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xaytheloser · 3 days ago

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For Your Own Good.

Prowl X Cybertronian! Reader who was raised on Earth scenario! warnings: obsessive behavior, no specified continuity, Prowl is a delusional prick I suppose, possible ooc Prowl, implied death of a family member

Earth had been your home your entire life, from the moment your mom found you in a tiny safety pod that crashed into the backyard of her farm away from the large city she lived near. She had no idea what you were, but she knew that she couldn't leave you there, small and defenseless..

you were just like a normal human baby, but, well... metal?? you grew a lot bigger when you reached your teenage years, nonetheless, your mother took care of you. she feed you what she thought a baby of you,, unique qualities would consume, she washed you when you got dirty, and of course when you got older she taught you how to help around the farm.

there was only one rule.

stay at the farm.

mother was so worried about a scenario where you are discovered by another human. what would happen to you? would you be taken away and experimented on like those awful sci-fi movies? would you have to be on the run? she couldn't bear to think it. so she made the stern rule that you are to never leave the farm unless absolutely necessary.

...

then they came.

creatures that looked like you, made of metal, you saw them whilst watching t.v. with mom through the house window. you where so excited! finally! you found out what you were! where you came from! it was also the day that mother finally decided it was safe for you to explore outside the farm, meet the creatures that were like you, find out who and what you are. it was hard for her, but she knew that you would be alright... at least she hoped...

...

Prowl had very mixed feelings about you when you first meet him and his fellow autobots.

you were... odd. you were loud. you were annoyingly curious about everything... and worst of all, he strangely didn't seem to mind..?

something about you.. drew him in. you had no idea what you even where, and for some reason, you stuck to him the most. it was odd.. like a breath of strange fresh air..

the way you looked at him as he spoke about basic knowledge that every other regular cybertronian should know already, but you didn't.. the look of wonder and amazement you had on your face only drew him in more..

you were so strange.. yet so... endearing..?

of course he never said any of this to you out loud, but he found himself growing more attached to you, which he found ridiculous in his own regard..

you are a distraction. he would tell himself. someone who strays him from his intended purpose.

but on the other hand.. he didn't want you to leave him alone either..

he could be selfish just this once, no? indulge you in facts that every other cybertronian should know at this point.. in fact, it's not entirely selfish is it? no! he's helping you learn who you are. who you were meant to be..

It's for your own good... right? you should know where you truly come from.... in fact... he'll do you one better.. he can bring you there.

one day, he offers to bring you to cybertron, to actually be where you truly came from.. to taste actual energon for the first time.. he'll be your guide, teach you everything the is to know and more-

"no."

"...what do you mean 'no'..?"

"I mean, I don't want to go to Cybertron."

...what?

"what are you even saying? all these months of telling about Cybertron, of you constantly asking where you came from, I give you a chance to actually go there and you say 'no'-?"

"I appreciate everything you've taught me, all of it, really. but I have a home here. With my mom. I can't just leave her here. everything I know is here. on Earth."

oh yes. your "mother", Prowl had meet her a couple of times. to be honest, he never really cared for her to begin with. she was paranoid, always being so paranoid. always nagging.

... Maybe he should do something about that.

"..."

".. Prowl..? are you ok?"

".... I have to do something."

Prowl transformed into his alt mode, and he sped off.. you've never seen him in such a hurry before.. you were worried.. ....

........

you fell to your knees.. eyes wide in terror and disbelief..

the farm... your house... the only thing you've ever known since you've landed here on Earth..

It was all in flames.

"...It was the most efficient solution." Prowl muttered behind you. you turned your helm and looked at him, you opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out.. it was like you voice box was frozen.. "this place was in the way, it was distracting you. now, you can come ho-" "... wh... where's my mom..?" Prowl was silent, he looked away for a brief second, and then looked back to you.. you repeated your question, only louder, and angrier.

"WHERE IS SHE PROWL?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MOM!?"

"... that doesn't matter." was his only response. he placed his servo along you back, like he was trying to comfort you in a sick sense... "now you have nothing left to stay here for," he shoved you to the ground, holding your servos behind your back as he forced them into stasis cuffs. "now you can come back home. your real home. with me." his look softened, if only for a second..

