#something that phan do regularly... i mean what who said that

[ghostdnp]

What's your thought on gay sex 😏

beautiful, amazing, hot, 10/10 need me some of that in my life.

[lokiarsene]

I know modern fandom folks--mostly young adults--go into moral panics about “problematic” characters, which is really just shorthand for characters who aren’t one dimensional mouthpieces that in no way contribute to the necessary drama of a story. And I think this is a really pointless way to look at and work with pieces of fiction, especially a game like Persona 5, whose main cast of “heroes” are intentionally made to be by default non lawful.

If you look at what they do removed from context, you have the following: a group of people invade the most personal, private spaces within the human consciousness in order to trigger a dramatic mental and psychological change in someone they’ve deemed a fitting target. They do this regularly in Mementos, and are basically little more than hired mental hitmen thanks to the Phan-site giving them suggestions of who to find next. If successful, the target suffers physical and mental distress, sometimes to the point of requiring hospitalization, and a complete emotional breakdown when forced to face up to the severity of their actions.

All of that is fucking terrifying!

Most of their targets were horrible fucking people so I waste no tears or sympathy on them. And while I as a person would totally support these methods if they were possible in real life, I also recognize that to study P5′s characters and analyze them, you have to set aside your personal moral code to look at what is the story’s moral code.

And the moral code is large swathes of gray.

Nobody in the main crew of Persona 5 is purely “innocent” (in the sense of puritanical fandom’s concept of innocence). None of them. By default the PT are lawless, and if you go by the D&D morality alignment (which isn’t about how moral your actions are from an outside perspective, but what the character’s personal morals and behavior are) they are chaotic good at best.

What the PT do is justified in the sense that corruption is so deeply entrenched in society that they can’t rely on adults or the justice system to bring about true justice. The ends (change of heart) justify their means (forcing a change of heart), and that’s borderline Machiavellian thinking. What stops them from being purely Machiavellian is the fact that the PT are also driven by empathy and a sense of morality. We see them struggle against vain things like self-interest while also working to uphold their original goal of bringing society’s corrupted adults to justice.

I really think this is one of the major things that people in the P5 fandom on here don’t get, especially if they have some weird hate fascination with Akechi. It’s absolutely hypocritical to point fingers at Akechi for what he did and yet completely overlook everything the game set up to remind you, the player, that the PT are doing risky, dangerous shit and forcing themselves into someone’s consciousness. Akechi spends half the fucking game talking about how questionable their methods are! Did you think that was just put in there for shits and giggles? There’s a reason why it gets under the PT’s skin--because it’s not far from the truth!

They are forcing a change in people who, yeah, shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing, but that doesn’t change the fact that the PT are the ones conducting a mental and moral breakdown that forces a confession. And you know, when I put it like that, you know what that sounds like? Ren getting beaten in the interrogation room, drugged, and forced to sign a confession.

The game repeatedly draws lines between what the PT does for “justice” and what they’re trying to change because they’re comparable methods with different motives. But they’re still the same (or similar) methods! We can talk for days about whether this is morally justified or not, but the fact still remains that the game is drawing these lines and it is foolish to overlook them.

That’s another reason why Sae’s final words to Ren are what they are--she asks them to leave reforming society in her (and adults’) hands now. That’s the end result of all the efforts in P5: you can’t and shouldn’t take the law into your own hands. If you want to see change happen, you need to be a part of it from within. You have to contribute to the change, instead of force it. I wonder how P5R will add on to that theme or even change it, since a big thing this time around seems to be wishes/dreams coming true, “stealing” those dreams, and whether dreaming itself is even a good thing if all it does is lead you to retreating from reality. Maybe that’ll be the third semester’s plot point?

Now. I mention.... all of that because one of the other things I think people miss is how Ren isn’t some pure uwu cinnamon roll, either. He was falsely accused and unjustly labeled a criminal, but he’s also the ringleader of a group of people who invade and force changes inside people’s subconsciousnesses. He constantly forms bonds and makes deals with people on the fringes of lawfulness themselves (with very few exceptions--which is weird to me, because those exceptions stand out as functionally pointless in a story like this). He’s the Trickster, the Wild Card, the core of the PT’s spirit of rebellion. Those words and descriptions aren’t just for show, y’all. Plus his Velvet Room is him locked up in prison! It reflects his view of himself as a criminal! So if Ren sees himself as a lawless outcast, why are there people in the P5 fandom who can’t see that themselves?

I think it would’ve been far more satisfying (and more overtly establish Ren as morally gray) if Ren remembered Shido from the beginning, and had his end result goal as finding a way to Shido to make him pay. Knowing Shido’s identity from the start removes that pointless “twist” at the end about him being bad, but it also sets up a really fucking strong rebellious motive for Ren from the start. Everything he does with the PT would be about taking apart Shido’s web of informants, sycophants, and puppets without that “you can see it coming from a mile away” ~twist~ of Shido being evil all along.

There really isn’t any point in messing with Ren’s memory--it doesn’t add anything to the story. If his damaged memory is a result of trauma, it’s never addressed or handled in any way. So just get rid of it and have Ren know all along who he wants to go after, he just doesn’t know how. Which would add so much drama and tension to the already dramatically satisfying Ren/Goro stuff the game gives us. Because Goro is nothing but honest about his goals: getting revenge on the adult who ruined his life. He might be hiding his other plans, but the main motive and his main focus isn’t hidden from the PT at all.

Now just imagine the conflict that Ren would have to go through when he realized not only was Goro trying to trick them, but they were both going after Shido all along. Aren’t enemies of your enemy your friend? They were both going after the same man who ruined their fucking lives--wouldn’t that make them allies (of a sort)? And as if that weren’t enough, all the time they spent together, all they shared and learned of each other--all that Goro confided in Ren--would make for an even more dramatic and painful conflict of trying to trick Goro before he can sell them out. Because it’s not like all those moments together were for nothing. They still happened, they still mattered, they still changed Ren because it was significant enough to be a Confidant link for Ren. But wouldn’t Ren, being Ren (empathetic, determined, stubbornly selfless to a fault), want to at least try to get Goro to change his mind? Talk to him? Listen to him and still offer that hand to help? Y’know, the thing he does in Shido’s Palace?

