#some of y'all were splendid and some of y'all can just stop

[soukokumychildren]

Happy 4th!!

Legit nobody asked but I'm a proud American, god damnit. Have a short-ass write based on this shit! Enjoy y'all!

Poe was laughing like a madman, running away from the fuse lit on a Roman fountain flare, stopping short next to Ranpo. Soon flicks of ember began to dissolve, sounding like firecrackers before they bled away into a fountain of sparks, the very definition of the opposite of a waterfall. It repeated the cycle from throwing handfuls of sparks like a flower petals for a bridesmaid to the constant waterfall of sparks.

Soon it came to an end, with the fire dying out. Chuuya barked out in laughter. “Hell yeah, they’re good ones! Give Ranpo these.” In tandem to his comment, he gave Poe a handful of what could have appeared to be cherries, except they had a sandy quality to them, and the end were the green fuse strings. “Tell him to throw ‘em as soon as he lights em.” Chuuya aimed his attention back to the truck full of firework supplies, Dazai picking and choosing which ones to fire off next. Poe nodded wordlessly, jogging lightly over to Ranpo. “U-use these, Ranpo-kun!” He held out his palms with the bag of these cherry-like firecrackers. Or maybe gumdrops. “Oooh?” “Light them and throw them, Chuuya-San instructed.” Poe said stiffly, trying not to stammer in his speech. With a shrug, Ranpo did as he was told, setting the fuse alight, and throwing it. It made a cartwheel of flame, popping around with sparks before it burst into a series of green and white hues. “Oh! Oh! Oh this is so cool!!” Ranpo said excitedly, lighting and throwing a few more.

“Yo! Bitches!” Chuuya was running off from a white tube with sparks disappearing into its center. He flapped his wings to assist in his escape. “Fire in the hole!” He hollered.

Immediately a bang followed a tendril of ember that spiraled into the sky, erupting into a shower of flames with purple and gold ends, tapering off until they dissipated, before they exploded into a series of golden little fireworks like dandelions. “Oh hell yeah! That fucked hard!” Chuuya cawed. Poe stared up in admiration while Ranpo, surprisingly, gaped at the display. “Wanna have the honors?” Chuuya asked, now afloat while his legs crossed, reaching down to Poe, and handing him a bulbous creation, a series of balls wrapped in colorful aluminum in a straight line with a string fuse at the top. “T-that’d be splendid.” Poe looked to Ranpo for a fleeting moment, blushing furiously when his boyfriend made eye contact. Immediately his hand ruffled his Hawaiian shirt, yelping and falling forward to the white tube-like contraption. “Can I try?” Ranpo asked, grabby hands towards the firework in Poe’s hand. Poe babbled, flustered. “W-well erm—be responsible, please—“ Ranpo snatched the thing out of his boyfriends hands, running to the tube and having held a lighter in hand—wait, when did he snatch that from Poe? Oh gosh—

Ranpo lit one, excited, and Chuuya suddenly shot by, flapping his wings to take him away. “GET DOWN!” He shrieked, shoving his wing with Ranpo and himself down. Poe and Dazai covered their heads— The firework tube malfunctioned, and burst into a shower of colorful sparks, but following was an explosion of piercing hot rocks, sailing in every direction. Chuuya hissed as some bounced off his hardening feathers, swearing colorfully. Eventually Poe and Dazai resurfaced. “Everyone okay?” Dazai asked, checking everyone’s conditions. Luckily everyone came out unscathed. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened?" Chuuya hopped over, bending at the knee and keeping his wings tucked, holding them away from his body as he inspected the tube. Ranpo sat up, blinking and shaking his head. "Ooh, wow. I almost blew my head off. The President wouldn't have been happy about that." "Looks like it was just a flawed fuse." Dazai murmured, sliding beside Chuuya while Poe jogged to Ranpo. "A-are you okay Ranpo?" "I'm fine," Ranpo replied with a small grin. "That was…kinda cool! I wanna do that again this time!" Chuuya scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Next time, try not to blow our heads off, 'kay? I ain't getting in trouble for you."

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Just thought I'd tell y'all that I did realize I know of another car with a third brake light that moves during use. The Ferrari lineage, in fact, (as far as I know and remember) has two! One on the top of the rear windshield of the Ferrari 575M Superamerica...

...and one at its bottom.

Yes indeed, for some reason, they thought it would be a swell idea to have an electrochromic glass roof that pivots on and off along with a splendid curved windshield that neatly collects all the rain that poured onto the exposed roof as you were stopping your car to put it up and pours it right into the back of the cabin.

Look, it even has a little funnel where you can put anything you want doused in rainwater! You could put a little plant back there.

You can also see how you have the second brakelight right there. Not a cheap car, this, but for those who have or want to frequently rub their hand on a third brakelight, its convenience is hard to beat. I imagine it's only operational when the top is actually open, but that does beg the question of which, if any, will turn on if you press the brakes while the roof is moving. A question which I am sadly unequipped to answer, so, y'know, if any of y'all have a Ferrari 575M Superamerica, I'd appreciate that.

Which cars are most bisexual?

Ever get the chilling feeling that you made a grave mistake long ago and you are about to reap what you sowed?

In short, I hit some of my friends up to ask for help. In random alphabetical order:

@jettacar suggested the fourth gen Nissan Quest:

"It's like, no one really bought these. They aren't particularly common. But also, there's no one type of person that buys a car like this. Rationality would have you believe only families are buying this, because it's a giant minivan - but i can't immediately think of another car with a wider variety of types of people that own them right now (excluding cars that just sell incredibly well)"

Unfortunately, that made the conversation derail into minivan talk.

Up next, @rabidragon suggested the Fiat Multipla, due to its peculiar seating arrangement of two rows of three seats:

"3 seats in the front for you and your man and your woman".

Indeed, the peculiar thing about the Multipla is its row of three full-sized seats in front (many old cars had a front bench with some having three lap belts, but the Three Individual Front Seats club is as exclusive as it is devoid of prestige) and the many peculiarities that it caused, like off-center pretty much everything (mirror included) because the driver is further to the side than usual and where most of the centered things go there's now a passenger who would like to be.

But the even more peculiar thing about the Multipla is how spectacularly ugly it is. It's one of the few cars I've ever actually seen that manages to be full-on ugly not just outside but inside. Click on any list of ugliest cars in the world and if it doesn't contain the Multipla I can promise you that list was created by a machine that has since been physically shot. And if you're thinking "Well, it's not bad enough to warrant that hyperbole" - you are looking at the second generation. This is the pretty one. I put the first one and its interior at the end of the post under a read more because I genuinely did not want to be responsible for you seeing it.

I noted that Honda's FR-V managed the same seating layout with downright smart looks inside and out...

...and unfortunately that made the conversation derail into engine swap regulation loopholes.

Finally, @chevyventure suggested multiple. In (roughly) his words:

First generation Mazda 3 "It's a hatchback, good for many different uses - and Mazda is a little silly, charming and off the beaten path (if you were getting a Japanese hatchback you'd probably get a Toyota or a Honda) with a cute lil' smile like a Miata"

1988 Volvo 240 Wagon "Volvos are frequent hand me downs from family like all the cool childhood trauma the LGBTQs get"

[Editor's Note: bro.]

Renault Clio "It's peak hotness while also being cute in its own way, not necessarily preferring a masculine or feminine audience. I've never seen an ad for a Clio before, but if my assumptions about the car market are correct my guess is the normal one is kinda marketed towards women"

[Editor's note: So, I wanted to check that, so I just looked up "Renault Clio ad". These were the first two ads I found.

So yeah. I feel it qualifies.]

Unfortunately, talking about the Clio made the conversation derail into TWR's involvement in- oh wait, you're not gonna know about that Clio variant, are you.

So, many racing series can only be entered with racecars based on some production car - which is great for manufacturers, because they get to advertise their brand and one of their models simultaneously! But since there are rules on how much of the base car can be changed and how much of it must be retained, the stricter they are the more what you want as a base for your racecar is something high performance. So when you want to go racing with a dinky little thing like, say, first car to ever use plastic bumpers and only car to ever be called Renault Le Car in America Renault 5...

...what you are going to want to do is what, among many others, Toyota did with the Yaris GR and Lancia did with the Delta: the homologation special. Basically, you make a special version of the car with the characteristics you'd want in racing, sell enough to clear the rules's bar for "production car" (or at least, convince the officials you've done that), and go racing with that. So Renault did that to the 5 and hit up one Marcello Gandini to redesign it around the changes. You know, Marcello Gandini, guy most famous for designing mid-engined Ferrari-slayers:

Which makes sense, because the Renault 5 Turbo was a mid-engined Ferrari slayer. It was faster than the top-of-the-line Ferrari both in acceleration and in cornering speed. This thing.

(sidenote: The Interior. end of sidenote)

Well, twenty years on, some legend at Renault thought "You know what? We were onto something with that. Let's do that again but HARDER." Presumably, into the headquarters of Tom Walkinshaw Racing, a racing team that developed for Aston Martin, F1 teams, and made Jaguar's Fastest Production Car Ever record holder, and of course a fuckton of the most exciting racecars around, showed up uninvited that Renault madman saying "Y'all wanna work on something REAL prestigious?" before chucking them the keys to a second generation Clio and walking off with a "Don't thank me".

The result was the Clio V6, most notable for HAVING A FUCKING V6 WHERE THE BACKSEATS WERE. This car is genuinely incredible. Like, you see it and you go "Ooh ahh, the Clio V6!" and you look inside to see, you know, the huge V6 compartment thing and you see the interior and you realize this thing cost good sportscar money and when you got in it was a fucking Clio.

Mental stuff- wait shit this post was about bisexual cars wasn't it? How did the conversation derail like this? I swear this never happens. Well, I guess it's time for my pick.

Personally, chatting with Mr. Venture about hatchbacks, I realized that I cannot think of a more "girls car" than a Fiat 500 Cabriolet (which actually is called 500C) and cannot think of a more "boys car" than a Fiat 500 Abarth (which actually is called Abarth 500)...

...so how about the Fiat 500 Cabriolet Abarth?

It actually isn't called that but I think you could piece that together. As though a spoiler on a canvas roof wasn't weird enough, it contains the third brake light, probably making this the only car out there in which it can change position during use. Although I assure you, you're not gonna be thinking about that when driving it. Thing's a RIOT.

But honestly, that wasn't what I started off wanting to answer. So, last but most definitely not least, I candidate my first, gut-reaction answer: the NA Mazda Miata.

See, to me bisexuality (and pansexuality, but awareness of the nuances between them is so low they may as well be picked over flag preference) is someone appreciating all the beauty in the world, seeing no point in gatekeeping themselves out of half of it. And is that not what a spider is about? Is it not about saying "this world we're in is so full of beauty, who would rather blind themselves to half of it?". And look at the damn thing. It's bursting with exactly the kind of joie de vivre one would associate with such sentiment. It oozes enthusiastic curiosity. OwO what's this?: The Car.

Also, just look at this picture.

It can drift. IT CAN WINK. IT CAN WINK MID-DRIFT. I mean, what more than this degree of flirtatious playfulness can you possibly need to be convinced?

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

...

...are they gone? I think they're gone.

The Multipla pictures are down here. Go on then if you're gonna, you sick fuck.

If you have dealt with traumatic tumor-related experiences and seeing that dashboard caused you genuine discomfort, well, do not say I didn't warn you.

[recalcitrantlycaffeinated]

So apparently Reddit noticed me

I don’t know how to verify my identity there, so here’s some comments:

I’m not trans, and I don’t look even mildly androgynous.  I look like the American Girl doll Molly and I was dressed that day like I had come from the prairie.  I was also wearing the backpack I’ve had since college.  I’m also four foot nine.

Those of you cheerfully giving advice on how to look 16 instead of 12: I’ve literally aged three years since this post originally went up, but people continued to think I was 12 until I cut all of my hair off.  People have indeed started thinking I am 16 instead.  I regret everything.

I did in fact hit puberty and in fact have all the appropriate proportions for my height, but the height is just...too much for adults to comprehend sometimes, especially when combined with my questionable fashion choices, which are 90% thrift store and 10% Target clearance racks.

I do also have a very young-looking face.  People have been thinking I was a child for quite some time now.  I filled elderly people at a hospital with consternation when I worked there.  People who came to my various McDonald’s would occasionally question whether I was of legal working age.  Then again, they also questioned whether I was Amish or not, so that should tell you part of why these misunderstandings keep happening.

I once dated a guy with a massive beard who looked way older than me.  People used to give us dirty looks in public.  I don’t miss that.

Sometimes I don’t get carded at all, but my best friends also look like high schoolers so when we all go out together we’re usually all assumed to be 19 or 20.  My husband has Perpetual 5 O’Clock Shadow so he ages us out of middle school at least.  One of these friends was with me in the airport that day, so us both being together probably exacerbated the problem.

The person who said people like me are part-hamster: I love you.  This is the most ridiculous explanation I’ve ever heard.

To the person who said I probably looked like Ariana Grande in a sweatshirt and leggings, I love you.  You can stay.  You’re wrong but you can stay.

I have definitely been given a kids menu on a date before.  It’s...not great.

You don’t understand how much I want blue hair.  I have been working at jobs where blue hair was not allowed since I was 16.  I am now 28.  I am contemplating quitting my job in the next few years to Become a Parent and you can bet your butt I’m going to dye my entire hair blue the second that happens.  Snapchat just came out with a colorful hair lens and I send my husband pictures of me with “blue hair” all the time.

I don’t have any genetic form of dwarfism, just super-small parents.

I’m a white person.  Not so white that the sun burns me whenever I see it, but definitely way more Italian/Sicilian blood than anything else in me.  So you can’t blame the TSA agent’s assumption on my race.

...if y’all were trying to imply that I have at any point conjured this young-looking image in order to gain attention from older men who are into children...y’all are gross.  No one who has talked to me for more than fifteen minutes has thought I was a child.

I was not wearing makeup that day at all

I did not make this up.  How dare you.  I was just trying to share a cute story about a lovely TSA lady and y’all are trying to tell me my life is fake.

Pssst I’m not heterosexual but that has nothing to do with what I look like.

To the person who was sad there wasn’t a picture but then said “hmm maybe that would be a bad idea considering this is the internet”; I love you.  I have gotten enough weird sex messages without there being pictures of me online.  I’m tired of blocking people.

Y’all are saying I’m going to enjoy this more when I’m in my 30′s or 50′s or whatever.  You’re wrong.  I’m going to enjoy this most when I get pregnant and I still look like a teenager and I can offend every single person I see who doesn’t know me just by my existence.

I do buy children’s shoes, and also children’s workout gear, but by and large the current children’s fashions are not for me.

I don’t take advantage of children’s prices at museums, etc. but I was once in Europe on a trip with super religious people.  The only time I have EVER seen them lie to get ahead was repeatedly lying about my age to get cheaper tickets.

Okay y’all who are doubling down on me being a liar: I don’t airport much, but I can tell you that the lady was already giving me instructions about what was coming up as she was holding my information but before looking at it, because apparently I looked like a scared rabbit or something.  Then she looked at it and realized her mistake.  Then I unzipped my shoes (...I’m not helping myself here am I) and went through the whole put your stuff in a bin and walk through a metal detector thing.

Any other questions??  Doubts??  Theories??  I’m here to answer things but I just don’t know how to Reddit.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Can we get the brothers and undatables being at one of Diavolos parties and a nobles starts telling MC that The brothers and undatables don’t really care about them. They start telling them that they are just Diavolos pawn and Lilliths replacement. BTW I love your writing it’s honestly some of my favorite pieces in the fandom.

Some of-of your f-favourite pieces in the fandom??!! Um Chile anyways- OMG!! Y'all are too sweet to me!!! Thank you so much!

I'm not going to lie, I got shocked when I saw another requested this as I just finished writing section for this ask but my brain is dumb and really focused on one sentence and read it utterly wrong

Part 2 - ending

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ah, so you're the human I've been hearing so much about."

You turned around to see a Noble, you bowed at him with a smile.

"oh- hello, who are you? If the human you've been hearing about is (Y/N) then Yep! That's me!"

"splendid! I'm so glad I finally get to meet you, I've heard so much from Diavolo and news sources, you wouldn't mind humouring me for a dance and talk?"

"it'll be my honour." You took his arm, letting him guide you to the dance floor.

You could feel the brothers eyes on you, watching closely to how you rested your hands on the demons shoulder. All of them slowly stalking as you two danced.

"what is it like being a human in the Devildom?"

"scary...at first but now I feel like it's my home! I really can't imagine being anywhere else."

"free housings, connections to the most powerful beings in this realm and outside, pacts with the the 7 brothers and having them do anything you desire."

"I mean- I guess? It's nothing like that or that I'm using them, it's a long story - I love them all very much."

"you may not be using them but they're definitely using you, we're demons after all and there is nothing more precious to us than a soul likes yours."

You were suddenly pulled through the crowd, his dancing becoming quicker and sharp as if sensing the brothers watching him.

"don't you realize you're just the princes pawn? A small piece of a puzzle of his 'plans' - do you really think a demon of his importance would really care about bringing peace?! It's all but a ruse and you're just helping him fulfil it."

"that's not true! Diavolo is a kind and thoughtful man, he wants peace and I will be a stepping stone for that to happen - after all I am a link to all three realms."

"human with demon pacts and ancestral connections to both the brothers and angels - how is it being the ancestor to Lilith? I heard she was a real doll but such a shame she risked it all for some moral, have they ever compared you two?"

"how do you know about my ancestor? They've- never properly made a comparison and I'm sure they mean it in an affectionate way-!"

"don't you ever feel like a replacement? I heard since the discovery they've treated you even better, that can't be a coincidence."

Your blood went cold as your heart collapsed into your stomach. Your eyes glancing to the brothers In the distance. You knew he wasn't right but apart of you was scared. After all, he knew so much that you didn't think anyone outside of your social circle would know. How did he know all this?

"we went through something really traumatic together, it was bound to make us closer-"

"just admit it, you know you're being use but you just won't accept it because you're scared of facing and truth and being left - is there something unpleasant waiting for you in the human world? Is that why you're so willing to be preyed upon?"

"it's not like that..."

He suddenly dipped you, you clutched to his shoulder as tears glazed your eyes.

"isn't it? Can you confidently say it isn't?"

"yes.." your voice came out shaky and distant, you wanted to be confident but you couldn't.

"they don't care about you, all they want is to use you, make it easier on yourself and leave, run as fast as you can and never come back to the devildom."

Lucifer:

He was the first to reach you after your dance with the Noble

He twirled you so you would face him

"what did he say to you? You're crying."

"it's nothing..."

He opened his mouth to press on but he saw you grit your teeth

Glaring at the dance floor as you two stepped to the music

"If he threatened you then I'll handle him, it's no issue for me to do so."

You just shook your head

"stop being so overprotective, I know you don't actually like having to look after me, just stop forcing yourself."

"That's not true, I look after you because I care about you, it's become more than a duty."

You just clicked your tongue, pushing yourself away from him, disappearing into the crowd

Mammon:

Mammon held your hand, hugging you from behind as you two swayed

"You don't look too happy, are you overwhelmed?"

"I am now that you're here."

Which wasn't a lie, you felt so conflicted and betrayed, having him around just made you want to cry

He frowned, spinning you around

"oi, what's that all about? If I did something you gotta be honest with me,I swear I didn't steal nothing."

"I'd prefer it if you did, then being mad at you wouldn't feel so horrible."

