#somehow by some miracle

[hiddencarpet]

It took me like 6 years but i Finally drew this old idea of mine.

"What if Dante and Vergil were born as grubs and changed their forms to human-like only with time?"

[carefulfears]

so ... demons coming right after elegy, in the middle of the cancer arc is a crazy choice and i know it means something. please share all your big brain thoughts on mulder & demons?

well...it's kind of like...in elegy, they're being haunted by the future (omens of scully's impending death), in demons, they're haunted by the past (visions from before samantha disappeared). both are highly metaphorical, and both are intrusive, even though he sought out the second. the first is too much. the second isn't enough. and after elegy it's becoming clear that...nothing will be enough. she is so close to death that she can see it. she can't...hide it from him, anymore. she's been dying for a long time. and she doesn't make him face it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just get over it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just accept it, stop avoiding it. she goes to all of her appointments alone. she bleeds alone. even in elegy when they almost argue over it, she tells him that she is fine, and then she goes outside and cries in her car.

but she's not fine, she's so close to death that she can see it, and he knows that. he's so eternally aware. mulder's fatal flaw is that he can see the world, he understands every underlying system, he knows people and how they think. and when he says "i refuse to believe that," he knows that doesn't make it go away. in elegy, he tells her that he's afraid, and she tells him that she's fine. it is a system established long before this particular death sentence.

in the script notes for the last scene of never again, it is remarked that: “if it were ever going to happen, it would be now. as they maintain the silence.”

the way i see it, never again is when they knew. they are not escaping each other. they are dying together. you are coming down with me. (hand in unlovable hand). and then, in the very next episode, comes a diagnosis. they are dying together. and they are dying now. silence is maintained.

so what does she do, after her diagnosis? she buys a journal, and she writes. she writes him letter after letter after letter. begging forgiveness. begging grace. begging courage.

the page that he found, that he read, this is what it said:

“mulder, i feel you close, though i know that you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful- more than i could ever express. i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this.”

i need to know you’re out there. a few months later, in demons, a gun to his chin on the floor of his childhood home, does she feel that he’ll be “out there”? she finds out she doesn’t have much longer to live, maybe weeks, in the next episode, and she doesn’t tell him. she maintains silence.

there’s so much discourse over the choices that mulder makes in demons…it was selfish, it was stupid, it was confusing…i see people ask all the time why he would willingly do something that causes everyone to kill themselves. the answer, of course, is that mulder wants to kill himself. that’s not new, we all watched pusher. (scully watched too). in redux it’s revealed that the “gethsemane” of the episode directly following demons is not scully’s inevitable and closely impending death, it’s mulder alone in his apartment with a gun.

i’m really uninterested in attempting to moralize these decisions…what’s “selfish” at the end of the world? i think demons makes people uncomfortable. to watch a dying woman care for her reckless partner. i also think that’s…the point.

demons is desperate. there’s an obvious desperation in mulder, of course, but also in scully.

throughout season four, we’re watching scully die. she’s getting smaller. she’s getting weaker. she’s getting sicker. but as it progresses, scully is realizing that mulder is dying too. and it all culminates in demons. and what can she do but be afraid? what can she do but get down on the ground and hold him? what can she do but write about what she fears will happen to him? she won’t be there.

nothing will ever be enough after elegy. and there’s nothing that he can do that’s enough. he can’t save her (so he thinks). and…he can’t solve the quest before she dies. he can’t give her the answers that she’s dying for. demons to me is such a last ditch effort. such a hail mary. she deserved to know the capital t Truth, before she’s gone. and i think they both know that maybe, when she is gone, it will never be found.

[dsabian]

I do not understand how this can happen once. But now it's happened twice.

Just an fyi, it's not just america that's going to suffer for the next four years. I'm Australian and I never felt closer to WWIII than when trump was in last time.

Is it sexism? Is that what got him over the line?

Whatever.

Right now, this minute (unless it's bed time in america idk) I want those of you with morals to start working toward the presidency. Every one of you. I don't care about your age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity. If you think ppl should have bodily autonomy, if you think grabbing women Anywhere without their permission is bad, if you think every one of your citizens should be treated equally, if you think war is very bad and there's always a better solution, then start working toward the white house. Flood the options with good ppl. If the only politicians available in four years are those with ethics, then your incredibly weird way of voting won't matter anymore.

Basically, the next four years are what they are. Focus on what comes next.

[freyadragonlord]

Happy one year anniversary to Ize Press announcing they will be publishing the official engliah translation of Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint!!!

I am going to celebrate by starting my ORV reread - of the fan translation, because Ize Press has not shared a single update about the novel since then!

[hoshiina]

I should return to my roots one of these days (akatsuki hyoga)

[hella1975]

ive got an essay due at 3pm tomorrow and ive not even looked at it i am so so unserious about my degree and by the grace of some higher being i somehow keep managing to crawl through it's actually getting a bit funny

[supercantaloupe]

what’s a fun fact about you that people may not guess

i am not anyone's idea of athletic. however since my social circle is like 90% other honors student orchestra losers, i technically qualify as a jock given that i have six years of experience playing field hockey

[ceruleanterrapin]

Death has a love-hate relationship with me

It wants me but is never willing to commit

[bikerboyfriend]

screenshot dump

[losingchipmunk]

Swap Douma!

I know he doesn't look good shut up-

[3416]

love this tweet as if we don't have a winning record rn on the backs of our star players and woll actually

[navysealt4t]

and there’s nothing to eat in this FUCK ASS HOUSEEEE

[risingsunresistance]

feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao

i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]

[bataranqs]

5 Happy Things

May 24, 2024

hehe it's the 24th and the year is 2024

my digestive system is working great and i can eat food with basically no problems yayyy

did some work today!!

got to help a friend <3

got to study in a cafe!

[takekawa]

i really need to get into black butler. so many things grabbing my attention at once. fuck all life

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

UWAAAAAA YURI!!!! BESTIE PAL AMIGO!!!! ITS BACK!!!! I GOT MY MAIN ACCOUNT UNTERMINATED!!!!!! SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU WAWAWAWAWA

-VERY HAPPY CHAIR!!!!

AGGFUYAEF IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUU!!!!

man that's so AWESOME THO hgjhgjj so sorry i just didn't have the time to check tumblr when this happened but omg!!! i'm super glad you managed to have all of your works and posts back >:'Dc<3333