#somehow vallies story is the LEAST concerning.

[ssoupcup]

the oc lore iceberg.

[calumrose]

Trigger [Police/Gang!AU] Chapter 5 || C.H

A//N: This is definitely the biggest piece I have written to date, but I’m really proud of it. It’s probably the heftiest piece I have ever tried to write but I really felt like this scene was a major point in the story so it didn’t deserve to be written with my eye watching the word count. Enjoy!

Word Count: 13.1k 

Summary: Eloise Gray and Calum Hood, not two people you would ever think to put together. What started as a ploy for power turned into a romance, resulting in the realisation that loving your enemy may not be such a bad thing after all.

Previous Chapters: Prologue / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4

20 Days Left

Spending the last twenty minutes arguing over which movie to watch wasn’t exactly how Eloise had planned for the night to go. Calum stood opposite the couch meanwhile Eloise sat comfortably, attempting to listen to Calum’s pitch over which movie they should watch, claiming for his choice of movie to be the better option.

“But Fight Club is a classic, c’mon, El!” His eyes were wide as he stood in front of her, his broad posture blocking the black TV screen as he waved his arms around, his voice pleading for the girl he was spending his evening with to be convinced by his plea.

“Is this how you try to convince wanted criminals to confess?” The teasing manner of her voice couldn’t be hidden, crossing her legs over one another and she leaned back on his black couch, “It’s very cute.”

“Can we just focus for a minute and pick a movie?” Calum sighed, letting out a playful groan of frustration as he held the remote in his hand, aimlessly pointing it behind him at the blank TV screen.

“I thought I was picking the movie anyway, or at least that’s what we agreed,” Her hands worked as she unlocked her phone, pulling up their text messages where she recited the text he had sent, Sure, you choose. Sounds good. “By the sounds of that, you were agreeing to let me pick the movie. And right now, it seems as though you’re going back on your word – not exactly the best message to be giving out as a respected police officer.” Her voice slowed as she finished her sentence, each syllable clear as day.

Eloise watched as his expression softened, his familiar bright smile spreading across his lips, his cheeks pushing up and the little crinkles by the corners of his eyes made their debut. God, that smile. Eloise couldn’t think of a prettier sight. “I suppose I did, huh?” He let a single breath of laughter escape his plump lips, walking back over to the couch as he handed her the remote.

She let her hands do the work, expertly swiping through the selection of movie titles he had collected, her eyes scanning each individual name before her eyes fell on the familiar one that brought a smile to her face as the memory of the first time she watched the movie came to mind.

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve seen this movie before?” He smirked, chuckling as he watched her finger linger on the ‘select’ button for a few seconds as she read the familiar movie description of ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ that she should have been able to recite, “And by that, I mean, a few times.”

“It’s one of the best movies ever made, you can’t fight me on this,” She laughed as she pressed play, allowing the opening credits to begin to play through his TV speakers, “It’s an absolute masterpiece and Heath Ledger is by far the best part of the entire movie!”

Calum couldn’t hide the happy crease in his face as he watched as his date seemed to get giddy at the thought of the ninety’s movie. It brought a warm feeling to his stomach, as if it pleased him to see her happy. It made him feel as though it was all he wanted; to see her happy.

The familiar angsty music filled the room as they eventually fell to silence and allowed their eyes to fixate on the screen, watching as it played out. Scenes that Eloise could swear she had watched a hundred times played out in front of her eyes, her ability to recite the scenes being one she fought against, trying to enjoy the moment and imagine she was re-watching the favourite movie of hers for the first time all over again.

Eloise smiled at the iconic scene where Patrick, played by Ledger, publicly announced his attraction for Julia Stiles’ character, bursting into the famous rendition of ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You’ by Frankie Valli, the scene bringing a nostalgic smile to her face as it had done for years. She could remember the giddy flutter of butterflies that erupted in her stomach at the scene without failure every time she witnessed it. Her smile only grew when she spotted Calum to her left, his lips gently moving as he mumbled along the cheerful tune.

Throughout the movie she couldn’t fight her eyes naturally drifting to the golden handsome man who laid out on the couch beside her, his bicep bulging as his arm curled behind his head, the sight proving difficult to not be seen. She watched as the crinkles by his eyes appeared as he smiled, his laughter echoing throughout the room at the sound of the terrible jokes that were thrown around throughout the movie, the godawful humour being something newer movies no longer carried; the kind of humour to bring a cherished smile to anyone’s face. Her own smile naturally grew at the scene where Mr Stratford confirms that he’s allowing Kat to attend her dream school, but also depleted just as quickly as the poem scene came into play.

Eloise’s eyes focus on the movie playing out, every word of Kat’s recited poem playing in her mind. Her heart clenching ever so slightly when Kat begins to break, talking about how hates it when Patrick makes her laugh and even more when he makes her cry. She doesn’t even fight the pull of her eyes to Calum, watching him from the corner of her eyes, feeling the sting of salty tears brimming behind her eyes, unable to understand where they were suddenly coming from. She held back a shaky breath as she continued to listen as the scene unfolded, the emotions conveyed on screen somehow being taken on by the individual sitting on the couch as she watched it play.

She strained her eyes as she tried to push back the sting, silently cursing herself for letting her emotions get to her caused by a scene of a movie she had watched countless times and had never cried at before. She didn’t understand why she felt so tense and emotional during the movie, hating to admit to herself that she had felt rather on edge the entire time ever since she pressed play, initially playing it off as just excited jitters from watching a movie that she loved.

And then the final scene rolled in, Eloise’s stomach clenching almost painfully tight, she attempted to ready herself for what was coming; a scene that unintentionally broke Eloise’s dark heart throughout the years without fail.

Patrick’s simple yet powerful confession was one that stuck with Eloise throughout the years for no reason in particular, it always held a special place in her heart. But this time, as she sat with Calum and watched the short finale play out, she couldn’t stop the single tear roll down her cheek, the sneaky salt ridden droplet escaping her eye without her knowledge.

The whole plot of the movie made seemed to finally sense to Eloise; almost as if she lived it. Which wasn’t exactly a lie. Patrick was bought with cash and used as a pawn so someone else could get the benefits of the service he was being paid to carry out. It related quite immensely to her situation, except instead of money she was bought with threats and unfulfilled promises. But much like how Patrick had begun to fall for Kat for real, the money merely becoming a forgotten matter, Eloise realised that she was falling for Calum just like Patrick with Kat, the threats and empty promises that were directed to her simply becoming a dismembered thought.

It was as if Eloise was Patrick and Calum were Kat; a difficult individual who was instructed to play with someone’s emotions for a cruel antagonist’s own personal gain, only to realise after a short amount of time, how fantastic and mesmerising the victim of their game truly was. That’s what was getting to Eloise, that’s what was making her feel as though the movie was so applicable to how she felt.

