#something something if your anger isn't palatable it means they were 'right' about you. so you can't express anger at being wronged

[anomaliex]

I think Gorgug grows up trying to take up as little space as possible.

I think that as a child, before he was all that conscious of his own decisions, he broke a lot of stuff. That's fine, small children do that and his parents have had him since he was a baby. A huge baby, especially for gnomes. A huge baby that grew into a toddler the size of his parents who's (again, normal and okay) tantrums did actual property damage because he's an orc. They were never mad at him for it, they'd never be mad at a child experiencing big emotions and not yet able to process them or understand consequences, but we know how their families reacted to that. We know that they always saw him as something that would grow up to be a threat.

I think that pretty much as soon as he develops a sense of it Gorgug starts feeling ashamed. He's ashamed of how nothing ever fits right, and of how loud he gets when he's upset, and of how the other kids in the neighbourhood (because it's a small folk neighbourhood!!) get scared of him sometimes, and of how when he has bad dreams he breaks his bed and is unable to control himself, like a baby. There was probably a time where he thought he was really clumsy and he was ashamed of that too, but by the time he turns like twelve Gorgug kind of understands that he's not more clumsy than the average kid, it's just that every time he drops something or bumps into a shelf it'll do so much more damage than if anyone else he lives around were to do the same.

(And his parents are talented tinkerers but sometimes their work is so delicate and all he ever does is wreck things. He doesn't dare touch it no matter how much they try to share this passion with him — eventually they assume he just doesn't like it and they would never force him to do something he doesn't want. Gorgug doesn't let himself discover how much he enjoys it until sophomore year. I wonder if he regrets all those years he spent fearing the possibility of ruining things and depriving himself of something he ended up loving.)

(And he was never "stupid", it's just that all he ever thought himself of was a brute so he never entertained the possibility of his own intelligence until faced with it. He didn't know he could thrive academically so it wasn't something he ever considered committing to. He literally just played bloodrush because he was good at it, not because he liked it. He just thought he had to, and he thought math is something he couldn't possibly do. Why try?)

Entering Highschool Gorgug is very shy, and he doesn't really have friends. Adults always like to blame the latter on the first, but sometimes it's the other way around and sometimes it's a vicious cycle. Sometimes you're six years old and none of the kids in your elementary school class are anything like you but you desperately try to fit in until you slip up and show them how much of a freak you are one time (I think he got mad. I think he broke a table. I think someone cried. I think maybe there was a teacher who was so much smaller than him and looked at him as if he were something to be feared. I think that in that moment he decided that he is. Or at least his rage, maybe.) and then you never get to have friends again and you shrink in on yourself and you don't understand how anyone else does it — it's not even that you're scared you just don't understand, and maybe you just want to be alone. And then a happy outspoken child grows into a shy teenager because they don't have any friends.

I think Gorgug is careful. He is so gentle and empathetic and kind and he is so careful because every time he isn't something breaks. And every time he raises his voice someone is scared of him and all he ever wants is people to not be afraid. So he hunches over, and he stands in the corner, and he scoots to the very edge of the bench so you don't have to sit too close to him, and he takes every insult to his face without fighting back lest he'll get upset and despite all his fucking efforts all it takes is one asshole to take it too far and he feels himself snap and all he wants to do is break something and hurt and twist and kill. And that scares him. He doesn't allow himself to be angry (and as wonderful as Digby and Wilma are they don't understand. They don't understand that he has to be, that he has to let it out some time.) so he bottles it up and every time it explodes out of him he doesn't know how to handle it other than to swing his axe and kill maul bite snarl kill.

But then, his adventuring party seems to not mind his rage, or his size, or his freakish strength. If anything they seem to like it, or at least respect him for it. He's never considered doing something like music before because that's for talented people and it's art and he doesn't do art because his hands are only good for destruction, not creation. Right? He does the music anyway. It's nice because there he's allowed to be angry on the drums and no one thinks it's weird.

