#somebody else retrieve the ideas from my brain for me. somebody else finish my writing for me. i just wanna do cheritz stuff forever is that
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smol-grey-tea · 4 months ago
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Hey guys, if you ever want a lot of sudden motivation, just tell yourself to do something else :) :')
Tell me why the fuck now that I'm almost at the end of my wip deadline that I get fresh ideas for my current Nameless fic chapter wip 😩😩😩😩😩😩
I have to finish my writing wip before Saturday. I hope I can do it tomorrow tho tbh. But this fucking Nameless idea is exactly the cute sweetness that this chapter neededddddd fuuuuucccckkkkk 😩😩😩😩 raaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! 🤬🤬
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caramelcal · 4 years ago
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someone you loved
Request: Hi, could you write some Luke Patterson x Reader based on Someone you loved from Lewis Capaldi, please? But I also would like a happy end if it is possible, although the song is sad one. Thanks in advance :)
Word Count: 2k
a/n: hellooo! its currently 1:15 am and i have school tomorrow lol...im so tired but i needed to finish this so enjoyyy! 
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I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy I need somebody to heal Somebody to know Somebody to have Somebody to hold It's easy to say But it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain 
Remembering that day was something that you found yourself doing constantly, which was incredibly unfortunate. As you sat up in your room, curled up in a ball your mind drifted to him, the way the other girl had her arms around him, something you and only you were supposed to you.
You remembered the way she leaned against him, her body against his, her short tank top doing nothing to stop her skin from coming in contact with Luke.  Anger had bubbled in your chest as well as your throat tightening up, fists clenching at your sides. You saw the way her lips were pressed against his. Against your boyfriend’s. He pulled back away from her, and the way she went up to his ear, whispering seductively before her eyes caught onto you. Then she smirked.
Luke’s bandmates surrounded him, Bobby with two girls, both with the same minimal clothing that the one that was all over your boyfriend was wearing, Reggie was pawning over one that walked slightly in front of him and Alex looked dreadfully uncomfortable. Yet, you didn’t care about them, all you cared about was the way that girl was all over Luke. And if things couldn’t get any worse, whilst she maintained eye contact with you, she whispered in his ear again, why the hell was he not pulling away from her? Suddenly, after the girl said something, pointing a manicured finger in your direction, and his head snapped over to where you were, your eyes flickering between him and the girl, who was now walking backward away from him like her job was done.
“You know what, Patterson?” You shouted angrily at the boy, getting the entire group’s attention, “Fuck you, we’re over.”
And with that, you stormed off. Yet, it was weeks later and you were still crying about it, you missed the way put his arms around your stomach, pulling your back against his chest, the way he laughed with you, the way he cried with you, how he would have one hand on the wheel and one on your thigh when he was driving, you missed the way you blasted songs and just sang together. You missed everything and even though he hurt you, you still love him.
Now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
Trying to convince yourself to get ready and go out after so many days of staying in your dark room, in pajamas, and wallowing in self-pity was hard but you did it. You got out of bed, got ready, and went on your way to get a drink at the local cafe; a hangout place that a lot of the students at your school used. You planned on meeting a friend here, but as you walked in and you saw him in there you knew it was a bad idea.
It wasn’t only him either, his bandmates were there too, talking, conversing and he had his arm around another girl. You shouldn’t have been surprised if he was willing to get with a girl when you guys were together, why would it be any different in the weeks after your break up? You’re staring at them for a while before one of them notices you, Reggie, smiling at you and waving you over.
“Y/n! Come over and join us for a milkshake!” Innocent Reggie. You don’t miss the semi-discrete nudge that Alex gives Reggie. He always did seem like the one person in the band with half a brain cell, and he was nice too. He looks up at you, casting you a sympathetic smile as Bobby, who again has another girl with him informs Luke that you’ve arrived. Yet, as your eyes catch onto him, you can’t help walking out.
He frowns at your retrieving figure, his body itching to run out and ditch everyone here to get you but he doesn’t as Bobby nudges him again, “Dude forget about her.”
Luke doesn’t say anything as he hesitantly nods, looking down and meeting eyes with Alex, who is sitting across from him. Luke had known Alex long enough to know what look he was giving him: almost begging him to chase after you, knowing that both you and Luke would benefit from it. But he didn’t. Luke stayed exactly where he was, arm slung over the girl’s shoulder.
He didn’t even remember the girl’s name, she wasn’t a bad looking girl but she wasn’t you. She was nice, but she didn’t know Luke as you did, she didn’t have a laugh that she hated but Luke found so adorable like you. Bobby said that these girls were distractions, to get Luke’s mind off of you but even as he sat there at that moment, not a single one of his thoughts strayed from you.
I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you Now, I need somebody to know Somebody to heal Somebody to have Just to know how it feels It's easy to say but it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape
Sleep did not come easy to you that night, it never did without Luke there but after seeing him today at the cafe, you couldn’t even take a sip of water without being reminded of Luke. You knew it wasn’t a great idea, but you needed to clear your head, and if this was the only way to do it then so be it.
With your coat clung tightly around your body, you venture down the street, the window blowing softly against your face. It’s creepy, not something you saw in the peppy little town but as you walked down dimly lit streets, the streetlights buzzing slightly overhead you couldn’t help but feel a little jumpy. 
“You shouldn’t be out here at this time,” You hear a voice call from the shadows, making you jump around with eyes wide. You walk backward slightly as your head whips around, trying to catch where the voice came from as you catch onto his figure.
Clad in a plaid red flannel, Luke leans against the wall, arms crossed over his chest with eyes trained on you. You clear your throat, feeling a blush rise to your throat at the thought of Luke seeing you so on edge as you speak, “Luke.”
He’s rather far away from you, still lazily leaning against the building wall with his hair in its usual messy way. You liked it like that. The chain on his jeans rattles slightly as he shifts to face you, but still stays leaning against the wall, “y/n.”
It’s quiet for a few moments and for the first time in forever you feel incredibly uncomfortable around Luke. Even before you two got together you had always felt comfortable with Luke; at home. He can feel how much you don’t want to be there, he’s always been able to read you and you aren’t hiding your awkwardness well.
“Well if that’s all,” You say, clearing your throat as you eagerly swivel on your feet to go in the direction you came in, suddenly feeling like going home.
Yet, as you start to walk, you can’t help but stop when you hear Luke chuckle. Did he find this funny? When you peer back at him, seeing him shake his head as he continued to chuckle quietly, “What?”
“Nothing,” Luke dismisses but yet continues to laugh. His hands are in his jean pockets now, a smirk evident on his face.
“Clearly it’s something, what are you finding so funny?” You ask, not hiding how defensive you are you speak. You’ve completely turned towards him again, eyes watching the guitarist’s figure as he calms his laughing down.
Kicking his feet off of the wall, Luke stands up, walking closer to where you stand in the middle of the sidewalk. He pretty much closes the gap between the two of you, until he’s about a foot away from you, peering at you with hazel eyes.
