#someone tell me to eat dinnner

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

Can you match your mutuals with CSM characters and troupes? Pretty please 🥺

Thanks for the game <3 !!! I wanna apologize upfront bc this is a very very short one. I don't remember CSM super well apparently so i apologize for how few of yall are included here. This was what I could manage after tumblr fucked up my draft and if i dont post it tonight it'll rot in my drafts forever. Idk man send me a part two and ask for a different set and we'll see what we can do (probably reusing characters tho)

@feitania and Kishibe - roommates

Kishibe doesn't need a roommate and he reminds you of that at least 12 times a week but he wouldn't dream of having you leave. He's so much more sentimental than it seems. Who would've thought that stone cold bastard had such a big soft heart? He lets you decorate any room you like for the most part and he'd be lying if he said he didn't appreciate the warmth that comes with another life in his home. You two don't need to fill all the space with chatter but after a while, you do get him to open up a bit and you learn a lot from the man's life. He learns a lot about yours too. Idk, it's just the right amount of cozy.

@the-travelling-witch X Aki - cafe au

Baker!Aki is dying for your attention after the fist time you visit his shop. It was dead on a weekday afternoon. He gave you a deal on some cookies, insisting it was the end of the day, that they'd go to waste. Since then he's tried to catch your eye and your fancy through some new desserts, pastel macarons, and cute little pastries, and delicate fruit tarts. He listens to you talk when you bring some friends to study there. He's not trying to be weird, but he hears you're not from Japan and starts making German treats he think maybe a taste of home could be nice or well he's ... he's trying okay? He thanks the gods the day you ask him why the menu always changes because you finally give him your number with a promise to teach him how to make some real bread.

@sleepy3 and Beam - childhood best friends

Yall have been inseparable for the last two decades. You spent your youth together. You shared nearly all your elementary and middle school classes together and and never struggled to make time for one another. You're the only one who can calm Beam down, you're his favorite cuddle buddy, annnnd the only reason he probably graduated because got he's adorable and all but his attention span is not it! For his part, he gives you energy and hypes you up all the time. He even hypes you up for that date he doesn't particularly like that you're going on tonight because he doesn't think the guy is good enough for you. But he's still gonna help you pick an outfit and tell you how great you look because he's honest and he cares about you and well, he trusts you to make smart decisions.

@drakenlvr X violence fiend - fake dating

He doesn't seem all that interesting at first and I don't blame you. There's not much to talk about since you finished that one project together. You know, the one you two did all the work for while your asshat classmates sat with their thumbs in their asses? All you really knew about galgali was that he was maybe a bit of a pushover sometimes but he was definitely nice. When he came up to you in the dining hall and asked for you to go to a work event with him as his partner just once god i know its weird but please- you figured, fuck it. There are worse ways to spend a Friday evening than hanging around an acquaintance and getting free food and drinks. Turns out he has a crazy history, a crazier job, and a shockingly cute streak.

@violettierre x Power - enemies to friends to business owners lmao

Look I'm not gonna get into the gory details about that relationship you just got out of, okay? It was messy and not at all your fault, but isn't it crazy how all it took was a mutual enemy (the ex in question) to become thicker than thieves with Power? I can just see you and Power skipping down the street and dancing and being chaotic. Plus there's just nothing like it when Power is soft for you. Y'all end up roommates and maybe go in halfsies on a cat cafe for the broken hearted to find their new halves.

[destielvestiges]

85 ways to know me, I guess

Rules: answer these 85 questions and tag people

Tagged by @sword-wielding-lizard (thanks, love :* )

What was your last…

1. Drink: vitamin water xxx

2. Phone call: david suzuki foundation

3. Message sent: also doctor who

4. Song you’ve listened to: does my mom singing in the kitchen count?

5. Last time you cried: like 20 minutes ago haha

Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: unfortunately

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes but not for usual reasons I guess ;)

8. Been cheated on: not that I know of

9. Lost someone special: too many times in my humble opinion

10. Been depressed: can’t remember a time when I wasn’t

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: twice: the first time I drank, and at prom.

Fav colors…

12. Bright Yellow

13. Deep Purple

14. Rose Gold

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: not sure? hope so.

16. Fallen out of love: noooo

17. Laughed until you cried: not that I remember but hopefully because this is by far one of my favorite things about being human

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I guess?

