#somebody else mv

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

I love the way he bends his wrists and ik that sounds weird but I swear it’s not

but can we talk about matty’s hands here. ?!

[hornyfor-redacted-onmain]

Secret Secret Chapter 4

OT8 Straykids x reader, ABO AU

Masterlist | Next Part

The rest of the week passed by surprisingly easily. You got around to meeting everybody else on the team, and you did your best to remember their names (thankfully most of them were older than you, which allowed you to easily pull the Oppa or Unnie card when you forgot). They were all kind and helpful, and at the worst indifferent to your presence, which allowed you to make it through the week fairly easily.

You were busy with promotional translations and working out the translation for a few videos that would be dropping the next week, so you saw little of the others as you spent most of your time on your computer. Even so, you managed to find some free time to meet up on Friday with Maya, who was swamped with picking out and modifying all the MV outfits that were scheduled for the end of the month.

When she plopped onto her chair with a sigh, you could only give her a sympathetic look. “Hey, you sure you have the time to have coffee with me?”

“I need a break. Believe me, this caffeine hit is the only thing keeping me going right now.”

“Looking forwards to the weekend?” You asked, knowing that she got Saturday and Sunday off.

“Hmm, I’m definitely going to enjoy my weekend,” Maya confirmed, sipping her coffee. “My girlfriend’s birthday is on Sunday, so we’re planning a small party to celebrate. What about you?”

“I think I’m just going to relax at home.”

You still had to come in on Saturday for a quick meeting to confirm the projects you had worked on that week before they were posted, but it would only be for an hour or two, which left the rest of the weekend free. Normally you and Sooyoung would go out, but you weren’t really feeling it, especially after what happened last week.

Maya lifted her head and gave you a soft smile. “Do you want to come to the party?”

“What time is it?”

“We’re planning for noon. A nice little lunch and then just a hang out afterwards. It’s just going to be me and my girlfriend, a few friends, and some coworkers,” Maya said.

You nodded in understanding. “I’ll probably stop by for a bit. Just send me the address.”

Both of you realized the issues immediately after you spoke, and she was pulling out her phone before you could even say you didn’t have her number out loud. The two of you exchanged numbers and had a comfortable conversation for a few minutes to finish your drinks. Your lunch officially ended when Maya received a text. She scowled.

You shared a knowing look. “Duty calls.”

-0-0-

The company building was practically empty this early on a Saturday morning. On the one hand you were mad at having to be awake so early on the weekend, but on the other hand you appreciated them getting this out of the way so you would have the rest of the afternoon free. The guard nodded in greeting to you as you passed to the elevators, and you smiled in return.

The meeting passed by pretty quickly, all things considered. Soojin, Jeonhui, and the head advertisement manager all joined you, along with a couple of other employees, and you went over the promotional material. You felt a little nervous when presenting your work, but nothing seemed out of place, and they quickly moved on to the next person with little to no words.

Maybe somebody else would have been offended by the way they seemed to look past you, but you took comfort in the indifference, knowing that it was the lack of attention that allowed you to be where you were now.

The meeting was over just as the clock struck 11, and Jeonhui wished you a good weekend as you were leaving. A few of the other employees lingered behind to talk with each other, but you weren’t close or comfortable enough to any of them to join them. You just wanted to go home.

The elevator reeked when you opened it.

The smell of spoiled milk and rotten strawberries hit you, and you immediately clamped a hand over your nose. Disappointment, anger, fear. Your omega was immediately on guard, and you felt like your heart had dropped down to your stomach.

“Ugh, what is that scent?”

“Is that … an omega?”

The other employees who had been behind you walked over, and even when the elevator doors closed once again, the air still lingered with the smell of an omega in distress. It made your hackles rise, and you felt the need to find that omega and comfort them, while another part of you wanted to run. An omega in distress usually meant danger.

You swallowed hard.

The female employee wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Gross. What’s an omega even doing in the building to begin with?”

“Probably one of the trainees. They like to come around and practice on weekdays, as if the extra effort changes the fact that they’re an omega’s.” The male employee said, waving his hand in front of his nose. “Disgusting.”

“That’s omegas for you. Think they deserve the world just because they’re so dainty and fragile. Ugh, I can’t stand them. Why does the company even allow omegas to audition anymore?”

“I don’t think they do. Must have just presented.”

“Let’s just take the stairs. I’ll get a cleaner to sterilize the elevator.”

The two employees walked away, either ignorant of or completely unaware of your rapidly changing mood. Their words echoed in your head, and you found your eyes welling up with tears, not self-consciously, but in anger. Anger at the way they talked so callously about another person, most likely a child.

They way they so nonchalantly and openly admitted the prejudice against omegas in the work force. And the way that neither one of them even thought for a second to go looking for that poor omega in need of help.

You weren’t like them.

You took the elevator, stopping on every floor you had access to and sniffing the air from the hallways. One of the upper floors, where the practice rooms could be found, had a lingering scent, but it was faint, which told you the omega had probably come from there.

You then checked the office floors below them, but they were surprisingly empty. Finally, you found yourself on a floor that you had yet to see, but the second the doors opened you knew it was the right one.

It was the studio floor, which held recording studios as well as production studios.

And it reeked.

The scent in the elevator had already begun to dissipate, so the strong smell was a good sign that the omega was still in the area. Why a trainee would be on the studio floor was beyond your knowledge, but you were on a mission. Your own omega snapped her jaws at the thought of the harsh cruel words from your fellow colleagues.

Gross.

Disgusting.

I can’t stand them.

You knew even if you had been a beta those words would have been offensive to you, and the fact that they said it so easily made your skin boil. You were grateful for your own scent blockers because there was no way they wouldn’t have noticed your soured mood otherwise.

You followed the smell past the entrance area, which had a small kitchen area where coffee and snacks were available, for those who didn’t want to go all the way down to the cafeteria. Or, part of you considered, for those who stayed late enough that the cafeteria would be closed. You thought of Chan, the way the other staff members warned you to keep an eye on him.

‘He’s a workaholic,’ One translator had mentioned in passing. ‘It’s admirable, if not a little stupid.’

Thinking of the alpha made your chest ache.

It felt almost fitting that the farther down the hall you went, in the opposite direction from the recording studios and instead towards a series of locked and labeled doors, when you realized where exactly the scent was leading you. Nearly at the end of the hall, you found a door labeled ‘3racha’.

The door was closed, but the scent told you there was someone inside.

You felt most of your anger dissipating.

On the one hand, you found yourself almost relieved. If there was anybody that you had gotten to know in this past week that you would trust with a distressed omega, it was Chan. He had 2 omegas on his team. He was a comforting figure. And above all else, he was a good man. You trusted him to have the situation handled, and to provide the compassion necessary for the situation.

But on the other hand, your omega refused to leave without making sure that the other was okay. It was survival mentality, the need to stick together, especially in a world like this that would so easily shove the weak and underappreciated away.

But checking in on the other omega would mean having to confront Chan, and you weren’t ready to have to deal with him just yet. You couldn’t look him in the eye without your omega’s want bubbling up, and this close to the surface, you wouldn’t be able to suppress it.

You didn’t really get to make your decision before the door opened, and you startled, legs tensing as you considered running.

A young girl who couldn’t be older than 15 nearly smacked right into you, and she quickly raised her wide-eyed gaze to meet with your own, mouth opening in shock and her scent hitting you with a burst of surprise. Strawberries and milk, sweet and pleasant despite the worry that it conveyed.

“Oh, I- Sorry!” She bowed so low that her hair flipped over her head, the strands hitting you in the face. And then she realized what had happened, lifting her head up with a gasp. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to- are you okay?”

You raised your hands to show her you meant no harm.

“Hey, it’s okay, no need to apologize.” You eyed her tear-stained cheeks. “Are you okay?”

She dropped her gaze. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

You wanted to pull her into a hug. You had to remind yourself she didn’t know you, and that would be weird.

‘It wouldn’t be weird if she knew you were an omega’ your own omega grumbled in your head.

You ignored them.

“You should go home, Jisoo. Your parents will get worried,” A voice said from behind the girl, and your eyes snapped up. “Don’t worry about today. Everything will be okay.”

“Thank you, Oppa.” Jisoo gave you a weary look, but bowed to you nonetheless. “Have a nice day, Unnie.”

“Get home safe,” You answered back, and her shoulders relaxed slightly.

You both watched Jisoo make her way down the hall, the newly presented omega now calmer and safe. Your omega settled at the confirmation, and you felt your energy level drop, prompting you to press your hand against your forehead and close your eyes to let out a huge sigh.

“You know, I think you’re the last person I expected to find on this floor,” Changbin mused.

When you opened your eyes, you saw the beta watching you with a curious look, and you winced. Now that you had calmed down and everything was okay, you realized your behavior might have seemed erratic and confusing to anyone who wasn’t aware of your true presentation. Which Changbin was not.

You suddenly wished that it had been Chan inside the studio instead.

“There was a distressed scent in the elevators, and I … was worried,” You explained, trying to make yourself sound nonchalant. “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

He pushed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, eyes drifting from your figure to the wall behind you. “Well, it’s a pretty shitty situation, I can’t lie.”

“I heard the company isn’t allowing omega trainee’s anymore.”

“Yeah, they made the decision last year.” Changbin shook his head. “She’s devastated. I calmed her down, told her I would try to figure something out, but ….”

He trailed off, a frown pulling at his mouth. You couldn’t smell him, his sweater doing a good job of hiding most of his scent from you, but you could tell just by his body language that he was angry. You felt a sense of reassurance at that.

Maybe Chan wasn’t the only best option for this situation.

“Are you two close?” You wondered, thinking about the direct path Jisoo had made from the practice rooms. “She headed straight here once she realized what was going on.”

“Were not particularly close, but Chan has told the trainees multiple times that if they ever need anything, they can come to us for help. I just happened to be the one here today.”

You nodded. “They look up to you guys, don’t they?”

“I think all trainee’s look up to idols,” Changbin said, running his hand through his hair. “I kind of wish Chan had been here instead. Or maybe even Jisung. I’m not sure how much I helped her.”

“I think you did a good job. She didn’t smell distressed anymore,” You reassured him.

Changbin’s eyebrows twitched down for a second, even as he nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

You both stood there in silence for a few seconds. Eventually, you sighed again.

“Well, I guess I should get going. Umm, I guess have a good weekend,” You said.

“You too.”

When you got to the end of the hall, right before turning the corner, you glanced back. Changbin was still standing at the doorway, watching you with a thoughtful look on his face.

-0-0-

Maya’s girlfriend, Isa, was an amazing cook, and judging by the gleeful look on her face as everyone practically devoured the food, you had a feeling she knew. You practically moaned the moment you took your first bite. A beta you assumed was one of her friends melted in his seat, and then jokingly asked Isa for her hand in marriage.

“You’ll have to fight me for it,” Maya joked.

“Don’t tempt me.”

You giggled, and Isa leaned over her side of the table to smile at you. “How’s the food?”

“I’m normally not the type of person to encourage the birthday girl cooking her own meals, but hot damn. I can see why they put you in charge of the cooking,” You praised.

