#something along the lines of “people cant look at these beautiful eyes long”

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

My submission to the SatoSho Discord's Weekly prompt: Kabedon

[divinesolas]

Ignored

Summary: Based on two requests; You had been best friends with Jacaerys since you were kids. But when he gets a girlfriend and joins the football team in college your whole life gets turned upside down and he's suddenly ditched you. A year after you are confronted by him and emotions spill to the surface.

w.c: 2.7k

c.w: Porn with plot, sub!jace, hand job, overstimulation, p in v, unprotected sex (WRAP IT UP), car sex, im not good at angry sex or mean stuff guys so sorry,

masterlist

One year. one fucking year since you’ve last spoken to him. You never imagined the two of you would end up like this.

He gets on the college football team and gets some hot girlfriend and suddenly he’s too good for you. You doubt he’s even noticed. It was slow to start, he started being busy during your weekly hang outs, then it would slip his mind to text you back, then he just suddenly stopped texting you. You had been replaced, you would always spend the holidays with his family but this past year you had seen Lucerys post on his insta holiday pictures and she was there instead. Everyone else in his family had reached out to you at some point. usually something along the lines of a happy holidays and that they hoped to see you soon, that they missed you. They even wished you happy birthday. He didn’t.

You had gotten to the point you stopped answering his family's texts, it made you feel sick when Lucerys asked if you would come to his birthday party and you didn’t have the heart to reply to him. You stopped checking their socials, even going as far as to mute them but you didn’t have the heart to unfollow them. then it would get too real, that the people you’ve considered family since you were basically a baby were no longer around.

You wish you didn’t miss him. You wish when started at your aunts gravestone he was not the face that appeared in your mind when you wished you had someone to comfort you. She had died six months ago, you hadn’t even bothered to text him about it. He met her a couple times, but its not like he would care now.

You do not cry for her anymore. Having come far enough in your grief, but you feel yourself come to a halt when you are walking through the graveyard and are stopped by a familiar family.

“Y/n?” You feel a knot grow in your throat. Why were they here? you could see lucerys was holding some flowers. “Hello.” What else are you supposed to say? You are frozen in place as lucerys walks over and throws his arms around you. “I missed you.” You try not to let your tears spill down your face as Lucerys pulls back and looks at you alarmed, “Are you okay?”

You laugh and cover your face with your hands, unable to even describe what you’re feeling. “You’re so tall.” Your voice cracks as you speak and he slaps you on the shoulder. “’Course i am, had to get taller than mr prince charming over there.”

You don’t want to look at him. You wish he was not even there. But you cannot help yourself the way your eyes drift to where Lucerys is referring to and you wish you hadn’t. He is as beautiful as he was the last day you saw him, he looks like he just came out of a romcom, a long trench coat covering him and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. You have no clue what he’s thinking, his face giving nothing away, cant take your eyes off him. The way his eyes have a gloss over them as he takes a couple steps towards you.

You swiftly turn away from his and notice rhaenyra standing at your side and she reaches out a grips your forearm. “It is so wonderful to see you dear.” You nod and smile at her, “It is always a pleasure Ms. Targaryen.” she hits your arm, “You stay away for a couple months and suddenly I’m Ms. Targaryen, call me rhaenyra dear you know better.” You want to correct her, tell her its been over a year. yet you don't, only nodding and apologizing to her.

“What are you doing here?” Its the first words he’s said to you in god knows how long. You swear your knees almost crumple at the sound of his voice. You want to punch him, spit in his face, you wish you hated him. “My aunt died.” You spit at the ground, you voice coming out angrier than you indented it to.

The people around you immediately flood around to give their condolences. You thank them, Lucerys especially kept you in a deep hug and mentioned how they came today to see rhaenyra's father but they'll make sure to stop by your aunt’s grave.

He says nothing. nothing at all. You hate him. You hate him so much. But you cant say no when they ask if you’ll join them to see viserys and your aunt. you cant even say no when they offer you to join them for dinner.

you two say nothing to each other, not until you say you’ll drive in your car on the way there and turn to walk towards it, still having the map to their house memorized until you are stopped, a hand gripping on your forearm.

“Can i ride with you?” You don't turn around to look at him. Continuing to stare straight ahead, your heart and head churning. You want to tell him no, that you don't wish to ever even see him again. “Please.”

“Fine.”

But you're a pussy. the biggest punk in the whole world as you watch him slide into the passenger seat as you close the drivers door. A silence fills the space between you two, you don't want to speak, a part of you hopes it will stay that way.

“What happened with us?” You harshly break at the red light and whip your head towards him. Rage boiling at your skin as you hiss at him, “What happened? What do you mean what happened? You're the one who ditched me!”

“What the fuck are you taking about?” “Oh so you’re just gonna act like you didn't fucking stop talking to me after you a girlfriend? What is her name? i don't even fucking know because you never introduced us.” A loud honk behind you forced you to turn your head away from him and back on the road, you swear your knuckles turned white from the pressure you were squeezing it.

“i-” “No. Because you know what Jace. Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid face and your stupid girlfriend and your stupid friends because you fucking left me. You have no reason to sit around and ask me what the fuck happened between us because it was all because of you. i put in the effort to reach out i even sent you a fucking gift for your birthday because you couldn't spare the time to hang with me and you don't even text me a happy fucking birthday?!? Fuck you man.”

Your hands slam down on the wheel in frustration as you clench your jaw, the fucking nerve of this guy. You don’t even spare him another glance and he doesn't dare to say anything else for awhile. the drive is long, they were buried far out from your homes so the drive was over an hour.

it takes twenty minutes before he says anything. “I’m sorry.” It comes out strained, if you looked at him he would probably be crying but you do not dare look at him. “I wish i could explain to you why i did it, why i acted like that. But I’m sorry. I’m sorry i just think i liked the attention, i liked having people fawn over me. And her, fuck i don't know, i liked her sure, but she fucking cheated on me with one of the guys on the team, told me she only got with me to get closer to him. Its not an excuse, i should have never put what we had down the drain for someone that never really mattered because you, you matter to me more than anyone else. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry, ill say it forever because i don't deserve your forgiveness.”

You pull over into a road side parking lot because you couldn't see the road anymore. Your eyes filled with tears as your shoulders shook with silent sobs, “I am sorry i made you feel this way, that you couldn't even come to me when she died, i liked it, i remember she gave me the toy car display i still have in my room fuck i can't even imagine how you must feel. I miss you. I miss you so much.”

You put your head against the wheel and allow yourself to sob. This is all you’ve wanted to hear for so long that now you have no clue how to feel. You want to tell him to fuck off. That he has no reason to be begging for your forgiveness now.

“Jacaerys,” You swear you hear it wrong, that you must be confused. He whimpers. “No please,” “Its dragged out in a way that has your stomach churning and you shift in your seat. “Don’t call me Jacaerys, Jace please.”

You must be strong. You cannot give into to his sad puppy eyes and cries. Yet you look over to him and feel your resolve crumble. He has tears streaming down his face. He’s looking at you. Has he been looking at you this whole time? “You left me Jace.” He lets out a trembled breath as he dares with shaky hands to grab yours. “I'm sorry. I will beg you to forgive me till the end of time because i will never deserve it. I need you.”

Your heart pounds against your chest as the two of you stare at one another. You feel your hands shake in his grip as the two of you unknowingly move closer to each other.

“I realized after i found out what she had done i was more upset about the fact you were not there more than anything. She had begged me to take her back but the only thing i could think about was you. I was so stupid and so blind i will never forgive myself. You are everything to me.”

“Jace,” He cups your cheeks and lets out a trembled breath, “I was a fool to let you go. I will never make that mistake again,” You cannot believe what is happening, he does not truly mean what you think he’s saying does he? “I had months to think it over. I am so madly in love with you. If you do not feel the same i will act like this never happened and we can just go back to being friends or even if you cannot stomach being around me we can just never talk but-”

He lets out a surprised moan as you shove your lips against his and eagerly pressed his lips against yours. He a lot more vocal than you had expected him to be, eagerly humming against your lips as his hands have moved to your neck.

He lets out a shocked gasp when you push him back into his seat and looks at you with wide eyes as you climb over his lap, pulling the level to have him lay over his back and simply stare at him as you hover above him. He whimpers as you grab the front of his shirt and pull him towards your face, “This is for me. Not you. Right?” He eagerly nods, more than willing to take anything you’ll give him.

He whines as you unbutton his black dress pants and waste no time shoving your hand past his boxers and gripping onto his dick. His head is thrown backwards as you rub your thumb against his tip, ignoring his mumbles until enough precum has dripped down onto your hand before you begin vigorously pumping him up and down.

You do not stop even as he’s asking you to slow down. Well you do, but it is always right before he’s about to come. You do this again. and again. and again. He feels like he’s about to burst, the stimulation is too much for him to bare.

“Please.” You tilt your head at him as he grips the front of your button down shirt. “What do you want?” Your words are spoken like he a stranger approaching you on the street, he whimpers and shoves his head into your chest, his tears threatening to spill out. “Please,”

“awe are you so fucked out you have no clue what you’re talking about huh?” He’s babbling nonsense as you feel his tears pool into your shirt. You fully remove your hands off him for the fourth time and he thinks he might crack. “Please no I’m sorry I’m sorry please please just let me,,” His words trail off as he watches you fully release him from his pants and boxers, his breath shaky as he watches you pool up your shirt and move to hover above him.

“Please please.” “Shut the fuck up.” He whimpers as his tip presses against your folds but you don’t him in enter yet, simply allowing his tip to be dragged up and down your slit. He throws his head back as the tears continue to flow down his face, he can’t take this, his hips rise up to try and thrust into you but you hold him down and spit at him. “You don’t know how to behave slut.”

He lets out a surprised gurgle of sounds when you suddenly slam all the way down onto him and lightly slap him across the face. “Are you happy now slut? You happy your little loser friend is fucking you stupid?”

He can barely speak as you begin to bounce up and down on him. He’s dreamed of this for much longer than he’d like to admit but this is much better than anything he could have imagined. The way your lightly let out sounds of delight are like music to his ears. He wishes he could say something but over the heat that flows over his body and the way he feels your hands slip under his shirt and begin to rub up and down his chest he can’t find the words.

He keeps his hands at his side, not knowing if he is allowed to touch you not wishing to upset you more than he already has. You notice the way his hands twitch and slightly raise as if he wants to reach out to you. You slow down for a moment to grab his hands and place them on your chest, a wordless exchange between the two of you as he stares at you in wonder. So much love fills his gaze you almost flush with embarrassment. You begin to pick up your pace once again as he fondles you over your clothes.

The pit grows larger in his stomach much faster than he would like but due to the overstimulation and the overflowing of emotions he’s on the edge. “I’m so close.”

“Hold it.” He whines and watches as one of your hands slip under your skirt, “You think you should be allowed to cum before me?” He shakes his head, of course not, he doesn’t deserve too.

He swears he almost cums from your blissed out face alone, but he is surprised he manages to contain himself until he feels you throb and your essence drips around him. You slowly lift off him and pump him until his cum drips down your hands.

The car windows are foggy, you have no clue how long you’ve been out here but the sun as begun to set as you allow yourself to fall against his chest, feeling the way his heart beats erratically as his arms come to wrap around you.

“I don’t forgive you,” He feels his heart drop as he gulps, bracing himself for you to lift off him and drop him off at his house, never to speak to him again. “But i think i can one day, you just have to take me out on a couple dates first.”

He grins.

Perm Jacaerys taglist

@tyronesien @itsbookworm987 @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 @aegonswife @jacesvelaryons

[strniohoeee]

hii i was thinking you could do a smutty fic where y/n is the triplets bsf and she lives with them,and they go out to dinner one night and y/n was like wearing i very revealing dress and matt couldnt contain himself so when they got home matt went to hang out in y/ns room(alone) and he says something along the lines of “i looked so fucking hot today” and then makeout the session and then smutty smut smut,if u cant that’s totally okay love u and ur fics bae😝

Creepin

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: After dinner, and Y/N wearing a short dress Matt’s feeling a bit conflicted….and turned on??🗣️

Warnings⚠️: SMUT SMUT SMUT. There’s nothing like crazy crazy at least that’s how I feel, but uhhh they definitely FUCKIN🖤

Song for the imagine: Creepin- Metro Boomin, The Weeknd, 21 Savage

⚠️This is an 18+ imagine, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

And if you’re Creepin, please don’t let it show

Oh baby, I don’t wanna know

The triplets had decided to have dinner at a fancy restaurant for hitting 5 million subscribers on YouTube. They invited Madi and I.

I have never been out to a fancy restaurant, so I was so excited to play dress up especially with Madi! We both decided on wearing black mini dresses, and we looked so hot

As we walked out to the living room we hear Chris

“Can we get a little commotion for the dress!! Holy shit yall look good” he said

“Thank youuuu” we both said giggling

Unbeknownst to Y/N, Matt was struggling to rip his eyes away from her. The way the dress hugged her curves, made her breast pop and her legs look long and beautiful. He was struggling badly

We had called an Uber to to the restaurant, and when we got there Madi and I felt so fucking luxurious. I mean high ceilings, thousand dollar light fixtures, hot older men….we were having a blast

“Holy shit we could find a sugar daddy” I said to them

“Omg let’s be on the lookout” Madi said winking at me

It seemed like they hired good looking people here because the waiters and waitress were out of a fucking model catalog

“Nick I see a whole lot of eye candy for you” I said looking over at him

“You’re fucking telling me…..my mouth is on the floor” he said looking around

“The women are hot too” I said winking at Chris and Matt

“I’m seeing a lot of blonde….not really my type” Chris said

“Not really my vibe” Matt said looking at the girls

“Your fucking loss every bodies hot here” I said to them

We had a waiter who was the definition of a wet dream. Black slicked back hair, dark eyes, tan skin and sharp facial features

“Dude he’s checking you out” Madi said

“Ehhh he’s alright” I said to her

“Alright? That man’s so fucking fine” Nick said

“10$ says he will flirt with you when he comes back” Madi said

“You have a bet” I said reaching my hand across the table and shaking her hand

When the waiter came by he gave us our drinks, and came back to me to take our orders. Everyone ordered before me and finally it was my turn

“And for the beautiful lady?” He asked me

“Oh…umm I’ll have the steak, medium well, and what are the sides?” I asked looking up at him

He flashed a sideways smile before looking at my lips and reading me the sides

“I’ll do the mashed potatoes and the Cesar salad” I said closing my menu and handing it to him

“Great pick pretty” he said all flirty, and then walked away

“You owe me 10 fucking dollars” Madi said laughing at me

“Why do guys who I don’t find attractive always hit on me” I said rolling my eyes

“Because you’re hot, ummm you radiate feminine power and you smell good” she said to me

“Boooo boring” I said to her

“Ouu how much you wanna bet he’ll leave his number and give us some type of discount” Chris said wiggling his brows

“Alright let’s not use her looks to take advantage” Matt said chiming in

“The number maybe, but a discount I doubt look at this place too boujee” I said to Chris

We had all finished our dinner, and gotten dessert and it was time for the bill to come around

The waiter came up to me, and handed me the bill while winking….bold fucking move

I opened the check and my jaw dropped

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” I said laughing

“WHAT IS IT” Nick yelled

“He fucking gave me his number, and gave the whole bill 20% off” I said laughing

“NO FUCKING WAY” Chris and Madi said

“I just saved yall 100 dollars” I said passing the bill down to Matt

“Dude you’re coming with us everywhere” Chris said shaking his head

“You gonna call him?” Madi asked

“Fuck no, but if I want a discounted meal I might” I said shrugging my shoulders

“Ew what a fucking loser he put a heart next to his number” Matt said laughing

“I was thinking the same thing” I said laughing with Matt

We had gotten another Uber back home, and everyone went to sit on the couch to watch a movie, but I decided to go to my room because I was so tired

I had changed and took off my makeup, washing my face and had been scrolling on tik tok for 20 minutes before I heard a knock at the door

“Come innn” I said locking my phone and putting it down

“Hey” Matt said coming in

“Oh hey Matt” I said smiling at him

“Can I chill with you? They’re being so loud and annoying out there” he said

“Of course you don’t have to ask” I said as he walked over and sat on the bed

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow” I asked Matt

“Nah, I think they want to film a vlog” he said sitting in front of me

“Oh funnnn” I said cracking my knuckles

“You should come with to film” he said

“Maybe I have some plans tomorrow morning, but after sure” I said to him

“Ouuu plans with the waiter?” He said wiggling his brows

“Oh god no eww” I said laughing

“God you just looked so hot today in that outfit” Matt blurted out

“WHAT?” i said genuinely shocked

“I mean….uh I’m not sure why I said that” he said blushing

“I appreciate it, I really do especially coming from you” I said smiling at him

“Oh yeah?” He asked

“Yeah Matt. I have liked you for so long I have waited for the day you’d compliment me” I said to him

“I have liked you so much too…..I’m so glad we feel the same” he responded

“You looked so hot tonight too” I said batting my lashes at him

“I did?” He asked honestly shocked that I called him hot

“Matt you’re really fucking hot. Not sure how you don’t know this” I said laughing at him

“Just kiss me already you’re begging for it at this point” he said laughing

I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed him by his shirt pulling him in and crashing our lips together

When I pulled away his pupils were dilated and his breathing was shallow

“I have wanted to do that for so long” he said looking at my lips

“Me fucking too” I said licking my lips

I pulled him back in for another kiss, and slowly we started to make out. I eventually scooched down, and Matt was above me now

Kissing my lips to my jaw then down to my neck.

