#someone get these idiots a wreck building and therapy

[witchofthesouls]

The Aligned verse handling of Orion Pax is... weird. Really, really weird.

Like to the point, I take canon spaghetti soup and rewrite my own thing. And not going to lie, I only seen snippets of the books, and yikes!

The mech before the Orion Pax was literally from the Wilds. As in, he came from literally nothing and somehow managed to get Alpha Trion's attention to become a data clerk.

That's the equivalent of someone born and raised in a national park, foraging and living off the land and being a vagabond, and suddenly becoming the personal aide to a really powerful political entity/propagand machine.

Orion's really warped perceptions are, in many ways, the sum of his experiences. Perhaps he truly believes that it's that easy to scale up the castes and occupation. He didn't realize just how pull Alpha Trion had, and, most likely, never had. (Unless Alpha Trion being a Prime is public knowledge, but then that opens so much shit that everything needs to be reexamined and questioned.)

Don't get me wrong, I do think Orion Pax can be tone deaf in certain areas, especially when he went on a tangent that his gripe with the systems is his inability to go to an amusement park.

Like, my man, you were literally a homeless illiterate that came under the protection of a recluse in so many political pies and easily got work in the secretive Iacon Archives. Your very existence should have caused friction, if not out-right hostility, among so many parties just for that...

(And perhaps that's why Megatron likes taunting Optimus with "librarian.")

There's just so many things that don't match up with Orion. He's like a dart board of random cool/interesting things and seeing what's left on the wall to work with and ream into the narrative.

They give us a feral bastard wanting to improve his life and a pillar to a revolutionary force, yet he's strangely passive when it comes to action. He's a simple data clerk, yet he has unrestricted access to tampered historical documents. He has the background to see people what they are, yet he's super naive and sheltered in ways that seems way for fitting for a mech that never set a foot outside his world.

I've seen a few takes that Orion came under shadowplay, and that's why he has many conflicting discrepancies. Or, how the writers shot themselves in the foot with Orion trying to later mold him into the inevitable contrast between Optimus and Megatron, their fallout, and the war.

Personally, I think Alpha Trion and the Archives trained him too well, and that's why he's a fucking mess.

You know, we talk a lot about how betrayed Megatron was when Orion stepped up to claim the title of Prime at the council meeting. About how angry he was and justifiably upset. About how Optimus was an idiot and saw it as jealousy, etc.

But we don't talk about how humiliating it must have been for him. He brought Orion with him, called him not only friend, but brother; taught him about functionalism and believed he'd done it so well Orion was a safe person to bring, even though his other friends didn't really agree or like him.

Then the council meeting happens and Orion doesn't stand up for him. He insults the people hosting it when they annoyed him but didn't point out their hypocrisy when it started to benefit him, the newly named Optimus. He ignores when Megatron tells him hes falling into a trap. He betrays Megatron and the people supporting Orion turn their weapons on Megatron to cast him out.

So the person Megatron brings as his best friend, someone he vouched for morally and intellectually, acts like none of those things.

That's embarrassing.

He's mortified because he's actively shown Orion around his home, his friends, and now all of them know Megatron was wrong to trust him, while Orion suffers nothing because he never took Megatron around to meet anyone he knew. Megatron is just some guy to Orion and he's just learned this now in public. So now Megatron has to feel like an idiot, because he's been vouching for Orion behind the scenes for months if not years or decades, and Orion has just been, what, shrugging everything off, not caring at all about his impact on others.

Now if he ever sticks up for someone everyone's going to question his judgement because of Orion Pax. Even if it blows over he's never living it down.

He's so humiliated he doesn't even think of shooting Orion. He's pissed but he wants to just go and hide more. So he just leaves. That's wild.

He later concocted the idea Orion was intentionally a spy and traitor to soothe his ego, but drops it again once he's had enough time to recover. Oh. And Orion insults the name Decepticon while he's at it.

Poor megs.

[snowdice]

Goblin Brain Study Session Fic 1 [Day 54]

Because I don’t want to just have walls of text for my Goblin Brain Study Session posts, I’m separating them by days. If you want to read the previous chapters, click the links below. Chapter 21 and what’s done of chapter 22 is under the cut.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 My Master Post

See this post for more details and feel free to send me asks to keep me going! It’s been a lot of fun so far! I will reblog this post with the story as I write them today. Also, if you’re interesting, don’t forget that I am constantly updating the timeline as I write. :)

I have a zoom meeting in about an hour. Not sure if it will take long because it’s just supposed to be an organization meeting, but the time slot is for 2 hours. So... I’m not sure if there will be a random 2 hour break in this or not... But, anyway, time for Janus to murder his Virgil’s dad.

Chapter 21

Emile’s car, of course, did not have a built-in button that would let him into the bases outer gates like Remy’s would have. Instead, Remy had to get out of the car and put his face in front of the security camera. He waved and someone must have seen and recognized him because the gate swung open to let them through.

Remy climbed back into the car and Emile drove up towards what appeared to be an abandoned factory.

“Since you’re not an agent they’ll want us to go inside the shell building instead of down to the parking garage for security,” Remy told him.

 Emile had never actually been to the base. He usually met with Logan at another location or sometimes Emile’s office and he met any patients in his office as well. Thus, he had absolutely no idea what parking garage he was talking about or where on Earth it could be, but he could figure out where Remy must want him to go because there was only one building in sight.

He drove down the driveway towards what looked like the main entrance.

“Weird,” Remy said as Emile pulled up in front of it. “There’s another car here.” They exchanged a glance.

 Remy mumbled something that sounded like “damned kid,” under his breath. Then they were both scrambling to get out of the car the next moment. Remy went ahead of Emile because he knew more about this place and also Emile would not be able to stop him.

The door had been left slightly ajar and Emile could hear voices as they approached.

Emile heard Virgil’s voice (and thank god Remy was right about where he’d been going) say “you know my dad?”

An unfamiliar voice responded with a shocked. “Remy’s dead?” which was right when Remy made it to the door.

 Without missing a beat, Remy threw open the door and said, “Quit telling everyone I’m dead!” Now Emile loved a good animated movie reference usually, but today he couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

There were a few seconds of silence before the one figure he didn’t recognize finished the quote by saying, “Sometimes I can still hear his voice.”

“Dad?” Virgil asked sounding all types of vulnerable and confused.

“Kid,” Remy said, “you are the bane of my existence. I’m dead for 5 minutes and you skip town?”

Emile watched Virgil’s face as he quickly adjusted to the fact that his father was not in fact dead, but simply an emotionally constipated idiot with a flair for dramatics. He narrowed his eyes.

 “Yeah, and where have you been, old man?”

“Running after you once the wrist tracker said you’d booked it 50 miles away by the time I knew you were missing! Which then stopped tracking.”

“Yeah, well I threw it out a window because I thought you were dead and I’m not stupid.”

“Well your lack of stupidity has made my life a living hell for the past few hours.”

“Right back at you not-dead dad.”

Remy snorted a bit. “Come here pipsqueak. Your old man deserves a hug after you nearly gave him a heart attack.” Virgil still looked a bit sullen but went in for the hug anyway.

 Virgil caught sight of Emile over Remy’s shoulder and drew back from the hug. “Uncle Emile,” he said, sounding relieved. “I tried to call you.”

Emile turned to glare at Remy.

“Oof,” Remy said. “Yeah, that one may have been my bad too.”

“I,” Logan interjected. By the look on his face, Emile could tell that his willingness to let Remy and Virgil have a moment was wearing thin, “also tried to call him.”

Remy just shrugged. “Yeah, well, boss, someone drilled it into my head not to give out secret critical information on unsecured lines and I am definitely critical.”

 Logan gave him an unimpressed look and Remy shrugged and winked at him after a moment. He dug the flash drive he’d stolen out of his pocket and tossed it at Logan. “Oh, and also this.”

Logan caught it and raised an eyebrow at it. “What is this?”

“Enough information to want to kill me for it,” he paused. “Of course, that’s not a high bar considering she tried to kill me before I stole it.”

Logan put the flash drive in his chest pocket. “I’ll decide if I’m going to kill you after I look at what’s on this.”

 “Fair enough,” Remy agreed.

“So, you’re a secret agent?” Virgil asked.

“Yep,” Remy confirmed. Virgil looked over at Emile.

“Don’t look at me,” Emile said. “I’m just a run of the mill psychiatrist.”

“Who gives therapy to secret agents,” Remy pointed out.

“Even secret agents need therapy sometimes,” Emile said, “and I already knew about the organization.”

Virgil turned back to his dad. “I’m mad at you,” he said.

“Ah,” Remy said. “Yeah…”

“Teach me to shoot a gun, and I’ll forgive you.”

“NO,” both Emile and the man he didn’t know said at one.

“Trust me,” the other man continued. “He doesn’t need to learn how to use a gun. He does just fine with a knife.”

 Remy considered Virgil suspiciously for a few seconds. “What did you do, you little shit?”

“Remy,” the other man chastised.

“He’s heard a lot worse,” Remy waved him off. The other man frowned at him, but Remy just turned back to Virgil. “Now, what did you do?”

“I needed a ride,” said Virgil.

“What about a knife?”

“The knife… helped me get a ride.”

“Did you kidnap Patton at knife point?” Remy asked. Virgil just shrugged. “Kid!”

“And you allowed that to happen?” Logan asked, Emile presumed, Patton.

“He wasn’t exactly scary,” Patton said.

Virgil looked almost affronted. “I was terrifying!”

 “Sure, you were kiddo,” Patton said. Virgil pouted at him.

“From what I understand, he also incapacitated one of Nelson’s men with pepper spray,” Logan interjected. He eyed Virgil. “We should have a conversation at some point in the future.”

“Logan,” Patton chided. “He’s 15.”

“I’m aware of his age,” Logan said.

Virgil looked at him. “Would you teach me how to use a gun?”

“Hey, if anyone is going to teach my child how to use a gun, it’s me,” Remy insisted.

“No one is teaching him how to use a gun,” Emile said. “He doesn’t even have his driver’s license yet.”

 “If I agree to take drivers ed… then I can get a gun?” Virgil asked.

“Maybe,” Remy said.

“No!” Emile exclaimed.

“Okay, but Janus is not allowed to teach me to drive. He’s the one who told me the gas pedal was the break on that golf cart. I don’t want to crash another vehicle into a body of water.”

“Wow,” a new voice said from the door. Emile looked over to see a group of damp people walk into the building. Emile did not recognize four of them, but he did recognize the fifth. The speaker turned to Janus. “You must be cursed.”

A woman in the group turned to Logan. “We found your kids,” she said.

  Chapter 22

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Janus did not respond to Roman’s quip about the car. Instead, he shoved past Roman the second he heard the boy’s voice. Roman recognized the kid immediately from the pictures he’d been sent along with his mission directives.

“Virgil,” Janus said, crossing the room to get to his little brother without regard to anything else. “Thank god. Are you alright?” He grabbed his face and titled it as though to look for injuries. Nothing about what Roman had learned about Janus in the past few hours would have prepared him for the way he descended directly into mother-hen mode, cupping the boy’s face with delicate fingers.

He was even less prepared for when Virgil shoved his hands away with an eye roll and a “I’m fine, Janus,” and Janus immediately started to cry.

Janus pulled Virgil into a hug, and Roman winced in sympathy for Janus’s injured ribs when the kid hugged him back tightly. They should really get that checked out as soon as the two of them had their moment. “I’ve been worried sick about you,” he said, voice all types of wrecked. The past few hours of worry that Janus had kept careful hold of lashed out suddenly, and it was even more than Roman had anticipated. “I showed up to the house, and you were gone, and the window was broken.” Virgil was getting a bit wobbly lipped himself, and Roman couldn’t exactly blame him with how gutted Janus sounded. “Where did you go? How did you get here? How did you know to come here? Did Logan send someone else after you?”

“Dad let the name slip,” Virgil explained, “and Mom sent someone to pick me up, but I’d already accidently heard that she’d killed him with the radio Dad keeps in his room. So, I really didn’t want to go with the man, and he was mean especially when I said no.” His voice cracked a bit as he spoke and he too started crying. “I didn’t know where to go or what to do. At first, I just wanted to get out of the city so Mom couldn’t find me. Once I was out, I decided to try to get here because dad said he worked with the owner, and no one was answering their phones.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Janus said. “That was my fault. I broke my phone. I should have thought about you wanting to call me.” He pulled back to kiss Virgil ever so gently on the forehead.

“Hey, what gives,” another man said, and Roman blinked because that was Remy Gates and Remy was definitely supposed to be dead. “I was dead, and I didn’t even get that much of a heartfelt reunion.” Janus seemed to freeze for a moment and then turned to him.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 8/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Oof! After this part, we have one more chapter. Things start to look a little bit better for Brie in this part of the story. Not completely, but she's getting there. Enjoy!

