#someone thought these were gonna hit so hard in the late aughts I just know it

[olivay-official]

Neighbors (Peter Parker x Reader) 1/2

Thank you @tomllholland for helping me with prompts and inspiring this great mess! Also I apologize for the writing I’m not used to writing imagines so please excuse mistakes and such.

Summary: You and Peter Parker are Neighbors but he’s been a bit stranger than usual lately and things only get stranger after you have a run in with New York’s favorite superhero: Spiderman. And Peter again is acting weird.

I promise it gets better- part two will be a must!

You’re headed out to a movie with friends, you turned to lock your apartment door on your way out when you noticed a familiar face at the door next to you.

“Hey Peter, you just getting home for the night?” You asked your neighbor, Peter Parker. The boy looked at you startled.

“Um yeah, late night, probably just going to go to bed,” Peter laughed nervously. You quirked an eyebrow up at him.

“It’s like 8:30,” You chuckled as Peter floundered.

“Yeah well you know, been busy, the uh Stark internship and everything,” Peter mumbled.

“Well tell Iron Man to give you a break once in a while,” You snickered, “I’ll see you around Peter.” You waved to him as you headed down the hall.

Peter Parker had been your neighbor since he first showed up on May and Ben’s doorsteps. The two of you had never particularly been friends but you always said hello to one another and made small talk. Before Peter’s internship you had occasionally walked home together. Since the internship, however, Peter often kept odd hours and never seemed to walk him from school anymore. You had noticed that even in the middle of winter Peter kept his bedroom window open most nights, not that you had been watching his window was just conveniently next to yours.You weren’t as observant as Michelle when it came to Peter’s habits but in the past year you had definitely noticed that Peter acted different and was conveniently no where to be found most days. Gone were the nights when you used to throw things through Peter’s window to signal you had a question for him on the chemistry homework. And gone were the nights you shouted at him and Ned to keep their Star Wars marathons down. Most nights the only sound you heard coming from his room was a loud bang around two or three in the morning as if he’d fallen out of bed. You didn’t think much of Peter’s day to day activities but you missed the convenience of a study partner and just the day to day conversation you used to have with your neighbor. But you knew you couldn’t really say much to him after all you had never been more than his neighbor- you hardly qualified as a concerned friend. And what could you say that Michelle probably hadn’t already said to him? You shook your head as you continued on your way to meet your friends. Peter Parker had no business being on your mind right then, he was probably already dead asleep in his room and you had a movie to see!

The evening had proved to be a good one. The movie had been an excellent choice and afterwards your friends and you had gone to get a late night snack where you all sat around and talked for about an hour before heading home. The night had almost been perfect up until you missed the subway car and had to walk home. You could have waited for the next one but waiting in the subway at 11:30 at night wasn’t exactly endearing. It would be faster to simply make the trek home on foot.

Two blocks from home the streetlights flickered before completely going out altogether. You shook off the nerves, ignoring the ominous premonition the blacked out lights were obviously trying to tell you. Halfway down the street you heard another set of footsteps join you. Dread leaked through your body making your blood run cold. You picked up your pace, squeezing your keys tightly in between your fingers, wolverine style. You prayed you didn’t have to actually hit anyone with your makeshift weapon. Your heart leaped into your throat as a hand gripped your shoulder whipping your around to face them before shoving you up against the brick wall behind you. The large man pinned you to the wall by your shoulders licking his lips as he looked you up and down. You screamed launching your fist forward. Your keys scraped along the man’s face causing him to take a step back. You stumbled away as fast as you could screaming madly hoping someone might hear you. You screamed for help, you screamed fire, you just plain screamed. The man recovered quickly but he didn’t bother chasing after you. You looked back confused before bumping into another large man. A lump formed in your throat as you attempted to turn and run another way but the man’s beefy hand wrapped around your arm trapping your makeshift weapon in that hand. You struggled against him screaming as the other man began to approach once more wiping blood from his cheek. Your heart beat wildly in your chest as you desperately tried to think of any way out of this situation.

The first man began pulling everything out of your pockets, taking what he wanted and tossing what he didn’t to the ground. He smiled as he fished your wallet free.

“You know if you hadn’t of scratched me things probably would have ended differently for you.” The first man nodded to the second larger man who swung you hard into the wall to your right. Your head hit the bricks with a crack the world spun around you as you collapsed awkwardly to your knees, arm still trapped in the man’s death grip. For a second as your vision went in and out of focus you wondered if you would make it out of this, and what shape you would be in if you did.