"you may not understand it now, but I am doing what is best for you."

#Xay rambles #transformers #transformers idw #idw transformers #prowl #idw prowl #transformers prowl #transformers x reader #enjoy my slop <33 hope you like it<33 :3

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pinkseas · 2 days ago

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my dealer: got some straight gas, this strain is called "sovereign of elegance" you'll be zonked out of your gourd

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

15 minutes later

me: the previous sovereign of elegance, glorier, had fiery red hair and won her title while wearing a black gown. she vanished 15 years ago, her last known location in the wishing woods. the same time frame that the other missing stylists were kidnapped by the paladins and locked up underground in the wishing woods. in the diary pages of an unknown stylist, the writer refers to the wish master as nothing more than a "puppet" of the dark, and remarks that they've been cruelly experimented on, their body tortured. "even bathing in this moonlight is a rare luxury." the banshee is only ever out at night, under the moonlight, but nobody save for you has actually encountered her clearly. those who might recognize her as glorier haven't ever seen the banshee themselves. the banshee refers to those she enthralls as her puppets, and there are multiple places where her body looks cracked and damaged, more like a porcelain doll than human skin. that same diary remarks that the writer has a daughter waiting at home, and that "even in this dire situation, i will never submit. the unyielding elegance within my resolute and noble soul is my last ace." a torn note found in the room where the humans were imprisoned states that the strongest were tortured and perished or disappeared, expressing a want to go home, written in a very similar manner to the way the banshee herself speaks at the end of your duel with her. if you fail, the banshee tells you to become her puppet and suffer alongside her. an imperfect victory mentions that memories are not enough. a brilliant stylist is rumored to have opened a realm that no one else has entered before, and some say that the most exceptional stylists might even create their own personal realms. cantore's poem states that should one be a fool, their soul will fall into "that bewildering realm" to become another puppet, ensnared for all eternity. "the bitter end awaits with no return, leading you into the heart of the night's abyss, where even the stars fade away." underground, those imprisoned stylists couldn't even see the stars. the reason they were locked up was to attempt to recreate the power of the aureum vase for chigda, who had made a deal with The Dark for eternal life. from him the power of the mutated vines returned, but he was not their original source, nor did they vanish when he was defeated without need for giroda's sacred power. those mutated vines bear great resemblance to the vines, thorns, and roses surrounding the banshee within the visuals of cantore's poem. the banshee wants her puppets to suffer with her, implying that she herself is already suffering. is she, too, a puppet of the dark? back then, could creating a realm have allowed her to escape? did something go wrong? did she, like giovanni, attempt to make a deal with the paladins or chigda, only for it to backfire? did she attempt to defeat chigda herself, only to become corrupt by the vines? if she was captured and held in the wishing woods and hails from florawish, why is it that the banshee now haunts the breezy meadow and shimmer pond specifically? igrainne forbade nonoy from investigating more about her past. the banshee chants a bewildering melody, not dissimilar to that melody of the wishing one from nonoy's music box, the one left with her by her birth mother. how much does igrainne know? was she worried for nonoy solely because of the nature of glorier's disappearance, or is there more to it? could the direct power of the wishful aurosa be enough to save the banshee? how much of her past life does the banshee remember? what am i missing?

my friend nikki pacing: how do i tell nonoy i need to fuck her mom

#infinity nikki #infinity nikki spoilers #in spoilers #sovereign of elegance #sovereign of elegant #the banshee #sorry for being a freak in main tags none of the besties are caught up on the main quests yet so im losing my mind all alone </3 #alyalyoxenfree

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flightyalrighty · 3 days ago

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Hey you got an advices for a newbie who thinks about doing commissions? :>

And did you have any bad experiences? (You don't have to answer if it is too private)

I won't go into detail for any bad commission experiences, but I can at least tell you what I learned from em in the form of the advice you asked for:

PRICING! When figuring out pricing, ask yourself the following:

What is an hour of my work worth? This question helps you avoid underselling yourself aka selling under minimum wage. You're definitely worth more than that. $20 is a pretty good starting point for folks who aren't too confident in their own stuff.

