#somebody call staples cuz that was easy

[koolaidmansb1tch]

Fun Fact!

(TLDR; Using You/Your doesn’t make your X OC an X Reader, don’t tag it as such)

Using Second Person POV (You/Your) does not automatically make something X Reader! So if you market something as X Reader when the character is very clearly an OC, that is mistagging and it’s a shitty thing to do! IDK bout y’all but I do not, in fact, have blue or green eyes, I am not blonde or a redhead, I am short and chubby. So if you are using a character that has set features and a name, I do not give a singular fuck if you are using 2nd Person POV, that is not X Reader. The only reason an actual X Reader should have any sort of set features is if it actually relevant to the plot (ie a Species Characteristic like wings or a tail, or something to do with actual plot relevance like if the Reader Character has a very specific and special eye colour) and necessary. Yea, absolutely if you are writing for a specific race (ie Black!Reader) then you are free to set those characteristics but if it is meant to be ambiguous then don’t put a damn OC in place of the “Reader” Character and call it an X Reader. Y’all are assholes if you do that. I am genuinely sick and tired of seeing it. Worst part is, I literally have the X OC tag blocked and yet I’m still seeing this shit because y’all don’t fucking tag your stuff properly. If you’re gonna be a dick and tag it as X Reader then at least include an X OC tag so that we can fucking filter it. I have made multiple posts about this kind of thing before and I am reaching my goddamn limit. Literally just saw a fic that was very blatantly X OC and yet that tag was nowhere in sight. Fucking Homestuck(dated reference ik shut up) uses 2nd Person and yet nowhere does it claim to be a reader insert. Reader insert and immersive are 2 different things don’t even get me started.

Tag. Your. Shit. Right.

It is not that fucking hard. literally all you have to do is add a tag that is 3 characters. “X OC” that’s it. That’s all it takes. Or, better yet, put it as a warning in the actual post because not everyone checks the tags. This isn’t Ao3 where the tags are just right there alongside the warnings, put tags and warnings in the actual post and in the tags. Literally just be courteous to the people who don’t want to see that. If you don’t want to use Y/n, easy fix, either work around it (ie, “he said your name” “She called your name” “they muttered your name”) or get some kind of nickname (doesn’t have to be a pet name, could just be something people call them, ie “my name is ____ but people call me Gator” I literally know someone who nearly everyone knows as “Fish”)

It is not that hard to just be courteous and not tag your X OC as X Reader.

[bxthharmon]

Never Go Home Again, Pt. XIII || JJ Maybank x Reader

Words:2715

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: abuse / being a fugitive???

Series Summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy.  teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: In a desperate attempt to sort everything out, Y/N finds herself in the ones place she least expected to be

A/N: ok ok ok i promise im writing my requests oops anyway love yall send more requests cuz im always bored. Also, yall dont understand how sad i am that this is ending :( BUT started writing another series so lemme know if u wanna get tagged in that <3

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

“John B, what are we doing at the police station?” JJ asked, breaking the stuffy silence that was consuming the vehicle.

“Somebody’s gotta tell them what happened.” He justified.

“Need me to come in, like, as a witness?” you asked. He shook his head. 

The heavy quiet was broken by Pope, coughing like he’d inhaled chili powder. “Easy there, chief.” JJ reprimanded, and you took the blunt away from your friend. “Alright,” JJ leaned through to John B, “I’m just gonna be real with you right now,” You watched his red cap, “You might end up in the lion’s den, but you don’t go there on purpose. It’s fundamental, just like my old man always told me, you should never, ever trust cops. No matter what the circumstance is.”

“Your old man’s an abusive liar.” Kie countered.

“I agree with JJ.” Pope spoke, and you frowned, holding back the giggle in your lips as he continued, “Fuck the police.”

“You going to the dark side now?” Kie snarked.

“When was the last time the police ever helped us?” He countered.

“Peterkin looked out for me, alright?” John B interrupted, “Or tried to, at least.”

There was a moment of thick quiet before he continued.

“They need to know.”

He looked around, none of you willing to argue as he got out of the car and entered the station. You looked over to JJ, who was determinedly ignoring your stare. You wondered what the fuck was going on because last time you checked, you had been on good terms with him. You sighed, looking out the window and waiting impatiently for John B to return so that the awkward silence would end. You took a hit from the blunt you’d taken from Pope, letting the smoke swirl around in your lungs before gently blowing it out, ignoring the frustrated looks you got from the other three.

Next thing you knew, everyone was shouting and the car was accelerating, the officer trying to open the car door discarded as the shocking adrenaline rush took ahold of the speeding car. Eyes wide, you took another hit from the blunt.

--

“Good news for residents of the Outer Banks, Dominion Power says their underwater transmission line, which will restore power to 95% of the area, should be functional within 24 hours.”