He raised a brow

He was completely confused on why you were acting like this

"Was it that noble guy? Did he say something to you? I swear when I find him-"

You shook your head, moving away from him

"You're not going to do anything, you're a coward - just stop pestering me."

You felt awful but you didn't do anything to fix it, just running away from the shocked demon

Levithan:

"You here to take a break? Join you, I will."

He pointed to the empty spot smiling at himself for his Yoda voice

You wanted to feel bad but right now you were extremely upset

"Yeah, I do, I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"I get that but Lucifer said someone's has to be with you but I don't blame you for not wanting me to do it-"

You snarled

"can you not make this about you?! I just don't wanna deal with anymore demons!"

You shuffled closer into yourself, eyes subconsciously finding the noble you talked to

Levi followed your gaze, his Insecure angst turning into annoyance

"That noble did something....it's okay to speak up, we can go to prince-"

"go away! I don't want to keep hearing you pretend to care about me!"

He was stunned

You suddenly stood up and trudged away from Levi, seeking out the bathroom

Satan:

You ducked away from the crowd of demons

Sticking close to the wall as you clutched your arms

The nobles clawing at your mind as you stared to the side

"Did you enjoy the dancing? You look tired, I know a good hiding spot."

"Where is it?"

"I'll take you there-"

He went to grab your shoulder but you just shrugged him away

Not daring to look at him

"just tell me where it is, I'll get there on my own just fine."

Satan turned his head, trying to get a better look at your expression

But you just stepped away from him

"if you're not going to tell me I'm going to go find it myself-"

He grabbed your wrist, cutting you off

"Was it that noble? What did he say to you?"

His anger flared as he glared at the noble

You Yanked your wrist away, frowning

"wouldn't you like to know?! Just let me- just let me breathe-!"

He paused, inhaling a deep breath

You took that moment to run off, wanting to escape the situation

Asmodeus:

"oh (Y/N)~!! I'm so glad you're finally free, when I saw that guy dancing with you I got so jealous, I thought you were going to give me all your dances?"

He playfully pouted whilst holding your hands

When he saw you weren't smiling his chipper mood immediately dropped

You moved away from him, Unable to pull your thoughts together

"what's wrong..? Did he say something?"

You shook your head

Should you tell him? But what if they treat you different?

What if it really is all a fake?

"I just need to get some air."

"oh! I'll come with you!"

He springed up, grabbing your hand once again

You threw yourself back in panick

"NO-! I mean- no thank you."

You quickly dashed to the nearest balcony ignoring the murmurs in the ballroom

Beezlebub:

You bumped into one of the many buffet tables

Avoiding an active ballroom wasn't easy

"you're not dancing anymore? Want to sit with me?"

You jumped, somehow surprised Beel was at a buffet table

"no....I'm good, I'm going to the dorm."

"Already? Do you need me to walk you home? It's pretty late."

You shook your head

You wanted to chew him out for being so kind of you

Your overwhelming emotions rising as you tried to stay dismissive

"Just tell the Brothers I'm leaving, I think I'm going to head back home."

Beel raised a brow

You looked away from his confused expression

"my real home, I need to leave the Devildom."

"you're upset from your dance with the noble, we can talk about instead of you leaving-"

"I need a break."

You repeated, your voice becoming irritated and cold

You held back your frustration and left the party

Belphegor:

"Are you leaving?"

You yelped, knocking your hand on the main door

You just wanted to slip out of the party but it seems you'd have to confront one of the brothers

Belphegor yawned, rubbing his eye

He was sleeping in the coat closet until you woke him up by your footsteps

"yes- I'm tired of this party."

"I'm tired aswell, let's go together, I'm ready to sleep."

He shuffled out of the closet but you put your hands out Infront of you

"go sleep in the palace, I don't want to be around you or-or any of you-!"

"Was it that noble? I felt jealous when I saw you two dancing together but now it seems I shouldn't of, he said something to you, didn't he? What did he say?"

You didn't even realize he saw you or was awake when that happened

You backed up until you bumped into the door

Belphegor cornered you

Wanting his questions answered but you just shoved him back

"leave me alone-! I know you're just see me as an replacement!"

You slammed the door after you and sprinted back to the dorms

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

"I see you're expanding your circle, I'm glad- why do you look so upset?"

"it's nothing, my Lord-"

You both stopped

You haven't referred to him like that since the beginning of the exchange program

He leaned down to get a better look at you, eyes darting over the conflicted and slightly Horrified expression

Both of your gazes landed on the noble

"What did he say to you? If he made you uncomfortable or threatened you, I'll deal with this-"

He tried to give you a comforting pat on the shoulder but you pushed your body away

"Quit it! Stop trying to act like you care."

You were sure if people saw your interaction they'd be glaring at you

Thinking of your audacity

But Diavolo was worried about you

He knew that Nobel has hurt you

"I do care for you, we all do - please tell me what happened."

You covered your ears, tears pricking your eyes

You shook your head and ran away

Needing space to figure out your thoughts and your emotions

Barbatos:

You trudged past Everyone, growing irritated with yourself

Were you really going to believe that guy? But it seemed to make sense

If it wasn't right then why did you feel this way?

"here, you look as if you need it."

He hands you a handkerchief

You took it slowly, looking at him with distrust

You frowned as he just smiled at you patiently

"why do you even care? Is it because of the prince?"

"I'm simply helping because I desire to, it seems Someone is causing an issue with you."

"Don't you know everything? You should know exactly what's wrong....you don't have to keep acting all vague in hopes it'll throw me off, I know you all are-"

He tilted his head, eyes squinting with an almost annoyed expression

"nevermind....Just leave me alone."

"I will but it is best to remind you that the Noble you're trusting Is not the type of man you want to be around, he is using you not the other way round."

Your froze

Unsure how to respond, you clutched the handkerchief as you gritted your teeth

You quickly ran off not wanting to confront your emotions

Solomon:

Isn't this Fun? I've even made a few pacts whilst here-"

"why are we even here? Do you ever feel like we're not actually wanted? Just being used?"

Your eyes flickered between Diavolo and the noble

Rubbing your arm as you tried to soothe yourself

Solomon followed your eyes

Clicking his tongue

"I see, that nobles gotten to your head, don't fear my apprentice, I'll fix this."

He rolled up his sleeves but you just grabbed his arm

You felt stupid for thinking you two could be on the same thought process

Was it really just the Nobel Getting to you???

But what you're feeling feels so real and so genuine - this feeling of just being a pawn or a replacement to them

"No...it's silly to think we'd be on the same page, they have much more history with you meanwhile all I have is being their sister's ancestor."

You walked off leaving the wizard to mewl over your words

You didn't stay to find out what would happen now that Solomon knew the gist of what the Nobel said to you

Simeon:

As you charged away from the party you suddenly bumped into Someone

Simeon grabbed your arms as he steadied you

But that's when he noticed your teary eyes

"Oh, what's wrong? You look upset."

"I want to leave this party."

You frowned, holding his arms whilst he held you

You glanced at the demons on the dance floor

"Are you sure? The brothers will be upset with your sudden disappearance-"

You huffed

Pushing yourself away from Simeon as. got ready to just leave by yourself

"if you don't take me back then I'll just go myself."

He was caught off by your sudden change in mood

Realizing something really harsh must of happened he grabbed your hands and wiped under your eye

"Wipe your tears, I'm sure Luke will be thrilled to see you in purgatory hall."

And just like that he walked you out of ball

A few shouts from the brothers rang in your eyes but you just sped up your pace

[nana-sanblog]

You are the only one who can visit Katsuki Bakugou's dorm room (Bakugou x Y/N)

The title, it is what it is.

Bakugou and you have been dating each other for three months now. In most of the time, y'all would just hangout in your dorm room instead of his.

Playing video games (Animal Crossing especially, Bakugou insisted), discussing homework and fighting styles, kissing, snuggling, taking naps together...… You name it.

Speaking of his room, you were curious about that too.

Correction: The rest of 2-A classmates ARE feeling the same way.

Like, what does his room look like? What kind of decoration his room is having? Does his room as emo as he?

No idea, but you gave up on that not long time ago. You thought that it isn't that important though, it's not like how his room look like will stop you from loving your awesome grenade boi.

What? Calling him boom boom boi? You did it before, but he dislikes it, saying that it is so stupid and childish.

For the one who named 'Dynamight' as his hero name, he is the one who talks.

Back to the topic.

The summer holiday arrives, everyone in 2-A Hero course went back to visit their family, except Bakugou and you.

Bakugou's parents went to Hawaii for n-th honeymoon vacation, right before the school holiday starts.

'It must be that old hag's plan, tch.' Bakugou said, but you found him isn't that angry though, hmmm you wonder why.

While your parents who both work as heroes are having a mission in another country, and you don't want to be alone in that big ass bungalow. So, you chose to stay in the dorm instead.

Due to this and due to that, both of you are now staying in your dorm room. Bakugou even brought all his study materials to your room, which now makes your room slightly messier.

'Bakugou monsieur excuse me, your room is just next to mine???' You cried.

'Yeah, so what?' He answered while doing Aizawa sensei's homework.

'Oh.My.God.'

✨The audacity✨

'Take some of your shits outta my room, this room is getting fully occupied.' You put your palm on forehead, sighed at the books and stuffs of Bakugou's that are using most of the walking space in your room.

Bakugou remained silent for a while, when you are thinking about bribing him with some extra hot&spicy ramens, he cut into your mind.

He said:' We are moving to my room then, let's go. 'at the same time, he starts to pack his stuffs, indicating that he was talking about the real shit.

Nani the fuck?

You realised something is going on, you asked him:' R-are we going to your room?' He never let anyone enters his room before though.

Is he okay with that, now you are worried that maybe you went too far, you shouldn't talked to him like that just now.

'Look Katsuki I'm very sorry for nagging at you, it is totally okay if we stay in my room alright? Please babe don't be sad-' You tried to comfort him with a very soft tone, close to a point that you would even use baby toy at him like ‘gugugaga don’t be sad’.

'What the fuck is wrong with you, I'm not, stop being an ass and take your shits to my room. You have 5 minutes.' He said as he left your room with his stuffs, leaving you alone by yourself.

'Hmmm......' Tons of thought are now flying across your mind.

Should you rush to the nearby convenience store to get some rubber?

You have to say, Bakugou is pretty minimalistic; his pillow and blanket are in dark blue color, sunlight in the morning shines through the clean white sheer curtain into the room, while the white wallpaper makes the overall room looks bright and simple.

'The fuck I am thinking about, calm down Y/N, just pack up any thing then go to his room.' You slapped yourself in the face.

Hmmm......

There is a set of dumbbells on the floor, it reminds you of his stiff muscles. As your sight rests on a wooden book shelf, you managed to see something that surprised you.

Romance manga??? You look at Bakugou again, he is still concentrating on his homework. You gulped.

‘Babe, can I read them? These look interesting.’ You asked carefully.

‘Yeah, go ahead.’ He answered with an eye contact with you.

You chuckle, throwing out random questions at him while you are choosing which to read: ‘I like to read manga too, especially romance and shoujo genre, how about you?’

‘I just read it.’ Straight to the point.

‘......’ Being speechless, you then proceed to the next question: ‘You never let anyone enter here though, may I know why?’

‘I hate having those extras in my room, they only cause a mess.’ He answered like there was no second thought.

You quickly proceed: ‘ Then why did you let me be here?’

Bakugou makes that confused grumpy face at you, ‘ Huh?’ he asked, as if you said something stupid just now.

‘You are my girlfriend duh, it is different than those extras.’

‘Which part of it is different though?’ At this point you aren’t asking questions anymore, it’s more like messing with your boyfriend.

‘You are going to be with me for the rest of our life, that’s the fucking difference dumbass, do you need a brain check?’ He yelled, he looks so pissed off, as if what he said is a common sense that everyone should be having.

You blushed, turning you face away from him so that he can’t see your face.

‘Damn, Bakugou.’ You whispered.

Grenade boi is surprisingly good at this, it’s probably thanks to these romance manga.

‘Oi dumbass, you took too long to choose, what’s the problem?’ Bakugou asked.

‘It’s nothing, have you watched the animated one of this manga?’ You show him the cover of a manga. The manga is beat-up, it looks like the owner has read it for many time.

Bakugou wake up from his bed, he look surprised at your suggestion: ‘It has animated?’ he exclaimed.

‘Uhh, yeah, and I bought it from Amazon too.’

‘......’

‘So you wanna watch it or nah?’

‘We are watching that in the living area.’ He looks so determined, as determined as to when he was fighting with villains.

So both of you spent the whole day binge watching that romance anime series while cuddling with each other. Although it’s just the third day of the holiday, you already take it as a splendid one. 

‘Hey Katsuki, I like you.’

‘No shit dumbass, I like you too.’

[thirstyforred]

in the light of the FUCKING STELLAR NEWS of The Witcher 1 Ramake and copy-pasting my discord ramblings from few weeks ago

another Rod though, bc y'all love to enable me 🥰

somewhere between the acts of tw1 Foltest throws a tournament. for some reason, maybe Adda's 30-something birthdays (sic) or her engagement with Radovid (tho im half sure they got actually engaged after the striga shenanigans).

anyway there's a tournament in Vizima and you will very easily guess who competes 😌

and bc it's not enough for temerian nobles to be slightly annoyed that the wet weasel is surprisingly good at this knightly sporty stuff, Adda makes a move that's 100% calculated to make everyone mad. as the lady in name of whom this whole even takes place, it's customary that she would, symbolically, give someone her ribbon or something as a mark of her favor. and it's not completely out of the left field to give it to Roderick, he is her adjutant or whatever.

But everyone hates it. Foltest is like 'daughter of mine, your very likely future husband is watching, wtf"

Radovid is like 17, so whatever he thinks it's personal

temerian nobles are like bleh cunt de Wetter 🤢 bc he's just that annoying

Jacques is trying to make a good face, but apparently, none of his lectures about maybe Rod growing some spine were ever listened, and also operation "getting into Adda's good graces" was supposed to be secret, and it's hard to keep it that way when now everyone assumes they're fuckin 😒

Rod also hates it, but only after agents of Redanian Intelligence visit him and break his arm

it does bring out memories of the last time…

Rod ofc gets his arm fixed in like an hour, thanks to being in a gay catholic cult. but he thinks "well, last time something like this happend, it was bc my father decided to be a bitch, and then i did nothing to retaliate, but what if? this time i was the bitch?" and then he challenges r5 to duel

yes, radko is like 15 years younger than rod, but he didn't spent all these 15 years of his life training. no, he was getting bullied by his cousins, and then traumatised by mages, and then he just became a kid king

(im extremely fond of the hc that both Siegfried and Aryan are Radovid's cousins, their moms are related, and Radko was back then a bit younger than the other two, and anyway aryan sort of seems like a mean type, and thinking about sieg successfully bulling someone is very funny to me, and besides radko is just this vindictive over-reactive type)

ppl try to laugh it off, like yeah sure, count de Wett, that's sure a great joke, amazing jest, splendid prank, but you can't duel a king, lol different social standings or something like that

so rod pulls out his fantasy nilf ID, to prove that actually? with the death of Joachim de Wett, now he, rod, hold the title of prince (of whatever the fuck they were princes of back in nilf)

(the fact that joachim died executed for treason is strategically glossed over lol)

so as a prince, who was deeply offended and bodily harmed, he actually can duel whoever the fuck he wants

since in the north princes are most often just a stepping stone to being a king, no one actually thinks to argue with him on that 🤷

JdA who makes it his whole thing to know what his men are capable of, take rod on the side and tells him: I won't stop you, bc chaos is the ladder, ya'know, but for fucks sake, try to just humiliate him and not straight up kill the king of redania, ok? can you do that for me?

and rod is obviously :flunched: bc jda believes he will win? and asks him to not do something, for him specifically? :flunched: :flubbed:

(but truth is that jacques is ready to, worst-case scenario, set radko on fire, bc well, in the end rod is also his horny lemming pet project, and ppl can't just damage it. and it's bad enough that adda is writing on rod like he's a blackboard 😒 )

foltest is willing to let this whole thing thru, bc he just thinks it's a prime entertainment at this point. and well, it's more of adda's problem anyway. maybe it will teach her something, unlikely, but still adda gripes with the fact that she knows rod is lying about princedom, bc he hates his father and would never invoke him like that, meaning he's very pissed now. but also the fact that it's actually only partially a lie? and adda somehow forgot that this dude she's sleeping with, who seems to be in love with her, is actually in position where wouldn't get chased off if he tried to ask for her hand in marriage? but he never even mentioned it before?

just adda lying to herself that she's not stressing about whether or not rod would want to marry her if he can

radovid is delusional about his chances and manages to guild trip siegfried into helping him 'train'. actually he's just gonna guilt trip sieg into being his second/representative in the duel. about which siegy is obviously not very ecstatic

come to it, siegfried can totally wipe the floor with rod, and everyone know that, but like, he doesn't actually want to support radko in whatever this is

ok, but spinning this concept a bit more, it could actually be turned into a quest, or even a whole new act extravaganza

reds hire me to write tw1 remake!

player would be in power of solving the situation, helping rod or rad (lmao), or just somehow screwing both of them

like you could stick to Adda's 'storyline' and by influencing her make her choose which of them she should continue showing support and thus win. or maybe make her stop them both idk

i mean there's like 3 endings here, but just the ways of getting there are multiple

even adding yaevinn and elves to the mix wouldn't be thaat hard, they for sure would try some terrorist shit, hey, maybe gerult can actively help them in it? let's cover all the possible choices :cryingevillaugh:

alvin is there, completely entranced by gay cult and very cool grandmaster

salamandra is there, professor high as kite, they're selling so much fantasy coke

replace Siegfried as radkos champion, congrats rod gets to die in shame and jda is pissed bc now someone else will have to curse adda lol

[queensdivas]

Peonies Chapter 8

It has been a while since I've posted about Grigor or The Great. Y'all I have been busy with finals and another fic on archive that has been my favorite thing to write. If you've ever watched The Terror from AMC then you'll enjoy this.

But I haven't forgot about one of my favorite fics. Never.

Other than that! Here we go after weeks of not writing.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

The idea of falling asleep after today just sounds nauseating. Seeing the horrors in front of me then coming back to my apartment for Peter wanting to kill me. Then for Grigor to storm off due to the fact that he thought I would lay with my own cousin by marriage. Yes I’m well aware that’s still a common practice amongst the Monarchs of the world but not in my book!

Turning my head to watch the flames slowly begin to die down before my eyes. The room was beginning to spiral into that infamous Russian cold. I didn’t feel like throwing another log on since part of me thinks I deserve to be in the wintry world that I have chosen to live in.

This plan for making Catherine the ruler of all Russia is becoming stale. What have we done that’s been achievable anyhow! Go to the front to feed a bunch of soldiers! You saw what happened when I alone tried to help Peter! Catherine influenced a new Patriarch yet the women of the court still find Catherine to be an annoyance. There has been absolutely no effort or somewhat change Catherine has done to make things more in her favor. God she is a child thrown into a world that she has no idea what she's doing. Although I should be guiding...but...

What good am I doing here! I feel as if I’m just now a fuck toy for Grigor to feel a womens touch since his wife is with the Emporer on a daily basis! Throwing the blanket off me to march over to the nearest vase and chuck it across the room!

A screech left my body as I cleared everything off the vanity onto the floor. I could feel the blood rushing through me for this anger to spiral out of control! This stupid country! Grabbing a book to throw it against the wall!

THIS STUPID COUNTRY!

HOW CAN ONE FUCKING BELONG TO THIS COURT!