How long does it take to complete an art piece? Create one sample of every type of commission you want to sell. Time yourself when you make them. Whatever amount of time it takes to create each piece multiplied by the hourly wage you've set for yourself is going to be your base price for each thing ($20 x 2 hours for a full body sketch = $40). You can also use the samples you've made to help advertise in your commission post and show your potential clients what it is they can expect from you!

How should I charge for add-ons? Once again, figure how long something takes, and shoot for something that seems both fair for you and the client. For extra characters or something like a background, for example, I charge an extra 50% of the base price.

PROBLEMATIC CLIENTS! Got a client that doesn't know what they actually want? Too wishy washy? Too nitpicky? There's a solution! Offer a limited amount of revisions. I offer two free ones, personally. Once the client is out of revisions, I charge them 20% for each additional revision, and I MAKE SURE THEY CAN SEE THAT ON THE FORM THEY FILL OUT. That way, clients are encouraged to get their WHOLE idea in order before going to you. No one wants to be charged extra for a mistake they made, after all -- And it's definitely their mistake if they leave out any details they later deem important and want you to fix.

THE AFOREMENTIONED FORM TO BE FILLED! I used Google Forms, personally. It makes your little business look a bit more professional AND it helps you keep track of multiple projects at once, while prompting the clients to give you the info you specifically need (like reference images). It's good!

BE PROFESSIONAL! You're more likely to get repeat customers if you maintain a professional customer service attitude while handling clients, and deliver your work as promptly as you can. Delivering work PROMPTLY is definitely something you need to imagine me circling and underlining. Please do your best to not take, like, a year? To complete a commission? It's a really bad look. Treat it like homework. Give yourself your own little due date to work with.

While we're on that! DEFINITELY send your clients WIPs while you work! Showing that you're making progress is a great way to get feedback from the client before it's too late to change anything, PLUS it keeps their mind at ease about the possibility of you potentially taking their money and running.

KEEP YOURSELF SAFE! Speaking of taking money and running, set up a system that works when it comes to charging clients and delivering the goods. I have been burned in the past and have learned from this. Some artists charge their clients upfront before delivering anything at all. Personally, I'm not a fan of this, because then it leaves the client open to feeling uneasy about possibly getting scammed. Obviously I'm not a scammer, but to lift the weight of that possibility on the minds of my clients, I charge half upfront and half upon completion. This way, I already have SOME money so the client isn't gonna "dine-and-dash" me, and the client, likewise, is holding the other half of the pay in a friendly self-imposed hostage situation. I do recommend this!

I also use Paypal to INVOICE my clients. This way, I have full control over the nature of what I'm charging and can avoid the client accidentally (or maliciously) sending a payment with something in there meant to get my Paypal account shut down. DO NOT WRITE JOKES ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE CHARGING YOUR CLIENT FOR. DO NOT GET YOURSELF IN TROUBLE FOR SOMETHING STUPID.

And this is all the advice I currently have on me! I hope it helps!

#asks #legendary-cucumberdragon #art advice #art business advice #?????#art commissions

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thanosscross · 2 days ago

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.....I don't think it's a surprise I'm here 😌, but my request. Could I request a top x reader where daesung spots a dancer at a dance competition, and invites them to choreograph their routines and dance with them on stage? But that's how top gets to know they bc they have a lot of parts together??

P.S will always be lurking and sprinting to the notifs from u love your works always 🫶🫶🫶♠️💫

Of course!! I actually love this concept so fucking much! <333 and p.s I appreciate you <3333

New feeling - Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P x reader

Summary: After winning a dance competition, a certain BigBang member scouts you to be their chorographer, leading you and Seung Hyun to experience new feelings for the both of you

Warnings: None :))

You weren’t the put yourself out there type, always keeping to yourself, doing what made you happy and just going with the flow. You had a somewhat big competition tonight, for some it was just money, but for you? You were trying to get your name out there without having to put yourself out there. Growing up you were always in and out of dance classes, being kicked out repeatedly as you’d never follow the taught choreography or you’d take it upon yourself to teach everybody in your class new choreography for competition. Once you turned eighteen though you stopped with competition groups and started to branch out on your own, instead always making it a point to work on your own dancing or teaching others, you couldn’t help it, with how your mind processed things you felt like nobody could execute the choreography properly with you whenever you did it.

