#some words are censored because tumblr likes to mess with tags lately

[plutoccult]

HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE SIX: SUGA’S GOT A SECRET

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: now that ukai knows of sugawara’s feelings for you, it’s only a matter of time before the big secret spreads throughout the office, leaving sugawara with plenty of damage control to do.

word count: 6.3k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: tumblr keeps playing games when it comes to this au showing up in tags, which may be because of “foul” language apparently, so i’m gonna “censor” this episode and see what happens. it will be uncensored on ao3 though. if you missed episode five, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ IT. it’s INSANELY annoying how tumblr keeps messing with me, and that’s honestly why i (along with literally every writer on here) press about reblogs. likes don’t do anything, reblogs do. not to sound like a pain in the ass, but how can you expect your favorite authors to feel inclined to write if you’re not helping them get exposure? anyway… i feel really good about this episode creativity wise (as i reworked the original episode a TON), and think it might be one of the better episodes i’ve written along with next week’s valentine’s episode. i hope you enjoy!

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @femme-lune @jeanboyjean @cowgirlikets @okkoiktoru @darthferbert @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69 @intheewrld @msbyomimi @sukxma @akari-fujikawa @milkteeboba @5sos-wdw @todorokiskitten

taglist form here

for the second time today, you returned to your desk with your teapot full of hot water. it was scorching against your hands, but you had to be careful with your steps in order to avoid any spills. you’ve been doing this practically everyday since the office christmas party, so none of your coworkers were phased by it anymore.

“hot, hot, hot.” you whisper to yourself.

you place the teapot down and let out a sigh of relief before sitting down in your chair. the crew watched as you pour the hot water into a mug and pulled out a dish full of sugar of creamer packets, ones you recently acquired so you could be more efficient with your tea. it wasn’t necessarily the excitement the documentary was hoping for, but they kept the cameras on you in anticipation for something with suga to hopefully come up. unfortunately, nothing spicy had occurred.

you stirred everything together before taking a sip, letting out an “ah, that’s the stuff.”

•••

“i’ve been loving the teapot suga got me for christmas.” you say with a grin. “it gives me an excuse to drink more tea rather than coffee at the office, and not the kind you spill, if you catch my drift.”

you give a wink to the camera, but there might as well be crickets as none of the documentary crew laughed at your joke.

“none of you found that funny?” you pout.

•••

out of nowhere, daichi huffed and puffed as he emerged from the break room. “ugh, who in god’s name spilled coffee in the break room and didn’t clean it up?”

not again, you think to yourself. there was always someone leaving a mess somewhere in the office. it was like working with a bunch of children most of the time. you could almost always point your finger on who was to blame, but it’s not like anyone would admit their wrongs, like tanaka, who was responsible for most messes in the office.

“wasn’t me.” he immediately objected. you almost wonder if he spoke up first on purpose so the suspicion would go to someone else.

“you know i don’t drink coffee.” tsukishima said, which was true. you would find him always drinking some sort of strawberry soda, which you tried once and swore it was the most disgusting drink you ever tasted.

“yeah, and y/n has just been drinking tea lately.” suga spoke up. he immediately regretted saying anything as tsukishima, yamaguchi, kiyoko, yachi, and tanaka all collectively eyed each other. his cover was slipping terribly, but suga couldn’t help but feel the need to defend your honor.

“well, whoever did it needs to clean it up because i’m not doing it.” daichi crossed his arms.

“you know no one is gonna fess up, daichi.” tsukishima rolled his eyes. “this happens every time.”

“and i’m not gonna be stuck with the mess again!” he whined. “it’s like how you all expect asahi to reach everything on the top shelf when we invested in stepladders for a reason. those things weren’t cheap.”

the camera panned over to asahi as everyone quickly turned their heads to look at him. “why… why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“well, some of our coworkers happen to be leprechauns, you know.” kageyama said, evoking gasps out of hinata and nishinoya.

“oh, that’s not—” you began to say before covering your mouth with your hand. it was best if you kept out of this one.

“kageyama, that’s offensive to short people!” hinata exclaimed with a pout. “after everything we’ve been through…”

“my point still stands.” kageyama shrugged.

before hinata and kageyama could break out into a fight for the umpteenth time—one where tanaka would definitely yell out “world star!” and pull out his phone to record—ukai came out of his office in order to investigate what his employees were arguing about rather than actually working.

“something the matter? what’s with all the chatter?” he asked, immediately recognizing his clever rhyme. “oh, i rhymed! that’s bars right there.”

“someone spilled coffee on the floor in the break room and left it there.” daichi explained to him. “as if this office needs any more mess, it’s a disaster around here. we need to do something about the cleanliness of our work environment.”

“hmm… let me think.” ukai stood there pondering for a minute, resembling the thinker. some of you wondered if he was posing that way just for the sake of striking a pose. it definitely wouldn’t be a surprise if he was.

“uh, hello? earth to ukai?” daichi waved his hand in front of ukai, thinking he was frozen.

“i’m thinking.” he muttered, trying to stay as still as possible, down to barely moving his mouth. yeah, he was posing just to pose. typical.

everyone continued to wait for ukai to suggest literally anything, but he stayed in his position for far too long. thankfully, yamaguchi decided to speak up, but he would quickly be shut down by ukai.

“why don’t we all just clean the whole office together—”

“let’s all just clean the whole office together!” ukai interrupted yamaguchi, taking all the credit. “yes!”

“i just said that…” yamaguchi frowned.

“it’s spring cleaning, baby!” ukai clasped his hands together.

“but it’s not even spring?” tanaka questioned. he should know better than to question his boss at this point.

“so? who cares?” ukai shrugged. “don’t make me assign you to cleaning the men’s room.”

“no, please! anything but that!” tanaka begged. ukai instantly found joy in this, giving the camera a sinister, yet also off-putting stare.

•••

“i’m such a genius. if you do your spring cleaning in the winter, then you won’t have to do anything in the spring!” ukai said, praising himself as if it were his idea. “only i could think of such big brained ideas.”

“yamaguchi suggested it before you spoke over him.” a crew member spoke up, having documented it on camera.

“who?” ukai furrowed his eyebrows. it was almost hilarious how he couldn’t remember who he was.

•••

while some were assigned to clean certain parts of the office, others were cleaning out their desks, which everyone was mandated to do today. it seemed like “spring” cleaning wasn’t such a bad idea after all as many found random miscellaneous items, having no idea when they were from. tanaka even discovered why his desk had such an odd odor, which was because of an expired donut. everyone gagged at the sight and smell of it as he chucked it in a trash can and ran off.

as you were cleaning out your drawers, yachi walked up to your desk with a bottle of carpet cleaner and a scrubbing brush.

“hey, y/n. here’s that carpet cleaner you asked for.” she said as she placed it down on your desk.

you look up from what you’re doing and see yachi right in front of you. you had been waiting for your chance to use it as there were limited resources to share. thankfully yachi agreed to give it to you after she was done with it.

“oh my god, thank you.” you let out a sigh of relief. “daichi would flip if he saw the coffee stains under my desk.”

