#someday I will write about this scene cause there's a lot to unpack here

[faerunechoes]

[evergardenwall]

A masterlist of my personal favorite Jasico fanfictions

(if you're not familiar with ao3's rating system, here's a list of the different existent ratings from a posting tutorial.)

@ezhelyanne this is for u

I. Canon divergent fics

(aka, works taking place during the events of Heroes of Olympus but diverging from canon, with non-canon elements about the characters' past)

- north, by aelescribe ( @queerjules )

[39/40 chapters published, 200k words]

Nico falls into Tartarus. Jason follows shortly thereafter. The Heroes of Olympus deal with the consequence.

North is a rewrite of The House of Hades and The Blood of Olympus, although it's actually starting at the end of Mark of Athena-- when Percy and Annabeth are about to fall into Tartarus... except in this version, it's Nico who falls in their stead, and, shortly thereafter, Jason. The thing is, it turns out Jason and Nico have a shared past, and being forced to rely on each other until they reach the Doors of Death, they will find themselves unpacking memories...

This fic has everything I love: slow burn, pining, hurt/comfort, the "Jason and Nico knew each other and were friends before Jason was abducted by Hera" headcanon, and most importantly, it develops all of the characters' relationships in addition of Jason and Nico's. I might be getting a little too passionate, but I fully believe it's a literary masterpiece... like! the LAYERS it contains......and the writing is beautiful. all the parallels and literary devices the author used live in my head rent free.........truly, I cannot recommend it enough

- Things We Tell Ourselves, by Rehearsal_Dweller

[one-shot, 3000 words]

"I have a crush on Jason. That's it, that's the big secret."

The Cupid scene, except the guy Nico has a crush on is Jason instead of Percy.

II. Post-Blood of Olympus fics

(aka, works that ignore Trials of Apollo (because it's a lying bitch who lies) and develop stories from the crumbs of Jasico we got in Heroes of Olympus. written by happy people :))

- Homebound, by Escopeta

[90 chapters, 800k words]

homebound [HOHM·bound] English (adj.) moving or traveling homeward

Reyna told him that they had two homes. But in all honesty? Nico didn’t fully believe her. He's still the creepy Death Boy to most, and people continue to actively avoid him if possible. He doesn’t belong at Camp Half-Blood; everyone knows it. He’s giving it a shot anyway if only to find a place he can truly call home. But if there's anything he learned from those few years of grade school, it's that the word "home" is a noun: a person, place, or thing. And to his surprise, Nico will find that "home" is defined not by darkness, solitude, and cold, but by sunshine, company, and warmth.

It's not a "where" or a "what", but a "who".

Post-canon fix-it. Slow build. Slice of life. Friends to lovers. Mutual pining. Natural character aging. ⚠️ Rated M for an almost-smut scene plus other scenes at the very end, but the rest is T.

So, Homebound... Whew. It took me five whole days to finish this fic and. It was a Lot (in a positive sense)....There are so many things I loved about it and I am definitely going to re-read it entierely someday :') It explores in length the theme of home (recurrent in Jasico fics since it's also linked to their relationship in canon) and I am amazed at how it managed to remain canon-compliant with Heroes of Olympus while developing an actual romance that works and makes me go aaah....poetic cinema. I mean, we all know the basis for their friendship growing into romance was already there, but I will never stop realizing it over and over again when reading fics, how, yes, Jasico could've been a thing in canon and it wouldn't have felt off. Truly lives in my head rent free.

Oh! Just a thing: Homebound features temporary Solangelo, but it's a very different Solangelo than from the iterations you can find in "classic" Solangelo fics. But I really liked how Escopeta wrote Will-- this Will is far from perfect, often harsh, and has caused hurt, but he felt so... fleshed out? in comparison to other depictions I've read of him. I ended up really appreciating his character and the evolution the author made him go through :)

- Home is Enough, by seofim

[One-shot, 3300 words]

When you were a child, you fell for a hero. It’s ultimately someone else who makes you feel like one.

2nd person Nico introspection on the book events and beyond.

Hurt/comfort. Canon compliant.

G O D S this one-shot... it's, well, short, but so powerful........the second person point of view..... aaaaaahh

- cafuné, by aelescribe

[one-shot, 1200 words]

Jason gets tangled up in thoughts of Nico’s hair.

Flirting. Hardcore hand-holding. The TENDERNESS..... and the cutes dialogues......it's everything

- does it almost feel like, by gnx

[one-shot, 2000 words]

They tease. They've teased before.

This work, inspired by aelescribe's writing, explores queer friendships... and how the dynamic can get when the two friends are queer for each other. Contains fluff and, you've guessed, queer themes! it's a fic that can actually be so personal

- Our Dictionary, by @angel-bazethiel

[26 chapters, 5000 words]

I can’t think of one word that can fully mean what we have. It’s far from perfect, but it’s too good to be imperfect. It’s not always happy, but it’s not always sad either. We are together, but not quite as one. We do have each other, but we’re still separate beings just keeping each other company.

I suppose I have to concede that whatever this is, has to be love. Platonic, romantic, ours. The precious resin seeping through our cracks, holding us together, keeping us bound.

A non-chronological series of flash fiction, with fluff, angst and some second-person POV.

Our Dictionary was so, so sweet and a pure joy to read. It’s the kind of fic that I’d love to get a physical copy of — this one would be a little hardback book, filled with little sticky notes bookmarks on my favorite words.

- (i love it when we're) cruisin' together by ohmygodwhy ( @gaycinema )

[2 chapters, 16k words]

“Actually, I was um,” Nico starts, and stops, and starts again, “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?”

“Come with you?” Jason repeats, blinking in surprise.

“To Italy,” Nico clarifies, just in case Jason didn’t follow. Nice of him, Jason thinks, because his brain hasn’t quite gotten the memo that Nico’s standing in his cabin, asking him to go to Italy with him.

(aka: jason & nico's poorly planned road trip and jason's bi awakening, all in one)

It's the road trip fic, guys!! Jason and Nico get to have some fun -- and yearn a lot. Mutual pining, bed-sharing, first kiss.

III. Post-The Burning Maze fics

(aka, all the fics taking place after the events of ToA, most specifically its third book, The Burning Maze. So; spoilers ahead. May also contain lots of angst and Hadestown references.)

- starcrossed losers, by aelescribe

Jason's never been a fan of predetermination. At least he's not alone.

Jason and Nico get stuck in a time loop. Angst with a happy ending.

- the till we grow old series by @kingburu

[3 episodes, 100k words]

Jason spends his time in the Underworld waiting for Nico to come visit him. Waiting for everyone else to die, so he's not alone. Wondering how he's in Elysium, and why he can't be happy.

It has fluff, pining, angst with a happy ending (mwah), some smut, and demisexual! Jason (I love this headcanon with my whole heart) and it made me yearn. A lot. Me? A hopeless romantic? Perhaps--

The first episode especially made me very emo (in a good way)

- an epic, in thirds, by aelescribe

[707 words, one-shot]

Nico fights with Greek fire and appeals to his father’s softer side, recovering what never should have been lost.

In a freeform work, aelescribe once again heavily references mythology (and hadestown), and.... it might be one of my favorite short jasico fics ugh

- years we lost, by MermaidMarie

[140k words, 14 chapters]

It's been a few years since anything notable happened in their lives. Nico was mostly growing accustomed to the calm of it all, after spending so long trying and failing to fix one of the worst things that had ever happened to him. Until he catches a glimpse of someone in a reflection. He's really trying to not hope for anything.

Years we lost is a fix-it of sorts, taking a loose approach to canon after the events of The Burning Maze. In this fic, years have passed since Jason's death, and as Nico -- who had first gotten lost in grief -- was finally properly mourning his friend and making peace with himself, Jason reappears out of nowhere, with no memories. Angst and pining ensue.

A couple of things I loved especially in this fic are the Valdangelo roommate situation / friendship, and the role played by minor goddesses in the story!! I won't tell more about it, but I can guarantee you that this work is the Good Shit. and written with so much love...

Reading a story about grief also helped me put words on it-- it's not a feeling I am familiar with nor I am great at dealing with, and... I am glad I found it :')

- saccharine, by aelescribe

[1/3 chapters published, 11k words]

The Greek myth about throwing apples; seduction, declaration of love, or marriage proposal? Nico's not super hung up on the details. Just hung up on Jason.

Ten years later. Slow burn with a marriage proposal.

- Before I Go, by bakugouscrocs

[4 chapters published so far, 18k words]

“Nico, you know how this goes.” Jason’s smile was back, mirroring his own tears. “You can’t save everyone.”

“I haven’t saved anyone!” Nico screamed back, frustration and anger growing behind the sorrow that settled in his mind. “It’s you...! I just wish-...”