19. Met someone who changed you: everyone I meet changes me in one way or another.

20. Found out who your friends are: I think so

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: no :( (plz somebody kiss me)

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them

23. Do you have any pets: two very problematic cats that I adore

24. Do you want to change your name: princess consuela banana hammock

25. What did you do for your last birthday: went to a bar with friends and to dinnner with family

26. What time did you wake up today: noon even though I had a class at 10 ooops

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: hi I was eating dinner, texting and re-watching gossip girl

28. What’s something you can’t wait for: the fall of capitalism and patriarchy

29. Favorite animal: cats

30. What are you listening to right now: Kesha - Praying

31. Ever talked to someone named Tom: My boss (he’s so extra)

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: me, myself, and I (also people sniffing, just blow your damn nose!)

33. Most visited website: Tumblr.com (unless netflix 

34. hair color: dirty blonde

35. Long or short hair: several hairdressers have told me I had the longest hair they’d ever seen.

36. Have a crush on someone: I develop a crush on anyone who pays attention to me

37. What do you like about yourself: when I smile I get this dimple on my cheek under my right eye and I love it.

38. Want any piercings: yes yes yes but I work at a dumb place that doesn’t allow piercings

39. Blood type: I know it’s the one that can receive blood from any type so I guess that’s good

40. Nicknames: got none

41. Relationship status: single and bored

42. Sign: Leo

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fav TV show: I’ve seen Friends a bunch ff times, it calms me down

45. Tattoos: I’ve got a bunch planned but I need money

46. Right or left handed: right

47. Ever had surgery: yes when i was two i was in a freak accident

48. Piercings: not yet 

49. Sport: athletes are overpaid  

50. Vacation: someone take me away ( @sword-wielding-lizard ) i stole your answer, but honestly it was such a mood.)

51. Shoes: boots!

52. Eating: atm? my mom is cooking veal and spinach pastas. 

53. Drinking: I’m still on that vitamin water

54. About to watch: Deligracy’s Hampton Falls part 3

55. Waiting for: surprise me really

56. Want: to be more at peace with where and who I am

57. Get married: maybe, if the person I love wants to

58. Career: ideally I’d be someone like Paris Hilton who’s just paid a bunch of money to exist. Realistically a journalist or something

Which is better…

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Taller or shorter: no preference

62. Older of younger: don’t care age doesn’t mean anything

63. Nice arms or stomach: listen here when you care about someone their whole personality spreads across their face and body and they become so attractive to you it’s the magic of being human things are merely what you make of them.

64. Hookups or relationships: both have their appeal

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: confidence is so attractive people I don’t know what to tell you

Have you ever….

66. Kissed a stranger: yes hahaha it was awesome

67. Drank hard liquor: yes

68. Turned someone down: not that many have come forward

69. Sex on the first date: i’ve never 

70. Broken someone’s heart: Idk ask my ex (  don’t really)

71. Had your heart broken: no

72. Been arrested: I wouldn’t get caught

73. Cried when someone died: no

74. Fallen for a friend: I’ve had crushes on most of my friends but it was never serious

Believe in…

75. Yourself: I tell myself that I do

76. Miracles: I would be a fool not to

77. Love at first sight: I believe in lust at first sight

78. Santa Clause: think of the children!!

79. Angels: when I need to

Misc.

80. Eye color: they’re like a mood ring (according to my mom anyways)

81. Best friends names: 

82. Favorite movie: It’s going to be Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (I just know it in my heart)

83. Favorite actor:I like katie bell a lot (watch The Good Place)

84. Favorite cartoon: If someone pretentious asks: Bojack Horseman, but really I like The Fairly Oddparents

85. Favorite teachers name: Mme Corona (I’m not kidding)

Tagging

@marveygoddamnit @novemberhush @topaz-toni @mymadelame @genderfluid-jaredkleinmann @ anyone who wants to dm and I’ll add you

[jessiewre]

Day 32

Weds 5th Feb

The next time the night bus stopped was 8:30am on the side of a busy road for a ‘pee stop’. I joked with the bus manager girl about the fact that it was kind of a man only toilet stop cos there was NO WHERE to hide, and she just smiled and agreed. I assumed that there would be another stop for women, but then wondered if perhaps that was a ridiculous notion cos ya know, we’re only 52% of the worlds population and why should it be someone else’s problem that we don’t have penises to conveniently pee from right?! Then a lady walked off the bus - was she gonna pee? I wondered, and I watched her with intrigue. She went to the side of the road in full view of the bus passenger window, opened up her huge shawl to cover herself and squatted on the grass to pee. Wow what a tekkers. Nothing but admiration for her (ok thats a lie, I also felt pure JEALOUSY, as I was desperate to pee). Maybe it was a stop for everyone after all.

