit!” He shouted as the bacon popped oil onto him as he turned it.

“Need some help?” I asked him as he turned around to look at me, laughing as he did so

“Ha! Yeah right! I’m not letting you anywhere near this until it’s done. I’m not eating burnt bacon or doughy pancakes.” He continued to laugh as he started cracking eggs in a bowl before whisking them.

“I’ve learned to cook.” I mumbled as I sat down on the barstool, Nikki handing me a cup of coffee right after.

“Two sugars and a lot of creamer, right?” He questioned a smile on his face as he held up the spatula. I nodded and took a sip.

“How was the couch?” My lips tugged in a crooked smile as he had an unamused expression on his face.

“It was fine. Would prefer to keep your bed warm. But…it was fine.” Nikki exasperated, “I had Arianna’s fairy blanket to keep me warm since you didn’t give me a blanket or a pillow.”

I looked at Nikki, taking another sip of coffee “You didn’t ask for anything last night. So how am I suppose to know?”

Nikki scoffed as he turned towards the stove and continued cooking, “Keep it up and you won’t get any of this.”

I shook my head, “Not hungry anyways.” I smiled when Arianna came out into the kitchen, glaring at Nikki as she climbed up on the barstool next to me.

“Well too bad, you’re gonna eat. You’re too skinny still.” Nikki stares as he put a plate of mini blueberry pancakes, eggs and bacon in front of Arianna.

“Am not.” I told him as I watched Arianna push the plate away from her, “Are too. Your ass is getting smaller.”

Jeez, thanks asshole. As if I can’t see the weight loss when I look in the mirror.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, “Eat your breakfast Ari so we can finish getting ready.”

She stuck her nose up, turning her head away, “I’m not eating that. It’s gross.”

I sighed, “How would you know that? You haven’t even taken a bite yet. Eat, now.”

“It’s gross cause he made it.” She spoke in a matter of fact type of tone, sticking her tongue out at Nikki, “Can I have cereal? I don’t want it.”

Nikki put a plate in front of me, “Look, I’ll eat mine if you eat yours.” I took a bite of the pancakes, moaning as they were good, “Holy crap.” I started shoveling them into my mouth. We’re they that good? Probably not. But I can’t remember the last time I ate something sufficient.

“Can I have yours?” I looked at Ari as she tried reaching for my bacon until I handed it to her, “Babe, you’re eating the same thing as me.” I chuckled as she took her own little pink fork and took a bite from my pancakes.

“I’m gonna go freshen up.” Nikki muttered as he tried smiling at Arianna who still returned a mean little glare towards him. He frowned before leaving the kitchen.

“You know…you can’t be mad at him forever.” I told Arianna as she started eating off her own plate.

“Yes I can.” She stared at me, “…not nice.” She said, mouth full of sugary syrup and pancakes as I shook my head.

“Daddy’s nice and you know it. You’re not being nice to him, calling daddy mean names and not talking to him. He loves you Ari and he’s sorry for what he did.”

“Fine. No more poo poo head.” She giggled before she continued eating. I kissed her forehead before hopping off the chair. I walked down the hallway, yawing as I headed to my bedroom to straighten up and get dressed for the day.

After the morning routine was over and Arianna was ready for the day, she wanted her hair braided with one of her pink bows at the end of it. I slipped on a pair of shoes and slipped a jacket over my shoulders, wincing at the discomfort of putting my arm back in the sling.

“You could ask for help..” Nikki said, watching me struggle before coming over and helping anyways.

“Thanks.” I muttered, “Ari, you ready to go?” I asked her as she climbed off the couch and grabbed her backpack.

Arianna looked up at me and Nikki, “Will you walk me to my class?” She asked Nikki as he smiled at her before patting the top of her head, “Of course I will.”

When we arrived at her school a little while later, Arianna gave me a big kiss goodbye handing her a pink lunchbox right after, “I’ll pick you up later, okay?” I told her as she nodded and grabbed Nikki’s hand, tugging him towards the doors. I got back in the car, sitting down as I listened to the radio.

I glanced over seeing Nikki’s wallet was dropped on the floorboard. I reached down and grabbed it. I looked towards the doors and chuckled to myself. His wallet was stuffed full of cash. He’s such a hypocrite sometimes. He use to give me crap for always carrying around a lot of loose bills. I looked through his credit cards, he’s gotten two new ones that were a nice shiny black. I smiled at his goofy identification card, seeing him try to force a half assed smile. Nikki also had a guitar pick tucked inside the folds. A piece of paper was sticking out, but I realized it wasn’t a paper it was a picture. A picture of me and Arianna that Nikki had took when we spent the day at the boardwalk.

Through the tinted windows, I saw him coming back outside as I quickly stuffed the picture back in and tossed his wallet onto the seat, “Oh there it is. Thought I forgot it at your place.” Nikki grinned as he put his wallet in his back pocket.

“We have some where to be.” Nikki explained as he started driving away from the school.

I briefly glanced over, “Oh yeah? Where are we going?”

Nikki smiled at me, “You, Vanity Blackwood, have an appointment with your therapist.”

The smile fell from my face, turning into a scowl as I contemplated opening the door and jumping out, “You’re joking, right? Nikki c’mon.” I whined as I slumped back into the chair.

“Told you I was making you an appointment sweets. Did you think I was lying? You’re going and I’m gonna sit in there with you.”

*a little while later*

We sat side by side, knees resting against each other as we waited for my therapist to come in. I had my elbow perched up on the arm of the leather couch as I rested my cheek against my fist, watching the clock tick by slowly.

Nikki’s arm was wrapped around the back of the couch, his hand lightly rubbing my shoulder, “What time does Ari get out of school?”

With a monotone voice, “Three.”

I could heard the deep breath of annoyance as he took his arm and hand away from me and places his hands on his knees as he leaned over and grabbed some candy.

My ears perked up when I heard the door open, “Oh! I didn’t know we’d be having guests today. I’m Dr. Lilian Watson. Vanity, it is so nice to see you.”

“Yep, I’m here.” My voice oozed sarcastic cheer as I rolled my eyes, “This is Nikki.” I motioned to him as they shook each other’s hands.

“Oh…the Nikki. Vanity, I see there’s been some progress. What brings you in? It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you.”

I rolled my eyes at both the therapist and at Nikki, “He’s forcing me to be here

“She needed to come and see you.” Nikki butted in as I shook my head, growing more and more irritated.

Dr Watson adjusted in her chair, pushing her glasses up her nose, “Well Nikki, can you tell me why you think she needs to be here?”

Nikki chuckled, “She dislocated her shoulder last week due to driving under the influence of booze and narcotics. Busted her head open and had a bloody nose as well which is why I’m in New York to help her out but she’s not being appreciative of it.”

“Yeah, I see the sling.” She wrote some things down as I side eyed Nikki, “So, were still using?”

I reached for the bowl of candy on the table, “Not since the accident.” I shrugged and stuffed some m&ms into my mouth, “Incase you can’t tell, I’m being watched like a hawk. But I did stop for a while before then and then continued once I started hanging out with Jason again.”

“Who you shouldn’t even be hanging out with after last time.” Nikki butted in as I glared at him.

“I’m sorry? Are you my fucking husband?” I snapped, watching his eyebrows raise in surprise before turning away from me with a light shake of the head in disbelief.

“What happened last time?”

I groaned, “This was a bad idea.” I mumbled, eyes rolling as I sighed, “Jason got physical with me at the bar and Nikki beat him up for it. But Nikki doesn’t have room to talk when he was off getting high with the wife he was suppose to be divorcing when he should have been with his daughter.”

“I’ve gone to meetings in my free time, Vanity. Unlike you who just sits on this guys dick and gets fucking high!” Nikki fought back as he glared at me.

“I don’t do that!” I yelled at Nikki, feeling myself get worked up and by the smirk on his face, he knew it too.

“Okay, okay. Let’s just relax?” Dr Watson took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I don’t specialize in couples therapy, so Nikki in your opinion, can you tell me where the issues root from?”

Before Nikki could respond, “We’re not a couple actually so you don’t need to use that phrase.” I pointed out, my tone was extremely bitchy as Nikki let out a hushed Wow.

“Oh yeah? So I’ve just been hanging out here and taking care of you and making sure you’re good for no reason?” Nikki looked at me, “Seriously, not a couple?!?”

“Well we aren’t!!!” I fought back, “How could you even think we’re together?! Because we almost fucked that night?! You aren’t my boyfriend and you for sure aren’t my damn husband!”

In a raucous tone, “You and your fucking ten million reasons why! I had to go back! How many times do I have to explain myself?! I didn’t want to go back!”

“Uh maybe you could of told her to fuck off like the countless times you’ve told me to fuck off!” I continued to argue, my voice becoming hoarse from all the yelling, “Cause it’s all about me and Arianna.” I mocked his voice before rolling my eyes

“Because it is!”

I scoffed, “What? For a few more weeks until you find some new ditzy playboy?!”

Dr Watson cleared her throat as I sunk back into the leather couch, “Okay, let’s take a few breaths to get rid of some of this anger.”

Nikki reached for a handful of candy, stuffing his cheeks until they turned pink, “I’m not angry.” He mumbled as I scooted away from him.

“How is Arianna?” The therapist exhaled deeply as she looked at us with a forced smile.

“She’s fine, trying to get used to someone-“ I glanced over at Nikki “being around again. She’s in kindergarten now and is doing wonderful.”

Nikki piped up, “She’s a great kid, takes after her mother so wonderfully well.” He shook his head as he glared at me. I attempted to speak but he continued, “Coke angry Vanity and all of her fuckin tantrums don’t need to show up when Arianna is around. I grew up with a mother who used so I know what it’s like.”

“Yeah Vanitys mentioned a thing or two about you and your own addictions.”

“I am still trying to over come them everyday. I go to meetings, talk to my sponsor. I actually try.”

“And here comes the sob story.”

If Nikki wasn’t angry before I said that, then he sure as hell was now, “Sob story?! Are you fucking kidding me!?” Nikki grabbed the pillow I was holding onto and flung it across the room, “Me almost killing myself is a god damn sob story to you?! Fuck you, Vanity! You should know better than that! Christ sake, you’re apart of that sob story!”

