#something about Ludger ending. and angst and sad

[judemathisdaily]

Day 25: doodle of a Jude that goes with an old fic that’s in my notes app

[broadswordandpistol]

( @femmefang​ — continued from Skype because I’m a masochist who loves pain )

Under a cut because of length. Angst level: 0.75 Hamils

Samiel: Fractured dimension pre Alvin betraying Presa Jishin: Oh dear, where are you going with that? Samiel: just picturing her seeing him and immediately going to hug him "You're gone for a week and you already have a beard?" Jishin: ouch

Jishin: He doesn't have the heart to tell her. "I'd been thinking about growing it out for a while." That's not really a lie.

Samiel: "You wear it well." Idly plays with a strand of his longer hair. "Are you sure the military won't mind?"

Jishin: "Probably not, given my line of work. They've always been pretty flexible for me." Still not a lie, but a hell of an omission. He rubbed at his wrist. "I'll probably get sent out soon again."

Samiel: "Already?" It's difficult to hide her disappointment.

Jishin: "I'm sorry. It's a complicated job this time." Understatement of the century. He really shouldn't take her fingers to hold them apologetically. Really, he shouldn't.

Jishin: (Ludger please put him out of his misery. Please.)

Samiel: She entwines her fingers between his with casual ease. "How long until you have to leave again?"

Jishin: He frowned in thought. This sort of thing generally didn't take more than a few hours. "Probably tomorrow or the next day. I don't know when I'll be back."

Samiel: Disappointment aside, she gave a sly smirk. "So you're free for dinner then?"

Jishin: "Yeah." He shouldn't have said yes. Even he knew that 'gathering intel' in this case was the flimsiest of excuses, and one he'd use if anyone asked. "I really have missed you."

Jishin: ( I'm not crying you're crying shut up )

Samiel: Taking a step closer, she tilted her head with a slightly smug look. "Oh? How much have you missed me?"

Samiel: (why do I do this to myself augh)

Jishin: "More than you'll ever know." Also not a lie. Maxwell smite him for his sins, especially this one. He caved to the aching desire in his heart and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "Life without you can be pretty unbearable."

Samiel: "Al..." Something about his tone--the sad longing in his eyes--made her heart ache. Fingertips gently brushing her blushed cheek still tingling from the kiss, her hand moved to cup his cheek with equal tenderness. "I have no choice then. Looks like I'm stuck with you, handsome."

Jishin: (Okay so look here if we end up with multiple fracturedPresa AUs I don't know what I'm gonna do ... ) Samiel: (Alvin you can't keep them all ) Jishin: ( he wants to. Life is very unfair.) Jishin: ( can they please just all live even if he can't keep them) Samiel: ( -pets him- I'm sorry ) Jishin: ( -concerned face- I think he's broken. He's torn very much between not wanting to hurt her, because this is probably her last day alive, and wanting not to lie to her, beucase even if she's not his Presa, she's still Presa and very important to him. ) Samiel: ( it's not an easy situation. and it's not fair to him at all =< )

Jishin: There was a note of sorrow under his laugh, and he twined his fingers with hers again, squeezing gently. Was this what soul purification was like? An infinite number of do-overs until you finally got it right and were wiped away?

If nothing else, it was a chance to try to do it right. "I'd like that. You'd have to put up with the other woman, though." He gave her only a moment to register. "My mom. I'm sorry for lying to you, gorgeous. I wasn't off on a military gig that time." Jishin: "She's not well, and I —"

Samiel: (ow ow ow) Jishin: (Would someone please find the goddamn catalyst already, he's gonna die of heartbreak here.) Jishin: (Not that he wants anyone to die, hell no)

Samiel: Eyes flicked back and forth subtly, brows slowly furrowing. His mother? He had never even mentioned her before. She assumed he had his reasons and they had an unspoken agreement not to pry too much into the other's past. This meant...

He was putting his trust in her.

"Al." She shook her head. "It's all right. Is there anything I can do? Will she be okay?" After a moment of chewing over her options and responsibilities before easily tossing them aside for him, she added, "Do you want me to accompany you?"

Jishin: He put an arm around her shoulders and drew her close. "Just understanding's enough." The sigh he let out was unfeigned. "We were in a sailing accident when I was a kid. Lost my dad, and Mom never really recovered. She did okay for a while, but started living more and more in the past. She doesn't even recognize me now." Painful as it was to say it, it was somehow a relief. "I wasn't sure how you'd take it, so ... thanks. I would like you to meet her someday."

Boy would he ever, but that was never to happen.

Samiel: "I'm so sorry, Al..." Now her heart really ached for him and she reached up to wrap her delicate arms around his neck, drawing him close. There was probably more to the story, reasons he chose to never reveal his mother or her condition until now, but those could wait. If understanding is what he needed, she was willing to understand his omissions, too. Stroking her fingers through his hair, she whispered, "Thank you for telling me. I would love to meet her."

Oh gorgeous... Even as he leaned into her touch and wrapped his arms around her, he felt a well of guilt. It was his counterpart who needed her understanding, not him. Alvin felt as if he’d somehow managed to betray himself. Telling her these things now in his reflection’s stead, when he’d never been mature enough to do it himself —

Even if this was not his Jill, even if everything was going to hell in a handbasket faster than he’d ever imagined, he still wanted to finally do the right thing. Whether that made him a meddler or a coward wasn’t a question he wanted to answer. Both, most likely. Confessing by proxy. Pathetic.

“Next time I’ve got an off weekend, maybe, and if her doc says she’s doing well enough. She doesn’t live in town. But you probably figured that out already, huh?” Given how long she said he’d been gone, that was an easy assumption.