This could have happened earlier if Ren knows his target is Shido, deduces that Shido, or someone close to him, is Goro’s target too, and does a desperate attempt to appeal to him--to ~steal his heart~--before it’s too late. And hey, they can still do a twist in the Palace and have them pretend to be enemies, since the writers love twists instead of satisfying writing like they’re a Marvel movie.

I was thinking about all that this morning, and how I actually wish Ren had remembered Shido from the start and what that would do to the story and his relationship with Goro. I don’t really know why they mess with Ren’s memory and do that whole ~remember your bonds~ thing during the interrogation, since it doesn’t make sense. Especially since they had him do that later during the Yalda fight, where it makes more sense (and it’s something the previous games have done). They try to pass it off as Ren struggling to remember the truth, but then the whole first three acts of the game are him clearly remembering everything he did since he got to Shibuya, and telling it to Sae in the interrogation room. If they just removed his damaged memory entirely (both wrt Shido, and wrt the truth serum), I think the story would be far better off for it.

I’ve always said that this game really needed a second draft and a partial rewrite, so I’m hoping that’s what P5R ends up being.

[amzngphil-rp]

The Grandest Thing That Almost Didn’t Happen|| Phan Proposal

[Incoming Call: Kitty Cat Valdez😚😤😷]

"Hello?"

"Hey so I just got off the phone with my landlord and they said it would be possible to give you my place."

"Your voice sounds super sweet right now."

*gasps* "Thanks, ugh, don't start! I gotta explain what he said we all gotta do."

"Ahhh yeah. Just hang on I gotta find something to write on. Phil's been not cleaning his room and he's got a dance tonight."

"Oh yeah? Some Valentine's day thing?"

"Exactly some Valentine's day thing. He's gotta go for Daniel."

...

"Alright. Is that it?"

"Yeah...that's everything....I missed you talking to me."

"Yeah, it's been fun...if I'm not doing anything maybe I'll call you later for uhh... so I can get to hear that voice a little better."

"PHILLIP! Dirty boy...well I'll be waiting!"

"I'll see you soon and I'll let you know when you can book the flight for me."

"Ok...I love you, Philly."

[End Call]

It was seemingly the perfect holiday, considering that's how the school described it. Many staff and students were running around painting the school with blobs of whites, reds, and pinks. Wallpapered halls with valentines, cupids and hearts. It was all pointing that this had to be it.

Phil had thought about it for the longest: Dan's a flair for the dramatic and would love all the ambience being put to use for something extremely romantic; he also is a bit of deprived of attention and recognition, so he'll take to the gesture pretty well considering he's being as cheesy as possible.

It had been really strange. He was planning his proposal but he couldn't get Cat out of his mind. Probably because it wasn't on his mind, it was on Zach's. There had been this insane pull lately that he needed to see her, be with her. He figured it was passing because it didn't happen all of the time, he'd catch Zach trying to call her and he'd think about her in class. Nothing else. He was aware that his other had been working on her and that's where the confusion laid, but he was more set of having a friend help him with his future, despite how she felt. It was too much to unpack.

They had to get ready.

Zach had grown fond of Dan over time since he had been there the whole time but they just got to know each other, and now they're about to have the rest of phil's natural life to know one another. They had made up for Phil and kept it that way, and Phil felt better for it, and things felt equal. This was going to happen.

Dan just got dressed and went to the party when the time came, as instructed. He was bouncing up and down trying not to question why he and Phil didn't come together. They had been together the whole day. Maybe he was working something out as Zach. He knew by now that Zach wasn't always considerate of what they do or want to do. Once he got the message that Phil was on his way he got excited. They had dressed so nice, he couldn't let this night go to waste. He made use of his time talking to his friends, seeing that most of them were dressed up and a select few weren't, but it was mostly the gammas so it didn't seem off. They can be so isolated and busy that they miss the invites and fliers and come to any school event as they are. He noticed some of them were excited to be there and others looked to be holding back. Especially Joey. He looked absolutely stunning as usual but he looked more confused than Dan.

Phil had arrived and everyone wearing dress up clothes applauded. The man walked up and embraced Dan, and he never felt so loved like that. For everyone to finally approve of them. Would this mean the houses were no longer divided? Even Charlie and Sean were dressed, guess so.

They partied and had such a time that he hadn't remembered since high school. It all felt unreal: Matt wasn't getting kicked out, instead he was talking to the new girl at the boys' house, Gabbie, and they weren't arguing or being angry in any way. Same went for Shawna's feud with Ro, they weren't throwing anything at one another or staring at other or ignoring each other; Ro was busy with the catering and slow dancing with regularly clothed Mark. Cry and Joey were happier and closer than had ever been and Felix and Shane were actually together with Harlan, playing with him and dancing with him on the dancefloor.

It was quite a sight. And little did he know it was all for him.

The night had drifted on, with more memories to stuff into a scrapbook or a family photo album. And then the exact moment came.

The song faded and the announcer (one of the deans) made a little speech on the success and great energy in the room. Dan was barely listening for he had his man wrapped around him and swaying back and forth and waiting for the announcer to finish.

The announcer called for couples only and a lot of people got up and flooded the dancefloor, taking their partners and starting the sea of middle school swaying. Most of the established couples, enamored and emotional, danced to Sinead O'Connor's "When You Love." Felix and Shane shed a few tears as they pressed close to each other and Harlan hugged their legs as they moved. Ro and Mark are slow dancing but are talking, as a just married couple would when they finally have a moment to themselves at the reception- mixtures of happy and overwhelmed by the song choice. Joey and Cry danced almost alone, Joey leaning on Cry as they savored their moment alone, undoubtedly whispering to each other smaller things to savor in the moment.

All the old and new love in the room, really motivated Phil, knowing it was their turn.

The music faded and Meghan Trainor's "All the Ways" started up and Phil let Dan go as he walked them to the front of the dancefloor and picked up a microphone:

Daniel James Howell. I've thought about this-us- often. This moment has come to me and I didn't know what to do or say and so this day would frustrate me. Now, I feel like we not only have given me the words to speak and the lung muscles to breathe, but also the heart to love you and myself just as we are. I've gotten to see you grow just like you've watched me, especially when I wasn't always right. You've always been there for me to tell me how it mattered to you and kept the focus on us and taught me that we can't give up on us. If it was truly what I wanted, I should never give up on it. I've only had few feelings similar for anyone before, but none this strong. Ultimately i got better for you, i was sent to the institute but i feel like that you knew it was gonna take time. And for that, in front of our friends and family...