Sirens passed, but in the hazy atmosphere of the car, no one moved, other than to make sure the car didn’t turn. Pope and Kie sat in the front, JJ and John B to your right, seats reclined as you all attempted whatever kind of rest was possible on the worried heat of the day.

“And still no arrest for the shooting death of Sheriff Susan Peterkin. The state police have issued a statement regarding a local person of interest, a juvenile from-”

Kie clicked the radio off, glancing over at the three of you in the back.

“Let’s game this out.” JJ suggested, “Maybe you guys can help, being the smart ones and all, but… who are the cops going to believe? Ward Cameron or us? So the accuser is a big shot developer, kind of lord of the island, got the governor on speed dial kind of person, and the accused…” he looked over to his friend, “is John B, who is pretty much a homeless 16-year-old boy at the moment.”

“Thanks.” came the hoarse voice of the boy across from you.

“Shit.” you muttered, running a hand over your face and sitting up straight for the first time in hours. You twisted so that your back was leaning on the back oh Kie’s seat, and you were facing the three boys.

“Okay, man, Yucatan, alright?” JJ said, swiftly avoiding your arm as you stretched, “I’m saying, that’s the only option, what other option do you have?”

“Enough with the Mexico bullshit.” John B shook his head. “Sarah’s gonna bail me out.”

“She did witness the whole thing.” Kie pointed out.

“So did I?” you reminded, “So what? She’s gonna snitch on her brother for her dick appointment of the week? No offence, bro.”

“It’s not happening.” JJ reiterated, “We’ve gotta get you off the island.”

“The ferry.” Pope said, “It’s the only way.”

“Exit stage left while you still can.” JJ added. “Before the entire island is on lockdown.”

“Get down.” You reminded him softly, and you all ducked. You reached for JJ’s hand, but his simple gesture of pulling it away made you feel embarrassed, unsure of whatever was going on between you. You turned away from him, looking out the window again.

“Sarah’s not a pogue, John B.” Pope reminded.

“Yeah, you can’t stay here, man.”

“Let’s go then.” You muttered, and Pope pulled out, driving carefully to the docks. They were crowded, and you got out before anyone could argue, thankful for even two minutes out of the suffocating atmosphere. You walked to the sign, reading the notice about the ferry closure and ripping the wanted poster off its staples. You walked back to the car, reading it as you reached the vehicle, then passing it through Pope’s window and shaking your head solemnly. You got in next to JJ as they passed the paper around, JJ making a joke.

“Okay, so the whole island’s looking for John B right now.” Pope said.

“Well at least you know how much you’re worth.” You joked, receiving a frustrated look from Kie.

“Congratulations, John B,” JJ smirked, “you’re famous.”

“We gotta get to the HMS. We need small, no running lights-” kie began to reason, but John B cut her off.

“It’s at the Chateau, Kie.”

“And I wonder if the cops have got the entire place staked out.” JJ said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “Let me think. Yeah, no, they definitely have that place locked down.”

“Hey Jay?” you nudged him, an idea forming, “Like, a couple of weeks ago, you mentioned your dad’s boat? The Ghost? Spectre?”

“The Phantom!” JJ and Pope caught on.

“He still got it?” Pope asked.

“Maybe.”

“You could get that right up the coast, no problem.” Pope said.

Bickering followed, and then the sudden realisation that Pope’s car was on the poster. Suddenly, someone was hitting the window and the car wasn’t starting and everyone was shouting. The car lurched forwards, straight into another car, and then took off, driving away as people watched, shocked.

The car sped forwards, crashing around as you all shouted for Pope to stop, his high ass was definitely not fit for driving.

“JB,” you shouted over everyone, “you need to get out.”

Pope braked, all of you thrust forwards with the force of it, and you found yourself pushing John B out of the car while JJ shouted instructions at him.

--

The two field tents were massive, rows of chairs on either side as swarms of people worked, talked, and typed. You wandered around for a minute or so, watching the officers interact, always being pushed back when you tried to talk to anyone. You could feel the eyes of the security team burning into you as you looked for Shoupe. Eventually, you saw him, talking to a taller man in an SBI windbreaker. You walked towards them slowly, finalising your plan in your head.

Shoupe saw you, and stepped aside from the conversation so that he was facing you, the agent turning as well, a frown forming as he took in your scruffy attire and the faint smell of JJ’s weed that was clinging to your clothes. You looked between them, “Uh, Officer Shoupe, I have some info.” You greeted.

“Who are you?” The agent interrupted, looking you over again.

“Um, I’m Y/N Y/L/N, I know John B.” you clarified, and he nodded.

“What have you got for us?” he asked, and you breathed in, and out, pinching yourself slightly.

“I saw everything on the airstrip.”