“trust me, i know… we’re desk buddies.” yachi groaned. she wasn’t particularly fond of the seating arrangement around here. at least you had your own little space, one where suga could steal pining glances as much as he desired, which reminded her. “how’s wedding planning going, by the way? did you start yet?”

the initial excitement of finally setting a wedding date sent you into overdrive, your mind racing of all the things that needed to be done to prepare for a wedding. as much as you dreamed of this, you didn’t think you’d be stuck doing all of the planning alone. ryo hadn’t made a single contribution yet, and despite your families expecting you to walk down the aisle, some doubts couldn’t help but brew up in your head.

“oh, uh, i bought my veil recently.” you reply. you hadn’t even picked a dress yet, despite having a long way to go, but picking a veil just seemed easier for right now.

“aw, that’s so exciting!” yachi couldn’t help but feel bad that suga was overhearing this conversation, given his eyes were fixated on you as he waited for you to speak, which wasn’t that hard to notice. “how are you gonna do your hair then?”

“well, i was thinking about wearing it down. kind of like—” you take out your hair clip and let your hair down, fluffing it up a bit to show yachi. “—maybe something like this?”

suga felt his heart still for a moment as he intently watched you fiddle with your hair. he wished he’d seen you like this before as you always wore your hair up at work. why were you hiding such beauty? it pained him to think about ryo always being the one to see your hair untamed like this at home. even if you failed to realize it, you were drop dead gorgeous in suga’s eyes.

“wow, you look so beautiful. you’re gonna make people cry.” yachi said, already able to think of one person without hesitation.

as yachi spoke a little too loud, ukai—being the nosy boss he is—overheard your conversation and decided to butt in. with poor timing, at that. “woah, y/n. why don't you wear your hair like that all the time? it's so much hotter than what you usually do.”

you cringe and roll your eyes as you reach for your hair clip. suga let out a sigh, wanting the savor the sight for a little longer. maybe another time, he hoped.

“man, this must be torture for you.” ukai said as he walked past suga. suga’s eyes widen as he looked around to see if anyone overheard that, and thankfully no one did. everyone was too occupied with cleaning to bother, it seemed.

•••

“yeah, on the booze cruise i told ukai about some feelings i used to have for y/n.” suga explained, albeit poorly. “i was just… feeling nostalgic, i guess, and i decided to confide in the world's worst confidant.”

used to have? even the documentary crew could see right through such a pathetic lie.

•••

later that day, suga knocked on ukai’s office door. as expected, he wasn’t cleaning his office one bit. do as ukai says, not as ukai does, apparently. it wasn’t a shock, to be honest.

“hey, ukai.” suga said as he entered ukai’s office. ukai quickly turned down the volume on his computer—seemingly not doing any productive office work either—and looked up to see what suga wanted. “remember that thing i told you on the booze cruise about y/n?”

“boy, do i?” ukai asked. he had been reeling ever since the bombshell was revealed to him. it was more exciting than the lame reality tv he usually watched at home. “of course i do.”

“well, that was, uh, pretty personal, so if you can just…” suga paused. how could he make this sound the least offensive to his boss? “if you can make sure you don’t tell anyone else about it, that would be great.”

“what? oh yeah, my lips are sealed. like the bangles song.” ukai said.

suga furrowed his eyebrows. he didn’t feel confident in that answer. “that was the go-go’s.”

“just get back to cleaning.” ukai scoffed.

“you got it.” suga nodded. it seemed he just had to take ukai’s word for it, but some worry still lingered.

•••

“suga and i are great friends. we hang out a ton, mostly at work, but the fact that he poured his heart out to me about y/n during booze cruise says everything about our friendship.” ukai said. “and because of that, i intend on keeping that information a secret for as long as i possibly can.”

“are you implying that it will spill out eventually?”

“course not. i’m the best at keeping secrets.” ukai then started to sweat profusely. he cannot keep this secret for long. “is it hot in here all of the sudden?”

•••

while suga was cleaning his desk, ukai emerged from his office with what seemed like the sole purpose of bothering him. his careful tiptoeing towards suga was evident, even if he tried to be sneaky. “suga…”

“yeah, ukai?” he looked up, ruining ukai’s opportunity to potentially scare him.

“whatcha doin’?” ukai asked. “you like football?”

“uh, ya know, cleaning. like you asked me to.” suga deadpanned. “plus, i’m more of a volleyball guy.”

“oh, yeah, makes sense.” ukai said before getting to the real point of this conversation. “so, any news on you know who?”

suga initially wondered why ukai would be bothering him like this, especially in the middle of the day, but now it was painfully obvious. of course it would be about you, but here, right on the open floor? it’s like ukai was asking to publicly embarrass suga. the poor lad had been through enough embarrassment these past few months. the documentary has seemingly only made it worse.

“time and place, ukai.” suga shook his head in annoyance.

“i just want to know more about your love life, suga.” ukai pouted. of course, he had some valid concerns. suga was just crying to him about his dilemma not that long ago, after all, but still, why here and now?

“like i said; time and place.” suga insisted.

“but—”

before ukai could plead his case, tanaka interrupted this conversation, seemingly out of jealousy over ukai newfound closeness to suga. “woah, what’s going on here? you guys besties all of the sudden?”

“um, yeah, we’re besties, tanaka.” ukai replied. suga wanted and scream and say that he was wrong. they would never be besties, never. “we tell each other secrets and stuff.”

“secrets? what secrets?” tanaka raised an eyebrow with a smirk. he instantly thought of one secret only a select few knew of, and suga knew he’d be thinking of it. “i know secrets.”

suga had to get tanaka off his back somehow. the combo and him and ukai would be a total disaster when it came to his secret. “deep, dark secrets?”

“wha… what do you mean?” tanaka questioned. it was hilarious how he was falling for this.

“oh, you know…” suga paused for dramatic effect. “the kind of secrets that could send people to jail.”

“oh my god…” tanaka let out a gasp then ran off like a scaredy cat. maybe that award went to the wrong employee on awards night.

that actually impressed ukai quite a bit. he wouldn’t say it out loud as he always had to be the very best, but ukai was definitely impressed.

“welp, back to work.” suga shrugged. this desk definitely wouldn’t clean itself, and he wasn’t sure if he could trust anyone else to go through his things. maybe he could trust you. knowing you, you’d organize everything by what you thought was worth keeping and what wasn’t, then let him figure out if your guesses were right.

“hey, uh, wait.” ukai said, catching suga’s attention once more. “what are you doing for lunch? i could take you out. my treat.”

lunch? with ukai? suga wasn’t sure if he was all too fond out that idea. free food, sure, but having to deal with ukai alone at a restaurant seemed like a bad nightmare. you never know what could happen in such an event.

“ah, no, you don’t gotta do that.” suga said as he quickly tried to think of an excuse to get out of this. “i gotta… ya know… clean and stuff.”

