#something something about how they always choose each other

[beloveds-embrace]

DUKEDOM!141 AND MY LIFE IS YOURS 🙏🙏🙏🙏 (/nf please and thank you :])

Original post

Enjoy!! :D

Something all of them like to do is doll you up, and it becomes almost a private little routine between you and them.

John, as your husband (can you tell I love referring to him like this?), steadily takes control of deciding what you wear for the day even long before your request. It’s something that just… happens. He comes into your bedroom early in the mornings, and your maids scatter away to leave you both be with little giggles, excited at the prospect of you two finally getting ‘close’.

John doesn’t care for them. He greets you with a soft good morning (a few weeks later, he’d greet you the same but would gently caress your face with the back of his hand, the touch so gentle despite his roughened skin. It makes you into a blushing mess, though you tell yourself it’s just so that the peeking maids won’t suspect anything) and then goes straight to your closet, sweeping through the rows and rows of delicate, soft dresses with a discerning eye to select what attire you’ll wear for the day.

Of course, he does ask you what you feel like wearing, how you feel today in general, where you plan on going or meeting- everything to ensure the dress he’ll choose for you would be perfect. John doesn’t wait to see you in the dress, though.

He knows he’ll be seeing you all adorned and dressed up later, when you come down to dine with him. He can compliment you and pat himself on the back, then.

If he makes sure to match his cufflinks with the colors you are wearing, it will simply make whoever notice it think you two are such a lovely couple. And he still hopes that your maids will accidentally not tighten or cover up your hemline just so he can fix it himself for you.

John aside, Kyle takes care of your hair and jewelry. He makes you sit on the vanity, still alone and with none of your maids around, and then he begins the tender ritual of brushing your hair (if it’s not too curly for daily brushings). His hands, warm and careful and gentle, would then take care of oiling each strand. No oils or butters have been spared in the efforts of tending to you, and Kyle himself often turns the routine into a simple, but so effective, head massage session for you.

(Later, Kyle wonders what he needs to say and do to take over the job of the maids who help you bathe. You are always complimenting how good his hands feel on your hair, and he can show you how much better he is at using them for your body.)

Johnny eventually begins doing your makeup, on certain occasions. Once the truth comes out, the two of you are closer, and on one night, he tells you about his big family, his sisters and how they’d make him and his brothers help them get ready for events and parties.

It’s a simple question born out of your curiosity- what’s the makeup like where you were born, Johnny?- that has him in your bedroom often now, the other chefs taking care of the kitchen while his hands, clean and gentle, dab creams and whatnot on your face so delicately- like you are one of the cupacakes he decorates for your tea time.

He wants to kiss you so badly. You look so pretty like this, eyes closed and expression peaceful, patient and so trustful of his ministrations. He really, really wants to kiss you and see if the lipstick he’d applied on your pretty lips tastes as sweet as it smells.

Simon, though, is the one who slowly begins adding more and more to your dresses. John already supplies you with so much, but Simon is the one largely in charge of the silk and fabric importation and he knows well what styles will be popular next season, what styles will looks better on you and which colors suit you best. It’s not just dresses, but also matching fabrics and ribbons to go in your hair for when Kyle or your maids style, and for your pretty neck during more casual tea parties.

Not occasionally seeing you in the dresses he sends doesn’t bother him; you will be spoiling the others with the sight, and he can listen to them thank him in several ways afterwards and rest with the thought of you all dolled up, happy and thriving with them.

[ennn]

Re: “Rio's goal is to kill Agatha so she can be with her forever”

My brother in Christ, if Rio's ultimate goal this series was to kill Agatha we wouldn't have gotten past the first episode.

Okay okay, I get how it can be confusing because Rio literally says she wants to see Agatha dead in episode one and tells Agatha she'll let the Salem Seven (who do want Agatha dead) know where she is.

But it is noteworthy that Rio tells Agatha what she is going to do and when the Salem Seven are expected to arrive. Rio is usually surprisingly fair in how she deals with Agatha.

Rio has always met Agatha at her power level

In episode one, even assuming Agatha was protected by Wanda's spell and Rio couldn't harm her there, once it was broken Rio went "full analog" – to quote Hahn – with her knife, the only magic she used being the wind blasts.

Guys, that's not a serious murder attempt, that's foreplay to them. Violent, bloody, sexy foreplay.

Also Rio has healing powers. That's a thing they have very clearly shown.

To be clear, my read is that Rio can't actually kill anyone before their time ("You can't kill me, it's not allowed") just hurt them really really badly until they maybe choose to die ("I can make you wish you were dead"). Which you could argue equals killing I suppose, just slower.

But this is Agatha Harkness: all she really needs to survive is a bit of time to scheme and manipulate and do her usual girlbossing, gatekeeping, and gaslighting – and I think Rio also knows this. Agatha keeps surprising her, for better and worse.

Yes, Rio gets BIG MAD in episode 8 because Agatha says possibly The Worst Thing to her but the first part of their confrontation is technically physical torture, not murder attempts.

I know it sounds like I'm splitting hairs here but my point is that having Agatha dead isn't Rio's ultimate #1 goal. It's not so clean and easy.

There's something to be said about how the wounds Rio inflicts speak to how Rio sees herself hurt by Agatha emotionally in the relationship i.e. death by a thousand cuts, the severing of her Achilles tendon.

There’s probably something also be said about the relationship a being like Rio has with physical pain. Trees feel pain. Everything living does. Rio mocks Agatha for dulling herself to it using dark magic.

But I digress.

Anyway, note: it's only after Agatha gets magic back that Rio starts throwing magic blasts – and even then she seems to be holding back.

These two are possibly the worst two witches to fight each other directly like this because Agatha can't absorb Rio's magic or she'll die. She has to actively block or avoid all hits. And I bet this isn't something Agatha is used to dealing with considering she had no issues taking Wanda's magic.

And Rio is aware of this because she’s just lobbing quick little green blasts Agatha's way. It's not a torrent of magic like what Agatha is gleefully unleashing.

It's also the Watsonian (in-universe) explanation as to why this fight is so short. Because you literally can't straight up fight Death. Rio is a hard counter to Agatha's special siphoning ability just like how Agatha was a hard counter to Wanda's magic (insert your scissors-paper-stone visual of choice).

Rio doesn't want Agatha dead, she wants Agatha to want her

It's clear that Rio is grieving when Agatha dies. This isn't the outcome she wants. They're also both crying during the kiss it's great.

Rio wants what Agatha specifically tries to deny in the deal Agatha proposes: she wants to keep pursuing Agatha, to keep seeing her, provoking her, to be shocked and surprised by her. To keep loving her but also, to keep hurting her.

Because Agatha also hurts her right back. And Agatha knows she has Rio constantly on the emotional backfoot, that Rio – despite centuries of hatred thrown her way – still humours her more often than not and what levers to push.

I don't think this can happen with Agatha dead and gone.

To be fair, we don't know what the rules are in this world's afterlife. The only insight we get into Rio's job is her scene with Alice and that still leaves a lot of things unanswered: Does Rio just escort souls to a destination or does she have more control beyond that, like a domain? Can souls refuse to go with Rio? How do ghosts happen?

I had previously assumed Rio needed to allow it but Schaeffer says that her vision in that moment has Agatha's using an evolved form of the power to take Rio's magic by touch.

And with that, it's telling that it's Agatha who ultimately ensures that she dies (with the "calculated risk" of becoming a ghost), siphoning Rio's death magic energy.

Agatha embraces death, embraces Rio, but she also doesn't – Rio's clever witch got away again.

[beansprean]

dw on this the day of hellerween it will always work out

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(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: POV of a selfie; shoulders up on Claire in the foreground, half in frame and making a mildly tired expression. A screenshot of a tweet by poxeii hovers above her and reads "why are the guys at the table next to me in this restaurant talking about how they 'would choose each other in every universe but it might not always work out.'" Behind her are Dean and Castiel sitting across from each other at a small table, holding both of the other's hands in theirs. Dean is leaning forward and saying something with a devastated and pained expression while Castiel gazes back with an equal amount of pain and regret. /end ID

[ninuwrites]

Hi there! Are you still up to writing for Van Helsing? Because I’d love a fluff and smut story with him if you are! Like, one night you’re cuddling as you’re settling in, but the moment just feels right so one thing leads to another (No pressure, thanks in advance!)

just to be sure| GV

summary: you and gabriel have a peaceful evening (or not)

warnings: smut, p in v, oral (f!receiving), breeding kink(as always), dirty talk here and there

a/n: YIPIII!!! finally i finished this! i wanted to post this on halloween but ofc i didn’t make it😭 anyways i hope you’ll like this as much as i love vanhelsing (which is like a lot). ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! so sorry for any mistakes! i love you so much and enjoy!💋

——————————————————-—————————

you and gabriel decided to finally settle down, in a cozy cottage, in the mountains. after years of catching monsters together and your serious injury, both of you let your hunter past and chose to take your vows and build a family rather than losing each other.

you were preparing snacks for your movie night while gabriel was taking a shower. after setting down a couple of bowls and plates on the coffee table, you sat down and waited for gabriel to finish his routine.

meanwhile you looked up a few scary movies for gabriel to choose from.

he entered the living room with his hair still wet and in his black tank top. he was holding a blanket and a pillow in each hand.

as he was sitting down you immediately cuddled to his side, grabbing and intertwined your hands.

he put a pillow down on the couch and covered both of you with a blanket.

finally he looked at you,

“hey my beautiful wife.” he murmured, squeezed your hand and gave you a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“hi.” you smiled, kissing his lips softly.

“what are we watching.” he asked, his hand caressing your cheeks.

“that’s up you tonight my handsome husband.” you giggled and showed him the movies he could choose from.

after finally setting up the movie, you laid your head on gabriels chest and played with his hands. after all in past few weeks you didn’t have time for each other so you were really looking forward to enjoying your time together.

but gabriel had other plans.

he tried to hold it together, but you looked so beautiful and you smelled so nice he just had to do something about it.

at first he was at war with himself, he knew you were excited for your movie night so he didn’t want to ruin it. but halfway through the movie all he could think about was you.

he started with drawing small circles and playing with the meet of your tight. after a while his fingers just got higher and higher until he heard your breath hitched. you put your hand on top of his and looked up at him.

he was looking into your eyes, waiting for you to give any sign that he could continue with his movements. all you did was, you grabbed his hand and put it in the center or your clothed heat.

“forgive me father for i am about to sin” he mumbled.

he put your body on top of his, you straddling him, your hands in his hair, your lips never leaving his.

you slowly slowly started to grind down on him, you could feel how hard he was under his shorts.

he kissed down your neck, leaving small bites and marks, his hands gripping your hips tighter and tighter every second. suddenly he thrusted you down on his clothed cock.

you moaned out, which encouraged gabriel to go faster, one of his hands traveling down your body to put off your soaked panties.

“what do you want baby hmm?” he asked, his teasing grin reappearing.

you hid in your face in the crook of his neck, “you.. please.” you mumbled.

gabriel rolled his eyes, grabbing you by the hair so that you would face him, “be a good girl and look at me when i’m talking to you” he said.

“please… i want you.” you repeated yourself, blush creeping up your cheeks.

