#some of them put on or lose weight through the seasons and that's like. normal! and fine!

[thebirdandhersong]

rlly appreciate that the casting for OUAT is like. normal people! with wrinkles and freckles and moles and crow's feet

[mca-attack21]

Love Can Hurt (Jeremiah x Conklin Reader)

A/N: There are season 1/2 spoilers

It was rare that you came to see Susannah on your own, usually you were with your mom. You came to visit more often than Steven or Belly, both because you wanted to see Susannah and because you wanted to check in on Jeremiah. Last summer had put him in a weird spot with Conrad and Belly, so you made a point to be there for him. At least that’s what you told yourself. The truth is you have always gone out of your way for Jeremiah. So of course, you came when he asked if you could stay with his mom during homecoming, even if the phone call broke your heart.

“Hey Y/n/n, how are you doing?”

“I’m alright Jere, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just have a question for you.”

“Of course.”

“Homecoming is this Saturday-” you could not believe what you were hearing, Jeremiah Fisher - the boy you’ve dreamed about being with was actually, “I was planning to go with Blake, but I don’t want to leave my mom home alone. We might get a hotel room. I was hoping you could come stay the weekend. She always loves seeing you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. You had to take a second before answering so your voice wouldn’t give you away. “Of course Jere, you deserve a night to be a normal teenager without the weight of the world on your shoulders. I’ll come up Friday after school.”

“Oh my god, you’re the best. I’ll totally owe you one.”

“It’s no problem Jere, I’ll see you Friday.” You hurriedly end the call, pulling your knees to your chest. Losing the fight to keep your tears at bay. Sometimes you wished you could stop loving him. 

You walked in the door with groceries and set them on the counter. Every time you visited, you would restock the cabinets and fridge. It used to be Susannah who would make sure everyone’s favorites were in the house. It was a small thing, but you felt like it was the least you could do. You went to check in on her, but she was sleeping so you decided to let her rest. You peek in Jeremiah’s room, straightening it up a bit and making his bed. He would be home soon, so you started to make him his favorite dinner.

You don’t know exactly when it happened, that you fell for him. Jeremiah always cared so much about the people around him, he was the most charismatic person you had ever met. He had this energy about him that illuminated any room he was in. Since he found out about his mom, that sparkle dimmed ever so slightly. No one seemed to really notice the toll that all of this was taking on him, except you. You could see through the fake smiles, to the sadness, stress, and fear. You tried to be there for him as much as he would let you. You comforted him through the pain Belly caused, took as much off his shoulders as you could, but you wished there was more you could do. 

You were so deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t even heard him come in. “Y/n?” he called out. 

“In the kitchen Jere.” 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his head in the crook of your neck. “That smells delicious, I’m gonna head up and take a shower, check on mom, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

The two of you ate together, catching up. He told you about being nominated homecoming king, which didn’t surprise you at all. With some convincing you got Jere to let you take care of the receipts for the insurance companies while you were there. It was one more thing to take off his plate. When you were both done eating, you took care of the leftovers and did the dishes while he went off to play video games. 

The next day you spent most of your time with Susannah, who was having one of her better days. She was so excited to see Jeremiah going to Homecoming. You were doing fine with it all until his date arrived. 

“Y/n, can you do me a favor and go take pictures of Jere and Blake. I don’t want to scare them away,” she smiled. 

“Of course.”

You took her phone downstairs. Seeing him all dressed up, smiling, laughing, and excited brought mixed emotions. Of course you wanted him to be happy, but watching him with Blake reminded you of having to watch him with Belly this summer. There was a part of you that wished it was you. 

You took the photos, wished them both fun, and went back upstairs to watch movies with Susannah. Right away, she could tell something was off. Of course she could, sometimes you wondered if she knew you better than your own mother. 

“What’s on that brilliant mind of yours?” she asked, pausing the movie. 

“It’s nothing important,” you reply. 

“Of course it's important, because you are important.”

You didn’t know what to say, because you didn’t really know how to describe the way you were feeling without sounding pathetic. 

“This wouldn’t have something to do with Jeremiah, would it?” she asked knowingly. At the mention of his name, your strategic walls came crashing down, tears escaped your eyes. “Oh honey come here,” she said, opening her arms for a hug.

“It hurt to watch him fall for Belly and watch her toss him aside for Conrad and then it hurt tonight to see him so happy with someone else. And he’s my best friend so I get a front row ticket to watch all of it, I hear about every hookup, and I see everything that he tries to hide from everyone…”

“Oh sweetie.” She had always believed that you and Jeremiah were destined for each other the same way that Belly was destined for Conrad. It took her by surprise when Jeremiah admitted feelings for Belly, somehow, she’d missed how much it had affected you.

“Love can hurt sometimes, but that’s because it's real.”

[vocallywritten]

The conversation around Luke Newton in the Bridgerton fandom really makes me uncomfortable. Like, it is shitty to talk about Nicola Coughlan's body, and it is also shitty to talk about Luke Newton's body, but no one really talks about the body shaming Luke N has gotten basically since season 2. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to see people not putting up with comments on Nicola's body and embracing her as the lead. I think that's good and also what she deserves as a person.

However, it seems to me that a lot of the people who are loud about making sure Nicola isn't body shamed are not only silent about the same thing when it happens to Luke, but some of them actively participate in body shaming him. It's kind of gone under the radar and not really talked much about, but Nicola refused to undergo a body transformation for Penelope. I think that was the right choice and I really respect it. But Luke Newton DID go through a body transformation for his character, and the way people talked about it the entire time was so nasty.

At first, when he had a little fluff on him during season 2 (he wasn't even fat he had just clearly gained a little weight which is fine and normal and wardrobe on the show did him no favors, presumably to play into the "Bridgerton Lead Glow Up") but when he was announced as the season 3 lead, I REMEMBER all the people throwing fits online because they didn't think he was attractive enough to be the lead. That they just couldn't see him in a romantic or sex scene because of how he looked.

Of course there were people who wanted to defend him by telling everyone to "just wait for that Bridgerton Glow Up" and I'm sure their hearts were in the right place. There's even a good point in there, which is that the show will purposely nerf the attractiveness of its actors so that the contrast is more impressive. That the writing and acting also made Colin and Penelope seem very young and so they didn't have a presence onscreen as a Romantic Lead that could carry a sex scene, but that was intentional on the show's part, and the writing and acting could EARN that onscreen presence for the characters.

But what it really ended up sounding like was , "no it's okay guys, because Luke Newton may not be hot now, but he will be! And then it will be okay that he's the season 3 lead, because they'll make him attractive enough." And that's such a shitty message.

Then season 3 dropped and all of a sudden people can't stop talking about how hot Luke Newton is ALL OF A SUDDEN 🙄 . It's in interviews, it's all over the internet. "That Bridgerton Glow Up!" They talked about it to HIS FACE like they were so blown away at how attractive he actually is. Which I don't think is the compliment they seemed to think it is. Luke Newton seemed to take that all in good humor in the interviews though so maybe it didn't bother him. But it bothered me, okay?

Beyond the Bridgerton Glow Up talk, Luke Newton's body transformation really went under remarked. He did a couple of interviews for men's magazines about getting in shape, but by and large, the fact that it happened wasn't really a big topic of conversation. I am of two minds on this. On one hand, I think that's actually great to let people's bodies change without having any kind of intense scrutiny about it, and I do think this highlights the double standard when it comes to men vs women having body changes in the public eye. Women are heavily scrutinized, while men have a lot more leeway. If Nicola had decided to lose weight for the role, I guarantee you 80% of all her questions on the press tour would have been about her weight loss and how she did it. Not really so for Luke. On the other hand, I think there is this weird almost entitlement the audience feels to seeing a certain type of male body on film? Especially in a sex scene. So I kind of wonder if a part of the silence on Luke's body change stems from that. Like, "of course he lost weight and started going to the gym more to prepare for the role. He's a leading man!" Like it's just such an ingrained expectation now that people don't even question the fact that they expect it?

Although there is one aspect of Luke's body transformation that people really fixated on and I think even beyond the fat shaming, this felt the grossest to me. And that's the plastic surgery speculations.

Now I have no idea if Luke Newton got plastic surgery or not, and I really don't care either way. He's come out in interviews saying he didn't, and I think that should be the end of that. But the way that people immediately started ripping into him when season 3 dropped because of these plastic surgery speculations made me despair for humanity. People said such awful things, and a lot of it was so *personal*, attacking Luke as a person and his abilities as an actor because they thought he had work done. Like even if he did, why do you care so much? Plastic surgery is basically an industry standard at this point, and so many people bullied this man about how he looked for so long that I would understand if he did! If he did get plastic surgery, that wouldn't then mean that anyone gets a free pass for talking bad about him. You could make the argument that plastic surgery sets an unrealistic standard, especially if you are open about your change in diet and exercise, and attribute only those things to how different you look, but I think that's a systematic problem, and not one you're going to solve by shaming one actor you *think* might be doing it.

At the end of the day, Luke Newton would have been great in his role if he looked like he did in season 3 or season 2. He didn't NEED to change his physical appearance to be worthy of a role he had already been cast in years ago. I doubt very much his performance would have changed, even if he physically stayed the same. It's not bad that he underwent a physical transformation, and I think no one has any right to tell him what he should and shouldn't do with his body. My ultimate point is that I wish people would stop acting like actors need to fit a certain mold to be good at their jobs, or to be worthy of respect. Body shaming Luke is as detrimental to the cause as body shaming Nicola. Stop acting like it's good to stand up for one person, only to turn around and body shame someone else just because you don't like them. It only tells me that you actually do care what people look like, but you're willing to overlook physical "flaws" in a person if you like them. Which is not good actually!