“what about we set up a picnic in the break room?” ukai proposed. “order some pizza and talk about you know who.”

nope. nope, nope, nope. suga knew ukai was just itching to talk about you. the only feasible solution was to get as far away from the office as possible and go out for stupid lunch. the sacrifices suga had to make for the sake of keeping his secret, well, a secret.

“haha, um… you know what? yeah, let’s go out. that’s a good idea, man.” suga stood up from his chair. ukai jumped up and down, overjoyed, which brought more attention to them. suga figured going right now was the best bet, so he quickly grabbed his coat and briefcase in order to leave right away. “let’s go now, actually. what place you thinking of?”

“oh, i know just the place.”

•••

after an awkward drive, ukai and suga found parking in the city before walking over to a popular strip of restaurants. suga assumed being a boss had its perks as there was no way he could afford to eat like this all the time. thank god ukai was paying for this.

there seemed to be amazing places to eat around here, but suga found ukai leading him to the outside of what seemed like a… maid cafe?!

“ukai, what is this place?” suga asked, hoping and praying it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“it’s my favorite spot.” ukai said, noticing suga hesitate. “i go here all the time. come on.”

“if it’s what i think it is—”

“it’ll be fine!” he interrupted suga. “don’t be shy now.”

suga let out a sigh before he followed ukai inside. it was exactly what he thought it was. he was at a maid cafe.

“no… no, no, no.” suga shook his head. this couldn’t be happening to him right now.

suddenly, a pretty woman in a maid outfit walked up to them, greeting ukai first as he was a regular. “mr. ukai! come, come have a seat wherever you’d like.”

“sana!” ukai greeted her. it was even worse that he knew the employees by name.

“there’s no way…”

•••

“ukai took me to a maid cafe.” suga said through gritted teeth. he was being interviewed outside the cafe, other cameras filming what was going on inside as ukai was being pampered by the waitresses. suga was lucky to have a chance to rant. “he took me to a F*CKING maid cafe.”

“you know you’re—”

“god, i’m tired of you guys scolding us over language. you’re just gonna cut most of this sh*t out in post anyway.” he cut off the crew member. he wasn’t necessarily wrong, but the poor editors had a lot of work cut out for them with the way the employees of japan pulp and paper act. maybe they were better off documenting another branch…

•••

meanwhile at the office, tanaka walked up to your desk unannounced, digging his fingers into the bowl of jellybeans you always had out for everyone. you don’t even wanna know where his hands have been. now that you think about it, does he ever wash his hands? you wanted to gag.

“tanaka, can you not shove your hands in the bowl like that?” you ask with a disgusted look on your face.

“whatever. all the good flavored ones are gone.” tanaka rolled his eyes as he continued to dig into the bowl.

“it’s a communal bowl…” you sigh.

“am i not bestie material?” he asked you out of nowhere. “i thought me and ukai were besties.”

you weren’t sure why he was asking this all of the sudden, but if validating him meant he’d leave you alone, then you’ll do it. “yeah, you’re bestie material, tanaka…”

“would you ever consider me to be your best friend?” tanaka questioned.

now, tanaka was a terrible worker, but he wasn’t necessarily a bad friend. he would definitely do crazy things for the sake of his coworkers. you remember on your first day tanaka told you he kept ninja stars under his desk incase of intruders and he would defend you in an instant. sometimes he was a little dumb, but he had a good heart, shockingly enough.

“sure?” you shrug.

“excellent.” tanaka said before walking away all of the sudden.

while he wasn’t looking, you quickly grab the jellybean bowl and throw away its contents. you stare at the camera for a moment as they’ve captured what you’ve done before panning to ukai and suga returning from lunch. you instantly smile upon seeing suga’s face.

“hey.” you greet him.

“hey.” suga said as he hung his coat up.

ukai eyed the two of you before going into his office. you wondered what that was about, but you shook it off and went back to talking to suga. “so, how was lunch?”

“oh, you know, pretty productive.” suga then held up a printed picture from lunch, one with him, ukai, and a bunch of waitresses in maid outfits posing together. it was worth the money. “got a lot of work done.”

you blink for a moment as you soak in the picture in front of you. never would you have guessed that out of all places. still, it was hilarious.

“you’re the worst.” you say jokingly. “there’s no way.”

“ah, but there is.” suga replied. he blushed as you began to uncontrollably laugh. it was adorable. he found it to be one of his favorite sounds in the world.

you manage to control your laughter after a few deep breaths. no more joking around. “pretty sure you’ve got more cleaning to do.”

“yes, ma’am.” he jokingly saluted before going back to his desk.

suddenly, kiyoko stormed up to ukai’s office. you couldn’t remember the last time anyone ever saw her so angry like this. you even feared steam would come out of her ears, and since she was knocking on ukai’s door, you knew it wasn’t anything good.

“ukai, takeda and i need to talk to you.” she barged in.

ukai raised his hands defensively, acting as if he were getting arrested. “i didn’t do it, your honor!”

“what?”

“…what?”

kiyoko didn’t have time for nonsense. she was livid. “ugh, come on. you’ve got some explaining to do.”

before ukai could try to protest, kiyoko dragged him away from his desk and led him to takeda, the last person ukai wanted to talk to right now. it didn’t matter what the matter was, he hated talking to human resources.

“specs, what do you have the female specs dragging me here for?” ukai groaned as kiyoko forced him to have a seat.

“uh, a new charge appeared on the corporate credit card—” takeda began to say as calmly as possible.

“you spent a hundred bucks at a maid cafe! you didn’t even get approval for this!” kiyoko interrupted him, yelling over takeda. if there was any good cop, bad cop action happening, it was clear who fit which role.

“it was a business lunch!” ukai argued. “who said i needed approval?”

takeda let out a sigh. there was a reason ukai couldn’t be trusted with anyone’s money, even his own, for that matter. he felt like he had to treat him like a child, despite ukai being the one in charge.

“ukai, you just got your corporate credit card back.” takeda scolded him. “do you really want me to take it away again?”

“what am i, a five year old? this is ridiculous!” ukai exclaimed.

“corporate is gonna be so angry!” kiyoko argued with him.

“look, suga needed a relaxing lunch.” ukai explained. “he’s been depressed and it’s been affecting his productivity. how is that not work related?”

kiyoko froze. now she’s wondering if ukai knows what she knows. does he know what she knows? takeda didn’t seem to budge by ukai’s explanation.

“he seems fine to me.” takeda shrugged.

“you're not his friend, you don't know what i know.” ukai said. “he is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged, so just cut me some slack, okay?”

unbeknownst to them, nishinoya overheard the whole thing as he walked by. “are you talking about y/n?”

no way that just happened. ukai is at a loss for words, same with kiyoko. he messed up big time.

•••

“this is bad. so bad.” kiyoko said frantically to the camera. it was safe to say she was freaking out. “did suga tell ukai? or did he figure it out? god, suga! you’re such an idiot! i can’t stand this madness!”

