#some serious friend drama going down the past few days and I refuse to engage

[mat-atitagainwiththe-shitposts]

On the outside I may be casually scrolling for hours on end

But inside I am screaming and pulling my hair out and throwing up

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About the First Season of--

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I first saw the sneak peek of--

...I...didn't...think it would be anything all that special. I love animation, and I love superheroes, so it would go without saying that I would love an animated series about superheroes. But the animation looked a little too stiff for my liking, and aside from featuring J.K. Simmons, there wasn't anything grabbing me when it comes to this show.

Then I heard some s**t goes down at the end of episode one. So, letting my curiosity get the better of me, I binged the entire series in a day to see what the fuss was about. And, um...Yeah. Holy s**t.

This is a series that will very much make you uncomfortable in all the right ways. However, it is a gigantic gorefest at times, so if you get queasy after a single drop of blood, DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW! Trust me, you will not be prepared for what this series has to offer.

At the same time, I highly recommend you watch this series before reading this review. I'm going to spoil major plot points and characters so I can appropriately discuss what I think about the season, so trust me when I say you should click away if you haven't watched it yet. It's one of those series that are better to go in as blind as possible. You can call it a cheap way to appeal to shock value, but I call it one of the best reasons why--

...Is a contender for best-animated series of the decade--That bit with the title card isn't going away anytime soon, is it?

WHAT I LIKE

The Guardians of the Globe vs. The Mauler Twins: This is the best possible way for the series to begin. The first fight scene is bright, colorful, and kinda fun. Thus setting the ultimate expectation subversion in making audiences think that will be the series staple. However, just because it has the energy of a harmless superhero fight, there is a sense of intensity as the Guardians give their all in saving others. Like that moment with Darkwing (Not the duck) as he rescues that woman without hesitation, despite knowing he might die because of it. Or Green Ghost, who just barely rescues all those civilians from that falling debris. It shows that you don't need intense scenes of violence to make a fight scene thrilling to watch.

Diversity Wins: I don't know how diverse the comics are compared to the show, but I'm impressed with how inclusive this series is. So many members of the main cast are people of color, with the main lead being half-Korean. And it's not just different races that the series shines a light on, as we also get the rare, but very much welcomed, animated male gay character. Who's thankfully isn't cliched in ten ways to Sunday...for the most part. It really does seem like writers are starting to grow up and that it's better to be as inclusive as possible instead of pretending certain people don't exist for the sake of "convenience." It might not solve oppression in general, but it certainly makes certain people feel better, even if it is briefly.

Mark Grayson: Mark is a pretty solid super-protagonist if you ask me. Sure, at first, he comes across as whiney...and even more so in later episodes, but he's really an endearing character at times. Mark nails the role of the relatable everyman that's also inspirational with his determination since he never gives up until beaten to the inch of his life. Seriously, while he might not entirely be--

...I guess that bit with the title card really isn't going away.

Anyways, while he might not entirely be invulnerable in the literal sense, he is very much so in the figurative sense. Mark, in so many ways, refuses to call quits once he finally gets the hang of being a superhero, which is what makes him so inspirational. Plus, it's funny seeing how much of a rookie he can be to the gig at times. Mark is far from a perfect lead but is still charming to a fault, and it's nice seeing him grow more heroic each episode. I hope to see him develop more in future seasons, as he has the potential to be ranked higher up as one of my favorite superheroes (it's hard to compete with Spider-Man and Batman, but he'll make me consider it).

Debbie Grayson: This is almost what I expect a mother and wife of superheroes would be. 

Your son is constantly crash landing in your yard? Tell him to knock it off because he's past his curfew. 

Your husband disappeared into another dimension to fight off invaders? Shrug it off and expect that he'll be late for dinner.

It's a ton of fun to watch, and I adore how supportive she is of Mark, despite how much danger he could be in as a superhero. But, what really endears me with Debbie is her complicated feelings with Omni-Man. There's not a doubt in my mind that she loved him with her whole heart, but she also isn't an idiot. She is quick to pick up how unheroic her husband can be at times, often scolding him for it when necessary. And when she finally starts investigating if he really did kill the Guardians, I love that she instantly comes up with every single plausible excuse she can, despite knowing the truth. Because she believes that she knows who Omni-Man is and refuses any possibility that he might be a supervillain. So when she finds out that there really is no other explanation and hearing him call her a pet (big ouch when that happened), you wanna know what she does? She cries. Not because the man she loved is gone forever, but because the idea of him is. And it's that level of emotional devastation that comes from those complicated emotions that make me think Debbie Grayson is the most complex and endearing character on the show. And I. Will. Stand by that.

Seeing the Guardians of the Globe on their down time: Wow, what a cute collection of scenes that are charming as much as they are heartwarming! A set of scenes that show how human these characters are with their close relationships with friends and family! I sure hope it's not followed up with a brutal emotional gut-punch of a scene that will be even more devastating after thinking back on these! Especially with that bit with Martian Man and the little girl, cause OOO-WEE, would THAT tear me up inside!

Omni Man destroying the Guardians of the Globe:...I'd follow through on my joke here, but holy s**t.

That's really the best way I can describe all of this. It is a brutal, I repeat, BRUTAL scene that will stick with you hours after watching it. Not only that, but it's one of the few instances when I was damn near speechless because I couldn't think of anything else to say other than, "Holy s**t." The only time another superhero property did that was Avengers: Infinity War, except with that, the only difference is that the characters come back. Here, except for The Immortal, the Guardians stay dead! There's no magic amulet or alternate versions from another dimension. No, they die and never come back. Thus setting up how serious the show can be. Because if these superheroes can stay dead, then so can others.

Plus, what makes it more impactful is how throughout the entire fight, there was a glimpse of hope that the Guardians can beat Omni-Man. I heard he got nerfed for the sake of drama, and I approve of that decision. Because if he was really--

...If he was really unbeatable, then the fight doesn't have weight to it. There wouldn't be a point in rooting for these characters to win when we already know they're going to lose. But, by showing there's a chance that they could win, it becomes all the more intense watching the fight and even more tragic seeing them lose. It is a masterpiece of a battle that proves once and for all: Batman is right. You need contingency plans.

Omni Man: J. Jonah Jameson has become the one thing he hates the most: A masked MENACE...Ok, I know Omni-Man doesn't wear a mask, so the joke doesn't work as well as it could. But it was served to me on a silver platter, damn it! I had to take it!

In all seriousness, though, Omni-Man might give Homelander a run for his money on best evil Superman. Because while Homelander might be terrifying in his own right with his style of evil, Omni-Man takes it a step up a notch with the mystery behind WHY he killed the Guardians of the Globe. We know right away that there's something off with him, but up until that point, we see multiple instances of Omni-Man doing the right thing rather than the wrong. Sure, he might come off as cold when interacting with people, but so does Batman and other great superheroes in comics. That doesn't mean he's evil. So when he does do something so incredibly heinous, we're left with this mystery as to why. Because there has to be a reason for it all, right? Like, maybe mind control or his family was threatened. Something and anything that means he was forced into killing the noblest of people. So when it turns out that his actions were intentional, it is already pretty devastating. But when we find out why he does these things, it paints how truly evil Omni-Man is, given how little respect he has for human life.

Plus, as terrifying as Homelander is, Omni-Man is ten times more of an engaging villain. With Homelander, what you see is what you get: A narcissist with a god complex. For Omni-Man, it's more or less the same thing, but it's something fed to him because of the conditioning from his planet. There is a tiny, molecule-sized part of him that genuinely cares about others. It doesn't change what he does, nor does it mean he deserves forgiveness (far from it), but it hints that maybe he's not evil because of his own ego. It's because of how he's trained to be. And judging by his pained expressions from Mark's words and the single tear he sheds when leaving everything behind, there's a chance that he might be willing to fight back that mentality.

Or he will stay evil, and that he'll return to do worse things in the future. I don't know. I haven't read the comics. But I feel like I don't need to read anything to tell you all that Omni-Man is up there as one of the most intriguing comic book villains of all time, and I can't wait to see what happens with him next.

This show is f**king Violent: I mean, I refer you back to that scene where Omni-Man destroys the Guardians of the Globe. But, unlike other shows that use violence to force that mature rating, I feel as though In--

...Title card. You were cute the first time, but now your novelty has quickly worn thin.

Anyways, I feel as though this show...uses gore more appropriately. More often than not, death and carnage get treated as a literal joke in adult cartoons because people are sick bastards, I guess. But with...the current series I'm talking about, it all has an impact. No one dies or gets mangled for the sake of shock value or for a laugh. Instead, every instance of this type of violence is to either make a point, set the tone, or prove just how dangerous a specific character is. It makes...the series more mature than most adult cartoons you'll find because it actually brings a worthy discussion for its violence rather than milking it to give the illusion of maturity. And I gotta respect the writers for doing that.

Cecil: This man is basically Nick Fury if he was overpowered but in a good way. There is just something about a man who knows superheroes are needed in the world but also trusts a "hero" like Omni-Man as far as he can throw him. Not only does Cecil have contingency plans for his contingency plans, but the guy also knows to send the right heroes out for the exact missions that require them. Plus, a man is an instant badass when he's stone-faced about a demon saying he'll go somewhere worse than hell and is calm when being face-to-face with an angry Omni-Man.

I don't make the rules. I just abide by them.

The title card gets bloodier with each episode: This is just a really cool gimmick. It proves how intense this show can really be and how the stakes get higher and higher with each installment. Also, I like to think the amount of blood that splashes over the title card reflects how brutal the episode will be, especially with episode eight, 'cause holy hell.

The plot structure: The way the story works is very similar to how a comic book series handles its overarching narrative. Even though the writers begin a new arc that continues for a handful of issues, the overall main plot still develops in the background of the current adventure the hero goes through. That's basically how--

>Intense inhale<

>Calm exhale<

That's basically how THIS SHOW operates. Each episode can be seen as its own story that's given a ton of room to develop with its forty-five-minute runtime (which blew my f**king mind when I started binging it). Despite that, there's still a great sense of continuity. Everything involving Omni-Man and the mystery behind his murder of the Guardians gets fleshed out throughout the season, even when it takes the background of Mark's escapades. It really does feel like sitting down and taking the time to read an entire volume of comics, which I like to believe is the intention. After all, what's the point of making a series about superheroes if you don't make it feel like a comic book at least once?

Dark Blood: I desire a series based on this character alone. I know it's probably just Hellboy, but I want it. 

The idea of a demon solving murder crimes to work off his debt in Hell is too much of a remarkable concept to strictly be a c-plot in one series. Give Dark Blood a spin-off, damn it!

The Realistic Portrayal of a Superhero world: Unlike certain superhero properties--*cough* DC *cough*--it's--

>Huff<

>Puff<

>HUFF<

>PUFF<

>HUFF<

It's. This. F**KING. SHOW! That really does an excellent job at portraying how much it would suck to live in a world of superheroes. Sure, you got the cool battles and awe-inspiring heroes with incredible powers, but do you know what else you get? Hundreds upon thousands of people dying from the very threats those heroes fight against. Not to mention all the realistic physics that come from people like Mark trying to save others. Just look at how mangled that old woman looked when he attempted to help her. It, uh...It sure did not look great. Don't get me wrong, I love superheroes and the worlds they live in. But when watching a show like...this one, it really makes me appreciate how I don't live in those worlds with them.

It’s Still Funny: This is something I appreciate the most. When most superhero shows go for the realistic approach, they go with the doom and gloom route, making everything so melodramatic about how serious the world is. But here's the thing: Superheroes are f**king stupid.

Don't tell me they're not because they are. Superheroes have cornball hero names, bright costumes, and logos on their foreheads, chests, belts, and what-have-you. Taking a superhero too seriously is the worst mistake you could make, which is why I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Say what you want about Marvel having "too many jokes," but at least they know it's for the best to laugh at themselves and embrace the weirdness. It's something similar with...you know what. Because while the series tells a serious and realistic story about superheroes, it's still a story about superheroes. So it tells some jokes and some pretty funny ones at that. Because while it's essential to include some drama in a story such as the one in...you know what, it's just as important to never forget to have some fun.

“Earth is not yours to conquer.”: Such a great line that gains an even greater meaning once we fully know who Omni-Man is. The main creditor for how effective it is goes to J.K. Simmons for making the line sound explicit yet implicit at the same time.

Allen the Alien: ...It is an absolute crime that this character only has about six minutes of screentime. Allen is such a bro, partially because of Seth Rogan's performance, that I would honestly be upset if he doesn't show up more often in later seasons. Seriously, bring him back for more.

The Mauler Twins: Thankfully, these characters get as much attention as they deserve. The banter between the Mauler Twins is always entertaining, often being the comedic highlights at times. On top of being funny, they also work as efficient villains who can come across as threatening at times.

But what I love most of all about these two is the explanation behind the cloning process. The reasoning of why neither character remembers which one is the cone is a brilliant idea that I'm surprised no one else did in the past (to my knowledge). It also provides some excellent fruit for thought in wondering if it really is better to live your life not knowing if you're a clone or not. The whole thing is great to watch, and it makes me really glad for their inclusion...too bad they had to be forced into a story that makes a character look like a reckless superhero and an inconsiderate jackass to his friend. Seriously, what was up with that?

“That Actually Hurt”: This just might be my favorite episode of the first season. Machine Head is both equally hilarious and devious, Titan might just be my favorite character due to how intriguing his allegiances and motivations are, that final fight was the perfect amount of brutal, and we get the biggest hint of the man Omni-Man really is. Having him simply watching Mark instead of flying in to help him actually shocked me the first time seeing it. It's not until we learn what a Viltrumite really is that it becomes clear as to why. He doesn't care about saving his son but instead seeing Mark reach the same potential Omni-Man did during that smash fest the planet went through to reach perfection. And something tells me he felt more disappointment than sadness after seeing his son get nearly killed by Tony the Tiger (I know he has an actual name...but this is funnier to me). It's such a solid moment with great implications that just so happens to exist in an even greater episode.

Eve deciding to just help people for the heck of it: I actually love this idea more for the potential it has rather than what actually happens so far. Because the main reason why heroes don't fly around and solve every little minute problem people have is that they need to learn how to act without help. If you suddenly make food appear out of thin air or stopping forest fires, you're doing good, but there's also potential harm that comes from it. I think back to that episode of The Powerpuff Girls, where the townspeople are so idiotic and complacent with having their heroes solve every problem that they really can't think or act for themselves. A similar thing can happen with Eve if she's not careful. Even worse, if she keeps trying to end famine for farmers, because she might get into a Supergirl situation with people building a cult around her. And, you know, that's not going to be fun.