He took a deep breath, eyelids fluttering close as he tried to calm himself down. He could still see him in the blackness of his closed eyes, the bloody form of yet another person he lost. Another person he would have to learn how to live without.

“I just wish I could’ve saved you.”

Post-canon fix-it, with angst and fluff. Jason gets a second chance.

IV. Fics taking place in alternate / parallel universes, with godswaps or role reversals

- Siamo Nei Guei, by kingburu

[3 chapters, 52k words]

Nico di Angelo wakes up and finds out Bianca di Angelo, Praetor to the Twelfth Legion, is alive. Jason wakes up to an olive-skinned boy with a crew cut, purple shirt, and three tic marks on his arm, claiming to be Nico di Angelo.

Romance. Family feels. Emotional hurt/comfort.

- counterfeit, by aelescribe

[2 chapters, 5400 words]

Up until very recently Nico was a child of Hades who didn’t speak English, much less Latin. He didn’t know Hazel, the only person vouching for him, and vice versa. Oh, and he was dead. Jason is always there, watching, waiting. For him to mess up? Maybe. For his disguise to slip? Probably. But Nico just doesn’t know.

Alternate universe. Role reversal. Sparring. gay

- it was you who held me under, by thelittleone ( @longlivejasongrace )

[4 chapters, 17k words]

"It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don't belong to yourself any longer. Part of you belongs to him, part of him belongs to you. After that, you can't take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try" — Claudia Gray.

They weren't supposed to meet again, not after everything that had been said, everything they went through. But no one controls the stars, and no one can force second chances.

Ex-boyfriends/Modern AU (Jason and Nico aren't demigods). Past relationship.

It's one of the first Jasico fics I've read ever and I loved it....... its vibes are Immaculate

***

Aaaand that's all for now!! my ao3 bookmarks actually feature much more fics, but I wanted to make a shorter list and share the works I personally loved the most, out of them all. (But also. You should absolutely check the other works of every author mentioned, their profiles are gold mines.)

Jasico not only reawakened my love for the specific medium that fanfiction is, but for reading, writing, storytelling and mythology (yes, all of these) and each of these works has given me life.... So, if you were curious about the ship and looking for fanfic, I hope these recommendations will give you life, too. <3

[musemelodies]

I guess it’s a good time as any to talk about Walter’s past relationships ‘cause to quote...whoever coined this phrase, (I wanna say John Mulaney), there’s a lot to unpack here. Despite being older than Zeke, Walter hasn’t been around nearly as much as him, but he’s been around and has quite a few stories to tell (some of them even true) sooo...I don’t know how to close out this introduction so I’m gonna let this guy do it for me:

John Mulaney, folks! Let’s give him a big hand!

A n y w a y...

Picture it: Las Vegas, 1932. A much younger (and less jaded) Walter had a grand total of one animated appearance so far, a crowd scene in one of those Bosko and Honey pictures and he was keen to put his name out there. After hopping a bus from Burbank to Vegas, Walt was trying his hand at stand-up when he found himself sharing the stage with--oh, I’m sorry, I've just been informed by Walter's legal representative that I’m not at liberty to tell that story. Or call him Walt. Insert tired as heck Disney joke here, but yeah...let’s fast-forward a bit, shall we? 

Much of the thirties was a hectic experience for Walter, having gone from a random extra to the main antagonist of the Slappy the Slaphappy Squirrel series. I’ve just been informed that that’s one and only time I can speak that name so there it is. (Don’t worry, one of these days, I’ll write a deeper thing about their relationship ‘cause that’s a novel on its own.) He didn’t really have time for romance, let alone a serious relationship or at least that’s what he told the press to get them to go away. Sometimes he was a wingman for Zeke and Marie, other times he was sandwiched between them, and Zeke asked him to be the best man when they tied the knot. Unfortunately for him, Marie chose a certain squirrel to be the maid of honor. They may or may not have danced together. His memory’s a bit fuzzy on that one.

Whenever Walter was questioned about his relationship with Slap--his costar and if there was anything going on between them, his answer was to throw a bomb at them. If he was in a good mood, he might’ve made a snarky comment about it, but most of the time, he reached for the bomb. Even if he did have those feelings--and he didn’t, don’t look at him like that--it would’ve seriously hurt their careers. After a producer caught him sneaking out of his costar’s dressing room (he was just there to drop off a bomb, honestly), he was yanked into his office and immediately reprimanded. 

He was given a long speech about professionalism and protecting the brand or something to that extent. He spent more time shielding his face from the man’s spit-filled rant than listening to him. At any rate, Walter denied having anything to do with his costar, other than what the script called for and what the audience expected from him. If they wanted slapstick, he’d give them slapstick, but as her fame quickly eclipsed his and he spent more time in traction than in the spotlight, he began to grow bitter. Not as much as in his later years, but still... 

With the arrival of the war, Walter joined the air force with Zeke and had even less interest in finding The One, though he did take up the sax. They both played for the company and later, after the war was over, the Toontown Philharmonic. After Zeke complained that the latter was too square, they took to the Ink and Paint Club and played backup for various stars, including the one and only Red Hot Riding Hood. 

To say Walter had hearts in his eyes was putting it lightly. He and Red struck up a strange, but genuine friendship with a lot of mallets and banter involved and slowly, but surely, it lead to something more. He loved her sense of humor and how she didn’t take any shtick from anyone and the way she just lit up the room. As cheesy as it sounds, those were some of the best days of his life. 

For a while, Walter even considered popping the question, but as the Tex Avery era was coming to a close and Red was longing to see the world, she gently broke it off with him in ‘55. Walter wanted to go with her, but she insisted he stay in Burbank. He still had a future in cartoons and maybe she would make a comeback someday, but in the meantime, she had to see what life was like beyond the showbiz scene. After giving him a smooch, she bid him goodbye, dropping him a postcard a month later. It took Walter some time to come to terms with it and even now, he still wonders what might have been. They still kept in touch over the years, though and he’s happy to call her a friend. <3

The sixties brought on a period of uncertainty. Theatrical shorts were no longer a big draw and Walter had taken to doing stage work and bit parts in B-movies and the occasional commercial, just to keep himself busy and pay the bills. It seemed like everyone he knew was either hitched or getting hitched and he felt like he was missing out. 

Enter Wilhelmina Wolf, a studio teacher whom he met through Sid. She was a nice enough gal, a math whiz, and knew her way around a good joke. After six months of going steady, they got hitched and the following year, Wilhelmina gave birth to three beautiful pups. The early days of their marriage weren’t bad and he loved being a father, but after a time, he and Wilhelmina had almost nothing to say to each other, save when they were arguing. After a while, they called it quits and received joint custody of their daughters. From then on, they stayed with their father every other month and he doted on them to make up for the drama.

From the end of the sixties and throughout the seventies, Walter didn’t play the field too much. He continued to do stage work and starred in a rather cheesy and short-lived superhero series with his oldest costar. He was still adamant that there was nothing between them, despite feeling a weird and distinct pain every time he saw her with that white-haired schmuck from Jonny Quest. Maybe it was indigestion. Yeah, it was most likely that.

By the time the eighties rolled around, Walter was starting to age (and so was his routine) and though he wouldn’t admit it, he was lonely. His daughters were growing up and his career was in limbo and he was yearning for something (or somebody) to make him feel young again.

At Zeke’s urging, he went out with a fox named Vanessa Volpe, an aspiring actress and model who was twenty-six. She was gorgeous and she was quick to sink her claws into him or rather, his wallet. She had him on a string for about a year, all it took was a cute expression and a purred request, and Walter would give her the moon. Half his pals were green with envy and the other half were green with disgust, but not as much as his kids. His youngest daughter refused to speak to him and wouldn’t participate in the wedding. His costar showed up and cracked plenty of hard-hitting jokes about the happy couple. Three months later, Walter came home to find Vanessa messing around with their next-door neighbor (who also happened to be an up and coming director) and, well, that was the end of that. 

Walter’s love life was pretty uneventful throughout the nineties and well into the new millennium. Considering he was significantly older and bitter and deeply wrapped in his denial, the idea of getting into a relationship didn’t appeal too much to him. However, out of sheer spite towards his costar and having nothing better to do that night, he went on approximately one date with Candie Chipmunk and it was excruciating. Halfway through it, he ran screaming out the door. 

So that’s where Walter’s at as of today. As for the future, who knows??

[akallabeth-joie]

Brickclub Les Mis 1.4.1

There’s a typo in my 1992 Modern Library edition of Wilbour: this chapter is set in 1818, not 1815. Three years makes a slight difference when the inn is called “The Sergeant of Waterloo” and the scene concerns children age 2 and under.