You were actually having a lot of fun, passing each section of the dance competition with ease, you felt like you weren’t even doing practice, just dancing for fun at this point as you approached the top two. You walked off stage, taking a moment as the announcer spoke about the competition’s sponsors, etc, etc, you didn’t care, you were more concerned about the cold water you were downing like you hadn’t had a drink in months. Unknown to you Dae-Sung watched rather closely as you walked off the stage, trying to get any idea of how you were personality wise before coming to you with his offer, but as he watched you kneel down hugging your niece tightly before taking a picture he had his mind decided. He was going to ask you to help with BigBang’s choreography, after the last choreographer quit because of how many hours were required of them, they were desperate for a new one, YG sending each boy out to different competitions to try and spot somebody to help them.

Walking back onto the stage you fixed your jacket, waiting for the music to start smiling with glee as you heard one of your favorite songs, turn it up, it was a song you had heard as a teenager and immediately found a vibe with, it actually being the first song you ever choreographed a dance to, so you went back to your roots, following each move like you had just did it the other day. As the song ended you noticed the announcer holding his left hand in the air, your side, you had actually pulled off winning. Now the proud owner of a thousand dollars and a year free pass to a dance studio in town you walked off the stage, happily walking towards the doors to leave, stopping whenever you felt a hand brush against your shoulder. “Excuse me?..miss?” You heard as you turned around, smiling as you saw a young man not much older than you, his hair perfectly styled over his eyes “my name is Dae-Sung, I watched you throughout the competition, you were amazing!” He smiled offering his hand out to shake yours “thank you, Dae-Sung! My name is Y/n, do I know you from somewhere you look so familiar?” You asked tilting your head, you could’ve sworn you’ve seen his face and heard his name before “Oh! My apologies! I’m a somewhat famous k-pop star, anyways! We’ve been looking for a new choreographer for my group, and I was wondering if you’d want to stop by and check everything out? See if you’d be interested?” He offered, you smiled sweetly before nodding your head “okay..yea that sounds nice! Just, message me a time and place” you smiled softly handing him your number “I’m so sorry but I do have to leave, my sister and niece are outside waiting” you smiled softly before bowing slightly “it was nice to meet you” you added before you rushed outside smiling excitedly at your niece as you cheered something about free ice cream for life.

It would be two weeks of Dae-Sung telling his friends all about you and your work before they actually met you, YG wanting to make sure he approved before the boys ever met you. Whenever you walked into the giant dance studio you were in awe, who the fuck were these people? As you walked further in you took notice to the one man you recognized, before it all hit you, of course, Dae-Sung with a famous group in K-pop? How did you not realize? You tried to keep yourself calm as you shook everybody’s hands “Hi..everybody..I'm Y/n, I guess...I'm your new choreographer for a bit as a trial period, uhm...One thing about me is I take my job seriously, because it's not just a job, it's a passion I've had since I was a kid, so if you can't keep up with what I have, then you know where the boss's office is" You explained looking at the boys and back up dancers trying to show a stern serious front, but your nervousness showed through as you started showing the boys where their marks would be and how they needed to stand. Groaning loudly you marched over to Seung Hyun, eyeing him closely "Why won't you just do what I ask?" You asked almost like it was a challenge, everytime the beat would start Seung Hyun would do his own thing, minimizing your chorography to almost nothing.

