#some of those games i wished i'd never picked up

[smolphantom]

I have several and I'm going to be crucified but that's okay. Anyway my top choices of most disappointing games I ever played were: Borderlands 3, Dynasty Warriors 6, Asura's Wrath, Horizon Zero Dawn, Darksiders 2, Warframe (during the later updates), Overwatch (also during later updates), Lollipop Chainsaw, Skyrim, FFXV, and FF7 Remake.

yall reblog this with the most disappointing game u have ever played

like the one that was either a sequel or overhyped and then turned out to be trash?? mine was bioshock infinite

[whore-ibly-hot]

Best friend!Retro-gamer!Yandere x Fem! Or Transmasc!Reader

"My Player Two"

18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Dub-con, perverted thoughts, obsession, bullying, masturbation, cum play, begging, general perversion, dry-humping.

(AN: Merry early xmas or equivalent holiday, guys! I have given you all the present of rising from the grave to deliver some submissive yandere horny thoughts.)

A gentle tug shakes you out of your thoughts, making you sit up quickly and turn your attention to your friend, Lewis.

The curly haired brunettes tongue just barely pokes out between his lips, thick coke-bottle glasses slipping off his nose. He's trying his best to play his video game, whilst also keeping one hand on your shoulder. "Hey, I asked you somethin'!" He says, not glancing away from the screen.

"Sorry, just zoned out. Whatcha need?" You tilt your head and adjust your posture when he puts the hand from your shoulder back onto his controller.

"I was telling you that I think I'm real close to beating my Galaga score at the arcade on 54th. Real close to getting my initials up on that screen."

"That's great, Lewis. I'm glad all that practicing with your hands is paying off." He blushes at the encenuation. "You know, if you'd like you could come and see me, when I get that high score. It'd be pretty great." He grabs an old plastic cup by the side of his bed, handing it to you with a shake.

"I've even got a few coins for you, if you want them. Maybe we could play a couple rounds side-by-side, or I could use them, and get you a slushie or something from the prize counter." He looks at you hopefully, with large eyes. You giggle, and reach out to adjust his glasses, pushing them back up his nose. "Sure, Lewis. I can bring my own coins though how much you covet those coins." He chuckles.

The clock chimes 9:00 and your head whips over to see the time. "Oh, geez. I gotta get out of here, Lewis, I've got classes in the morning." He pouts a little, trying to think of a reason to get you to stay a little longer.

"Hey, maybe you could sleep over, just borrow one of my shirts. I'd hate to make you go home, plus I've got food here." He stands. You shake your head as you fumble around for your stuff.

"I can't Lewis, thanks though, I'll see you soon, okay? Uh, call me when you plan to go to the arcade, alright."

"Okay, goodnight then, Y/N..." he watches wistfully as you leave, trying to resist the urge to pull you back for just a few more minutes. He'd give you soda, or some more snacks. Lewis is hesitant to let anyone touch his controllers, but if you wanna play two player, he'll allow it, you'd just have to promise to be gentle. He knows you would be though, your always so gentle. With him, with animals and other people, (though he wishes it was him mostly.).

Lewis has never been popular at your school, it was bad in elementary, and only got worse when the social politics of high school kicked in. He was scrawny, freckled, and loved anything geeky. He was bad at sports and an only child, making him a little socially inept. He didn't care though, he may had wanted someone in elementary to play with, or in sixth and seventh grade to be his friend, but by eight grade year, it didn't matter. That's when he met you. Sweet, perfect you.

You were immediately popular at school. You were friendly, attractive, and outgoing, everything he tried and failed to be. Becoming your friend changed everything for him. He was still bullied and picked on, but it didn't matter. As long as you saw him as worthy, he was happy. His parents even stopped goading him about going out more, once they saw he actually had a friend, which just led him to have more time to stay indoors, with you and his consoles.

He lays on his bed thinking about how much you've meant to him, having set his controller aside, when he realizes the scent of your shampoo is still lingering on his pillow. You smell so good, and there's still a warm patch from where your laying.

"No... fuck." He whines, feeling his cock twitch to life from under his jeans. He runs a hand through his hair, fighting shame and carnal need. He quickly pokes his head around his blinds, making sure his parents aren't home yet. After deciding the coast is clear, He locks his door and gets under his bed, digging around for his book. Eventually, he finds the family photo fromthe christmas card your family sent his last december, just a couple months ago. He feels so dirty for jerking it to your family photo, especially considering your other family members pictures are on the page, but all the cute Polaroid pictures he has of the pair of you are still developing, and he really needs to look at you right now.

Normally, he'd just just turn on the adult late night channels, but he heard from some of the guys at school that usage of those channels are starting to reflect on cables bills, and he'd rather not get his TV taken.

In a moment of desperation, he kisses your photo once, before taping it up to his headboard, and grabbing the nearest pillow. Even though it's not you, and his cock desperately needs to be free from his jeans, he wants to make it romantic. He straddles the pillow, pretending in his head that this isnt weird at all, it's just.... practice for if, no, when he convinces you that he can provide reasons for you to love him.

"Y/N..." he huffs, looking down at the pillow and trying not to think about how embarrassing he's being. "I like you so much, I do, and I need-" he rolls his hips. "I need to be in you, I do." He tries to imagine what you might say.

"I know, i-its my first time too, but it'll be really good. I'll make sure I make you feel good, and I'll go really slow, even if I want to speed up." He begins undoing his pants. "You know, you thought you were being funny, making that dirty joke about practicing with my hands, but I bet some of that dexterity might carry over?" He chuckles, before groaning as he kicks off his boxers. "Stupid, that was stupid. Don't say that when this is a sure thing."

He looks down at his freckled dick, the tip red and leaking, slightly bulbous. He's pretty thin, but a decent length. He's sure if he figured out the right way to use it, he'd make you feel amazing. He's know you'll make him feel amazing.

"I'm gonna put it in now, okay? Y-yeah, yeah I'll go slow. Of course, I wouldn't hurt you or anything, unless you wanted that. I'd do anything for you." He groans, before rubbing his tip against the pillow and pumping his hips slowly. He pants, glasses fogging up.

"S' really good, not just on my dick but... but having you up against me, feels so nice to hold you." He clutches the pillow like a life preserver while he ruts away into it, whispering and panting praises and assurances to it.

"Gonna cum, god, I-I feel it coming. I wanna be a good guy, and pull it out but-" He moans. "You feel so good, I can't." He imagines in his head your on the pill, maybe for cramps, but... maybe just for him. "I-I can cum inside you? Really? Go's, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do that. I'll give it to you, and I'll clean you up right after I- shit." He can feel himself losing control at the thought of ruining you, the sight of his cum leaking out of your holes. He moans loudly, though it choked back and emotional enough it sounds like more of a cry. Thick, white cum comes out in strings, all across the crisp white fabric of his pillowcase.

Once that post-nut clarity hits, he groans. How could he be so stupid? This pillow had to be cleaned now, and that would wash out all the remnants of your scent. He sighs as he chucks the pillow case into his laundry basket, and tucks his spent cock back into his jeans. Wiping off his fogged up glasses, he looks at the photo of you again, taking it down from his bedframe. He leans back against the headboard as he looks at it.

"M'so in love with you, I wish I had the guts to say it. I play the hero all day, everyday in my games, why can't I just be like them. Strong enough to get the girl, and keep her. Not jerk off to a pillow and a family photo." He tucks it back under his bed. He'll impress you, he's just gotta find a way.

Several days later, you got a call from Lewis to meet him at the arcade. Grabbing your keys, you head out.

Upon arriving, you enter, and see Galaga. Huh, Lewis's initials were already on the leaderboard! He must've won before you showed up. Heading outside, you hear grunting from an alleyway. Concerned, you peek around the corner, and gasp.

"Hey!" You yell, running up. The two punks who were standing over your battered friend turn there heads, only to snicker. It's two boys from you and Lewis's class.

"Oh, Y/N, perfect timing. This geek was getting taught a lesson." The jock snickers.

"What is your problem? He didn't do anything to you guys!" You push past them to try and help Lewis up, but he looks mortified to see you. "N-no, no Y/N, don't-"

"Yeah, he didn't do anything to us, it's about what he did to you, or maybe, what you did to him." You turn around, and Lewis pales. "What're you talking about?" Your brows furrow.

"This geek has been in that shitty arcade all day, playing that game. When he beat his high score, he started dancing like a little girl. We laughed at him, and he started going off. Yelling about how he didn't need our approval, and he wasn't upset. He had something we couldn't take from him. We asked him, and he said it was you." You tilt your head.

"Yeah, man. We knew this creep had been following you around for a while, but we didn't know he thought you were friends. We said we didn't believe him, and he got so upset he started claiming he was your friend, that you loved each other. Even, heh-" The two laugh. "Even that he fucked you."

"W-what?" You gasp and look at him. "Lewis?"

"I'm so sorry, I... I needed them to believe we were close, that you did care." He blubbers, reaching our weakly to your blurry form, glasses broken.

"He got graphic with it, too. Talked about condoms and taking you from behind up in his bed, since it isn't true, the little perverts been fantasizing about it for a while. If nothing else, we did you a public service, shutting this creeps mouth." The taller jock says, trying to put a hand on your shoulder.

"Don't touch them!" Lewis screeches, blindly lashing out, weakness replaced by a moment of fury. "Jesus, he's crazier than we thought. Need us to walk you home?" The jock winks. You shake your head vehemently.

"Just go." You say coldly, not turning to face them. "Whatever, bitch. Don't blame us if this sicko does something to you." Only you and Lewis are left in the alley now.

"Y/N..."

"Don't, Lewis." You snap, making him recoil into himself. "I trusted you, you were my friend, h-how could you say such lewd things about me?" You ask.

"I-I didn't meant them to be leed, I was just angry. I mean, I would like to do that stuff with you, but it'd be romantic! I'd never try and defile you or something shitty like that. Just please, can we go back inside?" He begs. "I'll get you that slushie like I promised!"

You shake your head. "I... I need some time to process all this, Lewis. I think it's best if we don't see each other for a bit." His face falls. Despite what's happened, you almost regret what you said. He looks broken.

He kneels before you, on the ground. "Y/N, no, please. Your my only friend, my best friend, I'm sorry! I'll never talk like that again, I'll do anything to make it up to you! I-I take hormone suppression pills, o-or... I don't know, take an abstinence pledge, just don't leave. Your my everything, my best friend-"

You've already left the alley when he looks up. A few game tokens lay scattered, meant for you but having been lost from his pockets during his beat down.

"No... you're supposed to be my player two..."

[hollowtones]

my month-late PAX West post (& a catalogue of some things I saw and did and bought in September / late August)

PAX West was very fun this year. It was my first ever PAX and it was my first convention at all in maybe a decade. Any excuse to see friends is a good one & I love hanging out with the RTVS crew whenever I have the time and money to travel. ^_^ I even got to see some friends I've never seen in person before!!! (Thank you to Jill and Evan for the "Petal Crash" pin & thank you to Taxi for stealing my name tag by accident.)

I am very shy, and I have very severe social anxiety that causes me a lot of problems in my day-to-day life, so I almost didn't go to the RTVS meetup. People there were very sweet, though, so I'm glad I did. It feels very heartening to have people come up to you and tell you what the things you've made have meant to them. It was very hard to not cry. LOL

If you stopped by to say hi, thank you very much. I've been thinking about it through all of September and smiling a lot about it. ^_^

The rest of this post is largely pics of things Puzz and I picked up for ourselves. (And a little bit of talking about some other things we did.) I thought it would be fun to catalogue them. I tend to be a little thrifty, so I got to splurge on my wife. LOL

These were mostly things we got for Puzz because I didn't want to worry about lugging things home in a suitcase. But she keeps telling me they're our things, which makes me smile every time I think about it. Some of the pins are for me. I'd like to put them on my backpack... Hopefully they don't fall off. Jackie and Dodogama are friends.

The "Chicory" bag is a bit of a funny story. Puzz and I saw the "Beastieball" booth in the corner of the indie section. Very fun demo. Very cute booth. They have cool merch! I thought I saw Lena Raine working the booth, and I got really shy & nervous about making a poor impression, so I just kind of hid behind my partner. (I wish I had said hi, in retrospect... but we live and we learn...) So we just kind of shuffle off to the merch desk and talk to a very nice man there while we pick up some things. I work up the guts to say that I really like these games and that they mean a lot to me!! The guy says, well thank you, that means a lot to me and the team. Wow! Real swell guy, I'm thinking to myself. A day or two later Puzz and I are out to lunch with some friends and I just suddenly go eyes wide & mouth agape because I put two and two together in my head and realize Oh holy shit that was Greg Lobanov wasn't it. LOL

Puzz found a cheap copy of "999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors" for the DS at a retro game store's pop-up. They also had "A Bug's Life" for Game Boy Colour and a strategy guide for "Gex 3", both of which I wish I had picked up.

Mr. Basculin was a gift from Jake. Good news! Mr. Basculin is still alive.

This is all stuff that was given to me as gifts. (Aside from the con badges. They make you pay for those.) You've probably already seen the Bibi that Jake made me. "Chicken Run" was also from him. "Zapper" was from Puzz and the Gumby game (& the Bad Boe sticker) was from Scorpy. These games fuckin suck asshole!!!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with them & I'll cherish them forever. I also got a little rock and a human dog keychain.

I think Scorpy said a fan gave this to him at PAX East to pass to me eventually. I'm having a hard time reading the @ on it, but on the off-chance you see this: thank you so much. Every time I think about it I get a little teary-eyed. I want to get myself a little picture frame for it. (This is the first time someone's given me fanart like this before, and it made me very emotional. LOL)

Puzz and I only got 2-day passes for PAX, so we spent the rest of our time in Seattle hanging out with friends and seeing the sights. I don't feel like digging all the photos out right now, but we went to a really fucking nice jazz club (Dimitriou's Jazz Alley - great ambience, really good food, we saw Keiko Matsui live which was life-changing), we visited MoPOP (I hadn't been in years! It was alright! Puzz had some capital-t Thoughts about the whole place which was fun to listen to!), we rode the trains, I got a big bag of Dicks, we walked around downtown. There was this really nice coffee shop that I keep having dreams about, so I hope I can go back to Seattle soon. (Or at least eventually, next year.) Then we went to Portland for a day to say hi to a friend because the state was nearby.

Then we went back to Puzz's place in California. Then there was a major heatwave & a bunch of wildfires nearby... So we didn't have the chance to get out much in September. But that's okay. We've both been tired lately & I think we both badly needed some dedicated Not Doing Things time. It's just a shame that it was enforced by Dangerous Weather Conditions.

We got to visit some local friends and I got to try out more Bog-Standard Mediocre American Food. (Dunkin Donuts is just Tim Hortons. Olive Garden is kind of scary but the salad was really good and the breadsticks were fine. I had a middling hamburger from Jack In The Box tonight. Their milkshake was very good. I'm sure I'm forgetting others.) I went to a Macy's for the first time and the layout of the store made me have a panic attack. We went for nice walks and saw lots of nice critters and plants. I got to swim! I watched a mediocre PlayStation presentation! I turned 30 years old! Puzz took me to a very fancy and really nice Italian place for my birthday, in case you were worried that I was only eating garbage here. LOL

We got a lot of books.