“Nikki, I didn’t-“

“Didn’t mean it?! You never mean anything because you never fuckin do anything wrong, right?! Little miss princess Vanity with all her millions and millions of oil money can do no harm because everything about you is so god damn perfect, right?!” Nikki shouted, making me flinch at his loudness.

“What have I ever done to you? Except fuck Tommy more than once? Fucked Slash? What have I ever done to hurt you?” I questioned him as he stared at me.

“More than once?!”

“You had intercourse with Slash?” Dr Watson seemed genuinely surprised.

Through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw, “You fucked Tommy? Again?! When! You said it was only one time!”

“I-I didnt… I didn’t…”

He arched an eyebrow, “Now you’re gonna lie about it?! Did you fuck him again or not? Tell me right now Vanity.”

“Vanity, it’s alright. Just be honest about it with Nikki. It’s always a smart thing to share your past sexual partners with your current one.”

“I’m not fucking him!” I pointed at Nikki, “I don’t want to touch him and I don’t want him touching me! He probably got some fucking disease from his little wife.”

Nikki was more outraged at the fact I would call him dirty then anything else I’ve been saying, “I am clean, Vanity! Unlike you since you like to hop from dick to fucking dick!”

I smacked his arm, “Don’t talk to me like that!”

“Hit me again Vanity. I promise you won’t like what I do.” Nikki threatened as I almost took him up on it.

“Okay! Okay, stop it!” Lillian raised her voice a tad before clearing her throat, “Vanity, just be honest with Nikki. Nobody is hitting anyone."

“I slept with Tommy when he first came to New York, when he found me. I was emotional and he was there for me. You should be happy he was there for me Nikki!”

He laughed, “Happy?! Happy that my best friend stuck his cock in you?! Why should I be happy that you opened your fucking legs for him again?!”

“So clearly the issues run deep..” The doctor mumbled as I stared at Nikki with tears in my eyes, “I am sorry!”

“Sorry for what exactly?! Sleeping with my best friend? Running from me because of what I did? Sticking a needle into your god damn arm? Or keeping Arianna from me out of spite?!”

“Out of spite? None of this is out of spite, Sixx! None of it!” I cried to him as he shook his head, running a ringed hand over this face.

“Really?! So five years you just couldn’t call or write or fuckin mention we have a kid! Had to find out from coming back here and bumping into you out of luck!”

I looked away from him and at the therapist, “It wouldn’t be hard if he stopped fucking up! Do you know how many times I’ve had to deal with his shit! To pick up the pieces of what he’s done!! Maybe instead of shoving shit up your nose and crying over me like Tommy said you were, you should’ve tried a bit harder!”

Nikki was at his wits end with me, “Tried?! I fucking called your mother every god damn day! I wrote a fucking letter to you only for it to be sent back to the house! Don’t tell me I didn’t try! I would’ve gotten on my god damn knees for you! You were the one that didn’t try! You say I tossed you to the side, no! You fucking tossed me to the side! You left me! You fucking left without a trace! Left everything behind! Everything we had together like I was fucking nothing to you!” I watched him as I saw tears falling down his reddened cheek as he continued yelling his frustrations at me.

“You left me, Vanity. I wanted to fix it. You said it would have been better for us if I had just fucking died when I overdosed. Do you have any clue how that made me felt? How that simple sentence ripped my heart to shreds. I would’ve been satisfied with just your siblings or your mom telling me I was going to be a father. You knew how bad I wanted to be a dad, to have a family with you, to watch you carry my child. You chose to be selfish, Vanity.”

Our eyes stayed locked on one another as we sat in a silence that was choking me, “I’m not selfish.”

“Bullshit Vanity.” Nikki croaked as his tongue stuck out to lick away salty tears at the corner of his lips, “It’s always about you and what you want. You wanted to keep her away from me, you said you could keep going as a single parent not that long ago but I’m sure you would just keep paying Clementine to babysit her.”

“I never wanted to keep her from you!” My soft expression quickly turned into a scowl, “Do not bring Clem into this! She’s done nothing but help me!”

“Clementine practically takes care of her half the time while you’re off doing god knows what, Van! Don’t you see that?! I’d love to see how to it would’ve went if you didn’t find anyone.”

My eyes narrowed at him, “I’d be able to do it by myself! I don’t need you or anyone.”

My eyes stayed glued to his before I looked away when Dr Watson had put her notebook down, “I think we might be done with this session…”

“Yeah. That’s enough.” Nikki muttered as he fixed his shirt and grabbed his jacket from the table.

“Like I said, I’m not a couples therapist. But I think there’s a lot that needs to be uh, mended.”

He laughed, “No shit.” I quickly swatted his side, “Don’t be a dick. Thank you Dr Watson."

“Yeah, Thanks Watson.” Nikki spoke gruffly as we both started walking to the door, the therapist closing it right after us.

Nikki quickly grabbed my hand as he pulled me down the hallway. I saw his head shaking as he mumbled my name and profanities under his breath, “Ow, Sixx.” I winced as his rings were pinching my skin, “You’re hurting my hand.” I attempted to pull away from his grasp, he looked at me before opening up a door and shoving me inside, “What the fuck is your issue?!” I yelled as he flipped on the switch and slammed the door shut, blocking me from leaving even if I wanted too.

Nikki stepped closer to me, “You have a lot of fucking nerve acting like that in there.” I took a step back and bumped into the trash can Before I grabbed the counter of the bathroom to balance myself, “Just sitting there talking shit about Nikki and all the bad things he’s done to you.”

“I wasn’t talking shit!” I argued back, “And you started it! I was ready to have a nice peaceful session but no, you had to go and open your fucking-“ I instantly stopped talking when he closed the distance between us, roughly grasping my chin in the palm of his hand.

“There you go again! Blaming everything on me! Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking bitch I wouldn’t have to be an asshole to you! You ever think of that one, princess!?” Nikki forcefully pressed his lips to mine causing me to wince against the friction. Teeth scraping against my skin as I soon tasted a drop of blood on our lips, with a breath being deprived from my lungs as Nikki wrapped his hand around my throat, lightly squeezing as he did so.

I tried reaching for a fistful of his hair, on instinct alone his free hand captured mine in his as he held it behind my back. My nails scratched and pinched at his hand only for him to tighten his grip around my neck. A shaky, girly moan escaped through my lips as he took a step back, hand still wrapped around my throat as he broke out in an arrogant grin. His thumb traced over my bottom lip, wiping away the blood before he took it away and sucked it off himself.

I wrapped my fingers into his hair, roughly yanking his head down to continue the heated kiss. My tongue ran over his lip, before gently tugging on it with pearly whites. Nikki groaned as he placed his hands on my hips before his fingers found the button and zipper of my jeans. I pulled away from him, shoving his hands from me as I attempted to push my pants down. I let out a yelp before slapping my hand over my mouth when Nikki roughly grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to him, holding brunette strands by the root as he tilted my head back and pressed soft simple pecks to the front of my neck, “Let’s see if you remember who the fuck you belong too.”

The deep baritone of his voice sent chills down my spine as well as heat straight to my core. I tried to kiss him again but he refused to let me. His hand found my throat again, needy whimpers escaping. I followed his lips, mere inches from one another as his nose brushed against mine, “Nikki…” a pleading moan came from me as he chuckled darkly in return. His sage colored eyes were making my skin crawl in the best kinda way, knowing he was planning, thinking some of the most dirtiest things. I let my hands wander, landing on a silver buckle as I undid it and let it hang loosely on his hips.

Nikki backed me up until I hit the sink counter. He towered over me. one hand at the base of my neck, forcing me to keep eyes on him. I felt cold rings running down my body as he pulled the thin blue fabric down from between my legs.. An attempt to squeeze my thighs together due to the coolness failed when Nikki brought an open palm down on my ass. I closed my eyes before looking back up at him.

“Look at those pretty eyes just begging for me. Thought you didn’t need me, Princess?” I frowned at his words only for him to let out a laugh. His middle finger traced over my lip as I welcomed it, letting my tongue roll over the rough pad before sucking on the tip. Nikki added another finger to the mix, middle and ring now as I gave it the same treatment, “Dirty fucking girl.” He smirked in my face as he took his fingers from my mouth and placed them between my legs. My head tried dropping to watch what he was doing only for him to yank me by my hair, “Eyes on me. Only me.”

My lips parted when his fingers skillfully invaded my body, knuckle fucking deep. It was abrupt and sudden when his fingers began moving at a fast pace inside of me, fingers curling at just the right spot. The vulgarity of the sound of his palm slapping against my body bounced off the tranquil and zen picture frames that hanged on the wall.

“O-oh my god.” My voice was reduced to a whimper as he finally let his lips meet mine. I rested my hand on his shoulder, fingers gripping the hem of his shirt as I broke the kiss, “Nikki!! Fu-fuck!” I cried out for him, feeling him push another finger inside of me as he poked and prodded at the bundle of nerves inside of me. My eyes screwed shut, feeling them roll into the back of my head behind closed lids as I felt myself fall off the edge of pleasure.

“That’s it baby. Come apart for me, let me get a fucking taste.” Nikki relentlessly abused my insides until his hand was drenched with sticky wetness. I attempted to regain composure, pushing hair out of my face as I watched him suck and lick his fingers clean. Tattooed fingers engulfed themselves around chocolate strands of hair as he pulled my face towards his, warm and soft lips finding mine.

“Still taste so god damn sweet baby girl.” Nikki moaned as he grabbed me by my hips, roughly pulling me away from him before bending me over the counter, hair tangled in a fist as my cheek laid against the cool tile.

I closed my eyes, attempting to catch my breath as I listened to the sound of a zipper being pulled down followed by a sickening slap against my skin. I chewed on my bottom lip as I brought my head up, “Watch me.” Nikki growled as he yanked my head up a bit more. His free hand was wrapped around the base of his cock, giving long and slow strokes to himself.

My lips parted with a silent moan that never tumbled out as I felt Nikki press the tip to my entrance before pushing in. I breathed out a sigh of relief as I felt him fill me, completely. I noticed his bangs covering his eyes, but I could tell he was looking down at the intrusion of my body.

“O-oh fuck, Van.” Nikki moaned, sliding his cock out slowly slowly before sliding back into me “Fuck me.” He groaned, taking his hand away from my hair and digging his fingers into my hip His pace started increasing as his hips smacked against my bottom, fucking me harder and deeper.