“be more specific honey,” he continued his teasing, squeezing your cheeks.

“want to feel you inside me please.” you begged a little.

“that’s my good girl.” he smiled, satisfied. his hand travelled down to your cunt, teasing a bit.

“stop it, please, please i need you.” you plead.

and who was he to deny such a well behaved girl.

he slowly inserted one finger inside of you, speeding now and then, adding second finger not long after.

his fingers made you see stars, his second hand rubbing your clit oh so good. you felt your orgasm approaching when your lower belly tightened.

gabriel felt it too, so… he stopped his movements.

you whined out, looking down at him, your legs trembling. “what- what’re you doing? why-“ you didn’t have time to comprehend what was happening. suddenly you were laid on your back, gabriels head between your legs.

“you can take it baby, i know you can.” he mumbled more to himself than you.

without a warning he started ravishing your dripping cunt, the feeling in your tummy returning more intense than before.

your legs were shaking, gabriel ate you out like you were his last meal.

out of a sudden, orgasm washes over you, gabriel licking up every drop of your slick heat.

he slowly kissed his way up your body, sweet phrases leaving his mouth such as:

“did so good, my beautiful girl”

“could taste you forever, my perfect girl”

he left some bite marks here and there, his possessiveness showing up. his hands were not left behind, one of them grabbed your tit, the other was left on your hip helping to grind his hips into yours.

he was nipping at your jaw, your arms were around his neck trying to get a kiss on the lips. he was such a tease sometimes!

in return, one of your hands travelled down his body, playing with the band of his shorts, your hand slowly caressing his lower belly.

he breathed out, his hand gripping your ass harder, surely leaving marks or a bruise. you took his leaking shaft into your hand, squeezing him and jerking him a little, small whimpers leaving him which got you even wetter than before.

he desperately put off his shorts, his hard, thick and leaking cock sprung out, his red tip asking for all the attention.

you centred him to your entrance, gabriel slightly teasing your wet hole, sliding in not long after.

you could never get used to the feeling of him. he is so big, so thick, his shaft is veiny and always giving you the greatest pleasure.

he slid inside of you, your noses brushing against each other, his eyes locking into yours while he gave you some to adjust to him.

after a few moments he started to grind his hips against yours. “so- so big, always get me so f- full.” you half moaned out, knowing that gabriel likes any kind of praise from you.

“squeezing me so tight baby, feels like the first time every time with you.” gabriel whispered, finally thrusting in and out of you.

you couldn’t hold moans and whimpers even if you wanted to. he always made you feel like you were on cloud nine.

“go har- harder, please.” you pleaded, which was the soft spot for gabriel.

his thrust became wilder, animalistic even, his possessive side coming up. he wanted to claim you, all of you. he wanted everyone to know that your his girl, his little beautiful wife who he intends to keep forever and beyond.

he couldn’t get the thought of you stuffed with him and pregnant with his child. that’s what god wants too.

right?

your begs and moans just turned him on more and more, his thrusts getting more and more powerful and faster each second.

suddenly the warm feeling in your lower tummy reappeared, the feeling of your high increasing. gabriel acknowledging it too because of how hard your tight walls squeezed him.

“you want to cum my dear?”

want to soak me?”

“cmon let go baby.”

he always knew what to say to you, you were like an open book to him.

“cum for me.” he commanded which was hard not to follow.

your orgasm peaked while gabriel did not slow down, overstimulating your already used cunt. your nails dug into his back, scratching him which caused gabriel to let out a loud groan.

“keep doing that and i won’t pull out sweetheart.” he mumbled into your ear.

“than don’t.” you moaned out back, your head hazy from the overstimulation that still didn’t stop.

and that was all reassurance that gabriel needed.

his pace sped up, faster than before his eyes went completely black. his only concern was to breed you nice and full of his juices.

it didn’t take long for him to get over the edge. in no time he was finishing inside of you, his hips stuttering as his thick white cum painted your soft walls.

out of breath, he fell on to of you, his head resting on your chest. your hand went up to his beautiful, long, brown hair and you started to scratched his scalp.

after few minutes, when you both finally steadied your breaths, he brought his head up, his eyes scanning your face.

he gave you a slow passionate kiss, and said , “i love you my darling, i already tied a knot with you and now i want you to be the mother of my children.”

his hand went up to caress your cheek which you gladly accepted and nuzzled your head into his hand.

“gabriel, i wouldn’t want to have kids with anyone other than you. i love you my handsome husband.” you smiled.

this sentence alone got you many many kisses and many more attempts to get you pregnant.

you know, just to be sure.

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 6)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Jungkook woke up around 9:30 am. The first thing he did was check his phone in case he had any notifications from Y/n, but had none. He was seriously getting worried about this lack of response. Had something happened with the person Y/n left with? If that was the case he would never be able to forgive himself. He knew he should have gone after her, he's so stupid. 

He got up, took a quick shower, got dressed, grabbed his keys and left, he couldn’t keep up with this uneasy feeling. Putting his helmet on, he drove to the coffee shop Y/n worked. He knew her shifts very well, and that was the only place he could find her. When he got there, he parked his bike, took a deep breath and got in looking everywhere for her but still no Y/n in sight. 

“Hey there moto boy. What can I get you?” Sana asked. Jungkook looked kinda confused. “I was actually looking for Y/n. Is she on her break?” Sana frowned and looked at him suspiciously. 

“You’re kidding right?” Sana exclamed. “You are always together and talk to each otherall the time when you aren’t. You can’t tell me you didn’t know she took some days off” 

The world fell at Jungkook's feet upon hearing that. Y/n took a few days off and didn't even answered to his texts or deign to call? what the fuck was going on. Jungkook nodded his head, said thank you and left, picking his phone up instantly to call Y/n. “The person you called is not available. Please try again later” 

Fuck. Me

------------ 

Y/n fell in love with that place as soon as she saw it. Everywhere she looked she she felt immense peace and everything seemed so quiet and cozy, everything to make the weight on her shoulders disappear. Upon entering the chalet, they were immediately greeted by a gentleman at the entrance who directed them to the reception.

After checking in and receive the keys, they picked up their luggage and followed the gentlemanto the elevator, who was showing them the way to their "apartment”. Y/n couldn’t believe what her eyes were seeing. Walking in, she’s faced with a very nice living room, with wooden walls and gray furniture. It had shelves with books, among other really cute stuff decorating the place. All very neutral and very light, exactly what she needed. On the coffee table was champagne and a plate with strawberries and chocolate with a small note saying "we hope you enjoy your stay as much as we enjoy your presence. Thanks for choosing us. Have fun" 

From the living room they went to the bedroom to organize their things. When they walked in Y/n was even more astonished. From their bed they had a view of the outside. She always loved snow and being there was filling her heart with so much happiness she wished she could live there forever.

“Where did you find this place and how can you afford it for both of us?!” Y/n exclaimed. Lisa looked at her with a funny look “My dad owns it. A benefit of traveling so much and not seeing his family for so long, not everything can be bad. I used to come here for Christmast and New year. It's crazy during those days and you know me, I love crazy and those were my favourite moments here”

Y/n laughed. Only Lisa could say something like that. 

“So… You know how to ski right?” Lisa asked out of nowhere. “Oh hell no Lisa, no way, not right now, we just got here we should—” Y/n argued back but was soon interrupted by Lisa 

“There's a snow suit in the closet on the right. We have a lot to discover we won't wait until tomorrow. You rest during the night. Come on princess, time is money” Y/n huffed while getting her suit to start putting it on.  How could Lisa have so much energy was something she couldn't understand.

They both got dressed and head out of the chalet. Y/n was amazed by the view, everything was perfect. But it’s not an adventure if something doesn't go right for Y/n. Out of nowhere she lost sight of Lisa, making her panick. She had no idea where she was.

Y/n looked around trying to see her friend but couldn’t identify anyone who would look like her. She started walking around worried about straying too far from where Lisa last saw her. Y/n was so distracted that she didn't even notice anyone coming close to her, ending up colliding with that person, causing her to lose balance and fall. The other person quickly knelt down, stretching out his hand to help her until she heard “Y/n?” 

She looked up, took the stranger's hand and straightened her hair a little, trying to understand where she recognized that voice from, until the stranger took the protective mask off his eyes and saw him.

“Taehyung?”  

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @11thenightwemet11 @jk97bam @11thenightwemet11 @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv

[bringbackmaes14]

I don't think it's ever reasonable to stop interacting with minors. Sociologically, it's really important for people in different age groups (or generations) to interact with each other. That means people who are 17 and 36 or 45 and 84 or 3 and 52, whatever the age difference. It helps us build language and uphold a sense of community, and it's also important to interact with people of all ages to learn new and different things about the world. A Baby Boomer might be able to tell a Gen Z person about things they remember from the Civil Rights Movement in the United States that aren't commonly taught in the school system, and vice versa, maybe the Gen Z person learned something about the Civil Rights Movement in their high school history class from a document that was found discovered in the 80s that the Baby Boomer had never heard of. And you can learn all kinds of things at any age from any person! For instance, statistically, how many adults do you think are learn facts about dinosaurs or bugs from people their own age? Probably most of the dinosaur or bug facts that they hear/learn are from children who in turn learned it from adults on TV or online. It's all a cycle of learning!!!

That's not to say that kids/minors and adults don't need their own separate spaces to exist with their peers, but I think if you turn 18 and you say "okay I'm never going to willingly interact with minors again unless I become a parent or choose a job that requires me to interact with them" then you're losing out on a lot of learning and a lot of community. And you don't even have to like kids/teens! I personally don't particularly like children, but I don't necessarily go out of my way to avoid interacting with them if the opportunity arises either (there are a lot of little kids in my neighborhood who like to ring my doorbell and ask if they can pet my cats and sometimes I have to tell them I'm busy but there have been occasions where I'll let one or two hang out for a minute to pet the cats with their parents' permission, and while hanging out I've found that each of the kids is very endearing in their own way)!

As far as online spaces go, I think the "minors dni" label is silly. For the above stated reasons but also because it doesn't truly work. I believe that (if we're just talking about Tumblr) blogs that are going to post a lot of NSFW things should advertise their blog as such, but it should be kind of the same as the warning on AO3, y'know the one that's like "hey you've clicked on a work that includes mature topics and we just wanna make sure you know that before you proceed, just go ahead and hit yes or no". I'm not saying we should just give minors free access to all things NSFW but like, what teen in the age of computers didn't look up videos or pictures that they weren't supposed to? We've all heard the "yes of course I'm over 18 years of age but just to be safe I'm going to set my birth year as 1934" bullshit. I definitely did stuff like that as a kid when I wanted to access an age restricted website.