“I just think it’s funny how because we broke up you think we can’t even speak to each other anymore.”
You almost stutter as you break eye contact with the boy. You knew that whatever you said was probably going to lead to an argument and honestly, that was the last thing you wanted right now, “I have to get going.”
“No you don’t,” Luke swiftly responds, shaking his head at you as your eyes snap back up to him, leaving him to rock on his heels.
Your eyes close into slits as you feel annoyance bubble in your stomach. Even if Luke did know when you lied, he should know to let it go, to avoid confrontation but maybe he wanted this, “I left without letting my parents know. If I’m just missing from my bedroom they’ll probably be worried.”
“Your parents aren’t even home, y/n, they’re away on a trip,” You can’t hide the surprise on your face when Luke says that. How he knew that was beyond you because no one else knew but you and your parents. Yet, he elaborates, eyes never leaving you, “even if I couldn’t tell when you’re lying, y/n, I would still know. Your parents stopped me on the way out of town saying they were leaving town for a bit and wanted me to keep an eye on you. They’re worried y/n, ‘said you haven’t been yourself lately. You didn’t tell them we broke up, did you?”
Lips apart, you stare up at Luke, shaking your head, voice quiet and low, “I couldn’t. They really liked you. I couldn’t tell them you cheated.”
“You wouldn’t have to because I didn’t.”
“I saw you, Luke! I saw you with that other girl!” You yelled, your voice no longer low as you felt the rage start to bubble at the bottom of your chest again. The fact that you caught him in the act and he still denies it angered you, why couldn’t he just own up to it? “Are you going to say I imagined it? That I didn’t see anything?”
“I’m not, no,” Luke replied, keeping his voice calm as he shook his head, “What I am going to say is that you don’t know what you saw.”
And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes I fall into your arms I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around
For now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
Suddenly, everything made sense. It wasn’t his fault and you felt so dumb. You were almost speechless after he finished talking, leaving both of you in silence for several moments.
“I-I’m sorry,”
“Why are you sorry?” Luke asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at you.
“I should have let you explain and we wouldn’t be in this mess, we both wouldn’t have been-”
Luke doesn’t let you finish, almost feeling how guilty you felt for immediately assuming the worst of him. He knew it wasn’t your fault, he would have been just as angry if he was in the situation you were, “Hey it’s alright. I should’ve run after you and explained everything then.”
You don’t say anything as he pulls you into a hug, a warmth that you had yearned for over the past few weeks. He has a hand on your back, holding you close, and a hand on the back of your head, softly running his fingers through your hair.
“I missed you so much,”  He whispered to you, leaving you to hug him closer to you, to enjoy the warmth before it disappeared again. You never wanted to let go, you felt safe in his hold, you felt at home.
He placed a soft kiss against the top of your head, still holding you close before you looked up at him, “I missed you too, Lu.”
He flashes you a soft smile, one that had always melted your heart, “How about we go home, huh?”
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puppywritings · 4 years ago
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you make it feel like christmas - kim doyoung x gender-neutral reader 
⇢   synopsis: when you entered your job a few years ago, you found your best friend, doyoung. the two of you were partners-in-crime, platonic soulmates. however, during a drunken phone call with doyoung’s mother, she catches the wrong idea and invites you to spend christmas with their family… as doyoung’s partner. ever the mama’s boy, doyoung doesn’t want to disappoint her. and you? you’re counting down the days until you can stop this lovers pretence and slap your best friend upside the head.
⇢   word count: 5.6k ⇢   trigger warnings: alcohol use resulting in minor memory loss, swearing, slight suggestive references. this piece is suitable for all audiences! 
⇢   a/n: this is my piece for @pastelsicheng​ and @dearyongs​‘ a taste of winter collab. quick disclaimer that doyoung’s family in this fic may not represent his real life family situation, however this is a work of fiction and isn’t meant to mirror real life. i don’t know doyoung, nor do i know his mother, and the characters represented in this writing are fictitious versions of them. furthermore, the christmas traditions depicted in this story are mainly based on my own experiences celebrating the holidays in england.
⇢   taglist: @hunjins​ @ahgase55g7​ @mmoondance​ @notnctu​ @orange-nimon-cross​ @yeoshwa​ @infnteen​ @neonun-au​ @luvlala​ @neo-shitty​ @yutacrush​ @ethaeriyeol​ @fairyinaflowercrown​ @in-my-neofeelings​ @dreamieofu​
"All I want for Christmas is youuu, baby!"
Doyoung's voice was almost deafening in your ear, which would've been a problem if you were sober. Your voice, too, merrily drunk and far too loud, belted out the holiday tunes. Your best friend's arm was slung around your shoulder, and yours was around his waist. It was like the blind leading the blind, however; neither of you were keeping your balance very well. The two of you staggered together, navigating the city's streets back to his apartment.
The Christmas party that your office held would have been okay without your favourite coworker - you would've had a good time and enjoyed yourself, sure. But with Doyoung's presence, paired with the copious amounts of alcohol, it had been a riot. Even if you had peaked too early and had to depart by 11pm. 
Doyoung was, undoubtedly, the best part about your job. The workload wasn't overwhelming, nor was it tedious, and the salary was nothing to sneeze at. But, without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing your job had ever provided you with was the opportunity to meet your best friend. Doyoung was your platonic soulmate, and your favourite person.
"Hey," Doyoung slurred, calling out to you suddenly. "Is that your ringtone?"
Squinting, you listened closely. "No, Doie," you hiccupped. "I think that's your ringtone."
"Oh, shit,'' Doyoung mumbled, diving into his coat pocket to retrieve his ringing phone. "My mom! She's facetiming."
Your vision was blurred, but you very vaguely saw Doyoung answer the call, bringing up his mother's image on his phone screen. Though you’d been best friends with Doyoung for a few years, you’d never met her. Doyoung lived and worked alongside you in the city, but his mother lived a while away in the countryside, and so your paths had never crossed.
"Hi Mom," Doyoung waved at her.
"Doyoung? Where are you?"
"I'm walking home, Mom," he responded, beaming at her through his phone.
"You sent me a strange text message," she told him, her voice raised a little more than necessary - Doyoung had mentioned that she was somewhat inept when it came to technology. 
"Huh?" Doyoung looked confused.
"Something about lunch the day after tomorrow," she elaborated. "Doyoung, you aren't coming home for the holidays until next week, right?"
"Ah," Doyoung said, understanding. "That was meant for somebody else, sorry Mom."
"My boy," you heard her tut, and you laughed. "Is someone there with you, Doyoung?"
"Yeah," Doyoung nodded, "Y/N is here."
"Hi, Mrs Kim," you waved, as Doyoung turned the screen towards you. If you weren't so drunk, you would've been nervous about meeting your best friend's mother for the first time. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it) your bloodstream was mainly rum at that point, so you had absolutely no worries nor qualms. 
“Kim Doyoung! Why didn’t you tell me you had a partner?” his mother blurted out.