Tattooed fingers found themselves curled over my shoulder, nails roughly scraping at my skin. My hips naturally started rocking into each of his thrusts, feeling my insides clench around his throbbing length. I closed my eyes, moans of his names falling off my tongue. An arm of his snaked around my body with a hand dipping underneath my shirt as he grabbed my tits, finger tips pinching and twisting my nipples.

“You feel so good, Nikki.” I breathed out, feeling his hand twist into my hair again. My neck crained back, his lips press against my forehead as he thrusted into me hilt deep. He moved my hair to the side, pressing rough and wet opened mouth kisses to my shoulder before nipping at the soft and delicate skin.

“You still take my cock so well, Princess. So fucking tight and wet for me. So…fuckin perfect.” Nikki breathed into my ear, nibbling gently as he did so. I turned my head just a bit, letting my lips find his before he broke the kiss and pulled out of me.

Nikki dragged me into a stall, making the door bang against the hinges as he sat down and pulled me over his hips.

“This isn’t sanitary.” I mumbled, “Ow!” A rude and sharp slap against my ass cheek ended all complaints I had.

“…don’t give a fucking shit.” Nikki stated in a husky tone as he gripped my hips, fingers digging into the skin roughly. I wrapped my hand around his throbbing member as I hovered over him, slowly sliding down onto it before I gripped his shoulder.

Pornographic moans fell from both of our lips as he buried himself inside of me. I started grinding my hips into his, feeling Nikki accommodate himself in the most delicious way. Nikki Sixx being the only man to ever do so.

Nikki cupped my jaw, pulling my face towards his as our lips touched in a slow and deliberate kiss. His tongue found mine as I tasted the fruity gum he was chewing on. His hips started thrusting up into me at a slow pace, “You feel that baby?” Nikki broke the kiss, his bright green eyes borrowing holes into mine. I nodded my head in a sheepish manner, “That’s all yours.”

I wrapped my free arm around his shoulder, leaning into his chest as I focused on his movements inside of me. He reached between our bodies, fingers dancing around my clit at a rapid pace. I closed my eyes, feeling myself clench around him. I knew he was close too by the way he twitched inside of me.

“Go on baby, cum all over this fuckin cock. Let me have it.” Nikki’s voice was strained as he tried holding off to let me hit my peak first.

“Nik-“ I moaned loudly, only for Nikki to put his hand over my mouth when the bathroom door opened up. My eyes rolled as he continued to thrust into me at a slower pace, smirking at me when I felt myself cum as I moaned into his hand.

“Shit..” Nikki whispered as he pulled out of me, taking his cock into his hand and giving himself a few rough pumps before he hit his end. I sat in his lap still, watching him jack himself off for a few more minutes until he relaxed onto the toilet he was perched up on.

We both heard the water start running as whoever came into the bathroom was singing to themselves, “Look.” Nikki whispered as he wrote ‘V&N’ on the stall with his own cum. I covered my mouth to keep my laughter in as I shoved his shoulder playfully.

“So romantic.” I mouthed before getting off his lap and pulling up my jeans and panties. I stepped out of the stall, the other woman smiling at me through the mirror as I washed my hands and fixed my unruly hair, wincing when my fingers brushed past my scalp. The women was taking her sweet time as she started checking her make up and fixing her own hair so I decided to leave the bathroom and waited out in the hallway.

My eyes went wide when I heard yelling coming from the bathroom, “Sorry!” Nikki yelled back as he stepped out of the bathroom, glaring at me, “I thought she left! Not you!” He shook his head at me as he reached for my hand.

“So, you wanna grab some food?” He questioned as he held the office door open for me and we stepped outside.

I wrapped my hand around his bicep as we walked to my car, "Yeah, I would like that." I smiled up at him, Nikki lowering his head down to give me a quick peck on the lips.

Nikki helped me into the car, closing it as I was situated. He started driving to wherever he decided to take us. He rested his hand on my thigh as I intertwined our fingers together.

I hope this meant good things were coming for us.

[fictionwritersblog]

Mine alone (Chapter 1)

So here’s my very first Billy imagine or fanfcition or call whatever you want stuff. My friends in this shitty COVID-19 quarantine, here’s something for you to read.

Plot: You meet Billy and spend a night with him, but after that he doesn’t want to let you go, and his obsession and behavior start to scare you. Warning: heavy language, some light sexual content, alcohol Pairing: Billy x fem!reader

A Halloween party needs a good Halloween outfit which you clearly didn’t have. Why? Because you didn’t even want to go to this party in the first place, you have nothing to wear and you don’t care about all this shit. Your so called best friend, Clara talked you into this saying: ‘C’mon, Y/N! You can’t just sit at home when you can party like crazy!’

Yeah, like you are that party girl type, huh. But now you said yes and there’s no escape. So here’s the plan: you can snatch some stuff from your mom when she goes into the bathroom, get her high heels, and okay, it’s not exactly a halloween costume, but hell, it’ll make it for now. You check in the mirror if your outfit isn’t too much, and when you look at yourself you step back a little. You definitelly look like Sandra Dee in the end of Grease. And wow, you can tell you look glam in those tight trousers. You just need a cigarette to flick it away in front of some bad boy.

You and Clara arrive at the party and even tho you don’t smoke you start to feel sorry for not stealing some cigarettes from your dad. This outfit definitelly needs the cigarette. For only one night you want to be the bad bitch, and not mommy’s good girl as you usually are.

‘What’s up, darling? Feeling shy in the gaze of these boys?’ Clara smirked and pat your shoulder as you were walking inside. Clara has always been  confident if it was about boys, but you rather felt like the original Sandra Dee. But not now. No, honey, it will be your night.

And you want to make sure about it, so you grab a drink and then another. You lost Clara somewhere, you are dancing and just feeling good. You start to loose control, slowly but surely you start to get drunk. You hate this feeling, being dizzy and all that, so you go outside to get some fresh air. Even here there’s a crowd around you, people talking and singing, laughter and shouting everywhere.

‘Oh, you’re the one that I want, honey!’ you hear someone right behind you back, but you don’t turn around.

‘You better shape up, cuz I need a man...’ you say in a sarcastic voice not being able to remember any more lines of this song.

‘You mean I’m no man?’

Okay, now you turn over and the whole world turns with you only to see the most naughty smirk ever. And a bare chest carved from marbel by angels. Which cannot be true of course, but oh my, maybe it is? You just want to touch those abs to see and feel if they are so hard like marble itself oh you so want to touch them you have to clench your fingers into a fist not to make any unwanted move. You look up to meet his eyes.

‘I think I know what’s on your mind, Sandy.’ 

‘My-my name is not Sandy!’ You say but in this moment you don’t care about which name he calls you. ‘But your’s is Billy. Billy... someone.’

‘Hargrove’ There was something arousing about how he said his name. You wanted to ask him to sy it again and again. (Note for yourself: do not drink this much next time!)

‘Yes, that’s it. Billy...’

‘Hargrove’ Oh yes, taht’s it!

‘Hargrove, yes.’

‘You seem to know me.’

‘I saw you in school. And heard about you of course.... new guy.’

‘I feel ashames but I doesn’t seem to know a bit about you. Hawkins keeps it’s Sandra Dee well hidden.’

‘My name is not Sandra. It’s...’  you start but Billy instantly puts a fnger on your lips forcing you to choke up on your words.

‘Ssh, my beautiful Sandy, don’t ruin this moment. I like the mysteries of Halloween, don’t you?’

‘Well, much less mysteries for me because I do know your name. I know you have a little sister, and that your car’s plate is PCE 235.’

(Another note for yourself: DO NOT DRINK this much next time.)

Billy chuckles and the way he looks at you starts to burn your skin. You can’t keep eye contact with him so you suddenly reach for the pocket of his unbuttoned shirt and take out the cigarette. Billy now takes it out of your hand, you can’t help but just stare at him as he puts one piece  between his lips and lights it up. After that he gives it to you smirking.

‘Thank you’ your voice is weak. You don’t really know if Billy was aware of the effect he had on you so he moved slowly on purpose or it’s just the alcohol that works in your head.

‘You surely have heard about me’ Billy says ‘but there are things you don’t know. And believe me, you want to know...’

It’s Billy. He’s moving slow and speking slow and his deep voice is like honey in your ears.

‘Maybe I want to.’

‘You definitelly do!”

Billy is so close to you you can feel the heat of his skin. You think he will kiss you now, and even before he touches you you can feel his smoky taste in your mouth. But his lips doesn’t meet your, his tounge slowly caresses your upper lip and you realize that you grab onto the fence way too strong. Now Billy bites his lower lip and smiles at you like some shy boy which he clearly isn’t.

‘All right’ you say ‘what can you me?’

Laughing he grabs your hand and leads you out of the crowd, his car parks a few houses away in a dark corner. For a few seconds you wonder if he parked at this spot because he knew that he will end up here with some random girl, and that random girl now is you, which is not right, but these seconds are suddenly washed away as Billy cups your head with his hands and kisses you. Soft, warm but demanding kisses, and so yes, he tastes like smoke and alcohol. He groans into the kiss as your fingers run up his chest - definitelly not made from marble, so soft and warm -, up to his neck and into his hair. He opens the car with one hand and pushes you in.

‘Wait’ you say. ‘What if someone sees us?’

‘Don’t worry, it’s so fucking dark here. No one comes around...’

Billy is impatient, he makes his way under your shirt and you moan as his fingers are under your bra. Your voice makes him laugh and you can feel his teeth biting into your skin of your inner tights. You don’t know when your trousers were taken off and this is the last moment when you think about stopping Billy. Of course you didn’t.

[xeunoais]

Left With a Broken Heart

(A/N- so i finished it. i’m sad:(. i love connor and i think that writing this about him broke my heart because he is too good of a man to every do anything like this. so please when you read this, just imagine connors evil twin. thank you. and please remember, feedback is highly appreciated! enjoy❤️)

Summary: Connor and Y/N were the bestest of friends. She started to catch feelings and she thought he did too. Until a new girl came around.

warning: i cried. you’ll probably cry.

-

His hair was a mess but it still looked amazing and so so soft. His ocean blue eyes were just the type I could get lost in forever and never complain about. Beautifully chiseled jawline, soft looking pink lips, that I so badly wanted to know what they would feel like against mine. It was seriously no wonder how I had a crush on, Connor Brashier. Not only one of the most popular guys on campus, but also my best friend.