The SBI agent introduced himself as Bratcher, then they sat you down in one of the tents, letting you explain what you saw, uninterrupted, and asking questions when they saw fit. They told you that your account, while plausible, was a hard one to argue, especially against Ward Cameron, unless you had a second account to back it up.

Sarah Cameron, you thought. Talk to Sarah.

After taking your statement, they left you to sit in the field tent, shivering in the cold breeze and no coat, watching them call your dad, listening out for any relevant information you could gather. 

You could feel their eyes on you, discussing what to do with the information you had for them. An officer, you couldn’t remember her name, had draped a jacket over your shoulders at some point, then led you away while the SBI agent gave a briefing.

You waited at the end of the tent, looking for anything to cease your worry and boredom.

Then you saw her. She looked as lost as you had, trying to work out who to talk to, just like you had a few hours ago. You stepped towards her.

“Sarah?” she turned to you, going to hug you, but an armed officer stepped between you, pulling you apart. “No, she’s my friend!” you struggled towards her, another officer holding her away from you, both of you shouting.

“What’s happening?” Bratcher asked, all of you stopped struggling. 

“This is Sarah Cameron,” you explained, “she was there, like I said.”

He looked between you, and nodded, asking her if she was able to make a statement. They took her away, sitting her down at the other end of the tent, letting her talk. You saw Ward approaching.

“Y/N?” he frowned, and you raised your eyebrows.

“How do you know who I am?”

“Sarah’s mentioned you.” he looked around, “have you seen her?”

“Oh, is she no longer locked away in her room?” He tensed, confusion and anger contorting his features.

“How do you know about that?” 

“Can’t say.” You said, “Not a great parenting strategy, just saying.”

He leapt forwards, a madness in his eyes that you’d never seen before. He grabbed you by the throat, screaming in your face while you clawed at his grip. Within seconds, other bodies were pulling him away. Your panic subsided, and you looked at Bratcher. You could use the situation to your advantage.

“See what I mean?” you yelled, pointing at him as you faced Bratcher, “He’s crazy! I told you, he attacked Big John, he’s the reason this is all happening!”

Bratcher sighed, signalling for his men to take away the older man. “I have to say, Miss Y/L/N, your story is making more sense. Two stories matching perfectly, his temper. But we talked to your father, you’re free to go, we’re almost done with Sarah.”

“What’s going to happen to John B?”

He sighed, “We’ve gotta bring him in, you understand that.”

You nodded, “I hope I shed some truth to the situation.”

You walked away, leaving the jacket on a chair as you passed, sending a reassuring smile to Sarah on your way out, you wandered the streets, finding your way to JJ’s house.

By some kind of miracle, you arrived at the same time as Kie and JJ. He was getting out of the car when he noticed you, and instead of making any move to hug you as normal, he froze.

“Look, JJ,” you sighed. “Why are you mad at me?”

You stood opposite him in his front yard, staring at the way he sighed, an odd mix of relief and defeat adorning his features. “I saw some texts, from Tyler.”

You nodded slowly. “I rejected him, if that’s what upset you. Since I met you, no guys have been the same, you know?”

His eyes pulled in slightly, as if realising that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t one-sided. “Did you sleep with him?”

“Yeah.” you glanced at the floor, “I don’t really know why. Things were weird between us and I just - I missed my old life. But it was like, the confirmation I needed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you.”

His jaw dropped slightly in shock, running you words over in his head, working out whether you were genuine. You began to step back, and before you could think about what had just happened, he was kissing you.

It was urgent, emotive, full of everything that you couldn’t put into words. You broke apart, still slightly shocked at the confession. You looked at his front door.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He looked to Kie, who was pretending she hadn’t watched, and nodded apprehensively, slipping a hand into yours and leading you to the door. He opened it, leading you through into the mess. You stepped over shoes and bottles as he led you in, calling out for his dad.

You ventured into the living room, seeing his dad passed out on the sofa, a half empty bottle of something on the table next to him. “Dad, I need the keys to the Phantom.” a snore sounded, “Dad?”

You looked down, noticing the sleeping pills and picking them up, showing the bottle to the blond boy next to you. Watching him, you could practically feel the hurt resonating off him, masked by his strong resolution as he looked back at his dad. Noticing the chain around his neck, between you you found a pencil and pin to get the keys with.

You stood a couple of feet behind him as he knelt down, preparing himself.

“Well, I didn’t expect to see you.”

The voice was a murmur, almost soft, and your heart was beating in your throat. You knew what he was capable of.

“You’re back.” 

This time, Luke had more clarity in his voice, and was more awake. He hadn’t noticed you yet.

“Just checkin’ in.” JJ said, backing away as the older man sat up, taking a swig from a beer bottle.

“School out already?” 

“What?” JJ frowned.

“Did you ditch? It’s alright, you can tell me.”

JJ nodded slowly, “Yeah. I hit the break, you know?”