“Huh?” exclaimed Doyoung, utterly confused.
“Oh Doyoung, you must bring Y/N home for the holidays! I can’t wait to meet them,” she cooed.
“Mom, wait-”
“See you two next week!” she cheerily said her goodbyes before hanging up, disappearing from the screen and leaving the two of you in silence. 
Doyoung looked at you. You looked back at him.
“Did she…” you began, not quite wanting to end your sentence.
Doyoung nodded gravely. “She thinks we’re dating.”
The look on Doyoung’s face - eyes wide, lips in a straight, serious line - it was too much for you. You snorted, gripping his arm as you buckled in laughter. He wasn’t far behind you, bursting into a fit of giggles too. You and Doyoung loved each other, that was indisputable. But it was completely and entirely platonic. The two of you laughed together the rest of the way home.
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As you were coming to your senses the next morning, you groaned. Why the hell did you feel so lousy? you wondered, full to the brim with self-pity. Your head pounded, a throbbing ache so strong you were certain somebody was banging pots and pans in your brain. Your throat was so, so dry, and you felt as though you could drink a whole gallon of water and still be thirsty afterwards. And then the memories of the previous night came flooding in.
Ah, you thought, Now it all makes sense.
You sorted through the events of last night, mentally flicking through the filing cabinet of your memories. A filing cabinet that was sorely empty when it came to the night prior. You remembered arriving at the party with Doyoung; you remembered the first few drinks, but following that your memories began to fade. You remembered Doyoung pressing a sloppy kiss to your boss’ cheek - a rather stoic middle-aged man - and you had no doubt that Doyoung would be apologising profusely on Monday morning. You had absolutely no recollection of the walk home, but since you had awoken in Doyoung’s spare bedroom, you supposed the night could have gone worse. At least you made it home safe.
Begrudgingly, you threw back the blankets and lifted yourself out of bed. Doyoung - bless his heart - had left you some painkillers and a glass of water on the bedside table. You consumed both of them gratefully and emerged from the spare room, wincing at the sunlight that met you. As you made your way down the hallway, whistling met your ears. How Doyoung could be so lively after a night of heavy drinking, you had no idea.
“Why the hell do you never get hungover?” you grumbled at him as you entered the kitchen, finding him at the stove.
“Good morning to you, too, sleeping beauty,” he greeted you with a smile.
“Seriously,” you continued as you took a seat at the kitchen island, “I swear I get hungover enough for the both of us.”
“Thank you for taking on that burden,” Doyoung replied sweetly, which you responded to with a spiteful glower. It doesn’t last long, however; Doyoung finishes cooking breakfast, and dishes you up a serving. Sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs, baked beans, hash browns, and toast. As much as you playfully bickered with Doyoung, he was an absolute treasure.
“Doie, you’re a gift from the heavens,” you praise him, the sight of the warm, greasy food reviving your soul almost immediately. 
Doyoung took a seat next to you, placing down a plate of his own breakfast. “So,” he began, “How much of last night do you remember?”
“Huh?” you asked, suddenly wondering if you’d forgotten something drastic. “Did we…”
“Oh my god, no,” Doyoung denied quickly.
“Thank fuck,” you sigh in relief. Your best friend was attractive, definitely. But you saw him as more of a sibling than a lover.
Doyoung waited a moment before explaining, and with each second that passed, your suspicions rose. “My mom… She’s invited you to spend the holidays with us.”
“Oh!” you exclaim. That confession was a lot tamer than what you’d expected. “Sure, that sounds great. I was spending the holidays alone this year anyways.”
“There’s a catch.”
You dropped your knife and fork onto your plate. “Doyoung,” you groan, “Why is there always a catch?”
“My mom thinks we’re dating.” Doyoung pointedly avoided your eye contact while he spoke.
“And you corrected her, right?” you asked, fearing the worst. Doyoung’s silence only confirmed your fears. “Right?” 
“She was so happy when she thought I was dating someone! And she’s been on my back about settling down forever,” Doyoung rambled, trying to save himself from your wrath - to no avail.
“Doyoung!”
“Please, Y/N. It’ll only be for a few days,” he pleaded, clasping his hands together and giving you his very best puppy-dog eyes. And you had to admit, they were some top-notch puppy-dog eyes.
You gave a resigned sigh, and Doyoung cheered. “Fine. But only because I really want to try your mom’s cookies.”
“You’re the best friend in the world,” Doyoung complimented you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. You whined at him, fighting the urge to bat away his affections; in your hungover state, you were not at all ready for hugs.
“Then make me some more hash browns,” you grumbled. If Doyoung was prepared to put you in this situation, he’d better also be prepared to pay you for it.
“You got it, best friend,” Doyoung beamed at you, getting up to obey your command. “You should pack those Christmas pyjamas you’re wearing, by the way. My mom would love them.” You scowled at him. He immediately backed down, waving away his previous statement. “We can figure out the logistics later.”
“You better make this worth my while, Kim Doyoung.” When he served you your hash browns, you were still scowling.
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As the taxi pulled up at Doyoung’s childhood home, you couldn’t help but marvel at it. You raised a hand to the cab’s window, looking out at the idyllic cottage, rooftop covered in snow, decked out in twinkling Christmas lights. The environment had grown increasingly more peaceful as you had travelled out of Seoul and deeper into the countryside, picturesque hills and winding valleys rolling past the train windows. This place felt worlds away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and it was difficult to feel even slightly stressed. Even if the situation your best friend had put you in was less than ideal, this was an absolutely beautiful place to spend the holidays - it looked like it had jumped straight out of a Christmas card.
Despite the beautiful winter wonderland before you, you still weren’t prepared for the cold that hit you when you stepped out of the cab. You busied yourself getting the luggage from the trunk while Doyoung paid the driver.
“Are you ready?” Doyoung asked you, looking into your eyes sincerely.
You sighed. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” You gave him a smile, reassuring him. The truth was, you were truly excited to spend the holidays with Doyoung and his mother; you were excited to meet her, to eat her home cooking, to hear stories about Doyoung in his youth. You just had some qualms about the whole fake relationship pretense, and you really didn’t want to let your best friend down.
“Y/N?” Doyoung spoke, taking bags out of your hands.
“Yeah?” you asked, watching wistfully as the taxi drove away.
Doyoung smirked at you. “Just try your best not to fall in love with me for real, okay?”
You rolled your eyes so hard they practically fell out of your head. “You wish.” Just as the cottage door swung open, you reached for Doyoung’s hand, holding it tightly. So began the relationship charade.
“Doyoung, my boy,” his mother beamed, coming out to greet her son. It was hard not to smile upon seeing her - she was clearly over the moon to see you and Doyoung, and her joy was infectious. She was a small woman, but you had gathered from Doyoung’s description that she certainly had a big character. She welcomed her son into an embrace, kissing his cheek. “You don’t visit home enough, Doyoung,” she chided lovingly.