Maybe too many. Also a Miles Davis vinyl for myself & some Gunpla as an early birthday gift for Puzz. And also the cookbook was a gift from family. But I'm very excited to tuck into more of these, hopefully soon. Some were for me and some were for Puzz but knowing us we're going to go "hey, I liked this one, you check it out" or "hey, I didn't like this one, but maybe you will" for a lot of them. I'm gonna start with "Annihilation" and the game essays book. ("House of Leaves" is a second copy for us, because my copy was originally Puzz's and I wanted them to be able to read it too.) I don't have room in my bags for much more than what I came here with, so we're gonna ship some of the books to each other when we're done reading.

It's been a very nice month... I feel very thankful to have a life full of love like this. I don't think I have anything else to add to this post! Thanks for reading.

[cjlouwho]

Twelve Christmases

Chapter tags: Michael returns, implied homophobia

read below or on ao3

Day 8: 2017

Tommy hadn't stepped foot in his hometown in fifteen years.

And when he did return home, he hadn't planned on saying much.

He planned on sitting back and watching his father be a disaster with his new family.

A stepmother of eight years that he'd never met.

A stepsister and two stepbrothers he couldn't tell you the names of.

Step nieces and nephews and cousins. Tons of people for his dad to embarrass himself in front of on Christmas day.

What he didn't expect was for them to all be so damn happy.

His stepmom, Tina, laughing and giggling with Michael by her side.

His step siblings giving him a hug.

The kids all running to him, calling him grandpa.

Not a bottle of beer in sight.

It filled Tommy with a rage he hadn't felt in years.

And it caused him to blurt out the one thing he'd only just been able to admit to himself a few months earlier.

“I'm gay.”

The room fell silent, everyone gathered at the table for Christmas dinner. All eyes were on Tommy as he stared down his dad as though he were daring him to react.

The seconds ticking by felt like hours.

“Hm,” Michael finally breathed out. He picked his fork up, motioning around the table. “Come on now, let's eat, food's gettin' cold.”

The silence faded away with the sounds of utensils clanging on dishes, and whispered conversations picking up between guests.

Tommy continued to watch his dad, who was smiling over at Tina as they spoke to one another.

“Hey, congrats,” one of Tommy's stepbrothers (Sam, he thinks), leaned over and said to him.

“Are you congratulating me for being gay?” Tommy deadpanned.

“No, just for like, coming out or whatever. I know- or, well, I've heard- that it's like, ya know, tough and stuff.”

Tommy had to fight back every retort that was popping into his brain. “Yeah,” he agreed. “It's real tough and stuff.”

Then Sam (or is it Jim? Henry? Steve?) reached out and patted his shoulder. “Proud of you, Bro.”

Tommy wished his eyes were laser beams that he could use to shoot directly at the hand Sam-Jim-Henry-Steve touched him with.

Instead, he plastered on a smile. “Thanks.”

*****

They didn't get another chance to speak until everyone else had left. Tina went to get a shower and Tommy found himself in the living room with his dad.

“So?” he started, not bothering to sit. “What have you been holding in?”

Michael, who had been focused on the TV, muted it before turning to look over at Tommy. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“There it is.”

“You don't come around for fifteen damn years and when you finally do, you act like an ass all day long. We sit down for a nice dinner and you say something like that?” he shook his head. “I don't even know what to think of you.”

“I wasn't acting like an ass all day,” Tommy defended. “I've been so unbelievably confused by whatever game you've been playing! Who the hell even are you?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I have never, not once, seen you sober on Christmas. Hell, I never really saw you on Christmas at all. When I did, it was a nightmare! You certainly weren't picking me up and spinning me around like you did those kids today. It's all some weird ass show you're putting on.”

“Hey!” Michael stood, standing face to face with his son. “It is not a show. I love that woman and all the people that come with her!”

“So that's what this is? You just never loved mom? Or me?”

“Your mom was weak, Tommy! She didn't know what I needed.”

“No, that was the problem!” Tommy yelled, poking at Michael's chest, “She was only ever here for what you needed!”

Michael smacked Tommy's hand away. “We're not talking about this right now. We're gonna talk about that- that lie you told at dinner just to try and upset me.”

Tommy stood up straight, his heart pounding. “It's not a lie. I'm gay.”

“No, you're not.”

“I think I'd know a little better than you.”

“I will not...” Michael's voice trailed off as he breathed heavily through his nose. Tommy was pretty sure fire would be coming out if that were possible.

“What?” Tommy taunted. “You will not what?”

“I want you out of my house,” Michael said, teeth gritted together. “I don't need you around my family.”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “Around your family? What am I then, Dad?”

“An embarrassment!” Michael screamed, no hesitation.

Tommy pursed his lips, nodding. “Now that's the dad I know,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. “I'll get my stuff, leave tonight.”

As he left the living room and headed down the hall, he stopped when he saw Tina standing in the doorway of the main bedroom. It was just like his mom used to do all those years ago.

“Tommy,” she said, her voice quiet, sad. “You don't have to go tonight. You can stay.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I'm not gonna stay. Thank you though.”

He continued toward his childhood bedroom to grab his things. He'd never really unpacked anyway.

“I didn't know,” she said, stopping him again. He turned back to her. “I've never heard him like that before.”

He smiled at her sadly. “It's okay,” he assured her. “I have.”

[soulidarity]

somebody that you used to know

rafayel x mc | angst, no comfort, break up

summary: tired of always being compared to herself, MC confronts rafayel

now and then i think of all the times you screwed me over, but had me believing it was always something that I'd done. but i don't wanna live that way, holding onto every word you say. you said that you could let it go, and i wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know.

it was happening again. rafayel was going into a rant about of how forgetful MC is, how he waited for 800 years. MC cant even figure out what triggered it this time, was it because she didn't react to something like he expected her to?

it was draining, to always be compared to someone. its even worse when that someone is you, you just dont remember it. MC is aware of her past lifes, she knows they have existed and she knows that she always has some type of relationship with the artist in front of her. she knows this because of him, but he has never told her the full story for any of those timelines. yet, he reprimands her all the same.

"im done." the hunter interrupted.

"Wh... what?" he replied, panic suddenly evident in his features. "Done with what?"

"With this! I'm not who you want me to be! I know that technically, you are talking about me. But it's me from 800 years ago! And I'm tired of you holding those actions over my head every single time I don't respond accordingly"

Rafayel is stunned, looking at every part of her face for a hint that this is a prank, he only finds anger.

"Its not like I can even guess!" her body language turns more aggressive, hands grabbing her hair in frustration "Because you never even tell me the full story and I am so over this! I am MC, I am a deepspace hunter, a great one at that! I like claw machine games and kitty cards. I'm not a princess, I'm not lost at sea or whatever I was before, and I am most certainly not your lover."

He goes to speak at this last statement, heartbreak evident in his face, but she stops him once again "I am not finished. When we started going out and you told me the basics of everything, you said that you were happy to be with me again and see what this life brought us. But youre still hung up on somebody! Do you know how exhausting it is to fight with yourself for your partners affection? And always feel like youre losing?"

She sighs, the tension leaving her body as she grabs her bag.

"MC wait! Please I'm so sorry" Rafayel grabbed her wrist, tears staining his cheeks "I'll be better, I promise. I-I'll make a vow!"

"You need help, Rafayel. Not a vow. I understand that this is really hard for you, but you need to process the past and accept it as what it is so you can enjoy the present. I know it's easier said than done, but I shouldn't deal with that burden." she removed his hand "I wish... you had just taken my heart and saved lemuria..."

Now at the door, she glanced back at him for the last time "If... you left something at my apartment, have Thomas pick it up."

Rafayel wasn't a stranger to loneliness, always searching for her in their different lives. 800 years of solitude. But this was different. He had always blamed her for the actions she did unconsciously, but this time it was an actual decision for her to leave him

[that-vexaholic-cryptid]

The 'BOTW has a bad story' people really confound me because let me tell you, if it weren't for that story I wouldn't be in this fandom.

My attachment to this game comes from the fact that it was 2020 and I was freshly dealing with the worst phase of my life when I decided to put that game in. I'd never been part of the fandom before, in truth I'd avoided it for years because it felt too big anymore to pick up. I'd only bought it because it was the most popular Switch game I knew outside of Animal Crossing.

And I fucking hated it at first because I was in no way a gamer and it took me forever to get the fuck off the Plateau. But once I was out and able to explore, I started having fun. Just doing random shit. Until one day I decided fine, I'll follow the fish guy.

And all the little cutscenes and quests that followed got me into it. And it had such momentum I couldn't put it down. Before I know it I'm dodging ice blocks and doing midair archery trickshots that I NEVER would have imagined I'd be doing. After all that, you've got to do the Beast, right? That's what all this is for. So I did, and let me tell you, as a first time Zelda player and novice gamer, those puzzles were HARD, Vah Ruta was MASSIVE to me and took hours!

So when I finally solved it and knew the boss fight was next, I was ready to go to bed. It had been enough and I knew I'd get my ass kicked, maybe I'll come back soon. So I saved. And for some reason I decided, since I know it's going to kick my ass, I'm just going to take a run at it and see how bad it's gunna be, it'll be funny. And I honestly don't recall how that fight went because it was such a blur, but I remember being SHOCKED that I won. Just absolutely stunned.

I was so full of adrenaline and righteous joy. How'd this even happen, this was supposed to be so out of my range yet, the plot just pulled me up a mountain and it was awesome! And then, that beautiful music comes in, and you finally see Mipha, and she's so sweet and soft and sad, and so wishes to help you on your journey that she'll use her spirit to heal you. It's so poignant and, damnit, Mipha didn't deserve this fate, she must be avenged! If you weren't in the story before, you might be then, and if not then, then when you walk back down and see Sidon praising you and saying how he was right to believe in you, and all the Zora that doubted you are now cheering for you, and the rain is gone, the sun is out, and Zora's Domain looks absolutely gorgeous, and it dawns on you that you just saved an entire people, and you're gunna tell me you went through all of that and don't genuinely feel like a goddamn hero!?

I don't believe you.

[2demondogs]

Hello, I'm the anon who asked if you write autism and now that i know you do, I'd love it if you could do an gender neutral autistic reader/Javier?

I love music, and I don't think I could live without it. it really helps prevent meltdowns and calms me down when things get too overwhelming. I often hear and love listening to Javier play his music in camp. it's so relaxing and serene sometimes. My favorite is Ángel De Amor :)

I don't really have a specific way for this request to go besides including Javier's music into it. So I'd say you have complete creative freedom! Thank you so much for answering my question, by the way. I love your writing :))

Of course! I am a simple man tbh Javier picks up the guitar in game and I sit Arthur's ass the fuck down. Also thank you <3

I kind of went from the comfort aspect. Sorry this took a second (I also have another like. week old request too) fatigue is kicking my ass this week.

Words: 1.9k Tags: fluff, Javier is madly in love with u, reader has sensory issues, established relationship

You wish you could know true silence.

Javier had looked at you perplexed when you asked if the wind ever bothered him, insisting you meant the sound and not that it messed with hair or clothes or bullets. Lucky him, only hear it during storms.

He had taken your mind off of the racing of your heart by clapping his hands over your ears and grinning. "Better?" He'd asked, and you'd felt his voice reverberating enough to offset the overwhelming roar of blood through his hot palms.

What a fool, you thought and still think, but laying on your bedroll has left you with no sleep and a deep desire for his hands on your face, or how he lays on you in the privacy of trips away from camp. The ground is hard, too hard; you feel cold in a way that's deeper than temperature, as if loneliness could be icelike and sting all over, especially through your empty arms; and it's so quiet that your ears are ringing, searching for noise and focusing only on your own heart thudding — the sound gives you anxiety, for some unknowable reason — and the snores of the camp.

Oh, the snores.

You start to get angry, but you blame it on those, usually. Although Javier snores, and that's never bothered you. Because it's you, you've told him for romance's sake but, really, it's hard to know what's irritating you when everything feels raw and cold and burning all at once.

Before your patience can snap, the pressure of it already building in your throat, you sit up and let your eyes re-adjust to the darkness of the night. You had hardly realized how the darkness behind your lids was growing on your bad side, too.

The campfire is still going nearby, and you see Javier sitting with his back against one of the logs, guitar laid over his lap and a knife in hand. He's doing something to it. Arthur's tent flaps are drawn and the light of a lantern fights against the fire for shadows, the dark outline of a large hand passing over the light now and then; as you walk past, you think maybe Hosea is sitting beside the tent post that covers him, Bill, and Lenny.

Besides the four of you, it's eerily dead. Not an unusual occurrence, really, because it seems these three's insomnias are all interlinked and your own tends to join in on their frequency, too— but eerie all the same.

The choice is clear enough of who to join. Only Javier is surrounded by empty space, though you've learned that doesn't necessarily mean he'll be as friendly with others as he is with you. Romantic privileges, or something like that. You believe he's just sour inside and trying to stuff you into the open sore like cotton.

With only the company of your feet shuffling over dirt, Javier's voice seems gunshot loud.

"What're you up for?" He asks, disinterested before he looks up from his guitar's neck. One string is missing out of six, a new gutstring pinched in his fingers as he twists it where travel had unraveled it in storage. Frayed ends stick from the tuning pegs, tied but not trimmed. His eyes soften when he sees it's you, but he leaves the greeting as it is.

"Can't sleep," you say, and take a seat at a polite distance on the same log.

Javier never complains of your proximity and you feel the urge for it now, that prickly sensation of emptiness along your arms and torso, but something stops you from taking indulgence into your own hands. You're happy that he scoots over some, shrugging and waving the small knife in his hand as he speaks. Glinting in the fire, the blade one of the newer silver ones he picked up during a disastorous Van Horn trip.

"I would'a never guessed," he says. Even though his hair is untied — it seems that he couldn't sleep either, because it is tangled in the back — you know he's smiling.

Past his head, as he leans away, you watch him cut the excess from the last string and tie a firm knot around the tuning peg. The easy way he works his skills always quiets your nerves, the same way it does to watch Javier handle his guitar in general.

When you feel unable to handle anything, it's comforting to know there's someone who knows how to handle something. Someone you've got a claim to, whose skills you take a secondary pride in — look at my man, doesn't he know his way around...? — but that's entirely affection speaking.

"What's on your mind, cielo?" He asks, leans his head back on the log beside your hip and looks up at you.

The shadows draw strangely over his features at this angle. His features have filled out nicely since Dutch dragged him in. Nevermind that they were fuller, still, before Blackwater, or that his undereyes look darker than they have in months. He's handsome, and his eyes flutter shut when you draw your nails gently over the hair sprouting from his temple.

Before, he's laughed when you've spoken honestly, but it has never been at your expense. Javier has some humor about him when you are alone — which is the only place you will confide in him, whether it's fear of your dignity or fear for the life of anyone who side-eyes Javier's sweetheart — and at times, you think maybe he's laughing the way men laugh when they see the sun for the first time in years. There is no judgement behind the way he smiles, showing his gums because the curl of his upper lip grows almost timid.

It is sickening, how in love Javier is.

He makes you feel like you are, for the first time in your life, entirely without flaw. You know that's impossible, that no one is, but feelings never do bow to inferior facts.