But again, that's just the potential that this presents. We--Or the people who haven't read the comics--don't know if Eve will actually face this issue. Regardless, we still get some solid moments that proves just how much Eve is a true hero in this series as she has no other motive to help people other than she just wants to. And I actually think that's pretty cool.

The Immortal’s rematch: I gotta hand it to the guy. Not a second after being brought back to life, and The Immortal's already flying off to get revenge on the bastard who killed his closest friends in the world. Or, globe, I guess.

I respect that, to be honest.

(As a bonus, The Immortal causing Omni-Man's eyes to become bloodshot adds to how evil he'll be in the last episode)

Mark trying to snap his dad out of mind-control: Oh, I felt that.

I'm pretty sure we all felt that.

Ow...Big ow.

The Train Scene: ...This is the most horrific thing I have seen in entertainment. Seriously, while Omni-Man annihilating the Guardians left me speechless, this is another level. Because him using Mark's body to kill a train full of people ramming into them, leaving Mark all the more helpless to stop it, makes a scene that is so...so hard for me to describe how effectively f**ked up it is. It's one of those moments where just by seeing it, you know why it's awful in all the right ways. And I will never forget the look of shock and horror on my face when it reflected onto my laptop's screen after the scene briefly cut to black soon after the carnage. Because if that doesn't explain how unmerciful this moment is, I don't know what will.

Saving Mark after the fight: I really love this because as it flashes between still images of people carrying Mark away after his brutal fight with Omni-Man, it really feels like you're reading a comic from panel to panel. It’s pretty neat. I won’t lie.

WHAT I DISLIKE

The Animation isn’t that great: Now, in terms of action, the animation is fantastic. You feel the impact of each attack, there are some creative uses of powers, and the gore is better implemented because it's all animated. As for everything else...yeah, it kinda sucks. Movements are a little stiff at times, the CGI backgrounds could use a bit more polish, and don't get me started on the CGI crowds of people. I understand the shortcuts that need to be taken to make everything else more effective, but man, this series needed a little more time in the oven before being shown to everyone. It's never too bad, but it can be pretty distracting at times.

Amber: F**k Amber. Just f**k her. Everything people tell you that is wrong with her is one-hundred percent on point. She is easily one of the worst love interests, and to me, it has everything to do with the fact that she knows Mark is--

...That she knows Mark is--

...

...

...ThatsheknowsMarkisInvinci--

--BECAUSE IT INVALIDATES ANY POINT SHE HAS, GOSH DANGIT! I don't give a single S**T if she's upset that he's late all the time! If Amber was always unaware of it, then I would understand. But having her know means that she thinks her issues are more important than Mark, oh, I don't know, SAVING THE PLANET! I mean, the girl helps feed the homeless! You would think she would understand.

But fine. Maybe Amber's just upset that Mark's lying to her. Sure. That's understandable...BUT WHAT THE F**K IS UP WITH HER BLOWING UP IN HIS FACE FOR NOT HELPING ANYBODY AT THE COLLEGE WHEN SHE KNOWS HE'S HELPING EVERYBODY!? Even if it's her giving Mark one last chance to tell her the truth (which is a mile of a stretch, and you know it), did she really expect him to reveal his secret with tons of people watching? That is a crazy expectation that no one should live up to!

Amber is quite possibly the worst thing about this show. She was fine at first, and her chemistry with Mark was on point, but MAN, did she get worse later on.

And if I see one mother f**ker calling me a racist because I don't like this character who just so happens to be black...I'm going to be upset, not gonna lie. Because that is a cheap shot to dismiss any criticism, especially since her race has NOTHING to do with why people hate her...Or, at least, most people.

Edit (5/27/2021): Disregard the above. The long and short is that I don’t like Amber. She just doesn’t sit right with me for the reasons that her anger towards Mark just never felt entertaining to me in comparision to everything else. But saying her thoughts and arguements are invalid is not cool, and I’m sorry to both any readers who are black or especially female who would be upset by this.

Rex-splode: I understand the point behind Rex. He's a character who we're supposed to hate, so it becomes so much more satisfying seeing others s**t on him. But those characters are hard to get right if you’re not careful. Make them too irritating, then any suffering they go through will seem too little. Make them not annoying enough, and their punishments can be too harsh. Rex fits into the "too irritating" category. It's satisfying to see Monster Girl wreck his s**t after he started commenting how ineffective she might be, but with what he pulled with Dupli-Kate, I feel as though he might deserve worse. Although I will admit Rex gets slightly better in later episodes, showing at least a smidgen of character development. But I don't think it's enough to make his a**holeness worth it. Still, I hope he at least becomes above decent in the next few seasons, which is way more than what I can say for Amber.

(Seriously, writers, if she just disappears without an ounce of an explanation in the season premiere, I won't question it. You have my word.)

Edit: I no longer agree with what I crossed out, but I won’t delete it either. I want people to know the mistake I made so I can prove that I changed in the future.

Robot cloning himself to be with Monster Girl: ...Nope! 

Nope!

Changed my mind.

I am NOT touching that.

I will touch a lot of things, but I will not touch--That came out wrong.

Please forget you read anything.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Let’s move on

Transitioning to the title card: Here it is! The nitpickiest of all nitpicks! But, seeing how it happens in every episode, meaning that the writers have no choice but to commit to it, means it's one of those things that viewers are forced to get used to. And boy, is the transition to the title card hard to get used to! Oh, you thought it was annoying how it kept happening in this review? Well...fair enough. But trust me when I say it's much more aggravating in the show.

The funny thing is, I had no problem the first time it happened. It was a cute way to introduce the character as well as the title of the series. But having that be the basis for transitioning to the title card every time was a gimmick that got old real quick. Especially since every time that a character says the word--

--it always feels forced. What's even more annoying is that sometimes it interrupts characters as they're saying invin--

LIKE! F**KING! THAT! Because interrupting someone before they say something is one thing, but doing so as they're saying it shows a sense of bad timing. Not even that, because this is something that I feel like could have been the easiest to change in the series by having someone go, "Hey, maybe we should edit out this single second."

It's laziness that doesn't happen often, but it still grinds my gears a bit. Plus, is there really no other smoother transition the writers could come up with? Did they really believe this is the best way to do it?

Think, writers! THINK!

It's fine to have a gimmick, but this is one that really shouldn't have any follow-through on.

-------------

That's about all the issues I have with the show. It's far from perfect, but still, an A- is pretty impressive work. The stuff that this series does right not only outnumbers the mistakes but also heavily outweighs them. Besides, no show in the history of creativity has ever been perfect in its first season. There are always dents that need to get buffed out and improve upon for the subsequent seasons to come. Only then can a series truly be Invincible from all criticism.

...

...Oh, sure. 

SURE!

NOW it lets me say it!

GOSH, DANGIT, I HATE THAT TITLE CARD!

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels. 

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995) 

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father. 

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

[homestuckexamination]

A Statement on Kate Mitchell

Hoo boy, starting the day with discourse huh. But this is something that needs some serious addressing.

Over the past few months, I have received various messages asking about my opinion on Kate, which I have lightly sidestepped and shown myself neutral towards for a variety of reasons. Part of it was uncertainty, lack of information, and part of it was not wanting to engage in discourse, and some personal biases. But I hate being Neutral and one can only be uninformed and clueless for so long. Specially because the Kate Hatred ramped up yesterday for some reason.

So let me begin saying, I don’t really... Agree with some of Kate’s takes? I used to follow her, then I stopped following her over some specific take that I didn’t necessarily like, but it wasn’t like, volatile or angry. That worked as a bias for me, when people began to mention about Kate attacking people on Twitter or whatever, I felt a bias against her because of our differing opinions, so I tried to stay out of the drama because I didn’t want to fan the flames, and didn’t do my research.

However accusations have escalated, and so has my understanding of the situation at large, and honestly, I feel all the hatred is honestly ridiculous at best, and actively malicious at worst.

I’ve heard rumors, about ‘people emboldened by Kate to attack others for their opinions’, about her ‘sway on the WP team’, and a lot of it just seems... Not just demonizing, but actively insulting of the rest of the WhatPumpkin Team and their agency? I know for a fact they’re still getting threats, and accusations of being problematic, and all sorts of offensive shit. So first of all, a member of this team being tired of dealing with the bullshit and being more aggressive about defending herself just makes total sense, but on top of that, in this hostile climate, looking for a ‘scapegoat’ is just so convenient, isn’t it? And so suddenly the rumors and accusations are very easy to recontextualize.

Her ‘sway’ on the Team would make her uniquely exclusive of a lot of the bullshit in the Epilogues. Her bold attitude makes her an easy target on Twitter, because she doesn’t hold back the punches, making her an easily ‘hate-able’ person that can be showcased around the rest of the Fandom. Exaggeration comes in, and a Witch Hunt starts. We’re not having another V scenario here. I fucking refuse.

It was today when a friend of mine I trust actually went through her Tweets and relayed how none of it wasn’t even a deal in the slightest that it clicked for me how much of this is bullshit, and the messages I’ve gotten about Kate, most of which were already accusatory in the sense of starting the conversation like “Wow, I can’t believe Kate is doing this”, weren’t meant at all to inform me of what’s going on, but trying to use me in order to broadcast more hatred out towards her.

And honestly considering that a lot of this hatred comes from, and I also have confirmation on this, transmisogynistic bullshit, as an autistic trans woman myself I cannot just afford to stay ‘neutral’ and let this keep going while some assholes send me messages about how you ‘wish that Kate and all of her entourage got Coronavirus’, and offensive messages sexualizing and demeaning her, and literally posting a petition on a petition website to kick Kate out to the point Hussie had to fucking step up.

I don’t care if Kate is actually coarse or mean, and I am certain that there are some genuine criticisms going around the mess of Twitter. But that doesn’t make someone ‘problematic’ or give anyone the right to just group in hordes to attack and demean them, and when a great deal of those takes are just insulting the Team and making bad assumptions and straight up bigotry, what I’m seeing is a creator that doesn’t hold back their tongue even if their opinion is unpopular, and a trans woman that doesn’t back down or allows herself to just take it.

And now it’s not wonder there’s so much bullshit going around the situation huh.

Knowing the asks this is gonna spawn, I am going to be very block-happy today, so be warned if you plan to send some passive-aggressive retort. People don’t have to be well-spoken and nice to make their point valid, thinking as such is a fallacy and often used to demean and shut down people genuinely invested in an issue, but there’s a difference between not being well-spoken, and being a god damn asshole, and I reserve the right to not have the patience or spoons to deal with you.

[paynesqueen]

Fall into Midnight: Chapter One

A Liam Fanfic, K Rating (suitable for most ages)

Sometimes to move on, you need to go back in the past to get some perspective for your future.

+NOTES+

I have no idea how many chapters there will be in it. I’ll see how it goes.

I started this a while ago and it got re-written so many times so I hope it still makes some sense.

This fic will mostly have romance and a bit of drama and some smut at some point.

I’m always open to suggestions or comments so feel free to leave some.

There will always be a lot of grammatical errors. I apologize for those.

Chapter One

“You can’t be serious, Liam?” She exclaimed after he told her. “We are getting married in five days and now you’re telling me you don’t think you want to get married?”

She was upset and he couldn’t blame her. He wished he had listened to his gut feeling months ago, but unfortunately, he had waited and now they were here.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He replied.

It wasn’t enough to say sorry, but that’s all he had. He couldn’t explain to her why he felt that way; he just did. He stood in front of her unable to voice anymore thoughts or explanations. He waited for her to say something.

“Maybe it’s just col-”

“No, it’s not that.” He sighed.

It would be easier if it was only that. He would talk to his mates and they would tell him that it’s normal and he would eventually forget that he was scared or whatever, but this feeling was just not it. The nightmares he was having about it were not about simply about having cold feet.

“I wish I could tell you that it was it. That it was cold feet and that in five days, I would be happy to have gotten married, but this feeling is stronger than that. I can’t go through with this wedding.”

“Is it more like you don’t want to get married now or is it me you don’t want to marry?” She asked him after a moment of silence.

It was his turn to stay silent for a while because he had asked himself that very question thousands of times. He wished he could tell her it was one or the other, but he wasn’t sure. He knew a part of him really like her, but he was no longer sure that he loved her. He couldn’t pinpoint either the exact moment he suddenly doubted his feelings for her.

“I just can’t...” She went on. “How am I supposed to face our families and friends and tell them that the wedding isn’t happening? Do you know how humiliating it’s going to be?”

“We can tell them the truth. It’s my fault it’s not happening.” He replied. “I don’t know what else to tell you. I wish it was different. I wish I could tell you that we could try and see where it would take us, but I don’t want to wake up one day hating you because I got married when I shouldn’t have.”

It might have been a bit excessive, but he wanted to make her understand that going through with the wedding could possibly end badly.

She was pissed now and the rest of the conversation didn’t make things better. She stormed out of the flat and he stood in the living room unsure if he should go after her or not. He decided that it was better to let her deal with all of this on her own. After a moment, he dialled his parents’ number and told them about the wedding being cancelled. He did the same with the rest of his family and friends. They all asked the same question: Why? And he didn’t know how to answer them either. His parents offered to help with the cancellation, but he refused. It was his mess to clean up and he would do it because he owe that much to Amber for breaking her heart.

When she came back, there were some more yelling, crying and in the end, they informed the rest of the people. Cancelling everything else was also a pain the ass but by the end of the day, everyone knew and everything was mostly cancelled. He didn’t care he was losing money in all of this because even if it pained him to have hurt her, he was for once at peace with his decision. That night, he offered her to keep the flat and he would go elsewhere. He felt like it was only fair since he was the one breaking what she thought they had.

“So we are over?” She asked him when he started packing. “No chance of finding out what went wrong with us and trying to salvage it?”

“I think breaking up is what is best for us and I think that you know it. I’d like to tell you that I believe that in a near future we will get back together and be happy for the rest of our lives, but deep down, we both know that it won’t happen.” He answered honestly. “I care about you, but I don’t think we were ever meant to be with one another.”

She didn’t add anything and left him packing the rest of his stuff. He groaned as the headache that threatened to come out finally did. He wanted to grab some pills, but he would need to pass through the kitchen where she was. He could hear her talking on the phone; bitching about him to one of her friends. She spoke loud enough for him to hear so he knew she was mostly doing it to remind him of what he was doing to her. He couldn’t blame her for acting this way so he decided to simply ignore it, to try to ignore his growing headache and continue to gather his stuff.