TW for this chapter: mental health mentions

2020

A week later, still no change on the Ed Sheeran thing. Launch day was just around the corner, and my nerves were wrecked. And Jujubee still hadn't spoken a word to me.

It was only morning time, and I hadn't even been awake for 5 minutes. Already so many things were playing in my mind.

I still hadn't reinstalled Messenger. So I had no idea whether Blair had replied or not. I really wanted to just forget about her already, but it was slow. I probably should have applied for counselling sessions with HR. I hired a lady a few years prior named Dela, and apparently, she was brilliant.

But therapy could wait until after the launch.

I had seen Jujubee at work a few more times, either making eye contact and looking away just as quick or trying to say hello at least. She'd just brush by.

I tried texting her but never received a reply. As much as she had pissed me off, I missed her. A lot.

"Hey, this is Jujubee. Leave a message."

Beep.

"Hey, Juju, it's me." I paused, struggling to figure out where to go from there, "Look, I...I know things are bad between you and me. But I...I don't want to lose you."

I couldn't think of what else to say.

'Please, talk to me?'

'You mean a lot to me.'

My silence was going on too long. "I...hope to see you at the prelaunch party...OK. Bye"

I hung up, burying my face in my pillow, feeling very pathetic. And because I was impatient, I thought to try reinstalling Messenger and try there.

Or was that too much? And did I really want to risk seeing a reply from a certain someone?

...Fuck it, I was doing it. I'd just ignore her. Yeah, I'd do that.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think…

I never clicked a message quicker. I sat up with my back against the headboard, eyes already reading the message.

Blair: Wow. I didn't think you'd actually reply! For sure, girl, we need to hang out! I'm in New York for two weeks anyway. Perfect timing, right? Give me a call as soon as you get this. TTYL.

"Oh my God." I let the phone slip into my lap. How was this real? How the fuck hadn't she found that message creepy? Were things starting to look up? I couldn't just leave her on read. It was sent last week, meaning she was still in New York.

Good. This was good.

But still, why didn't she address the confession to my feelings? Why was she avoiding the subject?

Sorry, you have to hear my innermost thoughts, all these questions. It just goes to show the whirlwind my head was experiencing.

Make a move, Brie.

My thumb hovered over the phone icon in the upper right corner. Do I just...do it?

Yes.

I clicked the button. It rang for a few seconds, the nerves telling me to just give up.

"Hello?"

Why the fuck do the people on the other end always say 'hello' like they didn't see who is calling them?

Why was I even thinking that?? Focus, Brie.

"Hi," I said.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd call." She sounded surprised.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this," I said too quickly. "Anyway, yes. Let's hang out."

There was a moment of silence, and I realised how panicked I sounded.

"Brianna, are you OK?" I heard the concern.

"What? Yeah! Of course, I am." I cleared my throat, "Just a bit...stressed out. Trying to...deal with this launch thingie and...deal with Ed Sheeran, I don't know," I laughed nervously before almost slapping some sense into myself, "I'm not majorly stressed out, though. I can still hang out."

She laughed. And fuck I realised just how much I missed it.

"You always made me laugh. You wanna grab a coffee?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great! When are you free? I would say today, but I'm stuck with this thingie…" She replied.

And a thought hit me. "Actually... there's gonna be a party for my thing. It's for that project I told you about...back on Prom night, I don't know if you remember."

"Of course I do, Brie. I've been following all the media coverage. It's pretty awesome."

"You have been?" I sounded a little too excited and then reminded myself to not sound too desperate, "I mean, that's pretty cool. But yeah, there's a party the night before the launch. I could add you to the list."

"Yeah, of course! I'd love to come."

"Fantastic. I'll send you the details."

"Well, I'll leave you to it then."

"Thanks."

"I can't wait."

"Me too."

"Bye, Brianna."

"Bye, Blair."

She did the awkward half-spoken "bye, bye, bye," and hung up.

I threw my phone down onto my duvet and puffed out a breath of air.

"Yes!" I punched the air, "Yes. Fucking yes."

Shit was definitely looking up.

I found myself loading up my emails. "Dear Ed Sheeran, I appreciate your enthusiasm about participating in our project. However, after some thinking, we would love for you to perform at the event instead. This is strictly for your safety and the safety of everyone else. Sorry for the inconvenience. Kindest regards, Brianna Caldwell and team."

Sent. Easier than I thought.

No matter what the reply would be, I felt strong. Two problems down in less than ten minutes.

All that was left was Jujubee and Mom.

Fuck...the Mom problem.

It wasn't that I didn't love her. I adored the woman with all my heart. But I was still afraid of that recurring conversation, the memories of how I was a problem child. And if it wasn't that, it was my Grandpa.

Funny how those were always the recurring topics, things I didn't want to address. And now, on top of things, we were going to have to talk about Piggie's health.

I sent her money for his medical bills, so maybe things were different for him.

But still, the other topics of conversation I just wish we could avoid…If only there was something else to talk about...

Wait.

I stared at my phone and instantly became very still.

There was one subject that had gone unaddressed for so long - too long. Oh, God.

Half an hour later, I was in the kitchen, shaky hands pouring a cup of coffee. I couldn't call Mom immediately. I needed to will myself, build up my willpower.

After two cups, I found Mom's name in my phone book, hesitated to hit call but forced myself.

I breathed deeply, taking a seat at the breakfast counter and put the phone to my ear.

Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring…

She answered but was silent.

"Mom?" I spoke.

"Hey, honey." She sounded deflated.

"Did you get the money?" That was all I could think of to start with.

"Yeah. It's actually really helped. He's already showing improvement." She paused. "Thanks, baby."

It was painful how thankful she sounded, yet so miserable.

"Mom, I'm gonna come see you," I confirmed.

"Really?"

"Yeah." I smiled upon hearing how she lightened up. "I'm sorry about last week. My phone just...cut off, I guess."

I heard a sniff before she spoke again, "It's OK. When are you coming around?"

"Well, I got the launch this week, so maybe not now. How about 2 weeks?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. I have a job interview to prepare for anyway. I applied to this new boutique that opened in town. My interview is next week."

"That's great!" I was actually excited for her. Things weren't just looking up for me, it seemed. "I'm really happy for you."

"Yeah, me too. I'm not even nervous. Just ready to start working again. Anyway, how about you?"

"Actually, Mom…" I paused, squeezing my hand into a tight fist.

"What's wrong, Brianna?" She lowered her tone.

How did she know? I didn't even sound sad. Mothers intuition? Because I always thought that was bullshit. Like, if I was a Mom, I'd be the worst in picking up on things.

"You there?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, I just…" I licked my lips and swallowed. "Mom. Why was I adopted?" I sighed. "Why did they give me up, Mom?"

She was silent for a moment. I could practically feel how she turned cold. "It's time, isn't it?"

I nodded, not that she would see, "Yeah. I...I need to know."

"OK...How about we talk about that when you come here?" She asked.

"No. I...wanna know. I need to know." My voice cracked. "Or I won't be able to move on."

She's silent again…just for a moment. And I felt like I crossed a line.

But she spoke. I hadn't crossed any line.

"OK...Brianna? I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. No matter what, I'll never stop loving you." Her own voice was cracking now. "When you came into my life, I never realised I could be so happy, how I felt when I met you. You were this...little light that brightened the dark...a reminder that life wasn't so bad. And I promised I'd give you the best life. I'd be the best parent you'd ever have." She paused again. And I knew she was crying. "Brie, it wasn't that your parents didn't want you. I'm sure they knew that they would have been the luckiest parents in the world." She was crying. "Brie. They...they went for a drive one night. And it was raining really bad. And they…"

She was silent. But I nodded slowly, my eyes just staring at the counter, glassy with tears. "I-I understand."

"I'm sorry, baby." She whimpered. "I should have told you this years ago. I...I didn't know it would affect you for this long. I'm such an idiot."

I held my forehead in my hand. "No. No, Mom. You're not. You had no idea." I sniffed.

"I know. I know. But I just...I...How do you tell a child something like that?"

"Don't worry about that, you idiot. I know now." One of the tears finally slid down my cheek. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Brianna."

I smiled, wiping the tear away. And then a quiet laugh escaped. "OK, I can't lie. I don't wanna leave you like this right now. Let's talk some shit or something."

She laughed in return. "God, you and your potty mouth."

[patch410]