Hugo’s imagery is intriguing here: he’s describing freight equipment that children are playing on by evoking gun-carriages, the galleys, and supernatural monsters. Interesting choice, and immediately used to throw shade on Mme Thenardier. He could absolutely have gone the opposite direction here: childhood’s innocence redeeming a decaying vehicle, after it could no longer serve its initial purpose. And he does dig into the contrast by comparing the children to roses and cherubim, where the dray is a cavern and a titan’s chain. Rather than it being improved by the children, the grotesque vehicle foreshadows the viciousness and bad judgement of the children’s parents.

Fantine’s in an awful situation, and Hugo’s giving her maximum sympathetic treatment. Even if he is still weird about motherhood. Also, I’m pretty sure nursing doesn’t cause lung complaints. All the same, I’d like to propose the interpretation that Cosette is, in fact, a vampire.

I love the detail Hugo goes into about Fantine’s change in attire, and how it illustrates her changed situation and outlook since the summer. She’s not exactly worn our her nice things, but has chosen to put them aside, even as she’s renouncing her former position as a quasi- kept woman, in order to wear clothing suitable for the sort of work she intends to do. I wonder how much of this is pragmatism about her chances of getting hired*, and whether she’s also giving herself a sartorial penance for her transgressions against social ideals.

Also, Tholomyes is an ass, and a jerk, and a bad person, and I hope he steps on tacks everyday for he rest of his life. Good riddance, now we never have to hear from him again. 

Returning to crack theories, may I also put forth that Fantine being transfixed by the Thenardier girls is connected to Hugo’s insistence that teenage girls has gaze attacks (3.6.3). Someday, I’m going to write a stat block for human (female-presenting) based on Hugo’s odd assertions, and it’ll either be hilarious or terrifying.**

I might need a whole second post to start unpacking the paragraph describing Mme T. It’s like a laundry list of inverted feminine ideals. Hugo may like to mess with our expectation to foster empathy for social outcasts (Fantine, JVJ), but he does that in part by giving them a lot of mitigating factors and emphasizing their superhuman dedication to doing good. He also goes the other way--giving ‘ordinary, pleasant, you could have a beer with him’ characterizations to people who do great harm to others (forcing us to rethink our social assumptions). But still, Mme T has villain written all over her from the get-go by making her do and be only things the audience is pre-disposed against. She didn’t just let her children play on the cart, but is characterized as choosing it for them. She’s reading novels (not horrible, but not the positive thing that reading religious or improving books would be) and does the worse possibly thing by becoming affected by them. Even her physical description is the opposite of how sympathetic or benevolent women tend to be depicted: she’s large, masculine, angular, “browny” (probably tanned) and red-haired. It’s pretty standard in the short fiction I’ve read (not to mention other “classic” novels) that a young female protagonist or love interest is going to be hitting at least 3-4 of small, delicate, soft, pale and either blonde or brunette.***

Anyway, Fantine meets Mme Thenardier, tells an edited version of her story, and they let the kids start playing together. We learn than Cosette’s given name is Euphrasie--where Fantine had no name, her daghter has two (still no last name, though). IIRC, wasn’t Pepita the name of a girl Hugo had had a crush on when he was a kid in Spain?

Fantine leaves Cosette with the Thenardiers, using the understandable-if-not-sufficient metric that their own daughters look healthy and happy, so they should treat Cosette well. Of course, Hugo doesn’t let us indulge in that fantasy, by immediately showing M. Thenardier to be quick-thinking, covetous, and in a poor financial state (the last not a vice, but still a concern if Cosette is to be living with them). If they have no trouble pressuring Fantine for more money right now when they know she has only 80 francs, no sure work, and no place to live, how will they treat Cosette when her mother isn’t present? They could easily have turned her outdoors, farmed her out to someone else, or done worse, and Fantine would never have known the difference if they kept lying about it.

Tangent, but I’m also wondering about the 15 franc “initial expenses” and what they would have said about them if asked. It’s not for outfitting, since Cosette’s fully stocked on clothing; they’re getting 7 francs a month for her food and the work of supervising her; they already have a house furnished for small children and she’s too young for school expenses. All I can think of that they’d legitimately need for her is a bed, and even that could be shared with the other children, rather than buying another. It could be described as an advance for whatever miscellaneous expenses come up for her, but I don’t recall that they even pretend to have spent it on Cosette before requesting more money for medical bills, more clothes, etc.

It is quite provoking that we’re no sooner rid of Tholomyes than Thenardier shows up. Boo.

Fantine and Mme T use “vous” with eachother; M. Thenardier uses “tu” towards his wife.

*Again, I mostly study English language sources, and closer to the mid-century, but unless things are drastically different in 1820s France, there’s little that will get you expelled from menial/domestic labor jobs faster than dressing above your station. At least one magazine article I’ve read (1860s, I think American) stated that Frenchwomen of all classes look better than people in other countries because they dress neatly within their social roles instead of imitating their superiors or wearing second-hand finery. It’s all tied up in ideas of prudence, economy, moderation, and modesty (as in, opposite of ‘vanity’, not opposite of ‘sexy’)--but in every morality tale in every magazine or guidebook, the person who’s over-dressed (for her role or for the activity at hand) will turn out to be vain, dishonest, un-biddable, incautious, and every other bad thing you can imagine.

**I’m sort of relieved and sort of annoyed at not having these alleged magical powers. Maybe leg-o’-mutton sleeves are the material focus?

***Dickens’ useful women might be the exception, but their ornamental partners are all this to the point of uselessness. Good-coded female servants are a little different, in so far as they can be sturdier physically, but also less refined. Wishing I still had journal access, because there’s probably some good research on how class intersects with gender in literary characterizations at this time.

[hellishvu]

Imagine BTS: (Hyung Line) - when you two become a thing

A/N: i want to update as much as i can this week because this friday!! i’m going to see bts so i will probably be too busy with that, then I have to go to state literally a day later that i come back so please! be patience with me :D

-star

Yoongi:

— yoongi finds out about a new artist underground and he finds his muse but the problem is, he’s never seen the face of the man he can’t help but find inspiring.

Being an underground rapper the most important thing was 3 rules.

Keep battling others to show your title.

Keep your reputation high.

Be able to handle the audience.

For years Yoongi worked hard, every night to become one of the best rappers on the scene. Yoongi came and conquered to find his throne.

So when a new rapper starts to raise the ladder at a impression rate. Yoongi had to see the man himself. Yoongi preformed his regular nights calling them “Fire Friday’s”

Yoongi waited at the back of the club, hearing the announcer talk about this new rapper. The crowd was screaming almost deafening but it was the thrill of that crowd that made your heart run quick. The way adrenaline was pouring through your blood as you gave it your all.

You had came out, a rather outfit that didn’t show your face. You wanted them to hear you rather than look at you. You spoke through the words you rapped from your soul not the way your face looked. Yoongi had appreciated this the most. The craft was the most important part of a rapper’s career.

So when he was finished watching your show, you had inspired so many things within himself and since the backstage people knew him so well he could just walk into the backstage.

Yoongi searches through the many acts, trying to find that familiar outfit. Yoongi asked workers and rappers if they had saw you. Not an answer, Yoongi sighed in frustration as he walked to the back door.

The city breeze of a Friday night was relaxing as Yoongi looked at his phone seeing texts from his 6 friends. Yoongi replied telling them he had some business to take care of.

Yoongi walked back in and decided to call it a day as his friends were waiting for him so they can all go home.

Yoongi came back the next week, to the same event. Fire Friday being shown across the stage, Yoongi writing about you about how the greatest artists are unknown till they are found.

Yoongi got off stage as he stayed near the stage to wait till he heard the same voice. The flow was the same. “It’s him.” That’s all Yoongi could process as he waited and listened to the lyrics and the music.

Yoongi saw you get off stage as he stopped you immediately which shocked you at first never being approached so forceful.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be all over your shit, but I have to- I mean do you have time to talk?” Yoongi said as he partically begged. He’s been rather drained out of inspiration so meeting you was like a breath of fresh air.

You agreed as you both walked out of the same alley way Yoongi was last week. Yoongi stood awkwardly as he cleared his thought.

“Do you- I mean what is your story?” Yoongi asked as you had shared it with him. Yoongi listened and you took note of that as you smiled. You finished as Yoongi decided to tell you information that he rarely shared with new strangers.

You two kept in touch after that meeting, never shared your face as he never really asked. Yoongi had gained a liking to you wether he saw your face or not, he liked you. It was almost like a highschool crush. Waiting at his phone for you to text him and act all gushy.

“Do you want to maybe meet again? No masks? No club shit?”