It took a few hours, but after putting everything in his car, he looked at his home. He never liked that house; nothing seemed to be calling to him. The furniture, the curtains, the colors of the walls and all the decorations screamed Amber. It was his home and it wasn't. Maybe he and Amber hadn't been on the same page for longer than he thought. It made him realize that he had let her do things her way because he didn’t want to argue with her and it was easier that way, but it was not healthy. He sighed and called out to Watson and watched as his dog ran towards him.

“Let’s find ourselves a new home, boy.” He told him as Watson simply licked his hand as if he agreed.

And that’s how he ended up at his cottage house in Surrey. Not many people knew about this place and for this, he knew he would be safe to stay there to try to regain some perspective on his life and where he was going from here.

When he walked inside, he went and opened a few windows to air the place a little. It had been a while since he last been there. Along with some of his luggage, he grabbed the few grocery bags he had. He had stopped at some grocery store on the way and bought supplies that would last him for a while since he had no idea how long he was going to stay and he didn’t want to run out because facing people right now was at the very end of his really long list of things he wanted.

Putting the grocery away, he decided to ignore his luggage on the floor and went directly to his bedroom closely followed by Watson who jumped on the bed. Liam shook his head laughing and discarded of his pants and shirt before slipping in.

“Let’s forget about tonight and try to sleep, boy.” He sighed before closing his eyes.

As his breathing evened, his headache seemed to be worse, but he had no energy and simply decided to sleep it off.

+++

Liam woke up groaning as the sun peeked through the crack of the curtains. He sat up on his bed and groaned as the headache pushed against his skull. Watson barked next to him making his headache throb harder before he ran out of the room. Liam knew that he wanted to go outside and forced himself off the bed and put his clothes from the previous day on. He walked out of the bedroom and towards the entrance where his dog was waiting for him. He watched him as he ran around and did his business before barking at some unknown threat. He was having fun and he decided not bring him in right away. He tried to breathe in the morning cool breeze. He always liked it here because it was peaceful. Not many people lived in this part of Surrey so he rarely ran into people.

“Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” He heard and he turned to his left to see an old woman standing on the porch of the cottage next to his.

So much for not running into anyone, but he was slightly surprised to see someone standing there. More often than not, the cottage next-door had seemed empty. Sure, he mostly came one or twice a year here and let’s be honest he spent most of his time indoor trying to write new songs. Perhaps, if had ventured outside more, he would know who she was, but there was no doubt that she knew who he was by her surprised face when he turned.

“I guess.” He said trying to remain polite but trying not to engage in a longer conversation.

“I’m Mrs. Parker by the way.” She introduced herself.

“Liam.” He said though he knew that she knew who he was.

“I heard about your wedding being cancelled.” She continued. “I’m sorry to hear it.”

So the news was already out. Not surprising really as someone was going to say something at some point though it was quite quicker than he thought it would.

He simply nodded wanting to end this conversation, but that didn’t seem to dither her in a bit. He watched her as she approached their adjoining fence. He tried not to look annoyed at her because she seemed like a lovely lady, but he just wasn’t in a good mood to talk to anyone.

“I know you probably don’t care about what an old lady has to say about your situation and you would be right, but if you ever feel like you need to talk, I will always have a nice cuppa for you.” She smiled before walking away.

She waved at him before entering her house and he stood there for a few more minutes unable to brush off this invitation. He doubted he would ever take it, but a part of him actually liked that she offered. He shook his head and called out to Watson before going inside.

As he made himself some coffee, he looked at his phone that had been left untouched since he arrived at the cottage. Of course he knew he had a lot of text messages from his family or friends. Some were probably wondering where he went or if he needed anything. He even probably had a few not so nice texts from Amber’s side of the family. Her parents were already not big fans of his because they felt he left their baby girl alone too often to go on tour and promote his music.

He answered a few of the texts just so they didn’t send people after him and reassured them that he was going to be okay. Because even if it was his decision, a part of him was still broken-up about how it all ended. He wished it would have a different ending because he always dreamed to meet the right girl, get married and have kids. Letting go of Amber was like pushing back that dream and it still hurt.

Usually, writing songs or a melody helped, but as he eyed his keyboard, he really had no inspiration to write at the moment. He grabbed his cup of coffee and sat down at the table firing up his laptop. Perhaps it was time to check the gossip about him and Amber and see what they made of it since the news was now out. He hadn’t talk to his publicist or his manager about how to deal with it. Not that there was really anything to handle; the gossip tabloid will decide the reason why it was cancelled and people will believe what they want without even checking out if their source is liable. He should have been used to it by now, but it still affected him. He typed his name and hers and checked out the title of several links that have been put up only a few hours ago:

“Liam Payne and Amber Sanders call it quit days before the wedding” “Liam Payne’s cheating scandal that led to the couple cancelling their wedding” “Amber Sanders humiliated when Liam breaks off their engagement days prior to their wedding” “Did Amber Sanders cheat on Liam Payne causing the end of their relationship?”

He read the headlines that were all a version or another of the first ones he saw, but didn’t click on any of the links. He knew that it would only upset him and he would rather not give in into the hate at the moment. He knew he would need to make a statement really soon, but he didn’t know how he would word it; he had never really been good with words unless they were lyrics.

He took a sip of his coffee and pushed away his laptop. Perhaps he wasn’t ready to deal with all the drama that was bound to follow after the cancellation. He sighed and tried to think of what he could do to pass the time.

He grabbed his bag that he left on the kitchen floor the previous night and went up to the bathroom to take a long and hot shower. Perhaps he would know what to do afterwards. As he washed himself, he wondered what Amber was doing today. He was really hoping she wasn’t alone, but then he thought that his ex-girlfriend had never been alone in her life. She always had someone with her, whether it was her parents, her friends or him. She needed the constant companionship and perhaps that should have been a sign that they might not work. He didn’t mind being alone and sometimes, he needed it badly. He wouldn’t have gotten that with her unless he was gone our tour or something.

God, it took less than a complete day to state reasons why they wouldn’t have work when yesterday he had trouble explaining it to her the reason he didn’t want to be with her anymore. Of course, she would never know any of them because the chances that they were ever going to see each other again were slim to none.

After his shower, he looked at his fridge and nothing in it was tempting him. He still settled for a quick made sandwich because he needed to have something in him. As he ate, he kept pondering the same question he wondered before his shower:  what the hell was he going to do for the rest of the day? He couldn’t stay inside and do nothing because he knew he would just end up drinking his problems away and nothing good ever came out from that.

“Wanna go for a walk, boy?” He asked Watson.

Watson’s tail went crazy at the word ‘walk’ and engulfing the last bite of his sandwich; Liam grabbed the leash and walked out of the house. The two of them started down the road and as they passed a few homes, he noticed a lot of them were for sales. He pondered on it for a while and wondered if he shouldn’t buy one for his parents. His parents did so much for him and he loved to be able to do things for them.

He laughed at himself thinking he didn’t even know where he was going to live next but he was already thinking about buying a new place for his folks. They walked for about an hour bringing his headache to a dull throbbing and when he arrived home, he let Watson run in the backyard a bit more. That dog had way more energy than him at the moment. He went back inside and grabbed a bottle of water before coming out again and sitting down on the patio chair. The weather was getting warmer and he thought he would try to enjoy it a little bit before locking himself inside for the rest of the day. He closed his eyes and tried to empty his head from any thoughts.

“Hector you old rascal, get out of my garden!” He heard from next door and he opened his eyes to see his neighbour broom in hand trying to look menacing to whatever was in her garden.

He stood up trying to see who the offender was and as he reached the fence, he noticed the black and white cat just trolling about.

“Need a hand?” He offered her.

“Thanks dear, but Hector will only scratch you the moment you reach for him. He knows he’s not allowed there.” She smiled. “It’s mostly my fault for getting a little scoundrel for a cat.”

“Alright then.”

“But if you do want to help me out, I would need someone stronger than me to bring these bags of soil over here.” She then added as he was walking away.

“Of course, I’ll be glad to help out.”

He went on her side of the fence and grabbed the few bags leaning against the wall of her house and brought them to her garden. He watched her as she slowly squatted down to tend it, but before he could offer to help her out, she was already on her knees, ready to do whatever she intended to do.

“Don’t just stand there, boy.” She called out to him. “Bring those over here.”

He liked her; she was feisty. He put them next to her and got on his knees at his turn.

“Anything I can help with?” He asked her.

“You probably have something better to do than hang out with an old lady like me.” She chuckled.

“Actually, I don’t.” He assured her. “I’m really just in search of ways of keeping my mind occupy at the moment.”

“Well then, open those bags and we’ll get to work.” She patted his hand gently. “We’ll keep your mind occupy my dear boy.”

They had only been at it for a half an hour when they heard a honk and he saw Mrs. Parker’s smile grow; “That would be my granddaughter with the groceries.”

As he saw her struggle to get up, he offered her his arm to hold on to. As they both got up, the granddaughter in question came into view and Liam stopped dead on his track.

“Rosalie meet Liam. He’s been sweet enough to help me out today.” Mrs. Parker introduced them.

“I know Liam, grams.” Rosalie stated and turned to him. “It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

And indeed it had been a while since his eyes had lie on Rosalie Parker.

[cupofcowboys]

Campfire Confession - Charles Smith/Fem-Reader (Not-SFW)

TAGS: Spoiler Free, Fem-Reader, Not-SFW, first time, loss of virginity, romantic, fingering, confessions, alcohol, fluff

Charles listens to your humorous campfire tale, and it leads him to an incredible revelation…

4,312 words

Read on AO3

-♥-

A series of happy fortunes had the gang in high spirits. As a result, a small party had taken off. You were fairly certain it was Uncle who’d started it, but you weren’t about to point fingers or complain. The night had been a pleasant and comfortable one. No fights, arguments, or drama. Just the gang at their finest.

But time marched onwards, and it soon became the tail-end of the party. Most had gone to bed, save for Javier, who was still playing, and other stragglers such as Arthur and Pearson. The remnants were all about the campfire, with you and Charles sat a few feet away on the grass.

Charles had his back pressed against a tree, his legs stretched forward in front of him and a bottle of wine in his hand. You were sat across from him, your legs curled sideways and your fingers occupied with braiding blades of grass.

You’d had sat together for hours now, slowly draining the shared bottle together. It was an expensive brand you’d lifted out of a manor a few days ago and saved for a special occasion. It was only natural you’d share it with Charles. He was your closest friend after all.

He brought the bottle up to his lips as Javier’s song drew to an end. Silence fell for several minutes as he stretched his hands and took a drink. You glanced up over at the fire as Pearson stood up and excused himself for the night.

“You never finished your story.” Charles pointed out, leaning forward to place the bottle in front of you.

“Oh, right!” you smirked and took a quick gulp. “Where was I…”

“The creek.”

“Ahh.. yes.” you giggled, “When we got there it started rainin’ hard, but it had been a good half-hours ride and we didn’t want to have wasted it. So, we ride up to this old house up the way.”

You loved telling this story. It was a good tale from your younger, more innocent days. Almost everyone in camp had to know it by now. But Charles was newer, quieter, and serious. Tales of your childhood antics rarely came up in conversation with him.

“Real nasty old place, holes in the walls and rats’ nests. But it was shelter. When we got there though, it looked… lived in.”

“Lived in?”

“Yep. Holes were sorta patched up, old campfire outside and when we went in, there was bedding. But no sign of anyone. Must’ve been gone for a few days ‘cause the rats were back.”

“How mysterious.” Charles grinned and pressed his head back against the tree.

“Very.” you agreed, “Jack got scared. Said we should go home, but I wasn’t hearin’ it. Told him if someone showed up we’d just explain. So, we ended up stayin’ anyways.”

“We’re poking around when we find some bottles of shine. Course, we didn’t know what it was, but it didn’t stop us tryin’ it. From the first mouthful, I swear we were drunk. It was so strong.”

“You drank out of random bottles?” Your singular audience snapped out of his listening to give you a surprised and slightly judgemental look.

“Well…” you rubbed your face awkwardly. “We were young.”

“You are lucky.”

“Stop ruining my story, Charles.” You chastised, wagging your finger. “It all worked out just fine.”

“Sorry.” he chuckled. “Continue.”

“At first we’re nervous and scared. Never drank anythin’ like that before. But curiosity got the better of us. ‘Fore we knew it we was piss drunk. Couldn’t get up if we had wanted to.”

“Then, Jack looks at me like he ain’t never seen a woman before. His eyes light up and he’s struggling onto his knees, all excited. I’m laughin’ at him ‘cause he looks like a ripe idiot til he says he loves me and wants to prove it.”

“Wait, what?” Charles snapped his eyes open and stared at you.

“Yup.” You nodded and grinned, “So, us drunken idiots start foolin’ around. It’s as elegant as you can imagine. But just as he’s tryin’ to put it in me… the door swings open.”

Charles, already gaping at you, looked positively astonished. You could tell he hadn’t expected your story to be this at all. The effect made you grin with satisfaction.

“Both of us turn in horror and find our faces mirrored. ‘Cept it’s none other than the priest and the baker’s wife.” You started laughing now, picturing their faces in your head. “Turns out, they was having an affair and using the old place for it. Was one hell of an awkward conversation!”

“I bet it was…”

“They couldn’t take us home like that so they had us sleep it off.” Your laughter died off as you took a gulp of wine, frowning slightly. “Jack got weird after that… and then it weren’t long til I ended up in this life.”

“Did you end up sleeping with him?” Charles asked, his voice and features set, unreadable.

You could feel his eyes on you as you fumbled. You hadn’t actually slept with anyone. From that day until now you hadn’t engaged with a man. It wasn’t for a lack of willing participants; you had just never sought the opportunity. Perhaps it was your upbringing or a matter of pride. Or maybe it was just one of those things.

“Uh, no.” you admitted, swallowing. “I’ve never done anything like that.”

An awkward silence fell between you as he stared. You brought the wine to your lips several times just for something to do.

“You…” Charles faltered. He wasn’t sure what to say. “You’ve never had sex?”

Heat burned in your face at his bluntness. Wording it that way made it seem a much bigger deal. Embarrassment wasn’t quite the word for what you were experiencing.