In conclusion, leave Luke Newton alone you absolute freaks.

[not-goldy]

But why Jimin is feeling some type about turning 30 🤔 He doesn't have a biological clock ticking to get pregnant, he's a man who according according society doesn't reach their 'expiry date any time soon, he got everything settled financially and family wise, he got supportive parents but he lived majority of his life away from them... now even if he wants to have them here he's perfectly capable to do so. He still looks dropdead gorgeous... actually older he becomes prettier and graceful he turns. His body is still young and beautiful, He already got a partner who is so understanding and makes him feel the best no matter how he looks or his age.

I don't see Tae, who's same age as him focusing on turning 30 much.. he's still having fun, dating best girls out there, all set to enjoy after he retun from MS too. Like he should..because 30 is still very young in my book lol

Biological clock to get pregnant....

Ha🤣

A. He's human

B. Different backgrounds Different directions in life

Tae doesn't have chronic backpain does he??

Tae's career is not woven around his ability to dance his ass off and contour his body into impossible shapes does he? He dances sure and he's good sure but he's not Jimin 🥴

Watch BTS Island or whatever that show was I think they talked about these things- vmin I mean.

Remember he said he hated working out but then had to learn to love it because he needed to work on his form. He said he was becoming weak- he is not just a pretty face. He is not the type of idol you'd give a mic and a seat center stage to perform.

He is Beyonce. He is a spectacle

He will always be a spectacle unfortunately

Losing weight, dieting, fixing his teeth tweaking that- can't do that all his life that's just sad if he has to😢

So he is gonna reminisce and wonder if he should keep doing this or choose a different part- as he said he did before in the past when BTS was going through stuff.

He's gonna reinvent himself take stock reevaluate and shit. 30 is a milestone I suppose most idols do that before they decide to go all in for the long ride- you wouldn't want to look back at 40 and regret certain things you know?

This is where I start ranting bout the impossible beauty standards and performance expectations yall have of him- HE IS SOMEONE'S SON NOT AN OBJECT FOR YOUR ADMIRATION

And before you tell me this idol don't do that that person don't do that- THAT PERSON IS NOT JIMIN AND YOU KNOW DEAD WELL YOU HOLD JIMIN TO A MUCH HIGHER STANDARD THAN TEHM DONT LIE

And let's not forget 30 is primarily when an Idols career is assumed to have come to an end in kpop- sure there are new trends of older idols breaking the stereotypes but let's not act like age isn't a huge part of Kpop and that newer younger, much much younger idols are popping up on the scene- they may not be as seasoned or as talented but that will not stop toxic stans perpetuating ageism against BTS.

Its very normal for an idol of JMs caliber to put some thoughts into what he wants to do with his life at this point- if the company isn't going to be any helpful to his career and he doesn't have his age playing in his favor then boy or girl he very much has a right to ponder over his age. He's human.

If he's queer and wants a family then he very much has to worry about that too. And don't be fooled, men do experience low sperm count as they age and other erectile disfunction as they age too it's not just women like they try to portray.

They grow grey hairs and they go bald 🙄

Their bodies change dramatically with age too🥲

I can go on and on but he's just human doing what normal humans do.

[calxia]

Unlike humans, ghouls are covered from head to toe in a layer of fur. Fur texture will vary from ghoul to ghoul depending on genetics and type, but pretty much every ghoul has at least a fine layer of fur.

They also go through shedding seasons just like dogs and cats do, which leads to very grouchy, itchy ghouls during spring and autumn and the abbey being coated in a layer of ghoul fur.

Earth and Quintessence ghouls tend to have the thickest coat and often have a double coat to help provide extra insulation. They normally have the worst time with shedding due to their coats and sometimes can even get matted if they do not pay enough attention to their coat. Some ghouls choose to just get clipped to a shorter length but this can affect coat texture long term.

Air ghouls also have double coats to help them survive in the cold mountaintops they tend to live in. Their coats are short and dense but they still shed ridiculous amounts during the shedding season. Air ghouls can also have feathers instead of fur, in which they don't undergo a shedding season but instead moult all their feathers once a year. Moulting air ghouls are even more miserable than shedding ghouls. They are often very tired and miserable with all the energy being put into regrowing their feathers and will feel colder than usual during this time.

Fire ghouls usually only have a short coat of fine hair that is hardly noticeable unless you're looking directly for it. they have very little issue with shedding due to having such light coats, and sometimes fire ghouls don't even have a generalised period of greater shedding and will instead just gradually shed over the year. They also usually have areas that are more sparsely covered with fur to help them avoid overheating.

Water ghouls often have frizzy coats with densely packed guard hairs that help provide thermal insulation while swimming and provide natural waterproofing. These guard hairs stick together when the ghoul is underwater to wick water away from the ghoul's skin and keep it dry. water ghouls only moult once a year. The moult usually starts around the ghoul's face and will reveal a darker-coloured coat as the old hair sheds out. During this time most water ghouls will remain on land to help conserve the energy they need to moult. They will often become irritable and in the pit, Water ghouls will often lose great amounts of weight due to not hunting during their moult.

Multi ghouls will always have great variability in their coat type and texture due to their mixed heritage so it is hard to predict what coat type a multi ghoul will be. They can often have a harder time moulting due to not having the 'proper' coat type and can be more prone to matting and coat impaction.

[devondespresso]

writing my silly little fic and again im struck with how much opportunities they missed by pretending the s2 stancy breakup wasn't messy, specifically for Nancy's guilt about barb and forcing herself to grow up too fast

like s1 Nancy spends one night being a stupid teenager goofing off at her boyfriend's party and staying over to get spicy while Barb goes home. then she later realizes Barb disappeared and died that one night she was letting go and having fun. this is widely recognized trauma for her and informs a lot if not most of her actions through the rest of the show

in season 2 she's feeling the weight of it more around the first year anniversary. steve trys to help by taking her to a party to forget for a little while and 'be stupid teenagers' for a night. a perfectly set up parallel already

the way the show wants it to go, we get the bullshit argument, they fight, allegedly break up at some point, and nancy sleeps with Jonathan. later steve tells her to go with him and we're supposed to read it as Steve stepping back so jancy can happen. we're supposed to be seeing this as a happy ending.

but with the material we're given this would have been the perfect place for an emotional repeat of season 1 for nancy. she and steve go to the party and pretend to be stupid teenagers for the night. but oh no! nancy lets lose too much, lets herself relax and drink and dance, and the next day her boyfriend's pissed. hes saying she said things she never remembered saying and its hurt him and she doesn't know what to do. and kids around school are talking about them breaking up at the party, and that fits with Steve's anger she saw, so they must've broken up right? it sucks, even if she wasn't in love with him, that'd be the worst way to break up with someone (especially if she's confusing platonic and romantic feelings or convincing herself it has to be romantic when she really just values him as a friend)

and then she doesn't have time to work it out, she needs to go with Jonathan to avenge barbs 'disappearance' to give her family closure. She's got a lot of conspiracy shit to do and its stressful. so when murray starts going off about how she's not really in love with steve, how she actually likes Jonathan and he seems to like her back. they finished a lot of the hard work with the conspiracy stuff, she can let her guard down and have a quick good night.

then the next day is chaos. demodogs and labs and will being possessed. It a rough fucking day. Steve tells her to go with Jonathan while they get the mindflayer out of Will, civil like they're on good terms so she does (and thank god she did because that was rough and they needed all the help they could get)

and then everything's fine again, with the upside down. and it looks like she handled things better this time, was about to relax occasionally and still made it through.

except apparently she and steve didn't break up. he thought it was just a few fights, that they put their shit aside for the apocalypse and now they can work things out.

and it could ruin nancy. a year later and she's still hasn't learned her lesson, that letting her guard down hurts the people she cares about, that relaxing and having fun makes her lose people. its her fault for the messy breakup with Steve and its her fault that barb is gone. she's the reason she's lost friends close to her, 2 for 2, and now she only has Jonathan left (and what do you know, season 3 has her conflict with Jonathan and in season 4 she's not let anyone else get truly close to her and fred still dies)

you see what i mean?? by having conflict magical resolve itself in the background we loose so much powerful, painful character drama for her. our girl who thinks she has to keep the world around her up solely on her shoulders because she can't handle the loss of her best friend in season 1. Nancy who desperately wants to be normal and have people she loves but keeps losing them, through factors both in and out of her control, but feels like everything has to be her fault just because some things were.

and to be fair, that story is still present in the show. its there and definitely compelling, but it could've been even more so. i feel like if maybe there was less 'nancy has to be a strong independent girlboss' in there (abd it's definitely there, they want to make a point of making her a Strong Woman Character so bad) and she was allowed to have mistakes acknowledged by the narrative, this is the direction it would've gone. She could've been an excellent example of well written women who are strong and awesome through their own right instead of the narrative trying to make us like her

[cookinguptales]

some feelings about wwdits under a cut, for negativity

WWDITS... I don't know. I don't think I've found the writing entirely fulfilling for a while now. s4 had its problems, but s5 was... let's just say not nearly as funny or cohesive as I would've liked, and the characterization has been... wandering, to put it kindly. Seeing it end now feels a little less like losing my favorite show and a little more like stopping it before things really start to spiral.