“And you must be Y/N,” she spoke, moving her gaze onto you. She looked at you fondly, and you beamed back at her. “You’re so beautiful,” she praised you.
Your cheeks, already red from the cold, blazed a little brighter. “Thank you, Mrs Kim.”
She wagged a finger at you. “Mrs Kim, you make me sound so aged. Please, call me Mom.” She turned around, welcoming the two of you inside, and you shared a smile with Doyoung. 
The interior of the cottage was every bit as charming as the exterior. Family photos decorated the walls, and warm rugs hugged the floors. You supposed the home would have a cozy feeling all year round, but now, in the festive season, the place was dressed up to the nines. Lavish paper chains were strung up, along with twinkling lights and boughs of holly. Not to mention the Christmas tree; though not huge it was still sizeable, likely the biggest Mrs Kim could fit through the cottage door. It was embellished with golden tinsel and crimson baubles.
“Your home is so beautiful,” you commended. “Did you decorate yourself?”
“All by myself,” Doyoung’s mother confirmed proudly.
“This must’ve been a beautiful place to grow up,” you marvelled, your comment pointed towards Doyoung, who smiled back at you appreciatively.
“Oh, the stories I have about Doyoung growing up,” Mrs Kim said, and you detected a mischievous tone.
“I can’t wait to hear them,” you grinned.
“And see them!” she added. “I have so many photo albums.”
Doyoung groaned, while you and Mrs Kim laughed in the presence of his misery. Yes, you decided. You were going to enjoy this visit very much.
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When you settled into bed that night, you were beyond exhausted. Doyoung’s mother had kindly set you up in the spare room, which was delightfully warm and snug. Doyoung’s childhood bedroom contained only a single bed, whereas the spare room had a double bed to accommodate you - the ‘couple.’ Though it had only been a few hours since you’d arrived that afternoon, the gravity of your situation had well and truly sunk in. The performative affection you and Doyoung had been carrying out was alien, equal parts strange and comical.
“I can’t believe the amount of times you called me Honey today,” Doyoung scoffed amusedly, dressed in his blue flannel pyjamas with his dark hair laying flat and fluffy on his forehead. He turned off the big light to leave the room illuminated by the warm glow of the table lamps, before climbing into bed beside you.
“Mock me all you want, Doyoung, but I think I put on a pretty convincing performance,” you return smugly.
“Well, I can’t imagine it’s hard. I’m very easy to love. You on the other hand?” Doyoung faked a weary sigh. “I have my work cut out for me.” You flicked Doyoung on the forehead, snickering when he yelped. 
You yawned, depositing your phone on the bedside table and snuggling down into the blankets. Though you were exhausted, and the cottage was immensely cozy, it always felt a little strange to fall asleep in a new place. You were thankful for the company of your best friend, who always put you at ease.
“I hate sharing a bed with you,” you grumbled your complaint. Despite the comfort he brought you, he wasn’t the easiest person to sleep with. “You starfish. I always wake up with, like, one centimetre of bed space.”
Doyoung dropped his phone, letting it fall onto the blankets. He looked at you, eyebrows raised. “One centimetre?”
“Yeah, one centimetre!” you insisted.
“Well, I always wake up with your cold feet on my legs,” he rebutted.
“Yeah, well-” you sputtered. “It’s not my fault you’re a living hot water bottle!”
“And it’s not my fault you’re always cold. Yet I’m always punished with your horrible cold feet.” You laughed back at him; the normality of your bickering helped to put you at ease.
“Let’s get some rest,” you suggested, yawning again. “I don’t wanna miss your mom’s cookies tomorrow morning - I wanna try them while they’re warm.”
“Mmm, good idea,” Doyoung agreed, eyes wide with the thought of his mother’s cookies.
“Goodnight, butthead,” you teased your friend, turning off the lamp beside you.
“Sleep well, idiot,” he replied fondly. 
Thoughts of warm chocolate-chip cookies were the last things on your mind before you fell asleep, and you were lucky enough to have them drift through your dreams that night.
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As you slowly woke up, gradually returning to the land of the conscious, you first became aware of how delightfully warm you were. A light winter sun was shining through the gaps in the curtains, bathing the room in a soft white light. You sighed, hugging your pillow closer to you, but  furrowing your eyebrows in confusion when you found it to be much firmer and less pliant than a pillow.
“Nice to see you’ve finally awakened. You drooled on my pyjamas.” Doyoung’s voice was gentle, and lacked any real annoyance.
“What time is it?” you asked, rolling off the boy.
“Half nine,” he told you, looking at his phone screen. You digested the information as Doyoung got out of bed, stretching his muscles which had stiffened from sleep.
“Now that I’m finally free,” he stared at you pointedly, “I’m gonna take a shower. There’s another bathroom down the hall if you want to wash up.” You nodded, accomplishing your own satisfying stretch in bed.
A while later, fresh and ready for the day, adorned in your favourite comfy sweater, you made your way downstairs, trying to dampen down your high, high hopes for cookies.
“Good morning, Mrs Kim,” you greeted the woman with a smile. A smile that increased tenfold when you saw she was, in fact, in the middle of preparing cookies.
“I already told you to call me Mom, darling,” she chastised gently. “Did you sleep well?”
You gave her a nod, silently thinking about the several times you woke up to Doyoung kicking you through the night. 
“Lovely,” she commented. “I’m making cookies, would you like to help?”
“I’d love to,” you answered honestly. “Your cookies are kind of famous back in Seoul. Doyoung never stops talking about them.”
“That boy and his cookies,” she remarked with affection.
Doyoung’s mother set you off to work making another batch of mixture, as she began her duties with the rolling pin. The two of you worked in a comfortable silence, and you marvelled at how much she put you at ease. She was a warm lady, the kind of mother figure a person is lucky to have.
“Y/N, I want you to tell me everything,” she spoke after a while. “How did you and Doyoung meet?” 
“Ah,” you mumbled, gearing yourself up to talk about your fake-boyfriend. “Well, we work together. I joined the company about two years ago, and Doyoung was the one to show me the ropes.”
“Was it love at first sight?” Mrs Kim asked you sweetly.
You turned away from the cookie dough, choking a little at the mention of romance with Doyoung, as you remembered the first time you met the man. 
You were almost trembling as your new boss showed you around the office; this was your first “grown-up” job and you were the very definition of nervous. You were thankful for your brand-new black blazer which covered the sweat stains that you knew were building. 
“And this,” your boss introduced you, “Is Kim Doyoung. He’ll help you settle in.”
“Hi. Y/N Y/L/N,” you offered Doyoung your hand to shake, which he accepted. 
Doyoung waited for your boss to leave before speaking. “So,” he began with a smirk, “How hard did he try to be ‘relatable’ and ‘down with the kids?’”
You hid your laugh behind a cough. “He’s a little out of touch, huh?”
“A little?” Doyoung raised an eyebrow, laughing alongside you.