HOW CAN ONE SINGLE HUMAN BE SUCH AN ABSOLUTE MORON! AND YES THAT HUMAN IS ME!

WHY DOESN’T HE TRUST ME!

I’M NOT HIS WIFE!

THIS STUPID GOD DAMN COUNTRY!

IT’S MAKING ME QUESTION EVERY SINGLE THREAD OF INSANITY I HAVE BECAUSE THE MAN I’M BEGINNING TO FALL FOR HAS MAJOR TRUST ISSUES! CAN’T HE SEE THAT I AM A ONE MAN ONE WOMEN SORT OF WOMAN!

YES I’M A WHORE TO A MAR….

Huh...would you look at that Chiara? All because he lit a fire under your own ass because everyone else around you stays clear of it.

I…..

I feel nothing….

Maybe the cold will make me feel something in this empty body. Grabbing the handles of the window to pull them out. They smacked against the walls for the wind to soar through my room. It flew through my hair for the first few seconds for it to stop. The cold swaddled me up but I didn’t move from the window.

I do not deserve the things I have been given in life. For I am a cold hearted bitch with almost no remorse in my actions. I could possibly kill a hundred people and proclaim it to be for the greater good. No sense of remorse or sadness.

How could Grigor want to love someone as vile as me..I am cold..evil. Someone like me doesn’t deserve the warm embrace of what love is. This lust is beginning to form into the most dangerous tool one can have in their life. For it can bring life and destroy it in a matter of seconds.

I miss his touch..the way his fingers would glide across my arm as we snuggled together on the bed. The way he kissed my forehead after a long time of making love. Him showing me his drawings and I know he’s drawing me in my sleep! It hurts to feel this sort of way! I don’t want to feel anything! This feeling is almost heart wrenching and...beautiful.

My breathing began to choke till the only warmth that was on my body was the singular tear that had escaped my eye. I’m not a crier. Though we Italians embrace our emotions and turn it into something beautiful, I think this tear is a sense of relief. If I didn’t feel anything. I wouldn’t be whimpering in front of an open window.

A gentle beat from the door echoed through my room as I didn’t even move. If Peter was sending his soldiers to kill me I get the feeling there would be no knock. Please let it be Grigor. I need to feel his touch and tell him the truth. Not all of it but at least enough that I don’t spoil my plans for Catherine.

I closed the window to hurry over to the fire and toss a log in. If it’s Grigor then he probably would prefer something a little warmer. Please him please. Grabbing my robe to put it on as I opened the door. My eyes expanded from the confusion of who was standing before me in my bed robes.

“Elizabeth?” Well if she was coming to kill me I imagine my room has some sort of secret entrance and would’ve done it in my sleep.

“I hope I didn't disturb you. I think we need to have a little chat.”

“We do?” Dear God if Peter opened his mouth about what he started and what I finished I’m going to go kill him myself!

“Yes. May I come in?” Taking a step back for the door to open. She was in her bed clothes as she noticed the mess I had made in my room.

“The work of Peter no less?” I kept my mouth shut for once waiting for her to say something more. She’s going to defend Peter as much as she can. Probably for his own father who I imagine she secretly loved. From my understanding Peter the Great was also quite promiscuous just like his mother. A family of harlots.

“I heard from Peter what happened here early today. I highly doubt that you called him a bastard since he can be quite over dramatic.” So she’s aware that he’s a sniffling bastard whose inability to rule is quite prominent.

“Not talking much tonight are you? Usually you have a comment to say if I were in here talking about Peter.”

“For once Elizabeth. I could truly give a shit about Peter and his antics. I’m not here to please him and make him happy. I’m here for Catherine and making her more comfortable with her new station.” Try not to think that we might kill her own Nephew in a good amount of time. If not by Catherine then by the military.

“You’re not angry that he was in here and wanted to kill you?” She sat down in front of the fire in the love seat for me to stand before here.

“Your nephew. My cousin by marriage is a harmless little bug in my life Elizabeth. His actions were not even worth a single drop of sweat from my brow.”

“Did the stabbing of a major General not scare you? As an outsider I thought it would have scared you horribly.”

“Not scared. More gasping which then leads to utter annoyance. I am more than capable of handling Peter when he’s in a state of anger trying to kill me. What do you even want because I would like some sort of rest.”

“Be more gentle when it comes..

“Just because his mother was a horrid woman does not excuse his actions Elizabeth! That’s saying Zeus should be considered a kind man even though he raped Leda because of his own mental state. Peter thinks of him as Zeus when in reality he is worse than Hades himself! Life is horrid Elizabeth and constantly blaming his issues on his mother is disgusting and you standing here trying to defend him holds you accountable for his actions.”

“What an interesting comparison. You are a very bright woman and that wicked tongue is able to strike anyone down.”

“I can strike down anyone with tongue and steel.” Taking in a sharp breath to walk over to a full bottle of sweet red wine.

“Would you like a glass?” Asking for her to nod. Popping off the court to grab two glasses then bringing two glasses over for us. Sitting down across from here to begin pouring her a glass. She motioned for me to stop for me to pour myself some as well.

“I apologise dear Aunt Elizabeth. I sometimes forget to catch my tongue before it falls out of my head.” We both took a long drink to the point when we were done I had to pour a little more between us.

“It’s quite alright. I’m just grateful you didn’t kill my beloved Nephew before it was too late.” Before I could answer the doors bursted open.

“Excuse me mam?” Turning to see a serf was standing by the door of my world. Did something happen to Fernanda?

“Zasha? What is it?” Elizabeth stood up from my chair to approach her.

“It’s the Emperor. He’s fallen gravely ill.” Well. That is going to solve our problems much faster than I thought it was going to happen. She wrapped herself around her robe as we began walking out of my bedroom.

“Why are you coming? I thought you despised him” She asked for me to nod but was still walking.

“We’re family by marriage. He is now my cousin whether I like it or not.” Turning the corner to see that Orlo, George...and Grigor were waiting outside the room. Splendid. I imagine his wife was ready to lay in bed yet stumbled into that mess.

“From what I’ve seen and heard it sounds bad. A lot of vomit and blood.” Orlo told us to stand next to Orlo. One of the priests that was in the room came out with the black mask on his face to then take it off before us.

“You may not enter the room. For it might be contagious till the doctor tells you differently. For he’s running a high fever, a lot of vomiting, and has been seeing strange visions. The Archbishop is there with him now. He’ll tell you more once he comes out.” Is...Is that vomit on his mask? Or...dear god. He walked past us heading down the hall towards the apartments.

“How is he?” Catherine came in with a very well detailed look of uneasiness.

“Very ill.” Elizabeth told Catherine for my eyes to drift over to Grigor. He was holding onto George but staring directly at me. Stupid man. Stupid man!

“Can we go in?” Catherine asked Orlo but I’m assuming not.

“Well everyones being kept out here.”

“In fear of contagion.” Finally looking at Grigor again for us to lock eyes for a brief instant till I turned to Catherine.

“He’s been vomiting continuously throughout the night, and he runs a high fever, and he has fits of wild delirium.”

“The Doctor and Archbishop are with him.” I told her to place my hands on her shoulder to give some comfort to this poor wife and my cousin. The door opened for a child to come out with a bowl filled with blood and vomit. Not to mention his entire body was covered head to toe in Peters upchuck...and from the smell..the back door was also used as well.

“Excuse me.” Oh the smell! Covering my nose for Grigor and I to look at one another again. He doesn’t look concerned. Is that a smile?

We all leaned into the doorway to see what was happening in there since we could only hear the sound of Peter vomiting and coughing more and more. I did the sign of the cross to hold onto my cross necklace. I don’t pray for Peter. But I pray for the Doctor inside the room that he stays safe from whatever disease has fallen upon Peter. Peter could go to hell for all I care, but I have to keep up appearances.

The Archbishop popped in the doorway for us to straighten our backs. He came out of his bedroom to close the door behind him. Grigor inched a little closer to me to the point I could sense the warmth radiating off him.

“How is he?” Grigor asked for the Archbishop to stare directly at us.

“Extremely ill. The fear is that it may be Cholera.”

“Cholera?” That’s a rough sickness. Even I wouldn’t wish that sort of death on my enemy.

“Which I suspect he will have caught from a possessed, nocturnal animal. Probably a badger.” If I ever get sick in this country I would rather just endure the ride home and die in a carriage. These doctors are not touching me with a ten foot pole!

“Where would he have come across a possessed badger?” Catherine asked thankfully. That sounds absolutely unrealistic and not how you even got Cholera. Not that I don’t know how you get Cholera but I imagine it’s not from a possessed badger.

“If it is Cholera, he will die, will he not?” Holding her a little tighter as a cue to sound a lot more concerned. You have to make it believable that you’re distraught that he might die!

“It’s a strong possibility that we must face.” Looking at Orlo who kept the same straight face he usually has.

“Oh my little man.” THE POOR BABY! I WILL WEEP WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLORIOUS MUSIC!

“The Doctor is working hard on cures. It may be something else.”

“Has he said anything? Is he talking?” Why would he be concerned if he’s talking? Grigor might as well give a shit if he truly dies or not.

“He speaks intermittently. Much of it is deranged. Said he was a wolf, and wanted to eat Swedish children for breakfast. And there was some talk of what he’d like to do to Chiara and with various ladies of the court. I’ll spare you the details.” My body ran cold for Catherine to turn and face me. The blood in my body felt as if it dried up as I wanted to vomit. Looking at Grigor as I felt so disgusted with myself.

“Before more bouts of diarrhea and vomiting.” The Archbishop went back in for Grigor to take in a deep breath.

“I will go in to see him.” Say what?

“Do not risk your life.” Elizabeth told him as he stopped in the doorway.

“I want to be there for my friend.” Bullshit! He could give an absolute shit about Peter at this point!

“I had no idea your husband was so brave, Georgina.”

“Oh yes famously so.”

“In more ways than one.” Adding into the conversation for George to turn and face me.

“Just being honest.” An angry snake she is when I add my own little comments. Settle down hypocrites.

Orlo, Catherine, and I huddled into our own group to see the expression of Catherines face change from the fake grieving widow to an excited future ruler. Must admit this is a little exciting for me as well.

“If this is Cholera, he could be dead within the day.” Orlo told us as Catherine was beginning to smile slightly but trying to control herself.

“Right. That means..”

“Yes. Yes it will be yours. You will rule Russia.” By God it’s going to actually happen.

“After all our planning..it just..”

“Falls right into your lap.” Orlo finished as the doors opened back up. The ArchBishop came out of the room to take off his mask. Remember when I said that this planning became stale? I stand corrected and I was completely wrong. This just made everything better.

“In light of this terrible situation, a meeting is being called to deal with the possible transition of power.”

“To me.” Easy Catherine. That’s a little too exciting for someone who's losing their husband.

“Indeed. It seems so. You are the next...should the worst happen.” Seems like the worst is about to happen right before them. If it’s going this quickly then I might be going home soon! Finally an end to this horrid nightmare and cesspool!

“Prepare with prayer, and the senate will be called.”

“I look forward to it.” Damn it Catherine!

“Not him dying. That is bad. And sad. And we hope for the best and a speedy recovery.” If I could slap my own face I would without making this seem like we’re excited that Peter is dying.

“God will be with us. He always is.” The Archbishop left the hall for Catherine and Orlo to talk amongst themselves. I need to talk to Grigor. I can’t stand being apart from him at nights for it is his warmth I believe that is keeping me sane. I don’t think I can tell him that I think I’m starting to love him but atleast telling him I need him is a good start.

*Grigors P.O.V.*

DIE! DIE YOU HORRIBLE HUMAN! YOU THINK YOU CAN SLEEP WITH MY OWN LOVE BECAUSE YOU’RE THE EMPEROR! DIE DIE DIE! I WILL KILL YOU AND WILL LIVE PEACEFULLY IN MY OWN LIFE!

Removing the pillow to see that he was still breathing! Bastard! Slamming the pillow back onto him to push down even further in hopes that I might finish the job! Just die! How hard is it to kill someone who's already dying! Talking about Chiara as if she’s just a common peasant!

“What are you doing!?” George yelled as I continued to push down harder and harder.

“What is right and you know it George! I have to do something!”

“Fuck!” George pulled me back as we stopped to see Peter was still breathing. Dragging me from his bed towards the middle of his room.

“I was given the choice to be a man or a child! I’ve decided to become a man for the sake of my sanity!”

“You poisoned him?”

“Arsenic. From the wall in his borscht!” Feeling the cold slap from George as she was in full rage of my actions.

“What happens to us when he’s dead? Think what Peter provides for us!”

“You...you..”

“You’re a stupid fool Grigor!” She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Our situation is complex. Yet also simple! We have a safe life with Peter! Luxury, security, a place in court. Who’s he gonna be replaced by? Catherine!? We’re nothing to her! What happens to us then? Not to mention Chiara is making it much more difficult to handle this situation. No thanks to you!”

“So you may have a lover but I may not!” I love Chiara and this marriage is non-existent!

“Grigor?” Peter called for me as I turned to see him barely awake and moving. Say something George! You hypocritical bitch say something!

“We’re here.” George, like a mother goose, flew to Peter's aid. Well. It’s very clear now on where my life stands now. George has made her bed and it is time for me to make my own with a Duchess who isn’t afraid to get the job done when it needs to be done.

Letting go of the pillow to march out of the room and slamming the doors shut. Taking in a few deep breaths to calm myself before scampering off to Chiara. Chiara? Where is she? Perhaps in her chambers!

It was like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel heading to her apartment! The outline of the room was glowing before my eyes. Chiara..my love. The only woman in this world that can make my knees buckle to bow at her feet. That fire is intoxicating to the point that I might die of happiness.

Slamming the door open to see Chiara was in front of the flames looking directly into them. Her head slowly turned to face me with a somber look. A bottle of wine sitting next to her looked thoroughly used. Oh my precious flame. Closing the door to sit down next to her as she went back into looking into the fire.

“I placed my blade against his neck threatening to take his life away. Why didn’t I slice it open? Tell me why I didn’t Grigor?” She asked for me to place my hand on her cheek.

“What happened before I came in?”

“He was mad that I helped Velementov at the front for strategy. He drew a sword on me and I fought back. I won and threatened him that if he were to ever draw his sword on me that I would win. I...I should’ve sliced his throat open and strung him up as if he was game to place on my wall.” I feel like I should tell her that I’m the one that poisoned him. That he is dying in his own bed because the world would be better without him! She was literally going to kill him before I even came into the room!

“Chiara. I’m the one who caused him to become ill. I poisoned him in the borscht while he was eating dinner.” Her expression was the same as before till it clicked in her mind. Her entire face went from a beautiful red to a ghostly white in a matter of seconds.

“Holy shit..” She whispered to turn her attention to the fire. Is she going to tell Catherine? Not that Catherine might care much but what if she does? Would she tell the court? No...no what have I done!

“I would ask why but that..oh my god.” Turning her head to face me as I gulped.

“If it helps, I did it for you. For us..for everyone in the court that his idiocy will go away.” Her lips were slightly open with her breathing beginning to rise.

That lovely color began returning to her cheek as she climbed on top of me and wrapped herself around me. Those entrancing lips striked against mine as my hands traveled up her back to pull her shirt. She stopped to place her index finger on my lips.

“For you committing such a horrendous act. Allow me.” Removing her finger to place a kiss on my lips, to my cheek, then right underneath my jaw line. I could see the stars from how well she was working those luscious lips. Her hand gripped my cock to start playing it through my pants. God her touch. It’s almost too delicious to even allow. My eyes rolled back for me to lay down on the rug for her kisses to start moving down my body.