Overall, it's probably not gonna stop minors if you have a "minor dni" tag on your blog. And it's up to us non-minor folks to teach those minors Internet safety and decorum. Teach them to check their sources. Teach them how to keep their information private. Teach them reading comprehension. Teach them to look out for warning signs like "NSFW" or "18+" and how to filter tags or posts that might trigger them. Teach them that if a post is properly tagged with all the appropriate trigger warnings and they looked at it and it triggered them, that's not the creator's fault; it is everyone's own job to curate their social media experience and social media works the same way as fanfiction: if you don't like it you don't have to interact with it. It's literally as simple as backing out of the page. Most of all, teach them that they do not have to be afraid of adults or minors on the Internet. Yes, of course there are always going to be scary people on the Internet and a lot of them are adults, but what I mean by the previous statement, especially in a fandom heavy space like Tumblr, is interact with people outside your age range! Get different perspectives on your blorbos! Learn that the Internet, fandom, and the world, are not just for young people, because no matter what age we are, we're all people. Senior citizens are people. Preteens are people. Newborns are people. And ultimately, I highly doubt you will ever run into a single person, online or face to face, that you will learn nothing from. You could learn something from them as huge as astrophysics. You could learn something as small (but just as important) as the name someone chose for their pet fish and what it means to them.

Always keep learning, as long as you are able.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[shizuturnspages]

How wouls breaking up with yan!Diluc look like?

it would definitely not go the way you intended it to go.

Here's how I think it would look like:

It’s a late evening at Dawn Winery, and the air feels thick, almost stifling, as you prepare yourself to confront Diluc. You’ve run through the words in your head a hundred times, but each version sounds hollow, weak. Still, you’re determined. The relationship has become… possessive, suffocating even, and there’s a darkness in Diluc’s devotion that has only grown sharper with time.

As you enter his study, he’s sitting behind his desk, penning something in a large, leather-bound journal. His eyes lift to meet yours, and there’s a glint of surprise in them—a faint smile even, like he’s relieved to see you. It makes your heart twist with guilt.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you this late.” He sets the pen down, gesturing for you to come closer. “What’s on your mind?”

You take a breath, steadying yourself. “Diluc, we need to talk.”

The smile fades, replaced with that stern, unreadable expression he so often wears, especially in times of business or conflict. “Talk about what?” There’s a slight edge to his voice, and his eyes narrow, as though bracing himself for something unpleasant.

“About… us,” you say, choosing your words carefully. “This relationship has been… intense. And I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us anymore.”

The silence that follows is heavy, and you can see his jaw clenching as he processes your words. “What do you mean by ‘not healthy’?” he asks, his tone even but with a simmering tension beneath it.

You swallow, feeling the weight of his gaze. “Diluc, I need more space. I feel like you’re always… watching, like you can’t let me out of your sight. It’s… a lot.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, his eyes locked onto yours with an unwavering intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. “If I seem overprotective, it’s only because I care about your safety,” he says, his voice low and calm. But there’s a subtle tremor to it, a hint of something much darker. “Mondstadt can be a dangerous place.”

You take a step back, feeling the walls close in. “It’s more than that, Diluc. You’re… controlling. You try to cut me off from other people, and it’s like I can’t breathe. This isn’t love anymore.”

Diluc’s expression flickers, and a barely perceptible crack appears in his composure. His hands ball into fists on the desk, and he stands up, towering over you, his eyes burning with a fierce, almost desperate light.

“So that’s it, then?” he asks, his voice strained. “You’re just going to… leave?”

You hesitate, knowing that this was the reaction you dreaded most. “Diluc, please understand. I just need some time, some distance to think things through. This… this isn’t goodbye forever.”

He steps closer, closing the distance between you with a single stride. His gaze is intense, almost piercing, as he studies you, searching for any sign of doubt, any hint that you don’t mean what you’re saying. “You think you need space from me?” His voice is a dangerous whisper, laced with an anger he can barely contain. “From me? After everything I’ve done to keep you safe?”

“Diluc… this isn’t about safety,” you reply, your own voice trembling. “It’s about control. I can’t be with someone who feels the need to control every part of my life. I’m not… I’m not a possession.”

The word seems to hit him like a blow, and he takes a step back, his face twisted in an expression that’s equal parts anger and pain. “A possession?” he repeats, almost as if he’s tasting the word. “Is that what you think you are to me?”

For a moment, he looks vulnerable, as though the very idea wounds him. But then something shifts, and the vulnerability hardens into something much colder. “If I can’t keep you safe… if I can’t be the one to protect you, then who will?”

The desperation in his voice is raw, almost frantic, and it sends a shiver through you. He truly believes that only he can protect you, that only he can keep you from harm. And that conviction, that single-minded obsession, is exactly why you can’t stay.

“Someone else will,” you say softly, trying to make him understand. “And I can protect myself. I don’t need you to be my shield.”

The silence stretches out between you, heavy and charged. Then, without warning, he reaches out, his hand gripping your arm, his fingers tight and unyielding. “You think you can just walk away?” he asks, his voice dangerously low. “Do you really believe I’ll let you leave that easily?”

You try to pull away, but his grip is ironclad, his eyes blazing with an intensity that leaves no room for doubt. “I’ve given you everything,” he whispers, his voice barely audible. “I’ve sacrificed… everything for you. And you think you can just… walk away?”

“Diluc… let go. You’re hurting me.”

For a split second, his grip loosens, his face softening as if he realizes what he’s doing. But then, just as quickly, his hold tightens again, his jaw clenching. “I can’t lose you,” he says, his voice cracking with a desperation that borders on madness. “You’re all I have.”

“Diluc, please,” you say, your voice choked with fear. “This isn’t love. This is obsession. If you truly cared for me, you’d let me go.”

He stares at you, his eyes wide and wild, as though he’s struggling to comprehend the words. Slowly, his hand releases your arm, and he takes a shaky step back, his chest heaving with barely suppressed emotion.

“You’re right,” he says finally, his voice hollow. “This… this isn’t love. But it’s all I have left.”

He watches you, silent and unblinking, like a predator assessing its prey. His jaw tightens, and for a fleeting moment, it’s as if the man you once knew, the one with warmth in his eyes and soft-spoken affection, is long gone. What’s left is an intense, frightening determination, a smoldering darkness that’s taken over his heart.

As you reach for the door, trying to leave before he changes his mind, his voice rings out, low and steely. “If I can’t have you… no one else can.”

Before you can even register the words, you hear his footsteps closing in fast. Your heartbeat thunders as you try to escape, but Diluc’s strong arm wraps around your waist, pinning you back against him. His other hand covers your mouth, silencing the scream that rises in your throat.

“Shh… don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” His voice is soft, almost soothing, but there’s an underlying note of steel that leaves no room for argument. “It’s better this way. I won’t let anyone take you from me. Not even you.”

You struggle, thrashing against him, but his grip is unbreakable. He’s stronger than you, his strength tempered by years of training and nights spent in the wild, and each movement is calculated, restrained. He holds you close, his hand sliding up to cradle the back of your head.

“Sleep now,” he murmurs, his voice hauntingly tender as he presses something to your face—a cloth, damp with a faint, acrid smell. “Just close your eyes… I’ll take care of you.”

The world begins to spin, your vision blurring as the sharp scent fills your lungs. Your limbs grow heavy, each breath weaker than the last. Dimly, you feel Diluc’s hand stroking your hair, a twisted semblance of comfort that only deepens the terror creeping over you. His voice becomes distant, his words blurring into a soft hum as darkness edges in, pulling you under.

Just before everything fades, you hear him one last time, whispering in your ear with a strange, almost loving finality. “You’re mine… and nothing will ever change that.”

And then, all at once, the world goes black.

[astronomodome]

Astronomodome's 2024 US Presidential Election Liveblog

First of all I want to say I have other stuff to work on today so I might not be super up to date with stuff but I'll try my best to give my thoughts as to what's going on.

So first, how do we tell who wins?

In the U.S., the popular vote doesn't decide who wins the presidency. Instead, we use the (much hated) electoral college. Here's a helpful visual.

Every state (and DC) is given at least three electors, usually more based on population (which is why states like California and Texas have so many). There are 538 in total. To win, a candidate needs more than half of these- half of 538 is 269, so a candidate needs at least 270. (Interestingly, it is possible for both candidates to receive exactly 269 electors, in which case the universe corrupts and we all die infinitely the House of Representative chooses who wins, with each state getting one vote.)

The national popular vote may not matter, but the popular votes of each of the states do. Whoever wins the popular vote in each state (except Nebraska and Maine bc they're weird but that's not too important) wins all the electors for that state. It's very all-or-nothing which is why a lot of people don't like it.

This is a map from election forecaster 538, one of many such organizations that use polling and algorithms and election magic or something to predict who is likely to win each state. They have a lot of good graphs and stuff to look at on their site if you want to learn more about the stats of everything. As the key notes, we can see which way each state is expected to vote, as well as a few states highlighted in bold as likely swing states.

Swing states are basically wherever the election is close and the number of electors is high enough to 'swing' the election. Basically, while all the other states are mostly decided based on precedent (though surprises are possible), these states could reasonably go either way. This is why both candidates hold so many rallies in Pennsylvania, for example- it's competitive, and they want to boost their chances of winning those electors by currying favor directly with those voters.

One thing this map doesn't show is what I lovingly refer to as the Bar. It looks like this. I bring it up because if you follow the election news you'll see it. A lot.

The arrows in the middle point to 269.5, the exact midpoint. Whoever reaches that midpoint by filling up the bar wins (the beige in the middle are the tossup states who could go either way).

For example, let's look at 270towin. (the forecast websites love their special numbers.) They have a fun interactive map where you can make the votes go wherever you want to see what would happen.

^ Here's their prediction based on consensus.

^ Here, I changed Florida so it votes blue. Not likely unless I can bribe enough officials to make it so my ballot is the only one that counts (fair and just). We can see that the Bar has shifted, and the blue side has almost reached the arrows. Let's see what happens if we add another blue state. Let's say... Georgia, for example.

Wow! If the states were to vote this way, the Democrats would win, even if all the other undecided states went red. Is it likely? No. But, well, how do we know that?

In short, we don't. But we can guess, and that's what polls are for. There are several different types, but the most important ones for right now are exit polls. They'll start coming out soon, I think. I'm not sure if they have to wait until all the polls close (so people don't see them and decide not to vote or something because of it) but I think they do, at least in some states. Exit polls are conducted right outside of voting locations as voters exit, which makes them more accurate than other polls. They're not free of bias, though, so as always take them with a grain of salt. They're the first indicator we'll have of how it went, but they're not the final numbers.

One ray of hope I want to point out is the currently infamous Selzer Iowa poll (not an exit poll but still relevant). Ann Selzer is a really trusted pollster, known for a long streak of accuracy. She published a poll a day ago that indicated that Harris was beating Trump (!) in Iowa (!!) by 3 points (!!!). Iowa is... not considered a Democratic state; it went for Trump last election by 14 points. So this is really surprising (understatement). And yes, it could mean absolutely nothing... but it certainly shocked a lot of people, including Trump, who tweeted angrily about it.

States count their votes in different ways. Some results will be out within the day, others might take weeks. But usually most states can be 'called' for a candidate before every vote is counted. This is because the leading candidate will have more votes than can be overcome by the other one, even if every vote counted was for them. The important thing is that, as polls close over the next couple hours, they'll be counting. I saw one report that said election officials in Idaho, for example, plan on counting every vote "before they go to bed that night," which I thought was kind of a cute way to put it. Most states will release vote counts in batches or by county, which means that other batches or counties might still be counting as others submit their counts. That last sentence had a lot of 'count' related words in it, huh.