•••

thanks to ukai’s big fat mouth, suga’s secret had spread throughout the entire office like the plague and he had yet to figure it out, but he would soon enough.

the first person nishinoya told was asahi, who didn’t really have much of an opinion on it as he was merely a temp. once word got to hinata, however, that was when the train really started rolling. suga had no chance to swear nishinoya to secrecy, so his secret was finally spilled to everyone. well, everyone except you… for now.

hinata rushed to kageyama’s desk. had he gone any faster, he would’ve crashed and knocked over all of kageyama’s things, even his computer. it certainly wouldn’t be fun having to pay for a new one.

“jesus, hinata!” kageyama jumped out of his chair. “what are you tryin’ to do to me?!”

“nothing, nothing!” hinata exclaimed. “guess what? suga has got it bad for y/n.”

woah. even kageyama couldn’t pass up hearing such juicy information. he was rather impressed in suga’s taste in women too. you were a rather attractive woman, after all. “what? really? not bad, suga. not bad…”

ukai walked by as hinata spilled all the beans to kageyama. as hinata noticed ukai’s presence, he just had to get his opinion on the matter. after all, it was ukai’s fault the secret was revealed to everyone.

“hey, ukai. do you think suga is gonna try to break up the wedding?” hinata asked.

ukai was put off by such an outlandish question. he felt so guilty about this, as shocking as it was. suga actually put his trust in him, and he blew it in less than a week. some boss he was.

“hinata, suga is my friend, so the only people that this crush really concerns is suga and y/n...” ukai said. “and also me.”

of course, ukai had to make some of this situation about him. no surprise about that.

as suga tried to get some cleaning done, he felt as if there were more cameras on him than usual. to test the theory, he got up to go to the bathroom. the crew dared to follow him, but suga stopped before entering. there was no way he could let them film him doing his business.

“did the production value go up or something?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “what’s going on?”

before the crew could respond, nishinoya appeared, asking suga the last question he thought he’d have to hear. “suga, why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on y/n?”

his heart dropped instantly. it’s happening.

•••

suga had to carry out this interview in the calmest way possible. he was livid, sure, but there also was a bit of relief. the burden of his secret was so hard to carry most days. but the only way he could make it out of this alive is if he played it off like he used to have a crush on you.

“well, the cat’s out of the bag. i used to have a crush on y/n and now i, uh…” suga hesitated. “don’t. how thrilling...”

the poorly fabricated lies continued.

•••

now that suga got that dreadful interview was over with, it was time for him to talk to you about the newfound elephant in the room. as he discovered everyone was talking about this crush behind your back, suga decided he was better off confronting you about it. besides, it was either you find out through suga himself or ukai.

suga found you alone, knowing this was the only time and place he could get through this conversation. he didn’t need anyone else hearing in on this.

“hey.” suga spoke up. you look up and see his face, your calming smile putting him at ease.

“hey.” you say. “did you find anything good in your desk?”

“oh yeah, i found a coupon for a free sandwich.” he said. there had to be a way to bring up his crush somehow. “it expired in august, but i did find my phone charger from two years ago.“

“wow, big day.” you reply. big day was quite the understatement.

“i don’t even have that phone anymore.” suga chuckled.

“even better.” you grin.

“yeah.” he blushed.

thinking that was the end of the conversation, you began to leave the room, but suga quickly stopped you. this was his only chance, he couldn’t let it slip away.

“hey, uh, listen…” suga said as you stop in your tracks. you look up to see what he has to say. shockingly, this was harder than he thought it would be. “um, i told ukai on the booze cruise—it’s so stupid—but uh, i told ukai that i had a crush on you when i first started here.”

you felt your heart skip a beat. he had a crush on you when he first started here? now your mind raced back to suga’s first day at japan pulp and paper. he seemed so nervous, so you were the one to welcome him with open arms as you had only been with the company for less than a year at that point. you knew what it was like to be the newbie, so you wanted suga to feel more at ease. you didn’t think anything more of your kindness back then.

“oh…” is all you manage to muster out. you can’t believe you were so blind to it all. now you felt silly for only just now developing a crush on him within the past couple months. it was wrong on so many levels now.

“well, i thought that, uh.” he stumbled with his words. “i figured you should hear it from me rather than, you know, ukai of all people…”

“right…” you nod. even you could agree with that. that would result in a much more awkward interaction with your boss.

“and seriously, it's totally not a big deal, okay?” suga insisted. “and when i found out you were engaged, i mean, you know…”

right, of course. that cursed ring on your finger. no wonder he didn’t see you that way anymore, right? at least that’s what you thought was the case.

“no, yeah, i get it. i mean, i kind of…” you pause. lie, just lie, you thought to yourself. “i thought that maybe you did when you first started.”

“oh, you did?” suga questioned. now he felt a little stupid.

“well, i mean, just cause we got along really quickly…” you shrug. it was the best excuse you could think of on the spot, really. you clicked with suga faster than you did with anyone else. maybe there was a reason to that, now that you think about it.

“oh, so you saw right through me, great.” he forced a laugh.

“yeah.” you giggle. you were thankful suga fell for your sham, him feeling the same. “so are you going to be like totally awkward around me now?”

“oh, yeah, yeah... hope that's okay.” suga replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“mhm.” you nod.

“and y/n?“

“yeah?”

“it was like three years ago, so i am totally over it.” suga said. even if he was far from over it, he had to lie for the sake of saving face. he didn’t want to give up since ukai told him not to, but suga couldn’t let you know the truth just yet. this was merely dipping his toes in the water.

“yeah, cool.” you say before finally leaving the room. suga figured he kept you for far too long, anyways.

“alright, cool…”

•••

“so… suga had a crush on me, huh? emphasis on had, i guess.” you shrug. “more reason to move on from my own silly crush, right?”

the crew share a collective look. you wonder what they’re all thinking. was there something you still didn’t know?

“right..?”

•••

suga was thankful his conversation with you went rather smoothly. all he had to anticipate now was ukai’s explanation for the mess that’s been made. who knows what ukai will manage to do, he was so predictable yet unpredictable at the same time.

ukai jumped when he heard suga knock, even worse when he saw his face. he knew exactly what this was about, so ukai had no choice but to motion for him to come in.

“hey.” suga said, closing the door behind him. no way could anyone else hear this right now. suga would lock the door and board it up if it had to.

“i know, i know, i know.” ukai sighed. “i messed up.”

it was actually a surprise to suga that he was owning up to his mistake. he figured he should go a little easy on ukai for the time being, depending on his future responses. “yeah, i was kinda wondering what happened with that…”

“i um… you know, expense reports.” ukai said, frantically trying to explain his way through this. “and then stupid specs! he’s such a goody two-shoes, disgusting. he got all on me about our lunch—”

“the one at the maid cafe.” suga interrupted him. the puzzle pieces were coming together.

“yes, the one at the maid cafe! said corporate was gonna be mad about it, and…” ukai began to tear up, not even trying to fight back his emotions. “i ended up spilling the beans! it was an accident, honest! god, i hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, suga!”

wow. and to think suga was just crying to him merely days ago. now the tables have turned. suga didn’t know whether this was sad or hilarious. would it be wrong to think it’s both? he sure thought of it to be both ways.

as much as suga wanted to totally flip out and scream his head off, he just… couldn’t. for one, he’d probably lose his job, but this situation was inevitable. secrets can’t stay secrets forever, no matter how much you want to hold them close. they always make their way out of your grasp somehow.