“I hated school too. My boy!” Luke chuckled. You felt intrusive, like you were standing in on a moment that wasn’t yours to see. But the moment felt intimate, hitting you where it hurt as your eyes went glassy. “You know what? Listen, hey.” he stood shakily, “Hey, look, I know I’m hard on you sometimes.” JJ hummed, fear mixing into his pain, “But sometimes I - I see your mother in you, and it gets me a little tweaked, you know?”

You wiped a tear away, the scene before you hurting more than you would like to admit. The man looked at you, and you could see JJ’s shoulders tense.

“You got a girl?” he didn’t look away from you.

“Uh, yeah, Y/N.” JJ looked over at you, worry seeping into his eyes.

“You treat my boy better than I could, okay?” You nodded slowly, more tears slipping down your face.

“Of course.” your voice broke slightly, “I love him.”

“Me too.” His head turned back to his son, “I love you, son.” He pulled JJ in, “Come here, I love you. I love you, son. I love you.”

More than anything, you wanted to call him out. Tell him that if that was true, then he wouldn’t hurt JJ like he did. But whatever this moment was, it wasn’t the right one to do so.

You could hear JJ sniffling, letting his hands find their way onto his father’s back. When he spoke, he sounded like he wanted to be stronger than he felt, his voice thick, pained, struggling. “Love you too, Dad. I’m sorry.”

“Ain’t got nothing to be sorry for.” His father muttered, the sleeping pills pulling him back out of consciousness, slowly as ever. JJ helped him down onto the sofa. “You’re a good boy.” came the murmur.

JJ let out a shaky breath, not sparing you a glance as he pulled the chain from his father’s neck and stepped away. He looked back at you, almost embarrassed to have let you see him in such a vulnerable state. He turned to leave, your voice came out as a hoarse whisper.

“JJ, you don’t always have to be strong, you know that, right?”

Tags: @tangledinsparkles​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lolitstiana​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @teamnick​ @thoughtsofthestars​ @obxmxybxnk​ @pcterparxer​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @sxcretinhuman​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @angvelics​ @badwolf00593​ @coloradogirl07​ @mendesmaybank​ @jiaraendgame​ @5am-cigarette​ @emerald-xcd​ @haharudy​

[badgalyadi]

random survery. / 474 + 560.

How’s your mood? Do you feel any different than you did earlier today? def better than it was earlier

What do you look for in a friend? Is it important that your friends have similar hobbies and interests to you? Or is it more important that you just enjoy their company? i think as long as i enjoy your company, we’re good.

Has anyone ever spread a malicious rumour about you? people have been doing this since middle school lmaooo

Are you comfortable with talking to the opposite sex, about sex? yeah, sex isn’t that deep of a topic lol.

What are your views on people who claim to have had spiritual or paranormal experiences? damn that’s crazy.

Have you ever had a friend that you were really close with, but you ended up drifting apart? Why do you think this happened? lol, life.

How much of an issue would you say peer pressure is for you? FAKE. no way ur gonna get me to do something i don’t wanna do, idc.

Would you be able to give up eating your favourite food(s), if your doctor said you had to? nope.

If you’re single, do you ever feel jealous of people who are in relationships? And if you’re in a relationship, do you ever feel jealous of people who are single? no.

What’s in your pencil case? pens, unsharpened pencils, mechanical pencils, erasers both big & small, a sharpener, a stapler, extra staples, and highlighters.

Is there anything in your room that you wouldn’t want your parents to find? maybe so.

Are you wearing anything fragranced atm? i’m wearing the fragrance i brought back from cuba. it was only $3 and it smells so good, deadass makes me it :(

Was your last illness something contagious? i had a cold, so i guess yeah.

When did you last update your Facebook profile photo? it’s been a year.

Have you ever felt confused about your sexuality? in middle school. terrible time to wanna figure that shit out but 💀

If you found out your friend was sleeping around, what would you say to him/her? nothing b/c i don’t care lmao do you.

How should someone of the opposite sex go about starting a conversation with you? it’s not that deep, just say hi.

Tell me about someone you dislike. Why do you dislike them? Do they know that you dislike them? obsessive and shady asf, can’t mind her business.

Have you ever felt so strongly for someone that you believed them to be totally irreplaceable, as if you could never be happy with anyone else? yeah, and i don’t think i’ll ever feel that way about somebody again b/c i learned u really can live without anybody whether u like it or not.

Out of all the horror films you’ve ever seen, which one scared you the most? uhhhhhh sinister or insidious idk

Who was the last person to tell you that they were disappointed in you? not airing out names. she didn’t directly say it, anyway.

If you’re an only child, do you ever wish you had some siblings? And if you have siblings, would you like any more? i always wish i had other siblings lmao i see people w theirs and be feeling sad as hell :(

Are you friends with the last person you texted? yeah.