I love her...I hope that she knows that I would kill an army for her without regret...

~~~

@mirkwoodshewolf @bonafiderocketqueen @johndeaconshands

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @amethyst-serenade @radio-ha-ha@i-have-a-wonky-eye-too @deck-heart @actuallyanita @the-baby-bookworm @ewanmcgregors​ @panagiasikelia​

[estoniacobaltpayne]

A Life Day Story

So, I had an idea of a cute Din n Grogu thing, based off the movie A Christmas Story. It's in Grogu's POV.

I hope y'all like it lmao. Be kind, I haven't written fanfiction in like 6 years or more lmaooo

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There it was.

The Holy Grail of all the parts and gadgets and gizmos on the ship.

The chrome-plated ball bearing from the landing gear with the engraved ridge around the center had single handedly consumed my every waking thought this Life Day season, and if I played my cards right, and deployed subtle tactics of persuasion, I knew it wouldn't be long before it was in my grasp.

As I sat in the cockpit contemplating the next move of my meticulous plan, loud grumbling from down below in the engine room could be heard through the vents. Thick puffs of black smoke weren't far behind.

Now, aside from bounty hunting, my father was the most notorious engine compressor wrangler in the parsec. A few kicks, screws, and well-timed curses was all it took to get the thing up and running again.

At least, that's what he claimed.

The woman watching me, a short tempered thing my father always addressed as Dune, scolded my 'subtle' attempt at securing the ball bearing (I made the mistake of pointing at it while looking at her, a rookie mistake). She grumbled out a curt, "no, that is not a toy, kid!"

Agh! No! What she had just said was every adult's secret deflection method against allowing me the toy! Their innate bias that what is functional can in no way be a toy came crashing down on me. I had blown my chance!

Dune watched the vent in horror as another stream of "dank farrik"'s and "damn this thing to hell"'s wafted through it. She quickly ushered me out of the cockpit and down the ladder to the hull in order to spare me the assault of words ill-intended for children.

She said it was time for me to head to the small Nevarro school, anyways.

As we walked the short distance, we met up with our usual walking partner. He was a young boy with dark hair who always had the best snacks packed for him by his mother. The first day I met the boy I stole his blue cookies.

Being locked away for so long kept me from learning the basics of speech and writing, so the only part of his name, Phixlana, that I was able to pronounce, was a short Phix; although it wasn't long before all my other classmates called him that as well.

In class, our teacher assigned us a writing prompt to be handed in the next day. Whoa boy. What a drag! Homework was tiresome and boring at the best of times, but my inability to write in any language made this assignment seem impossible to accomplish.

But wait! Did my large ears deceive me?

No. They did not!

The most glorious of prompts that would bring salvation to my plight!

"Write about what you would like most for Life Day!" proclaimed the droid.

This was my chance! I would use the force to wield the pen as my sword! It surely would do a fine enough job putting my prose to paper! It would be my scribe, and I was sure I would produce the most magnificent paragraph!

"All I want for Life Day is the chrome-plated ball bearing from the landing gear with the engraved ridge around the center! Oh! My! How marvelous!" the droid would read, expressing its satisfaction with a plethora of pluses on my A grade! The entire class would jump up and cheer, as the droid at the front would suddenly grow the ability to emote and dramatically express his overwhelmingly pleased feelings upon reading my assignment!

--

Oh! Oh no! This couldn't be! My dreams shattered as I opened up my tablet! What was supposed to be an A+++ on my beautifully thought out paragraph prompt, read as a measly C+. How excruciatingly agitating! I supposed I shouldn't tell my father. I'd spare him the disappoint I myself was currently enduring. And just below! How could I have not noticed before! The inscription of, "that is not a toy, kid!" at the bottom! This put a sour on my mood that lasted throughout the remaining duration of the day.

--

The gloomy cloud only let up slightly when dad took us out with Dune and the man of whom I did not know the name of, but fawned over me regardless whenever my father brought him another bounty. With all of us piled in the small speeder, we set off in search of the finest Life Day tree money could buy.

The trees the shady merchant showed us were dismal and pathetic at best, but my father was a world-class heckler, and never passed up an opportunity to bargain for his buck. After a moment of bickering with the merchant, my father let out a curt, "deal," after the salseman offered to knock back the price and load the large tree into the speeder.

All was well! Dune and who I had heard my dad proclaim as Karga sang tunes for me as my mandalorian father begrudenlingy drove the speeder back home.

Pop! Whap!

"Dank farrik!" drawled my dad. "Piston blew!" he exclaimed from the front seat of the speeder.

We climbed out and dad handed me a pan of bolts to hold as he replaced the piston. He worked quickly. Too quickly, apparently, because as he came back up to grab a bolt, his hand hit the pan, sending it flying straight into the icy blackness that was the busy road in front of us.

Time stood still as I watches the pieces fly out into the night, never to be seen again. Time stood still as I let out some of the only comprehensible words I knew.

"Dank ferret"!

Except I didn't say 'ferret'. I said the mother of all 'f' words. The 'F-----' word.

"What did you just say?" my father asked quietly; and might I add- far too calmly.

All I could do was stare wide-eyed at the mandalorian before me.

He only scuffed and concluded, "that's what I thought you said. Get back in the speeder."

I climbed back in. Whoa boy, was I done for. I was never getting that ball bearing now. It was only moments later that my dad hunched back into the small speeder. He leaned over to Karga and Dune and told them what I said. They both let out gasps of disbelief.

--

How I loved snacks. I loved eating, and the glorious taste of all the different foods the galaxy had to offer.

But right now, all I wanted was for my underdeveloped taste buds to shrivel up and die.

The bantha scrub Dune had in my mouth was disgusting. I wouldn't be surprised if it impaired me forever in some way.

Dune shifted her weight from one hip to the other, her arms tightly crossed over her chest. "I'm going to ask you one more time, kid. Where did you hear that word?"

I had probably heard my dad use that word twelve times a day, every day that I had known him but instead of saying as such, I panicked. Blanked. All conscious thought had left my brain like it was a house on fire. Instead of the word 'dad,' I blurted out the only other name I knew how to say; "Phix!"

Dune left the room with an understanding "oh" and went to call the boy's mother on the holopad.

Poor, poor Phix.

Surely he was getting his punishment a few kilometers away.

--

Despite my slip up on the speeder a few nights ago, and the disappointing grade in school, Life Day still came, and how glorious it was! How beautiful the tall tree was, sparkling with lights and the scrap my father and I had collected from around the ship!

But most importantly, how beautiful the gifts under the tree were!

Before I could even pull one into my lap, my Mandalorian father tiredly sauntered down into the hull of the ship. I could feel the excitement rolling off of him through the force. I didn't need to see his face to know he was happy as he plopped a present in front of me.

Karga and Dune soon joined us in the festivities, the latter of whom quickly fell asleep on the floor after all the presents had been opened. Karga asked if I enjoyed the celebratory day, and if I had gotten all the presents I asked for. I groggily looked at my palms. I had gotten many a splendid gifts. But not everything I had asked for.

My father leaned forward and directed his head towards the corner of the room.

"Hey, what's that over there?"

I looked up at his helmet expectingly. Over where? To where was he gesturing?

"Yes, over there. Behind that crate."

I waddled off of his lap, and over to the crate. Alas! A small package wrapped in shiny red paper! It was the perfect size for-

No. Could it be?

I tore off the paper in awe to reveal a box. And oh! What a glorious sight the opened box was! What was resting inside? None other than the chrome-plated ball bearing from the landing gear with the engraved ridge around the center! It was mine! Finally mine!

I excitedly waddled to the door to go outside and play. My dad came to open it, but quickly stopped when he sighted the roasted, imported porgs Karga and Dune had brought over. Now, my father was a notorious porg junkie, and was sorely disappointed at Karga's loud scold for him to stop picking at the feast; that it wasn't ready yet.

As they bickered, I opened the door myself and ran outside to play. How glorious it felt to have that ball firmly in the palm of my small hands! I threw it as far as I could, and wielded the force to bring it back to me. I rolled it down the ramp many a times. Oh what fun! Until-

Oh no!

Just one small slip of fate! With the tiniest of accidents, the ball rolled over the edge of the ramp and fell into a crevice beneath one of the landing feet! I couldn't even see it to force it back into my hands!

I rushed inside to alert my father of the atrocity! But before we could go back out to reclaim the ball bearing, the unthinkable happened.

Rustling could be heard in the back of the hull; the scratching of nails against metal and loud chirps sounded as well. My father picked me up and rushed back to see what was going on. Dune had woken up, and she and Karga went with us to investigate the crime.

Oh no! The horror! A thousand and one meerkats scampered about the floor, breaking crates and most abysmally, eating the beautiful porgs set out for us to feast on. The three adults hearded the scoundrels out of the ship, but it was too late.

The porgs were gone. All gone! Not even a wing!

The heavenly aroma still hung in the air, mocking us. My father dragged himself over and defeatedly kicked at the remains of what was to be a magnificent Life Day feast. However my father, ever the pragmatist, lifted his arms and declared, "everybody up. Get dressed. We're going out to eat."

Not much was open on Life Day; just a small restaurant owned by a family from a planet far away. One that did not celebrate Life Day, something for which we were thankful.

What a turn of events! But one thing was for certain, as I fell asleep that night, clutching my chrome-plated ball bearing from the landing gear with the engraved ridge around the center, I knew it was the best Life Day I had ever had, and the best of all Life Days left to come.

[lesbianecrivain]

Retourne-toi!

Summary:  Denise decides to travel, hoping to take her mind off everything, only to end up doing more work as she makes the mistake of admiring a castle that has remained hidden from humanity for years.

AO3 link HERE! 

(I’ll be posting all of the chapters on AO3. If you liked this, check that out more often because updates would be there. This is not too related with the game. F/F pairing)

Warning for a little bit of violence when OC remembers her childhood. Also, should I continue this? Reviews and kudos are highly appreciated!! 💕

Now, let us simp for the tall vampire~

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Chapter 1: Wandering Traveller

The wars never stopped. Up until today, humans still fight amongst themselves for silly reasons instead of working together to be united. Anyone would want to take a break from all these wars. Especially someone who had done everything they could to, at least, lessen or slow the effects of these unending wars. So, that is what Denise Rodriguez is going to do. She took a break from everything, flew back to her country hoping to feel snow again. She really loves the snow despite having low tolerance for cold. If lucky, there might be children on the street who would be willing to play snowball fight with her. A smile broke the straight line on her lips at the thought, heart warming at the images of children smiling as they throw the snowballs at each other. She couldn't wait to reach their destination, she made sure that the place is snowing this time of the year. Having been born from the tropical side of the planet, snow can quite be something desirable for someone like Denise. Something spectacular and worthy of attention and praises.

Here Denise was, sitting by the window seat and staring at the bright cloudy yet calm view outside, a small smile playing on her lips as the plane continued heading towards its destination. Only a few more hours until they reach Europe. Her heart bloomed at the thought of returning to a land that it acknowledged as home more than her land of origin.

When Denise opened her eyes, the sun was not shining anymore. A grin crept up to her face. The person beside Denise stared at her weirdly before going off with their own life. Denise couldn't care less though, she is finally back and she would never allow a mere stranger to ruin her vacation here. She will be staying here for some time, taking the opportunity to stay here for as long as she'd like to. Perks of dual citizenship. She badly needs a break from handling a lot of environmental issues and having to provide for hundreds of students, she almost forgot about her corporation. Yes, when she says she needs a break, she needs a damn break. From everything, especially her other country that has been a shit show ever since she became aware—this having started when she reached twelve years of age, and she is in her early 30's now. It has been a long time yet within the years she lived in her country, not even a single road in her street has been fixed.

"Alright," She muttered, bracing herself while her hand gripped her baggage tightly. "Romania, here I come!"

Denise went straight to her house and after organizing the stuff she brought, she glanced at her phone. There laid on her bright screen, 19:34 in black as her eyes wandered to the other time zones as well. The way to her house was splendid, she can't help but to marvel at the various infrastructures that passed as she rode the taxi despite seeing them for the nth time. She has observed how great the difference is between this foreign land and her own, and then she was again further disappointed with her own land. Enough of that, she is here to free herself of worry, Denise reminds herself, eyes quickly ridding of all the gloom and anger as they caught sight of the marble structure that she has been longing for ever since she departed from this land two years ago. She has always been a regular here the moment she found out about this place, around seven years ago. They just served the best pizzas Denise has ever known to exist, though that could change when she further travels across Europe in the future.

"Miss Rodriguez!"

Denise smiled at the chipper servant and greeted them back just as gleeful. She is glad to know that they are the same servant from two years ago. Even the other staff smiled at their guest, knowing how prominent she is in this place, seeing that she is a regular customer here and actually treated them properly than how other customers would, disregarding them as if they were lower than them.

"Denise!"

Her head turned toward the all-too-familiar light voice, almost squeaking, as soon as their eyes caught sight of Denise. A wide grin set itself comfortably on her lips, turning around to open her arms, preparing to envelop whoever had greeted her.

"Sophie!" Denise was too slow to react as the other woman practically threw herself in her arms. "Looks like someone had missed me," she chuckled, patting Sophie on her small back.

"You damn bet I do," Sophie pulled away but the smile on her lips was relentless. "I told them all to prepare your favorites as soon as you informed me that you will be coming here, and it seems like I am not the only one who missed you,"

Confusion was briefly on Denise's face then her eyes darted behind Sophie. There she saw people carrying a tray, enough to feed all the people inside, with smiles plastered on their faces. Denise knew herself that she couldn't finish it all by herself. Sophie seemed to close the restaurant earlier because the only people here are the staff, herself, and Denise, their guest. Warmth spread through the small woman like a drop of milk spreading lightness to a black coffee.

"Y'all," Denise shook her head in disbelief. "C'mere, let's eat. I cannot finish these all by myself!"

The place was filled with laughter, the faint glow of gold surrounding the place and adding to the calming and light atmosphere. They all took a seat on the long table with Denise on the head and Sophie on her side while the staff sat along by them. They all looked genuinely happy, as if this was the only time they could take a break from all the stress the day has brought upon. The wide grins, sounds of soft laughter filling the room, and the gleam in each of their eyes were enough to take Denise's worries away, even for the briefest moment.

"Y'all didn't have to do this," She told them, shaking her head.

"But we wanted to!" chorused most of the staff while some just kept smiling at her. Sophie then raised a brow in her direction. "Save your irrational guilt, sunshine," she told the small woman who seemed to be rethinking her decision of informing her of her coming. "We missed you and here is our way of showing you. So, shut up and eat, young lady, we've got so much to catch up on."

"Alright, Soph," Denise sighed in defeat yet the grin never left her face. "Y'all dig in too! I'm tipping all of you extra because y'all look extremely happy right now," and that warms my heart, Denise wanted to add but didn't want to sound cheesy or seem like a softie as she wasn't either of those.

Sophie hummed her disagreement. "Ugh ugh, this one's on the house! You keep eat—"

"No." interrupted Denise with a frown. "The least I can do is to pay and leave a huge amount of tip for you all individually, and no Sophie, this is not up for a debate."

Denise was determined and Sophie knew that there is no way she can convince the raven-haired woman when she is determined. She shook her head and released a sigh. "Fine, you are lucky you're handsome."

Denise was thankful for her brown complexion that a blush didn't appear on her cheeks at the sudden compliment. She wouldn't want to be blushing in front of anyone. She coughed, "So, how's everything with you?" She said, clearly dismissing the compliment and hoping that her friend wouldn't push it.

"Eh, nothing eventful while you were gone. Same old same.." Sophie shrugged, mind wandering to the events in her life in the past two years that Denise was gone. "How about you, busy bee? I've seen you on some article while I was surfing the net last night.." She grinned then teased the smaller woman, nudging her softly with her elbow, "You're really doing something big out there! Planning to contribute positively to the world along with a bunch of other stuff!"

At this, Denise's hand crept to the back of her head where her palm was able to feel her shaved head, all while she huffed as she smiled. Maybe it was the time where she joined in one of the protests against the passing of a ridiculous nonsensical bill. "I'm not doing 'something big', you silly," She rolled her eyes at the exaggeration. She doesn't want anyone thinking that what she is doing is grand, especially with all her wealth. "I'm just doing my responsibility as an inhabitant of this world.." She shrugged, and in her defense, she really was although Sophie has told her a lot of times that she is being a hero by doing so. But, Denise had quickly countered that what she does is not a heroic act but her moral obligation as a human. It would be natural to want to help in any way you can, at least that is how Denise thinks, which further amazes Sophie.

"Well, whatever you say," Sophie took a sip from her glass. "How long do you plan to stay? And tell me all the places you'd go to!! Maybe I can tag along if you want to or if I've got the time..."

"I think I'm gonna stay for a while and go to the old times.." Denise explained when confusion crossed Sophie's expression. "I plan on visiting this ancient village. I heard that the sceneries there are spectacular.. I'm going for this old-y vibes for my book that I'm currently writing.. and I plan to take pictures as well." Then she showed Sophie her phone which displayed the village she is referring to. The other woman nodded approvingly at her choice as she kept scrolling through the pictures.

"Well, what exactly are you looking for?"

Denise shrugged as she put her phone back to her pocket. "Nothing really specific.. If I go there and feel it, I would immediately take a picture. I hope to find an abandoned infrastructure or if I'm lucky enough, maybe a castle?"

Sophie grinned at her. "Look at you being all things at once," elbow nudged Denise again, urging her to shake her head. "I really wonder how the hell you're able to do all your responsibilities at once!"

Denise rolled her eyes. "That is why I'm taking a break, silly."

A chuckle bubbled its way out of her throat. Laughter filled the room along with the small conversations among the staff and themselves. Having this unfold in front of her prompted another smile on Denise's lips as one word screamed loud in her mind;

Home.

—————

Denise would have already started her travel, or adventure as she likes to call it, the day after she met with Sophie; however, works keep holding her back and as a result, she has been occupied by them for a whole week, unable to do anything exciting and relaxing other than to play her musical instruments or catch up on series. Why couldn't she just bring her stuff along with her so she could work when she reaches wherever she wants to go? Denise isn't certain if the area she plans to go to has internet or even supply of electricity. Either way, she finally has finished all her follow-up tasks, releasing a sigh—whether it be from relief, exhaustion, or both—as her palm pushed down the screen of her laptop.

"Fucking finally," She sighs again, leaning back on her office chair. She rubs her eyes before closing them. The silence in her home provided a calming effect after her long day of work. Imagine coming here to relax only to be haunted by those damned works. The city was calm. The loud sirens fading from a distance, honking of the car horns, and sometimes a loud chatter would bloom from a small crowd, created a soft cadence lulling Denise to sleep on her position that she would surely regret next morning. But, whatever worry she may have for tomorrow was left unthought of as the night progressed with much ease she hasn't had for quite a while.

The same calm she has been seeking for.

The following morning, the dull ache on her back was quicker than her eyes to open and be aware of their surroundings. "Dammit," grumbled Denise with her voice hoarse. She slowly stood up, still groggy from waking from such a deep slumber that she hasn't had for a while. Her hand immediately reached to rub her back, seeking for relief albeit brief, before she proceeded to go to the bathroom to clean herself. After doing her morning routine—cleaning herself, exercising then eating breakfast, Denise started prepping for her long journey. She had informed Sophie that she will be gone for quite a while and that her brunette friend may occupy her house during her leave, to which the restaurant owner quickly agreed to—saving both of them time and money.

Denise felt like a scout because of all the things she is going to bring with her. She nearly brought her house with her. Better ready than not, she thinks to herself as she packed her razor that she uses to keep her head shaved. Along with that are the various tools she deemed necessary (she brought her toolbox), and some weapons that are easy to hide and bring, for precaution. She also packed a lot of foods and clothings, and of course, money. After packing all of those stuff, she went to put her portable generator on the back of her van, just in case.

When she is satisfied with everything, Denise ceased her movements before sitting on her couch, a sigh escaping past her lips before she could even think of it. She took a deep breath and then closed her eyes, letting the silence envelop her in its tranquilizing arms. The comfort se found in silence started reminding her a moment from her childhood. Something she didn't want to remember. It was midnight back then and she jolted up from her bed because of the tingling sensation in her abdomen. Realizing this, she stood up and went downstairs, only to halt on her way as she heard a whimper below— on the living room where her parents sleep. The lights were off but the soft glow emanating from the television was enough to show her father strangling her mother. At that very moment, Denise completely forgot about her bladder's needs and went straight back to the bedroom she shared with her siblings as silent as she could. The confusion, fear, anger, disappointment, and sadness that she felt that night were too overwhelming. Since then, she promised to herself that she would never marry or have children if she would only act like her father.

