#someone analyze march with me...���

[reggiestein]

March the man u are...🤕🌠

[sofs16]

let you break my heart again — 4

previous | series link

♫ i miss you i’m sorry - gracie abrams

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, lorenzotl, pierregasly, and 21,833 others

charles_leclerc Really happy to be part of the Ferrari Drivers Academy and be development driver for Scuderia Ferrari :) For you, (your initial).

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march 1, 2016

charles_leclerc

liked by arthur_leclerc, lorenzotl, and 12,392 others charles_leclerc 🏆🏆YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! GP3 CHAMPION !!!! A huge thanks to all ARTGP !!!!! WE DID IT !!! ❤️❤️ This one is for you Julio

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november 26, 2016

yn.yln.16 has gone public!

yn.yln.16

liked by kylie_yln, and 4,839 others

yn.yln.16 holy moly so proud of you big sister 🥹

view all 103 comments

kylie_yln 🥹❤️

january 5, 2017

charles_leclerc

liked by 13,484 others

charles_leclerc Dreams come true 💫

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january 15, 2017

yn.yln.16

liked by pascale_leclerc, and 7,292 others

yn.yln.16 REAL VOGUE GIRL!!!

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kylie_yln best vogue intern 🤩

february 8, 2017

yn.yln.16

liked by bellahadid, lorenzotl, and 12,942 others

yn.yln.16 made a best friend at work ❤️‍🩹

p.s new article is up in my blog 🫧

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bellahadid youre something special 🦋

user92 what do you write about? :)

⤷ yn.yln.16 sports and fashion 😚🤍

february 20, 2017

yn.yln.16

liked by 17,393 others

yn.yln.16 tonight’s football game article is up!!! view all 158 comments

march 4, 2017

charles_leclerc

liked by zhouguanyu24, and 18,295 others

charles_leclerc Prema today ! Working to get back on the top step as soon as possible 🙂🏆

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april 26, 2017

yn.yln.16 posted a story!

caption: “me and the boys when we aren’t writing a 10 page essay ”

viewed by pascale_leclerc, bawsixteen, and 521,102 others

replies:

kylie_yln anyone cute? 😚

⤷ yn.yln.16 looollll no 😖

pascale_leclerc Stay safe, chérie ❤️

⤷ yn.yln.16 ouiii maman!!! see you soon:)

gigihadid

monaco gp

liked by charles_leclerc, and 8,368,560 others

gigihadid Go HAM lewishamilton!

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Maman 💇‍♀️

Charles, before you find out from anyone else, I am having lunch with Yn today.

Charles🤦‍♂️

What? Where?

How long will she be there?

Is she with you now? Maman?

yln.updated

liked by yn.yln.16, and 7,292 others

yln.updated yn out having lunch with her childhood neighbors! via. chefsmonaco: “Met yn.yln.16 this afternoon! Kindest soul who had lunch at our restaurant!” view all 1,684 others

yn.yln.16 chefsmonaco Loved the food, will surely come back! 🤍🥹

may 28, 2017

kylie_yln just posted a story!

caption: “little sis & me work time 🤪 yn.yln.16”

viewed by charles_leclerc, and 32,910,842 others

yn.yln.16

liked by kylie_yln, bellahadid, bawsixteen and 1,017,605 others

yn.yln.16 so so thankful to have written my first vogue article about my beautiful sister !!!! kylie.yln 🥹🤍

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user82 notice how her first article is ab her sister.. talentless nepo babbyyy lol

⤷ yn.yln.16 yeah but hey, atleast im writing in vogue and not crying abt it in someone’s post 🤷🏻‍♀️

⤷ user1 GAGGEDDDD LOLL I LOVE HER ALR

lorenzotl So proud of both of you! ⤷ yn.yln.16 ❤️

may 11, 2017

charles_leclerc

liked by kylie_yln, pierregasly, and 21,292 others

charles_leclerc POLEEE POSITIONNN 🏎️ 2 poles out of 2 Qualifyings. Thanks again prema_team for the great car. But tomorrow is the day that counts ! 👊🏻

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kkkwupdates what is kylie doin in his likes 😭

⤷ user27 theyre friends

may 12, 2017

BBC NEWS • SHORT STORIES

MEET YN YLN May 29, 2017

Yn Yln has been making her mark in the industry.

From detailed writing on fashion pieces to analyzing the newest models of F1 cars, Yn Yln is racing through the internet.

Yln told the BBC it was her bursting of emotions that first got her to write.

Her love of fashion was what started her journey. She put up her first blog up in 2010 titled “Layering”. Yln showcased several ways to style for the winter which skyrocketed her blog.

She then wrote about the racing sport. Yln mentioned a friend of hers raced and that is where her writing started to flourish.

“He just got me really interested in the sport that I couldn’t go a week without writing whether Hamilton got a win or modifications had been made to the sport.”

The writer got her first issue in Vogue out this May 11th. The issue was about her sister, Kylie Yln, and her entrepreneurship.

But while she has achieved much beyond her years, Yln has much more ahead of her. She continues to help the writing industry advance and flourish.

MORE

F1 2018: Charles Leclerc confirmed at Sauber

Kylie Yln launches new collection

yn.yln.16

liked by bellahadid, lewishamilton, voguemagazine, kylie.yln, pascale_leclerc, lorenzotl, bawsixteen, and 3,594,192 others

yn.yln.16 you're looking at the new f1 correspondent and presenter 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 tears 😭😭😭😭😭 screaming

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lewishamilton Welcome to the club!🖤

⤷ yn.yln.16 Thank you so much🥹🥹🏎️

kylie.yln Proudest of you

[liked by yn.yln.16]

lorenzotl ❤️❤️❤️

pascale_leclerc 😍❤️

user1 what will you do? ⤷ yn.yln.16 writer some articles and present with sky tv 🍓

november 28, 2017

charles_leclerc

liked by kylie_yln, and 1,812,292 others

charles_leclerc I remember watching Formula 1 being younger and dreaming of one day being part of it. I can't believe this day has arrived and that I will be racing with Alfa Romeo Sauber F1 Team for the 2018 Formula 1 World Championship. I am hugely thankful to all the people who have been involved in my path to Formula 1.

A special thought to my father that did absolutly everthing for me to get there and to Jules that also helped me massively, I wish you two were here to see that but l'm sure you will follow me from up there.

A special thank you to the Ferrari Drivers Academy/Scuderia Ferrari, my sponsors/partners, Nicolas Todt/All Road Management, my family, all the people close to me during all these years & obviously Alfa Romeo Sauber F1 Team for giving me this opportunity.

Also, a special thank you to (your initial). This is also for you and I’m proud of you.🤍

Still a long way to go to my second dream..! So back to work and see vou in Melbourne 🏎️

december 3, 2017

Charles Leclerc explains reasons behind #16 F1 number choice

december 13, 2017

Since he was young, Leclerc has been dreamt of his future in being an F1 driver, as well as his future number.

The 20 year old driver explains it has always been the number he was going to pick.

“There is too much emotional connection for me to not pick this number. I hold this number deep in my heart and the person who helped me achieve everything, is mainly the reason. I hope to do the number well and give it justice.”

He has yet to specify who he is talking about but fans would guess a close friend. READ MORE…

16spriv

liked by kyliexoxo, bells888 and 47 others

16spriv

view all 21 comments

bells888 the no caption is so real

⤷16spriv STOPPP ITS MY NUMBER. NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE MYUSERNAME. goodbye yn.yln.16.

kyliexoxo deeeep breaths sister

⤷ 16spriv 🧘‍♀️

yn.yln

liked by bellahadid, lorenzotl, and 4,217,282 others

yn.yln bffr. time to work

view all 1,282,955 comments

user2 why is she famous again?

⤷ yn.yln am i even famous

⤷user2 😂

⤷ user3 she’s a talented writer and her sister is $$$

ylnsbabe the 16 in her user is gone????

⤷ f1wags holymoly

february 13, 2018

MARCH 25, 2018

it was nerve shaking for both yn and charles to come into the paddock knowing the other would be there but they both walked in with confidence.

with charles in his rookie season, many interviewers were trying to get his input on it. he searched the faces for that one (y/h/c) but proceeded to answer questions while walking.

as he started to leave the group, he had the urge to turn around. and when he did, he was met with those (y/e/c) and nostalgia.

the interviewers started to disperse, getting in his line of vision for a moment before they were focues on her.

this was his second shot and he was not going to waste it.

TAGLIST @1655clean @uuzhanggggggg @cmleitora @annie115 @valntynebaby @mrosales16 @d3kstar @stopeatread @chimchimjiminie16 @viennakarma @peqch-pie @scaramou @daniellarogers

NOTE sorry it took so long to upload:( hope everyone has a good year!! this took me a while and a lot of things aren’t accurate, such as the job description, but its fictional!!

[igotanidea]

Mysterious box: Jason Todd x reader

Warning: a little innuendo, but generally it's supposed to be funny, cause it's hot outside and I'm suffocating.

***

She was sitting in her work, praying for the hours to pass quicker.

Honestly the day was closer to hell than anything else.

Chair was uncomfortable pressing into her back.

Hair was sticky due to the excessive heat and lack of air conditioning.

Y/N could almost feel the beads of sweat running down her back, sinking into the crack.

Disgusting!

And yet, the boss didn't seem to care, sitting in his state-of-art office equipped with all the technology to keep him untouched by the weather and separated from the hoi polloi that his employees were.

Prick!

As if she (and the whole office to put it bluntly) didn't know that what the boss was doing behind those tightly closed doors had little if anything to do with working.

Rather making personal calls and chatting on facebook while his peons worked their asses off.

Y/n's annoyance started increasing in direct proportion to the heat outside (and inside). Finally, losing the last remnants of self-control and dignity and missing the fact that she needed this job, the girl raised from her chair, ready to march into her supervisor bubble and shove some things up his face even if that meant getting sacked or-

"Miss Y/N Y/L/N?"

She spun around at the sound of her name, reacting instinctively.

"Yeah, that's me."

"I got a package for you." the man that suddenly became much more real to Y/N's haze brain and slowly turned into a deliveryman put an acknowledgement of receipt under her nose. "Can you sign this?"

"But - I didn't order anything-'' she frowned, over analyzing whether this was some sort of scam.

"It's already paid for."

"By who?" the frown grew more stern at those words.

"I don't know, maybe you have a secret admirer?"

"I'm taken-"

"Look. Miss. honestly. I don;t care." the guy finally started to get irritated. "This has your name on it. And the price is settled. So could you please try to not make my job harder and sign it? Please?"

"Oh." She blushed a little, realising that she was behaving like a proverbial Karen. "Yeah, sure, of course, I'm sorry." With quick motion her signature ended on the paper.

"Thank you." He seemed to be relieved at her change of attitude and quickly rushed out the door, muttering something about whiny girls.

And now she was stuck in the middle of the office open space, with the biggest package ever, wrapped in red paper with an elegant leather ribbon adorning it.

Having all her colleagues' eyes on it.

Right. Cause nothing livens up a shitty day like putting the attention onto someone else.

"What is it?"

"Who is it from?"

"Can we see what's inside?"

"Come on Y/N, unwrap it here!"

The voices started attacking her from every direction, but she knew better than to react or - god forbid - subdue.

Using the moment of commotion as her coworkers began to close in on her like zombies starved for entertainment, she quickly grabbed the box. Diving between the stretched arms and the thicket of legs, Y/N miraculously managed to reach the bathroom, locking the door behind her, finally getting a moment of peace to inspect the gift.

***

Jason sent her the set of 10 Dior body care products...

Which must have cost a fortune. And as she started to unwrap all those little vials and boxes, her eyes bore into a note.

Princess,

Last night, when we were "busy" I noticed your skin being a little dry. Hopefully, this little set of things will remedy that problem. Use it tonight. I'll be sure to drop by your place around midnight.

Shit.

She felt her hands shake a little at the innuendo, but that was not everything.

And don't you worry about the price, sunshine. No money in the world can compare with the way you feel wrapped around me and the way you're skin brush against mine. Want you all soft and wet tonight... I got so many ideas of how to make sure those products won't go to waste...

Oh...

She was so right to get inside that bathroom.

Because the stain on her panties had absolutely nothing to do with the weather and temperature. 

[thedeepestwarmestblue]

Please, please let it be me

Billy accidentally lets slip that he’s sweet on someone, that being Steve, in front of Steve. Of course, he won’t let it go. Billy all but begged. Weeks now he’s been hounding Billy, trying to figure him out, his eyes hyper aware, analyzing his every interaction with Hawkins’ female population. Billy’s skin crawls with anticipation. Every name guessed had Billy sweating, the lies stretching, building.

March passes into April, Billy’s birthday with it. Steve hasn’t figured it out yet. Billy’s not sure how much more he can take. When Steve asks for the answer for his birthday present, it’s almost a relief. The panic welling, suffocating when he tried to sleep. Billy found himself staying up later and later, grinding his teeth away on bullets. Exhausted, he snaps back into focus. Steve’s birthday is today. They’re in his backyard, now. He’s alone with Steve, now. The moment he’s been waiting for is happening, now.

You’ve kept me guessing for weeks, who you like? Steve says, a frustrated note coloring him magenta. They’ve had a few drinks now, looser, warmer, closer. Who is this girl? Whoever she is she doesn’t go to our school. I even made a list.

He digs it out of his pocket to show Billy. Two dozen names or more scratched out. Question marks. His doodles around curse words. Billy’s heart clenches.

Billy laughs so he doesn’t choke.