“Is it okay to talk about the boss like this? We’re supposed to respect him, right?” you asked your new coworker, a little uncertainly.
“Ah, Y/N, of course we respect him,” Doyoung tutted at you, before adding, “To his face.” 
Doyoung had you in stitches your entire first day. Though he tried not to show it, you hadn’t seen anybody try so hard to help you become comfortable and calm. He had been easing your nerves since day one. 
“Yeah,” you confirmed as you recovered.  “I think it was.” Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight in a romantic sense, but the two of you definitely connected on a personal level right away.
“So romantic,” Doyoung’s mother cooed as she rolled out the dough. “What do you love most about him?”
“Hm.” You paused, taking a moment to think. It was true that you loved a lot of Doyoung’s qualities - he was your best friend after all. He was always supportive, an ever-present shoulder to cry on. He was funny, and kind, and pleasant to be around. You always had fun together. “I love a lot of things about him,” you answered truthfully.
“He’s wonderful, isn’t he?” she agreed with you jovially, to which you smiled and nodded. “Now, I don’t want to rush you,” she continued, “But will you and Doyoung be giving me grandchildren any time soon?”
You choked on your spit, just as Doyoung entered the kitchen, coming to your rescue.
“Speak of the devil,” his mom noted affectionately, as she loaded the full trays into the oven.
“Cookies?” Doyoung’s eyes glinted hopefully. His hair was still damp from the shower, dripping and leaving wet droplets on his plain white t-shirt.
“Yes, in about fifteen minutes,” she confirmed. “You can wait that long, right?”
“Oh,” Doyoung moaned, “I don’t know. I can feel my life escaping from me as we speak.” He collapsed at the kitchen table behind you, falling onto the chair as he pretended to faint. You chuckled at his antics, reaching over to ruffle his still-wet hair adoringly. You caught his mother looking over at the two of you fondly, and you smiled, a little self-conscious. 
It felt more natural than you’d imagined, being cute and cozy with Doyoung in this false relationship. You supposed your friendship was a little more affectionate than you realised. Now that you thought about it, there was a certain tenderness that was common between the two of you - aside from the constant snipping and bickering, that was.
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You’d never considered that you could be suited to a life outside the city, but the longer you spent in the charming countryside, the more ideal it felt. On your second morning of your winter break, you and Doyoung had donned your warmest winter gear (hats, scarves, and gloves included) and set out on a walk down the rustic lanes that your best friend had once called home. Though there were no eyes on you, and logically you didn’t have to keep up your fake-dating pretence in these hidden moments, shared only by you and Doyoung, the two of you held hands as you ambled down the snow-covered roads. It was an unspoken act, and one that felt strangely comfortable and oddly natural. You didn’t accredit too much thought to it; best friends could hold hands, if they wished to.
“We’re almost there,” Doyoung told you, after a short time of walking.
You tilted your head in confusion. “Where?” You hadn’t thought you were walking with any specific location in mind - you’d assumed the pair of you were meandering through the countryside with no direction.
“You’ll see,” was all he said, leaving you wondering.
Not long later, Doyoung directed you towards an opening in the shrubbery at the side of the lane, maneuvering himself over a stile before helping you over. The field you found yourself in was empty, the normally green meadow blanketed in completely untouched white. The only thing standing in the field, other than you and Doyoung was an old, rather dilapidated-looking barn. You imagined it once blazed a beautiful scarlet, although the years and the weather had chipped and faded its coat, leaving it a patchy maroon.
“Who does this belong to?” you asked, reclaiming Doyoung’s hand as you approached the barn together.
“I don’t know,” Doyoung countered. “Nobody, I think. It’s been abandoned as long as I can remember.”
“It’s a little creepy,” you commented apprehensively.
“Don’t worry, there aren’t any ghosts,” Doyoung mocked you, although it was devoid of any cruelty.
The door creaked as Doyoung pushed it open, and you didn’t entirely trust it not to fall completely off its hinges. The interior of the barn was a dark contrast to the stark white of the winter wonderland outside, although some sunlight filtered through the gaps in the wooden structure.
“Welcome to my secret clubhouse,” Doyoung introduced you. Your hands fell apart, as Doyoung left your side to venture to the back of the dwelling, finding a rickety swing that hung from the rafters, constructed of two pieces of rope and a plank of wood. He sat on it, swinging lightly and you were surprised to find that it managed to support his weight.
“How many of your romantic conquests have you brought here before me?” you teased, examining his hangout.
“You’re the first.”
The barn wasn’t particularly exciting, but there was a certain buzz to be derived from gaining a little bit of insight to Doyoung’s past. The floors of the building were no longer lined with hay, but dirt and dust, featuring intermittent weeds and plants. A tree had reached its spindly branches inside the structure, intertwining itself with the beams and pillars. You perched yourself atop an old stool that was sitting amid the weeds and rubble.
“Did you put that swing up yourself?” you asked, eyeing its stability.
“Yep,” Doyoung confirmed. “All by myself. I climbed right up into the rafters to fasten it.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t hurt yourself,” you remarked. The barn was a rather significant height, and it can’t have been safe for a young boy to scale the wooden bones of the building, likely aided by the serpentine branches of the oak tree. 
“When I was a kid I thought I was superman,” Doyoung said, and you could see him reminiscing internally. You watched, captivated, as he looked around the tattered old barn which was clearly a sentimental place for him. He was beautiful, your best friend. Eyes that shined, dark as the night; a nose that sloped almost perfectly; pink lips that looked best when smiling. Though the winter was a cold one, your heart was warmed by your love for Doyoung. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, simply existing together without any demand or pressure to make unnecessary conversation.
“We should get back home,” Doyoung spoke after a while, standing and stretching. “My mom is making hotpot for lunch.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” you said with enthusiasm. Spending time with your best friend, taking walks through the beautiful countryside, and being fed homemade dishes for every meal. This Christmas holiday may just be the best thing to ever happen to you.
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Christmas morning came much more swiftly than you expected. The homely atmosphere of the cottage, the domestic haven where Doyoung spent his youth, felt like a sweet sanctuary that existed outside of the linear flow of time. Early morning walks down dew-covered lanes gave way to plentiful lunches that you savoured, which morphed into homely afternoons that eased into sleepy evenings around the fireplace. It was the sweet retreat you hadn’t realised you’d needed, and you were remarkably upset that you had to return to the city the following day.
“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll put this to good use,” you grinned at Mrs Kim as you handed over the Christmas present you’d brought her. She unwrapped the parcel, although the shape didn’t quite leave room for a discreet gift, to reveal a bottle of red wine.
“I’m sure I’ll find some way to use this,” she responded, a teasing twinkle in her eye as you shared a laugh together. 
“Y/N,” Doyoung spoke, handing you a small box wrapped in festive paper. “Here.” He was already wearing the watch you had gifted him with. You peeled back the wrapping, opening the box to find a delicate silver necklace, hanging from it a shining silver jewel. It looked expensive; you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a real diamond.