“Do you want this?” He asked me

“More than anything” I said out in a sigh

Matt began kissing my neck again, and came back up to make out with me again our tongues fighting for dominance as our teeth clashed together

I pushed Matt back, so I could remove my shirt

“No bra” he said tilting his head

“Oh yes my bad I was getting ready for bed, and wasn’t expecting to fuck you, so how dare I not have some decorum” I said sarcastically

“Shut up” he said biting his lip before kissing me again moving his kisses down to my neck, and then to the valley of my breasts slowly moving to take my left nipple into his mouth, sailing his tongue around it

“Fuck Matt” I moaned out

He then went to my right nipples taking that one into his mouth as well

As he was doing that he slid his hand down to my waistband, and slowly slid his hand into my underwear snaking his hand to my pussy

“So wet” he said before licking my nipple and taking it back into his mouth

I just mewled at this feeling so fucking good

He slowly started to rub my clit and then switched to my left nipple

“Matt this feels so good keep going” I said running my hands through his hair

He slowly slid his middle finger into my pussy stretching me out, and causing me to gasp at the feeling, slowly pumping his finger in and out of me. About two minutes later he add his ring finger in

“FUCK” I yelled out

“SHHHH” he says laughing and covering my mouth

“SORRY” I said laughing with him

He kept fingering me for a good two minutes before I stopped him

“Baby I need more” I said looking into his eyes, and he nodded

Matt removed his pants and boxers, and the removed my pants and underwear

“Spit” he said holding his hand out, so I did

He then brought his hand down to his dick slowly stroking it

“I could cum right now” he says rolling his eyes back

Once he got his dick wet he then came down and licked a strip up my pussy

“Oh my god” I said shuddering

He slowly slid his dick in, us gasping as he pushed in further

“Alright we have to be really quiet” he said bottoming out

“Yes baby anything for you” I said nodding

“Good” he said and slowly started to thrust into me

Matt was pounding into me and I’m sure the whole house was hearing it if they were out in the living room

“Fuck Matt” I said clenching down onto him

“Keep doing that baby, and I won’t make it much longer” he said as he thrusted into me

Matt then turned me onto my left side lifting my right leg up and started to pound into me

“FUCKKK MATT” I screamed out

“SHUT UP” he said and smacked my ass

“I’m sorry it feels so good” I said with my eyes shut and my brows furrowed

Matt kept thrusting into me harder and faster, and I’m sure everyone had to hear us fucking at this point

“Fuck Matt I’m gonna cum” I said

And he brought his hand down to my clit using his thumb to rub the sensitive bundle

“SHIIIITTT” I moaned out clenching down on him harder

“Come on baby give it to me” he said thrusting harder

Matt started to rub harder and pound into me harder

“IM CUMMING IM CUMMING” I yelled out and clenched down on him as I came all over him. My thighs shaking and my knees bending as my toes pointed…..this was the most intense orgasm of my life

“Matt Matt Matt” I said as I was still coming down from my high

He let me ride out my high, and then pulled out of me stroking his dick, and cumming all over my pelvic bone and lower stomach

His lower abdomen constricting and his body shuddering forward

“Fuck fuck fuck” he said as he rode out his high

He went and grabbed a wet towel to wipe me down

“Lets shower baby” Matt said

“I agree, and maybe round 2 in the shower” I said winking at him

“I’m do-“ before he could finish his sentence we were cut off

There was banging on my ceiling coming from upstairs….Nicks room

“STOP FUCKING WEVE HEARD ENOUGH” we heard Nick yell through the vents

“SORRY” we screamed back

“IM FUCKING SCARRED” we heard Chris yell back

“WERE SORRY WERE HEADING TO FUCK IN THE SHOWER NOW” Matt yelled and I smacked him

“FUCK YOU GUYS! YOURE SICK” Nick yelled back

We ended up laughing, and heading over to the shower.

The End

Hope yall enjoyed this one too, and I’m about to start my last request and then I’m going to post my own ideas for imagines🖤🖤🤭

-J💅🏽

[voidwritesstuff]

Long Way To The Truth

Cw:alcohol,discussions of therapy and grief.

Summary: Lucas finally reaches Washington and settled into Milton-Haven.

♡Chapter 8: Washington.

A/n: FINALLY DONE. Enjoy.

Soon he leaves the grand beaver state of Oregon, though its mountains and forest lines accompany him, hes greeted with small homes and rudementary brick Bridges.

Above him its a cool summer morning, a few clouds dappled here and there under the blue Sky. He taps his fingers on the steeringwheel just taking the Farmland in, and hes reminded of that cabin Rosemary had mentioned.

Lucas easily saw himself as a park ranger,he had grown up in Florida, explored the forests and knew how to survive in the wild. He hopes nobody has taken the job up until now, He'd be genuinely sad about it if so.

He lowers the sun visor,eyes catching sight of the picture hes got of him and Wheeler--Hey bud,see me as a park ranger?--He asked,mostly to humor himself while on the road.

And it makes him chuckle. "Yep,lost it" he thinks with a grin, just playing along to his boredom.

Eventually he does make it to Milton-Haven, the large entrance of almost this Greek looking style with two statues holding up this large wooden sign with faded colors.

The statues are of two greek gods,one is Morpheus god of dreams, and the other one is Psyche goddess of the soul.

His eyes quickly reads the wooden sign, "Welcome to Milton-Haven, The place that Will forever live in your mind" the faded pastel magentas, purples And blues swirl together in this oil spill pattern, beautiful but oddly...forboding.

People dont pay attention to his van as he drives into the town proper. Lucas feel relief wash over him, finally he had made it.

《It doesn't hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna feel how it feels? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? (Yeah, yeah, yo)》the radio plays, and he simply humms along. He loves this song.

He asks for directions to Elysium park and is quickly directed towards it. He drives over some Train tracks as he enters the greenery filled place, how does this small town have a train? For what purposes? Do they export something?

Or are they receiving something?

The van is left to be Parked outside the entrance of the place, before him is a large sign that reads "Elysium State Park". Its oddly charming,especially now that midday is coming up.

His eyes dont pay attention to the phone booth there either, he always saw them as very....ominous? Anyone could call one of them up and whoever picks it up could be subjected to one weird phonecall.

Lucas would rather not leave the van alone,but he cant drive into the park. So,he grabs his walkman and one of his mixtapes to listen as he walks, better to Keep his mind distracted.

And as he walks into the park, he simply takes the forest in,the crisp air and walks in silence. Few people at that hour of the day,at least for now

《You

It's you and me

And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building

Say, if I only could, oh》

He walks down the beaten path,dirt crunching underneath his boot. His body feels...somewhat light, relieved.

Finally,he had arrived to the place that has been haunting him. He can let go of some the worry,of the guilty.

"I'm already here,Al' just you wait" he thinks before Spotting a big map of the park. Just what he needed,perfect.

Summer breeze blows past him,hair and his green flannel blowing in the wind. The sunlight is warm against his tan skin, he checks the route and finds a visitors center.

--Hell yeah-- He mutters with a smile, and hey look-! The ranger cabin is right on the way to the center.

Off he goes then, feeling like a Man on a mission.

As he walks,the people around him dont pay much attention to him. Its good to not feel so exposed,he blends in and allows himself to just fully admire the forest.

Sunlight spills its light past the boughs of the trees,the leaves move,Sway and fall with the gentle summer wind that caresses them and runs past the branches Freely.

People sit under the shade, eating their lunch and talking. Birds fly over him, looking for food to snatch- Hes sure he saw a pigeon steal a piece of bread from a nearby picnic basket.

It reminds him of home a little, he was a big Outdoors person-Him and his family would go out Hunting. He wonders if Milton-Haven gets deer and other hunting game, perhaps he can go out to hunt sometime soon. That would be fun,and he could practice his aim.

He walks past the broken down ranger cabin,chunks of the roof are missing,some of the wood is old and rotten,some Windows broken by teenagers probably.

Theres an odd carving on one of the walls. 《J&L were here》. Yep,this Is the work of teenagers-And poorly maintained infraestructure.

--Charlie Foxtrot--He mutters under his breath,that house was a clusterfuck indeed.

Eventually he makes it to the visitor's center. Its a large Wood and brick estructure, designed to look like a cozy cabin. The large Windows, the earthy colors- He gets that feeling of nostalgic 60s architecture and 90s modernism.

He steps in and stops the tape in the walkman,he takes off his headphones and goes to the main desk.

Before him a woman,short red hair,deep brown eyes with freckles. --'scuse me?

The woman looks up at him, eyes tired but welcoming--Hello, what can I help you with?

Okay,now hes got to talk. Not good at that one...

--Came- came here for the ranger job- I- I saw a broken down cabin on the uh...way here?--He stutters,not sure what to say or how to say it. Its not exactly a job interview...

She nodds and smiles a little,trying to reassure him--Ah yes! The groundskeeper job right? Ill go get Miss Witherspon,she works at the parks department, you see? She can help out

So off the girl leaves,he doesnt know her name or how Long itll take her. Perfect,now to stand there awkwardly until something happens.

He sits at one of the nearby Chairs,fidgeting with his dogtags and just....existing mostly. As much as he liked the great outdoors,places Like this kind of throw him off.

Luckily theres not Many people around to judge him or stare at him,which hes thankfull for because he wouldnt know how to handle it.

When the girl returns,Lucas is met with whom she guessed is Miss Witherspoon. He sees a black woman, eyes a dark grey with her brown hair in Jheri Curls,held Back with a black headband, she wears a comfy suit of a deep blue.

--This Man is here for the groundskeeper job--The girl that manned the desk said,gesturing at the ex soldier.

--Lucas Cole--He extended his hand and Miss Witherspoon shook it.

--Sally Witherspoon, nice to make your acquaintance-- The black woman answered with a polite smile-- Can I ask what interests you about the job?

Hes good at lying through his teeth, so he shrugs and gives her a coy smile.--well I like the great outdoors,the greenery- And judging by the state of the Cabin back there...it needs some love--He makes a pause--A lot.

The woman infront of him snickers--Hah,it does--She agreed-- We've been needing a groundskeeper for a while- You have experience with that kinda job?

Lucas nodds, seeing the red haired girl return the the main desk. --Yes,actually--He replied,sounding all friendly-- Im originally from Florida you see? My family used to go out hunting,camping, ive grown around forests. And im a veteran so I know a thing or two about security--He jingles his dogtags.

Sally looks impressed--Well, I mean if you can fix up that old cabin then the Jobs all yours

He blinks a little confused--That easy?

The woman scoffs--we're in need of a groundskeeper,and that cabin is an eye sore,so yes.

--Well,perfect. Ill take you up on that offer--He replied,not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

--Great,I'll talk with my sueperiors and get the materials needed. You're just going to have to..

--Do the hard work?--She nodds a little sheepish-- hah,dont worry ma'am im quite used to it

After that she hands him the number of the parks department for him to call if hes got questions. And off he goes back to his van, figuring he ought to explore the town a little better.

Though first,he better get something to eat. So,he stops at the parks dinner for some lunch-He digs the rustic vibes of the place. His ordee is taken by an older woman around his age, the tag on her shirt reads "Olive".

Milton-Haven is quite small town like-He realized as he Walked around the place post lunch. Theres safety in numbers and hes happy to blend in with the people around him, jusr admiring the simple quaintness of the place.

He makes notes of a few interesting places,restaurants, cafés,a record shop and a bar. "Dyonisus Bar" read the neon sign that shines even at this early hour of the afternoon.

Out of Curiosity and mild boredom he steps in, the place is quite rustic with fake grapevines tangling around the beanpoles and the walls. Its a mix of 90s architecture with its ornate details in the scaffolding,the decorations of the walls and that rustic feel that seems to be a trend around the town.

--Quite early for a drink huh?--A Man behins the bar asks to another costumer. The ex soldier turns to see a guy in his 20s manning the bar, dark brown hair with a cobalt blue underdye, greyish green eyes and tattoos all across his arms.

Lucas sits to see if he can strike up a conversation with the guy,get some more information on the place. He calls the attention of the barkeeper and smiles politely.

--You too huh? Its not even happy hour--the brown haired Man says with a smirk.

--Hah, kind of. Just here to ask about the town, im uh- New

--I'd say,havent seen you before--Theres a small hint of a hispanic accent to the Man, his way of speaking is sing-songy-- Whats your name,stranger?--He asked,polishing a glass.

--Lucas, n you are?-- he finds himself Charmed by the guy, a lot of charisma clearly.

--Lazaro, call me laz

--Nice to meetcha,Laz-- the radioman answers--What can you tell me about the town?

--We're small, honestly. Quite boring--He replied,setting down the polished glass--Before I say anything though, whats your poison?

He chuckled--Gotta pay for information?

The Man chuckled--All in a days work,mate. Dont wanna be greedy but you know-Gotta make a living

--Fair enough, just a beer Will do-- he replied, not minding getting hustled.

--cool, we've got Budlight,Corona,budwiser and uhhh--He thinks for a moment, turning to the small fridge behind the bar-- Heineken

--Corona 

Lazaro nodds and goes to Grab a bottle,hes quick to return and pocket the metal cap once the bottle is Open-- good choice,Its my sisters favorite--He pushes the beer up to the other man-- Actually,sorry to be so forward but youre exactly my sisters type

His face blooms with deep reds,he coughs a little- Jesus, hes not used to this-- uhm...thanks?

The barkeeper snorts-- ill make you a discount for the discomfort-- the soldier chuckles, easing into the conversation-- As I was saying, we're a small town. Quiet,cozy,easy going

Lucas nodds--Any interesting history to the place?

--Not sure- Theres the icarus point,the lighthouse- Oh the church of the blessed eyes, thats pretty--He lists off a few places until he adds--Oh right,it slipped my mind- Fort Sonder! Yeah the old bunker at Elysium Park!

--The whatnow?

--Yeah! Its an old world war II bunker, havent been used in ages-- Laz replied, tapping on the counter-- ive seen some people around It- security probably I mean im sure the state doesnt want kids to vandalize it

--Fair- Fair enough-- answered--Anything else?

He thinks for a brief moment,pursing his lips--Sadly no- But I guess I can ask my dad- hes ex military. Might know a thing or two

Lucas eyes widen,a little surprised--Theres veterans here?

--kinda! Me and my family moved here around...three years ago. Mostly world war two, like my dad!--He chirped-- Ah,hold on-Now you opened pandoras box I love talking about my family

--Kid, i got nuthin but time. Ramble away--He answers,seeing the younger guy pull out a photo and handing it to him.

On the picture theres obviously Laz,though hes covered in piercings and dressed like a goth. Beside him is his younger sister,brown eyes and a gold underdye, bright green eyes full of mirth, shes dressed like a punk.

His eyes turn to the taller figures behind them both, his gaze turns...puzzled-- before you say anything, we're adopted-- Laz says with a slight smile at the other Mans confusion.

--I- sorry

--Dont be

Lucas returns his gaze to the  Man behind the siblings,taller and well built,covered in scars and marks over his eye and cheek and a lot of freckles on his coppery skin. Beside him is an even taller woman, probably around his own height (6'10),she has beautiful dark brown skin,her afro covers her eyes and shes built on the bigger side, her lips have a warm grin.

--This is Raymond,my dad--Lazaro points at the Man with thay Cooper colored skin-- And this is Eryz,my mamma-- he gestures at the woman with the afro-- Aaaaand~ This is my sister --He points at the smaller woman beside his photo self. He grins at the soldier.

Its clear Laz is just messing with Lucas, he plays along because its just a 20 something being a teasing dipshit. Hes been there before,did the same dumb shit and he just decides to play along.

--nice family--Lucas answers with a smirk-- Gotta say your dad doesnt look his age-you said he was in world war two?

The barkeeper nodds--Good genes,hes like... sixty five?

He could relate to being "old" and spry, so he doesnt say anything other than--Fair --And then he remembers something, now that hes here he might as well ask about that therapist--A friend of mine June,says she knows a guy whose sister is a patient of uh..doctor Wales I believe?

--Oh no way you know June?-- Laz exclaims,happy to be reminded of his friend-- yeah,its my sister who is a patient of his

--The world really is small,huh?

--Hah! Yeah it is

Lucas chuckles a little flustered-- You dont happen to have his number do you?

--Ill ask my sister and give it to you Next time you come around--He replied, non-chalant. Not his bussiness to know why would the Man need it.

--Thats, thats really nice

He shrugs-- we all need help,come by tomorrow and I should have it- I promise you wont have to buy a beer for it

The soldier laughs loudly, nodding along with joy. Perhaps he can make a friend out of Lazaro, he could use the company--Hah, thanks for that- I dont exactly have money comin' out of my eyeballs here

Lazaro snorts at the metaphor, turning his head a little-- Pff! Fair enough!

After his beer,he pays and leaves the bar. Soon he returns to his van and decides to spend the rest of the day walking around The park, he does notice the bunker,though he keeps the visor of his cap well over his face just in case.

The bunker is old,overgrown and with a Giant radio antenna coming out of It. Theres a big chance thats where the experiments are taking place, so close yet so damn far.

He doesnt linget just in case,but he does stay nearby one of the small lakes there to Journal and relax.

"Log entry:

Finally at Milton Haven, its a relief to be here after everything. Been mingling with the locals, the town seems...quiet. I like it.