The boys found it amusing the way Seung Hyun would purposely do things to frustrate you throughout your first few weeks of being their chorographer, either minimizing your hard work, or not paying attention, or making his own moves instead of doing what was planned. That was your guys' dynamic though, Seung Hyun was the only one who could get on your nerves without you kicking him out of the room for the night, you had a rule though, if he ever did get kicked out, just like everybody else you had a three strike rule, three kick outs and you went to management to have something done about it. Walking into the studio you sighed, you had choreographed half a tour so far and with each show that passed you were getting more and more upset, as you'd watch the show from your spot with the stage manager and lights operator, you couldn't help but notice the awkwardness between Seung Hyun and any dancer you paired him with, you understood and tried your best to work around his issue with touching people and vice versa, but there were some things you needed him to do, and it just wasn't working. So walking into the next rehearsal you eyes immediately found the two people your eyes were stuck on the previous night "Seung Hyun! Se-Yun! What was that last night? Everything you two did last night was wrong, Am I just here for no reason? Like if you're not going to do what I'm putting my time and hard work into showing you, why am I here?" You asked harshly, you weren't meaning to come off so harsh, but between management, your own struggles with it, and the fact it's happened three times now, you were growing really pissed off. The others watched you in shock, never had they watched you go off this badly "I-I can't! Either you go or I will" You stated turning your back as you sunk your hands in your hair hearing the door shut and footsteps, you turned around, noticing the back up dancer rushing out, and Seung Hyun making his way to the door "You better stop" You warned "You are not allowed to leave" You added on watching him move back his spot nervously "Sorry..Sorry everybody...I just, Like I told you, I am very passionate about my work, and like I said, if you guys can't or won't follow my choreography then I shouldn't be here trying to get you guys to" You explained, sitting down to hold your head in your hands for a moment in frustration trying to calm yourself down, not noticing the boys slowly approaching you "Y/n?.." You heard Seung Hyun's voice whispered, his hands resting gently on your shoulder, you weren't sure why he'd have an issue with the backup dancers that would come in, but never have an issue with touching you or you touching him, it was odd to you.

"I'm okay, just..go..wait on your marks, please" You whispered, Seung Hyun couldn't ignore the exhaustion in your voice, it had only been three weeks since you started but you and him had clicked, while you didn't speak too much to each other, The other members of the band couldn't deny that you both worked well together, constantly teasing the other, anytime you needed a show certain dance move you were always quick to pick Seung Hyun to use as a partner. Standing up you sighed before your phone buzzed "Damnit!" You groaned reading the text "and now we're down a dancer" You added on, taking a deep breath before looking at everybody "I'm sorry everybody but I'm just going to call it" You huffed dropping your arm in defeat "Wait! Wait, what if you just do it, you know all the dances anyways" Dae-Sung offered smiling, having more than enough confidence that you could do it and kick ass. "It'd have to be cleared by Yg, and if Seung Hyun ended up messing up choreography, I'd probably kill him on stage" You explained pinching the bridge of your nose as you sighed "Do you guys really want to do this tonight?" You asked warily, looking up to meet with all four boys looking at you hopefully "We do, we like working with you, y/n, you're awesome" Dae-sung frowned, giving you a tight hug before squeezing your arms gently as he pulled away "So?" He asked hopefully, you just let out a dramatic sigh before nodding "Go get on your marks, Seung Hyun...I will fill in for a dancer until we find another, as long Yg approves, and you agree that you'll actually follow the chorography" You explained moving to stand with the other back up dancers, nodding at your assistant, she quickly pressed play on the music, as the bass to Zutter blared from the speakers you bounced your hips to the beat, watching the boys move around perfectly as they mimicked their verses. As Ji-Yong started his verse they walked closer to the line of the back-up dancers, you glanced over watching the other dancer, Ju-Mi step forward with you, the boys taking your hands pulling you both forward.