Buddie First Kiss

(Nighttime in Buck's apartment. Opening shot, from a short distance, a set of keys on the bar side of the island in Buck's kitchen. The door opens, Buck enters the apartment pulling his keys from the deadbolt.  Eddie stands behind him in the doorway just outside, staring down. Buck walks over to the island, sets his keys on the counter, phone on the charger, turns around. Eddie is still standing in the doorway, now looking at Buck) BUCK: Aren't you coming in? (Eddie walks into the room, now staring at his own keys on the counter) BUCK: How 'bout a beer? (Eddie shakes his head. As Buck walks over and shuts the front door-) BUCK: Come on, I know Christopher's staying at his friend's, we're not working tomorrow, so you don't have to rush off.  Have a beer and maybe a little Mighty Fight Fed? EDDIE: No, I'm good (Eddie puts his hand on his keys. Buck walks up behind Eddie, puts his hand on top of Eddie's on the counter) BUCK: But you're not good. You said almost nothing on the ride over, not a word on the way up. Something's eating at you, what's the problem? (In a quick move, Eddie grabs Buck by the front of his shirt, pushes him up against the door, Buck slides down a little. Buck's face is pure shock) EDDIE: (angry but not loud) YOU. You're the problem. Why do you do it? I was fine, getting the ready for the ladder and setting the lines up. But you, you have to walk twenty feet on a narrow ledge three stories up, without a line, and nothing set up on the ground. One slip and you're gone forever. BUCK: (a little angry) Our side was cleared, the hall was gonna be blocked, and with that many people it looked like you had a 2-man job, and you had all the safety lines. EDDIE: (Louder, in Buck's face) GONNA be blocked! LOOKED like a 2-man job! I'm not a kid, if I need help, I can ask. But Full Buck fears no risk and I’m forced to watch. Don't you have any idea how much I care about you? (Eddie is breathing heavily. He looks Buck in the eyes and kisses him hard. Buck's face reverts to shock, but he quickly responds to Eddie, Buck puts an arm around Eddie's back, his other hand on Eddie's neck.  They continue to kiss, several times, lasting almost 10 seconds. Eddie is still holding Buck against the door, when he stops and looks down. Both men are breathing heavily now) BUCK: Eddie . . . Eddie, I feel the same way . . . I want you . . . I didn't think . . . (Eddie lets go and pulls back, Buck's arms reaching out for him as he goes) EDDIE: Didn't think, what a surprise! BUCK: Come on, Eddie, don’t. (Eddie turns around to the counter, leans with his hands on the corners, he takes a couple of deep breaths. As he stands upright-) EDDIE: I can't do this. It's too much. (Eddie reaches for his keys, starts to pull them off the counter. Buck is there in a flash, slaps the keys out of Eddie's hand back to the counter, grabs Eddie under the arms, pushes him against the wall next to the door and presses body against Eddie's. Eddie doesn't resist, just stares over Buck's shoulder) BUCK: No, no. You do not get to prove we're in love and then walk out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: No. I'm not gonna just let go. EDDIE: How long do you think you can hold me here? BUCK: I'll stand here all night til we get this straightened out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: Not until you promise not to leave before you and I are settled. EDDIE: And if there's nothing to settle? BUCK: Nothing to settle . . . That's a load of crap and you know it. PROMISE! EDDIE: Okay, okay, I promise. (Buck eases away from Eddie, but keeps his hands resting on Eddie's shoulders) BUCK: Eddie, even before tonight we knew we cared a lot about each other. I look at you and I wanna be with you. We have so much together, more now, how can you even think of walking away? (Eddie looking fierce) EDDIE: It'll be tough, but I can if I have to. BUCK: (in a rush) But, you don't have to. I'm sorry I scared you. I can do better. (**Buck leans his lips into Eddie's neck, starts kissing his neck as he speaks. Eddie's eyes close, feeling the pleasure, he leans his head back, breathing a little harder**) BUCK: **(slower, passionately) I will do better, Eddie, I mean it. I'll do whatever it takes, whatever you want. I'll do anything for you. I'd carry you up a mountain, walk through flames for you** (At the last line, Eddie's head snaps down. he pushes Buck hard enough he falls back into the counter.  Buck breathing hard, half-standing, leaning against the counter Eddie takes deliberate steps towards him) EDDIE: (really angry) That's exactly what I don't want. You're no good to me dead, or to Christopher.  One too many risks and I might have to watch you die. Christopher and I would have to stand with Maddie and your friends as we plant you six feet under. I guess I thought you'd stay alive for Chris, if not for me. You'd fight for him. (Buck still breathing hard, distraught and in shock at Eddie’s temper, clutching the counter, almost in tears) BUCK: (pleading) Please, Eddie EDDIE: (catching his breath, sighs) Okay, Okay, calm down (Eddie helps seat Buck in a bar stool. He walks over to a cabinet, pulls out a whiskey bottle and two shot glasses, sets them on the counter. He looks at Buck for a second. He fills the shot glasses) EDDIE: Here. (Eddie hands Buck his shot. Buck hunched over, stares at it like he doesn't recognize it, then downs it fast. Eddie does his slower. Buck breathes more controlled, then holds his shot glass out to Eddie, for another) EDDIE: (putting the bottle away) No, no more whiskey; I know where more shots leads us at this point. BUCK: Such a terrible a thing? EDDIE: Not settling a thing. BUCK: (looking down, after a second) Okay, then. While you're up, grab me a beer from the fridge. (Eddie shakes his head, gets two beers from the fridge, opens them, hands one to Buck. Buck takes a swig) BUCK: Yes, I would fight for Christopher. But it's because you're part of him. When I look at him, I see the bravest and happiest parts of you staring back at me. How could I not love your little boy? Of course, he's important to me, but Christopher's not the one I fell in love with. EDDIE: Fell in love. I wanted to think it was possible, but I thought you only wanted to be best buds. BUCK: I thought that, too. You were married, had a kid. What was I supposed to think? EDDIE: I've seen you with Taylor, but your thing with Abby made me think you couldn't be into me. BUCK: With Abby? Why Abby? You weren't even around when we were together. EDDIE: The absent girlfriend who held your heart, you didn't even try to move on for ages. It was like she was the only one who could make you feel like that. It's LA, lots of chances out there, and you didn't see them. Didn't see me. (Eddie takes a sip of his beer) BUCK: Yeah, it took therapy for me to sort out my feelings. All my feelings, including some "latent feelings towards men," Dr. Copeland said. Guess what relationship in my life triggered that discussion? EDDIE: Oh. BUCK: Yeah. But you were hung up on me and Abby. EDDIE: Okay, yes, I was. The night of the Pacific Western accident finally convinced me. BUCK: A train wreck. How fitting. EDDIE: Yeah. She's back in your life for an instant and you're already ignoring a triage decision, ignoring your own safety, just to please her. Watching you hanging on that unstable train car that could crash down at any second, yes, I was scared, but I was angry, too. I'd just changed my will to make you Chris's guardian. I knew it was right for him. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you. But there I am, seeing you with a power saw, dangling 75 feet above the ground, risking your life, and I think, “He's made himself expendable . . . again . . . so maybe he can save Abby's fiancé. Am I an idiot, or what?” BUCK: You have no idea how important you were to me that night. I guess I should've let you know.  Okay, maybe I felt I owed Abby something, and saving Sam would be a weird repayment of the debt. EDDIE: (mutters, low voice) Unprofessional. (Buck ignores this) BUCK: During the rescue task, you know your mind is on nothing else, it can't be. Afterwards, when they were taking Sam to the ambulance, with Abby next to him, but looking back at me, it was like acid in the back of my throat and being forced to swallow it slowly, and it hurt. A lot. But the first thing I saw after the ambulance door closed was you. You were worried about me, how I felt. I still hurt badly, but you made me feel like I had good things in my life, that there was love. You were the balance that let me go on. EDDIE: You asked why I waited to tell you about the change in my will. The Abby thing was a big part.  But you've done this other times, too. I'm not handling it well and I'm not sure I can. (Buck looks down, slowing turning the beer bottle) BUCK: Like when? EDDIE: The rope rescue; Jumping from that other apartment building. BUCK: Only option left. You tied the rope. You made the jump, twice. EDDIE: The sanitizer factory. BUCK: Got lost and found the last worker. You'd have done the same. EDDIE: He said he told you to save yourself when he got trapped. BUCK: And leave him to burn to death alone? You'd have done the same. EDDIE: Climbing that crane with a sniper out there. At least I didn't have to watch that one in motion. BUCK: You were in the hospital with a GSW. I was raw, I couldn't stand to see someone else hurt. EDDIE: But that's what it always is, Evan. Everyone else's life is always more important than yours. You do think you're expendable. I can face danger, but your attitude is too painful for me to live with. (After a hesitation, Eddie reaches for his keys) BUCK: You do it, too. EDDIE: What? BUCK: You heard me. You do it, too. EDDIE: I don't think I'm expendable. (Buck looks up at Eddie, suddenly miffed) BUCK: No, you're the know-it-all hero who has to do it his way, risks be damned. EDDIE: (shakes his head) I'm not. BUCK: When that well collapsed in on you, I went insane. I started wildly clawing and digging at the hole shouting your name over and over. Bobby had to drag me away and hold me lying on the ground until I calmed down. But you know what I saw when I was madly digging that was driving me nuts? A cut safety line. You cut the line. Deliberately. You want scared? I was at the other end when the line went slack. EDDIE: Okay, I never knew how I scared you. But down in that hole, I couldn't leave. I had cut through the old well to get to him. I had just touched him; the water was rising. I couldn't be pulled out then, I had to cut the line. BUCK: How long, Eddie? How long would it have taken to get out, check your gear, and get you back down with an intact line. You would've been up in another 5 seconds. Two, maybe three minutes tops, for everything else including getting back down. More time than it took Chim to suit up, gear up, and get down that hole. Except you would've had your line and Chim wouldn't have had to go down. We got Chim and the kid out okay, it was only the need for a second trip that damn near cost you your life. You had to do it your way. EDDIE: (a little testy) I was down there by myself and had to make decisions with spotty communications. I did what I thought was best. We all have to make decisions like that sometimes. BUCK: Yes, we do. You decided to volunteer for the rescue. You decided to break safety protocol. You decided to cut the line and endanger your life. You wanna dump me for taking too many risks. You do it, too. EDDIE: One time, Buck, not like you. One time under pressure, in unusual circumstances. BUCK:  Oh, no, no, no you don't. It wasn't the only time. The gas explosions in Doheny Park, the day the system went down; another time you scared the crap out of me. You climbed up a drainpipe to the roof of a burning two story house. You complain about me walking on a ledge today when you walked 50 feet across the spine of a pitched roof with no line to make a rope entry, yes, a rope rescue, into a burning room the kid wasn't even in anymore. I thought I was gonna lose it watching you walk that roof.  I DID lose it when the last gas explosion went off upstairs and we didn't know where you were. I was ready to grab an extinguisher, climb that broken ladder on the truck and make the jump into the house to help you. EDDIE: Not a good example, Buck. You admit you were prepared to kill or cripple yourself in a half-cocked rescue attempt. Again, to help me. You were expendable cuz maybe you might help me,   BUCK: But I didn't climb the ladder, Bobby wouldn't have let me anyway. And I didn't walk that roof in full gear, either, when a gust of wind could've killed you. There’ve been other times, too. But I don't complain no matter how frightened I am. It's not an issue in how much I care about you. That's the difference; you do it, too, and all I do is have your back. EDDIE: So that's part of having your back? Say nothing about being scared to death, just live with it? BUCK: I'm just saying if you think I believe I'm expendable and it frightens you, well, sometimes when your heroics put you in danger, I admit I'm terrified. You aren't as careful as you could be. EDDIE: Then can't we just be coworkers, before it's gets to be too much, and stop scaring each other. (Eddie picks up his keys from the bar) BUCK: (head down again) You promised. EDDIE: Buck . . . (Buck looks up with a serious and determined look) BUCK: You promised not to leave my place tonight until we were settled. I'm no relationship expert, but I know that "settled" doesn't look like this. (Eddie looks down) EDDIE: I'm not sure what more I can say right now to get this settled. (Buck, still looking at Eddie smacks his hand on the bar just hard enough to get Eddie's head to snap up) BUCK: Not 'This', Eddie, 'US'. I want 'US' settled. I want us; you and me together. I know you wanted that, too. After the lawsuit you asked if I thought about how my actions affected us. Well, I'm asking you that now. (Eddie tosses his keys back on the bar, Buck looks a little relieved) EDDIE: It's more than just my actions, Buck. We have to live with danger in our job, I accept that. But when you took that chance today, just to help me, not save someone, I was almost too scared to be able to function. I felt like if you fell, I should just jump myself, like if you died it was my fault. BUCK: But I didn't fall, I made it with no problem. And you functioned at your usual peak efficiency.  We were able to get everyone down safely, in time. Together we did that. Look, you admit we deal with danger all the time. But now you want to walk away from something good, maybe even great, something we both want, out of fear of being afraid? You're the bravest man I know, I don’t get it, letting being afraid interfere with living. (Eddie steps away from the bar and faces away from Buck) EDDIE: Okay, I admit I get afraid. I fear for my family. I worry about Chris all the time, about my abuela getting older. My parents, my sisters, Tia Pepa. I've already lost my wife. I don’t think I can handle much more. (Buck leans back in the stool and pushes his legs out) BUCK: And what? You're gonna cut me out? You think you can surgically remove me from the list? (Sarcastic Laugh) You're a good medic, Eddie, but not that good. I don't believe you can cut me out, or that you really want to. And I'm gonna fight it. I haven't come this far to fold. Like I said, don't expect me to just let go. (Eddie turns slowly to face Buck-) EDDIE: Right. It's never easy with you, is it. BUCK: I guess not. I'm kinda a mess. But you knew that already. (Buck and Eddie stare at each other for a long moment. Eddie sets his phone on the counter by to his keys) EDDIE: If I'm staying, I'm gonna need a shower. (Eddie turns toward the stairs and begins to go up. Cut to Buck staring at the beer in his hand on the bar) BUCK: Yeah, of course, go ahead. You know where everything is. (Cut to Eddie near the top of the stairs, he stops and turns to look down at Buck) EDDIE: Aren't you coming? (Eddie barely raises his eyebrows, then turns to climb the last steps) (Cut to Buck at the bar, stunned, looking up the stairs, mouth slightly open. He shakes his head quickly once, looks around. He grabs the two beers from the counter and heads up the stairs, taking them two at a time)