Made contact with the park people here and met a barkeeper, he told me about Fort Sonder. I suspect thats where the experiments are taking place, probably where that Dr.James is holed up.

Progress,baby steps..

Im closer and closer to finally set the record Straight."

He closes his Journal just as the sun starts to set, a sigh leaves him and he starts walking back to the van,making sure to avoid the bunker.

Luckily,he doesnt have to spend too much time living in his van. Soon enough Sally finds him and tells him he can start with the repairs.

Not a week into his little home renovation proyect,he meets Lazaro's dad,Raymond. He had offered to help him out on the repairs since its quite a lot- Lucas saw no danger in it and he accepted.

--What brings you to Milton-Haven?--Asked Raymond, helping him to set the insulation in the walls.

--Following up on an old friend--Its the best he can answer, nervously pushing back the stray hairs that dont care for being hold back by the red bandana on his head--Last I heard hes here

--Maybe i can help,whats his name?

He panicked and replied--Romeo-

--Dont know any Romeos,sadly--Ray answered,making sure to give the wall a good coat of spray foam.--havent been here long so maybe I just missed it

Okay,thank god hes not asked to elaborate--Maybe he moved,I honestly dont know

When the cabins all repaired,Raymond takes Lucas out for a beer at Dyonisus' Bar. They chat and slowly get into the talk about their service in the military.

Thats when Raymonds age start to show, he talks about world war two with a distant look in his eyes and bitter woe hid underneath his casualness.

Nothing Lucas hasnt seen before,he knows it first hand. So  return, he opens up about Vietnam,and a little bit about Wheeler.

《You don't wanna hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

But see how deep the bullet lies (yeah, yeah, yo)

Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder (yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, there is thunder in our hearts (yeah, yeah, yo)

Is there so much hate for the ones we love? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we? (Yeah, yeah, yo》

Music fills the silence that forms when hes done talking about Wheeler's death. Of course he doesnt tell the full story,but its good to Open up about it somewhat.

--That sounds...rough--Ray says leaning on the bar with this look of...fatherly pity in his eyes.--im so sorry, kid.

Its that damn petname that really makes his heart squeeze and churn and hurt like hell. Yet he nodds,holding Back the tears that threaten to form and expose him.

--Its- ive been dealing with it--He replied, taking a swig from his beer-- I got to talk about it with a friend we both knew, she gave me this,actually-- He gestures at the red bandana he has tied on his left wrist.

--Talking helps-- The older Man said, figuring he shouldnt pry. Though his gaze lingers on his companions bleary-- Crying too,no shame in crying

Lucas feels a little exposed- Did his eyes betray him somehow?. He clears his throat and avoids telling Ray he sounds quite a lot like Wheeler did.

After that night,Lucas moves into the place, at least the basics like his radio equipment and his cot. But he sleeps a little easier knowing he has a place to call home for a while, its a nice upgrade from living in a van crammed with Gear.

When he gets a phoneline, he calls up Dr.Wales. he had the whole thing rehearsed,he Hated calling.

--Hello?--Says a Man, of a somewhat deep but welcoming voice.

--Morning Mr.Wales --Lucas tries his best to Keep his tone steady--Im a friend of Lazaro's, his sister is a patient of yours.. I-- he makes a pause, knowing this is the first step towards recovery. He just needs to set one foot after the other-- I wanted to schedule an appointment

--Yes, of course--Dr.Wales answers,seeminly going through his schedule given the fact that the sound of flipping paper can be heard-- I think theres a space for you Next month, sounds good? Im kind of pretty busy until the end of this one

--Yes- its uh,no Biggie.

They talk for a bit,just bureocratic things like scheduling and fee discussion. After that,Lucas sits on the one person sofá hes got and rubs his eyes.

Maybe he should call up Jane and tell her the news,Surely she'd like to know hes getting help. So,he does- And admits he misses her already.

Now that hes got a "Base of operations" he tries to Catch that frequency again, now that hes close this should make it easier to eavesdrop. And he could confirm or deny his suspicion that the bunker in the park held the lab.

The few times he catches things they sound...oddly muffled. Perhaps this Dr.James had been moved to the bunker and thats why the transmission sounds so...weak?

It leads him to create what he called a "Radio Beacon",A modified walkie talkie.Now he could tune in on the frequency from the bunker, Its just a little clearer with this. And,it gives him a good side proyect to Keep his mind occupied when hes not working as a groundskeeper.

He figures that going from soldier to Park ranger is a good change of pace. He gets to be there in the great outdoors,helps people out and its mostly left to his own devices-Great cover for when hes walking around the Park late at night.

Lazaro was right, this town is quite calm and quiet. He really likes it.

One night, as he returns from his day as a firewatch(he covered sometimes for the actual firewatch guy,Eliott) he finds a cardbord envelope in his doorstep.

Hes careful to both Grab it and Open it, within it he finds a white paper that seems to be the personal Log of Doctor...Rosemary james. Taped to the page was a simple note.

"I wont tell if you dont. -Spider"

Lucas chuckles and proceeds to read the document, nursing a cup of coffee as the radio plays.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building (yo)

Say, if I only could, oh》

When hes done Reading,he goes to work on his board. He would like to think its not a conspiracy board but he can only lie to himself so much...

He finds humor in it though,and simply keeps working with what hes got. A few red threads here,some more notes over there...

In a sense,he finds pride in this work-In this mission he decided to embark on. A chance at vindication,right?

《Oh, come on, baby (yeah)

Oh, come on, darlin' (yo)

Let me steal this moment from you now

Oh, come on, angel

Come on, come on, darlin'

Let's exchange the experience (yo), oh, ooh, ooh》

--Lucas....Cole.... do you read?--Comes from his radio equipment. A garbled mess.

No,its not from the radio- its...

His head?

Lucas turns violently, seeing a woman behind him- or what he thinks is a woman. Shes covered in blue light and radio waves.

--Rosemary?--He asks,and just like that the visage is gone-- What the- no,cmon-- He runs to the equipment to try and tune into the frequency, though he finds no success in it.

To his credit,he really did try everything, even walking up near the bunker with his radio Beacon. But It seems that his luck had run out,for now at least.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

I'd be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

With no problems》

And that night,as he sits on his cot journaling his eyes drift to the picture hes got with Alphonso. He smiles with nostalgia and returns his gaze to his Journal.

He sighs with that same bittersweet air--Finally here Man.-- he takes the picture and plays with one of the edges of it-- Im making things right

Lucas rips out a piece of paper and writes on it for a few minutes. Then,he sets it on his nightstand, taking a few moments to read it before heading to bed.

"I pray for you,Alphonso,

As I do every night

That your soul May be at peaceful rest.

That you watch over your brothers,here amongst the living

Where you should be

If it were not for dire mistakes

And unfortunate circumstances.

I beg for your forgiveness and your help,friend.

Give me strength

To overcome those who seek to enslave our minds.

To shine a light to those in darkness

To restore faith in those who are lost.

Amen"

Lucas Cole had finally reached Milton Haven.

And he would set the record Straight.

[gothsuguru]

HI HELLO IM BREAKING INTO UR INBOX W TEARS IN MY EYES…………… 😭😭 i just read all ur tags on my sugu fics and when i tell you i CRIED YOURE SOO??? so so SO sweet and thoughtful????? I HOPE YOUR DINNER WAS THE TASTIEST EVER bc ur tags made my whole weekend <333333 literally every single thing u said made me go YES YOU GET IT like… im just gonna mention a couple things phsjdhs IM REALLY SOSO GRATEFUL <333 

FIRST OFF just . everything u said abt my writing in general??? is soooo unbelievably kind??? T_T like abt the setting and prose and etc!!! i got soooo happy every time u said u felt like u were really There LIKE THAT MEANS SO MUCH…. ”it’s like i’m living inside your words” ARE U TRYING TO KILL ME </3 sob. thank u :’< 

and aaa im so glad u liked all three fics even though theyre a bit different!! 🥺🥺 i just rlly feel like u understood what i was trying to convey w certain characters and lines and stuff and it means soooo much??? SUGU IS A DEVOTED LOVERBOY YESYESYES U GET IT!!!!! U UNDERSTAND!!!! ”devoted” & ”intense” are the PERFECT words for him i cant tell u how much i agree. AND SOO NURTURING YES WE’RE SO LINKED he’s so mother he’s so husbandwife <333 IM JUST NODDING ALONG TO EVERYTHING U SAY like genuinely. food as love was the theme for that particular fic hehe im so glad u noticed!!! 

AAAA AND UR TAGS ON THE CHILDHOOD BESTIES FIC ……. thats probably my fave sugu fic out of the ones ive written ngl i was sooo happy to see that u liked it 😭😭😭 U GET IT U DO… like their love could be platonic or romantic but it doesnt rlly matter bc they just love each other sooo much. HE’S A GHIBLI BOY YES i’m so glad u see the vision <33

IM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG i just need you to know that i see you and i love you and i appreciate you <3333 tysm for reading my silly lil fics and taking the time to write such thoughtful tags!!! 🥺🥺 im tucking them all away into my heart hehe. wishing u the most wonderful weekend ever !!!! mwah mwah mwah <33

OMG PLEASENDNDNDND your writing is literally SO stunning methinks you have the best rendition of suguru out there… like it’s so TELLING how much you love suguru (and satoru bc TRUST i’m gonna be in the tags of those fics too) and also i just really like how much personality you give to the reader as well! like everyone just is so fleshed out & 3-dimensional like they don’t feel like Just Characters In A Story they feel like real people & honestly magnificent writing to me always makes me feel like i’m watching a movie - and your writing does that! as i’m reading i’m envisioning everything like a movie & that’s the best compliment i can give fr <3 again it’s a testament to your beautiful dialogue, scene setting, storytelling, and YES PROSE!!!!! THAT’S THE WORD I WAS LOOKING FOR THE ENTIRE TIMENFNFNFNF your PROSE is beautiful 😭 it’s very COZY & PRETTY i love it

& OMG I WAS ABLE 2 UNDERSTAND BC YOU CONVEY EVERYTHING SO WELL!!!!! i was never confused i was Always In It <3 AND YES YOU SPOKE #REAL bc sugu is the ULTIMATE devoted loverboy… & i love how his intensity is just innate to him like he can’t help but love fully and with his whole entire mind, heart, body, & soul! and i also like how it isn’t an uncomfortable intensity or overbearing in a bad way - it’s just like a really nice weighted blanket and i LOVE that. & omg i’ve come to love food motifs so much………. whether it be hunger for something, cannibalism to get to the core of someone’s being, peeling clementines as an act of selflessness/love for someone else, or just sweet soft feeding your lover in bed bc you want them to eat well… that’s some delicious fucking food. & YESSSSSS nurturing caretaker sugu my beloved………. i think i read somewhere i forgot if it was just a random post here but someone said that suguru has such natural paternal instincts and that’s so real… like he’s mother he’s father he’s husbandwife he’s Transcended everything… the ultimate DadMom of the group… i just know his tote bag has bandaids, water, & snacks for everyone and he’s just the One you go to talk to about anything (again just like your sugu <3) OH AND ALSO i really like how devoted the reader is too! i Myself am a devoted lovergirl so i Feel seen

THE CHILDHOOD BESTIES FIC WAS SO FUCKING &/@/$/&//@/&:! why’d i get transported to a quaint town w the boy i’ve been in love since childhood and now he grew into a wondrous handsome man… trust that for Me if it involves sugu i’m immediately going romantic mode like i’m sorry i’m so Desperately In Love with him i can’t be normal <3 that fic is so fucking rich and filled w real problems that teens/ppl in their twenties face! the fear of the unknown but it feels like anything is possible and doable with someone like suguru by your side! AND YES HE IS SOOOOO HAKU-CODED TO ME (my first bf since i was a kid… coincidence? methinks not…) and also i reallllllllly love your fic of suguru going to reader’s apartment to declare war but he instead goes & has tea & cookies instead… i think i read that fic ages ago on ao3 and i could never find it again so it’s so Poetic Cinema that i found it here and that it was YOU and that you created so many more amazing fics… like i’m so well fed omfg & i’m super excited for anything you have coming out next!

AND OMG IT’S ABSOLUTELY MY PLEASURE! THANK YOU FOR CREATING SUCH BEAUTIFUL STORIES THAT I WILL KEEP TUCKED IN MY BRAIN & HEART <3 i will never forget you twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat… for as long as i live ��☝🏼 BUT FR!!!!! thank you for creating such wonderful premises for stories! i’m ecstatic to read anything you come out with next <3 mwah mwah mwah

^ me when reading your fics

[nonsenuser]

Zaregoto volume 2 rambles and notes

So I reread Strangulation: Kubishime Romanticist (aka vol 2 Zaregoto) AGAIN and this time I decided to make little notes as a went along. BIG TIME spoiler warning ahead because I just made notes where there was big time foreshadowing, def dont read this if you intend to read Zaregoto yourself

Prologue 

“never having loved is the same as never having lived” great quote

Early on in the story ii introduces this idea that him and zerozaki are the same and yet different in ways that cant really be explained.

The idea is they could’ve both turned out to be like the other, say if the circumstances were different and this is what they used to explain their affinity and I guess you could say attraction ;) to each other. 

Chapter 1

I will always adore the kimchee scene. Like he wanted to eat tasty food after being in such a crazy scenario the month before and yet all he comes to is ordering kimchee with absolutely no rice. 

ii talking about college being a space with curiously friendly people, striking up conversation like you’ve been buddies for life and this is so true, especially true since Mikoko is a humanities person (not to stereotype but I personally find people who study these more sociable and friendly than stem majors). Also we get some acknowledgement of II’s horrible memory 

Hilarious that ii orders kimchee again and goes oops and the lunch lady gives him even more than the last time, his poor tongue 

Iis loserness is very relatable. He doesn’t dislike boredom and he enjoys doing nothing more than others. Time to contemplate his own life and escape the hustle of life, ii just happens to like doing this more than others what an edge lord (i get him truly)

Miiko describing II’s scowl and saying he always looks like he’s contemplating something. Hard to approach. Also mentions an AT Field so I much appreciate the EVA reference, once again II is relatable as ever. 

“lovers and drunks have something in common they shove their happiness in other peoples faces” beautiful. And they were both not around during this time, one gone home already and the others still drinking 

Honestly theres something sooooo wow about ii describing his maybe killers appearance in such detail. He doesn’t really do this with any other character in this novel (within the story def not he has met a lot of interesting people. Like aikawa especially). 

Once again he describes how different they are and yet it felt like they were looking in a mirror. 

“he had my heart and I had his eyes” is such a romantic line for some reason. Even tho it is describing two people that are attacking each other. “we stayed there for as long as 5 hours or maybe 5 seconds” also kind of makes it sound like they’re lost in the moment. Earlier in the story II mentions there is “above all else no romance” which is real interesting that there is emphasis on that specifically despite all this. Their first meeting is so good, especially this stuff. They’re sort of captivated by each other because of how they see the similarities in each other its just so good. 

Extra notes:

Mikokos jealousy over Emoto is evident early on with the comment she made about feeling jealous if Ii chan remembered Emoto and not her 

Feminist comment is real interesting idk I guess Ii is a gender neutral asshole, not expecting any sort of message like that in this story especially knowing the events that transpire going forward 

Chapter 2

Iis rooms is so him. Naked light bulb. His wardrobe not jam packed with options oh what a boring guy 

Miiko Asano description is hitting way too close to home for me. 22 years old working various gigs…. Unapproachable at first but pretty cool after oh what a girl I love 

Subdued demeanour, default expression being a glare 

Hahahaha taking about bringing a guy (Zerozaki) back to his room. Schmoozing with the serial killer everyone is talking about under the schijo bride 

Apparently the exact definition of schmoozing is to talk to someone in order to impress or manipulate them which is real interesting 

Eight Queens game. Gets harder as you progress and Ii plays it on his own and he can vent his frustration in losing on his own which is so in character for him. It’s also a good metaphor for how the mysteries in Zaregoto play out as a whole so this is super meta. 

I forgot how delinquent Muimui was

The conversation with Zerozaki about what a friend is, is one of my favourites 

Muimui drunk being like, my brains flipped upside down so my cerebrum and cerebellum are switched which is so real lmfao 

Zerozaki and II have yet to talk about Zerozakis motive for killing. Instead talking about ‘stupid irrelevant things’ and saving the best for last 

Tomoe has this weird infatuation or fixation I guess with Mikoko like she wishes she was like her. And she shares this with II 

Also when the murder happens “it probably wasn’t anything to worry about” would’ve been a dead giveaway if it wasn’t for the phone call that took place later on in the chapter 

And of course the last thing II thinks of before going to bed after hanging out with these new friends and bringing Mikoko home is what is Zerozaki doing right now I wonder if he’s killing anybody…. 

Chapter 3

Mikoko is so obvious about her crush its hilarious, II is just very oblivious (or maybe hes not stupid unreliable narrator)

The interrogation stuff was also really great because its like Ii didn’t even try to be not suspicious but thats just the way he is. And to react to Tomoes death in that way is so bizarre but its very in character considering the first arc 

Ii and Zerozaki at karoke is a real joy, I could reread this part of the story an infinite amount of times and never get sick of it. 