“Wow,” you gasped, at a complete loss for words.
“Let me put it on you,” Doyoung offered, and you let him. 
“It’s beautiful,” you smiled at him. “Thank you.” He smiled back sincerely.
Doyoung’s mother reached under the Christmas tree, bringing out two identically wrapped packages, square-shaped and squishy. “You kids open your presents together; I made them matching for you.”
You tore into the paper, opening the bundle to reveal a mass of knitted wool, soft and burgundy. You lifted it up to reveal a beautiful, intricate Christmas sweater - and noticed that Doyoung was holding an identical one.
“They’re so beautiful, Mrs Kim,” you complimented her, a little starstruck; though you knew Mrs Kim had handcrafted them, they looked like they were bought from a shop. They were of the most perfect quality, and looked splendidly snug and cozy.
“Yeah, thanks Mom,” Doyoung added, admiring the material. He waited until she looked away, taking a sip of her hot cocoa, before turning to you and muttering “Matching Christmas sweaters?” accompanied by a fake gag. You looked away, finding it almost impossible to stifle the giggle that bubbled up within you. They were beautiful, and you were endlessly grateful for the homemade gift, but Doyoung’s comment had amused you.
Mrs Kim looked at you with a knowing expression, and you couldn’t help but wonder if she’d noticed the exchange.
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“Now you know I wasn’t kidding about my mom’s homemade cooking,” Doyoung said as he worked on the mountain of dishes in the sink.
“You really weren’t,” you agreed, stood next to him with a towel to dry the porcelain. You typically weren’t such a big fan of turkey, but something about the way Mrs Kim cooked it meant that it was surprisingly delicious. You had gone back for several helpings of the meal, encouraged by Doyoung’s mother, who seemed to derive pleasure from keeping people well-fed.
“I need a nap,” Doyoung declared, and you shared his experience of full-stomach sleepiness.
The pair of you finished up in the kitchen, and moved to the living room where Doyoung’s mother had relocated.
“Ah!” she stopped you in the doorway, before you could enter. “Look.”
You followed her pointed finger, to the green sprigs hanging in the archway. Mistletoe. Doyoung gave an awkward chuckle.
“Mistletoe for the lovers,” his mother chortled gleefully.
Doyoung captured you in his embrace, and your heart began to beat a little faster - was he really going to kiss you? You closed your eyes as he moved into you, and felt his lips peck your forehead. You smiled, before pulling him in for a kiss on the lips. In the spirit of Christmas. Doyoung’s eyes widened, and you laughed as his mother cheered. You followed her into the living room, making yourself comfortable on the couch that had no right being as cozy as it was. Doyoung’s cheeks were still red when he joined you, taking a seat on the couch alongside you.
The television was on, playing some old Christmas movie you vaguely recognised but had never seen. You brought your legs up onto the couch, snuggling into Doyoung’s side and nestling in further when he wrapped his arm around you. The film was already halfway through, and you were too sleepy to pay attention. It wasn’t long before you began nodding off to sleep, and you knew Doyoung was doing the same. Comfortable and relaxed, you let it happen, easing into a well-deserved nap with your best friend. Just as you fell into the unconscious, you sensed Doyoung’s mother draping a blanket over you both, and you smiled gratefully before letting yourself go.
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“Taxi’s here!” Doyoung announced from his point of watch at the front door.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving already,” Doyoung’s mother pouted.
You agreed with a sad smile. “It was wonderful to meet you, Mrs Kim,” you bid her goodbye as Doyoung took your luggage out to the car.
“Beautiful Y/N,” she smiled back at you, taking your hands in her own. “Tell me the truth here.”
You blinked, surprised at her direct request. “Of course.”
“You and Doyoung aren’t really dating, are you?”
“I-”
“It’s okay, my love,” she reassured you. “Don’t worry about it. That Doyoung, he’ll do anything if he thinks it’ll please me.”
“He’s a good boy,” you commented, to which Mrs Kim nodded in agreement. “But how did you know?” You’d thought you’d given a pretty convincing show.
“Nothing gets past me,” she responded, her eyes glinting. “Listen. Doyoung’s partner or not, I can tell that you’re important to him. And for that, you’ll always be a member of this family. You’re always welcome in this home, Y/N.”
You swallowed back tears, touched by her warm words, and by how genuine they were. “Thank you, Mom.”
The older lady pulled you in for a hug, just as Doyoung called out to you, “Y/N, we gotta go.”
“You have my number, right?” Mrs Kim checked, and you nodded. “And keep that cookie recipe safe - three generations old, that is!”
“Of course,” you assured her, retreating to the taxi as Doyoung said his goodbyes to her.
“Come back soon, you two!” 
“We will,” you and Doyoung promised her in unison.
Settled in the back of the taxi, you heaved a sigh. It had been a beautiful holiday period, but part of you was happy to be returning to the security of your own home. And an even bigger part of you was relieved to drop the act of being Doyoung’s partner.
Doyoung looked at you, a tired look in his eyes. “Y/N, I love you so much-”
“But we could never date,” you completed his statement, sensing its direction.
“Never,” agreed Doyoung with a laugh. 
The two of you were much better off as friends. It would be a lie to say you’d never wondered what it would be like if your relationship ever happened to cross that boundary, but you were sated by the lesson you’d learned over the last week. Your relationship was platonic, and was destined to remain that way. That didn’t mean your relationship was any less significant than that of a romantic couple, though. Doyoung was your family. And you were beyond lucky to have found him.
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sanktaleksander · 8 years ago
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Coming Together: Part 2
Here’s the second part. If anybody has ideas for a better title, let me know.
Part 1
Summary: Vox may not be able to keep her secret for much longer.
“Vox! Open the damn door!”
Negan. Even half asleep Vox knows exactly who it is. She’d been resting the last few days, per the doctor’s insistence. She’d been allowed this brief vacation, but today she’d gone and seen about being transferred off of the retrieval team. It hadn’t gone so well, an argument with Simon ensuing. She watched as the door practically shook from Negan’s fist pounding against it. Sighing, she got up and went to open it, favoring her uninjured leg. Negan barged in as soon as she unlocked the door, for once without Lucille and lacking his leather jacket. He looked angry, but she’d become used to that expression. 
“What is it?” She asked, though she already had a pretty good idea what this was about. 
“What the hell, girl? You’re my best runner, I count on your ass! Now first you get shot, then you want off of fucking runs! What the fuck is your deal? That bullet didn’t hit your damn brain!” She knew he would be upset, she saw this coming, but she didn’t expect him to seek her out. Just seeing him is painful to her, but now it’s even worse, how is she supposed to explain herself without telling him the truth? 
“It doesn’t matter, I want out. I’m not fucking prepared to take the risk anymore. Find somebody else to get what you need.” She kept her voice firm and final, wanting him to understand there was no room for argument. 
“What the fuck has changed? I talked to the doc-"Vox felt her chest contract painfully. He’d talked to the doctor? Did that mean that he already knew? If he did, then why hadn’t he said so? Was this another game he was playing?