I remember someone asked me once post-s3 what (if anything) would make me stop watching the show, and I said Guillermo leaving for good or the characters becoming less supernatural. (i.e. Nandor becoming human for good or something.) I really hate shows where the characters become "normal" as a happy ending, so that's really my nightmare scenario. I'm not exaggerating when I say I think I'd literally rather the characters die than lose the spark that makes them interesting.

Honestly, I feel like that's probably a lot of what's made it hard for me to move forward with writing fic for wwdits after the s5 finale. It felt not only OOC for Guillermo but just... such a boring direction to take it. I feel like there were so many ways they could have made non-vampire Guillermo interesting and IC and they just. did not do that. Instead they ignored a lot of previous canon in order to cancel out an entire season while also trying to make us believe that Guillermo choosing humanity is a happy and fulfilling ending for anyone.

And when you look at characters like Laszlo... like they keep giving him plot lines that go absolutely nowhere. The poignancy of his adventures in fatherhood and his depression over losing his child were basically nowhere to be seen in s5. (I kept expecting them to tie it back to his loss over Baby Colin, like he was making Guillermo his new project because he wasn't coping well with losing his son, but they never really went there.) And then they have him doing all of these experiments in s5 that don't really amount to anything other than making it canon that he can't even remember what happened in s1.

(Or... the writers can't, at least...)

I don't know. When none of the plot lines they write are given weight, it's hard for me to give them weight. If none of the characters' choices matter because they'll just be reset anyway, why do I care about their choices? If entire plot lines are just going to go absolutely nowhere (when they're given endings at all) why should I get invested in them?

They set up a lot of interesting themes about found family, the supernatural world as a haven for those who are queer or otherwise socially othered, etc. and then had Guillermo outright choose the human world and his human family over the found family they'd been setting up for five seasons. Having Guillermo be okay with killing vampires but not humans (which... again, makes no sense with his behavior towards humans in the past, but I digress) basically explicitly tells us that he sees vampire life as lesser than human life and like ????? then how are we supposed to interpret the relationships and themes you've spent all this time building???

When you have Guillermo coming out as being gay and also wanting to be a vampire in the same breath and then have him reject that world, when you give these interviews talking about how making Guillermo and Nandor have [gay] sex would lessen their relationship... I don't know! It almost feels like they can't even keep track of their own themes and really do not care if they shit on the audience that's loyally followed them even through some really questionable writing decisions!

I guess at this point, I only worry that they really do see becoming human and leaving the supernatural world as being a happy ending for all these characters. Are they going to make the other vampires human, too? Are they going to have Guillermo leave for good and choose the human world?

Like it's literally my nightmare scenario. lmao.

I guess I just feel like I've been cutting wwdits a lot of slack because I assumed that the writers were going somewhere really interesting with these seemingly incomprehensible choices, but now that I've realized that they're really just... not great writing choices...

It'll be easier to let go, I guess. I don't have nearly the same emotional connection to this show that I did even six months ago, much less a year and a half ago. If you told me even a year ago that my reaction to my favorite show's cancellation would be "...oh..." I wouldn't have believed you. But. I guess here we are.

I keep trying to make myself feel the same love for this show that I did during the first three, three and a half seasons, and I'm just not sure I can do it. I've been going around in circles over this for months now, but I just feel kind of hollow when I reach for the joy that this show used to inspire in me. And now that I know it's ending soon, I guess my mind is just kind of going "well, I guess it'll all be over with soon, one way or another, and I'll finally be able to choose a way to feel about it all."

I think... honestly, I think the only way I can be happy writing fic going forward is if I write fic that actively ignores a lot of the canon developments. It's literally too fucking difficult to eke out coherent characterization from what they've been putting out lately, and maybe it would feel more fun and less like homework if I just stopped trying.

I really, really hope that the last season of this show is beautiful and gorgeous and funny and makes me remember exactly what I love about it just in time to mourn it forever. I hope that I will happily be able to write fics incorporating every ounce of canon and feel fulfilled by that. But... honestly speaking, at this point I'm just hoping that the last season doesn't actively piss me off. lmao

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[vampire-research-center]

True Vampires: Biological Processes Part 2

Hibernation

Unlike with heats, true vampires and higher vampires experience periods of hibernation– a deep state of extended torpor where they can’t usually be awoken through outside means, leaving them vulnerable to potential attacks if not in a secure location.

These periods mainly exist as a method to conserve energy when sources of blood become scarce by the absence of humans when they begin to spend more time indoors and away from where vampires prefer to hunt.

NOTE: Dormancy and hibernation are completely separate from each other. Dormancy is caused by starvation, hibernation is caused by seasonal change.

Physical Effects

The main signs of a hibernation period starting is weight gain. A vampire will begin to put on weight by consuming more blood than usual to pad out fat stores to keep a vampire "fed" while they rest.

Another sign is increased drowsiness and a lack of coherence, likely losing the ability to speak in anything but grunts or slurred words.

The last sign is that their coats grow more dense as an undercoat grows. Often, their body temperature drops while their metabolism begins to slow, meaning that if you have a chunky vampire on your hands– they are either preparing to pass out for three months, or you are overfeeding them.

The main hallmark of a hibernating vampire is being nearly unable to wake-- and if an individual does manage to wake a vampire in this state, said vampire is completely unaware of their surroundings and often dazed or confused.

Behavior

With vampires, they have a period of "pre-hibernation" where they begin to gorge on an excess of blood and begin to prepare a nest in what is deemed to be a secure area by the vampire, made with material that traps more heat– such as, heavy quilts, animal pelts, loose fur, thick clothes, ect.

After the period of nesting in the late fall, they become noticeably more lethargic and often begin to seek sources of heat like fire, humans they trust, or other colony members. They perpetually begin to keep their fur puffed in an attempt to keep warm with their body temperature dropping.

When the time finally comes, they make their way to the prepared nest and burrow under the pile of nesting material and burrito themselves in layers to conserve heat, before wrapping up in their own wings and tucking their tails in to prevent damage from the cold. These nesting sites are usually confined to bed chambers, caves/crypts if left without a home den, or confined rooms in some sort of dungeon underground

In the spring, the vampire slowly begins to come out of torpor and will often be drowsy for about a week after they finally wake. This is due to the fact that they have to wait for their body temperature to rise back to a normal level and allow their body to metabolize the stored fat for energy.

<- True Vampires: Heat Cycles True Vampires: Dormancy ->

[uswnt5]

Okay, so I have been sitting on this for a while now, thinking on whether or not I should share this. I've been working in woso for a few years now, specifically women's academy football and I want to add something to this horrifying cycle of abuse we keep seeing in sports. I see a lot of people wondering "how the fuck does this keep happening" and "where the fuck do they keep finding such horrid people" and I want to provide an inside perspective.

When I started working in woso, I was given the chance to work for the first team or for their academy team. I was young and thought I could change the world so I chose the academy team. At that point we still only had one academy team, a U18 team that played in the second division of women's football. I was an idealist and wanted to do more than just work in football, I wanted to innovate and improve football, and I thought a young academy team would give me more opportunities to do so.

I worked with young girls from ages 15 to 18. And I thought I was amazing at it. I would have done anything for that first generation of kids that came up through me. One of them made her debut for the national team recently, and I was crying in the stadium the whole 16 minutes of playtime she got. I love those girls with all my heart, I really do.

But, I also learned very quickly how easy it is to lose yourself, and the person you think you are.

We discuss their bodies daily. We monitor their sleep, their mood, their periods, their fatigue, their weight, every little bit of exercise they do… I know their bodies better than I know my own sometimes. And with that familiarity comes a blurring of boundaries that I never expected myself to be capable of.

At the beginning of last season, one of our girls tore her ACL. It sucks, but it happens (her recovery went absolutely perfect and she's going to back in games sooner than anyone could have hoped). This girl is a 'high potential', tall, strong, really good with her left foot, and only 16 years old at that point. When I say tall and strong, her dad is build like freaking Hagrid and she definitely takes after him.

When the results of the scan came back, confirming the ACL tear, we had a meeting with the whole staff on how we were going to support her through this. Everyone signed the 'get well soon' card, and then we started on making the post-surgery plan. And at some point our PT said: we're really going to have to watch her, because she is going to get fat. With that bodytype, she is going to gain weight, she is not going to stay fit at all. She needs to be put on a diet, right now. Everyone around the table agreed. And we started to discuss how we could prevent her from getting fat while still keeping her knee safe. We were talking about a very injured little girl, and we were discussing her weight, using brutal and harmful language, as if we were discussing the weather.

Because that is part of professional sports, but the habit of talking about bodies, normalizes it. It becomes a casual conversation, and even with the best intentions, that casual conversation turns very cold very quickly. As if there was no human attached to that body. And from cold, it's only a short step before you become cruel.

When someone's body becomes a series of statistics, a product almost, you start to forget how to appropriately handle it. You forget that you shouldn't have ownership of what happens to that body, you forget that it is not normal.

I hope I never turn abusive, I hope someone steps in before it can even come close to abuse. And I too despise the people who abuse their athletes. But I know how easily you can lose yourself, even when your heart is in the right place.

And that is even without taking into account the stress that comes with having to perform at the highest level, how exhausted we all become the longer the season goes on, how worried we constantly need to be that one bad game is going to end our career at a club. I see my staff more than I see anyone in my family. We're starting pre-season in a week and yesterday I worked until 2AM. We haven't even started yet.

It's just a very difficult environment to work in and that frustration and stress does get taken out on the athletes too. And the exhaustion makes you say things that you know you can't say. It's so toxic, even good people just get lost in it.