“hey, hey, hey. relax, man.” suga tried to calm ukai down. “it's… it’s not a big deal.”

ukai wiped away snot and tears, which was quite disgusting. “it’s not?”

“yeah, it’s fine.” suga let out a sigh. “it was bound to come out one way or another, i guess. everything’s gonna be alright, okay?”

“yeah… okay.” ukai nodded. he was thankful to not be on suga’s bad side, which he‘s never seen at its fullest potential. no one has, really. suga is far too patient for this disastrous company.

“good… good.” suga said. “see ya.”

man, ukai was such a violent crier.

as suga left ukai’s office, he eyed you for a moment, seeing you were walking over to where he just was. you would have no choice but to see ukai crying like a toddler, which no one should ever have to see in their entire life.

“good luck.” he quickly whispered to you as you walked past him, confusion written all over your face.

huh?

shrugging off suga’s random comment, you head into ukai’s office anyway, not even bothering to knock as the door was already open just a bit. nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you yet, as if ukai isn’t unordinary anyway.

“hey, here's your schedule for next week.” you set the paper down on ukai’s desk before noticing he’s wiping away tears. “woah, are you okay?”

“yeah, i'm fine.” ukai sniffled. “look, about you and suga—”

“oh no.” you shook your head. was that what he was crying over? woah, did suga make him cry? nice. “ukai, you don't have to—”

“no, i feel like it's my responsibility as your boss and also your friend.” he cut you off, but you didn’t see any need for this. you and suga cleared the air already, right? plus, ukai considering himself your friend was quite a stretch.

“no, really, it's okay.” you insist. “i know that suga had a crush on me when he first started or whatever. but that was a long time ago, so…”

“what? no. it wasn't that long ago. it was on the booze cruise.” ukai said.

what the heck could he possibly be talking about?

“suga had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?” you furrow your eyebrows.

ukai very quickly realized he messed up once again. he figured he was better off shutting up for once in his life. “ahh… yeah… i’m just gonna… shut my mouth. i’m clocking out.”

“oh… okay.” you say quietly as ukai stood up and walked out of his office so he could leave for the day. it was about five o’ clock, after all.

you follow ukai on his way out and see suga packing up, putting his coat on before grabbing his briefcase. he can detect your presence, even when leaning over for his briefcase as he could see your mary jane’s in his vision. black and shiny, just the way they always were. you never, ever left them scuffed.

“you need a minute?” he asked as you walked by.

“yeah, just need to get my coat on.” you reply.

suga waited for you to pack up before you walked out together, both heading towards the elevator. you and suga enter, just the two of you, stealing glances while the other wasn’t looking until your eyes inevitably meet. you can’t even deny how often he makes your heart race, it was almost a nuisance.

you didn’t know how long this song and dance would last, but you needed this feeling to go away before june. it simply can’t go on any longer.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[lances-wormhole]

I’ve seen toxic m*raxus shippers try to talk down Freed by calling him obsessive. Which I have to say was only shown that way in the anime, deviating from the manga.

PLUS, Freed is more than capable of switching his adoration off when it calls for it. He cares for Laxus, trusts in Laxus, and fights for Laxus given the fact he is technically his body guard (and has a semi-shameless crush on him lol). But just watch/read the series (especially the Battle of Fairy Tail arc) and you’ll see that Freed is someone who has a big heart, and is capable of showing love for more than just one person blindly. He cares for evergreen and Bickslow. He cares for Wendy. He cares for Lucy. He cares for the master. He cares for Mira and the Strauss siblings! MIRA, you hear me? MIRA!!!

The hate that he and fraxus gets just ends up looking very… and I hate to say it so bluntly… homophobic/biphobic??? For lack of better terms. Also these toxic shippers in general act very heteronormative. And I can tell because they turn down every other mlm or wlw ship that the show has to offer, canon or not, without any sort of coincidence. Coming from someone who is a Gr*via (censoring so it doesn’t go in tags) fan, I can admit that THAT is a ship that shows some obsessive traits. But because it’s a straight ship, these shippers often ignore those aspects. But somehow they immediately target Freed? It’s sketchy.

Crack/Rare shipping is completely fine, and I feel like the ship would be alright if it didn’t feel like the fandom was trying to be forceful on Mashima and the rest of the fans, as if trying to convince everyone (including the creator) that it’s a canon ship when it isn’t.

It’s disappointing when mob mentality kicks in within fandoms and their shipping wars. Because one person can say one incorrect characterization about a character and then the hive mind will take it with no questions and just spread it like a plague.

Full disclosure, you’re allowed to ship whatever you wanna (with obvious exceptions). But don’t be elitist when none of the Laxus ships have been given explicit confirmations. M*raxus, Fraxus, L*xana, etc…. Some interact more than others. Just… be decent??? It’s not difficult. Grow up.

**Disclaimer: I’ll be deleting hate comments because y’all don’t read. I’ll probably also block you because I don’t need that negativity and neither do you 😊 Block the anti tag or me idc**

No hate to the M*raxus shippers who aren’t like this. I know some of you, and y’all are cool 💕💕

[javocjovian]

Dress For Success - Bonus, SPN Kink Bingo

To celebrate the completion of my Bingo card I rewrote my first Bingo Square and commissioned the incredible @purgatory-jar​ to draw the final scene! I’m absolutely thrilled with how it turned out! (I had to crop it to post on tumblr, but you can see the full NSFW image on AO3!)

Title: Dress for Success Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444402/chapters/50431292 Square: Clothing Sharing Ship: Destiel Tags: Smut, Humor, Top/Bottom switching, Clothing sharing, Sam is so done Word Count: 1946

art by @purgatory-jar​

Dress For Success

Sam knew Dean and Castiel were fucking. They never told him, per se, but Sam knew. And it wasn’t because of any brotherly bond crap -- It was because of clothing. Or rather, a lack of it. It all started with Castiel. Sam was used to Castiel doing weird things in the bunker. Said things included, but were not limited to, making pb and j’s (and not eating them), reading books backwards, filling the coffee pot with honey, opening every single drawer in the bunker, and, of course, walking around at night completely naked. The first time Sam saw this, he slopped tea all over his nightshirt. He took a steadying breath and politely informed Castiel that humans do not do that. So when Castiel started acting jumpy and suspicious, especially first thing in the morning when he and Sam were alone, Sam barely paid any notice. It was just Castiel. But then there was Dean. Dean was the one who made Sam think it was all in his head. Dean always acted completely normal, chalking up the noises Sam heard late at night to Busty Asian Beauties and other nighttime adventures that Sam did not want to hear about. Dean almost convinced him that nothing was going on, until one night Dean did something Sam simply couldn’t ignore.