He meets a girl that finds his rage attractive and he was scared that he'd scared her but he didn't. Ragh becomes one of his dearest friends and maybe for the first time Gorgug looks at a raging (half-)orc — all snarling and panting and bearing his teeth and twitching at any sound or scent — and doesn't find himself appalled because all he sees is someone that's fighting to keep him and his friends safe. And oh, maybe it's okay to be enraged.

I think he grows into a young man that doesn't love being angry but stops hating it too. He likes, in a way, that he gets angry over the right things, and he likes that being angry enables him to protect those he cares for. In the end his rage is a survival instinct and it's good to be alive. That leads to him, for a while, only accepting his rage as something that's fine to express in combat, and if it's outside of combat then only to his friends. There's still this need to make himself palatable, to tone himself down so everyone stays comfortable around him, but that also fades eventually.

During junior year he does finally come out of his shell enough to just express his anger the second he feels it. I think it is liberating and it's also the scariest thing he's ever done, and he went through a forest that made him confront his deepest fears already. (And that's exactly what it was. The inconvenience to his parents, the fear it strikes in others, the rejection it brings, the way it seems to reduce him to a weapon or maybe a wild animal and to some people including parts of him means he absolutely cannot be an intelligent or loveworthy person. He's always been afraid of his own rage.)

I think that if a younger Gorgug could see his older self snarl at one of his friends for making a joke about his parents' lawnmower, with his tusks fully grown out and muscle finally starting to fill out his clothes a little, so strong and so dangerous and so unashamed of it, he'd feel no relief and only horror. I think acceptance is something that feels alien to him right up until he suddenly achieves it.

[songmingisthighs]

Genesis

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. xxvii - scuse me

fashion mogul!mingi × reader

buy me coffee ?

things aren't always what it seems but when even the truth is left unheard, what can people do? one musn't lie but what if the lie is more accepted than the truth? the scariest thing in this world isn't monsters or demons. it's people with no agenda and time to waste.

To be quite honest, you knew being alone at night was stupid. Not that it was very dangerous or something, it was just amplifying the loneliness. Sure, some people might revel in being alone, but you had to admit that you were slowly getting tired of being alone. Or maybe it was that you were tired of beinv alone again. Three years and an engagement later, you wouldn't have guessed that you'd be going to the convenience store you used to frequent with your ex by yourself. The road used to be filled with lighthearted teasing and nearing the end, wedding planning is now cold breeze and crickets.

But, you had cravings. Bean had cravings and you didn't stock up because the cravings differ from one day to the other. So the broken heater of the convenience store couldn't stop you. It wasn't like it was too cold either, it was just slightly uncomfortable. Bean had wanted to eat something warm anyways so it shouldn't be an issue. And yes, you really do heed into Bean's cravings. Once, bean craved ice cream and jjajang at the same time. It wasn't that weird but maybe a mango ice cream was a bad choice. You didn't even know what bean wanted until you got to the convenience store and immediately craved spicy jjamppong ramyeon with cheese, egg, and sausage. You wondered if Bean will still have the same questionable palate once it's born. Then you wondered if bean shares the same palate as its dad. Not that you wanted to think about him much because obviously, he has yet to make up his mind while still trying to drown you in presents. You were running out of people to give away the presents he still left you and while it seemed mean, you didn't want your anger to be resolved by items. Maybe your friends were right, maybe you wanted Mingi to make a decision to approach you first. And maybe you should've been straightforward with him and tell him the answer you needed instead of playing this chicken game. Besides, it was bad enough that you left him all alone in the hallway of your apartment at 11 pm while needing to pee. To be quite honest, you felt bad for that and you would apologize. If he'd come to you.

The whole Mingi train of thought took up only until your food was cooked. As soon as it was done, you immediately focused on eating, enjoying the taste and warmth that spread all through your chest. You ate the whole thing with such gusto, feeling your mood getting better that peaked once the bowl was empty and you have cleaned up all your trash. With a satiated craving and a full belly, you walked out of the convenience store So of course, you thought you were going to end the day perfectly what with your craving satiated and belly full. Though, you were slightly concerned that your baby was floating in spicy ramyeon broth but that was just a regular odd fear that was washed away easily with the cold night air.