“Th-that’s what I said.” you gazed down at the grass in your hands. “I suppose I’ve waited?”

“Well…” His eyes fixed on you. “There’s no shame in that.”

His words made you look over at him. It wasn’t the first intimate conversation you had shared; you both knew each other well, but this was different. A vulnerability you were unaware you had. Even in your reasonably intoxicated state, you appreciated his kindness and respect. Any other gang member would tease you relentlessly.

“Have… you?” You enquired tentatively.

“Yes. A few times.”

“Is… Do you like it?”

“Usually.”

You laughed and Charles joined in. The tense air faded away and you set the bottle aside. An odd sensation prickled in your stomach. It wasn’t unpleasant as much as it tickled. Perhaps it was the drink. You shuffled closer to Charles until you were beside him by the tree. Javier was still by the fire, but he was no longer playing. Everyone else had vanished and so he was taking the time to tune his instrument. Your mind wandered as you watched him quietly. It was long past your usual sleep time, yet you didn’t feel tired. Instead, you felt unusually alert and coherent.

You turned your head back to Charles, only to find him peering at you. Meeting his intense look, you swallowed nervously. You weren’t sure why he was looking at you that way. It made you self-conscious. After a moment, your hands nervously pushed a loose lock behind your ear, breaking your eye contact. However, this was brief.

His warm, strong hand slowly reached for your jaw. He gave you ample time to question him or pull away, but you didn’t. His fingers slid towards your hairline as he leaned slowly in, angling your chin as he did. Your eyes slid shut automatically and his lips met yours.

It was a short and chaste kiss. His lips were warm and soft against yours. He pulled away to look into your eyes and you understood why.

For a man with such an intimidating presence, he was kind-hearted at his core. You knew he wanted you to want him. He wanted you to know you could refuse. He wanted to do it right.

You leaned forward and reconnected with him, and this time he didn’t pull away. His lips moved against yours, gently and passionately. You could tell he was experienced. You followed his lead as best as you could. The hand that wasn’t on your jaw found its way to your shoulder as he slid his tongue across your bottom lip. With a muted sigh,, you parted your lips, and he entered your mouth. He tasted of wine and something intangible, unique to him. His tongue danced with yours slowly and intimately.

All your shyness melted away as the kiss continued. Your hand pressed against his chest as your other gripped his shoulder. Sounds you had never made before met your ears, and they would have embarrassed you if they hadn’t encouraged him. His hand moved to your hair, drawing your lips harder against his. Heat pooled between your thighs.

All too quickly, he drew away from you for air. Both of you sat breathless, staring desperately at each other, before he crashed his lips against yours once more. The kiss grew ever fiercer as you explored each other. Your hands slid over his broad shoulders, muscled arms and wide chest, while his slid over you in kind.

Kissing Charles was something you hadn’t realised you wanted. His friendship was invaluable to you, always there when you needed him, but you never thought of him this way. Now you were here though, you let your feelings lose. You regularly admired him for being handsome, strong and kind. Even as his passions got the better of him, he was gentle. Your heart pounded with excitement… and something more.

“Charles..!” you gasped as you broke apart.

“(y/n)…” he breathed, cupping your face and looking into your eyes. “Do you like this?”

“I love it…”

“Do you want more?”

“Yes, please.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m certain.”

“Come with me.”

He stood up, taking your hand into his and helping you up. Looking around, he saw that Javier had gone. The camp was eerily still and silent. He hurried over to the fire and picked up a spare bedroll from there. Then still holding your hand, he led you out into the trees. Your heart was hammering in your chest. The heat Charles had cultivated in you seemed to fade as he took you deeper into the dark. Anxiety plucked at your mind with the knowledge of what is going to happen. You trusted Charles wholeheartedly. He had never given you a reason to fear him. Even now, he was gentle and compassionate. Yet you were afraid. Did you want to give yourself up? What if it hurt? What if something went wrong?

Reaching a clearing a decent way off from camp, Charles dropped the bedroll onto the ground. He let go of you to flatten it out properly. Then he turned and saw the look on your face.

“You changed your mind.”

“No!” you shook your head. “It’s… not that.”

“Then what is it?” his voice was kind as he moved closer, taking both of your hands in his.

“I’m…” you hesitated. “I’m scared.”

“Oh, (y/n)…” he sighed softly, “I would never hurt you. If you don’t want to… if you’re not ready I-”

“I do want to.” you took a deep, steadying breath. “I trust you. I… I want it to be you, Charles.”

For a long moment he stared into your eyes, searching for any shred of doubt or concern. Then he kissed you more softly and tenderly than he ever had. All your fears and anxieties washed away. You wanted Charles. Wanted him as you had never dared hope for. You slid your arms around his back, moving your lips lovingly against his.

As your lips worked together, he started to undress you. His fingers working away the buttons of your shirt, breaking the kiss once your collar was bared to him. He trailed kisses from your lips and down your neck, giving you only the slightest of nips. As he reached your collarbones, he kissed them and raised his head to whisper;

“You’re beautiful.”

His words drew heat to your face. No one had ever spoken to you like this. Your eyes met his in the half-light as he smiled warmly. Following your rush of affection, you caught his face in your hands and pulled him into another kiss. This time, however, you weren’t shy. You ran your hands along his shoulders and then down his chest, feeling at the muscles you didn’t know he had, until you reached the hem of his shirt.

You hesitated, your fingers lingering at his belt. Charles took your hand in his and slipped it under the fabric, your fingertips pressing on his hot, bare skin. He released you as a jolt of passion coursed through your veins as you ran your hand along his abs.

His skin was soft, hairless, and nicked with scars. Each contour you met, you traced curiously, wanting to commit every one to memory. If this was your only time with him, you wanted to make it count. He sighed appreciatively against your mouth. You wondered how long it had been since a lover had touched him.

After feeling him for some time, you withdrew your hand, only to tug lightly on his shirt hem, encouraging him to remove it. Charles complied at once, pulling it over his head in a fluid movement and tossing it aside. A gasp slipped from you at the sight of him bared. The moonlight catching him in all the right places. You couldn’t help but stare in admiration.

“You too.” He whispered, moving to continue unbuttoning your shirt.

You let him and in no time at all, your shirt was dropped onto his, leaving you in your corset and chemise. Slowly, you moved together in unison to reconnect your lips.

A pair of large hands found your waist and slowly slid upwards, feeling your silhouette. Finally, one of them found the lace of your corset working smoothly to loosen it. You abandoned his mouth to trail kisses along his shoulders and chest, giving him time to focus on undressing you. Once it felt loose enough, he unbuttoned the front and threw it away. The loss of pressure and structure made you sigh with relief. You pulled your chemise over your head, and it joined the growing pile on the ground.

The two of you pulled apart and looked at each other, half-bared for the first time. His keen eyes taking you in made you both embarrassed and delighted.

“Wow… (y/n)…” His voice was quiet, dripping with admiration. “You’re beautiful.”

“So are you…” You breathed back.

Your fingers found his bared chest, this time you could watch their path as they traced. His large hands found your waist again, sliding them along your skin and tracing small circles with his thumbs. So, this is how it feels to be loved. To be cherished. To be adored.

He carved a path upwards to the curve of your breasts, pausing for a tantalising moment before his hands encapsulated them.

His powerful hands were tender and tentative as he softly squeezed and fondled them. You sighed at the sensation, and his dark eyes met yours. The sight of his desire and affection for you stole your breath away. A thumb found your hardened nipple and traced a slow, steady circle over it. Heat burned in your face as a delighted sound slipped from you. “I want to hear.” Charles soothed, pulling you flush against him, his palm in the small of your back. “Please.”

You nodded, and he continued to rub his thumb over you. Each touch added fuel to the fire growing in your core and your vocalisations told him so. Your eyes never separated, his full of heat and curiosity, yours shy and hungry.

After his ministrations turned to your other breast, he started to remove your skirts. With your help, they were soon abandoned, and he released you to undress himself. Together you moved onto the bedroll, laid side by side in your underwear. You could see the sizable tent he was pitching, and it sent a surge of desire down your spine. But his sweet hand grazed your stomach, drawing your gaze back to his face. His full lips were parted and his eyes loving. You swallowed at the sight, your heart fluttering. You hoped he meant it.

“Let me prepare you.” His request was punctuated by his fingers plucking at the waist of your bloomers.

“H-How..?”

“My fingers…”

You blushed hard, eyes rushing to stare at the hand on your stomach. His were long, thick, and calloused from bowstrings, triggers and reins… but they had only been compassionate with you. “O-Ok…” You assented with a shy nod.

Leaning in to kiss you, his hand slid into your bloomers as his tongue pressed into your mouth. It felt sharp and unusual to have another’s presence in your underwear, but his tongue distracted you. He dipped a digit against your soaked slit, wetting it before bringing it across your clit. The sensation made you gasp and squeeze your eyes shut, overwhelmed by pleasure and unfamiliarity. Charles paused briefly before continuing to rub in a slow, careful circle.

Each stroke of his finger made you sigh and gasp under him, making him pull away from the kiss so he could enjoy each one. As you lost yourself to pleasure, you became acutely aware of his presence. His comparative size to you in both height and mass, the warmth of his skin and his hitched breathing. All of it made you crave him all the more.

Once he had worked you up enough, a digit pushed against your entrance. Your eyes snapped open and sought his gaze. He gave you a reassuring smile. Relaxing, you reached your arm out to grip his shoulder. Thrusting his finger softly against your tightness, he began to ease inwards, prying you apart.

Your teeth sucked your bottom lip into your mouth. It didn’t hurt, but it certainly felt strange, uncomfortable. Charles kissed your forehead, cheek and neck, distracting you from the unusual sensation. Your grip tightened on his shoulder as he sank ever deeper into you. “You’re so tight…” He muttered against your skin.

Your breath hitched, and you closed your eyes again, urging yourself to relax. Even this small part of him felt filling, but you knew it was only a fraction of what was to come. As he pressed into you, he would shift his finger backwards and forwards, each forward motion deeper than before. You could feel his eyes watching you acutely, hunting for any discomfort or dislike. Once you could take all of him, he started to pick up the pace. Each time his finger bottomed out, his palm would rub against your clit, making you cry out into his ear.

Before long, you could take his finger with minimal resistance. He curled and twisted it, giving you pleasure you had never imagined. Just as your stomach started to clench, he withdrew. You were about to complain when a pair of digits pressed against you. His fingers pried you apart anew, struggling to slide into you again. He bent his head to capture your nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as his fingers pushed into you. The sensation of them filling you made you grip the bedroll tightly. His tongue continued to pleasure your chest as his fingers spread you, his thumb rubbing your clit and his covered cock rubbing against your thigh. Your pleasured sighs, gasps and moans echoed around the trees, but you were deaf to your own sounds, lost in pleasure.

It was only after you had taken a third finger he finally withdrew them. He paused briefly to admire his soaked fingers, giving you a huge, satisfied grin that made you blush.

“You’re ready.” He explained, shifting to sit between your legs.

“A-Are you sure?” You asked, feeling vulnerable at the sight of him towering before you.

“I’m certain.”

Taking the waistband of your bloomers in his hands, he slipped them off you and tossed them aside. Then he removed his own, revealing his hard shaft to you for the first time. It was considerably larger and thicker than you had expected. You were sure most men weren’t that size. You bit your lip anxiously at the sight of him.

Spotting the look on your face he smiled, half apologetic, half proud.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be as gentle as I can.” He soothed, bending down over you, giving you the millionth kiss of the night. “I promise.”

“I know…” You returned his smile.

He stayed over you, one hand pressed into the fabric beside your head, the other reaching between his thighs to grip himself. He guided his tip against your slit, rubbing it between them, slicking himself with your juices. Once he was adequately coated, and you had relaxed, he pressed against your entrance.

Biting your lip, you grabbed his shoulders for support. He was so big you were certain he would never fit. Even with all the prep, your core pulsed with discomfort and rejection. Charles gave a harsh gasp of pleasure and you could practically feel him fighting his instincts. He sat backwards, his thumb moving to rub your clit desperately, urging you to relax. As he did, he rocked his hips slowly, attempting to pry your walls apart for him.

All you could do was groan and give yourself over to the sensation. A little more and he’d be deep inside you. Claiming your first time. And who knew how many more times. Now you’d had a taste; you never wanted him to stop.

Then his tip finally pushed inside you. A sharp cry of half pain, half pleasure reverberated through the trees, joined by a hiss from Charles. You shuddered, trying to get over the sensation, tears pricking your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Charles apologised, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“It’s… It’s okay…” You mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

That was until his fingers turned your chin to him. His dark eyes were kind and loving, showing you he meant it. You relaxed at the sight and gave him a reassuring smile.

The initial burn having faded, he gave an experimental thrust of his hips. Your fingers gripped the bedroll, gasping sharply as he pried you apart. Charles continued to give small, shallow thrusts, lowering himself over you so you were face to face.

You placed your hands on his shoulders, looking into his eyes as he rocked against you. “I’m sorry if it hurts.” He consoled, kissing your cheek.

You shook your head, too focused on his cock to speak. Although it hurt, it was quickly being overtaken by pleasure. You were sure once he reached your limit it would be all right. It took a torturously long time for him to do it. Even he was having trouble maintaining. Calm, patient Charles burning to lose himself on you. To let go of all his morals and composure to ruin you. The thought made your insides twitch on his cock, earning you a delighted groan.

Finally, he reached what he was waiting for. He sighed into your ear, praising you for your patience. You moaned delightedly, tangling your fingers in his hair.

He gave you time to get used to his presence. He stretched you out to your maximum, making you feel so full you could hardly stand it. Digging your nails into his shoulders, you finally found your words. “Please, Charles… go.”

He didn’t need telling twice. With a sigh, his hips rocked against yours. It was a slow and testing, checking you were ready. Your explicit moan of gratitude and pleasure was all the answer he needed. Shifting his position, he started to thrust into you at a steady pace. Your walls gripped him tight as a vice as he slipped in and out of you, his girth letting him hit all your pleasure spots with ease. You held onto his shoulders, gazing into his eyes. Capturing you into a kiss, he lowered onto you, crushing you between his chest and the ground. His fingers interlocked with yours as he took you, kissing you passionately.

His pace picked up gradually gained speed until his thighs slapped against yours audibly. Your combined groans, sighs and expletions of pleasure filled the silence of the forest, making certain anyone within earshot knew what was happening. All you cared about was Charles. The way he felt inside of you, on top of you, how he tasted. Your hips bucked up against his, earning a groan from the man.