There was just something about him, the way he moved, the way he spoke, the way he looked at me, that captivated me. Pushed me into a deep, never ending hole of feelings for him. We were actually table partners in most classes.

We just messed around for the first week. He made lessons for me so much more bearable. But he did still make me nervous. I had gotten good at hiding it so that way he didn’t know. I at least hope he didn’t know about it.

We always could so easily fall into conversations, he would always ask me for answers on stuff he didn’t know because he got sidetracked and missed the answers. Whenever he would fall asleep during lessons, I would poke his cheek with the end of my pencil to wake him up. That was of course, after I admired his beautiful sleeping profile for a bit.

I remember one day him whispering to me about the professers new perm looked like burnt ramen. I laughed so loudly that she glared at the both of us. I honestly couldn’t have been happier about that situation because I had a bad day and he knew just what to do to make me laugh. I would have even cared if I had gotten in trouble for it or not.

This guy really had me wrapped around his finger. Every time we talked, our hands lightly brushed against each other, he would whisper something in my ear, I completely fell for him all over again each time. But I knew deep down, that he didn’t feel the same towards me. Until maybe he did start catching feelings.

I was studying in the library. I didn’t notice he came in at first because I was so zoned in on my text books until I saw a hand wave in front of my face.

“For you,” he said holding out a cup of iced coffee from the cafe. I instantly smiled and thanked him before I took a sip. He stayed with me that day. Just watching me do my work or playing on his phone waiting on me to finish. I won’t ever know why he did that. What made him stay with me. I’m not complaining though. I wouldn’t ever complain about his company. He knows that.

As I working that day I couldn’t shake off the feeling of eyes on me. I looked up and saw his beautiful eyes that I will forever be in love with, staring right back into mine. My heart nearly stopped in that exact moment.

“Con?” I asked softly, breaking him out of his trance.

“Oh, uh, sorry.” He apologized, scratching at the bzck of his neck. I found that moment incredibly adorable. But when I finished, you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the cheek, near my lips as you said goodbye. I went into my dorm that day lost in my thoughts. My first thought was you were just being nice and a good best friend. That you didn’t mean anything. But then I also had that hope that maybe, just maybe, you liked me too.

-

A week had passed. And all it took was a new girl. I was absent for a couple days because I was down with the flu. I was so excited to get back to class and see him again because the entire time we hadn’t talked or seen each other. I didn’t think anything of it until the day I returned.

There was a new girl in my seat. And he was sitting next to her. I had never seen this girl before. She had perfectly straight blonde hair, hazel eyes, perfectly straight white teeth. She had on the skirt that she hiked up her thigh just to show more skin, with a button up top tucked into it. She was most definitely more pretty than I will ever be.

I hesitantly walked over to the two of them. He was laughing so hard at something she had just told him, and he didn’t even see me coming. All of the sudden I froze. He kissed her. He fucking kissed her. I couldn’t move. Everything stopped. Before I knew it, tears began swelling up in my eyes and thats when he saw me standing there.

I looked at him and scoffed. I couldn’t do anything but just shake my head then walk out. As I walked away I heard him and a couple others calling out to me. I just kept walking. I left campus that day. And I went to the place I met him at. I sat there for hours apon hours just thinking about everything. I actually thought that he liked me back.

I know I should’ve saw this coming. I know it. But I never thought it would’ve caused this much damage. Now that I think about it. We didn’t text that week probably because of her. He completely cut me off the second she came into the picture. I was heartbroken for two reasons. The fact he had a girlfriend and the fact that I lost my best friend of two years to a girl that he met a week ago.

-

After five months of me ignoring everything that had to do with him, we finally spoke again. He caught me in the library studying. His hands were in his hoodie pocket and he had his hood up. He wasn’t the same guy I knew. This wasn’t the same Connor. The sparkle in his eyes was gone, his lips were pale, and his cheeks were slightly sunken in. He had the look of pure sadness on his face.

For a split second I caught myself feeling bad and wanting to just hold him and make him feel better. When he got close enough, he said my name. I used to love the way my name rolling off his tounge sounded but thats not the same anymore.

The first he said was that he was sorry. I just stared blankly at him for a bit. I took in everything about him until all of my feelings came rushing back. He broke my heart and all he had to say was sorry? I asked him what he wanted, and then he said it. The words I had been waiting to hear for a long time.

“I want you to give me another chance.”

At that moment I just stared into his dull, yet still mesmerizing eyes. I thought about everything for a minute. All of the memories. Starting from the day we met and stole my heart to the day he ripped into two and didn’t even care.

“Connor,” I said softly. “believe me, I really liked you. You were more than just a crush to me though. You were my best friend. But honestly after everything, I liked it better when we didn’t know each other. And I have way more common sense then to let you in again. I have way more self respect than to let you toy with my feelings and break me again. I’m sorry Connor. I want to give you another chance, I really do. But i’m scared to trust you. I’m really fucking scared. Because I know it’ll end up the same way again. You’ll meet someone new when I’m not around and I will be thrown of to the sideline again. After what you did, I cannot trust you anymore. And I don’t wanna get hurt again. And don’t think that this was okay. Taht coming back her to me just because you had no one to use anymore. Because I am not fucking dumb enough to fall for that bullshit. I’m not dumb enough to to let you use me again.”

Then I grabbed all of my things and I left without another word. Leaving him behind with whatever it was we were in the past. And it was at the moment that I felt okay again. That I had put my heart back together and I was happy. Connor Brashier will always be someone I loved but he will not be a person I will allow myself to love ever again.

-

THE END

(A/N: I actually hated writing this because I cannot even imagine Connor ever doing this to anyone! UGHHH IM A MESS RN😭 someone cheer me up plz)

[megitsunade]

January 09, 2019

I reactivated to leave a message just in case something happens.

although,, i doubt nothing will.

also. im on my pc so there will be grammatical errors. 

now. onto what i have to say 

look. its a new yeare

or

well

its suppose to be

but

a new year

means

n othing

to me at least

it doesnt matter

if its a  new day

new week new year new deacde

nothing about my mental health has changed..

no matter how much i try no matter who i cut off no matter how much i am changing aNDF NO MATTER WHAT I DO 

nothign is changing. and it hurts, it hurts to see all the days i wake up praying and hoping and smiling forr a new day just to go back home into my bed and tie the noose again, but i never use it

it hurts to see myself from a third person waking up telling my loves good morning, and thinking that today will be it

the day the turning point

the moment i think i can keep gioing

just 

to

g

o

home

and cut my legs up

every day.

im really sorry man 

i am

id ont know

what i can say

other than

im really sorry

i dont want to go away

but i dont want ot be here any,opre

well

no

i dont want ot die

but id ont want ot be here anymore

i just

want ot 

never

talk again

wake uip again

io dont want to do this antomr

eyou

you makle me feel really suoicidal sometimes

it hurts

everything hurts

who is you

me/

look

i dont want A to know this,

but

alot of nights

i think of suicide

it is because of him

i wont lie

and i konw

youre thinking

“well then why are you still withy hi,m”

he isnt the direct reason for it

yues there have been times where he.. says some really hurt ful stuff

or

does something

that really

kills me on the inside

and

yes

those days do make me want to die 1000x more

but

its more so

the fact that

i dont find happiness 

in us

no its not that he doesnt make me happy

but

this relationsiho

i dont see hjim being happy at all

and thats all i want

i just want him and my family to be happy

and

i 

cant 

do that

for any of them

 icant make them apppyhpapypappyhappahpayppp

at all

i 

YOU CAN TELL ME EVERY DAYTHAT I MAKE YOU HAPPY

BUT YOUR ACTIONS DO NOT REFLECT IT

MOM

IF I MAKE YOU HAPPY

WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY REMIND ME THAT I DO NOTHING BUT MAKE YOU A MISERBLE MOTHER

DAD 

IF I MAKE YOU HAPPY

THEN WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THE MINUTE I STEP IN THE HOSUE YOU DONT SEE ME AT ALL IM JUST A SHADOW

AND A

if i make you HAPPY

THEN

WHY

DO YOU HURT ME SO MUCH

I KNOW IT ISNT YOUR INTENTION

I KNOW YOU SAY YOURE CHANGING

BUT

LIKE

do you inot

not

feel

any

pain

seeing

the one

you “love”

in tears begging on her knees that you just give her one minuite of your attention

to just

unde3stand

her self.

id ont know

maybe im too high maintaince

and no one can keep up[ witho me

but

i feel like

im doing all i can

to make you happy

A

im doing

everything

im giving you your space

im telling you everyday that i love you and i dont do that things you complain about anymore

or at least i try

because i know you hurt

from what i do

and it hurts me to kmnow taht im hriutng yyou

so why cant you do that same for me

why cant you see that youre hurting me alot

i cant tell you this

becuase if i do

you take it to the heatt

you  will get sad mad and everything

if i said “A you hurt me and sometimes it makes me want to kill myself”

im sure i do the same to you

do you think this relationship is just heading towards an end

that its time for it to be over

either way

it wouldnt matter

man

i need to go home. where is my home

what is home

i dont want to hurt anyone anymore

i just

want ot be understood

is that alot ot ask for

it is

im very

high maintainve

im

very

not a good person to be around

i 

am so sorry

i dont know what to say to the people ive hurt

i just

you giuys

everything in my life is going downhiill and everyone i speak toi makes me wake to kiolll myself

i dont feel happy in thi sowrl

d

is it wrong to say

i wish the people who ended their lives didnt

and i take their place

i dont want ot be here

why ccant i leave

what is making me not want to just

pull the trigger?

To my family: I love you all very much. I do not want any of you to go on without me because that is just selfish of me. Isn’t it? If you’re reading this I’m really sorry. I don’t want you to think that this was something you could stop me from doing. I don’t want you to blame yourself. This was not because of any of the fights we’ve ever had. This was just something I have dealt with for years and now it just feels like it is my time to go. I am sorry.