You realize you've gotten lost in your thoughts when Javier's lips brush your knuckles, having plucked your hand from his hair and taken it in his own, the fingers curled over the wall of his. He says your name. It sounds good in his rasp.

"S'rry," you say, blink once or twice to remember what he had even asked. What's on your mind? Why are you awake? "It's too quiet 'round here. It's botherin' me."

He nods. "Never sounds right when the woods are quiet," he agrees, and you realize he's misunderstood.

"No, it's very loud," you correct.

Javier squints at you, that familiar humor nudging his eyes. "What do you mean?"

You were going to divulge the depth of it, but now you find yourself focused on explaining this part to him. The entire world was beginning to piss you off, anyways, so finding comfort for one thing must be easier.

"The— well, the silence is too loud. It's buggin' me."

He raises a brow. "Silence is literally too loud?"

"Yes," you say, wondering why he's asking. It sounds odd put that way, sure, but it still makes perfect sense to you. Then he smiles faintly, those eyes soften— and it's apparent that this is another one of those things only you experience. "I could hear my blood running while I was layin' down. Hated it. D'you ever hear yours?"

"Only when it's really pumpin'," he says, and you stop trying to find something he'll relate to.

It doesn't leave you quite so empty-feeling as it has in the past that Javier doesn't have the same issues. None of it matters, because he does not care how foreign some of your complaints are: he will solve them, somehow.

No, Dutch's gramophone never makes his teeth itch, but he'll keep you company outside camp until the old man shuts it off or your mind is calm enough to stomach another opera. No, his clothes never feel abrasive, but he'll let you wear his instead, will look proud that they do not bother you as if he wove the fabric himself. The latter had been one of his first unspoken I love yous. It was his favorite vest.

And now, he's asking: "D'you wanna hear a song instead?"

Your brows knit. "Won't it wake everyone up?"

"No, cariño," Javier says, nods to the ground beside him. "You come closer 'n' I'll play quiet. Jus' for you."

You let yourself smile. "Alright," you say, swallow the warmth you feel at his offer and how relieved you are to have it spoken.

He's played his guitar for you before, many times. You've asked it for some of them, under the guise of not remembering words to his songs — he never questioned this reason, although he knows you can't speak Spanish and likely knew there was something much gentler behind it — or boredom.

Only once has it been for the same reason he plays now: to comfort you. The woods had been too quiet, and you'd been bleeding.

Javier asks for a song, and wrinkles his nose playfully when you say Ángel de Amor. "That's a sad one," he says. "Don't you want something happy?"

"They're all sad," you say. You'd be surprised if Javier knew a love song that was not about heartbreak or being eaten alive by it. "Aren't the best ones always sad?"

He huffs a laugh. "So, are they all the best?"

"Yessir."

He grins, and it malforms the usual sorrow he sings the first verse with, until he gets a handle on his face.

That his songs are all sad is true enough. There's not much joy to be sung about in the outlaw life, just as there's always that one-two, disjointed beginning to it when the guitar is picked up and played. Finding the rhythm, you suppose, or just remembering the feeling of the strings before going into a song that is as second-nature as pouring coffee or lighting a cigarette.

Simple, a three chord progression and those familiar, short lyrics— at least, they sound short, because he rolls the words off his tongue fast and smooth enough to be one, long breath. You don't realize until you are relaxing against the log, your side pressed to his, just how lonely and exhausted you have been all day.

Not lonely any longer, at least, with his warmth bleeding into your skin and the vibration of the guitar wondering across your own leg as he strums. It soothes the buzzing feeling in your veins, the one that lingers when your nerves start to tighten and bunch under the face of whatever sourness found you this evening.

Javier smells good, too, and you realize how distasteful the air had seemed without something thicker, more potent in it. He'd been wearing one of your favorite colognes today, and its afterimage is on his neck when your weary head falls onto his shoulder. Javier does not tell you to move back, although it must make strumming difficult. He adjusts so that he isn't jostling you and shortens the motion of his wrist, which he will complain tomorrow is sore with a smile.

Another habit, which makes you feel somewhat guilty, is that you will never smell him wear a scent again if you get a chance to smell it and do not tell him you like it. Although, through the guilt, there's something in you that feels very special.

After a lifetime of feeling other, here is a man who will do anything to be accepted by you.

Sickening, so very.

You turn your nose to smell the remnants of the cologne on his shirt. You think you recognize El Borrachito before he starts singing, but consciousness leaves you thereafter. In the morning, you'll wake up to find yourself slumped over his shoulder blades and Javier, over his guitar.

[fallingdownhell]

Hello hello hello there, good writer! I was wondering if you'd be open to writing platonic HCs for the currently playable Archons in the game. Basically, way back when during the Archon War (or in Nahida's case, some point early on when she was instated as Sumeru's new Archon) the Archon's save a baby dragon's (the reader) life.Now, centuries later, at some point following the events of the Archon quests, they encounter Dragon!reader reader- now a fully-matured dragon (Dragon is the same element as each Archon. Individually, I mean, they aren't multi-elemental). The Archon recognizes them through any number of factors (a scar in a very particular area of Dragon!Reader's body, a discolored patch of scales, etc.) And as for how they encounter each other, maybe the Archon is accompanying the Traveler on a commission, and dragon!reader saves the Traveler or Archon's ass when the situation gets dicey, maybe the Archon senses a familiar presence and investigates, perhaps paths cross and they find themselves saving (or assisting) dragon!reader yet again, or maybe it's just a chance case of the stars aligning in just the right way. Apologies for the massive word dump, just thought I'd give you some prompts in case you have trouble coming up with ideas for this, if you want to do it, or course!

That is such a cool idea! And I really appreciate the word dump, it really helped me out a great deal this time around, so thank you, kind anon<3

Characters Included: Zhongli; Venti; Nahida

Content: gender neutral! dragon! reader; platonic headcanons;

Word count: 2,2k words

I hope this comes somewhat close to what you had in mind. Hope you enjoy<3

Zhongli

Zhongli often looks back fondly at the times where he had adopted this strange baby dragon

the Archon War was a though time period, both for him and the people at his side, but having that baby to take care of by his side and teaching it all sorts of things made it somewhat bearable for him

he would often play around with it, sometimes even play fighting to show it a few moves and tricks and the dragon seemed to enjoy that a whole lot

though cuddling sessions always seemed to be the dragons favourite, especially when a certain spot under his chin was being scratched

it was a difficult spot for others to reach, seeing as it was surrounded by brown spikes, indicating your resonance with the Geo element, but seeing the happy expression on the baby's face made it worth it in the end

When the dragon later got older and grew up in Zhongli's care, it would often join him in various battles while the War still lasted

On one such battles, the dragon got hurt pretty badly in it's left eye, ultimately loosing it in the process. But it adjusted rather well to living with only half it's eyesight

Later, when the Archon war ended and peace had returned to Liyue, the dragon was all grown up now as well. And one day, without any prior indication, the dragon had just left, never to return again

Zhongli wasn't sad or anything. He understood that this is simply how nature works and he only wished the best unto his foster child

Sometimes, the Ex-Archon wonders if that dragon is still alive, but those thoughts always leave him rather quickly again. It's no use pondering about the unknown

And yet, imagine the surprise on Zhongli's face when he saw another dragon roam the sky just as he finished dealing with Azhdaha alongside the Traveller

Finding an opportunity to slip away from the group, he began traveling in the direction he saw the flying creature

it took some time, but he eventually found the dragon as it rested besides a small lake, soaking in the rays of sunshine onto it's scaled skin

fascinated by it, since dragons were a rare sight to see in this day and age, he decided to approach the creature, silently as to not startle it too much

as he got closer to the dragon, the creature soon picked up a new scent in the area and opened it's big eye, now spotting the approaching Zhongli

quickly, the creature got up and began roaring at him, and that's when Zhongli noticed a particular scar on the left eye of the dragon

Could it be... was it actually you?

Your name slipped past his lips and it made you hold in the middle of your actions. Zhongli could see the uncertainty in the dragons form, so he said your name again, staying still in his spot, only a few steps away

the dragon, still unsure, took another sniff of the surrounding air, taking in the scent of the new arrival, and suddenly, memories from its time as a baby came flooding into his mind, and you recognized the man in front of you

now seeming much calmer, you got closer to Zhongli, your long neck extending towards him so that your head was right in front of him

with a smile, the Ex-Archon extends his hand as well to scratch that certain spot under your chin, like he had always done many, many years ago

at this, the dragon closed its eye and a low grumbling sound could be heard deep within it's throat.

Zhongli almost couldn't believe it. His old friend was still alive and apparently doing pretty well for itself..

for some time, the two of them just sat down in the grass, enjoying the light of the still shining sun, while Zhongli just began talking, telling you of all the things that had happened while you were gone

And you were listening to every single one of his words, feeling happy to finally be reunited with him again..

Venti

Most people know about Dvalin - or Stormterror - and his connection to the anemo Archon. How he was one of the four winds that protected the nation of Mondstadt

but what the people did not know, is that there was a second dragon with the anemo Archon that had been taken in by him when it was only a small baby

as a result, the baby dragon has been raised both by Dvalin and the anemo Archon at the same time. While it learned typical dragon behaviour from Dvalin, Venti provided the baby other lessons important for its life ahead

the little dragon has always been a playful and adventurous one. It was getting into trouble quite frequently as a child, but such was the nature of freedom

Venti had always adored looking at this little dragon baby as he found the light green colour of your scales to be quite mesmerizing. He liked to think that the colour represented your connection with the Anemo element, and himself.

But what he found even more adorable was the little patch of white scales, right between the beginning of your legs and your hind legs. It was about the size of the palm of his hand, the colour never really coming through on that spot

While Venti and Dvalin engaged in the Archon war, you always decided to stay behind, rather enjoying the serenity that the nation of Mondstadt brought to you than to engage with bloody battles all the time

As time went on, you grew older and older, and Dvalin knew that the time would come where you would leave them behind. To find your own place within this world, without them by your side

and sure enough, one seemingly peaceful day, you went up to them one last time, seemingly telling your goodbyes with your eyes before you turned your back to them and flew off into the distant world ahead of you. Excited to see what was liying ahead, but also sad you had to leave them behind

many, many years have passed since that fateful day and a lot has happened since then. A mysterious traveller has appeared in the world of Teyvat, helping Venti to bring his old friend Dvalin back to his senses

Since that incident, Venti couldn't help but think back to the old times quite often, reminiscing of the memories all three of them shared. He would often wonder how you were doing these days, if you were well off..

on one such days, when he was laying beneath the tree at Windrise, thinking of old times, he did not notice a bunch of Abyss mages and their underlings approaching

when he did, it was already too late and he was surrounded by enemies. Though he tried fighting his way out, the number of enemies just seemed to increase, instead of decreasing

Venti began to worry and just as he was about to summon his old friend Dvalin for some help, a roar echoed from above the sky. All heads turned up as a huge creature descended downwards, instantly attacking the abyss mages and their hoards

for a second, the colourful scales made him think of a certain dragon, but he quickly shook off that feeling, concentrating on the battle at hand

it didn't take long until the enemies were dealt with, and as a moment of peace came to them, Venti turned and took in the familiar colour of light green scaling..

But.. that couldn't be, right? It surely was just a coincidence.. another dragon that just happened to have a similar colour to the one he once raised..

But, as the dragon remained on the ground, patiently looking at Venti, he couldn't shake off that feeling of familiarity

And then, the dragon turned to its side, showing Venti the undeniable truth of a missmatched patch of white scales among a sea of green..

It really was you...

Joy spread over Venti's face as he realized it really was his old friend that had come back to see him again

It didn't take long until he was on your back and you began ascending towards the sky again. Up there in the sky, with only the winds holding you back, Venti also summoned Dvalin to him to complete this reunion

Many roars sounded all throughout Mondstadt on this day as there were now two dragons roaming the skies of this nation...

Nahida

As the god of Dendro, Nahida had always liked the nature and all of its inhabitants

she would always try to sneek away to find a spot somewhere within the rainforest where she could just sit down and listen to the sounds of nature all around her

while the sages at that time did not approve of her behaviour, she continued to do so with the excuse of wanting to form a connection between her and her nation as well as it's people

one day while she was out again, she stumbled upon a tiny dragon baby. As she got closer, she noticed that the baby appeared to be hurt quite badly, yet it still backed up when she got closer, scared of her

it took some time and gentle reassuring from Nahida's side, but eventually, the small dragon let her get close, inspecting the wounds inflicted to it

deciding that she wanted to take care of it, she used her powers to build a sort of little hideout where she nurtured the dragon back to health over the course of a few weeks

while doing so, the baby dragon began trusting her more and more, until eventually, they formed a kind of bond between them

once the baby was all healed up, it didn't dissapear like Nahida thought it would. Instead, it decided to stay with her, playing around and growing up with her

every single time Nahida managed to slip out, the two of them were always together. Either laying in the grass, listening to the nature around them, or playing around and sometimes, she even helped the little dragon in learning how to fly

when they got tired, they lay together on the ground, the dragon having it's head on Nahida's lap as she carefully caressed the top of its head where the beatiful, deep green scales where less sharp than everywhere else on its body. The colour reminded her of the rainforest itself sometimes..

but what she found almost a bit more beautiful were those missmatched eyes of the dragon. One in a beautiful, piercing blue colour while the other was deep red, a stark contrast between the two

But then came the day where Nahida was whisked away by the Sages and sealed into the Sanctuary

it took hundreds of years until the traveller arrived in Sumeru and with the help of some others finally freeed Nahida of her everlasting prison

Thankful to have finally escaped, she did her best to handle everything by herself the best she could. She guided her nation into a new direction and took care of everything that the Sages had taken over

which led to her not once having left the city since she has been freeed. Though Nahida yearned to just go outside and sit in the nature again, she had obligations to take care of, that required her urgent attention

until the Traveller came around another time, insisting on her taking a break for once. In his words, all those problems would still be there once she returned from the break, but her well being was important as well, especially for her people she needed to be in good shape

so, taking him up on the offer, the Traveller, Nahida and Paimon went into the rainforest like she wanted to. While wandering around, they passed the old hideout Nahida had once built for that baby dragon

Memories flooded her mind upon seeing it and she smiled a bit, though it appeared to be a bit sad. The Traveller noticed, but before he could ask Nahida about it, they heard some rustling behind them

Weapon at the ready, the Traveller was prepared to attack should the need arise

And then, from behind some trees, a dragon emerged, eyes fixed onto them

and Nahida instantly recognized you. Not because of the deep green colour of your scales that only seemed to have become even more beautiful over the years. But because of those disscoloured eyes that she was never able to forget

you seemed to recognize her as well, showing no signs of aggression at all, which made the Traveller lower his weapon again

finally reunited again after so many years, both of you seemed happy to be within the presence of each other again

you gently pressed the tip of your nose into her face, gently blowing air into her face which made her giggle a bit. She then climbed onto your back, resting there while the now four of you continued this walk through the rainforest

And even after that, you continued to stay by Nahida's side, always there to protect her should anything ever happen to her again. You were ready to make them regret their decision if people decided to ever mess with her again...

[cloudywriting05]

enjoy the silence. ｡˚⋆☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆ peeta mellark. {1}

→ THG peeta x fem-reader 3 parts.