She was convinced for so long that it was all psychological, all part of the game, only to find that the only game that was being played was with herself; toying with her own emotions until she was at breaking point. Her admission that she made to Paige a few days ago never left her, the unexpected yet powerful confession playing on her mind the entire build up to the date and even more so as they sat in one another’s company. She had fallen for him so quickly, it left her dazed, the thought of her heart feeling so warm and comforted by a man who she didn’t even know existed last week, was one that sent her head into a frenzy.

Eloise didn’t even hear the ending credits roll in, her ears becoming deaf to the sound of the familiar music before she felt a gentle tap on the side of her leg. She shook her head in a tight quick movement, clearing her throat as she looked over to Calum, finding his eyes already on her, a look of concern laced on his face.

She didn’t even flinch when he sat up, his toned arm reaching out as his thumb wiped the single wet tear from her skin, a soft smile on his face as his whispered a gentle, “What’s wrong?” It felt as if his skin contained the heat of a thousand suns, his skin eliciting a heat within her body that she tried to ignore.

The laugh was forced as it left her lips, her chest visibly shaking as she mustered the words to respond, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Stupid romance movies get me when I least expect it, you know how it is.” She played it off with a gentle shrug, pursing her lips as she sat forward on the couch, letting the credits on the TV play out until they came to an end, a soft silence filling the room as the screen faded back to the selection menu.

Was it possible to feel so close to someone without spending much time with them? Was it normal to feel such a strong, warm sensation in your gut at the thought of them? Were you supposed to think about them in your spare time when you were apart? Were strangers supposed to feel this for other strangers?

It felt as though it was some form of forbidden connection that she couldn’t ignore no matter how hard she tried. But that’s what made it exciting; fuelling her with a stomach of butterflies that she wanted to feel again and again. Calum felt it too, the pull between the two of them getting stronger and stronger without them fully realising. It only caused Calum’s wish to know her to grow, feeling as if there were something more to her, something that made her different to everyone else. It fuelled a desire in him, one that he couldn’t fight, and neither could she when it came to her own.

“Can I ask you something? It’s probably gonna sound a bit bizarre but- “ She stopped herself, taking a calming breath as she thought for a moment, trying to find her words before she spoke, “Have you ever been involved with something that started off small, practically harmless, but before you even knew what was happening, it was completely out of hand? Almost as if you blinked and suddenly you were in too deep and had no way out?”

Calum thought for a minute, her question playing in his mind as he tried to think of an answer, contemplating giving a poetic answer about life but his brain couldn’t work fast enough to come up with one, the response he gave just being a simple one. “I know what you mean, something starting off as one thing then turning into something you never intended. I’ve had a few experiences like that; some better than others.”

Her breath turned unsteady, her chest shaking as she looked up at him as he spoke, watching as he wore his classic boyish smile with ease. It was ridiculous when she thought about it; how such a simple twist of his mouth could make her feel as though she was dancing. A dance that she was never taught, a dance that felt so wrong it was right. She felt as though her mind was torn in two, as if she had the devil and the angel perched on her shoulders as two voices screamed at her from two directions, only adding to the collection of voices that yelled at her on a daily basis, only confusing her further.

The events of the past few days played out in her memory, as clear as if she were watching them on the TV screen in Calum’s living room. She replayed every moment with him, each image being filled with boyish smiles and genuine laughter, soft touches being exchanged as if either body would vanish if touched with anything either than delicacy. The memory of the night at Mooney’s was the next memory to flood in, the sight of the young blond on the floor being fresh in her mind, the cold-hearted actions of Jay twisting her gut in pain as she recalled the poor life that was lost. The promise she made to herself replayed, assuring that she would end this, assuring that no more innocent people would die at the hand of the Gypsy Kings.

She tried to fight against familiar sounds that basked in the space in her head; a million voices rattling in circles at a million miles per hour. But there was one that stood out. The voice who screamed at her yet was soothing, it didn’t match the volume, but it made sense in a weird way. The voice sounded familiar, the smooth comforting voice assured her that what she felt was right, that the way she was feeling was how it was meant to be, that it made sense.

God, it sounded so familiar that it almost felt like home. It was so distant yet so near, a sound she almost didn’t recognise yet knew straight away.

It spoke as if it was advising her, assuring her that she was okay to feel this way. ‘Follow your heart’ it spoke, ‘Do what you know you need to’. It battled against every other voice, making its presence grand, well-known, and proud as it took centre stage, drowning out the screaming inside of every negative voice, only assurance and confirmation of what she knew being repeated inside.

‘You need to tell him’ The faint whisper tickled her ear as she focused on nothing but that one sound.

Eloise knew. She knew she had to tell him everything, but she was afraid. What was going to stop him from arresting her then and there? He was a respected police detective; everyone knew that. Why would he risk his career and bend the rules just to help her out? So, he had gone on a few dates with her, kissed a few times, it wasn’t like they had slept together or said they were anything more than people who were getting to know one another… There was nothing to give any indication that he wouldn’t toss every moment they spent together aside to abide the one simple rule he followed every day: the law.

But what’s the point if worrying about the risk if she wasn’t going to take it?

The TV screen turned to black, Eloise’s hand placing the remote onto the coffee table before she turned in place, pulling one leg up onto the couch while the other remained planted on the floor, her body facing where Calum sat. She had to it. Eloise rolled her lips into her mouth, taking a deep but trembling breath as she prepared to lay it all out in the open for the man opposite her, she was ready to lay herself on the line.

“Calum, um… I really need to tell you something and I…” She let out a heavy sigh as she glanced down at her white socks before looking back up, keeping her eyes low so they didn’t meet his, finding a focal point on a loose thread of his couch cushion. “I’ve got something big I need to tell you and I don’t know, god… I don’t know how you’re going to react, but any reaction is justified for what I’ve done. I’m so sorry for I’m about to say to you, and I swear, if you want me to leave and never show my face again then that’s fine. All I’m going to ask of you, is that you let me say my piece before you kick me out.”

The change in Calum’s body language didn’t have to be seen to be noticed. It shifted like the tension in the room; stiff and nerve-wracking. It didn’t do anything for the rush of hysteria the flowed through Eloise’s veins, the feeling very quickly being one she wanted to be rid of as soon as possible.

“Ever since that night I met you – my birthday – I haven’t been the same. It’s felt as though there’s been this unbearable rush, like I’m on a rollercoaster and I can’t get off. It only gets more intense every time that I’m with you, or when I think about you, and I don’t know how to stop it,” She swallowed a growing lump in her throat, trying to gain some form of control she never knew existed when she was him, “But I’ve been living a lie with you, my intentions weren’t good at the beginning, I was cruel and I led you on… But that changed when I got to see you for who you really were. It was as if something clicked; nothing particularly monumental but still just as powerful,” She played with the rings on her fingers, trying to find some form of distraction that would stop her voice from breaking, trying to stop herself from breaking, “It’s felt as if there’s been this seed in the back of my mind that’s been growing ever since, one that I tried so hard to ignore, pretending as though it wasn’t there or that it was going to be what destroyed me, but it kept telling me that I couldn’t follow through with the plan. It stopped me from making a big mistake.”