Some highlights though:

general discussion on what it means to kill

The time that passes, they apparently are in that booth for ~4 hours and theres a period of silence for around 1 (although I think this is just Ii being dramatic), and then they go to Tomoes place. They basically hang out all night 

Zerozaki saying “would any girl go that far to learn the address of a random guy? You might not put it past a guy but this is a girl” and then he smiles at Ii. 

“I liked her zero and hated her zero” about Mikoko is just a brutal way to express indifference, I love that line 

discussion on why people die and mentioning apoptosis? genes? Kind of hilarious 

Zerozakis sleeping face (aw) looking like Ii’s huh… 

Chapter 4

Miiko buying antiques and just chilling with her part time job, like I said before I am her I wanna be her. 

Aikawa just licking and biting Ii’s neck. That should be me tbh. 

And Muimuis little convo w Ii in the cafeteria earlier on the in the chapter was good. 

I got a little lazy w my annotating but Aikawa jun time is always great and we got that in this chapter 

Chapter 5

Mikoko and Ii going shopping is kinda sad when you know what happens next. She couldn’t express her feelings and also ii is a dumbass so he doesn’t even know lmao

“The sick masochist freak and the sick sadistic freak. It’s a match made in freaking heaven” (Aikawa Jun about Ii and Zerozaki) 

Ii saying “What a Riot” like Zerozaki does. The foil is foiling (this happens again later with zerozaki saying its all nonsense, the foil is really foiling)

Chapter 6

It really picks up this chapter with Mikoko dying, like thats just crazy. 

Also typical of mr unreliable narrator, but you can pinpoint the moment where its like alluding to the fact that he is hiding something (Sasaki says so) and then your like “oh he fucking swallowed the cloth Mikoko used to strangle herself” 

Chapter 7

They make Akiharu seem like a real dickhead, maybe he is. Especially the ‘I didn’t believe in boy-friendships’ but even more funny is Ii thinking same-gender friendships weren’t possible either LOL.

“Im used to not being liked. In fact, its being liked thats weird for me” Okay edge lord defective product, (but low-key relatable ish)

Also Akiharu saying it looks like ii could kill someone reaffirms the damn foil with Zerozaki. Beautiful. 

I’m like way too lazy to dissect the dream sequence but I appreciate it very much. Its quite good. And its really funny that after he wakes up he’s like aw wtf I got main character syndrome and thought I could dissect her psyche just from a short conversation with her when she was still alive. 

More Zerozaki stuff,,, obviously he saves Ii from the Dark Garb situation. Here’s some random lines/moments I like:

“I didn’t even have to wonder wo it was. I knew him as well as myself” (Ii about Zerozaki)

“Hm? Hey dont doze off on me. At least give me your address first” and of course my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE 

“Yo. Morning, sunshine”. 

Just the fact that Zerozaki watched over Ii all night is yk great, like im so wow. About that 

And then Ii quips like “duh, the killer was Muimui” 

Chapter 8

Beginning of the chapter is basically Ii talking about himself and how he thought he could get away with being happy all alone, but he was wrong, and he also calls himself a loser which yeah he is but in the most interesting way

Muimui confrontation… “is your knight in shining armour (Zerozaki) waiting outside?” 

Also some appreciation for the toxic Yuri with Muimui and Mikoko!! Three cheers,,, she even says she loves her and she LITERALLY killed FOR her. Crazy stuff I forget how yuri-ful nisioisin shit can get 

Muimui: Then kill me now 

Ii: Nah die on your own. 

(Shady af comebacks) 

Cries the final conversation with Zerozaki in this volume… :( 

Also ohmygod the whole string of murders is so ridiculous but its my fave like (they way it carried out) ONLY SECOND to the volume 6 murders lmfao 

Once again theres emphasis on them talking for 2 hours about random shit before parting ways. 

“Zerozaki is there someone you love”

“Hell no man, incidentally I hate myself the most. Or maybe you” Just crazy. Its really nice that in nice moment though ii, admits he does love someone (Kunagisa Tomo) and then we see her next chapter 

Extra note and question I still have is did Ii know Mikoko had feelings for him or was he really ignorant up until the end. This guys a fucking liar through and through so idk. 

Chapter 9

Okay, so I should probably revisit that last chapter again because it puts the murders into perspective, I guess Ii had an inkling of what happened very early on (like after the first murder) and maybe even knew that Mikoko liked him then but wasn’t 100% sure at that point. 

Also really sad that he will forget her, in fact I dont think she comes up again in future volumes even in mention, the only new character we see again later is Zerozaki (and Miiko too). 

“I wanted you to save me” What a grim suicide note. And Ii probably doesn’t even care or want to remember (and cant remember) 

In a way I guess him and Kunagisa are very fitting for each other I mean he calls himself a defective product anyways. They’re both fit for each other and that is clear in not only this part but in future Zaregoto volumes too. 

Final Thoughts

This reread was great and I noticed things I didn’t before. What makes this volume really great in my opinion is Ii's relationship with Zerozaki, and after that I would say the string of murders themselves while these are great it is unfortunate that we never see most of these characters again. however that does make this volume a great one to read on its own (which I have done several times already). I guess the x/y thing never meant anything in the first place? like a side of fries as Ii said, which I was initially upset about but I guess its kinda smart it like big time threw me off too.

[mindbleeds]

Notebooks found after flood 12/27/22

Focused on good steps

See how easily your mind can shift

Going from negative and questioning

To authentic sturdy positivity

It seems trivial at times, when really its just a misconception of the value in being/keeping simplicity

A bit past three and there is nobody around. A little fucked up, here silence is the loudest sound. Becoming better and making changes. A bit distraught I am just filling up these lines on these pages. Repeating how im not good enough for him. A sea of thoughts that I am drowingng in. If I told you that things get better then Id be lying. Dont know how to make this all right again, but im trying. When the breeze picks up, I hope to drift away. And when the pain sets in, I hope you choose to stay

Tonight I wont sleep. Keep me awake in your dreams. Tomorrow might give reason as to what this all means. For now, this porch is a santuary. And one more sleepless night reinstills my obscure sanity

Here I stand, commencing a peaceful celebration at the edge of this continent. It happens every single morning and night. 

Mother Nature provides us with moments to remain in

Filled with music, lights, and entertain ment

All we have to do is be present

Give back to her the gift of whole hearted embracement

See the natural beauty of all of earths creations

Surrounding you

And find

Youre one of them as well

We stood at the edge of what we had imagined forever might feel like

We found shelther in a cave where darkness and the cold became our home. We came to love it and came to know what the other on of us was

I couldnt hold these words for you any longer

They all held remnants of so many honeysuckle sunsets

That led to nights of staying up far too late

I thought you werent meant to say things like “sleep well babe” to people that didnt matter

But you do

You did

And so I did

And now all thats left are all of these heavy baskets I was forced to bring in off from the front porch

Sheilding them from getting wet and potentially smearing

In case you might need something from them again

But I need to give them back today

Got to let them go and weave a new basket

All these baskets that are filled with left over remnants of honeysuckle sunsets and pine needle nights

On a foggy beach, misty afternoon. The empty shore goes further than my eyes can see. Footprints from the early risers on their morning beach-jogs. Riddled with craters from heavy raindrops hitting. The ocean is a deeper navy than im used to seeing and its extra foamy. As it washes up it leaves little trinkets along the coast for beach goers to collect and give to loved ones. I come across a shell thats perfectly unweathered. I hold it in my palm for a minute and admire its natural beauty then I toss it back into the ocean and I make a wish

Barefooted where the water washes up and over my unpainted toenails of my tatted foot. Its picturesque the way that I sink in deeper with each rise and drift of the tide. For such a chillu early spring day the water is warm. On the horizon cargo ships move along. I always wonder what they are carrying and where its going to. I wonder if people think the same things as I do. A few people pass by, they simple and I smile too. 

I move a little ways from the water and up onto a lifeguard tower. From here I can see the city through the fog. I stay here for a while until I remember my peace. Long enough for the mist to go away and for teh gaurds to tell me Ive got to go. I breathe in the salty air. And draw a picture in the sand. Wash mu feet before I get to the parking lot, and into my car. A quiet drive back to shleter and my bed. Tonight I will rest easy. Thanks to the ocean once again

Greedy eyes better look away. See how they long to step inside my mind without an invitation and I cant break from the state of flux im in where I am drowning out all distractions and building up this creative vision

Grateful just to be livin unlimited and elevated. Forming word clusters resonating with my soul of an indigo hue vibrating higher feel what I can do

Laying it down. Countless times. Consider this a refresher

Let the beauty come pouring out. Long enough it has been running through my veins. Undneath all this pain a sparkle remained in both of my eyes on the most unexpected of days, it became known again. It was that little bit of magic that kept me and still keeps me going. 

To know that in the midst of everything, magic can happen, wounds heal, grace saves, and it is possible for something liek you to search so deep within yourself- not to find any sort of answer but to discover further and more in depth who you are and what you are here to bring to the world. So that in everything you do it is eveyrhitng you are. And you do it so humbly even angels admire it. You are waking up into something more

Connected surpassing all the times I felt neglected

You’re here, right?

Say you rage so hard, right?

Time to put that mentality to the test

Im the neutral party here

Youre the one who’s working the show

Im living and listening

Gotta vent? Get it out

Trying to just shove it all on me? Cut that shit now

Look twice

But dont question even once

Actually really living without regrets

Giving zero fucks, actually

Few are capable of handling me

My ppl know when to leave it alone

And I give it back ten fold their direction

See I show up

Not only for you regularly

But also for me

Selfish

But look how I radiate

Sit back and question

How could I do it any other way

Than this one

This right here counts

Real is what matters

Theyll turn to view the artist

Find goodness and beauty along the way

Seeking it out 

On display 

In a gloomy distraught place

New creators will find their voices

Visionaries will be forced to adjust in the shift

Into alignment with natures message

Theyll be the ones who interpret it

This is what we need

To feel lonely, overwhelmed

Totally clueless about what will happen

For somewhere in that. Fear and desparation

We are bound to discover a newfound hope

So feel what youre feeling

Stay plugged in

Take breaks and remember to

Breathe

I know we will get to a better tomorrow eventually

Rest now

Take it one day at a time 

Sure, youre inside

But are you going to look outside of yourself or go and lock the front door

Look out your window and feel lucky enough to have shelter?

Will it all go back to normal like ti was or is this our chance to redefine normal”? Will you let the anxieties of being completely not in control define and dictace your days or can you pause to know every person is feeling thatanxiety to varying degrees? Wake up to the goodness buried in there

(About 2020)

Sit down take a secodn feel the ground take a breath in and hold it still 1 2 3 4 now let it out

Its a mystery whats left to come thats why I love it

I let myself fall deeply into some of the most unassuming moments

Wouldnt call it something beautiful but theres something great about it

It doesnt happen on purpose

Its only real to me when it unintentionally happens

Force makes it feel fake

This is the push of the universe. Im reciebing gifts I dont deserve

Writing about what im feeling is probably good

Putting it into words- I tend to jump and overanalyze/. Theres a pandemic happening and somehow I dont feel all that panicked- its odd but this isnt about me

Speak only when its time to say checkmate

Write in silence

Gotta let me

E s c a p e 

Into that void

This empty space

No time

Total lack of linear structure

Where I find

Whats incomprehendable to a simple mind

All I know is that this one thing right here

See,

This

Is 

Mine

She does the work and does whats right. Reads up on Jesus to celebrate easter with her family respectfully though to the norm (nam?) she respectfully declines. heartwarmth she is the buddha in the studio. 

Run it. Make me ratchet. Make it crave it till I ask please can I have it

He settles for what he can take

All that he makes

Gets swept away

Hes always running towards heartbreak

Cause its his own

Hes out to shake

She wants so badly to let him in

Hes wearing thing

Her chest caves in

And so does his

One final leap

Today begins

Sunlight

Golden beams hit my body 

Shadows on my ribs

Craters and waves

The ocean, my soft skin

When its broken down be motivated by the sounds - like how when it stops in the surroundings- still we create- loud

Containment makes it worse

Theyre like “do this”

Meanwhile im trying to explain how hard it is to write relevantly but how easy it is to write about a bathroom door

Indeed

Now that Ive found him there is no sense In making myself be grounded

Know that when its forever

It just keeps getting better

I tried to wrap my head around coincidenece

Couldnt make sense of it

Then I met him

The calm of letting things go

Breathing, feeling, living and feeling whole on my own

Its all because he found me

So many weights disappeared and were lifted

I sort of always knew that Im gifted

Searching for that gifts purpose

Could I return it? 

Give it back to the betterment of whatever is left thats still good?

When I come back

I reiterate

It isnt over yet

Matter of face

This is only jsut the start

Soo ill take on my role

Quite literally play my part

Selfish as it seems from your perspective

This is always for you

Not me

Drip

Drift

Descend

Fall 

In

To

Fade away into Neverland

Wild dreams that speak

Are filtered

Outrageous thoughts

Deemed too controversial

Well im craving an uproar

Desiring the upside down 

Pray that we lose all sense of normal

To be forced into a new right side up

Maybe then 

People change

Maybe then

Weve still got a fighting chance

To make this a better place

When its my turn to speak

Listen from a “all the past is erased” point of view

Im here to say

We can make it happen

Youve got to be with me the whole way

Is the ceiling caving in or is it exploding?

Feeling weightless yet grounded in the moment

I lost track of all the days last week

I think

That Ive got no clue what im even really thinking

But when im just feeling like this

It feels so right to just go with it

I move

Are you with me

Pray you dont ever forget

Its me who is in charge 

Of the pace of this

The ebbs and flows

The waves youve been riding

Thats all me

Always will be

Always has been

There is no next step

There is only here

There is only now

Just this moment

To take up residency in

At a table

Surrounded by a bunch of tall grass

And weeds

The light is shining down, you can see it really clearly

The river thats ahead is canopied by trees and the birds on all the wispy branches are out there singing the songs that they sing

I am intricately interwoven 

Into this tapestry of life

Some days I know exactly what I am doing and where I am going

Other days I have absolutely no ideas

This does not slow me down becasue I trust the process of it all

I carry a sack full of goals and ambitions with me. I dream alot. Visions are what I feel I can hold onto. They get clearer the more time I devote to developing them. The more I alloow myself to jsut be, the more abundant they/it becomes. The more that I surrender to the wild excitement that comes along with living, the happier and calmer I become. I am opening myself up to more movement with no real expectation fo what that might lead me to. I am worthy of this journey. I am here

I am willing

And I am always ready to take on whatever life hands me

The smell of the river mixed with bug spray

The red cardinal waiting for me patiently at the front door

Calm and at ease

Pleasant

My head rests on my knee

A fresh start

Still it sort of seems the same

Im learning the value in that

How to not just shy away

How to allow

Take in

Hold on

Feel

Impact

Let go

Release

Reverberate within the atmosphere

Its sort of smelly here

Then again, so am I 

My god its been a while since Ive been able to just sit back and relax 

Like we used to do back when we still felt like kids

Feels like ages since back then, hard to believe how much weve grown

But im so glad that we grew the way we have

I know that nothing can erase the past

No substnace is gonna change what is fact

Im okay with all of that

I wont ever deny whats true or withold any of the details of my story and struggle

I stand by saying all I did had to be done 

I feel like I might be capable of getting this message through and across

You cannot blame yourself for being guarded. 

Closing off

For protecting your once-soft heart that over time was hardened

I know its hard, that people can be mean

They can backstab and betray you. I  know its easier to just get up and walk away than it is to wait around for someone when youve become so accustomed to how they all leave. I cant promise you that everyday will be sprinkled with magic and glitter but I can tell you that one day, the right ones will come along, and youll know theyre the right ones to come because they are the ones who will stay.

Proud of how you have fought to not push them away

[regret-breathing]

@codsfish @bulldog-butch @perditionanddiatribes

ive been asked to define The Schema.

so im watching supernatural for the first time this year, havent gotten very far so i’ll assume this only applies to what ive seen (seasons 1-5), but after about ten or so episodes i started noticing a pattern with the women in the show, specifically with how they’re positioned based on hair color. Now, according to eric kripke only 3 hair colors exist for women. Blonde, black, and dyed red. i think there is One brunette woman in the show but i dont remember her name, just that i was shocked by seeing her.

for some reason, the show insists on dividing hair colors along surprisingly hard and fast lines, every woman in the show (except one) falling along the following three archetypes:

Blonde — The Ideal Woman. Angels sent from heaven to be perfect and beautiful and take care of men. Blonde women can do no wrong and have no flaws, and should they die it is TRAGIC. How could the lord bear to take one of these perfect beautiful angels away from us,,, they deserved a long life and many children and a nice man to be fucked by and not a scrap of agency. if by some horrifying fluke of fate or temptation, one of them DOES do something wrong, feel free to fuck and/or murder them at your discretion. notable examples; mary, jo, ellen, 90% of Nice Woman Supporting Characters, etc.

Dyed Red — NO NATURAL RED HAIR EXISTS. These women are Dangerous. Maybe theyre a wildcard you can never fully trust, maybe they’ll help you, but only to their own ends, maybe you love them and they betray you. Whatever it is, no matter how cool and sexy they are, WATCH OUT. these women are CAPABLE OF HARM. but oh my gosh theyre so cool,,,, 😮‍💨 notable examples; Ana, that one policeman in the episode with the hunters what kill people, etc.