You’ve said one thing or another about every girl I’ve guessed, but it’s none of them. Steve laughs, the sound disbelieving. Not even Heather. So who is it, Billy? Who is it?

Billy is silent, for what could he possibly say? You’re right. Darling, I’ve been lying. He’s been waiting weeks for this moment and now his heart is too big, clogging his throat. Steve shakes his head, looking down at the list, thumbing at the creased edge. It looks soft from wear. His brow creases together.

You know … it’s funny, he says quietly.

Billy straightens, feeling dizzy, Steve’s summer scent thick in his nose.

What is?

I was talking to Robin about this the other day and she said something that — I can’t stop thinking about.

What did she say?

She said I’m missing a name.

Oh yeah?

Steve is looking at his mouth, his head tilting down. Billy wets his lips. Forces himself to move, to ask, although he knows the answer.

Whose?

Steve looks at him, dark eyes on fire, taking the leap of faith.

Mine.

[sleepy-fiction]

A Friend from Noxus

Ambessa x Silco

2k estimate

Ambessa never would have thought the ruler of Piltover's underworld, Silco, would be so her type.

tgs: sfw, budding romance, silly virus, barely proof read, family dynamics uhh yers

an: I wanna write them freaking but also I wanna read abt then freaking sorry someone else gotta do it pls pls pls I wanna read it so bad

Noxions paraded down the streets of Zaun, forcing their way down the sweaty, drenched roads. The air tasted of fresh spite and mighty prowess, sharp enough to cut through the smokey fog of the undercity. Her soldiers burst through the doors of Silco's lair, their efforts immediately greeted by Sevika, who stood large and ready before them.

"Stand down. We are not here to battle," a husky voice ripped through the fog. An ebony hand guided a soldier out of the way, revealing the seven foot lioness, that was Ambessa. Sevika's eyes flickered up to meet hers, not a second of hesitation ebbing in her eyes.

Ambessa smiled cunningly, but Sevika only clicked her teeth. "We are Noxions! We're not--"

"Cut the flattery, W'dya want," Sevika spat, eyes burning with control.

Ambessa hummed deliciously, "Mmh... The strong recognize the strong," she sighs with a cackle, "We want to talk to your 'Silco' about Shimmer. We can make a trade of some sorts. Noxus has plenty to offer... Weapons, armor, or plain metal for your- hmm... Experiments," her eyes flickered to Sevika's arm.

There was a brief moment of slience. Sevika crossed her arms and analyzed the foreigners again and again, a pillar of strength, calculating the odds. When the odds were right, she sighed, and Ambessa knew it immediately. "Alright. Your goons. Have them wait out," Sevika demanded.

"Ooh, why yes, but of course," her slivery voice turned as firece as hot coals as she commanded, "Soldiers, wait on me," poping every t and humming every "mn".

Ambessa was brought to the heart of it, her matured eyes scanning every detail of his facility, all before she was brought to the grand door. Sevika knocked and soon entered, stating Ambessa and her business here.

Ambessa was engulfed in the smell of ashen honey, smooth vanilla with aged vintage flare. The kind of smell that was distant and plain, your atypical person would enjoy it. A smell that clashed with the burning iron and charocaled oranges that followed Ambessa. A smell that forced you to acknowledge the iron-heavy, intense flavor long before the ebbing sweetness of oranges. A smell not familar or likable to most.

And to the large and proud chair that stood tall and erect, Ambessa quickly realized that Silco was just another goon. Sevika marched over to it, leaned to whisper, and Ambessa, for the briefest of moments, dropped her guard. Silco was to be atypical, tall, muscular, and

A creaky, riveting voice slithered out, "So you want to know about shimmer. Does Noxus even care for it?" The chair swung around, revealing a skinny, short, older man. He was a little younger than her, but aged in years, his hair coated with sleak sliver strands. His eyes were lidded in silent power, silent maturity, slient, deadly, prowess.

It was weird.

How her fierce heart quivered for a moment. She scanned him deeper, more than she would anyone else. No longer was it about collections, no, deciphering him became her new goal. He was her exact opposite. Were she stood large and foreboding, frontly powerful, he sat small and calculated.

Not a bit of him was even briefly intimidated by her stature, by her title-- by her.

She smirked.

Hmm. She liked small. He was handsome too. What a treat for her. A tasteful bite of candy.

She could imagine the crunch.

Her eyes stood with a different allure, and Silco noticed the change quickly. Something only seasoned negotiator would pick up on, something that flew right over Sevika's head. It was the playful tug at the corner of her full lips, the tiniest etchings of longing brutal in her stare. It was direct, accompanied by a quick raise of eyebrows. "Of, but of course. It's like I always say, the strong recognize the strong. And your beautiful Zaun has its glorious knack for inventions. Chemical and mechanical. We Noxions... Haha, we prefer to use our force. But, good always lies where expansion can be made."

"And you, my friend," she husks, "sit at the pinickle of expansion." Her voice was loud and proud, something he was quick to note of.

She began to move towards him, stepping into the light and closer to his old, damaged eyes. He found it hard to find a place to rest his eyes, whether it be her curvaceous, might body, thode bountiful muscles, or those oredatory eyes. Eyes that found a way to single him, the Silco- king of the undercity- out like a lost puppy.

It irrated yet intrigued him.

Such confidence etched in playful tests and somehow convinced him he was young again. An annoyed smirk slipped out the corners of his mouth.

He'll play your little game, Ambessa of Noxus.

Every step she took seemed to boom in the quiet room. The vibrations of which are strong enough to rattle some of the flimsier trinkets on his desk. She was marching up to meet him, to check him, that ferocious gleam in her eyes pinning him down in his spot. And when she came close, laying her palms on his desk, looking down over him, he met her too; dropping both his elbows on his desk, leaning forward, and resting his lips against his interlocked fingers.

He bore up into her eyes, small encompassed by her, but still unbreakable, like a small but venomous thorn. And she, she took up his entire view, swallowing him in an endless chocolate sea. But chocolate was ever sweeter when aged and tarred in the dew of time.

No longer did Silco find that this conversation was going to be about anything really meaningful.

He hummed, the brief fog of a chuckle escaping his mouth. He rested the front of his chin against his hands and spoke, purposefully being louder to try to rattle her, "What if we Zaunites don't need your help? We can find perfectly good materials here," he said.

Ambessa was one step ahead, her eyes drifting down to the flimsy trinkets on his desk. Her index finger poked at a ratty, defected monkey bomb sat next to a picture frame she couldn't clearly see; then her eyes found Sevika's arm again. "Is that so? Is this what Zaun defines as high quality? Oh, then we Noxions must have poor taste and even poorer understanding of your culture," she boomed.

It was enough to make Silco laugh, truly laugh. The sound was a short, airy crank, dead in seconds but followed by oddly warm eyes. Eyes warm enough to raise an eyebrow from Sevika. It was weird to her. They were too close, Ambessa never inched away from his face, and he never backed off either. He had already proved his prowess? So why did he not back... away.

When thebgears finally hitched in Sevika's brain, she cringed severely. "Silco," she muttered, not quite loud but not quite soft; ans stood awaiting orders.

He snapped out of his daze for a moment, "That will be all, Sevika," and waved her out, and she left the room, not even looking back for a second. "Does our Zaunite guest enjoy foregin wine," He asked, standing up moments after to fetch a bottle and two glasses.

Ambessa eyed him down as he stood, her eyes flickering down to his ass, grinning, and absorbing as much of his smaller frame as she could. He was mysterious and intriguing, and he had a nice view. It had her wondering if he was the type to quiver, or better, to beg and to pleaded.

But, she was getting too ahead of herself, wasn't she?

"Yes, but only if our new Zaunite friend will accompany me," she grinned. Ambessa took this moment to finally sit down, sitting in a chair infront of his desk and flipping that picture frame from before over to her. Silco returned and poured their glasses, the tart aroma filling the air. It was a deeply aged wine, the smell sharp and pugnent. Her favorite kind. God, it was ridiculous how excited it made her.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. So... Teenage-like. Giddy over dick.

And speaking of, her eyes flickered back to the picture frame, finding a teenaged-blue-haired girl beaming back at her. "Ooh, is this your daughter? I have one myself," she chimed delightedly.

Silco chuckled, sinking back into his chair, his darkened eye scanning the edge of the picture frame. "What can be more undoing than a daughter," he sighs, swirling his glass and giving it a sniff.sniffs.

The words shook her, forcing a deep sigh out of her, "Aah. Precisely," she shook her head.

He asked, "Fresh wound?"

She scoffs, "Tell me about it. Her plans are--"

He continues, "Ambitious, Ludacris, Childish... Oh, and the foreboding one, borderline terrifying." He hums into his glass and takes a much needed sip.

Ambessa's eyes seem to weaken, her face showing the smallest glimpses of sadness. Her tone is airy, "Yes... All of the above." She lays the picture down, grabbing her glass and taking a sip. The wine is tart at first but blossoms into a heavenly fruity shower. Bliss escapes her at the taste. "I don't know how to get through to her."

"Who does? They listen when they want to. And as painful as it is you're...."

"Forced to let them go," Ambessa smiles.

His eyes find hers, "Precisely my... Noxion Friend." It's her turn to laugh now, the sound is not short or creaky, it's loud and full. So adverse to everything about him. He likes it.

How strange.

His smile is sly, there's this weird fulling sense of pride that bubbles up knowing he made her laugh. It's an addictive flare. He wants to do it again. He wants to hear it one more time. The quietness that remains after, as they drink in sweetened silence, is filled with subtle fondness.

And by the time they finish their glasses, and Silco serves them another, they've completely forgotten why they were meeting in the first place. And somehow.

They've turned from aaged veterans into dickish, stupid, young adults.

Silco wouldn't be able to explain, let alone place the moment when south turned southern. The moment where he found Ambessa leaned over the desk again, the moment when her large hands imprisoned him to his chair, and her sweet, orange breath mingled with his vanilla. The moment when her lips met his so stupidly, and her large tongue devoured his- so absurdly.

Overtaken by adversity, over taken by her subtle handsome charm, subdued into place, just where she wanted to devour him, but like a prickish thorn he played yet never fell into her submission. His hand reached and caressed up her cheek, turning his head and deepening the kiss; smoothly slurping up more of her delectable mouth. He could hear the muffled surprised laughter escape her, and he drank it up like holy water. His hands entangling her grey, beautiful curls, and encasing them tight into her fingers.

Tight enough to make her hiss in annoyance, and as she pulls out of the kiss with a hardened glare, she's met with this dubiously smug grin. Her eyes flickered with excitement.

She never took Silco for a brat.

Things were moulding and melting. It was like everything was beginning to disappear around her. Silco's grey strands seemed to disappear within a moments notice, his wrinkles softening, his smile perky and bright. And it was weird, how weight seemed to be lifted off her own body, and her hair, melting into the deep, red locks she seemed to have forgotten about.

"Brave little rabbit," she barks, her large palm scooping up his soft cheek. Her thumb forces its way into his mouth, and he releases the tiniest noise of surprise and catches her thumb between his caines. She shudders, "Ooh..."

A long black bang strand seems to slip out from his slicked back hair, and she brushes it away as she sneaks into another deadly kiss. To which was no cure, burning impossibly fatal. Knowing that now, there was no part of her that genuinely wanted to stop this.

"Oh god. I'm not gonna' call you mom, y'know," a voice broke through silence.

At the sound, Silco immediately shoved Ambessa away, her pretty red locks turning back into grey, wild curls. And oddly enough, he became very aware of his ragged breathing. He stoof up, eyes shooting to a ledge above him, where blue braids hung.

"Ja-Jinx," he stuttered as he slinked his hair back.

"What on earth, Child? Have you no manners," Ambessa suddenly barked, gazing up at the girl. She quickly recognized this 'Jinx' as the girl in the photo, her eyebrows pinched flat. She looked immediately at Silco, crossing her arms in distaste. He seemed to sink away from her gaze, desperately wiping the bashful sweat from his forehead. "Have you not taught her anything at all?"

Silco opened his mouth to speak, but only a ghastly stammer escaped him.

"Well? Order her out," her eyebrows only pierced sharper. She was a mother herself. She knew the rage that would inflict her if someone ordered out Mel in her home, so she dared not to send the 'Jinx' away. Not without permission.

Silco grumbled something, "Jinx! You need to leave."

Jinx furrowed hed brows, spinning her gun, not even looking at them, "No."

Silco seemed to shrink up even more, his hand going to pinch his temples.

Ambessa barked at him more, "Go on! Is that all you are going to take?"

"I'm weak to her," Silco grumbled.

"You need to introduce that child to discipline. Only through strict rules will a child learn to grow. She will never respect you this way! Strict rules, Silco. Strict, rules," Ambessa said.

Silco sighs, "She is grown enough, she will learn through time that--"

With an airy cackle ever so reminiscent to Silco's, the wild child jumped down and landed harshly on the desk crouched, her eyes finding Ambessa's sharply. "Oh god! Dad! My step mom is ruining my life," she hollered.

Ambessa gasped in horror, her eyes flickering to the muddy shoes on his desk, "My lord! This is unruly!"

Jinx only laughed more as she slipped off the table, crying sarcastically, "I never wanted you to get a divorce! This new woman is ruinning my lifeeeugh- God!"

"Oh no! You will not talk to us this way! If you will not say something I will," she gazes at Sikco one last time before turning back, "Listen, you will respect--"

"Whomp, whomp, can't hear ya', toots," Jinx opens the door to leave and slams it behind her.