“I love you.” You sighed when the kiss broke for air.

His eyes lit up with surprise at your confession. If your face wasn’t already scarlet from exertion, you would have turned so. Your heart skipped a beat with fear and anxiety.

“I love you, too.” He whispered back, catching you in a mind blowing, passionate kiss. His tongue dancing with yours as though his life depended on it.

His thrusts grew erratic and intense, almost painful with their force. His kiss muffled your squeal of delight and shock. Your stomach gave a harsh lurch and release, and you felt yourself coming on his cock. The sensation of your squeezing and flexing around him drove him over the edge. His grip on your hands became crushing as he broke the kiss, groaning loudly against your ear as he filled you. He kept pumping inside of you, riding out your orgasms together.

Finally, he let out a sigh of relief and panted heavily. Staring down at you doing the same he grinned. The sight warmed your heart.

“I really do love you.” You reiterated.

“And I really love you, too.”

-♥-

My Masterlist

AO3

[sophcaro]

Destiny | WMatsui - Chapter 36

There was so much agitation in the crowded streets of Tokyo at that specific time of the year. Whether it was groups of friends chatting enthusiastically among themselves while enjoying an afternoon of shopping, or couples holding hands and wandering in the animated streets, taking time and pleasure in admiring the beautiful illuminations lightning up the districts of Tokyo. One thing was for sure: Japan’s capital was anything but calm and peaceful around Christmas, the hustle and bustle of the big city matching the restlessness of Jurina’s own beating heart.

Since the four friends had left their hotel fifteen minutes ago in search of a nice restaurant to settle in for the evening, Jurina’s heart had stubbornly refused to quiet down, beating wildly and uncontrollably, her insides jangling with inexplicable excitement. Jurina was all the more conscious that there was solely one person responsible for triggering such strong emotional and physical reactions: Rena Matsui, the 29-year-old girl currently walking by her side.

From the moment Jurina had recognized Rena’s voice and watched her in stupefaction appearing in the hotel hallway with Airi, not one minute had passed without her rethinking about their unexpected meeting. What were the odds that they would be crossing path by accident in Tokyo and under such unbelievable circumstances - a manga and anime convention – precisely the kind of events she usually never attended?

These last three months, Jurina had been so swamped with work with the shooting of her new drama that she barely had a minute for herself. Not only it was her first serious job since her graduation from SKE, it also happened to be the leading role alongside a famous and critically-acclaimed male Japanese actor – the 54-year-old Hiroshi Abe - putting even greater pressure on her shoulders.

The circumstances required of her nothing more than hard work, great concentration and impeccable professionalism at all times.

Jurina wanted to convince herself that the sole reason why she hadn’t contacted Rena again was because of her own awfully busy agenda, yet she couldn’t ignore another truth from emerging each time their last conversation at Rena’s apartment replayed in her head. In reality, Jurina was still having difficulty coping with everything that had been shared and revealed on that rainy evening of September.

The more Jurina reflected upon the situation, the more she realized this new job offer had in fact arrived at the right time. It enabled her to clear her head and focus her mind on other things for a little while, as well as put some good, necessary distance with Nagoya. If there was one thing Jurina discovered when she had finally reached her own apartment after leaving Rena’s place, it was that all these shocking revelations had left her completely stunned.

She needed space to commune with herself; time to put her thoughts in order and fully process the implications of what had been exchanged. Only briefly, she had broached the subject with Akane, as two days after that evening she had been required to take the train to debut her shooting in Tokyo.

Far away from Nagoya, and with limited contact with Akane, Jurina had one evening taken the advantage that the shooting ended a little earlier than usual to jump into a taxi and pay a visit to a certain 26-year-old girl, her best friend Mayu Watanabe who hadn’t hesitated to invite her for dinner and welcome her inside her apartment. That evening, a quick look around the place had been enough for Jurina to tell that Yuki was absent, Mayu informing her that her girlfriend was currently away in Osaka for her 2020’ tour.

“Can you imagine it?” Jurina hadn’t waited long to pour her heart to her trusted best friend, revealing everything Rena - but also her mother – confessed to her that evening. “Three years ago, she made me think she didn’t love me anymore! Rena lied to me!” Jurina couldn’t restrain herself from venting out her frustration, the shock and incredulity resurfacing as the conversation remained fresh in her head.

At last, when Jurina managed to calm down a little and, after picking up and taking a few sips of the glass of ice tea that Mayu had placed on the table to her attention, she took a deep, steadying breath and looked up, the pain still flickering there as she stared back at her friend in waiting support. All along, Mayu had listened to her calmly and attentively, never interrupting her once.

“You’re upset and feeling betrayed,” Mayu said comprehensively. “But I don’t understand why you’re so worked up by this. Aren’t you the one who told me not so long ago that you solely invited Rena to your graduation concert for the sake of SKE, and assured me it had nothing to do with the fact that you missed her and wanted to see her again?”

“B-Because it was true,” Jurina answered, a little taken aback. “She was my WCenter for almost ten years. She deserved to be on that stage. It had nothing… It had nothing to do with my feel… I did it for SKE. I did it for the fans.”

“You know what I think?” Mayu said with a heavy sigh. “I think you need to figure out what you want and what you’re going to do with all this new information. I’m not saying what Rena did three years ago was right. Of course not. But she finally explained herself and you know what motivated her actions. Now what? Do you want her back in your life? Would you give her another chance?”

“What are you… What are you talking about?” Jurina asked, stupefied. “It’s been three years. She probably has someone else in her life by now. It’s obvious that she does. She’s moved on.”

“Because you have?” Mayu exclaimed challengingly. “Look me in the face and tell me that you don’t feel anything, anything at all for her anymore.”

“Of course, I still care about her,” Jurina agreed tremulously, feeling greatly destabilized by the unexpected direction this conversation was taking. After a slight pause to recollect herself, she added almost tentatively. “And maybe… Maybe after a little while, we could become frien-”

“Oh come on,” Mayu chuckled slightly. “We both know you don’t want Rena’s friendship. It has never been enough from the start and it will never be. Not after everything you went through together. Not after the relationship you two had.”

Mayu’s baffling assurance left Jurina so speechless, that she miserably failed to come back at her with a clever retort.

It was the very last they spoke about the subject.

That evening, when Jurina had left the set and taken the direction of Mayu’s apartment, it was not merely to spend some quality time with her precious best friend, but also in the hope that Mayu would somehow manage to make sense of this unpredictable turn of events and bring her answers to the countless questions placating her. Unfortunately, their conversation had done the exact opposite, leaving Jurina quite shaken and even more confused than when she first arrived.

During the length of the shooting, Jurina had desperately attempted to put at the back of her head the doubts and insecurities her conversation with Mayu had managed to provoke, trying to convince herself that Mayu was completely in the wrong. She didn’t see Rena in that way anymore; what she felt was simply natural and legitimate affection for the person with whom she had shared the stage and spotlights for almost half her life, before entering a more private sphere when Rena had returned her feelings.  

Meeting her former partner again on this cold evening of December had been enough to put into question her deepest convictions.

The evident surprise, but also secret joy that had blossomed within her at the thought of being reunited with Rena after three, long months apart.

The great nervousness, yet almost overwhelming anticipation at the mere idea of being able to exchange a few words with Rena and spend the evening in her presence.

And to top it all, her own heartbeat that ridiculously refused to slow down despite her best attempts to get a grip of herself, even though she and Rena were doing nothing more than simply wandering in the streets of Tokyo. At that précised moment, Jurina was admittedly feeling slightly annoyed by her own behavior, wondering why she was acting like a silly, skittish teenager on a first date.

This absolutely wasn’t a date, but an innocent gathering between friends who hadn’t met and socialized in a seriously long time.

In front of her, Airi and Akane were engaged in an impassioned talk about some new Square Enix video game that was supposed to be available for demonstration during the weekend convention but Jurina hardly paid attention to it. While trying to ignore the unpleasant sensation of the cold wind as it once again blew past her face and through her hair - now deeply regretting not bringing a warmer jacket for the occasion - she wished nothing more but to come up with a way to break the ice with Rena.

“You’re going to catch a cold.” Jurina snapped out of her daze when she felt a hand closing around her arm. “Wear this.”

Jurina abruptly paused in her steps, caught off guard when she saw Rena reducing the distance between them to come and stand in front of her. “Didn’t you check the weather before leaving?” Rena inquired worriedly, untying the thick, woolen white scarf she was wearing and wrapping it around Jurina’s neck slowly and carefully. “They warned the weekend would be chillier than usual.”

“You don’t need…” Jurina nervously swallowed a lump as she felt the blush creeping up her neck and face. “You really don’t need to do this.” She attempted a protest, before beginning to clumsily remove the scarf from around her neck. “If you do that, then you’re the one who’s going to get sick.”

Jurina was halfway through the process when Rena placed her hand atop hers and clutched her fingers determinedly. “Stop it. I’m already warmly dressed.” She motioned with her free hand the long, black winter coat she was wearing, along with her stand-up collar, woolen pullover. “I can do without it, so please. Wear it. You’re shivering.”

“I’m not…” Jurina opened her mouth to interject before realizing that Rena was indeed right, and her body had unconsciously betrayed her.

Jurina had barely the opportunity to witness a small, reassuring smile falling upon Rena’s lips, before the other girl withdrew her hand and turned away. Jurina’s eyes bored into Rena’s retreating back intently as the older girl drew away, somehow beginning to wonder if the weather was truly the unique responsible for the shudder that had passed through her.

Jurina forced her legs to move forward, catching up with the group, before falling into step beside Rena in silence. Burying her nose in the white scarf, she found herself relishing more than she wished the pleasurable feeling of Rena’s scarf caressing her skin, softly warming her up against the biting cold of December. Soon enough, a knowing smile inadvertently graced her lips as her nostrils took in Rena’s familiar scent, mingled with the smell of the older girl’s sweet perfume, a touch of orange, jasmine and rose.

She had shamefully and foolishly let herself get carried away.

There was no other way to explain what had happened, Rena couldn’t help chastising herself as she nibbled on her lower lip, embarrassed by the way she had inappropriately behaved with Jurina. What could she say? When she had noticed Jurina so lightly dressed, a switch had flipped inside her, instantly making her feel deeply concerned about her health. Before she even knew what she was doing, she had hastily removed her scarf and placed it around Jurina’s neck without hesitation, solely finding herself fully satisfied once she was positively sure the younger girl wouldn’t remove it.

Nevermind how hard Rena tried to contain herself, it appeared she was visibly incapable of controlling her impulses in Jurina’s presence very long. As they were now walking side by side again, Rena slanted a nervous glance, fearing to have gone too far. Was she in her right to act with such familiarity when Jurina was concerned? Earlier on, when Rena had left her hotel room, she promised herself not to do anything to put Jurina ill-at-ease.

And she might have just crossed a line.

Rena was completely aware that it wasn’t the first time. Already, during Jurina’s graduation concert, she had allowed herself way too many affectionate gestures. Much as she wanted to believe that those were purely altruistic actions, an innocent way of comforting and reassuring Jurina when she needed it the most during such a crucial, turning point of her life and career as an idol, she knew it was only partly the truth.

Those interactions held in fact much more significance and concealed more selfish desires: the desperate need to be close to Jurina again, even for a just a fleeting moment.

“Thank you...” Rena was taken by surprise when she felt a hand holding hers without warning, taking in Jurina’s small, shy look directed at her. “You’re right, I didn’t pay attention to the weather. I mean, I know it has been cold lately, but I didn’t expect such a drop of temperature tonight. You think I’m reckless, right?”

Rena didn’t immediately respond but, as she felt Jurina’s fingers slowly withdrawing, she knew she didn’t want this unexpected contact between them to end. Not yet. “Just a little.” A smile ruffled Rena’s mouth as she held firmly on Jurina’s fingers, preventing them from escaping her grasp. “But I’m not worried anymore,” she continued as she observed attentively the white scarf now protecting Jurina’s neck, until her eyes shot up to meet hers. “I know it will keep you warm enough.”

For a long moment, they stared at each other.

“It will, thank you...” Jurina gave her fingers a gentle, light squeeze. “I will return it to you once we get back to the hotel.”

“What about this yakiniku?” Akane’s questioning voice broke the air, Rena instantly missing the loss of contact when Jurina let go of her hand to approach the two other friends, checking in curiosity the restaurant they had stopped in front.

“I’m not sure…” Jurina’s voice trailed away in hesitation as she turned the pages of the menu. “Rena needs to have something to eat too.”

At the base of her throat, a pulse beat and swelled as though her heart had risen from its usual place, Rena feeling incredibly touched by Jurina’s thoughtfulness. “Don’t worry about it,” she intervened and stepped forward. “We can go whenever you want, I don’t mind,” her attention briefly falling on Akane in agreement, before returning her gaze to Jurina. By the latter’s troubled look, Rena knew she would need a little more convincing. “Besides, there’s always plenty of vegetables. This restaurant is perfectly fine for me.”

“Are you sure?” Airi chimed in, equally voicing her concern. “We can look for another restaurant if you prefer.”

“No need,” Rena answered assuredly, nodding her head in the direction of the restaurant. “Let’s eat here.”

  Akane placed a slice of harami on the grill in front of her, while listening distractedly to the conversation going on at the table. After Airi had suggested to have dinner the four of them together, Akane hadn’t been shy to confess her reserve about the prospect to Jurina in private, fearing her friend would feel uncomfortable in Rena’s presence. Much to her surprise, the younger girl sitting by her side wasn’t behaving at all as she anticipated.

Akane could literally feel the shyness emanating from Jurina every time she addressed the older Matsui eating opposite her, but their verbal exchanges weren’t as awkward as she would have believed. In fact, if Akane had to be perfectly honest, this dinner between the four of them was going far better than she predicted, the atmosphere quite light and even relaxing. Akane couldn’t recall the last time they had spent such a casual evening the four of them together.

Given the circumstances, it was extremely odd, to say the least.

“How was it shooting with Hiroshi Abe?” Airi’s innocent question brought Akane back to reality and she paid more attention to the conversation, noting the way Airi et Rena were now both gazing at Jurina in interest. “I heard he’s very impressive.”

“Oh, he is.” On her right, Jurina let out a small, amused laugh. “At first, I was a little intimidated by the idea of working with him but he was really nice and incredibly humble. I learned a lot by simply looking at him. He has also a great sense of humor, one you definitely wouldn’t suspect.”

