#some rando followed me on duolingo

[iamthecomet]

Me when a stranger follows me on literally any other social media: Ew, gross. Are you stalking me? I need you to leave. 

Me when a stranger follows me on Tumblr: So, we’re best friends now, right? 

[hideandseaking]

Some rando followed me on DUOLINGO like BRUH...... DID YOU REALLY SEARCH MY ART HANDLE ON DUOLINGO.......... LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING TO SEE HERE..... ??

[jlf23tumble]

Recap: Kiss Kiss 2012

THE CATEGORY IS...PUBLIC EDGING, and you have two options, read this recap or binge "Pose" (you can do both, it's a long weekend, but I heavily favor Billy Porter and Mj Rodriguez and everyone else on that show, they’re god-tier, the end, GO WATCH).

If you’re down for some public edging on this bullshit holiday, though, nobody does it better than Louis Tomlinson jacking off a plant purely to make Harry Styles uncomfortable. We've all seen the gifs, but I recommend watching this one in full because it actually has a shit-ton of other things happening in it, too, plus, if you need a break from fireworks (or if "Pose" has hit you hard in the feels), these 16 minutes can be a tiny breath of fresh air. Allez cuisine!

Here's the link to the full interview, and if you speak Italian, BOY, ARE YOU IN LUCK because you'll actually understand the (exceedingly lengthy) questions instead of relying on the (somewhat hungover) answers for context (the questions are literally never translated). I know a smattering of Italian, so all the comments are thisclose to something I sorta get, enough to make me wanna fire up Duolingo, anyway, but here are some things to keep an eye out for:

This was filmed on November 1, 2012, the day after Halloween, which is presumably why both Louis and Zayn haven't quite removed all their eye makeup, but they're clearly followed around by a squad of people, and yet nobody has the time or inclination to hand over a makeup wipe

Louis is ON FIRE, presumably because all of them are low-energy and hungover, so he’s pulling the entire weight, and it is exhausting, he’s shot out of a canon from the introductions with a dance that I wish I had the power to gif:

Take a drink every time he and Zayn squirm around and end up sitting like this:

WMYB plays in a constant loop in the background--at least five times consecutively over the course of this talk--and why does that always happen in every interview they do, WE GET IT

They're already world famous at this point, but Louis says not to worry, they all have their own private homes, and "actually no one knows where we live...ha. ha. ha.”

Who wore the maroon scooped-neck shirt of fic lore better?

I love that there's a question about disguises that works on two levels (I definitely recognized "barba" [beard in Italian] in one of those questions, lmao)

During a lengthy question about flash mobs, Louis and Niall both mime boobs/shirt lifting before getting around to answering the question, and I'm so into Louis saying he wants to know when the next one is, "So we can show up DRESSED AS WOMEN," the last bit directed at Harry, who when the camera pulls back, is looking at the ceiling

Louis makes move no. 1 for the plant, but the interviewers step in to hand over an ipad (to prove the flash mob numbers??? Louis: "I have to confess, I'm an absolute tech geek" Me: “uh, okay?”)

There's some talk about them being in the wax museum, then they all sort of shake themselves awake to pose as wax figures, which is just...yeah (Louis's the last one to break his pose, and it's as awkward as you think it could be):

The fan questions are just as challenging as the host ones, but thankfully, much shorter, and we DO learn a few things, like, these five watched a lot of films about the Beatles together as a group, and I stared at the wall for a long time wondering why: Were they told to, in some sort of push to get them to emulate that cheeky band camaraderie? Did they opt to do so on their own, to see what a similar group went through and dealt with? Was this what pushed them to take over some song-writing control, etc.? Of all the things they could sit around and watch together, why was it films about the Beatles (not even Beatles films)???? I have questions!!!!

Let’s just appreciate this gorgeous hand AND Zayn’s incredible face (if, like me, you’ve actually read the bullshit of “Who We Are,” you know the bullshit story “straight from his mouth” about the bleach streak, lmao:

But the real gold is at 7:30, jerk-off-o'clock, and this entire segment is incredible because Louis's being a little shit (up until now, he's been on the ipad looking at fanart (my guess), but Harry's not playing along when Louis starts trying to edge him mid-interview (looks down uncomfortably after he sees it), and OF COURSE, after fruitlessly wanking this plant, Louis looks to the right (to the team, presumably), his face drops slightly, and he stops abruptly:

During all of this, they’re still going on and on about the Beatles, but Louis has moved on to do a complicated dance move to get Harry's attention (no dice, he gets it for a second, then Harry's looking down again), gifmakers, assemble!!

Louis grabs the ipad again, and as Liam drones on about the Beatles some more, he shows him something distracting, and we soon learn it's a big page of boobs (straight guys, amirite??)

The interviewers finally get into the makeup traces, and we learn that Liam, Louis, and Zayn went full-on with face makeup this year (whither narry??), and that "it was a good night, we did crazy dancing, not many people recognized us"

Louis grows bored of the next fan question, so it's on to chance no. 3 to jack off a plant:

There's a lot of chatter about learning Italian, how much fun they're having, the crazy year they've had with the Olympics, their sloppy-ass video shoots, etc.