Your last Facebook friend request - was it from someone of the opposite sex? no.

What does the eleventh text message in your inbox say? issa meme.

Has anyone ever called you easy? yeah LOL

Would you consider having a child with the last person you kissed? whommm... can’t be having a baby rn when i’m still the baby myself

Is there a cover version of any song that you like more than the original? soooo many.

Have you ever liked someone who was a player? yea lol

Do you own anything that has sequins on it? also yes.

Have you ever done anything to embarrass your parents? not on purpose but they def do shit that embarrasses me too so we’re even 

Do you own a teddy bear? yethhhh

What’s the worst relationship advice anyone has ever given you? all of it. nobody ever knows what they’re talking about LMAO.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with yourself as a person? a 6.5 lmao.

Would you ever kiss someone with facial hair? yeah. Have you ever drooled in public? nah. Do you agree that facebook is taking over the entire teenage population? ???????????? what 80 year old wrote this Have you ever met a mainstream band? no. Have you ever yelled at an electronic as if it could hear you? i get mad sometimes & be fighting random shit LMAOOOO so yes Have you ever been bitten by a dog? yeah LMAO

Would you ever shave your head? if i didn’t have to? no. Have you ever spelt your name in Alphabet Soup? no. What do you think would happen if the Earth suddenly stopped spinning? my stupid ass has no idea & i’m not boutta guess so i can be made fun of What did you want to be when you were little? probably some generic shit like a princess idk Have you ever drawn a picture with sidewalk chalk? yeah. What is the worst possible way to die? slow, painfully. Have you ever burnt yourself with a lighter? sooooooooooooooo many times. Would you ever meet someone you met online? mayhaps. What’s your favorite online game? cricket noises.. What do you think of gay/bisexual people? A1. Have you ever kissed the TV? no. Have you ever thrown your cell phone across the room? yeah, then regretted it LMAOOOOO Have you ever been hit with a ball in gym class? not often but once in hs i got sockedddddddd in the face during volleyball & thought it was on purpose so i hit her w the ball even harder and ended up getting suspended cuz i wasn’t discreet about it lmao Will you be single over winter? [brain muscles overworking themselves] what season is this Where do you wanna live when you grow up? out of miami mayhaps. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? pajama pants. Would you get married if you could right now? nope. Do you consider yourself spoiled? maybe so. Do you get annoyed when you see someone you don’t like? i usually just focus on other shit. Could you see yourself dropping out of high school? surprised i didn’t. Is there anyone you want to see right now? santi?! What were you doing 12 a.m. last night? fixing my living room. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? :] Are you a mean person? no, i really try not to be. What woke you up today? yesterday*, alarm clock. Have you kissed anyone whose name started with a T? probably lmaoo

Did you date anyone last summer? nah, i was minding my business, enjoying my life. Where will you be twelve hours from now? class. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yeth Have you ever slept on a couch with that person? also yeth Have you written a letter to a soldier? no. Ever been in a perfect relationship? lmao “perfect” How do you feel about the person who texted you last? loveeee me some them. What are you looking forward to? cricket noises.. Do you think you are an argumentative person? hhhh.. maybe..  How did you feel when you woke up today? tireddddddd asf. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? mhmmm What time did you go to sleep last night? i always go to bed late asf. i’m boutta go to bed now just to be up in two hours. What color are your eyes? brown. The last song you listened to? a veces, it’s literally on repeat. When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep? if i don’t get up, yeah. Do you believe change is always good? sometimes.

How long was your longest relationship in highschool? 3 years. Do you know who Philip DeFranco is? nah. What’s the most illegal thing you’ve EVER done? 💀 the OP responded to this with weed, i’m really screaming rn.. Where did/do you want to get married? all these questions about marriage, whew. What’s the highest level of education you’ve reached? i’m in college rn Is your last name extremely common, like Gonzalez? no, but i don’t think it’s rare either. Ever notice how most flags are red white and blue? no. Have you ever had a crush on a family member? what the fuck How old is your YOUNGEST friend? bitch.. i don’t know How old is your OLDEST friend? i don’t. know. How long should people be together before they propose? these questions are starting to make me uncomfortable lmaoo Have you had your first touch screen phone yet? that’s how you know this survey is old. Don’t you hate when parents divorce but then still argue regularly? can’t relate, hope i never do. Would you ever join the military? sike. If you could have any dog, what dog would you have? a shihpoo. Would you ever kill a bunny and make soup out of it? what the fuck x2 Do any of your friends own a ferret? no. Do you believe that Christians are better than non-Christians? no? Do boys really rock pink more than girls do? ????????????????????? Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yerrr What’s your view on the Islam culture? hard to have an opinion on something you know nothing about. Do you know what, “C'est la vie” means? i know i’ve seen this but idk what it means Do balloons make you have a better birthday? nah; they’re loud asf too when they pop, so. Krispy kreme donuts aren’t as good as Dunkin Donuts, are they? DELETE THIS. What is your favorite song from, “Aventura?” THE SPANISH GROUP?! WAYMENT...... i don’t even know. prob something generic. yesterday i was listening to por un segundo lmao :( If you could legally assassinate any celebrity, who would it be? bro.. Do you use Twitter or Formspring? twitter. rip formspring babie love you. Why did you last cry? a few hours ago, real crybaby bad bitch hours. If you had to lose 5 lbs, how would you do it? lower my calorie intake. Is there anyone who seems to think that you are a pillow? ???????? Tell me about your BEST New Year’s Eve ever. wasn’t this one. If you HAD to change your name, what would you change it to? alejandra, idk why that name sticks with me. i just feel like i look like someone named alee & idk how that makes sense but it does to me LMAO. Lunapic editor is amazing, no? whommmm... How do YOU write, “Okay?” depends on my mood, who i’m talking to, what we’re talking about.