"Excuse me," You turned to see two women jogging towards you.

Considering that it was nearing midnight, you should've been more nervous and cautious of any interaction happening. But for that same reason, because it was nearing midnight, you think you should help your fellow women who might be in some sort of trouble, no matter the complexity and size.

"Yes?" You answered as soon as they reached you. The two women looked at each other momentarily, before turning back to you, "Do live in that apartment?" you followed the finger of one of the girls who was pointing at your apartment building. You nodded in affirmation to them, assuring that you actually do, "Yes, I do," as soon as you said that, you could see their eyes light up happily. "That's great! Do you know the girl who's dating Song Mingi the fashion mogul?" the other immediately asked. It was a rather odd question and the furrow of your eyebrows seems to only make them more intrigued. You immediately got a weird vibe from them so you did what you thought was right and tried to escape as quickly as you could. "Uh, I don't know what you guys wanted or how you even know about the apartment, but if this involves anything weird, I don't want to be part of it. So..." you tried to turn around and walk away but they went around you and blocked your path. One girl grinned happily while the other stared at you with furrowed eyebrows, "Oh, she so does, she's probably friends with her," she said excitedly, hitting her friend's arm continuously. You wanted to say no, but you didn't want to give them hints or anything that could make them think that you were actually helping them.

However, before you can do anything, the girl whose arm was hit by her friend stepped forward as her eyes widened, "Oh my God, forget that, Hyemi, this is her! She is her! Didn't you see the leaked pictures from that blog?" All of a sudden, you felt your stomach drop and your instinct was triggered. Your hand flew to your stomach as if you were trying to protect your baby even though there was no proof that your baby was even being targeted. "You're so right," when the excited girl took a step closer to you as well, you immediately raised a hand at her that she simply grabbed to pull you closer, "We have so much to ask you,"

They weren't even treating you like a human being, using you to get answers on Mingi because they thought that you were personally involved with Mingi which was so wrong on most levels. The questions they asked were rather invasive too. For example, since when was it okay to ask a complete stranger what Mingi usually does as his shower routine? Does Mingi take a bath often and when he does, does he use bath bombs? What is Mingi like at home, what does he wear or does he even wear anything? And worst of all, has Mingi really been with men?

"Really, I can't help you with this, I need to go home," as hard as you can, you tried pulling your arm out of their grip as your eyes tried to find a way to safely make your escape. The only thing you fear is truly your baby being in danger from you trying to escape them. But no matter how much you tried to pull away, they kept bombarding you with questions you didn't have the answer to. You were damn near crying at that point and the sliver of people who passed by were no help, they simply looked at you who was in trouble and decided to not give a shit. So much for you trying to help someone. You couldn't stay and let them do whatever they wanted because that will just encourage more shitty behaviour on their part while preventing you from developing an effective way to get rid of assholes like them.

When you felt your arm being yanked, you damn near screamed bloody murder, but you soon realized that it wasn't really your arm that was being yanked, it was the girl who was holding you. You looked up to see Mingi scowling at the two girls who stood frozen. "What do you think you were doing?" His voice was void of the usual lighthearted tone he used on you, this was not even the voice he used when he accused you of whoring around. This was... Assertive.

"I..." "We..." Both girls were nervous now, they hadn't expected to be confronted by Mingi because they thought that they were going to be the ones doing all the confronting. Idiots.

"I'm trying to be nice right now for the sake of this woman right here," he nodded to you which made your breath hitch, "But if you don't leave her alone, I'll make you regret it." With that, he turned you around and with a hand on your back, he guided you away from those girls.

Just as you were about to feel relieved that Mingi had stepped in, one of them screamed 'wait' and proceeded to grab you by the shoulder, almost making you fall. But Mingi's reflex was better than theirs as he immediately pushed the girl's grip off and stepped between you and her. At 6 ft, Mingi was a mountain that put the girls under his shadow. "I'm serious, I will press charges," he said sternly. You didn't see what he looked like completely, but you saw that he was glaring at them and his chest was puffed while his shoulders were squared. In all honesty, he kind of looked like a guard dog, protecting whoever or whatever it was he deemed needing his protection.