It was if she were awaiting a response that she knew she wouldn’t get just yet. She was nowhere near finished with her confession; she was only getting started. She had set herself up, now all she had to do was take the killer shot.

“I’m a Gypsy King.”

The words left her without time to think of softer blow. She knew she had to get it out into open; what better to do that than to just say it. She awaited the feeling of the walls closing in, for the floor to sink and swallow her whole, for Calum to stand up and arrest her there and then, for him to shout and recite the godawful slogan every police officer thrived on when they made an arrest. She waited to the jingle of cuffs, but what she didn’t expect was for them to never come. She never saw what was coming next, never mind the chance to prepare for it, or the words that she didn’t think she would hear.

“I know,” The words sat in the air for a few seconds, carving their way through the thick tension that clouded the large room. It was as if they paved the way for them to open into a conversation; an adult conversation that no one, not even them, would have thought would be needing to be had. Neither having expected to have fallen for someone leading a polar opposite lifestyle; one law-abiding and the other law-breaking. “I’ve known since that day we met at the café. My partner warned me about you being dangerous, and I wanted to know just how. So, I looked up your name in the NYPD records, and I found your file. I found the arrests, the non-guilty verdict for possession, as well as the others. Quite frankly, El, I’ve seen a lot worse. It would seem you’re not as dangerous as some make out.”

Calum could remember the files that had sat open on his computer distinctly, the names of the Gray’s and the tragedies that attached themselves to said name were heart-breaking. Something he knew he wouldn’t bring himself to hash out in front of her; having more compassion that most to withhold knowledge like that against someone who was deemed to be an enemy of the NYPD.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you from the beginning. I should have told you that morning when I found out you were a cop. From the minute I saw that photograph in your hall, I should have just left and saved us both the trouble, but then you came out and stopped me, flashing that annoyingly charming smile and I couldn’t make myself walk away,” Eloise let out a heavy sigh, her arm wrapping around her bent knee as she pulled it into her chest, as if to hold onto something to ground her. It felt as though she had a ten-ton weight pressing on her chest, the tightness almost painful as she dreaded how much more she still had to confess, a layer of sweat making its presence known on the back of her neck, baby hairs becoming damp as they clung to her skin as she found the strength to continue, “It was only supposed to be a stupid game; nothing real. It was all planned out, I was set out to be a rat for them, to worm my way in and create holes in whatever knowledge you guys had in anything to do with us. None of this was supposed to happen,” She pointed between the two of them, “I wasn’t supposed to get attached, I wasn’t supposed to feel anything real. I didn’t want to do it, please believe me when I say I didn’t, but it was either I do this, or I become the next member of my family to be found with a bullet in them.” To say she felt sick to say the words weren’t even close, her stomach twisting and turning while her throat became as dry as the desert, “I was selfish and wanted to live. My hand was twisted behind my back and I had no choice, but then it was as if something began to crack, as if my concern for whether I lived or not seemed to lessen as time went on it, which leads to me where I am right now.”

The pain in her face was visible, unable to be dismissed as she sat there and let her emotions bare themselves for all to see. It was as if she were holding her heart in her hands, waiting for it to take a final beat before it would break and vanish into thin air.

“And what am I supposed to do?” Calum’s voice echoed in her ears, his face unreadable although his tone was laced with irritation, as if unable to comprehend what was happening right now. You and her both, Calum.

Eloise still couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes, the chocolate swirls she would find gold speckles in that usually filled her with warmth would only fill her with dread as she awaited the unknown outcome of this session in a makeshift confessional.

She knew how twisted it sounded; how it was lies turned into truth. She feared what Calum thought, what was stopping him from letting his emotions take over and ending everything there and then. How was he supposed to react? She couldn’t blame him for being angry or upset. But she couldn’t help but hope that somewhere inside his heart he could see that the malicious intent that was set at the beginning – not by her – wasn’t a reflection of how she now felt.

“I can’t play blind to this,” His voice was low, quiet, almost a whisper as he watched her body language shift and change, “You’ve been playing with me this whole time; every text message, every word, every goddamn look was a fuckin’ lie. And I let you do it. I stood around like a fool and let you play with my heart. Do I look like a mug or something? Am I really that stupid?”

Eloise’s lips quivered at his words, her head shaking as her knee bounced, her foot tapping away against the wooden flooring, “No – No Cal, you’re not. I’m the one who decided to go along and play the stup- “

“I really liked you, El,” He cut her off, “It sounds crazy for me to even say. Two dates and a drunken night of kissing, and I’m more than ready to admit to myself and you that I’m in too deep. I’m falling head over heels for a girl that I don’t even know, and this has just confirmed exactly that. I really don’t know you at all…”

Eloise didn’t even know she was crying until she could taste the salt on her lips, unable to trust her voice to hold together and she just let herself go; allowing her body to do the talking and ignoring any form of sense that ran through her mind.

“You know me better than most. Calum, I’m a closed book with a goddamn padlock and you’re the only one even remotely close to the key. I know I never told you the truth at the beginning, but please, please, please believe me when I tell you I never once lied about how I feel about you. I want out, Calum, I want out of this cursed life that I’m living. I want a chance to be normal; the only place I can even remotely feel that is when I’m with you.” Her chest never stopped shaking, fighting back the gasps and sobs as she tried to hold her shoulders still, fighting the natural urge for her body to convulse, “I want out and I need your help. I need the NYPD’s help to get out, I need to finish this.”

She finally found the strength to meet his eyes, except this time they weren’t on her. They were glued to the coffee table, no emotion other than hurt being read across his face. Eloise knew she had hurt him; knew she had betrayed him. It was exactly what she had dreaded. Although the hurt in his face pained her to see, she couldn’t help but notice how his reaction was definitely more mellow than what she was expecting. There were no cuffs so far.

“Even if you hate me, and I don’t blame you if you do, I’m asking for just one favour. Please help me finish them.”

“Them?” Calum’s voice sounded surprised at her choice of word, his eyebrows furrowing as he turned his head and met her gaze, not ready himself to see the pain and sadness spread across her own face.

All she could was nod, rubbing her face with her hands as she wiped her dried tears, praying that no more would fall.

“Things have gone too far this time… I’ve seen a lot throughout the years; bodies, bullets, blood, I’ve seen it all. But what I saw the other night, I never want to see anything like that again,” Eloise took a deep breath, her free hand brushing her hair out of her face as she looked down at her sock-clad feet, “We went to collect some money for a job a few nights ago; the job was done a few months previous but we still hadn’t been paid. So, Jay went in to pay them a visit and we waited outside. Next thing – there’s a gunshot, we run inside and there he is: sixteen-year-old kid lying on the floor with a bullet in his chest,” Her hands shook at the thought of that night, “Jay didn’t even flinch; he only cared about the money he was owed. He claimed the kid got in his face, was threatening him and he had to shut him up.”

She swore she could see Jay’s dull, unbothered expression when she closed her eyes, it being something that never failed to make her stomach churn.