Isa beamed. “Exactly! That, and Maya burns water.”

“It was one time!”

The rest of the table laughed loudly, and Maya rolled her eyes. The other guests began to converse between themselves, and Isa eyed you with a small smile.

“So, you’re the new translator,” She began, and you paused with your fork an inch from your mouth. You nodded. “How’s it going? Maya tells me you joined at an inconvenient time, what with the tour starting up soon.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Oh? She told you about that?”

“I’m her girlfriend, she tells me everything,” Isa said nonchalantly.

“Everything?”

Isa grinned, leaning closer. “Everything. Maya’s nice and quiet and gets her job done, so sometimes people are very loose lipped when around her. You’d be surprised by the amount of drama that goes on in that fancy building of yours that nobody every hears about.”

“Oh? Like what”

She simply winked. “I’ll tell you later.”

Later turned out to be while you were washing dishes, a task you decided to take up to get away from the room full of alpha pheromones. You knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, since they were under the impression you were a beta and had no way of knowing about your sensitive omega nose, but it was still enough for you to get overwhelmed.

Isa eyed the kitchen door where Maya was with the other guests, and then she was leaning in close to you as she passed by. “Two of the stylists are hooking up.”

“What?!” You nearly dropped the plate you were holding.

“JYP tried to get one of his nephews into the company, but he bombed his audition so badly that he couldn’t even use nepotism to save it.”

You let out a sharp noise of surprise. “Oh my god, Maya really does tell you everything.”

“Yup.” Isa smirked. “Want to hear more?”

“I’m not sure I should,” you protested, but after a moment of her just staring at you knowingly, you broke out into a smile. “Oh, who am I kidding. Tell me everything!”

“Well, I’m not quite sure about this one, because it’s more recent, but apparently one of the idols is having a lovers spat with another one of his members.”

You blinked in surprise. “That’s definitely news to me.”

“Yeah. She was complaining about how the recent photoshoot had to be delayed an extra hour because Felix refused to be in the same room as Chan.”

“Wait, Felix and Chan are the ones fighting?”

Isa paused. “Oh, yeah. I forgot you were working with them. Don’t let Maya know I told you anything, it’s supposed to be kept hush hush.”

“Right. I won’t say anything,” You promised.

-0-0-

“Why are you and Felix fighting?”

The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. In your defense, you would have said anything in that moment, if just to end the awkward silence that had fallen over you and Chan when the two of you found yourselves alone in the meeting room.

You hadn’t intended to be alone with him. You weren’t even supposed to be in the meeting room in the first place. You had been passing by after dropping off some papers that Jeonhui had asked for, and just happened to almost get hit by a door as it opened, with Felix storming out. You both paused and stared at each other for a second in surprise.

“Oh, hey.”

Your eyes darted towards the open door, where you could see a dejected Chan standing with his hands on his hips. “Hey.”

Felix gave you a strained smile as he passed you by, and you watched him go for a second before you entered the meeting room yourself. Chan only lifted his head a fraction as you walked in. You closed the door behind you, and the two of you lingered in that awkward silence before you finally decided to break it in the most stupid way possible. You knew the question was out of line the second it was out of your mouth.

Why had you even walked into the room to begin with? Why hadn’t you just walked away?

Chan finally lifted his head completely, and you froze at the sight of his eyes.

They were red.

“Shit.“

Your hand reached blindly behind you for the door handle, but before you could grab it Chan was suddenly at your side, hand gripping your wrist tightly. Your breath caught in your throat, the sudden bitter scent of his alpha hitting you in the face.

He swallowed hard. “Don’t go.”

“I don’t think I should even be here,” You admitted, but you allowed him to pull your arm back in front of you anyways. “Chan, your alpha-“

“I know,” He whispered, closing his eyes. “It’s okay, I’m not … I can’t stand watching another omega walk away from me right now. Just … stay.”

With his alpha so close to the surface, you found it hard to refuse. While you could have just stood there, allowing him a moment to come down from his headspace on his own, there was something so painful about watching Chan battle with his own emotions and instincts. It was an impulsive decision, much like the choice to walk into the meeting room, much like the need to say something.

You grabbed his hand, the same one still holding you, and brought it up to your lips. With a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist, Chan let out a shudder, and he easily allowed you to pull him closer until his face was pressed against your neck.

While your omega scent was still covered with the artificial scent of beta, it would have to do. You softly allowed him to scent you, and it only took a few minutes before Chan came back to himself with a sharp inhale.

He pulled away from you so quickly he stumbled on his feet. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” You reassured him, licking your lips. “You needed some grounding.”

“Fuck.” He ran his hand down his face.

You gave him a sympathetic smile. “That bad, huh?”

“Felix is really mad this time. I think I fucked up,” He said.

“Mind me asking what happened?” Chan was silent, and you took a hint. “Right, none of my business then.”

“No, it’s definitely your business.”

You paused from where you had started to turn back to the door. “Sorry?”

“Felix is mad because of the omega I slept with last week. You.”

“What?”

“He wants to meet you.”

“What?”

Chan let out a sigh, and he pulled out a chair to sit down. After a moment of consideration, he offered one of the chairs for you, and you were quick to take it since it felt like your legs were seconds away from giving out on you. The more he talked, the more dizzy you felt.

“Explain,” You said, staring Chan down.

“Felix knows I slept with an omega last week. I let it slip that I was still in contact with you, accidentally, and now he thinks that I might be having a serious relationship with you- well, the omega. He wants to meet you, and when I told him he couldn’t, he got upset. He thinks that … he thinks I might be trying to replace him.”

“That’s ridiculous,” You said with a scowl.

“I know. I thought it was just a petty little argument, but he … I think he actually believes it. He got so upset, yelled that me not wanting him to meet the other omega was suspicious and that if it wasn’t serious I would have just said that, and I obviously can’t explain it-“

“Because of me.”

“Because it’s complicated,” Chan corrected, rubbing his face again. “This isn’t on you, sweetheart. This is my problem.”

You scoffed. “Are you kidding me? Your omega is mad at you because of me, Chan. He thinks you’re replacing him with me. And if you told him the truth, none of this would be an issue.”

“If he thought it was just a one-night stand, then this wouldn’t be a problem anyways. I’m the one who fucked up here,” Chan argued.

“Why would he even think it was more than that anyways?” You wondered.

Chan froze.

You found yourself letting out a small laugh as he just stared at you with wide eyes, not wanting to believe the first thought that ran through your head. But the second thought, and then the third, all felt less convincing. Your smile dropped pretty quickly.

“Chan. Why would Felix think it was more than a one-night stand?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, then down his face, and then he shot to his feet to turn away from you completely. You shook your head in disbelief.

“You can’t be serious,” You breathed.

“This was before I knew you were a part of the company. I told him the morning after, before the meeting, and I obviously didn’t have the chance to explain what happened.”

“Jesus, Chan! You were planning on courting me?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Fuck.” You slumped back in your seat. “Why didn’t you just tell him I rejected you or something?”

“He would know I was lying. I wouldn’t have had time to ‘meet up’ with you this past week because we’ve been busy, and if he thought I did after he asked to meet you, he would have been even more pissed at me for ignoring him.” Chan explained. “It’s just … I thought I’d have time to come up with something, but it’s been a very stressful week.”

“Fuck,” you repeated.

Chan turned back around, giving you a tired look. “Yeah, fuck.”

He shook his head, and with his hands on his hips, he began to pace the length of the meeting room. You glanced a look at the clock and realized that you needed to get back to your desk before someone noticed how long you had been gone. You needed to finish your work for the day. You needed to leave the room and hope that nobody caught you here with Chan. What you needed to do was clear.

But you couldn’t think about any of that. You could only think about the strained smile on Felix’s face as he passed you by, the havoc that Chan had to have gone through for his alpha to take over, the fact that their relationship was being strained because of you. You closed your eyes, but you could still hear the footsteps as Chan paced.

“Tell him.”

The footsteps paused, and you opened your eyes to give Chan an even look.

He didn’t turn around. “What was that?”

“Felix,” You clarified, letting out a soft sigh. “Tell him the truth.”

Chan spun around with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“I’m not letting your pack relationships fall apart because of my choices.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Do you trust Felix?”

“With my life,” he said with no hesitation.

“Then so do I.”

The two of you stared each other down. Your head still felt fuzzy, but your chest no longer felt like there was a weight holding you down. You pulled yourself up from the seat, and only took a second to gain your composure.

You gave him a nod. “Well, I got to get back to work. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait, that’s it?”

You didn’t bother answering him, instead making your way towards the elevators with an urgency that only grew the further you got from him. The dizziness had gone away, and as the reality of the situation started to dawn on you, so did your clarity. Being that close to Chan, letting him scent you with his alpha so close to the surface, had been a terrible decision. Your body felt hot, and you were grateful for your scent blockers.

Today was chalking up to be a horrible day.

You were going into pre-heat.

[mysadblacksoul]

Twenty One Pilots - Overcompensate theories (whoo!)

It's a face of someone who put so much lore in the MV that I genuinely don't know where to start

Pt.1 - MV

So the MV takes place right after the end of The Outside MV, pretty easy - logical Now are we relly back in Trench? Seing all the maps, and the way back from The Outside to Jumpsuit? Tracing back the map? Being welcomed? lol. no

Tyler (or Clancy, am I deadnaming him now???) is using the powers, that were mentioned in I Am Clancy video and the one that Ned gave him in The Outside MV As we can see Bishops still wants him to lure people, to make them surrender to live how the Bishops wants them to

So since Tyler is just using someone else to pretend that it's him we can assume that Josh is also a projection

Why is Josh here? Maybe as a representative of Banditos

Now we play heavily in the symbolism of mask. Of course mask symbolizes the difference between a fictitious identity and a real identity. But here we can see something interesting. If Tyler is taking off his mask he is his true self, yet if someone else tries to take it off you can see a different person

So let's see what the hell is Tyler even doing in the MV itself. Well he is doing both jobs. On the surfice, he is doing what the Bishops wants him to. But actually he is showing people some kind of code. (I am sure that all the gestures weren't just a silly choreography). He is showing them his true self (no mask) and giving a presentation on the secrets of Dema. I believe he is sharing the information that normal people were never supposed to know

Like the lyrics of Shy away, he is trying to "Just break the cycle in half". Break people's belief in the religion that the Bishops created and to ultimately take away their power

And after the lesson in the backrooms (lol I don't know how to word it differently) people have tape on their shoulders. But not only the red one. We can se the yellow tape. The legendary Bandito's tape

But what is the meaning of the end? For me people were so used to following the rulers, the rules and doing what they were told that after changing their mindset about the Bishops they still felt the need to follow somebody. That somebody will be Clancy

other small details will be nine red lights for nine Bishops

Tyler having a symbol for the band logo

So is Tyler tring to break the cycle from the very core? Well maybe, for sure what he does now is a complete diversion

Boy is ready to take a revenge, he even brought his best buddy to help

Pt. 2 - Lyrics

We need to start by translating the intro for sure so:

Diese kleine unheimliche Insel hat mich zu einer Waffe gemacht (From German) - This scary little island has turned me into a weapon

Wir glauben beide (From German) - We both believe

Cette petite île étrange a fait de moi une arme (From French) - This scary little island has turned me into a weapon

Nous croyons tous les deux que nous pouvons l'utiliser pour changer l'élan de cette guerre (From French) - We both believe we can use it to change the momentum of this war

So this is pretty much what we know from I Am Clancy video. Tyler and his powers are used by the Bishops to cause harm

And we already saw that first line, which comes from Clancy’s letter from 2022 posted on the dmaorg.info website.