You two would agree on a time and day and once Yoongi arrives he has trouble finding you. So he texts you and once he looks up he sees you waving at him and holy shit was all that was on Yoongi’s mind as you were like eye candy. Yoongi felt his heart race as he walked towards you, sitting down on the booth at the small restaurant.

“You’re gorgeous.” Yoongi thought out loud as he almost immediately apologized trying to save himself from the little stability he has.

“If you say that, I guess this is a date now?” You smirked as you got your lyric book giving him a page that you wrote naming it “Yoongi” it was a song all about him.

Namjoon:

— namjoon being known to be one of the biggest flirts and he usually plays around till he meets you. the problem is you’re a flirt yourself and he can’t help but become a mess.

Namjoon was probably the biggest flirt. He was a C.E.O and all his employees knew that he was joking half the time and it was just his personality to flirt.

So when he needed a new assistant due to one taking maturity leave. Namjoon would look around almost everywhere to find a new one. Once he laid eyes on your profile and your experience in this department he hired you on the spot. Probably a rather wreckless decision but in the end it was probably one of the best ones.

Namjoon would meet you and trying to get close would invite you to a coffee to know how you two can work together.

“Is that a date Mr.Kim?” You asked as Namjoon widen his eyes as shock ran through his body.

“I-No, of course not!” Namjoon would stutter through his sentence.

Two flirts... but one of them not knowing how to handle being flirted with. It’s only a disaster waiting. Namjoon had no one really flirt with him even if he is good looking for himself.

“Let’s keep it professional, alright Mr.Kim?” You winked as Namjoon looked back at your boxes of papers helping you unpack.

Namjoon... didn’t realize the mess he got himself into. The meetings you two would have and the typical flirts you would throw his way as the presentation was given making him stop focusing and tap his pen. You laughed thinking he knew you were joking right?

Namjoon spent nights in his bed thinking if you were joking or if you wanted something more. I mean... even if you two flirted you would get closer and share things just because you two were always seen together. Meetings, in his office, and you two had similar hours.

Namjoon was invited to a business party and requested that you joined him. Namjoon having help with his designer to pick a unique fashionable suit since this was an annually event.

You and Namjoon arrive at the event together looking stunning to the gods. You realize this was for a business point of view to make company with people and to get friendly.

You announced you were going to talk to companies and see if you can get some partners. Namjoon appreciated your way of thinking and set you off.

Namjoon walked to the bar wanting to get a drink and as he walked towards you, he saw you flirting with another male. I mean yeah you two weren’t dating persay but it still stung but he wouldn’t admit it.

He grabbed your arm and you waved goodbye, as you tried to hide your confusion of why Namjoon got so angry all of a sudden. You went into a guest room as Namjoon realized what he had just done and there was no turning back on this.

“Why did you drag me here?” You asked as you raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you flirting with that man?”

“What do you mean? I was doing business?”

“But- I- Are we a thing or not? I’m always so confused, you catch me staring all the time. You see me blush and fluster when you’re around!” Namjoon admits as his eyes start to gloss. The burning sensation in his eyes.

“Oh god- Namjoon I didn’t mean to.”

“So do you not like me?” Namjoon asked as you grabbed his wrists. Pulling him closer, you kissed his forehead.

“I like you Namjoon, a whole lot.” You snickered as Namjoon smiles.

Hoseok:

— hoseok being obsessed with a street artist, but turns out he catches him in the act and you propose a deal so you can keep your identity a secret.

Hoseok would see beautiful street art around Korea, the rise of street art would make him want to meet an artist someday. In his mind it would be a bucket list.

There was one artist that Hoseok just fell in love with. His initials would be on every piece so he could tell who did it. The instagram was full of pieces that Hoseok has seen around or new ones that he wanted to find.

Hoseok walked home one late night, seeing that he had stayed late for taking his friends shift due to them having a family emergency.

Hoseok walked through the streets at night with his earplugs in. His favorite chill music filling his ears as the cold wind blew.

Hoseok turned the corner to see a male spray painting. Hoseok’s stopped like deer in headlights as he came closer to the male. Seeing that his mask was off since he was finishing the last touches of the pieces.

Maybe Hoseok should learn his situation on how it’s very late at night and sneaking behind someone’s back was probably not the best idea.

“Why don’t you have your mask on?” Hoseok asked causing the spraypainter to jump. He turned around as Hoseok noticed the signature, it was him... WAIT HIM?

“Oh shit” He said before grabbing his backpack wanting to leave in a hurry. Hoseok pleased that he can explain.

“Wait! I didn’t mean to like see your whole identity. I just got off of work!” Hoseok pleaded with you as you put back your mask trying to have him forget your features.

“Well what do you want?” You asked as you quirked an eyebrow taking off your earphones, to hear Hoseok more clearly.

“What do you mean? We could just never speak of this again.” Hoseok said rubbing the back of his head.

“No, what if you leave here. Tell everyone and I’m exposed for the rest of my lifetime.” You said exaggerating with hand motions.

“Okay probably not a li-“

“That’s not important! Anything? Want me to teach you how to spray paint? Want me to draw a piece for your girlfriend? Anything?”

“Okay first off, if anything it will be a boyfriend. What about if we just hang out together! Call me when you spray!” Hoseok cheered as you sighed realizing asking for anything was a mistake... maybe.

You two exchanged numbers and everytime you would finish a piece with Hoseok watching. He would always compliment it. No matter how long or how short the piece took. Hoseok would run from work when he did have a late shift to see you again. Talking just face to face when you two met only turned into texting and wanting to actually hang out outside of the “deal”.

You realized compared to your older pieces without Hoseok. They were darker, and your followers noticed it and assumed you got a boyfriend as a joke. Nowadays pieces were full of color, Hoseok choosing the main color of reds and yellows.

You did sense that Hoseok was beganing to grow a bit distant. You would text him the address and he would arrive later than usual. In reality, Hoseok began to have a massive crush on you. Hoseok took so long to get ready because he changed outfits at least 3 times. Looking in the mirror before he just took off to see you realizing the time. Hoseok wouldn’t look at the piece anymore. He would just look at you, the side views of your face, and just your aura was addicting.

The next day, Hoseok sent you an address and you were confused but he said to “just come before I regret this.” You grabbed your backpack and headed his way.

You walked to the alleyway, Hoseok sent and you saw him standing with flowers, full on blush across his face as you chuckled. You turned the corner and you saw it.

“I like you a lot, will you go out with me?” with spray paint.

“You stole my black!” You said as Hoseok realized what you had just said.

“Really? You’re worried about your black! You know how long-”

“Oh shut up and let me take you out my treat.”

Seokjin:

— seokjin has been pressured to date by his friends and to bring someone to their romantic outing so when he sees you on tinder he begs you for this favor till he actually starts to like you.

“Seokjin you need a date! Just find someone, we don’t want to go without you there” Seokjin’s friend explained as he sighed once again. This wasn’t the first time he was somehow pressured into finding someone. He knew his friend didn’t mean harm but it was tough.

“I will. Don’t worry, I’ll have a date tomorrow.” Seokjin smiled as he waved goodbye catching his bus to go home. Seokjin looked through the apple store finding the classic dating app.

Tinder, had been one of the most popular ones. Seokjin made a profile and saw through matches. Switching left and right till he landed on someone that met his eye.

“Y/N” was his name as Seokjin right swiped as the match was set immediately. Seokjin was sent to a chat room.

“I’m going to be honest. I need a date for a friends date. I’ll even pay you just for one night please?”

“wow straight to the point I see.”

Somehow you agreed to this because Seokjin seemed like a nice guy to you. He told you the place and the time and you showed up 5 minutes late seeing Seokjin looking around the cafe saying “He’ll be here soon”.

You greeted them as Seokjin widen his eyes... you looked a lot better in person then on your profile. Your photos did not do you justice compared to real life. Seokjin had to get himself together as he nodded and smiled. Seeing his friend have a great reaction to him, you looking put together.

“Oh yes, so how did you two meet ?” Panic was all over you and Seokjin’s face as you two looked at eachother. You covered the awkward silience with a laugh. Hoping Seokjin can take one for the team and explain.

“I meet him through a Beyoncé concert.” Seokjin said as you agreed trying not to show any panic on your face.

“Oh really? Wow that was so long ago. You’ve must have known eachother for quite some time.” You laughed as you hit Seokjin with your elbow queuing him to laugh.

You two acted all lovey dovery all night due to one: just for the acting of being a couple for Seokjin’s friends and two: you two actually started to enjoy each other’s company.

You told stories about your life while they assumed Seokjin had heard these already, he hadn’t so he was so intrigued in the stories almost looking at you like you were the only person in this restaurant. You would look at him while explaining and everything would go in slow motion for Seokjin. His heart raced as he felt more flustered as you stared at him.