The next time we stopped to let someone off I asked if there was a loo and the lady just laughed at me shakeing her head. FFS. I at least thought she would understand my situation and have some sympathy. By 9:30am, I had lost patience and the next time the bus stopped to let some people off, I just told her Let me off and I’d find a loo. She told me to ‘rush’. Alright mate, sure, I’ll rush around this main road while trying not to piss myself. My first thought of crossing the road was not a good one and I found a crumby cafe thing (I do not know who would eat here, it was even below my standards) and they said I could use the loo. Win!

There was a lady at the back of this dump holding a bucket and she said enthusiastically ‘Let me clean it for you!’

I politely said ‘Oh no, there’s no need...’ then took one look at the loo and started nodding. ‘Actually yeah crack on mate’.

The bucket she had was full of water so she just chucked the WHOLE LOT into the cubicle and soaked the room, absolutely not cleaning it at all. I was about to ask for loo roll then remembered I was in a rush and that this woman didn’t have shoes let alone loo roll, so cracked on and ran back to the bus where they weren’t even ready for me to leave anyway.

Half an hour later and we go to to River Road bus terminal. Based on what we’d read, we were expecting to get robbed the MOMENT we got off the bus. We grabbed our belongings and held them close to us while trying to look well ‘ard an that.

Contrary to this, it seemed fine, pleasant even, and after a bit of a haggle, we got in a taxi with a driver called Jackson. A smiley bloke who’s car had electric windows = ballin’.

We arrived at Wildebeest Eco Lodge and headed straight to the restaurant counting down the minutes till it was 11am and the kitchen would open so we could order something. At 11:01, I went to the counter BUZZIN. But they tried to mug me off by asking I come back in half an hour. I said Unfortunately this would not be possible. So they asked if it was because I was leaving soon.

I said ‘Umm no, I’ve just arrived from Uganda and I’m marvin mate, pleeeeease can we order something now please thank you please’.

They gave in and we had pumpkin soup, vege samosas and a bloody CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD. I don’t know why I ordered it, I just had an irrational craving and I can tell you now I won’t be ordering chicken again soon as it did not feel good (if I write it hear, then it’s even more likely I’ll stick to it). The bacon in the salad didn’t help matters either. Might have got away with it if it was crispy bacon, but nothing like fatty crap soft bacon to reassure you that the vege life is a good one.

We had a shower as soon as possible after this, I was trying to wash off the chicken and bacon, plus we realised our clothes were completely stinking (ok potentially mine more than Phil). Then we got ready for some pool time. 
The pool beds were SO INCREDIBLY HOT (in Africa eh, who knew) that I think Phil singed all the hairs on the back of his calf’s, but the pool was crisp and cold. So we managed to get through it.

Phil got super hungry again and we nailed ANOTHER pumpkin soup each but he had a vege burger too the wee fatty.

We lay on the grass for a bit after the pool and I noticed a little spot on Phil's lip. He reluctantly agreed to let me take a look at it and I tried to get rid of it swiftly. Whatever I did, it appeared to cause a lot of pain, and Phil screamed out and swore VERY loud and jumped up cursing me like crazy. So much so that I found it awkwardly hilarious so had to try and suppress my laughter, which got harder the more I knew I shouldn't laugh. I pulled the sarong in front of my face and Phil was so fumin (and apparently in a lot of pain) he stormed off to get some space. This made me laugh uncontrollably but with the sarong and my shades I felt I hid it slightly. By the time Phil returned 10 mins later, I was fully prepped with the sarong completely covered my head and face, with my shades covering my eyes. I tipped my shades down to look over the top and caught his eye as he approached and thankfully he started to laugh as I was pissin myself laughing to be honest. OH THE LAUGHS WE HAVE.

We debated about going out for dinnner but fatigue from our night bus was kicking in and the buffet dinner grew evermore appealing. We did not regret it as there were roast potatoes on offer - yum - but the tastiest dish was the bloody beef rendang so we had to try and get the sauce out without the meat...

Obviously the food hitting our stomachs caused immediate snooze-mode and we went to the dorm knowing it would be nice and quiet while everyone was eating and socialising. Squeezing into a single bed was tricky but worth it to watch some Netflix, finally finishing SE season 2. What a show.

[cbocstar]

sometimes i feel like i don even have a purpose in life.

like im trying to figure out why why i exist? Because i clearly I don’t have a purpose for my own self. like i was only born out of a petty game between my parents. Just a pawn to push over and manipulate and brag or bring both of themselves down by using custody as a factor.