I created this world / To feel some control /Destroy it if I want / So I sing, "sahlo folina" / "Sahlo folina" - This part comes from Bandito. It could be the call for Banditos, to tell them to beware of what is going on. Or it is the way of teaching the people the special code - which sahlo folina is for sure a part of

Earned my stripes - he earned his position in the city, possibly because of his powers

Bless your ear holes while you react, acting / Gobsmacked - maybe people were sent to this place by the Bishops to mess with their brains, but since Tyler is talking about something different to them they are confused

I feel like I was just here, same twitchin' in my eyes - he started just like those people, brainwashed with no sense of reality

Don't sleep on a boy who can fall asleep twice / In the same night - so he can die twice? Or maybe it is the dig that he is working on both sides, just undercovered

and won't hesitate / To maybe overcompensate - simply, Tyler is ready to kick some Bishops' asses and take revenge for everything wrong they ever did to him and other people

I said I fly by the dangerous bend symbol - the symbol that Bishops were making in Nico and the Niners Mv OR The symbol that Tyler uses (what he makes with his hands) is dangerous for Bishops, because it is a sign of rebellion OR (This one makes the most sense) it's U+2621 ☡ CAUTION SIGN, which was created by no other than Nicolas Bourbaki group of mathematicians. Nico is very important, since in Morph we have the lyrics of "He goes by Nico / He told me I'm a copy". So was Nico the first one to discover Clancy's powers?

And then by the time I catch in my peripheral - the peripheral vision is what you can see to each side or up and down without moving your head, or everything that you can see that isn't in your central vision. The peripheral vision might be the same as the rearview from Choker. So this is everything that he saw in Dema on accident, all the secrets that he cought with his eye. Once he saw them he is ready to change everything

Where am I from? I was born right here, just now / Originated right in front of your eyes - Clancy is from Dema, simple as that. He is the citizen and the escapee

If you can't see, I am Clancy, prodigal son - the reference to The Bible. Prodigal Son is "a man or boy who has left his family in order to do something that the family disapprove of and has now returned home feeling sorry��for what he has done". Tyler for sure returned, bus is he really sorry? Or the Bishops made him act like he is?

Done running, come up with Josh Dun / Wanted dead or alive - JOSH DUN MENTIONED. But also comming to Trench with Josh could be a sign that Clancy wants people to see that Banditos are not bad people. Not someone who you should fear

So now you pick who you serve, you bow to the masses - make a choice if you gonna change your life or stay in the circle of madnesss

Half empty, half full, save half of your taxes - again, make a choice weather you're gonna think positively or negatively (glass half empty/half full)

Then overtake your former self - become a better person, better version of yourself and live your truth

Days feel like a perfect length / I don't need them any longer, but for goodness sake - just a perfect condition to make a change

Do the years seem way too short for my soul, corazón / Way too short for my soul, corazón - it is the reference to all the years Tyler lost while working and living in Dema

A wild ride, as always...

[ourpickwickclub]

You can watch G's full interview on HSN's livestream here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ph8qQnjXts

just go back about 45 min (it's 12:15am now for me) it started at 11:30 pm and was 30 minutes long.

THE WHOLE INTERVIEW WAS PERFECT!!! MV TEASER FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S, ALSO BOUQUET LYRICSSSSSS.....THE LYRICS ARE GONNA MAKE EVERYONE DIE....I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE ALBUM...ARE YOU ALL GOING TO HER LIVE TIKTOK LISTENING PARTY TOMORROW???

Thank you!!!

- B

[footprint-in-the-snow]

you ever think about how matty went from literally and metaphorically fucking himself in the somebody else mv to instead caring and empathizing with himself through peanut

[joocomics]

DINNA I WENT FROM WINTER COMFORT JOOYEON TO NASTY GOTH BLACK LIPSTICK JOOYEON OH GOD WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LADY BONER?!?!?@ 😭😭😭😭😭

NSKDNSJS I NEED TO DEAL WITH MINE FIRST BEFORE I CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE 😭😭😭😭 somebody help the joo girlies out here are sanity is at risk 🙏🏼 and the mv still isn’t even out yet 😮‍💨 i’m afraid my end is near

imagine getting to rip that sweater off his body YUM

[snakes-and-fluff]

I've come up with the world's most insane Milgram theory. Well, I don't think it's true, so it'd be more correct to call it a hypothetical. But my brain was spinning Es around last night as I was trying to sleep and outlined all of this anyway, so:

Is Es an amalgam of the souls of the victims?

Mostly based on the fact that in Undercover each of the prisoners is seen murdering "Es". Now. Is this most likely a way to not spoil who they killed? Probably! However I could not stop thinking about it.

(Reasoning under the cut, including novel spoilers for both novels. I've only read the translated GDocs (including one that was machine-translated) so my info might be slightly incorrect, just a heads-up. Also I don't have the GDocs on hand so I cannot remember anyone's name)

1: The Milgram warden can be a dead person. The reveal at the end of the first novel is that everyone was linked and there was only one death, who became Es and oversaw that trial. So we know Milgram is supernatural to some degree and does allow for this.

2: Each Es has their own Jackalope that seems to be a foil or reflective of them in some way. There is a different Jackalope in each novel to match each warden (a female warden in N1 with a female Jackalope, a male warden in N2 with a male Jackalope). I'll admit that just matching genders is a weak point but stay with me for a moment. Assuming that Jackalope reflects Es in some way, isn't it weird how much MV Jackalope is fixated on solving the crimes? That's not true for N2 Jackalope (who just views it as a job, something that must be done), but MV Jackalope is very determined, especially in the end of the Second Trial Commencement Notice. "What I'm looking for is there, in that decision arrived at only after wading through all that morass!!" MV Jackalope doesn't just want this - he's desperate for it. Is this because MV Es has a personal reason (or reasons) to see "justice" brought to this batch of prisoners?

3: Es has referred to themself using plural pronouns. Most notable in Amane's T2 voice drama, though I believe it's happened before. The easiest way to read this is that the "we" Es is referring to is the audience, but there might be another reason for it.

4: Souls exist in Milgram. The use of the word "soul" to describe why Mikoto's restraints didn't work even though he was pronounced Guilty could just be a creative word choice, but it seems too specific. If Mikoto's different personalities count as different souls that can inhabit a single body fine, who's to say that can't be true for someone else as well?

There is one major hitch in this theory that I can see. The fact that Es has a canonical age (15) is throwing me for a loop, for if they were an amalgamation and not a person in their own right I don't think they'd have an age. They might appear to be a certain age, sure, but I don't think they could definitively say what age they are. However. I did not let this stop me, so I tried to figure out what the hypothetical age of an amalgam would be if we used math, and tried to extrapolate what the ages of each of the victims were:

Haruka – 10 – we don’t know the exact age, but we do know that the person he killed was “younger and weaker” (T2 voice drama), and 10 is a nice round number (and thinking of him killing someone younger than 10 makes me sad)

Yuno – 0 – literal baby, self-explanatory

Fuuta – 13 – we know she was a middle-schooler thanks to her uniform shown in Backdraft

Muu – 16 – she killed a classmate so they must be the same age

Shidou – 30 – this one was the hardest to figure out. I had to look up fatal car accident age range (25-34) and get the mean of those numbers (it’s 29,5 but I rounded up). I chose that because it’s the most likely accident to make somebody braindead, and also it’s what happened to his own family and it’s the closest thing to info we have on what exactly his murder was anyway

Mahiru – 22 – she met her lover in University; either they’re the same age or a year or two difference. I stuck with the same age because it’s easier

Kazui – 39 – Hinako and Kazui were co-workers, so it makes sense that they’d be around the same age. She does appear to be younger than him in Cat’s MV but that’d just be me guessing so it’s easier to say she’s 39

Amane – 42 – the average age in Japan of a woman having her first child is around 30. Assuming this was true for Amane’s mother, she would be 42 when she was killed due to Amane being 12 Amane – 34 – according to a timeline coversation Amane mentions that her mom was around Mahiru's age (22) when she was born. So 12 years later she'd be 34 (thanks mizukiyama & ryrysakura for letting me know about this info I missed)

Mikoto – 23 – I’m assuming his target(s?) were around the same age as him, based on what we see in MeMe. And that the killing(s?) happened recently, as he appears very similar in MeMe to how he looks in Milgram

Kotoko – 21 – I could not find a number for “average age of kidnapper in Japan” (thanks Milgram, that’s now in my search history), or any other searches of the kind, just showing up ages that were most at risk of violent crime. So I guessed.

This gives us an average of… 21,6. Which is not 15. New average with updated Amane's mom age is 20,8. Which is still not 15. Now, Es could be both a person in their own right and an amalgam of other souls.

Or I just wasted your time and proved myself wrong. But hey, I had fun thinking about this hypothetical anyway.

[jmdbjk]

This really needs to be a...

Bangtan Weekly Report

They really are pulling us kicking and screaming along with them. If we choose to go, that is.

Normalizing naked Bangtan...so much more exposed skin these days. Smoking Bangtan (audible pearl clutching and gasping occurred)...vaping, whatever, we don't have to approve but it's not illegal. Cussing/swearing Bangtan... F-bombs flying from everyone EVEN JIMIN! Tattooed Bangtan... long gone are the days of using dishwashing gloves to conceal tattoos. Bangtan who wants to express themselves with even more explicit sensuality... Jimin having to forewarn us that we will see him being touched during a choreography (more pearl clutching omg). Bangtan who wants us to be more engaging and less vapid during the valuable and rare moments they choose to try to spend time with us...don't hold back Tae. Normalizing Bangtan enlisting in the military service, no matter how hard it is for us to send them off... our able-bodied sunshine:

They want to be raw... explicit... real humans. Imagine that?

They want us to be ok with them being the awesome and free artists that they WANT to be.

Army needs to grow up, act more mature and intelligent, be less alarmist, divisive and more open-minded. Still think it's scripted and fan service? Stay stuck in the past if you want, the rest of us will move on.

I know we think we are all these things because I see it on the daily everyone on their high horse on all platforms spouting their righteousness over everyone else. It's tiring y'all. Cultivate a little humility maybe? Stop judging petty, irrelevant shit.

Yoongi said so many things surrounding this album and the documentary but especially started kicking everyone in the teeth with Haegeum.

SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS, KING!

"Interpretation is free for all, out with the nonsense, freedom of expression, could be reason for somebody's death, could you still consider that freedom?"