Ambessa's jaw falls as she slowly sits back down in her chair, irritated fingers drumming against the arm rest. She can hear the nervous, misplaced steps of Silco behind her, as he releases a stressed, raggedy, old man cough and sinks back into his seat as well.

Ambessa continues her statement, "And she just does whatever she pleases?" She turns in her chair, now facing Silco, his forehead dropped in his propped up hands on his desk.

He says defeatedly, "Yes..."

"She is undoing because you did not teach her discipline," she scoffs.

"I know. I have. She will be alone in this world forever, I won't be here for a few years longer-- I-I need her to know she can count on me... As much as she can. This world will... It has no room for people like us," he hisses.

Ambessa sighs, "It would not hurt to tell her no once and awhile."

He cries elated, "I do! She doesn't listen."

"Ha," Ambessa laughs, the sound booming.

"Hm, and yours does?" He huffs, and the laughter halts.

"My Mel," she pauses to finds the words, but continues with a stammer, "My Mel... Well. Alright, alright. Alright... I wont tell you how to fix up your child, and you certainly will not mine..."

"Perfect," he chuckles, clicking his tongue.

"But! All I am saying is... You need your personal life as well... Don't you?" Her eyes flicker to him with regained childish passion. The kind of glare seasoned with playful allure, one he's made impossibly aware of. And oddly enough, she's only met with bashful, wide eyes.

He croaks, "You... You want to see me again?"

Ambessa laughs again. This time, it's loud and hearty. She reaches and cups his face, tracing his face in her massive hands.

"Even though that was a total disaster?" He laughs in disbelief.

"I have always taken a liking to the helpless, and hoe the children would say it, 'geekish' types, hm? Yes, we may see each other again. But," she pauses dramatically, poping the T, "Nowhere even near where your wild girl can find you. And most certainly, no one must find out about this arrangement, Silco."

She said his name. He never realized how little she said it and how befitting it sounded from her lips.

"But of course, my Noxion friend."

[fantasyinallforms]

Let's talk about this scene. It's one of the most popular, and the writers and actors knew exactly what they were doing when they filmed it. This is going to be a LONG, long post because I will be breaking down and analyzing looks as well as dialog. Don't worry, I will add in a cut! Let's start with the look on Bilbo's face. Specifically, I've slowed the GIF down so you can get a good look at his face.

Bilbo stated quite clearly to Gandalf the night before this that he was not afraid of Thorin, but he is not so naive as to think that he will stay in Thorin's good graces after this. Hitched breath, sluggish movement, rapid blinking, and a look of dread on his face. This is a funeral march for whatever future might have been brewing over the course of the journey.

Thorin, by comparison, is almost slow to comprehend. There is doubt about what he is hearing written all over his features. He shakes his head and says "you" like he expected to turn around and see someone else standing there using Bilbo's voice. What I really want to get at is the conversation right after. Because it's always struck me that Thorin and Bilbo are not having the same conversation with each other.

"I took it as my fourteenth share," followed immediately by "You would steal from me?"

Now, it's, of course, important to note that Thorin is at peak dragon sickness at the moment and not in his right mind. That said, Bilbo stealing something from him was truly the last thing he could have possibly imagined happening. He suspected his kin less than a day ago but never Bilbo. I've said this in a previous deep dive, but the way that the dragon sickness reconciled Thorin's love for Bilbo and the gold was to place them in the same category. You don't expect what is entirely yours to be capable of theft. We're going to skip ahead slightly in the next GIF.

Ok, so this is where we start to see the conversation diverge. Bilbo says, "Steal from you? No, no. I'm a burglar, but I like to think I'm an honest one." Clearly trying to articulate to Thorin and the entire company that he didn't do this as a betrayal or out of greed. Thorin's response is chilling and very telling.

In the first GIF, I have no subtitles because I want you to look at his face, not what he's saying. This is the laughter and smile of a madman who just had the last thread tethering him from true madness cut. He descends very quickly from here.

Now, "You have no claim over me" is a very strong statement. In his mind, the gold is his and bound to him in every way. Bilbo, after this, is desperate. His words are desperate, and his expression is desperate. But what's more heartbreaking is the look in Thorn's eyes. Like the real Thorin is trapped behind those pretty blues, helpless to do anything.

Then, finally, after all of this, we have the full snap. The final break.

"Throw him from the ramparts."

This single line gives us probably the most heartbreaking look in the entire movie. To me, even more so than Thorin's death. This is the true "end" the final break. Bilbo's head was bent low. He was willing to take the vitriol the hate. He understood where it was coming from and was prepared for it. But those 5 words ended everything. Thorin is gone, and Bilbo knows that now.

We haven't seen true fear in Bilbo. Not once. The closest we got was when he was about to charge an orc but even that was not fear alone. There was determination and resolve that colored his expression.

That last hollow look in Bilbo's eyes is properly terrified yet if I had to name this GIF I wouldn't name it terror I would name it

Loss.

[the-reader-insert-gazette]

Through Time and Together - F!Reader x Caelus

Honkai Star Rail

Caught in a relentless time loop aboard the Astral Express, Reader must relive the same day over and over, with her only hope of escape tied to confessing her feelings for Caelus.

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[Name] had been through enough anomalies in her life, but this—this was something new. She awoke on the Astral Express, the soft hum of the train and the faint scent of brewing coffee signaling the start of another day. Except, it wasn’t just another day. It was the same day. Again.

She groaned, sitting up in her cabin and rubbing her temples. The first time she’d noticed the repetition, it had been mildly frustrating. By the tenth loop, it had become maddening. No matter what she did, the day always ended with her standing on the observation deck, watching Caelus disappear into a shimmer of light after a particularly heart-pounding confession… that she never managed to return before the loop reset.

Her goal was simple: break the loop. The problem? She had no idea how to do it.

Loop 11 started the same way: Pom-Pom knocking on her door with their usual chirpy, "Good morning, [Name]!" She groaned inwardly but forced a polite smile, knowing it was pointless to argue with the adorably stubborn conductor.

As she wandered to the dining car for breakfast, she caught sight of Caelus sitting alone, his usual air of quiet determination making her stomach twist. Somehow, this loop always revolved around him. Maybe the universe had a sick sense of humor.

“Morning,” he said, glancing up at her with a small smile. “You’re up earlier than usual.”

She slid into the seat across from him, forcing herself to meet his gaze. “Yeah, just… couldn’t sleep.”

“Something on your mind?” he asked, his tone genuinely curious.

[Name] hesitated. She could tell him the truth, but the last few loops had taught her that being blunt only led to confusion—or worse, dismissal. Instead, she tried a different approach. “Just a weird feeling. Like… déjà vu.”

He raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, March bounded into the car, her usual enthusiasm cutting through the tension. “There you are! We’ve got an adventure today, remember?”

Ah, yes. The mission. It always played out the same way: the crew traveled to an abandoned planet, stumbled upon an anomaly, and nearly got themselves killed before Caelus made some grand, self-sacrificial gesture that left her reeling. And then… the loop reset.

This time, [Name] decided to mix things up. Instead of following the usual plan, she stuck close to Caelus, subtly altering the timeline. She made sure they didn’t split up during the exploration of the ruins, intervened when Dan Heng’s equipment malfunctioned, and even convinced March to let her take the lead when they encountered the anomaly.

But as the day unfolded, she realized the core problem wasn’t the mission—it was her inability to confront her feelings. Every time she tried to speak to Caelus, the words caught in her throat. She’d defused bombs, analyzed ancient artifacts, and outsmarted interstellar criminals, yet telling someone how she felt seemed impossible.

By Loop 23, [Name] was losing patience. She stormed into the ruins ahead of the others, determined to get answers from the anomaly itself. Caelus caught up to her, his brows furrowed in concern.

“[Name], what’s going on? You’ve been acting strange all day.”

She turned to him, frustration bubbling over. “What’s going on? I’m stuck, Caelus. I’m stuck in this stupid time loop, reliving the same day over and over again, and it’s your fault.”

He blinked, taken aback. “My fault?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “Every time, it’s you—your sacrifice, your stupid heroic nonsense, and I’m left standing there, unable to stop you or tell you—” She froze, the words catching in her throat.

“Tell me what?” he asked softly, stepping closer.

Her frustration melted into exasperation. “That I—” She bit her lip. This wasn’t how she wanted to say it, but there was no backing out now. “That I care about you, okay? That I can’t stand watching you leave. And if this loop keeps resetting until I figure this out, then fine—I care.”

Caelus stared at her, his expression unreadable. For a horrible moment, she thought she’d miscalculated. But then, he smiled—a warm, genuine smile that made her chest ache.

“You could’ve said something sooner,” he said lightly, his voice tinged with amusement.

She gawked at him. “What?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you how I feel for weeks,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “But every time I tried, you’d get this look like you were ready to bolt. So I backed off.”

[Name] blinked. “You… you feel the same way?”

“Yeah,” he said, his tone soft. “But I wasn’t about to pressure you. Figured you’d come around eventually.”

Her cheeks burned, but before she could respond, the anomaly flared to life, bathing them in a golden light. The ruins trembled, and for a terrifying second, she thought the loop was resetting again. But then the light faded, leaving them standing in silence.

“Did we just… break the loop?” she asked, glancing around.

Caelus smirked. “Looks like it.”

Relief and exhaustion washed over her, and she laughed—a genuine, cathartic laugh that eased the tension in her chest. “Finally.”

He reached for her hand, his touch grounding. “So… where do we go from here?”

She squeezed his hand, her smile softening. “Anywhere but back.”

And for the first time in weeks, the day moved forward.

-----

The following morning on the Astral Express felt… different. [Name] woke up with a sense of lightness she hadn’t felt in weeks—or rather, in loops. The day wasn’t resetting, and she could finally move forward. As she stretched and got ready, a small smile tugged at her lips as she remembered the previous night.

Caelus had held her hand the entire walk back to the Express, his warmth a quiet reassurance. They’d talked late into the night, sharing stories and laughter, and for the first time, she allowed herself to let her guard down completely with him.

By the time [Name] made her way to the dining car, she spotted Caelus already seated, casually sipping his coffee. His silver hair was still slightly tousled from sleep, and the sight made her heart do a little flip.

“Morning,” he said, his voice warm as she slid into the seat across from him.

“Morning,” she replied, a soft smile playing on her lips.

Their usual banter was still there, but there was something undeniably different in the way he leaned toward her, the way her gaze lingered on him. It wasn’t long before the change caught the attention of the others.

March, balancing a tray of pancakes, stopped mid-step. Her eyes widened, and a grin slowly spread across her face as she noticed how close they were sitting. “Wait, wait, wait,” she said, plunking her tray down at their table. “Did I miss something? Are you two…?”

[Name] glanced at Caelus, whose calm demeanor didn’t falter in the slightest. He simply shrugged and gave March a knowing smile. “What do you think?” he asked, his tone teasing.

March gasped dramatically, looking between them. “Oh my Aeons, you are! You’re together! This is the best thing that’s happened all week.”

[Name] rolled her eyes, though the flush creeping up her neck betrayed her. “March, calm down.”

“Calm down?!” March practically vibrated with excitement. “This is huge! Dan Heng! Get in here—you’re not going to believe this!”

“Believe what?” Dan Heng’s voice came from the doorway. He stepped in, his calm expression shifting to mild curiosity as he approached. “What’s going on?”

March pointed at [Name] and Caelus like she’d just uncovered the galaxy’s biggest secret. “They’re dating!”

Dan Heng raised an eyebrow, his gaze flicking between the two. “Dating?” He studied their expressions, then gave a small nod. “Makes sense.”

March’s jaw dropped. “Makes sense? That’s all you have to say?”

Dan Heng shrugged, his tone matter-of-fact. “They’ve had chemistry for a while. It was only a matter of time.”

[Name] groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Can we not make this a spectacle?”

“But it is a spectacle!” March insisted, clasping her hands together. “You two are, like, the perfect couple. How did it even happen? Was it a grand confession? Did someone almost die? Wait, don’t tell me—was there a kiss in the rain?”

Caelus chuckled, his eyes glinting with amusement. “Something like that.”

“Oh, come on!” March pouted. “You’re holding out on me.”

“Let them have their privacy,” Dan Heng interjected, though there was a faint hint of a smirk on his face. “Not everyone wants their life narrated like one of your dramas.”

March sighed dramatically but relented. “Fine, fine. But I expect details eventually.”

Throughout the day, the shift in [Name] and Caelus’s relationship became more apparent. They moved as a seamless unit, their usual bickering now tinged with playfulness. During their next mission briefing, [Name] leaned slightly into Caelus’s side without realizing it, and he absently rested his hand on the back of her chair.

March kept nudging Dan Heng with exaggerated winks, while Dan Heng, ever composed, simply raised an eyebrow in acknowledgment.

It wasn’t until later that evening, when the crew gathered in the parlor car for a game of cards, that March couldn’t resist teasing them again.

“You know,” she said, shuffling the deck, “it’s so nice to see you both smiling so much. Love really does change people.”

[Name] narrowed her eyes, though the faint blush on her cheeks betrayed her. “March, if you keep this up, you’re going to regret it.”

“Regret what? Supporting my favorite new couple?” March grinned, clearly enjoying herself.

Caelus leaned back in his chair, utterly unbothered. “She’s just jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?” March huffed.

“That she doesn’t have someone to share her pancakes with,” Caelus quipped, his tone deadpan.