Sam was bringing some dishes back to the kitchen and found Dean standing in front of the refrigerator drinking orange juice from the carton, butt naked. Sam shouted in surprise. “What the hell, Dean?” Sam gawked at him. Dean paused, looked down, then shrugged and kept drinking. “You can’t… just. Oh god.” “God has left the building, Sammy.” “I can see that.” Sam skirted around Dean like he was contagious and dropped his dishes in the sink. “The human body is nothing to be ashamed of, Sam. It’s a thing of beauty,” Dean said. “Don’t censor me.” “I’m not, I…!” Sam blinked furiously, determinedly looking Dean in the eye. “I’m going to bed.” “Fine,” Dean replied casually. “Goodnight.” Before Sam could leave the kitchen, he bumped into Castiel in the doorway. Castiel at least was clothed, but they weren't his clothes. He was wearing an old AC/DC shirt and stained jeans. Sam and Dean both stared at him. Seeing Castiel in those kind of clothes was just as jarring as walking in on someone naked. “Hello, Sam,” Castiel said. When he looked to Dean, his eyes fell straight down. “Dean,” he greeted him, his voice cracking. Dean barely noticed. He was in a daze. He’d never seen Castiel wearing clothes like that -- His clothes. “Cas that’s...” Sam said awkwardly. “That’s not really what I meant, about the clothes...” Castiel and Dean both ignored him. Sam took a sharp breath, looking between them. “Mhm. Uh, hm.” His expression fell. Finally he found his voice and said, “Nope, not touching this. Goodnight.” He strode past Castiel and disappeared down the hall. Dean cleared his throat, making Castiel finally look up. “You should wear my stuff more often," Dean said slowly. “Like, seriously. That’s... fucking hot.” Castiel squinted at him. Dean winked and put the orange juice down. There was something fiery in his gaze that made Castiel’s brain go fuzzy. Castiel approached him, trying hard to keep his eyes from drifting downwards, but Dean wasn't embarrassed. He pulled Castiel close. Castiel could smell the citrus on his tongue and feel his nude body against his...

“Okay! New rule.” Sam reappeared in the doorway. Castiel backed away. Dean rolled his eyes. “Clothes. You have to wear clothes. Both of you. All the time! I don’t care what you do behind closed doors but...” Sam sighed exasperatedly. “In the kitchen? C’mon.” He huffed, then left without another word. Dean winked at Castiel.

Sam’s knowledge of their relationship didn’t hinder Dean or Castiel at all. In fact, after that night -- a very long night in which neither Winchester got much sleep -- Dean and Castiel stopped hiding their relationship altogether. Castiel seemed to sense that wearing Dean’s clothes was one of those ‘kinks’ Dean never clearly expressed but obviously enjoyed, so he started wearing his shirts under his suits. During one particularly messy werewolf hunt, Castiel got injured and tore his suit. While Dean was fixing him up, he noticed his old Metallica shirt peeking out from beneath Castiel’s ripped button up. Dean stopped what he was doing and stared at Castiel. They were in a dilapidated cabin deep in the woods. Sam was out securing the perimeter. Castiel’s chest was heaving from the fight. He was flushed and his hair was a mess, and that old, paper thin Metallica shirt was dampened with Castiel's sweat. Dean didn’t stand a chance. As soon as Castiel was bandaged and Dean's work was done, Dean pushed him onto the floor. Within seconds Castiel’s suit things were scattered around them and Castiel had been stripped to that Metallica shirt with his dress pants and underwear around his knees. Dean's hands were all over Castiel as he fucked him on the cabin floor. It took practice to get good at fucking Castiel. Fortunately, Dean had had a lot of practice. He knew exactly how fast and how hard to thrust to get Castiel to start panting. He knew the perfect spot to make Castiel shudder and gasp. Once Castiel started moaning Dean’s name and arching his back, Dean knew he was close. He reared up and took full control, working his hips like a porn star. Castiel's cock was leaking onto the Metallica shirt as he writhed in ecstasy.

Half a mile away, Sam heard Castiel shouting. He sprinted back to the cabin at top speed, his hunter instincts on high alert.

Inside the cabin, Castiel came with a heartfelt groan. The sound was so human that it nearly tipped Dean over the edge. He was so close, just another few thrusts… then a series of sounds ripped Dean out of his ecstatic haze. He heard the door slam open, the cocking of a shotgun, and then Sam sputtering in disbelief. “Really? Goddamnit, Dean!” Sam exclaimed. Dean attempted to cover himself with the trench coat and failed. Cas made no effort to help. “Five minutes, Sam, please,” Dean muttered. “Unbelievable.” Sam walked away. “I’m going to go burn my eyes out with holy fire,” he shouted back at them. “Sam, no,” Castiel said breathlessly. “He’s kidding,” Dean said, resuming his thrusts at once. Castiel groaned and dropped his head on the floor. “No, I’m not!” Sam shouted. “Shut the door!” Dean yelled back. “Pervert!” There was a flustered, indignant noise as Sam slammed the door shut.

“Great plan, Dean,” Sam muttered to himself, taking a seat outside the cabin with his shotgun. “If another werewolf comes I’ll just tell them to form a queue. ‘Your murder is very important to us’.” Sam huffed. “Once my brother’s done getting ass we’ll be right with you.”

Dean and Castiel rejoined Sam outside ten minutes later. Castiel looked awkward and embarrassed, but Dean was unabashedly in high spirits. "Alright! Let's kill some werewolves!" Dean slapped Sam jovially on the back.

The next few hours were spent hunting down the rest of the werewolf pack. By the time they were done every last werewolf had been exterminated, and even Sam had to admit that Dean and Castiel were in rare form. Sam couldn't remember the last time a hunt had gone so well, so he decided to give them a break and stop complaining. He also decided to start entering rooms with a hand over his eyes.

When they returned to the bunker Dean went to his room to get cleaned up and Sam started the laundry. He was able to get all of the blood stains out of Castiel’s suit, plus a stain Sam refused to let Castiel explain. They hadn’t been able to find his trenchcoat, so Castiel went looking for it. It was strange, Castiel knew he was wearing it when they got back to the bunker. He went into Dean's room and found it -- on Dean.