Phil pulled the small ring out of his pocket and lowered in front of Dan, who was still attempting to process that he was saying this and that this moment had finally come. He dropped his glass of champagne and threw a hand over his mouth. His legs moved and he almost walked away, only to pace in a circle and nodded frantically. He looked up and Phil and looked around to see the reactions of his friends and many were surprised but others were stunned.

The other man waited for him, and began to tear up and took his hand and slid the band onto his finger. Their hands were trembling as though it was below freezing outside and stood up. He locked hands with Dan and looked at him to confirm, "Yes?!" He asked excitedly.

"Ye- what?! Yes! Yes oh my God yes!" Dan said exasperated, vibrating as Phil pulled him close into a kiss.

[icelebrities-dalisa]

Michelle Phan: A Social Media Pheonix

If you’ve been on Youtube in the past 10 years, you’ve probably seen a makeup tutorial. Now, makeup tutorials have become an integral part of the online experience. If your algorithm allows for it, you’ll be exposed to them on the regular. And maybe, you’ll pick up a thing or two on the way. However, they have become such a large part of the social media community because they also serve as one of the best forms of product placement and marketing. By taking talent young makeup artists, or social media personalities, and fusing them with well-known brands, you create the illustrious influencers. A term we can’t seem to escape. Chances are, no matter what your interests are, you are probably following an influencer. They have ever so slyly or maybe very aggressively suggested that you take your hard earned money and shove it into the wallets of some rich person, by stating that this product really made their lives better and/or they simply cannot live without it. But where, oh where did this all start? Well, in the realm of makeup, it is said that Michelle Phan was a pioneer -- The OG. 

Now, I distinctly remember buying my very first lipstick and making the biggest deal, so you could say makeup and me get along. So when I started buying more makeup and wearing it on the reg, I took to the internet. Surely, someone had dealt with falsies that just. wouldn’t. stick. And maybe that someone had posted a video about it, and then maybe hours later you’re watching video after video of girls applying their make up in low-lighting, filmed on their MacBooks, straight out of Photo Booth. But then you see this one, cute girl, her videos seem a little bit higher quality, better lighting, editing, and a soothing voice to top it all off. You stay watching that girl. The reason Michelle Phan pulled forward above the rest was that she put more effort into her videos than anyone else did at the time. Makeup gurus now are still following her footsteps. She had a system and it worked. She went from being a broke college student to being an internet celebrity, influencer, makeup brand owner, entrepreneur and even published author almost overnight by doing what she loved. The Millenial American dream come true, complete with her very own fairy tale love story and hot European boyfriend. 

However, this dreamlife didn’t last for Michelle Phan. She was slammed with a lawsuit. Her mental health took a turn and she generally felt overwhelmed. Being an influencer is a lot more work than we think, and being a well-known, if not the most popular beauty guru, certainly had its drawbacks. Phan states that she didn’t stop working for ten years. So she took some time off, it was complete radio silence from someone who had been posting regularly for ten years. Her followers were confused, felt almost abandoned. But then she broke the silence and came back with a video that proved to be an emotional and humbling explanation to witness. She bared her soul to us. 

I think it’s very important that we as millennials, or, and more importantly, humans living in this Earth and connecting in this society continue to look for people like Michelle Phan to guide us and be our inspiration. She may be an influencer, but it takes a lot of guts to talk to openly about the dark sides of life. And she did so with beauty and grace. It certainly provided an outlet for millions of other people to say, hey, I feel the same way. It’s hard to believe that rich, pretty people have problems but they’re human just like us who struggle to keep a budget and sometimes, it’s even the same problems we have. But the important part is, she kept going. She came back. She left her subscription box, IPSY, started working on her own comic web series, started a website to help content creators find royalty-free music and more importantly, she rebranded her makeup brand, Em Cosmetics, and ultimately herself. 

If you follow her now, her content is a lot more relaxed and frankly, a lot more genuine. This isn’t an influencer looking for a big paycheck, it’s Michelle Phan. She abandoned her own old, tried and true ways, to become a better overall woman and human being. She connects with the world differently now, and we can all learn a thing or two from her. Mental health is a bigger problem than we let ourselves believe. It’s something we have to seek help for but instead hide under layers of (insert vice here), dark humor and perfectly crafted social media profiles. 

People who are willing to be open not only about their mental health but about the steps they took to heal, their failures and the steps they took become successful again, they are treasures in our society. Their honesty opens up an avenue of growth for others. 

She may still very well be considered an influencer, I mean, I will be the first to admit that I bought the Son and Park Beauty Water after seeing it in her insta stories. But I think, for the most part, her content now is far more honest and truthful and she mostly uses her platform to support her own brand. It’s admirable. It’s genius. She’s her own influencer. I’m glad to still be following her, after all these years. Seeing her growth inspires growth for myself. 

[cherryscentedlube]

some things are literally none of y'all's business & that chels chick or whatever shouldn't have read that comment out loud at all, bc of people like you, precisely. you just disregard dnp as human beings and their right for privacy lmao. this is exactly why the phandom is messed up. people with urls like "cherry scented lube" joke about something they don't have any right to joke about if those people had any common decency they'd know that. all to "prove" that your "gay otp" is "canon". yikes.

not sure why my username matters at all but okay

i did not post that video to ‘prove phan is real!11!1′ there was nothing in the video explicitly stating that dan and phil were even together. i would never, EVER disregard dan nor phil, and if you look through any of my posts you’ll see they hold high value in my life and that they mean a lot to me. i posted that video with the intent to share a public video with a smaller audience. no other reason. not to out them, to breach their privacy, nothing to do with any of that. as someone who regularly reports much, much more insensitive material, i think you should reconsider what youve said. im sorry that you thought that my reason for posting that was for what ive stated, but it wasnt. i dont need them to confirm their relationship status or whatnot to support them, i do it regardless. as i will continue to do.