As it approached the one part where Seung Hyun always fucked up you held your breath, closing your eyes tightly in anticipation as you felt his hand on your back, bending you at the hips before he bounced his leg doing their signature 'Zutter' Chorography, your hips pressed against his as you slid down to sit in a squat in front of him, spreading your legs slightly as you felt Seung Hyun's hands slide under your jaw, turning it up to face him with the beat before spinning around you to continue his chorography, You popped back up, hoping to god the back up dancers were all on the right mark as the song came to an end "Holy shit! Why can't you do that every night, Seung Hyun!?" you gasped in shock, Seung Hyun just blushed shrugging his shoulders "Is a break down all it takes?" You joked, Seung Hyun's face quickly showed a look of concern as he grabbed your hands "No! Don't! That was terrifying" He protested, you just shook your head laughing before looking at the others "Everybody take five before we do...Knock out and Tonight, then girls you are free to leave, then I'll bring our back up boys in for the rest of your guys' songs, got it?" You said loudly to the group standing around the room "Seung Hyun? Could you possibly give up your five to go over some moves with me? I feel like I could find something better that fits your style" You offered, catching his hand as he walked past "Oh!, yea...yea, just let me grab a drink" He smiled softly disappearing over to his bag searching for his water bottle.

"So I was thinking, I understand some things I've heard about you..nothing bad..but I know you aren't that fond of physical touch that often, so I was trying to think of something less...intimate than Ju-Mi and I's little bend" You explained, Seung Hyun nodded as he took a drink, listening to you closely as you spoke "Any ideas?" You asked, placing your hands on your hips pursing your lips as you nodded along to the song in your head trying to think of something that would match well. "Maybe something like Bae Bae?" He offered before placing his drink down, trying to find a way to mimic what move he was talking about, just looking awkward doing it on his own "Seung Hyun, just show me" You huffed, grabbing his hand placing it around your waist, you looked up in the mirror in front of you both "Okay....play it" You stated waiting for your assistant to get the certain part of the song ready before Seung Hyun started bouncing his leg with the beat, instead of having you bend he just pulled you closer with his arm around your waist, using his free hand for his chorography "Okay that works, but where's your microphone?" You asked, motioning to his arm with your eyes "Easy, You'll hold it, Ju-Mi could do the same" He shrugged, you nodded, taking it into thought before nodding "I think you just helped me choreograph this dance, Mr. Choi" You teased before turning around smiling, excited to see it actually come to life on stage.

As you stood on stage, the music for 'Fxxk it' started to play, you followed your choreography as you watched the boys, making sure they weren't having issues, now you weren't strict on everything being followed, it's just certain moves or sections you spend a lot of time on, you're strict about, or about things Yg wanted done. As Seung Hyun started his verse the boys moved around, interacting with fans before making their way to their paired dancers, you slowly made your way to Seung Hyun, smiling as you watched him turn around, actually following your chorography as he grabbed your hand, spinning you around before matching the boys' movements of wrapping his free arm around your waist as he swayed you both back and forth singing the chorus. As the beat picked up, the boys slowly moved away from their dancers going back to their marks to finish the song.

Whenever 'Bae Bae' played you realized what exactly you had gotten yourself into, as Ji-Yong and Dae-Sung sang the first verses, Seung Hyun and Tae-Yang were tasked with dancing with a paired dancer, holding you close by your hips as he rested his head in the curve of your neck, looking up to the camera as he swayed, moving around you smoothly as his verse started. You moved to your mark following the rest of your chorography before noticing Seung Hyun making his way to you, you shot him a warning glare, knowing he was going off of his chorography for the first time that night. You watched as he placed the girls' hands together before pulling you all over to the boys, that's whenever you noticed what he was doing exactly, going back to the music video chorography for the ending verse.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't having a ton of fun preforming on the stage, getting to preform at that level was something you had never experienced before and it was thrilling for you. As you swapped out with the boy back-up dancers you smiled at the girls "That was fucking amazing, even whenever thrown into improved chorography that we've never done together you guys were still right on point" You smiled, nodding at them in dismissal before making your way back to your usual spot with the stage manager, watching the rest of the boys' performances.