I am not condoning what is happening now, I was capable of taking a step back and realizing that my words were not okay, that my actions were deeply flawed. If I can do that, everyone can. But the institution is broken, and that can only lead to broken people.

Wow, thanks for sharing. I can see how easily to can be to lose the human element of it when discussing a player as a "tool" used to better your "company" (team).

The institution is definiltey broken, you see it across all sports at every level.

[100ducksizedfolignos]

FANTASY HOCKEY FOR TUMBLRINAS: A GUIDE

been curious about fantasy but have no idea how it works? and whatever guides google deigns to give you are not helping? do you live in canada or minnesota and have your coworkers managed to press-gang you into their fantasy hockey league and you don’t want to embarrass yourself? welcome! i have one whole season of fantasy hockey experience and managed to get second place in my league so i’m probably qualified to take you through this. strap in and hopefully this isn’t incoherent because i have extremely limited visual aids available!

PART 1: HOW IT WORKS

first, the two major fantasy sites are going to be yahoo fantasy and espn fantasy. which you use is probably determined by which one your league commissioner (person who made your league) likes better. disclaimer: basically all of my experience is with yahoo fantasy.

so before we get to talking about the draft - the first thing you do in your fantasy sports journey - let’s talk about what you’re drafting your favorite little hockey men for.

the goal of fantasy hockey is to win either head-to-head matchups or your group as a whole (depending on the settings of your league, to my knowledge head-to-head is more common) in individual stat categories that fall into two groups - skater stats and goalie stats. for instance, if all your skaters got more goals over the course of a week than your opponent’s skaters, you would win the point in that category. if your opponent’s goalies had a better average save percentage than your goalies, they would get the point in that category.

all stats are cumulative across your entire roster, for the record. even save percentage and goals allowed average for goalies, which are averaged out, use every goaltender appearance.

if your win-loss record is good enough (for some leagues, each category separately counts towards your record - for example if your league has 11 categories and you win 6, lose 4, and draw 1, your record is 6-4-1, not 1-0 - and for other leagues, each stat adds to a cumulative point total in different weights, i.e. goals worth 1, assists worth .5, etc., and whoever's total is higher wins), towards the end of the season you make your league’s playoffs, where you duke it out for the title.

there are two commonly-used sets of skater stats, which have become the ways people define fantasy hockey leagues as a whole: points leagues and “bangers” leagues.

points leagues use, as you can imagine, different points categories for skaters. the most common set of these is goals, assists, and power play points. potentially plus or minus shorthanded points depending on your league. bangers leagues, on the other hand, usually use those three stats plus shots on goal, hits, and blocked shots. this makes player selection more multifaceted and interesting and shifts the balance of who has more value in a given league. brady tkachuk is maybe the exemplar of a player who gains a ton of value in bangers leagues due to him having good points totals while also putting up a lot of value in those banger stats. i had esa lindell in my team last season, who put up a whole 24 points, none of them on the power play, but was still valuable to me because he had a lot of hits and blocked shots and helped me win those categories on a pretty regular basis.

you may be looking furiously on normal websites to figure out a player’s banger stats. you will not find them. ask me how i know this. your most reliable source of player stats is going to be the fantasy websites themselves, and you can look through player databases without having a team. yahoo, at least, even lets you do mock drafts, if you want to get cozy with the ui and the experience before you do it for realsies.

(a sample of what a fantasy stats page might look like. this particular one is displaying player stats from last season. if unfamiliar with stat abbreviations, in order, they are: games played, goals, assists, power play points, shorthanded points, shots on goal, hits, blocked shots.)

(same as above, but for goalies. stats in order: games started, wins, goals allowed, saves, shutouts, overtime losses.)

goalie stats are usually wins, goals allowed average, saves, and shutouts. plus or minus save percentage or overtime losses, depending on your site and settings. these are all pretty straightforward, with the small wrinkle of “do you take a better goalie on a worse team knowing he’ll win less but have better other stats” vs “do you take a more average goalie on a better team knowing he’ll be better supported by his system which might help his stats and definitely get him more wins”.

PART 2: THE DRAFT

now that you know what you’re looking for, let’s talk about the draft.

most fantasy drafts are “snake drafts”, meaning the pick order flips every round, in interest of fairness. while most pro sports drafts are the same order every round (1→16, 1→16, 1→16, etc.), they have history to fall back on. poor teams need better players to build around, while better teams already have those players. but in the average fantasy league, everyone is starting from zero. so the order goes 1→16, 16→1, 1→16, etc. for as many rounds as your draft goes. the person who picked last in the first round gets to pick first in the second round, and so on.

what you’re looking for here is highly dependent on your team settings. does your league just distinguish forwards from defense from goalies? or does forward position matter? (if it does, know a player is not locked into a spot once you use him there - he can play any of his listed positions at any given time, whether or not he actually plays that spot in the lineup. for instance, joe pavelski is listed as both a center and right wing - despite the fact he rarely plays center, you can deploy him there on any given night. or you could deploy him at right wing, if that’s where your opening is.)

i’m going to take you through this with the settings used by my last league.

in my league, you had 16 guys on your roster. 2C, 2LW, 2RW, 4D, 2G, and 4 guys on the bench (who, if they played that day, their stats would not be added to any of your totals, although this was rarely an issue). so on my team, i usually had 8 forwards, with at least 3 people able to play each position, 5 defensemen, and 3 goalies. your league might have a bigger roster, it might not have a bench, it might not care about where forwards play as long as they’re forwards, and this all influences the spread of who you draft and when. if your league calls for - in the case of espn’s default league settings - 9 forwards, 5 defensemen, 1 utility player (put another way, any skater), 2 goalies, and 5 guys on the bench, well, you probably take 12 or 13 forwards, 7 or 8 defensemen, and 3 goalies, and it’s on you how you prioritize the order of that.

really, the important parts of the draft are the first few rounds, when you pick the really high-end guys. later-round players are easier to swap out for each other - which you can do! any guy not drafted is considered a free agent, and if you draft a guy who’s underperforming, you can swap him out for an undrafted guy who’s doing better. so don’t sweat the later rounds too much beyond what roles you need to fill. you can let your fantasy site’s ranking board help you out there.

lightning round q&a:

when do you pick a goalie? generally people go the same way nhl teams do in the entry draft - probably not in the first round unless he’s a really sure thing to an extent that he’s more valuable than whatever top skaters are still there.

can you run with just 2 goalies? if you are extremely confident that your 2 goalies combined can match the output of other teams going with 3 goalies. if you have a vasilevskiy or a sorokin or the type of goalie who is a clear starter and plays at a high level for those starts and your other goalie is giving good starts, then yeah maybe you can run with 2. i did for a bit. take the third goalie though, it’ll make your life so much less stressful, especially if your league has a minimum amount of goalie appearances requirement (mine did - your goalies had to make 3 appearances a week for their stats to count at all).

when do banger stats become more valuable than points? i wish i had a clear answer for that. you just gotta feel it out, man. broadly, when a player’s point total starts to get into average territory, then probably start really looking for those banger stats to maximize value. but if a guy has notable banger stats then maybe you take him before point totals get average. no good answer to this one, sorry

is there any reason for mcdavid not to be 1oa, even in bangers? no, and anyone who tries otherwise is being contrarian for the sake of it. if you luck out getting 1oa just take mcdavid. come on.

if you pick last in the first round, are you boned? well i picked last and got second place, so no you are not :)

when do you make a “reach” pick? as you’re drafting, you’ll have a list of players ranked by the site in front of you. use that to help but not as a bible. you reach when you think someone will take a player before you get to pick again, and the difference between that player and the next player on your list is worth the risk.

idk if people have more questions i can make another post or something. maybe you don’t have any of these questions. i hope it was useful anyways

PART 3: FANTASYING

here’s the meat-and-potatoes nitty-gritty of it all. here’s a very retro view of what your team hub might look like - note the ui absolutely does not look like this anymore:

you can actually see on here what i was talking about earlier with that “guys who play multiple positions can be used in either/any” thing. malkin is listed as both a center and a right wing, and is deployed as a center here, but if, say, this person wanted to bring in derek roy but still use malkin, he could put roy in malkin’s center spot and move malkin to bump selanne or jagr to the bench.

good news! i did manage to find someone’s screenshot with something similar to current app ui:

player stats for the week would be under where it says no game, but you can actually see the ir+ spot in use and what the general layout looks like. actually, speaking of ir-

let’s talk about ir real quick. and this bit is all based on yahoo fantasy, so if espn does this different, i’m sorry and you’re on your own

so! if your team has a dedicated ir+ spot, you can put any guy who is officially listed as out (O, as keller is above), injured reserve (IR), or long-term injured reserve (LTIR) there, and he will not count against your roster total. you have a limited amount of these spots, so probably don’t get landeskog, confirmed to be missing the whole season, and stick him on there, although you can and it won’t affect your main team at all. it would only be a problem if with him you have more injured guys than there are ir+ spots. with this, you could even draft a guy starting the season injured, like a brandon montour, stick him on an ir+ spot, and get a fill-in guy out of free agency afterwards (since you’ll only be drafting enough players to field a team without any injuries), if you think that when he’s healthy, he’ll boost your team enough to be worth missing out on a player of the caliber of where you drafted him. so if a player on your team gets injured and you have ir+ spots, use them! pull a guy out of free agency to take the injured player’s spot and go about your merry business knowing you can still field a full team.

anyways - as before, only the players off the bench (in the white spaces on this ui) count towards your totals. so, and i cannot stress this enough, MAKE SURE YOUR PLAYING PLAYERS ARE ACTUALLY PLAYING AND ADDING TO YOUR STAT TOTALS. much heartbreak has been had by people who have forgotten to do this. yahoo has a fun little button that will automatically do this for you, but only for the week, so keep up with that, too. (for purposes of fantasy, weeks start on mondays btw.) it might also not always start the people you want starting if there’s more guys playing that night than there are spots on your starting roster, so watch for that, too. like if you have 4 defense spots and you have 5 defensemen playing that night, decide which one’s stats you’re most okay with missing out on. players only lock in once their game time comes around, so you do usually have the entire day to decide. you might be influenced by where your matchups are standing - if you’re definitely losing your assists matchup, but your hits matchup is close, you might sit your points-producing defenseman in favor of your big hitter. stuff like that.

and that’s actually pretty much it! even playoffs work the same way. once you’ve got your team, the day-to-day of fantasy is pretty simple. make sure your players are playing, adjust your team with free agents if necessary, conveniently ignore trade requests if they suck (as far as i can tell trading is more prolific in irl fantasy groups where people know each other better, we had like no trades in my online league of strangers last season), root on some guys you’ve never heard of before because you need them, and have fun!