“He does?” Airi exclaimed in amazement. “He always looks so quiet and serious.”

“I know, right? Trust me, he is nothing like the image he projects.” Jurina went on enthusiastically. “In episode 3, we shot together a very funny scene: we couldn’t stop laughing and joking about it long after the cameras stopped rolling. You should check the drama when you have a moment. I think it’s a really, really good show: plenty of unexpected twists and turns.”

“Yes, it looked like you had a great time working together,” Rena spoke up, placing some carrots and moyashi in her bowl and, as she directed her attention towards the shiitake plate, gave Jurina a grateful smile when she pushed it within her reach. “The plot is truly interesting and you both have a great chemistry and dynamic on screen. It’s not a surprise that the show is so popular and has great ratings.”

Jurina, who was now retrieving a cooked slice of butabara from the grill, immediately looked up. “Y-You watched it?”

“I’ve been quite busy lately with work, so I have only been able to watch the first five episodes,” Rena admitted truthfully. “But yes, I’m following the show. I recorded the other episodes I missed, so I’m planning on watching the rest as soon as I have a little free time.”

Rena’s statement was followed by a prolonged silence, and a quick side glance at Jurina was enough for Akane to notice her stupefaction. But it wasn’t the single thing that Akane noticed as she discreetly observed her from aside as Jurina resumed eating her food in silence. By the easy smile playing at the corner of her lips, Akane could tell that Rena’s words had somewhat affected her.

Akane’s mouth went tight and she shifted uneasily in her seat, trying not to look too much into Jurina’s peculiar reactions. However, she was beginning to feel quite unsettled by the unpredictable direction this whole evening was taking. Since they had stumbled upon Rena and Airi in the hotel hallway, Jurina hadn’t stopped acting strangely, starting with the fact that she had promptly and so easily agreed to Airi’s dinner idea.

And, what about this brief, moment of intimacy Akane had witnessed between Jurina and Rena at their arrival at the restaurant? When she had discovered them holding hands, she had to blink twice to make sure she hadn’t imagined the whole scene. The more Akane kept thinking about it, the more she was convinced none of it made sense yet as the evening progressed, she was seriously starting to wonder if she wasn’t missing something vital.  

  The dinner was nearing its end when the male waiter arrived with their order and placed their desserts on the table. Akane listened in amusement as Jurina manifested her enthusiasm at the view of her tiramisu, before diverting her attention to the dessert she had chosen for herself. This fruit parfait looked positively delicious, and she was more than impatient to have a taste of it.

The table fell quiet as everyone began enjoying their dessert, Airi’s voice unexpectedly breaking the silence as Akane was about to take a spoonful of hers. “Churi, can you come with me to the bathroom for a minute?”

Akane lowered her spoon and blinked in perplexity, noting Airi’s way-too-innocent, strange little smile. “Why… Why do you…?”

She didn’t have the opportunity to finish her sentence that Airi had already raised from her seat, standing by her side of the table the next moment. “Sorry, I promise we won’t be long,” Airi said, shooting a small apologetic look in the direction of the two other, equally astonished, occupants of the table, before glancing back at Akane in expectation. “Please? It will only take a few minutes.”

Given Airi’s unusual insistence, Akane complied and left her dessert aside, wondering what on earth was happening with her friend today as she stood up and followed her. Jurina was far from being the only one behaving weirdly today; Airi had also been taking strange initiatives. The dinner suggestion that came out of nowhere. Airi’s request to hang out with her all the way to the restaurant. And now this.

In fact, Akane was starting to feel slightly worried about her: this person looked nothing like the shy and introvert Airi she had always known.

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind them, Akane didn’t wait to pepper her with questions. “Airin, are you alright? You haven’t stopped acting weird all evening. What is happening?”

“After dinner, I think we should go our separates ways,” Airi stated without further detour.

Akane gaped at Airi and regarded her uncomprehendingly. “I don’t get it,” she admitted after a slight wondering pause. “If you think this dinner was a bad idea, then why did you suggest it in the first place?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Airi quickly corrected. “I meant we should you and I go our separate ways and let Jurina and Rena spend the rest of the evening together.”

“What are you…” Akane stared back at her speechlessly, until her expression darkened when realization dawned on her. Now, everything made complete sense. This dinner: it was a set up. How could she have been so stupid? “What are you trying to accomplish, Airin? Please tell me you’re not thinking what I believe. I can’t let you do this. I refuse to let you do this. I’m going back to the table now.”

Akane span on her heels to leave but didn’t have the chance to pass the door that Airi had quickly grabbed her arm. “What is happening with you, Churi? Don’t you want them to reconnect? To catch up with lost time?”

Airi’s incredulous look was enough for Akane to tell that they were obviously not on the same page. “I want Jurina to be happy. That’s why I’m afraid Rena’s presence will only serve to reopen old wounds. We both know that Rena doesn’t love her anymore, at least not in that way. So what is the point of all this? Tell me. What are you hoping for? That they can become friends?”

“Wait. You think that Rena sees Jurina as a friend now? Is that it?” Airi asked flabbergasted. “Is that why you don’t want them to spend time together?”

“Are you implying that Rena doesn’t?” Akane shot back, crossing her arms over her chest in disbelief. “That after breaking Jurina’s heart in such a cruel way and three years without seeing each other, she still has what… feelings for Jurina?”

There was a long pause as they looked at each other, Airi’s eyes confronting her quietly, almost as if she was trying to read her mind.

“What if she did?” Airi’s voice was carefully neutral. “Would you accept to step aside and give them a chance? A chance to find happiness again?”

Akane looked away abruptly: nevermind how persuasive Airi was trying to sound, a part of her stubbornly refused to believe that she could be right. “N-No, you’re being partial and delusional!”

Akane was caught off guard when she heard herself trembling; she backed away from Airi uncertainly and leaned against the sink, childishly refusing to meet Airi’s gaze as she let her friend’s last words sink in. After the couple’s separation, her unique purpose had been to bring Jurina’s comfort and protect her at all costs, not wishing to see her reliving such a painful experience. The news of Rena’s unexpected visit to the hospital, when Jurina had felt unwell and fainted during a handshake session, only to crush Jurina’s hopes of reconciliation, had outraged her to no end.

Could she, like Airi was implying, have been blinded by her resentment towards the person who had caused so much suffering to Jurina that she had failed to interpret correctly Rena’s motivations and actions? If there was even a part of truth in what her friend was affirming with such conviction, then it would call into question everything she had always believed in. It would mean that she had failed to see what was truly happening right under her nose.

Airi was the first, eventually, to break the silence between them.

“I know that you were for a long time furious with Rena for what happened between them and you have no idea… you have no idea how much I wished I could have told you the truth,” Airi confessed with considerable regret, “but I couldn’t possibly betray Rena’s confidence and come back on the promise I had made to her.”

Airi’s voice was low and strained as she continued.

“As much as you were there for Jurina, to support her and be a loyal friend to her during those difficult times, I was by Rena’s side. I watched her everyday as she suffered and remained haunted by the memory of what she had done to the person she loved the most in this world. Rena was devastated, her heart shattered into pieces after losing her. Some dark days, it was almost like gazing at an empty shell; the light had left her eyes as if she was slowly fading away.”

Airi swallowed the despair in her throat and, regaining discipline over her voice, persevered as she spoke with confidence.

“But if there’s one thing I realized all this time, it’s that Rena never stopped thinking, caring and worrying about Jurina. Rena truly loves her, Churi. She loves her with all her heart. There’s nothing I’ve been more certain of in my entire life. And I think there might be a chance that Jurina still loves her too. That’s why I need you to have faith in me. Please help me, Churi. I can’t do this without you.”

So many conflicted thoughts and feelings twirled in Akane’s head as she finally dared to meet Airi’s gaze, struck by her pleading tone and the sense of urgency reflected in her eyes. Nevermind how attentively and patiently she had listened to her, not interrupting her once as Airi told her side of the story, it still remained a lot to process. Maybe a little too much for her right now, if she had to admit.

Would you accept to step aside and give them a chance?  A chance to find happiness again? Airi’s words resonated within her vibrantly and she contemplated for a fleeting - maybe foolish moment - the possibility of a future reconciliation between the two former lovers. Despite her undisputable, points of disagreements with Rena in the past, Akane knew there was only one correct answer to those questions.

“It looks like they really wanted to watch that movie together…”

Rena jolted out of her musing at Jurina’s murmur and glanced in her direction, noticing her pensive expression. They were now heading back towards the hotel the two of them, having split ways with Akane and Airi right after dinner. Indeed, when the two other girls had returned from the bathroom, Rena couldn’t help but notice her best friend’s strange, small satisfied look, making her wonder what had happened between them in that bathroom during those few minutes of absence.

She didn’t have to wait long to get some answers.

Rena was halfway through her fruit parfait when Airi had spoken up, announcing that she and Akane wished to go to the movies tonight and watch the latest Production I.G animated movie. But she didn’t want to bother them with it, she had quickly added, advancing the fact that she was conscious that Jurina was never a fan of those kinds of movies in the first place, and that Rena had already watched it the previous week.

At the news, Rena couldn’t help thinking that Airi’s choice of movie was oddly convenient but kept quiet about it. As of Jurina, she had instantly protested, stating that she absolutely didn’t mind coming to the movies with them. To Rena’s greatest surprise, it was Akane who stepped in, assuring her - quite convincingly if she had to admit - that she was sure she wouldn’t enjoy it. Following that, Jurina had relented and not insisted, even though her confusion at the unexpected turn of events hadn’t escaped Rena’s attention.  

Jurina might have visibly fallen for the cinema excuse, Rena was convinced it was just another one of Airi’s ploys. The one thing she had difficulty grasping, it was the reason behind Akane’s extraordinary compliance. From their first encounter at the hotel, she had made it more than obvious to her eyes that she was troubled by her presence and clearly wasn’t fond of the idea of her getting too close to Jurina.

So where was Akane’s sudden change of heart coming from?

“I could have come with them. I really didn’t mind,” Jurina mumbled.

“It’s a really good movie, but a bit slow-paced and contemplative,” Rena admitted in all-honesty. “I think they were just afraid you would get bored and maybe fall asleep.”

Jurina grabbed her arm, making her halt in her steps. “T-That was a long time ago,” she protested vehemently. “I don’t… I don’t do that anymore!”

“Oh, you don’t?” Rena smiled amusingly, finding Jurina’s desperate attempt to defend herself too adorable not to tease her. “All those times you fell asleep on my shoulder, you’re telling me this is… over for good?”

“How many times are you going to remind me of this?” Jurina pouted and mumbled in disapproval. “It only happened once or twice.”

“Once or twice?!” Rena couldn’t take it anymore and laughed. “It’s alright, Jurina,” she smiled tolerantly, observing the younger girl as she raised her hands and joined them together, blowing onto them to warm them up. “Did I ever once get mad at you?” Rena reached forward, cupping Jurina’s hands with her gloves and gently rubbing them against the cold. “I don’t believe so.”

The gesture seemed to have taken Jurina by surprise but Rena pretended not to notice, refusing to stop until she had brought some necessary heat to Jurina’s fingers. As they quietly faced each other, Rena found herself easily falling once or twice into the depth of Jurina’s brown eyes, not caring in the least if they were now impeding the passage and standing right in the middle of the street.

The visual exchange was eventually broken when the younger girl averted her gaze, her lips parting slightly in awe as she looked over Rena’s shoulder. “Rena, it’s… it’s snowing.”

Rena blinked and let go of Jurina’s hands, looking up immediately. Her features contorted in astonishment when she realized that Jurina was right, feeling Jurina getting closer and sliding her hand inside hers as they both watched and contemplated the delicate small snowflakes falling above their heads from the white sky of Tokyo.

[shirtlesssammy]

13x03: Patience

Then:

In which our Show With No Chill powers up by overlaying audio from a completely different--but equally relevant--scene to make this DeanCas moment stab us through the heart once more.

Now:

A psychic in Omaha, Nebraska (who knows our long absent but much loved psychic Missouri Moseley) gets a visit from a customer who’s not creepy AT ALL (cause let’s face facts, all white men are creepy these days). It’s just closing time and it’s dark and she’s alone. And uggh. She doesn’t turn him away though, and agrees to help him out.

Her psychic reading of him quickly reveals that he’s a wraith, and, in turn, he quickly feeds on her.

At the bunker, we count 8! beers and a very dead eyed, dead faced Dean forgetting the world around him as he rocks out to Side A of the mixtape. (It doesn’t not say Rolling Stones on side A.)

Jack, meanwhile, is finding cracks in the world he’s currently hiding out in, when Sam knocks on his door with a message from the beyond. Yes, Sam has the video message from Kelly that he’s finally showing Jack. And, omg, Sam’s pause at the door when he watches Jack with the video? Kill me. There’s so much tied up with that --Sam’s need for a mother, losing Mary as a baby, getting her back as an adult, and losing her again. I feel like he could have benefited from a video like this. And can all three of these dudes just chill with their faces? Jack is breaking my heart here!

Sam’s interrupted with a call though. From Missouri Moseley!

Jack gets a serious Mom Lesson on free will, and finding his own path in life. Kelly reassures Jack that he’ll be okay because he has an angel watching over him. Mary said the same thing to Dean, and now Dean and Jack are both missing that particular angel something fierce.

Dean finds Sam in the library, ending a call with Jody. It seems that Missouri got out of the life for a while but needs help now, so Sam put Jody on the case. Dean’s a little pissed (ok, full pissed but that’s just his neutral state right now) about Sam passing the buck to Jody, potentially putting her in harm’s way. Dude is NOT going to lose another family member on his watch. He takes off to work the case.

(Sidenote: Anyone else notice the BLUE eye and the RED handprint neon signs in the psychic shop? No. Ok. I am reading too much into the set design.)

At the scene of the crime, Jody and Missouri pass the Bechdel test, when Dean pulls up in the Impala.

Missouri is quick to be a show off and console Dean over his loss(es). Just as she did with Sam all those years ago. Calm down, show. Once in the house, Dean and Missouri come to the consensus that it was a wraith, and Missouri reads the room, and sees that the killer was a wraith that specifically feeds on psychics. She sees further visions and exclaims, “James!”

At the bunker, Sam enters Jack in AP Psychokinesis. Lesson 1: move a pencil. Lesson 2: Open the flipping portal to that AU world where my mom is. Oh, Jack nougat, wearing his light blue t-shirt and more than willing to bend his mind to please Sam.