The table erupted in laughter, including Dan Heng, who rarely showed such open amusement. March crossed her arms, pretending to sulk, but her smile betrayed her.

-----

That evening on the Astral Express had settled into a comfortable rhythm, the crew’s laughter and the shuffle of cards filled the car. [Name] leaned back in her chair, watching Caelus bluff his way into another win, his smirk betraying his feigned confidence. She was mid-eye roll when the door opened, revealing Welt and Himiko entering with their usual composed demeanor. Pom-Pom followed close behind, their small frame practically radiating curiosity.

Himiko glanced at the table, her sharp eyes immediately catching the relaxed closeness between [Name] and Caelus. “What’s this?” she asked, a sly smile tugging at her lips. “Seems like we’ve walked in on something interesting.”

Pom-Pom tilted their head, their antennae twitching. “Ooooh, are we playing cards? Can I join?”

March was the first to answer, her grin lighting up the room. “Oh, Pom-Pom, you can definitely join, but first—you missed the big news!” She turned to Himiko and Welt, clearly relishing the moment. “[Name] and Caelus are a thing now!”

[Name] groaned, slumping forward onto the table. “March. Please.”

Himiko arched an elegant eyebrow, her lips curving into an amused smirk. “A thing, you say? That’s quite the development.”

Welt stepped closer, adjusting his glasses as he observed the group. His gaze lingered on Caelus, who, to [Name]'s surprise, looked entirely unfazed by the sudden scrutiny. “Interesting,” Welt said thoughtfully. “Though, I can’t say I’m entirely surprised.”

“Not you too,” [Name] muttered, peeking up from behind her hands.

Pom-Pom hopped up onto an empty chair, their voice full of excitement. “Wait, wait! Does this mean you’re boyfriend and girlfriend now? Like, officially?”

Caelus chuckled, his tone teasing as he replied, “Well, I did think saving each other from time anomalies was a pretty good start.”

[Name] shot him a glare, though the warmth in her cheeks betrayed her. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Only because your reaction is so adorable,” he quipped, leaning back in his chair with a grin that made her want to simultaneously roll her eyes and smile.

Himiko let out a low laugh, taking a seat across from them. “I have to say, this is a side of you I don’t often see, [Name]. It’s nice.”

[Name] straightened, determined to regain some semblance of composure. “It’s not that big a deal,” she insisted, though her voice lacked its usual conviction.

“It’s a huge deal,” March chimed in, shuffling the cards with theatrical flair. “You two have been dancing around each other forever. I’m just glad the universe finally pushed you together.”

“Pushed might be putting it lightly,” [Name] muttered under her breath, though she couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips.

Welt’s expression softened as he regarded the pair. “Sometimes the universe has a way of aligning things when we least expect it. And from what I’ve seen, you complement each other well.”

“Wow,” Caelus said, his grin widening. “That almost sounds like a blessing.”

“Don’t push your luck,” Welt replied dryly, though his eyes glimmered with quiet amusement.

Pom-Pom, still buzzing with energy, clapped their tiny hands together. “So, are we celebrating? This feels like a reason to celebrate!”

“We’re already celebrating,” March declared, dealing out the cards with enthusiasm. “The best way we know how—with cards, competition, and shameless teasing.”

Himiko leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “I think I’ll join in. Watching [Name] try to keep her cool sounds like too much fun to pass up.”

[Name] groaned again, but this time it was accompanied by a laugh. She met Caelus’s gaze across the table, his eyes warm and steady, and she realized she didn’t mind the teasing as much as she thought she would. For the first time in what felt like forever, everything felt right.

[Name] shook her head, muttering something under her breath about the Express turning into a soap opera, but the faint smile on her lips betrayed her. Caelus leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as March dealt the next hand.

“Alright, everyone’s in,” March announced, her grin practically sparkling with mischief. “Pom-Pom, Himiko, Welt—prepare to lose. And [Name], try not to let Caelus distract you too much.”

“I will end you,” [Name] shot back, narrowing her eyes at March. Her tone was dry, but there was a playful edge to it.

“I’m just saying,” March teased, “you’ve got that dreamy look in your eyes, and it’s not gonna help your poker face.”

[Name] opened her mouth to retort, but Caelus cut in, smirking. “She always has a dreamy look when I’m around.”

The table erupted into laughter. Even Dan Heng let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head as he observed the chaos unfolding. Himiko leaned back, clearly enjoying herself, while Welt’s small smile suggested he was filing away this interaction for future amusement.

“Pom-Pom!” March called, waving at the conductor. “What do you think of our new power couple?”

Pom-Pom tilted their head, tapping a paw against their chin. “Hmm, I think it’s nice! But as the conductor, I must say, any excessive PDA on the Express could be a distraction.”

[Name] groaned, her head dropping into her hands. “I can’t believe I’m getting a lecture on professionalism from Pom-Pom.”

“It’s an important part of running a ship!” Pom-Pom replied with a sage nod. “But, um, I guess a little hand-holding is okay.”

“Good to know we have your approval,” Caelus said smoothly, reaching over to take [Name]'s hand in his. She glared at him, but the faint blush on her cheeks gave her away.

“You’re insufferable,” she muttered.

“And yet you like me anyway,” he quipped, his grin downright cheeky.

March clapped her hands together. “Okay, okay, back to the game before this turns into a romance novel. Welt, your turn!”

The game resumed with its usual blend of banter and competition, though it was impossible to ignore the way [Name] and Caelus occasionally glanced at each other, their expressions softer than before. Even when the teasing quieted down, the shift in their dynamic was undeniable, radiating through the room like a subtle, comforting warmth.

Himiko leaned toward Welt as the game progressed, her voice low but audible enough to [Name]. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day. [Name], of all people, finally letting someone in.”

Welt nodded thoughtfully. “It’s a good thing. She’s always been so self-reliant, but even she needs someone she can trust completely.”

[Name], overhearing them, shot them a look. “I can hear you, you know.”

Himiko didn’t even blink. “Good. You should hear it. We’re proud of you.”

The sincerity in her voice caught [Name] off guard, and for a moment, her usual wit failed her. She glanced at Caelus, who gave her hand a reassuring squeeze under the table. His silent support steadied her in a way she wasn’t used to—but found herself welcoming.

Later that night, as the others drifted off to their own routines, [Name] and Caelus found themselves alone on the observation deck. The stars stretched out endlessly before them, their light dancing across the dark expanse of space.

“So,” Caelus said, breaking the comfortable silence, “how does it feel to be the center of everyone’s attention?”

“Exhausting,” [Name] replied, leaning against the railing. “But… not as bad as I thought it’d be.”

He chuckled, stepping closer. “I think you handled it pretty well.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who made it bearable,” she admitted, her voice softer than usual. “I don’t know how you stay so calm with everyone poking at you.”

“Years of practice,” he said, his tone light. Then, more seriously, “But it’s easier when I’m with you.”

[Name] turned to him, her usual sharpness tempered by something gentler. “You’re good at this, you know.”

“At what?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Making me feel… okay. Even when everything feels like it’s spinning out of control.”

He smiled, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. “That’s the thing about us, [Name]. We make each other okay.”

Her breath hitched slightly, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she let herself lean into the moment, into him. And as the stars shimmered around them, she realized that, for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.

~Fin~

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Yup, double-protag posts. Happy Thanksgiving to my US readers!

[bekolxeram]

Unfortunately, I don't have the means to donate this time, (Stupid expensive health issues🙄) but I'd still like to express my gratitude to Bucktommy and this fandom for the occasion.

Not that my life has ever been sunshine and rainbows, but 2024 has been particularly difficult for me. I started the year the sickest I've been for years, then one of my uncles passed away in February. He was 88. He had been slowly succumbing to dementia for quite some time, so almost everyone agreed a cardiac arrest was a blessing in disguise.

I wasn't close with him, but my mother was, and naturally, I had to spend pretty much the entire March accompanying her to all sorts of traditional ceremonies for the dead. All my uncle's children, my cousins, came back from abroad as well. They enjoyed hanging out with me back when I was a toddler, but then I slowly grew up into this weird, moody kid of few words, and we kind of drifted apart from there.

Family reunions were never awkward despite my gloomy existence though, they had their fun aunt who never ran out of things to talk about. To them, my mother's the life of the party and an exemplary woman, who went through tragedies in life but still manages to come out stronger on the other side, who unfortunately had to re-enter the workforce later in life to support her physically ill husband and her mentally ill teenage daughter.

What they don't know, is that while she's a fun aunt, she's not a fun mother. She was dealing with the stress and frustration so well because she always had an outlet at home. Someone she had total ownership over, officialized by a piece of birth certificate. Someone she could do whatever she'd like to, emotionally and physically, because in my culture, it's simply an alternative, maybe outdated method of parenting, not a crime.

I've had time to process my messy relationship with my mother, I've come to (mostly) accept it for what it is. Watching my cousins all rushing over to my mother with open arms to console her, watching my cousins' children playing around, having fun with her, while my existence was barely acknowledged, was actually more triggering than I expected. It acted as a sobering reminding that not only do I have merely a handful of friends since I left church, I in fact don't have any family left either. They're all my mother's family, not mine.

It was probably the most lonely and isolating experience in my life. It's like I was trapped inside of my head, my head that was gradually turning into a bottomless pit of nothingness.

Then Tommy Kinard drove through cross town traffic just to clear the air in person. He expressed how much he wanted to be a part of a family. Then he took his shot and got the boy in the end.

I just felt... understood. Watching Bucktommy's story play out on screen gave me some rare moments of joy and much needed hope. I felt like if Tommy could find happiness later in life, maybe it wasn't too late for me either.

If you've had experience with depression, you'd know how sometimes getting out of bed, brushing your teeth feels like an uphill battle already. Motivation is precious and hard to come by. I was so motivated creatively by Bucktommy and people in the fandom who resonated with the story just like me, that I wrote series of posts analyzing every scene in S7, I learned how to make gifs to illustrate the humor I found in all of us, I figured out how to edit video especially for my vision of a Brad-nado, I even wrote and posted my first fanfic ever.

And I just love how we refuse to give up hope, even after the breakup. We cried, we whined, then we doubled our effort writing fix-it fics, continuing their story on our own terms. Now, we even manage to raise thousands of dollars for charities in 24 hours in the name of love.

Sorry for the wall of text all about myself, I hope I don't come across as a self-absorbed jerk. I always thought I would never make it to 30, it started feeling like a real possibility in March. What happened instead was that my 30th birthday came and go because I was too busy screaming about Buck batting his eyelashes at Tommy when he was receiving a medal.

I'm sitting here, typing this out, looking back at my 2024 at the end of the year, only because Bucktommy happened and I had the pleasure to cross path with you all. I know, it's stupid, it's just a TV show, but I can't really imagine how my life would turn out if I never had Bucktommy, where I would be right, or even if I would still be at all.

So, thank you, for making life worth living for me again.

[pubbamoon]

Destiny Matrix Observations

Hi besties! How are we today? So, I was wondering which type of a post I could make this time and I've got an idea of doing random observations. Since my content related to the Matrix of Destiny goes very well here, I decided to start making the Destiny Matrix observations. I hope you're gonna like it.

If you were born on March 14th, you may notice that these numbers (3 and 14) are placed in purple circle of your chart, representing the Crown chakra. This chakra relates to our life journey, our physical presence and how we are perceived by others. It is placed at the top of our head, representing our mind and wisdom too. Number 17 is also significant for the area of life represented by your Crown chakra.

That might sound weird, but whenever I analyze at least two people's Destiny Matrix chart and they have the same central number, they most likely have the same karmic tail too. For example, I see many people with the number 5 (The Hierophant) at the center of their chart having the "Warrior" karmic tail (12-19-7). Most of these people who have this karmic tail might tend to fight for their belief, to feel that they're superior that others or just get into conflicts. Interestingly enough, number 5 represents the conflict, along with the 5 of Swords and 5 of Wands.

Having number 7 (The Chariot) in Throat chakra likely indicates direct way of communicating. The Chariot is associated with strong will, ambition and taking action. On the other hand, number 18 (The Moon) in Throat chakra might indicate communicating in a more indirect way.

Whenever I see number 5 (The Hierophant) in someone's Root chakra, it's always a confirmation to me that this person grew up in a strict and religious household. The Hierophant is mostly related to conformity, religious beliefs, morality and tradition, while Root chakra might represent upbringing, ancestors and foundation. Lana Del Rey and Bruce Springsteen have number 5 in their Root chakra, for example.

I see many people with the 22-5-10 code in their money line working in entertainment industry at some point. If some of you with this placement don't work in entertainment field, I guess this placement may indicate working in unconventional work environment. Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice come first to my mind. They both have this code in their money line.

The combination of number 9 (The Hermit) and number 18 (The Moon) in someone's Destiny Matrix chart can indicate a shy, private, introverted and reserved person who may find happiness through isolation and being alone. The Hermit represents solitude, introspection and wisdom, while The Moon represents intuition, uncertainty and fears.

That is everything so far! Thank you so much for spending your time to read this observation of mine. I hope you liked it and resonated with the observation if you have any mentioned placements. Bye for now and be well!

Best regards, Paky McGee

[princesssarisa]

I just came across a YouTube video complaining about the changes made to the musical of Wicked from the original book.

One of its main arguments is that in the musical, Glinda is too easily forgiven – both by Elphaba and by the show's narrative – for working with the Wizard, not to mention the other morally questionable things she does.

Now, I haven't read the book, or analyzed every word of the musical's script and lyrics, but I'm not sure if I agree with that claim or not.