(Morning in Buck's apartment. Buck -sleeveless t-shirt, sweat shorts- at the coffee maker next to the range pouring coffee into two mugs. Knock at the door) BUCK: Ye-ah. (clearly in a good mood) (FROM OUTSIDE): Eats Beats! BUCK: (finishing pouring the coffee) Be right there. (Buck opens the door to the delivery guy) BUCK: Good morning. DELIVERY GUY: Mornin'. BUCK: So, found the place and got in okay? DELIVERY GUY: No prob. Big brunch special from La Tiendita with chicken tortilla soup? Extra guac? BUCK: Yup, that's us. Wow, you got here fast. Not much traffic? DELIVERY GUY: Yeah, be careful, the soup's still real hot . . . muy caliente. BUCK: Thanks, here you go. Keep the change. (Buck hands the guy a twenty and takes the bag and the box) DELIVERY GUY: Thank You, sir. Enjoy your meal and have a great day. BUCK: You, too! (Buck closes the door with his foot, walks over to the bar and sets the food down on the counter, he grabs plates from the cabinet, opens the packages, starts dealing with the food. Cut to Eddie at the top of the stairs -bare foot, gym shorts, pulling on a tank top, hair's a mess- stretches his arms, starts down the stairs. Buck hears and looks up) BUCK: (big smile) Hey there. Coffee? EDDIE: Hey. Yeah. What time is it? (a little groggy, no smile) (**Buck picks up the two mugs from the counter, walks over to Eddie on the other side of the bar, hands Eddie his coffee**) BUCK: **There's a clock on the nightstand on your side of the bed. EDDIE: My side . . . It’s not there now. Must've fallen off. BUCK: Must've. It's a little past 10:30. Your phone's right there. Hope you're hungry.** (Buck takes a sip from his cup. Eddie gulps some, sets it down and picks up his phone) (**Buck transfers plates and bowls to the table, places already set**) EDDIE: **Yeah, I could eat. (while checking his phone) BUCK: Good, we should get it while it's hot.** (Buck slides his hand up the inside of Eddie's arm and gently holds Eddie's bicep. Eddie looks at the hand and looks up at Buck, almost confused. Slightly grinning, Buck ducks his head a little to look up into Eddie's eyes. He moves in for a kiss. Eddie closes his eyes and seems to reluctantly cooperate. it's a gentle kiss lasting a couple of seconds. Buck rubs Eddies arm, lets it go and turns toward the table) BUCK: Let’s eat! (Cut to table, men sitting next to each other, eating and drinking coffee. Buck cheerful, Eddie a little dour) EDDIE: You got my soup. BUCK: Is it any good? Do you like it? EDDIE: Yeah, it's fine. Coffee just how I like it, too. BUCK: Excellent. I am trying here. EDDIE: I see. (The men eat for a few seconds. As Buck is picking up his coffee) BUCK: So, when do to have to pick up Christopher? EDDIE: Tasha said around five. BUCK: They're hitting the zoo today? EDDIE: Yeah. BUCK: Christopher always enjoys that. Wasn't it the water park yesterday? EDDIE: Uh-huh. BUCK: And the movies last night? Full weekend. EDDIE: Hmm. BUCK: We could take the kids to the beach next weekend, if you want me to go along. EDDIE: Okay. BUCK: Anything else you need to do today? EDDIE: No. (Buck turns to look at Eddie) BUCK: Man, once you get started you just don't shut up, do you. (Eddie smiles for the first time but keeps on eating. Buck turns back to his food. After a second) BUCK: (softer voice) Are we gonna talk? About last night? At all? EDDIE: We seem to be doing better when we're not talking. Last night, anyway. BUCK; Well, if we do have some of the day free, I'm all in for some more "not talking." EDDIE: I bet. BUCK: Come on, Eddie. Are you still half asleep or are you really in a mood? (Eddie holds his silverware to the side of his plate and turns to look at Buck) EDDIE: Alright, Buck, what do you want me to say? I'm still pissed at you for the risk you took on the job yesterday. You know how I feel about you and yet you continue to frighten me. I'm trying to deal with that. (Eddie starts eating again) BUCK: (a little hurt) We need to trust each other more, trust the other one's instincts on the job. EDDIE: (shrugs as he picks up his coffee) It's that simple. BUCK: I didn't say it was simple. And we're still not talking about what went on upstairs last night. You're still pissed after that, it changed nothing for you? EDDIE: You know I don't think that. BUCK: Well, at least that's something. Cuz I thought it was great; I don't believe it wasn't good for you. EDDIE: It was great. For me, too. Don't doubt that. (Eddie picks up their plates and carries them to the sink as Buck fumes over his coffee. Eddie walks over to Buck and puts his hand on Buck's shoulder) EDDIE: Look, Tiger, you've got to give me time to learn to deal with this. It's taken Cap years to. I've always had a problem with how you don't look before you leap. It's just come closer to home now.  What you can trust is how I feel about you. After all the drama of yesterday and last night, looks like that's not gonna change. (Eddie runs his hand through Buck's hair.  Buck smiles as he puts an arm around Eddie's waist) BUCK: Okay . . . I guess.  So . . . Tiger . . . you said that last night. Is it gonna become a thing? EDDIE: (Grinning) Maybe. Probably. I mean you did kinda pounce, not that I'm complaining. Do you hate it? BUCK: Just the opposite. Something spontaneous from you, something wild for me, how could I not like it? EDDIE: it's still Buck at the station house. We really can't tell anyone, if we want to keep working together. BUCK: I know. Departmental policy. We won't be the first to hide it. Doesn't mean I have to like it. What about Christopher? Do we tell him? And when? And how? EDDIE: Well, obviously we're gonna have to tell him, probably sooner rather than later. Not sure, but I think he'll be glad. He really loves you. But we're not gonna decide when or how to tell him right now. BUCK: I love him, too. But WE will decide when WE tell him, right? It won't be only Dad's decision. EDDIE: Yes, WE will. You're practically a dad to him already. Listen, Tiger, we have to be cleaned up and out and about soon enough. I’m also in for some more "not talking", but we don't gotta lotta time to waste. (Buck stands up turns away from Eddie. Eddie's hand stays on Buck’s shoulder) BUCK: And after today? There's not much wasted time in your schedule, is there. How's it gonna work? EDDIE: We'll find the time. We'll make the time. Our schedules might help. We're off duty some days Christopher's in school and he sleeps like a rock most nights. And I want you to spend more time with him. (Eddie pulls Buck around to face him) I'm sorry, Buck, I'm just beginning to realize this isn't going to be easy for you. Between work and sneaking around and Christopher, you'll be seeing a lot of me and most of it won't be "us" time. BUCK: Seeing a lot of you isn't a horrible thought. More time with you and Christopher is something I want, too. We already spend a lot of time together, so it won't be that big of a change. And, hey, let's be clear; I don't need easy. I don't want easy. I want you, whatever it takes. EDDIE: You've got me, and I'll do whatever it takes. But our time is gonna be precious. We shouldn't waste it now. Come on, Tiger, let's go find that clock.

[shattered-catalyst]

♡ + family

Headcanon Meme:: or in the OC verse...This shit is Canon

//accepting

Family and Catalyst are a very complex and twisting topic that often times contradicts itself as he grows . Unfortunately he never had the Cadre Alliance to help him out ( or use him cough) but he also didnt have Xforce or anyone else in his corner. Hes been doing this all solo and thats why hes...An absolute counter intuitive wreck.

Sooo heres a write up since Im in pain and need something to focus on

tw for mentions of abuse,neglect, underage alcohol consumption, and all around Mojoworld Shittiness. If you know much about Mojoworld you know this is literally portrayed in canon I did not make this shit up okay i swear.

So Mojoworld doesnt have family units as we have them. There are no parents and there are seldom children. Children are in a tube being fed videos of violence and bloodshed (canon), they are taken out when they are capable of independent locomotion (something the spineless ones find absolutely disgusting. tune in next time for me to talk about how deep catalyst’s self loathing and self image and concept is affected by this).

Prior to this they are given a purpose and destination; entertainment- bands,singing, stunts,etc, servents, builders, farmers and harvesters, gladiators, and pets. Yes yes that is canon and yes I hate i had to write that.

Catalyst was ‘born’ Isaslan III and placed in the gladiator class to ensure peak anxiety +complex stress to make sure his mutation would activate. But he was also place in intense gameshow and survival show like programming during the off season to try and further speed up his mutation because Mojo is impatient.

Mojo is the godhead, the master programmer, all things lay in his hands.He places the young into units and has them train together in combat with more seasoned gladiators as their trainers. Each creche has a strict pecking order and depending on the personalities of those involved and their trainers the creche is either combative and competitive over their resources or co-operative.

Isaslan III had a co-operative creche, he just was rarely with them when they all weren’t exhausted so he didn’t get much in the way of interaction. When he did it definitely made up for it.

The gladiator class all refers to an internally reinforced honor system and they call each other intimate terms ‘brother’ ‘sister’ ‘friend’ are all used (canon). But it is more of a kinship with suffering and survival than with each other.

Isaslan III would consider them family if he had been with them a bit longer. But after his second season he was taken from the creche (most of his ‘siblings’ had since been killed in combat and only 5 of the original 12 remained) and taken to the more seasoned area all as part of Mojos plan to force a premature mutation. This was his first lost family.

Isaslan III didnt meet anyone else he would consider having a ‘family’ or any sort of bond with. Unless we consider the parasite like way Mojo and Arize both used him. Nah, not until Earth and god it just gets worse.

Here we have an alien who basically treats the world like GTA or any other simulation because Fuck if he knows if this is REAL or not and he doesnt know what LAWS are or how to read or ANYTHING and what does he land in? A fucking bar.

This is the second fucked up ‘family’ like situation he lands in. A bunch of adults who think the mutant kid who ‘likes’ to fight is ‘funny’ and they give him so much alcohol whenever his mutation acts up and it just goes spiraling downhill from there  Once he realizes this is all..A big joke he moves on but hes sworn off the idea of finding ‘family’ or anything like that.

Especially because his ideas are all based on modern cinema. Like he has 0 concepts outside of cinema and fucked up life experiences.

He doesnt consider his mutant town folks family, hes pushed family away as being something he isnt worthy of because it just isnt possible for him, or so he thinks,. He maintains a very distant, cold attitude whenever anyone pries too much or he feels hes becoming dependent on someone.

It makes therapy a bitch and trying to make friendships that seem, full, is extremely difficult. Instead he feels chronically acting and never actually genuinely connecting with others. He gravitates towards others like this; Laura (x-23) being an amazing example of this.

He falls into roles faster when he is older or more powerful than another person ie:” Livvy, Gabby, in some cases Laura (Logan Verse). He is invested in keeping them alive and caring for them but it can be very robotic at times and very much at odds with what is acceptable in terms of safety because hes taking what he learned in Gladiator school, in his creche and mashing it up with modern movies and yes he did try and teach Livvy how to kill someone with a lollipop okay yeah he did.

So the thought of having donors? aka: parents? Terrifies him beyond reason. Hes been raised to believe he can do nothing but fail them, and has it hammered in his head from one too many conversations with Mojo that they will kill him on sight for his own loses in the arenas.

Despite all that hes sorta...Really wanting parents. He really wants that support and guidance in his life. But itll take two years of intense therapy for him to cut the ‘i do not have fathers I have donors’ walls hes built up around himself.

His guilt and shame feed into Mojo’s brainwashing all to form a damning concoction that makes even considering reaching out to ricto.r or shatt.erstar almost impossible.

Though when i do get to write with these characters Catalyst’s curious and inquisitive nature ALWAYS gets the better of him and his progression actually speeds up a bit. TBH I genuinely miss those threads since it really strips all the characters defenseless and sometimes its so AWKWARD and its GREAT.

You can see him playing along with the role when with someone like Fabian Cortez where he willingly falls into a fake family dynamic, knowing full well fabian is manipulating him but he just doesnt care and is too depressed and he just wants to know even if its a lie what thats like. His early life on mojoworld prepared him to act like an idiot under the nose of arrogant men. He knows what hes doing and he has accepted the price this fake family costs him.

Still for Catalyst to genuinely feel like he has a family or to be a part of one will take years for him to build solid strong connections with others and probably a mini series or spin off or two where he gets to play supporting roles for them.

[jpat82]

101 Ways To Kill Bucky Barnes

Regroup

"Stupid, flipping cat!" You almost screamed in the garage as Fernando pulled another car apart. You could hear him chuckle under his breath, which infuriated you even further. Grabbing the nearest wrench you spun on your heel and hurdled it threw the air in the flamboyant man's direction, hitting square in the back.

    "'Ey, man, just cause you got rusty is no reason to take it out on me." He shouted as he turned to face you, grease smudging his face.

     "I'm not rusty, it was the felines fault. Stupid cat." You responded, leaning back against the bench, crossing your arms.

     "A cat brought you down? The oh so mighty y/n?" He snickered walking in your direction.

    "I do have knives on me and still one hell of an aim." You retorted back, glaring at him.

    "Except when it comes to the dreamy dark haired assassin." He shot back with a wink.  "I'm beginning to think you may be purposely messing up."

    "Fernando."

     "Aye, settle down, let's go over other options." He said sitting down on the stool in front of one of the many computers in the garage. "So poison and venoms are a no go."

     "Yeah, Hydra thought it would be a wonderful idea to make him impenetrable with those." You sighed, looking over as he clicked away, one finger peck at a time.

     "You tried stabbing, and missing." He added.

     "More like a miscalculation." You grumbled thinking back to your failed attempt.

     "You totaled a car on him."

       "Don't remind me, I actually kinda liked that car." You brought your hands to you face and rubbed downward.

     "Have you tried to set him on fire?" He asked, you raised your eyebrow at him.

     "Set him on fire?" You repeated. "Please Fernando, I’d like to hear how I'm supposed to get close enough without blowing my cover to him on fire."

      "Me? I don't know, your the second best assassin in the world, or are you not?" He asked with a trace of humor in his voice. "I mean you could always try to drown him, bombs, screw him, drive by, hatchet throwing, car chase. There are still multiple ways to kill the man."

     "I know, I know, I'm just not used to trying this many times in a row." You huffed walking over to the spare stool and flopping down.

    "You did not think the Winter Soldier would be an easy task, did you girly?" He asked, looking over at you.

     "He may be the worlds best, altered by Hydra, but he still a man and still bleeds." You growled back.

     "Then do what they pay you for." Fernando responded turning back to the open files on his computer.

———

    "Someone took a shot at you?!" Steve asked, voice raised, running a hand through his hair.

    "Yep, with this." Bucky replied calmly, dropping the sniper riffle on the briefing table.

    "Jesus, Buck." Steve breathed, looking over the black metal. It wasn't like people didn’t hate bucky, sure there were a lot of people out there that didn't care much for the man but to actively go out of their way to shoot at him in public.