"If your convictions are reflected in your judgement and speculations and you believe your freedom is on the same level as others' then don't hesitate, just get on board, liberation from all that's forbidden."

"This song's simply about freeing what's forbidden."

What is the most volatile forbidden thing? Bangtan being able to date openly in public like normal people. If only we can finally set that free? Bangtan being able to touch each other and other people... hell, just STAND next to another person... without a tsunami of jealousy from the outside world. If only we could erase that toxicity.

In the MV, Yoongi's "outlaw character" proceeds to go to his living space with his bag full of money, being pursued by "law and order." In his space he has everything and is "free" but of course what kind of freedom is that? He stares at the epitome of his life: a goldfish in a water tank.

Law and order being corrupt. The outlaw coming and taking without remorse.

"Slaves to capitalism, slaves to money, slaves to hatred and prejudice, slaves to YouTube, slaves to flexin'... selfishness and greed have gone off the rails."

"Everyone's been blinded by envy and jealousy, without realizing they're putting shackles on each other."

PREACH, KING!

We are all slaves to capitalism. You can't be sitting here reading this unless you are beholden to some capitalist technology company. None of this is free. But we can choose not to be slaves of hatred and prejudice.

My thought for the day (something very esoteric)...Yoongi killing Billboard with his chopsticks. BTS is here to stay motherfuckers. And they're gonna eat while they are here.

[pandorasword]

Chaeri as the 8th and youngest member of BTS.

CHAERI'S MASTERLIST

If Jungkook and Chaeri were song quotes

If by Chance - Ruth B

1:01 ──⚬──── 5:03 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

I can't believe it's been all these years I can't believe I've cried all these tears My friends tell me I should've moved on A long, long time ago But what do they know? Mm, what do they know?

And I don't mean to be selfish But my heart breaks every time That I see you smile 'Cause I know that it's not me Who brings it out of you anymore

You found somebody new You put me in the past I don't even know if our memories will last But If By Chance it doesn't work out with him You'll always have a chance with me in my world

Do you talk about the future the way we did? Is there room for me in it?

Is it so wrong of me to hope he breaks your heart? Is it so wrong of me to pray he tears you apart? And I know that in the darkest part of you You pray and hope and wish for it too

'Cause you don't mean to be selfish But your heart breaks every time That you see me smile 'Cause you know that it's not you Who brings it out of me anymore

❒ genre: Angst ❒ words: 836 ❒ summary: Snippets of Jungkook's perspective on the relationship between Hongjoong and Chaeri

August, 2022 + May 2018

Bam leapt from the couch, his ears erect and tail wagging as he tried to stand on two feet and reach the level of the TV fixed to the wall.

Jungkook sighed and shut off the television, instantly halting the enthusiasm of his loyal companion who had been entranced by the girl's face displayed in the broadcaster's frame.

It was his day off. He had awoken late, cooked and eaten pork belly, played online video games with Taehyung, and then decided to relax on the sofa listening to music before 'ATEEZ(에이티즈) - 'Guerrilla' Official MV Making Film' appeared in his YouTube home among the suggestions. The cover showed Chaeri's face rather than that of any of the group members; which Jungkook saw as a desperate ploy by that record company to get views.

Or maybe it was just his jealousy speaking.

“Come on Bamie, let's not miss her. Okay?”

He walked up to Bam, carefully sidestepping the toys that were strewn about the floor.

He raised his head and caressed the back of his scalp in an effort to console him for cutting their viewing time short. But it was really himself he was trying to calm down. The truth was, Jungkook couldn't bear to see Chaeri on his screen, especially not with someone else.

As Bam's warmth spread against his feet, time seemed to stand still, and Jungkook found himself transported back to a moment of shared dreams. He let out a deep breath allowing himself to sink into the memory.

The room was dimly lit, steam floated in the air from the hot, bubbling water of the bathtub, and Chaeri and Jungkook sat across from each other, their legs intertwined as they enjoyed its warmth.

The soft sound of cascading water echoed throughout the room, creating a calming atmosphere for their hushed words as Jungkook lightly ran his fingertips along the edge of the tub

"Come closer"

"I still smell like puppies"

Buzzfeed had given them the honor of playing with doggies throughout the interview. They were adorable, but their pungent smell had lingered on the skin and clothes of all of them.

“What makes you think that I care?” Jungkook asked, his voice tinged with playfulness as he grabbed Chaeri's ankle and tugged her closer.

Chaeri’s open smile and bright eyes twinkle with amusement as she edges to Jungkook. Her hand reaches up to delicately remove a stray lock of his hair, her fingertips grazing his forehead in a gentle caress.

"You know, someday I might get used to this smell" Jungkook moved his face to meet Chaeri's arm and leave a trail of kisses along it, reaching her shoulder "Someday we might have one of our own"

"A puppy?"

"Mhmh" he nodded, not taking his lips off the girl's smooth skin "A little home just for us, and a little dog just for us"

"That sounds..it sounds like a beautiful plan to me"

Chaeri and Jungkook rarely talked about what the future held, preferring to live day-by-day rather than worrying over what was ahead. Yet when Jungkook did bring up topics of planning for the years ahead, she felt a sense of joy and amazement. Her wet fingers ran across his still-maturing face; his cheeks were still youthful and soft, but she could see he was slowly becoming a man. He was becoming an adult before her eyes, both of them growing together. 

That moment could have been interpreted as either serious talk between two partners or the lovey-dovey banter of young lovers - perhaps it was a little bit of both.

"Actually, can't wait for it to happen" Chaeri added and leaned in closer, her lips invitingly close to his.

Jungkook looked into the depths of Chaeri's eyes and felt a wave of emotions wash over him; it was an overwhelming sensation that he had grown used to.

He pulled back his face just enough to avoid being kissed, a slight smirk on his lips "I'm gonna decide the name"

Chaeri dramatically rolled her eyes in response to his comment, trying to tease him "If you insist" she said

Jungkook was a blur as he lunged at her lips, his eyes a burning, molten gold. The water around them erupted in a wave of spray and foam as the two collided. The entire bathroom was alight with water droplets as the couple kissed, the overflow spilling onto the floor.

The memory faded as quickly as it had come, leaving Jungkook alone with his thoughts. He couldn't help but wonder about Chaeri and Hongjoong's relationship. Did they talk about the future the way they used to?

He knew it was wrong, but he wished that she had never discussed her future plans with that other man.

Jungkook could hear Bam barking, trying to distract him from his feelings. "You're such a good boy, aren't you?" Bam wagged his tail, his eyes full of love and loyalty. He sighed and ran his fingers through Bam's fur "You won't ever leave me. Will you?"

taglist: @alixnsuperstxr | @bts-dream | @ycuvi

[absurdumsid]

hi i have more thoughts and i finished watching kotoko's audio drama (absolutely devastated there is not a single mention of her past *slamming the floor with my fist*) BUT OH MY GOD. i am very insane *looks at you with big wide eyes*

ok but one thing i wanna mention i saw someone comment under kotoko's mv that at the very end, she uses the scale (which is something often used in judgement) as the "murder weapon" for all of the chess pieces, aka her vision of justice is using justice itself as her reason for attacking. the neon blood is splattered everywhere, including the scale.

ANYWAY VOICE DRAMAAAAAA~~ the irony of kotoko pointing out "oh are you voting based on preference and bias and not their crimes?" is so funny because Jackalope literally said you can vote based on any basis.

"when the killer is met with violence, that's called karmic retribution" i feel like this line is important because she believes that all of the prisoners in MILGRAM are here for a reason, and that they have all killed someone, hence they deserve karma. she would have gone for all of them, but from what i recall Jackalope had specifically stated that prisoners with innocent verdicts could do what they wanted, hence they could protect themselves from Kotoko, but also the guilty verdicts meant that she had a "proper" reason to go and attack them.

me when i see kotoko manipulating es like oooooh you wanna give me power so baaaaaad i'll be your fangs i'll do everything i'll do the dirty work i will attack them and none of them are forgiven. but also her entire speech about being a bystander and watching all of these "crimes" being laid out in front of es, in front of us the audience is soooo silly funny i love you kotoko. "why won't you do anything if you think that it's evil"

last note: Es' headache when kotoko mentions "i'll be your fangs," and personally i've interpreted it as: Es the warden who is supposed to be the judgement dealer, has passed the responsibility to kotoko, who intends to attack everyone. But also this headache is not caused by Es' own confusion and confidence in her ability as warden. I think this is MILGRAM's doing and her status as prisoner 00. as for why, i don't have concrete evidence but from what i remember it has happened a few times? (i think it was yuno's 2nd voice drama?)

anyway *clicks guilty* my work here is cleaned up :] (i'm definitely wrong about things i'm just spitballing the 1st thing that came to mind) (also she views things as very black and white. you killed someone, so you deserve to pay. life isn't that simple honey :sob:)

I LOVEE READING MILGRAM THEORIES SM

+ heres my addition !!!! (somebody else acually pointed it out but i cant FIND THEM IF U SEE THIS HI !! I SAW UR NOVELGRAM POST AND IT STUCK SO HARD,,,,,,,)

screenshots from 1:27 of the MV, the unofficial novelgram translation (chapter 5), and chapter 5 page 6 of the unofficial novelgram manga translation.

it kinda shows that while she wants the other prisoners not to be forgiven so that she'll have a justifiable reason to deliver her justice onto them, she is also judging herself for her own sins and knows she's unforgivable (or not, maybe she thinks her justice is correct and therefore she is forgivable, idk)

also, the table and chairs are very similar to kotoko's round table where she sits in the taller chair assigned to the warden !

[aoharushiyo]

home / deco*27 x 40mP [eng translation]

TITLE: HOME VOCAL: 初音ミク (Hatsune Miku) COMPOSITION: DECO*27, 40mP LYRICS: DECO*27, 40mP ARRANGE: DECO*27, 40mP OFFICIAL MV: (from youtube)

ENG:

My past tightly corked up the dreams I wished to fulfill, and, without realising my mistakes — "Oops!" — I only hurt myself again. Between my strong self and my weak one, it's weird, it's always the weak me that wins.

"Nobody can know about this," you tell yourself as you hide and cry alone. And yet, you put on a smiling face for everyone else.

Please tell me about the "you up until today" that's been troubling you all this time. If things get tough, I want you to run away, and show me those tears once again. Why is it that the sight of your forced smile always makes me want to cry? In my blurry, wavering vision, all I could hear was a "thank you".

I tried to assign ticks and crosses to those days without answers, but as my dissatisfaction piles up with each cross, I don't know what to do. The more I want to go back, the more distant it seems; it's hopeless, I don't even have the energy for the weakest of sighs.

"Somebody, please save me," cried an SOS that only I could hear. Slowly, bit by bit, our heartbeats began to overlap.

Back then, I couldn't figure out 40 + 27, and now, I can't figure out how to smile. Still, I pound away on the calculator, feeling sick of worrying up a sweat. How long do I keep marking my height on the wall? Hey, hey, I'm all grown up now...