I agree with what @cto10121 has written in the past, that maybe the musical focuses too much on Glinda when it's supposed to be Elphaba's story, but I don't think the show glosses over Glinda's flaws or bad decisions. I've always thought she was a very morally gray character who has a redemption arc in the end. And she most definitely pays a hard price for her mistakes, ending up in power but all alone on a personal level, thinking the two people she loved most are dead because of her.

But just from scrolling a little on both Tumblr and YouTube, I think the musical's fandom might idealize Glinda, whether the musical itself does or not. I don't know how widespread it is, but I've definitely felt as if the fandom idealizes her entire relationship with Elphaba, and they do leap to defend her whenever someone misguidedly calls her "the real wicked witch"... sometimes with defenses I don't buy.

Again, again, and again, I've heard people say "The message is that there are two sides to every story and no one is all good or all bad."

(Which of course is true to an extent, but which IMHO, paints false moral equivalency between Elphaba's side of the story and both Glinda's and the Wizard's.)

I've also seen "The whole point is that Elphaba starts out as the heroine while Glinda starts out as a mean girl, but Glinda becomes a better person while Elphaba becomes a worse person over the course of the story, until they become the characters we know from The Wizard of Oz. Ultimately Glinda is the more heroic one."

(That's... not quite the way I would describe their arcs.)

And, most thought-provokingly of all, I've seen this:

"Glinda deserves more respect for her intelligence. At first we're made to think she's a dumb blonde, but it turns out that she's very clever and shrewd, and her claim that a good image is what matters most in society turns out to be totally right. It's by working within the system and pleasing the Wizard and the people of Oz that Glinda gains power, which lets her oust the Wizard and Morrible in the end, while Elphaba's rebellion crashes and burns."

Even if part of the show's message is "Society values a good image more than real merit or truth," aren't we meant to view that fact as a bad thing that needs to change, rather than admiring Glinda for knowing it all along and benefitting from it?

This reminds me of commentary I've read about Amy March from Little Women. A character who has a lot in common with Glinda in some ways, though without the political aspect. I like Amy and I don't think she deserves the hate she traditionally gets from Jo fans, but some attempts to defend her annoy me. Namely the fans who praise her for conforming to society better than Jo does: i.e. "Amy is the smartest, most mature March sister because she knows how to please her social betters and make the system work in her favor – unlike Jo, whose rebellious ways get her nowhere and who needs to learn to be a proper docile lady for her own good." Again, I like Amy as a character, but as a neurodivergent feminist who relates to Jo's independence and her failure to conform, I don't like that talk.

And Amy doesn't serve a fascist regime.

I'd like to know what bigger Wicked fans than I am think of all this. Does the show absolve Glinda too much, or if not, does the fandom? Or do both the show and fandom have a more-or-less accurate view of both her flaws and her virtues?

[daisyswift3]

Cardiac Arrest, CPR, and the Reticent Volcano 🌋🎁

So yesterday I made a very interesting discovery while watching the TTPD (track) lyric vid that led to me having several epiphanies at once. If you watch the vid, you'll notice that for the most part the lyrics are in all caps save for a few lines. Of these lines, one in particular, “like a tattooed Golden Retriever,” caught my attention bc it has 2 capital letters--G and R--that you wouldn't have been able to see if the line was in all caps like the ones just before it. What makes it more interesting is that golden retriever is not a proper noun like a name or title so it shouldn't be capitalized according to English grammar rules.

This led me to search for the TTPD album booklet scans to see if this was also capitalized in the booklet and to see what other words were capitalized. Then after looking at the booklet it hit me--CPR(G)!!! Charlie Puth Retriever Golden. Everyone agreed these lyrics sounded a little odd compared to the rest of her lyrics and the shout out to Charlie Puth seemed kind of random. But now it makes complete sense why she wrote those lyrics. She was trying to draw attention to the capital letters CPR(G) that are repeated throughout the album. In this post I explained that Taylor mentions CPR in So Long, London bc they're all related to each other, they're a family. C=Cassandra=Taylor; P=Peter=her 2nd kid; R=Robin=her 1st kid; G=Gold/Golden=Karlie. If you look at the TTPD tracklist, Cassandra, Peter, and Robin are in the same order as CPR.

Taylor wanted to acknowledge her family in some way on this album and so she represented them w these 4 letters which are likely a stand-in for the Swift-Kloss family crest since I don't believe that showed up on this album. This is the key to deciphering several of the anon messages and understanding why some things are lowercase while other things are capitalized. For example, all of the volcano 🌋anon messages and the last 2 messages from (PR)esent anon 🎁 are lowercase with the exception of the words "Gold" and "Goodbye." This connects these messages to TTPD (track). "Gold" is highlighted like "volcano" to indicate that Miss Gold Rush is going to be a part of the atomic bomb Taylor is getting ready to drop. And the "Goodbye" being capitalized indicates that Karlie is indeed the "neighbor" in this message and in Fortnight as well as "the woman who sits by the window" in Peter that turns out the light/lamp. She is the one who keeps a lit jack-o-lantern 🎃 on the front porch while awaiting Taylor's return home from exile. These things single-handedly prove that 🌋 and present 🎁 anon are indeed legit bc how would a troll have been able to predict these things when The Anthology tracks were surprise dropped at 2am and weren't revealed w the standard edition tracks on Feb 5, and why would a troll even bother w such subtle details?? Plus no lyrics had leaked yet at the time these messages were sent so the only logical answer is that they must've either been sent by Taylor or someone close to her.

Side note: When I first wrote that post analyzing the present 🎁 anon messages, I had thought that the song Robin, and maybe Peter as well, was the gift/present to us kaylors that present 🎁 anon told us to look out for since P's and R's are repeated in the messages. However, I have since figured out that actually the poetry book For now, she slumbers was likely the gift since present 🎁 anon's messages mention the title of the book "for now, she slumbers" and "reticent volcano" which is the author's name as an anagram (see this post). Plus the March 4 message directly quotes the first poem in For now, she slumbers called "Two" ✌️ (If you want to read all the poems in order see this post). I explain in this post that the reason why this poem is the first one in the book is bc it's the key to understanding all the ones that follow and to understanding TTPD. The 2 ✌️ is probably the most important motif in TTPD bc it symbolizes the 2 different versions of Taylor and 2 opposing narratives abt her life that exist. Taylor Swift the brand vs Taylor Swift the person; the boy-crazy maneater that only writes songs abt her ex-boyfriends vs the tortured closeted queer poet that is forced to hide her truth behind metaphors and red herrings. Going back to the CPR of it all, I still believe my initial analysis of the present 🎁 anon messages was correct for the most part since the "reticent volcano" is likely a tell-all memoir that will explain the whole messy story and how and why she kept her family (CPRG) a secret. The purpose of the 🎁 and 🌋 anon messages was to guide us to both the poetry book and to CPR(G) which both foreshadow what her memoir--that she's hinted at w The Manuscript and The Story of Us--is going to be abt.

Now continuing on w the theory, as I mentioned previously, we have Cassandra=Taylor, Peter=her 2nd kid, and Robin=her 1st kid. And if you look at the pg in the booklet w The Manuscript, you'll see that there is a capital G in "Good Samaritan" which completes the CPRG set and is also the only capital G that shows up in this song.

And to tie it all together, if you look at the summary poem/epilogue at the very end, Taylor mentions cardiac arrest. This happens when someone's heart suddenly stops functioning and can be reversed by CPR! "I stopped CPR after all it's no use, the spirit was gone we would never come to." And this connects to You're Losing Me (From the Vault) which is abt the fans not seeing the real her or paying attention to her repeated queer signaling -> "I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore for you, 'cause you're losing me." Taylor has given up trying to get her fans to listen to her (CPR) and has accepted that she may lose a lot of them when she reveals everything (CPRG). She is warning them that they are abt to lose the Taylor that they know, the old Taylor, bc she is going to have to kill her public persona and brand in order to be reborn as the new version of herself and move onto the next chapter of her life.

And to add even more evidence to this theory, CPR is often performed on drowning victims, and where does drowning show up in TTPD? Oh it shows up in The Bolter which just so happens to be sandwiched in between Cassandra, Peter, and Robin! -> "By all accounts, she almost drowned when she was 6 in frigid water...And she liked the way it tastes, taming a bear, making him care, watching him jump then pulling him under...as she was leaving, it felt like breathing/freedom" // "When I was drowning that's when I could finally breathe." Drowning also shows up in Guilty as Sin which I've determined probably represents the acceptance stage of grief so the drowning metaphor checks out (see this post) -> "Drowning in the Blue Nile, he sent me 'Downtown Lights.'" (Also check out this amazing video which explains the Blue Nile and religious connections). This connects to the 8th 🎃 message where Taylor chooses to jump into shark infested waters and sacrifice her image and brand so that her lover doesn't have to. So putting all these pieces together, this means that by giving up on trying to revive her relationship w her fans or to maintain her image (CPR) and by putting her family and her happiness first (CPRG), Taylor will finally be able to be truly free. She is going to let Taylor Swift the brand drown so that she can finally breathe. This connects to The Black Dog where she compares the red herrings/bearding/lavender haze/smokescreen to an old habit like smoking that she's trying to quit -> "6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke."

Now w all this context in mind, it makes more sense why Taylor has been emphasizing capital and lowercase letters and the number 4 recently. The hidden word hunt on Apple Music, thanK you aIMee, imgonnagetyouback, her retweets from 4/21/23-4/24/23 which happened in groups of 4, putting 4 letter words in all caps, etc. And now it's clear that "I keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" is most likely referring to her explosive tell-all memoir, the reticent volcano, she's going to publish since 🌋 anon's messages were all in lowercase. "Restful, reticent, restraint" = locked inside a vault. Rep tv and the folklore and evermore vault tracks may also be included in this since these albums are in lowercase as well.

In conclusion, I think it is safe to say now that all of these anons are probably legit. In my opinion, all of these connections provide concrete evidence that these anons do foreshadow things and have ties to Taylor.

[icarusflewsworld]

Rhysand & Cassian & Azriel X OC

Hello, here is the chapter 26 of a fanfiction on the world of Acotar where our three favorite Batboys are the mates of a single woman.

I'm really sorry for the delay. I was sick and I have to revise for exams in February and March, so there will only be one chapter (maybe two since I have no self control and I always write too much) on Sunday January 26th.

I really hope you liked these chapters! Don't hesitate to leave comments even bad ones (not mean please), it allows me to know what's wrong and to improve especially on the sex scenes because I feel like I'm really too bad at that. I had a lot a lot a lot of trouble writing this last chapter lol.

In any case thank you for your reading, your time, your votes and especially your comments. You are all so kind and I am so shocked every time but it makes me so so happy. Love you. Have a wonderful week end and good luck for all you have to go through. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

! Don't forget to read the previous and following chapters ! : Here

Chapter 26

Quickly, they teleported to the prison, in front of the Attor's cell. They entered it and Luxiana was not even surprised to see that the room looked exactly like the one Azriel had locked her in yesterday. The bloody creature was also tied to the same kind of metal chair.

“You brought me a toy?” the creature asked in a distant voice, looking Luxiana over from head to toe with a wicked smile. “A little human for me to play with in exchange for information?”

Azriel tensed, almost jumping. “Watch your mouth.” He positioned himself next to the Attor, to look down on him, ready to react if he dared to speak ill of his soulmate again. And the only thing that had prevented him from making him swallow his tongue was precisely the presence of Luxiana.

Luxiana looked at her with a blazing look of anger that could have set the Attor's body on fire by itself. This was the creature that had beaten Feyre, that had made her best friend suffer but also Rhysand. She had inquired about what he had experienced under the mountain. She was mad with rage. He didn't deserve this. Feyre didn't deserve this. And this creature was about to receive the anger that Amarantha should have received.

She began to examine the beast in detail and grimaced as she analyzed the wounds on the Attor's pale skin.

The three Illyrians immediately noticed her expression -since their eyes were fixed only on their soulmate- and began to panic when they saw her grimace. They had gone too far and had just traumatized her. Seeing that a person you knew had hurt, tortured and injured someone and that he did it often, was a whole other kind of terror. And they had just made their soulmate understand that. They had just made their soulmate understand who they really were.

Luxiana looked at Azriel with fear, and the shadowsinger felt his heart break. He raised his hand towards her, turning completely in her direction - as if he were addressing a frightened animal - and was about to speak, but Luxiara cut him off.

"This is beginner's work, I'm not surprised he didn't say anything," she judged, shaking her head.

Azriel suddenly froze and went into a bubble of surprise, his hand falling limply to his side.

Rhysand and Cassian were shocked at first before giving each other a pleasantly surprised look while holding back laughter.

Luxiana focused on the Attor with a cute, innocent, childish smile. She knelt down in front of him to lock eyes with the creature. "Well, I'll explain how this is going to go, okay?" Her voice was soft and reassuring despite her words. "I remember very well what my best friend, Feyre, told me about what you did to her under the mountain. And I'm sure you didn't do very nice things to the high lord of the night behind me either. Which makes me, unfortunately for you, very angry with you. But, you see, I'm really trying to contain myself right now. ‘Why’ you are going to tell me?"

She moved a little closer to the Attor to give some semblance of privacy and secrecy to their conversation while she knew that the three Illyrians behind her could still hear. "Because I don't want to scare them too much."

And it was true. If they really knew what she was capable of, they would be terrified. Then she stood up and continued, looking down at him. "So they're going to ask you questions and you're going to answer them or else,... I won't hold back anymore. So, please..." Her smile turns evil, creepy, "don't be cooperative."