    "It's an older model, that's for sure, kept in really good shape. Whoever had it made a few modifications to it but they did a damn good job." Bucky smirked as his finger tips traveled up the sleek metal. "It's highly accurate, I was looking through the scopes myself. I just got lucky bending down to pet a cat."

     "They missed cause you decided to pet a cat?" Steve asked, eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

    "Yeah." Bucky chuckled.

     "Buck, this isn't funny, someone is trying to kill you." Steve snapped, Bucky raised his eyebrow at his friend still grinning like an idiot.  He knew that this shouldn't excite him like it did.

     Sure, saving people and the planet was a daunting task and a rewarding one but this, this was something different. This was all about him, this was a one on one fight. Something he hadn't had since that day he attacked Steve, while under the control of Hydra. He didn’t realize how much he had missed it.

     "I know that, and trust me I'll be more alert. Anyway, whoever it was, they were pretty efficient. The building was completely vacant, and any cameras that were in the area were taken down, along with the neighboring buildings." Bucky explained, eyes traveling over the mystery assassins weapon of choice. He knew it, and knew it well. He had used one just like during his time under Hydras control, if he didn't know any better. "They were long gone by the time I made it to the vantage point, the area was wiped down. Any serial numbers this bad boy might of had was stripped decades ago."

     "So, what you're saying is someone is trying to assassinate you?" Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

    "Sure looks that way." Bucky stated, looking up from the weapon.

———

     You were back at your own place going over a few ideas on your next move when your phone went off. It was text from Bucky. You ignored it at first even though your heart fluttered at the sight of his name. Stupid attractive man that refused to die.

    If he would just die you wouldn't be hand writing notes and doing equations to try and figure out how you were supposed to get close enough to pour fire accelerant on him and then light a match. In theory you could have a car wreck with him in, faulty seatbelt, car explodes, dead Bucky "immortal" Barnes.

    The only downside, if somehow it didn't work he would know and then you would be the one looking over shoulder for the rest of your life. You had pondered just a really bad car accident and rig your car to blow. But, even then, you had already point blank hit the man with a car and he survived, just your luck he would waltz out of the raising flames like the handsome Phoenix he was. Plus, you didn't actually know if he drived anything other then the bike.

      Briefly you had scribbled down drowning and then scratched out, there would be no way for that one to work. If hydra had made him so that way poison and venom didn't work, they certainly taught the man how to swim.

     Stupid cat.

     The phone went off again and you sighed, what was the harm? Maybe talking to him would spark an creative idea. Plus, there wasn’t much you had going for the night, might as well have a little down time and relax with the man.

Bucky: Hey.

Bucky: how’s your night going?

You: a bit boring, how’s yours?

Bucky: about the same, there is a festival downtown, kinda like a renaissance fair. Wanna go?

You smiled to yourself, renaissance fair. That meant knives, swords, any luck a fire dancer or two. Maybe tonight you would be lucky enough to enact your plan to set that handsome man on Fire.

Permanent tag-

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If I missed you just let me know or if wanted to be added as a tag!

[persucsion-blog]

*stums guitar* *shrieks* this is my FINAL demon , ironically names ANGEL because he’s actually the worst ! hit that lil ♥ and i’ll slide into your dms for some plotting !

( xavier serrano, cismale, he/him ) ↷ hey, that’s ANGEL CORTES who’s originally from BARCELONA, SPAIN. i heard they’re TWENTY-SIX and have been working on the ship as a PHOTOGRAPHER for A YEAR AND A HALF. other passengers seem to say they’re SUPERCILIOUS and CALLOUS, but are also known to be MAGNETIC and UNCONVENTIONAL. when they’re missing home, i heard HIS FAVORITE LIQUOR, PHOTOS OF THE SEA, & UNEXPECTED CONVERSATION can always cheer them up. ↷ ( cee, sher/they, 24, est. )

kay angel is an idiot i just wanna make that clear he’s rude n dumb and should be your worst enemy 

 although somehow his stupid ass is super magnetic and he thinks and acts in certain ways thats DIFFERENT and appealing so people wanna be around him but hes just ....... callous

anyway lets back up

BACKGROUND.

this demon boy was born in BARCELONA , SPAIN to two incredibly loving parents

he was super loved but was always a TOUGH kid to raise. always talking, always getting into trouble, always doing what he shouldn’t be doing

his mom and dad had their hands full raising him tbh 

and then his younger sister was born and she was basically his whole world

little angel loved his baby sister sOOoO much and she is 100% the only person in the world he’s 100% with

SO ANYWAY !!! TIME FOR SOME SAD

wait not im kidding its not time for sad

when he was just over 18, he was discovered on the streets of barcelona and started some modeling

he liked it, and though incredibly confident in his ways, he was more interested in being behind the camera

however, modeling was going well for him and he didn’t bother trying to do anything else bc it was making him money at such a young age

so he keeps doing that and he���s growing his portfolio and all is well

and thennnnnn

NOW ITS TIME FOR SAD !!! sad comes with death , car crash, alcohol abuse , and general sadness tws !!!

 his world was p much rocked when his parents were caught in a a bad wreck while they were visiting the states. they hadn’t seen their kids in over a week and everyone was excited for them to be back, but they never made it back home

when word made it back to spain, angel was devastated. he was thankful that his sister had decided to stay home with him. 

is he wasn’t already a big jerk, losing his family pretty much shut him down

he was still doing the modeling thing but cut it off completely and spent a few weeks drowning himself in alcohol 

thankfully, his sister was able to pull him from... some of his funk and he’s been coping ever since

OK UR CLEAR OF ALL TWS NOW !!!

it’s been about three years since then and he’s still pretty ... Permanently broken and he never really did mourn them properly because he went right into self blame and pity

but he went into therapy and ended up getting into photography because he helped him focus and he had a passion in it

it was harder building that career then modeling, but he loved it ... so much more

his sister was the one who had him apply and he’s been on the ship for about a year and a half now

he has been getting better and is a lot happier now but he also drinks his feelings away & doesn’t know how to function like a human so theres that

PERSONALITY

well, he’s...... the opposite of his name

he’s super blunt and will say exactly whats on his mind

p much the definition of acts like hes the best bc he thinks hes the worst or w/e

he definitely hates himself but we dont need to talk about that

ANYWAY !!!!! he does have this oddly magnetic personality which he loves and he hates 

bc he will .... Manipulate someone if needed but he also doesn’t always want attention so its a double edged sword

he is 100% self aware and knows he is the way he is and he doesn’t try to blame anything or excuse himself

people tried to use his tragedy as an excuse for him and hes like nah i just hate people /shrugs

i feel like throwing him ‘hes not that bad’ is needed bc he really .... isnt hes just super blunt and doesn’t have time for people

though i feel like he has so much potential to be a good friend / partner / etc hes just ......... SAD YOU KNOW HES SAD

and he doesn’t really allow himself to be sad hes gotta be Mean and Rude

but when hes working hes SUPER NICE to the guests ??? he also loves flirting w/ them so theres that

flirts w whole ass couples hes taking pictures of bc hes a hoe

100% your go to fwb bc he is a pansexual king and has no time for feelings or emotions

also super transparent about that too he doesn’t make it seem like he wants you although he 100% could

but he probably breaks hearts anyway bc hes got that Magnetic almost trustworthy vibe ?? but im telling u now

in the words of our lord and savior 3oh!3 , don’t trust a hoe

THANK U GOODNIGHT

other stuff

wanted connections

im trying to decide that age of his sister but she could potentially be a wc

[colormusicdying]

Then, A Wedding .17.

Brain surgery number three in February 2017 itself was relatively easy for the famous brain surgeon to perform. The recovery was supposed to be quick, just a few days. But that was not to be.

Surviving this brain surgery turned out to be brutal.

After the previous two surgeries, Pam woke up after a few hours and spoke a few words. We were satisfied she was OK. She went to sleep and after a grueling day, I would go home for some rest confident that she was in good hands.

But this time she did not wake up, she did not move, she did not speak, she did not do anything. She was clearly still alive with everything functioning properly but wakefulness, maybe even consciousness, was not happening. Even after a few days in intensive care the only sign of cognition was a little tiny squeeze from one hand. Then a weak thumbs up. Finally it was decided to remove her from intensive care into a room. Day in and day out there was still basically not much but a little squeeze of the hand maybe a couple times a day. Every day I would go in the morning and sit there and talk to the doctors talk to the nurses and wait for Pam to move. Go to lunch, come back. Wait for Pam to move or open an eye. Go home and sleep. Do it again.

A week later some friends visited and they reported maybe they saw her move her mouth a little bit. Then she slowly began to reconnect with the world a few minutes a day. Then there was greater recognition and she could make a thumbs up. The medical people set a thumbs up is harder to do than a simple hand squeeze. After almost two weeks you could see that she was recognizing people who were visiting her, the staff and the doctors and me, maybe for a few minutes a day. After almost two weeks and the observation that she recognized what was going on around her, it was time to be discharged from the hospital. If you think that seems awfully quick, you are on the same page I am. Someday if I can figure out how to not get sued, I will write about the insane, to me, regulations that these days all insurance entities enforce on illness. My guess is, to save money.

When she got to the nursing home/rehab center she had to come in an ambulance and be hoisted into bed with a lift. The staff shook their heads. Later they revealed they never thought she would ever do anything again. They've seen so many people. 

Back in the hospital, a feeding tube was inserted directly into her stomach, making it possible to get out to the nursing/ rehab place. So now there had to be a nutrition plan for feeding her through that tube.

Immediately they started her in rehab. How stupid! They would prop this woman up in a chair and try to make her do things with her hands and arms and legs. And she couldn't even open her eyes for more than a few minutes a day. Or talk. Oh, she's not progressing they said. No kidding. 

Then came the dreaded "Care meeting". May you never go to one of these idiotic meetings which have nothing to do with care. They tell you they are kicking you out. Failure to progress at the rate somebody somewhere says is required. Somebody protecting an insurance company. 

Let's just say that sometimes I can be very strong with my language and the poor young social worker woman who was in charge of the meeting got a tongue lashing from me about the stupidity of the entire situation that I hope she, and her poor innocent intern, will never, ever, forget. Stupid to prop a woman up who can't even open her eyes, then try to manipulate her arms like a puppet and then declare she's getting nowhere. This may make some kind of sense in the world of rules and regulations, but out here where we normal humans are trying to live and get better, it makes no damn sense what so ever.

I, not the staff, had realized that there were problems with Pam's medications and there was no point in stopping rehab until that got fixed.  And I made that point VERY clear.

What that tongue lashing, the wallpaper in the room is probably still curled and scorched, accomplished, was that one of the therapists decided to say, let's fix the drugs and give this another try. And so Pam was allowed to stay. And in fact, because we solved her med problems, she did begin to improve. 

Then, a wedding. Our daughter Annie's wedding was scheduled for early April, and now it was March. No one, except me, thought Pam would get there. She still could not talk almost a month after surgery, although she could sit up for a while and clearly recognize people. You could see that her brain was waking up and she wanted to talk but it was not happening. She became very very frustrated. Wouldn't you?

A month without words, just little facial expressions. A month without being able to tell the world what was inside of her head, not even hello. A month without hearing her own voice. A month of being silenced by an invisible brain-block that would not let a word be created, spoken to the outside world, to pierce the silence of this neurological jail. 

One day she was laying flat in the bed and she yelled out, "I can't talk!" I leaned over the bed and said gently into her good ear, guess what, you just did!! The next thing she said was, "coffee?"

These recoveries are very uneven, but the trend was more wakefulness and more recognition. At this point she could begin to be seeing what was going on around her for about an hour a day. if visitors came, she would give them a little wave or smile, finally say hi. Still on a feed tube. Wedding was coming. Progress in therapy, so she could stay.

As the wedding approached Pam was visited by our bride to be, Annie, and her husband to be Jesse. Annie brought Pam a very kind gift-to-the-Mom, her beautiful drawing to remind Pam of her Tennessee home, a Heavenly Blue Morning Glory, with a quote about Mothers. Framed.

People looked at us quietly out of the corners of their eyes thinking, Pam is never going to get there.

In hope of success, I bought her some new gold shoes to go with her new dress, a blue dress with gold touches, to match the Color scheme of the wedding. One of my friends said, "this must be excruciating."

Rehab continued and small amounts of progress were made. Lift a leg. Bend an ankle. Lift an arm. Move her fingers. Shake hands. Open her eyes and look around the room. Wave. Enough progress. 

She was still not allowed to eat anything. Or drink anything. Still on a feeding tube. Every meal poured into that tube. 

All drugs put into the tube by the in-a-hurry and overworked nurses. Everything going into that tube. 