Black Hair (usually dyed) — either EVIL or DEAD. the dregs of society. Mean women. Women of no virtue. When they die itll be their own fault for sinking to sin and corruption, and yknow what maybe society is better off with these horrible EVIL temptresses dead. bottom line, these women cant be trusted for anything other than sex and betrayal and having really pretty eyes usually for some reason. notable examples; that werewolf who died after sam had sex with her, ruby 2, meg 3(?), every woman sam has had sex with post-jessica, ALMOST EVERY DEAD GIRL, ALMOST EVERY EVIL WOMAN, etc.

now i know youre asking; what about meg! what about lilith 1 and2! what about ruby 1!! they’re all blonde and evil!! but consider them for a moment—

meg 1 has dyed blonde hair, but every time she appears before she dies she has *dark black roots* that are highly visible:

this is a subtle bit of foreshadowing imo, proving she’s capable of evil AND that shes trying to scam mr padalecki. watch out!!!!

now lilith might be seen as a proper breakage from form, seeing as every time she appears she has blonde hair. but crucially, the first time she appears, when she’s possessing that little child, we’re supposed to primarily feel bad for the child, specifically when lilith leaves the childs body and the kid warns the boys. the real stick in the spokes is lilith 2, who looks like this:

personally i dont see this as a break from the schema but i think it’s up to interpretation. i think lilith 2 counts because while her death isnt tragic and she certainly doesnt possess the fine patriarchal virtues of most blond women in the show, her death IS a thing we should feel bad about, seeing as its what kicjstarts the apocalypse and frees satan. that and she’s sort of supposed to be a wolf in sheeps clothing type of deal almost like meg. she appears in a white dress, rail thin, with an almost too perfect face, primarily as a smokescreen. to futz with the characters and the viewers perceptions. again, up to you if you think shes a break, but i dont personally.

now ruby 1, lets call her laurel lance ruby, shes a fun one:

(image of both rubys because im gonna bring up ruby 2 in this too)

laurel lance ruby is of course another dyed blonde because this isnt the actress’s real hair color but thats not what im gonna bring up. ruby’s a fun case because shes not just scamming the characters, shes scamming the viewer as well. so, the crucial thing for me is how the audience is supposed to feel about her. sure shes a little sketchy, sure shes a little dangerous, maybe shes a red hair candidate, but we the audience are SUPPOSED to empathize with her, to feel her frustration when the hunters dont trust her, her annoyance when her plans go off the rails. we’re supposed to be rooting for her, and more importantly, we’re supposed to be upset when shes overtaken by lilith in the confrontation. we’re supposed to be sad when shes lost, or at least sent back to hell briefly. that to me counts as a death, and imo counts as a tragic one. now ruby 2 is more obvious, ruby in her True Form narratively speaking. shes gone full scammer mode shes mask off we’re supposed to be suspicious of her, shes no longer scamming both us AND the boys, but primarily just the boys, so we are meant to be offput by her. personally i found myself shocked when ruby, a sympathetic character, broke my schema by appearing with black hair and from my perspective making all the right calls in the war on satan, but then WHAM her scheme is revealed and the schema corrects itself when she turns out to be a betrayer AND then dies in a way where we’re supposed to cheer. i miss ruby she was a fun character :(

so all this to say, there are a number of characters that *bend* the schema. but the one that so far in my watch has broken the schema fully is LISA.

i have only seen as far as the season five finale so, no spoilers pls, but if she dies my schema will at least be corrected from Broken back to only Bent. but as it stands she shows NONE of the signs of a typical Black Haired Woman within the schema. she’s a lovable character, we’re meant to root for her, she shows little to no signs of typical Black Haired Woman traits like infidelity or other signs of major sin or corruption. there’s some light implied promiscuity, but never on screen and only many many years before the show began, by the end of season five she has done no wrong by the shows typical definition! she shows no sign of imminent betrayal, she makes no move to harm the boys, she has all the qualities of Blonde Hair within the schema, right down to being boiled down to a bioessentialist “mommy you can fuck” stereotype! she should by all rights have blonde hair!!! so at my point on the timeline i have to assume that EITHER;

1) her death is imminent. beware the doom that follows her lest ye be caught up in it. beware, dean winchester.

or 2) FROM THIS POINT FORWARD THE SCHEMA IS MEANINGLESS.

i logically should have very little issue with lisa, but hoooooo i am PEEVED that shes breaking my schema. when she appeared the first time i was SURE shed die by the end of the episode and when she didnt i was THRILLED!!!! finally a beautiful black haired woman was FREE. a win for the recovering goths everywhere. but now? with her breaking my schema at every turn???? HOO i am peeved. vexed even. hough i am peeved.

so yeah. thats the Schema from seasons one through five. forgive some of the more sexist lingo, when working within my enemy’s text i must resort to using their lexicon.

sometimes i forget just how much supernatural hates women and then i rewatch and im like oh right supernatural fucking loathes women

[missluckycharms]

These small moments.

Single Dad!Harry and his little love, Honey.

Summary: mornings with Honey are Harrys favourite, small chats with blurry eyes and lazy smiles is what makes him feel closer to his little lady.

A/N: ahhh they’re so 🥺 enjoy !!

Click *** for visuals throughout the story.

Warnings: none, just pure fluff and dad jokes.

Word Count: 2.1K

Masterlist.

It’s nearly seven in the morning.

The sunrise shining through the windows and casting a bright warm hue onto Harry’s sleeping body in his bed. The white sheets tossed about and his head buried in the pillow, his cheek smushed to up and his lips slightly parted letting out small snores.

The only sound throughout the whole house is the sound of birds chirping about outside and the engines of cars on their way down the roads, the morning rush nearly upon the streets as people make their way to their nine till five jobs. The house has a slight breeze throughout due to Harry always sleeping with his window cracked open, and his door cracked open also to allow honey to walk in when she needed her Papa.

Speaking of the little love, she’s already awake, in her own small pink coloured bed, many pillows around her and her stuffies lined up against the wall, her favourite stuffie in her hand — Pascal from Tangled is her favourite stuffie, she brings him everywhere, even sneaks him into school in her back pack when Harrys not looking. She does this every morning, she lays in bed and talks to her stuffie or just stares at the ceiling, her glow in the dark stars now white and barely noticeable in the bright room, her pink curtains casting a pink hue around the room.

She waits five minutes before she’s hopping out of her bed and padding along towards her door, she pulls it open as it’s only closed a little, allowing enough of a gap for her small body to fit through. She snuggles pascal as she walks, looking around and noticing her Papa must still be asleep, she immediately darts for his room, peeping her curly head in and looking at his sleeping body, his back facing her and his bed messy as usual, but there’s always enough space for her to snuggle up next to him.

She doesn’t wake him, she tip toes towards the side he’s not laying on, throwing pascal up first before she’s hiking herself up on the large bed, a small groan when she has to put more strength into getting up than usual due to her sleepy state. When she’s up, she brushes the curls from her face with a harsh swipe, her blue doe eyes looking at her Papa, his hair messy like hers. She lays down on the pillow, looking at her Papa as she softly taps his cheek and pushes pascal towards him.

“G’morning button” he grumbles when he hears a small giggle, pascal now on his back as her dimples pop out at how ridiculous the man looks with a small green chameleon stuffie on his bare back. He smiles when he hears her hearty laugh, instantly wrapping his tattooed arm around her and squishing her into his chest.

“Papa! Cant see!” She laughs loudly, her small body being caged by her Dad’s broad muscular one, his own laughs filling the room as she peeps her head up at him, a small pout on her lips which causes him to lean down and peck her lips lightly.

“Have a good sleep? Yeah?” He asks when she nods happily, her small hand playing with his cross necklace as he shuts his eyes for a few more minutes, face buried in her chestnut curls as she talks to him and pascal, Harry never knowing which one she’s actually talking to sometimes.

“Papa? Pancakes now?” She asks after another five minutes, her small attention span running out which causes Harry to wake up from resting his eyes, smile back on his face as he turns them over so he’s laying on his back and Honey is sat on his stomach slapping his chest looking at his tattoos — she loves his tattoos or his “paintings” as she calls them.

“Papa, your pearlies are gone” she says disappointed looking to see that her favourite necklace of his which is his Pearl one, is missing. She loves to run her small hands over it, the feeling and look of it making her eyes wide in awe at the beauty of it.

“Should I wear them today?” He asks with a smile, watching as she rubs her eyes a little, slowly waking herself up as she lets out a small yawn, her small pouty lips returning as she babbles on nonsense as Harry tries to tame her hair a little before he has to style it for her today.

“Love your pearlies Papa” she says brightly, laying down on his chest, her curls tickling his chin as he wraps and arm around her back, rubbing small circles on it as she relaxes a little, her small body still trying to wake up as Harry softly kisses her head.

It’s when his alarm rings when the two actually peel themselves from bed, Honey immediately springing up and slapping his phone to turn off the sound, it’s her favourite thing to do for some reason, she always shouts “I did it Papa!” Which makes him laugh and nod kissing her head proudly. They’re both in the kitchen now, the early start allowing them to lounge about in their comfy clothes for awhile while they make breakfast. Harry is only in a pair of grey joggers while Honey sits on the counter, helping him add in flour and sugar to the pancake batter in her baby pink bunny printed silk pyjama set *** the darker complexion of her skin standing out against the pale pink, Harry was overjoyed when he seen she had the same skin tone as her Mum, her darker skin causing her blue eyes to be brighter.

“Wanna help crack an egg button? Need t’be careful though, don’t want crunch pancakes now do we?” He asks with a grin as she pulls a disgusted face shaking her head. Her small palm helps her Papa’s hand crack the egg and she giggles watching it plop down into the dry mixture.

They scarf down their banana pancakes through small chats and giggles, Harry cracking his usual jokes that have Honey giggling loudly as she shovelled her pancakes into her mouth, their faces hurting from laughing by the time they’re up in her bedroom, Harry standing at her drawers, holding up small outfits as Honey sits like the diva she is on her bed, giving him a thumbs down when she doesn’t like an outfit he picks. She’s so stubborn, but she gets that from him.

“I do it Papa!” She says annoyed now, marching over to him as she picks her up with a laugh, her small hands rooting about until she pulls out a white cable knit jumper with a few frills on the sleeves and a baby pink velvet pinafore to go over it. She smiles up at him as he nods, happy with her choice. ***

“Did good button, need to put some tights on you though, getting a bit nippy out” he says as she nods, walking towards her sock drawer and pulling out some white knitted tights with an smile as Harry gives her a thumbs up, causing her to laugh loudly.

“Why Papa shave?” She asks sitting on the sink, her small outfit on her and her brown boots swinging on her feet as she dangles them off the counter beside the sink watching as Harry applies his shaving foam and wets his razor under the water, he’s still shirtless and only in his joggers as Honey watches on — she loves watching him, when he’s shaving his face or when he’s cooking, even when he does something a small as put her DVD in the player, she’s fascinated by him and Harry thinks it’s because he’s all she has, and he doesn’t mind being the centre of her attention as she is his.

“Papa has hair on his face, sometimes it gets itchy when it lets long. You don’t like it sure you don’t, always complaining it tickles when I kiss ya” he says with a laugh, his hand gliding the razor over his face as he inspects himself in the mirror, trying not to nick himself as Honey watches on curiously.

“Yuck! Hate Papas beard, gross!” She says as Harry looks at her, his face shaven and the foam gone, he picks up his curl cream and scrunches it through his hair a little.

“S’not nice to say gross button, remember? Cant say things are gross” he warns her, her small face falling but nodding as she takes the small scolding from her Papa, he rarely scolds her and when he does, he feels guilty but he knows it’s for her own good. Apart from a few slip ups here and there, she’s the most well mannered toddler ever, everyone that meets her complements Harry on his good parenting which means so much to him due to what he’s been through to get to where he is now.

It’s another few minutes before Harry is fully dressed, a baby blue striped grey suit *** on his body and his usual gucci heeled boots that Honey loves the sound of, she instantly perks up at the sound knowing her Papa is near. She claps when he walks out from the bathroom, it’s her new thing, she claps like he’s putting on a fashion show, causing him to strike a pose which causes her to fall back onto the bed in fits of laughter.

“Alright button, hair time!” He says as she widens her eyes, trying to wriggle off his bed and run away. She hates her hair being combed due to her curls being unruly and always tangled on her head. He grabs her and makes monster noises at her, tickling her belly as she screams out a laugh, nearly falling from his arms as he places her down on the counter by the sink, she spins around and watches herself in the mirror.

“What are we going for today Miss Styles?” He asks her like a professional hair stylist, her smile wide as she grabs a pink hair tie with small butterfly clips also, she shows them to him in the mirror as he smiles, taking her hair brush and de tangling spray. He struggles a little but he gets there in the end, her hair tied up in a pony tail and the small butterfly clips all around her head as she smiles brightly at herself.

“Did good job Papa!” She says clapping her hands, seeing how her Dad is improving, he’s been watching tutorials nightly and even trying some on himself as he gets used to braiding and all that stuff for when she starts asking for more complex styles in her curly hair.

He packs her bag and they’re both out the door quickly, he straps her into her booster seat in his black Range Rover, her legs dangling about as she rings and dances to the song on the radio, Harry keeping his eyes on the road but they flicker to hers in the rear view mirror when she speaks to him. Honey loves school, she loves her teacher and she loves making new friends due to her out going personality that she definitely got from her Mum, she could make friends with a tree if she was near one.

She’s holding his hand as he walks her in the gates, the other kids all lining up on their designated class spot on the ground, a yellow circle painted on the tarmac signalling the younger class. The Mums are all there with their kids, the odd few Dads there also but it’s always the Mums who are smiling and speaking to Harry as they watch their kids walk into their classroom, small hands waving as they excitedly march into the school. He doesn’t stay long after she’s gone in, mainly because the Mums have no filter and would publicly flirt with the single Dad even when they have wedding bands on their fingers.

He brushes off all the women, smiling at them as he runs out the gate, hearing them all whisper amongst themselves as they excitedly look on as he pulls away in his expensive car heading towards his work building. Harry feels empty when Honey is gone, he loves mornings with her, just him and her going about their mornings, making breakfast and cracking up at jokes they tell one another back and forth over banana pancakes every morning, some mornings they have cereal if they wake up late and sometimes if they wake up extra early and can’t go back asleep, they get ready and Harry brings her out for breakfast before dropping her off at school.

It’s the little moments with Honey that Harry cherishes, knowing she won’t be his little love for very long, but doesn’t think about that. He lives in the present with her and he loves how they are now, he loves his little lady with all his heart.

[arroganceisherfavoritecolor]

Dirty Little Secret

A/N: hello everyoneeee, this is my first oneshot fanfic on tumblr, which is a Rodrick Heffley x gn!reader, i hope u all enjoy!

warnings: cliche, probably words spelled wrong, bad grammer, swearing and thats about it!

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RRRRRRR! Your phone went off, waking you up from your nap. you oponed it to see what it was, seeing a notification from your best friend, Rodrick. The message read;

"WAZZUP Y/N IM HAVING A PARTY AT MY HOUSE 2NIGHTTT

UR GONNA BE THERE RIGHT?? "

You smiled at the text. last time Rodrick tried pulling off a party without his parents knowing, he got into a LOT of trouble, so you kind of felt like warning him about the possible outcome, but decided to let him figure that out on his own. soon enough, you replied with:

"totally my little drummer boy ;))"

You and rodrick had been friends since your freshman year of highschool. you had first met when you saved him from getting his ass kicked, and ever since that day, you had started to grow feelings for him. he just made your heart fllutter, with his stupid little smirks, and the way his hazel eyes would randomly stare you down while in class.

it was all too much, in a good way.

RING RINGGG!

Your thoughts were shattered as you looked down to see an incoming call from Rodrick, sliding right you answered the call. "Hey doll face" said Rodrick through the phone. "Hola yeah boy." you and Rodrick had a little inside thing inspired by the song Yeah Boy And Doll Face by Pierce The Veil. Even though he used that stupid nickname in a sarcastic way, it still made you feel dizzy.

"What are ya up to?" says Rodrick. "Nothing much, what about you?" you reply, "Oh you know, just practicing for the party" Rodrick responds in a cocky tone. "Really? what song are you gonna be playing?" you ask, "Dirty Little Secret of course" said Rodrick. "Sweeeet, want me to come over early to help you set up?" you ask. "Naaaah its fine, thanks tho sugar" again with the nicknames. "Too bad, i'm gonna ask if i can go over" you respond. "Fine fine, i'll see you then Y/n" "adios.''

You then hung up.

After asking your parent if you could go to Rodricks, you threw on some clothes that were suitable for this occasion and headed out. You and Rodrick didn't live that far away from eachother, so you ended up just walking. You knocked on his front door, and soon heard banging footsteps coming from the garage area. "HEy Y/n, come on in" Rodrick said while aking your hand and leading you to his garage. "Hey Y/n" all of Rodricks band members said, they knew you had a thing for Rodrick, it was obvious after all.

"alright Y/n, we need you to be the judge of how we play today" said Rodrick. you nodded.