→ 1, 2, 3

→ may be grammar errors

→ tw: mainly fluff, mentions of anxiety, some 18+ content, partial smut etc.

→ summary: you and peeta are the district 12 tributes for the 74th annual hunger games. you have severe anxiety, and peeta knows how to calm you down, somehow.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　

You stared aimlessly out of the window hoping, wishing, something or someone would come and save you from your situation. Looking down at the Capitol buildings, inside of the apartments, wondering what your life would've been like had you been one of them instead. Your eyes continued to wander.

The Capitol looked peaceful at night, but it did not bring you an ounce of comfort. You knew you were going to die in that arena in 8 days, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. The thought of your own gruesome death made your heart speed up, along with your body temperature. Your breaths became quicker and suddenly you found yourself holding your chest, begging yourself to stop the incoming attack.

"Hey."

The familiar voice startled you. You turned around and met eyes with Peeta, your fellow tribute. "Oh, hey. What're you doing in here?"

"I just wanted to check in on you, you seemed really out of it at the table."

"I'm fine, I'm just– I'm thinking right now."

"About what?" He asked, still standing in the doorway.

"Come here and look at this." You said. He silently agreed and made his way towards you. He propped himself right beside you and stared out the window patiently.

"What am I looking at?"

"Look at those apartments. They get to go to sleep at night knowing they'll never have to experience what we're about to go through, I'm mad about it."

"Some people are just born lucky and ignorant. They don't have any original or real life experiences and, I'd rather die in the games than like that."

"They're gonna watch me die in a couple of days." you felt that pit in your stomach again by the end of the sentence. Your body tensed up and your heartbeat sped up without any hesitation. Your inhaling got louder and suddenly your hand was right back on your chest.

Peeta's head shot towards you, "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna die." You dropped to the floor in a squat and held the sides of your head. You couldn't contain your tears and within an instant, you were a mess. Your head buried between your thighs, and every realisation hitting you like a brick in that exact moment. You were gonna die, and every way that it was possible would not stop running through your head.

You felt arms embrace you. "Listen to me, breathe, it's okay."

"Peeta, I'm gonna die."

"No, you're not. I promise you, you're not. Sh, sh, look outside for me." His hand caressed the top of your head, encouraging you to follow his words. Your watery eyes opened to the view of the Capitol once again. "It's quiet, the entire Capitol is silent. It's never like this."

You sniffled quietly, he was completely right. "It never is, they made so much noise when we came."

"I know, it's silent for us. Enjoy it while we can." You peered up at him, he was already glancing down at you.

It was never like you, never in your character to randomly kiss anyone but in that moment, in that time; it felt right. You slowly leaned, hoping to God he would lean right back. And so he did. You felt his lips press softly against yours. You pulled away suddenly and sprang to your feet as fast as you could.

"This is insane."

"What? Did I do something? I'll leave, I'm sorry." He apologised, his eyebrows furrowed.

"No, it's fine, Peeta. You didn't do anything, it's me. I just kissed you after barely speaking to you back home, it's selfish and weird of me."

He picked himself off the floor right after and stood across from you. "Selfish, how? I've wanted that to happen for the past seven years of my life. Don't act like you don't know how I felt about you before we got here, I made it clear."

"I know, and that's why it's selfish. I don't wanna kiss you because of the situation we're in right now, because I know I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it back home. It's not like me, Peeta."

"I know how you're like. You would panic over what bread to choose back home for your family. All I could think about while we got here is if you were gonna panic and die on me in the train. Look, If you need space, I'll step out, okay?"

"No. Stay here with me. Please?"

"Always."

Within minutes, you were resting on with Peeta. Your head on his chest, your hand over his heart. His heartbeat calming yours. You didn't want to think about how this was temporary, or the wasted opportunities back home. You were here with him now, he calmed you down and now you're okay.

"Peeta."

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Can we try and win?" You asked. Not for your district, not for anyone, but because you wanted more nights like these. In his embrace, talking to him like this.

"Of course, of course."

[zeroclockk]

— ⋆˙⟡ Love Your Feeling (JJK) || Chapter four

- Handling It₊˚⊹♡

“I can handle myself Yoongi,” I look down. “How do you know? He doesn't turn into Dad. How do you know he won't lay an unwanted hand on you,"

Pair: jjk x femOC, college students, best friends

Word count: 7.3k

Warning: this chapter includes explicit scenes, mentions of abuse and past SA⚠️

masterlist || taglist

!Friends to Lovers, Protective Brother, Secret Dating, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Mature content, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Smut, Mentions of Alcoholism and Abuse

——————————————————————₊˚⊹♡

Time passes quickly at Jungkook’s place, or maybe just with Jungkook. It’s so effortless that sometimes I wish everything would go so smoothly.

It’s probably one of the only moments in my week that I feel properly comfortable. And it’s an awful shame that, that comfort has to come to an end. Before Yoongi goes all crazy mode again.

“Noooo I don’t wanna go,” I’m in this mood, where I just want to do nothing and where there’s just a small sadness settles within my chest, it makes me clingy. Only around the right people, if I were to be around Yoongi right now I’d probably be pissed off getting yelled at.

And how much I hate it, every good has to come to an end. And after The Titanic, some lazy monopoly game -that I won- so does this night.

By the time we spent 3 hours and 16 minutes watching The Titanic, I still hadn’t cheered up. So we moved to plan B, choosing a movie that’s not on the “classics” list. I picked one of my favourite animated movies, ‘I Want To Eat Your Pancreas’. Needless to say, it didn’t make it through the movie with dry cheeks.

And neither did Jungkook. I saw he was trying to act tough, but I caught him blinking a tear away.

He hadn’t watched it yet, it was a movie from my favourites list I’d been dying to watch with him. It always hits a soft spot.

“You gotta go, Bun,” It’s awful how he’s right. If I don’t go home now I’ll get in trouble, again. Going to the gym is more fun than going home, and I seriously hate the gym. "Uhg you want me gone so bad," I'm sprawled out on his carpet nearly dragging him down with me, as he tries to drag me inches closer to his front door, holding me by my wrists.

"Yes, leave," He drops my wrists back to the ground, really I could just stay on the ground here if it meant I didn't have to go home. though I have to give in before it gets too late. With a huge sigh, I get up to my feet grab his hoodie from the couch, and take it with me.

"Later Koo," I give him a high five, dragging one foot in front of the other as I get to the front door.

It is quiet out, there's a cold chill that settled inside Jungkook's stairwell. Pressing the down button on the elevator.

My earphones are completely tangled, I should probably save up for some AirPods. I've borrowed Jia's AirPods before and I basically fell in love with them ever since. With music now settling in my ears, I step inside the elevator.

It's awfully quiet out on the road. It's one of those nights where you feel like others can just feel the sadness radiating from you, even though you're not even sad. You just have this strong load of nothingness, sure it might have a little depressed hint to it, and sure I feel like if I missed my bus right now, I'd break down crying.

But luckily I don't, It's perfectly timed actually. right as I step out of Jungkook's building, my bus appears around the corner. Not paying attention to anyone that's around me, there's exactly one person who highlights the place. Just after I checked in and turned to the bus aisle to get seated, Taehyung is sat there, right at the end of the bus.

I debate for a second if I should sit next to him or not, but the moment he makes eye contact with me it just feels weird not to. I shoot him a small tight-lipped smile whilst making my way over to the seat next to him.

"Hey," I tell him as he waves a little at me, giving me one of his gorgeous smiles. "What are you doing here? I've never seen you take this bus before," I try to sound the most genuine not to be rude, I mean I am genuine. I've seriously never seen him on this bus before, and I take this bus a lot. It's the only bus that goes from the city to the suburbs, Or the only one that goes from Jungkook's apartment To mine.

"Oh well, you know... There's this awesome girl that just has been ignoring me for two days now, I was going to check up on her," He tells me, and then I'm sat there thinking I had a chance with him. But then he gives me this look, eyebrows raised, eyes slightly in a pouty look. is he talking about me? I mean, I haven't used my phone since my fight with Yoongi, so that includes not responding to him.

I point at myself with raised eyebrows, nonverbally asking if he was going to my place. Which he responds to with a small smile followed by a nod of his head, confirming my assumptions.

"Ah well, my phone got partially smashed and, I swear it’s getting worse by the hour... I haven't charged it since, sorry," I apologize. "How'd you even find out where I live anyway?" None of my friends have ever been to my home, Jungkook's first time was today. Taehyung doesn't know Yoongi so it couldn't have been him either... But my thoughts are cut off by his response "Oh! my brother's dating Ashley,"

of course, I know Ashley, she's been to my house plenty of times... I think. I don't know, She's a really good friend of Yoongi's. They've known each other for as long as I've existed. Even after all the years they've been friends, I haven't really gotten to know her. She comes by sometimes, so I only see a glimpse of her. The past couple of years have been pretty quiet, though I see her texts sometimes and I see her Instagram stories.

Though whenever I have women's problems, where Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. Hell call her up and ask her for advice, or to come by and handle the situation.

This one time I thought I was having my first period and I just needed pads, he called Ashley to get some and explain to me how they work.

Then this other time my boobs first started coming through and I needed to go bra shopping. Yoongi and I made it to the store but the second he saw a bra, he magically turned into Ashley. Yoongi was nowhere to be found unit later that evening, with a cake to celebrate the birth of my boobs. Yeah, I wish I was lying.

There settles an awkward silence between me and Taehyung, it's late in the evening so we're the only two on the bus besides the driver. the drive doesn't take long, it's about 12 minutes from point A to B.

It's by the time we hit the start of the suburbs that a thought pops into my head. All scenarios flash through my brain if I had stayed home today. Taehyung probably would've stumbled upon Yoongi, I don't want to know how things would've ended then. I know it would be bad but...

I shouldn’t be worrying about this, I don’t forbid him from seeing girls. Ignored their existence even, not that there ever were many girls at the apartment. I’m too scared to even let people in, too bothered by a stupid reputation nobody cares about.

I don’t care if he’s banged some girl he doesn’t know, I don’t care if he’s going to propose to someone next week. Okay well, that’s a stretch. The point is, it doesn’t matter to me what he’s doing with who and where, neither should he.

Now it's only two stops away from my destination and I'm freaking out. "Uhm Taehyung, I really don't mean to be rude but.. you have to get off," which obviously leaves him confused, I’d be too if this random person from school told me to ‘get off’ for no valid given reason.

"What? Why? It's late I thought I'd walk you home," Gosh, bless him and his sweet heart.

"Although I'd seriously love for you to walk me home, Yoongi is going to kill the both of us if he sees us together, so please do me a favour and get off. I promise I'll make it up to you," I plead. He must see how panicked I look, cause his expression softens and he gives in whilst I apologize to him profusely.

He waves it off as an 'I'ts fine' and then goes to stand outside, watching the bus pass by leaving him behind.

I shoot him one last apologetic smile, gosh I feel guilty. The first thing I’ll do when I get home is text him because this is just a shitty thing to do without a proper explanation. He doesn't know Yoongi, he doesn't know how the situation sits, I hope he'll be understanding.

With a big sigh, I try to relieve the stress off of my shoulders, I spot someone in the corner of my eye that looks all too familiar. Walking on the sidewalk past the next bus stop that the bus reaches. I'm so glad I pushed Taehyung off of the bus cause, speaking of the devil, Yoongi is walking home. I quickly press the stop button and run off the bus trying my best to catch up to Yoongi.

"Heyy Yoongelss!," I sound totally fine, not suspicious at all. I probably sound mostly out of breath, from the run over here.

I can see him raise on eyebrow squinting his eyes a little at me. "where have you been!!," I try my best to show my interest in him, getting all spotlights to go his way.

"Uhm, I just got back from Seokjin and Namjoon’s place," he explains. Seokjin and Namjoon are his friends from college. Aside from Ashley, I was confused to see he actually has friends.

Ashley was our childhood neighbour, she's always just been here. Not a moment has she ever bothered me. But his other friends? They're dicks. I've only met them very few times, They always make fun of my being Yoongi's little sister, with emphasis on little. It’s unfair really! I’m not even that tiny, they’re just freakishly tall. I'm sure they're nice once you get to know them.

"You hungry?" With all the fights between us these past few days, I feel like we need some quality time. "Sure let's go," He takes the turn towards our street, which has a convenience store on the corner.

Both getting ourselves some noodles and a drink, coincidentally both having the exact same order as we meet at the tables. Yoongi sitting opposite me, he's quiet.. he isn't much of a talker anyway, we both enjoy our quiet times. but I came here to talk so...

"Yoongi, I'm sorry if I disappointed you..," Deep down I know I didn't do anything wrong, he's the one who got mad in the first place. All I ever do is care, mentally and physically. I care so much for him, all I ever do is for his convenience.

"No, I should apologize," Is he, serious? I don't think I've ever heard him apologize before, even if he should've, he finds it difficult to admit his faults. "I shouldn't have been so harsh on you.." he starts. "It's just.." He sighs deeply, he is having a hard time saying whatever he's about to. It must've been bothering him a lot.

"Nayun.. Before you were born, Dad was living at home like.. consistently. And he wasn’t as bad as a father as what you know him as. When you think of Dad you just think of this abusive asshole who left us and probably some really traumatic things. When I think of Dad… I see my Dad, the guy who used to play basketball with me, take me to school, and read me stories to bed until mom got pregnant with a girl... and when I see you with guys, all I can see is what dad turned into and how these guys could too,"

Wow, he's never opened up this much. I never knew Dad wasn’t like that before I was born, I guess it explains a lot. But still, this doesn’t justify the way he’s been acting, for like ever.

I don’t really know what I should do with this information, I don’t know if I’m better off knowing it or not. All these years Dad was just like that because he was Dad, and now I feel responsible for it. I’m not the only one who suffered from his abuse, Yoongi did too. If I wasn’t born, maybe Yoongi would’ve had a proper dad.

But then also, why did Dad didn’t like me? Why does he resent me? He couldn’t just pretend I was a guy, yes sure it would’ve fucked me up in different ways, but I think I prefer that over the things he’s done instead.

Instead, I wound up with an evil baggage of daddy issues, the version that includes the sexualized version.

“I can handle myself Yoongi,” I look down at my noodles, chopsticks ready to grab some. Instead, I bite down on my lip and pick at the separate strings of noodles, suddenly my appetite has completely gone out the window.

I was ready to sit down with Yoongi and have a heartfelt conversation, make up even. It’s every time that Dad gets mentioned, it runs my mood entirely. I hate that man from the bottom of my heart. I hate him so much, each time he leaves I hope he’ll never come back. It even gets so fucked up that sometimes I dream of police coming by the house, telling us the ‘bad news’ of him being in an accident. And I hate that I still care so much, I still love him deep down.

“How do you know?.. huh? How do you know that this guy that you’ve been seeing that's just oh-so-perfect. Doesn’t just turn his back on you and turns into Dad,” His voice raises.

“How do you know that one day you won’t end up with a guy that hits you every day uses you for his needs, and doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings on it,”

“How do you know he won’t just go at it without checking up on you asking you for a fucking green light knows when to keep his hands at home,”

It’s a chapter I put past me a while ago. It wasn’t even a heavily reoccurring event anyway, I’ve moved on that’s the point. Yoongi and I both went through tough stuff with him, I know he wants to protect me. But all I really need from him is love and support. To get through everything together, but I’m afraid that’ll never go through to him.