“We have rules for a reason; every gang in New York follows them for reasons like this: 1. You keep to your own territory; business stays within your grounds under all circumstances, 2. All hideouts are out of bounds for challenges or raids, and finally, 3. Kids are off limits, regardless of who they may be linked to.” She recited the rules that had been drilled into her life since she could remember, them becoming strict guidelines for how business was run, or at least they used to be before certain individuals began to bend them. “It’s a shared agreement that any broken rules result in punishment, and that’s decided by whoever is the one brave enough to make you pay. Jay shot a fucking kid, so now they’re all gonna be comin’ after him. And the rest of us.”

“Go to the police then.” Calum muttered, his voice monotone as he couldn’t bring himself to hold his stare with the girl who had lied to him for so long.

As much as he knew the pain that he was in was overwhelming, he couldn’t deny that the pain she was in only made his worse. He was angry but that didn’t stop him from feeling the way he did about her; it never lessened the way his heart melted at the sight of her eyes. Maybe she was being sincere, maybe she really was telling the truth. Why else would she willing to give them up simply because she felt guilty? Wasn’t she conditioned to be tougher than that?

“I’m here, aren’t I?” She sighed, never taking her eyes off of him as she tried to meet his gaze, needing to look into his eyes, she needed to see him, “I’ve had enough of being tied to someone who thinks they can play but their own rules, someone who thinks they can control whoever and whatever they want by fear and power. I’m done with them. I’m serious, Calum, I want out.”

He seemed to sit straight for the first time that evening, Eloise noting the tension in his shoulders seeming to loosen slightly but a great deal still remained. It was a small yet hopeful indication that he was listening to her, taking in what she was trying to say. She knew it hurt him, but she prayed he would listen, even for only a few minutes before he made his decision.

“I hope you realise that you’re not going to make it out, El, if the NYPD are in on in this and they come after the Gypsy Kings, they aren’t going to listen to you when you say ‘I want out’. They’ll take you down with the rest of them and you’ll go to prison. No question about it,” Calum sighed, his logical side talking, “If you do this, then you’re signing your remaining days as a free woman away. The only place you’ll ever know will be the four walls of a cell.”

“And that’ll be worth every second when I get to watch Jay break,” Her voice sounded cold, unforgiving – almost familiar – as she spat the words out, “If I have to spend the rest of my life in a cold cell in order know that no more innocent lives will die at the hands of the Gypsy Kings then that’s a consequence I’m happy to suffer. The Kings were more than just a power-hungry society once upon a time, but now they’re unrecognisable other than for the misery that they cause.”

“So, you’re really going to do this? You’re going to betray your friends, and for what – because you feel guilty?”

“I’m doing this because it’s the right choice. I’ve hurt too many people and I’m not ready to hurt any more. You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt, and now I’m done. I can only apologise so much, Calum. But I promise you that I’ve seen it all, and I’m tired of it. I’m ready to finish this, and whether you help me or not, I’m ending this once and for all.” Eloise knew she wasn’t making much sense, her words spilling out of her at a million miles an hour as she tried to convey as much sincerity as she could muster.

“You’ll become a walking target,” Calum sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he watched the broken girl in front of him, “The minute you do this, all eyes will be on you, especially once you’re inside. You’ll be basically signing your own death warrant.”

“And I’m okay with that. I’ve been a walking target since the day I was born, Calum, nothing has and nothing will change about that,” Eloise released a breath she didn’t even feel she was holding, the deep exhale audible in the silent room, “My dad practically painted it on himself, it came with the territory of being a Gypsy King’s daughter.”

Calum’s eyes seemed to soften at the mention of Eloise’s father, his knowledge of the man only saddening him more, but more for her than him, knowing that she was most probably still in pain after all those years.

“Ever since I was a kid, I would always hear the same familiar sentence more or less being said between my dad and his friends. They would always say there was a message behind every raid, every act of revenge, every piece of work they took on. It’s about taking something that they love, watching them crumble, and striking when they’re weak.”

The sentence was enough to send her back to the two occasions when her life changed forever. It was enough of an ignition to send her right back to the days when that something was taken from her.

“And that’s exactly what happened to me…”

Her Mum always said he was working; always said he would be late home and that he was sorry. Eloise had grown used to it, used to the excuses, and used the rare times when she would see her dad for more than a few hours at the end of the night if she were lucky.

They would always argue in the kitchen when they thought their daughter was fast asleep in bed. But she would sit on the landing and listen to how her mum screamed at how she wanted them to stay away from her house, how she wanted them to stay away from Eloise. Her mum fought so hard to keep Eloise separated from the gang that her dad ran with and she never knew why. Her mum let her hatred for the Gypsy King’s damage her relationship with her dad, allowing for cracks in the foundations to be made, and instead of fixing them, they only let them deepen.

Her sixth birthday was a distance but prominent memory in her mind. She remembered when the group of strangers walked into her house, how her dad smiled and welcomed them with open arms meanwhile her mother remained in the kitchen, keeping a distance between herself and the group that attended the party. She could still see the look of disgust on her mum’s face, the way her nose would scrunch ever so slightly, how her brows sunk, and how she just never smiled if they were around. She remembered how her mother didn’t leave the kitchen for the entire party; only coming out for when she blew her birthday candles out and when it was time for her to go to bed. God, her mum really hated them that much.

The argument her parents had that night was one that troubled her for a while, hating knowing that she was the topic of the argument. They screamed at each other about how it was unfair to make Eloise believe that they were her family when they were “nothing but selfish and violent criminals”.

God, she used to so naïve to what ‘gang’ meant, thinking they only ever existed in TV shows or stories but, boy, was she wrong. She believed at one point that they were good people; Gang Bangers, how they were people looking for a purpose, for somewhere to belong. She never knew just how cold-hearted they could be until one day they tore her life apart for the first time.

She remembered the day like it was yesterday, the day being one that she’d never forget, much like another date that no matter how many times she tried, she could never erase the memories.

Being eleven was a fun age was Eloise; she enjoyed school, had friends, she loved her life. But that before that day.

The kitchen smelt so good; her mum was baking but she couldn’t remember what exactly. She was pretty sure it was brownies or something similar. She was sat at the kitchen table; a million questions being fired at her mum about a book she had been reading for school for a project she was working on. She was hopeless when it came to science – that never changed.

There was a loud continuous bang at the door, she remembered it sounding like a hammer but heavier. It was so loud! Her mum froze briefly before ushering Eloise out of the kitchen, pushing her into a cupboard beneath the stairs, telling her to keep quiet. She couldn’t remember why it was suddenly happening. She was scared. She remembered her mother whispering, “Stay in here, keep quiet, and don’t come out until I tell you to.” Next thing she remembered was being enveloped in complete darkness, the cupboard door slamming shut before hearing faint footsteps, assuming it was her mum going towards the door.

She remembered a bang, a loud crash followed by the sound of something smashing against the floor. She thought it was vase or something, maybe a photo frame. Multiple footsteps were rattling along the floor, too many voices talking at once as she tried to focus on keeping quiet like she had been told to be.