[kitkatopinions]

Watched the second ep. I don't have pics this time but I'm gonna do my best to make a good post anyway. RWBY volume 9 spoilers and criticism below the keep reading. Also this is a long one!

Praise

The use of 'business person.' About ten years of gender-specific stuff like 'Huntsman Academies' instead of 'Hunter Academies' aside, it's nice to hear some gender neutral terms.

On its own, removed from the comedy and bad tone of the volume and the moment two seconds before it, I really enjoyed Weiss reflecting on the weight of what happened, the loss of her home, the fact that their plan could've been (and kind of was) a disaster that put people at risk, the possibility of losing the Relics, acting like they made mistakes... I also really like Ruby's response to it, her "you did the best you could to save Atlas" was said in this weak kind of stiff way like Ruby knows that's a meaningless comfort that doesn't help. And then when Weiss talks about Penny, Ruby just turns away and keeps walking? That's good. This on its own felt like a really good moment.

Also, I like the choice of framing in the conversation, specifically Weiss gripping her sword. Yesss those trauma responses motherfucker, yeeeeah! That's what we wanna see!

I really love the concept of the weather in wonderland clearly connecting to emotions (and so far, more Ruby's emotions than anything else.) I kind of even like how it changes on a dime.

The soldier waving to the little kid? Kind of cute!

Ruby's "Look, we may not know exactly what's going on. But for whatever reason, this place is putting us on a similar path as a book we all read as kids. I say we follow it... And stop pretending we know what we're doing." First off, this is what I mean when I say the voice acting for Ruby has much improved. The delivery is great, the emotions are great, the twinge of bitterness despite her seeming to be trying at the start to give one of her usual speechesTM leading to her ending with her dark statement of them not knowing what they're doing, it's great. Second off, she's her uncle's niece, that's for sure, I love this new angle for her actually. Third off, please please please don't have this written off by the end of the season with an "actually there's nothing we could've done differently, nothing that needs to change, Ruby is back to normal." I have a lot of complaints about this episode already typed up (because I'm writing both criticism and praise as I watch) but this is a good direction for Ruby and I'm liking this growth for her actually surprisingly a lot. Everything else, I do not like, but Ruby is so far my absolute favorite part of this season, which is as it should be. And I want these changes to mean something in the long run even if she - as she should - regains some confidence and optimism near the end. I want her to come out of this more cautious, more mature, a bit more cynical, a bit open to council and other solutions and working on her own shortcomings and accepting some nuance. This is good groundwork, I'm really hoping the writers can take this thing the whole way through.

Guys, I feel kind of bad, I really expected to have more praise... But by and large... I didn't like this episode. Let's talk about why.

Criticism

First off, gonna say right away. Yang being like "are we just gonna sit here thinking about that in silence, or...?" What a weird way to start an episode. That's a 'back from a commercial break' line you'd find in Phineas and Ferb.

The way that the 'anime-animation' has gone up by a hundred in this volume is bad, the show has been written so that it's mostly normal with maybe two or three anime-animation gags a season for ages, and they always feel out of place because of how little they're used, and now they kicked it up to eleven jam-packing as many into their show as possible, and it's annoying! The "reason" may be because the writers wanted this volume to feel different than RWBY. If that's the case then congrats the show RWBY doesn't feel like RWBY at all even in vibes right now.

Weiss: "And Yang got her arm stolen by a- by a- what was it, that you said?" Boy howdy. Let's just gloss over Yang actually telling them what happened, so we can by pass their reactions and act like it's all just old hat and stupid and tiring. It's not like the audience needs to be engaged. It's not like this is meant to be the first time the audience is hearing about this.

Weiss (paraphrased): "Just because this place is weird doesn't mean we're actually inside a fairy tale." Me: "Good, someone is going to point out that the sentencing is really weird considering that it doesn't make sense for them to think they just blue-skadoo'd into the pages of a fairy tale and they're going to take this moment - the most logical moment - to talk about how it's more likely that this world must've been traversed by someone who returned to Remnant and based a fairy tale they've read off of it (which is VERY Journey to the Center of the Earth starring Josh Hutcherson and Brendan Fraser by the way) and therefore whether this is an after-life or another dimension or something else that they logically ought to consider, they can get back." Yang: "Also this thing that may be reflective of something that might have happened in a fairy tale happened to me." Weiss: "Actually yes we're probably 'in a fairy tale.'"

Ruby, the girl who explicitly loved FAIRY TALES SPECIFICALLY: "Some of this is sort of familiar." Blake, the girl who may like fairy tales alongside the other books she reads (once joked at majority being trashy romance novels in the show, and repeatedly in Chibi): "I recognize this at once!" Weiss, the girl who grew up in a strict home where she's never once mentioned ever liking even any form of entertainment as far as I can remember: "That's just something we all read as kids." Gee whiz, I wish this was actually... Something better. XD

"Alyx" fought a "Jabberwalker" and beat the "Red King" and met the "Curious Cat." Listen, this is all... Very boring. I know I haven't actually encountered some of these things yet, but despite feeling like them doing things like making Pinnochio become a real person was lazy, RWBY has never been this lazy before. At least when they literally uncreatively named a character Sun Wukong, he wasn't just an immortal godlike character you meet in a rushed journey to the west pocket of an adventure where everything is Journey to the West themed and the characters in RWBY were like "this is the world of Travel to the Western Location, it's a book that exists that we're going to have to go through." Not only am I bored, I'm very annoyed.

Little: "I'll lead the way! Right to-" *Cuts to Little sleeping* Immediately, I'm done as hecking heck with the pointlessness of this mouse so far. "They might have a point later" Well until then, they're annoying, and they could have a point right the frick now by acting as a guide, but instead all they're doing and seemingly their only purpose as of yet is as bad comedy in a season so far filled with more than enough bad comedy.

Blake: "Alyx didn't know the customs and ended up starting a war." Yang: "Well, she was kind of a bad person, right? She lied and cheated her way through most of the book." Weiss: "She was trying to survive. The morals of those old stories are so simplistic." Weiss...... Do you remember how you all fucking hated Ozpin for three seasons because he lied and were fine with him getting punched over it? Do you remember how you guys decided that 'saving what we can in a trolley problem' made someone evil? Do you remember when you pointed what was essentially a loaded gun at your underage civilian brother because he was in the way? Do you remember how you acted like Yang had slapped Ruby because she suggested that Ruby might have been wrong about something? Do you remember when Blake accused May of acting like Ironwood when she told you guys that you had to choose to do something to help people instead of sitting around and doing nothing and you were just like "yuh-huh." And that's not even getting into how this show has treated so much as cut-and-dry either you're good or you're evil for the past three seasons in the narrative, leaving no room for nuance in the conversation. Hopefully this season will address some of that, but it still leaves Weiss looking like a massive hypocrite for this line.

When Yang says what happened with the racoon, the animation used to tell that story is not it for me champs. Idk who decided that. Why couldn't they just mimic the art style of Yang's story about looking for Raven when she was a kid and Qrow helping her? What, is the 'tone' of that style of art too serious for their comedic stuff they've got going on?

Yang and Blake: *Almost touch hands.* Weiss: "About time." ABOUT TIME FOR WHAT, WEISS? THEY HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING! They've literally held hands at least twice now

And that Blake has also done with Ruby and Weiss

Yes, this time Yang and Blake are doing it with Energy that was non-existent for Blake and Ruby and Blake and Weiss, but they've been doing everything with ENERGY since volume six. This is nothing new, this is just another way of the show writers and Rooster Teeth going "see? See? They're actually something (probably) so just wait teehee" but first off, I don't like it and I wish they'd just progress Blake and Yang's relationship because they haven't done anything now that's different from the cake picture or the practicing their dancing. But second off, boy does Weiss look an oblivious chump. "About time." Where have you been???

And also, at the writers, just because you act like it's new and significant doesn't mean it is. What is this hesitation for?

Also! Weiss and Ruby: *Stop walking, start having a serious conversation.* Yang and Blake:

Bro, when I'm walking with my sister and she stops, I??? Stop walking??? So we can walk together??? When my sister stops walking to have a sad serious conversation about being sad and serious, I just??? Stop to talk to her?? It kind of makes Blake and Yang feel like they're so caught up in each other that they're just ignoring not only the dire situation they're in and the dire situation Remnant is in, but also the feelings and suffering of Ruby and Weiss. And it's just... Not what I want to see tbh? Like I want to see them acting like they care enough to at least notice what the other two are going through.