How old was the last person who kissed you? 28. Do you have any plans for the day after tomorrow? not that i know of. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah. What time did you wake up today? 7. Name something you can’t wait to do: idk. If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead? pothead. What has pissed you off today, if anything at all? cricket noises. Can you honestly say that at this point and time you’re happy with the way life is going? no lmao. Can you easily tell if someone’s fake? mmmmmmmmmmm.. depends. Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out your life? yeah. Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yeah. Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy or girl? feel like most ppl have been thru this. Has anyone ever sang to you? yeah bfsjklj Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? LMAO yeah. Coffee or alcohol? oof.. both. together. Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with C or J? yeth and yeth. Do you ever cry during movies? hell yeah w my crybaby ass Do you have any piercings? ears. Have you ever found someone you really like? my BOO. 🗣 Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today? yeah LMAO Do you remember who you liked three months ago? was that november... idk how to do math LMAO pretty sure i liked ques by then.

[nigelmarmot]

Just  Come Barging in Here

This weekend was a pretty interesting gig(s) up in Miller’s Bay on lake Okoboji in Iowa. It was actually a double header, which made things a bit interesting (more on that later); the first gig being a festival called “Lake Affect” (my first gig on a boat!), the second being an evening double set with Des Moines staple The Nadas.

Grammar Nazi

The first of the two gigs, Lake Affect, was started by a well established local musician Damon Dotson 11 years ago. The idea was essentially his band and several of his friends bands go out on a boat on the lake, and play to other people who also bring their boats out. Cool idea, and by the 11th annual event, they had the process figured out pretty nicely. There was a local lakeside engineering company (they design boat hoists, docks, and other waterfront machinery/structures) that owned a small feet of barges who sponsored the event for some sort of reduced or free cost for use of the barges (the details of which I’m not 100% sure on). One of the barges was to be used as the stage, and the other one was the on-the-water equivalent of a stage wing; it had extra gear, coolers, a better vantage point of the stage, and even a cybo (they have obviously learned over the years!) 

All of this being said, it absolutely killed me the whole time that the fest was called Lake Affect instead of the proper spelling of Lake Effect, referring to the erratic weather patterns due to being in proximity to a lake. There might have been some sort of meaning at one point as to why it was A vs. E, but it might have also just been an honest misspelling. I got over it, and it was a fun gig anyway.

I’m on a boat (Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin on a boat)

The Lake Affect festival was scheduled to go from noon to 5PM, and it was on lake Okoboji, so that meant an early day for me. Call was 5:30 AM, followed by a 3+ hour ride right to the dock at about 9:30AM. The barge was right on the beach when we got there, so we backed the trailer right up to it, and loaded all the gear onto it. Mild incline, but with help of the boats crew and Damon himself, it was on deck in short order. Since the actual performance area was a 10-ish minute ride across the lake, we didn’t do much setting up, and instead secured anything on wheels to make sure it didn’t tip overboard. We did put together the 32′ truss that the tops would hang from so they could zip tie the Lake Affect banner to it on the way over.

A short (but nerve-racking!) ride over to the spot, and we already see about 40 boats moored together, obviously having gotten there early for a good spot. The barge pulls in slowly, and with Damon calling the shots on placement, we drop two hydraulic stabilizer anchors and start to set up.

The boat deck was probably about 45-50′ long, and maybe 16-20′ deep. There was some space, but not a lot of it. We put out 2 JBL VerTec 8880 subs a side, and hung two Bag End Crystal tops from the 32 foot truss on two crank genie lifts. The amp rack and the mixer lived on stage right, directly behind the massive crane on one end of the barge. We got everything set up by about 10:45, which was a good hustle. The original plan was to check Damon Dotson (playing third) first, and then “festival style” the first two bands, but by the time the second barge arrived and all the gear was on deck, Damon made the correct (in my opinion) call to just throw-and-go the whole day. From a technical  perspective, we probably could have done the check, as the board we were using (a Midas Pro1) had store/recall functionality, we could share lines like guitar/bass/keys, and the last two bands were sharing a drum kit (the first one didn’t have a kit at all, making it easier), but it was more a question of time than space or tech.