One thing to note about vote counting is that absentee or mail-in ballots often take longer to be received and counted than in-person votes. This can cause a phenomenon called "blue shift"- basically, a lot of mail-in ballots are cast by college students (like me!) or people who live overseas, and those groups tend to vote more Democratic than in-person voters. That means that late in the counting process, totals will often shift more towards the Democratic candidate. Famously, this is how Biden ended up winning Georgia in 2020- initially it was forecasted to remain red, but it inched over slowly as mail-in ballots were received.

So, in short, that's how we figure out who will be president. I'll be keeping track of what happens tonight, but it's very possible we won't know who wins until tomorrow morning or even later. Let's hope for the best :)

[shakethediseeas]

haihaii can i request alien stage x crossdresser male reader please? 🫶🏻

ALIEN STAGE WITH A CROSSDRESSER, feminine M! READER

MEssy! half bullets half bs i did more of a feminine male reader instead of a corssdresser if you don't like it just tell me ill re do it ;;;;

Whispers are common when you arrive. It's the fact that you're so pretty that leaves everyone speechless. You've always had some sort of feminine charm that made you the top hit, and you live for it.

MIZI

She was a bit surprised when she heard your deep voice when she first introduced herself. Thinking you were a pretty girl, she runs to you with compliments about your hair and outfit, and you look at her with big eyes before saying:

"oh.. thank you..!"

It's a huge shock, but somehow, that made you more beautiful to her, and so she'd double down on the compliment. Even better!! As she says.

She instantly marks you as her bestfriend. She loves making crafts with you or letting you choose how to style her hair when she couldn't decide.

"Hair up or down? what do you think? Maybe we could match!"

As you get older, your options of clothes become unlimited, so you get to perform or take photos in your beautiful dresses or skirts, and Mizi has stars in her eyes whenever you show her your new look.

10/10 she loves your style very much.

No one really judged you for it either because you were so charming, but if anyone ever picked a fight with you, she'd defend you 100%!

She loves it when you paint each other's nails or match outfits. She brags about it to everyone with a huge smile on her face.

Is super comfortable with you. She's not super touchy, but hand-holding and tackles are common.

10/10

TILL

He's flustered while saying hello (he's nervous around pretty girls), and you reply with a sup. He yells and goes, "WHAT THE HELL!?" Angry at himself for blushing over a boy.

He treats you normally like he does with Ivan, but sometimes, when you laugh or show him your new dress, he gets extremely embarrassed about how nice you look.

He'll never admit that you look pretty, though, he'll say something dumb like put some pants on or smt (he's a stupid kid).

You cling to him a lot to get an angry reaction from him, you find it cute.

When you're older you always invite him to photoshoots just to tease him or brag about your new outfits and he pretends to be angry but secretly your charms have kind of grown on him so he just huffs and looks the other way while you poke him.

7/10 I think he's got internalized homophobia so he's like trying to deny any sort of attraction towards you.

You force him to paint your nails or make him tie your pretty little shoes and he gets all mad.

Sometimes, RARELY he'll let you add some makeup on his face.

If anyone ever said anything to you, which was common because you hung around with a problematic boy, he might beat the hell out of them, and you tease him about it.

"aww!! you love me don't you! my hero! mwah!"

"get away from me, freak!!"

LUKA

When Hyuna introduced you two, he stared at you entranced, drooling, as always, before nodding and looking away. You swore you heard him mumble 'pretty' but he denied it constantly.

You always ask him what to wear or how to style your hair, and he just looks at you "..." before falling to his side. So you pick the dress that was on the side he fell on.

You held him around like a teddy bear, laughing at a joke you said or you'd talk about curling your hair more.

Suddenly, one day, he got the nerve to provoke you, and so you punched him and walked away, never talking to him again.

That is, until you are older. His personality isn't what you remember, and now he talks about how pretty you've always been and suggests clothes you should wear.

He always finds a way to arrange hang outs with you and he'd put lipstick on you, do your hair and pick your clothes and it pissed you off.

5/10 its a 50/50, sometimes you enjoy hanging out with him and other times times it feels like he's treating you like a dress up doll.

if he doesn't care for you, he'd poke fun of you for dressing like female but if he does care he'll tell you you're the prettiest boy around.

he wont ever let you paint his face unless you catch him while he's sleeping.

sometimes its a 8/10 because you like getting an actual reaction out of it with doing something he doesn't like.

IVAN

He observes you from afar, trying to figure out how to talk to you. Fortunately, Mizi introduced you two, and he greeted you with a smile.

"ah.. hi!" with a head tilt and a smile you wave at him, playing with the hem of your skirt.

He doesn't seem fazed at all by your appearance, in fact, it makes you more appealing to him (similar to Mizi except he shows no shock)

He's kind of clingy. Whenever you and Mizi are having a girl talk, he shows up and tries to squeeze in, and you two just glare at him.

He LOVES when you ask him what you should wear, even if his choices are the worst you still pick them with a huge smile and nod whilst secretly you're withering on the inside.

He doesn't mind if you paint his face or nails; he then shows them off to Mizi in a smug way because you only paint his nails.

As you grow older, expect MANY features with him, many many. You're his favorite person to do photoshoots or interviews with because he gets to hang out with you, and you pick his outfit so you match.

8/10, -1 because he's with you all the time trying to understand clothes and its a headache.

Not afraid to hurt someone who will say something to you and hold a huge grudge.

over all, isn't really fazed with your style of clothes but he does tease you a tiny tiny bit unintentionally

is the easiest to convince if you want him to wear a dress or anything you own.

dont shit on me plsess im nuob

[sashaisready]

Since You've Been Gone: Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes x Reader

After a regrettable first meeting in the cemetery, you discover that you have something in common with a certain member of the Avengers. Unfortunately, you can't choose your neighbours, even in death.

(Setting is approx. post TFATWS)

Hi, I'm back! I have no idea where this came from, or where it's going! So apologies as updates may not be consistent while I figure it out. Warnings for death of parents, grief, mentions of cemetery/graves - please tread carefully if these are triggers for you.

🍂

It was a chilly Autumn day, but not unbearable. Your coat could more than handle the frigid breeze. You squinted at the headstone as you crouched on your knees, angling your head to make sure you hadn’t left any streaks or marks from the polish. Satisfied with your performance, you trimmed a few of the roses that were leaning against it before standing and taking a step back to admire your handiwork.

Immaculate as always, so neat you could almost be fooled into thinking you weren’t even outside. You could hear your parents’ voices in your head now, joking about being able to keep their graves far cleaner that you ever managed your bedroom to be, their frequent nags falling on deaf adolescent ears.

You smiled sadly as you looked at the intricately engraved text below their names on the shared stone:

Beloved parents taken too soon,

Waiting in heaven to be reunited with their only daughter

You’d never really like that phrasing; it was a little too whimsical for your tastes – especially all these years later. But a recently orphaned teenager wasn’t exactly an expert in choosing the best headstone wording. You’d been more than happy to let your aunt and the funeral home lead the way, too paralysed by grief to make even the smallest decisions in the hellscape that was death admin.

Still, you’d never want to upset your aunt by getting it changed, there’s a lot of strange emotion tied up in grief even when time has passed, and that mourning teen has become an adult. And it wasn’t like new headstones were cheap anyway…

As you packed up your cleaning kit your attention was drawn to the two graves next to your parents’ - George and Winnifred Barnes. They had both passed several decades earlier, long before your parents were buried next to them. They had died only a few months apart according to the text…maybe they’d couldn’t survive without each other.

It was easy to infer that they no longer had anyone left earthside. The graves had been long untouched, unkempt, and overgrown, the inscriptions getting harder to read – and you’d never seen any evidence of a visitor in all your time coming here. Except of course when the cemetery staff did one of their occasional mass clean-ups of the neglected graves.

About a year ago, you’d started tending to them alongside your parents. You weren’t sure why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. They were neighbours after all. And you’d want someone to do the same for your mum and dad if you weren’t around.

You’d cleaned their stones, wiped away the grime and given them a decent polish. You’d trimmed back the weeds and laid fresh flowers. The first time took a while, but after you’d got them to a reasonable standard it was all pretty easy to maintain.

You’d often wondered who they were. What they were like. The dates suggested they’d died of old age, a luxury your parents didn’t have. Were they kind? Funny? What hobbies did they have? They were around during the war, that must’ve been tough. You knew from the inscriptions that they had children who would’ve been over hundred by now. Maybe no grandchildren which is why nobody came by to see them anymore. It made you feel sad, how we could all be just a few generations away from being forgotten entirely. At least you could try to remember them.

You gave their graves a quick once over, took away the dead flowers and added some fresh roses in their place.

“Well, I’m done,” you said aloud, “see you soon, mum and dad. And you too, George and Winnifred. Sleep well”.

You sighed, walking back to your car and back to your life. You knew all too well that the dead may be still, but the world continues around them.

🍂

A week later you were back at the cemetery with your cleaning kit slung over your back, your arms full of fresh flowers.

“Afternoon, mum and dad,” you said as you placed your kit and flowers down and pulled out the foam pad that you used to kneel on, “and you, George and Winnifred”.

“Work has been kicking my ass this week,” you sighed as you got to work on your parents’ stone. “There’s only so much I can take of Brock’s moaning about the numbers…it’s getting harder not to smash my keyboard over his head – yeah I know, violence isn’t the answer, blah-blah-blah…”

You worked diligently, chatting away as you went through your maintenance tasks. It was nice, talking to them like this. You could say anything, really. No judgements, no admonishment, just silent acceptance of everything you told them. It was a bit like therapy for you. You often imagined your parents were sitting behind you as you spoke, just out of sight.

You liked to use old newspaper to buff up the marble. As you gathered your things together, you glanced at some of the headlines from the copy you’d brought with you. Lots of dreary grimness unfortunately. There was also a longread feature on the Avengers and where they were now, their photographs lined up across the top of the page. It was sad that a few of them were dead now, or at least no longer here. You felt a pang of sadness for their loved ones – you knew what that was like.

You didn’t know all the details of The Avengers and their associates, but like everyone else you knew the basics. It was a strange time, just a decade or so ago nobody had ever thought superheroes really existed…but then all of these ‘enhanced’ people started crawling out of the woodwork, revealing weapons and technology that previously had only existed in sci-fi movies. It was hard to believe, really.

You scanned the newspaper page, looking at the pictures for a few moments. You took your time studying their faces before sighing and placing it back down.

“All done…now let’s help out George and Winnie over here, looks like you guys need some new flowers…and all that heavy rain we’ve been having has really done a number on your stones…let me just-”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the gruff voice behind you demanded, causing you such a shock that you nearly joined your parents.

You spun your body away from the graves, horrified to see a man looming over you as you stared at him open-mouthed in surprise. You hadn’t heard him approach, not quite understanding how you hadn’t noticed him coming at all…

“I said what the hell do you think you’re doing?” he repeated to you, his blue eyes alight with anger.