“You know how much it hurts me? Looking at you? All I can think of are the sounds from your room and I couldn't do anything, you didn't do anything,” He sounds angry in a way, it’s not said softly or calm, he doesn’t take his time saying what he said no it’s rushed. His words poke right through me, it hurts. How does he think he can just say that, he's being so unreasonable.

And there goes my entire appetite, in with the tears. Great... I don’t like crying like this in front of Yoongi. It’s okay when he’s yelling at me, or smashing things around me, being in a fit of rage. Not when he’s being honest, emotional, and nonviolent. I can’t say his voice gets the memo too.

Yoongi hadn’t bothered keeping his voice on a socially acceptable level, I could see the cashier looking at me with a funny expression that told me he was assuming way too many things from this conversation alone.

What makes it worse is that he doesn’t know how to act, he just sits there staring at his noodles looking all stupid. I don’t want to cry but the tears just keep coming, I don’t make a single sound. I must look stupid along with him, swallowing my tears back as much as possible. But it’s hard, there are far too many to swallow back, frantically wiping away my tears with the sleeve of Jungkook’s hoodie.

I want to get out of here, I just feel out of place. But I just can’t go running to Jungkook every time something bad happens. He shouldn’t be the one who cheers me up and he shouldn’t be the one who has to sit with my feelings.

But he’s also always been there for me, still after everything he tells me he’ll be there for me whenever. So you can call me selfish for this but, I’m going to take his word for it and go over to his place. It’s either that or go home and after this conversation that’s the last thing I want to do.

“I’m sorry,” I sniff back my tears, stabilizing my voice as much as I can. “You can have mine,” I push my bowl of ramen towards him, getting up from my seat and practically barging out of the convenience store.

He looks dumbfounded as I pass by the window he’s sitting at, and he just continues eating his stupid noodles. I try my best not to cry during the bus ride but it somehow just feels so much longer than usual.

After what feels like an eternity, I just stand there, in front of his apartment complex. Trying to muster up the courage to knock on his door.

I’ve calmed down a little, I’m not crying anymore. Though my mind seems to be racing at 100 miles an hour, I’m never this hesitant to go up to Jungkook’s apartment. So whenever I do, it’s a cry for help -to myself that is-. It makes me nervous, cause I feel like a bother to him. He’s made me sure I’m not, so I set it aside the best I can and knock.

There’s a long moment of silence after I knock on his door, is he home? My phone is dead so I won’t be able to text or call him and I don’t have a spare key either so.. oh my god what if he’s in there with someone? Maybe he’s just asleep I mean it is pretty late.

Suddenly everything I’ve set aside comes rushing back to me almost twice as hard as it did before. I panic, I shake my head at the thought of me standing here as if I’m not literally in that situation right now. I really need to get out of here.

In a fit of confusion and regret, I barge back to the elevator, pressing its button which definitely takes longer than usual to work.

But then finally the doors open, ready to step inside eyes glued to the ground.

“Nayun?,” It's a male voice, familiar even, but it's not Jungkook’s or Yoongi’s. And Yoongi is quick off the list cause, he wouldn’t be confused about me being here and I would’ve just known if it were him. I quickly look up from the ground to identify whoever’s speaking to me.

Suddenly my panicked thoughts, have turned into a panic attack. I take a step back, breathing getting more difficult than usual. It’s as if talking about him, has summoned the devil. I can’t think straight anymore, the world suddenly spinning around me. Everything had been feeling like an eternity, but this moment right here is something I’ve never in my life witnessed before.

Not a moment where he walked inside of the living room that had me this shocked, not a moment where there was cash left on the table with a note to another disappointment that he was gone for a weekend that left me this devastated.

What is he even doing here? He has no use in a neighbourhood like this, it’s not the way he works like he’d always tell me. That even though we live in a dump, always shitting at how disgusting we live and never taking action to make the situation better.

“D-Dad? What are you doing here?..” I stutter, barely being able to form proper sentences. My mind is blank for a second, time pauses and all I can think about is him, quickly followed by how disgusting he is and how he still walks around freely and everything just crashes down on me. There’s so much happening at once, I just feel helpless at this point.

He’s about to take another step forward until he’s cut off, making him step back staying put in the elevator.

“Yun, I found it. You don’t have to buy new ones let’s go” a voice says from my left. I look at where the voice is coming from, registering his features. It’s Taehyung again jumping out from behind the corner, right beside the elevator. He doesn’t see my father, nor does he see Taehyung.

There are so many questions going on inside of my mind, but I don’t have any time to act on them. Telling Taehyung it’s ‘great’ even though there’s nothing about today that is ‘great’ before I walk with him not thinking twice about whether I should tell my Dad goodbye or not. Or even hear him out.

I follow Taehyung up one more floor, into his apartment. Quite literally shaking from what just happened, and he tried to take care of me so well. He sits me down on his couch, takes my shoes off, and gets me a glass of water. Tells me to breathe in and out, tells me everything is going to be okay.

Something in me tells me he has done this before.

I could ask him one hundred questions right now, give him a thousand explanations, or freak out and run. But the first thing that comes out of my mouth is; “How did you know..?”

“I didn’t,”

“Let me explain,” he gestures for me to sit down on his couch.

He explained to me how he was walking up the stairwell and saw me walking through the hall, great time to have glass doors. He was going to call out for me until he heard me and my dad. Assuming the panic in my voice wasn’t something positive and felt like I just needed to get out of there.

“I hope it wasn’t the wrong move to make,” he asks looking somewhat apologetic, just in case.

“No, no you were great. I think with the bus and everything I owe you an explanation as well” I saw looking down at my hands fiddling with the hem of my sleeve.

I try to give him a light explanation, which is difficult since the story has so much to it. Sparing him the details of my childhood by just telling him he’s a very bad Dad, that I hadn’t seen for an entire year. That Jungkook lives downstairs and that, that’s why I was there in the first place.

“Oh and about the bus... You know Yoongi? Ashley’s friend?” I ask him, to which he nods in agreeance.

“Yeah well, that's the brother I was talking about, and.. we just had a big fight about how he doesn’t let me date and such,”

I can hear him sucking in his breath through his teeth at the mention of Yoongi being my brother, I guess his name has come across some time.

“I swear he can be really nice…” he chuckles at that, hand scratching the nape of his neck.

He walks over to his fridge holding up a Coke, looking at me with a questioning look to see if I want one as well, then hands it to me.

“So you live here?” I ask him.

“Ah no, my sister just moved here recently,” That makes sense, I’ve never seen him here before and I’ve been in the building plenty of times.

“She’s out for the weekend, I promised to watch her cat,”

My face immediately switches into a pouty face with big, big puppy eyes. “You have a cat? I love cats!”

He nods excitedly before he starts calling out pet names, making squeaky noises with his mouth to lure the cat to him.

He disappears into the hall for a second before his head peaks through the open doorway “Found her!” I immediately stand up walking towards him, into a bedroom.

I don’t see a cat at first, but upon better inspection, there’s a little tiny bump under the perfectly made-up duvet. I fold over the covers to reveal the cutest little cat I’ve ever seen. Okay well not the cutest, coco will always be no.1.

It’s a really small fluffy cat, she must still be a kitten. “What’s her name?” I ask between my awh’s and baby talks to the cat. I look over my shoulder to see him leaning against the doorframe.

“Bada, because of her eyes” I look back at the cat, she has have most crystal blue eyes, or, I guess ocean blue.

I lie down on the bed petting the cat's head before she rolls around exposing her belly, and stretching her little arms and legs out. I think I might melt from cuteness overload

“Aren’t you the cutest little thing,” I must sound so stupid, but it’s a cat! I can’t help it.

“Not to me she isn’t,” Taehyung says from behind me. “I’m taking you’re not a big cat person?”

Couldn’t be me. don’t get me wrong I like dogs, but you actually need to walk them and stuff. I like affectionate cats that are a little lazy, you can just cuddle with them and their playtime can be done from the couch.

“I actually own a dog, his name is Yeontan he’s like really cute and fluffy,” he tells me walking over to the edge of the bed with his phone out and showing me a picture of his dog.

I got to give it to him, he is cute.. most small dogs look like little rats but if they’re fluffy they’re a lot cuter.

“Okay, I guess he’s cute but.. over a cat?” I pick up Bada and hold her up next to my face, her arm right under my chin as I look at Taehyung with a pouty face.

Talking like a little kid “How could you have me?.. I don’t bite you’re just biased,” which makes him chuckle. He looks gorgeous, his laugh is so adorable and cute it instantly makes me smile along with him. Just looking at each other for a few seconds, smiling like two idiots.

“Uhm do you have a charger perhaps? I should probably bring my phone back from the dead,” I ask breaking our little stare-down. Which leads us back to the living room.

He searches for a charger because it’s not his house, it gives me a moment to inspect the room a little bit. I see a picture of Taehyung and what I assume must be his sister, stood on the TV stand.

She’s really pretty, she looks like Taehyung. Their family must be blessed with good genes. His sister has light brown hair and a bright smile so big her eyes are closed shut, a peace sign next to her cheek as Taehyung stands next to her poking out next to her, holding two fingers behind her head to imitate bunny ears.

Next to it is a smaller picture frame that holds a picture of what I’m guessing is Taehyung his sister and his little brother as kids, I can’t help but smile at it as I pick it up.

“Oh gosh that is so embarrassing, put that down,” he laughs seeing what I’m holding when he walks up to me, handing me a charger.

“Noo! You look cute,” I smile looking up at him over my shoulder, I feel like I’m about to faint as he looks back at me. He’s close, so close.

His hair falls over his forehead, lightly touching his right eyebrow. not a pimple or a pore to be seen, but the slightest little stubble peeks through on the bottom of his chin. his deep brown eyes have a subtle glint in them, I swear it's shaped like a four-pointed star.

My eyes falter down to his lips and I can see him inching closer, ever so slowly. Until I break it, clearing my throat and taking the charger from his hand. I mean I’d kill to kiss those gorgeous lips, but not today. I’ve been on such an emotional rollercoaster it just feels wrong to let those take over pleasure.

"Where's the outlet?" he takes a step back clearing his throat as well, his eyes scanning the room. "Yeah there," purposely not looking at each other. I walk in the direction he pointed at plugging in my phone, before sitting down on the couch.

And now it's back to awkward silence again. I slide my hands across my thighs and knees, lips forming in a tight line. He doesn't say anything either, sitting down on the couch next to me leaving more than enough space between us.

"You wanna watch a movie? Or should I get you home?" He asks me, so so polite, but going home? yeah hell no, that's not happening today. I think I'm going to text Jungkook when my phone charges to see if he's home and then sleep over at his place.

so movie time it is, it's great to spend some quality time with Taehyung. "Yeah no a movie sounds good" I patiently watch him as he turns the TV on navigating to Netflix.

"Fall?" he suggests. "hmn no," he continues scrolling. "Oh! Perks of Being a Wallflower?" I suggest. but he declines and says he didn't like it that much. "Me before you?" he looks at me, at this pace it'll be a continuous loop of this and that. but I've seen it already, and to be honest I don't want to watch it again.

"OH! She's the man! I love that movie!" I see the hesitant look on his face, but something in him makes him go with it.

I tuck my knees up on the couch, inching a tiny bit closer to Taehyung. I don't know what happened but by the end of the movie I was cuddled up into his arms, I heard him laugh during the movie. he turned the TV off, taking his arm off of me.

"Did you like it?" I look at him hopefully, awaiting his approval of the movie. if he doesn't like it I don't know what I'll do. "It was.. good! I liked it," he smiles. this is one of the movies in my top 10 list, god top 5 even! And he thinks it's good? he liked it? This is a great movie, an awesome movie.

I stare at him in awe, unbelievable that he just said that. I shake my head in disagreement, though he picks it up the right way laughing along with me.

"Thank you for having me over," I thanked him, it was late already when I got here. after a whole movie, I really should get going.

I thank him once more unplugging my phone from the charger seeing it's nearly 2.30 in the morning. He walks me out, my eyes linger across his features once more as I stand outside of the door. It takes everything in me not to kiss him right on the spot. "I'll text you," I smile widely at him.

I don't text Jungkook I'm only one floor above him, and I'll pass his door anyway. I make my way downstairs knocking on his door for the second time this night. He's probably still awake, playing overwatch or something.

And the door opens this time. But I don't see Jungkook, no. Mingyu opens the door ever so cheerfully, welcoming me in without a doubt. "Hey, Mingyu! Jungkook home?"

"Sorry Yun, I don't think he’ll be home tonight but you're free to take his room," that’s embarrassing. Mingyu knows absolutely nothing about me, and yet he just knows I need a place to sleep. "Thanks. I’ll... text him,"

His room is neat, bed made perfectly. I hold my phone up to my ear. Ringing, once, twice, trice, like four hundred more times I don't know. it feels like an eternity until it goes to voicemail, which leaves me with a text.

no matter how close Jungkook and I are, it's still weird to sleep in his bed without him knowing.

Hey Koo, I'm staying over at yours just so you know.

What a rough night, I went from crying at home to being emotionally rescued by Jungkook. Then going home meeting Taehyung on the bus, just to rudely push him off of it. Meeting up with Yoongi five seconds later, fighting once again, getting back to Jungkook’s apartment where I found my Dad after a whole year to once again be rescued by Taehyung this time. Followed up by Mingyu letting me into Jungkook's apartment and now we're here.

I don’t think it's a crime to say that I'm tired, and I just want to sleep the night away. I'm actually doing fairly well for the rollercoaster I've been on, Taehyung really helped me out tonight.

I scavage around Jungkook’s dresser to find a black shirt, placing it on the bed. taking my makeup off in the bathroom, Jungkook was right this morning. I really do look terrible. Gosh, I went to Taehyung's like this? I hope he didn't wear his contacts.

Back in Jungkook’s room, in his shirt that's far too big on me. I settle down in his bed, off to fucking, unicorns, and elves or something. I'm going to dream so, so well, Jungkook's bed is like a cloud in physical form. And before I know it I'm off to dreamland.

at least that's what I think, I sent Jungkook that message 15 minutes ago tops. And he walks in, doesn't even say anything but cuts right to the chase and kisses me with force, hungrily whilst cupping my cheeks.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you all day Yun, you drive me insane," he says between kisses, trailing down my jaw and my neck as I give him more space to mark me even more than he already has.

he moves onto the bed, pushing me further back against his pillows. his lips work me so good I think I’ll get addicted to it soon.

He takes off his shirt, pulling at the hem of mine placing small kisses all over my face. His hands are all over me, massaging my thighs, trailing up over my hips to hold my waist whilst the other one is holding himself up as he hovers over me.

He just knows what to do, gets me so wet so easily. Skip the foreplay, fuck me right now. mainly because this foreplay feels like it's taking forever, I just want him out of his jeans right now.

I move my face away from him, pulling the shirt off that I'd been wearing. The sight of my bare chest is all it takes for him to start unbuckling his belt, his abs on full display, oh lord I love this sight. wish I could marry this sight.

His hair falls in front of his face trickling his nose, gosh he looks so goddamn handsome.

