#something something being someone's first choice something something got no value unless I'm objectified etc
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i need a boyfriend but like i don't wanna start talking to strangers and such nor do i want a proper relationship i think i just want to know there's someone who wants me at all times
#something something being someone's first choice something something got no value unless I'm objectified etc#also I'm at the point of being jealous over how literally all my close friends are in relationships#plus still recovering from that not-quite-breakup nearly a month later ugh#so really it's a lot of things that put me in what i know is an unhealthy mindset that i thought i managed to put to rest already#that I'm just ramping up more and more because. idk. idk what else to do.#last time i had no choice but to get rid of it bc health issues got in the way.#and then even if i touched on it i never get too far bc i was still recovering from those too i think#ough idk. my brain is bad. trauma controls my life. whatever. can someone please fuck me :/#lol sorry this turned into a#vent
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