#some people are the Lindsay themselves and that doesnt make them awful but it does mean they need to work out their shit.

[wilyserpentofeden]

God I have. So many thoughts about what Nina went through. Lindsay is such a perfect example of emotional manipulation that you don't perceive as being an issue in your life because everything they say points to YOU being the problem, even if that's not actually the whole story.

If there is someone in your life that you care about and spend most of your time with saying things like "PLEASE REMEMBER WHAT WE AGREED ABOUT MUTUAL RESPECT?" and "I AM A REAL PERSON. I MATTER. WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?" and "AT LEAST ONE OF US TAKES THIS RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY." then you will slowly start to think "If they're reacting so strongly, what I'm doing must really be hurting them, I must be awful." Lindsay does feel hurt when Nina doesn't say what's going on 100% of the time, but that is because Lindsay only feels safe when there is an element of extreme control in place that restricts Nina from being able to live a life that does not revolve around their relationship. This is framed by Lindsay as worrying and caring about the relationship more than Nina does, so even if Nina does occasionally think "maybe it's a bit ridiculous that I can't be ten minutes late coming home without Lindsay being mad at me" the extreme emotional toll it seems to take on Lindsay will win out, because Lindsay worries and cares and aren't those things that a partner is supposed to do? Stuff like that makes Nina internalize things like "I'm hard work." Nina probably spends an UNIMAGINABLE amount of time reassuring Lindsay after she is locked in her coffee shop with Maggie simply because of very extreme thought distortions Lindsay has blamed her for ("you don't care about me and you're having an affair, that's why you said you got locked in!") when in reality Nina is the one who deserves comfort because she just saw a guy get struck by lightning and was locked in a building with a dead phone and no idea when she would be let out again! Furthermore no reassurance is ever going to help Lindsay actually feel better, Nina can reassure her partner til the cows come home and it will amount to nothing in the end because thought distortions to that degree and feeling unloved or a lack of control when you can't dominate someone's life and time is something that cannot be fixed by another person just being there and holding your hand and saying you're their favorite, it's something that requires a lot of self-reflection and time to work through. When you try to reassure someone who will never believe or trust that you truly care about them, sometimes it ends up just being a fight, and it seems like Lindsay and Nina either fight a lot, or Nina spends a lot of time trying desperately to avoid fighting. Lindsay doesn't make any adjustments for Nina, Nina has to make adjustments for Lindsay constantly, because Nina believes she is the only one making real mistakes thanks to all that Lindsay has told her. But the mistakes are tiny with seemingly incredible weight, "you were a little late, your phone died, you got locked in, you didn't text me when I wanted you to" and regardless of how much they hurt Lindsay, Nina cannot change herself in a way that she can become flawless and pleasing and free of mistakes, Lindsay has to learn coping mechanisms for these feelings without taking it out on anyone else. Maggie shows Nina what it means for someone to actually love her and wait for her and expect nothing in return. Nina isn't ready for that just yet, she has to unlearn all that Lindsay has told her first, but one day she will be.