The visiting speech therapist did not look closely enough to see that Pam could now actually speak.  She kept avoiding starting any therapy. Kept avoiding even looking to see if Pam could be recovered enough to eat. I had to have a big argument with her, to get her to LOOK. Finally she realized Pam COULD talk, and it was time to move forward. One day a nursing staff member cleared out Pam's mouth with a sponge, now that somebody was paying attention. Inside that mouth was an inter-tangled web of dried-out God knows what kind of junk. It looked like a spider's cave. 

I kept asking for a swallowing test. This is a video test of someone trying to eat something, which is really an excellent idea for the safety of the patient. And have no doubt, for the insurance of the facility. Finally after weeks of insisting we try this, a special van was called. A speech therapist and an M.D. tested her ability to chew and swallow food. The feed tube was still in, and would stay in for months more. 

Thirty hours before the wedding, the medical people in the van cleared her to be able to eat soft food and drink. Can she have wedding cake I asked? And they said, yes.

Later that day, we got her hair washed and cut at the in-house beauty shop.

The next day, the day of the wedding, I dressed her in the new blue dress, hiding that feeing tube, and the wheelchair van came on time to convey her to the wedding, purposely timed in the late afternoon so the still low energy Mom could get her nap first. 

And so this wreck of a woman, this woman who could not speak, this woman who had to be mechanically hoisted into a bed from an ambulance stretcher when she arrived, this woman who had sat through weeks of therapy with her eyes closed apparently unresponsive, this woman who could not eat for two months or speak for a month, this woman looked at on the first day by the very experienced staff who then adopted a pose of sadness and shaking heads, was now being wheeled toward the elevator and toward a wedding, smiling, with a new dress and new shoes and freshly done hair. The tired and overworked staff, who had frankly given her little hope of a decent recovery, much less being the Mother of the Bride on this breezy cool day in April, stopped in their tracks, and cheered.

Our bride daughter looked absolutely smashing, as the British would say. As a matter of fact both daughters did. I got to walk the bride down the aisle, and there, sitting in the front row in her wheelchair, totally awake and completely aware, was her mother. The beautiful wedding happened, and what do you know, a celebration broke out.

While tables were being set and drinks were being sipped and a slideshow by the sister Maid of Honor was being enjoyed by all, we only had to cross a hallway to take our formal pictures. We were all there, all together.

There was dinner. Now that she was allowed to eat soft food, I planned to take some of that food and mash it down for Pam to eat, but I was very surprised to discover there was nothing there I could use! We contacted the caterers and I asked them if they had a blender and they said, no. I even had thought of that. I was going to bring my own blender! Should have! So now the day after being approved to eat at least mashed up solid food there was going to be no food to eat. But the caterers did not give up, and they came to our table and told us they had cruised around the building and in another food facility found a blender. So Pam was actually able to eat some of the wedding food. One of my cousins, and Pam's good and true friend Jane helped her with that while I got the opportunity to visit some of the guests.

It was Spring, when the sun gleefully steals a few more minutes from darkness each day. The earth stops spinning for no one, and dusk finally encroached on the light outside. But not on this happy crowd. Pam got to have her wedding dinner, though it be puréed. So now it was time for additional wedding traditions.  She got to see everyone sitting at the head table; hear all the speeches, funny and serious. She got to see the bride dance with her father, and the groom dance with his mother. She got one of those lovely cupcakes, this party's wedding cake, which she could eat without modification, and of course, what could be better to go with the wedding cupcake, than COFFEE! Finally!

And when all the official festivities were over, and it was left to the crowd to begin dancing, drinking and schmoozing and celebrating, I looked at her and I could see she was getting tired. It was already hours past her normal bedtime. She had simply been energized to stay up and see it all. But now it was time for her to get some sleep. I called the wheelchair van service. Her very dear and true friend Jane accompanied her back to the rehab facility, so that I could play father of the bride for a little while longer.

I took home a few of those fabulous cupcakes.

In the year Pam's cancer was discovered, our younger daughter Annie was to turn 16 in July. Her older sister, Elizabeth, to turn 20 that October. Since then, everything I have told you about happened: the three brain surgeries, so many MRIs, hundreds of doses of chemo therapy, a month of radiation treatments under the Eyes of Hope, several rounds of rehab in institutions and at home. A few months after the wedding, bride Annie would turn 28, Maid of honor, sister, Elizabeth, 32.

What is more Colorful and Musical than a wedding? The Dying was banished for that day.

On display, to Bride and Groom,  sister, officiant, bridesmaids and groomsmen,  relatives, friends, caterers, photographers, nursing home staff, wheelchair van driver, and to every molecule of air at the wedding, to the gentle but cool spring breeze outside, to our own star setting slowly in the West, to the moon itself, to the all-seeing Milky Way galaxy, to the floating swirling sparkling Stardust which carries and holds the hopes and dreams of living beings everywhere, to all the invisible intergalactic particles shooting through the room, touching nothing and moving on, to the forces of life yet undiscovered by humans, and to everything all the way out to the very edge of the Universe, where the minds of the geniuses play;

To all of them was displayed and  demonstrated, elegantly, happily even, an intense power forged of pure true love by the hottest fires deep in the human spirit, the undefeatable power necessary to create, embolden, and sustain DEFIANCE! TO THE BRUTALITY OF SURVIVAL. 

*********************************************************************************************

Next post Thursday Sept 27: The Gentle Beam .18.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Idiot Hero Syndrome

Transmission date: Monday 20/Tuesday 21 March 2017 .

Slightly later than planned, but only if you believe this British Summer Time bullshit, this is MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

(in other news, five days to takeover GOGOGO) .

we open with dramatic video of the foley situation .

(my abstract noise band) .

this is a really long video, but then, we're at the season where everything is about hyping the narrative .

(in theory, at least) .

we're in brooklyn, so go weird chants and the lariest crowd .

and here's the mick .

looking 100% unrepentant .

but he has a prepared statement to read .

saying he's been a fool and loves big wrestling dad .

and how he's distracting the audience from mania .

the crowd know where this is going, and they don't approve .

he's taking a leave of absence .

which is way less fired than we expected .

oh, and here he goes .

exploding on the fact that hunter gave him index cards to read just before the show .

and now they're cutting his mic .

going full pipe bomb on this .

so here's steph to put a stop to that shit .

like oh hey mic is your mic broken how about that .

she's on mick for screwing up every talking spot ever .

and for only caring about his own popularity .

she's got two words for him .

but not the two the crowd wanted .

so yeah, he's fired .

full-on mcmahon firing there .

but here's...sami zayn? .

not even a bit of skanking .

straight to business .

sami disagrees on principle with her treatment of mick and many other things .

mick's like come on dude walk away don't get yourself killed .

the crowd want more punk .

and sami opens up on steph .

this'll end well .

she's like oh hey sami didn't notice you there did you say something .

be the sensible undercarder and walk away .

he gets as far as the ropes before going fuck it and turning back around .

he's standing up for what's right .

and threatening to occupy the ring until she changes her mind .

but instead, here's joe .

not wearing a suit this time, which is nice .

steph's just like nvm joe i'll sort this - mick, fuck off, and sami, stand here while this large man fucks you up .

sami gets in a pre-match tope con giro, because why the fuck not .

so yes, now we have this match .

mick and steph have disappeared during the ad break .

sami goes for a blue thunder bomb, joe just looks down at the little canadian man holding his leg like oh hello what are you trying to achieve .

that's really been the flavour of this whole match so far .

joe just watches sami jumping around, then slams him into a nearby object .

corey just described joe as "the human embodiment of the phrase 'The beatings will continue until morale improves'" .

fuck, i love his commentary .

joe's beaten sami into the ringpost and floor outside, and i have no idea where the count is because the crowd is TENing over everything .

oh, apparently he got in at nine .

thanks, cole .

sami's heating up now, because the man can't get out of bed without being punched in the stomach a few times .

back outside, and sami hits a beautiful torpedo ddt .

tries to pull joe into the ring, gives up and leaves him for the count .

beats it, obviously .

goes for a helluva kick, joe counters into a spinebuster and coquina clutch for the tap .

WOMP WOMP WOMP .

WOMP WOMP .

joe's bleeding though, so at least sami gets that distinction .

apparently throughout the night we're going to be looking back at roman and braun's rivalry .

lucky us .

i mean, that makes no sense since we're meant to be building heel heat for roman to push him v taker, but hey .

so later we're getting strowman reigns .

and a look at brockberg .

and next, and update on seth's injury situation .

but now, mick and sami are backstage .

or possibly *under*stage, looking at the room .

the fuck is up with this arena .

sami wants mick to stay and stand up for them, mick's passing on that mantle to him and the rest of the looker room .

long tracking shot of him walking backstage .

runs into cesaro and sheamus, who thank him for believing in them and creating tag team alchemy

.

why is this all emotional .

and gran metalik and tjp .

and now bayley .

and many tears were shed .

and suddenly hunter looms out of the shadows .

looking somewhat less cut up .

gives him a shit-eating grin and a have a nice day, walks off .

and a despondent foley leaves the building .

the end .

it's been real .

wait, there's more show? .

shit .

so yeah, now we've got the seth update .

after another recap  video of him fighting hunter .

have more videos of him doing physio .

and now we have his physiotherapist, live via satellite .

whay the fuck not .

apparently seth's rehab is going miraculously well .

but WILL HE MAKE IT TO MANIA .

(yes) .

mr doctor is not convinced he'll be ready to compete for several months .

but still .

wwe is still billing him for mania .

dr man is like hey, he might go to mania because he's a crazy wrestler dude, but he'll be back in therapy the next day .

which sounds like a fair trade .

(if you're a wrestler) .

later, cole talks to hhh about all of this .

but now, here's charlotte .

and someone in the crowd has a giant sasha head, which really confused me there .

looks like all entrances tonight will be sasha .

she's fighting dana, who has regained her own entrance and added a somersault in there, but also reverted to her old shitty gear .

let's have recaps of her last time, primarily so you can see how much better that gear was .

match starts, dana is just kicking charlotte's ass all over this .

nice to see her actually get to do something .

i mean, she's still not the smoothest wrestler, but what do you expect when she's been arm candy for months? .

charlotte's just got this look of wait what the fuck is going on ow .

charlotte counters something with a big boot, immediate pin .

welp, that was perhaps understandable but still super anticlimactic .

but next, we have jericho interviewing the real kevin owens .

who kevin steen has been keeping in a box all these months .

but first, stephanie is backstage .

runs into a downcast bayley .

who doesn't want her hugs .

this is saying something .

bayley's like hey when i was growing up you were so cool and inspirational what happened to that .

does mick's cheap pop .

he has truly bequeathed pieces of himself to the whole locker room .

steph's like oh hey that's nice why don't i make you earn that belt every night from now one .

starting tonight - bayley/nia, nodq, and if nia wins, she's in the title match too .

steph walks off, bayley like welp that could have gone better .

but now it's jericho time .

wearing double denim, button-calf jeans, a long scarf and no shirt .

wow .

bold style decision .

oh wait no .

that jacket is cheap leather, it just looked kind of denimy on the ramp in .

so i guess this outfit make slightly more sense .

chris doesn't need kevin because all the fans are his friends .

d'awwww .

chris announces the real kevin owens, throws up a pic of kevin at sixteen .

wearing a y2j shirt

.

"with a Chris Jericho poster on one side and...a random chesty blonde on the other" .

describes him as "marking out, maaaaaaaan" .

gets the smark laughs .

and now a grab of jericho's DMs when kevin first signed to wwe and he wasn't sure what to do and asked chris for advice .

d'awwwwww it turns out our baby psychopath was a human all along .

(side note: ugh, the thumbnail for this next part has goldberg in it) .

(some time in the next 45 minutes, i will be taking a nap) .

including a message where kevin worries about pissing people off and invites chris to come to his house if he needs anything .

chris is like hey motherfucker, i could use my time and pain back .

and he wants the real face of kevin owens at mania .

to illustrate which, he shows kevin's BWUHHHHH face when his music hit at fastlane .

and he establishes that he is not kevin's friend, he is his hero .

and warns him that when his music hits at wrestlemania, kevin's going to understand the shit he's got himself into .

this whole thing is chris reminding us that he's been a legitimate contender since the late 90's and he's in some of his best condition ever now .

calls kevin a stupid idiot, because why not .

i take it back, his strange outfit includes *two* long scarves .

chris winds up to putting kevin on the list, until samoa joe looms down the ramp .

distracting chris so kevin can coldcock him and attack him with his own shitty jacket .

upon losing the jacket, it becomes apparent that chris's trousers are *actually* pleather tights that button all the way up the sides .

chris, did you just stra-ight up deliver that promo in BDSM gear? .

because frankly, more power to you if you can pull that off .

that, or he's been taking style tips from cesaro .

all clothing must be detachable at a moment's notice .

kevin beats chris down, dramatically picks up the list .

takes the pages off the board and slowly shreds them over a prone chris .

then does the pose he did in the photo, but unfortunately, it basically makes him look like bray wyatt .

loving the AAAAAAASSHOOOOOOOLE chants .

and then just smugly walks off .

now let's have more recap videos of why roman and braun dislike each other to build up this main event .

surprisingly, it's not just because they have similar names .

recap of the turnbuckle exploding, which was a good moment .

and now, have more recaps of the kevin/chris bit you just saw .

corey uses this to prophesy "the end...of jericho" .

nicely done .

but now, let's have tjp .

presumably also somebody else .

oh hey, it's kendrick .