"What in the fuck did he tell you? What do you know?” She demanded before he could finish his sentence, already feeling her panic level begin to rise. “What? What the hell do you mean?”
“What did he tell you?! What did he tell you about me?!” Negan looked confused, taking a step back. 
“What the fuck is wrong with you? All I asked him about was your damn leg!” He didn’t know. He didn’t know. Vox found herself sitting back on the bed, her legs feeling as though they might give out. Her breath came in quick pants and nausea threatened to overwhelm her. Negan watched her curiously, clearly not understanding her reaction.
“I think I’ll say this again, what in the fuck is wrong with you?” Vox looked at the floor, wishing she could disappear. 
“Please, just leave me alone. Go away and leave me alone.” Negan was silent for a moment before putting up his hands in defeat. 
“Fine.” He moved to leave. Vox wasn’t sure what came over her then. Maybe the pressure of such a secret had finally gotten to her. Maybe the fact that Negan was so close to knowing the truth already sent her over the edge. 
“I’m pregnant!" 
For a long second Negan merely stood there, his back to her. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything, simply stood. Vox felt as though all the air had been drained from the room, making it impossible for her to breathe. She nearly doubled over, taking all of the control she had to not get sick. 
"Who does it belong to?” The sound of his voice startled her. She lifted her head and saw he was speaking to her over his shoulder. Squeezing her eyes shut, she swallowed thickly. She could barely muster a whisper.
“You.”
“How long?”
“About two months.” Her gaze fell back to the floor. She heard him turn, saw him approach. She didn’t look up, too afraid of what he was going to do to her. Then his hand was on her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. She couldn’t read his expression, it was carefully neutral. 
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” His voice was also monotone, he wasn’t quiet yet he wasn’t yelling. She tried not to tremble beneath his touch. She hated this, hated her weakness because of him. She hadn’t been afraid when she’d gone to his bed. 
“I-I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t think you’d want to know. I’m not even your wife.” She closed her eyes again, pulling away from him. 
“So please, just go. You don’t have to take responsibility or anything like that. Leave me now and I’ll deal with it, you’ll never have to hear about it again.” She expected him to leave right then. Part of her even thought he might hurt her in some way. He usually dealt with most situations by way of violence. Instead he sat down beside her, letting out a sigh. 
“I can’t just fucking do that to you. I can’t. I won’t.” Vox didn’t have it in her to meet his gaze again. 
“Why not? I won’t blame you.” He was quiet again, which was unusual in of itself. Negan usually had something to say about everything. 
“You think I don’t give two shits about you, don’t you? You thought I might even come at you with Lucille when I found out, right?” Vox hesitantly nodded. She jumped as she felt his hand take hers. He was very much right. She expected every touch from him to be a hit. 
“I’m not going hurt you. I’m not going to hurt our child.” He promised softly, squeezing her hand. 
“Why not? I’m not your wife and this was never supposed to happen. It’s my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have let it happen, I knew it was a mistake and I did it anyway." 
"Just because it wasn’t planned doesn’t mean it was a mistake.” Vox finally lifted her head, briefly catching Negan’s eyes before looking away again. 
“You can’t mean that.” She whispered, shaking her head. 
“And why the fuck not? I’m not heartless, Vox, despite what you think! This is our child and I happen to think it’s something really fucking great. I know we broke the rules but right now, I could not give less of a fuck. It sure as fuck ain’t changing. Unless…that’s what you want.” Vox couldn’t believe her ears. He was giving her a choice? If she didn’t want the baby, she didn’t have to have it? Her hand moved to settle on her belly. Her heartbeat quickened at the thought of simply getting rid of this child. It was difficult being pregnant, but that didn’t mean she wanted it to stop, not when that meant she would never see her child. In a way, the baby was a tangible piece of what she had with Negan, no matter if that was a good thing or not. She just didn’t have the heart to cause harm to what they’d made together. 
“I don’t want that.” She said softly, biting her lip. 
“I’m..unsure about all this. But I don’t want that.” Before she could protest he’d placed his hand over hers, both of them over the slight bump of her abdomen. “I will fucking take care of you both. You are not going to work from now on. I will make sure you are looked after all the time.”
“But if I don’t work, how am I supposed to earn my-”
“Don’t you fucking worry about that. I don’t want you worrying about a damn thing, okay?”
“B-But what about everyone else? What are they gonna think when they see you treating me like this?" 
"I’ll deal with it. This is my business and everyone else can go fuck themselves.” Vox was still skeptical about Negan’s commitment. But for the moment he seemed sincere. She decided for now, she would trust him. Sighing, she closed her eyes and nodded. 
“Okay..thank you." 
"Don’t gotta thank me, darlin’, I should be thanking you.” He murmured and kissed her cheek. 
Much to Vox’s surprise, Negan kept to his word. She hadn’t had to work since their conversation and whatever she wanted to eat, she got. Still, she refused to stay in his room, though he wouldn’t let go of the idea. She knew it was against the rules and she wasn’t about to break them, despite his insisting that there would be no problem. Deep down, she didn’t believe all this kindness would last, even though she wanted it to. A part of her enjoyed the attention she was getting, but she feared it wasn’t genuine. She also was sure that once the baby was born, Negan would grow tired of her. She wasn’t even his wife and she knew she wasn’t good enough for that ever to happen. Even if she was, she wasn’t sure if she could deal with sharing the man. By now, at more than six months along, she had started to show in an obvious way. There was no hiding the pregnancy now. Negan protected her from any abuse but she couldn’t hide from the looks she got. She continued to keep the secret of the baby’s father, knowing if everyone found out the truth that it would only cause harm. She wasn’t sure how Negan was handling his wives but they all kept their distance even as it was clear he was spending more time with her than them. Today she’d spent time inspecting the supplies that had been brought in on the last run. She always insisted on seeing the stuff for herself, as a good portion went to the baby and she knew nobody else was gonna do it. So far they’d come up with a decent stockpile of diapers and formula, but there was always room for more. There was still the need for more clothes and other essentials, plus the dozen other things Vox had come up with. With a pen and paper she wrote down what had been brought in, making sure to add it to the current amount from the stockpile and make notes about what was still missing. She then began to organize everything to be taken to storage, lifting boxes of diapers and cans of powdered formula. 
Negan had an uncanny ability to be able to sneak up on people, even Vox. She nearly jumped when she heard him clear his throat. Sighing, she turned around. “What?”
“What in the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Another sigh. 
“What does it look like? I'm picking out all the baby stuff and getting ready to take it the storage unit.”
“The fuck you are. It’s one thing to write everything down but it’s another to start lifting shit.”
“I am literally fine.”
“I don’t care if you’re the Queen of Sheba! You are not lifting boxes when you’re six months pregnant!”
“They aren’t even heavy. They’re literally diapers. And nobody else is gonna care enough to do this." 
"Well I’ll get somebody to do it, you are supposed to be resting.”
