#some ppl in the comments were saying its ragebait clickbait but I saw no evidence

[softness-and-shattering]

I saw a video the other day that thos woman had filmed of "pranking" her husband, by surprise shaving q big ol clump of his beard. Because she didnt like his beard. And he had the audacity to keep it anyway.

And he doesnt even get angry, just sad and defeated. References her doing "crap like this all the time". And he says "if I took that and took off some of your hair that would be abuse, people would say its abuse but because youre doing it to me its different" and she says "yeah you better not" and she *cackling* the whole time like its fun and hes absolutely devastated.

That *is* absolutely abuse. And its also the effects of "men strong, women weak. Women have emotions, men not allowed emotions.". This guy is being abused and maybe only sort of recognises thats whats happening because hes a guy and his abuser is his wife and thats not the narrative. And thats not right. Men have to be allowed to admit vulnerability because how else do you reach out for help? How else do you name "this feels bad and relationships arent supposed to feel bad like this, something is wrong". How do you say "my wife is abusing me I need help" when youve never been allowed to show any weakness whatsoever??

Crying by itself *is* super important. But its not just "cant tear up in a movie". By not being allowed to display vulnerability, thats stops you from showing someone else that you need help. It means you just dont get meaningful support. And thats huge. Thats getting away from an abuser huge its likely life and death huge. We all need each other.

"being told not to cry isn't the same as violent misogyny" is like. yeah, obviously, different groups experience different things and those are never the same because they're different experiences. but like can we acknowledge that, for example, men experiencing domestic violence or any other kind of abuse often have trouble getting help or speaking up in general about it because of the societal pressures not to show emotion or vulnerability and that it's really dismissive and disrespectful to reduce the issue down to "being told not to cry" and none of the kinds of people that make these arguments are willing to acknowledge that even a little bit?

oh yep that's another thing people do when they are actively being dismissive of another group's issues. like yeah when you position it as "women are being MURDERED on the STREET and you're mad that men can't get a little teary at movies???" like you are actively trying to make it seem lesser. i've literally seen men say that they were told men are ONLY allowed to cry at their mother's funerals. and like you said, "men can't cry" is connected to all the other issues that leads people to not take male victims of abuse seriously and drives male victims of abuse to keep quiet because it's seen as shameful to show weakness. but when u reduce all that down to "men are told not to cry" it's easy to make it sound like nothing (especially if you are a cis woman who has literally no personal experience with how this impacts you)