[phancystuff]

The True Meaning of “Punk” Ch. 1

Pairing: Dan/ Phil; Phan Genre: High school AU; chaptered Warning: NSFW (see tags for more specifics) Word Count: 3029/ ? Summary: It is Dan’s last year of sixth form and he is ready to just say ‘fuck it’ and be himself for once. He meets a sinfully attractive (but actually dorky) uni student named Phil who helps him in his quest to embrace and express himself.  Notes: This is a work in progress and will be updated regularly (It will help if I have some people cheering me on!). This isn’t going to have a lot of complex plot, honestly. I just want Dan to… explore. Tags: smut, fluff, high school AU, university AU, slight age difference, pastel!Dan, punk!Phil, drinking, eventual kinkiness, sub/dom, bdsm, daddy kink, feminization, mild homophobia (some of which will happen during sex), pain play

Read the fic on AO3!

Dan stared at himself, contemplating his face and naked body through a mirror dripping with condensation. He was glad that his skin was cooperating today; it was pale, but smooth and unblemished. His eyes traced the beauty marks and tiny freckles that dotted his cheeks and jaw. He wouldn’t need any concealer.

Dan reached under the sink and pulled out a small, unassuming black bag full of makeup products. He started with mascara, pumping the wand into the silver tube and covering it with black product. He had been blessed with long, thick eyelashes as it was. But, mascara lengthened them even more. His eyes looked bigger, more feminine. He smiled at his already changing face.

Next, he swiped his finger in some glittery, silver eyeshadow and wiped it across his eyelids. The woman at Sephora who sold him the tiny pan had been so kind. He had shyly asked her to guide him to the best products and she gushed about silver making his eyes sparkle. Dan observed himself; she hadn’t been wrong. Experimentally, he fluttered his enhanced eyelashes. He tried to imagine himself as a stranger. Did he look cute? Coy? Like a freak?

Dan’s fingers found the tube of makeup that would complete his look tonight. There was nothing particularly special about the lip gloss, except that it was peach-colored and tasted like strawberries. He grasped the little tube in his fingers even after the gloss was applied to his plump lips. He knew he’d lick the delicious shit off within five minutes of arriving to the party. He was going to keep it handy for reapplication.

Dan made eye contact with himself while he ran his fingers through his damp hair, messing with the curls, tugging experimentally. A shiver ran down his spine and he let go of his hair, not wanting to go down that path before a party.

A quick glance at his phone revealed that he didn’t have any more time to fuck around. Dan decided to embrace his natural state for tonight, choosing to towel dry his hair and let the curls fall where they may. He wrapped a towel around his waist and padded out of the bathroom.

Dan entered his room and dressed quickly. As the soft fabric of his floral romper slid up his thighs, his stomach twisted with nerves. This wasn’t the first time that he had dressed traditionally feminine, but it was his first time he was wearing the romper out. He eyed his hairless, exposed legs. Should he go for something safer? Dan shook his head, buttoning the last button on the romper and slipping on white, high-top converse shoes. This year, Dan was going to be himself for once. Try it on for size. Dan’s phone rang and a picture of Louise falling out of a chair, with a hilarious look of sheer doom on her face, popped up on his iPhone.

“Yo yo yo, Louise! You ready for this?” Dan grinned into his mirror, eyeing his finished look. Appraising himself. Trying to look through the eyes of a stranger.

“Dan– Daniel. You sound like a grandfather.” Louise deadpanned on the other end. “Have you finished preening yet? I can practically hear you staring at yourself in the mirror.”

Dan blushed, despite the fact that she couldn’t see that she was 100% correct. “Oi, fuck off, mate. And I’m sure your ends aren’t freshly dyed and coiled into perfect locks.”

“Touche, Howell. I’m sure we both will look fabulous. I’m on my way soon to pick you up.”

“Ok.” Dan pat nervous fingers over his drying curls, careful not to damage their natural shape. “Hey… Lou… romper or no?”

He could hear the fondness in her voice. “Romper, duh. I’ll see you five, deary.”

And then Louise and Dan were at Felix’s house way too soon. Dan worried at the hem of his romper, thinking that it had been a mistake, but not wanting to feel the shame of putting on the back-up pants he had slipped into his backpack last-minute. Not wanting to feel the shame of pretending he was just wearing a regular shirt. ‘Ugh, socializing. Putting myself out there. Why am I here?’ Louise sensed Dan’s growing anxiety. She parked her beater on the side of the road and turned to Dan. “You ready to find a nice boy to suck face with?”

Dan groaned and pressed his palms into his eyes, careful not to rub his makeup off. “Shut up, mom. You’re embarrassing me.”

“Daniel Howell look at me. You look bangin’. Fleeked, as the kids say. Boys are gonna be pawing to get to you. I will have to fight them off with my– breasts.”

“Breasts?” Dan peeked up at Louise through his fingers and her eyes widened.

“I don’t know why I said that.”

And just like that, the two friends were doubled over laughing, tears in their eyes. Dan shook his head. What could go wrong with his best friend by his side?

He pulled open the car door and approached the house; the sun was dipping below the horizon and he could feel the thump of loud music. Louise and Dan had a system with parties. They never showed up on time and, oh God, they absolutely never showed up early. Parties during the daytime were downright shameful. Everyone was too sober, too awkward. Dan physically shivered at the thought. He could work with drunk bodies swaying in the dark. Not, like, actual conscious humans.

The door opened before Dan could even put his hand on the knob. Someone he didn’t know pushed his way past Dan and vomited violently into the bushes surrounding the walk way. Dan felt briefly sorry for Felix’s parents and made wide-eye contact with Louise. She stifled a giggle and grabbed Dan’s hand, pulling him through the door.

The house was dark and thrumming with energy and movement. Felix was throwing a party because it was the beginning of their Year Thirteen. Dan couldn’t believe it– the end of his A-levels. He didn’t dwell on it, though, knowing that thoughts of university and careers would only fill him with existential dread. Right now, he just wanted to drink and dance and maybe be a little bit slutty. Big, new school year resolutions.

Louise continued to pull Dan and they found themselves in the kitchen, where there was an array of alcoholic beverages, including: bad beer, a questionable bucket of jungle juice, and cheap vodka shots. Dan hated vodka but poured a couple just to lubricate himself… socially. Louise cheered as he tossed the vile liquid back, holding back a grimace as the end of the shot hit his tongue. He held back the urge to cough. Louise did a shot as well, slamming the empty cup on the table. She made eye-contact with someone behind Dan.