The Attor looked at her for a second. He hesitated. She looked cute and innocent but something in the blonde's smile and gaze told him she was completely crazy. Her pupils were now oscillating between her and the lord with his hands in his pockets behind her. Why would he bring this human here if she didn't know how to handle torture? He started laughing out loud. She didn't scare him. She was just a pitiful human and Rhysand was trying to trick him. He wouldn't reveal any information anyway because they never tortured him more than the King of Hybern would if he sold him.

Luxiana stood up. "Well, then let's begin."

Cassian leaned against one of the walls behind him, crossing his arms but with a curious smile on his face. He eyed the blonde as a strange feeling of excitement vibrated in his chest. He was so eager to know what she was going to do.

Azriel's eyes narrowed, still in the same state.

Luxiana turned to Rhysand, silently asking him to ask a question.

Which Rhysand did without arguing. He even let out a smirk as his erection was just waiting to wake up in his pants. He loved the authoritative and cold expression his soulmate had at the moment. He knew the Attor wouldn't say anything so easily and he was so eager to know what she was going to do in response. "My city was attacked, how did the king of Hybern learn of its existence?"

"I'll answer that question if you answer mine first," the Attor negotiated with a wicked smile. "Does that human know all the horrible things you've had to do to some of her people under the mountain?”

Rhysand tensed up, clenching his teeth, losing his smile and turning white all at once. He was about to speak, but Luxiana beat him to it. She jumped up, letting out a little cry of joy before turning back to Azriel and saying, all smiles. "I was really hoping he wouldn't answer." She pointed at Truth Teller on Azriel's thigh. "May I?"

Azriel tilted his head curiously but grabbed his knife and gave it to her.

Luxiana caught it. “Thank you,” she said, leaning towards him with a huge cute smile and red cheeks. Azriel felt his heart stop before it started to slam against his chest painfully. But Luxiana straightened up and her smile turned evil again.

“First lesson, Az,” she said, walking over to the beast and crouching down in front of him with a confident air. “Good torture is first and foremost an act of delicacy and precision, not of abruptness and barbarity.”

"So, you see," She placed her hand on the Attor's shoulder, still staring at Azriel. "This species, while seemingly very different, is actually very similar to humans and Illyrians. Like us, their flesh is composed of what are called neuroreceptors that allows, if the latter are stimulated, to transmit a pain signal to the central nervous system which will take it to the brain to obtain a defense reaction."

Azriel tilted his head to the side, paying attention to what she was saying in a mixture of admiration and surprise. He then glanced at Rhysand and Cassian who were looking at her with equal interest.

"But there is one small difference between us and him," Luxiana continued, her smile growing even more devious. "While our neuroreceptors are very small, microscopic, those of these creatures are surprisingly large. So large that we can grab them."

"What?" the Attor said, starting to panic, his eyes flickering between the blonde and the three fae.

With her thumb on the creature's collarbone, she moved it to the base of its neck to press and compress a specific point. "You just have to compress this place, which is the base of its central nervous system, to prevent it from feeling pain." As if to confirm her words, the Attor let out a sigh, seeming to relax for a second since he no longer felt the pain in his already bruised body.

Cassian frowned. "Isn't it the point to make it feel pain?"

Luxiana turned with a mischievous smile towards Cassian. "Of course it is, I'm coming on it."

She refocused on the Attor to position the Truth Teller blade on its thigh and precisely slice a deep slit from top to bottom.

The Attor tensed but was surprised to feel no pain.

Luxiana pushed two of her fingers inside the wound to bring out a sort of strange bloody rib that she pulled with difficulty to take out a part of it and slip Truth Teller's blade between the skin and the cable. "Here is a neuroreceptor stimulated by the blade of the knife. Without my pressure on his central nervous system, he would be screaming in pain because, unlike a simple injury that just hurts a lot at one moment, here, the pain is extreme all the time"

"But," she raised her index finger in the air as she turned to Cassian to continue her explanation, "pressing there allows the pain charge to accumulate in the nerve." She let out a small, cheerful or... mad laugh? "When I release my grip, he's going to feel triple the intensity of the pain. As its legs was being torn off again and again ang again"

The Attor swallowed hard. Luxiana smiled mischievously. "So you still don't want to answer the question?"

A silence fell over them as the Attor weighed the pros and cons, but it was too long for Luxiana. "Great," she gushed, "this will be more fun." Then she released the pressure on the Attor's throat and stood up. The creature's eyes widened before screaming in pain, throwing its head back and struggling as best it could.

Luxiana let out another laugh as she looked at him with a satisfied expression, seeming to enjoy every second of what she was seeing. "And the more he struggles, the more it stimulates his nerves and hurts him, it's great."

The three Illyrians had eyes only for Luxiana, still looking at her with astonishment but admiration.

“Stop, stop,…,” the Attor begged.

“Ah I don’t know,” Luxiana hesitated. She turned to Azriel with a childish look. “Should we stop?”

Azriel smirked as he tilted his head and then without answering, he advanced towards the Attor to remove Truth Teller from his wound. It was better that Luxiana continued to be seen as the bad guy and that the creature was afraid of her.

The Attor was panting and even moaning in relief when Azriel withdrew the dagger and his nerve returned halfway into his thigh.

“So you’re talking?” Rhysand asked, shifting his glare from Luxiana to the creature.

The Attor gritted his teeth, hesitating a little more. Luxiana tilted her head and something lit up in her eyes. "He's resisting! That's so rare!" she said happily. "Well, then too bad for you. We're not playing anymore."

She snuck behind the Attor under the scrutinizing and attentive gaze of the three brown-haired faes to lean towards the beast and whisper in its ear. "I have a riddle for you. What is the cruelest thing that can be done to a creature capable of flight?"

The Attor's expression faded to realization and then terror.

Luxiana smiled wickedly as she felt the fear escape from him. "We're tearing off his wings."

“What?” the creature panicked, shaking in his chair. “You don’t have the right! You won’t dare?! Do something!” he implored Rhysand.

The three Illyrians blanched. Rhysand deployed his power into Luxiana's head and a flash lit up his chest as he felt her let him in again. But he couldn't dwell on it as he remembered what she was threatening to do. But she couldn't do that, could she? "You can't do that," he assured her. "You don't know what it's like to have wings and fly, but to take that away from someone, no matter who they are, or what they've done, is cruel."

Luxiana sat up, smiling at Rhys. She grabbed the Attor's wing and without warning yanked.

The beast screamed at the top of its lungs as the three Illyrians widened their eyes, their blood draining from their faces.

"Shh, shh, shh," Luxiana said, trying to be reassuring and giving the creature a sort of hug from behind. "It's okay, it's still here." She grabbed the wing hanging from the beast's back, now only holding on to an inch or two of flesh. "Look, it's still a little attached. If you're careful, if you speak right away, it might heal and you might even be able to fly again one day!"

Tears of pain began to flow down the creature's cheeks. Its wings. Its wings. How dare she? It began to tremble. He had been wrong. She was so cruel. Then it spoke. "I don't know exactly how it found this city. I know that at one point it could track Rhysand's power. Maybe the queens told it? I don't know."

“Human queens?” Azriel tried to clarify as he tried to take his eyes off his soulmate.

“They’re working with Hybern?” Cassian asked in horror.

“Makes sense!” Luxiana assured, earning surprised glances. Then she turned to Rhysand with a small, innocent and proud smile. “Do you have any other questions?”

The lord asked his questions and the Attor answered them all without discussion.

"Well, let's go," Rhysand finally said after the creature confessed everything to him.

He turned back to the door, glancing at Azriel. "Drop him off at the border of Hybern territory."

Azriel nodded, Cassian straightened up from the wall and held out his hand for Luxiana to take and follow them. But the blonde grimaced, shaking her head. "Forgive me," she breathed.

Rhysand turned to look at her with a look as confused as his brothers'.

Luxiana, who had kept a serious silence during the interrogation, found her cruel smile again. "I'm not as nice as you." She placed her hands on the top of the Attor's wings to grip them while watching from above the creature panic and struggle.

“Luxiana, no,” Rhysand warned her in a commanding voice and a stern look.

The Attor began to panic as he tried to turn his head and eyes behind him towards the blonde to know what she wanted to do. He tried to struggle and move his wings but Luxiana held them in place.

The blonde only looked at the creature with that same evil look on her face because of the satisfaction and power she felt. "I can't forgive him for what he did to Feyre, and for what he did to you."

She finally looked up at the three Illyrians with serious eyes. She gritted her teeth. She hesitated. She had never hesitated before, but now she was afraid that they would be afraid of her. That they would see how cruel she was towards them.

Rhysand looked at her gravely. "It's not about forgiving, it's about sleeping better at night."

"Oh," Luxiana said, taking on an innocent air before returning to her evil smile. "In that case,..." She placed her foot on the back of the chair to gain support and pull with all her strength on the Attor's wings which were violently tearing apart in ghastly cracks and howls.

The three Illyrians' eyes widened and their breaths caught as their soulmate circled the Attor -with both wings in his hands- to throw them in front of him like common objects. Something like dread, shock and denial mixed at first inside of them.

Blood had splattered across her face and onto her black lace dress. She turned to

Rhysand and stepped forward to stop in front of him. “I would sleep much better knowing that the people I love have been avenged.” She smiled in satisfaction as she threw one last disdainful glance back at the still screaming, crying creature.

She walked out of the cell and the three Illyrians followed her automatically with a robotic gait.

Rhysand stopped in the middle of the dungeon's gloomy corridor, not believing what he had just seen. His little soulmate had just taken away the ability to fly from a creature because he had hurt his best friend when he was only an executor. "He was only obeying Amaranta's orders." His brothers froze beside him, giving him a reflexive disapproving look, but they had to admit that they didn't know what to think either.

Luxiana froze a few steps in front of him to glance back over her shoulder while smiling. "Oops, collateral damage," she shrugged. "But it sure feels good."

"Oh my god," Cassian laughed, smiling. His soulmate was full of surprise but damn, she was so sexy like that, with that cold face and that crazy look. He realized more and more the person his soulmate was and his heart beat loudly in his chest. She was a bad ass. She was perfect. Damn, he was in love.

Rhysand continued with an expression as serious as ever. "What you did there..."

"Rhys," Azriel interrupted in a hissing voice. What was he playing at? Did he want his soulmate to feel guilty when she had avenged them and when they had already done much worse, and when this creature deserved it? "We're not all clean either." He had never seen someone torture a person while smiling so much, while taking as much pleasure as his soulmate had just taken. She seemed so... evil. He smiled, her chest tickling him. She was so sexy. So perfect. So his.

Rhysand shook his head, "That's not the point, taking a creature's wings willingly is... it's pure cruelty." Flashbacks of the things he had to do under the mountain, under Amarantha's orders, came back to him. He was a bit like the Attor in the end. And his wings could have been taken away in that same way, because of Amarantha's actions. He paused, grimacing. "That's on Amarantha's level."

Luxiana was electrified through and through with anger. She turned to face Rhysand. "Amaranta?" she shouted, laughing wickedly. "You find me as cruel as Amarantha just with what I just did???" She felt burned with a mixture of hatred, disgust for herself, and sadness. So it was just because of this little cruelty that she had lost them. She had lost them.

She laughed even harder as she took a step towards Rhysand to suddenly take on a cold and evil face. “Don’t you dare compare me to her, Rhysand,” her nostril twitched in disgust at the comparison. “Because what I would have done to that fae to avenge you, would have traumatized you for centuries. Because the cruelty she was capable of and what I just showed here is only a fucking small percentage of what I am actually capable of.”

She took another step forward. "Do you have any idea what I would have done to him if you hadn't been here? He would have been begging for his wings to be yanked off, Rhysand, because I would have fucking paid him back a hundredfold for what he did to you and Feyre, whether he was just following orders or not. Because he was just not on my side." She took another step forward with a wicked smile. "And I'd sleep a little better after hearing every single one of his screams."

She smiled but her teeth were clenched. "Now Rhysand, if you're not afraid of me, then you're completely insane and completely wrong but if you are," she almost pressed herself against Rhysand as she spat out her words. "Remember that the cruelty I'm capable of doing to those who have hurt my friends will give you nightmares for the rest of your life. So stay on the right side of the line."

She turned to take a few steps before stopping. She had lost their respect and appreciation. Her eyes stung. Why did they mean so much to her? She didn’t want to stay here anymore. “Oh, and I don’t have any more time to waste here,” she didn’t turn back to them so she didn’t see their eyes widen and whiten. “Tomorrow I will go to the Summer Court to steal the second part of the book and fulfill the service Feyre owes you, whether you are there or not. I leave at ten, it’s up to you whether you want to be there or not.”

Then she left and the Illyrians couldn't even be surprised that she knew where the exit was, still too shocked by what had just happened and by the fact that their soul mate had just said that she didn't want to stay with them anymore. Cassian turned to Rhysand to glare at him with his other brother. What was he playing at?

[multiwreckedmess]

Kinktober - Day 2

Prompt: Titfucking Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader WC: 1,980 Summary: After the gym Changbin is worked up and needs help to relieve himself.

This is a work of fiction, it does not represent Changbin or any Stray Kids member. On top of this it is an 18+ work. For my comfort and boundaries please if you are under age do not interact with this. 

Additional TW/CW below the cut.

TW/CW: Changbin is a bit of a pervert, one use of “babe” directed towards reader, assumed larger chest, lots of talk about breasts, titfucking, no penetration, sweat as lube, spit as lube, finishing on chest.