~Timeskip to after the (horrible) practice~

"So what do ya think Y/n???" rodrick asked, hoping for a positive response. "Um..you guys did good! Everyones gonna love it" you replied, causing Rodrick to nearly jump for joy. "Wait, what time is it?" asked one of Rodricks bandmates. you took your phone out of your pocket to check the time, "6:25" you answer. "OH SHIT EVERYONES GONNA BE HERE IN LIKE 5 MINUTES-" exclaimed Rodrick, only to be cut off by Greg and Rowley walking into the garage. "Whos gonna be here? oh and hi Y/n" Greg says. "None of your beeswax" said Rodrick, which made you lightly punch him in the shoulder. "Rodricks just having a small get together, but dont tell your parents" you said, you were always there to defend Greg from Rodrick being an ass. Greg nodded and went back to his room, Rowley following behind him. After that, everyone rushed to get the lights on and snacks out. soon, you heard a knock at the door, you checked the time; it was already 6:35. You answered the door, seeing multiple people from yours and Rodricks school. by the time it was 6:40, the house was packed with teenagers hoping for an awesome party. you heard the garage door open, making everyone go outside.

There he was, in all his glory, your little emo boy on the cement pavemant of a stage. Except he wasnt in the back with his drums like usual, he was in the front with the microphone. Singing wasnt exactly his forte, judging from what happened with heather hills that one time. He saw you staring and gave you a wink, which you giggled at. excitment filled everyone, as much as Rodricks banned kinda sucked, it was still pretty cool. Soon, the guitarist started, and then the drummer, then the bassist. A wide smiled spread across your face as the started to play the intro to Dirty Little Secret.

"Let me know what I've done wrong, when I've known this all along"

"I go around to tie my two, just to waste my time with you"

rodrick (very badly) sang into the microphone, you saw everyone slightly cringe.

"tell me all that you've thrown away"

"Find out games you dont wanna play"

"You are, the only one that needs to knooOOOW"

"I'LL KEEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET< AND DONT TELL ANYONE OR YOU'LL BE JUST ANOTHER REGRET (just another regret hope that you can keep it) MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. WHO HAS TO KNOW?"

Rodrick sang at the top of his lungs, his bandmates singing the adlibs.

"When we live such fragile lives, its the best way, we survive"

"I go around to tie my two, just to waste my time with you"

"Tell me all that you've thrown away, find out games you dont wanna play"

"You areee, the only one that needs to knooOOOWW"

"I"LL KEEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET, DONT TELL ANYONE OR YOU'LL BE JUST ANOTHER REGRET"

"MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET, WHO HAS TO KNOW?"

"THE WAY SHE FEELS INSIDE"

"THOSE THOUGHTS I CANT DENY" "THESE SLEEPING DOGS WONT LIE" "AND ALL I'VE TRIED ITS TEARING ME APART'

"TRACE THIS LINE BAAAACK"

Rodrick saw you in the crowd, and looked deep into your eyes.

"i'll keep you my dirty little secret..dont tell anyone or you'll be just another regret"

"I'LL KeEP YOU MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRETTTT DONT TELL ANYoNE OR YOU'LL BE JUST ANOTHER REGRET MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET DIRTY LITTLE SECRET DIRTY LITTLE SECRETTT WHO HAS TO KNOW? WHO HAS TO KNOOOoW!" Rodricks voice cracked up, which made you giggle. The crowd clapped at the silly performance. Soon after, everyone headed back inside to hang out and party.

You went up to Rodrick and told him how amazing he did. "Thanks Y/n" he said, blushing while looking down. Rodrick turned around and whispered something to his band, which made them smile and walk away. He looked back at you and said "Lets go to my room, yeah?" You silently nod, and follow him up the stairs towards his room.

Rodrick closed the door behind you, and sat you down on his bed.

"Uhm, y/n..i've been wanting to tell you this for a really long time now.." you put your hand on his, trying to calm his nerves, little did you know that made it worse. "i..i love you. i love you so much"

"Rodrick.." Your eyes widen, your cheeks heat up. You find those beautiful hazel eyes stare into yours, until they close of course. You copy Rodricks action and close your eyes. The both of you lean in and share a kiss long awaited. His lips are softer than they look, and he tastes like cherry lip balm. You both pull away and smile, blushing at the thought of what just happened.

"I thought your mom had told you to not kiss anyone with the door closed?" you ask. Rodrick smiles and says,

"I'll just keep it my dirty little secret."

--------------------------------<3-----------------------------------------

A/N: TYSM FOR READINGGG im sorry it took so long to come out, but at least its here now! ty again for reading! have a nice day/night<3

[sarcasmandships]

honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”  

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”  

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,��� i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

“anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

 “where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

 “bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

[thefanbasewhore]

I love your fics! Is there any possible way you can do something along the lines of din seeing you in a dress for the first time?

Thank you sm love ! Hope you like it.

Warning/content: Din/female reader, they are not together but Din is crushing hard. A little sexual tension.

It was a celebration, the streets of Nevarro filled with lights, from colorful kid's drawings to flags that hung from buildings.

The Crest wasn't parked far away, close enough Din could hear the chattering of the crowd, the loudness of the music.

Usually he would be long gone at the promise of a party, he's more of the loner, hermit type but didn't have the heart to tell you no.

The way those eyes looked at him with longing, lips in a slight pout silently begging him as Cara mentioned it. The look alone was enough to catch the attention of almost everyone in the Inn.

You were too pretty, a face that ever man wish he could have, imagine Din's surprise when he found out it was more than a pretty face. You were smart, sweet, knew your way around a blaster but just an overall kind person.

That leaves Din where he stands now, waiting for you after claiming you needed to get ready. Din's back rested against the wall of the crest, thighs spread above the cargo box, the child mindlessly looking at the metal sphere in his hands, hands lifting it towards Din for the tenth time since sitting here. He was so proud of his toy, or the fact that Din had finally give in to him.

"Din are you ready?" Din does not notice that moments before that you had already entered the room. Eyes greedily taking in the sight of him. Despite the large size of the wood box underneath him, he looks so large. Thighs spread open, hand resting on his thigh as the other rubs soft, green petal ears.

Din wants to answer that he's been ready, waiting for you but the moment he lays eyes on you, his throat dries. His belly stirs with a long wanting, that warms his whole body.

It's his eyes that are greedy now, the dress is nothing fancy, small flowers make the fabric pop, it dips into your neckline, the point of it stopping right in the middle of your sternum, the swells of breast peaking through. He can't help but notice the small buds that rub against the thin fabric, it's not like it's cold but he can tell they're bare under it. The dress stops mid-thigh, instantly noticing the small rips of stretch marks on the side of your thighs.

"What?" He's obviously taking too long to look.. to speak.

His skin is on fire, he wasn't used to seeing you like this. Usually you were hidden away in long tunics built for battle. He often would imagine what you looked like under them, but nothing prepared him for the real thing.

Desire burns deep in his gut, he clears his throat. "Nothing.. I'm just not used to seeing you like this."

He leans forward as you frown, eyes growing wide under the basker as you speak. "Oh? I'll go change."

"No, No, please don't." It's rushed, he can barely concentrate except, he just wants to run his fingers down the stripes on your thighs, feel the white marks under his skin. You looked so soft, absolutely beautiful.

He wants to say those words, loving, comforting words instead mentally face palms himself as different ones spill out, "I'm not used to you looking like a girl is all."

Din is so close now, only inches away from your face as you roll your eyes. "Wow, thanks so much."

"No -, I, ugh." It was cute, the small sigh wouldn't have been noticable if it wasn't for the static. A few moments past before you try to push past him but the cold leather gloves catch the skin of your wrist as he pushes you close again.

"I think you look beautiful." He can't ignore the pounding of his heart as you smile, it's so sweet, genuine. Blood rushes to his head as you press your fingertips against his helmet, laying a soft kiss to the point of what would be his cheek. "Mesh'la."

"Thank you, I actually wore it for you." These words make blood rush straight down his body, a fire erupting against skin reaching his most private area. Clearly his confidence is rising as his other arm finds the small of your back, pushing you against his chest with a 'humf.'

He's confused, mostly because he thought these feelings were one sided. What would a girl like you ever want with him? While you can offer the world all he had was an old ship and a few credits to his name, oh and his adoptive son who clung to you.

"Y-You did?" Fingertips run across his shoulder reaching under the helmet finding the small patch of skin there, his body is on fire, heart pounding in his ears. Skin against skin, it's so soft, feels so nice to have it.

"I did." You smile bitting your bottom lip, all he could think is he wants them, all of his face, his body, he wants them against his own.

You actually don't know what prompt this, the undeniable tension that filled that air whenever you were together or the fact that he was stuck in his head he would never make the first move.

Din whines at the loss of heat as you step away, reaching out for it again but you are too quick as you grab the baby. "Cant we just stay here? I hate parties. I would rather be here with you."

"Hmmmm." It's a sound that make him know you're considering it. "But we haven't been with people in so long."

The hatch of the Crest makes him sigh as he starts walking towards you, he's cautious as he rests an experimental hand to your lower back. "Fine, whatever you want pretty girl."

The words make you blush but it's nothing compared to the feeling Din has, freezing in his spot as you begin to walk away.

"who knows? Maybe we'll come back early and you can help me get this dress off."

[wifeboys]

Third Time’s the Charm // Wilmon

Summary: Wilhelm kisses Simon three times before he gets the hint.

Word Count: ~2600

A/N: A little in-universe fic to tie us over. Based on prompts from this prompt list *shamelessly plugs my prompts blog @deity-prompts *. Also I haven’t written fanfiction is a while so I’m a little rusty.

gif credits: @princewilhelm

Wilhelm kisses Simon three times before he gets the hint.

The first time is at Rosh's soccer final. The pair (and Ayub) had gone to every single game of the season, rain, or shine. They stood at the side lines. The night air gripped them through their puffy coats. Flood lights illuminate their breaths. Wilhelm and Simon pressed shoulders to 'help keep them warm'.

The game is intense. The ball is sent over and back again and again. Fouls are left and right. Fights even break out. The crowd hold their breath, each moment electric. Simon is so focused on the game that he forgets where he is. He forgets who he's with and who he is. All he can concentrate on is Rosh.

The whistle blows, once, twice, three times. Rosh punches the air with a victorious scream. The crowd erupts. Everyone rushes onto the pitch. They clutch each other into hugs, exchanging "congratulations!" and kisses on the cheek. Simon sprints to Rosh, grabbing her tightly. She slaps his back and yells something he can't hear. Ayub pushes him out of the way and hugs Rosh. Simon staggers back with a laugh. Wilhelm is in front of him. His eyes sparkle with happiness and Simon can't help but smile. Before he can hug him, Wilhelm places his hands on Simons cheeks and quickly kisses him. The kiss barely lasts two seconds, but time seems to freeze. Simon short-circuits.

Before he can process or kiss him back, Wilhelm is already hugging someone else and Ayub is grabbing Simon. "SHE DID IT! FUCKING YEAH!" The night moves on. Everyone goes out to celebrate, still full of energy until they part in the early hours. As Simon celebrates, he can't help but think about Wilhelm kissing him. Did he kiss him or did he imagine it? No, it definitely happened. He can't imagine the electricity pulsing through him. He can't imagine the rush and heat he felt.

But that doesn't mean Wilhelm wanted to kiss him. It was an intense game. Everyone was celebrating. It was probably just a "hey bro, we did it! let's celebrate!" kiss. Wilhelm would've kissed anyone, Simon just happened to be there.

That's what Wilhelm is acting like. He's hugging everyone he comes across. Simons not sure if that's because Wilhelm is a hugger or because he's buzzed on celebratory drinks. Either way, he's not treating Simon any different. He's still talking to him like they're regular bros who like regular sports and other regular things.

It was nothing, Simon decides.

• ❤︎ •

The second time is at Felice's birthday party. She spares no expense. The common room is decked with streamers, balloons, and stocked with alcohol. Everyone is wearing the most extravagant outfits they have. The birthday girl has braided her hair short as a boys, and wears a purple robe that reaches her heels. Simon wears a black, glittery blazer over his bare chest with waist high black trousers. The lack of shirt was probably a good idea, considering people keep bumping into him and spilling their drinks.

The music is practically deafening. You can't walk two steps without knocking shoulders with someone. Simon keeps to the back of the room, fiddling with the hem of his blazar as the party unfolds in front of him. Sara keeps him company, chatting his ear off about something he can't hear. The only thing he can focus on is a certain prince across the room.

Simon barely notices when Sara tugs at his sleeve. "Si! I'm going to find Felice. Don't just stand here for the whole night. Go talk to someone"

She disappears into the sea of drunk teenagers. There's no way Sara was telling him to go talk to Wilhelm specifically, but that's all Simon wants to do. Actually, he wants to skip the talking and pin Wilhelm against the wall.

But Simon can't do it. He's glued with his back against a wall as people make out around him. He can't mess things up with Wilhelm. He can't scare him off. He can't lose a great friend on the tiny chance he might get a boyfriend. Simon repeats this like a mantra to the beat of the music.

None of this stops him checking out Wilhelm, the crowd acting as a safety buffer. His simple yellow shirt is plain considering the occasion. He made up for it by covering his hair with glitter that has fallen onto his face and shoulders.

He watches as an already tipsy Wilhelm finishes his drink. He's surrounded by people (probably his friends). He suddenly cracks up at some joke they say. Glitter explodes into the air with the quick movement of his head. A shiny halo illuminates his face. God, he's beautiful when he laughs.

"Simon! Simon Simon Simon" Felice nearly falls on top of him. "I'm so glad you're here- and you look amazing"

"Thanks, so do you- and happy birthday" Simon has never been good at taking compliments.

"You're too kind. I'll admit, I can't get enough of my cape. Hey, you should try it on! Purple is definitely your colour"

"Oh no I couldn't-"

"Oh yes you could. Let's swap jackets. I promise I'll give it back"

Next thing Simon knows, Felice is slipping off her cloak-y thing to reveal a white blouse and black skirt. She takes Simon's jacket, even giving him a spin. "We look stunning" she says as Simon wraps her robe around him. It looks a bit weird on him, but it's soft and smells nice. Felice sips her drink, and frowns. "My cup is empty. Can I get you a drink?"

"Uh- sure"

Felice disappears into the crowd. Simon goes back to looking for Wilhelm, but he's nowhere to be seen. He scans the crowd carefully. Wow, there's a lot of people here. A lot of bodies. The air is thick. The music is too loud. The room is too small. Simon needs to get out.

He excuses his way towards the door, not stopping until he's breathing in the night air. He leans next to the door, careful to keep Felice's robe clean. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Simon can only handle parties for a short while before he needs a break.

He stares up at the sky. Deep breath in, deep breath out. The stars are like glitter. The moon shines brightly at him. Deep breath in. He can't find Wilhelm, but at least he can spot the Man In The Moon. Deep breath out.

He's grounded again. He knows he should go home soon, but he figures a bit longer inside wont hurt. He gets up to go inside and find Felice when the door swings open. A yellow shirt stumbles into the night, glitter sparkling in the moonlight.

Simon finally found Wilhelm- or, rather, Wilhelm found him.

Wilhelm finds his footing, looking around. He finally spots Simon by the door.

"There you are!" He exclaims. There I am?

If Simon moves fast enough, he can slip back inside before Wilhelm even notices him. He can grab Sara and pretend he never came to the party. Before he can put his plan into effect, Wilhelm is cupping his face again.

Wilhelm kisses him. Simon is quicker to react this time. He kisses back, his plan to escape already forgotten. Wilhelm pulls back for a moment to tilt his head to the side. Simon holds the back of his neck, running his fingers through his hair. Glitter falls around them.

Wilhelm's hands slip behind Simon's robe, pulling him closer. Simon shivers as his hands run up and down his back. He drowns in bliss, finally getting to kiss Wilhelm the way he always wanted to.

When Wilhelm finally pulls back, his eyes stay closed. "Oh" he sighs softly. "Oh . . . I'm about to throw up. Excuse me"

Without even looking at Simon, Wilhelm turns and staggers around the corner. Simon hears retching. His escape plan kicks in. He practically runs back into the party, nearly knocking people over as he finds Felice.

He finds her giggling with Sara, who's cheeks are blushes deep red. They swap their clothes back, re-completing Felice's outfit. She truly looks stunning, tonight more than ever. Up close, her hair is woven more intricately than he realised. It's as short as his but looks ten times better.

Oh God- with the short hair and purple cloak, he probably looks just like Felice. Especially to someone who's drunk. Wilhelm didn't mean to kiss him. He meant to kiss Felice. Now Simon feels like he's going to throw up.

• ❤︎ •

The third time is after Parents Day. Simon spent the days leading up to it avoiding Wilhelm. He probably doesn't remember the kiss at all but Simon wont chance it. He won't give Wilhelm the opportunity to reject him. This doesn’t stop him from looking at him for a little too long from across the room. This doesn’t stop Wilhelm looking back.

His ingenious “if I ignore him he can’t reject me” plan fails, however, when Wilhelm sits with his family as they eat. Simon can't take his eyes off him as he chats with Simon and Felice's family. Wilhelm combs his fingers through his hair, licks his lips, laughs along to jokes. Simon soaks up every minute of it.

Dinner plates empty. Belts are loosened. Waiters come around to collect dishes and Simon starts to panic. Wilhelm has been glancing at him again and again throughout the dinner. He's definitely going to corner Simon and let him down. Tell him to forget all about the kiss (if he even remembers it). Simon pulls out his phone.

Simon I need you to pick me up

Ayub Thought you were at the parents dinner Cant ur mom take u home?

Simon I'll explain later If you pick me up right now I'll be forever grateful

Ayub I'll be outside in ten You owe me one

Simon I love you more than life itself

Simon rests his phone on the table, slightly less panicked. As soon as people start getting to their feet, he bolts. Out the door. Our of the school. He only slows when his feet crunches on the front road's gravel.