“Hey, Peej! Come do a shot!” Dan turned around and grinned at PJ, who raced to do what Louise told him to do. His messy hair was falling into his eyes, as always, and his green eyes blazed. He poured a shot that was way too full, hollered ‘fuck Year Thirteen!’ and pounded the vodka. Dan laughed, Louise whooped, and everyone around them joined in a disjointed response cry of ‘fuck Year Thirteen!’ Although, Dan recognized some younger students too.

“So’d you guys just get here?” PJ was buzzed, smiling dopily at his friends.

“Yeah, mate.” Dan responded, peeking into the bucket of jungle juice with a wary expression.

“Oh, don’t worry it’s good. Just gotta ignore the chunks.” PJ’s nose wrinkled and Louise laughed again. Dan just shrugged and dunked a red cup into the bucket of wonder. He marveled at the purple color and took a long pull of it. He coughed. It had to be about 99% alcohol, 1% juice. Despite PJ’s comment, there were no chunks.

“It tastes like ass.”

“Not my fault you know what that tastes like, mate.” PJ grinned and Dan rolled his eyes. “So Louise, what’s the scoop? What’s the end goal? Mama cat on the prowl tonight?” PJ was just drunk enough to add a sassy meow to the end of his sentence and Louise slapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Oh God, PJ. Go home, you’re drunk.”

“She’s had her eye on Liam this summer,” Dan’s eyebrows danced up and down. “Lou’s gotta crush!”

“Liam– the one who works at the movie theater? The one with the tousled blonde hair?”

Louise smiled dreamily and sighed. “The very one!”

“The one wearing a dark blue button-up.” Louise looked confused. “Right behind you, mate!” PJ ducked out of the room them, cackling and moving his shoulders to the curiously Latin American beat. Sure enough, Liam was leaning across the counter right behind Louise. She handled it well– shrieking and forcefully grabbing Dan’s elbow. She yanked him out of the kitchen right into the main dancefloor that was the living room.

“Ow, Lou, what the hell?” Dan rubbed his peach-clad elbow. “Just for that, I’m going to go tell Liam that you want his babies.” Louise answered by shrieking again. “Hey, but really, you should talk to him. You’ve been crushing on him and I want to go be slutty.”

Louise eyes shone with a please-don’t-leave-me-you-are-my-best-friend look, mixed with her notorious and-I-can-ruin-your-life-if-I-wanted-to glint. Dan rolled his eyes again. His eyeballs were getting a lot of exercise tonight. “Here. This is what we will do.” Dan spun Louise around, hands pushing against her shoulder blades. He steered her back toward the kitchen. She spluttered. “You’re gonna take another shot. Or two.” He grabbed a glass of the counter, tipped it at her mouth. Louise, always the champ, successfully got the vodka down her throat. Then, you’re gonna talk to HEY LIAM!”

Louise choked and the tall, blonde boy hanging on the countertop looked up from his beer. “Hey, what’s up, Dan?” Liam smiled and Dan could practically feel Louise melt.

“Well, you’ve met Louise. She’s thinking about getting a job to save up for university. Ever the pragmatic lady, Louise. She was curious about what it’s like to work at a movie theater. Well you’re like the bloody expert, aren’t ya?” If Dan was laying it on a little thick, Liam was none the wiser to Dan’s cheeky tactics.

“Hey! That’s cool! Louise, we could work at the same theater and complain about customers!” When Louise didn’t respond, Dan nudged her. She seemed to wake up.

‘Fuck customers!’ was what came out of her mouth and Dan wanted to facepalm. To Liam’s credit, he just laughed and went on the other side of the counter to engage Louise in some friendly conversation. Dan’s work here was done. ‘Now I’m on my own,’ he realized. His face flushed and his heartbeat quickened.

Dan had a relatively high tolerance for alcohol, he had discovered. He tipped vodka into the shot glass he still held in one hand and drank it. He finished off his cup of jungle ass-juice. That would do for now. He had enough in him to… mingle. To forget about what he was wearing and shake it. He snuck out of the kitchen, grinning briefly at Louise who was deep in conversation with Liam.

Usually Dan took on the role of people-watcher at these parties. Sometimes, even out loud, he would pretend to be a nature documentary narrator. ‘Oh, wow. Here we find a rare species known as the “fuckus boyus.” Here we can see him preying on a young year ten.’

Although it was fun to hide in the shadows and be cynical about his peers, Dan decided this year that it was time for him to get some dick. Eighteen years old and still a virgin. It wasn’t bad or wrong– virginity was a social construct established by a misogynistic society, for that matter. Despite that, Dan wanted to know what it was like to be held, kissed, fucked. Before university. The only problem was… he had no idea how people did this.

So he mingled. He danced. He found some cute boys to grind on and only some of them told him to fuck off, fairy boy. Dan wasn’t even bothered. His hands kept finding drinks, his body (badly) gyrated badly to the (still vaguely Latin American) music. He witnessed some embarrassing white kid dancing, a very physical game of beer pong, and a couple humping right out in the open on Felix’s mother’s couch. No one person really caught his eye. He had known most of them since primary school and they were, quite frankly, old news.

Then, a dark figure caught his eye. He was unfamiliar and beautiful and– ‘so tall, wow, I could climb him like a tree.’

He was leaned against the doorframe of Felix’s living room, looking like a whole meal, as the kids say. He was tall– at least six feet. His legs went for miles and were clad in sinfully tight skinny jeans. Dan’s eyes traveled up the stranger’s body and he suddenly felt very sweaty and lightheaded. The mystery boy had on a black band T-shirt and a leather jacket. His long, pale neck sported– Dan squinted– a tattoo. He could already feel his knees going weak. Dan couldn’t make out much of the stranger’s face from across the room; his black fringe cast a deep shadow across it.

Dan was drunk, tingly, and very interested in Mr. tall, dark, and mysterious. He extracted himself from the girl he was dancing with, kissing her on the cheek. She quickly found another dancing partner. The room spun only a little as he made his way across the dancefloor. Up close, Dan could now make out several piercings standing out against porcelain skin. The tattoo was of a dragon. The stranger was staring at Dan, not unkindly. He had a few inches on Dan, which was… distracting. A crooked smile played on his lips and Dan had a hard time prying his eyes away from the black snakebites piercing them.

“Hey, you’re hot.” Dan wanted to facepalm. He was drunk, yes, but not so far gone that he didn’t know that such a statement wasn’t socially acceptable– ‘you idiot.’ The stranger seemed amused, thankfully, a deep chuckle escaping the mouth that Dan definitely wasn’t still staring at.