I just want you to know that none of this was ever your fault. There was nothing  you could do to change my fate. To Sonya: Thanks for being the bestest friend I have ever had. For always listening to me no matter the day or time. For staying up until 4am on a testing night to listen to me talk about trivial things that do not affect you at all. I love you.  Thank you for everything and I wish you the best on your journey. Keep going for me, and keep up the great work. I’ll see you IN A VERY LONG TIME RIGHT? Promise me you’ll grow old and have tiny Sonyas running around. I cannot wait to see you again. I am sorry.  To A: I know that for the three years we have been together it was a wild ride. I know that for 3 years I have always reassured you that you will never lose me this way. This was not the cause of our recent fight or anything that has ever happened between us. You know about my past and you know how affected I still am because of it. I love you. 

 I just was not ready for a new start. I was not ready for a lot of things. But you always held my hand and walked me through the dark and for that I thank you very much. I am sorry. I am sorry to all that I will hurt from my actions, and all that I have hurt in the past. I hope that one day you will find clarity to accept this. I have prayed on my knees every night to God to save me and this was my last resort.  This is it, good bye everyone, thank you for everything.  Click ‘Send’

[darthspideys]

Normal People (t.h)

doctor! tom  x doctor! reader 

words: 1688 

Summary: You want to be normal, and he wants you to love you as much as he does 

A/N: This is my first fic for @fuckyou-imspiderman  ‘s writing challenge! I did not think this one would get this long but here it is! Now the middle portion of this is a total copy of greys anatomy, so don’t think I thought of it cause I wish. 

MASTERLIST “So what do you do for a living?”

You froze in your seat across from, what was his name? Alex. He’d asked the question, the one that you knew would most likely end the entire date. There is a reason why I didn’t put it on my profile because your going to think its weird, You thought, picking at your food again, trying to think of a way to change the subject. You couldn't think of anything so instead, you took a breath and sighed. “I am a surgeon.”

“Oh, very cool.” He eyed her, clearly curious. “I’ll admit here, the only experience I have with that is ER so, excuse me if I get anything wrong. What specialty?”

“Trauma.” You took a bite of your food, slowly, surprised at how well he was taking it so far. “So people falling off roofs, construction accidents, train derailments, building collapses and all that good stuff.”

You didn’t realize it at the time but that was your mistake, getting too comfortable. You weren’t as focused on gauging his reaction to that comment, you only focused on what he said next. “Sounds, interesting.”

“Oh yeah it really is. I love it, I mean honestly most doctors don’t like it, the rush, the smell, y’know? But I live for it, I love the chaos, bodies coming in and you’ve just gotta stop the bleeding. You’ve gotta do whatever it takes, whatever you have to put in there. Then sometimes there bleeding internally and you’ve just gotta get it out, you’ve gotta stick a million tubes in there. And then when the heart stops and all you hear is the sound of that monitor and you’ve gotta jump for it, you’ve gotta jump and just push as hard as you can.” To be fair, even if you had been paying attention to his facial expressions, you most likely wouldn’t have been able to predict what was coming next.

As soon as you finished talking, Alex took a breath and stood up at the table, throwing his napkin onto the ground. “Your sick, you know that?” He said, loud enough that everyone near you could hear.

All you could think was, Crap, crap, crap, crap.

He wasn’t finished. “Those are real people, you have lives in your hands and you enjoy watching people bleed out? You like to see people hurt and injured? You enjoy that. I mean I guess you do because you only get paid if people keep getting hurt and terrible things keep happening. You wanna know something? My grandmother died in a car accident and the doctors couldn’t get her heart started again and I’m sure you would've loved that.”

“I didn’t mean-” You stuttered out, your cheeks growing hot with embarrassment. “I-” You got up quickly and ran out of the restaurant as fast as you could. By the time you got to you your car, you were out of breath and in a mood.  

“He said what?” Tom asked in disbelief as the two of you walked through the halls of the hospital. “I cannot believe-”

“I know, most guys like politely excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and then never come back. I guess I struck a chord with him.” You let out a sigh, “Good news is I think that was enough public humiliation for a lifetime, let's hope I’ve peaked here.”

Tom smiled at that and ran a hand over your back, as the two of you continued to walk. “If I wasn’t on call, I’d say let's go get a drink.”

“I need a drink right now.”

“Well your not on call, you could just go get one. In fact, why are you here right now? Why did you come here instead of getting drunk?”

“Cause I am on call tomorrow and I would prefer not to have a hangover. I mean getting blackout drunk solves your problems until it doesn’t. Plus who needs to get drunk when you do a ten-hour surgery?” You looked down at your pager again and hit it with your hand. “If one would just come in!”

Tom laughed at you, when suddenly both of your pagers went off simultaneously, which sent both of you running down the hall, to get to the ER. “Looks like you got your wish.”

“Thank you trauma gods!” You replied, doing a little jump as you ran. “And Alex can suck it!”

“I think you're going a little overboard but I’m going to chalk that up to a trauma high.”

“Yup.”

By the time the two of you made it to the ER it was already in chaos with people coming in, and patients already being moved into elevators to go into OR’s. Soon enough you and Tom were assigned to the same patient, a man with a tear in his heart that needed to go upstairs to on OR right away. A minute later he two of you were running into an elevator and impenitently tapping the buttons trying to will the machine to go faster. The two of you just looked at each other as the elevator finally climbed to the OR floor, and then stopped. The doors didn't open, and then the lights went out.

The two of you looked at each other again, and said, “Crap.”

Tom tried to the pull the doors open as you pressed the call button multiple times to no avail. “We are so screwed.”

The two of you paced the elevator waiting for it to start moving again, until a harsh beeping broke the air, the man was going into cardiac arrest. “Well we have to do something now or he’s not gonna make it.” Tom said.

“You want to crack his chest? In the elevator?” You sputtered, “WIth unsterile equipment, no blood and not knowing when this thing is going to start moving again?”

“What choice do we have?” He replied, his eyebrows creased with worry.

“Yeah, fair point. Well, what do we have to cut him open with?”

“This scapel, from my pocket.” Tom handed it to you, and you nodded your hands shaking a little.

“Well at least you have one as weird as that is, I thought I was going to have to cut him open with this clipboard or something.” You tried to smile but you were too nervous. You took a deep breath and cut into the man's chest, moving his ribs out of the way, trying not to break them until you finally had your hand on his heart and you feel the hole in it. You shoved your finger inside and at last the beeping stopped, and the elevator started moving.  

“Did you get it?”

“The noise stopped so-yes?”

“You did a good job. He’s gonna make it.”

“Uh-huh.” The adrenaline faded and you could feel your body shaking, Tom could see it too.

He walked over and steaded you, pulling his body against yours, which made the shaking stop. “Your okay, he’s gonna make it. Calm down.”

“Yeah, okay.” You breathed out, trying to keep your teeth unclenched. A second later, the elevator doors opened and standing in front of you was the chief and the cardio attending, assigned to the case, Dr. Marling.

“What did you do?” Dr. Marling asked.

“Saved his life,” Tom said plainly. “Or not if we don't move him in the next two seconds.”

All Dr. Marling did was nod before a swarm of nurses helped pull the gurney into the operating room, with you on top, your finger still in the tear in the heart. After what felt like hours, you were finally outside the OR, your body pressed against the wall, breathing heavily.

Suddenly, tom appeared. “Come on.” He said, extending a hand. You let him pull you up and lead you outside to his car.

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as he got up onto the roof of his car and laid down. After a few seconds, he called, “Are you gonna join me or what?”

Still confused you climbed up and laid down next to him. “What is this?”

“We are going to decompress. Calm down. Especially you, it has been a long night.”

“It has been a long night.” You repeated. The two of you sat there silently, Tom hand behind your head until at last you let out a long sigh and grumbled out, 

“Can't we just pretend we’re normal for once?” You paused, “Let's just pretend taht we’re not sitting on top of your car because my date yelled at my before enjoying his grandmother's death, and the fact that on this very same night I had to cut into a man's heart in an elevator.”

Tom turned to you and said, “Okay. So we’re normal people, who don’t cut into bodies. We’re normal people, huh. Yeah, I have no idea what that’s like.” He laughed a little.

“Normal people would probably be able to get through a date successfully.” You huffed.

“Or maybe not. Maybe a normal guy works with this girl, and he sees her every day, and after a while he realizes when he doesn't see her his world loses a little bit of its happiness. And for a while, he ignores it, because  its nothing and then he realizes he loves her.” Tom paused, searching your face for a reaction, “But he doesn't say anything, because she is so out of his league. He doesn’t tell her, he can’t.” He looked you right in the eyes, and you sat up a little to meet him, realization crossing your face. “Until one day after she does something amazing, and his heart lights up, he realizes he has too, cause whats the point of keeping it a secret?”

“But what this normal guy doesn’t realize is that girl loves him too. It just took her a little while to figure it out. So she leans in and kisses him.” You pulled tops lips into yours and for a long inescapable moment, it was just the two of you in the world.

“Is that normal enough for you?”

permanent taglist:  @downeeyjunior // @peters-vlogs // @tomsfireheart  // @spideydaddyboy // @built4broadway // @pensysto  // @mitamixer

[undertakinggraveshift-blog]

Law at Death’s Door Pt 1

@Law AR and PI will be having a meeting at Pendleton's Parlor, Death's funeral home. AR has extended the meeting to the rest of the law force so. Scene: Death's funeral home. Death: Perplexed and vaguely bewildered Tea: On Coffee: Also on

@dilldaydreamer @lawtula @lassofthelaw @cautionarylaw @dickshalfthesolution @fishprincessofthelaw @ectocrimefighter@redstringsandpidgeons ....I probably forgot a few I’m sorry 8′B

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:14 PM

You enter the parlor, pick up your cat who is already waiting for you, and proceed to beeline to the pile of pillows so that you may begin the slow suffocating death of comfort.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:21 PM

Death is skittering about, making the parlor people friendly. It's always people friendly, actually, but now it's got a whole lot of law around and Death cannot help but worry he might have a mobster-delivered body around. Oh god, don't somehow magically know about all the real unfortunate bodies buried in unmarked graves. Ahahaha. Anxiety isn't something unbeknownst to Death but lord is it at an all time high. However, he does know the danger is over for now... and things are hopefully settling down, for now, so it eases soon enough. For the officers who have come, a short hallway leads into a large room. Death leads those who come in into the kitchen connected. Nicely lit, with a kitchen table and awaiting chairs. Coffee is in the process of being made and a kettle is on the oven. Uh... snacks are... hm. He should probably make something but, he's only oh so fast and honestly his concerns are more on Pembrooke who went off into hiding for now.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:25 PM

You drive yourself and Feferi to the parlor in a slightly damaged by yourself car. You are mostly silent during the entire ride, you have turned your phone off and by this point all you want and need is a break. You aren't quite sure if you want to actually go somewhere or you are looking from solace of this mess. You could do with something to de-stress. For now you park out of the Parlor. "Lets go in shall we."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 8:28 PM

"Yes sir," you hop out of the car and wat for him by the door. You keep your own phone on, just incase something happens and Eridan needs you. Or Sol. You should check on him too. Another text is shot off. Hopefully your matesprit and friend will be fine.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:29 PM

The door is open and waiting, but Death pops up regardless, smiling and tapping his fingers together.