“And maybe if you hadn’t decided to be a criminal you wouldn’t have broken your nose,” A voice called out into the night. The first man looked up from thumbing through your wallet, brows knit together in confusion.

“Broken nose?” He asked. Without missing a beat a strand of webbing shot out connecting with the beefier man’s free fist dragging it forward and straight into the first man’s nose. The beefy man released my arm as he stumbled forward struggling against the webbing. The first man held his nose as blood gushed onto the cement and he yowled in pain. Spiderman landed gracefully to the ground next to you looking nothing less of an angel in Spandex.

“That’s gonna hurt,” Spiderman said pointing towards the man’s face. The man growled as he looked up at him his nose already swelling.

Without warning the man charged. Spiderman quickly hopped out of the way as the man tore past him. A strange of webbing caught the man’s back and Spiderman slung him into a circle using the man’s own momentum to run him into a wall, the man collapsed to the ground groaning and incoherent. The second man looked at Spiderman and began to scream before running the other way. Spiderman leapt into the air swinging through the air and landing in front of the second man. The second man staggered backwards as he tried to get away. Spiderman whipped out more webbing attaching the second man to the lamppost and brick building in a snug cocoon. Using webbing Spiderman dragged the first unconscious man over the the second and strung them up back to back.

“That ‘aught to hold you til the cops get here,” Spiderman chuckled as he dusted his hands off admiring his weaving skills. The web clad hero looked over at me suddenly remembering my existence the whites in his mask widened as he jogged over to me. Shooting a small bit of webbing he collected my things from the ground gathering them into a small makeshift web pouch. He knelt down next to me tilting his head to the side eyes narrowing.

“Hey are you okay?” He asked. His voice was higher than you had imagined it to be.

“I uh, I think so,” You mumbled struggling up to your feet. Spiderman held out his hand to you which you gladly took.

“You sure?” He asked concerned.

“Yeah yeah totally. I just hit my head, I’ll be fine.” Your words might have been convincing if you hadn’t stumbled forward and had to be steadied by the hero.

“How hard did you hit your head?” He laughed though his voice was tight, still worried.

“Um…” You stated a bit unsure.

“Alright I’m going to take you home okay?” He gently held your shoulders as he looked at you checking to make sure you were okay. Before you could form a coherent reply he wrapped an arm around your waist and suddenly you were zipping up into the air. You clung to his side as a wave of nausea hit you. You buried you face into his shoulder clenching your eyes shut as the wind whipped past you. The motion caused you to feel more dizzy than before, black spots dotting your vision when you opened opened your eyes. Maybe you had hit your head harder than you thought. Thankfully it didn’t take long before the hero was easing your window open and slinking the both of you into your room. Spiderman helped you over to your bed setting the web weaved bag onto your desk.

“That’ll dissolve in a few hours,” He said pointing to the bag. You looked at him curiously, which was hard to do because there were currently three of him.

“How’d you know where I lived?” You asked. His eyes widened as his body tensed.

“I uh, you um, you-your wallet! I saw your uh driver’s license! And that had the address and I know the building so um yeah um are you going to be okay here?” He rushed nervously. You nodded in response and then groaned from the throbbing pain it caused.

“Good, good, I’ll uh check on you later then! Goodnight!” Spiderman called out hurriedly as he swung out your window. You smiled to yourself as your head throbbed, you had never been so thankful for the strange superhero infested world you lived in.

After finding a note from Spiderman taped to your front door your mom had found you passed out in your room and rushed you to the hospital. You had a concussion but thankfully didn’t need to stay overnight but were advised to stay home from school for a few days. You spent much of the next day sleeping. You were sure your friends would come by once they heard the news but for now you didn’t have any desire to call and tell them about what had happened. You had planned on spending your entire day in bed until you head a crash in your room. You sat up in your bed before letting out a deep groan as your head throbbed in protest.

“Um sorry were you asleep?” Peter asked placing several fallen books back onto your desk.

“Peter? Did you come in through the window?” You asked. Peter looked away sheepishly.

“Yeah um sorry I heard about what happened last night and just wanted to check on you,” Peter shrugged meticulously straightening the books on your desk.

“How did you hear about that already?” You asked, your memory a bit fuzzy- had you texted one of your friends?

“Uh yeah your mom told Aunt May so yeah, how are you feeling?” He asked finally looking up at you.