He was big. Bigger than you. Even under his coat you could see his broad shoulders. A mop of dark hair framed his face, most likely quite an attractive face when it wasn’t pulled into a furious sneer like it was now. He wore black gloves as he pointed at you accusingly. The fact that you were kneeling on the ground while he stood towering at his full height had not gone unnoticed by you.

There was something strangely familiar about him, but you couldn’t place it. Did he shop at the same market as you? You couldn’t quite…

“I’m…I’m just-” you spluttered as you fumbled for the words, still caught in your surprise and the fact that this normally serene time had been interrupted by a stranger yelling at you…

“Get away from there!” he snarled.

You quickly realised he was talking about the Barnes’ graves. You bounced backwards, landing painfully on your ass in your desperation to do what he said. He had a chilling air of authority that you didn’t want to screw with. You weren’t trying to piss off an angry man while you were out here all alone…

“I was just tidying them up,” you managed weakly as you sat up and clutched at the flowers.

“Nobody asked you to,” he scoffed in response as he leaned over and ran a gloved finger over Winnifred’s inscription, “you shouldn’t be clambering all over graves of people you don’t know”.

You frowned as the initial shock of the encounter wore off, now annoyed now at his abrupt rudeness towards you when you only had good intentions.

“Oh, and you know them, do you?” you snapped back sharply as your felt your emotions surge and your eyes water, your cheeks hot with mortification, “well, nobody has been to visit those graves in years so-”

“Yeah, actually I do know them - I’m their son,” he spat furiously.

Your head bounced back in surprise and confusion. You curled your lip and frowned at his strange claim, he appeared to be his mid-to-late 30s at most – many years away from the very elderly man he’d need to be for that to be true.

What was his goal here, exactly?

Was this guy just looking to start an argument and decided you’d be his target? Spouting off nonsense about random graves just to mess with you?

And where did you know him from?

Despite your survival instincts, you couldn’t help but fight back. You didn’t appreciate being messed with at the best of times, let alone when you were only here to visit your deceased loved ones. Who came to a graveyard to fuck with people? And yell at them?!

“Huh? Son?” you scoffed with derision and jabbed a finger towards the inscriptions about their children, “well, that can’t be true as that would mean their kids would have to be over a hundred…and how many one-hundred-year-olds look like you…?”

“I’m 107 years old, actually,” he said venomously. He sounded utterly sincere despite the ludicrousness of his claim. His face was sullen, his eyes piercing.

You ignored the shudder that threatened to roll through you in response. It was a strangely familiar expression on his face.

Where had you seen that look?

“Oh, yeah! You’re 107…Sure!” you laughed sarcastically. “You just have the greatest plastic surgeon of all time, in fact there’s a bunch of centenarians wandering around looking thirt-”

You trailed off as a wave of recognition suddenly hit you and the penny dropped. Oh. Oh.

He wasn’t from the market…

It was him.

Your eyes panned down to the crumpled newspaper lying next to you. The same man’s face scrutinised you from the page, an exact mirror image of the brooding 3D version in front of you. A little older now, but still unmistakably the same man.

Oh!

Now you remembered that same picture on the news. Read about the terrible things he’d done before when he was under hypnosis. For the Nazis? The Soviets? Both? Flashes of recollection hit you at once, disjointed and scattered.

It wasn’t really him doing all of it, it was a mind control thing, they’d said. He was like the Captain…the first one from the 40s. Kept young…somehow. He had a robot arm. Then there was the big government pardon after he’d helped to save the world. The deep dive the New York Times had done on his assassin past. What had they said he was called? Iceman? Winter? Winter hitman?

The Winter Soldier.

Barton? Baines? No, Barnes.

Barnes.

As in…son of Winnifred and George?

Ah.

He must’ve seen your train of thought written all over your face as he nodded solemnly at you.

“Yeah. It’s me. And I only found their resting place a few weeks ago,” he said with disdain.

You got to your feet, taking a few cautious steps backwards. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You didn’t need to be a jerk - I’ve just been coming here for years, and I’d never seen…”

You trailed off, he didn’t care. His focus was on the graves, one gloved hand gripping the top of his father’s stone as he peered down at the grass below.

You turned to leave, giving him his privacy, “I’m sorry for your loss,” you mumbled quietly as you picked up your kit.

You started to head back to your car, then turned to face him again after a couple of steps. You warily moved back towards him and leaned over, placing a single flower between the feet of his parents’ graves. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t pick it up and throw it back in your face, either.

As you walked away, you thought you felt the weight of his gaze on your back.

🍂

Another week passed and you were back at the cemetery once more, working the usual routine and doing your best to forget what had happened the last time you were here. Upsetting a war veteran slash Avengers superhero by accusing him of not being his parents’ child was impressively incompetent, even by your standards. But in your defence, he did just start yelling at you out of nowhere. And you were only trying to help. And he was a literal defiance of nature, time, and aging…

But then again, people weren’t always their best selves in a cemetery. It wasn’t exactly Happy Hour over here. And you’d probably freak out too if you caught a stranger tinkering around with the resting place of your parents. The parents who died of old age while you were cryogenically frozen and a prisoner in your own body…

You’d done a little more reading up on him, James Buchanan Barnes. ‘Bucky’. The man behind the scary winter soldier mask. The older images of him in his combat gear were chilling, as were the alleged stats of his kills, but mainly you just felt immense empathy for a man out of time. A man who had lost his youth, a limb, his autonomy, and everybody he once knew from his old life.

You tried to put it out of your mind, catching your parents up on what they’d missed and pretty-ing things up a little around their plot. You didn’t touch the Barnes’ this time, just gave them a little wave and concentrated on your own flesh and blood.

You were a million miles away, lost in the quiet fog that often seemed to overtake you when you were working in the cemetery. It was peaceful, really. This was the one place you could switch your brain off and quiet the chatter of your head, just concentrate on the tasks you knew so well by now that your hands did them on muscle memory alone.

You were just adjusting the newest flowers when a voice interrupted you.

“Hey,” it said.

It startled you as you were still in your own world and hadn’t heard anyone else approach. You whirled around slightly panicked as a pair of eyes the colour of sapphires met yours.

It was him again.

“Oh, hello,” you replied quietly.

He stared over at you, wrapped up in his coat as he was last time. His stare was still intense despite appearing much calmer than when you first met him. He wore black pants and boots, his hands tucked away into his pockets, a dark backpack slung over his shoulder. His face was more relaxed than it was during your first encounter. His blue eyes were just as arresting, but the absence of anger made them sparkle rather than burn. He had a soft dusting of stubble across his taut jawline, his dark hair was pulled back behind his head as he absent-mindedly ran a hand over it. He was…

…hot?

Fuck.

He nodded at you in acknowledgement and moved to George and Winnifred’s plot, kneeling in front of their stones. He pulled a candle out from his backpack and lit it with a lighter, placing it between where his parents lay.

You turned away sharply, not wanting to look like you were intruding during what was clearly a private moment of mourning. You focused on your own parents’ graves, clipping back the flowers as quietly as possible.

The two of you continued doing your own thing, the awkwardness thick in the air. You remembered how furious he’d been with you last time. You considered saying something, trying to explain that you were only trying to maintain the graves, but you didn’t want to provide any more ammunition for potential anger. Instead, you continued your routine in silence, keeping your eyes down.

After you finished you packed up your stuff and cleared your throat, ‘uh, bye,” you said quietly to him as you hurried down the path and back towards your car. He didn’t respond, but looked up at you as you passed, studying you intently.

[perfectlyoongi]

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who asked to get to know you first before starting the relationship. before he even met you, Hoseok knew that the person he was looking for would start to be part of his life with a regularity that he would have to make sure you were the ideal person for him. as such, before you even talked about limits and rules, Hoseok invited you to a simple dinner in the hopes of getting to know something more about you. yes, he had your name and knew where you were working; but Hoseok wanted to know more, something that wasn’t as superficial as your age and where you went to school. he wanted to get to know you: Hoseok wanted to know what you liked to do and all the things that made you happy; Hoseok wanted to know what your dream was as a child and how you still wanted to achieve it; Hoseok wanted to know more about you – he wanted to know what your soul was made of. “thank you for agreeing to go out with me. i hope you understand that i am not the only one to benefit from our date. i also want you to get to know me before accepting me.”

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who arranged a private driver for you. even though Hoseok liked to take you to places and outings himself, there were times when he was too busy or you simply wanted to go somewhere when he wasn’t in town. as such, to alleviate some of your anxiety about being behind a steering wheel, or the nervousness of chasing buses or taxis, Hoseok hired a driver especially for you. at any time, wherever you were, whenever Hoseok couldn’t reach you, he encouraged you to call your driver, knowing perfectly well that, even though you were far from him, you would be safe in the hands of a person he trusted. “i promise to take you on one of those nighttime car trips you love so much. but now i’m about to go into a meeting and i don’t know when i’ll arrive. call him today. tomorrow you are mine.”

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who is addicted to kissing your skin. for entire mornings, the two of you enjoyed the first rays of sunlight wrapped in sheets of devotion. behind you, kissing every part of you, Hoseok made a point of lingering in this little ritual of yours. one of his hands always held your waist, caressing skin up skin down, while his tender lips sanctified your skin. little by little, as the seconds called out to you, you let your head gently tilt back, eyes closed, smile on your face. Hoseok always knew how to relax every nerve in your body. your shoulder, tired of carrying all the weight of the world – one, two, three kisses; your neck, tired of accumulating all the stress of living – ooooone, twoooooo, threeeeeee kisses; your jaw, tired of eating your emotions – one,two,three kisses; your lips, tired of forcing so many smiles – one, one, one, one, one, two., three…

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who likes to shop with you. of course, Hoseok always thought of gifts to offer you as a surprise, just to thank you for the simple fact that you were in his life. but what really cheered Hoseok up, what really put a wide smile on his lips and an intense sparkle in his eyes, was when he saw you walking distractedly through the stores, looking intently at everything but him. he couldn’t explain it, and he would never admit it to you, but seeing you in those big stores, walking through aisles of color and texture always thinking about what you might want, what would catch your attention, made Hoseok dream. during this time, when you didn’t mind going for the most expensive shoes, or paid attention to anyone who might be on your side, you seemed to be a part of Hoseok’s life. yes, you have a special relationship and you are present in each other’s lives almost constantly; but there, in control of yourself, just asking Hoseok for the card to pay made him believe that he was worthy of having a life with someone, with you. “tomorrow and friday are my days off. do you want to go buy some clothes so we can go to dinner on friday? you can choose the restaurant this time. see you tomorrow.”

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who wants to know everything you wanted when you were little so he could gift it to you. a tree house with a sink that actually works for you to wash the fruit you stole straight from the tree. a trip to that theme park just to ride the attraction you never had the chance to experience. the complete barbie movie collection with a doll-sized wardrobe from each film for you to play with in your big gi ant   e n o r m o u s  dollhouse. eat only ice cream for breakfast, tacos for lunch and pizza for dinner all weekend long. even a trip to a country that wasn’t within driving distance. “how many times do I have to tell you? everything, everything, e ve ry thing! don’t hide anything from me. even if it’s impossible.” when Hoseok asked you for everything, he really meant everything. all your dreams would now be lived and your inner child would heal, hug you, and tell you they are so happy you made it this far – you deserved everything.