The sound of two foreign accents were filling the muffled space; they sounded Hispanic. The sound of her mother’s voice shouted numerous times, “I don’t know where he is” “You’ve got to believe me, I don’t know where he’s hiding”. She remembered a loud scream, another crash but louder this time, before an almighty bang: a gunshot. She remembered her body tensing, her hands covering her mouth as she tried to hold in her scream at the sudden sound, her whole body shaking at the event.

It was quiet for a few more minutes before the footsteps got louder then quieter as they left, “Never should have messed with the Los Zetas” being heard as they left the house. She was left in silence, the intruders were gone, and she was left to wait for her mum to come and tell her to come out.

She couldn’t remember how long she was sat in the cupboard, feeling as though it was hours. She didn’t want to come out because she had been told to sit and wait, but she was cold and uncomfortable in the cupboard, and there hadn’t been any noise since the bang so she decided to ignore her mother’s words and she left the cupboard.

There was dirt on the floor, a trail of it leading from the front door into the kitchen. She called out for her mum, waiting to hear a response as she followed the dirt trail, almost curious to see where they had been and what they had wanted, her hands were visibly shaking.

The sight of what she saw in the kitchen was something no eleven-year-old should ever have to see. She remembered the sight of the cold body that lay on the kitchen floor; a sight that would never leave her. She remembered the white dressing gown her mother wore was thrown open, and the collar of her top was creased as if she had been grabbed with a harsh grip, but her eyes were drawn the crimson colour that dripped out of the clean bullet hole that was carved into the side of her mother’s head. It stained the dressing gown; her mother loved that dressing gown.

She didn’t cry at first, she wasn’t sure, but she remembered how she just stood there and stared for a few seconds. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. Did she cry? Scream? Run?

The next thing she recalled was that she was calling 911, having grabbed the landline from the hallway. She remembered talking to a man and telling a complete stranger how her mum was dead in her kitchen and she had hidden while it happened.

“The next thing I knew, my dad was home, I was taken to the hospital and checked out to make sure that I was okay,” Eloise spoke, her voice hoarse as she looked ahead at the blank TV screen, “How was I supposed to okay after finding my mum like that? How’s anyone supposed to be okay after something like that?”

Eloise thought she was done with crying, or at least that’s what she had hoped, until she felt the familiar touch of Calum’s hand against her cheek, his thumb wiping a tear away yet again that she hadn’t realised she had shed until he cleared it. She felt as though she had cried all the tears she could when it came to the day her mother died, but it turned out there would never be a number on the amount of times you would grieve for your parents.

Calum couldn’t hide the hurt in his face, the feeling only worsening from before because it was Eloise who was hurting. Maybe he needed to push himself aside and realise that his feelings of how much he cared for the brunette in his home were stronger than the ones of anger and betrayal he felt at the same time, maybe he needed to push them aside and realise that she was trying to change.

He tried to find some words he could say to her, some form of appreciation for her talking to him about such a traumatic experience, but how did he do that? How did he thank her for something like that? Maybe silence was a better option in that case.

Calum noted how she didn’t break eye contact with the TV screen, using it as a focal point as she spoke, opening up about a time that troubled her; anyone could see that. It seemed to be something she needed, something that she didn’t even know she needed. And Calum was more than willing to be the small audience she spoke to in order to get it out in the open and out of her head if necessary.

Eloise took a deep breath; one that allowed her to fill the full expanse of her stomach before she released it, swallowing in the hope of adding some form of moisture to her dry throat as she fought to continue. Once she had started, she needed to finish, she needed to say it all.

“I was robbed again by a New York gang when I was fifteen,” She began, her lips rolling together briefly, “Just when I thought I was coming to terms with the first time something was taken from me, it happened again… It was on her birthday…”

Natalia would have been 38. Eloise counted the age every year, wrote out the date every year on whatever calendar she had been given for Christmas the year before.

She had decided to make a stupid cake, having decided that they would actually celebrate her mother’s birthday that year instead of hiding away and ignoring the day that was previously celebrated with colour and life. Then she burned the cake and ended up setting off the smoke alarms which resulted in her and her dad laughing at their attempts to get the loud machine to stop beeping. It was the last time she had heard him laugh, as in genuinely.

Her dad gave her some money, cleaning up the dirty baking trays and disposing of the burnt cake, and told her to go to the local corner shop that was a few streets over and buy a tray of those cheap chocolate muffins that they sold. They were a favourite within the household; her mum usually bought them as treats for special occasions.

She remembered asking if he wanted anything else while she was out, and he responded, “I just wanna see you smile again.” She could smell the whiskey on his breath, remembering how he didn’t think she had saw him pour some into his morning coffee.

He turned to drink often than not once her mum had gone. He seemed to find a lot comfort in it, using it as a mask to hide the pain he felt when all it did was make it worse for him.

The last thing he said to her when she was leaving the house that day never left her, the smile on his face genuine and sympathetic – but she didn’t see that – as he looked at fifteen-year-old Eloise and said, “Y’know I love you right, Eloise. More than you’ll ever know.”

She brushed it off at the time, rolling her eyes as she laughed at him and returned, “Uh huh dad, ‘nd I love you too.”

When she closed that door, she didn’t know that was going to be the last time she saw him with a smile on his face. She didn’t know that was going to be the last time she saw him at all.

She remembered when she came home and saw that the curtains were drawn; they weren’t before. She figured her dad had just passed out, it not being a sight that surprised her since her mum.

She went straight into the kitchen, not even making note of the living door being closed, being completely blind to it as she discarded of the bag on the table as emptied the contents. She had bought a bag of salted peanuts, remembering how much her dad used to love them. She hid them in the treat cupboard – a tradition they kept around from her mum – for him to go and find when he’d be feeling peckish. She remembered shouting through the house that she had bought double chocolate muffins instead because they sounded better. God, and they were! They were rare purchases but so worth it!

She remembered how she was laughing as she walked through the house, completely unaware to what had happened. She suddenly noticed the silence; how eerie the house suddenly felt around her. She couldn’t hear her dad at all, but she could faintly hear voices coming from the living room. They sounded as if they were yelling, excitement building as the muffled words they spoke got faster and more rushed as each second passed.

Opening the door felt like it took forever, spotting the stereo that sat opposite the door was turned on, the voices coming from the speakers. She assumed it was horse racing, a pointless sport that her dad enjoyed every so often. They had a tradition where every race, Eloise would pick the horse her dad would bet on, claiming that she was lucky and if she picked then he would win. Nine times out of ten it never resulted in a win, but that never stopped her dad from telling Eloise that he won big because of his lucky charm.

It was memories like that that made the pain of what she saw that day all the more intense. She spotted the limp body on the couch, his head lopping to the side as he sat slouched against the arm of the fabricated piece of furniture. She couldn’t remember how she felt, she thought it was shock and then sad, but it was blur. She couldn’t remember if it felt worse than when she found her mum or if it felt the same.