The amount of screentime that's already been spent on Little being just so silly and quirky is really wrecking my enjoyment. I wish they had left Little behind when they left the mice army. Actually, I wish Little (and also the mice army) had never existed at all.

"So which one is Yang's arm?" I feel like this is from a little kids show for five year olds. "Okay kids, the mean racoon has disguised what he stole as something else. Is it the green doll, the pink rabbit, or the yellow-and-black staff that looks kind of like Yang's arm that's made of metal? Do you guys remember what color Yang's arm is?" *Kids voice* "Yellow!" Hand of the Creator making Team RWBY look like idiots here tbh. Cringe. At least Yang went on to assume it's her arm - because that's what her heart told her - but yikes was that dumb.

Also though the racoon is massively bad and bigoted. Everything about this racoon is a negative stereotype associated with the Romani people and it's coming out in 2023, this is a really bad look especially from Bigoted "NO WE SWEAR WE'VE CHANGED" Bad Business Practices Inc.

The sword thing doesn't make sense to me tbh. Other people who say things better than me have talked about the lack of logic regarding the sword being here in the first place, but what I'm gonna talk about is the lack of emotions tied up in this item. By talking about Doctor Who. So, the writers of Doctor Who wanted the Eleventh Doctor to have something to remember his companion Amy Pond by after she left after a whopping two and a half seasons (more than achieved by even Rose Tyler in modern Who) for his remaining half a season left on the show, as an emotional gut-punch for the many fans who loved Amy and the other companion Rory who left at the same time. So they had the Eleventh Doctor wear Amy's glasses.

The problem with this is... Amy only ever wore glasses in her very last episode, so... There was no real emotional significance in them. They weren't iconic to Amy, they weren't something the viewer knew well, they were something transparently invented for an emotional moment that was completely unearned. This is a bit more than what happened with Penny's sword which I think probably were just invented to give Penny something to fight with now that she was no longer a robot. But it's still the case that I feel zero emotional connection to this thing I've seen in the last like two episodes of volume eight that only appeared right before Penny's death. It isn't like this moment

Especially now that Penny's been in five seasons with her regular weapons tied to her robotic body. That's what we're used to. This is one (of many) reasons why they should have left Penny as a robot. This is already a do-over - Penny died in a terrible fall of a kingdom more or less at the hands of Cinder and Ruby is left with her sword. It's almost like they realized that Penny's death mattered to the viewers and yet nothing significant was ever really done with Penny's death, Penny's sword, or Ruby's reactions and so they copy-pasted the events, tweaked 'em for the story they were in the middle of already, and then were like "OKAY TAKE TWO." But because of them changing Penny's robotic body out for a flesh one and therefore tossing aside the iconic design of her weapon we all know and love, I'm sitting here going "Oh look, green glass that the writers want me to associate with Penny."

Although I do think that the voice actress for Ruby has improved this season, someone please tell them that their whimpering doesn't sound good or convincing.

Also that whole 'get our stuff' section lasted about five minutes. "We're gonna have to get our stuff back." "Oh no we don't know what our stuff is?" "Let's use our feelings to figure out what our stuff is." "Omg, we can't pay the cost of that." "The stuff is revealed as our stuff." "We're gonna have to fight for it!" "I'm so sad about Penny!" "Okay we got our stuff, let's get out of here!" I've said before that RWBY struggles to let people sit with the weight of any emotions which makes things seem really shallow, but this is ridiculous. I feel nothing about Yang not being willing to give up what it feels like to be loved as the price of her arm, because... If I had been grabbing my Red Bull for the two seconds that had happened, I would've missed that, nobody reacted to it, and it was just gone. All of that legit could've been a whole upset with emotional beats where the girls grapple with concepts of having to give up things or not having enough hope to fill up a jar, but instead it's five minutes of rushed comedy-centric nothing that started and then just kind of stopped while I'm just like feeling nothing.

Blake's "I've read so many stories, I... Never thought I'd be the moral of one" Is clearly played straight? As in, it's clearly played as serious and not just for laughs, as 'emotional' music starts playing. But what part of the last scene outside of Ruby's whimper and holding the sword was I meant to take seriously? The whole thing was played up for comedy and Blake didn't seem to be taking it that seriously either - and five minutes prior had been joking and teasing and laughing with Yang in the most carefree manner. I'm sorry if I can't take her crisis seriously now, but I really can't. I actually got confused because I was like 'ah somebody messed up and started playing serious music? Oh wait no, it's gonna cut out for a joke. No? They're being serious?" Bleh

Weiss: "We are not IN A BOOK." Me: "Good, someone is going to point out that it doesn't make sense for them to think they just blue-skadoo'd into the pages of a fairy tale and they're going to take this moment - the most logical moment - to talk about how the author or Alyx or whoever probably just wrote about someone having an adventure in this place that could be an afterlife or another dimension or something else that they logically ought to consider, and their own adventure shouldn't be the same as there's because this is a different time and it's not the foregone conclusion to think the exact same things that happened to her would happen to them (some of this is reminiscent of Tim Buton's Alice in Wonderland btw) but that they can try to get out the same way she did." Weiss: "And even if we were, we know how it ends!" I guess at least they're doing the last part??

Weiss: *Hits herself with a rock so hard that she falls to the ground and doesn't get up for at least two seconds.* The other members of Team RWBY:

Can this show try to convince me these characters care about each other outside of Big MomentsTM, at least a little? Nobody tries to help calm Weiss down? Nobody asks her if she's okay? Nobody tries to help her up? Nobody even reacts? Ruby doesn't even look up? "It's a comedic moment!" Well, first off, not three seconds before it happened or two seconds after it happened, it isn't. And second off, so? Even in a comedic moment, it'd make sense to have someone say "are you okay?"

Also the toy looking guards remind me of Orbot and Cubot from Sonic the Hedgehog... That's not a compliment, they're super annoying.

Okay... Ruby's speech about Penny is not nearly as emotional as everyone made it out to be. I've seen so many people be like "This episode had me crying so hard over Ruby's eulogy to Penny" And then I get to the ep, and she says kind of really impersonal stuff? I mean, maybe it would've seemed shallow if after Ruby's lack of happiness at Penny's actual resurrection she acted like she and Penny had been best friends, but still. "The most powerful warrior to ever live." Okay, I'll believe that Ruby believes that. "She was touched by magic." And so are at least five other characters Ruby knows including herself. "She gave her life for thousands." Sure, okay, but that's still not personal. "She took a message of hope to the stars." Well, that message may have caused mass hysteria that could theoretically bring down every civilization in Remnant, but yep, Ruby sure thought that was an important act that should be done. "And she saw the world through better eyes." See, this is the only one that seems kind of emotional or something specifically connected to Penny, but it still sounds like something people would say about a long dead astronaut they never knew at some kind of gala. Look, I'm ribbing on this, but I actually think this makes sense - Ruby is pushing down her emotions, and she didn't have the connection with Penny she used to after her first death based on her reactions to Penny being alive (it's more like she really wanted to have the connection she used to,) and she's suffering with the concept that all she (and tbh Penny) had done in the most recent fall could've meant a lot of bad despite her (and Penny's) best intentions. It makes sense that her speech given while in the middle of squashing down her feelings is stiff and not very personal, but it's just really not what I imagined. And with RWBY's history, I'm not sure this is meant to be played as Ruby being stiff and impersonal, it might very well be meant to be a deeply emotional tribute to a beloved character that's meant to trigger waterworks in fans everywhere. And if so, it's just wildly disappointing tbh.

Also, the tone between comedy and serious was horribly done yet again, and also still not combat.

All in all, this episode...

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

CW/TW- Pet Death

So last night I asked for prayers for me and my parents because we'd had a really rough and emotionally trying day. I will now explain. This is, unfortunately, also a Kitten Update on my Bengal kittens, so if you've become emotionally invested in them and aren't up for reading this right now, look away and come back to it another time. Or just don't come back to it. Alright, disclaimer over, you've been warned.

Alright, I'm going to keep this as succinct as possible to try and limit how much I end up crying.

We took the six girl kittens to get spayed yesterday.

Tulip, the littlest kitten, Leeli's runt, had a heart condition we didn't know about. It's all but invisible, there are barely any signs and there is no way to know it exists without special tests being done which we never even thought to do because we had never had an issue with it before and we have had Bengal cats for a long time.

They put Tulip under anesthesia and during the procedure her heart just... stopped. They did everything they could to revive her, they gave her CPR, they gave her epinephrine, but it didn't work. She died.

The vet said she likely had a heart condition where the heart walls thicken and it takes more and more effort then for the heart to beat. My mom looked it up and usually by the time symptoms are visible the cat only has 3-6 months to live. There is no cure, all they can do is slow it down/improve symptoms.

I realized, and shared with my parents, that Tulip was already showing symptoms. She always tired out before the other kittens, she slept more than them, when she was littler she'd come and fall asleep on me because she knew I'd keep other kittens from pouncing on her. Two days ago I'd left Madia and Tulip in my room for maybe 10-15 minutes and they were waking up from a nap, so I assumed they'd be tearing around when I got back. They were curled up on my bed again and I thought that was odd, but...

But Tulip was little, she was the runt, there was no reason to question these things because they're not uncommon behavior for runts (being smaller they have less energy/stamina). And she was as fiesty as any Bengal kitten we'd ever had. A few days ago I saw her attack Farid, her brother, who is over a FULL POUND heavier than her, and start beating him up. She gained weight, she ate well, she acted like a normal kitten!