“Negan, I am not a child.”
“No, but you’re having one and you need rest.” He came over to her and steered her away from the supplies. She didn’t resist though, knowing there was no use arguing, Negan always seemed to win. 
“Come on, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do.” He said, leading her toward the Sanctuary’s only elevator. It was old, one of those where you could see the chains and pulleys working through the cage itself. It was usually for Negan only to use, but since everything had happened, he permitted her to use it, refusing to let her take the stairs. They headed up to the top floor and she knew they were going to his room. The whole uppermost floor was occupied by Negan and no one else. She wasn’t afraid, she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she always felt uncomfortable being in his room. People were rarely allowed in and she felt as though she didn’t belong, as she didn’t even belong to Negan. Nonetheless, she soon found herself sitting on his bed, watching as he shed his leather jacket and set Lucille down on one of the plush couches. 
“Lay back for me, sweetheart.” Vox swallowed thickly, heartbeat quickening. She was safe, she knew she was, but she still felt fear. But she did as she was asked, laying back on the bed. Negan approached, looking down at her as he settled down beside her. Before she could ask what exactly he was up to, he laid his head against her swollen belly. Was he…? 
“I hear their heart beat with yours. They’re almost in sync.” That took Vox by surprise. She had heard the child’s heartbeat during every checkup and Negan had been there every time, but he’d never done this before. It was..almost sweet. 
“The doctor said it’s strong, remember?” A soft sort of smile came to his lips. “Yes, he did fucking say that, didn’t he? I know they’re gonna be strong, badass, like their mom.” She rolled her eyes but enjoyed the compliment nonetheless. Hesitantly, she reached to comb her fingers through his hair. This whole situation was oddly soothing, so she was pleased when he didn’t pull away. Instead he continued to listen, placing a hand on her belly to feel for the kicks. It didn’t take long for them to come, Vox soon felt the tell tale jabs to her abdomen. 
“Do they hurt?”
“Sometimes, depends on how hard they are.” They spent the next moments in silence. Vox didn’t mind, the quiet wasn’t awkward. 
“I have something to give you.” She blinked, brows furrowing. Negan sat up and produced something from his pocket. He offered it to her. It appeared to be a small black velvet bag with a drawstring at the top. Hesitantly, Vox opened it and turned it over. A black band fell into her palm. She looked at Negan curiously. “What-what is this?”
“What does it look like?”
“Well, it’s a ring, but I don’t-”
“And what do people give each other rings for?” Now this she couldn’t believe. “No, I-I can’t..” Negan frowned. “Why the fuck not?”
“Because I know this isn’t real!” Silence fell between them again. Negan turned from her, looking off toward the window. 
“You still don’t believe that I care about you.” It wasn’t a question. Vox squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to talk about this. 
“I know that the only reason you treat me this way is because I’m having your child. I know that once the baby is here, I won’t be anything to you.”
“And if I told you that wasn’t true?” Tears welled in her eyes. 
“I still wouldn’t believe you." 
He turned to her then, taking her hand. He simply held her hand for a long moment before leaning down to kiss her head. 
"Our first night together wasn’t a mistake and neither has been any moment since. I knew what I was doing when I let you into my room and fell into bed with you. I didn’t care that I was breaking the rules. I still don’t care. Every woman that’s come before you has only been a distraction. I didn’t realize that until that first night but now nothing is going to change that. It’s always going to be you. I’m never going to lose interest. You’re just..you’re all that there is for me." 
Vox finally opened her eyes, still shining with tears. She was speechless, she had never expected him to be so honest with her. She reached to cup his cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 
"I love you.” She whispered. Negan grinned widely. 
“I know.”
Tags: @crzcorgi @casownsmyass @negans-network @kitcat44 @mrs-squirrel-chester
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yourstraycat · 7 years ago
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Intro: Painfully Shy
Some things are just much better written down and let out. Hence, I am starting this blog, for my own self-reflection and to anyone else who wants to read; for whatever reason. Who knows, that the things I say here can be beneficial to you in some way. I always admire bloggers who can write their feelings and opinions out so passionately and honestly, giving people a wider view of this world and the people living in it, in a way that makes us rethink and reflect about our own behavior and ideas about things, and inspires us to make changes in our lives. It also made me feel that i am not alone, that there is somebody out there who feels the same way as what I am feeling, or have experienced the same situation before.
I was writing my Personal Statement for my UCAS application few weeks ago, and I finished it overnight. I read it back (of course a zillion times), before submitting it, and compared it with my first Personal Statement 2 years ago (which I finished after 1000 drafts and 1000 meetings with sir ray), and i was amazed at the difference, at the same time laughing at how fake I was 2 years ago talking about teamworking skills and whatever shit. I have no idea how UEA accepted my application, i swear it screamed bullshit at every word. 
This year’s Personal Statement, I wrote down about how I grew up always being academically successful, and then wrote about my downfall this year (with several indications of my resentment towards myself, yep) I sounded more like a real person this time. (but of course I had to exaggerate whatever big named competitions I joined to make them wow a bit but yea)
To those who don’t know me; I am a horribly, painfully, shy person. And I have always hated myself for having this trait, especially after entering university. Of course, growing up always being the high-achiever, I challenged myself further by entering a demanding course that I knew will hit me hard in the core of my brain, and also challenge the shy-person me. A big part of it is also because of how much I wanted to change the person who I am that I hated so much, and how much I wanted to feel more purposeful to people. Or maybe I was hoping that if I can gain more ‘knowledge’ from the course, I will finally be able to feel like I can have more control of my own thoughts and behaviour. Being the youngest in the family of 8, I always think that whatever I say or do will be wrong because my other siblings, and other people generally, are more experienced or more knowledgeable (usually due to age). Hence, I have lived 20 years of my life following what other people do, or what other people want/tell me to do, and so believed that I am not able to (or don’t need to) look at things differently or have my own say/thoughts. I do believe this has significantly impaired my self-development, limit my confidence, built up my social anxiety and so I always feel unassertive on whatever I say, feel, think or do. 
Although, I understand that this is not all that there is, there are +++ other bigger factors, of course. I do not entirely blame my surroundings or anyone for who I have become. More than anything, I have blamed myself a little bit too much to the point that I have built an amount of vulnerable resentment towards myself.
I do not intend to make this blog a series of stories of how painfully awful I hate myself, but hopefully in my future posts I can explore my feelings/situations more and gain a better understanding of how l can work around myself and be more accepting of who I am and that there will always be differences between me and another person, big or small, whether I like it or not. 
You don’t always have to follow a map that you’re given. Retrieve what you can understand from the map, always look around your surroundings as you go, from there, you can make your own map -- Rai’s metaphor tings 2017
**All feedbacks/suggestions are welcome and are very much appreciated! You can do so anonymously through tumblr or https://curiouscat.me/254998554
Thenks evry1 dis is Rai reporting from Norwich 26/07/17 at 2:01AM Babai
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