What she did remember was the gun attached to his hand, finger resting limply over the trigger. She remembered the two framed photographs that stood on the coffee table as if they had watched the whole thing take place. She could remember her hands were physically shaking as she reached out to touch him, pushing on his arm as if he would wake up and say it was all a joke. She remembered the panic beginning to sink in as she pieced together what happened, how she didn’t have to see the bullet wound to know what he did.

The photographs stood out to her, playing as a reminder to what they had seen; to what had happened. One was of a young couple, her mind replaying her the story her mother had told her about the photograph and when it was taken. It was of a date her dad had taken her mum out on for the 4th of July, they ended up finding a photobooth to commemorate the date. 

She remembered the other photograph painfully, it being a reminder of a time she preferred not to think about. The peach coloured blouse her mother wore in the photograph stood out, the top holding so many memories that she didn’t realise she had at such a young age. She remembered the golden locket that hung from her mother’s neck, the photograph inside being something she treasured with her life. She could see the small infant in her mother’s arms within the photograph, heart aching at the memory of being so young that she couldn’t remember that photo being taken. 

It was a reminder to Eloise that she had already lost one parent, and now she had lost the only one she had left.

Brown eyes met brown as Eloise broke her stare from the TV, her body was tired, and her emotions were a mess. She didn’t understand how she could carry on talking but she did, unsure of what Calum would say or do next. She was sure he was still angry; she didn’t expect a sob story to change that.

“The gangs of New York City have already taken everything from me, so, I think it’s about time that I take something from them.” Her voice surprised her as she spoke, her tone strong and words carrying intent as she watched the police officer next to her match her glossy eyes with his own shining ones.

He looked ready to cry; close to breaking into tears at the telling of Eloise’s hardships. But that wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want him to cry for her. She wanted him to help her, to help her break those who broke her.

“Like I said, Calum, I’m taking Jay down whether you help me or not, all that I’m askin’ you is that you do what you think is right,” She sighed as she searched for a silent answer, wanting to know sooner rather than later if she was on her own or not. 

She had been on her own for a long time, knowing how to handle it; how to handle people but this was different. She didn’t know how to handle Jay, having always just remained by the side-lines during his outbursts of violence, playing ignorant to the destruction he caused because she didn’t know how else to handle it.

Calum sat in silence, watching how Eloise searched for an answer within him. She looked desperate, as if she were ready to scream. Maybe she was serious – of course she was. She had openly just told the story of how she found her both her parents dead in her family home on two separate occasions. Why else would she share something like that – a horrifying, gut-wrenching memory that haunted her to a man she knew could destroy her life if he really wanted to?

Because deep down, she knew that he wouldn’t. That he couldn’t.

Calum couldn’t ignore the logical half of his brain that was working; telling him that this would be a ground-breaking arrest within the NYPD. It was what they wanted, it was what Lieutenant White wanted – the Gypsy Kings to be broken and ruined. He could do that; he had that opportunity right in the palm of his hands. But why did that feel so wrong? Why did doing the right thing – abiding by the law – feel like the wrong thing for Calum to do? Why did he feel like fulfilling his Lieutenant’s wishes would only lead him to a dead end; where he would be met with the sad face of the girl who he thinks about all the time, the broken heart of someone who confided in him? Because he knew that’s exactly what would happen.

He had to help. He knew he did.

“I’ve been wearing blinkers for so long, ignoring what goes on in the city. I always followed orders and instructions because I had no control, because I just wanted to feel a part of something like my dad did, and I regret every second of it; every bullet, every fight, every stupid deal,” Her sigh was full of disappointment for herself, her hand rubbing her face as she let out a soft grumble of incoherent words as she rested it on her forehead, “I know what this means for the city, what it means for the Gypsy Kings, and what it means for me. But I don’t care anymore, Cal, because all I want to do is do something right for once.”

Her brown eyes still desperately searched for an answer, as if expecting him to be able to make a choice then and there over what he was going to do. She would be ready to leave if he asked to her, but something inside her begged for that not to be case. As much as she wanted his help; she knew she wanted him more. She still cared about him, more than she even knew. And he was the same, even though the smell of betrayal was still fresh in the room, it was overpowered by the way his heart soared for the broken, teary-eyed brunette in front of him.

The human side he normally ignored was working overdrive – something he wasn’t sure if he were grateful for, or if he hated the fact that she caused it – as he sat there and contemplated what could happen. If he helped her, then he would lose her. And if he didn’t help her, then he would also lose her. It was a no-win situation for Calum, but something still urged him, as if someone were pulling the strings and had him under a spell to convince him to do something he could only imagine doing. And yet he found himself falling victim to the puppet-master.

“I’ll help you,”

His words took a moment to register in Eloise’s mind, her eyes suddenly widening as her eyebrows raised and face froze as she looked at the man in question, “You will?” She couldn’t quite believe he was going to do it.

“Yeah, I’ll do it,” Calum’s soft brown curls shook a little as he nodded, Eloise having to fight the urge to run her hand through them like she had done before, “I’ll do it for you, El. Now, how do you want to handle this?”

It was as if something changed in that moment between them, it was if something were lowering a bridge and the view in front of Calum was clearer; he could see exactly what was in front of him. She was trusting him, and she didn’t know if she was stupid or out of her mind for doing that. But something spoke to her, telling her that it was okay, that he wouldn’t be the one to hurt her this time.

He was giving her the power over the situation, something she hadn’t truly been given before. Yes, Han had said she was in control over the scheme with Calum but that didn’t ring true. At the end of the day, someone else was still pulling Eloise’s strings all for their own gain. But this time, she in the drivers’ seat; controlling exactly what happened and when.

Eloise racked her brain for a plan, some way to lead the Gypsy Kings into false security before she could have the opportunity break them when they were weak – when they least expected it. She needed the opportunity to fall into her hands, it wasn’t like she could hija-

“Does the name ‘The Corporation’ mean anything to you?” Eloise leaned forward suddenly in her seat, blueprints of a plan suddenly beginning to map themselves out in her mind. The shipment. She could see on Calum’s face that he knew who she was talking about, the name being one that everyone in world knew – it didn’t matter if you were a cop, gangster, or even an innocent bystander – a name that carried such dark intentions; a Cuban Cartel gang – one of the most notorious gangs in Cuba. They never showed their faces very often but that was until a deal was to be made. “They started bringing storage crates into the city, using abandoned boat yards to conduct deals with American gangs. The crates are full of almost everything that they shouldn’t be; narcotics, black market weapons, and god knows what else. They’d set up a buy with an arranged gang and bring the shipment over to conduct the deal, a price would already be set before the deal was even agreed.”

“How much typically for a crate?” His voice sounded stronger than before, the irritation now gone, with curiosity and intent now being present.