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:32 PM

Pembrooke is currently being suffocated by his cat and will make an appearance later once he realizes this is not going to work.(edited)

Resh (NB)Today at 8:33 PM

After making the arrangements for the royalty stay at the hospital, you make sure that all the officers on duty there are up to date. Soon, Amir is texting you with coordinates for a meeting. He doesn’t necessarily soon urgent, so you deem it appropriate to acquire healthy snacks and such for everyone. Heaven knows they probably forgot. You show up and walk through the door with a few bags of food and an expression of weariness, melted only at the sight of who you assumed was Elliot.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:36 PM

Death gives Nuavi a mental gold star for showing up with food. A blessed woman.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 8:37 PM

@Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD) [AR>JH: [COORDINATES REDACTED] AR: if you wanted that interview.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:37 PM

"Hello, thanks for the invite." Ace walks in. "Nuavi, good to have ya here too. " OH FOOD, good lord you could eat a whale.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 8:38 PM

(JH>AR: RIGHT AWAY SIR over I WILL BE THERE IN 10 over)

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:38 PM

"Not a problem." He motions down the hall, taking a step while offering to help Nuavi with the bags, jumping right into funeral director mode. "There's coat hangers if you would like to shrug them off. I'll have the doors locked behind you once everyone is here, not to worry. Follow me into the main room and we're settling in the kitchen."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 8:39 PM

You enter as well, quiet which is abnormal for you, but you're in a mood and your worried. You go to stand out of the way, leaned against a wall and watch the people around you.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:40 PM

(Pokes Mabs into the RP-DMs first!)(edited)

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 8:42 PM

(woops! So much chats!)

Skippy (13/John)Today at 8:44 PM

When you arrive you see some of the others are already here. Oh yay, no awkward being early or last stuff, thank god. You walk up just as Death finishes speaking. "Hey. Officer Egbert reporting for the meeting." You shrug off your jacket and hang it on a coat hanger. "Don't worry, I come prank free." Not really, you have a joy-buzzer in your pocket but that's just because you forgot to take it out earlier. Still, you don't exactly plan on using it. This is serious so it's time to get into serious mode. You follow Death, giving a friendly wave towards Fef.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:46 PM

"You're a blessing, Officer Egbert." Death's lip tugs to the side, an amused smile. He leads them towards the kitchen, motioning to the seats if anyone so wished. "Officer Ra... mm, I'm using first names. Amir will be down shortly to speak with you all. I have coffee, and can make tea. Water, milk, and apple juice are options too. For tea there's-- well, I'm not sure how much everyone knows on tea, but feel free to use a descriptor and I'll surprise you I suppose ahaha. Floral, fruity, mint."

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 8:49 PM

"If you got one of those spicy teas I'm down for that." You are slightly peppier with the mention of possible nutrients. Ace needs nutrients. "If you need setting with anything I'll be glad to help." You say at Death as you are basically tail him around. Thats a way to put that you are nervous and hungry.

Resh (NB)Today at 8:51 PM

You nod at Ace with a smile and let Elliot help you with the bags as you follow the rest of the crowd over to the table. After setting down the snacks, you take everything out and just, dump it there. “F-f-“ You cough, casually, “Free for all sustenance here, if anyone would c-care to indulge.”(edited)

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 8:51 PM

You had no idea if you were supposed to bring something, it was an interview so you thought colombian coffee package was a good gift, would that be considered bad? to bring a gift to your future boss?. You thought so but also you realize that the address wasn't the police station and so maybe this was a bit more personal, besides who makes interviews at this hours of the night. You drive yourself to the...parlor? what. You check the message twice to make sure this is the place. >knock on the door and wait.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 8:56 PM

Spicy, spicy, did he have spicy. Now that was an interesting one he didn't partake in often. Desth watches Ace play the nervous role, and he keeps the smile, brows knitted down. If the man wanted to get to work, he could do that. "Middle shelf,  over there-" Death motions in the direction of the cabinet, "There's a number of mugs, cups, and what have you. Please bring enough to the table for everyone, if you could? Now do forgive me, some of you are new faces, and some are those I've only met online... I am Death, or Elliott, Amir might have introduced m-- ah..." Door knock. "One, one moment." He shifts to go answer that real quick.

HandyToday at 8:59 PM

Latula had kind of been privvy to what was going on, but just barely. She'd been outside when everything happened, doing the sk8ter gorl thing before everything went to shit. She spends a good long time marveling at the sight in the sky before the message sends her towards Death's. She kicks her board up into her arms and begins in a walk before approaching the dude waiting outside. He must be new! She stops right next to him and gives him a nudge with her shoulder. "Sup my dude. You here for the big sleepover?"

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:02 PM

"Hello-- oh! Latula! And ah, a new face I see." He knew the troll thanks to Amir, he talked of her occasionally. The skateboard gave her away, and the well, everything else. "Do come in, Amir will be down shortly I'm sure."

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:02 PM

"alright." Ace follows the instructions as requested, he goes back and forth bringing all those dainty cups and mugs, this are particular of ... huh Elliot as he said. Its interesting. ACe raises an eyebrow, thats the first time you've seen that troll. Ace shoots a look at Feferi like trying to get an explanation before noticing that obviously not all trolls know eachother. Idiot.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:05 PM

"Ah- Jude! i'm Jude It's ah- very nice to meet you " Stretch your hand to salute then don't then again. Try again Jude "T-thanks - over". Don't trip on your own feet when you enter the place.You say on a corner like a god damn spider.

HandyToday at 9:10 PM

Latula giggles at the new guy, turning to beam brightly at the person she recognized as Elliot by description. "Thanks so much for hosting our lil' meeting! It's super awesome of you." She's sure to leave her board by the entrance before following them inside with a tip of her shades.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:11 PM

Death chuckles softly at the stumbling. "And I am Death. Pleasure- I think I've seen you about."  He makes sure to lock the door behind them, before leading them to the kitchen with the others. "Make that too more cup if you could."

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 9:12 PM

You eye your phone for any messages, then seeing none, fetches the extra cup for Death.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:14 PM

"Death?...." DO NOT ASK WHY HIS NAME IS DEATH JUDE TAHT'S RUDE "You have? ah- I don't remember you but ah. It's good to meet new people"duck duck duck you follow as tense as a board

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:15 PM

AR, feeling very. Very tired. Lets the ducklings mingle while he finishes coffee cup number two, silently closing the door behind him as he returns downstairs. He picks out Elliott in the crowd, giving him as soft a look as he can manage. He cannot thank the man enough. What an excellent host.

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 9:16 PM

Pembrooke finally makes his entrance, holding the tiny potato of a cat in his hands.  Bastet immediately wiggles free, new people meant new pets.  As she beelines for the one that smells a wee bit fishy, Pembrooke zombies his way to the coffee.

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:18 PM

Jude is separated from the crowd holding the coffee hoping somebody would take it.

Lissaloo (Ms. Paint/Feferi)Today at 9:18 PM

Feferi, seeing the cat, kneels and pets like crazy. Nothing like a soft creature to help sooth one's mind

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:19 PM

"Apologies for that. The door is locked by the by, to let everyone know. I assume there may be others coming, I'll handle that as you all get comfortable." Death offered a hand towards the coffee with a soft inquiry? If given, he'll take that up and incorporate it into the coffee going on. After, Death moved to the tea cupboard, rummaging before finding a spicy chai for Ace. "Introductions, as I was trying to go for, to help me familiarize." He spots Amir and Pembrooke, perking some, but in the process and not about to break it even if he wants to.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:28 PM

Zombieing for coffee is the exact verbage applicable. AR steps into the kitchen silently, maneuvering around the crowd of officers, and interrupts Elliott's tea process, looping his free arm around the man's chest to hug him from behind. He needs to convey his gratitude just as much as he needs the scent of chamomile to calm him. He stays like that a bit too long, sluggish from the days events. He breaks the hug with a soft peck and whispered 'thank you' to the side of Elliott's hair. Fuck it. He's too tired to pretend. He proceeds to move past him, settling in front of the counter. The dersite leans for a long moment, looking over the gathered crowd. He assumes they are waiting for him to speak. Hm. ...... A long sigh. A turn behind him to pour another cup of black coffee. And a returns to face his team. "Good evening."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:30 PM

Death dies.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:30 PM

.......................... He proceeds to quietly, slowly, drink the entire cup of coffee in one go. A fourth is poured. "Let us start with a debriefing."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:31 PM

Jude looks very confused. Why is he in such an important meeting.

Resh (NB)Today at 9:32 PM

Nuavi gets comfortable leaning against one of the walls with a bag of dried fruit. This was her first meeting with Amir, so she was almost excited to see how much of his character she had guessed right.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:34 PM

Death's entire momentum is thrown off and he's not sure what to do at this point. Okay so. He was making... a thing. What was he making. Oh, the thing is in hand. Chai tea. ...How make tea. Oh fuck, he didn't say thank yo-- er, you're welcome. You're welcome is what you say to thank you. A noise is made. It's probably a 'You're welcome', and Death then goes back to making the tea for Ace.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:39 PM

Well thats a thing. Ace just kinda takes a seat.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:41 PM

The coffee. It does nothing. "Earlier today, as many of you witnessed..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Many of you witnessed, our very own white queen had been located, followed by an outburst from the white king, who made arrangements with Snowman of the felt to make an exchange for the queen, completely disregarding proceedings of the law, and if I am being frank, embarrassed our outfit as a whole." He observes particularly the prospitians, making note of their reactions. "I brought you here, and not to the precinct, because I wanted to address you without....the royals. I am surprised to see most all of you. Though will admit I do not know half of you."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 9:42 PM

Jude is even more confused, also , take notes.