"I am so ready!!" Denise practically bounced as she moved, hopping like a bunny on a meadow, as she stepped into her huge van. She decided to bring some of her musical instruments and some of her books to have something to keep herself entertained. Sophie stood by her doorway, waving and smiling at her as she drove away and into the unknown.

Denise had promised that she would take a lot of pictures so that when she shows them to her, Sophie would feel as if she were with her all along her journey. She hasn't reached her destination yet, however, the tall trees she kept passing by as she was hours into her drive were always able to amaze and put a smile on her face. Nature has always been enough to make all her worries drift away, one of the reasons why she does all her best to take care of it. She is a devoted environmentalist, writing articles about the issues regarding nature in her free time while also using her resources for further development of restoration of deforested lands. It may seem like a big work, just like what Sophie insists because it truly is, but for Denise herself it isn't. She loves what she is doing, she wouldn't feel the exhaustion if she weren't mortal. Unfortunately, she must take breaks every now and then for her to be able to continue doing her passion.

After two days of driving and taking breaks to get some sleep, Denise finally arrived at the said village. She immediately felt the atmosphere she needs for the inspiration of both her book and its cover. The village itself wasn't grand, quite the opposite. The way of living here seemed to be simple almost as if the people here are still living in the olden days, and she thought it is possible that they still are. She parked her van near the entrance of the village. The village was small so she didn't bother bringing her van inside, for it would be easier to leave it outside of the village. She greeted the people who met her eyes with a small smile, hoping that they are not hostile to tourists. Thankfully, she felt welcomed enough although some just glanced at her and didn't really pay her any attention but at least no one scowled at her. She doesn't plan on staying here for too long. In fact, after she bought some supplies and asked for the elder for permission to take pictures and after taking pictures, she was already bidding her goodbye and gratitude to the elder before she hopped back to her van.

Something in the north caught her eye as she scrolled through the pictures she's taken, which pulled her gaze away from her camera. The sun was still up, there's still time for her to travel further and find a place to park her van safely— she doesn't need to spend night in a hotel or motel since her van is big enough to host, but she still needs a place to stay for her security. Denise carefully placed her camera back to its place, securing it, then proceeded to drive further up north. What caught her eyes is the enormous structure that seems like a mountain covered in snow on top, a perfect scenery to add to her choices. But as she neared the said mountain, another caught her sight. This time, she also completely forgot what it is that she went for as she was utterly amazed by the sight in front of her eyes.

Her mind couldn't think of anything except;

Perfection.

A castle. It hadn't been in the map nor did the elder of the village informed her of this. It wasn't even on Google when she searched for this area. She thought that maybe this beauty was meant to remain hidden from the outside world. The reason behind for this possibility? She couldn't care. All she could give a damn about is that she finally found what she is hoping to see. So, she did what any people would do. She took her bag and her camera before stepping out of her van—making sure to bring the keys with her, after she parked it in front of the gates.

"Woah," Denise couldn't help but gape at the infrastructure.

Jackpot, she internally celebrates.

The structure seemed to be a mixture of both Gothic and Romanesque style, with its round walls yet pointed arches and stained glasses. Overall, the castle was impressive. Its walls were enough to tell about its age, which to Denise's opinion, this castle might have been built around 18th century. She went to the gate, searching for any doorbell or anything that would notify the inhabitants of the castle—if there were—of its visitors, only to find none. But, luckily, she found out that the gate is left unlocked. Maybe, the castle is abandoned? Denise thinks then smiles as she proceeds further outside the castle grounds. The gate squeaked as Denise pushed it slightly just enough for her figure to fit perfectly.

Denise walked around as if she were strolling around the zoo for the first time, gaping at the size and the details of the castle. The castle emanated a vibe she can't quite put her finger on. She wasn't sure what it was but she felt calm and relaxed. This is perfect for my book, she thinks as she turned around once more to gape at the place. She felt like a person entering an aquarium for the first time, amazed by all the aquatic creatures.

When she was in the middle of the property, not inside the castle yet since the outside was a wide space that would have been green if it weren't winter, Denise finally pulled her camera to her chest. Hesitation kept holding her back. She doesn't want to take pictures without the owner's or at least the caretaker's permission, but whom would she ask if there seemed to be no one to ask for permission? Denise felt as if she just invaded the property despite not going fully inside the castle. She felt horrible, knowing that she must desert the place because she doesn't have the permission to be here, yet the curiosity and wonder in her became stronger than the guilt she felt creeping in her earlier. And soon enough, the latter completely overthrew any hesitation she had.

"Just one picture," Denise promised to no one in particular, trying to drown the voice in her head that screams at her to just walk away. "Let me take just one picture of this masterpiece, then I will leave." Her eyes closed in concentration as she did her best to drown any guilt creeping in her. Obviously, she didn't listen to the rational part of herself as she went to crouch and angled her camera where it covers mostly the upper part of the castle together with the plain sky and the snow falling.

It was perfect, the shot she took was splendid. Denise smiled to herself as she dusted herself off while getting up. A smile graced her face before she could even process it. She took another look at the single picture she took, after all she promised that she would only take one picture then she will go away, and that is what she is about to do if it weren't for the picture she took. The curve on her lips was immediately set straight.

Something caught her eyes the longer she stared at the picture. There. In one of the castle windows, there stood something—someone, she wasn't sure which, but it seemed to be a figure dressed in white and smiling down at her? Denise shook her head, closed her eyes then took a deep breath before looking at the picture again, squinting her eyes at it. It was still there, the...she wasn't sure what name to put to it... The creature? Either way, it doesn't seem like this castle is abandoned at all. She took one last glance at the part of the castle where she also caught the figure. There was no one there. Not the dress, not the smile, not the figure, nothing. Only darkness. Weird. Maybe it had been one of her imaginations? But she looked at the picture and the same figure was smiling at her. It couldn't be her mind's doings. Maybe the castle wasn't abandoned at all, and maybe she could ask for permission? All while Denise thinks what she could do to be more polite to whoever is living inside the wondrous castle, standing dumbly in the middle of nowhere, another thought occurred to her. This one she didn't like;

What if they're not human?

[sweetsufferingss]

Romanticism Ch. 1 - Goddamn Keats!

sabrina spellman x fem!reader

a/n: this is the first fanfic i've written in years and i'm a little nervous. but i greatly welcome feedback and criticism! also, i want y'all to know that there will be heavy light academia and cottagecore undertones throughout this series so watch out 👀 also also, i'm on mobile so if the formatting is wonky i'll sue tumblr for 46 dollars 😤

--

More happy love! More happy, happy love! 

For ever warm and still to be enjoy’d,

For ever panting, and for ever young;

You smiled to yourself as you looked down at your book of Keats poems.

John Keats. A man who was a love story in himself. A man whom you credit with starting your obsession with love. Or, at least the idea of it. His words oozed romanticism and completely annihilated your standards of love. The epic poets of the romantic period simply spoke to your soul and you couldn't help but spend every waking moment dreaming of your happy, happy love.

Living in an extraordinarily small town like Greendale, it was easy to get bored. And lonely. Making friends is always hard when you’re the new kid. Even more so when you're as shy as can be. You had only been there just two months and loneliness loomed over you like a dark cloud.

All hope was not lost, however. Because, on this particular Saturday morning, you decided to take an easy stroll through the lush, green forest and indulge in some light reading. The pleasant chirps of the birds and the gentle breeze gave you a feeling of wistfulness as you looked down at your book and drifted past the trees. 

Your splendid little haze was soon halted when you noticed a person past the tree line, standing in the center of a large grove of trees. Ever the curious cat, you tucked your book under your arm and closed in on the person, trying to see if you could recognize them. It was...a girl. A girl you knew. Her tell-tale red coat and white hair told you her name. Sabrina Spellman.

You had seen her around a few times and found her quite interesting. She was incredibly pretty and always smiled at you in the hallways. You couldn't stop your own smile as you realized who she was and were about to call out to her but something stopped you.

She looked...busy? Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted towards the sky. Was she meditating or something? Praying?

You decided it was best to just leave her to her own devices and head back home. You turned away and tried to make as little noise as possible, as not to disturb her. Keyword: tried. The cliche snap of a twig made you cringe and caused Sabrina to snap out of her intense...whatever she was doing and look in your direction.

“Hello?” She called out.

You were silent in shock and dread. What could you possibly say to her to help you not look like a creepy stalker??

“Show yourself!” She tried again.

Obviously the only logical thing to do was reveal yourself and hope that Sabrina wasn't weirded out by your accidental creeping. You emerged from the bushes, holding up your hands in a way to show that you meant no harm. 

“Hi…” You awkwardly greeted her as she stared at you in confusion.

‘Lord, spare me the emotional trauma I'll most definitely have after this encounter,’ you thought.

A painfully uncomfortable few seconds passed before she spoke. “Hi?”

“I’m,” you fumbled. “I’m really sorry, Sabrina. I-I didn't mean to disturb you.” Your face grew hot as you stuttered again.

Sabrina looked at you sympathetically. She knew you meant no harm and now felt bad for indirectly embarrassing you. She smiled a ruby lipped smile and chuckled softly. 

Gosh she was pretty.

“It's- it's fine. Really, you're fine,” she began. “You go to Baxter, don't you?” she inquired, stepping closer to you.

“Uh… Yes! I do. I’m (Y/N) (L/N).” you introduced yourself.

“My name is-” 

“Sabrina. Spellman. I know,” you interrupted her and cringed at how rude you sounded. “Sorry.”

She just smiled again. You smiled too. Her cheeriness was infectious. 

“It's okay,” she said, waving her hands reassuringly. A beat went by before she continued. “What are you reading?” She pointed at the book under your arm.

“Keats,” you blurted out. ‘Let’s try that again.’

“It's um- a collection of John Keats poems.” You finished with a small smile.

“You like poetry?” 

“I love poetry.”

“Is John Keats your favorite poet?”

“Oh, I couldn't possibly pick a favorite-”

“But if you had to pick one!” She interjected, a grin on her face.

“No!!” You argued playfully, your smile widening as you talked to Sabrina more and more.

You and Sabrina fell into easy conversation, chatting about school and getting to know each other. The two of you migrated to the enormous tree stump in the middle of the grove and sat down together.

“So…,” you started. 

“So…?” She copied you expectantly. 

“Um. What exactly were you doing out here all alone,” you asked. “If you don't mind me asking.”

“Oh, I don't mind,” she said steadily. “I just love being...out here. In nature.”

You stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

“The sweet, fresh air, the sound of tree branches rustling in the wind,” she closed her eyes and let out a breath. She was so dreamy. 

She opened her eyes and looked at you with her big, doe eyes. “I really love it here.” 

You smiled at her dumbly. Listening to her talk about nature. You really couldn't help but to admire Sabrina in this moment. Just being next to her filled you with an overwhelming sense of serendipity that warmed your cheeks and melted your heart. Is this how Keats felt upon meeting Fanny Brawne? Did his intense infatuation start when he first spoke to her? Your smile didn't move as you stared at her.

Staring.

You were staring at her. And her at you. You blinked in realization and sort of moved your body away from her. She sat up straight and cleared her throat nervously. You both made eye contact and nervously laughed at the awkwardness.

"Sorry.." Sabrina said in a small voice paired with an apologetic smile.

"No. I-I'm sorry," You assured her. It was really both of you who embarrassed yourselves. "That was…" you trailed off, looking at the woods around you. Anywhere that wasn't Sabrina's face really.

The forest was dark now and getting darker by the minute.

"Crap." You muttered. Your mother was gonna kill you.

You hopped off of the tree stump and tucked your book under your arm and turned to face Sabrina. "I'm really sorry, Sabrina but I have to go before it gets any later."

"Let me walk you home-"

"No that's okay, Sabrina. I really can't inconvenience you anymore," you reasoned.

"(Y/N), you have not inconvenienced me," she said firmly. "You actually really made my day," She smiled shyly. Were you making her nervous? "Let me walk you home?"

You looked at her decisively. What to do? You really didn't want to walk home at night by yourself. But you also wanted to hide from Sabrina Spellman and her disarming smile.

"If- If it's not too much trouble." You grinned at her. She beamed at you.

"Well then," she took you by surprise when she hooked her arm under yours and caused your face to heat up. "Lead the way."

Damn her smile and damn Keats.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show (originally posted on August 29, 2020)

AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not.

Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.

Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions.

Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!

--

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already." My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. "You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."

"Can we just can the prologue already?" my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. "There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

--

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

--

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto."

"Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu! Favoritism much?"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"

"Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

--

"And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"

"Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"

"Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"

--

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

--

"Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."

--

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"

"Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"Well my friends, you're in luck cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!" Wade crooned. "And I'll say: 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

"Contractors pride ourselves on service." One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"

"Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!"

"Badda-yadda-yadda!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "Good, scotty-wop!" Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "Uh, scotty-wop?"

"Everybody now!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

--

"Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."

"Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"

--

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

--

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

--

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

--

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

--

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie."

"ZING!"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

--

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

--

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

--

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

--

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

--

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"As if we didn't waste enough time already."

--

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

--

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

--

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

--

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"Thank you!"

"Boldface, you ignorant slut."

--

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I FUCKING hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

--

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

--

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

--

At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!

Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go.

Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #242

“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”

How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Hm... three or four? Any other names your parents planned to give you? The only one I *think* I remember is Katelyn. Thank fuck I dodged that bullet. Which is the most beautiful place you know? The mountains between NC and TN, if I remember correctly. I was very young. What do you work with? I don't work period & I hate it. Have you ever hit an animal with your car? Thank Christ no. Favorite ride at the amusement park? I guess ferris wheels. Favorite beauty essential in your bathroom cabinet? I don't have a "favorite" considering I don't use any regularly. Do you have many followers on your Tumblr? Nah. Do you tan easily? I burn like toast, man. Are you expecting something in the mail? No. Do you inspire others? Idk. What do you collect? Meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merch. Do you like cats? Hell yes!!! Are you healthy? If you excuse my weight and muscle atrophy, I'm actually pretty healthy, according to a billion tests I've gotten done when trying to discover *why* I had such awful pain in my legs. Have you ever been out of state? Yeah. Can you always blame your acts on that you were just too drunk? Fuck no. Three things you try to avoid as much as possible: Well dying lmao, getting hurt, public speaking. How many times have you been overseas? Zero. Do you use to have someone in mind when shopping for underwear? Wait what the fuck- What accent do you have? I don't really have one, although I do have a southern tone with some words sometimes I suppose. I also do say things like "y'all" or "fixing to (do something)," so I use some Southern terminology. Where would you like to live? The mountains of western NC. Sigh. Do you follow fashion? No. Do you have a big butt? Ever heard of Hank Hill Ass Syndrome? I have Hank Hill Ass Syndrome. Your worst job nightmare is: Customer service EVER again. Who’s the coolest rapper in the world? Idk and idc. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? I mean yeah, I think anniversaries are worth celebration. Healthy relationships aren't always easy to maintain; to remain in love takes forgiveness, loyalty, dedication... all that. It shouldn't be hard, but it takes effort. Have you graduated? High school, anyway. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga, definitely. Do you use fake eyelashes? No. What’s your worst interior design nightmare: I dunno. Probably just being very crammed? What makeup brands do you use? I don't have any particular ones; I don't wear makeup enough. What’s the worst kind of rejection you could give someone? I genuinely feel it to be how Jason did so with me. Three and a half years in a very serious relationship, and he out of the blue breaks up with me over Facebook because my depression became "too much." Like by NOW I understand I can't shame him for wanting to be happy, but the way he did it was fucking cruel and tore me apart. Like especially when this person was your refuge from daily pain and pretty much your god and future (never make someone that, holy holy HOLY shit don't), that individual just suddenly having enough and breaking contact off like that was emotional murder. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Well yeah, but it's like... a "tamed" one? Is that an accurate word? Like I understand it just can't work right now, but it doesn't stop me from liking her. Is there anyone that many people think is hot, but you don’t? I'm sure there's someone. Do you sort and organize your clothes in some kind of way? Sorta. When somebody intimidates you, how do you usually act around them? Nervous, skittish, more awkward than usual. Is your favorite singer in a band or does he or she ride solo? Brendon Urie is in P!atD and Patrick Stump is in Fall Out Boy. Freddie Mercury was the vocalist of Queen. Did your parents ever hang your old artwork up on the walls? Yeah, Mom still has some up lmao. How often do you wear chapstick? Only when my lips are actually chapped. Do you walk around your house with your shoes on or do you take them off? Definitely off. What is the weirdest obsession you’ve ever had? Collecting stickers, maybe? How many of the seven deadly sins have you fulfilled today? Sloth is on the daily lmao, gluttony, and lust. Should guys always kiss the girl on a first date? Not always, of course not. It depends on the comfort level, and I would ALWAYS ask first. Which band has the corniest music videos? Corniest lyrics? I don't really watch music videos, and idk about lyrics. What subject is/was hardest for you in school? Math. Have any songs ever inspired you to play an instrument? No. Do you ever use Pandora? No. Are you better with creative writing or writing essays? I think I'm good at both, but I probably excel in creative writing. When was the last time you were rick rolled? No clue. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen as a pet? Seen, I guess a chinchilla, though that's not really "weird." If you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes? Eyes. When was the last time you had a ‘she-mergency’? I had to look this up to be certain what that even was lmao. Probably some time I started my period at school and had to use folded toilet paper or something for a while. Which sounds creepier: sleeping in the attic or the basement? I'd say it depends on the make-up of each and its cleanliness. What was your favorite computer game as a kid? I think it was called The Amazon Trail 3? It was a damaged disc however, so it froze a lot. I think I only finished it once or twice; even knowing it would likely crash, I just liked playing it as far as I could. Have you ever tried on your mom’s wedding ring? No. Any shows on TV that you flat out refuse to start watching? 13 Reasons Why, to name perhaps the #1. What is your opinion on fruitcake? NO. Here’s a tough one. Would you rather marry your cousin or a dog? Oh fuck off, neither. Who did you last dream about? I can't remember what it was about, but I know Mark was in it lmao. Do you have trouble remembering important things? Sometimes. My memory is atrocious. Which animal can you imitate the best? Audibly? Probably a cat. Which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? Sand. I FUCKING hate walking through sand. It's one reason I don't like the beach. Do you like sour candy? oml YES. If anyone, who did you sit with at lunch today? N/A Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what and how? Not anything I can remember. Are you a clumsy person? You have no idea. How about disorganized? I'm oddly split down the middle. Last male you talked to in person? My dad. Have you ever had a sunburn? Oh boy, I've gotten past that. Try sun poisoning. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? PINK! Chocolate or strawberry milk? Oh boy, chocolate. I tried strawberry as a child and absolutely loathed it beyond words known to man, and I will not be giving it a second chance. I remember it pristinely. Disgusting. What volume is the ringer on your phone? It's on vibrate. Have you ever won a contest on the radio? No. Do you often write on yourself? I never do, 'less we're talking about tattoos lol. Is there writing on the shirt you are currently wearing? No. Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I hate the latter, so I guess frosted flakes, though I don't really remember how they taste. Do mushrooms really add flavor to food? I hate them, so they obviously have enough flavor for me to notice them... What about onions? Yes. Are you a fan of Thai food? I've actually never had Thai food. How about Indian food? Same as above. Have you ever tried sushi? No. In your opinion, who would be the best president? I don't know. What was the last thing you spent more than $20 on? I have no ide- oh wait I paid for Teddy's surgery with... money I don't know from whence it came? Was it financial aid money? Idr. Do you wear actual designated ‘pajamas’ to bed? Pj pants and a tank top. When was the last time you were tempted to do something you’d later regret? Probably take a nap late in the day, ending in me being unable to sleep well at night. Thankfully, I decided against it. Have you ever had feelings for your best friend’s significant other? Yes. Well, not current best friend, but a former one. How many times did you ride in a car today? Zero. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Fuck no. What's absolutely splendid is even when/if I lose the weight I aim to, I'm going to have loose skin that literally might make me hate my body more until I without argument muster up the money to get it surgically removed. Are you in a good mood right now? I'm alright. When was the last time you had an ice cream cone? Been quite a while. Did you eat breakfast this morning? Yeah, had some cereal. Have you ever been in a cemetery at midnight? No. Do you live on your own? No. I don't even think I could tolerate living alone because of my depression and how loneliness can severely trigger it. I'm realistically probably not moving out until it'll be with an s/o. If not, who do you live with? I live with my mom, my sister's dog, and my cat and snake. How old are your siblings, if you have any? I have a lot, and I don't know the ages of all of them, only my two immediate sisters: 26 and 21. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you donated blood in the last 2 years? No. What was the last free t-shirt you received from? School. Is there anything you are looking forward to at the moment? February 4th, baby. Tattoo gets fixed up by an artist I like far more. Him not having an open booking until then should say enough. Are you an atheist? No. Are you Asian? No. Are you fluent in another language? No. Are you in the military? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Are you an artist? Not professional, but I enjoy making art. Are you a musician? No. Are you an athlete? Oh, hunny- Do you have a favorite flower? I really like orchids. Where was the last place you went that was more than an hour away? Great question... The trip to my therapist is about an hour, but not over. Why were you going there? For therapy. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom, idk. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Hell no, I wouldn't even if I was in great shape. How many websites do you have an account for? WHEW I have no idea, A LOT over all the years. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Well, WoW is an online game, so a subscription, though because I obviously don't have my own money, I'm sadly rich enough in the game to use monthly tokens. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? Not always. I try to avoid it because I just hate doing it. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Well I obviously don't know how I'd react on impulse, but I'd imagine myself locking my door and then climbing out the window. Then run like a motherfucker up the road some to a neighbor's, or hide in the nearby woods and call Mom. What’s your favorite type of pizza? Meat lovers sobs in wannabe-vegetarian. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Yes, very. Who’d you last see in a tux? I don't know. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? Yeah, particularly "breakfast." I tend to put a "t" after the "k." Do you have your own computer? Yeah. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mom. Who’s the bravest person you know? Oh man, that's hard. I know a lot of brave people. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? More than anyone in the world, Mom. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Yeah. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? No. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? By this point in time, I consider how I spoke to Jason before going to the ER multiple times absolutely terrible, and yes, it did take a very long time for me to realize just how cruel it was. Now it's fucking HARD to accept I ever said what I did. Have you ever read Shakespeare? Yes. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? Nope. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? I would assume Sara still does, but again, we know a relationship between us just isn't wise right now. What profession do you admire the most? The most? Man, that's hard to decide. Probably those that risk their lives for others, like firefighters, cops (yes, I am aware some abuse their power, but good cops deserve all the respect in the world), etc. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don't believe so, no. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? Bad things happen to good people and no, the universe does not care. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well obviously.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Nine: Chance ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto, Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

“Come on guys, it’s not much further!”

“Slow down, Naruto! We have all day, there’s no need to rush!” Huffing, Sakura keeps climbing the stairs upward. “It’s a class trip, we should take our time and enjoy it!”

“But the quicker we are, the more we can see!”

“What, for a few seconds before you whisk us off somewhere else? What’s the point of it, then?”

“Both of you quiet down. You’re giving me a headache,” Sasuke complains from the rear, looking anything but happy. It would figure his assigned three-person group would include his loudmouth best friend and the most obnoxious of his self-described ‘fan girls’...eugh.

“Oh, sorry Sasuke-kun! Should we slow down?”

“Let’s just...make it to the top, and then take a break.”

“Oi, teme! Pick up the pace!”

“Can it, dobe.”

A few minutes pass before the trio make it to their destination: a hilltop shrine in their class’s visited city for the end-of-year trip. Sakura immediately moves to the railing, gripping it and leaning over. “Oh, wooow! Look at this view! Isn’t is amazing?”

Right on cue, Naruto leans alongside her, giving her a wiggle of his brows. “I dunno, doesn’t really compare to what I’m lookin’ at!”

“Oh, shut up - you’re the last thing I wanna see today, Naruto! We should have been assigned pairs...and then it would be just me and Sasuke-kun!”

“Or you and me!”

“I woulda gone home!”

“Aww…!”

Dark eyes rolling, Sasuke leaves the pair of them to squabble, moving toward the shrine proper. It’s inundated by more modern things like merchandise and picture backdrops. Though not a devoted Shintōist by any means, something about the sight still irks him.

For a time he’s left unmolested to wander aimlessly. Several other groups from their class have made the trek up, flocking around the various attractions around the shrine itself. A few have already bought souvenirs, judging by bags in hand and students contemplating their wallets.

“Care for an o-mikuji?”

Startling at a voice suddenly beside him, Sasuke balks as a miko - or, at least a girl dressed like a miko - addresses him with a smile. “...uh…?” She looks like a ghost!

“Just donate a five yen coin, and you can have your fortune told by the kami!” She gestures to a set of boxes: one with a slot for said donations, and the other open with small rolled strips of paper within. Silver eyes flash, smile almost looking mischievous. “O-Inari-sama would be much appreciative. Take a chance and learn your fate…?”

“...I -”

“W-wait…!”

Gaze torn at a voice, Sasuke looks over to see none other than his group members confronting another pair from a separate group. Two boys - he recognizes them as Kiba and Shino - mirror Naruto and Sakura. That being the former being held back by the latter.

Off to a side, looking unsure, is another girl. Hinata, if he remembers right.

“The hell’d you say?!” Naruto demands, straining against Sakura’s hold on him.

“Y’heard me, dumbass!” is Kiba’s shouted reply.

“Enough!”

Looking stern, a kannushi approaches and steps between the pairs. “You taint the air with your foul words! Begone, all of you!”

“What?”

“We just got here!”

“Disrespect upon O-Inari-sama’s holy ground will not be tolerated!” He shoots them all scowls. “I would ask you to leave, lest I reprimand you further!”

Trying not to look involved, Sasuke takes half a step back. Across the way, he sees Hinata do the same.

“Man, look what you did!” Naruto complains, shoving hands in his pockets as Sakura walks dejectedly beside him.

“You started it,” Kiba rebukes, much the same as Shino shakes his head.

“You…!”

“Stop it!” Sakura hisses curtly. “Let’s just go! We can hit up the next spot on the map, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

...somehow, they fail to notice Sasuke’s absence. And in the same beat, Hinata’s. Looking at a loss, she glances around before spotting him.

Great.

Crossing the courtyard a bit quickly, she asks, “Um...a-are you going to...follow them?”

“Maybe later.”

“...friends of yours…?”

He glances at the miko. “...uh...sorta…”

“Well, given you were not involved, you may stay...though you will be left behind.”

“No, that’s fine, I’ll...stay a little longer.”

Her expression turns knowing. “...so...tell your fortune…?”

Looking skeptically to the boxes, Sasuke sighs. Five yen is hardly anything...and it’s something to do.

“Um...I-I’ll take one too, please!”

“Splendid! Just put in your donation, and choose an o-mikuji. May the gods smile upon you.” There’s another coy, fox-like grin and a bow, hands in her sleeves.

Digging out the coin, Sasuke slips his in first, taking up a slip as Hinata does the same.

Dai-kichi: negaigoto, ren’ai

...what?!

Sasuke stares, expression bordered between shock and a reflexive repulsion. A large blessing...regarding a wish or desire, and...romantic love? That’s the last thing he wants right now! If anything, he gets too much of it. Girls never leave him alone! Even a few boys! He thinks to crumple it up and toss it away, but the miko speaks.

“Remember, any unwanted fortunes are best pinned to a pine tree, as the old saying goes.” She nods to one littered with slips. “Though you may find them to be a blessing in disguise.”

Sasuke nearly refutes her, but thinks to glance to Hinata. Her own face is more crestfallen, pale eyes flickering over the text he can see from his angle.

Sue-kyō, machibito

Ending curse...someone waited for. Does that mean…?

“Thanks so much for your contribution,” the miko offers. “Remember, the gods often work in mysterious ways. One closed door often leads to the opening of another.” A bow. “Now, I beg your pardon...but other guests wish to partake.”

“Er...right.” Stepping aside, Sasuke gently tugs Hinata with him. “...bad fortune?”

“...I don’t know. It might be telling me something I a-already knew…”

“You and me both.”

That earns a curious glance. “...oh?”

“...I guess it depends on how you read it.”

A silence falls for a time, but eventually Hinata offers, “We should probably, um...find our groups. Maybe they’ve noticed we’re gone?”

“Well, it’s not like they can come look for us. Not after that scolding they got.”

Hinata giggles softly into a hand. “Kiba-kun is always so loud...it g-gets him into trouble a lot.”

“Same with Naruto. Though I have to admit, it was nice being up there without all hounding...from either of them. The whole tour would probably be a lot nicer with you, instead.”

She can’t help a small jolt of surprise. “O-oh...well, I...guess I am pretty quiet.”

“Which is a lot better than Sakura and her gushing. I’m almost tempted to stay up here a while longer...but I guess there’s a lot more more to see.”

“Yeah, we don’t want to miss out.”

They begin descending the steps, each apparently lost in thought. Blessings in disguise, huh? Sasuke can’t really understand how his would be. There’s no one who’s been interested in him that he’s felt any interest in in turn. They’re all just...too much. Much like his assigned partners have been for the entire day. The only peace he’s gotten has been...right…...now.

...uh…

Hers said something about ending waiting for someone...right? And everyone knows about her crush on his best friend (well, everyone but Naruto, it seems).

Where one door shuts...another door opens.

Stop waiting.

A blessing of romance.

Shaking his head from the thought, Sasuke immediately disregards it. He doesn’t believe in all that stuff, anyway! Just a bunch of nonsense - they could have grabbed any slips and had some other silly coincidence line up!

...right?

It’s then they reach the bottom, and happen to cross paths with none other than their missing squadmates. “There you are!” Sakura squeals, much to his irritation. “Where have you -?” Noticing his companion, she comes to a dead halt. “...uh…”

“Since you two got kicked out early, I stayed and enjoyed myself. Hyūga here was much in the same boat. Thought we’d come looking for you.”

Suspicion colors her gaze, and he can’t help but enjoy it. “...but -?”

“It’s getting late - we better do our afternoon check-in with the chaperones,” Sasuke cuts in. “Don’t want to get in any more trouble, do you?”

She balks, Naruto doing the same behind her. “I-I, uh…”

“Come on.” He puts hands in his pockets, moving to lead. As he does, there’s a brief nod to his temporary companion. “Later, Hyūga.”

“...uh, b-bye…?”

Ignoring both Naruto and Sakura’s pestering questions, Sasuke fiddles with the rolled-up slip between his fingers, having elected to keep it rather than pin it.

...maybe he should take chances more often.

     Day nine! Very late in the day due to a busy schedule, but here we are!      This took some finagling (and a second attempt) - wasn't sure what to write, but hopefully this is passable! I do enjoy the occasional modern setting. And anything Shintō is fun as well!      Anyway, it's VERY late, so I'd best hop to it! See y'all tomorrow - thanks as always for reading!

[whorderofthepheonix]

Sacredly Scarred: Chapter 20 || Erik Killmonger

A/N: *sighs* may or may not be the last chapter. idk. depends on y'all. Enjoy tho. 200+ if you want the next part (and if it takes forever, Imma take forever to post ch.21 lmfaoooo) PLEASE REBLOG INSTEAD OF COMMENT xx

Words: 2k

Warnings: Swearing, Mild Violence, Vomit Warning, Lil Itty Bitty Angst, Cliff Hanger af

Erik’s POV

I pounded on the apartment door, eager for someone to answer.

“Erik, relax,” Yenai gasped. “You seem... Impatient.”

“Sorry, I just... Really want tea,” I mumbled. The door swung open and I was ready to pounce.

“Yenai! Erik!” 1 greeted. She looked fine... Like no sign of any injury or anything. Just an oversized yellow sweater and some leggings. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Sorry to just barge in like this but Erik really wanted to join us for tea,” Yenai apologized, “and he insisted we come now.”

“Well tea’s not till 4,” she looked down at her watch. “But by all means, come in and join us for brunch! We’re out on the balcony.”

“Glady,” I pushed past them and onto the balcony. The other twin was out there, nibbling  lightly on a piece of toast. She wore an identical outfit to her sister, but with a blue sweater.

“Hi Erik!” She greeted. Yenai and 1 came in soon after. “Yenai too? Are you guys joining us for brunch?”

“Yup,” I said sitting across from her.

“Splendid!” 2 clapped. “Dorota! We need 2 more plates out here please!”

“So, Yenai, I’m sorry I couldn’t talk yesterday,” 1 frowned. “We were at the Marc Jacobs fashion show. They usually confiscate phones but I snuck mine in.”

“Well, it was a good thing you were dealing with fashion because I’m working with Vogue!” Yenai squealed. The twins gasped.

“No!” 2 gasped.

“OMG how?” 1 asked.

“Remember that dress I made with the tribal prints?” They nodded. “Well they saw it and loved it and now they want to add it to the Fall collection!” The 3 of them screamed and held hands.

“Congratulations!” 2 grinned.

“Yeah, we’re totes happy for you!” 1 added.

“Thanks guys!” Yenai laughed as the maid placed plates of bagels and lox in front of us. The moment Yenai saw it, she gulped. “Um... Is this raw?”

“Smoked,” 2 declared. “But very, very lightly. I hate when it’s not chewy.” Yenai started heaving.

“You good baby?” I whispered.

“Um, yeah... It’s just the smell,” she gagged. “And the look... and... I’m just gonna use the restro-” She covered her mouth and ran back into the house.

“Is she okay?” 2 asked.

“Yeah, she just has really bad food poisoning,” I said folding my arms. “So Marc Jacobs, huh? What was that like?”

“Like all the rest,” 1 rolled her eyes. “Been to one, been to them all.” I looked behind me to make sure Yenai wasn’t in ear shot.

“Does Yenai know?” I asked. They looked at each other confused.

“Know what...? About the fashion show? We just told her,” 2 raised an eyebrow.

“Cut the shit!” I hissed. “You know damn well you weren’t at no fuckin’ fashion show last night!” 1 took out her phone and opened her snapchat.

“Look from 7:30 PM until 11:29 PM we were at the fashion show then we went to the after party,” she said. “Am I missing something?”

“Now, I’m confused...” 2 frowned. “Where did you think we were?” Maybe I got it wrong... Maybe it was just a coincidence... But I was sure it was them... I sat back in my chair and look a bite of my bagel.

“Forget it,” I sighed.

“Hey, I LOVE your watch!” 1 gasped. “Rolex Chronograph right? Our dad has the exact same one!”

“Yeah, he’s been collecting since before we were born!” 2 added. “Come, we’ll show you!” They both got up and I followed them through their bedroom and into one of the closest. A giant wall full of watches was right above a smaller case with more watches.

“There are 320,” 1 spoke. “We only take them out to wear as good luck or on Sundays to have Dorota clean them.”

“It is Sunday,” I pointed out.

“Oh fuck! It is!” 2 groaned. “I’ll get Dorota.”

“I’ll go check on Yenai,” 1 said. Then they both left the closet. I looked carefully at each watch. Ther were all accounted for. Well there goes that theory... I looked around the closer which was filled top to bottom with expensive jewelry and clothes. Just as I was about leave, one of the watches in the case caught my eye. I opened the case and picked it up. It looked almost identical to mine, it just had lower case letters instead of uppercase, like most Rolex’s do... I heard footsteps so I scurried to put back the watch, causing me to fumble and drop it on the floor. I bent down to pick it up from under the case, accidentally grabbing something else instead. A brown paper bag. I slowly opened it pulling out a bloodstained shirt and a clown mask. That’s when I heard a clicking sound from behind me and someone clearing their throat. I sighed and raised my hands in surrender, getting up and facing the door. 1 had a rifle pointed to me while 2 had her arms folded across her chest.

“Pardon me sir,” 1 smirked. “You have something that belongs to us. I’d like it back.”

“I fucking knew it,” I laughed. “So you two are the little fuckers who’ve been fucking with my assignments.”

“We haven’t been messing with anything,” 2 pointed out. “We get calls and we go. The same as you.”

“So I’m just supposed to believe that you two, fucking pris and perfect, are assassins?” I laughed.

“You’re damn right!” 1 snapped. “Now give me the fucking watch!” “Fuck no! You gave this to me and I didn’t kill ya ass!”

“You shot my sister!” 1 yelled.

“Twice!” 2 growled. “In the same spot!” “Well, I was letting you go and you threw a knife at me,” I shrugged.

“Enough fucking talking!” 1 hissed. “Hand over the watch. It was my dad’s favorite.”

“Hmm... No. Fuck you,” I dropped my hands.

“I mean it!” She shouted. “Or I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” I walked over to her. “Aside from killin’ niggas I also deal in weapons. You don’t think I know a paintball gun over an actual rifle?” She sucked her teeth and dropped it.

“Fine, whatever. I had to leave our weapons at the warehouse last night to get Ayana to the hospital,” she rolled her eyes. “Just... Please give me back the watch,” she begged. “Despite all the watches on the wall, that was the only one that belong to our dad...”

“Aight, I’ll give you back the watch, under one condition,” I smirked.

“Nigga, we are not having sex with you,” 2 crossed her arms.

“If it means getting the watch back, yes the fuck we are!” 1 glared at her.

“What the fuck? No! That’s not- Never mind,” I groaned. “I’ll give you back the watch if you agree to cut off whatever nigga you workin’ wit and work for me.”

“What?” They asked together.

“You serious?” 1 asked.

“Fuck yeah, I’m serious,” I nodded. “Y’all can fight. Plus we can use y’all for baiting niggas out.”

“He’s actually serious,” 2 gasped.

“How much money you make in a week?”

“I don’t know... 200 maybe 300 grand on a good week,” 1 shrugged.

“I once made 2 mil in one night,” I told them.

“Holy fuck!” 2 exclaimed. “2 million fucking dollars? Alyssa, do we even have to pretend to think about this?”

“Hell no!” 1 laughed extended he hand. “It’s a fucking deal!” I shook her hand and took the watch off my wrist giving it to her.

“We’re in business then,” I smirked. Then Yenai walked in, looking confused and scared.

“Um... What’s going on here?” She asked, warily.

“Nothing,” the three of us said in unison.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll pretend to believe that,” she rolled her eyes. “Girls I’m sorry, but I have really bad food poisoning and I can’t keep anything down. Erik can we go back upstairs?”

“Sure thing, baby girl,” I walked over and kiss her head. “Let’s go.”

***

I’ve had a weird feeling about Yenai since the day we had brunch with the twins. And it wasn’t just from her being sick. Like now, it was day 3 and she was STILL throwing up! She had to call in sick from work, which her boss eagerly gave her. Yenai guessed that she was still embarrassed from dinner the other night. That was the last real conversation me and Yenai had... THREE DAYS AGO! Everything else was all responses and simple questions. And when they weren’t responses or questions, they were bitchy remarks or constant nagging. I came from meeting with the Twins, whose names are apparently Ayana and Alyssa, and walked into the house.

“Baby, you home?” I called out. She walked out of the bathroom.

“Where else would I be, Erik?” She rolled her eyes. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from replying rudely.

“The twins made you soup,” I offered putting the bowl on the counter. “They said it helps nausea.”

“You were down there again?” She scoffed. “You’ve literally been down to see them everyday since brunch!”

“Is that a problem?” I asked, folding my arms.

“If you previously hadn’t tried to fuck them then no, it wouldn’t be,” she snapped, taking the bowl of soup and throwing it in the trash.

“Yo, the FUCK is ya problem, Yenai?” I shouted as she retreated to the bedroom. I followed her and closed the door.

“My problem Erik, is that instead of staying here and making sure that I’M okay, you’re off galavanting with MY friends!” She shouted back.

“Well maybe I’d want to be around her more if you weren’t being such a bitch to me all the fuckin’ time!”

“Oh word?! I’m a bitch now? Riiiigggghhhhttttt! Copy!” She stormed into the closet and started grabbing her clothes off the hangers. I took a deep breath and leaned against the closet door.

“What are you doing?” I groaned.

“Since I’m such a fuckin’ bitch, there’s no use in me staying, right?” She shrugged, opening a duffle bag and stuffing the clothes in.

“So first of all, ya ass don’t got a place to go, so let’s cut that shit out aight?” I took the duffle from her. “Secondly, you gon just pack a bag and leave every time we get into an argument? You gon be doin’ a lot of packin’ and unpackin’ ma, I’ll tell you that.”

“Fuck you,” she spat pushing past me, going back into the bedroom. I grabbed her wrist. “Get the fuck off me.”

“Nah, you not goin’ nowhere till we deal with this shit, Yenai. I’m not bouta keep quiet everytime you snap at me or yell wit ya stank ass attitude. We gon sit down and talk like fuckin’ adults.”

“I have nothing to say-”

“The fuck you don’t!” I snorted. “You got allat mouth when I try to help you and now you got nothin’ to say. Nah.” I wrapped my arms around her. “Tell me what’s on ya mind, baby girl.”

“Get off me,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

“No. Talk to me,” I insisted. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “DId I do something wrong?”

“No,” she sniffled, letting tears fall. “You didn’t... I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch...”

“It’s aight... I’m not bouta force you to tell me what’s wrong, but we can’t keep goin’ like this, Yenai...” I sighed. “When you ready, you gon tell me right?” She shut her eyes and shook her head.

“I can’t! I can’t tell you!” She cried. “I’m scared...”

“Why can’t you tell me? What’s scaring you?” I asked cautiously. She kept shaking her head, sobbing.

“I can’t...”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!”

“Yenai-”

“No, Erik! Just stop! Please!”

“Baby, please talk to me-”

“Erik!’ “Why are you so scared?!”

“BECAUSE I THINK I’M PREGNANT, OKAY?!” She screamed. I heart stopped and my blood turned cold. “...I think I’m pregnant and I’m scared...” She whispered. “I’m so fucking scared...”