“Like I got hit by a bus,” you moaned.

“I know the feeling,” Peter muttered under his breath. “So Spiderman saved you huh?” A smile curled on your lips.

“Yeah he did! It was really amazing Peter, he even brought me home. I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up,” You explained.

“Yeah he’s a really cool guy, I’m glad he was there when you needed him.” Peter pressed his lips into a tight line as he awkwardly fumbled with his hands.

“I think he might be our age you know,” You blurted. Peter’s eyes widened, his hands freezing.

“What?” He squeaked his voice raising an octave.

“He sounded a lot younger when I talked to him. I don’t know I get the feeling he’s just a kid like us,” You clarified.

“Like us, come on the guy’s out fighting winged villains and stuff, how would he do that if he was our age?” Peter asked nervously fiddling with his hands once more. The smile returned to your face once more.

“I think that’s what makes him so amazing Peter,” You whispered. Peter opened his mouth to respond but froze and looked towards your bedroom door. You knit your brows together and followed his gaze.

“What are you-“ You began before your mom walked through the door with a tray of food. She smiled brightly at you. You looked towards Peter planning on asking him how he knew she was coming but he was already gone.

��Is something wrong dear?” Your mother asked looking at you with concern.

“No, everything’s fine. Have you talked to May Parker today?” You asked turning to your bewildered mother.

“Not today, why do you ask?” She wondered.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, 5.27.2017 & 5.26.2007

the songs that debuted on the billboard hot 100 this week and this week ten years ago

5.26.2007

32) "Straight to the Bank," 50 Cent

There's actually something interesting at the core of this song -- if you make enough money doing your thing to sustain yourself for the rest of your life, what motivates you to keep doing your thing? I understand why 50 Cent wasn't willing to explore that theme, 50 Cent isn't here to offer a treatise on ennui and what creative fulfillment means to him, he's here to point at stacks of money and claim ownership. I think "I've made so much money I don't have to rap anymore" would be a fun twist on the "WE DEFIED INSURMOUNTABLE ODDS TO MAKE OODLES OF CASH!" song. It would've been a weird-ass 50 Cent song, but someone should take that theme and run.

48) "First Time," Lifehouse

See, like, at least 50 had the decency to give us the nugget of a decent song, to present something with a hint that it could be something more. This just is what it is, an alternative/rock song that sounds like a thousand alternative rock songs before it with nothing to say except "love feels nice." But I'm in a weird spot where I'm not sure if I'm reacting to the actual song, or if I'm reacting to the idea of Lifehouse and all the connotations I've attached to the Lifehouse brand. I keep wondering: if this song or something like this made it to the 2017 song, would I find it a refreshing throwback? If some long-forgotten mid-aughts alt-rock track, The Calling's "Our Lives" or whatever, if that found new life amidst the EDM and pop/trap, wouldn't it seem like a fun change of pace, an actual almost-rock song instead of the usual novelty indie track? I'm pretty sure this song is bad, but it might be because being weighed against history means being weighed against the titans, whereas the standards are different (lower) for modern songs, because there's a more limited pool to draw from (five months, as opposed to all of history). Hard to tell if I'm judging this song or the context in which this song is released. We need a control for 2017. America: are you finally ready to give Tonic that second chance?

52) "Anonymous," Bobby Valentino ft./Timbaland

I'm no expert, but I'm reasonably confident that, if you're tryna get with someone, and they don't tell you your name, that means they don't want to fuck you. I don't think you're being #problematic, but I do think you need to do better at picking up on signals, Bobby. They're not even giving you a FAKE name! It's so easy to give a fake name! "My name's Jamie." Took me two seconds. IT'S SO EASY! If they're not even willing to do that, they just want you to stop talking to them! You're not being #problematic, that would be a bridge too far, but you need to do a better job of picking up signals. You can't make a song about how you can't even get someone to tell you their name. They rejected you, dude. Move on. (Maybe if it were the next day, when you spent a night dancin' and romancin' but they left before anything sexy could happen, and you're trying to track them down but can't find them because you can't remember their name? That'd be a cool thing! This legit sounds like dude doesn't know someone said 'no,' and not in a shitty "I heard yes!" Robin Thickey way, just a dunderheaed boy-just-don't-get-it way.)