As I mentioned before this was my first gig on a boat, and as such the first time experiencing the challenge of not really being able to hear the PA (and therefore not be able to hear what I was mixing) at all. I’m no stranger to the “mix from the side” sort of gigs, as I’ve been in and out of a lot of crammed venues, but this is the first time I’ve been physically unable to go and see what it sounds like in “the house.” You know. Cuz’ of the water. At the very least there were two saving graces. First off, there was a spare wedge and amp channel available, so I could set up what’s called a “cue wedge.” A cue wedge is essentially another monitor mix strictly for the monitor engineer. Normal monitor mixes consist of a certain set of channels set to a certain level and sent to a monitor, based on that monitor’s recipient’s desires. This monitor mix works slightly different, in that the monitor engineer can “solo” or “pre-listen” to individual channels, artists monitor mixes (so they can hear what the artist is hearing through their wedge), or even the main mix. Since I could hear the main mix through my cue wedge next to me, I at least had a bit better idea of what I was spitting out through the mains.

The second saving grace was the fact that the second barge was at a 90º angle to the first one, and had a little bit of space out front to be able to hear the PA somewhat. I took a few short trips out there just to insure a few main EQ things, and the rest of the time I relied on the cue wedge (mostly because there was a tent over me and I didn’t want to burn too badly).

(image credit to Dronography Iowa)

With the cue wedge, I was able to get what I think was a decent (probably not my best) mix for the day. The unfortunate thing though was how underestimated the crowd size was. Don’t know if this was on the sound company’s or Damon’s part, but I’m not faulting anyone here. The short end of it was that there probably wasn’t enough PA. As you can see in the pictures below, there were boats as far as we could see from the barge. Just an absolute ton of people. Again, without the ability to really go out into “the house” to hear it, I wasn’t able to see how far the speakers threw. My guess is “nowhere close to enough,” but that sort of thing was above my pay grade for this gig. I was here to help put it together and mix, which I did!

(last two image credits to Dronography Iowa)

Cover Band Mania

The first group was Pianopalooza, a dueling pianos duo. Most people that know me close have probably heard my tirade on dueling pianos being one of the lowest forms of musical entertainment, but these guys are damn good, and funny to boot. I’ve worked with one of them a number of times at various gigs, and he’s kind of a staple around the Des Moines scene. Definitely not disparaging those guys and what they do, but I put dueling pianos in the same category of “you’d have to pay me to go to this event” as karaoke. Considering I was getting paid to be at this event, all was well!

The interesting bit about this group, most especially in this setting, was that they had full piano “shells.” If you’ve ever been to a touring concert and seen somebody seated behind a big old grand piano, there are three possibilities (in order of probability):

They are using a normal portable electric keyboard inside a hollow piano shell, made to look like a real grand without the giant pain of having to tour with a real grand

The grand is owned and supplied by the venue the artist is playing at

They actually tour with a piano, spawning a giant list of things that suck:

They’re very heavy

They’re very fragile, and as such a lot of careful packing and/or even heavier cases are involved to transport it with care from one place to the next

They’re very heavy

The large volume of a piano requires it to be taken slightly apart in between each show, increasing load in and out time

The large volume also [generally] increases the size of the touring vehicle that one would need, increasing costs, fuel consumption, etc. etc.

They’re very heavy

You have to travel with a piano tuner, or find and pay a local tuner in every city you play

You have to tune the piano every single show

The only two acts I’ve seen personally that actually tour with pianos are Lorie Line (hers is a beautiful white grand named Esmerelda) and Ben Folds. Everyone else is option one or two above. I digress. The moral of the story is here we are out in the middle of a lake on a big flat metal boat, and it looks like there’s two grand pianos on this boat. Funny looking picture.

Anyway, Pianopalooza, like any dueling piano gig, is essentially a bunch of covers with lyric changes and witty [and often dirty] banter between the two guys. Perfect book for drunk people on a lake, honestly, and I mean that in no negative sense.

Next up was Pork Tornadoes, a really tight group that are also regulars around the DSM area, doing mostly 90′s covers. Crowd loved it, they had a good time, and they were off.

Final group was Damon Dotson, who did a mix of originals and covers. They did have a little rap battle medley that included “Lose Yourself,” “Gangster’s Paradise,” “Ice Ice Baby,” among others, which was entertaining on two fronts: 1: It was entertaining for its own sake, and done well at that, and 2: it was a bunch of white dudes doing the white dude rapping thing for a bunch of white people on a lake. Still a good time.