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK who always asks if you’re okay. after a smile, before a tear, during a silence, Hoseok was always thinking about your well-being. already spending so much time with you, he wanted to believe that he already knew you well enough to pick up on all your little mannerisms that you did when you were less excited. but there were still moments when he pondered. was that smile real? your laugh sounded fake, but your joke slid so smoothly from your mouth. no, that look in your eyes, you weren’t okay. right? better to ask and be greeted with a smile than to ignore that side of you and force you to live when you just want to rest. Hoseok’s priority was you. Hoseok’s priority was your well-being. he just wanted to confirm that he was doing a good job. “you arrived earlier than we agreed. did i get the time wrong? what? your face. your eyes – you can’t look at me. what is it? are you okay?”

SUGAR-DADDY!HOSEOK that makes you the only person in his life. what else could Hoseok do? what else could Hoseok say? go, tell him. give him exact instructions on how he should treat and love you. tell him word by word, l e t t e r   by   l e t t e r, everything he has to give you. please just say it, tell him. there was no one else Hoseok wanted to please. there was no one else Hoseok wanted to keep in his life. just you. so, give him the exact ingredients so he can create the perfect recipe for loving you. “it’s no big deal. nothing is ever too much when it’s for you. for you, i’m sure i was capable of draining all the water from the oceans for you to build a sand empire just because you want to. i know i would go to the ends of the world if it made you happy, and i would add more to the world if that was what you wanted. please let me love you.”

[ikamigami]

Nxbxbbcbcbcbnxbxbxn

Today's episode heavy breathing was just everything

Moon shouldn't wait till Sun run away to go to him..

But I think that he just needed some time to think what to say..

Cause I knew it! He said to Solar that he said what was needed to be said.. which definitely implies that Moon was afraid that he'll say something insensitive or start yelling at Sun bxbxbxbbxbx

He didn't want that..

And yeeeessss Moon finally realized that no one expects him to fix everything QwQ

And that Sun doesn't need him.. and even if Moon might have said that because he hates himself..

I think that in this situation he meant that Sun isn't going to die without Moon because he's so dumb etc..

I think that Moon finally distanced himself from.. himself.. (edit: cause actually yeah after thinking about it more it really was more about how Moon hates himself and that Nexus was better and that Sun shouldn't choose him but Nexus that's why he said that Sun doesn't need him nxnxnnxnxnxn I was happy too quickly QwQ)

Hdndnndndnndndndn

Which allowed him to see Sun for who he is.. for how awesome brother Sun is.. and to why Sun loves Nexus and that's why he said that he would still be Sun's brother even if Sun loved Nexus more than him and even if Sun chose Nexus to live because he regretted killing Nexus bxbxbxbbxbxb QwQ

I'm so happy that despite Moon being afraid to be left by Sun he put Sun's feelings first.. he was considerate about Sun's feelings QwQ bxbxnxnnxnxnxn

Moon really is trying his best.. it makes me so emotional QwQ 💞

Also Lunar whyyyyy jxnxnxnxnnx

Yes Sun shouldn't be held captive but Lunar should still know where Sun is or if he's away for a long time he should call him or something..

Like Sun shouldn't go out or be left alone for too long.. not in this state..

I hope that Solar and Moon will have a talk and Moon will apologize for getting to upset at Solar especially cause Solar told him such a nice thing and he was right that Sun needed to talk to Moon QwQ

And now onto Sun..

Hooo boi..

Sun can't hate Nexus which is not surprising to me at all..

And ofc Sun said that maybe he doesn't need Moon but he wants him in his life.. which I always knew..

And I think that this is exactly what Dark Sun was unable to understand.. or maybe he understood this while talking with Moon?

But at the same time I'm still angry that he traumatised Sun so much with forcing him to choose to kill his brother and that I think that he knew that Ruin put that bomb in Nexus' chest which is why Sun's magic killed Nexus bxbxbbxbddn

But the most important part I wanted to point out from today's episode is that Sun didn't agreed nor accept Moon's words of support nxnxnnxnxnxnxnxn

Which means that Sun doesn't agree with Moon that he's a good brother QwQ

He also still doesn't want to shout out what weigh on him..

And he didn't thank Moon bxbxbbx

Cause I think that Nexus' words truly felt like proof to Sun.. proof that he's a terrible person actually..

This is so awfully relatable..

Cause at first I thought that maybe it'll be the time for Sun to open up but noooo

And it's so relatable QwQ

Sun wanted to have Moon as a brother.. he wanted to have Nexus as a brother.. he wanted to have a family..

Damn it QwQ

And I only say that Nexus is damn liar xnnxnxnnxnxn (cause I watched the podcast)

I think that he blames everything on Sun cause it's easier to hate a person he loved the most..

Like no one knows that Nexus had that vivid dream - except Monty bxbxbxbbxbx

No one knows that Nexus was afraid of Sun dying..

Nexus was so worried but his worries were constantly ignored..

This is what is the most sad thing to me.. that Nexus never talked to Sun about anything..

They both loved each other so much and yet..

And also ha ha I don't believe that Nexus wanted to kill Sun the most..

Such bs when he never even hurt Sun at all - physically I mean..

I'll die on the hill that Nexus actually cared deeply about Sun but he was just confused..

It's not Sun's fault.. again..

And also people completely forgot that Moon's computer constantly was comparing Nexus to Moon - saying that Nexus is dumb compared to Moon and it tried to and downloaded all the knowledge into Nexus' head..

But no "it was all Sun bla bla bla"

Nexus never wanted to talk to Sun about anything.. he only yelled so Sun stopped mentioning Moon..

Maybe if Nexus talked with Sun like a normal person.. then maybe he'd learn that Sun still loved Moon despite all the abuse.. and then if he allowed Sun to talk about the past and grieve and move on and also talk about his own insecurities etc then Sun would definitely apologized and he'd give Nexus space to be his own person..

But also he actually gave him that space.. he saw how much Solar was making Nexus happy so he didn't bother them.. but also Nexus is such a liar cause he obviously enjoyed playing games with Sun.. they had so much fun.. he wasn't threatening Sun like Moon used to do.. and also Sun never wanted Nexus to fix everything.. and definitely not on his own..

And I think that Nexus knows that..

But I think that the fear of Sun dying was too much so it broke Nexus..

And it was easier for him to hate Sun then even admit that..

Nexus knows that he wasn't the best to Sun like he claims himself to be.. but he can't admit his wrongs..

Just like Moon used to do..

Solar was right that Nexus isn't that much different from Moon but he doesn't want to admit it..

And yet Nexus claimed to be the Moon cause he called Moon a knockoff..

I think that Nexus loved Sun deeply but he also couldn't admit to being wrong..

His ego is what destroyed him actually..

That's why he acted like Creator.. cause I was thinking for quite some time that the more egotistic Nexus was the more he acted like Creator.. cause Creator made them.. so he became like Creator who is a pure ego..

And also Nexus saying that Sun would probably purposely hurt him.. yeah sure Jan keep lying to yourself..

Like they say whatever makes you sleep better, right Nexie ^^

Poor Sun loves Nexus so much yet he has to suffer now because Nexus pretended till the end that he never cared and hates Sun 🥺😭💔

[kingofthering]

how to make a gif : the very basic steps

Hello, I've been asked about advice on giffing lately and I am by no mean a Photoshop expert but I think I can still show the basic steps I go through every single time I make a very basic gif (essentially, everything I create throughout a race weekend).

I am using Photoshop 2024 and unfortunately for the non-French speaking people, the texts in the screenshots are in French. However, I have translated everything in text so you should be fine. I decided to still include the screenshots because no matter the language of your Photoshop, things should be in the same place.

Overall, giffing is very much a trial & error activity, in my experience. There are several ways to go about things and with practice and fiddling around with options, you will figure out what works best for you.

This will be our end product today :

I'm going to start this tutorial assuming you already have a video to use. When I do MotoGP gifs I end up with .mov videos from screen grabbing and when I download tiktoks and reels, I end up with .mp4 videos, which work just as well.

We're going to go File > Import > Video Frame to Layers. You pick your video and then use the sliders to pick the moment you want to gif. Don't worry, you don't have to be extra precise as you will be able to trim that later (obviously your life later will be easier if you get it right the first time but it's not a big deal, better to take more just in case if you're unsure).

That last line is asking you if you want to import one in every two (or more) frames. I tend to not do it but it's honestly a preference thing. I will say, it can help when you're trying to gif a long moment (less frames for the same length of video treated).

The next three steps (choosing the frames, setting the speed, cropping) can be done in any order. I myself sometimes change things around depending on what I'm doing. The way I'm going to present is the one I use most often.

Now that the frames are here, you're going to play the gif to make sure you got the exact moment you wanted to gif.

[OPTIONAL] This is also the moment to delete frames if :

You don't want the first/last frames (can easily happen with longer videos because obviously it makes the sliders less precise),

There are frames you simply don't want in your gif (for example, I dislike seeing the flashes from camera when I gif press conferences so I tend to get rid of those),

Your have too many frames.

There is no absolute rules about that last one. As of now, you need to keep your gif under 10 Mb for tumblr to accept it. Obviously, the number of frames and the size (in pixels) of your gif are two factors that will largely impact the size (weight) of your gif.

This might be the biggest thing where experience and trial & error will help you. With my 540x386 gifs, I tend to be able to keep around 80 to 100 frames. When I do the 268x268 square ones, I'm more easily in the 200-250 range.

Once you're happy with your frames, you can set the speed of the gif (essentially how much time there will be between each frame).

To do so, you need to select all of your frames (select your first one, hold shift and select your last one) and then click on any of the current speed, if you choose Other, a window will pop up and you can choose the speed you want.

Again, very much an appreciation/try and see what you prefer thing. I tend to just double the length I was given when I imported my frames (so in that case I went up from 0.03 to 0.06).

For some reason, the speed when you play the gif in Photoshop is always slower than it ends up in real life (or it's just mine but I'm just saying you can't always exactly trust that to make your choice).

Once I'm done with that, I tend to take care of cropping next. Technically, this is something that you can still do at a later time.

Cropping is where you decide which physical part of the video you actually want in your gif.

Photoshop has some basic ratios registered but you can also set up your own preferences, which will make your life easier/faster. My usual race weekends gifs are 7:5 but sometimes when I want zooms/bigger gifs I go 540:442 or 540:415, I also have a special ratio for my cards series.

Next step : click on the three little lines above your line of frames and then click Convert to Video Timeline.

If you have deleted frames before turning your frames into a video timeline, this is the moment to be careful.

You will go check all your layers (on the bottom right of your screen) and you'll see that every deleted frame (turned layer) is missing the eye symbol (which make them easy to find). You're going to delete all of those layers.

Then, select all of your layers, right click > Convert to Smart Object.

And now we move onto the fun part, I named : coloring.

I will honestly be the worst at giving you advices on that because I am still very much learning and not exactly always understanding what I do to get the results I get. Every coloring tutorial I have saved can be found here.

The one thing that matters is to make sure your adjustments (coloring) layers are above your smart object.