72) "Tambourine," Eve

The least 2007 could do after shoving Timbaland down my throat was give me a Swizz chaser. I greatly enjoyed this! One gets why this song fell from the consciousness, it's a jam but it's not the song that gets the party started, y'know? And like all songs named after an instrument, there is not enough of the titular instrument in the track. I don't necessarily want it to sound like a second grade band performance, but I should have heard more tambourine than I did. But, yeah, hot party jam, always down for a well-executed version of a song with simple goals.

79) "Same Girl," R. Kelly & Usher

This song is fun, it's a foundational block of my relationship with my older sister, and it wasn't worth however many lives it cost to keep R. Kelly's name alive in our hearts.

83) "Vulnerable," Secondhand Serenade

more like glove-compartment admittance. for all i know, secondhand serenade probably actually did get big on myspace and i'm about to accurately describe this song, but this sounds like some fucking dude made a song in 20 minutes using his computer, uploaded it to myspace, and spent 4 hours picking out the right picture of him looking forlorn to put on his profile. you can hear the label executives looking at his picture and agreeing he's an 8, which is perfect -- hot enough to induce swooning, but just enough of an uggo to be approachable, impossible. ...oh no. oh no oh no it got me it got me run it got me you have to run you have to RUN BEFORE YOU CATCH IT TOO.

85) "I Don't Wanna Stop," Ozzy Osbourne

GOD YOU JUST DON'T APPRECIATE HOW AWFUL BUTTROCK IS UNTIL YOU LISTEN TO A REAL-ASS ROCK SONG. Ozzy was fucking 60 and swinging this sledgehammer. This fucking ruled. Remember that Bon Jovi nonsense from last week? THIS is how you do a late-career single. You fucking just remind people you've been doing this shit for 40 years by making a song you can only write with 40 years of experience under your belt. I heard the Bon Jovi song, I just heard a song. I heard this song, I heard Ozzy, I heard Zakk Wylde, I heard years of accrued expertise and experience, I heard fucking character, dude. I'm not even a metal dude, and I'm fucking into this song. This was great. Later, Breaking Benjamin. I can't in good conscience have your lilly ass in the Top 20 if you're gonna say you're in the same genre as this creature.

91) "Like This," MIMS

This is somehow the second track called "Like This" that 2007 has given us. The official music video for this song starts off with the hook for "This Is Why I'm Hot," because I guess the video is trying to give us what we really want. He also mentions "This Is Why I'm Hot" in the first verse, which, that's a bold move, to reference your hit in the second single. It's either swag, because you recorded both songs years ago and knew "This Is Why I'm Hot" would smash so hard that you wanted to give a shout-out to its inevitable success on the album, or it's safety, because you hurried this follow-up out the door and needed to mention the one thing you're ever gonna do. Either way, this song is mediocre 2007 pop/rap. It's as boring and listless as you would imagine the other MIMS song would be.

92) "teachme," Musiq Soulchild

This song about a man admitting that his confinement to traditional gender roles has made him emotionally unavailable and stunted would probably play a lot better in 2017 than I assume it did in 2007. I don't remember this song being that big a thing, but in 2017? Apart from being thrilled that someone in an R&B song is emoting, we'd also be stoked for a song that tacitly acknowledges toxic masculinity. This was pleasant! Musiq Soulchild dropped a song about fuck buddies and another song about the role gender norms played in his emotional upbringing, and I've appreciated all he's done!

94) "I Told You So," Keith Urban

OK this week's a pretty hot one for 2007. This is the fourth jam of the week, already quadruple the amount of jams I thought this week would have, and we haven't even gotten to the song I'm figuring is gonna be a jam. I forgot that sometimes country dude songs could have character! This song has a dope-as-hell instrumental break, an entirely reasonable amount of stops, and hey: Keith Urban? Pretty decent singer! This was rad. I keep forgetting "Alyssa Lies" exists, but were it not for that, this would be the lead contender for Least Worthless Country Dude song. Hell, I might even upgrade the title to "Most Acceptable Country Dude Song," since this and "Alyssa Lies" were both pretty great.

95) "Impacto," Daddy Yankee ft./Fergie

Oh. Oh no. Oh no! ...Oh, oh, I forgot. I forgot Daddy Yankee was once Very Bad. Oh, no. This is -- nothing about this is good. This is someone shouting over a beat that is also, somehow, shouting. I. I am going to stop writing this capsule? Because the longer I am writing about this song, the longer I am making myself thinking about this song, and I just, I'd like to very much not do that anymore.