“Alright, thank you! For inviting us out we have to go since Seokjin has work tomorrow.” You said as you offered Seokjin your hand to get up from his chair, Seokjin hestitated before you gave him the okay.

You walked Seokjin to your car. You opened your car door and Seokjin sat down seeing you actually had a nice car.

“I assumed that went well?” You snickered as you turned on the engine.

“Can we go to the park?” Seokjin asked as you were taken back by how late it was but you did look up to see stars shine.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” You agreed.

The two of you would walk around and you would check in on Seokjin seeing him shiver as you took off your coat to give it to him. He would delcine it at first but you insisted. The warm cozy feeling in his gut as he wanted to confess right then and there.

“Do you maybe want to go on a real date?” Seokjin asked as you snickered.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that all night.”

[raybansandcoffee]

Adventure of a Lifetime - Chapter Six

Since it’s Fan Fic Writer’s Appreciation Day I am going to give some love to my readers. So here we go - Chapter Six of Adventure of a Lifetime! You can find the rest of this story HERE. I hope you enjoy it!

**********

We spent a few more hours in the pool, eventually waking Axel up from his nap and bringing the little guy in the water with us. It was a truly awesome way to kick off summer. I loved getting to see the kids laugh and smile. It also felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of my chest that I had someone here to talk to about the fucked up year I’ve experienced. Sure, I could call home and talk to Alex or Frankie. I could only sort of talk to Savy and with Tony moving out here I’d maybe have someone to lean on when things got hard for me. But having someone who even had a slight understanding of what I might be going through as a single parent was a relief.

“We are going to get cleaned up and then we’ll be over at your place in an hour,” Jeremy said as he was helping me get the kids buckled into their seats. “Do you need me to bring anything over?”

“No, your help is seriously more than enough. We will see you in a little bit.” I hopped into the car and started to drive down the drive towards the gate. “Did you have fun today Elle?”

“I did. I had a lot of fun! Jeremy is really nice and I’m glad Papa FaceTimed us too. I miss Papa.”

“I miss Papa too, babe.” My phone started to ring through the car. It seemed like nearly every time I had the kids in the car, just as Axel was about to fall asleep the phone would ring. I saw that it was my brother on the screen in the dashboard.

“Hello,” I answered. “Charlie’s Carpool Service.”

“Hey sis,” Tony said.

“Uncle Tony!” Ellie yelled from the backseat.

“Ellery Marie, how is the first day of summer?”

“Awesome. I went swimming with Ava and her Dad Jeremy and Mom and Axel. Mom says you’re on your way to see me,” Ellie yelled from the backseat.

“I am E-Money. I am getting closer. Sis, you were so right. This is a beautiful drive. The mountains are gorgeous. If I wasn’t in a hurry to get to your place I’d totally stop.”

“Right? I keep telling myself that someday I’m going to drive through and actually stop and enjoy it. But I don’t. I should though. I think once the kids are older it will be easier.”

“I am so anxious to get there. I’m driving faster than I should but you know how well I sit still,” Tony said causing me to laugh.

“You don’t. Road trips with you when you were younger were a nightmare.”

“It’s not much easier now. Especially considering I’ve had 3 Red Bulls already.” I groaned.

“Anth, I have to be able to sleep tonight. I can’t stay up all night with you. I do have two kids to take care of. So you and your over-caffeinated self are on your own for an all-nighter.”

“I won’t make you pull an all-nighter tonight. But I am going to need some help getting stuff unpacked and moved around.”

“I know. We will have help too. Ava and her Dad are going to be there for dinner tonight and Jeremy offered to help us get everything moved around for you. You might want to take stuff from some of the other rooms in the house to make your room feel right.”

“True. So who is Jeremy? Someone I need to know about?”

“He’s Ava’s Dad. Ava is Ellie’s best friend from school. He’s a really nice guy.”

“Like are you dating him?” Tony asked.

“That’s the best joke I’ve ever heard. I don’t have time to date. Also, I just met him yesterday. Like I used to have decent luck with guys but not good enough luck that I could get a guy at school pick-up. He heard me on the phone with you and Dad today. He offered to help since I’m going to need to do some cleaning in the apartment. I don’t think it’s been used for a while.”

“As a single man, all I have to say is if I were to offer my assistance in cleaning an apartment and moving a woman’s brother into it I would only do it if I were interested in her. Well, or if she was super hot and I thought I might get laid. Speaking as your brother you’re super cool and from what I’ve heard from my friends my entire life, I have hot sisters. I personally find that absolutely disgusting to hear but it’s been said to me so I will repeat it to you to provide an ego boost before I arrive and take over a portion of your house.”

“It’s nothing. The babies are the priority. My non-existent love life is not. I’m home now. I need to get both of the kids rinsed off because we were in chlorine all day. Admittedly, I am so lucky that these kids aren’t biologically mine or I’d have two kids with green hair like Frankie and I had growing up.” We both had bright blonde hair as kids and spent enough time in the pool that by mid-summer we both had a greenish tint to our hair. It drove our mother crazy. She tried everything she could to get the tint out short of having her small children’s hair bleached before we went back to school.

“I’ll be there in a few more hours. I can’t wait to see you, Sis.”

“I can’t wait to see you either, Anth.”

“Bye Nugget,” he called to his niece who I caught smile through the rearview mirror in the backseat.

“Bye Meatball,” she replied before I heard him laugh and the call disconnected. I did my best to get both kids out and everything into the house in one trip. I found Savannah laying on the couch.

“Hey Sav. Did you have a good night off? Well, I guess night and half-day?” I asked.

“I did. Theo took me to dinner last night, we met up with some friends, and then went back to his place. He had to work at noon so I must’ve just missed you guys as you left.”

“Probably. How are things with Theo?” I asked.

“Okay,” she mumbled. “Last night was weird. Normally when I stay over he is happy about it, last night he just sort of acted annoyed by it. I need to go hose these two kids down since they spent the entire day in chlorine.”

“I’ll come help. You can fill me in on the playdate with Ava’s hot, single, superhero Dad.”

“I mean Hawkeye is a superhero but he has no superpowers, just an insane skillset.”

“God you are such a nerd,” she said through laughter. It was the same laugh her mother had and often used when I did something ridiculous.”

“It’s true though. But the day was nice. He’s an incredible guy, great dad, and obviously super fucking hot.” I whispered the last part hoping that Ellery didn’t hear it because lately, she’d been a parrot to everything I said. “I haven’t said anything to your mother about who he is. You know how she is. She’d immediately assume that because he’s an actor…”

“He’s an ass, I know. I didn’t tell her after Ava’s birthday party.” Savannah’s Dad was an aspiring actor when he met Alex and had managed to have a pretty steady career over the last two decades. Despite having always been a decent Dad there was a huge part of Alex that would never get over parts of who he was so every actor to her was an asshole.

“You didn’t even tell me, which is baffling. You live in my home and somehow forgot to tell me that my kid’s best friend’s Dad is Jeremy fucking Renner. I should fire you and kick you out.”

“First of all, this is way more entertaining. Second, you would be screwed without me.”

“Don’t be so sure. Tony is on his way here right now. So I need to go clean these monsters up quickly so I can go get the apartment ready so that my baby brother can move in.”

“Tony is moving in with us?! You forgot to mention that to me.”

“This is way more entertaining.” She flipped me off. Alex’s warning earlier wasn’t unwarranted. Savannah had an obvious crush on my little brother. She’d traveled with me to his graduation. I watched how she acted around him. The same way she had since she was about 12 and realized that he was cute. She’s also not good at hiding anything from me.

“I hate you but I’ll help you clean the kids up so that you can also shower.”

“You are forgiven.” Savannah took Ellie’s hand in hers and I followed them upstairs as I carried Axel. I could tell that he was tired from the pool today, despite his nap. We got both of the kids in the bathtub and cleaned up. I got Axel cleaned up and put into some clothes so he could take a short nap while I showered. Once he was in his crib I snuck into my bedroom to shower. I put on music that I could listen to in an attempt to calm down from the emotions of today and prepare myself for tonight.

I stood beneath the water as it cascaded over me and took a deep breath before the deep sigh came out, followed rapidly by the tears. They came faster accompanied by the sound of me struggling to breathe. I leaned back against the cold tile wall as the water mixed with my tears. I was hoping I’d left the music up loud enough that if anyone walked into my bedroom that they would only hear the music and not my sobbing. It wasn’t the normal crying I experienced. The crying from loneliness at night because I’d gone from sharing my bed with a man I loved to him walking away because he couldn’t handle the new life I’d been given. The crying that came when I sat at a piano trying to write the score to a scene, missing the suggestions and smart-assed remarks that came from my partner as I worked through a difficult part. The crying that came when I had a great day that I wanted to celebrate and knew the only way I could do it was via FaceTime or a phone call with my sister or my best friend. The crying because I missed another family dinner or my nieces’ dance recital, or another baseball game for my nephew. This crying was different. It was almost as if the tears were a sense of relief because I’d finally had the chance to grieve aloud with someone.