Ayub arrives right on time. Simon jumps on his bike before he can ask what's going on. It isn't until the next day that Simon comes to a shocking realisation: he left his phone at Hillerska.

• ❤︎ •

"Didn't think I'd be back here so soon" Ayub says as he drops Simon off.

"I'll be in and out, I promise. Everyone's gone home so I'll be able to find it and grab it"

"Here, call yourself on my phone. You can follow the ringing"

"Where would I be without you"

Ayub tosses his phone and gestures for Simon to go. He pushes open the doors. Hillerska feels haunted without students bustling through the halls. It's like a museum. Simon opens Ayub's phone and calls himself.

It's probably in the dining room where they ate. He walks towards it, listening intently for his ringtone. What he doesn't expect is for someone to pick up.

“Hello?”

Simon stares at the phone for a moment before pressing it to his ear. ". . . Hello?"

“Simon? That you?”

“Wille!" Perfect. The one person he was trying to not talk to. "Sorry, I didn’t recognise your voice”

"Don't worry about it, I don't think you were expecting me to answer"

"Yeah, uh, you have my phone. That's why I was calling it. I must've left it here yesterday"

"Where are you? I can drop it off"

"I'm already at Hillerska so I can just grab it. Want me to come to you?"

"Just start walking, we'll find each other"

Simon decides to go in the general direction of Wilhelm's dorms. It really does feel like a museum. Each alcove is like a display he can't touch. His footsteps echo.

“So . . . what’re you doing with my phone?” Simon asks.

“I actually didn’t know it was yours. It was left on one of the tables, so I took it in case the owner came looking for it”

“And here I am”

“And here you are”

Simon can't help but smile. He's sure he can hear Wilhelm smiling too.

Wilhelm takes a deep breath. “I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you”

“Talk to me?”

“Yeah. Um . . . it's about Felice's party"

Simon stops. Here it is. Everything has backfired and now the one thing he didn't want to talk about has come up.

"Simon? You there?"

"Yes! Uh yes I am." He rubs a hand across his face. Play it cool. "What about her party?"

"I'm sorry that I was so drunk that night. I figured I'd need some . . . liquid courage but I guess I had too much"

"Yeah. It was a uh, a wild night" Simon feels like he's choking on his own heart. He distracts himself by looking around at the hallway. He's not even sure where in the school he is. He's more focused on not throwing up.

"Do you remember that night?"

Play it cool. "Anything specific you want me to remember?"

There's a moment of silence. Simon can hear Wilhelm's footsteps through the phone. "If you want to forget that night and move on like nothing happened, we can definitely can"

Simon doesn't want to forget. It's all he can think about.

"Do you want to forget about it?" Simon asks, swallowing.

Wilhelm's walking slows as he thinks. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable"

"I don't . . . I wasn't uncomfortable"

There's a beat. "I'm glad. That-that you weren't uncomfortable"

"I'm a little uncomfortable now" Simon laughs awkwardly. His tension eases a little when Wilhelm laughs too.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how to talk about this" Simon kicks his feet against the floor.

"I have to say, I didn't think I'd be talking to you about this over the phone"

"I didn't think you'd want to talk about this at all. I thought you were going to avoid me forever"

"Hey, you're the one who was avoiding me"

"Yeah yeah I know" Simon smiles.

Wilhelm takes a deep breath and exhales. "I really wanted to kiss you that night. That's why I got so drunk I needed a confidence boost. It uh, it didn't help that you ignored the kiss at Rosh's game"

Simon's jaw drops in a smile. "I didn't ignore it! I just panicked. I figured it was a spur of the moment celebration"

"None of it was spur of the moment. I've wanted to kiss you for a while"

"You have?"

"You didn't notice?"

"Not at all. If I did, I probably would've kissed you"

Simon hears him stop and smile. “Simon, you are the smartest idiot I ever met”

He hangs up. He hangs up? Simon looks at the phone as if it holds the answer. His brow furrow as a hand grabs his shoulder from behind. He turns, that there he is.

"Hi" they say in unison.

Wilhelm's hands are on Simon's shoulders. He holds his gaze with a smile. Simon completely forgets how to breathe. All he can think about his Wilhelm being so close to him and his lips being right there because really they're right there-

"Can I kiss you again?" Wilhelm asks. Simon nods.

Wilhelm kisses him for the third time. It's hesitant- like he's testing the waters to see if Simon is willing to swim. Before he can pull away, Simon yanks him back in. His hands thread through Wilhelm's hair as Wilhelm wraps his arms around his waist. They pull each other impossibly close. It's their third-first-kiss and it is perfect.

[carloswilliamcarlos]

Whodunnit (Charlie Barber x Reader)

Warnings: Smut, PIV sex, infidelity/cheating, alcohol mention

A/N: IT’S TIME FOR CHARLIE PORN. Yes this is essentially just a remix of Lights Out. I have no original ideas but I am horny, take it or leave it. Also Sackler is there too this time.

Words: 2.2k

“It was a dark and stormy night,” the speech begins. And strangely enough, it was. 

As if cued by god herself, a crack of thunder tears through the sky. Lightning illuminates the room just for a moment, strobing everything inside in ghost-white light. The hostess, her hair done up in dramatic curls and lips lined in dark red. The guests in masks and top hats, expressions frozen for an instant. Shadows splash onto red brick, splattered against the walls in grotesque angles. You jump, holding on tighter to Sackler’s sweaty hand. Behind you, a low chuckle. 

You don’t need a flash of light to know whose breath is tickling your neck. 

Charlie. 

Of course he’d find it funny that you leapt into the air when thunder crashed. He always did love seeing you surprised. And he’s surely amused at your body curling closer to this child of a man who could do less to protect you than a puppy. His words, of course. At least, that’s what you imagine. 

You’d locked eyes as you circled up for the story just moments ago. Your pulse still hasn’t slowed. He was gorgeous, all in black from head to toe, with a blood red mask tied around his eyes. His hair was so long, so dark, he towered over you and looked like fear incarnate, so dangerous and so beautiful your skin flushed hot at just the sight and…

...and Sackler looked nice, too.

It’s a scene from a nightmare already, your boyfriend and the married man you fucked in a stairwell last week in the very same room. Locked in at a murder mystery party with your entire theater company. On a dark and rainy night. Until someone solves this goddamn mystery and you can run home and take out every ounce of wet frustration on the man whose hand you’re gripping so tight now your nails are leaving marks.

“Hey,” he whispers at you, shaking your grip off. 

“Sorry,” you mumble, slipping your fingers out through the gaps and wiping your palm on your vintage slip.

“Who murdered Madame Millicent? The answer sets you free. The clues are all around you… I suggest you look closely,” the hostess stage-whispers with a flourish. She takes her role very seriously. 

“I think we should split up,” you tell Sackler without as much as a glance his way. You’re acutely aware of how slowly Charlie’s moving behind you. 

“What?” Sackler pouts. “I don’t know any of these people.”

“You don’t have to know them, you just have to find clues,” you retort, words rushed. 

“But I came here to be with you.” Sackler’s hands snake around your waist and he bends down to your height as you cast a glance over your shoulder. “I wanna do bad things to you in the dark,” he mumbles against your skin. And it’s right at that moment you and Charlie lock eyes again. 

You push Sackler’s hands off you. It takes a few swats and shoves just to peel them away.

“You will,” you tell him, swiveling your head back around to look him in the eyes. “I promise, you will, just… Come find me. In a little while. Come find me in the dark and you can do whatever you want.”

You manage a little smile then, and Sackler seems more than titillated. He presses a kiss to your cheek, and you take in the smell of him, all warm spice and cinnamon and just a little too much cologne. With a final squeeze of your waist, he steps away, walking backward into the darkness with a cheeky grin and tripping over the edge of the coffee table on the way.

Charlie’s nowhere to be seen. 

Everything’s hushed now, almost silent. Only the “Spooky Halloween Ambiance” playlist carries through the speakers and winds around the room. You might have been spooked if you hadn’t helped the hostess find it on Spotify earlier this morning. 

Pairs of figures move around in near darkness, looking for answers. There’s only candlelight now, and not much of it. You only hope these clues don’t involve much reading.

Another crack of lightning gets you moving, taking step by cautious step from room to room, looking for anything that will get you out. You pass the kitchen, stocked with cocktail glasses and extra swirls of orange peels. The bathroom, where a group of girls is deciphering a lipstick message on the mirror. 

And then there’s the library. 

You’re sure there must be something in here you need. 

You step into the room and lock the door behind you, not wanting to give away any solves you find. It’s so, so dark, you can hardly make out the edge of the wooden bookshelf as you graze it with your fingers. Slowly, you make your way along the shelf, skimming over book by book, looking for anything of interest. There are no sounds but your own shaky breath and your pulse rushing in your ears. And then you feel it. 

A large frame pressing up against your back, just close enough so you know it’s there. It’s warm, it’s solid, it seems to wrap all the way around you. And then a hand, ghosting over your hip, traveling inch by daring inch to rest in the center of your rib cage. 

“Adam?” you whisper. It’s Adam, you’re sure. It’s Adam, your boyfriend that you love. That’s what you tell yourself as his scent surrounds you. The scent of cool peppermint, and parchment, and the plastered walls of a certain familiar stairwell. 

He doesn’t answer. Not even a nod. But your fingers come to rest over his anyway, and your back pushes against his chest anyway, and you tilt your head so slightly to the side anyway, so he can bite your pretty earlobe just. like. that. 

You tug his hand up over your breast, squeeze his broad grip around it and sigh when his thumb grazes over your nipple, poking out through the shiny fabric of your slip. He swipes over it again, and then again, until it’s hard and straining and you’re rolling your hips back into his groin.

He kisses your neck, at first just a tingling tease, and then a hard, deep, suck that makes your whole body throb. His left hand reaches around to rest on the bookshelf in front of you. You can just make out the shadows of the veins that run down his long, thick fingers, over his wrist, and up under the fabric of his sleeve. 

Now it’s his turn to guide your right hand, still clutching your breast, down along your own side, over the sultry swell of your hip, behind your back and between your bodies. He leads your hand between his legs and along the thick, hard, hungry length the waits there, tenting the fabric of his trousers and twitching at your touch. His breath brushes your ear as you run your hand back and forth, teasing the tip and trailing all the way down the length. He lets out a breathy, shaky, drawn out “yes,” so quiet you can only hear it because his lips are pressed right up against your ear. 

It sounds… enough like Sackler, you tell yourself again, and even in the confines of your own mind, you know you’re a dirty fucking liar. 

The figure steps back just a bit then, pushing you forward so you’re bent at the waist and pressed up against the shelf. You hear a zip and feel the sudden chill of air on your ass as he flips your skirt up and over it. 

The velvety length of his cock slides between your legs and along your panties, giving your aching cunt just enough friction. It moves back and forth and back and forth again, and your hips are canting in time, rolling with it to wring out every drop of pleasure you can. His warm hand runs up the length of your back and down again, squeezing the curve of your ass and digging his fingertips into it. 

It’s just then you hear a fit of squeals erupt in the next room over, and both of you freeze. The girls must have solved the lipstick riddle. You may not have much more time. 

So you rock yourself back against him again, willing him not to stop, to keep going, to give you what you need, right fucking now. 

And he does. 

A nimble finger pulls your panties to the side and his tip is pressing into you, sliding between your wet, swollen lips and stretching open your tight entrance. You can’t help letting out a whine, you just can’t, and thank god his hand flies up to clamp over your mouth. If only you could do the same as he pushes into you, buries himself deep inside in one long, slow, thrust, because he’s grunting louder than he should be and he’s spitting out a pleasure-heavy “fuck” and that’s not Sackler, you know it now for sure, and you don’t fucking care. 

His hips pull back and push forward again, harder this time. Your knees shake and you rest your ass against his weight, letting the entire length slide way, way up inside you and back out again, in a rhythm that’s all at once frenzied, and fluid, and fucking filthy. 

You’re letting out little squeaks, little moany puffs of air every time he thrusts into you. You can hardly catch your breath, and the hand over your mouth isn’t making it any easier. His left hand against the bookshelf drops down around the front of you and between your legs, resting against your clit so it presses into it with every forward thrust. You’re surrounded by him, by the way he makes your body writhe, by the sound of his own breaths through gritted teeth. You fall back against him further and further, until he’s almost entirely supporting you, canting you upward will every jolt of his hips, and you start to come all the way undone.

In one move he throws you both forward so you’re pressed flat up against the shelf, your cheek resting on the cold, smooth wood and your breasts rubbing against volumes of Chaucer and Poe and Keats. He moves the hand on your clit in circles then, buries his face in your neck, and fucks you hard and fast and furious until you’re cumming all around his cock and it’s throbbing in gratitude, pumping his sticky white seed so far inside you, you swear you can taste it. 

And then he’s out. 

He’s out, and he’s pulling your panties back over your pussy to catch whatever threatens to spill out. There’s another zip, and your skirt falls back down, and the sweat dripping down your back suddenly feels so cold. 

Your breaths both slow down. And you don’t touch. And you don’t speak. And you’ve never been more grateful for the darkness that hides expressions neither of you want to see. 

You walk to the door and rest your fingertips on the handle. 

“Thank you, Adam,” you mutter, hating yourself as you do. It’s met only with a bitter scoff, and you open the door and slither out, your legs still shaking. 

Adam’s in the living room with a couple of guys who look to be taking shots out of a teacup. He gives you a big smile when he sees you and waves you over. 

“Where were you? I couldn’t find you,” he asks as he pulls you in by your hip. You turn your face sideways to dodge his kiss, which lands on your cheek. 

“Guess it’s just a mystery.”

Adam’s all goofy smiles when everyone reconvenes in the living room. It didn’t take him long to make new friends. The volume picks up in the gathering crowd and the hostess makes her way back to the front for her big finale. 

“A crime did happen on this night, but will you guess the culprit right? Let us see if you found the clues, tell us, who do you accuse?” 

She shines a flashlight into your eyes and you squint against the yellow light. “What?”

The hostess drops the act, just for a moment. “Who do you think did it?” she urges you, and it wasn’t until now you remembered why you were all even here. 

Through the light, you can see Charlie standing at the corner of the room, his gaze cast down to the floor. He looks up through his lashes at you, a pout painting his face. 

“It was you,” you say. 

The crowd shuffles a bit as they look back to him, and he reaches in his suit jacket to pull out a little red card printed with a single word: MURDERER. He flicks it to the floor and glares your way. 

“Guilty.”

Hands clap on your shoulders and Sackler shakes you happily. Everyone’s cheering. The party’s over. But you can’t hear a thing. 

Amid the bustling crowd you lose Charlie for a second, and like a ghost, he’s gone. 

The only proof he was ever there is the lingering smell of peppermint, and the creamy white sin dripping down your thigh.  

__________

Don’t mind me, just tagging some Charlie loving pals hiiiiiiii

@direnightshade @contesa-lui-alucard @babbushka @sacklerscumrag @ohdamnadam @cowboy-kylo​

[rodeo-boots]

Hi there! Im not sure if I've requested from you before have I?

So I was wondering if I could have a one-shot Sadie/F!ChubbyReader? Something sweet that gets steamy.

I was thinking that it could be the readers having a rough time because she thinks she's unworthy of love and the fact that she's into women makes it even harder.

Take your time, no need to rush~

Feel free to message me if you cant/won't do this I understand Xx

You hadn't requested from me before, btw. BUT I really loved writing this one for you! I hope it's what you've been looking for <3 (I also hope there are no more errors left, I only proofread this once)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2679

Warnings: NSFW, Low Self-Esteem Reader (Body-Image issues)

AO3

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It was one of the rare occasions when camp was quiet, most gang-members fast asleep as darkness spread over Clemens Point.

You had missed the silence, already used to the rambunctious songs, to the laughter and chatter of the others. Even if those good times never were to last.

These days, it was hard to achieve happiness, to feel even remotely safe, your travels East having shaken the entire group to the core.

And sometimes, you wished you had stayed in the West, had bought land and settled down like you've planned, even if that might not have changed a thing.

When it was quiet, like now, your mind often wandered, drifted along with the sounds of rippling water.

It was nice here, better than it had been up at Colter, but you still felt out of place. And no amount of fresh air or crisp water could change that.

With a sigh, you leaned further against the log behind you, your arms crossed in front of your chest where you sat.

At least in the darkness, no one had to stare at you. Had to see you.

You could just be, with no obligations to be appealing to anyone at all.

Never before had Dutch sent you out to distract any targets, to use your good looks on unsuspecting fools like the other women at camp often did. Because you had none. Or so you told yourself.

Of course it was harsh, of course you had other things to offer. But with a couple pounds too many, with chub around your cheeks and your hips, you didn't feel as attractive as you wished you would be.

You envied Abigail, Mary-Beth, Karen, Tilly... if not for their appearance then for their confidence. And Sadie? Sometimes you wished you could walk a day in her shoes, that you could stop caring about what other people thought and put on some pants.

Though you feared you'd only get stared at more like that.

Time went by without you noticing. Maybe you've nodded off somewhere down the line, the sight of the water gleaming beneath the moonlight oddly tranquil and soothing to you.

Your thoughts continued to roam, continued to shift and flow like the water in front of you.

Occasionally, you'd see a fish jump out of the lake, would hear a nocturnal bird taking flight within the nearby trees. And you yearned to be free like them; free of judgment, of society's standards, and your own low self-esteem.