“It depends on what they’re giving you. I’m pretty sure it varies from $5k to $50k. There was a shipment that was rumoured to be coming into New York a few weeks back, it was the Ryders’ deal that they conducted with Corp. I don’t know that much about it but I know it fell through,” Eloise absentmindedly fiddled with the loose thread on Calum’s couch she had spotted before, twirling it in between her fingers, being careful not to pull it out, “But what I do know is that when the deal fell through, the cops had caught them when they were on their way there, arrested a group of their boys there and then. Corporation heard about it, cleared out, and fled the scene before the police had a chance to get them- “

“Yeah I know exactly what you’re talkin’ about,” Calum interrupted her with a sigh, rubbing his eye with the corner of his palm, letting out a short huff, “I was on the squad that caught them, bastards thought they were sly ‘nd tried to outrun us but we caught up to them.”

It didn’t surprise Eloise at the hint of pride in his voice when he spoke about the cockiness of the rival gang. She knew that the cops had been chasing them for a while, understanding the sense of relief they must have felt when they finally caught them. She couldn’t deny the warmth that spread within her, as if his pride made her proud. She was proud of him?

“We’ve heard word that The Corporation are coming back to New York, desperate to sell the crate from the busted deal. They had to find new buyers since the Ryders are were out of action, it was up for grabs. And once Jay heard word, he submitted himself and the rest of the gang to become the new buyers,” Eloise couldn’t help the furrow in her brow, sighing as she thought about where she sat, the effects of her actions taking their toll as she thought about Scott. How would she ever be able to look him in the eye again? What would happen to him? Eloise knew she had to follow through, she knew that too much damage had been done to go back now. “They want $35k for the lot, apparently Jay had overheard that the contents of the crate were worth a profit of five times the buying price. Anyone with a half a brain would see that was flawed – why would they sell product for such a lesser price if it could make them a profit of over $175,000?”

She swore she could feel her heart rattling in her chest, her breath shaking as she felt an overwhelming wave of panic set upon her much like it had that day when she walked into the living room of her family home. What was she doing? Am I doing the right thing? She kept asking herself that same question.

“Jay plans to ransack the whole shipment, he wants to steal it from right under their noses. He’s treating it as some sort of power-move, he thinks if he can take such a large amount from a society that’s ten times as powerful as he is, then use it to control the city. He wants to be feared by everyone and he thinks this is how he can achieve that,” She was angry, her gut wrenching in disappointment at the people she once called her friends, her family. How could she have been so blind to see what was right in front of her the entire time? “It’s happening in the abandoned Navy Yard just west of Williamsburg in just less than three weeks. They weren’t stupid enough to think the cops wouldn’t end up hearing about how the Corp were coming back, it definitely not being long before they heard that we were the ones who were the next group of morons to fall victim to a poorly scheduled buy, so a plan was made to counteract.”

She pursed her lips to the side, her teeth working against the inside of her cheek as she looked up at Calum’s precious face. He didn’t look hurt anymore, she noted. He looked… She wasn’t sure. He was unreadable, but she could feel that he wasn’t mad anymore. His eyelashes flushed against his cheeks with every blink, his chest rising and falling with every gentle breath he took. He looked calm, ready to listen.

“And that’s what brought me here. It’s what brought me to the café that morning, how I knew you would be there, what brought me to your house that night… It’s what brought me into your arms, but it didn’t work like it supposed to. I was supposed to be able to walk away, and now I can’t. I can’t tear myself away from you and for so long, I couldn’t understand what it was about you that made me feel like I couldn’t quit,” Eloise couldn’t stop her face from scrunching, her teeth nipping her tongue accidently as she fought over her words, “And I’ve never felt like this. I’ve always been afraid of getting hurt, and to stop that from happening I’ve blocked people out but there’s been something about you that I can’t push away, and that scares me.”

The tears were flowing again before she had a chance to stop them, her voice cracking and shaking as much as her heart was pounding, her vision blurring as she tried to get her words out. Eloise noticed how Calum’s hands twitched, as if they were fighting the urge to reach up and wipe her tears away. She wanted to let him, but he wasn’t letting himself.

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore… I had a plan and honestly, I was prepared to go ahead with it and do what they wanted me to, but then you kept being so kind, so genuine, so… you. And it changed everything. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I couldn’t stop wanting to see you again and I craved the way my chest tightened when I spent time with you. You treated me so good when you hardly knew me, and I repaid you by taking your heart on a joyride and before I knew- “ Her voice broke as a sob threatened to break through, her nails creating crescent shaped indents in her palms as she squeezed her fists together.

“El- “

“Before I knew it, I realised the only heart that I was taking on a joyride was my own,” Eloise finally let the desperate sob out, the sound hurting her chest as she could barely make out the sight in front of her due to the clouded tears, the sting being ignored over the pain in her torso. She was saying so much that she couldn’t remember what she had and hadn’t already said. All she knew was that she wanted to get everything out, she was this deep already so why not just do more damage. “And what scares me the most is that I don’t know if I hate myself for it or not, I can’t decide if I hate the way this feels; to be so enticed by someone that all I want to do is be with them. And I’m sorry, Calum, I’m so sorry for everything. I played a game that I didn’t know the rules for and now I’ve screwed myself over and I’ve hurt you…”

Eloise let her eyes close, a further flood of tears cascading down her flushed cheeks as she fought to keep the sobs at bay. She didn’t want sympathy from him, she wasn’t sure if what she wanted was forgiveness. Eloise didn’t know what she wanted. All she knew, was that the look Calum gave her when she first admitted to the ploy was a look she never wanted to see again. The hurt in his eyes was an unbearable pain she couldn’t face.

The room was eerie, the silence almost deafening as it swallowed the tension between the two in the large room. She craved for him to speak, for him to say something. She frankly didn’t care what or how he said it, she just needed him to say something.

“You were only doing what you thought to be right,” A voice cut through the silence, “And as much as it hurts to know that none of this was what you initially wanted, there’s something undeniably warming in knowing that now it is and that you feel it too…” He had shifted his weight, knee knocking against hers on the edge of the couch as he sat in front of her, centimetres between them. The feeling of her soft damp skin beneath his hand as he cupped her cheek ignited a fire within him that he thought would have burnt out, the sight of her glossy dark eyes laced with nothing but regret and apologies causing a roll of his lips as he let out a shallow breath. “You’re not the only one who’s scared, y’know, El, I’m terrified. No one is supposed to feel like their heart is running a marathon inside their chest at the sight of someone. I’m not supposed to feel as though my home is empty unless you’re here, but I can’t help but feel as though that I am empty unless you’re with me.”

“Why’re you so good with words?” She couldn’t stop the pathetic excuse of a laugh she released, sighing as she leaned into his touch, it being something she never wanted to leave, “You talk to me as if I’m a piece of glass, scared that if you talk with anything other than softness in your voice then I’ll shatter in place. I’m so used to angry words, aggressive voices, and fearful eyes that an act of kindness is something I’ve grown to forget. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a kind heart.”

“Then let me be your reminder, Eloise.” His voice was a whisper, small and soft, it barely being heard over the static white noise as he closed the distance between them. His hand on her cheek gently coaxed her face to his as their lips connected in a sweet embrace.