The stranger stuck out his hand and Dan grabbed it, ignoring how warm and soft it was. “Phil Lester. You’re pretty hot yourself, princess.” Dan frowned slightly, wondering if Phil was making fun of him. His smile looked so genuine and non-threatening, though. He decided that Phil was only being flirty.

“Daniel Howell. Dan. Though, I could get used to princess if you’d prefer that.” Dan was surprised by his smoothness, but chose not to jinx it by dwelling on the moment too much. Phil laughed then, a proper laugh, his tongue poking out of his teeth. And that was way too adorable for his tough, punk exterior. However, Dan didn’t miss the glint of a tongue piercing and he briefly wondered what it would feel like on his cock. Dan blinked hard to rid himself of such thoughts. “So, why haven’t I seen you around before? Are you a figment of my imagination?”

Phil shook his head, “No, I’m pretty real. Feel me.” He flexed an arm and leaned it toward Dan. Dan’s head swum, but he felt the muscle by fondling it with too-sweaty hands. He simply wanted to run with the joke, of course.

“Yep. You’re real. Can confirm.”

“But seriously, I go to uni in Manchester,” Phil’s fingers raked through his hair nervously, “I know it sounds creepy… an old guy like me hanging out at a party with a bunch of sixth formers,” Phil suddenly looked panicked, “Oh gosh, no offense! I don’t have anything against you guys.” Dan wanted to butt in and assure the uni student, but he was barreling on.

“Felix is my parent’s next door neighbor! He invited me because I’ve been pretty bored over the summer.” There was a beat, “Although he immediately left me, so now I wonder if I’m just the token uni kid to make his party seem cooler,” Phil grumbled almost under his breath and Dan smiled. Yeah, Felix was a prick like that. “Honestly, I’ve just been hovering by this doorway, not talking to anyone. So I’m just losing cool points, really.”

Dan crossed his arms, grinning. “Well, you’re in luck. I’m just about the most popular guy at this school. Stick with me and you’ll immediately be the coolest kid here!” Phil actually looked confused for a second and Dan took pity on him. “Phil, I’m kidding. Look at me. I have a bloody romper and lip gloss on, for godsakes. Most kids are embarrassed to know me. Talking to me is practically social suicide.” Dan giggled and Phil followed suit.

“You’re funny, Howell.” A beat passed and Phil’s face softened, “And, for whatever it’s worth, I like the romper… and the lip gloss.” And then Dan must have been dreaming, because Phil’s thumb came up to brush against his bottom lip.

Dan squeaked, “Hey, I’m gonna have to reapply that, you know.” He regretted the words instantly when they caused Phil to remove his thumb. However, it just came to rest on Dan’s soft jaw. His skin burned where Phil was touching him.

“We could do something that would really make you need to reapply your lip gloss,” Phil practically purred. The sudden shift from rambling, socially awkward uni kid to sexy punk was leaving Dan breathless. He felt like he might pass out. Or maybe he already had and this was just a dream. Maybe Phil was just a figment of his horny, hormonal imagination. It would make sense, since right now, he seemed like something straight out of a bodice-ripper.

“Am I dreaming?” Dan gazed up at Phil, who cracked a smile.

“No, we’ve been over this. I’m real, remember?” Almost to prove his point, Phil’s thumb slowly stroked along Dan’s jaw, toward his chin. The world went into slow motion and the pounding music went muffled. Gently, Phil tilted Dan’s chin up and his pierced lips inched toward Dan’s glossed ones.

[themessafterthemarty]

11 Questions - Return of the Tag

So my main munch @monstermunch321 tagged me cus she was tagged by someone she tagged after I’d tagged her for tagging me after which she tagged me-

I WAS TAGGED FOR THIS AGAIN mkey that’s the story, that’s all there is to it, no more background here, no sir.

ONTO THE QUESTIONS:

Warning!: This post is long as all hell, because a certain someone asks me questions I can’t give short answers to.

I mean I could, but my heart won’t let me.

1. What is your favourite piece of artwork that you have made yourself?

Starting off easy, I see! 

That was a joke.

Okay, so I’m picking from the art that I’ve posted online (because anything else is too hard to find), and it might sound weird but I think my current fave, at least in quality, is the one I posted most recently?

I’m constantly trying to improve and I’ve seen the old ones way too many times, so I struggle to really appreciate them objectively, and anything that’s even a tiny bit old I just see mistakes in.

But further on the list of “you don’t make me want to stab myself”, I’m very proud of my Dan and Phil in Undertale series, even though I already want to remake the first ones. They were some of the first phan arts I ever made and they got a lot of positive attention which meant the world to me, because I was just starting to put stuff online more regularly and that to a great extent inspired me to continue doing that, even when posting stuff that people didn’t care too much about.

There’s also “that one time I felt I did a good pic justice”, “this looks better IRL but no one notices it on my wall either so maybe it’s just not as good as I see it as but I like it”, “I can’t unsee that I made Mat too tall after someone pointed it out on Twitter, but both Mat and Steph liked it so it’s okay”, and then.... 

well there’s this.

As you may have noticed I choose a lot of these based on association rather than whether I think they’re technically good, and.... I just kind of poured my heart into that one and it’s tied to a very, very, very dear memory, so I don’t want to criticise it technically. It doesn’t matter if it’s good. That’s not why it’s there. That’s not why it was made, not why I made a tumblr post with it, and not why I included it here. It doesn’t matter if a single other person on this website likes it - I frankly couldn’t give a damn if people hate it, even. What matters is that right now there’s one printed copy of this in existence and it’s hopefully in some box in a storage facility - maybe even a storage closet if I’m lucky - owned by Dan Howell and Phil Lester, and they loved it, hugged me and made me cry in a good way.

2. What is you favourite piece of instrumental music?

WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME SUFFER LIKE THIS.

HAVE I EVER MENTIONED TO YOU THAT I GREW UP WITH MUSICIAN PARENTS AND MY FIRST FANDOM WAS ME ALL ALONE AT 8 IN MY ROOM RE-LISTENING TO MOZART’S LIFE STORY ON AUDIO BOOK?

*screams*

...

I’m calm.

I’m not giving you one answer, though - because this is a much bigger deal than that, there are too many genres, and when do I ever give you short answers, anyway?