She was already showing symptoms at 4-6 weeks old, maybe earlier. 3-6 months to live (usually) after symptoms show up. Her heart stopped when she was 4 months old.

It was basically as if we'd had her put to sleep. She felt no pain, she didn't even know. She just fell asleep.

There was no happier kitten in existence than Tulip. That little baby would purr like a MOTOR if you were in the ROOM with her, not even if you were holding her, petting her or playing with her. She just purred ALL THE TIME. She was such a sweet little bug that you couldn't get mad at her. All she knew was happiness and love, and like my mom said, there aren't many cats or people that's true of. She had the happiest kittenhood, the happiest life that any cat could ever have. Her siblings knew that their baby sister needed extra TLC so they made sure to always snuggle around her, Madia went slower so her baby sister could keep up, they loved her, they loved her, they loved her.

Tulip was going to die soon, we just didn't know it. At least this way, God gave us some answers and reasons as to why. I told my mom yesterday that this was simply her span of days, and it was short but very bright.

I named her after a spring flower. Tulips have a short season and then they fade. Tulip's season was short but vibrant and full of life. And when I thought about it today, about if I would have rather had her just not be born alive so I didn't have to go through the grief of losing her after I'd known her...

I couldn't imagine a world where I hadn't experienced that baby's life. I'd do it all over again. Her span of days was short but bright and I was with her every day of her life. I was her forever. And I loved her and I loved her and I loved her.

This was not my fault, I did everything right, I have no regrets. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. She would never have lived long, but I gave her the best life any kitten could ever have.

Tulip is buried in my Hideout, in the Gnarled Forest, next to Dora. There is no higher honor I could give her than that.

All the others kittens came thought surgery fine and are recovering.

[thenixkat]

More Early Riser! Tallman au thoughts

I forgot about aestivation. So! Tallmen from really hot climates can also aestivate to avoid super hot months. Tallmen from hot climates that move to cold climates have some issues falling asleep to hibernate in the winter. Tallmen from cold climates that move to hot climates have some issues falling asleep to aestivate in summer/dry season equivalents.

Tallmen from hot climates still have genes for growing a winter coat, tho their undercoats tend to be thinner than those of their cold climate counterparts.

Tallmen from the Northern continent which has the harshest winters have extra thick winter coats. They also tend to put on weight faster and lose it slower than tallmen from other places.

-> Yes. Laios and Falin are extra thick and fluffy from late fall to late spring.

Tallmen that plan to work through the winter instead of hibernate will aestivate in summer to help ward off the negative mental effects. Tallmen who try to stay awake all year round experience many negative mental effects like hallucinations, disordered normal sleeping, and episodes of confusion.

Clothing and armor for tallmen made by tallmen are designed to grow and shrink with the wearer to an extent. With sections in them to specifically add or subtract extra material as needed. Non-tallmen would rather make things for certain sizes and squeeze more money out of a tallmen client.

Buildings and furniture in tallmen settlements are design for them being bigger in mind. If they're gonna get fat/fatter every year it is less of a hassle and less expensive to just make wider doorways and sturdy chairs and beds.

Tallmen have historically been known for cannibalism. Typically during the months when they hibernate/aestivate when other foods are scarce. Tallmen that wake up early during the period where they're supposed to still be hibernating tend to be quite hungry, more than a bit drowzy, and not picky at all about what they eat. Tallmen who stay up during these periods may also run out of supplies and resort to survival cannibalism. This does play into some of half-foot myths about trolls.

The use of certain drugs to reduce dreaming during hibernation/aestivation to reduce the rate of calorie consumption to increase the rate of survival from hibernating can lead to the creation of Nightwalkers. Effectively living zombies trapped in a half-dreaming state while their bodies wander and devour anything edible. With care and proper treatment people can recover from becoming nightwalkers.

Outside of backwater hick villages most tallman-dominated places have dormitorium, communal living spaces that tallmen hibernate in or live full time as an alternative to inns. The design varies across the world. Places dominated by dwarf/gnome cultural influences tend to be built underground. Places dominated by elf cultural influence tend to be built tower-style above ground. Magic is used for temperature control inside the dormitorium to keep them at the right temp for the hibernators to stay asleep comfortably.

---

Due to interbreeding with tallmen, half-foots also grow winter coats. They don't have the metabolism to hibernate or aestivate even if they put on weight. Their fluffy coat traps the heat that their high metabolism produces and keeps them nice and toasty when it's cold.

Their ears do grow fur on the inside/outside to reduce potential damage from freezing temps.

Half-foots lament that people take them even less seriously when they're floofy.

Half-foots are preferred as dormitorum custodians in places where tallmen and half-foots are found together. It's good steady work checking sleepers to make sure that no one's getting eaten by rats or covered in parasites or mold and redirecting early risers back to their rooms and back to sleep. It does incur the risk of being eaten by a hungry and disoriented tallman tho.

---

Due to interbreeding with tallmen, ogres also grow winter coats. Like half-foots, their metabolism doesn't support being able to hibernate/aestivate.

If it can be secured, being winter guardians over communal hibernation spaces is very good work for ogres.

---

Elf/Tallmen hybrids don't tend to hibernate. They also aren't good at growing a full winter coat and may only grow a thin coat of fur on their backs and the outer surfaces of their arms/legs.

They will gain a larger appetite in the late summer and fall similar to their fullblooded tallmen counterparts. However, due to elf beauty standards and a cultural aversion to having excess weight, half-elves will try to avoid getting fat if it can be helped.

---

A proper fur coat is something that comes to be associated with short-lived races and is used by bigots as a reason to say that short-lived people are more similar to demi-humans/not really human.

[takerfoxx]

Okay, okay, trying to catch up on some shit. So, let's put the whole High School DXD thing to bed, because analyzing and critiquing ecchi harem schlock that swings way above its weight class is weirdly fascinating to me!

So. Season 4.

Right, let's just address the elephant in the room. The new studio, and with it, the new art style.

...

Not really a fan.

Like, I know what happened, I know why there was a switch, I know they're trying to emulate the art style of the light novels more closely. I just liked the older style better, especially when it comes to the facial expressions. It used to be so vivid and detailed. Like, one look and you'd be able to tell immediately what a character is about and what they're feeling. Now, everyone just looks kinda stone.

I will say this though. Like the style switch in Pokemon, what we lose in detail we gain in fluidity. Those fight scenes were sick, especially when they dispensed with the artillery and went for hand to hand. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Okay, art style's different, don't really care for it, but I can adjust. How's the season itself?

Again, mostly a mixed bag, which I suppose comes with each season adapting two books each. You just tend to like one kind of story over the other, and here, I definitely preferred one arc over the other.

Like, the whole hunt for Kunou's mom was...fine, I guess. Kunou's cute and I don't object to her, though the cast is getting really crowded. And I did genuinely enjoy just watching the gang get to go on vacation and have fun together.

What I didn't like was who was behind it. I'm sorry, but so far, the Khaos Brigade just isn't working for me, mainly because they keep throwing all these new names at us. Like, okay, I know Cao Cao and the rest of the Hero faction go and become their own thing later, cool, but for now, it's another gaggle of stuff that we've seen before.

And I really didn't like how this was supposedly the challenge that caused Issei to fall into despair and almost give up. Like, really? Issei? After everything else he's vanquished? This is his darkest hour?

I totally buy him needing tits to activate his hidden strength and get back into the game, though. And, okay, I've complained in the past about big, climatic battles being derailed by some cool new character just dropping into the middle of things and solving the problem. But this time I'll let it slide, because we get the OG Monkey King himself, and he's kind of awesome.

The Boob Dragon thing is pretty funny for its ridiculousness, though really? This is considered wholesome children's entertainment in the demon realm? Okay.

Kinda bummed how similar the demon realm and its inhabitants are to normal humans. Like, evil it up! You're demons! Where's your demonic class?

Okay, so the first arc was kind of eh, but the second might very well be one of my favorites so far. For one, the rating games are one of my favorite aspects of the series so far, because I love tournaments and we get to see the other characters shine a little.

Also, Sairaorg, man. What a fucking chad. Dude gets born without powers, is disinherited by his asshole father, almost loses his mom to illness, but reforms himself into a massive physical powerhouse through sheer will and training alone. Plus, he respects the hell out of Issei in a "Game recognize Game" sort of way and wants punch it out with him. Respect.

The rating game was awesome. Yes, there was a bunch of new names again, but it worked better this time and they were able to shine through action. And I laughed my ass off when Issei foiled his opponent's attempt to seduce him because he was so offended at the violation of the proper way to do a strip tease. Man really takes his ecchi seriously.

Issei and Sairaorg just punching the shit out of each other was so goddamned anime. They keep getting more and more power ups, keep giving these heroic speeches, and you kind of want them both to win. In the end, Sairaorg still fighting on despite having passed out long ago through sheer determination alone? Magnificent.

Okay, I'm going to say it. I like Sairaorg as a rival way more than Vali.

Oh, sweet! Ravel's here! I like her. And she and Koneko are immediately petty toward one another, as it should be.

[sereina-archive]

incoming ask from - @profutured​

AIdrés had been watching them. Of course he had, he watched everyone who entered Area Zero. This pair, however, were not normal trespassers but rather bystanders who had seemingly been dragged in, the sudden force of an Iron Jugulis' Tailwind too great to be countered.

It was glad to see they were both still alive, at least. Such a fall could have gone much worse.

Roto-to-to-to! It's an incoming text!