Resh (NB)Today at 9:43 PM

As soon as the outburst is mentioned, Nuavi seems to shrink in on herself. Disappointed and visibly ashamed of how the king had acted towards the situation and everyone involved.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:45 PM

A hot cup is placed near Ace, murmuring a quiet, 'Be careful, it's hot' as to not interrupt Amir's speech. He makes sure to set the pot of coffee on the table on a cozy to keep it from damaging the table, along with a pitcher of water. Everyone could pick from the finger foods and drinks while they listened during the meeting before Death went off to park himself next to Pembrooke.

Skippy (13/John)Today at 9:45 PM

John leans back in his chair and resists his usual habit of propping his legs up on the table. Don't forget your table manors Johnny boy.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:47 PM

"We have taken a blow tonight. The law as it stands now is just a puppet of prospit's 'missionary' services. The media knows we answer to the dime of thugs. There is nothing we can do if we do not work together." "I want to start with your names. I need to know you. You need to know each other. Consider this a team building exercise." John is picked out of the crowd for those rude table manners. "Egbert. Proceed. State your name and rank and where you are from."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 9:48 PM

Death gives Amir a double thumbs up!!

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 9:52 PM

Ace whispers a 'thank you' back to Death before sipping onto the tea. It is hot in all ways possible, you love it.

Skippy (13/John)Today at 9:54 PM

John perks up when he's called upon and then grins wide. "John Egbert. I'm a standard patrol officer. I was born and raised on Earth, till Dad and I moved to Derse a few years ago."

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 9:55 PM

"Next.""Which of you was briefing me earlier on the computer."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:01 PM

Death was about to point someone out to help people choose since... in a large room, and telling everyone to make their own line, generally ended in disaster. Understandable for Rashid to make that hiccup- or any of them. It's been a night. Amir continues though and Death hesitates briefly, side eying Pembrooke before looking around the kitchen. "Ace, would you like to go?" Death looks to the man, knowing him well enough. It was easy to make guesses for some of them when he put two and two together with how they behaved online and how they behaved  face to face.@pi3shark (Eridan/AD)

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:03 PM

"Shit." Amir rubs his hand over his face. "Scratch that, I do not need your ranks. Those are on paper. State your name. Where you are coming from. And why you joined the law."(edited)

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 10:05 PM

Oh no this makes Jude sweat even more. he haven't yet.

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 10:12 PM

"Sure why not." Ace gets up and leaves his tea on the table. "Name is Ace Dick... Bullock." Besides WQ and PS no one knew that little extra tibit. "I'm form prospit and huh....I just wanted to make things right you know. Its cheesy as heck but I was made to be the Enforcer what a better way to enforce an protect my huh... citizens than being a cop. Make them follow the law, all of the laws make this place safe. So when the offer and eventual move happened I got here late I figured this was going to be the hardest thing any of us ever had done... and intuition was right. And after the archagent got fuckin stabbed it got reafirmed on what i wanted to do, thats about it. I will protect everyone who deserves to be, thats what I am."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:15 PM

Death nodded. "A noble wish if I ever heard one. Thank you, Ace. You do a wonderful job. ... Nuavi?" Death picked her up quick, catching that controlled stutter when she spoke. @Resh (NB)Death also sounded a little unsure. New-ah-vee? He looks apologetic. Sorry.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:23 PM

"You did not have to stand up." He mutters, but Ron Swanson nods at Ace. Good answer.(edited)

Resh (NB)Today at 10:36 PM

Nuavi perks up at the mention of her name, mid fruit grab, and slides off her spot on the wall. She was already standing, so Amir’s correction wasn’t of much use to her. After nodding at Elliot’s correct pronunciation of her name, she speaks. “Greet-tings. My name is Nuavi Bakul, agent of Prospit and servant of the innocent. I joined the law bec-c-cause I knew that I could do it better then the fools that kept being assigned to it. Up t-to that point, every time I had seen an officer do their duty, they did it sloppily. Simple, obvious steps were skipped, and I couldn’t bare t-to see that kind of incompetence within a profession that demanded perfection.” She looks miffed, angered by something, or maybe someone? “That’s why, when I was asked t-to come here by my Queen, to make a difference in a place that needed it more the prospit could ever c-care to have, well, it’s no wonder I couldn’t t-turn her down.”

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:37 PM

"Do you want to do this job well to protect people."

Resh (NB)Today at 10:39 PM

She gives him a surprised look of disbelief. “Of course! Why else would I w-want to do this job?”

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:42 PM

"How is your coding handling this." He has never beat around a bush in his life, addressing both NB and AD. "I ask to all whiteshells. I do not know if there are more here."

Resh (NB)Today at 10:52 PM

Nuavi raises a brow, not suspicious, just curious. There is a very dull and aching pain that hums throughout her nerves, but that’s just because she’s had years to perfect her ability in dulling the sensations she gets through her connection to the Queen. “It’s fine. I c-can control what I receive from it. Granted, as long as long as the Queen doesn’t wish t-to override my commands. Which has only ever happened near t-two or three times over the many years I’ve worked with her, ergo, it-t’s not an issue.”

pi3shark (Eridan/AD)Today at 10:58 PM

"Aside form the obvious stress nothing too particularly bad. A headache that is gone was the worst part of it. Even during overrides I can work around it, I've had to train to not let emotions take me over since everything is at 200% all the time so it aint that complicate to flush all extra things out. Also an emotional cop is not a fuckin' good idea."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:59 PM

Also Death gives Nuavi two thumbs up for her part. That was wonderful, I'm so proud.

Resh (NB)Today at 11:00 PM

Nuavi’s trying her best not to show it, but, at Elliot’s silent encouragement, she’s immediately filled with pride.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 11:01 PM

Nods at those two. Will go with coding workarounds later. "Egbert clone. Who are you."

Percy (06/💀)Today at 11:01 PM

Death clears his throat lightly, "Possible family member, humans don't have clones."

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 11:02 PM

"Oh."

Homosexual Shark (05/JH/CD)Today at 11:02 PM

Jude just look all around see if anybody reacts to the call then points at himself.

[knightofbalance-13]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZzVHlhsEeA

Wow, just wow.

It’s like FMF heard how I said that I found a WORSE RWBY reviewer than him...

Then proceeded to go “BUT this isn’t even my FINAL FORM!”

0:54 No, your group RWDE is terrible because you have no morals. You’re only limit is not what is right or what you stand for, but what you can get away with. RWDE only reposnded well because they had literally no other options without outing themselves as uncaring. You however can use the combined echo chamber to ignore reality and pretend like your lies are truth so you won’t realize what you’re eating is shit.

1:04 Well if he did that Lord Fatass, you’d call him a Nazi and then say he fucks his dog because you said so. I mean, that’s what you do to your own critics, which just kind of proves you know what you are doing is wrong and you don’t want to face it.

1:32 Bullshit Slick, I’ve seen you in RWDE. You get involved ALL the god damn time.

1:37 Wow, how knew friendly fire was enabled?

1:44 Now does Jess have any opinions aside form yours? Or does she just spoonfeed you what you already think? Because considering YOUR interactions with anyone who doesn’t think exactly like you: I don’t trust you.

1:52 By talking to them. About this topic. Which is exactly what you tried denying a few seconds ago. So you’re lying before we even get to RWBY. Great.

3:01 No, they are willing to talk. It’s just they can’t or else the assholes you people created and encouraged will rise up like zombies and tear them limb from limb. I’ve seen it happen so you can’t deny it.

3:12 “The idea of a homosexual character being a villain-it’s just thrown in there”

... This is the people who RWDE praises as the height of intelligence: Dumbasses who think that gay people cannot be bad, as though they are somehow any different that straight people.

3:29 Ah huh, so literally ALL THE OTHER SCENES WITH ILLA never happened. Because that proved she had depth already. And Illa had rather explicitly romantic interactions towards Blake with favoritism towards Blake. It wasn’t tacked on, you just tacked THAT on to pander to your RWBY hating audience.

3:37 Hi Lord Fatass. I see your IQ has dropped since we last met. No fucking wonder, all the energy needed to generate that hot air must leave your brain lacking.

Seeing as she was SENDING BLAKE TO ADAM: it wouldn’t affect her motivations at all. If she loved Adam then yes but she doesn’t, so no. But let’s see what snake oil you’re gonna try to sell us.

3:41 https://youtu.be/56Z6po1woq0?t=12m19s

“Literally” huh? Seems like that came well past the Adam section. Almost like it had NOTHING to do with it.

4:00 SO you people didn’t even fucking KNOW what you were talking about. FOur minutes in and you’ve proven yourself unreliable.

4;13 Problem is, you assholes abuse Death Of The Author so much that it has lost all menaing, You gusy don’t get to have interpretations due to your immense bias and untrustworthy behavior as well as a tendency to lie your asses off.

You guys get to show facts and make statements about them SOLELY. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for you to do so otherwise with RWBY.

4:17 No articulation: No credit.

4:27 And we should trust you...why? You just got done saying that she was doing stuff to get Adam to notice her by your shock that the looking comment was about Blake, showing that you don’t know what you are talking about. So your “feeling”could be you misreading the scene or lying about it.

5:03 So did you not watch the Blake CHaracter short or a good chunk of Volume 5/ Because saying Illa’s motivation is to fuck Blake shows you are spewing shit.

5:13 Yeah, it is...so you being a RWBY fan and ignoring the actual motivation don’t fit. SO which is it? Are you lying or do you hate the show so you make up shit?

5:27 Minus the sociopathy. And the selfishness. And the edginess. And the self serving motives. And the personal investiment in the White Fang. And the dick. And the sword. And the anima traits. And the backstory. And the result...

What do they have in common again aside from being White Fang members?

5:35 I see. SO this isn’t four people talking, this is one person talking and three meat puppets. Well, at least I’m only tormenting one person then.

6:01 Fifty bucks says he bites himself in the ass.

6:07 Do I get extra money if he bites himself not even ten seconds later?

6:31 And nothing changed with Illa. She still hates humans. She still cares for Blake. She still doesn’t know what to do. She still doubts herself. She still fights for the Fanaus. And she still has her morals. That’s a hundred bucks now.