Okay so, in the classics department there’s for example Mozart’s 40th Symphony and Grieg’s Wedding Day at Troldhaugen - both pieces I loved as a child and still love to this day. Bach’s Cello Suite No.1 in G Major is of course the world’s best cello piece, but Air is too magical not to win first place from his stuff. (And this is where Marty got lost in her own Spotify playlist and decided to stop) .... *whispers* Prokokiev’s Peter and the Wolf is also quite dear to me.

I listen to soundtracks way too much and have for a very, very long time, too, so here are some tracks I love:

“Homeland” from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron “Special Order” from Ratatouille “Sacred Pool of Tears” from Kung Fu Panda “I Don’t Think Now Is The Best Time” from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End “Define Dancing” from Wall-E

I also need to honourably mention the entirety of the Inside Out soundtrack.

I’m already so bad at keeping it short on “what’s your favourite” questions, you just had to ask me about music. This is me trying to keep it short. You brought this on yourself.

3. When typing which number keys do you use? The top row or the number pad at the side?

I actually haven’t had a computer that has a number pad since I used the family computer back before I was 10, so the top row! If for no other reason than that I learned to type properly when I had a laptop.

4. Since you think vinegar is strange on chips, how about gravy? (I don’t like this myself, but its a thing around here).

I just dip my chips in sour cream, like any respectable human being. *dramatic hairflip* (Also what exactly is gravy? I hear the US and the UK don’t quite agree on this)

I also just had the profound realisation that I’m not entirely sure which kind of chips we’re talking about - I mean, I probably dip them in sour cream anyway, to be fair, that’s what I do.

5. Are you superstitious?

Not particularly? My attitude towards anything supernatural is that if it exists, it’s too unscientific for us to be able to fully understand it, predict it and do something with it. So in the end, what opinion I have of it is kind of irrelevant - whether it exists or not, I’ll behave the same way, because I can never know. I can only act based on what I do know, like that if you walk under a ladder, it might get caught on your clothes or something and hit you in the head, or if you break a mirror you’re gonna have to replace it and there may be glass shards all around that could hurt you at any given time, and walking around with a rabbit’s paw for luck is just begging to get PETA on your neck and is also an insult to my old pet rabbit.

6. How many cans make up your firewall?

Precisely 33. 👌

7. QUICK, you have 1 minute, draw a dragon!

8. Your favourite food?

What have I said about me and “favourite” questions??? This one’s actually impossible, tho. Depends on the day and stuff. I really love tacos, but so does the rest of Norway, and my mom’s chicken fajitas are amazing, meanwhile one of my fave dishes is fish balls in white sauce with potatoes and boiled carrots, because I’m Norwegian, okay, this is how we roll (it’s actually not necessarily, but yes that is a relatively common dish that I’ve always just loved too much), but then there’s also chicken risotto which for a long time was the only dish I knew how to make. 

9. What was your favourite TV show as a kid?

I’m not really sure? I watched a lot of Disney Channel, Jetix and Cartoon Network, but I can’t really remember if I had a favourite, and at what age I watched what shows. Some honourable mentions are Sonic, Kim Possible, Powerpuff Girls, Lilo & Stitch, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, of course I watched far too much Hannah Montana when that became a thing, Phineas and Ferb is still amazing, and I also watched a lot of the Simpsons from I was quite small - not because it went on TV but because we had a bunch of Simpsons seasons on DVD.

Though it of course depends on what you define as “kid”, because if we’re talking 10-13, then I can tell you that the Discovery Channel lineup after school was the best thing on Earth and I watched Mythbusters literally every day (after Dirty Jobs and all the various tattoo shows)

And yet I still sit here with the feeling of that I’ve probably forgotten something.

Having returned from some Googling, I can confirm that I forgot actual proper kids’ shows, and I can confirm I loved Teletubbies, Thomas the Tank Engine, Animals of Farthing Wood (’loved’ more like ‘was lovingly traumatised by’), Bear in the Big Blue House and on the Norwegian front there’s Uhu! - not that you’d know what that is, but it was the best thing ever and might have actually been my favourite, so I couldn’t not mention it.

10. Have you ever had a Yorkshire pudding/ would you try one? (Considering you don’t know what a Yorkshire pudding tin was, I’m guessing I know half your answer).

I think I’ve tasted it like once? When I was in London? We were at a restaurant that served a bunch of traditional English food, but I can’t remember what the pudding was like at all, would love to try it again sometime.

11. How annoyed are you at me for retagging you? :P

I mean, you send me 11 sentences and I send you a book back, who should be annoyed here? See, this is why I have an about me tag and not an about me page. You’re just intent on filling it up, giving me all these cursed “favourite” questions. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN I DON’T KNOW THE FINE ART OF KNOWING WHEN TO STOP TALKING?

Buuuuut since this is war now I feel like I can’t NOT send you something back, so here we go, I tag @monstermunch321 AGAIN (fight me!)

1. What’s your favourite holiday? Why?

2. Are you right- or left-handed?

3. What Hogwarts House are you?

4. What’s your favourite GTLive stream/s?

5. If you had to be an animal other than human, which animal would you choose? Wild or captive?

6. Favourite food? (I’m original, I know)

7. What’s the first toy/stuffed animal/doll you remember having?

8. If you had to pick a favourite instrument, which would it be?

9. Do you prefer sweet or salty snacks? Have any favourites?

10. If you had to pick a “super power” that some animal on Earth already has, which would it be? (whether it be claws that could kill, camouflage, bioluminescence, or an uncanny ability to always land on your feet and fit into boxes)

11. Got any favourite books?

[catinthesewing-blog]

Stop romanticizing Erik please

Trigger warning, in this rant I mention abuse, abuse by a parental figure, including physical threats, death threats, manipulation/gaslighting, and through that (briefly) connect to abuse, violence, rape, and death.  I don’t go into a lot of detail, but if any of these are a problem for you TL/DR: The Opera ghost is a sociapathic monster, not a romantic hero, stop writing him as a good guy, it’s harmful to women.

Just the title’s already pissed a lot of people off.  I know, ‘cause I’ve had this converstation with people before.  If you can’t read a critique of something you like, leave now.  But I’m having an allergic reaction to.....something.....and even with the Benedryl I want to scratch my skin off so sleep is a no-go, so instead I’m reading.