I hadn’t opened up about Sam and Michael to anyone new, until today. I’ve lived here for nearly 11 months and had been unable to make any friends because I couldn’t be open with them. I struggled in every single setting I’d found. I couldn’t relate to the stories of pregnancy and childbirth. The few people I’d met without kids I couldn’t relate to because I did have to go home to take care of the two I was raising. Jeremy was the first person in my new life that I’d been able to open up to. We’d only met yesterday but he was willing to listen and show that he cared. I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten lucky enough to finally meet someone who attempted to understand what happened. Someone who actually asked about their Dad. I’d always felt the judgment from the Mommy Groups. I had no wedding ring on my hand. There was never a mention of a father. I saw the way they looked at me, like the irresponsible person who got pregnant without a plan or a partner. At first, I was sad. Then I got angry. I felt they didn’t deserve the actual story of those two incredible babies I was given. They didn’t deserve to learn the tragedy we’d experienced and that I didn’t want to see the looks change from judgment to pity.

I finally stopped the crying enough to finish my shower. There was no point in trying to make my hair look great, it would inevitably end up in a messy bun while I helped Tony unpack. I did put on a little bit of makeup. The lack of sleep I’d been getting this week and the crying in the shower had my under-eyes dark and puffy. I took a deep breath as I looked in the mirror. I needed to get myself out of this funk and get ready. It wouldn’t be long before the house would be buzzing with energy and people. I needed to be prepared to have all of this enter my space.

I went into the closet and quickly threw on some clothes. I found a pair of cut-off denim shorts that were far too short but I didn’t care. I looked in the mirror after throwing on a bra and t-shirt. The clothes fit me differently than they had a year ago. As much as I’d believed that eating like a child for a year had changed my body, that hadn’t been it. It was grief and depression. It was the occasional drink I had at night to help me wind down and eventually find a few hours of sleep. It was the lack of sleep I’d had for the last year. My life had changed, it was the only reasonable excuse for my body to have changed. The shorts hung on me differently than they had last year. They were tighter in some places, looser in others. The t-shirt hung past my shorts so I tied a small knot in it, I didn’t want to look like I was running around the house without pants on. I heard my text alert go off on my phone from the bathroom.

We are on the way. Do you need us to pick anything up?

We are okay. We will just order pizza when it gets closer to dinner.   The gate code is 5309#.

Why leave off the 867?

The fact that you guessed where that came from cracks me up. It’s 100% Michael’s doing. Okay, I may have been an accomplice on it. Sam was so pissed at us.

We will see you in a little bit then.

I walked across the hall to get Axel out of his crib. He didn’t look like he’d actually taken a nap but hopefully, the time he spent in his crib made him a little bit rested. He was usually a pain to deal with if we did a lot during the day and he didn’t get enough of a nap. He was hitting growing spurts, he was experiencing a lot of firsts, and that took a lot more energy than before had. I bounced him on my hip to hear him giggle as we headed down to the living room.

“Jeremy and Ava are on their way. We are gonna do some work in the apartment so it’s ready for Tony when he gets here. Do you want me to take Axel with us? I can take a pack and play out there so he can hang with us.”

“Whatever you want to do,” Savannah replied. “I’m fine watching all three of them. But if you want him with you out there that’s fine too.”

“I think I’ll take him out there.” I handed Axel to Savannah before I went downstairs to my studio, grabbed the pack and play I kept in there and took it, along with some cleaning supplies, out to the apartment and set it back up. I opened up some of the windows in the apartment to air it out. It had been closed up for months.

I loved the apartment. It was so bright. There were so many windows that the natural light at times was almost blinding. The ceilings were made of beautiful wood beams. The living room had a great fireplace. It had a fantastic kitchen. There was a clawfoot bathtub that I’d taken more than one bath in over the years. The view out the bedroom was into the forest our compound was essentially plopped into. There was a little basketball court beside it, which my brother would love. It was nicer than the apartments any of my friends had lived in at Tony’s age. The furniture in here was perfect and picked to my style which was all Sam’s doing. They had really decorated this to be my Peter Pan house in the trees and here I was handing it over to my baby brother so he could spend some more time being one of the lost boys. I saw Jeremy’s truck pull up the driveway so I headed out of the apartment.

“Your land is gorgeous,” he said as he climbed down out of his truck. He opened the back door and Ava jumped out.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“How much do you have?”

“I think just shy of 8 acres, like 7.75. Michael wanted all of the land, Sam wanted close to the water. He won because she fell in love with this place.” Ava was walking ahead of us up the stairs towards the front door. I leaned over her to open the door and let them in. Ava hurried over to where Savannah, Ellery, and Axel were playing on the floor. “Want a tour?”

“Sure.” I took him through the first floor which was all living space before we headed upstairs. It was all bedrooms and bathrooms. It wasn’t perfect or clean, it was lived in. It was the home of a single parent, her two kids under 5 and their nanny. “The view from up here is gorgeous,” he said as he leaned down on the railing that ran along the deck that was on the upper level of the house.

“It is. The view and the house was what got Sam to agree to not be by the water. She walked out to exactly where you are standing and turned to look at me, because of course she’d drug me to house shop with them, and she said ‘how the fuck do I agree on this house instead of the water without letting him win?’ I died laughing. She didn’t like losing to Michael and she’d lost on the house in LA and the house here because Michael knew her better than she did.”

“That’s funny. They sound like great people.”

“The fucking best.”

“The only room in the house that looks like it’s been even remotely remodeled is yours. It’s the only one that doesn’t fit the style of the rest of the place.”

“The basement has had some major changes. But yes, of the bedrooms only mine. The first month we lived here I couldn’t sleep in here. I was sleeping on a couch or on the floor in Axel’s room. It was their bedroom it was too much for me to handle. So finally on her second visit, my sister drug me out shopping. New everything so that it was my bedroom, not theirs. The first night I slept in there was the first night I’d slept in almost two months. My sister stole the baby monitor that was in my room and she handled the kids. I slept for 16 straight hours.”

“You were physically and emotionally exhausted. You are definitely lucky to have your sister, though she seems like she’s a force to be reckoned with.”

“Oh, she definitely is.” I took him back through the house and to the basement. There was a pool table, bar, wine cellar, theater room, and my sanctuary. “This is my studio. My happy place.”

“It’s fucking amazing. You put a lot of work into this.”

“I did. I moved the stuff we had in LA out here. I had some renovations done to make more space in here. I made it the most perfect space to work.”

“You have three pianos in this house, two of which are baby grand. That’s just crazy.”

“I know. I feel spoiled because of it. This is the baby grand from our studio in LA. The goal when I redid this place was that it would fit. Every song we wrote together we essentially wrote on that piano. The piano upstairs is the one from their house in Los Angeles.”

“And that one?” he asked gesturing to the wooden upright that sat just outside of the studio in the bar area of the basement. It was beautiful but had clearly seen better days.

“That is the piano I grew up playing. It was in my Dad’s house when he grew up so my grandparents had it moved to our house when I was three because I loved playing with it at their house and neither of them played anymore. My Dad still remembered bits and pieces from when he was a kid. So he’d teach me what he could remember. At four I started trying to take lessons by six the lessons were twice a week that my piano teacher came to my house.”

“So that’s the family piano. I love that you moved it out here.”

“I couldn’t leave it in LA. It holds so much history. My grandpa bought it for my grandma as a wedding gift. By the time I was born she’d developed arthritis and couldn’t play anymore. My Dad still has a baby grand at his house because it fit the style of the house much better. That one lived in the basement bar room so it is pretty happy living here now. It always got played during parties at my Dad’s and hopefully, someday that happens here too.”

“That’s some awesome family tradition.”

“I like to think so.” I watched as he sat down at the baby grand in my studio and started to play. It was rare that people who sat down at one of my pianos actually knew how to play. Growing up it was friends thinking playing chopsticks was funny every time they were at my house. In my condo it was usually drunk people thinking they were writing a song. But here was one of the rare occasions where someone sat down and their fingers easily moved across the keys and beautiful music appeared. I sat down beside him on the bench and started to play with him. Adding higher notes to what he was playing that somehow mixed into his song beautifully. I looked over at him as he smiled and nudged me with his shoulder. Having musical chemistry with someone was a rare thing to find. The ability to just sit and make music together without any preconceived plans or music. In my lifetime I’d only ever found it with my brother and Sam, until this moment. “You are pretty damn talented, Jeremy.”