The one rub I have with doing multiple cover bands in a day is that chances are there’s going to be set list collisions. Specifically for this show, there were two that I remember - “Ring of Fire” by Jonny Cash, and “Sweet Caroline” by Niel Diamond. The former I’ve heard covered a billion and a half times (and always know to toss on a real tight slap-back delay to get that “50′s sound”), so though it’s a good song I’m pretty numb to it at this point. The latter is one that I don’t hear covered too often, but for some inexplicable reason it seems to be the drunken battle cry for Cyclone fans across the state. Not so much the actual lyrics of the song, but the “BAH BAH OOH” and the “SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD” parts that are easy to remember when you’re 8 deep into Natty Light and can’t remember where you lost your left shoe [I kid. Mostly.]

After Damon finished up his set, we tore down the bands and slowly made our way out of the spot. There were still a lot of boats lingering, and the second barge actually got stuck, so an assist was needed, but we eventually made our way out and back across the lake and packed up the trailer, only to drive across the street and....

Load In [down] and Load Out [up]

The second gig of the night was with the Des Moines group The Nadas. They’ve been around for almost two decades now, have a large body of work, and where I’m concerned, have done plenty of gigs in plenty of venues on plenty of different sound systems. The short end of it is that they as a band sound really good, which makes my job easy. As the drunk guy in the bathroom told me [as I’m still urinating mind you] “You’re doing a great job - they sound great. They’re great to start with, but all you do is accentuate, you know? Accentuate.” I rarely say this, but you’re right Drunk Guy. You’re right.

The gig itself was relatively straightforward. We were actually able to set the console up at a normal mix position in front of the PA, so I could actually hear what was going on, and the owner of the company I was with had mixed them not more than 3 weeks prior, and had a show file saved for them already. I normally have some hesitation with using past show files, especially when I didn’t create them myself. There’s a number of reasons for this:

The input patch/input list may be different (which is easily taken care of by either physically patching differently, or patching within the board via “soft-patching”

The outputs may be different

Could be going from in-ears to wedges, or vice versa

The wedges might be in different spots or numbers (again, soft-patching could take care of this)

The band is probably going to have a different stage volume

Though ideally, eq decisions on the input side of things shouldn’t reflect shortcomings of the PA or the room, that is never the case

The monitors or mains may be of a different make, location, and definitely interact with the room differently, so eq and level choices will probably need to be adjusted.

All that being said, I went with the show file considering the small amount of time we had, and it did actually have a good starting place to be. I had a few minutes to listen to the PA after it had been set up, so I threw on my usual go-to’s of “Your Latest Trick” by the Dire Straits and “That Moon Song” by Gregory Alan Isakov to just make sure the PA sounded good and balanced. A few eq tweaks and I was good to go. I will say the wait staff and manager of the place (The Okoboji Store) were super helpful and nice - they asked if they needed to turn their house music off so I could tune without their music messing me up. I didn’t want to provide house music between then and the Nadas starting, so I told them to keep theirs going. The main PA was loud enough I could tune out their house music anyway.

Anyway, got PA tuned, did a quick line check and monitor level check, and then got ready for the band to start. Lake Affect had ended at about 4:30, we got back to the dock at 5:30, and had the PA completely ready to go by 7:20. The Nadas had arrived and set up before we got there, so we filled in around them. The Nadas were slated to start at 7PM, but we had been in enough communication to them that they knew that was unlikely. We hustled the out at Lake Affect and the in at the Okoboji store and were ready to go, so it was mildly irksome that the band didn’t actually start until shortly after 8PM. I had a few audience members come up to me and ask what the deal was, to which I claimed ignorance. Plausible deniability, and it was again above my pay grade to tell the band when they were supposed to go on. I was a mercenary for this gig, so mercenate I would.

The band played two one hour [almost on the dot] sets, and were happy with the sound. There was a weird bit in the middle where the bassist all of the sudden felt like there was a lot more snare coming through his wedge (it honestly could have been me with some gain and eq adjustments, and he didn’t notice it till later), but just your normal garden variety “more of this, less of that” non-verbal communication that a good seasoned band can have with their engineer.

After the band was done, we tore down, and then loaded out one of the worst load outs possible. There was a parking lot about 16 feet above the stage by elevation, with a pretty steep (I’m talking 20-30º) grade from the parking lot to a landing behind the stage. In this landing is a layer of gravel, which is on par with mud as the worst thing to drag heavy things on wheels through. After the gravel, there were two 3 inch deep trenches in the concrete, with a railroad track running through one of them. After the railroad track is another 15º-ish grade back up to the stage. Load out is all of that in reverse.

All in all a good days worth of work, and I’m pretty happy with the mixes I got out of things, especially given the spacetime circumstances. Holy crap do my calves hurt though.