 Gym pump. Changbin had heard of it. Guys getting their “pump” on he thought was just the code for the naturally hulkier appearance of a well worked muscle. He’d not considered that pump could mean other things. It didn’t cross his mind that when his blood “pumped” through at an increased rate, spreading all those endorphins far and wide, that it would spread literally to every extremity, including his cock. It was kind of cool actually, looking down after a particularly grueling session and seeing his slightly swollen member just a little more prominently bulging in his gym shorts.

 It wasn’t a huge hassle until you joined the gym. A small family owned gym like the one he frequented didn’t often get new members. It wasn’t flashy like the higher end gyms, nor cheap like the chains. It was niche and he loved that. You also loved that. Chain gyms were intimidating, harsh fluorescent lights with rows and rows of cardio equipment peppered with some weight training. High end gyms were no better, mostly used as a social club for the wealthy to network and find dates. While the atmosphere was nicer, the people were not. So you gritted your teeth and spent the money at the small independent gym near work.

 9PM, your usual start time, give or take a few minutes. Your tits slightly spilling over you just barely too small sports bra caught his eye every time. It was like you walked tits first through the door, bright pink and bouncing as you marched yourself to the bay of lockers to store your gym bag. It drove him insane. Imagining how soft and pliable you would be in his arms pushed him harder on his last reps, grunting and gasping damn near erotically. However instead of heading immediately to your usual treadmill you stretch in a small alcove before waving at Changbin. He damn near slams the plates of the overhead rower against each other.   “Sorry,” you smile, hands folded neatly behind your back. “I normally wouldn’t ask but, no one else is here and I need someone to spot me.”   “Spot you?” Changbin’s brows raise. “You don’t lift weights.” He blurts. Now it’s your turn for a questioning look. Changbin wants to wither and die, what a fucking stupid thing to say. Either now you know he’s been watching you and knows your routine or think he’s a sexist prick.   “Yeah err, I heard adding weight lifting and growing muscle can help with weight loss so I thought…well. I don’t know. Should I not lift?”   Shaking his head and closing his eyes, Changbin looks you up and down. “I’m sorry. I phrased it wrong. You can lift weights if you want to!”   “No, I know, I need someone to spot me. Can you?” You stare at him from under your eyebrows.   For fear of saying something even more stupid Changbin nods enthusiastically and stands to follow you to the bench. How he thought he would be able to handle this angle of you is beyond him. But it was true, he was the only one in the gym who could help you and he wasn’t going to let you down.

 Staring down at you, watching the bar come closer to your chest, back arched slightly from the bench. If he just racked the fucking bar and yanked you to him he could easily fuck your throat with abandon. But he really shouldn’t think like that. He should focus on the speed and frequency of your lifts. They’re calculated and measured, a beginner watching their forum, analyzing each movement, hesitant.   “You’ve got it, two more for the set.” Changbin says firmly and quietly. “Just two more.”   His quiet confidence in you makes you proud, emotions high from the tension in your arms. You grit your teeth and smile as you push your last two reps.   “I was planning on doing two more sets. Just need to complete my circuit in the meantime, do you mind if I find you again? For spotting?” Voice sweetly lilting to appeal to him, he agrees with a silent smirk and nod.

 You don’t ask him every time. Changbin doesn’t want to admit he feels a certain way about it. He was your first spotter, should’ve been your only spotter. No one else should be watching you as intently as him. It’s not that he’s possessive, it’s that he’s concerned. Or at least he tells himself this is the reason for his continued light surveillance. It’s almost a month before he talks to you again. Working himself to almost complete failure he can’t take it anymore. Eyes locked on you as you rerack your weights he needs to say something to you. Anything to you to make it clear that he’s friendly and approachable and wants to help.   “Your chest…presses are coming along…” he tries to casually glance and nod. A quick observation to let you know he cares about your progress. Glace flitting down to your hot pink sports bra, casually of course.   He makes you nervous, muttering a quick “oh…thanks. Can’t have the girls get saggy,” as you avoid eye contact. Knowledgeable and handsome, you want to impress him.   “Must be heavy.” The words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them, eyes still marveling at your chest.   “What?”   “Oh sorry,” he shifts awkwardly. His knuckles press into his hardening cock, trying to make it look like he was simply massaging his quad.  “My brain doesn’t think so clearly after a workout. Just blurts stuff out. Don’t mind me I’m normally…”   “No, I mean they are heavy. If you want to, you could lift them! Like, for exercise….” You try to joke, cunt pulsing with faint hope. “Might help with your problem.”   Changbin pretends to consider your offer, counting to five as he inhales, trying to keep himself from screaming enthusiastically. “Problem? I don’t have a problem.” Both of your eyes flit down to the outline in his shorts and back to each other.   “Sorry I just…” you mutter, heat of embarrassment pricking the tips of your ears. “I’m going to-” you start gesturing towards your usual treadmill in the corner window to escape from the entire incident. Even your lower half starts to turn, separate from your head, still bowed in apology, eyes to the floor.

 “Stop her, stop her now,” the thought clouds Changbin’s vision, “stop her this is it, you have to.” His hand catches your shoulder, halting your step, he thinks his heart may stop as well.   A tiny yip of shock bubbles from your lips. His grip is strong, stance solid, he plants you with him, unable to shake free even if you wanted to. You didn’t want to shake free.   “No, you’re right,” his eyes dart around the large space. The two of you basically the only people there. “If you want to help, I’d appreciate it. A lot. Before I have to leave.”   You blink. Stuttering incoherent vowels you follow him as he wordlessly turns and heads to an unmarked door in the far corner of the gym. Upon opening it, it’s clearly a staff bathroom, a single stall with harsh fluorescent lights and gray cement floors. The door clicks heavily and locks behind you. You don’t get much time to survey the surroundings before your back travels forcefully into the wall, Changbin caging you between his shoulders. Body pressed to you a small needy whine catches in his throat.   “You’re okay? You want to help me out?” He gulps, eyes wide. You nod as his hands clasp and drag all over your body, revealing in the indentations his fingers make. “Gonna let me fuck your tits? God I need to fuck your tits. They’re all I think about. Please let me fuck your tits please, god,” his mouth carries on and on a mile a minute as he feels as much of you as he can. Twitching and trembling he finally lets his hands cup your breasts through your bra. Heavy and plush in his grasp, it’s somehow exactly as he imagined and even better. “So soft, you’ll let me fuck them, yeah?”   “Ye-yeah-they’re sweaty but-” you apologetically murmur. His hands feel so good on your aching muscles, you wonder where else his hands would feel good. A flash of heat floods your sex.   “Sweaty fine. It’s good. Great.” He shuffles his shorts down around his ankles, “please, hurry, please.” His cock is red and angry, precum coating and shining the tip. Getting down to eye level with it, he’s thick, mouthwateringly so. Hesitating you consider wrapping your lips around the head, just to see how much of him you could fit, a personal challenge to surmount. He whines, a leg bending and twitching, “leave the bra on.”

  Your eyebrow shoots up but you oblige, sliding him under the band, nestled snugly between your mounds as you squeeze on either side. He eyelids flutter as the slip of sweat and precum coats his shaft. Sucking air in through his teeth he slowly thrusts along the tight crevice. The sight itself is enough to have him lightheaded, his cockhead just barely poking out of the top of your cleavage with each thrust upward, shiny and covered in body fluid.   He doesn’t even realize the sounds he’s making. Small grunts under his breath mixed with reedy whines. Most of your partners had been relatively quiet about their enjoyment save for a few dirty phrases whispered closely to your ear. Changbin was the opposite, virtually impossible to shut up.   “Feels good?” You encourage him further. “Tight around your thick cock?”  “So tight. So soft. Fuck.” His eyes close, brows furrowed in concentration. Your voice is so quiet and sweet and he just wants to ruin you, or be ruined by you. His legs tremble and clench. “Spit on it. Just a little. Slowly.”   Staring up at him you hold your tits in place, flush with his hips, and make a show of gathering spit in your mouth and slowly letting it drip from your tongue to the valley of your chest, gathering and sliding over the barely exposed slit of his cock. “Like this?”   Changbin swallows hard. “Yeah like that baby.” He shudders, hands cupping over yours, squeezing harder. Hips snapping forcefully his thumbs ghost over your nipples, pebbled and pressed to the fabric of the cups.   You thirst suddenly, mouth filling with spit. God damn it you want him so badly. You need to hear him cum, see his muscles tense and relax, watch as his face scrunches moments before everything becomes bliss. Your entire body thrums with need, tongue lolling out and down as if he fucked your breasts hard enough he could reach it. A worthy goal for him that he attempts, jostling you harder, grunting and groaning as he wills himself to breach the gap. Your bra is pink, your tongue is pink, your lips are pink, you’re all pink for him. His pink gym bunny.   Suddenly he does it, the hot salty slit of his cock hits the very tip of your tongue. You moan, unable to form words. He does it again as you push your jaw just a little bit lower, aching at the joint. He can’t believe it, the heat of your mouth even briefly has his brain foggy and vision blurring. His stance falters. Thighs tensing and cock resting on your sternum he cums, spilling the warm pearly substance across your collarbone. “Shit,” he mutters between moans. He can’t stop his hips slow rutting, spreading his release further down the chasm of your tits. “Sorry, I can clean- I can take care of this for you. Fuck.”  “You just want to touch my tits more, pervert.” You smile.   He smiles and laughs, “yeah maybe.”

Changbin is LITERALLY the hardest for me to write so I’m trying to get his done earlier in the month so i don’t burn out and give up. He’s my bias so like...nothing ever feels quite “right” when I write him. If that makes sense. 

However i love when others write him so please this is an open call for sending me your favorite Changbin centric fics in literally any pairing configuration.

[myseungsunglove]

Eternity in Your Eyes | Ksm

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Reader

Warnings: Nothing but fluff and intense feelings here

Word Count: 600 words

𖠫Summary: You never thought this day would come, but here you are at the first day of the rest of your life.

✎A/N✎: This started out as just me admiring Seungmin’s piercing stare and beautiful eyes. It morphed into something even more intense, but I feel incredible beautiful. This was very self indulgent I’m in love with it, but it seems like no one else may. *hides*

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

「© March 6, 2024 by myseungsunglove」

The way he looks at you. It’s like he is scrutinizing every detail in a single analyzing glance. The glance isn’t fleeting. No,it lasts for what feels like an eternity as all the air is seemingly sucked from the room and your lungs. The only way you could hope to breathe anew is to press your lips to his, and cling to him like he is your only lifeline. Your only hope for survival. His stare alone makes you feel all that.

Imagine the utter devastation, the complete and total ruin, a single touch would bring upon your heart in this moment. You imagine how your world would shift, no crumble if your lips were to meet now. A single spark and your life would change forever. Obliterated. Laid bare and reduced to a shadowy wasteland, remnants of what you once recognized or understood. It would be replaced with a sureness, a certainty, that Kim Seungmin is everything you need. He is everything you want. You know all of this to be true. He looks at you with his piercing stare, as if his singular goal is devour you whole. You hope he does, devour you. For at least then you’d full understand what it truly means to be satisfied, made whole by the thought that someone wants you and only you. Not just someone. Kim Seungmin.

He closes the gap between you as if he too can feel the urgency, the need in the moment. His hand heavy on your hip, the other light as a feather on your cheek, the people around you forgotten as he finds himself as lost in you as you are in him.

His lips meet yours and the kiss is softer than you anticipate, yet your soul is immediately set ablaze. He wraps his arm around your waist, the sound of the people around you drowned out, as he pulls you flush against him. With a content sigh, he deepens the kiss, like you were exactly the air that he needed. You can feel it in the way his lips move against yours, the way his hand reverently holds your face.

And just like that, your world combusts, but instead of a barren wasteland, you’re filled with a sense of longing and desire. You feel as though you are blossoming beneath his touch. You realize that you don’t have to be destroyed to be made whole. Kim Seungmin would never destroy you, not with any malicious intent. No, that gaze, you understand is one of complete devotion as he worships you with each kiss.

“I love you,” he breathes against your lips. “I always have,” he confesses, staring into your eyes so intensely you almost look away. You don’t because within his eyes, the kindest, deepest level of love and devotion can be found. It’s intense to be sure, it sets your heart on fire, but that fire will not consume you alone but the both of you and create something entirely new, something altogether wonderful.

“I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim Seungmin.”

A tear slides down your pink cheek, and Seungmin presses his soft lips against the offending wetness. More tears join at the tender gesture and you take a deep breath, a small sob escaping you unexpectedly.

“I love you, Kim Seungmin.”

“I’m yours from now until forever, Mrs Kim,” he whispers to you, as you turn to face your friends and family.

“Eternity,” you whisper and he smiles at you, and it’s the brightest, most beautiful image you have ever seen.

Your beautiful husband, Kim Seungmin.