“You’re not too bad yourself. Okay, while I’d love to get lost in all of the instruments in here and play for hours we have to get an apartment ready for your brother,” Jeremy said as the sound of the music stopped.

“We do. He’s really good at ruining all of the fun.” We both stood up and headed upstairs to grab Axel and head out to the apartment. I had Axel expertly balanced on my hip as I opened the door and headed up to where my brother would be living. “Are you excited to get it ready for Uncle Ant to live out here, Axe-man?” He giggled a response at me.

“Do the kids like your brother?” Jeremy asked.

“They love him,” I replied. “He and Ellery have been close her whole life. If he was home for long he’d end up at the studio a lot with Sam and I. He is going to make a great Dad someday because he did everything he could to help us. He fed her, changed diapers, everything. And since I’ve had this little guy since he was three weeks old Axel won’t know life without Tony being Uncle Ant.” Axel started to squirm in my arms so I put him down in the pack and play.

“Your brother is super lucky.”

“Why is that?”

“This apartment is gorgeous. The view from here is almost as good as it is in the master. There’s so much natural light. It’s just absolutely beautiful.”

“That it is. I do love it out here.”

“I can see why,” he said as he walked over to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows to look outside. “If someone had given me this place at 22 for free I’d have thought I was the luckiest guy alive.”

“If I’d been given it at 22 for free I would’ve felt that way too.”

“Even the furniture out here is amazing. You are right, it’s a much different style than the main house but is almost identical to the master. They clearly decorated it for you.”

“That they did,” I replied. “Eventually I’ll try to make the whole house more my style but for now it’s not worth the money to completely re-furnish the house. I spent the money on my spaces. Anything for the kids I’ve left the same. I did allow Savy to make whatever changes she wanted to her space too. It’s just super fucking tough to not know what is going to cause some major upheaval with the kids or anyone else.”

“It is a tough thing to navigate but you appear to be doing a great job. I tried not to change too much right away on Ava. I didn’t want the house to suddenly feel different beyond her Mom not being there. Over time she’s adjusted as well as can be expected. It’s tough to go back and forth between parents and cities.”

“Do you and your ex get along? I mean you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

“I feel like since you divulged the dead best friends’ kids info that I can share too. We don’t, not in the least bit. She’s been difficult to deal with and that’s putting it nicely. It gets easier the more removed we are from our divorce that we are. I hope that continues to be true because I feel like the older Ava gets the harder it’s going to be. Divorce is easy on no one.”

“I can confirm that. My parents’ divorce was a nightmare. Ava is maybe lucky that she was young enough that she won’t remember it. I remember my parents dealing with theirs. The arguing. The lawyers. The custody agreements. The uncomfortable kid swaps. And then out of nowhere my Mom got a new job and moved to a new country leaving us with my Dad permanently. Which seems super tragic because it’s these two teen girls growing up without their mother, but it was the best thing that could’ve happened to us.”

“It’s great that you feel that way now. Does your sister?”

“100%. One of the many reasons she was upset that I didn’t opt to buy the house down the canal from her was because it meant there was one more person to occupy our mother on her occasional trips back to California. I am usually very ‘go with the flow’ so I can handle her pretty easily. I mean she gives me more anxiety than just about anything outside of motherhood, but I’ve always been the one more capable of dealing with her. My sister gets so stressed out that she breaks out into hives. We both have some pretty serious anxiety issues and my Mom is a giant trigger to both of us. She is hard to describe.” I laughed a little because honestly, I wasn’t even sure where to start when it came to explaining my Mom. “She doesn’t understand boundaries, she is flighty, and just does whatever feels great to her. She’s never been able to put what someone else might need in front of what she wants. I almost envy that drive and ambition. There is literally nothing that will hold her back from doing what she wants. There was one night sitting that it was just Mom, Frankie and I sitting and talking, perhaps drinking too much wine, that my Mom admitted that she never wanted kids.”

“That had to be hard to hear.”

“Honestly, it was a relief. It wasn’t that Frankie and I sucked, she loved us and said she didn’t regret having kids but that she never really wanted them. My Dad did and she fell for him. She thought that if she was supposed to have kids it would happen and it happened…quickly. And then she thought what would it hurt to have a second because at least we could entertain each other. It did not turn out at all how she’d imagined and so she had two girls who were happy to move in full-time with their Dad when a new job came calling.”

“Parents can be interesting. It’s also crazy the way everything you thought as a kid flips as soon as you have kids. Like I could never understand why my parents wouldn’t let me do certain things as a kid and now the idea of Ava doing some of them is just flat out fucking terrifying.”

“Just wait. Those girls are cute now, they will grow to be teenagers before we know it. I’m terrified of raising teenagers. Teenage girls come with hormones, hatred for their mothers and teenage boys. Teenage boys will be the death of me.”

“I’ve had some tactical weapon training in my life. I’ll make sure we get some for you before the girls get that old and we can tag-team them.” I started to laugh probably too hard at that.

“I was a teenage girl once. I mean by the time they are teenagers they will have way more technology than I ever had but I will be able to figure out when they are lying to us. I mean I may have been a music nerd but that meant I hung out with musicians. There is nothing worse than a teenage boy in a band.”

“Hey! I was once a teenage boy in a band.”

“And I bet all of the girls loved you and that you broke all of their hearts.”

“Possibly.”

“Possibly my ass. I can see it in your eyes. You have the kind of eyes that can easily make a woman turn into mush and do whatever you ask them to.”

“Oh, I do?”

“Yes, you do,” I said firmly. He did. I was fairly certain that if he asked me to do anything at this moment I’d do it. With the only possible exception being abandoning my children. “I know eyes like that. They talked me into a lot of stupid shit in high school and even worse shit in college.” Jeremy started to laugh really loudly.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I looked over at him. I could sense already that he was mischievous, had a great sense of humor, he was obviously insanely handsome and was going to cause a shift in my life.

“Ugh, you’re gonna be the death of me. I can feel it already.” His laughter grew louder before I threw a dust rag at him. “Get to work, Renner.”

**********

First of all, THANK YOU for reading this or anything else I’ve ever written. I appreciate it and the feedback I get. I love writing. In fact, today in therapy my therapist asked me if there were no limits to what I could do and I could pick one thing to do as a career what it would be I said I’d be a writer. I mean if I could go back and redo my life I’d probably be in politics somehow. But ultimately, writing is my one true love. So thank you, from the bottom of my little black, jaded heart the most sincere thank you for supporting me.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted there to be some one-on-one time with Jeremy and Charlie. Their banter makes me happy. The way he allowed her to talk so freely about the trauma in her life shows how caring of a person he is. I’m excited to continue to develop their friendship and see where it develops. I’m also super excited to get Tony to Tahoe! Charlie is obviously very close with her family and having her little brother with her will help her to develop the sense of calm she needs in her life. I think Jeremy will bring that to her too. And if nothing else, he’ll probably bring her a few laughs. 

I can’t wait to hear what you thought. Feel free to message me, comment, or whatever. Your feedback means so much to me. The only way for me to improve as a writer is through your feedback. Love what I’m doing? Awesome! It’s such a pick-me-up for a writer to hear someone loves their work. Trust me, with the stuff that goes on in my daily life those little nuggets of happiness mean everything. Hate the direction I took something? Confused by the wording I used? I want to hear that too. The only way to improve is to learn from my mistakes and move on from there. 

Again, thank you. You’re amazing.

xx. AM

[candidateofloyalty]

2019 Fic Retrospective

I saw a number of people doing this, and since I’m always up for talking about my own writing, I decided to imitate them. Admittedly, I’m a bit late, but since I didn’t have computer access for a decent part of this week I think it’s justified.

Apparently I wrote 55k words of fic this year? Given that I spent half the year out of the country, that is higher than I expected. I guess suddenly allowing a podcast to become my entire personality is a powerful motivator.

1/31

The Clock Strikes Midnight, Fire Emblem Echoes, 3.5k words

The prince is throwing a ball to find a spouse, and Faye just knows that this is her chance to make her dreams come true. There's no time for her to worry about the messenger who brought her the news, not when she can finally live out her fairytale.

My birthday gift for star, this time only posted one day after their birthday. Someday I will figure out this timing thing. They wanted a Cinderella AU, and as someone who read approximately 5 million fractured fairytale novels in high school, I had an immediate idea of where I wanted to take the plot. I’m pretty pleased with how this one came out, especially since I never actually played Echoes. It’s also one of my rare fics where the title isn’t a song lyric.