Please tell me about the "you up until today" that's been troubling you all this time. If things get tough, I want you to run away, and show me those tears once again.

Both the tormented "you up until today", and the troubled "you from today onwards"… I can't bring myself to hate either of you, because they're both "you". "Welcome home," I say with an awkward smile to you and your tears that won't stop, because yesterday, and tomorrow, too, there is a place for you to say "I'm home".

JPN:

叶えたい夢に　過去がキュッと栓をする 間違いに気付けなくて「しまった！」　損をする 強い自分と弱い自分の対決は なぜか弱いほうがいつも勝つ　おかしいね

「誰も知らないんだ」って言って 隠れて泣いてたって　みんなの前じゃ君は笑う人

君をずっと苦しめている　"今日までの君"教えてよ ツライなら逃げてほしい　また涙を見せて 無理して笑った君を見て　泣きたくなるのはなぜだろう 滲んでく視界の中　聞こえたのは「ありがとう」

答えのない日々に　○、×をつけてみる ×のほうが多くて嫌になって　どうしたら 戻りたい　強く願うほどに戻れない もうダメみたい　弱いタメイキだって零れない

「誰か助けてよ」 僕にだけ聞こえるSOS 踏み込んだ分だけ���くなる　鼓動が重なっていく

40+27で悩んでいた頃 今は笑い方で悩んでる　電卓を叩きながら 汗をかくのが嫌いになった　柱の傷は何歳まで？ ねえねえ大人になってしまったよ

君をずっと苦しめている　"今日までの君"教えてよ ツライなら逃げてほしい　また涙を見せて

君をずっと苦しめていく　今日までとこれからの君 どちらも君なんだから　嫌いになんかなれないよ 困って笑った僕を見て泣きじゃくった君に「おかえり」 ただいまを言える場所は　昨日にも明日にもあるから

[overdevelopedglasses]

trick or treat 😈

Gah! Lexi!

Okokok.... something a bit different.

Anyone want OC songs?

Just gonna limit myself and do 1 each.

For Shinumi:

This is the first song in his playlist, and I totally imagine a MV/animatic just. Going through his life. Special shout to "choke the dark down" and "kill the body, not the memory"

For Fekami:

I'm kinda surprised about this one. Fekami doesn't really *have* a playlist, but i need to make him one. I was just trying to scroll through songs and im not sure why, but this one clicked.

I'd want to do my Essence Cast but that's a lot of explaining. I'll talk about Lily's song, and just kinda. Leave everyone to make sense of the other 6 XD

So for Lily:

This just. Wailing.

This is 100% in the second half of the story (uhh shit happens) and this is definitely when like. Everyone is wondering where "the hero" went and where they could've gone and just. I listen to this song and think "poor Lily" without fail. Shoutout to "I may be disturbed, but won't you concede, even heroes have the right to dream?"

Finally, for the rest of the gang:

William

Alex

Enzo

Percy

Robin

Samuel:

[weather-cluddy]

My Mikoto playlist, for all your waiting for Double needs.

A Sleepwalker On This Mortal Shore/A Sleepwalker Gazing on Nirvana, by Hello Tanita-san/Tatsuya Kitani. (Self-cover)

Fun fact, the animation for this one was made by Mana Inoue, same person who did the PV for Weakness, How To Be in Love With You and Bring it On! You can definitely see the similarities with the first two, with the use of photographs 'glued' to 2D drawings. This one pushes the body horror a fair bit further, though. Be prepared for writhing brains made of realistic human fingers and such. (Also, the vocaloid version's CC subs has a mistake at 2:23)

OP by Hachiya Nanashi

Flight Instinct by Last Note

Run! by Polysics

Opening from Cells at Work Black, in which your average overworked salaryman's body is depicted as a 'black company' in miniature where their cells must struggle not so much to fix things as to just postpone the inevitable for another day, growing increasingly desperate and despondent all the while. IIRC, things got bad enough that the English version of the last few manga volumes shipped with suicide hotline numbers in the back.

Somehow still the cheeriest song in here.

Disordered Self-restraint Girl by otetsu (Note: flashing lights)

There's Supposed to be a Cheat Code for Happiness by UtataP

Ceremony Day and Manhole by Polyphonic Branch

Walk Tall and Die by TadanoCo/4o

You might know this one from the Eve cover, which has more views than the original. I really enjoyed the lyrics, both individual lines and as a whole. It's quite nice how they go from harsh and frustrated to softer as the song goes on.

There Was No Savior by YASUHIRO (Translation)

Disqualified Town by Yonaka

Fun fact: I picked this song before Mikoto's T2 cover got announced, so the fact that MV shows Miku wearing a gas mask is 100% a coincidence.

On An Empty Morning by kemu (Utaite ver.) (Translation)

I really like this song because the tone changes a lot depending on your interpretation. Does the calm tune represent the singer at long last achieving peace after terrible pain, leading a life that's mundane and sometimes difficult but ultimately worthwhile? Or have they just sunk into apathy, emotionlessly sacrificing other people just to continue their empty lifestyle, having so little concept of happiness that they actually think they're fulfilled by this?

Both options are pretty interesting. And well, in the context of Mikoto's crime, "I take someone’s fleeting future and use it as a stepping stone" takes on a new meaning.

I Hear the Sound of Someone Else's Business by Ame no MurakumoP (Translation)

I linked to a fan PV that honestly deserves more attention (less than 30 views, seriously!?). The PV uses a lot of white and dark blue, but I don't think it switches fast enough to require a flashing lights warning? The official upload uses a still image, if it helps.

Synesthesia Ghost by Nekobolo/sasanomaly

La Mersonnalité by Misato Kurematsu

Don’t Carry Our Memories Away by rinri (EMA ver.) (Translation)

The EMA cover isn't official or anything, but it's my favorite version so I'm gonna link it too. The original does have the advantage of having Mikoto Meika singing it, though.

It's kind of interesting how different the illustrations for the original and the cover feel: in the original we see the boy smiling desperately wide as he faces towards the shore, like he's reassuring somebody watching. Meanwhile in the cover he looks indifferent or perhaps annoyed, but for the last chorus he turns around fully and splashes around as if inviting you to follow him.

Childhood by MushiP

The Good Child and the Fox by Kikou

Silver Warp by YUUKI MIYAKE/Napoli-P (Utaite ver.) (Translation)

I was going to write about how Ore would be the brother that gets caught when escaping and is implied to stab his parents, while Boku is the one that gets away... and then I noticed the funerary portrait at the end. Just pretend it isn't there, I guess Or take it metaphorically.

The Full-Throttle Abscondence. by Pekoro

Delusion Girl by Touyu

This playlist is mostly based on Boku, but I see this song as being about both alters. The whole "crushing despair of normalcy" part being obviously Boku, and the desire to save somebody to justify your own existence being Ore. I think that if Fuuta were a bit older this song would fit him pretty well too.

Hide and Seek -reprise- by BuzzG (Translation)

Magician In Love by Koyori

Imposter Advisory by 150p (Utaite ver.) (Alternate translation) (Note: flashing lights)

Perfect Crime Love Letter by 150p (Utaite ver. + alternate translation) (Note: flashing lights)

Red is Scary by Iyowa (Translation)

Cyber Thunder Cider by EZFG

It Takes 3 Minutes to Listen to a 3 Minute Song by Owata-P

There's No One Who's Bad at Art by Suttaka

Love, Me Normally by Will Wood (Lyrics)

Dense Forest of Morals by OPA (Translation)

I'm Controversial by Ado (Note: flashing lights)

Fraulein=Biblioteca by nyanyannya

I'm imagining this one being sung by Es, or at least Mikoto's impression of Es (kind of like the shadow Es from Backdraft). I think in a way it fits all the guilty prisoners, but the lines about sleep talk and "I'll make you remember your sins" make it even better for Mikoto especifically.

No.4 THE EMPEROR by Owata-P (Translation)

I Can't (Mar)read the Situation by CosMo

This one is more of a "How Mikoto views the world" song than one strictly about Mikoto. Don't neglect your social skills in favor of your true self or you will be doomed to a life of envy, regret and isolation. Also the Earth will explode. Truly a sobering reminder.

A Lethargic Coup d'état by Last Note

The Taste of Cockroach by Maretu

Most people would probably think of this one as a Fuuta or Muu song, and I do agree (more Muu than Fuuta imo). But honestly, while Mikoto would never start a bullying campaign, I can totally see him as a bystander, the kind of person who insist that everyone should just talk it out and then everything will be fine. Of course, we still don't know what caused his murder, only that apparently being kidnapped was an improvement. So you could also view him as the victim, which gives new meaning to those weird lines in the middle of the song that really don't sound like they're from the same person as the rest...

But mostly, I added this song for the "shadows lurking under the light/denial" angle, which is theme for the last section of the playlist. I don't really know enough about music to sort it by genre/sound similarities, so I organized it by themes! Or at least I tried to put similar songs together so they'd "flow" into each other.

Everything is an Illusion by Pongini (Translation in the replies of the pinned comment)

I Look Up as I Deliver by POLYSICS (Alternate translation)

The ending for Cells at Work Black. Fun fact, this song's name is most likely based on I Look Up as I Walk AKA Sukiyaki.

[dat-town]

you are the knife i turn inside myself (that is love)

Characters: Seunghun & OC (Jieun)

Setting & genre: angst, hurt/comfort, set in the world of Save Me Kill Me MV

Summary: Jieun had always been an enigma. Yet, Seunghun can’t stop loving her.

Warnings: mentions of suicide (Yonghee’s), past attempted suicide (MC), bullying, parents’ divorce and neglectful behaviour (MC’s), deceased parents (Seunghun’s), academic pressure, depression (MC’s), therapy ‒ if any of these topics are triggering for you, please don’t interact with the fic. if you would like to know what to expect under any warning beforehand, feel free to send me an ask

International suicide hotline: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Words: 6k

Author’s note: it’s a spin-off to in your eyes i see another me, for my convenience I named the previous reader, as Jinah. I don’t think it’s a must to read it but it gives more context. Heavily inspired by the CIX story films and Save Me Kill Me MV, so the boys’ characters resemble that more than their idol personality. This story is heavily Seunghun-centric.

Title taken from Kafka, read the meaning here.

For @restlessmaknae, thank you for always being such a supporter, for introducing me to new music (and groups) and for fangirling with me over fictional characters or real people in general. I hope next year you find a place where they appreciate you the way you deserve it and that it will be a better one health-wise. I wish you more (kpop) concerts, travel experiences and happiness! love you <3

Seunghun couldn't tell when exactly he fell in love with Jieun. Was it love at first sight? The way her fringe had fallen into her dark eyes, the fierce fire in them, the way she had looked at him like everything was a challenge ever since the first day of high school? Or was it much later when she had held his trembling hand during his mother's funeral?

Seunghun wasn't sure but he knew one thing: he didn't remember how it was to not be in love with her. That's why it hurt when he started to notice her building up walls, acting weird and hanging out with Byounggon more. The boy told himself he wasn't jealous, he had nothing against the other guy after all, but lying could only take him that far.