As you all filed back into the studio you yawned loudly "Alright guys, that was amazing, I know you're all probably exhausted after it though, so go to your rooms, take a well needed rest before you're back here okay?" You explained before going over to your small desk in the corner, sitting down to start prepping next show's chorography despite your exhausted state. "Are you not leaving?" You heard after a moment, Seung Hyun stood by the door watching you expectantly "Wha..? No, no I have work to do" You explained, resting your chin in your hand as you looked over your written down ideas, trying to determine the best one to try first. "Then I guess we both have work to do" He said shrugging as he made his way over to you, kneeling in front of your desk before folding his arms on it resting his chin on them as he looked at your notes. "Seung Hyun! These are secret!" You hissed in embarrassed, knowing it wasn't just ideas wrote down, it was thoughts as well. "Have Seung Hyun kneel for girlfriend to BU dancer while singing, he'd be hot?" Seung Hyun questioned feeling his cheeks heat up "Ooo what else do you have in there?" He asked leaning up before you snatched them away "Okay! I'll let you help, but, you're not to read anything" You demanded, before motioning him to stand in front of the mirror.

You both spent all night in the studio, trying out different combinations of moves together, finding what fit best for each boy of the group, whenever you finally did finish you both were too worn out to move, all of your limbs feeling like they were full of sand or concrete from exhaustion, resulting in you both just sitting down against the wall, resting your head on his shoulder while he rested his head on yours "Seung Hyun?..Why are you okay with dancing with me, but not any of the back up dancers that are brought in?" You asked softly, spinning the rings on his fingers around "I don't know..I like whenever you do it" He admitted quietly, hoping you wouldn't hear him "Why?.." You asked again, this time turning to face him "This entire time I've worked with you, Seung Hyun, you never wanted to follow anything that involved getting overly physical with the dancers, but as soon as I step in, you're jumping to work with me and volunteering to help after shows, why?" You asked, genuinely curious on what made you so different for him, all you did was boss him and his friends around and occasionally yell at them. Seung Hyun didn't see it like that though, he saw you as always making sure him and the others were always doing their best and looking their best, supporting them through every show, and encouraging them whenever they were unmotivated, not to mention how cute you looked following along to their chorography slightly from the stage manager and light booth. "I don't..know..You're just different, You make me feel things, I haven't ever felt before" He explained, his hand slowly moving to take yours in his "I always find myself watching you whenever you're showing us dances, and thinking about how beautiful it is that someone could love and be so passionate about something" He explained softly before starting to speak again "I like you, Y/n...I like being in rehearsals with you, I like watching you focus and the way you get angry with me whenever I do something unplanned, or the way you laugh at me trying to make you smile" He rambled, your face was hot with a blush as he continued, you never expected him to feel this way, you expected models or another K-pop idol, someone who has value and worth behind their name, not because of their name, just because of how famous the boys all were, not their fucking chorographer.

"Seung Hyun" You stopped him sternly, he quickly looked at you and you could see the anxiety fill his eyes, you took his hand gently before sighing "If we go anywhere..we're both risking our jobs, mine more than yours, and I need this" You explained, it killed you trying to turn him down, but he just shook his head "No we won't, if they try to fire you I'll fight for your job" He explained, cupping your cheeks "That or I'm sure you could teach a different group? O-Or we could keep it lowkey" He rambled, you cupped his cheek in an attempt to stop him "Seung Hyun.." You whispered, it was charming how much he was willing to do just for a chance to see where things went with you, and the fact the entire time you saw him as a 'class clown' always desperate to make the others laugh, but instead it was all for you. "If you think...truly..we'll be okay.." You whispered, taking a deep breath as he leaned closer to you, his lips ghosting over yours "I promise you" He whispered, you just brought him closer closing the distance between you as you kissed him, Seung Hyun was quick to return the action, kissing you back deeply as he brought his hands up to cup your cheeks. As you moved your lips against his you felt something in your body you had never felt, sure you had a handful of relationships growing up, high school, your twenties, but nobody had made you feel like this whenever you kissed them. Seung Hyun gave you the feeling of wanting to jump around squealing as he kissed you, a warm fuzzy feeling washing over you as he slowly pulled away "So we're doing this?.." He asked softly, trying to catch his breath the best he could as he spoke "If you want" You replied sweetly, you weren't the only one who got a new feeling though, hearing your voice and smile Seung Hyun felt more flustered than he had ever felt before, it was like all of the world's beauty was formed into one person and they were sitting right in front of him with an adorable smile and blush as you spoke to him. You two weren't sure of the future of your relationship, you weren't fortune tellers, but you knew you both would do anything for the other, even if it meant risking anything and everything.