Missouri makes a call to “James”, who turns out to be her son. She tries warning him about the wraith, but it appears their relationship is fractured, and he hangs up on her. Missouri then asks Dean and Jody to go to her son, and her granddaughter, Patience. The wraith is after them next. She refuses to go with (ALL THE TEARS -- PSYCHIC SAW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT). She pleads with him to save her family, and he agrees. Guh, that wasn’t a loaded request at all.

Getting nowhere fast, Sam asks Jack about what it felt like to use his powers in the past. It was effortless, except with Asmodeus. That was like he was controlling Jack. Then power hungry Sam (channeling the soulless part of himself I assume) asks Jack to channel that feeling. Guh.

Jack doesn’t like where this is going so Sam agrees to take a break.

In a mimicry of the cold open, we’re once more outside the psychic's building. And creepy wraith once more approaches the dwelling. This time, it’s Missouri inside. This time, she knows who’s coming (her nose scrunch HURTS). This time, she confronts the asshole, and she’s not backing down. She might die no matter what she does, but she’s not going to scream. Goodbye, Missouri, I’m sure we’ll continue to see you in fanfic.

And our eponymous heroine appears! Patience Turner is leaving the library (Patience, I like you already.) She runs into her friend, Ronson, who implores her to re-join the volleyball team, to no avail. Uh, she’s Patience Turner. She's, uh, in advanced placement. (I can see the fanfic bonding stories with Patience and Kevin now.) (Natasha: OH MY GOD YES) Losing the battle, her friend takes off. And then the lights flicker. Patience sees blood and gets a vision of Missouri, dead, and the asshole wraith attacking her from behind. 

It was all just a dream!!!

Patience is safe and sound at home. She meets her dad --James, Missouri’s son -- and tells him about her “nightmare”. He reassures her with, “It’s just a dream.”

Dean is busy stocking up on the essentials at a Gas ‘n Sip (Boy, Jordan sure is no Steve, ammirite?) The TV at the Gas ‘n Sip reports on Missouri’s death. Dean tells Jody that Missouri knew exactly what she was doing, so they’re going to go save her family.

Dean and Jody arrive at James Turner’s house and tell him about the death of his mother.

Patience and Ronson are walking the halls of school, much like her earlier dream, when Ronson takes off to hit the showers and Patience hears something odd. She realizes she’s living her dream but brushes it off and continues to gather her things from her locker. Wraith man surprises her! Patience surprises him right back by kneeing him in the balls and breaking off his wraith stick. Go Patience! He quickly tackles her to the ground but is shot in the back by Dean Winchester. He takes off with Dean in hot pursuit. Jody stays with Patience. Dean loses the asshole though and reconvenes with Jody and Patience. 

Jody and Dean drop the news to Patience that the wraith stalks psychics. “What does that have to do with me?” Patience asks innocently. She’s not psychic and Missouri is a fraud who left her and her father alone… Dean tells her that Missouri wasn’t a fraud or the kind of person to turn her back on family. “Was?” Patience asks. Urg. Man, Dean and Jody are dropping truth bombs all over the place.

Back at Hogwarts, Sam pours over a book called The Drama of the Gifted Child while watching Jack over a security feed. He mulls over a chapter and then looks up thoughtfully to see a nice scene of - oh shit, Jack’s disappeared. Sam races back to the library and finds Jack crammed into a corner, bitterly holding the pencil. He moved the pencil, Sam! Why can’t you two just get a puppy while Dean’s away and bond over that?

Sam and Jack have a heart to heart wherein we learn that:

Jack can’t control his powers. They’re instinctual.

And, oh yeah, Dean threatened promised to kill him.

Jack thinks that because he can’t do the one good thing Sam wants (levitate a pencil) he must therefore be evil. I can’t blame him for making this jump. He’s been alive for, what, 5 days now? And all he’s getting is “your dad is evil incarnate and we can’t trust you and we’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” Sam talks him down from this negative headspace and learns a little tiny Sam lesson as well. Sam tends to cover his emotions with action and he forgot to look at Jack as a person. They decide to take a break and come back to it later. Jack wonders why Sam is being nice to him. <insert every crying emoji here>

Sam tells him, “I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong. To feel like there’s this darkness inside you.” Sam wants to help him through the scary bits just like his family helped him. (sound of quiet weeping)

Meanwhile, Patience confronts her father, who had told her for years and years that Missouri was fake. Patience learns that her father pushed Missouri out of their lives. “You cut your mother out of your life?” Dean asks with a spark of anger and Jody calms him. Oh Dean. Grief comes at you from all sides, doesn’t it? I just want to take a moment to say that while Jody played less of a central role in this episode, I really appreciated her quiet appraisal of Dean. She knows he’s hurting. She knows what he’s lost and she’s trying to help him in the way Dean Winchester accepts help the best - silently and with as little fuss as possible.

James fills us in on some of Missouri’s backstory. Missouri traveled around hunting. I...need to take a break to process that. I always imagined Missouri as a town’s resident psychic - just chilling out at her house. Instead she spent her younger years traveling around the country hunting. I feel for James’ agony over his mother’s constant absences but OH MY GOD Missouri was a hunter when she was younger! This makes me...so happy.

After that upbringing, James decided to try and raise Patience with as few creepy monsters as possible. And he’d like to keep it that way, thank you very much. If Patience is psychic then they need to flee. He orders Patience to her room to pack and she storms up to her bedroom and pulls out a brooch. She holds it in her palm and closes her eyes.

She has a vision and the way she does this makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time she’s closed her eyes and had very real “dreams” of Missouri. It’s the past and they’re at a cemetery - no doubt her mother’s funeral. James tells Missouri that she needs to leave so that James and Patience can be safe. Missouri gives Patience the brooch. “No matter where I go, I will always look out for you,” she tells Patience

I’d like to take a brief break from the recap to engage in some wild speculation. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we got to keep visiting Missouri through the brooch, through the upcoming Wayward series (which is definitely going to happen because I need nice things). It starts out as memories that help Patience and then it seems to morph into something more immediate… It’s a connection to Missouri’s soul and she can guide and counsel her granddaughter even from Heaven. Let’s Obi Wan Kenobi this, people! If you strike her down you will only make her STRONGER. (Boris: Agreed. Clearly, Wayward Sisters will take place in the Supernatural universe, but it doesn’t mean that the show won’t have it’s own set of rules. I think that Loretta Devine is a popular actress. Chances are very good she won’t/can’t commit to being on the show a lot, but this episode certainly left the door open. Maybe even made the story more interesting with her death?)

Patience opens up her suitcase and heads to her closet to pack. She opens the door and OH MY GOD the wraith is in the closet. Uuuuuuugh I hate it when monsters pop out of closets. Thanks, Supernatural, for reminding me that I’m watching horror. Monsters in closets are for me like clowns are for Sam. SHUDDER.

After she’s abducted, the trail goes cold on the wraith’s van and James pulls out a secret box. He takes out a bag of stones and a map and spreads them on the table. When he was a boy his mother gave him these stones while she was off hunting so he could always track her (so they could always find each other). Aaaaw a magical “GPS on her phone.” <3

Patience wakes up tied to a chair where Mr. Rapey Wraith taunts her and tells her he’s going to eat her brain suuuuuper slowly. Great. Does he remind anyone else of an evil character from a teen soap opera?

Suddenly, Dean, James, and Jody bust into the warehouse. They all split up trying to find the wraith. Where’d he go? James gets spiked through the throat. Oh...there he is. Jody gets attacked from behind, stabbed through the gut and then Dean gets killed as well. We zoom in on Patience again, who has just experienced a really shitty (but useful) vision. She warns all three would-be deceased to avoid the wraith’s attack and Dean kills the thing with a scythe. (Side note: seriously A+ fight choreography work. Inventive use of tools and everyday objects. I...I love it.)

Back outside of Patience’s house they have a wrap up discussion. Jody tells Dean that he did well in the fight. He’s still “got it.” Oh, man. She’s trying  SO HARD to cheer him up. Dean tells Patience that she did well and commends her when she says she’s going back to her normal life. He tells her, “This life. Hunting. Monsters. There’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death so if you get a chance at normal you take it.“

Jody observes this life tip with shock and approaches Patience on her own. She tells her she tried to keep Claire from fighting and it didn’t work. “If you try to force [your gift] down to make someone else happy then you’ll only make yourself miserable.” If Patience decides to learn more about her abilities then she can always turn to Jody. She hands her a business card. JODY WE LOVE YOU.

Jump to Dean heading back into the bunker. Sam asks how it went and Dean exhaustedly answers, then asks if Jack’s gone “dark side” yet. Sam spins around his chair and tells Dean that he’s learned Dean threatened to kill Jack. “It wasn’t exactly like that,” Dean says, TOTALLY LYING. To Dean, it’s only a matter of time before Jack shows his true, evil self.

Sam pulls out all the stops and reminds Dean that Sam was once on the dark side of the scale, drinking demon blood and helping to end the world. “Dad told you to put a bullet in me but you didn’t. You saved me.” But Dean doesn’t believe Jack deserves to be saved, his cold unacceptance immovable. He furthermore accuses Sam of only wanting to use Jack to save their mom.

Meanwhile, Nougat eavesdrops on the conversation from the hallway. (Poor Jack.) Dean amps up in rage. “What about Cas?” Dean charges. He breaks at last, face contorting in rage, as he reminds Sam that Cas died because of his belief in Jack. He can’t forget about that. He won’t.

Jack, no doubt terrified of the two men arguing in the other room, whispers, “Castiel.” His eyes glow and the whisper winds it way into…

A dark place. Empty, except for Castiel lying motionless. As the whisper creeps into the void, Castiel’s eyes fly open. Startled, confused, he pulls himself up and looks around.

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

Sometimes I Have Deja-Quotes:

You are who you choose to be

This time, my people, are going to murder your ass

You’re frickin’ wonder woman.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[vampamber]

Pumpkin Pie Pains

SPN Rare Ship CC: Round 14 | @vampamber vs. @gilded-lady

Prompt: allspice and pumpkin pie

Ship: Dean/Jimmy

Word Count: 2420

Tags/Warnings: divorce, family drama, mild angst

Summary: “Pie! We forgot to make the pumpkin pie, Dean,” Jimmy fretted as he fussed with all the other foods that were in different states of completion. “You can’t have Thanksgiving dinner without pumpkin pie for dessert!”

Dean hugged his fiance from behind and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Jimmy, seriously, you need to chill,” Dean gently reprimanded him. “Claire’s bringing the pie. You know that. Amelia’s told you that at least half a dozen times in the past few weeks. Everything is fine. We got this.” Dean smiled when he felt Jimmy finally relax a little in his hold.

“I know,” Jimmy sighed. “It’s just… Everything has to be perfect. When me and Ames were still married, Thanksgiving was this huge, elaborate deal every year. That woman would put Martha Stewart to shame with the turkey and all the trimmings she’d put on the table. Claire’s never had a Thanksgiving that wasn’t like that. Your food’s good, Dean, but it’s not her mom’s,” he explained.

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12862812

Dean let out a sigh as he watched his boyfriend pace back and forth nervously. No matter how many times he’d reassured Jimmy that everything was going to be just fine today, he wouldn’t listen. As much Dean he loved the guy, he would never deny that he had some massive anxiety issues. Today being the perfect example.

They’d been together for almost two years now, but this would be their first Thanksgiving with Jimmy’s daughter from his former marriage, Claire. And they’d been engaged for over a month, but Jimmy was still worried that Claire would be upset that Dean was trying to take her mother’s place. Mind you, at sixteen Claire was upset over just about everything on the planet in some way or another, but that was another thing that Jimmy didn’t listen to when Dean kept telling it to him over and over.

“Pie! We forgot to make the pumpkin pie, Dean,” Jimmy fretted as he fussed with all the other foods that were in different states of completion. “You can’t have Thanksgiving dinner without pumpkin pie for dessert!”

Dean hugged his fiance from behind and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Jimmy, seriously, you need to chill,” Dean gently reprimanded him. “Claire’s bringing the pie. You know that. Amelia’s told you that at least half a dozen times in the past few weeks. Everything is fine. We got this.” Dean smiled when he felt Jimmy finally relax a little in his hold.

“I know,” Jimmy sighed. “It’s just… Everything has to be perfect. When me and Ames were still married, Thanksgiving was this huge, elaborate deal every year. That woman would put Martha Stewart to shame with the turkey and all the trimmings she’d put on the table. Claire’s never had a Thanksgiving that wasn’t like that. Your food’s good, Dean, but it’s not her mom’s,” he explained.

“She’s sixteen, she’s a big girl. I’m sure she can handle one Winchester-made turkey without crumbling to dust and blowing away in the wind from disappointment,” Dean told him, hugging him even tighter. “Besides, isn’t her mom doing the whole shebang for her side of the family on Saturday?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy replied, relaxing the rest of the way. “I’m just nervous. I really want her to like you.”

“I could be saint-like and she’d still see me as the evil step-father, I’m sure,” Dean joked. “I remember being sixteen. Dad had been married to Kate for a long time by then, and I still hated her because she wasn’t Mom. At least Claire won’t have to deal with any half-siblings like me and Sam did. I’m sure we probably left Adam with some permanent emotional scars with how we treated him growing up. To this day he still shudders if he sees pancake syrup whenever me or Sam visits.”

“Adam seems fine now,” Jimmy pointed out as he stirred the pot of boiling potatoes that would probably need to be mashed fairly soon.

“Only because we lived in different states and could only torture him during the holidays,” Dean said with a snort.

“The fact of which he was most likely thankful for on a daily basis, I’m sure,” Jimmy responded, smirking. Dean laughed and nodded his agreement.

“I’m sure me and Claire’ll get along just fine,” Dean said into Jimmy’s neck before giving him a few more G-rated kisses. She’d be here in less than twenty minutes, and Dean sure didn’t want to traumatize her by seeing her dad’s tented trousers.

“She’s refused to even meet you until now, and she only agreed this time because her mother bribed her with very expensive concert tickets,” Jimmy reminded him as he stopped stirring to lean into the kisses.

“Remind me to pay Amelia back for those soon,” Dean said as he switched to nuzzling.

“She already told you no when you offered the first time, so I’m not asking again.” The contented sigh Jimmy let out as soon as he was done speaking kind of ruined the stern tone, though.

“But I feel guilty,” Dean whined.