~~~

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[dietaku]

Amazing Quest 1: Chapter 5

Chapter 5: My Little Sister can't be this Rig Vedic! (Before we go on, I got this from PalsOwnFire: "The Kimyawa minigame is actually the harder of the two options open to the AQ1 This is because, while it doesn't allow for later paths opened with the griffohump, it does grant Kimyawa massive stat bonuses, and also gives her the "KitsnCllr" an item which not only grants her even LARGER bonuses, but also reveals her darkest secret: That she too is a Chimera. Kimyawa: Since you have spent so much time to help me, I wanted you to know this... Hiro: Eh? Kimyawa: (Produces a fluffy tail) I'm actually a Chimera. My family doesn't like me showing it off. They say I should be a human. Hiro: I don't think much about it. Heck,I don't think there's a true human on our team... Kimyawa: Aaaaaw, Hiro-kun! (The two hug, as Ozma glares from a corner, with "The True Human" flaring over her) "So, yeah. It's kinda cute, not the "Monstrous misogynistic exercise in subjugation" that Amelia Sardinian, that Feminist e-celebrity, posits. Of course, this is also the minigame where Hiro dresses up in a jogging suit and quotes Rocky, so..." (We then get a cut-scene with Zoddon and Jaydea) Jaydea: So, brother. It seems that the Light Pudding dreck has gathered quite the army. He's captured two of the Talismans, and proceeds to trek towards Us even now. He seems quite driven. Zoddon: No matter. We still have the ace in the hole. How goes the Work to sway Toneland to our cause? Jaydea: (Cough) I'm working on it... Voice: GYAHAHAHAHA! Working it, you mean! Jaydea: Kodas! Show yourself! Kodas: Not just me! (Three shadows appear) Zoddon: Ah, your Four Heavenly Kings. Shadow: Four Kings and One Queen. Kodas: Then it removes the entire motif! Just roll with it, Ceuri! Ceuri: (Pouts) Jaydea: No matter, go take care of them! I'll be along in a moment. Zoddon: What exactly are you doing in Toneland? Jaydea: Ehehehe...Well... We then assume control of the party, at the far end of the racign bridge from Chapter 4. There, we're in a large desert. You'll note that the desert saps health slowly so long as you're on the sand. The trick is to go towards a cave to the southeast. Loyroll: This heat is oppressive! My hair is going to go limp! Kimyawa: Aaaaan! Hiro-kun, can't we do something? Ozma: Just suck it up, all of you, we can do this! Hiro: Ozma, you're beet red. Are you okay? Ozma: Erm... Hiro: Anyways, we need something to help us... Mancala: I KNOW! Hiro: You do? Mancala: Yes! It's a great treasure! But one thing. Only I can go to get it. The lands I'd be going to are secret! Loyroll: Ok. Ozma: Go ahead. We'll be here. Kimyawa: Hai! Resty-resty~. Hiro: I guess we're staying here. Mancala: (Pouts) Fine! You then control only Mancala. Proceed to the left, to a pool of water, which connects to the Oceans you were in before. Return to Mermania, and back to the Guild house. There, an elderly merman is crying. Talk to him to proceed. Merman: A bloo bloo bloo! Mancala: Guild Patriarch! What's the matter! Patriarch: Ah, Mancala. You're like a tax hike on my assets on top of this insane revenue cut that already has struck! Mancala: Oh no! Is there anything I can do? Patriarch: I'm not sure how, but my assets are being attacked. The Stone Lord Kord has summoned the Grim Reaper to slay all of my assets and plummet Mer Culture's economy into the Deep Trench! Mancala: OH NO! I must stop it! Patriarch: Psh. I don't see a conniving woman like you acting altruistically. Mancala: Hey! Eh, well, okay. But, I know someone who WILL! And you need me to get them!  Patriarch: I'll give you one hundred gold to get them to fight! (You then get a choice between accepting the money or haggling) Mancala: One hundred ? Pocket change. I'd have to swim aaaaall the way back, and that's hard. Patriarch: TWO hundred! (Another accept or haggle choice) Mancala: Two Hundred? Geez, that's hardly an improvement. I could make that setting up a lemonade stand. Patriarch: FOUR Hundred! (Yet another prompt) Mancala: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... Patriarch: You're a giant, colossal bitch. EIGHT Hundred! Mancala: Mmmmm, deal! You then have to return the cave. You'll probably notice at this point, that Mancala on her own is pretty terrible in battle, but that's neither here nor there. Talk to Hiro to proceed. Mancala: Well, I have good news! Hiro: You found the item to let us travel across the Desert? Mancala: What? NO! I got us a job! Hiro: Wait, what were you doing? Mancala: Relax, I needed to grease some palms! If we do this, it'll be easier! Loyroll: And whose palms needed greasing? Mmmm? Mancala: Shut up, you greaser reject and help me! (Mancala returns to the party) Enter the pool that Mancala left from and return to Mermania. Talk to the Patriarch. Patriarch: These are your soldiers? They don't look so tough. Mancala: Relax. Where's this reaper? Patriarch: I last heard he was going to slay a Miner in Dun Falafel to the northeast. That miner owes me sixty trillion!  Mancala: We got this! Be sure to have the cash ready! Patriarch: Yeah, whatever. Go north, to the ridges north of Mermania. Follow those, and then go east when you can't go north any longer. You ought to find a cave by the coast. Welcome to Dun Falafel, City of Chimerae. --Dun Falafel-- Dun Falafel has an impressive upgrade set for everyone. Grab a OrichSbr for Hiro, KnklDst for Ozma, NOdhi for Kimyawa and FlSHST for Hiro and Loyroll. To find the Miner, he's in the west house. Chimera Doctor: There's no use. He's going to die in an hour. Chimera Nurse: But, doctor, all you did was check his pulse. Doctor: I think HIS presence makes it a foregone conclusion. Reaper: Hello. Miner Moore: Tell my ma I love her, wouldya? Doctor: Um, yeah, sure, kid. Reaper: Can you guys get this out of the way? I gotta reap this sumbitch. Doctor: By all means, Mr. Reaper. Mancala: STOP RIGHT THERE! Reaper: Mm? You'll try to stop me? But, why? Why stop a natural course? All die within time. Mancala: Why? WHY? FOR MONEY, OF COURSE! --Boss Battle!-- Grim Reaper x1 LP:12000 MP: 6000 Grim Reaper is an annoying jerk, because he spams DEATH, KILL and BREAK, all of which have chances to instantly kill people. Also, don't use any weapons that inflict death, such as the Decap Shuriken from Mermania, as they instantly restore him to full health. Just stock up on Smelling Salts, and he's no trouble. --Boss Battle!-- Reaper: Fine, fine, you crazy people can have him. I'm going to reap some old cat. Moore: Ah, shucks, thanks, folks! Kimyawa: Yatta~! Hiro: Okay, so we did what you asked. How does this get us an item to travel across the desert? Moore: Hello? Y'all listenin'? Mancala: Watch and learn, Hiro! Moore: Oh, y'all are leavin'. Okay, I'll be here...I'll just take a nap. (Return back to the Patriarch) Patriarch: I just heard! Congratulations, you she-devil, here's your cash. Mancala: Ah, here's the thing. I did so much work, so, now, the deal is the money AND the Magic Fan. Patriarch: Wait, what? Mancala: Oh, we can go back and kill that miner if you want? Patriarch: Fine, fine! Here's your fan! Now get the hell out! Hiro: Wow, Mancala. That was...decidedly mercenary. Mancala: Let's go, goons! Hiro: ... You then return to the desert, and entering it, Hiro holds the fan aloft and then switches it on. You now don't take damage, but there's now a large dust cloud flying around the desert. If you encounter it, you'll discover its source: the giant Dark Pudding motorized army. Dark Pudding Soldier: Sir! We found the Light Pudding Army! Praetorian Faa (A woman in oversized silver armor): Splendid! Inform Lord Kord. Dark Pudding Sir! Hiro: So, are they gonna come closer, or... (The Dark Puddings begin firing on the Party) Hiro: BACK TO THE CAVE! You're then returned to the cave from before. Hiro: We can't go back now. Where do we go? Go deeper into the cave. After dropping to the second floor, you'll find a hole. Drop into it to enter the Aero Spire. --Aero Spire-- The Aero Spire is a large cavern with small plateaus the party can walk on. Yu'll get prompts to jump over from one to another. The problem is the swinging blades that damage you should you get hit. On top of that, the enemies shift from the Giant Bats and Cave Trolls to Magik Munchkins and Ghost-o-mancers, magical enemies who love to attack you with party-wide spells. After reaching the end, you'll find a flashing phantom. Phantom: Halt, you cannot pass. Past here is the Ancient Sage. Ozma: Wait, like Ancient Sage that crafted the Talismans in the Long-ago Days? Phantom: Yes. However, to get to her, you need to get past me. Hiro: Seems fair, I guess. Phantom: R-really? Kimyawa: Pretty much, Dead-san. Loyroll: True! Phantom: O-okay, then. --Boss Battle!-- Phantom x1 LP: 18000 MP: 1000 Phantom is nothing new. He enjoys blasting you with light and earth spells, while occasionally striking you with Eghitr, a multi-hit physical skill which also has a high critical chance. Fight as you normally will --Boss Battle!-- Phantom: (Cough) You have proven your worthiness. You may proceed. (Inside is a large bed where a chimera woman is sleeping peacefully) Phantom: Oh, dear. She still hasn't awakened.  (He pokes her, claps his hands, and then smacks her with a pot. Nothign rouses her) Phantom: One second. GHOST! (A palette swap of Phantom appears) Ghost: Yes, Phantom? Phantom: We have Worthy Ones here. Help me wake her up. Ghost: You mean? Phantom: Yes. (The two then assume positions around her, and then blast her with electricity. The Woman jumps up.) Chimera: WHAT! WHO? Phantom: Mistress Deima, we have Worthy Ones here. Deima: Worthy, huh? (Peers at Hiro) Whaddya want, hot stuff? Hiro: Yes, well, um, we were stuck down here because of the Dark pudding Army, and... Deima: Dark Puddings. So, the time has come at last. I assume you're Light Puddings, then? Hiro: Well, I am, yes. Deima: Well, that settles it, then. I'm going to help. What we need is a Lava Worm. Hiro: ANOTHER fetch mission? Deima: Relax! I got it right here! (She produces a brown orb from behind her back) All we need to do is put it in a volcano! Now, the normal thing to do is to return to the surface and go south. NOT, go back to the volcanoes near Zaius and Heston, although that does merit a surfing minigame in the remake, where Hiro and company surf a stone slab over lava back towards the Desert. There, you'll enter Mt. Metalgi. --Mt. Metalgi-- The mountain is home to a good number of fire-themed enemies, including Flame Munchkins, Toasties, and Hella Goodbyes. From the start point, proceed east and north, as you work your way into the heart of the volcano. From there, Deima will drop the egg in. With that, walk out. Hiro: So, how do we know that it worked? Deima: Relax! It totally worked! (The Dark Pudding Army drives up) Faa: Ah, you just don't learn, do you? (The Volcano explodes, and a large writhing worm made of fire descends on the Army) Hiro: I suppose an apology is in order. Deima: Apology accepted. Soldier: OH GOD, IT'S EATING ME! Faa: (ICE SABERs the Volcano Worm, which explodes into steamy chunks) Soldier: I'M OKAY! Faa: GRRRR! MY ARMY! --Boss Battle!-- Praetorian Faa x1 LP: 22000 MP: 15000 Faa abuses Ice Armor and Ice Saber, skills which counterattack with Water-1 and a heavy physical water-themed attack. The best option to counter her is to throw up Kimyawa's Aqua Veil to lessen the oomph of her skills and abuse Loyroll's Whirl form with Hiro. Nothing too bad. --Boss Battle!-- Faa: AAAH! BROTHERS! I WILL JOIN YOU! (Explodes) Hiro: ... Ozma: Nothing? Hiro: No, I'm over it. Kimyawa: Sourpuss. Deima: Well, that's that. If you need anything else, feel free to call. Buh-bye! (Deima then leaves) Now, without any other obstacles, you can then go west across the desert. There, the terrain shifts into greenlands, with farms here and there. If you talk to the villagers, you'll learn that the Dark Puddings were using their technology to restore the desert to arable land, and there was a Dark Pudding Noble in the Hell Garden Keep further on. --Hell Garden Keep-- The overgrown castle is filled with plant monsters, making Kimyawa useful here with her many fire-themed attacks. Once you reach the second floor, you get to a large plaza, where four robed figures were line dancing with Jaydea. Hiro: Jaydea! Where's my sister? Jaydea: Four, five, six, seven, eight! Okay, guys. Looks like they finally came in.  (The four figures take off their robes, revealing a short, fat man in blue robes and a turban, a tall, blonde woman with long razoe nails, a chiseled man without a shirt, and a short, blue man with a monocle) Short, blue man: Biomancer Kodas! Short, beturbanaed man: Dream Magister Modt. Blonde Woman: Star Lady Ceuri. Chiseled Man: Stone Lord Kord. Jaydea: And me, Piedmon! Erm, Jaydea! I've been waiting, Light Pudding! Show us, what progress have you made? Kord: All on you, Boss. Modt: Yes, um, I'm not big on physical confrontation. Ceuri: Yeah, I just painted my nails? So, no. Kodas: I'LL HELP! Jaydea: Yeah, no. (Sigh) Fine, you four... --Boss Battle!-- Jaydea x1 LP: Infinite MP: Infinite Better late than never, this is Jeffcom's obligatory forced loss battle. She'll engage Figgy Pudding, and destroy you with ease. --Boss Battle!-- Kodas: Ooh! Ooh! Jaydea: (Sigh) Yes, you can have them, Kodas. (The party is then seen in a lab, tied to slabs, where Kodas putters about) Kodas: I wonder what would happen if I feed you this shrinking potion? Mm. Whatever, well, it takes a while to take effect. See you in thirty! (He then leaves, as the party begins to shrink) You then fall onto the floor, free. Go north, to a crack in the wall. Inside is a village of mice, who reveal to be escapees from Kodas' experiments. They have an inn and an item shop. Also, in the back, is a mouse who mourns his Panacesean, cheese so good, it cures any illness. He then mentions that the cockroaches took it, who live above them on the next level of the castle. You then need to exit the village, and go east, into another crack in the wall. Continue up, going up the insulation in the wall, until you enter a large, pink room. Follow around the discarded vinyls, books and clothing items, until you see the resident. Hiro: This room seems pretty girly, is this.. (Jaydea walks in. In the US version, she's wearing pajamas, and in the Japanese, she's in a t-shirt and her panties.) Jaydea: Gods above, those idiots. Oh, well. Time to crank the tunes. (She turns on her stereo, and begins to do a dance) Hiro: !!!! You now need to avoid the flailing dance moves of Jaydea, If you get hit, it's an instant game over. Thank goodness for the save point that drops immediately after the cut-scene. The worst, is the fact that, if you take too long, it becomes impossible to exit, as Jaydea plops down, her butt blocking where you need to go. Thus, go as fast as you can, to find another village, of cockroaches. Cockroach leader: Attention all! The Goddess of Destruction has resumed her dance! We will now sacrifice the cheese stolen from those foul mammals to appease her! Hiro: NOT SO FAST! Ozma: WOW! Mancala: My heart! So manly! Kimyawa: YECH! Cockroach cheese? Cockroach Leader: Cockroach Knights! To action! --Boss Battle!-- Cockroach Knights x6 Cockroach knight LP: 4500 Cockroach Knight MP: 2000 By themselves, they're not hard, but together, they tend to run ragged on people. The best option is to whirl with Ozma and smash each knight in turn. If you keep them all alive, they will use "Swarm" on you which inflicts heavy magic damage and a random status.  --Boss Battle!-- Cockroach Leader: Um, let's not get so hasty! Take the cheese! Hiro: Thank you! (The party all eats the cheese, as they grow in size, producing a bang, which gives pause to Jaydea's gyrations, as the party falls onto the floor below) Kodas: Where did they go? (The party falls on him) Kodas: YOOOU! --Boss Battle!-- Heavenly King Kodas x1 LP: 27000 MP: 9600 Kodas isn't so hard at first, casting second tier magic. When you take off half his LP, he then uses the "Kodas drinks the POITON" action and mutates into a horrible, leafy plant monster. This raises all his attacks, and gives him the obnoxious "Viney Winey" attack which hits all targets for earth damage, and also the "Spore" Attack, which causes Red. Smack him down, as you would any other plant-type monster --Boss Battle!-- Kodas: ACK! (falls over and dies) Ozma: So, what do we do now? Hiro: Um, I hadn't thought that far ahead. So, uh... WE JUMP! (The party then jumps out the window)

[queen-of-the-willows]

The Garden’s Children

Hooooo boy, here we go!

My first short story for this blog, and I've never been so terrified of something so mundane.

I'll be honest, I feel like there's something more I could've done, and I’m not sure what it is,  but I hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless

The word count is 4795

Oh, and a special shoutout to @truewanderer77445 , @araniladin , and @wallpatterns for their support and help while I was making this

Part One

Staving off negativity takes too much effort. Especially when everything is objectively, unequivocally negative. Still, Alaric always appreciated a challenge--even if they came suddenly--and hoping in spite of everything was the only thing he could do now. Standing here at the Garden House’s door with little knowledge on what to expect, he could only hope that this visit would go well, even more that he wouldn’t make an absolute fool of himself or the kingdom.

Even if the kingdom would be at fault if I did, he thought and sighed. There was no point in blaming anyone for this predicament. Well… maybe there were a few who could be put to blame, but thinking about that was useless now. In this moment, he had a task, and he would see it through.

Still wary, he knocked on the door, to which it opened immediately, and a young, silver-haired woman greeted him, eyeing him with a strange look. “Oh,” she said, “can I help you, Sir?”

“Good Afternoon. Yennifer Havoc, correct?” Alaric replied, continuing after she gave a slow nod. “I’ve come to examine this Garden’s Children for the monthly report.” She raised an eyebrow at that, her eyes widening.

“Oh? I’m sorry, you must be mistaken. I didn’t realize I’d be seeing a different watchman.” There was no anger or accusation in her voice, thankfully, just general surprise. He knew how she felt. “I thought I’d be seeing Sir-”

“Sir Biron,” he cut her off, something she didn’t seem appreciate. “Apologies, again,” he gave a small bow. “He had business to attend to.”

“Business?” There was accusation this time, and her smile wavered. “And no one thought to tell me?”

My thoughts exactly. He struggled not to sigh--again; yet another issue with the last-minute change was that no one stopped to tell him what or how to explain it. He’d only been given general information about this Garden, about the Caretaker, and one very stern order from Biron.

“I suspect that no one realized how long he’d take before it was too late. I was only notified that I’d be filling the role for him two days ago.” Tense silence followed. Her smile had completely vanished, and instead she bore a scowl that she was undoubtedly trying--and failing--to hide. He was resolving himself for what could possibly lead to an argument with a complete stranger when she finally spoke.

“Fine,” she all but spat with a wave of her hand. “Let’s just hope you can get the job done as any other can.” With that, she led him inside.

“I’ll have to apologize again for this. I’m sure you don’t appreciate surprises in these events.”  She waved off his apology. “Little can be done about it now. I suppose we’re both lucky that this is but a courtesy report.”

Is it? That’s what he’d thought at first--it was the right month for it--but from the way Biron had treated it, it seemed his very reputation hinged on this.

“If it’s any consolation, I was told a little about you before I came here, at least,” he said as they walked through the hall.