2/14

Sacred Simplicity, Dangan Ronpa, 900 words

Sakura and Aoi meet up for their weekly donut date, but Sakura's mind is elsewhere.

I can’t believe it took a fic exchange to get me to write Sakuraoi. The request was cute and I had a good time, though. I’m always a fan of the concept of Hope’s Peak practical exams. The whole premise of the franchise is that these kids have crazy skills, so let them use them.

3/3

My Fantasies from Long Ago, Persona 4, 5.2k words

While walking home from work, Yosuke is hit on the head by a mysterious cat-dog-thing. This is the least weird thing that happens to him over the course of the next 24 hours.

Apparently I had a lot of outside sources of inspiration this year. I guess that’s what all fanfic is, but even so. This AU is from kawaii-bunny-mel, and is ridiculously fun to write. This one sticks pretty close to the source material, since I intended it as an introduction to the AU. I wrote most of it on trains while cross-referencing the original episode. As it turns out, writing is much faster when you don’t have to worry about pacing or coming up with original events.

5/4

The Present You's Daydreams, Persona 4, 7.2k words

Yosuke's been doing magical girl temp work for about a month, and it's pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to him, even if it does mean having a weird bear roommate. Then Souji invites him to a party, and Yosuke has to face something even scarier than magical enemies: social interaction.

The second part of the BAPC AU, and the one where I went off and did my own thing. As much as I love the source material, I wanted to fit the rest of the IT in somewhere, and there are like 6 characters in the entirety of BAPC. Really, though, a significant amount of this fic was an excuse to have Yosuke use his customer-service voice on a dragon. I’d also meant for this to be the one where they got together, or at least showed mutual interest, and then Yosuke went and made things awkward. I don’t know what I expected. I got to write Hamuko being cryptic at Souji, though, which was even better.

5/19

Dazzling Blue Sky on the Window, Persona 3, 3.9k words

After Erebus, Metis is prepared to vanish, but Igor suggests another option.

This one was my birthday present to myself. You might wonder what that means when all of my fic is incredibly self-indulgent to begin with, and the answer is merging two universes and saving my favorite minor character in the process. It was only after the fact that I realized how much projection was involved. It’s fine.

6/16

Bright-Eyed, Tireless One, The Adventure Zone, 2.2k words

Minerva is here, physically present, and Duck's so glad to see her. The only question is what to do with her. They've got enough people hidden in the Amnesty Lodge basement as it is. (Immediately post Episode 28)

I caught up to Amnesty right after episode 28 was released, which is what we in the writing business call good timing. I immediately wrote this in a haze of love for Minerva and have not thought about it since. I think episode 30 confirms it as canon, though.

7/8

Not So Nec-Romantic, Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun, 1.7k words

Nene's been studying to join the Healers' Guild for years, and it's finally time for her admissions test. It doesn't quite go as planned.

Star egged me on to write this and then wrote their own, funnier take on an RPG AU, which would have been rude if it weren’t for the fact that I got to read the better fic without having to write it. My favorite part of this fic is Mitsuba and Kou charging in from their epic fantasy quest without noticing that they’ve landing in the middle of a comedy of errors. I kind of want to write what they were actually up to but also it’s funnier this way.

8/25

Open Seas and Ways Of Life I've Forgotten, Friends at the Table, 3.5k words

Cass is adjusting just fine to life on their own, thank you.

They'd be doing even better if their new teammate wasn't so eerily reminiscent of their sibling, but that's all right. They're definitely coping.

And here we hit the fatt tipping point of my year. The Kingdom Game was probably the point where I fully devoted myself to this show, and a large part of that was the ability to conspiracy-board all of Sokrates’ influences on Cass’ personality. I have not stopped thinking about the Pelagios siblings since.

9/29

Not the Only Ones Pretending, Friends at the Table, 1.2k words

It sounds so nice, in theory. Mako's just running into an old friend while going out for fried chicken. But even though the Chime has broken up, two of them in the same place can still throw the simplest of missions into chaos.

I wrote this in an hour after listening to the penultimate episode of Counter/weight because the Orth-Mako scene ended right where things got good, to my mind. I just wanted to know more about how the Chime interacted after the timeskip. This also marks the start of me defaulting to Mako’s POV in every other Counter/weight fic I write.

10/14

A Magic That Won't Go Cold, Friends at the Table, 4.5k words

Jacqui doesn't normally like being sent on bodyguard jobs, but then, she's not normally working for Joypark darling Aria Joie.

I’ll just come up with a fun Jacria AU to think about in my spare time, I thought to myself. There’s a lot to explore with an Aria who never left Joypark. I can come up with some neat bullet points and it will be a good time. Then I started connecting the bullet points and at that point I had an entire outline for a fic. It’s what they deserve.

10/18

Questions Ricochet Like Broken Satellites, Friends at the Table, 2k words

Kobus' entire life had been pointless, but for once, they could see exactly what they needed to do. Then Vicuna pulled them out of Liberty and Grace.

I could not tell you why I latched onto Kobus so hard, but that didn’t stop me from doubling the size of their ao3 tag in a month. This fic ended up pretty depressing, which is ironic since the whole point was to give them a happier ending than they got in canon, but at least they’re alive at the end of it.

11/4

Detect My Sudden Existence on Your Sonar, Friends at the Table, 3.1k words

AuDy didn't intend for the rest of the Chime to move in with them. They didn't object when it happened, though.

I had a lot of trouble trying to write from AuDy’s perspective but I’m pleased with the end result. Maybe next I’ll figure out how to do pacing and/or tonal consistency. I do like the Cass stuff at the end but I think my favorite scene from this fic is everyone helping Aria unpack her stuff and being goofy.

11/11

Telling Dreams from One Another, Friends at the Table, 1.3k words

Mako shows up on Kobus' doorstep holding a Divine, and doesn't even have the decency to bring fried chicken.

This started because I kept thinking about how Kobus’ form of Ambition would have been Faith and how close that comes to Loyalty, and then the more I wrote the more I liked the dynamic between Kobus and the younger Makos. A lot of it can be summed up as Mako being the mid-twenties upperclassman who looks at the freshman and goes “oh look, a baby” much to the freshman’s annoyance, except instead of being in college they’re both secret agents raised as weapons since they can remember. It isn’t addressed in the fic but I imagine this ends with Kobus following Mako back to Kesh and ending up with eight identical older siblings.

11/24

Find Out What Broke Me Soon Enough, Friends at the Table, 1.9k words

Kobus is still reeling from their failed attack on Grace, but when Aria Joie asks for their help, they can't think of a good reason to refuse.

Continuing the theme of “what if Kobus had friends,” I like the idea of Aria being worried about Righteousness consuming her and going to the one person she knows of who’s successfully stepped away from a Divine. Like the last fic in the series, I tried very hard to give Kobus a happy ending and they categorically refused. As it turns out, when you’ve been raised to see yourself as a sacrifice for the greater good, it’s hard to find other ways to make a difference, and Aria doesn’t know them well enough to push it. One day I will find the right combination of characters and circumstances to let Kobus rest.

12/7

Take Our Time 'Cause It Feels Like We're Dying, Friends at the Table, 1.7k words

When Cass coughed up the first flower petal, all they could do was stare at it in disbelief.

Yes, I know, hanahaki. I am surprised at myself too. I was just thinking about what it would take to get me invested in hanahaki and because of who I am as a person my brain immediately applied that to Counter/weight. I know where I’m going with it but I want to finish F&M before continuing, so keep an eye out maybe in February. Also, doing this retrospective made me realize that this is the second time I’ve used a line from this song as a title for a Counter/weight fic. Whoops.

12/17

The Movements of My Mind, Friends at the Table, 1k words

On his way back to Auniq for the negotiations, Throndir stops by the cave where he met Kindrali.

My first non Counter/weight fatt fic, and once again it is introspection about a Dre character, because without realizing it I ended up with a favorite player. I just like coming up with in-universe explanations for things that were probably mistakes on their part, and I’m always interested in how the Kindrali connection works. Even if I am now incapable of thinking of Kindrali without going “I wonder what day he remembers??”

12/25

Fantasy and Microchips, Friends at the Table, 9.2k words

Five times Mako hacks things accidentally because of Cass, and one time it's intentional.

The year ended as it began, with me taking someone else’s AU and writing a fic about it. In this case, it’s a comic done by drowzydruzy on twitter. I looked at it, went “that’s pretty funny, maybe I could write a fic about it,” and then two chapters in I realized how to exploit it for angst and pretty much didn’t stop. The trickiest part so far has been making Rigor references without getting too heavy-handed. I’m halfway through writing the last chapter now, so naturally I’m procrastinating by doing this meme. It’s actually a meta-narrative about defeating Rigor by not being too beholden to your own projects, or something.