And oh, what new font of trash have I found.  It’s called RoseBlood by A.G. Howard, and it’s one of the Phantom fanfics that’s actually made it to publication.  It’s fascinatingly awful, and I can’t stop reading for the same reason people watch trainwrecks or Nascar crashes.  It’s not any better nor worse than the dime-a-dozen angsty teen supernatural romances out there (Twilight being one of hundreds).  If you’re amused by terrible fiction and can turn your brain off enough to not be incensed and cringy at all the typical problems with romance, especially angsty teen romance, then by all means try it yourself.

If you’re one of those younguns (or olduns) who can’t recognize all the seriously problematic issues in romances, especially angsty teen romances, please don’t read it.  We have enough women getting in terrible situations because fiction told them creepy awful abusive behavior was romantic as it is.

That being said, there’s one truly horrifying bit getting to me, that when I put into words what it was compelled me to write this up: the relationship between Erik and the protagonist’s love interest.  Spoilers ahead.

So, the boy, Thorn, goes through some typical traumatic backstory and then is ‘adopted’ by Erik, Leroux’s Phantom.  There’s a typical sinister plot against the female protagonist, Rune, but she and Thorn fall in love so now he’s conflicted over it.  Erik is the mastermind behind the whole plot, Thorn is supposed to be helping, and is feeling conflicted over the choice between doing what he knows is an awful thing for his father, or saving the life of his soulmate.

This I don’t have a problem with.  In fact, it’s one of the most accurate portrayals of the thought processes of a person who has suffered a life of mental manipulation and abuse from a parental figure that I’ve read in fiction.  Good enough that that accuracy is scary and makes me feel for Thorn.

Problem is, it’s clear from the way these scenes and the rest of the novel is written that, once again, Erik is being portrayed as a poor, sad individual, who’s doing terrible things because of his great LOVE for Christine.

Guys, the Phantom is not romantic.  He is not a tragic hero.  He is a sociapath.  And Leroux very clearly wrote him that way.  Leroux’s intent in Erik’s character, in the whole novel, was to show :

Monsters can be made.  They aren’t always born, they can be created from the terrible events and actions of others.  And while it is imperative that we sorrow over the actions that created this monster, and mourn over the person that small suffering being might have become, we should not, must not, cannot pretend that what stands before us now is a monster.  A terrible, murderous, raging monster in a thin disguise of human skin.  Anyone who pretends the monster is still a human, with motives of care or compassion for any being besides themselves, is not only doomed to die, but condemning others to die as well.  That’s the reason the Persian is so prominent a character, and is the one to see Erik right before his death.  The Persian is the living example of murder by inaction--there were multiple times he could have stopped Erik.  By not killing Erik, every victim of the Phantom’s since is partially on the Persian’s conscience.*

Thorn’s responses are accurate for a young man who has been regularly told by his father figure, from day one, that Erik only keeps Thorn alive because he is useful to him, and that as soon as Thorn stops being useful (or at any signal Erik might take as defiance) Erik will kill Thorn.  Like he has killed everyone else.  Thorn explicitly knows he is under constant surveillance, manipulation, and threat of death.  He knows that killing Rune is wrong, even if he didn’t have feelings for her.  But he still feels huge confliction because Erik is his parent and Thorn loves him.  That is awful!  But accurate.

What is not accurate is the idea (clearly intended) that Erik is a sad, tragic fallen hero who deserves sympathy.  Never have I encountered such staggeringly, horrifyingly accurate portrayal of an abusive manipulative relationship that is clearly intended to seem sad and romantic since reading the Fifty Shades series.

But no one seems to get that Erik is not a good guy.  He’s not a grey redeemable villain, not a romantic figure.

He is a monster.

If you want to write stories with a Beast-archetype hero, a redeemable romantic villain, I’m all for it.  We can talk about my deep hole in Solvallen hell filled with unease, self-disdain, and regret.

But stop writing monsters and telling young women that they’re princes.  Please.  Just stop.  Please.  Women literally die because we teach them shit like this.

*My words, not a quote, but Leroux did in fact state explicitly when talking about the novel that this was his intent.  I spent some teenage years in deep nerdy Phan research, myself

[destialpal]

I motherfucking knew this shit was going to happen. As soon as I saw the screenshots of what dan said in his live show a few weeks ago I knew people were going to make a huge deal out of. People would lose their shit. Now don't get me wrong I too thought it might be "the video" we've all been waiting for forever. However, I had a feeling that it wouldn't be. The fact that people are calling dan out and shitting all over right now bc he didn't actually come out is absolutely fucking ridiculous and childish. Why on earth do people think it is acceptable to pressure someone into outing themselves in general? Listen, dan doesn't upload regularly and that's okay but when he does upload we should cherish it and not hate him because it's not what we "wanted" it's his life, his Channel and he can do whatever the fuck he wants with it. Don't get me wrong, I ship Phan and stuff and it would make my day if it was a thing but I'm also not ready to threaten them bc it's not happening. Also, I've seen a ton of people saying that what he said was queerbaiting which is absolutely 100% not what's going on. 1.) that's not queerbaiting in the slightest bit. Just saying he has ha video on the way that's been a long time coming isn't baiting come on. 2.) do you really think Dan Howell of all the fucking people on this shitty planet would queerbait? Seriously?!?! I knew from the start of all this hype that it would come and bite us all in the ass because of all the "demon phannies" out there. Okay fine isg might not be your fav type of video... who the fuck cares good for you if you don't like it don't watch it, its that bleeding simple! I am sick and tired of people who claim to be fans shit all over dan because he's not 'giving them the content they want' who cares what you want. I mean yes youtubers tend to cater to their audiences but they also have complete and total control over their channel. Besides isg isn't the video dan was even talking about!! There is another one coming! We all know how often dan uploads and it's not that much (again, totally fine) the fact that we know we're going to get another dinof video soon has me singing from the rooftops. Dan and Phil do so much for their fans, they try their very best to please us. In 2017 alone we sort of kind of get regular uploads one way or another. Let's all be great full of everything they do and hopefully continue to do for us and be the nice, peaceful fan base that dreams are made of. The bullshit I've been seeing this afternoon is disgusting. can everyone please grow the fuck up and start acting mature? Dan Howell is a person and deserves to be treated like one and some of the stuff I've seen today is not something that you should say to a person.