Then his whole world turned upside down when it turned out that Jieun had a twin who pretended to be her while she was in a hospital. In a coma. Because of attempted suicide.

It was like an ice cold shower because Seunghun would rather have Jieun be with somebody else than dead. Or in pain. But Jieun was like a rose with sharp thorns, so to love her was like handing her a knife, ready to be hurt.

The smell of the hospital was the same. Seunghun remembered it all too well. It didn't matter that it wasn't the same building or that months had passed. He had spent too much time beside Yonghee's bed, praying that he wouldn't leave like his mom, to forget. And now here he was, right by the unconscious Jieun's side doing the same.

She looked so vulnerable in the hospital bed, all pale and put on machines that kept her alive. So unlike how she really was: wild and lively like ember among ash. Whenever Seunghun came to visit, his heart sank at the sight and he couldn't help checking the heart monitor just to make sure. Hoping that one of these days it would be different, that she would open her eyes and everything would be okay. What a wishful thinking but it's not like he had anything better to do.

"Your sister comes back from the UK tomorrow. You should see Byounggon, he's like an excited puppy," he recited, sitting on the uncomfortable metal chair next to Jieun's bed. He didn't believe she heard him but the nurses told him it could help, so he did his best. It made it feel less weird too, just being there, silent, watching her sleep. Like this, he could pretend they were gossiping, like she could chuckle anytime soon and call him out on his bullshit when he exaggerated. Not this time though; ever since Jinah notified them that she had finished all her final exams and was heading back to Seoul for the summer, Byounggon was restless. "How long do you think it will take them to get together officially? We all saw how they looked at each other and long distance can't be an excuse now."

Honestly, given Jieun's and Byounggon's arguing history, Seunghun didn't think the girl would have been thrilled to know that her twin got so close with the guy, but he would have rather taken her frustration than her silence at this point. He would have given anything for her to wake up. Maybe he was selfish but he wasn't ready to lose her too. Too many good people had left them last year.

"I miss you," he whispered, toying with a loose thread of her thin duvet. The realization wasn't sudden but his confession was. It tasted bittersweet on his tongue or like sour candy.

Seunghun gulped while watching Jieun's porcelain face, her dark lashes and listened to the rhythmical beeps of the machine beside her. Nothing even stirred. Gently, he reached out to take her hand in his, so cold against his sweaty palms, so still and unlike her. Jieun wasn't fond of public displays of affection after all. He sometimes got away with a brief hug or nudge on the shoulder, but Jieun was often quick to pull away. But she was like that with everybody, so Seunghun didn't take it to heart.

He squeezed her hand softly, suddenly nervous at being so daring, but naively he hoped that maybe the cliché things from dramas would turn out to be true for once. But no, even as he stood up to leave and let go of her pale hands, the heart monitor's beeps remained steady.

With Jinah back in town, they had one more person at those Saturday hang outs Hyunsuk liked to call movie nights in honour of the film club they used to be a part of.

Eventually all of them had graduated, even Byounggon and Jinyoung had managed to do so without having to retake the senior year. Seunghun wasn't sure it would have happened without Jinah. Sure, her lying to them and impersonating her sister had been morally wrong but with her around they had all gotten a new perspective: that they all had something to live for and none of the people who had left them would have wanted them to feel otherwise. At first, Seunghun had thought that it had been naive to think so, so unlike Jieun, but then he had gotten to know about her in the hospital and realized that maybe it had been their pessimistic mindset of theirs all along that had pushed the girl to the edge.

Hyunsuk and Byeol had gotten into the same college, sociology majors – she had wanted to study that and he hadn't known what else to do –, and it was cute how they lived their campus romance. Jinyoung had started working in a coffee shop and whenever they visited him, female customers were making heart eyes at him. Byounggon had gotten a job at a convenience store and often took night shifts because he had always been a night owl (and because with the timezone difference, this way he could talk more with Jinah), but with her back in time, it was most likely up to change.

And Seunghun? He had taken on a few children's dance classes to teach and was studying for the civil worker exam. With house bills to pay he couldn't allow himself to dream big. With all of them pressed up against each other on a couch, watching a movie, he was already paying his dream coins thinking of Jieun – that she would make faces but like this anyway –, wishing she was there.

It was almost the end of the visiting hours when Seunghun woke up. He didn't mean to fall asleep over Jieun's hospital bed, arms folded like a pillow but he was up late learning a new choreography. He loved the lack of crushing thoughts when he was dancing, the soreness in his muscles and the beats of music the only thing he was aware of. No what ifs or guilt or anxiousness, just dance. Except when Jieun had been watching him dance before because then his thoughts had been all about her.

The boy startled and pulled back, scooting back in his chair. He yawned as he rubbed his eyes. Then he froze, eyes widening.

Jieun was watching him.

Her eyes were misty and unfocused but she was awake. Seunghun stood up so vehemently that he almost knocked his chair back. Her name was a prayer of gratitude as he called it. The soft sound made the girl focus on him. Breathing through the plastic mask over her face, heartbeat measured by the wires put on her body, white hospital grown over her pale skin, Jieun seemed like a stranger but her eyes, they were still the same: sad but with fire in them.

Seunghun held his breath while a single drop of tear rolled down Jieun's temple, then she closed her eyes again right before the nurses arrived.

Seunghun was sent out while the doctors and nurses ran a million tests on the girl. He called Jinah and wrote in the group chat but he didn't know what else to do. He was pacing, walking up and down the corridor and while this was what he was waiting for, for her to wake up, it was also nerve-wrecking.

"How is she?" Seunghun ran up to the nurse who just came out of the room.

"Better than expected. But I can't tell you the details. Only family members are entitled to know medical details."

It left a sharp feeling in Seunghun's gut after spending in the hospital hours every week, but he wasn't surprised. He needed the family's permission to be able to visit too, so he didn't push it.

"Can I see her?" He asked instead, but the nurse looked at him uncertainly, with pity.

"I'm sorry but… the patient specifically said she doesn't want you to see her like that. Nobody apart from her family actually," she bobbed her head apologetically before hurrying away, leaving the boy behind.

Disheartened, Seunghun sank down onto the row of uncomfortable plastic chairs in the corridor and tried not to feel hurt. He knew how proud Jieun was, how much she hated to show weakness to others. He should have expected it, but it still stung.

He didn't know how much time had passed by the time the doctors and rest of the nurses left or when Jinah and Byounggon arrived. He just sat there, waiting, waiting. He wasn’t sure what for, not anymore.

Jinah told all of them that according to the doctors Jieun would make full recovery. She had to attend rehabilitation because she just spend months not moving and obligatory therapy due to the attempted suicide. She wasn't particularly happy about either of those nor having to repeat her senior year. But at least she didn't look like she was disappointed that she survived or so Jinah said. Not that they talked about it. Jieun wasn’t quite generous with words, not when it came to topics like this.

After a week of various examinations they would let her out of the hospital and she would spend two weeks in the mountains for recovery. Three weeks until Seunghun could see her again. If she was ready then.

"Seunghun, you are a beat behind. Where's your mind at?" His dance teacher's scolding pulled him out of his running thoughts.

Thoughts around and about her. Always her.

"Sorry," he mumbled and tried not to think of Jieun.

But he saw her even when he closed his eyes.

Jieun was alive and awake yet she had never felt farther. Seunghun's messages went unread on her phone and he only knew what was happening to her from Jinah. It felt wrong. Weren't they supposed to be best friends? When had it all gone wrong?

When she had jumped? Or when Yonghee had done?

Or when he had fallen in love?

Seunghun felt like she was slipping through his fingers like sand. It was almost like he was losing her all over again. For real, this time.

People said that it was natural to drift apart with your friends after school, once you didn't see each other every day, but he couldn't let go. He knew it wasn't about him graduating. Jieun was avoiding him. Seunghun told himself that she must have needed time. She was one of the strongest people he knew and she hated when she was seen as weak or vulnerable, she must have resented that he had been with her in the hospital. But how could he have not? At least he had been close to her that way.

The day after Jieun got back from the mountains, Seunghun got a text in the middle of his teens class. It was one simple message:

Can we meet?

His heart thrummed like a traitor when he saw it. He was sweaty and tired, but he wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity.

They agreed to meet at the park they often hung out later that night. Seunghun was more nervous than he would have liked to admit. His hands got clammy again after taking a quick shower and water droplets were still falling from his hair when he jumped on the bus. He was drumming on his knees to the rhythm of his heart, a jumpy little dance.

He didn't know what to expect. After months of not talking to Jieun, he wasn't sure. After her not wanting him to see her, he got even more uncertain. He kept replaying their last conversation. The one Jinah had confirmed wasn't with her. The way Jieun had smiled at him, nudged him playfully and stolen his fries. It had been painfully normal. He had used to beat himself up over not noticing the signs but all of them had been a mess after what had happened with Yonghee and Seunghun  had been busy with his mother's funeral too. There had been a new norm after that, nothing had been the same, so nothing had felt out of the ordinary. Nothing had felt like ‘Yonghee all over again’.

Jieun was already there when he got to the park. She sat on a bench with her long hair falling onto her shoulders, moonlight shining on her fair skin beautifully. She wore her signature eyeliner and black nail polish which reminded Seunghun of times before she got to the hospital where she was pale and bare faced, looking young, innocent and so so fragile. Seeing her again like this knocked the air out of the boy.

"Hey," she looked up, straightening her spine a bit once she was aware of his presence. The small movement didn't sit well with Seunghun. They were closer than to act differently around each other… Or so he thought they were.

"Hey," he echoed and took the seat next to her, his hands gripping on the edge of the bench. It felt unreal, being so close to her again, and she was awake, warm and real. "You… you look better."

It was a clumsy compliment but Seunghun knew Jieun would have never let him get away with calling her pretty or something like that. She didn't like that and the boy never knew why but according to Jinah they were always compared based on their academics and looks too. Early signs of Jieun's rebellion came with her going against what their parents would have liked to see her as: the ideal, well-behaving, perfect little angel.

"Better than half-dead in the hospital? Jeez, thanks," the girl snorted and her tone made Seunghun wince. Joking with her almost dying wasn't funny to him. He didn't say anything though, so silence embraced them for an uncomfortable moment.

"I'm sorry," Jieun sighed eventually and she sounded sincere.

Seunghun wasn't sure why she apologized though. For the insensitive joke? For ignoring his messages? For not letting him visit her in the hospital once she was awake? Or for the reason she had been at the hospital in the first place? Nevertheless, Seunghun shook his head, not wanting her to blame herself.

"Don't be."

"I am," she insisted, her eyes intense when their gazes met. "I never wanted to hurt you."

The boy sucked in a breath.

He was at fault too: he cared too much. But he couldn't say it was okay nor he could say he wasn't hurt. He was so damn confused at the same time as he was just happy to have her back. Because she was back, right? She wouldn't disappear like that again?

He wanted to ask. He wanted to beg even though he didn't have the right to tell her what to do. He wanted her to stay, but they didn't talk about it, about the elephant in the room, since everything was still so fragile.

Instead Seunghun looked into her deep dark night of her eyes and smiled.