              [ Señora Bellegrade, I do not believe it wise to move too much. Attempting to push yourself will only worsen your condition. ]

              [ If you or your partner can stand, I will direct you to safety.  ]

But with the Zero Lab door locked, asking her to explore for the four stations may be too much to demand...

              [ Do you have any other pokemon on you? They will make this task easier. ]

The fall into the crater was much, much worse than Serena had anticipated. She hadn’t meant to get so close, knowing that the area was strictly off-limits. All she remembered was something that looked like a Hydreigon, and a strong wind that pulled her and her Salamence in. Etamin was a seasoned flyer, but the downdraft in the crater after had been too strong.

She awoke in the grass, a metallic smell pervading all of her senses. Her hair was damp and sticky, and a searing pain exploded from her left arm. She... should not be alive, she realized. By all rights, she should have died in that fall. Her body was banged up, several deep cuts slashed through her uniform, now stained deep red. Blood leaked from the corner of her mouth, likely having bit the inside of her cheek in the plummet.

“Etamin,” she choked out from her spot on the ground, a spluttering cough shaking bruised ribs. The dragon was worse off than even she was, wings a mangled mess. Her hand reached out to touch his scaly skin, palm covered in blood as she pulled it back. Fuck.

Her head pounded as she forced herself to sit up, hissing in pain as she put weight on her bad arm. It definitely was broken, or fractured at the very least. Every movement heralded a cacophony of agony, her nerves screaming in protest. Serena wasn’t sure how they were going to get out of here, but Etamin needed some form of medical attention. He was still breathing, but very shallowly. She had to get up. There was no point in sitting here. She couldn’t let her inaction cause another pointless death of a teammate - a friend.

As she willed herself to stand, the buzz of her phone from her bag grabbed her attention. The screen was totally smashed, but she could still read the incoming barrage of texts... just barely. It was from an unknown number. Anxiety struck her heart for a moment, but it almost seemed as if they knew what had happened to her, and they knew her name...

[✉: ???] i can try

Typing out a response was more taxing than she could have imagined, especially being only able to use one hand to do it.

[✉: ???] i dont know if etamin can. he’s really hurt. i have other partner pokemon on hand

Serena pauses to cough, spitting a mouthful of blood into the grass. If only she had brought Merlin with... she wasn’t sure if he would have been able to teleport them out, though. She pauses a moment to look over at Etamin, feeling her chest constrict. Whoever this mystery person was texting her... she just hoped they could help somehow. If not her, than help Etamin at the very least.

[✉: ???] ill do whatever i need to if it means keeping him alive. i cant lose him

[1aug24]

For a few moments I thought my son had drowned in our pool, and he almost did, or maybe he didn't, but I can't stop thinking about it

I'd been thinking about July for the past few weeks, about how I'd rally on weight loss, how I'd enter August ready to run 100 miles, and how'd the prepare me for fall racing season and the rest of my life, help me on my way toward getting down to my ideal weight in a few years' time, before the age my dad was when he died.

And how I'd make it about more than just running and losing weight and my dad, how it'd be about writing and working, but also taking time to be present with my family.

The list of things was circling around my head toward the end of June, wasn't sure if I'd make it 7 things for July or 8 things to prepare for August. At the end of the work day on Friday the 28th, I started writing some ideas down.

I was upstairs in my home office, it was just after 5p. I had finished up with work for the week, and I had told everyone I'd order takeout at 5, but at around 4:30p my wife had texted a picture of my older son asleep on a chair outside, tired from a week at camp, I didn't hear any sounds of stirring downstairs, so I figured there wasn't a rush to order right at 5, I could spend a few minutes working on my ideas for July.

Mindy had brought the kids home just after 3p. They were at a Monday morning through Friday afternoon service camp at the church, where they do service projects during the day and stay at the church at night. This is a week they look forward to all year. Edwin and Lyla had done it for a few years, this this the first year Louie was old enough.

I went downstair to catch up with them a bit between 3 and 3:30. They had fun, of course. But they were tired, they notoriously stay up too late on the last night of camp, and Friday is more of a fun day than a service day.

After exchanging a few pleasantries and dropping his belongings all over the living room, Edwin put his bathing suit on and cooled off in the pool. Louie was slightly more forthcoming with a few camp stories but he quickly pivoted to the family room to lounge on the sectional and catch up on a 5 days worth of react video on YouTube he'd missed. Lyla hung out in the living room with Mindy and me and actually filled us in on some goings on. She's the only that reliably shares details.

A little before 4p I was ready to head back upstairs and finish up work. Edwin was already out of the pool and sitting in one of the comfy chairs outside. I opened the slider and told him I'd order Tokyo Tapas takeout at 5p and to get everyone's order for me while I finished up work, I'd be down in an hour. He agreed.

Didn't come downstairs until around 5:10 or 5:15p, because like I said, Mindy had sent me that pic of Edwin sleeping, I figured they wouldn't be ready. I entered the living room, Mindy sitting on the sofa, scrolling on her phone. Through the sliders, I see Edwin still asleep in the chair. I look past him to the pool, noticed Lyla floating a raft in the deep end. Looks like she's asleep. "Is Lyla asleep on that raft?", I ask Mindy. "Where's Louie?", I ask next.

Mindy gets off the couch, opens the slider, walks outside, makes a sudden move toward Lyla in the raft, sort of leaning her body forward deliberately. It initially seemed to me she was going to take a picture of Lyla asleep in the raft. I follow her.

But then I hear Mindy say, "oh my God," and run toward the shallow end of the pool. I turn that direction and see Louie floating face down by the steps. I run behind her toward him. I scream, "Louie!" at the top of my lungs. Not to get his attention, but rather more in the manner of a mom screaming a funeral because I think he is dead. In those few seconds, before Mindy gets to Louie, I think to myself, this is my life now, I only have two kids now, Louie is dead.

Mindy jumps into the pool with her clothes on. She pulls Louie above the surface of the water. He opens his eyes, breathing normally--not coughing up water or struggling to breathe--and says something along the lines of, "what?"

Edwin and Lyla wake up. "What's going on?" they both both inquire groggily. I tap Louie on the head, maybe I kiss his head, I don't remember, just that I do something to acknowledge his existence. Then I lie down on the pool deck nearby and focus on my breathing because it feels like I'm about to have a panic attack.

Edwin and Lyla keep asking what's going on. I keep not answering. Mindy keeps embracing Louie in the pool. Louie says he's sorry, so does Lyla. But I don't think either one of them knows what they are sorry for, they are just reacting to the looks on our faces. Mindy may have said a few stern words to the kids about being careful about swimming when tired, I'm don't remember exactly, I just remember focusing on breathing.

Mindy eventually gets out and dries off. Louie and Lyla too. I get up from the patio. Mindy heads inside and to the shower. I follow her and tell her I feel like I'm going to throw up. I sort of wander around the living room and bedroom aimlessly while she showers. Feeling compelled to return to normalcy, I ask the kids what they want from Tokyo Tapas. Mindy finishes the shower, I tell her I'm ordering food but she's not hungry. I order the food, drive myself to Publix for beer and dessert, then to Tokyo Tapas to pick up the takeout order. I'd missed a call from Mindy, she's hungry now, wants Diet Coke and Publix chicken, so I walk back over to Publix and get her food too.

Drive home and we have a normal enough dinner. Louie is normal. Eats some of the cookies I bought after his dinner. I think we talk about what happened, I am not sure. The kids keep acting normal but I don't feel normal.

Later that night we try to sleep but can't. I can't get this stuff out of my mind: the image of Louie face down in the pool, Mindy's "oh my God!", me momentarily thinking Louie was dead. Mindy wonders aloud about secondary drowning. I am happy for an excuse to do anything but lie here in the dark with my thoughts and go up to Louie's room to make sure he's still breathing. I see Edwin in the upstairs hallway when leaving Louie's room, what's going on he asks. Just checking on Louie, I say.

Mindy is still worried, the internet tells her secondary drowning and take 24 hours. I tell her she could do the same and check on him in his room. She's not interested in that. What about if I bring him to sleep in our bed? That sounds good to her. I go back up to his room and carry him downstairs so he can sleep in our bed next to Mindy. I sleep on the couch. Sort of. I fall asleep with YouTube on couch for a bit. Then I move to guest room and fall asleep to YouTube a bit. Maybe slept a couple hours total.

Next day, Mindy's slept horrible too. Louie sleeps great in our bed. He plays great in an indoor soccer tournament the next day. Life seemingly returns to normal, but the thing is, it never was not normal, it's just those few traumatics seconds for Mindy and me that weren't normal, everyone else is fine.

Mindy talks about it to others to make senses of it. I only tell my mom, I not sure what to talk about, nothing happened but except that something did happen. I do talk to Mindy about it, I try to make sense of it, ascribe some sort of meaning to it. And at least we both experienced it because if only one of us did, we'd probably thing the other was being melodramatic.

Every silent moment for me for the next few days is filled with that image and those thoughts. A few nights after it happened, I lay in bed unable to sleep, thinking that he had to have died, that is the only thing that makes sense, and that I'm probably haven't some sort of psychotic break to trick myself to thinking nothing happened, and I rack my brain for signs that I'm in a lucid dream. I gets better sort of over the next few days. I am not sure what to do next. Running helps, reading Dostoevsky helps, listening to 100 gecs helps. I don't think about it much when I do those 3 things. Mindy thinks I should talk to someone and she's probably right. But for now I just wait for the thoughts of the moment it looked like my son died to go away.