My eyes shoot open and I'm met by the sight of Jungkook's PC setup. What the fuck, did I seriously just have a sex dream about Jungkook?? my best friend? My head shoots to the door as Jungkook walks in, the real one. He peeks his head through to see if I'm asleep or not.

"Jungkook?.." I nearly whisper. He takes this as his queue to come in, dimly turning on the lights. rushing over to my side of the bed, crouching down next to me as I swing my legs over the edge. knees facing his chest, taking my hands in his.

"Are you okay? what happened?" He looks panicked, I feel guilty. he must think something major is going on because I'm staying over. well maybe because I came by at 2.30 in the morning, or a combination of the two.

"Where did you come from? You’re out of breath," Though I feel guilty I can’t help but suck in a deep breath, this stupid dream is making me delusional into thinking I’m attracted to him.

"Yun, You're here at 2 in the morning what's going on"

"I'm fine really," I assure him. I don't know if I want to break down in his arms or pretend like everything is fine. I don’t want to burden him each time with my issues, we barely ever talk about him and his situation.

but he insists no matter how much I hold on to the 'I'm fine act' he doesn't let it pass until I spill everything out.

"Okay.." I sigh letting my shoulders drop, here it goes.

"So... I left your apartment and when I got on the bus, Taehyung was sitting there. I push him off of the bus and at the next stop I meet Yoongi, we go out to eat. he tells me he hell basically never let me date and that I'm the big cause of turning Dad into what I turned into. well, he didn't tell me that exactly but that's what it felt like okay. Anyways, I ran off and came back to your apartment but nobody opens so I went to the elevator where I saw my Dad, I nearly got a panic attack but then Taehyung was there yelling out something about a store and I needed to come back so we go to his apartment upstairs, sorry I mean his sister's apartment that has a really really cute cat by the way a-"

"Yun, Yun," he waves his hands around a little cutting me off. "Your Dad was here? in my building?" he asks, his brows furrowing a little as his expression turns into a combination of complete shock and something that makes me think he isn't processing this properly.

"Yeah, But it's fine! Taehyung and I watched a movie and I actually feel way better right now," that's not a lie, I do feel better. I was shocked at first and yeah I might've had a slight panic attack, but now it just feels numb. I see he's doubting me, eyebrows raised with a questioning look on his face. "Seriously" I assure.

"Alright," he stands up his hands ghosting mine before he walks over to his dresser grabbing the pyjamas that are folded on top of it heading back to his door. "Let me know if you need anything m’kay?"

I nod with a small smile, more like the corner of my lip inching up for a split second. He walks back out, turning the lights off before he shuts the door.

It falls silent. I grab my phone off of the nightstand to check the time. 3.40 am. I should really be going back to sleep. I lay back down on my back, staring at the ceiling waiting to fall asleep again. I close my eyes but all I see are flashbacks of the stupid, stupid dream I had. I shouldn't think about it, nope.

Lasagna, yes I'll make lasagna tomorrow *Jungkook’s abs* no no no. Okay uhm, Karaoke. I should practice my singing. Yeah! That IU song has been going well, I should learn the second verse. Or maybe something with a higher range, I mean certainly the f#5 was harsh on me first but I think I've got it. Maybe I could up it a notch by going for like a G5. I know Sia's chandelier is also *Jungkook* no no no. No!

Maybe something sad? Today was sad! shit, what if Yoongi texted me? I flip my phone over to look at it. 3.50, that took me ten whole minutes to think about? Woah.

I unlock my phone and I see exactly one message. From the group chat, something about Kai and his slutty waist or something, I don't know. But nothing from Yoongi, glad to know my brother cares so much. Who am I kidding I should be glad to be free from him for a second.

He worries about the wrong things, worries about things that aren’t there. Talking to guys is forbidden but walking off in the middle of the night where anything could happen, that’s okay with him? I could’ve been kidnapped countless amounts of times, I guess he’s used to me running off.

Wait, what if Dad went home after he saw me? what if he's there right now? I don’t know what a disaster it could be back at home. I don’t know if when I go home tomorrow I'll stumble upon a murder scene or a trashed house, or a bleeding out Yoongi with a drunk mom and dad in the room or-

I sigh deeply, this is too stressful for me to think about at the moment. Hey well, at least I'm not thinking about Jungkook's big, big strong veiny hands anymore. oh, what is wrong with me?

That's why I decided to get out of his bed and go over to the living room. He's sitting on the couch, TV on. I can see there's a soju bottle on the coffee table unable to tell if it is full, empty, or partially drank.

The back of the couch is facing the bedroom doors, he can't tell I’m here.

"Koo?" I sound quiet but it's still enough to make him turn around and look at me. "I can't sleep" I haven't properly tried but my mind is racing from thought to thought and when I do actually sleep all that I can seemingly think about is Jungkook and his crazy good abs.

he nudges his head for me to come towards him. he adjusts his position to lie down completely on his back, with his neck looking for support on the armrest whilst holding out an arm for me to join him. so I do, lying down on his chest and closing my eyes as I lay down.

His attention stays stuck on the TV, now with a lowered volume. My back is facing the screen anyway, the only thing I pay attention to is the rising and falling of Jungkook’s chest and his heartbeat beating in an exact pattern. That is until I hug his waist and let out a big sigh of relief. It goes from a steady pattern to a moment of nothingness until it switches back to its original pattern.

“Thanks for letting me stay,”

“Anytime,” His hand falls on top of my arm that’s hugging him, the pads of his fingers lightly tracing figures on it.

“Hope I didn’t intrude on your plans,” I look up at him.

“Never,” he smiles.

“I was watching football with Eunwoo, Guesung and Minghao. Mingyu was supposed to be there but he had to pick his girlfriend up from the airport,” he explains.

I hum at that readjusting my head back to its original position, on his chest. “Sorry for giving you a heart attack,”

“Yun,” He moves his hand under my chin lifting it up to look at him. “Promise me that next time you fight with Yoongi, or see your Dad -no matter if something happens or not- You’ll call me,”

“Sure? Yoongi loves arguing,”

“You know what I mean,” he says, taking his hand away from my face. “Promise me,”

“Okay…”

“Say it” He insists, making me smile.

“I promise” Now I can sleep, in peace.

prev | next

[yan-randomfandom]

Cool, we figured, but I just wanted to make sure! We're thinking yan! Aiden x good at the game reader. Like the reader has at least iron armor, and definitely has a Dimond sword. Aiden is such a pathetic wet cat of a man, that's trying to look cool for us, but WERE just messing it up by saving him from danger. Lol

I'd imagine that he'd at some point, would take our sword and turn it on us to keep us.

Who is your favorite character? I'd imagine you'd write for them more out of any other character :]

💘ficto anon

Yandere!Aiden x Pro!GN!Reader

a/n: I don't think I have a favorite, but I do like a lot of characters! Ivor (prolly top 1), Lukas, Petra, Magnus.. also i dont think i followed your prompt exactly, my bad😔 aiden's hard to write,, i js hope it's close to canon,, if not, Im so SORRY 😭

[words: 2251] this turned out longer than i expected. the quality of writing deteriorated halfway tho LOL also i used the "only one bed" trope ... erm

👾 ;

The witherstorm has reached Aiden.

He clutched a fence, gasping, adrenaline coursing through his veins. The purple glow made everything appear bleak. Under the morose lighting, he grabbed block after block, trying to reach the godforsaken surface.

Aiden's eyes widened in dread, his desperation only growing, clawing at his chest. Despite his best efforts, his arms gave up on him.

He let go.

...

A sudden, forceful tug on his body jolted him awake, his breath rushing from his lungs. His ears rang so loudly it felt like he was plunged into silence.

"Come on," a muffled voice huffed. He struggled to understand. "Don't give up on me now."

Gentle yet firm arms lifted him, one supporting his back, the other under his legs. The world spun and bounced; the person was running.

His vision gradually sharpened, looking up to see your face.

...Oh.

It's you.

"We'll be safe here," you muttered, carefully setting him down on the soft grass. He groaned slightly at the motion. "Witherstorm's the opposite way."

You stood up and took a few steps away from him. With the witherstorm's back facing you, you could see all those floating objects... those floating people. You wished you could have saved them, but you understood it was far too dangerous.

Turning back, you made eye contact with the brunette. He stared at you in silence.

At least you saved one person.

He didn’t say anything. The moonlight unfortunately wasn't strong enough to reveal the flush on his face. Assuming he needed more time to process everything, you decided to act on your own. You began putting on your armor; you were in the middle of an open space, and it was nighttime, after all.

"That's..." The man suddenly spoke, his voice rough. You glanced at him with curiosity. "That's iron armor."

Interesting first words. You grinned while you put on your boots. "Mined it myself. Iron's more common than you think."

"And," he cleared his throat, "you saved me."

You gently smiled then walked over, sitting beside him. Iron armor never failed to feel uncomfortable. "How are you feeling?"

His small flinch didn't go unnoticed. "I'm fine."

You rested your eyes on him. He was avoiding eye contact—you knew that—but your mind wandered as you continued to watch him.

"Don't stare at me," he snapped, glaring at you. You pursed your lips as his eyes slowly looked up. "You can't just... zombie."

You raised a brow. "Zombie?"

"Zombie!" he yelped, grabbing your body and pushing you behind him. Aiden stood up, defensive, with a lift of his sword. He was only doing this because he really didn't want to owe anyone anything. This time, he was going to save you.

You were so confused. Not until you heard the faint groan of a zombie. Smiling, you pulled your sword from your inventory.

"So sneaky," you chuckled, gently pushing Aiden aside, who was confused beyond belief, and pierced your sword into the zombie's chest. "Why didn't I hear you?"

The zombie poofed, leaving behind a piece of rotten flesh. You picked it up.

"Hey! I had it!" Aiden growled. His eyebrows were furrowed in frustration. But when his eyes fell on your sword, his expression shifted to something more disturbed.

"...What the hell? Is that netherite?" he murmured, his nose scrunching.

"Yeah—"

"You really are a weirdo!" You paused at his words. "Honestly, what do you think you're doing?!"

"..."

Without warning, you pulled him toward you. He would have fallen on you if you hadn’t held him, quickly stabbing the zombie that had been right behind him.

"Let's not talk here," you whispered in his ear, causing shivers to run down his spine.

🔥 —

The fire crackled with life, casting a warm glow around the cave you found. You had just finished blocking off the entrance so mobs wouldn't be able to break through your wooden door.

Yet, you still stood beside it, peeking through the gaps. You took a deep breath.

"...I have to go back."

Aiden's eyes widened, his brows furrowing. He stood up abruptly. "What? And just leave me here?!"

You pinched between your eyebrows. "It's better to leave now than wait! What if there are survivors?! Mobs are crawling all over the place!"

"Exactly! It's too risky!" he snarled, stepping in front of you. His gaze at you was fierce, as if daring you to challenge him. "Look, first thing in the morning, I'll go with you. Just not now, alright?"

Your eyes narrowed. "I can go without you."

"What about me, then?" he shot back. "Saving me would've been pointless. Creepers could easily blow this place up. Better safe than sorry."

"You haven't exactly been the nicest company," you admitted, crossing your arms. You looked away with a bite of your inner cheek. "But whatever. Fine. You've got solid points anyway."

Walking away from him, you plopped a seat next to the campfire. At least the fire was still burning strong, its warmth pleasantly nibbling at your skin.

Aiden followed your steps and sat on the opposite side of the fire. He crossed his legs, his gaze fixed on you. You stared back, though probably a bit more nervously than him—not that you’d ever admit it out loud.

"So," he suddenly started, raising a brow. "Where'd you get it?"

You blinked. "Get what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Netherite. Not just anyone can have that."

Much to his dismay, you started chuckling. "True. I'll leave it to you to guess how I got it."

"That's not an answer," he groaned, visibly annoyed. "Honestly, nevermind. You always were a weirdo."

"Always?" you choked. "We’ve barely known each other for a day, dude. Why are you saying so many mean things?"

... He looked flabbergasted at your words.

"Hey. What's my name." His eyes were narrowed; he looked quite serious.

With a sheepish smile, you replied, "Um, should I know?"

You've been house neighbors for three whole years.

🍪 —

Something was covering Aiden's body.

His eyes slowly opened to the brightly lit cave, his hands reaching out to touch a smooth surface. Weird. He hadn't had a blanket when he fell asleep.

But you did.

Abruptly, he stood up, ignoring the black spots that crawled his vision as he rushed to the door. He threw it open, the sunlight greeting him, overwhelming his senses.

Right now, he literally couldn't see anything.

"Woah. Good morning." He heard your voice beside him. "Rough sleep or what?"

He turned to the sound of your voice, waiting for his vision to calm down. "You went somewhere."

Eventually, his sight adjusted, and he saw you shrugging. You were wearing your iron armor, scratched and damaged, with dark bags under your eyes. If anything, you looked kind of... cool.

"Sure did. Good news, though, I found survivors."

"You did?" His eyes widened slightly. The first thought that came to mind is that, hopefully, the ocelots would be there.

"A whole community of them, yeah," you nodded, pulling something out of your pocket. "Here, eat up before we go."

Aiden grabbed the cookie, glanced at you, and after a moment, he took a bite.

🌄 —

"How far away is it?? Are you telling me you went all the way out here and came back—"

You mustered a nervous grin, which only made Aiden even more uneasy.

"I, ah, don't actually know where it is," you mumbled, skimming anxiously over the map. "...They just said to keep heading in the direction of the sun."

"What?!" He inhaled sharply. "Does that mean the opposite direction or what? They can't be too far from Endercon!"

You pursed your lips. "You're right. But like you said, better safe than sorry."

Aiden stared at you. You stared back.

Then, without a word, he turned and started walking in the opposite direction. You flickered your gaze between the map and him.

"Aiden?"

The sound of his name, in your voice, made him stop.

"... What."

"You're going to fall off a cliff if you keep going that way."

...

Why is it that you always seem to find ways to shatter his pride and ego?

⛺ —

You finally arrived at the shelter.

Aiden separated from you, which was understandable, he was most likely looking for his friends or family. You, on the other hand, spoke with the head of the place to make arrangements.

"The scouts?" you asked.

She nodded. "Yes, and we have different roles. Some search for survivors, and others gather supplies."

What a noble effort. You're definitely going to join.

"The guy who came with you earlier, he's with you, right?" the lady asked, gesturing toward Aiden.

His voice could be heard from across the lobby. "Anyone seen a dumb blonde with a long nose?? Or a stupid-looking—"

You watched him quietly, arms crossed. It seemed like he hadn't had any luck finding his friends.

After getting no positive replies, Aiden glanced around the room, searching for anyone who might have answers. His eyes landed on you.

You weakly smiled when your eyes met.

With a roll of his eyes, he walked over and stood silently next to you, staring at the floor.

"I'm sure we'll find them soon," you reassured.

The lady coughed.

"Oh, sorry," you said, turning to her. "I would also like to request a room for Aiden."

🌃 —

Unfortunately, due to the lack of available rooms, you and Aiden had to share one. To make matters worse, the room was awkwardly small. He didn't look happy at all. Aggravated, even.

You couldn't say you didn't expect this. Food was already scarce enough as it was.

The worst part? There was only one bed.

"Welp, goodnight," you exclaimed, rolling over to your side—the one that didn't require you to face him.

Your roommate only groaned in response. Not much else to say, and not much else to expect, you supposed.