Louis and Harry finally get on the same page and start doing that telepathic language twins speak before Harry praises a bunch of randos currently on the charts who are good to write with (Ed Sheerhands, McFly, you know the type--white, male, nonthreatening, chart-topping):

There's a really weird segue into having them sign some shit for charity and take a look at some fan mail, and these are the faces of people who have seen some shit, Euphoria was a goddamned cake walk:

But BY FAR, the best part is at the end, when the interviewers need to jack themselves off and ask if this was a good experience or not, and Liam (!!) says, "I think this could have been the best interview ever," Harry deadpans, "It's the top three for sure," and Louis slamdunks it with, "This is potentially the best moment of my life.” I PROMISE YOU, if you watch nothing else here, tune into those last ten seconds, and you can die happy

[obiternihili]

20 Questions

Tagged by @frislander

Rules: answer 20 questions and then tag 20 bloggers you want to get to know better

Name: no

Nickname(s): many

Zodiac Sign: wood dog goat thing

Height: taller than every woman, shorter than every man apparently

Languages spoken: American English. At one point I might have been B2ish in German and Mexican Spanish but both have fallen away from me due to lack of practice, the latter like immediately, the former more slowly. I’m like A1ish but non-0 in a ton of things because language nerd/duolingo and clones.

Nationality: Central Californian. don’t see myself as having anything to do with la, san fran, or sacramento and don’t really feel connected to being an american, although it’d be ridiculous to say that being american doesn’t characterize being from central california.

Favourite season: Rainy

Favourite flower: I don’t know. I like vivid, fleshy petals, and I think I prefer fewer over many. Roses are kind of over doing it, but apple flowers are nice, as are lotus flowers, peach, potato, cherry. Animal crossing seems to have taught me i like pansies which is a weird thing to type out loud. Blue lotus might be my favorite, idk.

Favourite scent: waterfall

Favourite colour: I like reds. I liked crimson but I wore it for too long as a kid and everyone called me retarded so now I have weird sense of tension with colors in general, I guess. So I tend to wear or get things in only black. I don’t really like being a flag gay but the bi flag colors are pretty nice too.

Favourite animal: cats probably

Favourite fictional character: at this point, no clue. Most of the fiction I like has archetypes, not characters - e.g. there really isn’t much of a story to most video games, even ones with stories, like breath of wild, no one had an arc. Even for something like MM where characters did have arcs and such I came to realize most of what I liked about the characters was headcanon or projecting myself because of the nature of the silent protagonist. Usually when there is a good story the character’s flaws are pretty strong. That’s a good thing, like, Night in the Woods wouldn’t be what it is if Mae wasn’t how she was. It’s hard to like characters you like because at some level you kind of hate them. Flawed characters service the story connecting to the audience by making them somewhat more relatable, but at the same time the very act of making them relatable can be alienating because you’re making them someone else. Like even in movies and stuff at some point I realized I liked Brechtian stories more than non-Brechtian stories. That and I’m annoyed at how two dimensional most characters in fiction feel; alien characters at least obscure that two dimensionality by not making it that apparent what dimensions they’re made of. Almost everything I watch or consume now is i guess non-fiction. Mostly science lectures or colloquia actually, but also speedruns, let’s plays, randos, reviews, whatever the jimquisition is.

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Tea, strong, cold, just tea, no lemon, no sugar. I like most actual teas and drink too much of a brand called tejava, which is awful in plastic but pretty good in glass. I drink mostly black but I like whites, blacks, oolong, the fermented teas, and green in roughly that order. something like a thai tea now and then is fine as a dessert, the oolong or fermented tea types i tend to want in contexts where a wine of glass would be good

Average sleep hours: there is no pattern and hasn’t really been since i was 8

Dog or cat person?: Cat by far, but not sure I’m capable of taking care of one by myself. Nothing against dogs, especially smart dogs like chows, grew up with them - but cats just, idk, maybe I have a strong toxoplasma gondii infection.

Number of blankets you sleep with: 0 - it can get up to 90°F at night here, although it’s usually around 60°F in the winter. I’m the kind of person who’s always hot though.

Dream trip?: I kind of want to live in Germany, although my German is trash now, and I’m in the middle of getting an education in a place where you can’t speak it. That probably doesn’t count as a trip. Because of my interest in Afroasiatic languages and Egyptian especially I’d like a winter trip to Egypt, and wouldn’t be against other places with that level of archeological interest. But most of the world is hell right now. Taiwan might be nice for a modern look at a modern society. Rome would be nice for a lot of reasons. Mexico City might be nice. Japan would be nice but I feel like I’d be seen like a weeb first and not wanting to come off like that gets in the way of enjoying a lot of things already as it is. that’s a bad reason. Ethiopia kind of interests me, looks pretty.

Blog established?: fuck if i know. 2014ish? I think when twitter rationalists decided to move to tumblr primarily.

Followers: 364 that intersects with the 46 or so of my ling alt

Random fact: Theia might have originated beyond the snow line if not in the early kuiper belt in the early solar system before Jupiter’s grand track dumped it into Earth’s lagrangian. This was recently argued because apparently the isotope ratios of oxygen in our water matches outer solar system bodies more than inner. In which case our water comes from that.

i tag whomeever reads this and wants to do it