The message was VERY loud and clear as seen from how both girls immediately nodded their heads in fear. Only then did Mingi gently take your hand in his and walk you to his car that was parked just across the road.

"Mingi?" You called out meekly, afraid that he was still worked up. But when he turned to look at you, you were only met with his usual kind eyes and that showed a lot of guilt and a hint of embarrassment. "I can just walk to my apartment alone," you told him, hesitant to receive his kindness especially since he had just saved you after you ignored him for some time. But Mingi shook his head, even tugging you further to the passenger seat where he opened the door and motioned for you to get in, "No, you just experienced something traumatic from trying to walk home all alone, the least I can do is make sure you don't get followed even after you get inside your home," he said determinedly. You wanted to say no, send him home, and tell him thanks but no thanks. But, you don't really want that. Not at all, actually. So you smiled which surprised Mingi, "Thanks Mingi, that's really nice. Way nicer than the gifts you've been dropping off," you teased. At the mention of gifts, Mingi blushed and his hand flew to ruffle the back of his head, "Uh... Actually, I was just about to drop off a bouquet I got you, but I threw it there when I saw that you were in trouble," he said as he pointed to the road. True to what he said, you saw a bouquet of white and soft yellow flowers wrapped in baby pink and baby blue paper abandoned by the side of the road, the wrapper soaked by disgusting murky water, the flowers crumpled and some of the petals even scattered around dramatically.

The sight should've been sad, but for some reason, you laughed at it. Even more odd, Mingi was laughing along with you. It wasn't that you both were laughing at each other, but you were laughing at the situation and how unpredictably ridiculous it is.

Yeah, everything involving you two were absolutely silly.

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@randomness7198

[vialaviolenza]

As audacious as it was, Abbacchio couldn't help but scoff, leaning back against the plush armchair with his arms draped over the armrests, onyx-painted nails idly scratching at the wood. Though his body language appears 'open', his expression remains cemented in disdain. He's not directly influenced by the shift of Giorno's tone, but it's registered as is the glint of anger in Giorno's pools of emerald.

Much as Abbacchio wants to argue, the boy is right⸻their burdens ARE their strengths regardless of how debilitating they could be. . Bruno's belief in all of them reciprocated tenfold, lingers in Abbacchio's mind. With this perspective, he begins to consider that perhaps Giorno has earned his place alongside the rest of them. Despite being a child, walking a perilous path that Abbacchio has seen swallow many others, it becomes clear that Giorno's determination isn't something easily dissuaded.

❝ And what if you put him in a bad position because you are inexperienced? What then ? ❞ This time, his tone lacks the usual animosity it carries for Giorno, sounding more casual. His shoulders finally relax, one hand reaching for his espresso once more, taking a slow sip before returning it to the table far more gently than before. ❝ It's clear to me that both you and Bucciarati have made up your minds, and there is little I can say or do about it. But that doesn't mean I have to welcome you with open arms. You have to earn that, and you won't do so with empty words.❞

Gradually Abbachio's breathing steadies, the rhythmic rise and falling of his chest conveying that he had calmed despite the plague of thoughts swirling within him. The hands that once were tense shifted to rest against his lap, his digits interlacing. Regardless of the complexity of his thoughts paired with tumultuous emotions boiling beneath the surface, Abbacchio finally recognizes that his experience was his, and his alone. . .That perhaps Giorno wouldn't find himself on the same path. As reality was dissected in his mind, he wondered what fate awaited the golden-haired boy before him. The uncertainty is damn near palatable, but it was a thought only time could provide the answer to. Abbacchio while quiet in contemplating studies Giorno closely, his visage blended with both scrutiny and introspection.