"I missed you," he said.

Stay with me, he wished.

"I missed you, too," she said with the smallest of genuine smiles in the corner of her mouth.

For then, it was enough.

Admittedly, Seunghun had feared that Jieun wanted to meet because she would have preferred to cut ties with him, that it would have been a goodbye, maybe her moving away or just trying to start a new life. He was terribly relieved when it turned out that she just didn't want to apologize over messages for being distant ever since she woke up. She just needed time and space and she didn't like the idea of him wasting his time beside her hospital bed like he had done with Yonghee, too. He wouldn't have called it a waste of time though, he'd had nothing better to do and he had wanted to be there for them. Since he hadn’t been able to help, this was something he could have at least done. But convincing Jieun something like this was a lost cause and he didn't want to argue. A part of him just wanted things to go back as they were but another part of him, the one that wasn't a coward, wanted to be mature about it and talk it through. But he was afraid Jieun would put her walls up and shut him out then and he didn't want to lose her. He knew how much she disliked that therapy already that she had to attend for a year.

So Seunghun did the next best thing he could think of: making sure Jieun had reasons to live. He started writing a list, a list that he hoped would never end, of things that he knew she wanted to do, achieve or see. Be it a band concert, a trip to Gangnueng or just a choker she bookmarked on her phone. He knew her well and long enough to easily come up with a dozen list items but the hardest part was being smooth enough at delivering these that Jieun wouldn't call him out on it.

Like when they were out late again one night and he thought using that excuse that he was hungry would be enough to suppress her doubts.

"It's just so random," she grumbled when he told her dinner would be on him. It wasn't even anything fancy, just bibimbap that she always loved.

"I wanted to take you out from my first paycheck but you weren't awake then, so here we are," he echoed the practiced explanation. Technically it wasn't even a lie, he had wanted to do that. But now he had one more reason to.

When they crossed an item off his unwritten list, Seunghun added two more points in its place. With time, it turned into a little bucket list about things he wanted to do with her. Hyunsuk teased him that it was almost like he was planning dates for them and Seunghun had to make him promise not to call them dates out loud in front of Jieun. So what if he wanted to try out the new bingsu place with her or watch falling stars together or discover old record stores? He just wanted to be with her.

He knew it was only a matter of time that Jieun noticed the pattern and actually said something about it and then it would end. Seunghun guessed she kind of already knew, she just entertained him by letting him throw in a new idea for every weekend. Sometimes she asked if he shouldn't have studied instead but eventually let him be after listening to his nonsense excuses like how taking a break would fuel his productivity eventually.

Seunghun thought he could act like nothing had happened. Because it seemed like this was what Jieun wanted.

But sometimes he just couldn't.

"Jinah told us that you went to a psychologist," he said quietly after they visited Yonghee and his steps halted when Jieun fell behind.

"She shouldn't have. She had no right," she snapped, sounding both cold and angry at the same time, brushing past him, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

It was exactly what Seunghun wanted to avoid, but the cat was already out of the bag, so he didn’t want it to be an affair to brush off. He caught up with the girl, grabbing her wrist just temporarily to stop her and slip in front of her vision.

"You could have told me," he added, quiet and gentle, and Jieun's anger seemed to fade. She always seemed to soften just a bit when it came to him. Maybe that was also a reason why he fell for her. Because she made him feel special.

"You were struggling already because of your mom on top of what happened with Yonghee," she reasoned and Seunghun wished that she would have been more selfish than that. How could she have thought that her struggles would have been too much on top of everything as if she mattered less to him?

The boy sighed, shaking his head.

"That's not the only reason," he argued because he knew her and she respected him enough not to deny.

"That's not the only reason," she agreed, keeping eye contact. Brave, brave Jieun, why was she so afraid of showing vulnerability as if it was a weakness? Didn't she know that he wouldn't have thought less of her because of something like that?

"Can you tell me now? What happened? I would have never thought that you…" Seunghun wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence and it was probably the worst timing and not the best location either. But at least the streets were vacant and they were the only people under this alcove. The stars would keep their secrets. 

"I wanted to know how Yonghee felt," Jieun shrugged, trying to play it off but Seunghun saw the nervousness in her movements, the way she put her weight from one leg to the other. “Was he scared? Was it fast? Did it hurt? Maybe if it was fast and painless, it would be easier to accept it.”

Seunghun imagined her walking over the bridge, watching the river rush by underneath her and thinking of Yonghee. Of the boy with the gentlest soul and all those bruises on his fair skin. He imagined her screaming and reckless, finding comfort in the dark and the waves. The impact of her jump held magnitudes. It could never be fast and painless, not for those who loved them.

“Do you know what was the last thing I told him?” Jieun asked but Seunghun didn’t answer.

How could he have known when she had never told him? What he knew was that she had gotten into an argument with Yonghee not much before he had left them. But that was nothing new, Jieun had got into her fair share of arguments with all of them, especially Byounggon, because she was like an ember, fierce and restless. Yonghee had known this, he had known that her words were sometimes harsher than she intended.

“I called him a coward. I told him he was weak. That if he wasn’t going to stand up for himself, it’s like he’s letting them kill him,” Jieun’s lips trembled and she looked away, her voice getting breathy. “We were his safe space and I made him feel like he was a disappointment. I…”

A sob escaped her. It was so sudden that Seunghun didn’t see it coming. He had never seen Jieun cry. Not at Yonghee’s funeral, not when she had broken her arm trying a skateboarding trick in their freshman year. Yet, it was like an instinct: winding his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace. He half-expected her to push him away, to build up the walls once again just to prove that she was strong and independent. But maybe, finally she knew that from time to time it was okay to be vulnerable, with the right people it wasn’t a bad thing.

“I… What if that was the last straw? What if it was like I pushed him over the edge?” She sobbed into his shirt and he held her tighter as if he could keep her together as she was spiralling down. He had no idea she held so much guilt and grief inside.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered into her hair and murmured other reassuring words while storing her back. Yes, they were all bystanders and maybe they could have offered help, could have pushed more but Yonghee had loved them and he insisted that he was okay. There was no way they could have known what had been going on behind his smiles.

Jieun cried for a long time. Years worth of tears dried up on Seunghun’s white tee as she pulled back and wiped away the rest from her cheeks.

“Shit. I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you,” she sighed, her voice raspy from all that crying and the boy practically saw her build up her walls level by level as she composed her facial expressions and wiped away her smudged makeup. She was mentally running away, so the boy told her the only words he thought that could stop her.

"Jieun... you are the strongest person I know."

The girl blinked at him in disbelief, his reflection clear in her shiny eyes.

"Do you really still think that?" She asked ironically with the certainty of someone ragged and patched up, scars from her fall still fading into her pale skin. But to him, she had never been broken.

"Yeah, I really do," Seunghun nodded, convinced and genuine.

She had never looked stronger.

Seunghun was hovering over his textbooks in the pleasant warmth the coffee shop where Jinyoung worked provided when somebody stopped by his table. His first thought was the barista boy but the mellow female voice that greeted him proved him wrong. Even after months of knowing Jinah, sometimes the striking similarity of the twins still surprised him. Most likely because he had spent years without knowing about the other girl's existence. But now that he knew and the girl stopped pretending to be Jieun, it was also painfully obvious in just how many subtle ways they were different. It wasn't just about the lack of eyeliner – which Byounggon had noticed since day one –, but the way they styled their hair, the way they dressed or the way they talked. There was that warm smile on Jinah's face too that Jieun so rarely showed. Looking back it was impossible to not tell them apart.

"Hi, how's studying?" She asked, sounding sincerely curious as her fingers intertwined over her iced frappé.

"As okay as it can get,"  the boy shrugged, straightening his back, using her presence as an excuse to focus on something else other than the material. "And what are you doing here?"

"Just getting coffee while I wait for Gon to finish his shift," she explained and glanced at her watch, checking the time, before pointing at the chair across from Seunghun. "Can I join you until then?"

"Sure," the boy nodded, trying not to show any lingering awkwardness that remained from the time when she had been pretending to be Jieun. He wasn't angry at her anymore, he understood her reason no matter how wild it was but he still couldn't forget the confusion he had felt when he had thought he had been starting to lose Jieun to Byounggon only to realize that it hadn’t been her to begin with.

Small talk with Jinah wasn't as awkward as he thought though. He asked her about how she was holding up in the Korean summer weather and told her about his upcoming civil servant exam. Only when they seemed to run out of easy topics like that did she bring up her sister.

"Did Jieun tell you anything about Gon and me?" She asked, fidgeting with her napkin.

Seunghun furrowed his eyebrows. Why would they have talked about them? Was something up? Should he have known something? He thought things were going well.

"Uhm, no. Why?"

Jinah seemed a bit uncertain at the outright question. She was probably embarrassed to bring it up herself.

"She doesn't really like him, huh?" She whispered, tapping her nails against the glass. "And it's not like I need her approval but... she's still my sister, you know."

Well, Seunghun didn't know. He didn't have any siblings and up until last year he had no idea Jieun had. But after getting to know Jinah and their close bond with her twin despite being separated for years, he thought he understood why she felt that way.

"Jieun doesn't hate Byounggon or anything like that. They are just too similar in a way," he told her eventually, thinking of how vocal they both could be about their opinions, how fierce they could fight for their loved ones or how reckless they could be if they thought it was the right thing to do. They had similar enough personalities to clash because neither of them liked to be proven wrong... or seen vulnerable. They were the lone wolves that could lead packs. "Maybe the same reason why she doesn't think she is fit for happiness is why she would prefer if you stayed away from him."

Jieun was good at holding grudges but the one she forgave the hardest was herself. As if she didn't deserve it just because she made some honest-to-god mistakes.

"The same way she stays away from you?" Jinah asked and Seunghun's eyes widened, his ears on fire.

"Did she–"

"She didn't need to say anything, but I can tell that she is guarded whenever it's about you. She cares about you, a lot, but she doesn't want others to know," Jinah interrupted him before he could have asked and yeah, that sounded very much like Jieun. "While I was pretending to be her, I heard girls whispering that she didn't deserve you. That's also probably why she had 'bitch' written over her locker and who knows what else happened to her that made her think it would be a bad idea to… let you closer, I guess."

Seunghun hummed, more to himself than to her, his hands in fists, knuckles white in his lap. Was he a bad friend for not knowing about it? For thinking that something so petty couldn't get to Jieun?

He wasn't sure he had the right to ask more even if Jinah knew more, so he stayed silent and then watched Jinah's face brighten and following her gaze, he saw Byounggon by the door, with the same, small but happy smile on his face. They were so obviously in love that it made Seunghun wonder when it had stopped hurting for them.

Seunghun made a plan. It wasn’t a very thorough or foolproof plan but summer was ending and he really should have stopped being a coward. Life was short and he didn’t want to live with regrets.

He asked Jieun to meet at the playground in the park where they often hang out. This late it was empty and Seunghun was sitting on one of the two metal swings, enjoying the last of the summer breeze in his face. Jieun arrived with soft steps and a not so soft push on his swing. Her laughter that followed his yelp was a chime of bells in the night.