You slept.

Aiden stayed awake.

He merely stared at the ceiling. All kinds of negative thoughts are visiting his mind, overwhelming him.

Honestly. What was he supposed to do now?

The witherstorm was still out there. It could return at any moment. His family was gone. Lukas and the Ocelots were nowhere to be found.

What, what, what-

Suddenly, something landed on his face, jolting him out of his spiraling thoughts.

He pushed it off, only to realize it was your hand. Well. Okay. This was totally normal for a weirdo like you.

Speaking of you...

Aiden couldn’t help but hate how dependent he’d become on you.

It was painfully irritating—

He felt your leg settle on his, subtly trying to wrap itself around him.

Alright. You're a messy sleeper, aren't you?

... Then, another kind of warmth wrapped itself around his waist. Now you were fully hugging him.

His eyelids drooped halfway. Aiden didn't even bother trying to fight back. He had no energy left for that.

Instead, he let himself embrace your touch. Not like anyone would know anyway.

Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

🛤️ —

It's cold.

Aiden woke up, sitting up hastily when he realized you were gone.

His eyes scanned the room for you before he decided to stand up and reach for the door—

"There'll be an expedition in a while. Will you be coming with?"

That sounded like the lady from yesterday. She stood on the other side of the closed door.

"Of course," and that was your... voice. You were agreeing to something. "How long does it usually take again?"

"It depends on your trip. The longest can take about a week, give or take."

"...Ah. Okay. No worries," you eventually replied.

... Aiden's eyebrows furrowed.

You were going to leave him?

🗡️ —

"Oh, good morning," you smiled, placing the tray of food on the table. You looked at Aiden, who was sitting on your side of the bed.

"I bought some food. I already ate, so-"

Without warning, the very tip of your netherite sword was pointed at you. It was almost threatening—if only you hadn’t noticed the slight tremor in the blade. You raised a confused brow at the motion.

Your eyes followed the edge of the sword along the hand until they landed on its holder.

Aiden was pointing your sword at you.

"What are you doing?" you deadpanned. "That's not yours to take, Aiden."

The way you said his name shoved unwanted chills down his spine.

"... You're planning to leave?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

You really didn't like where the conversation was heading.

"Hey, you can stay here with the others. You'll be safe—"

"No!" His grip on the sword shook violently, his eyes widening with panic. "I won't feel safe. You won't be here with me."

You stammered, backing yourself against the table. "Careful, Aiden. How about you come with me? That's—"

"No, no, I don't want to go back there," he whimpered, his entire demeanor faltering.

A frown settled on your face. With this show of weakness, you only saw this as a chance.

With the tip of your finger, you placed it on the flat side of the sword and gently pushed it down. Aiden stared at you wordlessly, his eyes wide.

"Look, I won't change my mind about going, but if you come with me, I promise I will protect you with my life."

erm hello 🤓☝️ kindly tell me any mistakes!

[briarfox13]

So after 80+ hours I've finally finished Dragon Age: The Veilguard! And boy do I have some thoughts (it's going to be a long post, sorry)

SPOILERS AHEAD

Firstly what an incredible journey from start to finish, I laughed, rejoiced and cried along the way. I loved it so much! The main story was engaging, and some of the side quests are the best Bioware has ever made.

However, I do have some criticisms with the writing and some lore. The beginning feels rushed, I wish we had more time before shit hit the fan. The faction backgrounds sound awesome and I wish we'd played those as a prologue and met Varric through those rather that tiny scene we got.

And I do wish the game was darker in some aspects. It felt weird that as an Elf I could just wander around Minrathous without a single problem, even the Venatori didn't comment on my race? Which felt off. Never thought I'd say this, but I miss the dark political plot points that the other games had (Looking at DA II here).

Expect The Blight, that was incredible, disgusting was just what I wanted to see.

I also don't like the concept of Ancient Elvhen magic being like advanced tech? I'm not fond of that. I play DA for the fantasy not the sci-fi. But that's a minor nit-pick.

But damn, Act 3? That was an explosive, incredible set of quests, and those twists broke my heart 😭 IYKYK

Honestly though, it's hands down one of the prettiest game I've played since probably Metro Exodus.

The environments, the lights and atmosphere is top notch; I know it wont happen but I'd kill for an Origins remaster with this engine (and combat system). The combat is my favourite so far.

Music is pretty but kind of unremarkable, Trevor Morris' Inquisition music was a 100% times better and more memorable, they should have stuck with him.

No offence to Mr. Zimmer but all his music sounds the same to me 🙈

The Grey Wardens, my babies are back ❤️ They've been my favourite faction in gaming since Origins and I'm so happy to finally play another Warden.

The reactivity was just amazing, I felt so connected to the plot by playing as one, especially with the Blight plotlines. Declaring for the Wardens at the end made me cry 😭 In War, Victory!!

And finally some good Grey warden armour!! XD I hated DA II and DAI's armour for them with a passion XD

Emmrich my love 💚

While I think it's too short (please Bioware add more romance content, I'm begging 🥺) I haven't loved a Bioware romance like this since Garrus'. (Sorry Alistair I still love you but, you're now joint second with Emmrich)

His romance was so sweet and charming, it felt so real. And so beautifully written; as someone who finds necromancy and death in religion fascinating but the reality of death terrifying, Emmrich was perfect for me.

I just adore it so much, I'm way too attached to him and my Rook 💚🥹 And obviously Manfred my son

To let you all in on a secret, even before I booted up Origins for the first time (2015) I was originally a Solas girlie (thanks to the internet) and now just under 10 years later I am so happy to have a happy ending to his and Zephyr's story 🥹❤️

I wish they interacted more with each other, and we'd got more about Solas' love for the Inky but ultimately I am happy with what we got. After all it wasn't entirely their story.

But, what I am not happy about is the Inky's personality. I respect it's kind of a soft reboot, but only 3 choices and none of them about how the Inky was like? Zephyr would never in a million years work with Morrigan (even with her Mythal fragment). It just didn't feel quite like my girl (even though I was happy to see her).

I do wish we'd got a couple more choices when making the Inky to make them feel more ours than slightly generic.

So finally, I will say that personally I adore this game, it's not perfect by any mile but I had fun, and that's important to me. It might even be joint top with Origins as my favourite DA game!

I've always been a Mass Effect girlie, but Dragon Age is important to me too. And I'm so happy to finally see a new DA release that has somewhat succeeded.

Now I'm done, do expect Tabitha spam! I'll make sure to tag them with spoilers for those who haven't finished/played!

And to my non DA followers, I'm very sorry about my current hyper-fixation (blame the ADHD) but bear with me! I have some tasty Halo art pieces cooking in the background 👀

[ashenlavellan]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard - Personal Thoughts from a COMPLETED Playthrough. [MAJOR SPOILERS]

[Major spoilers ahead - all I will say to those of you that are on the fence with this game? Do it. This game is so worth it and I have just finished it. Like, literally an hour ago - while it's still fresh on my mind.]

Leave this post if you don't want to be spoiled - story-wise and specifically if you want to romance Lucanis. There will be MAJOR spoilers ahead.

So, I just finished DA: The Veilguard and I was utterly blown away. I will admit that I was amongst the crowd where I would play this game, but was very hesitant to and had my reservations. I had my expectations low.

A lot of reviewers and DA enthusiasts on other platforms had me discouraged to give this game a chance and I'm glad that I spoke of this with mutuals and decided to give this game a chance.

Now, my first concern that I will address - the combat.

I was a bit concerned about this when I initially heard some people describe it as a 'hack-and-slash' and while I have no issues with that (MAJOR Devil May Cry fan here - I love that shit so much!) - it's not what I would usually associate with Dragon Age.

My experience may be different that others, but I played as a Shadow Dragon Mage - mainly followed through with the Evoker specialization, too. I mainly played with orb/mage-knife and sometimes I switched to the staves if the fight was a bit too difficult to play closer. I'm glad that this was implemented because I disliked playing as a mage in Origins and enjoyed that it was faster pace in DA2/DA:I - this felt like I could choose if I wanted to continue with the faster pace (orb/mage-knife) or a little slower, but stronger attacks at a distance (staff).

It will certainly be different if you play as a rogue/warrior, but I loved the duality as a mage and I think I'd play as one again since I grew very comfortable/adept with the controls.

Now, the concern that most people had - tactical use?

There is an ability wheel, reminiscent to the one that Mass Effect has, but it offers suggestions for what moves can be used as a combo if you select them for your companions. It's best if you try to avoid having two rogue/two warrior companions because they will have the same affects that their abilities can do. If you have a mage/warrior or mage/rogue, then it's easier to combo their moves.

To be honest, I never truly used the tactical options in the earlier games and just played as is. I know others like the earlier games because of these things, but it wasn't the biggest concern for me when it came to that... It was mainly going from three companions down to two of them, and how the combat flow would feel like.

Combat? 9.5/10

My second concern that I will address - the cameos.

Now, because of the trailers and what-not, we already figured out that Morrigan, Varric, Harding, and our Inquisitor would show up. [I'm still so happy that I had the chance to customize my Inquisitor and luckily enough, I'll just try to match her appearance as close as I can when I officially play.]

I was NOT expecting my dear friend, Dorian Pavus, to show up when he did and the fact that he had a link to the faction that I picked! I was so excited to see him once more, but...

I was even MORE excited to see my favorite, sassy pirate-lady Isabela! But, she's now one of those in charge of the Lords of Fortune!

These were the only cameos that I had not expected, but there were mentions of other characters!

Like Merrill, when talking with Isabela after a fight in the Hall of Valor! Or, a note during a loyalty quest with Taash that shows that Sten [from Origins] had joined with the Antaam. Hell, even Aveline posted up as the acting-Viscount of Kirkwall!

As well as the fact that Harding mentions members of the Inquisition, and at some point, Solas reflects on the memories he had during his time with the organization as well.

I do wish that we had more cameos, but I'm actually pleased that there were mentions of characters from earlier games that hadn't been mentioned again beforehand.

Cameos? 8/10

Now, my third and final concern - the story.

So. Much. Story.

I had been concerned about this game before its release and how it would handle the story - especially after Trespasser and when Solas first revealed himself to be Fen'Harel. Which was groundbreaking when it happened!

Some of the fandom had concerns, myself included, when we realized that only three decisions that mattered when it involved earlier games and it was all from DA: Inquisition. Nothing from Origins or DA2 - even then, however, it was not much to really tip the scales in DA: The Veilguard.

The decisions being - who did your Inquisitor romance, did they disband the Inquisition, and were they wanting to save/stop Solas?

Now after finishing the game?

The amount of thought that went into side-quests that actually had an impact on the plot/major decisions? The faction quests? The loyalty quests?? The impact from past decisions affecting the last portion of the game???

There was so much writing that went into this game, obviously, but I hadn't realized how much thought each decision you make plays a part within this story - whether small or big!

I sincerely and whole-heartedly enjoyed the writing and the companions involved in our story - I was so excited each time a loyalty or mission specific to them popped up and we delved deeper into their backgrounds, their factions, and everything else involved!

There was so much newer lore to consume, especially with Minrathous/Tevinter since we've never been this far north in Thedas, but I absolutely devoured each little piece I could get and would sit there... reading the missives and codex! However, I can understand that some may be frustrated since it doesn't delve deeper into past lore with some cases.

As one final side-note for this - even if you do all of the side-quests and content, you will have an ending just like my own... At least one person on your team will die. I did everything I could and chose, basically all of what seemed like the right decisions, and I still lost one person on my team that resulted with me sobbing like a baby with how brutal the death was in the scene...

Story? 9/10

Now, the best part of this post - the romances.

Where do I begin with Lucanis' romance?

It's like, the second I found out that there was yet again, another assassin from Antiva who was aligned with the Crows - I was immediately sold.

Before I continue - everyone? Thank his writer, Mary Kirby, from the bottom of your heart for writing such a thoughtful, protective man - whether or not your Rook romances him.

Now, continuing -

His romance is so fucking good that I have over 100 saved clips on my console of shared moments between Lucretia/Lucanis to the point where my console was like - you need to make space if you want to be a fiend for the scenes.

You bet your fucking ass I made space.

I want to completely gush over his romance and spoil things, but I'm holding all of that back because I plan on writing those scenes and then some since I AM a fanfiction writer. I'll only share one thing with all of you...

When Lucretia and Lucanis slept together, you can bet your ass that he brought out those damned wings. [Also naked/semi-naked cuddling in the scene afterwards.]

So yeah, those are my final thoughts after playing Dragon Age: The Veilguard and after finishing the game... I'm so glad that I decided to give this game a chance and I certainly feel like it was worth the price, for the amount of content there was and story-telling.

I'm also glad that I listened to some of the reviews - there were reviews from a couple of the devs from BG3 and had plenty of praise for this game! I'm glad I gave this game a chance, especially since there's so many options to choose from and replay-ability like BG3!

[odessa-castle]

I'm bouncing around a larger post about Nishiki and the mortifying ordeal of being known, but in the meantime I'm thinking about Nishiki and Kiryu and how the clothes make (or don't make) the man. Like, beyond my visceral horror that Kiryu begged Nishiki to pick out a safe and boring suit for him in Y0 and then said he was envisioning something purple with gold stripes.

I'm thinking about Nishiki's incredible sensitivity to image and his need to control how he's perceived. I'm thinking about Kiryu's inability to let go of the past. I'm thinking about how KIryu dresses like who he thinks he is, and Nishiki dresses like who he thinks he wants to be.

There's some interesting incidental dialogue between Nishiki and Kiryu in Y0 while they're en route to the men's suit store. I wish it wasn't so easy to miss, because there's a lot to unpack here. (I'm just transcribing the English in-game subtitles here; I don't speak Japanese so I have no idea how loose vs. direct the localization is in this part.)

NISHIKI: …now that I think about it, you've been dressing like an old man since we were kids. KIRYU: Have I? NISHIKI: Yeah. The few times we got to pick our clothes, it was always like, "you're choosing THAT?" NISHIKI: I wouldn't say you're a plain guy…You'd pick shirts with weird prints though. KIRYU: Guess I forgot all that. It's weirder to me that you haven't. NISHIKI: Well, confession time. You're why I started caring about fashion. I swore I'd never go out dressed like you. KIRYU: Come on, I'm not THAT bad. [we have already discussed why kiryu is, in fact, that bad.] NISHIKI: [laughing] Aww, did I hurt your feelings? NISHIKI: Well, this time you've got me with you. I'll see my bro gets taken care of. KIRYU: Heh. What an honor. NISHIKI: Leave it to me.

Nishiki doesn't bring up Sunflower Orphanage much; when he does share memories of his childhood, those memories are kind of painful (see: "do orphans not get to dream?"). Kiryu's surprised that Nishiki remembers how they dressed as kids, but it makes sense that wearing a limited selection of hand-me-downs stuck with Nishiki so strongly. His clothes announced his poverty, and they weren't even his -- he had to share them with the other orphans, so what he wore showed he belonged to yet another stigmatized group. And I'm sure people picked up on those visual signals, especially other kids. Kids can be vicious, and appearance is an easy and immediate target! We don't know for sure how young Nishiki interacted with his peers and teachers, but given what the Morning Glory kids go through in Y3 (and given, like, everything about Nishiki), he probably didn't have a great time.