❝. . . .How did you end up here, Giorno ? ❞ The question's tone is surprisingly soft compared to his earlier behaviors and Abbacchio presents it as a symbol of good faith, even if he's not FULLY convinced. There was no promise he'd offer such veiled kindness to the blonde past this moment, but for the first time, he had opened the possibilities of vulnerability. ❝ We all have our reasons, but I'd like to know what you said to Bucciarati to convince him that you belonged here. ❞ Far as Abbacchio saw it, Giorno was a lamb walking knowingly into a den of ravenous wolves⸻it was destined to fail, wasn't it? A hand weaves through snowy tresses as gradients of saffron and amethyst soften considerably, his onyx lips parting as he nearly goes to open up, the notion silenced with teeth that smack together as his gaze breaks to glance at an ornate painting in the room.

Empathy wasn't something he was worthy of, that's what he kept telling himself. . .and though Bruno had provided a ray of warmth into the shadows coiled around him like a venomous serpent, Abbachio still felt emotionally tethered to the day they met⸻The exhaustion paired with the liquor was a recipe for rock bottom that he often drowned in. To this day, such horrors persist (typically in the dead of night as an onslaught of night terrors kept him awake) but Bruno. . .he quenched such weight by merely existing. It wasn't eradicated, but it was bearable for the first time in what felt like forever. It's why he's so protective of his Capo, never mind the feelings expressed between them in secrecy⸻Something he assumes everyone is blind to (despite them sharing obvious glances on occasion).

    placid aquamarine peers at abbacchio through aureate plumage ,   long lashes framing the calm depths of giorno’s eyes ,   unstirred even by the sudden raise of his voice .   the seam of his lips tightens slightly ,   however ,   the sharp angle of his jaw going taut as his   regard for bruno   is questioned .   they have not known each other long ,   this is true ,   &   giorno is not inclined to compare their bond with any of the intimate connections forged with the other members of team bucciarati   ━━━━   their months or even   years   working together ,   of establishing their dynamics   &   layering the bricks of a house of memories   ━━━━   especially abbacchio ,   whom any could see viewed their effulgent leader in a particularly   warm light .   

    but giorno will not be told that it is   nothing ,   that he does not   know   the one who showed him that he is not only capable of loving someone as if they were family ,   but that he is   worth   that love ;   after his mother rejected her role in his life ,   after his step - father showed him nothing but   violence   &   disdain ,   after accepting that his father would only ever be a whisper at the back of his head   &   a   lump in his throat .

    “   you are so audacious to make such an order ,   while you speak of   me   as if you know me ,   ”   he replies ,   voice clear but   low ,   perhaps an octave darker than his standard tone .   “   you brought him up in the first place ,   claiming that i’ve caused a lapse in his judgment by putting him under some kind of spell ,   blinding him with my unearned crown ,   ”   for all of a nanosecond ,   there is a spark of   anger   in giorno’s eyes ,   sudden as a streak of lightning across a darkening sky .   yet ,   just as quickly ,   he re - establishes an unbreakable grip on his composure ,   a mantra of   useless ,   useless ,   useless    ringing through his head as he reminds himself that there is   no point   in sinking down to such a petty level .   “   . . .   i do not see it that way ,   signore .   i think the potential he sees in   ‘ us ’   could only be a strength ,   because it shows that the cruelty of this world cannot hinder him from seeing a clear path forward ,   even for those other than himself .   ”

    a puff of a breath gusts through giorno’s nares ,   the urge to roll his eyes present ,   but pacified .   there is a certain   softness   in his chest ,   one that reveals to him that abbacchio is only behaving so disagreeably because he cares so deeply for bruno .   that’s one thing they have in common .   only ,   abbacchio is so committed to his enmity for giorno ,   his view of him as some sort of   reckless dunce   that he fails to perceive what really matters .   the responsibility does not fall on   giorno   to change that .   “   i have nothing to prove to you ,   signore ,   ”   answers giorno ,   a rehearsed blankness to his gaze .   “   if you think i would put him in a bad position for my own gain ,   you only further my point that you know nothing about me .   ”

[tinytelepath]

🧿Ig

Hypocrite isn't the right word.

Sanctimonious ass might be closer, but I don't think you even mean to be superior. Is it the ignorance that irritates me, when you've been in this so much longer? Or the ignorance of your own ignorance?