"So what's the occasion?" She asked, straight to the point, taking a seat next to him, not yet sensing his nervousness, so the boy decided it was better to just tip off the bandage.

"I thought we could get away from the city before you go back to school," he said once he was sitting up straight again. He reached into his backpack and handed her a return train ticket to Gangneung, her favorite beach town. She took it with a frown, her surprise morphing into something akin to embarrassment mixed with frustration. Not a good sign but the boy tried not to lose hope as he waited patiently for her to say something.

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to, I don’t know, trying to convince me that life is beautiful or whatever," Jieun scoffed but her fingers grazed across the paper ticket in her hands like it was something precious. Her addition almost sounded like resignation. "I don't want to die."

The not anymore echoed somewhere between them.

"I know. But I want to do these things with you," Seunghun insisted because it wasn't just about that. What happened to her made him realize that life was fragile and fleeting, he didn't have all the time in the world to wait around for a chance with her. He didn't want to procrastinate these plans anymore.

But it wasn't enough for Jieun, it never was. She liked logic and reasons and the truth.

"Why?" She asked firmly and Seunghun felt like he was held at gunpoint.

Because we are best friends sounded like a lie.

"I want to be the one you do these things with," he admitted and it sounded like a confession. He didn't plan it but his voice softened as he looked at her, his eyes were probably full of the longing he tried to hide so hard all these years because he knew she would reject him for a better or worse reason.

"Seunghun…" Jieun sighed and he thought this was it, she knew and she would reject him. Of course, she knew. He wasn't exactly subtle, even Jinah knew and she knew him for the least amount of time. Jieun looked at him and the boy held his breath, waiting for the blow. The invisible gun, aimed at his heart, fired. "You deserve better. I'm such a mess and a bad influence. You deserve a pretty girl who is kind and patient."

It didn't hurt as much as he expected. Jieun said nothing about her feelings or that his were ridiculous or one-sided. She just said what she thought was true because she had no idea how he saw her, how much he could thank her. She might not have been the conventional idea of pretty but to him, she was the prettiest. And bad influence? When it was her who pushed him to believe in himself and keep trying because he could do anything?

"I don't want anybody else," he said because he knew he couldn't have convinced her of anything else. “I like you.”

Jieun abruptly stood up from her swing and leaned over him, grabbing the metal chains to support herself just above his hands, her hair falling around them like a silk curtain and her warm breath fanning over his skin. Seunghun felt heat rush to his cheeks as he kept eye contact and warmth spread through his whole body from the point where her pinky brushed against his fingers.

"Why me?" Jieun asked and it was the most ridiculous question because the boy couldn't have said why it could not have been her.

The girl who had taken the blame when they had gotten caught being late from school because there had been a long queue for the waffle they had bought before classes. The one who had been there for more of his dance recitals than his own parents. The only one who had told him he could do it even when he hadn’t believed it. His safe place. His first love.

"It could never be anybody else," he whispered. He didn't mean it literally and she knew it. There were girls who had approached him before both in class and at the dance academy but he didn't care. To him, there was only Jieun.

"Idiot," she murmured but there was no edge to her words, only fondness. She sat back down on the swing next to him, feet kicking sand.

Seunghun turned to her, watching her expressions closely before he reached for her hand. First, he just tentatively held it, half-expecting Jieun to pull away, like she always did but when she didn't, he intertwined their fingers. They were both holding on.

What was love if not this? Feeling content just by sharing a space, this kind of closeness between two people? Knowing that by being vulnerable with them, they could hurt you and yet you willingly give them the power because you hope they wouldn't? Why? Because they love you too.

[bl33dings-incidental]

SO NO ONE WAS GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THE SOMEBODY ELSE MV??? LIKE WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER GIRL MATTY GETTING FUCKED IN THE BACKSEAT.

[sayitditto]

newjeans ditto analysis, theories and thoughts: about parasocial relationships in kpop, loneliness, emotional bonding and the desire to have mutual love with someone.

first of all, i want to clarify that i don’t believe in a “literal” theory and i think they wanted to metaphorically or symbolically represent a feeling or something more abstract (i’ll explain this in detail) so i’ll be analyzing that! (mv elements and what they might symbolize). 

however, tokkis have made so many interesting theories that are worth considering. here’s some of them:

1. newjeans are ghosts

2. newjeans are hallucinations of heesoo

3. newjeans and heesoo are friends but they got into an accident and only heesoo survived (and that’s how her arm broke)

now, my opinion and what i am going to explain in this post, is that ditto is about parasocial relationships in kpop, loneliness, emotional bonding and the desire to have mutual love with someone.

i will be explaining point by point why i do think this.

1. the meaning of “ditto”: 

the word ditto means “the same thing again”, a repeat - as when you agree with something somebody else just said. it means “in the same manner” and it’s used to express mutual feelings.

 ditto = “so am i”, “me too”.

this same thing is expressed through the lyrics:

“do you want somebody like i want somebody? you smiled at me but do you think about me now?”

“i want you so, want you, so say it ditto”

“say it back, oh, say it ditto”

it seems like the narrator of the song desperately looks for feedback from another person and wants to be sure that the feelings are mutual. “do you want somebody like i want somebody?” this narrator (may be heesoo, but again, i don’t believe that it’s literally heesoo but what she represents. i’ll talk about this later) feels lonely and wants someone to finally have a meaningful connection.

2. the deer: 

quoting what minji said about the deer, “you know the deer that appears in the mv? this is something we say in the album too, but with our deer friend we tried to represent that odd distance between someone you want to approach but can’t fully and that can stand for various relationships.”

every time we see the deer, heesoo is watching it from afar. this can represent, as minji said, how it is wanting to reach someone emotionally but not being able to. this scene is so sad since they focus heesoo’s and the deer’s eyes; eye contact creates a heightened sense of emotional intimacy. “the eyes are the window to the soul” is the idea that you can understand a person’s emotions by looking into their eyes.

what i personally think about the deer (theory):

minji said “that can stand for various relationships” and i think it could possibly mean a parasocial relationship between idol and fan. heesoo has a romantic interest which is the boy who always stares at her so it could also mean the distance between them and her fear of wanting to get close to him or her one-sided love.

but what made me think that the deer could represent newjeans as idols and heesoo as the fans is the side b mv. for me, side b is about heesoo becoming independent and distancing herself from newjeans (her friends, or maybe her beloved idols) and starts to live in the real world. i’m going to mention everything i think about side b later, now back to the deer.

side a: heesoo is happy with newjeans, she’s living a dream with them and they’re best friends. the scene with the deer in this mv is calm, even though she’s still watching it from the distance, her eyes doesn’t show any negative emotion.

this scene appears after heesoo was shown sleeping next to newjeans and after the deer appears, she suddenly wakes up alone. the deer was like a reminder that everything was a lie and the truth is that newjeans have always been afar from her and what they had was not real.

side b: heesoo is avoiding newjeans and she tries to live her life without them. the moments they previously shared together are no longer the same as it was in side a; heesoo is alone and apart from newjeans.

the scene with the deer is so important. considering that she’s distancing herself from them, the eye contact with the deer is very sad. it’s like a goodbye because after it the deer leaves and heesoo’s eyes are almost with tears.

the deer leaves right after a scene of heesoo walking with her romantic interest, the boy. which may mean that newjeans left her after she was able to create a real relationship like she always wanted so she no longer needed them.

3. heesoo: 

like i said earlier, i believe heesoo symbolizes newjeans fans: tokkis.

the general producer min hee-jin said, “the music video for the pre-released song ditto (...) contains an unexpected story unfolded by bunnie’s (official fan club name) and newjeans. a surprise cameo appearance (...)”

heesoo can actually represent anyone who is so lost in their loneliness that they seek coping mechanisms like daydreaming. but this thing is very common in parasocial relationships, especially in kpop.

4. the boy: 

the boy can be not necessarily heesoo’s romantic interest, i feel like he symbolizes the real world, real relationships. he always stares at her but she avoids him, although it’s noticeable she also wants to get closer to him, which can symbolize the fear of intimacy and denial of the real world. she knows he’s there (she knows there are possible relationships waiting for her, but she ignores it).

5. the camera: 

heesoo is always recoding newjeans with her camera. she never joins to what the girls are doing, she just watches them through the camera which makes her only a watcher. but she seems happy even if she is not part of it, she keeps the memories in her camera.

6. the pinky red nail: 

i was struggling trying to understand the meaning of this since heesoo’s little finger was still painted red even when newjeans were gone. if it was all her imagination, how did they painted her nail? could she have painted it herself? could be. but is it a coincidence that the color is red?

what i personally think about the nail (theory):

maybe i’m just overthinking but it reminded me of the legend of the red string of japan. according to this myth, everyone’s pinky finger is tied to an invisible red string that will lead them to their soulmate.

even when newjeans aren’t with heesoo, her painted nail symbolizes she’s not alone as she thinks and someone is waiting for her outside, in the future, she only has to go out and find it.

i don’t think the main message is that she have a soulmate waiting for her but the fact that she doesn’t need newjeans to feel loved. she can still find mutual love with someone else.

7. the gray cat: 

gray cats are a symbol of independence and the power of independent people. they help people who are working through co-dependency to find true happiness in themselves.

the gray cat makes its appearance in side a’s mv, when heesoo is still very much dependent on newjeans. i think this means that newjeans also helped heesoo to find her happiness and become independent.

8. side b mv a parallelism:

side b shows us that what heesoo was seeing was not really real but if you pay attention, side b’s is also about heesoo starting to be independent of newjeans. she even breaks the camera, which was important in her relationship with newjeans. we can see a scene where minji calls her and she doesn’t answer the phone, she’s choosing not to get involved with newjeans, and maybe that’s why she doesn’t see them anymore.

and the most important thing: parallel scenes to side a.

if in side a we see how the girls write on his broken arm, in side b her cast is clean.

if in side a she’s walking with them under the rain, in side b she’s walking alone with her umbrella.

(i wanted to put every single parallelism but the post is already long so i will just mention those but there are so many! or details like heesoo seeing newjeans dance from afar and then looking at her clean cast, newjeans hugging heesoo in side a then in side b they are all hugging without heesoo, and more)

it’s everything what her life would be like if she no longer depended on them and started living her life. and she even gets to talk to the boy, like i explained earlier.

8. the present and the past:

i haven’t figured it out this yet but there are transitions between present and past. i don’t know if side a is the past and side b is what happens next, i don’t know if it’s a linear story but time is definitely weird.

something curious: a deer crossing your path is a reminder to check in with yourself to make sure you are not living in the past or in the future, and to realign yourself back to the present moment.

and

side b mv loops back to side a mv, the end of side b is the start of side a.

-

thank you for reading my analysis! i’m sorry if there are grammatical errors but english isn’t my first language and i did this in a hurry cause i had so many ideas.

i recommend reading this post which was the one that inspired me to write this.

and this youtube comment too.

the credits for the gif i used:

make sure to give ditto and newjeans lots of love 🤍