6:32 Which is why the character short in which we had her motivation said nothing about Blake and was about her parents.

7:43 Considering SlickSlick is Tumblr and you’re massive following here: You are. In fact, you’re the root of tumblr’s bullshit in RWBY. I should get to tearing them out sometime...

7:54 Here’s more proof you are indeed Tumblr. You can only see in race, gender and ethnicity. Not diversity of thought but rather superficial diversity. Just like Tumblr. Also: All four of you are straight, white and male. You have no room to talk.

8:11 And the shovel official has more IQ than you Fatass since Adam clearly wants to kill humans for Fanaus supremecy, not to fuck. Just like Tumblr, you cannot separate WHAT a person is from WHO a person is.

8:27 Doesn't matter if Illa is gay. Her viewpoint has NOTHING to do with her sexuality

8:33 “all on the unrequiented love”

Was relevant for 43 seconds. I counted. Check for yourself. I do have a link to the moment: Just count the seconds until it changes topic.

Proof you have no idea what you are talking about.

9:11 Precisely what they did. But that can’t be bitched at so here you are, denying reality. Pathetic.

9:36 A. Wasn’t relevant until now (do yo0u wlak around saying “I WANNA FUCK WOMEN!” all the damn time?)

B. Catmen never came out. Incompatible. You just wanna draw a connection to Cartmen to pass off his infamy to Illa while being a clown. Well you fialed both Lord Fatass.

10:05 He can’t eb Edgy lord Extreme.

Fatass is there.

10:11 Considering the actual commentateries don’t rely on echo chambers and edited footage and ignorance to make points, you people need a red pill.

10:17 The fact we are the same species sickens me. It reminds me I can never escape your shit because it’s in me. And it’s disgusting.

10:29 Yeah, people who call others beta are usually omegas themselves. Alphas don’t nee dto assert their dominance or prove themselves, that all comes naturally and they naturally get it. You guys won’t even speak out anywhere that doesn’t give you the advantage or shows weakness. MurderOfBirds cries on screen and is humble enough to thank his fans and acknowledge his flaws: You people put ona  façade, act like your hot shit and never own up. You’re all weaklings.

10:43 Illa never abused Blake in a relationship. Illa never killed out of spite (in fact, she saved out of love). Oh wiat, not your narrative. Sorry, I forgot you’re all delusional.

11:14 I think you meant to see “We’re all equal shit”. Considering yoru just Fatass’ drones: Yes you are.

12:16 And the fact that you are gonna act like that is any different than America having all white casts proves you ain’t peak Tumblr...how?

12:23 When you assholes became Tumblr.

12:49 Not like that’s exclusive to RACE asshole. An Asian growing up in America is not gonna have Chinese values. And a white person leaving in China will not have the same culture as a white person in America.

13:14 Thing is: They ain’t all the same thing. Blake is a Fanaus, Weiss is from Atlas-You have three differnet sides there. And even then, again: Not bound by race. 

13:59 Not if they hate each other “because.” Just like getting along for no reason is boring too. You don’t understand how writing works. Then again, you never did so you’re still going shit!

15:19 NO, THERE ISN’T. Race, Gender and Sexuality mean NOTHING to WHO a person is unless they let it and even then, that a part of PERSONALITY. Only people who argue that those do have an affect are the bigots or idiots. Oh wait, you’re the second one...

15:53 Oh so NOW different culture sdon’t matter huh? Never occurred to you that THEIR society doesn’t work EXACTLY THE SAME as ours? That maybe, they don’t care about that?

How are you all not Tumblr again?

16:45 Not all shows wanna do that and certainly not all people want to watch it. Only people who do are, surprise, hyper Tumblrs!

16:53 Actually you do: Illa. She says nothing about it, she doesn't mention it, she doesn’t act like it, she has no trouble aside form the usual and being gay itself isn’t shocking. SO there you go.

17:19 Easy: Care about something else. The society doesn’t care and you shouldn’t.

18:35 FOr all of you actually since you show no variety in opinion and are notorious for echo chambers.

You just keep saying “We should judge people based on sex, sexuality and race! Taht’s how thinsg work!” without thinking about how so many people want to IGNORE all that.

And taht’s all. Final Thoughts: As expected, they make up bullshit and actm like it’s reality. It’sm RWDE in pure, concentrated video form and surprisingly, they don’t wanna admit it.

Basically: worthless opinions by untrustworthy and stupid people. So laugh at them, make him flip out and dig themselves a hole to be stuck in and leave.

[rentthemusicalfan]

Abusive relations

I mean nothing hateful or degrading when I say the things I said but this is how I am describing without usuing names Okay I know that this is important all of this and I would just like to say I know a couple these two women are just so lovely seeming when in public but as their neighbor I've seen the kinda feminem one literally beat the more masculine one with the door because the one didn't want to hurt her they are still together the more masculine one still stays because of the others previous relationships children and the police have been around because of this and their still together but they seem happyish at the moment but I hope that they will realise what's wrong and not fight because it wears the kids and each other out but if anyone has a story like this share with someone you care about so you can get help and outf of the toxicness and to a healthier environment There's also been times that the feminem one has used words to make her girlfriend or wife (these two have been together for a while but have said their getting we'd then called it off several times so this is why I say this) try to leave but the masculine one stays for the kids I hope taht something happens to help them all hopefully masculine one realizes the kids can stay with their father and have certin visitations with their mother if the police are involved with spousal/ partner abuse plus the masculine one can still see the children if she wanted I pretty sure if she gets them out of the abusive home and I'm pretty sure the parents have used certain substances with the children around but I cannot say because I don't honestly know because I'ven't seen it but I've seen junkies around them

[stilloursongliveson-blog]

Beast’s Answers

ASK ME THINGS 1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Hello baby ;)

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? all the good things

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? eh..i'd be worried for sure. but I'd try to be understanding, depending on reasons

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? sober. i'm never drunk lol

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think it's that I messed up, that just weren't into me

7. What does your last received text say? Thank you <3

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? quite a lot as of now ;)

9. Where was your last kiss at? outside your dorm, before I got in the taxi

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? don't have one

11. What do you drink in the morning? depends. usually just water in the morning

12. Where did you sleep last night? my bed.. :/

13. Do you think relationships are hard? yes..the ones worth fighting for are

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Nope

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? absolutely not :D

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? rainy usually...depends on my mood kinda. but I love rainy days

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope, I know people who have it as a first name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? boxers

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Absolutely :)

20. Does anyone like you? well..I hope so ;)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? hahahah sooooo much

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? my brother and sister in law

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? yes, many times

25. In the past week have you cried? ughhh yessss

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I have no idea what kind it was...it looked like a mix between poodle and pomaranian

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? I stand in the shower for a bit, then mostly dry outside

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? no lol

29. Do you think you’re old? ugh yes XD #oldbull

30. Do you like text messaging? only with bae

31. What type of day are you having? meh, yucky but relaxing but just blah

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? eh no, I don't think i'd like it

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? depends..kinda in the middle..more cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? not really anymore

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? relationship <3

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? hmm. I'd like to think i'm pretty chill and simple...but I know I'm pretty complicated.

37. What song are you listening to? none at the moment

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? of course, I pretty much always mean what I say

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? yes :)

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? she just said hey, that's all really

41. When did you last receive a text message? just now

42. What is wrong with you right now? I can't stop coughing

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? pretttyyyyy well by now

44. Does anyone disgust you? donald trump. my brother. pretty much

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? nopeeee, taken for life

46. Are you in a good mood right now? I wouldn't say it's really good or bad..it's just like blah

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my mom

48. What color shirt are you wearing? navy and red striped

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? not really

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? not at all

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? nope..never, absolutely in love with her

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? eh kind of..but usually if I thought about it that much, I pretty much did give up on them..but those were some extreme cases. It'd take a lot for me to give up on anyone

53. Do you like rain? absolutely

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nah, you do you boo boo

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? most the time..if I reallllyy liked someone, I'd end up telling them or otherwise just make it completely obvious

56. Do you like to cuddle? absolutely..mostly only with the cats and bae

57. Are you shy? sometimes

58. Do you get along with girls? for sure. i get along with mostly anyone

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? more than dated :)

60. What do you carry with you at all times? my phone and wallet, most the time headphones and keys as well

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? done!!! that'd be scary but fun and worth it haha

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? absolutely..much longer than taht

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? no, I think it ended a little before then

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? for sure :)

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? soooooo much cuteness

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? almost 20, 27, and 22

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?     probably just do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?     hmm I love both..it depends. I guess zebra

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?     no

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     Luke Bryan :D <3

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? android  

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?     longggg time ago. Dominos is life

73. Do you like diet soda?     hate it ew

74. What color are the walls in your room?     just white

75. Are you 16 or older?     yep

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?     nah

77. Do you have a job?     not currently

78. What are your initials?     S.D.T.

79. Did you ever have braces?     no

80. Are you from the south? yes   ..technically. I never think of florida as being "From the south" lol idk

81. What does your last status on facebook say?     asking about jobs in the area

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?     no

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?     it differs from time to time but overall I guess my dad

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   gymnastics when i was really young  

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?     Beauty and the Beast :D

86. Do you smoke?     not really, I mean I wouldnt say i'm a smoker. I just have a cigarette maybe 3 times a year..and usually I don't even smoke it..i just light it and breathe it in

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?     ew neither but I guess if I have to pick, flip flops

88. Is your phone touch screen?     yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?     usually just naturally..it's in between

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     um not really. I mean I used to always take walks really late at night, starting in early highschool but I don't really consider that sneaking out

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     oooo all sound fun, I love swimming. Lakes are fun for sure. Pools are nice...eh just anywhere lol

92. Have you ever made out in a car?     yep

93. …Had sex in a car?     not really. I mean i've fooled around but not really had sex

94. Are you single or in a relationship?     in a relationship :)

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?     sleeping I believe

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?     a month or so ago when I was at Disney at Epcot

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?     it's okay, but could be a lot better

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   not really

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?   nope

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?     kinda...well, one person

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?     not really lol there was this weird paranoid situation that happened once...but it literally was impossible that I could be pregnant, I was just young and stupid XD

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:     ugh I love a lot of them. Proabably Blow or Your Love is my Drug...or Tik Tok..haha

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? ya. more like burn lines lol  

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?   eh not really my style. I guess if it was for some kind of event or something