If you hadn't cropped your video before, now is the last time to do it. Or, well, I've seen people do it after sharpening their gifs but I always have doubts about whether or not it has an impact on the quality of the gif. Anyway, this is the last moment where I would do it personally.

Note : if you are happy with the size of your gif but want the video to be a little more to the right/left/top/bottom, select your smart object and use Move to move your video around (quick Marc apparition because I thought of this when writing the tutorial).

I personally have an action set up for the next steps. I click on one button and it takes care of resizing my gifs and sharpening it. I will go into the detailed version of things (how to do it without an action) below. A bunch of people have also made actions ready to use downloadable. You can find some in my big everything photoshop related tag and a tutorial on how to build your own here.

If we want to post this on tumblr, we're usually going to want this gif to be 540px wide or 268px (two gifs side to side).

Let's go to Image > Image Size.

For sharpening, I'll admit that it should depend on the quality of your video but I always do the same things. Here is a tutorial on sharpening if you want to understand how things work better.

Make sure to have your Smart Object selected and go to Filter > Sharpen > Smart Sharpen.

And we're finally done. Time to export this bad boy.

To do that, we're going to hit File > Export > Save for Web (Legacy).

Here, there are a couple of things you can touch, a couple you shouldn't (compared to the image below).

The main one is going to be the number of colors you will accept on your gifs. 256 is your maximum and the lower you go, the more the quality of your gif will decrease but so will its size. This is where you can spend time trying to find a compromise to get under 10 Mb (a second solution to diminishing the number of frames, often times those two options go hand in hand).

This is a great post to explain the different options of the other settings.

And were we go, a pretty decent gif :)

If I didn't make sense at all and think you need a tutorial by another person, you can find a bunch of resources here and I personally (re)learned with this one. I've already link my general photoshop & coloring tags but I also have some dedicated to : typography & blending.

[vindicated-truth]

Jeongje,

I assume Joowon-ah has given you this letter during one of his visits. Said something about including it in the gift he has prepared for you.

You know he now only has a Lieutenant’s salary, right? He lost access to all of his family’s money, because he didn’t listen to me when I warned him that he shouldn’t ruin his life for me.

He’s an idiot.

But he’s an adult with freewill, and it’s still his money, so of course I have no say on what he chooses to spend it on.

Besides, I don’t begrudge him choosing to spend it on you. Contrary to what you might think, I don’t want you to be alone.

I never wanted that for you, Jeongje.

That’s why I’m glad Joowon-ah is making sure you aren’t. Because… I can’t be that person for you.

Not anymore.

It’s why I’m writing you this letter. Because I want you to know why.

Because I’m sorry, Jeongje. I’m sorry because… I can’t forgive you.

And it’s not because I’ve stopped caring for you. In fact, it wouldn’t hurt this much if I did.

I really wish I did.

But the reason why I can’t forgive you is that the forgiveness isn’t mine to give.

The one person who has the right to forgive you is dead.

Because you killed her.

And I’m not saying this because I want to punish you, either. Because contrary to what you might think, I don’t want you to suffer anymore.

You’ve suffered enough. And I know that because I’ve seen that in Joowon-ah, too.

No one deserves to suffer, Jeongje. Not you. Not him.

But the forgiveness isn’t mine to give. It’s Yuyeonie’s.

I’m hurting because I lost a sister. My parents are hurting because they lost their daughter.

And I know you’re hurting too. Because you, too, lost the one you love.

I’ve always known, you know. Both of you had never been good at hiding it. It hurt that you two believed you had to, but—you made her happy, Jeongje. Yuyeonie had never been able to hide that. And to be honest, neither did you. And I can never, ever begrudge how you made each other happy.

Which is why I know… you’re hurting, too.

It’s the one thing you and I have in common, even after all this time.

You and I… we both lost her.

But all our pain, Jeongje… it’s all secondary. None of our pain compares to what she lost.

She lost her life.

She lost a future that should have been hers. You know she wanted to be a lawyer, right? But do you know the kind of lawyer she wanted to be?

She had a very clear vision of the life she wanted for herself. She’d sit at the foot of my bed while I’d practice on my worn-out guitar and she’d regale me tales of how she wanted to be a lawyer who defended women.

Her ideals were way ahead of her time. She said our society was too patriarchal, that it was a society where women didn’t feel safe, and she wanted to change that.

She wanted to be a lawyer so she could be a safe space for all these women who were victims of the cruelty and violence of men. She wanted to be the kind of woman she herself needed.

She would’ve been the kind of woman who could’ve stopped women like her from being killed by men.

Which is why it was such a cruel twist of fate that her life ended precisely like that.

I always wonder, Jeongje… how many women would’ve also been saved had she grown up to be the kind of woman she wanted to be? A woman who protected women?

Would she have been able to protect our Minjeongie too?

Did you know that she had always been wary of Kang Jinmook? She didn’t dare say it directly because I think she might have been scared back then, too. But she would always tell me, casually but consistently, how it might be better for Minjeongie if we adopt her as soon as it was legally possible.

Do you know what I told her back then, Jeongje? That she was being ableist. That she was looking down on Jinmook’s capability as a father just because he was mentally disabled.

Turned out he wasn’t. He was just evil.

And she was right.

Even back then, Jeongje, she was right. And I didn’t listen to her. Her own twin brother didn’t listen to her.

How unforgivable is that?

Can you imagine what our society would’ve been like if someone with her brains and her advocacy had lived to see her dream come true? Can you imagine, Jeongje, how different things would’ve been if only our society listened to women more? If only we listened to our Yuyeonie more?

She could’ve saved so many women, Jeongje. And now—

Now, we’ll never know. Because she’s dead.

We all lost a sister, a daughter, a friend, a lover. None of that compares to what she lost.

She lost her life. She lost her dream. She lost her advocacy. She lost her future.

And that’s the reason why, Jeongje. Why the forgiveness should come from her.

It had never, ever been my right to give.

It’s why I can’t forgive you. Because the one person who has the right to gift you that forgiveness—is dead.

And I’m sorry, Jeongje. I’m sorry because that’s the reason why… I can’t let you back into my life.

Not anymore.

Because I love her, Jeongje. I love her more than anything in the world, more than anyone I’ll ever love in my life.

She’s my twin, Jeongje. I had never known what it’s like to be alone because from the moment we were conceived in our mother’s womb, she had always been there. She had always been beside me. She was the other half of my soul.

Do you know what it feels like to lose the other half your soul?

Then again, maybe you do.

You love her, too.

I don’t know if she would have forgiven you. Fuck, I don’t know if she would have forgiven me. But that’s our punishment, Jeongje. That’s the pain we all have to live with: that we will never know. Because none of us have the right to take that away from her.

The right to forgive.

Because contrary to what you might think—I don’t want to lose you as a friend.

I miss you, more than you could ever know. More than you could ever hope to understand.

But it’s a loss I have to live with. It’s a loss I choose to live with. Because she’s the only one who could have granted you that forgiveness. And we all have to live with never knowing if she ever will.

I can’t let you back into my life, Jeongje—because I don’t know if Yuyeonie would’ve forgiven you for me to let you.

For me to have you back.

I am not the one who has the right to forgive you, so I am also not the one who has the right to punish you.

So please, Jeongje. Don’t suffer anymore. Not for my sake.

Don’t be alone anymore.

Both of you.

Your friend,

Dongsik

—

Dongsik-ah,

Did you know what Lieutenant Han was going to give me? Because you should’ve talked him out of it still, never mind that it’s his money he’s spending. I’m not going to risk your ire by telling you how much he spent, because I actually know how much all of it cost, but I really hope you’re at least treating him to dinner for a month because I can’t imagine how he’d be able to afford to feed himself after this.

Or maybe just let Jaeyi-ya treat him. I’ve heard he’s been frequenting the butcher shop more often lately.

I’m glad. He deserves to be fed.

He deserves to be happy.

He’s a good guy, Dongsik-ah. You know that, right?

You might be wondering why this prince who has fallen from grace keeps going out on a limb for someone like me.

I’ll tell you why, Dongsik-ah. It’s because he’s lonely.

In the kindest way I can tell you this, I don’t think you’ll ever understand Lieutenant Han. And it’s not because he was brought up in a life of luxury and privilege that the rest of us can only imagine.

But because you were loved, Dongsik-ah.

You and Yuyeonie—both of you were brought up in love.

I think that’s part of why I stayed over at your house a lot, even when we were kids. I was drawn to your family, because I badly wished I had a family like yours. You can’t imagine the kind of envy I felt seeing how your parents are.

You had that ridiculous dream of becoming a singer, even though Jihwa-ya kept telling you to your face that you couldn’t hold a tune to save a life. Yet your parents supported your dream all the same, and had never once compared you to Yuyeonie.

You know, I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion she was tone-deaf too, mostly because I couldn’t understand why she’d keep clapping for you every time you'd “perform” for us during family nights.

I’d been a part of your family for that long.

I never had any of that. And I think—that’s why Lieutenant Han is drawn to me.

Because he never experienced that kind of love, either. And he knows what it’s like to be alone.

That’s why he’s making sure I’m not. Even when I deserve to be.

Because he knows exactly what it’s like.

And I don’t think it’s as selfless as you think, Dongsik-ah. I think—he just wants someone to understand what he’s been through, too.

Because you’ll never be that person for him.

Because you were never abused by your parents, Dongsik-ah, the way Lieutenant Han was. And he’s drawn to me, because I’m someone who understands that the most.

Between the both of us though, I honestly believe I still had it better. And this isn’t false modesty or debt of gratitude or anything like that. My mother was evil, too, but in her own way, she did love me.

At the very least, until the very end, she had never abandoned me.

Even when it meant she had to hurt you instead.

That’s something Lieutenant Han never even had.

He never had a family.

And that’s the reason why I’m writing you this letter, in return.

Because you’re right, Dongsik-ah. I don’t belong in your life anymore.

I belong to the past. And I deserve to stay there.

Do you know why, Dongsik-ah?

Because that’s where Yuyeonie is.

You’re right. I don’t know if she would ever forgive me. But that’s okay. I’m not doing this for my forgiveness.

Because you’re right, Dongsik-ah. I did love her. I love her, still, even when she might not want that love anymore, after everything I did.

After everything I failed to do.

But that’s also why, Dongsik-ah. Why I want to stay in the past. Why I choose to stay in the past. Because that’s where she is. That’s how I choose to live the rest of my life.

Immortalizing her memory.

That’s why I gave you that sketchbook. To the best of my ability, Dongsik-ah, until my last breath—this is how I choose to love her.

I will never let her memory die.

This is how I choose to live the rest of my life in penance.

The people who have hurt you, the people who hurt Yuyeonie and your family—we all belong to the past. That’s why we all belong in prison, because it’s keeping us there.

But you, Dongsik-ah—you don’t belong to the past. Not anymore. There’s no more reason for you to stay there.

Because you have a future with him.

And that’s where the problem lies, you see. It’s precisely because he equates himself with me that he thinks he deserves to stay in the past, too.

He was never there, Dongsik-ah. Because his own monster of a father sent him far, far away, where he was forced to look for love in all the wrong places, when he should have already found it first in his own home. His own family.

You and Yuyeonie showed me that.

I don’t think he did. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so utterly deprived of it. Starved of it.