It was different than the other kisses they had shared. She briefly remembered feeling the same way about their last kiss but this one was nothing like the last. It wasn’t built from a sexual tension that sat between them the entire night. This came from an admission; a moment of allowing their true feelings to breathe in each other’s company.

Eloise’s breath caught in her throat as her hand found the side of his neck, her sweaty palm resting against the warm skin as she let herself get lost in the tangle of soft lips and slow movements. It was everything she wanted, and still it didn’t feel like it lasted for long enough.

“Nothing has changed,” He whispered as their lips parted briefly, his forehead resting against hers, lips brushing against each other’s with every word he spoke, his eyes merely closed while he trusted his voice to speak the thousand thoughts running riot in his head, “It hurts that your intentions were never for it to get to this, not really, and I don’t know why I fell so quickly for you, it’s like you had a hold on me and I couldn’t escape it. Eloise, I still want to know you if you’ll let me, and I hope you want to know me too, because over the past few days, I feel like I’ve slowly seen a bit more of who you really are every time you smile, every time you laugh, every time you say my name…”

Brown met brown as they allowed for their eyes to open and meet in a soft gaze, both shining in the dim glow of the overhead light. Eloise felt as though she was drowning, her chest tight as she felt the walls around her close in. But she wasn’t scared, she embraced the intense shift and took a long hard breath, her eyes staring into his own, finding the familiar specs of gold she had grown to find comfort in.

She had to ask a question that burned in the back of her mind, having to fight against the rush of pure ecstasy she was feeling as she sat with only millimetres of distance between her and the familiar man who she was dying to kiss again.

“But what if this is just setting ourselves up for heartbreak?” The question left her lips with a dry hoarse of her throat, knowing it’s one she had asked herself a million times in the matter of days from where she confessed to Paige how she felt to where she sat now, “What if you let yourself get so lost and wrapped up in a world that’s out of your depth that you’re left at the edge, having to stand and watch as it crumbles around you? You’re only letting yourself become a victim of a pain that’ll never truly heal…” She swallowed a growing lump as she spoke, his spare hand holding hers, the pad of his thumb gently gliding across the back of her smooth skin, the metal of their rings scratching delicately as they collided, “Are you really willing to risk all that pain for a stranger?”

Calum pushed his tongue against his bottom teeth, a heavy sigh being exhaled through his nose as his eyes found their hands that sat connected between the two of them. How did he find himself here? How did he get himself so wrapped up in a girl who a month ago he didn’t even know existed? How did he get himself so helplessly head over heels for a girl who was everything he didn’t know he needed?

Of course, he knew the risk that came with the two of them agreeing to embrace what they felt. He knew the many directions their lives could take; not many of them having good outcomes. But did that stop him from doubting the adrenaline he knew he wouldn’t feel anywhere else? No. It only fuelled his desire for her further, the flame in his stomach erupting into a fully-fledged bonfire as he looked at the brunette who sat on his couch. God, he was crazy, but he was crazy for her.

And she was the same.

He felt his eyelashes brush against his cheeks as he found her eyes once again, the different shades of the same dark colour swirling around in a perfect concoction; a whirlpool he could sit and watch for hours. The ends of his plump lips turned up ever so slightly as he leaned in yet again, their lips slanting together like two puzzle pieces that wouldn’t fit with anything else other than one another. Calum couldn’t ignore the buzz he felt when he kissed her, as if it were all he wanted to do, all he was meant to do. Both his hands finding her face as he cupped the delicate skin, keeping her close as he let their tongues dance in a sinful act.

He hesitated before placing a final soft kiss on her lips before he parted from her, foreheads instinctively being pressed together as he let out a confident breath, a single chaste kiss being snuck between them as their lips separated, eliciting a small giggle from Eloise.

In that moment Calum knew that he was sure of his decision. He had never been surer of something before, his heart soaring as he thought of the connection they shared; how painfully right it felt. His nose brushed against hers, a simple yet effective gesture which sent a thousand butterflies to her stomach as she yearned to feel his lips against hers once more, to feel how perfect they fitted against her pink ones.

“I’m willing if you are,” He let the words fill the peaceful silence, his voice as smooth as velvet as it filled her ears, her body feeling as though it was floating as he held her. The words he spoke filled a hole in Eloise that she hadn’t even felt was void. She felt as if she was mending, as if Calum were fixing her.

Eloise could feel two weights fall on her shoulders, wishing they were Calum’s hands, but she knew they were anything but. She heard the arguments of the devil and angel who had perched themselves on her shoulder yet again, as if they were trying to convince her and dismiss her of the decision, trying to regain the control she seemed to have grasped for a moment. It was an obstacle she was yet to overcome: her mind. But she knew she had finally found a place to start. It would be a process; a hard one. But she would get there in the end, and with Calum by her side, she could only imagine how great it would be to be finally free, even if she weren’t physically.

The consequences of her actions played on her mind, the thought of prison or death being the two prime outcomes of this decision she had to make. She knew her time was limited, but she willing to accept that fact for the new cause she had found. It was her heart going to war with her head, her head screaming at her to run and return to the shadows, meanwhile her heart encouraged her to embrace the warmth that sparked from this connection she felt, to embrace the adrenaline that rushed through her at the sight of Calum’s smile, to embrace the satisfaction of knowing she would be doing the right thing in ending the Gypsy Kings’ story before it could even fully begin.

Eloise knew the choice she had to make. She knew the right one was there as it stared right back at her, brown eyes searching hers as a comforting smile made her feel safe. She knew what she had to do.

Her decision was confirmed by the smile that spread along her lips; the genuine smile, as she rested a small hand against Calum’s golden skin, the light prickle of stubble tickling her palm, her thumb sliding across his bottom lip as if it were silk, something she never thought she would be lucky enough to touch once again. It felt as though she could breathe for the first time that evening, the sight of Calum only encouraging her to continue.

“Okay then,” She let the words slip past her lips, her smile never faltering as she leaned in and connected them in an affirming kiss, one that sealed and confirmed everything the two of them had shared of their feelings.

Eloise could feel his tongue dancing along hers, his hands grasping her as much as he could as if he were trying to never let go. The buzz hummed throughout her entire body, her eyes closing as they shared the ardent kiss. Stars were dancing wildly behind her eyes, in her stomach, and throughout her entire body as she lived in that moment.

She couldn’t play blind any longer to how she felt, knowing that her feelings were out in the open and they were returned. For the first time in a long time, Eloise felt as though she had finally regained something, as though she had gained back control. She had already lost so much but now she had gained something; she had gained someone. And she couldn’t ignore the excitement at the thought of him, the safety he gave her, or the pure rush of gratitude she felt towards the universe for making them both be in the same club on the night of her birthday.

It felt as though everything was going to be okay, that it would turn out alright, just like she had told Paige a few days ago. Of course, it was too soon to say, and no one could predict what was around the corner, but in that very moment there was nothing to think about other than how perfect they felt in one another’s arms. It was utterly perfect. 

Utterly and completely.

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