Kiryu frames his childhood as poor but loving, and places much more emphasis on the latter. There might be some rose-colored glasses at work there -- let's look at the flashback where Kazama tries (and fails) to violently dissuade Kiryu and Nishiki from joining the yakuza.

KIRYU: I owe you everything, but this isn’t about that. [...] We’ve looked up to you for all this time. Your car. Your confidence… The way everybody bows to you. We idolized you. I want that life, too. Is that so wrong!?

Nishiki doesn't really speak in this flashback, but like, Kiryu uses "we" enough for us to draw some obvious conclusions about Nishiki's own motivations. That being said, I don't think Kiryu's being dishonest or disingenuous when he describes his childhood as happy, and himself as well-loved. He's not ashamed of his upbringing, and he doesn't hide where he came from. Nishiki seems to have the inverse view. It's not that he doesn't love (at least some of) the people he grew up with, but what comes up first for him is what he didn't have. He didn't have money. He didn't have respect. He didn't have a cure for his little sister. He didn't have a lot of choice, right down to the clothes he wore.

(There's a whole other essay here about why Kiryu's and Nishiki's perspectives diverge on this, but I'm trying to limit the scope of this post. Suffice to say that, while I don't think game canon gives a timeline, I do think Nishiki was a little older when his parents were killed -- old enough that he actually remembers them, at least.)

The same mindset fuels Nishiki's interest in fashion. Yeah, part of it is that he's ribbing Kiryu, but I think it goes deeper than Kiryu wearing ugly shirts. Nishiki doesn't want people to look at him and see what's missing. Fashion isn't a means of personal expression for him, really. It's a message. It's the interplay of knowledge and resources and presentation: knowing what clothes read as successful and trendy and expensive, being able to afford those things, and convincing people that your successful important outfit makes you a successful important person. And he's not wrong about the social dimensions of fashion.

NISHIKI: Try sporting a suit that runs 500 grand for once. Trust me, you’ll see the world in a whole new light. KIRYU: Fashion’s not my thing. Besides, Kazama-san never wore flashy clothes. NISHIKI: You do realize he’s the family captain, right? Number two in the whole Dojima operation? You get to that level, you can wear whatever you damn well please. But for the rest of us, “flashy” is part of the business. KIRYU: So that fancy new car you bought was just “business”. NISHIKI: Yeah, and that fancy lighter of mine, too. Which you still haven’t given back. KIRYU: You want to play the rich guy, quit being so stingy. NISHIKI: But you get what I’m saying, right? People see the expensive car, the designer jacket, and the gleam of that little Dojima pin, they pay attention. A yakuza’s only as good as his image. [...] Take your buddy today. These squeaky-clean idiots, borrowing money just to blow on tits and booze… Nobody in this town gives a crap about substance. What you see is what you get.

That's our first take on one of the major themes of the game: what does it mean to be yakuza? Again, there is truth to what Nishiki's saying here, particularly in terms of the ethos of the eighties. I'm not an expert on the bubble era, but the worldbuilding in the game speaks for itself. People hail taxis with 10,000-yen bills. You punch money out of punks during random street battles. Nishiki keeps a personal bottle of high-end booze at a bar he's visited twice, mostly because he "can’t stand being taken for a bum." The act of spending is important, not what you're spending it on.

Nishiki's outfit in Y0 is perfectly suited (heh) to that outlook. And look, I might be inviting controversy here, but in context, I think it's a werq. Yes, it's loud. But the silhouette -- squared shoulders, single breasted, thinner peaked lapel -- is right on trend for the time period, and it fits him well. The colors look good on him. The bold pattern (no, it's not animal print) under the solid maroon is a risk, but he pulls it off. And excess aside, he knows when to pull back on the accessories. It's bright and confident and memorable, and boy would Nishiki like to be all of those things.

Also -- and importantly -- Kiryu would never go out dressed like that. Because we can't talk about Nishiki and Kiryu without talking about Nishiki's Mt. Fuji-sized inferiority complex. Mastering image doesn't just make Nishiki stand out; it makes him stand out from Kiryu. Let's go back to the beginning of the game.

NISHIKI: I’ll admit, though, you’re finally starting to look the part. You make a pretty convincing yakuza. You’re done with collections today, right? KIRYU: Yeah. NISHIKI: Good. That should put Kazama-san’s mind at ease a bit. KIRYU: Heh, dunno about that. But he always knew all I could do is fight. You’re the one who’s good at the dance.

Nishiki then calls attention to the "rags" that Kiryu's wearing, which...is not an unfair assessment. (TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, KIRYU. HEM YOUR PANTS.) As the two of them walk around Kamurocho, Nishiki offers Kiryu plenty of hot tips, from meeting girls to making big bucks to cozying up to the brass. But even when Nishiki's opining on his area of expertise, there's a competitive edge to it. "You asking me to pick out clothes for you means you admit you have terrible taste," he tells Kiryu on the way to the suit shop. Kiryu tells him to shut up, but there's no actual hurt behind it. Kiryu doesn't really care that his taste in clothes sucks. Fashion isn't important to him. Most of the things Nishiki knows so much about don't really matter to Kiryu. And that makes Nishiki feel more insecure! Because if Kiryu rolls out of bed looking like a yakuza, if Nishiki's image counseling sessions aren't helpful or meaningful, if Kiryu can skip the dance and get to the top on the strength of his fists and convictions, then who cares about Nishiki's 500 grand suit or his hourlong hair care routine? If image isn't what makes a yakuza, what does that make Nishiki?

At the end of Chapter 6, Nishiki tries to look out for Kiryu again -- this time, by granting him a merciful death before the Dojima Family drags him to the Hole. It's one of my favorite scenes in the game. Nishiki's crying too hard to aim the gun properly; Kiryu tells him to man up and shoot. Finally, Nishiki collapses.

NISHIKI: Can’t do it… How could I shoot you!? Without you, I’ll always be nothing. Can’t make it as a yakuza… No. I wouldn’t even still be alive now if I didn’t have you beside me! I’m just… If you’re not with me, I’m useless! Nothing means anything!

Mastering image hasn't granted Nishiki anything of substance. At the end of the day, Nishiki's playing dress-up, and he knows it.

And I'm almost certainly getting into overthinking-this territory now (if I haven't gotten there already), but I kind of like the spin this puts on Nishiki ripping his expensive suit off in Chapter 14 when he decides to fight the Dojima Family at Kiryu's side. Like yes, ripping off your outer layers to get at the naked (so to speak) truth -- your irezumi, and what it represents -- is just Yakuza Storytelling 101. It's decisive, it's kind of dumb, it's great, it gets me hyped every time. But I like that Nishiki's honest answer to "what does it mean to be a yakuza?" isn't about looking the part. I am genuinely trying not to end this paragraph by saying that Nishiki must become like a dragon, but like...you get where I'm going with this.

Of course, Nishiki's back to playing dress-up in Y1/Kiwami. I'm not the first to call the Patriarch Nishikiyama look a glow-down (though I like the patterned white tie). Like, fashion-conscious Nishiki would look good in a Hedi Slimane/Tom Ford-esque skinny black suit. But he picks a silhouette you'd expect to see on a much older man, torso-swallowing pants and all. The slicked-back hair doesn't help. He's just so transparently trying to look bigger and broader and older, and he doesn't pull it off. Big Bad Patriarch isn't a good look for him, in any sense of the phrase.

A final thought: Kiryu's clothes, and Nishiki's commentary on them, are the subject of their first conversation in Y0 -- and of their last. Kiryu's costume progression in Y0 is a pretty obvious commentary on his journey, to the point where Kiryu and Nishiki explicitly call attention to the color connotations in their final exchange. As a Dojima grunt, he wears black, and it doesn't look good on him because "brutish thug who keeps his head down and does what he's told" isn't a role he's comfortable with. He wears white when he works in real estate, but the change in color isn't enough to sell anyone on his transformation into a civilian. Although it's a little rich for Oda "Red Clown Shoes" Jun to chide someone for not wearing a proper suit. At the end of the game, Kiryu's in his classic grey suit, and well, the game spells it out:

KIRYU: I’m not feeling black or white these days. This is where I’m at right now. I chose it myself. I’m making it a fresh start. NISHIKI: Fine, fine. See if I care! Wear it the rest of your life!

Nishiki, dismayed, tells Kiryu that the grey suit already looks dated, but for Kiryu, "fresh start" doesn't mean "on trend". His image might be out of step with how other yakuza view themselves, or want to be seen, but if he's always going to look like a yakuza, he might as well stake his claim on what being a yakuza means. Still, it's telling that, even as a young man, Kiryu looks like a throwback to an earlier era. As the series progresses, the games hammer this home more and more. How many antagonists tell Kiryu that he's out of touch with the modern world, that he represents a version of the yakuza that no longer exists, that it's time for him to make way for the next generation?

"Wear it the rest of your life!" is a funny little in-joke, yeah, but...it's a little sad when you think about it, isn't it? Kiryu gets new outfits from Y3 on -- and in every game, he ultimately puts the suit back on and heads to Kamurocho. It's exactly of a piece with how Kiryu views being yakuza. We, and he, can debate the exact extent of his retirement from the Tojo Clan's affairs, but the yakuza isn't a career for Kiryu, it's a set of beliefs he carries with him. He wears the suit the same way he wears the dragon on his back: as an indelible part of his self-image.

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Tagged by @parts-of-me-unravelling, thank you kindly ^_^

Last song: Sparks - You Were Meant For Me (last non-Sparks song: exist†trace - 夢にキスを)

Favorite colour: Black

Currently watching: You've somehow caught me at a rare moment where I'm not watching anything. I most recently re-watched Sense8, which I love but I tend to prefer things that have a little less violence in it.

Spicy/savoury/sweet: At the moment sweet. Candy and fruit - hell yeah :) (I don't cope with spicy at all, so that's never the answer.)

Relationship status: a happy singular entity of many years, though more recently I'm questioning if I've changed my mind and want this to change at some point.

Current obsession: Sparks forever and always <3 (More specifically I'm currently fixating on getting my Sparks files in order, which has been consistently taking up pretty much all my time. Once that's done I'll probably go back to trying to draw as much as possible and grow my skills as I feel a little stuck there.) My other obsessions (most notably Good Omens and The Owl House) are currently in hybernation but never far away :)

(I'm going to add some things to make this tag game more tailored to the Sparks community, as I'll be tagging Sparks people ^_^ Reply to it any way that feels natural to you, as I am well aware of how hard it may be to answer things.)

What made you a Sparks fan: Good Morning/Exotic Creatures Of The Deep. Ron's existence. Seeing them live. Russell's entire everything.

Sparks era(s) closest to your heart: Two Hands One Mouth (the start of my journey but also those shows were truly something else) and Latte (what a next level album and tour!). (I'm being rigorous here and only picking two things.)

Favourite music video: My Baby's Taking Me Home

Dream show(s) if you had a time machine (max. 3 to keep it interesting): Balls, 21x21 performance of Indiscreet, Exotic Creatures Of The Deep. (For people who have to answer this in the future, yes I too am tortured by my own limit of 3. There's shows I was at and wish I could go see again but I guess that's what youtube is for.)

I'm going to try my best to tag as many people as possible, no pressure though! (Sorry if you've been tagged before or if I managed to forget to include you - consider yourself tagged by me if you want to be. Also if you've already done this before but want to answer the added questions, go for it! I'd love to see your answers!)

@votedmostlikelytofail, @cilogram, @dinkydiamond, @where-did-the-groove-go, @bawnjourno, @sparklepants123, @ron-do-i-get-to-sing-my-way, @heart-worm, @crystalblast, @whompthatsucker1981, @crinklecutfry, @reeny829, @adreamofroses, @pearlsandpetticoats, @betweentimeand42, @wombooooo, @8vb-girl, @carcarrot, @taintmansion, @zurdta, @glampacked, @drnutsack, @new-wave-worm, @bronskibeet, @glacenoire, @jefffreybeaumont

[moltensmusings]

@ladydoe8, I did see your ask and went to respond but made the post private and it has since disappeared into the void of my blog. I have no idea how to find it and I'm not sure if that's because this is a side blog or not.

That said I still wanted to make a response.

Part of my issue with some fights in the grand magic games is how much they lack the feeling of being random. Obviously we get made aware that the king has the ability to pick and choose what fights he wants to see, but in the case of a battle like Wendy vs Cheria, it didn't feel like the king himself actually chose to make it happen and instead Mashima just decided to pit those two against each other because he didn't want Wendy to fight anyone else.

I think maybe the king telling Arcadios that towards the end of the games he wants Yukino to battle Lucy would work and set the audience up to be hyped for the confrontation, only for it to never happen because both of them are forced out of the games for different circumstances.

I like Kagura vs Yukino I just wish it was written in a way that allowed Yukino to show her strength more than giving us an "I'm just better" kagura fight. Yukino should've had one fight before this that took no effort for her to win and didn't result in her using any of the Zodiac keys so that her loss to Kagura would allow us to understand how strong Kagura is without anyone having to whisper it in our ear.

As for Lucy, she should've fought someone else for sure, but not Yukino. I've said before I don't think Raventail should've competed and I stand by that. Whatever group takes their place should've contained the enemy Lucy fights and wins against. I hate the cheating plotline because it requires every single character in universe to be so insanely stupid for it to work at all. It makes the guards seem incompetent at their jobs and brings into question why Lacrimas even exist in the first place if not to keep an eye on mages in the stands and stop foul play. Not to mention there should be a barrior protecting the audience anyway because of how dangerous magic is. Anti-magic exists, you're telling me no anti-magic shields could've been used?

I still would've wanted Lucy fighting Flare, but in a fight that doesn't take place in the arena. Flare comes to either take out or kidnap Lucy under orders from Ivan, and we get a parallel to Phantomlord where this time Lucy holds her own and comes out on top, or at least manages to escape largely unscathed.

I want Lucy to actually be on top of the world before the Naval battle. I want to see her feeling good about herself and actually winning before Minerva gets thrown in because not only will it make Minerva more effective as an antagonist, it'll be actually horrific to watch what happens. Now first note is I would never draw or show the Naval battle with Lucy in a fanservice way because that takes away from the emotion the audience should get from the scene.

For Minerva, the elements are interesting in canon but the execution is BS. I want Minerva to be incredibly good at sticking just enough within the rules to never get Sabertooth penalized while skirting the edges in a way that infuriates her opponents. Instead of wailing into Lucy, she simply keeps her from leaving the bubble until she passes out. The rule as given by the announcers is that all enemies must either say they forfeit or be knocked unconscious, as long as Minerva doesn't kill her they won't intervene. Aquarius would actually care about Lucy in this version and only be forced back into the spirit world when Lucy's lack of oxygen makes her magic far too unstable to maintain a gate. Minerva doesn't kill her enemies. She knows it's a game so why would she kill anyone. But the horror of the scene is what I'd lean into. I think this set up for Minerva would also make her eventual reappearance in Tartaros a bit more terrifying because if she was willing to essentially torture in opponent before becoming a Demon how much worse will she be afterwards.

I think setting up Minerva in this way with her first battle in the games being something that sticks with both the rival guilds and the audience in such a harrowing way is a good idea. It makes her stand out and really sets the tone for her future involvement in the story.