“Splendid,” she replied, “if only I could say the same about you, Sir.”

He realized he never introduced himself. “My name is Alaric Anson. It is nice to meet you, Yenni-”

He could barely finish her name before she stopped walking and interrupted him. “Havoc.”

“Pardon?”

“While you are here, you will address me as Ms. Havoc, Sir Anson.” She breathed an agitated sigh and folded her arms. “Am I understood?”

She waited for an answer, her impatience suggesting she’d dealt with this numerous times. Did she make the children call her that as well? Finally, Alaric spoke: “of course, Ms. Havoc.”

With a satisfied nod, she brushed past him, guiding him further into the house.

“They couldn’t have told you much if you don’t even know common courtesy. Tell me, who said what about me?”

“Biron made sure to give me basic information when he could. He did mentioned that you were a very… stern woman.” Well, he chose words much more generous than “stern” or “strict,” but Alaric was sure that got the point across just fine. In fact, with Sir Biron’s description, he’d suspected Havoc to be much older. But despite her hair, he was surprised to find that she couldn’t have been much older than him. And, other than her adamance on how she was to be addressed, she didn’t seem that bad; her reaction to the sudden change was much calmer than he expected, even if that was all he had to go off so far. She did, however, surprise him when she chuckled after his reply.

“Of course he did. Anything else?”

“That you have a strange, yet strong connection with the children.” So much so that you try to hoard them.

Bringing up the children may have been a mistake; as soon as she spoke of them, her earlier scowl returned, and her arms tightened across her chest. “Bold of him to speak of them,” was all she said. It was a risk, evidently, to push the topic further, but the most his curiosity would let him do was deviate ever so slightly. “Speaking of which, where are they?” They’d been walking through the house the whole time, even passing what he suspected to be rooms for some of the children, but he never saw any.

“The six meant for the presentation are waiting in the class wing. I suppose you at least know how this is supposed to go.”

Right. This month’s report was really just meant to make sure that the children were making progress. That the Caretaker was doing her job. A “courtesy” for both the children and the kingdom. Short and simple.

“I believe so, despite everything,” Alaric said. “I’ll be seeing them one-by-one, correct?” She nodded, breathing what sounded like a sigh of relief.

“What else, if I may ask, has Sir Biron said about me and my children? I didn’t realize he had someone who was willing to listen to his grievances.”

In all honesty, “willing” wasn’t truly the right word. Maybe if “begrudgingly” was placed before it, it would be more appropriate.

“Nothing much beyond that,” he lied. “Just that you bond well with them.” That, and you try to keep them from their servitude to the kingdom for as long as possible, you hide as many as you can during courtesy visits, you make deals and conspire with them for once they become Promised Children, you sully his image and name and speak down to him whenever he arrives, that if I don’t get at least one child out of your Garden during this month’s report, you’d win again and he couldn’t have that… the list went on and on, so much so that Alaric was almost furious that his mentor spent more time giving him “warnings” that scarcely applied to him than, say, any useful information. The only thing relieving him was the fact that this meeting was going well, which was probably only because he was amusing the Caretaker. He couldn’t imagine what kind of petty qualms this woman had with Biron, especially since she appeared to be so calm. They must have been plentiful, however, because Havoc all but rejected his words.

“No, that doesn’t sound like him. He’s very long-winded. You should know that if you’re friends with him.”

“Friends,” is a strong word, my dear. Nevertheless, he couldn’t outright deny it, only correct it, even as he did nothing to hide the grimace on his face.

“He’s my overseer, actually. A mentor, of sorts. He’s been teaching me for a few months, now.” Alaric sighed. “But yes, he is long-winded. Yet, I can’t help it if he talks for so long that I drown him out, now can I?” That was probably a mistake, speaking ill of his superior--even in jest--with a woman that he undoubtedly hated. Still, though, it was nice to speak a little freely of him. Fun, even, if not risky. Even so, a change of topic would probably be best.

“I suppose you can’t,” Havoc said. “But that’s enough for now. The class wing is just around the corner. We’ll be one room down from the children. Would you mind waiting inside while I fetch the first one?

Alaric shook his head. Taking one last moment to conspire? He doubted the thought, of course--even considered it funny. But that didn’t make this arrangement any less strange. True, the children would be presenting their abilities by themselves, but still… he wasn’t allowed to see all of them together?

“Good.” The Caretaker’s mood had brightened as the two talked, but his compliance seemed to do her the most favor as the two walked into an empty classroom. “I’ll only be a moment. Let’s hope we make a good impression.” Alaric sighed when she left.

“One child. Just note that you deem one child as ready for their training as a Promised in the report.”

There were, of course, many things wrong with that order, the most glaring being the fact that this was a courtesy report, one where Garden children are barely deemed ready to leave their home. And Havoc was able to choose the six children for this presentation, meaning she just as easily could’ve chosen the least impressive. Or, at the very least, demanded that they hold themselves back. If that were the case, he could report that the Caretaker was doing a poor job in teaching and training the children, which would do far more damage than having one child leave. But why would he want that? Because she hides children when watchmen come? Because she does so when Biron comes? If anything, he understood. He barely knew this woman, and she already seemed much more pleasing to be around than his mentor could ever hope to be. He could hardly take the demand seriously, much less now that he was actually here. The only thing keeping it in his mind was his mentor’s adamance. If he believed his apprentice ignored his demand, there’s no telling how angry he’d be. For the time being, Alaric supposed, he could simply wait and see how everything would play out, and at the very least, hope that no matter his choice, he wouldn’t have to be barrated for more than two hours.

 Part Two

           The breeze blew steadily--if not a little harshly--throughout the room, and Alaric almost feared that the girl would knock something over. He blinked so much that he could barely see her at the front of the room. His short hair was already blowing wildly about, and he had to hold his notebook and pen in place for fear that they would fly off the table. Soon enough, though Havoc waved for the wind to stop. The girl lowered her arms, and the air immediately went still.

“Thank you, Kylie,” Havoc said as the girl bowed.

Wind manipulation. He wrote down the girl’s name and ability in his notebook, writing more as Havoc spoke to him. “Her power is rather promising, but the only issue is that it tends to… escalate when she uses it too much. She’s fine with creating a steady breeze, but any more than that, and she’ll lose control and wind up summoning a wind storm.” His pencil abruptly stopped at “control,” and he raised his eyebrows at the Caretaker. She didn’t seem to notice, somehow, even as she stared him down.

“Don’t you think…” he trailed off for a moment, wondering how she could look so calm after what she just said.

“Wouldn’t training in the kingdom help her handle that if she’s already showing signs of promise?”

She shook her head, furrowing her eyebrows. “You would send a storm to a kingdom, with strangers who have no clue what could set her off?” she asked. “She’s already struggling now, with someone who knows and has taught her well.” Havoc placed a hand on her chest. “Can you imagine what would happen if she were taken away in the middle of her training? It’s best that I handle her until she makes further improvements.” He couldn’t argue the sense in that, even less so when he looked over to Kylie, who seemed to nod in agreement when she noticed his gaze. But he chose to keep silent, and went back to his writing as Havoc called for the next child.

The next presentation was a replica of the first; the boy came in, Havoc introduced him, and he presented his talent. This one’s name was Neil, and he could forge a fire from his very palm. According to Havoc, he still needed to be taught on effectively using his flame for different purposes. “Won’t he be able to do that in the Kingdom?” Alaric asked.

“He will make more progress if I am the one helping him. He’s comfortable with me, and thus, willing to learn more. It’s the same case.” His insistence on mentioning the Kingdom was obviously agitating her, so much so that he wondered if he should keep at it for the rest of the presentations. He felt it unnecessary to anger her, even though prying would continue to do just that. Even so, prying was a part of his task, wasn’t it?

“I don’t see you writing that down.” It wasn’t a threat, but something in Havoc’s stare snapped him out of his thoughts. He hastily noted her words in his book. He didn’t lift his head when she sent Neil for the next one, only doing so when she actually appeared.

“This one here is Viridian.” A young redhead holding a small pot to her chest presented herself to the front of the classroom, taking a deep bow before looking at her Caretaker.

A prop? It wasn’t much, but she was the first one to bring something with her.

With a nod of approval, “Viridian” nodded back and sat cross-legged on the floor with the plant resting in front of her. She put the tip of her fingers to the dirt and closed her eyes, pushing further into the soil with each breath. Soon, a green stem sprouted from the pot and steadily grew along with a bud that slowly expanded. When it leveled with the top of the girl’s head, the bud unfolded itself, and a large sunflower beamed at the two.

Viridian stood, and was about to bow again before Alaric’s clapping threw her off. It was a soft, steady sound, and yet she stared at him wide-eyed as her cheeks turned red to match her hair.

“Wonderful. Viridian, was it?” Timidly, she nodded, and nearly spoke before Havoc interrupted.

“Apologies for cutting in, Sir Anson,” she said, “but this presentation is long enough without you talking to the children.”

She sent a glare in Viridian’s direction, and the startled girl put her head down and bowed as she was supposed to.

Perhaps he made the air too tense after all. He simply wanted to compliment the child, make an attempt to change the atmosphere. And besides, this was his first time speaking with one. Even so, just doing that put Havoc on edge. Perhaps she knew of his intent, or at least, that of his superior. If so, maybe addressing it wouldn’t hurt.

“Apologies, Ms. Havoc,” he said, “I just thought that it’d be much more productive for the report to speak with the subjects of it instead of-”

“Instead of their Caretaker?” The one who has been overseeing their collective growth?” Havoc raised a brow at him, almost goading him to challenge her. He looked over to Viridian, who only dared to take a quick glance at him without so much as moving her head. With a nod and a small sigh, he gestured for Havoc to continue.

“Cultivating her ability proved to be difficult,” Havoc said, looking the girl over. “She could hardly grow a weed when she first started. But, with enough patience and concentration, she managed to boost her progress in such a short time that it even impressed me.” It was short-lived, a “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” moment, but he swore he saw her smile at the girl. If her “progress” was enough to make this woman happy, then it must’ve been promising. Instead of replying, Alaric simply took notes.

When he looked up, he saw that Havoc appeared to be waiting on him.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“You don’t have any questions?” There wasn’t anything in her voice but confusion, much like when she first saw him. For a reason he couldn’t quite discern, that was almost relieving.

“Well… I suppose I could ask how you managed to help Ms. Viridian progress her talent.”

“Oh! I-” Alaric’s attention snapped to none other than the girl herself, who was suddenly staring at the two with wide eyes. She obviously wanted to continue, but she’d caught Havoc’s attention as well, and her glare cut her off.

“Yes, Viridian?” he asked, hoping a warm, if not slightly pleading smile to Havoc would be enough to garner permission. It was the closest he’d get to asking her “please.” The Caretaker stared between the two, incredulous at them both. She probably wasn’t expecting any of the children to speak, and he wondered if they weren’t either. Even he was shocked.

Shocking him further was Havoc’s answer; albeit begrudgingly, she nodded for the girl to continue.

“Oh… well…” Viridian must have been just as surprised as he was as she gathered herself. She wrung her hands and twiddled her hair as she spoke. “Well, Yen-... Ms. Havoc helped me with my focus. She told me that I couldn’t sprout anything because I was thinking too hard about it, so she helped me practice blocking everything else out.”

“Is often the case with children,” Havoc stepped in when the girl was finished,  “they can’t focus on what they’re doing with their talents at first. They’re either caught up by the prospect of failing, or become frustrated much too quickly when they feel they are failing.”

Alaric wrote quickly to keep up with their words, satisfied at the notes when he was done. “And you help break them from those habits,” he said. Havoc nodded. The silence allowed him to ponder for a moment, before he looked to Viridian.

“Well, it’s good to have such a methodical Caretaker. I’m sure there’s much more you could learn from her. Thank you, Viridan.” The girl remained still, flushed, and cast a glance to Havoc, who nodded at her. With a nod back, she took her pot, the flower now towering over her, and left the two waiting for the next child.

“Thank you,” Alaric said, breaking the silence. “For letting her speak. She seems like a fine student.”

Havoc didn’t look at him--her stare remained glued to the large chalkboard at the front of the classroom--but he could see the smile that crept across her lips. “She’s a shy one, but she’s learning to get past her nerves. I’m surprised she even spoke.”

Because she’s shy, or because you probably told her not to? He was again amused by the thought of her speaking--or, “conspring,” according to Biron--with the children.

“And thank you,” Havoc said, interrupting his thoughts. “For the compliment on my teachings.” He almost forgot he’d done that. “You’re welcome,” he said, his smile never leaving. “It was simply an observation, though.”

“Well, I appreciated it nonetheless.” If there was anything he had to give to their Caretaker, it was that they obviously respected her. If Viridian’s appraisal of her teachings were anything to go by, short as they were, he understood.

Soon, another girl holding a small, ornate box stepped in, taking the place of those before her. She was the second one to bring an item with her, other than Viridian.

“Ah, Tabula.” Havoc beckoned her over, and the girl walked to where the two sat. Alaric studied her, curious. She was the first child to approach them like this, the others being perfectly able to showcase their ability at the front of the room.

Gingerly, the girl--who he now realized was wearing gloves--put her box on the table between him as Havoc pulled up a stool for her. She sat, opened the box, and reached in, pulling out-

A dead bird?

Havoc grimaced at the thing, and it took all he had not to join her. Only the girl, Tabula, regarded the creature with something other than disgust. If anything she seemed to do so with affection. Out of all of the… quirks he’d seen and expected from the children, an affinity towards dead things had certainly not been one of them.

“Apologies, Ms. Havoc, but…”

Havoc held up her hand, silencing him. “Don’t worry, Sir Anson,” she said, “it’s apart of the presentation.” Her voice was calm as usual, but her expression told him that she simply wanted to put that bird back in its home as soon as possible. Finally, something they could truly connect on.

With a nod from her Caretaker, Tabula took off her gloves and hovered her hands over the bird. Before long, a green, wispy essence circled around its target, and with each cycle, it seemed to respond. Its head twitched, and he could almost hear a small chirp coming from it. Its eyes burst open, its head tilting back and its neck craning, its wings spreading in sudden, jerking motions. Soon, its body followed suit.

Alaric watched watched in fascination--as well as a hint of horror--as the bird, half-rotted and swathed in a green substance, flitted its wings, as if preparing to take flight. Instead, though, it bounced around the table, leaving a trail of waste and mucus as it did, tweeting a cacophonous song from a torn throat.

“Like the others, Tabula has improved immensely in her abilities,” Havoc said, trying to hide her dismay at the now-dirty table. “Before, she was unable to make anything move. Though, I will say that she’s only come so far, and is currently only able to fully animate small animals and insects.”

Havoc’s summary allowed Alaric to pull his focus away from the bird and onto his notebook.

Can only animate small animals. If this small animal was enough to unsettle the both of them,he feared what anything bigger would do. Would he have to handle children like this in the future?

Would he have to handle Tabula herself? He wondered what Havoc would think about such an idea, but decided to keep the question to himself.

“That’s…” he tried to summon an honest word, but one that wouldn’t harm the little girl all the same. She watched the bird with an elated rapture, almost as if she wasn’t the one controlling it.

“That’s astounding, Darling.” Her glance flew to him, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the bird’s do the same. “Thank you!” she beamed. “I want to make a zoo when I leave, even though Ms. Havoc says that I can’t.” The Caretaker raised her brow at Tabula, who lowered her head, an amused, if not mischievous smile playing across her lips.

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be a lovely zoo.” Assuming she was ever allowed free use of her own powers. The rules around the Garden’s Children and their abilities were tight enough, and with a power like that at her disposal, it’d be a wonder if she were allowed to use it for anything other than at the Kingdom’s request. There’d be a tight leash around her, especially if she remained so recklessly fascinated with her own ability. Seeing how happy she seemed now, though, it was almost sad imagining such a thing.

Nevertheless, Tabula’s smile grew wider when she looked at Alaric, and she turned to Havoc as if to confirm his hopeful words, only to be subdued by her scolding glare.

“Anson,” she said, turning to him, “if you could refrain from encouraging this one any further, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

He agreed. Both to avoid argument, and because encouraging something such as this would undoubtedly see him scolded by both his peers and mentor if they knew. Especially his mentor. Still, seeing Tabula beam at him made it worth it, and he could see that even Havoc was warmed by the sight.

“Apologies,” he replied with a nod. “If Tabula here is done, I’d like to see the remaining children you have on display.” With that, the little necromancer put her gloves back on, and the bird dropped back into its cold, deceased state not a moment after. He almost felt sorry for the thing, and wondered what it must have been like to suddenly reawaken as it did, then banished the thought altogether.

With great care, Tabula put it back into the box and closed it, promptly leaving afterwards.

The remaining two children were no less of a spectacle. One was a boy with wings that Havoc ascertained were still growing, and the other was a girl with a voice so enchanting that he nearly fell asleep. Havoc pointed out that getting her to use her ability on others was a struggle, and it’d take some time before she was completely comfortable taking an order to do so. Their names were Malakai and Pandora.

“Well then,” Havoc said as the final student left the two alone, “I hope you found this watch to be especially fruitful.”

“I’m not sure what the standard usually is,” Alaric replied while flipping through his notebook, “but I will say that seeing everyone was quite the treat. I must thank you, Ms. Havoc.”

She waved away his thanks, shaking her head. “It’s a necessity, Anson. No need to thank me.”

“Even so,” he paused, unsure of his next words, unsure of if he should even press the issue. “Even so, you were much more accommodating than I thought you’d be. Despite everything.”

“Despite what you’d been told?” Aside from when she chuckled in the hall, this was the first time she smirked at him. He returned with a smile. “That, and despite my behavior. I saw that I annoyed you with the first presentations.”

She didn’t deny it outright, but shook her head. “You were doing your job. If Sir Biron was the one giving it, I can’t fault you for that.” She knew about the order. Definitely. Either she was very perceptive or he was simply that obvious. Or both.

“We never saw eye-to-eye, as you can probably guess,” she continued, “and last month that truly came to a head. The last thing he said before he left was that I’d pay for looking down on him, and that I wouldn’t be able to keep my children holed up forever. I see he wasn’t able to see that promise through, but I never thought he’d have someone else do it for him.”

“....oh.”

“Oh?” Havoc looked almost surprised as he did. “You didn’t know?”

He shook his head. He guessed that this whole ordeal stemmed from some rivalry between those two, but his mentor had conveniently left out that detail when he was “informing” him. It made sense, when he thought about it, as to why Biron would deem it unnecessary to tell him, but still… it was nice to know what sparked this specifically.

“Well,” Alaric spoke slowly, almost chuckling at his next words, “he’s going to be very disappointed.” He took a moment to smile at her confusion before continuing. Looking closely, though, he could see a hint of relief as well. “You’re children are growing well, but from what I’ve seen today, they still need your presence to steer them into becoming Promised. They should all stay with you for as long as necessary.” He began writing as he spoke, quoting himself. It wouldn’t hurt to have a written argument at the ready to help him against Biron. Silence filled the air after he was done talking, the only sound breaking through being his pen on paper until Havoc’s voice joined it.

“Thank you,” she said. “Truly, I appreciate it.”

When he was done, Alaric closed his notebook, gathered it alongside his pen, and stood. “No need to thank me, Havoc. I’m simply doing my job. For both of our sake’s though,” he’d begun making his way to the door, and stopped in the frame. “Let’s hope that I’ll be able to be your watchman again in the future. Maybe even for an official report. I’d love to see the rest of the children.” With that, accompanied by a smile, he left.

For this, he could tell, he’d definitely be getting a lecture well over two hours.