*the* brian, that is .

tjp totally stole bayley's give-your-headgear-to-a-child-in-the-crowd shtick .

kendrick has yet another pair of new tights .

these made of a fabric swatch selection book from our autumn collections .

lots of reds, golds and whites, but no other form of cohesion whatsoever .

in any case .

tj can't be fucked with working for long tonight, does a wrecking ball within like 30 seconds of the bell .

kendrick throws tj at the ref, then converts it into sliced bread #2 for the pin .

welp, that was quick .

and at no point did brian make his opponent's face melt

.

but now he has a mic .

he's calling tozawa out .

or possibly "tozira...akiwa...tokawa...akira tozawa" .

but apparently tozawa isn't even in the country .

because brian took his passport in the locker room last week .

lesson #7: be careful what you leave lying around .

this is sound advice .

up next, we look at the brockberg situation while your esteemed writer plays puzzle quest .

but first, a recap video of shawn michaels learning roman a thing .

and braun bodychecking him into the underworld .

charly grabs roman backstage .

to be like hey how does this affect your plans for the undertaker .

roman's like who cares imma fuck him up imma fuck this guy up my yard my ring big dog woof .

strong answer .

apparently this brockberg recap package is going back to 1997 .

fuck playing a game, i'm gonna go take a bath .

talking head from eric bischoff, looking much older but just as punchable .

i love how they make no bones about the fact that this whole angle was thought .

up as a tie-in for the video game .

clip of an interviewer (corey?) asking brock, "How do you deal with a loss like the one you suffered at Survivor Series?" .

brock's mouth says nothing, his eyes say MURDER IS THE ONLY WAY TO QUIET THE VOICES .

hooray, that video's done .

next, we have bayley/nia .

but first, sheamus and cesaro chat backstage .

until steph interrupts them .

like fuck you guys mick's left and he took fun and good feelings with him .

so she's putting them in a handicap match against gallows/anderson/enzo/cass, and if they lose they're out of the title match

.

just for giggles .

her and hunter are stealing have a nice day every chance they get .

but here comes bayley, that noted hardcore icon, for this nodq match .

and here come most girls .

wait shit, it's nia .

screwed that one up .

bell rings, nia goes for bayley with death in her eyes, bayley goes for the guillotine as usual .

in this tableau, nia jax represents the looming and inevitable spectre of death, while bayley represents joy, love, and their attempts at negentropy .

wrestling is deep .

charlotte and sasha are both watching this match backstage, in super-stereotyped dressing rooms .

nia is choking the life out of bayley, brooklyn responds by chanting for literally every other fucking thing in existence .

pretty sure i got some shouts there .

pay attention, brooklyn .

nia repeatedly chanceries bayley into the barricade, then gets a chair .

immediately has it kicked out of her hands, assumes it no longer exists and leaves it there while she gets hotshotted on the second rope .

nia keeps trying to make this hardcore, and bayley's just like fuck you i;m a wrestler .

and nia drags bayley off the turnbuckle, hits her face into it on the way down, and samoan drop for the pin .

not the way i saw it going .

that was a good match, it just would have been nice without the super distracting crowd .

let's have another women's history segment .

it's mae young .

and this time, not even the faceless announcer is female-presenting sigh .

also, can we note how the black history month people were all civil rights activists and breakthrough performers and the fucking president, and the women have been wrestlers (or in one case a tennis player), including this week a woman who once gave birth to a hand on television? .

not entirely sure what that's saying, but it bears pointing out .

but next, we interview the guy who runs the company about why he's being such a twat .

we may not phrase it in this exact way .

so here's cole and his dumb soul patch .

and the nice folding chairs they bring out when people actually need to sit down .

they have a warehouse of metal hitting chairs under and around the ring, but no fucker ever sits on them .

hunter is disappointed because he won't get the chance to fuck seth up at mania .

but he takes exception at cole saying hhh was partly responsible for seth's slide into death and pain .

apparently it's entirely seth's fault, because he started listening to the fans .

god forbid we ever do that in business .

he reckons it's an insecurity thing .

he, of course, has never succumbed .

he also blames the crowd for ruining foley's life .

everything bad that has ever happened to him, it's all their fault .

(also arguably vader's) .

hunter cues the footage of seth from last week (for the fourth time) to demonstrate how listening to the crowd will lead to you being significantly fucked up .

cole's like ok next question do you have any regrets about fucking your protégé .

surprisingly, hunter does not .

oh hey, disdain for millennials *ticks authority promo bingo card* .

hunter's like cool i'll probably never see seth again so i am as of now officially done with him .

gives cole some comp tickets for mania to give to seth .

hunter leaves, rethinks, returns .

like hey what would you do if there was a way we could fight at mania .

hunter always has a plan .

he's like hey, money and influence can work miracles .

shushes cole's irrelevant claims about things like "long-term health" and "exploded leg syndrome" .

the crowd want to see them fight at mania .

so now hunter's listening to the crowd? .

way to stick to your principles .

so hunter's proposing he draws up a waiver for a medically unsanctioned match, so when he leaves seth "Brooklyn and worthless" [sic] [hey maffew], he won't be able to sue .

pictured: something wwe would never do in the real world in a million years .

so hunter will do the papers for next week and seth can turn up and sign them and they can fight a WRESTLEMANIA POINT AT THE SIIIIIIIIGN .

or is he a coward .

drop mic, leave .

damn, he can still work a crowd .

it's almost like he's been practicing for decades .

recap vids of roman/braun again .

braun slamming roman through various objects .

eh, still not as impressive as tony nese .

but next it's the tag handicap match .

after an announchment that tinashe will be performing at mania .

and if you know who the fuck that is, feel free to write in .

but here come Solar Beam & Stripper Suit .

to fight four sizes of douchebag .

they're like a set of nesting dolls of assholery .

and then when you open enzo up, all there is at the centre is a single, quivering middle finger .

enzo and cass do the can't teach that bit, cesaro and sheamus get to do the death laser/stripper suit thing, and anderson and gallows are stood there like hey why don't we have a big entrance performance .

enzo and cass talk a bit of smack about their nominal opponents, spend far longer mocking gallows and anderson for being bald .

tout their "home field advantage", despite enzo being 100% from jersey .

aforementioned bald men attack enzo and cass as they come into the ring, ref says fuck it and rings the bell anyway, enzo and cass wail on gallows while cesaro and sheamus hit anderson with an assisted brogue for the pin .

and then enzo and cass boomshakalaka anderson for giggles .

byron talks some more about the original big dog fighting the new big dog .

i would enjoy watching both of them up against an actual big dog .

so now, over to the new day in their led display room to hype mania matches .

big e is hyping brockberg, describes it as "a strong man versus...another strong man. Huh." .

and they're talking up smackdown matches as well, which is nice .

and then big e starts doing his brockberg bit again, for xavier to be like dude you just did that, let's do the finish now .

cue clapping, caressing an ice cream cart, and cut .

but now, one mr aries .

in his indescribable coat .

aww, the recap vids of him in the 5-way miss out most of him in the hold .

so, lest we forget

.

(yes, that is a different picture) .

(i have a lot) .

tony nese is also here .

cole and graves do a thing about how they miss austin being on announce (as do i), byron's like um guys i'm here instead .

[DEAFENING SILENCE] .

cold, guys# .

match starts, and i am mostly still distracted by nese's peculiar style choice of coming dressed as the flag of argentina .

if you've ever wondered what a south american flag would look like with abs, you haven't seen tony nese .

opening where nese slaps austin around a bit .

only to get tangoed and take a suicide dive .

although i'm not sure who came off worse from that dive .

austin, your neck is not meant to do that .

nese gets austin in a torture rack for a while, still manages to maintain match heat, which is impressive .

and then shows us all his lovely bicep .

austin replies with a neckbreaker into a really nice facebuster/sto, and then the ridiculous theatricality that is his pendulum elbow .

followed by a missile dropkick, where corey said "Nese is reeling, can Aries close the deal?" but I had to pause the video because I totally heard "Nese is really a canary..." .

anyway, rolling elbow for the pin .

or 'discus fivearm', as corey assures me we're calling it now .

(why are we calling it that now) .

austin poses, cue excessive pyro and neville's music .

which i am almost accustomed to .

still puts me slightly on edge .

austin's like oh hey neville i didn't think i had an interview scheduled with you .

neville is pissed .

nothing new there .

calls austin 'lad' .

despite being *Googles* eight years younger than him .

neville's like whatever pet i'm just enjoying watching you spin yourself this web of ego before i murder you at mania .

austin's like well this is the worst interview ever .

because double-A level, etc. .

fuck that, i've got four a levels .

austin does a pretty passable neville impression .

promises to actually being the one doing the killing .

but now, let's have *another* brockberg video package .

sigh .

after another emma video to restore some shred of my faith in wwe .

snickers brings you a video of brock and kurt angle at mania 19 .

including a super slow motion shot of that fucked shooting star press brock almost killed himself with .

i am wincing so hard .

apparently that was one of the best mania matches ever .

fuck off, cole .

announce spot telling us that not only should we be watching the hall of fame ceremony, we should be watching the red carpet hall of fame *pre*show .

fuck that noise all day long .

so yes, now we have more videos of brock doing stuff .

wonder if i've got any emails? .

corey asks another question about how the match at mania will be any different, brock's mouth says *smirk* while his eyes say BLOOD I MUST HAVE MORE BLOOD THIS SCREAMING HUNGER CANNOT BE SATED .

and apparently we'll be having goldberg and lesnar facing off next week .

hurrah .

but then, it's the pre-mania show .

who expected anything different .

charly collars braun backstage, he's like SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS TALKING IS DETRACTING FROM VALUABLE ROMAN-CRUSHING TIME .

advises taker to get a shovel if he wants to fight roman at mania .

nice touch .

so yes, we're having that match now .

roman is in the ring, the crowd don't give anything even vaguely resembling a shit .

not even one of those comedy rubber dog turds .

advert break, hype austin on 205, seth signing a waiver next week, and roman/taker at mania, cut back, roman's music is still playing .

i feel for you, brooklyn .

but here's a large screaming yeti man to liven things up .

roman goes for a drive-by, braun clotheslines him out of the air .

because, as ever, braun strowman's entire moveset is FUCK YOU .

hits roman's face into the top turnbuckle, which sadly doesn't explode this time .

cole like hmm yes they must have reinforced the ring that is exactly what has happened .

braun works a side headlock like he's genuinely trying to make roman's head pop off .

or possibly he's looking for Pez .

roman gets a comeback in, tries to samoan drop braun, who just straight sandbags him .

fuck you, tiny man, gravity is on my side .

the crowd want taker .

i want us to be anywhere other than brooklyn .

i feel we'll all be disappointed .

roman does a bunch of lariats to braun in the corner, then staggers away like he's forgotten what he was doing .

goes for a samoan drop again, hits it because braun's cooperating this time .

and a driveby that actually works .

so braun just goes fuck it whatever and whips him into the ring steps .

and brings the top one into the ring for some nefarious reason .

winds up to hit him with them, roman superman punches them away .

goes for another, braun counters and roman counters and braun counters and picks roman up and roman somehow superman punches him from that position .

which makes no sense and roman winds up for a spear and BONG .

*inhales* .

lights go down, taker appears in the middle of the ring .

looking like shit, but slightly less shitty than he has in recent months? .

braun goes for taker, gets chokeslammed, taker slowly turns around with this beautiful expression of oh fuck i'm about to take a bump this won't be fun and gets hit with a spear .

roman stands over taker, gets some goddamn heel heat for once .

then walks up the ring, until his music cuts as taker does his dramatic sitting up thing .

taker does the thumb across throat thing, and we fade to his music and moody purple lighting .

that mood is 'somehow hyped about this psychopomp zombie man's continued run of victory' .

we cut now LIVE to half a dozen hardcore wrestling fans standing in a cemetery applauding a corpse .

they've been there for six days so far .

smackdown to follow as soon as they give up .