Dean was sprawled out on his bed, wearing nothing but that trenchcoat. “Hey,” Dean greeted him. “Were you… looking for something?” He feigned looking around. A smile tugged at Castiel’s lips. He took his tie off and joined Dean on the bed. Dean was pleased to see Castiel’s eyes darken as he took in the sight before him. Castiel smoothed his hands up Dean’s body, from his thighs to his shoulders, tracing every line and muscle framed so perfectly by that open coat. His coat. “That’s...” Castiel rasped. “That’s not how you’re supposed to wear it.” Dean smiled, shivering pleasantly. “I don't hear you complaining.” He could already feel Castiel’s growing erection pressing into his leg. Castiel couldn’t deny that. They seemed to come to a silent agreement and Castiel began stripping. Dean watched him, idly stroking himself, something he knew drove Castiel wild. Sure enough, Castiel kept getting distracted while trying to get undressed. Once Castiel was naked he settled between Dean’s legs, captured Dean’s hands, and pinned them above his head. Dean felt a jolt of arousal. He loved it when Castiel got like this. Dean spread his legs and let Castiel fuck him right there in that trench coat. Castiel was normally all instinct and passion when he topped, but tonight was different. Tonight he wanted to claim Dean. He wanted to mark him on the inside just as his trenchcoat marked him on the outside. He took his time, unraveling Dean piece by piece until Dean was beside himself with pleasure and groaning Castiel's name. “Dean...” Castiel growled, “I think I understand now.” “Do you?” Dean said. It took all his strength to speak with Castiel fucking the breath out of him. Castiel nodded, his pupils blown and his lips parted. “It’s… ‘fucking hot’,” he rasped. He lowered his hips and angled a thrust into Dean’s prostate felt a rush of satisfaction as Dean’s witty retort fell apart on his lips. Dean didn’t bottom often, but when he did it reminded him just how awesome it was sleeping with an angel. Castiel was a force of nature, raw and powerful, ravaging Dean over and over again and hitting pleasure spots Dean didn't even know he had. Dean was in heaven. Castiel wove their fingers together above Dean’s head and kissed him deeply.

Across the hall, Sam put on rain sounds to fall asleep. Dean had let him borrow his noise cancelling headphones earlier, something Sam tried not to think about as he drifted off.

In the morning, Sam was surprised to find Dean awake first. He was sipping coffee and sitting funny at the Men of Letters' table, looking oddly at peace with the world. Sam poured himself a cup and joined Dean in silence. “So...” Sam spoke up. Dean glanced at him. “How was your night?” “Shut up.” Sam smiled. "You realize that you’re… um... You and Cas... What did they call it?” Dean was barely awake, but he realized where Sam was going. “Don’t say it.” “’Destiel’?” Dean stared at Sam. Sam was trying, and failing, to hold back a grin. Finally, Dean cracked a smile. “Yeah. I know.” They shared a mutual silence, both of them smiling to themselves. “We should make bumper stickers.” “No," Dean said firmly. Sam sipped his coffee. He didn't say another word. Truthfully, he was happy for his brother. Castiel came in wearing a pair of Dean's pajamas and looking extremely well rested. Dean smiled warmly at him. Sam looked away, but he was smiling, too. Maybe, just maybe, the clothing thing was kind of cute.

[kkukkung]

v lorge ask compilation below

some of these asks date back like??? a few months??? dsdjkfhk... they’re ordered from newest to oldest i’m so sorry... messy messy

Ur blog is the plush jooheon is going like 😯😷😨😷😷 😵😫😱 to

it... is......... honestly i think jooheon is the member i’d get along w the least irl?? i can’t explain it but?? mb bc he’s a libra? also the fact that hyungwon received that huge shrimp plush n held it like a foetus is so :’’0000

annie tumblr is gonna censor ur whole blog cause ur gay

Good.

so... shart is ur New fav word now huh, guess that ges into my dictionary now...

shart made a comeback from 2016 me’s vocab and i don’t even know how it happened? :(

Sjdnkwldwnnw u ruined that punch scene in shine forever,, I can't watch it without thinking about your "my meat, me" gif 

the best gif i ever made??? gkjkjf sorry i rly am the most irrelevant person on this damn website? also that rly was my first thought when i watched the mv.... or maybe second thought after thinking “god i wish shownu would punch me like that”

changkyun is really so happy recently, he smiles so much and his eyes crinkle, its the cutest thing i have ever seen like ??!?! i want to protect him, just roll him up in a blanket and show him memes on my phone

he is!!!!! his happiness is my own happiness?? and when he smiles ur right he goes like >__< he’s rly the cutest boy alive? and this ask is so relatable esp the last part... if ck were my friend irl i’d just text him memes all day???

pls deactivate

relatable

I'm so soft rn. How can I FUCKING tell them how much I love them. Like I want to grab wonho's sweet squishy face and give his forehead a big SMOOCH. These boys deserve so much and I want to convey that to them in person but I CAN'T. And if I had the chance I'd probably ugly crying too hard to say anything.

this ask is so cute??? and i understand the dilemma like... idols are ppl who give & receive so much love every day expressed in 28347982 different ways so it’s hard knowing how to rly... Let Them Know just how happy they make u thru their existence alone? crying with u anon

yikes wait what happened w jinyoung?? i thought he was one of the few unproblematic ones...

[diff anon] jinyoung was on a tv show where he was playing a past love interest or something and he kisses the actress who's only 14..

i.... won’t comment on this bc i don’t want to stir up old drama but :/ aah i see... thank u for letting me know!

i started talking like you and another person who has similar typing patterns to you and now all my friends hate me bc of slorp and spicy

sdfjkghksdfkjfgkjds im rly sorry this happened to u... at first my friends were resistant but after a while they started picking it up as well thru exposure so... infect them jksfjjkgf... also add shart to the menu i guess? :/

Kihyun's kink is making people flustered. On the gifseft he's like "There's so many things I can do with my mouth, let me show you honey." He will grab your neck firmly yet delicately while he invades your personal space. Keeping eye contact is troublesome, this new proximity tastes as dangerous as the underlying promise of what will come next. But Hyungwon never figured it out since he backed out, breaking the siren's spell.

(response to this gifset i think? jshdfkjff) BLEASE... im writing a hyungki fic right now as we speak ✍️📝 anyway i like this characterisation of dom!kihyun bc irl he would be very dominant ??? and in fics he’s always the bottom just bc he’s #smol ���� but i mean he’s ?? so aware of his own sex appeal sometimes so he���d be like a switch/top/power bottom imo

you're right, you aren't into vore. More like in slorping and smorching knees/feet, and other nsfw things.

tbh im only fake horny :/ im a romantic deep down.. want to watch the sunset with lmh....... accidentally drop my bag of skittles on the dirt and he eats them up like a vacuum cleaner jksfdhkjgfkjfdhjgfjhjks

Annie, i feel like you'll understand me. Whenever I see Minhyuk, i feel a mixture of extreme lust, great anger and a desire to have my head bashed in because he's real and nothing else matters anymore. It's really.... not what i wanted in life 

another #relatable ask... i want to take minhyuk out on a candlelit dinner date but like.... at kfc and we’ll both be touching each other’s cheeks with our greasy hands like animals... like raccoons scavenging for trash in a dumpster

'kihyun stans are foot fetishists'' UHM!!! this is tru i would slorp kihyuns whole foot in one go

i don’t rmbr writing this but skjdfhfgsdkjgjk it... it really is true huh...

hi annie, i just wanted to ask you what your take on wonho's personality is? ive read your tags before and how you say he is very romantic in how he presents things, and i thought that was interesting!