I think that might be it; Feeling like I'm being lectured about how to handle angels, and demons, and fae, and inter-planar politics by the embodiment of the Dunning–Kruger effect.

Had you ever even dealt with anything more powerful than captured pit fodder before the royals shredded your mind? Have you even factored in that that was when they wanted something from you? When they had an active interest in keeping you relatively functional? That you were retrieved before they were done? What do you think happens when you're their toy, nothing more valuable than entertainment? What about when you're the real subject of their anger? Do you consider any of this before demanding I meet your ideals? Before expecting my behaviour to resemble a 'typical' human?

Do you even hold anyone else to this standard? Somehow I can't see you lecturing your adoptive mother hen on how she should demand Major Warcrimes treat your precious boyfriend better. Or said boyfriend on how he should put on his big boy pants and communicate before the fallout of his stubbornness is everyone on earth dying in apocalyptic hellfire. Do you even hold yourself to this standard? Not only does the long career in government law enforcement even after you walked away from being a walking human rights violation suggest that you weren't exactly eager to risk the CIA award for excellence in journalism any time soon, you are friendly with Mara now. I offered to get you out of your dinner dates and dancing, so you can't tell me you had no choice. Yet for all your talk about how friendship should let me make any demand I please without fear, I didn't see you risking your neck to get Mal what he wanted without so much as a shred of explanation. No, that expectation, like so many others, appears to rest entirely on me. Only I appear to be expected to shoot for sainthood while carrying the fate of entire worlds on my back.

Is it because you met me through Lucy? Did you borrow her rose-tinted glasses when you formed whatever idea of me lives in your mind? Do you think stomping your foot is going to shape me back into the fiction you found palatable?

Maybe I should explain. We both know I pull up short of full answers. I can't though. Much like Lucy, I might trust you to mean well but I cannot trust you and your ideals not to do something incredibly stupid. You know too much as it is. Would you even listen, though, if I explained what I could? Really hear every lesson I have engraved on the depths of my soul?

Or would you just dig your heels in and deny every part of it that doesn't match what you want to believe the world is? That does, after all, appear to be the current strategy.

[not-a-space-alien]

Hi! For those of us a bit behind on the discourse (and not first-language speakers), could you please expand a bit on the problem with “gross?”

I personally would much rather be called gross (that’s your opinion buddy, if you don’t like me, stay away) than problematic (implying that I’m doing objective harm to someone). Is there a nuance I’m missing?

And on the reverse, what’s a better way to say something yucks me out without ending up implying that it shouldn’t exist/is unacceptable?

(I hope I’m not starting a discourse with this ask, it’s a genuine question)

Oh hi! No that's totally okay to ask.

This is honestly just my personal viewpoint and I'm just explaining from my perspective informed by my experiences how using it can be harmful. Might be kinda long and unpleasant so under the cut.

This was prompted because I saw some fighting elsewhere online (not something I have ANY desire to get involved in) about things like zoophilia and bestiality. The people who were on the offensive were calling it "gross." I have also seen this used elsewhere in the same way--things like minor/adult ships, abusive relationships, or things that are unpleasant or coercive are called "gross." (for example, Johnny Depp supporters are "gross" because they're defending an abuser.)

This is the problem I have with this. You see people shipping an adult and a minor. You feel disgusted by it. You type "That's gross," feel superior, and move on. You have completely missed the point.

Things like shipping minors with adults is bad because it's harmful, not because it's disgusting. Normalizing things like predatory or non-consensual relationships, abuse, and creating an atmosphere online that allows for grooming is bad even if you aren't personally disgusted by it. Because the thing that's bad about it is it lets real people get hurt, not because you look at it and feel grossed out by it. It feels....very keyboard-warrior-y to act like personal righteous anger is a bigger talking point than creating safe and constructive spaces online.

People think lots of non-harmful things are gross, and a lot of things that ARE harmful fly under the radar because they're more socially palatable and therefore "not gross." An unattractive man hitting on a woman is "gross," an attractive man doing the same thing isn't "gross." The attractive man can get away with a LOT of bad behavior less conventionally attractive men can't, because he isn't "gross" and therefore we let a LOT of shit slide that we shouldn't.