[errorscriber]

what lies beneath the facade? an observation of kazui mukuhara's face

my attempt on trying to analyze kazui's feelings! (not sure if this has been pointed out yet im sorry if someone made a similar post. this post has very, VERY brief/minor discussion of sui btw)

im sure we all know by now that this is kazui's true feelings about his marriage; he hates it, and shows a self deprecating smile to the audience. i think, that the right side of his face where his bangs are longer is where kazui shows his true feelings to us. im gonna put some scenes where i think it's the most damning (while there are other pics I think applies, they may look like im reaching a little, so I won't share those). this is why in some scenes in half/Cat, you may notice that Kazui's expression can look unnatural where this observation is at play.

hell, even in the Cat album cover here, he covers the side of his face where his bangs are longer. this man is trying his best not to show anyone what he really feels. letting the door itself do the talking, so why should he? signifying that he at least, cannot wait what to show Milgram, to show us, what secrets are behind that door. (but also channeling an air of uncertainty doing so)

as well as in Undercover, i think it's very interesting that the creators make it a point to show both halves of kazui. when his mugshot gets taken, both of his sides are shown to us. one where he's smiling, and one where he's not. notice how his left side is where he's grinning and his right side is where he's serious?

we only catch his serious expression with one glimpse before he realizes he's being observed and quickly shows us a smile. (then during that scene where they show us which location correlates to which prisoner, the light is shining on the right side of his body. also, kazui is the only prisoner where they show both of his side profiles. the others show 3/4 of their faces)

before i continue, thank you so much for reading in advance!! >_< anyways keep marching on and keep reading this cool post of mine!

more pictures where they emphasise on his "right" being his true self in Cat, where his eyes are shown on the start and end.

half:

when I took a closer look at these images... was kazui more unhappy being around the long haired woman Vs him and his wife?

left is kazui with his wife, right is kazui with the long haired woman

this next one really gets me a lot. the most clear cut observation that tells us the other half of his face is where he expresses his true self.

he tears up for one split second, a ball of teardrop forming on his eye. what was something on that stage that made him so emotional?

then he quickly looks away to see something else catching his attention (which was the apple) after he stood up and looked forwards, kazui genuinely looks shocked/surprised.

knowing this observation can also give us a different perspective to some other scenes in half. like this one:

his wife touching his right side of his face. multiple questions pop up in my head when i see this scene.

was she ready to hear kazui out? was she catching onto him that he was hiding a secret/hiding his feelings? or was she trying to comfort that side of his face, as if she was saying "whatever it is you want to tell me, im sure i can handle it." to him?

hinako tries to understand him. tries to "grasp" his true face, his "true self". but kazui can only give a weak, depressing grin, as he gently puts her palm away, balling his fingers around hers. he doesn't know if she's actually ready for it. even though she's gentle with how she holds his "true side".

as we all know, before they zoomed in to this shot of kazui putting her hand down, their silhouettes were blurry. if you weren't close enough, you almost thought she was choking and suffocating him. not only kazui felt like the marriage made him feel like he was in a rut, he was afraid of hinako "suffocating"/disliking his true feelings (or side), even though she is holding it with care. hence why he was putting her hand down.

of course we know it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to turn out, from the next scene here.

kazui is clearly depressed towards the outcomes. at the end of half, his right side is not very happy at all, despite his left side making it look like he's grinning.

everything is all a mess now.

cat:

after finding out hinako wanted to "touch and caress", kazui genuinely seems interested in this thought and was sincere about what he was feeling here, so he pursues her in hopes those feelings are fulfilled. interestingly, the lyrics "so, it's wrong?" are on the screen when he shows the camera his right side.

when he proposes to her, he still remains looking at her in this direction, although we can't see how his expression looks like. unfortunately for hinako though, this is the last time kazui ever looks at her on this side.

during the confession scene, his right side is blocked by the cup, so we actually don't know what he was feeling completely when he asked the question.

after this scene, we can finally see his right side again, but it's well hidden by kazui blocking that side of his face with a hand and cigarette. giving us a sense of mystery of what transpired after he asked the question.

kazui is entertaining his wife with magic tricks while showing his left side to the camera. his "fake" side is what he wants to show to her and to all of us.

but his left eye squints as he realizes about his dream. his left eye squinting is telling us that his fake side is breaking apart. then, kazui drops down to his knees. take note of the rope falling down on his left lap. after getting back up (from what seems like kazui stumbling from drinking 4 cups of alcohol), he rubs the right side of his face. he is really frustrated with himself here.

with all of the information we have so far, we can interpret this as kazui desiring to remove his fake, other half of himself (this is the only object we don't see when kazui is showing off his magic tricks, and ropes can be associated with suicide). he is given a choice to remove his left side, his false side, which is why that rope fell down that direction.

as he's about to tell hinako the truth, he transitions from

> lighting a cigarette, his eyes hidden from us

> kazui facepalming himself. as a smoke in a shape of a noose is formed. remember the rope i talked about earlier?

even though the rope initially landed on his left lap, the noose is angled to his right side. he's grasping his right side of the face as well. this, here, is kazui being ashamed of his "true self". if he could, he would want to remove his true self if it meant having to keep lying to people, or if it meant making people happy. kazui is going through with telling hinako the truth, while this scene tells us he is hesitating to do so and is 100% expecting for it to hurt him and her.

> he lets down his hand.

showing hinako and us, the audience, a very unique expression where he's snide, mischievous... almost mocking, yet at the same time, really depressed and frustrated with it all. from hinako's pose in half touching kazui's "true side", this is his answer; she is not going to like it one bit.

a stark difference in feelings. kazui looks like he's going to say or do something harmful, but his other side tells us otherwise. he didn't want things to be like this. also, it contrasts with the final scene in half very well.

when he bites on the dove, he doesn't look that satisfied doing so.

in this climax, it seems like kazui himself doesn't know what's what anymore, letting the adrenaline of telling his feelings take over him. letting both his "true" feelings and his "lying" self beat him up, because at this point of no return, what difference will his fake and real self make anyway?

i really love how we can't tell if his bloodied lips are frowning because he's shocked, distressed, or if he's grinning ear to ear, happy and glad to have finally told the truth. even in this scene you can tell that the right side of his lips is less happy than his left where his mouth is more elevated and smiling.

what does he feel now after all of this chaos? well, let's look back at his right side of his face again...

the MV ends with this shot of his right eye, slowly zooming in.

empty, emotionless, forlorn, and distant...

it's almost like he's staring and watching something at the sky after something fell down.

[2amtechnicolor]

We Need To Talk About Mahiru

Mahiru's second Trial is out and oh my god she just jumped up on my faves list. I love analyzing the MVs from different perspectives so I thought I'd give my 2 cents on Mahiru's character.

My vote: INNOCENT

The first thing I really feel the need to bring up is that people tend to ignore that Mahiru is actually very intelligent. There's multiple kinds of intelligence, and while she might not be "traditionally" smart in the linguistic sense, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She's a master of empathy and mood making and is an incredibly charming talker to the point you don't realize she's completely controlling the conversation. That being said, I genuinely don't think she uses her intelligence for malicious gains.

One of the theories going around with her first MV was that she was overbearing to the point of being abusive, while being oblivious to her own toxicity. Now after rereading and rewatching, I'm inclined to disagree. Her love may be seen as overbearing to some but we have not seen any explicit bad behavior towards her boyfriend. (Contrast with someone like Muu, who was revealed to have bullied as much as she was bullied herself). In my unpopular opinion, I genuinely think Mahiru was in a "healthy" relationship, at least on the surface.

[TW for discussions of death, murder, and fictional depictions of suicide]

[Side Note: One of the sticking points people have while saying "Mahiru was toxic" is that "Mahiru's relationship only lasted 16 days" which is blatantly not true when you check the translations for MV1. Day 1 takes place during college finals (mid-March-ish in JPN), Day 7 explicitly takes place in the summer, and Day 15 is New Year's Day (January). Mahiru's affection towards her boyfriend lasted almost a year, and they dated for around 6 months-ish during that. The "16 Day Memorial" isn't about a period of 16 days, it's about 16 days over the course of their relationship where she was explicitly making moves towards her boyfriend.]

I need you to take a real hard look at how Mahiru talks about "love" and "being in love." More specifically, when she talks about the concept of "love," she often brings up the action of "loving/showing love" in her explanation. Never once have I heard her say "My boyfriend loved me." or "This is what my boyfriend did for me." The focus is all on her actions towards the boyfriend. And I genuinely think she was a sweet girlfriend! She loved trying his hobbies and cooking his favorite foods and going to his favorite spots. She was sweet, and kind, and playful, and maybe just a bit clingy. But she was never jealous or possessive.

Es: I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren’t all that uncommon now are they?

Mahiru: You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!

She explicitly states that her crime was not based off of negative feelings towards her boyfriend, but she still takes responsibility for what happened. Compare that to Fuuta, who, despite his own feelings of guilt, continually verbally denied that he had anything to do with his victim's death. Mahiru not only takes explicit responsibility, but also pins her "love" as his cause of death, to the point where if she was voted guilty, she would never try to love anyone again. Without "loving" anyone, she has no reason to live.

"To not forgive me means to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive. It’s the same as not being able to drink water or breathe."

It's interesting the way she compares basic needs to "the act of loving". Not the concept of "love" itself, but the act of showing someone love. If she is not allowed to show someone love, to her it's like suffocating, like dying of thirst, or maybe...dying of starvation?

Mahiru in her second MV may be dirty and barefoot with torn clothes, but the one thing she is not is starving. You could argue that "perhaps it doesn't show," but when compared to her boyfriend...

She's incredibly healthy.

And of course she's healthy! Her lovely boyfriend's been feeding her those bites of cake! So is the cake "love" then? But if the cake is love, why is her boyfriend, the one whose being "smothered," the one starving?

Feeding the cake doesn't represent "love." Feeding the cake also doesn't represent "the act of loving." Feeding the cake represents the boyfriend letting Mahiru "love" him. Does that make sense?

The boyfriend lets himself be vulnerable, he feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru for her to "love." But yet, he himself is starving.

...Have you even noticed Mahiru hates talking about herself?

It's evident from her first interrogation. Es can barely get two words in before Mahiru interrupts them to ask them questions about themselves or to offer her own advice to problems she thinks Es may be having.

Es: Oh… yeah. Uh… I apologise for that.

Mahiru: Did you zone out just then? This job must be pretty difficult, so you might be mentally burned out from work. Herbal tea’s good for that, you know? Oh! Like ginkgo tea—they say it helps improve brain function.

Es: Oh, is that so? I’ll try a bit then… I mean, no! Enough about me.

Compared to one of the few times Es gets a question in:

Es: I don’t completely understand what you’re saying, but… Being in love and loving someone—are they really that important?

Mahiru: They are.

Es: Hm.

Mahiru: They are… More so than anything else.

When reflected back to her, her answered become short and vague. Her voice grows soft and shy. She avoids questions, especially questions about difficult topics, not because she doesn't understand the gravity of them (like Haruka) but because she does. Like I said at the top, she's incredibly emotionally intelligent. She was beaten nearly to death because Kotoko decided to be Es's "fang", and yet she still empathizes with them. She still makes a strong attempt to see their point of view, and even to encourage Es to keep working hard. Compared to the other attacked prisoner we've seen, Fuuta, who blames and grovels for forgiveness, these responses are like night and day.

But what do we know about Mahiru, really?

She's 22

She's a university student

She likes romantic novels, comic, and dramas

She loves love. [But she's not obsessed with being loved. Haruka is obsessed with being loved, Haruka wants to be loved and taken care of, Haruka killed out of jealousy and for attention because he didn't feel loved enough. We never get that from Mahiru.]

Everything else we know about Mahiru? Is for other people.

Her favorite hobbies? Whatever her partner is doing.

Her fashion sense? Whatever will catch her partner's eye.

Her favorite food? Well, as long her partner cooks it, anything's her favorite!

The only time we ever get a sense of her and her boyfriend possibly disagreeing on something is Day 14 in MV1. Mahiru wants to see a French film and begs her boyfriend to take her. This is odd, because just a few scenes ago, she was bragging about how their tastes in films perfectly line up. If their tastes are the same, why would she have to beg him to take her to see this one?

Mahiru, like Yuno, is hiding behind a facade. But unlike Yuno, Mahiru doesn't have a strong core underneath her mirroring. Yuno can drop her "nice girl" act and she still has strong opinions and feelings and acts accordingly. Mahiru, when you try to go behind her mask, clams up, redirects, searches for a way out.

So. Back to cake.

The boyfriend feeds pieces of himself to Mahiru. He makes himself vulnerable, he lets her in, lets her care for him, lets her "love" him.

But Mahiru? She never feeds him until the very end, and even then, her "cake" isn't anything edible.

She's not stupid. She knows she can't give him what he really wants: any sort of vulnerability.

Their relationship is one-sided, but not because Mahiru is toxic or the boyfriend is apathetic. Their relationship is one sided because that's how Mahiru wants it to be. She wants to be the perfect girlfriend, because, if we're being honest, Mahiru doesn't like herself very much.

Why else would she hate talking about herself? She clearly loves to chat.

She puts her all into everything...as long as it's for someone besides her.

She will outright ignore her own pain and suffering, her own emotions, because she doesn't want to make anyone else upset.

Mahiru: Sorry… for making you worry. I’m fine! It doesn’t hurt at all.

Es: It’s a horrible injury. There’s no way it doesn’t hurt.

Mahiru: It doesn’t!

So why did her boyfriend die?

Mahiru's very good at hiding her emotions. If she slipped up and her boyfriend realized and noticed how she refused to love herself, it could cause friction in their otherwise perfect relationship.

Maybe Mahiru was the one who wanted to die in the woods, and her boyfriend, starved for any sort of real connection to her, found her at the last moment? Maybe her mental health dragged his down with her.

Mahiru's incredibly complex and tragic and endlessly relatable. She only loves too much because she can't love herself. If she's truly unforgivable, and she keeps her promise to stay alone...what's stopping her from killing the only thing she hates most?