aaa, i think i’ll write a proper post on this later bc it’s also something that interests me a lot... until then i’ll just say that i think he’s indeed very romantic and loves pleasing people... his driving force is rly Love u know... love for people (family, members, fans), for his job, for music, etc... he’s very soft and imaginative and sometimes that comes across as a kind of childish innocence?? more on this later

i wanna kno more abt the customer whos coming in more lately,, i lov regulars that come in at my job - it's such an interesting half relationship

hgfjjjsk this ask is from a month ago n i think i was talking abt that customer who asked me if i wanted to die but in a casual way?? jsfdkh i work at a tobacco store so this guy asked me if i smoked n i was like “uhm no i don’t” so he went “what? are you afraid to die?” and i stood there like... kind of dumbfounded for a sec jksfhg but he’s a nice guy n very cool... nvr seen his eyes b4 bc he always has rly dark shades on n he buys the cheapest cigarettes n leaves. but most regulars i get are like chinese international students spending their parents’ money on cigs and some sweet old men who always want the same smokes... there’s this one old man who always wears matching vintage suits n pairs it w a fancy hat n once he complimented my outfit and i was thrilled?? also some creeps come n chat me up while im working sometimes which is a bit :/// but mostly i like my job and it’s interesting interacting w regulars! thank u for this ask n im sry if this was like super boring lmao

idc what it says about me but Minhyuk rushing to eat chicken bones off the fucking floor brought him from 'would play Mario Kart and share nachos with' to 'would play Mario Kart and share bodily fluids with' levels

i want to Die.................... when he tried to eat those half-eaten chicken bones off the ground....... that was the moment that solidified his image as a Dirty Dirt Man in my head like he’s a Real Gremlin... i said it for fun b4 but it’s... a real thing. he’s actually Disgusting skjdfhjdkf... also anon u sound like a gremlin too??? join our big gremlin family???

wtf is "That" ????? and why is it related to kihyuck ?? - knowing ur tags it should be something gross, but u said it in such an onimous way; annie, i am scared.

i genuinely don’t rmbr what this was abt djgjs i write a lot of tags that don’t make sense even to me like a few weeks later?? sjdfjhkjsk i’m sorry... gotta start answering these in time so they actually have any kind of relevance... 

"That kink where you just want to be crushed....just like pulverized. Asking for a friend" Bless this tag

again.. don’t rmbr writing this tag and don’t rmbr the post i wrote it for but um, yeah, sounds like smth i said jkfdgsjfdjk im so sorry...

i just had a dream where minhyuk showed up, called me sexy and then left???

fun fact whenever ppl tell me abt their dreams here it’s always to do with minhyuk doing something weird??? also God I Wish That Were Me...

why do u say jooheon is def experienced tho? he legit said he never had a girlfriend in his life and it's clear seeing him interact with women, he has no idea what to do? unless you mean gay experiences, that's probably very true

THE LAST LINE OF THIS ASK JKDHKJD.... um i think joobs is experienced bc i actually think he’s sorta smooth? he’s pretty flirtatious w female hosts on the shows mx appears on like... w jimin on asc and w seulgi on idol battle likes... i don’t mean experience as in a lot of idk.. sexual experiences (if anything he’d b the type to be v devoted to someone if he was dating them i think) but i feel like he does know how to present himself in a certain... attractive light especially in front of cute girls? idk if i’m saying this right... 

ur minhyuk tags are so fnny and hella relatable im dying n 😂😭😂

my minhyuk tags: slorp... asterisk asterisk asterisk x10... nut... gremlin dirt man... nut nut... nutting... dksjfgkj but thank u?

but you ARE funny lol I laughed so hard at that bird/Shownu reference

gfjkgjkjk u can tell how old these asks are from the things they’re referring to... but nevertheless thank u sm im sry im a mess... at least im a funny mess to a select few ppl... thank u for enjoying my messy blob... i lov u

no exit ep 5 was a mess but wonho was lookin reeeal cute w those glasses tbh

???? what the fuck, where they serious about that fuckin Mathew the tiger??? If yes, then again, wtf??

jdsfjksk i still can’t believe Those Episodes of no exit rly happened...

i love your tags so much especially the ones where you imply that minhyuk's actually an alien "# he rly doesn't know what to do w his arms he hasn't possessed a human body in so long" lol

HE RLY IS AN ALIEN... like he’s obviously attractive n was popular in school n smart n funny n cute but sometimes he does the most unexplainable things n it makes me rly wonder if he’s human??? he’s so fucking weird u kno i love my alien gremlin dirt man... take me for a ride in ur ufo...

You @ wonho: :( sweet baby u deserve everything good You @ minhyuk: literally slorp my p**** you fucking snake

SHUT UP...

i started using slorp too help

this ask was sent 3 months ago... i can’t believe i’ve been saying slorp for three months...

um..... i luv u???smorch

smorch u back??? big sloppy smorch that leaves u disgusted???

Hey Annie, would you mind a short description of the Monsta X No Exit Chanel+ video?

i’m sry abt how late this is jsfdjkg but if anyone’s still interested... yeah the no exit video where they explained the hypnotism was p much just bts of jooheon and shownu getting hypnotised... and it kind of legitimised it ig bc joobs said he was concentrating super super super hard (and hypnotism only works when ur focusing that much??) n so did shownu... my ch+ actually expired recently so this is just from what i rmbr hfdjsdjkh if anyone else can contribute pls do! otherwise i will get a renewal soon and after that i could do a better summary if you’re still interested! sorry!!

Um...why are jooheons vocals slept on...what the fcuk he's so??? Nice to listen to??

tbh why is jooheon such a golden boy... literally good at everything... can sing dance (one of the best dancers in mx??) and rap.... compose... write lyrics... play 328974 diff instruments... cute n sexy at the same time.... what the fuck

I'm trying to figure out what your censored tags are but apparently my vocabulary of nasties is pretty limited

im glad??? pls don’t read the next part of this ask compilation ksfhkgsd

!!!nsfw asks... spare urself please...!!!

uhhhhhh for the nastea ask comp... kihyuns p*thy eating lips??? true, but whats the most to least best at eating out ranking order?

1. kihyun/wonho

2. shownu (would try v hard??? earnest man??)

3. hyungwon (idk i think he’s gotta be Good somehow i mean look at his lips??)

4. jooheon

5. changkyun

6. minhyuk (can’t find clitoris :/)

I would like to hear more about kihyun's p**** e**ing lips tbh 👀... please elaborate

idk what to say but i feel like the way he moves his lips sometimes is ??? erotic jskfdhkgjfdj and same w wonho... also the lisp has some relevance 2 ***** eating idk there’s a tie there somewhere...

I FEEL DIRTY WATCHING KIHYUNS BODY ROLLS ON WEEKLY IDOL I WOULD **** his **** at fucking lightning speed

rmbr when we thought sexy!kihyun Peaked during beautiful era w the return of the black hair but now he’s running around w a blindfold n showing off his new shredded body at any given moment.. yeah

(in reference to minhyuk probly not knowing where the clit is) minhyuk: *reaches into the back of your throat and flicks your uvula* "hows that feel babe? ;)"

reading this took years off my life i hate u

I disagree.Minhyuk is probably the most kinky out of monsta x.He just doesn't show it like every other expert in the field 👀👀

mmm i think hyungwon could be a Freak? jskdhfkg but ur right minhyuk is definitely someone who’s up for like... experimental stuff :/