I don’t really have much freedom and i’m 27 and i just feel so degraded.

i am staying at home with my mom. I help pay the mortgage, water, and electricity and our phone bill. and sometimes groceries, My mom is retired. she does drive me to work becuse she wont let me take a the fucking public transportation. bc heaven b forbids shes  just going to think “ im much better than her “LIke  sorry i just want to be a fiv eminute away from you. is that so hard? 

LIke i just need distance.

how bad is distance.

LIKE WE LIVE IN SAME HOUSE, we share the same bedroom, we in the ame car 24/7 we eat dinnner

the only time im away from her is my full time job and thats not even fun because im working and thats just 9 hours monday through friday. 

i keep telling my mom that she needs some friends or a dog or a new interest to sspend time with because i cant just be the only one bc shes driving me insane. and I just I dont know how to keep surviving r pushing htrough. 

i hate of how im so afraid of what happens next after death. if it wasn tbc of that fear maybe i would have done something by then. Im

im just so exhausted and so trapped  hat the thought of suicide just a little sescape seemed more joyful than anything. especially since i have chronic pain too. and hving chronic pain while living under a roof of a retired manipulative emotionally verbally financially abusive mother is really hard. lol 

im just so so drained and just emotionally so done with living this life. 

like I dont even know why im still here. LIke I feel like  my mom is living through me but still using my life as a schedule or a check list or just another body to control or punish because her life wasn’t fair. Idk I i just im so exhausted. I need a break. i just wn t to escape

and i cant even afford to escape. 

cant even talk to someone at work because how are they even going to help me. they cant. im just a burden. i cant even save money on  a separate account by how much privacy she’s been shoving her damn fafce in my life. 

and fighting back is now just disrespecting her now. 

[unspokenxdiary]

9/20/17

sigh. i am getting tired of writing the same things. I binged. I had 4 of those gross pre packaged apple pies. each 450 calories. then i ate 2 brownie cookies and then a double stuffed oatmeal cookie things. Then i had 3 or 4 chocolate chip cookies. This is how disgusting I am. I eat so good all day and then night hits and i am no longer busy and alone. I dont remember what christian said but it stressed me out so I ate a bunch of food. Christian has been so helpful and nice to talk to. He makes me less lonely. I appreciate him so much. I had a roommate agreement last night with my roommates and tasha said she doesnt want guys sleeping over in the same bed as us because it makes her comfortable. I tried arguing but there was no winning and it made me extremely mad. I am a 20 year old adult who is paying extra for a private room, what i do in my room is not her business and she shouldnt be able to decide that even if her belifes are against it. every friend i reached out to about it agreed that it was ridiculous and i should try to find a different room. I am gonna schedule an appointment to do so. My car needs new breaks and stuff which is going to be atleast $920. mentally i am scattered between good and horrible wrong. Clearly my binge and purging is saying something. I purged today again but only once and then saw it was my dinnner which was healthy and i didnt want to throw the healthy stuff up. this is a silent war i am fighting that noone knows about and i dont want anyone too. I often feel guilty because belen tells me i know everything about her and i keep so much from her. Its not that i cant trust her or dont value her as a friend its just how I am. I havent been sleeping good or drinking enough water or eating good nor have i been proactive. James told me how he had to wake up at 5am for work and i told him i dont have class tom. but have a busy day and listed the stuff i have to do and he was like “lmao ashley stop” and i was like what. And he said something about how im not busy compared to him. I called him out and said i dont understand why people have to be like that. sure I may seem less busy but that only takes into account the hours i work not the emotional or mental stuff that may also be involved. I got personal and kinda told him off and assumed he would get annoyed but his response was something like Ashley i love you. you opened my mind and showed me. we then discussed it and he agreed he needs to stop thinking less of people or being judgemental. I respect james a lot for this. He doesnt get pissed or just say omg im sorry. He actually listens to what I says and thanks me for the learning opportunity.He really is a good guy and i thoroughly enjoy learning and growing with him. I thought I saw nick today and my stomach dropped and i didnt turn around to double check if it was him. I miss him. I spend most of my days alone in my room which I know i told myself I wouldnt its jsut so hard not to. I am wworried i am gonna be a failure and i dont know what career to look intoo or internships and i have a broken car and school and everything is stressful and i keep telling myself i am okay and yet here i am binging to feel good and then purging. i just want to lose weight and get clear skin. I am trying my best and yet I am not and it frustrates me because i know im doing things that are bad for me and im just like dont even care anymore and the first time i was like this was frshman year when i was suicidal. I cannot go through that again. So i will rely on God and be more disciplined. Karla said her and adam are gonna get married and I am so happy for her. I hope I find someone to love me like that. Christian loves me but idk. I dont really want that. i dont know what i want .