Until he found you.

You told me, Dongsik-ah, how you will never love anyone the way you loved Yuyeonie, ever again. And you asked me if I know how it feels like to lose the other half of your soul.

I do, Dongsik-ah. But I don’t think that’s the point.

We weren’t supposed to replace her.

We’re simply allowed to love again.

I’m allowed to have a friend again. One who chooses to starve for a month because he doesn’t know how to love halfway and he always gives it his all in everything he does.

I agree with you, by the way. He is an idiot.

But you know what, Dongsik-ah?

I’ve come to love this idiot, too.

And if I’m allowed to have a friend again… you’re allowed to rebuild the other half of your soul again.

You’re allowed to not let yourself be alone anymore.

You’re allowed to love again.

Dongsik-ah… Han Joowon is like me. But at the same time, he isn’t.

Because he belongs to your future. If you let him.

And this is why I'm writing you this letter, too.

Please don't let my friend starve anymore.

Your friend,

Han Joowon’s friend,

Jeongje

[onredrouge]

skk hate each other, and no one's actually surprised.

Everyone seems to be losing their shit over what Asagiri has said. And when I said everyone, it's mostly those skk haters celebrating their imagined downfall of Soukoku. To be honest, what Asagiri said doesn't surprise me anymore. 

I don't really get people saying Dazai and Chuuya don't hate each other when that has been the foundation of their relationship ever since their first meeting. They're both strong in their own ways, and they showcase that by never concealing what they feel about each other. Both of them have never been passively aggressive about that. They show it with their words and their actions; their entire dynamic is built on the fact that they hate each other's guts. Sometimes (or most of the time), it is that "oh, I hate you so much and you should pay attention to me so I could show you how much I hate you" kind of hatred. At some point, it was a childish exchange between two teenagers finally finding a sort of escape from their toxic environment in the form of annoying the hell out of each other. They spent time together, blah, blah, blah, and then it turned to an unexplainable visceral kind of hatred that allows them to work so well with each other like one soul in two bodies. Is it toxic? Maybe it is, just like all the other things they experienced and would never deserve. They're not some high school friends meeting up in a park after class. They're both morally gray individuals who find a sort of familiarity between their shared hatred towards each other. I can't really explain, and I don't even want to try putting into words the kind of connection they have. That's mostly the reason why they're so interesting. Soukoku have this kind of connection that will make you want to rip your hair out just trying to find the right words to describe them.

Hating someone doesn't mean you can't feel other things for them. I think Asagiri just meant to say that hatred is not a mask for anything, mainly because they've always been upfront with their feelings for each other. Whatever other emotions they feel for each other have always been hinted at. I don't know about what Asagiri wants to say about that but it's there. I'd love to see more exploration of their dynamics because I'm genuinely crazy about them, but I've accepted it a long time ago that there's a slim chance Asagiri's going to do any of that. Dazai's still so heavily connected to the mafia, the whole agency is; however, there are so many other connections Asagiri would choose to discuss when it comes to Dazai, and his relationship with Chuuya's most definitely not going to be the first choice no matter how interesting it is for the majority. (I'm going to still dream about that every day though.) It doesn't mean their relationship is suddenly unimportant; that would be contrary to what has been brewing in the manga. It doesn't mean their connection is a thing of the past as their lives are still very much intertwined with each other. However, a deep exploration of their connection is probably only possible once all the major issues in the manga are settled. That's where the derivative works enter the scene. Asagiri's not really going to give us any deeper insight on the other dynamics of their relationship, so fans are free to interpret them in any way they like (just not in a way that trashes their individual characters, like what some skk fans do). Who knows?  Maybe someday we'll learn something more about them. Right now, one thing we're sure about is their hatred for each other (as confirmed by the author himself) and the countless different possibilities fan works can explore. They hate each other? Wow, would you look at that? Another added spice to many series of fics that are sure to come. Soukoku's not ending. Unless Chuuya's going to weirdly disappear in mersault arc, then I don't think this downfall you all are wishing for is going to happen.

[clone-wars-retteyo-au]

(Reblogging this on my AU sideblog just because it captures all my thoughts so well) Giant response incoming.

You articulated all my thoughts on the clones' relationships with each other and death better than I articulated my thoughts on the topic. Perfect. No notes.

On the family dynamics side of things, I didn't fully go into it in my original reblog, but in my AU, the clones do find a way to continue cloning (which they do for a complicated series of reasons). And they choose to raise the next generation of clones in a style similar to that of the Jedi. They were never really raised with the concept of a nuclear family or "traditional" familial relationships, instead being raised as a community of "brothers" who all share the exact same DNA, plus the Kaminoan caretakers who are less like family and more just kind of there.

The clones are extremely communal and would definitely prefer to maintain communal/fluid family dynamics, which is exactly the kind that the Jedi have. They also would not really know what a healthy childhood looks like, and since the Jedi introduced them to the concept of being emotionally well-adjusted, I assume they'd look to them for childcare advice.

The thing I noted about found family vs blood relations is a bit complicated and I'll probably make a bigger post on it later, but it's perhaps (in my opinion) one of the most complicated and interesting aspects of being a clone just due to how unique it is to them. Perhaps it's partially the fanfiction getting to me, but a big thing that I noticed and found interesting was the type of loyalty the clones hold towards the greater clone "species." I think I first thought about it during "The Hidden Enemy" and Slick's betrayal. I started to think more about how the clones referred to each other as "brothers" on a collective level, even in reference to clones they've never met.

I think it is a very "brother in arms" kind of situation, but I like to think of it as having a couple of layers to it. One is the "brother in arms" layer, which is the most straight forward and can cause some of the tightest bonds. But there's also a layer of understanding of their situation and marginalization. They have a shared life experience (and existential dread) that is best understood by other clones. It's similar to how many marginalized groups will seek each other out and care for each other due to that shared experience with marginalization. They are clones, and while they may have natborn friends who they care about deeply, nobody will quite get it like other clones will. Growing up on Kamino, the only ones they could rely on were other clones, and even now, the people they can rely on/relate to the most are also other clones. There is a shared experience that is special to them, and thus there is a form of connection that can't exist with natborns.

Another layer is that they have a mindset that some big extended families have. I have a big extended family on my dad's side (grandma had 9 siblings and dad has 32 first cousins) and I barely know half of them. But despite that, we are relatively tight knit. There is this energy of shared understanding that despite not knowing each other, we are all related and thus should care about each other to a certain degree. Is that mindset always healthy? No. But would that exist within the clones? Yeah, probably. There is probably a sense of familial obligation, and sometimes that obligation can become a form of love. They may not all know each other, but they are brothers, so that must count for something, right?

And a final layer is that they are literally clones, and have the ultimate "we are blood related" thing going on. It's a collection of the other aspects wrapped into one big idea. They literally share the same DNA, which is probably a pretty big point of connection. It's a little like being identical twins separated at birth who reunite and are instantly best friends somehow. There is a specific kind of connection in this particular case that is hard to articulate. But it is so unique to the clones, so extremely specific, that I find it to be interesting in its own right.

I think I just generally noticed that the clones seem to view their dynamic with fellow clones differently than they do with natborns. There is a sense of community that is formed by life experiences/the whole military thing, but also in some ways by literal blood. They form that interconnectedness the same way that other groups may, but they are literally all related, and thus the loyalty to blood relations is created. Doesn't mean I believe that blood matters above all else (I have concepts for what beliefs and values the clone culture would have that I disagree with, but think would fit them well), but it could be what many of them think.

I don't know if I'm explaining it well, I just think it could be neat.

~~~~~~

The food headcanons continue. The idea that they are fusing foods together is actually kind of where I got part of the "oh god what did you make" concept from. They find foods that they life from all across the galaxy and end up thinking "these two things are good, so they must be even better together probably idk" and just end up fusing ice cream and baked salmon together. They are excited to try all the good things, and are trying to put the good things together in a way that makes an even better thing.

I've decided that Rex is the one who paints Kanan's eye mask with his bird of prey design.

Kanan's feeling pretty low still just after Malachor, he's still distancing himself from everybody, and Rex decides to go try to talk to him at one point and the first thing he comes up with to say is to point out that his new mask is pretty plain. It's awkward, he regrets it immediately, but then Kanan says that it gets the job done and Rex is abruptly reminded of himself so so long ago back at the beginning of the war.

He sits Kanan down and tells him a story about how, at the beginning of the war, only a few of the clones had paint on their armor, to designate things like rank and battalion in order to make it easier for officers to find them in the middle of a busy battlefield. The paint was practical and it was limited to a very select few. But the Jedi almost immediately started trying to encourage the clones to utilize the paint less sparingly, suggesting that maybe everybody could wear at least a LITTLE paint and use more individualized designs so that it was still easy to tell the commanders and captains apart from the others when needed.

Some of the clones had taken to it with gusto, but others had been more hesitant, and Rex remembers having been one of them. He remembers telling Obi-Wan that there was no real REASON to paint everyone's armor and especially not to come up with personal designs. The armor was practical and it served its purpose with or without the paint and special designs. But the Jedi had insisted on at least TRYING to come up with his own design and if he didn't like it, he could always take it off, so Rex had given in and chosen something to paint on the armor. And, somehow, it felt a little lighter the next time he put it on. It didn't erase the horrors of war or the pain of loss or anything like that, but it helped.

He tells Kanan that the mask right now is just a reminder of the pain of the injury and whatever other feelings he's still got all caught up in the Malachor mission (guilt over what happened with Ezra, grief over Ahsoka's loss). But if he puts his own design on it, it might turn the mask into something other than a constant reminder of something bad. Instead, it's a reminder of who he is, the combination of the person he once was and who he's become. He is more than just his injury or this mission and he can use the mask to declare that if he wants to.

Kanan says he never realized Rex and the other clones had cared so deeply about their armor and Rex says that the armor itself was meaningless. It's better than what's being handed out to stormtroopers, but not but a LOT. It was the design on it that had meant something and, more than that, it was what the design REPRESENTED: having a choice about how you were perceived by others.

Kanan asks why Rex had chosen his particular designs, the bird of prey eyes on his helmet in particular. Rex explains that he chose it because he liked birds and thought it looked cool, but he's kept the helmet for as long as he has because it's come to mean something ELSE now. It's not just a cool-looking design, it's a reminder of a better time in his life. It's a reminder of when he'd been a part of something greater than himself, with the other clones and the Jedi. It's a reminder of a time when he'd had hope that he and his people could one day come out the other side of this war towards a brighter future.

Kanan looks at the mask he'd grabbed from storage somewhere or something just to keep light from hurting his eyes as they recovered and to cover up the injury from other people's stares (even if he couldn't see them staring), then hands it to Rex and asks if Rex minds sharing that symbol because he'd like a reminder of that, too. Rex remembers the 332nd and their helmets that they'd painted to look like their chosen Jedi, almost blindly giving away their individuality in favor of that loyalty that had been stripped from them anyway. And then he looks at Kanan, choosing to make himself look LIKE REX, someone who had shared his face with millions once, because he wants to honor both the connections he'd lost as well as this new connection the two of them have built together now. And Rex says he'd be happy to share.