You wondered if they perceived beauty like humans did, if they stared down at the two-legged, wingless creatures, saw long and flowing hair idly whipping in the breeze, or a freckled face and bright eyes and fell in love.

It would be a loss if they didn't, if they were unable to see what you did – and you decided that maybe, being a human might not be all that bad.

Sure, all you could do was behold the beauty around you. You knew you would never get a chance of something more; knew you couldn't compliment the way Sadie's yellow blouse flattered her figure and receive more than a simple "thank you".

It had always been like that – you, finding beauty in another woman, finding beauty in her voice, the sparkle in her eyes and the way she strutted and sauntered along the way. You knew you couldn't change that, knew that you would never be 'normal', but hell, you didn't want to be. If there even was such a thing as normal.

In the past, and even up to the current day, you've struggled with it. With your sexuality.

You had come to terms with it, of course, but you knew that you only stood out more with your chosen way of life. If your body wasn't enough to keep people away, your orientation might just be, and it worried you, what the others might think should you ever come out to them.

It hadn't been your intention to grow upset, your brain doing it to yourself no matter what you tried to do about it.

So you sat and stared out onto the lake, gaze blank as you simply beheld the beauty all around. Watching, and doing nothing, as always.

The sound of boots upon sand drew you out of your thoughts, your head turning to see a familiar figure approaching.

She was tall, slim, her hair braided beneath her hat. A few strands hung loose, though that only held it's special charm.

"What're you doin' out here?" Sadie asked, sitting down on the fallen tree behind you. She kept a bit of a polite distance, crossing her legs as her elbows rested upon her propped up knee.

You swallowed softly, looked back ahead and out onto the wide lake. "Just thinking," you explained, unable to come up with anything else that might explain you being restless and awake at this time of day.

The other woman hummed, her own gaze trailing over the water in front of her.

It appeared black in the dark of night, only little light reflexes showing the movement of the soft waves.

"Did someone say somethin' again?"

Her sudden words brought you back to reality, the silence between you having stretched for a couple minutes before. It wasn't rare that the less pleasant people at camp upset you over your insecurities, pointed out facets of yourself that didn't need to be addressed.

You shook your head, anyhow. Today, that hadn't been the case. Besides, you never knew Sadie paid any attention to the treatment you received. "It's me," you mumbled after a moment of consideration. "Me who made me feel like crap."

And while you huffed at the words you spoke, they were genuine. Oftentimes, it was you who made your life harder than it had to be.

Sadie pushed herself off the log, plopped down into the slightly moist sand by your side. You watched her from the corners of your eyes, unsure what she was intending to do.

But she didn't do anything, merely sat with you and stared out into the water, thinking about what you had said before.

"I did that a lot," she eventually spoke up, turning to face you. "Guess it ain't the same, but I– sat and thought a lot, too. That never seemed to help." She chuckled, but the sound was rather mirthless, her tone more serious than anything.

You had seen her in the past, had seen her sitting outside of camp, far from anyone else. She's had a broken heart to nurse, had a terrible loss to get over, and in the end she had come out stronger than ever.

"You don't gotta tell me, if you don't want. Maybe it'd make you feel better, though."

Inhaling, you thought about her words, wondered if you would even be able to put your innermost thoughts and feelings into words.

Never before had someone asked you to share them, no one ever having as much of an interest in you as that.

"It's nothing," you tried to deflect, tried to invalidate your troubles in order to not burden Sadie with them here and now.

The woman snorted, however, raised a brow as she looked at you. "Don't look like nothin' to me," she pointed out, not impolitely.

"How about this–" she sat up, her back against the log as she gestured for you to come closer, to lean back against her chest.

For a moment you could only stare in disbelief, though you took the chance now that it was offered to you. It had been a while since you've last been physically close to anyone, after all.

"Comfortable?" Sadie asked. You gave her a nod, your heart racing in your chest and beating within your ears.

Holy Shit. That hadn't been how you'd imagined this night would go.

Sadie wrapped her arms around you loosely, rested her chin atop your head. She seemed content herself, seemed like she had wanted to do that for a long while. The thought made your heart skip a beat.

"I know you think you're worse than you are," Sadie spoke up again, keeping her voice low while speaking to you. It was oddly soothing, her usual rough tone sounding more than just pleasant to your ears. "But you ain't bad. Truth be told, I admire you."

That made you pause, your breath catching in the back of your throat. "Me? For what?"

She chuckled kindly, brushing through your hair to tuck a few strands behind your ear. "For knowin' who you are, and what you want. For stayin' true to yourself no matter what anyone says."

Yet again, you hadn't expected her to be all that perceptive, hadn't expected her to know much about you at all. For as long as you've known her, your conversations had been brief, cut short by your occasional shyness and nervosity. Sadie seemed to have read you better than you ever could've thought.

"I..." you weren't sure what to say, or if you should say anything at all. The woman's arms around you were soothing, almost soporific, though the warmth pooling within you made it hard to consider dozing off.

"I always wanted t'know more about you," Sadie continued, nuzzling the top of your head, her lips brushing over your strands of hair. "Wanted to know more 'bout the beautiful woman who's stolen my heart."

You were sure this had to be a dream, that you had passed out after all and your mind was playing tricks on you by now.

But Sadie felt as real as could be, her hot breath in the nape of your neck, her arms around your waist, thighs left and right of your hips. Whatever you had thought of before, all your insecurities and doubts, it all seemed far away by now.

"Me– Me, too," you brought out, confessing to your feelings without directly doing so. Sadie was more bold and confident than you were, was more brave and straight-forward in your eyes. And just like she had said before, you admired her just as well. But most importantly, you were sure you loved her.

Feeling enlivened by her words, empowered by the warmth swelling within your heart, you turned around, straddled her lap and properly looked her in the face. "I think I love you," you properly confessed, cupping her freckled cheeks like you've wished to do for so long already.

She smiled up at you, keeping her hands on your waist for now as she leaned in, and captured your lips with her own.

The kiss didn't last as long as you've wanted it to, but upon pulling away, Sadie spoke up again; "I know I love you." Her smile grew, your forehead resting on hers when you returned the gesture.

Once your lips had met the first time, you couldn't stop yourself from going in for a second kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut, fingertips gliding along Sadie's sides and down to the hem of her shirt. Now that you knew of her feelings towards you, and were fully certain as those within yourself, you only wanted more.

She reacted in kind, teased your tongue with hers when her lips parted ever so slightly, a moan slipping into the kiss. You weren't sure if it had come from you or her, but that didn't matter much, not when your hands soon met bare skin, fingers gripping her sides while her own ran along your thighs.

"You wanna do this right here?" She asked, leaning back a little to capture your stare.

Slightly out of breath, you nodded. Hell, you didn't care where you'd do this, as long as you could feel her skin on yours.

Without missing a beat, Sadie worked on helping you out of your dress, glancing back, only to make sure camp was as quiet as it had been before.

Even if a few drunkards were still milling about, you couldn't care less, your fingers working on her buttons to relieve her off her top layer, before climbing off her lap to get her pants off her hips.

Naked, you laid back in the sand, invited her to follow you only for her lips to meet yours again. She placed her hat on top of your head, gave you a small smirk as her lips wandered lower, over your collarbone and down to your chest.

Moving boldly, her mouth latched onto one nipple right away, one hand kneading the other breast while she suckled and licked your sensitive bud.

Your breath hitched, spine curving to get closer to her heavenly mouth, your head already swimming without her having done too much just yet.

Soon enough, she had stimulated your other nipple to full hardness as well, laying down on her side next to you, and pulling you in for another kiss. "Let's keep this quiet," she muttered, her fingeres wandering once again until they reached your sex, a hum leaving her lips when she discovered the hot wetness there.

She caressed your folds, encouraged you to hitch one leg up and around her hip while coating her fingers within your slick. Slowly, her fingers circled your clit, made your hips jerk sporadically and your muscles tense here and there.

"Can I?" You had only pulled away from the kiss for a second, glancing at her while your fingers slid down her flat stomach.

"Be my guest," she grumbled, trailing lovebites along your collarbone and up to your shoulder, the small motions of her fingers on your clit steadily driving you insane.

To offer her the same kind of pleasure, your hand soon found the spot between her legs, met with an equal wetness as that between your own. You groaned, teasingly gliding your fingers through her folds before your thumb focused solely on her nub.

She gasped, almost sounding surprised, like she hadn't been touched there in a while, though that only spurred you on more. You wanted her to feel as good as possible, pulling away after another few moments only to propose another idea.

"I wanna taste you," you muttered, fingers disappearing from her soaked cunt as you laid back. Seemingly catching on right away, Sadie climbed on top, straddling your face while hers was right in front of your own crotch.

With the new position, you dove in without a moment's hesitation, held onto her hips and pulled her close as your tongue licked through her folds and up to her nub.

She moaned out, had to have bitten down on her lip to keep more sounds from surfacing before she leaned down herself, and focused on your clit right away.

Besides the sounds of your actions, the occasional slurping, squelching and your labored breaths, it was still mostly quiet, the area belonging solely to you in this moment.

You rolled your hips upwards, chased more of the heavenly feeling of her mouth on you as you felt yourself getting close.

Clearly, Sadie wasn't all that far, either, her abdominal muscles flexing while her thighs tried to squeeze your head, the motions of her tongue growing more desperate the closer she got to her climax.

It was over much too quickly, had been too long for you to hold back at all, your body tensing for a moment before releasing in a rush of endorphins that was better than anything you've had before.

You pulled back for air, slipped two fingers into Sadie's tight cunt to grant her a satisfying release as well, and watched, when she shook and trembled through her very own orgasm.

She rolled off of you after a moment, cursing under her breath as she did so.

It wasn't long before she crawled back up to you, however, before her lips met yours and you could taste yourselves upon each other's tongue.

"You fancy a midnight swim?" She asked when she pulled away, sitting back on her knees and helping you up when you agreed.

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Sirius Black

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(For future reference, you can also request for marauders era Sirius and Remus but you’ll have to specify in the request since I’ll just write for their characters in the movies if you don’t. )

- You and Sirius meet though the Order. You were a trusted confidante of Moody; which is an accomplishment in of itself, and a talented witch, so when the group was being formed, you were almost immediately invited to join. 

- Like any rational person would be, you were a bit nervous upon meeting the formerly Azkaban imprisoned Animagus. Your mind ran wild with assumptions and visions of the neurotic individual that took up the front page of the daily bugle; more than once, so when you entered the room and found a freshly washed, neat, and charming individual, you were almost in disbelief. 

- It was fascinating to see how different he looked, calmly stood in a room full of people, unchained, and in regular clothing. He was handsome, which is a word you never expected to associate with Sirius Black of all people; though you’d certainly heard rumors of his attractiveness. 

- And you, my dear, are beautiful. Sirius really hasn’t been in contact with anyone for the past thirteen years, let alone a pretty, young woman such as yourself, so the minute he sees you, his heart skips a beat. 

- Perhaps if he’d had time to brush off his old charms; or if they were never put on the shelf to begin with, he would have been able to throw you a line or two, but you completely caught him off guard. Because of this, he was merely able to give you a nod and a handsome smile after the two of you were introduced. 

- The two of you don’t talk a lot at first but over time you do start to warm up to each other. And warm up you do....

- You start having those heat-inducing interactions, the ones with the cheeky comments and the flirting and the innuendos. All of its done away from the group and in close proximity of each other, and sometimes it feels as though you can hardly breath with how smoldering his demeanor can be. 

- Every now and again, he’ll find you in the living room late at night and you’ll share a few drinks until you’re both pleasantly warm. You like each others company, you like your conversations, and you can feel yourselves growing closer by the day. 

- It’s probably a bad idea for the two of you to be together; especially right now, but when has Sirius ever let what’s “bad” stop him from something he’s wanted to do?

- So, he approaches you one day and; in a surprisingly nervous fashion, asks you out, assuring you that you don’t have to if you don’t want to and that he would understand but that he’d be honored if you’d join him for dinner.

- Well, of course you agree, and soon enough, you find yourself having a nice and comfortable dinner with him at the Grimmauld place. The two of you talk and get to know each other, and he starts to feel more confident, getting back a bit more of his flirty charms as the night goes on. And there you have it, the beginning of something beautiful.

- Let’s pretend that he lived shall we; since we all already do that anyway, the two of you kissed a few months into your relationship, mainly because you didn’t have a whole lot of time to spend with each other.

- The group is planning a big mission and you’re saying goodbye the night before it’s supposed to happen. And there's so much that you both want to say but you cant find the words and so, finally, he just leans in and kisses you soft and slow. When he pulls away, he kisses your cheek and says goodnight, and you go to bed praying that everything will go as planned.

- He did his waiting, and now he’s found his soulmate ...so perhaps it was worth it in the end.

- The amount of Pda that the two of you get into really depends on what the world is like at the time.

- Considering the fact that he really can’t be seen in public; for risk of being imprisoned again, your pda consists of him licking your hand, brushing up against your legs, and putting his head in your lap as you pet him between his ears.

- If we’re imagining a world where he isn’t a fugitive then he’d be much more touchy. A hand on your thigh here, a tight hug there; little things that let him feel your presence and know that you’re there.

- Touch starved; twelve years in the most brutal prison of the wizarding world will do that to you. You should see the way he leans into your touch, it’s enough to make you melt.

- His hand on the small of your back or gripping your waist whenever you’re standing together.

- He likes to take one of your hands in his whenever the two of you sit together, usually pairing it with eye contact and a few quiet, romantic words.

- Sitting in his lap.

- Tight hugs.

- Temple and head kisses.

- Your kisses are going to be somewhat clumsy at first, he’s obviously going to be a bit rusty but he gets the hang of it again very quickly.

- Darling, angel, dearest, love, my lovely. You practically get a new pet name everyday.

- He holds you close at night, spooning you so tight that you can hardly move at times. He holds you as though he’s afraid he might lose you, likes you’ll disappear if he doesn’t.

- Sometimes he twitches, whimpers, fidgets, his grip tightening, and his face burrowing into your neck; it’s how you know he’s having some kind of bad dream.

- Gifts. It makes him happy to give you things, to be able to provide for you and make you happy. It feels very domestic; it’s just what he needs.

- Long conversations.

- Sitting together as you bathe. It’s not even a sexual thing; though it can be, you’re just comfortable with each other. You talk, you joke, and you tell each other about your days. It’s relaxing.

- Firelit evenings spent drinking wine and enjoying each other’s company.

- Spending most of your time inside. He’s on the run; if you haven’t noticed, so you’ll have to make do and enjoy what you can.

- Ignoring Kreachers insulting mutterings. You occasionally have to hold Sirius back from throttling the ignorant creature.

- Stargazing and walking around together at night.

- Having dinner together.

- He’s still got some youthfulness to him so the two of you get into your fair share of adventures. He still enjoys a good bit of fun from time to time.

- Visiting Hogsmeade for a bit of nostalgia once everything is over. You both love and hate seeing him there: you love the twinkle of fond memories in his eyes yet hate the melancholy smile that inevitably paints his lips during your trip.

- Listening to stories about his younger days. How fun James was, how they tormented Snivellus, how awful his family was. Occasionally, he’ll trail off sadly and you’ll just kiss his cheek, giving him a tight hug as he assures you he’s fine.

- Harry coming to stay with you over the summer. You’re practically his godmother by now.

- Having Remus and Tonks over a lot. You and the woman become good friends and him and Remus enjoy sitting back and watching their girls. 

- Surprise visits, albeit usually by a black dog scratching at your front door.

- He loves your infatuation with his tattoos. The feeling of your fingers on them or your hand splayed out on his chest is the best in the world.

- Playing with his hair as he lays his head on you.

- Cooking for and taking care of him. He deserves to have someone doting on him after all he’s been through, doesn’t he?

- Lazy mornings spent in bed. He likes pressing a few soft kisses to your shoulders after he wakes up.

- Lots of jokes, many of them dog related. He always has you laughing.

- Smartass comments. You occasionally have to keep him in line; you don’t need someone killing him just because he can’t keep his mouth shut.

- You keep the peace between him and a lot of people. He’s got his fair share of enemies or just people that he doesn’t get along with, and you do your best to ensure that things don’t erupt between them.

- Catching him up on everything that's happened.

- Comforting him during hard times.

- The instant you’re upset or insecure, he senses it and is on your ass, comforting you and giving you words of wisdom. He can always make you feel better.

- He’s not an incredibly jealous person but he does have his moments. He’s surprisingly good at holding his tongue when it comes down to it. He’ll just take you aside later and tell you that he loves you, needing to hear you say it back without any hesitation.

- He’s very protective when he needs to be. He’ll do whatever he has to to ensure your safety. He’s not going to lose anyone else if he can help it.

- Even prior to your actual relationship, you were definitely followed around by a shaggy black dog; whether you were aware of who it was or not. He just wanted to make sure you were alright, and he was bored.

- The two of you really don’t have a lot of fights. He reserves his jackassery for other people so he doesn’t have too much left when it comes to you.

- Whenever you do argue, he apologizes fairly quickly. He hates fighting with you and he wants your little argument to be over as soon as possible, even if that means swallowing his pride and saying sorry.

- There’s quite a few I love yous in your relationship. He loves the smile you get when he says those three little words, and he adores hearing them from you.

- After everything he’s been through, he just wants a nice, happy, quiet life. One that wouldn’t be complete without you.