“Buy her an awesome Christmas present, then. She can’t refuse that,” Jimmy suggested. “I know she still hasn’t bought that new mixer she’s been drooling over.”

Dean turned Jimmy around and gave him a loud, theatrical kiss on the lips. “You are a genius!” He proclaimed just as loudly. “This is why I love you, you know.”

“So you don’t have to think of your own ideas?” Jimmy teased.

“Exactly,” Dean said before kissing him one last time. “Gives me more time to do the important stuff. Like check on the turkey.” He pulled away to do just that, and the two spent the next few minutes in comfortable silence, getting everything ready for dinner.

When the doorbell rang, Jimmy held Dean’s shoulder to keep him from answering it. “Let me get that.”

When Jimmy opened the door, his daughter pounced on him and gave him a suffocating hug. “Daddy!” She shouted. Jimmy had the distinct impression that she was just putting on a show to let Dean know who he really ‘belonged’ to, since she had stopped calling him daddy by the time she was ten. But he let it slide this time, because he wanted to forestall any arguing for as long as possible today.

“Heya, Claire-bear,” he said instead, then stepped to the side to let his ex-wife into the house as well. Amelia greeted him warmly with a hug of her own, then went to put the pie she was carrying in the kitchen.

Their marriage had been a relatively happy one, and Amelia had been completely understanding and even supportive of Jimmy when he had realized that he was actually gay five years ago. There were no hurt feelings, which Jimmy was very glad about. They’d stayed friends after the divorce, and she’d even ended up befriending Dean. The two Food Network addicts were probably discussing turkey in the kitchen at this very moment.

Claire had been completely supportive as well, until Jimmy had started dating Dean. He’d gone on plenty of dates before then, but Dean had been his first serious relationship. She never actually complained to her parents, but she acted like Dean was the worst monster that had ever existed. It was obvious that she was jealous, but knowing why she was acting so mean didn’t make Jimmy feel any better about it. “I think there’s a boy at school that has a crush on me,” she bragged, dumping her coat next to the coat rack instead of hanging it up, just like she always used to do. “He blushes every time I talk to him.”

“But you can’t date yet,” Jimmy responded with an over-exaggerated gasp worthy of a soap opera. “You’re still my little girl.”

“Dad, I’m sixteen,” she said in an exasperated teenager voice.

“See? Still little,” Jimmy said in triumph. “Maybe after you graduate college, I’ll consider it.” Claire stuck her tongue out at him as he chuckled at his own joke.

“I had my first girlfriend when I was fourteen,” Dean said, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, Amelia behind him.

Claire’s expression immediately hardened. “Maybe sixteen is too young to be dating, after all,” she said stiffly, before going into the front room and flopping down on the couch. The sounds of the television being turned on showed exactly the kind of holiday dinner Dean and Jimmy could probably expect.

“She’s been running hot and cold all day,” Amelia said in apology. “Sorry for dumping this on you guys.”

“No worries, Sam had his bitchy teenage girl moments often enough when we were growing up. I’m used to it by now,” Dean joked, and they all laughed.

“Just remember that if things get too bad, I still have those tickets and I made sure to ask about their refund policy,” Amelia said as she gave them each one last hug before leaving. “Just because she’s a teenager, that doesn’t give her the right to ruin your holiday.”

“We should be just fine, Ames,” Jimmy reassured her. “I’m used to Claire’s moods, remember?”

“This one’s shaping up to be the worst, though,” she warned them. They both nodded, and she finally closed the door behind her.

“Should we be worried?” Jimmy asked, his bravery demolished now that his wasn’t trying to reassure Amelia.

“Naw,” Dean dismissed the thought with a wave of his hand. “She’s grumpy now, but nobody can be grumpy when eating my delicious cooking.”

Dean was proven terribly wrong a few minutes later, when dinner was served and Claire was magically in an even more sour mood than before. It takes a pouting teenager to be able to glare at you while simultaneously eating turkey and stuffing. She ignored every attempt Dean made at starting up a conversation, and only answered Jimmy’s attempts with monosyllabic answers and the occasional grunt or nod where appropriate.

“My mom’s food is better,” she said as she picked at the green beans that Dean had taken great care in making as perfect as possible.

“Good for her, then,” Dean grumbled, his mood shot to hell after almost an entire meal of stony silence intermingled with the occasional thinly veiled insult.

“My mom’s pretty much better at everything,” Claire said, putting her fork down. “And if you think you could ever take her place, you’re insane.”

“He’s not trying to take Amelia’s place,” Jimmy started, but Dean held up his hand to silence him.

“I got this, Jimmy,” Dean said, giving his fiance a kind look. Then he turned towards Claire and asked “What makes you think I’m trying to take her place?”

“You guys are gonna get married,” Claire responded, as if that explained everything.

“Just because your dad will be my husband, that doesn’t mean I’m trying to take your mom’s place,” Dean said back. Not exactly normal dinner conversation, but at least now they had a chance of actually working things out and he wasn’t going to pass that up.

“Yes it does, because you’re gonna try and be a dad to me, and I’m perfectly happy having just my parents,” she said, giving him a death glare. “Nobody asked me if I was okay with any of this. At least when Dad was just dating randomly, I didn’t have to worry about step-parents or any of that stuff. My friend Krissy has a step-mom who’s annoying and constantly trying to get her to do stuff she hates. I don’t want any more parents because I have enough already.” Her volume had gone up the longer she spoke, until she was quite loud by the end.

“Claire-bear, I wish you had said something before now,” Jimmy said, any anger he’d been feeling completely washed away.

Claire sniffled lightly. “Why’d you have to leave Mom, anyway? You guys were happy together.”

Dean sighed as Jimmy got up to give his daughter a hug. It all made sense now.

“We were happy, but not with each other,” Jimmy explained.

“You could’ve been, if you’d just tried harder,” Claire said.

“I love your mother, but I wasn’t in love with her,” Jimmy pointed out. “It took me a long time to realize it, sweetheart, but after I figured out I was gay it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to stay together.”

“Sometimes people just aren’t right for each other, and they end up splitting up a family when they discover that,” Dean said, coming over to stand next to them. “They don’t want to split the family up, but they don’t want to be together either. It’s a crappy decision either way, but they still try to do what they think is the best way. My own mom and dad split up when I was a lot younger than you, Claire, and it was weird in the beginning, but I got used to it. My dad’s happy with his new wife and I got another brother out of that, and my mom’s happiest by herself. It’s just how things go.”

“It’s not how I wanted it, though,” she said weakly.

“If I could have made any of this easier, I would’ve Claire,” Jimmy promised. “But this is how it is, and there’s nothing that can be done to change it.”

Claire hugged her father harder. She wasn’t crying, but she looked pretty close.

“Was my food really that bad, or was that all just an act?” Dean tried joking to lighten the mood. Claire let out a tiny laugh, though, so it apparently worked.

“It was pretty good,” she said, muffled by the fact that her face was still pressed against Jimmy’s shoulder. She pulled away to smile teasingly at Dean. “But my mom’s is still better.”

Dean and Jimmy both laughed. “I’m sure it is, Claire,” Dean said, still grinning.

“How about some pumpkin pie to celebrate this new understanding?” Jimmy suggested as they all sat down again.

Jimmy reached for the pie to start cutting pieces when Claire grabbed his hand and shouted “No!” When her father gave her a confused look, she explained. “I, umm… may have sabotaged the pie when Mom wasn’t looking?” She gave a hesitant smile that begged them to not be angry with her.

“You ruined pie,” Dean said in an overdramatic way. “That’s practically a sin.”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, looking it. Until Dean started laughing.

“Gives me an excuse to make another one later, at least,” he said, still chuckling a little.

“You were prepared for this?” Jimmy asked.

“Not really,” Dean admitted. “I just wanted to make sure there was enough pie for leftovers.”

Jimmy smiled at his pie-obsessed fiance. “Of course you did.”

“Can we still watch a movie after we finish cleaning up?” Claire asked, back to herself now that she didn’t have to play the part of the angry teenager any more.

“Of course we can,” Jimmy said, getting up to start clearing the table.

“We always watch my favorite Christmas movie after Thanksgiving dinner,” Claire explained as she got up to help Jimmy.

“Christmas already?” Dean groaned. “I’m still digesting the cranberry sauce. Can’t it wait at least one more day?” He complained.

“Die Hard is a freaking classic,” Claire argued.

“Wait, Die Hard is your favorite Christmas movie?” Dean asked. When Claire nodded, Dean’s face split into a wide grin. “I like her,” he said to Jimmy. Jimmy only shook his head and laughed. He knew they’d get along. Eventually.

[dailyonionsite-blog]

A Straight Forward Approach to 7 Areas That Will Help You Lead a Better Life

As creatures of habit, we spend a lot of our time researching different ways to make our lives better. We search the internet, ask friends, or even read books relentlessly trying to find answers to a lot of questions that consume our minds every day. I am no different, I too have been guilty of these methods. In fact, I am exactly on my 10th year of a life’s changing journey. Some journeys take longer than others. Obstacles, life moments, and other circumstances sometimes jump in the way of progress if you’re not prepared for them. So, I have decided to compile 7 areas that you might be searching for; hopefully, it will provide some guidance in areas you might be dealing with.   Comfort: It was through my love for musicals that I came across my first quote. In the Greatest showman, Hugh Jackman gives us the most powerful line in the movie in his role as PT Barnum; "Comfort is the enemy of progress" (or Human Potential). This, of course, doesn't mean you shouldn’t be content, what it means is you should always be pushing to be a better version of you. You should never just sit back and accept your current state as is. There is always something new to work on, especially in the Top 3 (Mind, Body, and Soul). If you read Tim Tebow’s new book “This Is the Day,” he dedicates an entire chapter to this called “Put in the Work.” Tim Tebow states, “You need to put in the work and be willing to face the discomfort in order for you to grow.” For the last 10 years, this has been the primary area of my life. Focus. Through that journey, I realized that there is no elevator to success; you have to take the stairs.”   Faith (Cores/Values): This is huge and one that I have failed at myself. If you are a person of faith (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc.), do not let others deviate you from what your core values and beliefs are. These are the values that have guided you most of your entire life. Stay strong to your convictions, and those who try to change your values, lack them. If you are allowing people to persuade your beliefs and value, then they were never strong enough, to begin with. There is nothing more disheartening than circumstantial faith.   Character: Your word is everything and is the true definition of your character. The very first words out of our mouths will be the first advertisement that people will use as a way to ascertain their future interactions with you. Breaking your word could or will, in some cases, have serious consequences. It will switch any relationship (Friendship, Loved ones, Co-Worker) from “Trusted” to “Questioned.” Be responsible for your commitments and your character. It is literally one of the few things in your life that you are fully in control of.   Health: Like that burger? How about a grilled chicken salad instead? Of course, I’m not saying you can’t eat the burger, what I'm saying is you have options. Just like in life, you have the ability to choose which side is healthier. If you are like me and struggle with weight, sometimes those options need to be limited. Learn to incorporate a healthy way of eating, activities, and spend more time walking around at the park or around the block than on your couch.   Travel: Nothing screams fun like traveling. Even the smallest of adventures could last for a lifetime. Experience a new place, restaurant, or even an entertainment event in your area. This might seem like impossible if you’re on a low budget, but it is not! There are great sources now to help you along the process. Websites such as cheapoair.com and justfly.com can help you find great prices on flights. AirBnB.com for all my travel stays; it is amazing the great locations and people you meet along the way. Traveling resets the clock in your mind. Knock down the 4 walls you stare at every day and replacing it with a fantastic view of the Colosseum.   The Night/Day’s: No, this is not about the sun and the stars; this is about people.  Yes, folks, we have one or more people who are detrimental to your progress. The types who are flipping the way they handle their lives and their emotions. No, this is not diversity, intriguing, exciting, or mysterious; it’s dangerous and chaotic. Not only are these people unstable, but you can see the results in their own lives in pure form. Tearing everything in their path, not just in their lives, but the lives of others, then they move on to the next day as if nothing happened and expect you to accept or deal with the damage that was done. They do it in many aspects of their lives. These people will literally demonize people, work, and circumstances at night, and after the damage has been done, they embrace these same people, work, and circumstances by day. Remember that everyone has an agenda, good or bad. Don't allow yourself to be a part of these hidden agendas and always be as mindful as possible so that you are not setting yourself up to fail. “Sometimes, playing stupid opens your eyes to the truth.” ― Anthony Liccione   The Past: The longest of the areas; of course, it affects everyone, in some way or another. We have a weird passion for reflecting on it. A lot of us have lost jobs, homes, relationships, and more. It affects us in every way, and some of these things still might cause great pain. There are three major stages in dealing with the past: Not excelling. The past is holding us back, and your inability to let go is keeping you from where you need to be. I can’t express enough how important it is for you to start a healing process by getting help to move forward in your progress. Excelling but in denial. We used the past to improve our way of life, but refusing to accept it. These folks moved on; We moved on, we excelled, we achieved things because of letting go of the past, yet we keep getting the urge to try and return to it. The answer is simple; DON’T. The reason you have achieved what you have is because you moved forward from it. I can personally empathize in this impulse as I too failed at it for a long time. Having the past consume you will reverse course emotionally, set you back and/or cause a disruption in the environment around you. As humans, it is our nature to be selfish. What we think is best based on feeling and emotions, may not be the best for our wellbeing and results. I can’t tell you how many folks/habits/impulses I have had to work on or get rid of. These people and behaviors were all an important part of my life for both motivation, growth, and a reminder of our biggest failures. That’s why it was so important to train myself to change them and stop reflecting on the past, it has completely changed my life around for the better, and it has provided healing, both in mind and life. Eat my dust! The final version of the person that has graduated from the grief, pain and/or drama. Take life by the horns. Let’s remember, yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not happened yet. So, focus on today. In the words of a great roman emporer, “What You do Today Echoes An Eternity – Marcus Aurelius.” Make your life count. What legacy will you leave behind? Every important decision that we make in life changes our outcome. Whether you are a parent, a worker, a spouse, etc... do something that will make a difference. Make a difference in someone else’s life. Every day, we should be working to improve who we are, to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. As humans, who we engage, who we surround ourselves with, the decisions we make, and what we put our focus on will determine our outcomes. Make them count! If there is anything you take from this article, let it be this; Sometimes, what we want isn’t what we need to reach our best version of ourselves. I am still working on a few aspects of these areas. The journey is long; it's painful, but it’s completely worth it. Read the full article