98) "Get Me Bodied," Beyonce

DO YOU HEAR THIS SHIT, MIMS. THIS IS HOW YOU REFERENCE YOUR DEBUT SINGLE. You wait until you have an impressive catalogue of hits and an unassailable career, and THEN, you can shout out your debut single. Hey everyone did you guess which song I epected to be a jam? TURNS OUT I WAS RIGHT. The vocal work on this track is outstanding, like even for a Beyonce song it's ridiculous, there's a couple things Bey does on this track that made me laugh in disbelief. This is probably not even one of the 20 best songs in the extended Beyonce universe, and I'm still riding hard for it.

99) "All Good Things (Come to an End)," Nelly Furtado

so by this logic this song should have lasted forever OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHah we have fun here, but no this song was boring. like i know i have a tendency to check out with the last song of the week for both years, but i think it's justified in this case, because seriously it's timbaland and coldplay on the track, nah dude, i got cheers to watch.

The 2007 Top 20! Beyonce! Ozzy! 18 other songs you’ve been seeing for a while! 20) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 19) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 18) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 17) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 16) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Almost at a point where we can do Top 30s for each year! I don’t know why I comment after the list but here we are!

5.27.2017

64) "Malibu," by Miley Cyrus

This is a song where you have to be at least somewhat invested in the arc of Miley Cyrus' career for it to have maximum emotional impact, and I'm not, I'm very not interested in Miley Cyrus' journey or personal growth. Like, yay, the rich kid finally sobered up and is finally ready to accept the rest of their life with the vast fortune they have accrued, hooray for them, I'm glad something good finally happened to Miley Cyrus.

79) "Every Time I Hear That Song," by Blake Shelton

Oh good a country song about a different and better country song. Always a welcome addition to a chart, this type of song. Four people wrote this song. How does it take four people to listen to The Bro Country Song and say, "Let's do that again!" It's just, I have to come up with something relatively new to say about the same fucking country dude song every week, and meanwhile these four chucklefucks get to rhyme "mind" with "time" and call themselves PROFESSIONAL writers. Life's not fair.

89) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton

"Baby, you can go or you can stay/But I won't love you either way." fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk THIS was that chris stapleton shit i was lookin' for a couple weeks back. i haven't had time to get to from a room yet, not sure if i should do vol. i now or take it in with vol. ii, but god damn, this is what a country song is. this is pain, laid bare and unvarnished, nothing but a guitar between you and this dude's voice, which, i mean, chris stapleton is as born to sing country songs as kendrick is to rap, as beyonce is to sing anything beyonce desires. this is just a solid fucking song, and the entirety of nashville should feel endless shame for thinking anyone else should have had this song.

97) "Drinkin' Problem," by Midland

This was what I was talking about when I was talking about Lifehouse! This song is kind of a throwback, but it's only throwing as far back as Toby Keith, yet even doing an imitation of Toby Keith's occasional dad-humor songs feels so good, feels so right, feels so unlike the bro country song that it counts as a zag for country music. This is a song with clear, discernible influences, for which success seems like a happy accident and not the result of piloting the world's most efficient country hit-making engine! Maybe there's a chance I would find this trite and corny when weighed against the entirety of country music -- and honestly, being the country dude song following Chris Stapleton on the chart, hoof, that I didn't think this sucked should prolly give me a clue as to how great this song really is -- but given that Sam Hunt nothinged his way to the top of this world, I'm willin' to be down with this song.

Top 20! 20) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 19) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 18) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 17) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 16) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 15) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 14) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 13) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 12) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 11) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 10) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 9) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) Yo, look at “Despacito,” toppin’ the chart! I might have to actually listen to the remix. BUT THE ORIGINAL IS SO GOOOOOOOD THO. I don’t want to listen to Justin Bieber.

Who won?

2007. Great as “Either Way” was, 2007 just had more songs at a more consistent level. Like, “Either Way” is at least half a street ahead of “Get Me Bodied,” but “Drinkin Problem” doesn’t hold a candle to “I Don’t Wanna Stop,” and the other two 2017 entries aren’t worthy of mentioning alongside “teachme.” Easy W. Didn’t think it’d happen, but hey, 2007 was pleasantly surprising! Next week... I see what 2007 has for me next week. Gonna take a huge fuck-up from 2017 to even things up for ol’ 2007. Two Linkin Park songs. Two of them. Guh.

2017: 5 2007: 4