Foot fetish is "gross." I think feet are gross. I don't understand how people think feet are sexually attractive. I don't want to see it. But I understand that my feelings of disgust are subjective and that, objectively, there is nothing harmful about foot fetish.

Bugs are gross. Slime is gross. Sweating in the heat is gross.

To me, using "gross" as in "morally unacceptable" and "gross" as in "evoking a primal, visceral disgust reaction" side by side, not being careful to parse the two distinctions can be incredibly harmful. There are a LOT of things that evoke a visceral disgust reaction because they're taboo, but SHOULDN'T, because they're not harmful.

I was disgusted by my body growing up. I was disgusted by myself when I started feeling sexual desire. I thought it was gross to want to touch people, to want to do completely innocent sexual things with them. This isn't because it's wrong, or there's anything wrong with me. It's because I grew up in an insanely sex- and body-negative culture, that taught me to feel that way. It takes YEARS to unlearn that gut visceral disgust reaction.

So to see the word "gross" being treated online as a condemnation raises my hackles. It's basically saying "your gut disgust is a right and good moral compass." It's basically saying "You know how foot fetish is gross? That means it's also bad." "You know how you feel like your body is gross and disgusting and wrong? That's correct."

Bugs are bad, being sweaty is morally wrong. This is an extreme example, but hopefully you see what I'm trying to say.

We are capable of more nuanced and sensitive discourse than that, I know we are. It's like the way insulting someone's appearance when they misbehave only serves to further stigmatize innocent people who happen to look like them.

There's been a (imo) disturbing trend rising online to conflate things I don't like with things that are objectively harmful. People dig through pages of tweets from years ago to find something problematic because a celebrity was annoying. People can't just dislike TV shows because they're not well made or annoying or unappealing, they have to find some reason why it's objectively bad or ____-phobic. The visceral gut reaction of "I don't like this" comes first, and then the people scramble to find some post-hoc justification for why the feeling is objectively true, rather than just a human gut reaction that's completely separate from true ethics.

We have a gut disgust reaction to "gross" things for a reason. There's a huge overlap between things we think are "gross" and things that are objectively dangerous or harmful. But oh boy is the overlap between those two things not a complete circle, and bad things can happen when you pretend they are.

This is the way I see it, with some examples

So basically, if you declare that the criteria by which you're judging those things in the middle is the blue circle and not the orange one, you're basically implying all those things in the blue circle are also bad, whereas the things in the orange circle but not in the overlap are fine.

You're correct about the connotation of gross typically being a subjective judgement call about personal feelings. That's why I think it's a bad trend to move in the direction of using it to describe things that are objectively harmful, as though the personal feelings are more important than the actual harm being done. I don't think it's harmful to continue using "gross" in the sense of, like, slime and bugs and snakes or whatever, although I could see an argument about that as well.

To me "problematic" implies that there's a problem. Problems can be fixed. "Gross" is just a state of being. Like I said in my previous post, the phrase "purity culture" has been..........too broadly used in recent years, but it strikes me as a very purity culture thing to do. Instead of "that thing you're doing is bad," it's "you're bad, and you should feel bad about it." It's sorting entire people or groups of people into "pure" or "gross." It's like how the word "freak" has come back around to being used an actual insult. All the "freak" behaviors are also "gross" in that they're deviations from socially acceptable norms, but they can be objectively harmful or not.

Ideally what I'd like to see is a more matter-of-fact statement about why the thing in question is actually bad. Instead of "bestiality is gross," try "bestiality is animal abuse." Instead of "tricking people into providing fetish content is gross," try "fetish mining violates people's boundaries and involves them in sexual acts without consent." Instead of "adult/minor ships are gross," try "adult/minor ships contribute to an atmosphere that can be used to groom young people." I think this is also much better because it communicates to passersby who aren't savvy succinctly what the issue actually is, rather than just that you're mad and angry and a better person because you're calling out something "gross."

This is also significantly harder to do because it requires critical thinking, so I'm not optimistic that it'll actually catch on. But hey, I can dream.