#somedays I just want to cry till I've no tears left to shed

[anotherfanaccount]

Got a cute new water bottle and chugged a litre in an hour.

I do need cute things around to survive. I should have been born a bird. To live inside tulips and go fly around grasslands and under the blue sky.

What is this mean human civilization and why am I here😮‍💨

[sleepingwithinkink2-0]

"The Edge of My Mind"

I don't know which part of my brain I should start digging the pen into,

Which part to start my next science project..

My Frontal lobe,

The cerebellum,

Amygdala, parietal lobe, temporal lobe..

Every piece of my cranium,

Plays a part in this massacre,

How do begin to I explain the blood and ink,

That stains,

My porcelain structure..

How do you come out alive,

Intact.

I m a rational person.

And

Yet I can't fix the damage that's been dealt .

Can a person come back,

After spending so much time at the edge of his mind,

I've been staring into the abyss for days,

Weeks slipping by,

Like daisies left in the attic window withering away..

I haven't had the heart to turn the light off,

But,

I also haven't been home for months..

Some days the edge of my mind is a rigged cliff,

With only a lamp post,

Fending off the darkness,

Some days the edge of my mind is

A desolated beach,

The waves crashing into my shins,

Till their black and blue,

Feeling the pain makes me feel alive,

A reminder I m still awake..

Empty broken bottles,

Lay scattered across the sand,

Forgotten memories glittering in the dying sun..

I know when I finally leave this place,

That parts of me will remain behind,

Like the skin of a snake,

Shedding it's self..

fighting myself

A battle I m not sure that can be won..

Trying to understand ,

What's right and wrong,

My beliefs,

My loyalties.

My self worth,

Now has a price..

I was born, fractured..

My brain short circuiting,

Some days I feel everything,

Wanting to yell at everyone to fuck off,

Yet I understand,

The reason people do the things they do,

So I can't be mad,

Just sadness fills my pores,

Like toxic fumes ..

Some days I don't feel anything,

The car radio on silence..

My jaw locked tight

Somedays I see my younger self

At the edge of my mind,

We talk for hour,

Collect shards of glass,

Holding them up to the sun,

To watch the memories play out.

Some days we sit in silence,

Enjoying each other's company..

I m terrified I ll come out of this a monster,

And

Yet I know I won't allow myself,

To leave untilI i'm whole,

I know that our perspective,

Can change the out come,

That the brain can be condition,

Altered with substance,

Or

With enough pain,

We can change,

And

The pain I feel,

That I allowed inside this structure ,

Was it enough,

Will my wings rip from my back..

I try to capture myself on paper,

Like a painter capturing the essence,

Of his muse,

Stitching parts of my flesh into the fibers,

For you,

For someone to understand who I m,

Before I stop breathing..

To know that I tried,

That I fought to be myself,

In this swirling ball of choas,

That I can't be justified,

by these words,

I m more then the sum of these words,

Others devour and try to relate to.

There is pain in these words,

And

I m not just made of pain..

I see the beauty ,

The power of what a simply smile can portray

I hear the sonata of the rain,

A secret melody nature plays,

For those that listen..

I understand that it's ok to cry,

Happy tears and sad tears .

Nobody knows me,

They speculate,

Like a shooting star,

But darling,

You've been the closest ,

Laying parts of me in front of you,

Like a cat leaving a dead mouse on his owners doorstep

Arranging them into poetry,

Quotes and pictures,

For you dissect.

-Danny Sheehan

02/04/24