------------------

.

Welp, that took longer than expected .

i did enjoy the part where they got chased away by a wolf, though .

ladies and gentlemen, the *original* big dog .

(yes, i've been sitting on that joke for days) .

so now that's out of the way, how about some THURSDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!? .

and we open on the dramatically desaturated handicam footage of aj losing his goddamn mind .

it's like some shitty straight-to-netflix found footage film .

aaaaand they used the shot from inside the car again .

jesus fuck .

it's like creative don't read my blog or something .

loving how the overarching metanarrative between shows seems to be 'we're about to do the biggest show of the year, but fuck it, it's firing season!' .

show opens with bryan talking to some dude, then interrupted by a bullish aj styles .

apparently shane is going to show aj what it means to be a man at mania .

should be good .

and he's on his way tonight .

so aj's like fuck it imma ambush and assault him again, brb .

and now he's in the arena .

unlike mauro, who's now off sick .

allergic to blizzards .

but otunga's back .

yaaaaaaaay .

aj makes it to the ring, and the usual cheers are at least slightly tempered with heel heat .

he's here to tell us all that he's not even slightly sorry .

don't worry, dude, nobody ever thought you were .

apparently because shane put him through so many things, he had to put him through...A WINDOW .

the master of metaphor .

aj accepts shane's challenge, because that's what you do in wrestling .

aj addresses the 'holy fuck, why is aj styles in this match?' argument .

basically because fuck it, it means being at mania .

apparently he's holding smackdown up by himself .

aj claims to be untouchable and all-powerful .

that'll end well .

aj again openly expresses his plan to ambush his employer in the parking lot again .

...this is not how ambushing works .

side note: aj is wearing a douchey headband visor thing .

just apply that filter over that whole segment .

later we have the secret forbidden episode that exposes nikki and john .

after alpha/usos .

and bryan on the phone to shane, hatching some kind of plan .

and now baron corbin is here? .

apparently he's challenging dean for the ic belt at mania .

couldn't see that coming .

dean isn't here tonight, so baron's like fuck this noise imma go gamble .

so bryan puts him in a match with randy, because he is an angry goatman .

oh great, rob gronkowski is in the crowd .

i know sport things .

so yes, tag match now .

apparently it's for the titles .

guys, slow your roll, it's mania in less than a fortnight .

(or three days, if your a disorganised failure like some people) .

i'd say something about alpha or the usos, but they're the same as ever .

usos continue to look for three more people for their fivestar reunion .

apparently jason got married this weekend .

does this mean he's cheating on chad D: .

mohegan sun arena apparently where the usos fans live .

jimmy uso seems to be innovating a new wild-flailing-based moveset this match .

spirit of enterprise right there .

let's see how it works out for him .

apparently the answer to that question was 'armbar' .

alpha dropkick everyone in the face, throw jimmy over the ropes instead of going for a pin for some reason .

chad gable's enormous skillset also proves to include throwing himself face-first into a turnbuckle at mach 3 .

dramatic hot tag spot, in which jimmy uso pulling jj off the apron defeats chad gable being the greatest technical wrestler there is .

the power of shenanigan .

chad rolls back in the ring at nine, right into two angry samoans, because idiot hero syndrome .

chad manages to bullfight jimmy into the post from being in a tree of woe .

now there's core strength .

jason tags in, proceeds to completely fucking murder everyone in sight .

set up for the electric chair bulldog, fall prey to some superkicks .

usos set up their superkick/superfly splash combo, chad kicks out at two .

because he is the invincible force of good in the world .

superplexes jey at actual speed, electric chair bulldog, pin broken up by jimmy .

who then takes a nasty alphaplex to the floor .

they're all going for it tonight .

chad does a moonsault to the floor, then gets superkicked over the barricade .

and jimmy lands a superkick on jason for the pin .

i...huh .

okay, i stand corrected .

jimmy wears the tag belt around his neck, because clearly they needed to be .

more over as twats .

cut to aj lurking in a significantly larger car park .

have some hype for randy/baron .

and...cena/fandango? .

pre-mania, everybody .

but up next, the forbidden episode of total bellas .

we're all going to die in a week .

random interstitial thing about baron's football career .

but now, luke harper in the lightbulb room .

talking about sister abigail .

nice to have some cross-feud plot .

harper promises to destroy bray next week .

that was a really short promo, but hey .

and i swear he fucked it up like three times .

and now we have a video of people pretending to be the bellas .

also cena .

this all feels like a really uncomfortable porn parody .

miz is cena, maryse is nikki, brie is...somebody else? .

i don't even know what to say here, i'll be honest .

and then it ends to be continued .

the fuck is going on with smackdown .

so now we have baron .

fighting... .

randy? .

i'm lost, i'll be honest .

just flailing and sinking in a sea of questionably-edited confusion .

sponsored by snickers .

and now we have recaps of baron trying to murder dean .

every angle on this show contains at least one felony, i swear .

even if it is just miz's style choices .

tom talks about how randy burned sister abigail's soul, despite last week .

which we are now getting a recap video of .

which they cut off before the scream, which is a shame .

gdi guys, stop telling me how close mania is .

i still have like a week and a half to watch in the next couple days .

why do i do these things to myself .

anyway, while i was ranting, the match started .

but then again, it's corbin/orton, so who actually gives a shit .

(a confusing number of people) .

randy gives up halfway through some universal, starts stomping on baron .

sorry baron, you're here to get the main eventer over .

baron gets out of the ring, and then decides to just lean against the apron and face away from the ring .

surprisingly, that actually worked out well .

clearly i should not impugn the strategic brilliance of zhuge corbin here .

twitter stream is all people talking about how hilarious the total bellas bit was .

i think those may all be miz's sockpuppets .

meanwhile, baron gets a comeback in this epic battle of the tattooed criminals .

they've done basically the exact same things in their respective angles, but somehow one of them is allegedly a face .

randy does his big signature powerslam, announcers are contractually obligated to react like they've never seen anyone do it before .

and then tops it off with a full nelson slam, cos fuck that guy .

corbin doesn't get the hint, kicks out at two .

so gets splatted into the steps and apron for his trouble .

and draping ddt .

randy strikes up the snake .

in one of those moods where he doesn't quite nail the twist and just looks like he slipped on something .

and then is angry on the floor .

baron counters the rko into a (fairly sloppy) deep six, because fuck you randy .

i've got a match to hype too .

tries to capitalise, randy bullfights him into the ring steps .

and now we get the none-more-exciting bit where they lie in the ring for a bit .

and now here comes dean .

on a forklift .

randy hits an rko, acknowledges the assist, and gets the pin .

so yeah, dean is just on the ramp, stood on the platform of a forklift .

comes to the ring, randy has evaporated .

dean is here to acknowledge baron's semi-implicit challenge .

accepts it, because wrestlers, then hits dirty deeds on him and walks out .

businesslike .

but then, that's pre-mania for you .

we have seventy-three matches to set up, and we've hardly started any of them .

this season is wwe's version of 4 a.m. the morning before an essay's due .

cut to aj getting his lurk on .

and an advert for 205 .

apparently featuring austin's wrestlemania address .

because anyone can get an address .

if i was up to time, i'd try and book a spot

.

it's official, here's a graphic for the Snickers Intercontinental Championship match .

but next, cena/fandango .

because why the actual fuck not .

but now, renee collars randy to talk about bray .

lights start dramatically flickering .

randy's like hey dude i know this one .

lights go down, then when they come up, randy's surrounded by an army of sheep .

so he starts attacking them, naturally .

doesn't go well .

some sheep restrain him while bray comes in .

with some kind of weird cross on a stick .

? .

blesses randy, leaves the big cross on his crotch .

then beginneth the sermon .

abigail's power is now inside bray, who has become more powerful than you could ever imagine .

wait, that was someone else .

creepy singing and uncomfortable eye contact, wyatt cut, end .

but now, here comes fandango .

feel the whiplash .

accompanied by tyler, dressed as nikki bella .

have i mentioned how i have no clue what's going on? .

credit to tyler, he's really working it .

fully committing to nikki's entrance .

and here comes cena, with an entrance that will probably be significantly longer than the match .

his choice of shouting this week is lyrics from his entrance music .

cos sure, that's the level of effort everyone's putting in this episode .

fandango has a mic .

god save us all .

taunting john for being a bad boyfriend and wearing jorts .

dear fandango, .

the fuck is that accent .

love, every-fucking-one .

introduces 'breezy bella', john just smirks as the real nikki turns up .

tom tries to commit to the oh my god which one is which thing, jbl and david just immediately rip the shit out of him

.

bell rings, fandango chooses to give cena more tickets instead of fighting .

cena goes straight into his five moves .

five knuckle shuffle, nikki takes down tyler .

then aa and rack attack into stf/fearless lock for the double tap .

so that all happened .

cut back to the car park .

where lurks a southern man in a bad hat .

but up next, becky/carmella .

BUT FIRST .

(i don't know, i just assume there'll be a thing) .

smackdown live, edited by zeno of elea .

natalya is on announce, because there's only one angle in this division .

except if you're nikki bella, then you just get to be in a comedyish segment with your boyfriend .

apparently carmella is a snake in the grass .

mixed tag with randy orton confirmed .

carmella and ellsworth skip down the ramp, and i can't but smile

.

they're still pointedly not giving any details about how the title match is going to work .

jbl tries to derail nattie's promo, she's just like fuck you john i am saying words .

match starts, nattie runs in on carmella basically immediately .

and mickie runs in to show off her new pink flares .

and alexa, with her belt for some reason .

becky lays ellsworth out, cos why not

.

general brawling happens, everyone gets some spots .

you know the drill .

alexa ends up standing over them all with her belt brandished .

because changing the title picture this closs to mania would be gibbering insanOH WAIT .

(fuck you, jey) .

oh god, we have more forbidden bellas up next .

who did we molest in a previous life .

we're sorry, wwe .

please don't make us watch more .

but first, here's neville to promote 205 and his particular brand of northern murder .

this week, he glasses mustafa ali .

oh god, here we go .

pass the gin .

and an icepick .

i would watch this if it was just miz as robot cena, tbh .

i do love miz's comedy work .

if you ever wanted to know what someone who was simultaneously from california and quebec would sound like, here's maryse .

sure, ddp yoga joke .

what the fuck is even happening .

i am just floundering in the face of a relentless tide of insanity rn .

like i say, whenever miz is talking this starts feeling like it might actually be a good skewering of cena's gimmick, but then maryse happens .

we can mock people without it all being about the soap opera angle .

oh thank god, it's over .

apparently cena and nikki will be on talking smack .

but i honestly don't know if i can bring myself to watch that .

but now, renee decides to interview the creeper in the car park .

as soon as she does, shane's car arrives and he has to go and lurk more actively .

except it was actually heath and rhyno .

classic car park bait and switch .

cut to the arena, and here's shane .

shockingly, it turns out that if you publically announce your ambushing plans, it makes them significantly harder to execute .

shane is apparently now looking for aj .

DUDE .

HE TOLD YOU WHERE HE WAS GOING TO BE .

renee tells aj shane's waiting for him, hard zoom on aj's face like dang it foiled again

.

shane is criticising aj's choice of negotiating strategy, but i'm mostly distracted by his weird black eye .

apparently aj "snuck attacked" him .

shane is the embodiment of why you don't give the manager a microphone .

long tracking shot of aj walking through backstage .

goldberg much .

long beat, so let's have some cm punk chants .

this is super long and uncomfortable .

drawbacks of live .

aj gets to the curtain, pauses, makes to turn around but grabs a mic .

and here he comes .

informing us all that they don't want none .

wait, they cut the music before that .

bullshit .

aj wants shane to calm down and look at this rationally .

cos that's likely .

he wants to sincerely apologise and shake his hand .

let's see how well that goes .

shane immediately starts punching .

it was only a question of who was going to do the coldcocking .

so now we have a brawl, in which aj tries to make wrestling a middle manager in his forties look good .

strips the announce table, shane suplexes him .

with his usual concussed cattle expression .

pulls a monitor out of the table, hits aj with it .

gets aj on the table, he lies there while waiting for the spot we all know is coming .

and there it goes .

he didn't even make it properly .

like a foot short .

clearly missed aj entirely and just murdered an innocent table .

but sure, whatever, shane mcmahon jumped off a thing, let's all pop for it .

and then let's replay that shitty elbow from a bunch of angles .

shane recovers enough to point at the sign while weirdly kneeling over aj .

and sure, let's have some more recaps .

and fade on shane walking away from his obligingly fallen foe .

well, that was certainly a setup show .

and it's only going to get worse .

i'd do a funny signoff here, but fuck that, so much wrestling to watch back soon