Hey loveliess? Lovelies, You like?

taglist!!

@ag022123

@acehasmyheart

@onyxmango

@heartz4rubyy

@ericityyy

@lilou-0401

@mitchko11

@learninglinesintherainn

#choi su bong x reader #squid game #thanos x reader #squidgame #thanos squid game #top x reader #squid game thanos #choi seunghyun #t.o.p #t.o.p x reader #t.o.p bigbang #top #t.o.p icons #choi seung hyun x reader #choi su bong

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14th-century-verona-queer · 3 days ago

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HEY GUYS SO GUESS WHAT ABOUT VIKTOR FROM ARCANE

HES CONFIRMED ACE!!

BOOYAH

ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US.

AND BEFORE SOME OF THE JAYVIK SHIPPERS GET ON MY FUCKING ASS; JUST BC YOU’RE ACE DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T EXPERIENCE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION. ACE DOES NOT EQUAL AROACE.

STOP INVALIDATING AROS, ACES, AND AROACES. WE’RE TIRED OF Y’ALL’S BULLSHIT.

i would also like to take this moment to remind everyone that asexuality is a spectrum. just because viktor is asexual doesn’t mean he’s 100% sex-averse. there are sex-favorable aces. but this also CAN mean he’s sex averse. both are equally likely and it doesn’t matter which one he is, he’s still asexual.

its a spectrum so PLEASE don’t whine to me about how now you cant write fanfic about jayvik smut now or smth. i frankly don’t wanna hear it. you can always write your own headcannons or write something ooc. nobody cares.

im just very happy that we’re getting some ace rep (esp cause viktor is one of my faves TALK TO A WALLLL) in more shows. lets start with some aro (JUST ARO. NOT AROACE. THEYRE STILL DIFFERENT) and also some aroace rep. and nonbinary rep! and so many other identities :)

im loving the progress tho

and hell yea viktor, come join our conquest of taking over Denmark and eat some garlic bread with us. you will prove to be an invaluable asset.

EDIT: I WAS NOT AWARE THAT LINKE WAS A HOMOPHOBE WHEN WRITING THIS. i think it’s super gross that he made viktor ace for the hell of it to try to dissuade jayvik shippers. like please bsfr 😭😭 that’s so gross oml. and just when we thought we actually got some ace rep, it’s just to cover up some stupid shit like this like omfg

thank you to everyone for making me aware of this, i quite genuinely live under a rock and i didn’t even know anything about Christian Linke!

also just wanna take the time to mention i’m not bashing yall for reading jayvik smut 😭😭 like do whatever tf you want man i don’t care

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crystal-rebellion · 21 hours ago

Text

I dunno if this is helpful, but I find that the texture of a lot of commercial lotions to be unpleasant, to the point where I can't/won't use them. I've been making my own soaps for several years, so it was only natural to try making my own lotions too. Discovering that the type of oil in the lotion and the water-to-oil ratio is basically what controls the texture, I feel like I've unlocked a new super power.

Obviously this won't help folks who can't stand it on their hands at all, but for those crafty types who are fishing for a kind they can tolerate, here's a recipe to make your own. I pretty much exclusively use my own now and it's really helped.

I don't find it super difficult, and no dangerous chemicals like with soap. It probably won't be budget-friendly to start, because you'll likely need some extra ingredients you don't already have lying around, but you use so little of them when you make it that it can last for a long while. If you end up liking it and start making it regularly, I feel like it is less expensive in the longer run. AND by controlling which ingredients go into it, I can make lotion I actually can stand to have on my skin, which has really helped me use it more.

tldr for other soapers just wanting to know which oils I like? Avocado. That's it. Soft, creamy, not oily, not tacky, no residue.

Make your own 👇🥑🧴

I've linked ingredients out to Amazon because I know rural folks rely on it, and people with a need to do this asap will want things immediately (hello thats me). My go-to supplier outside of Amazon is company located in Washington state named Brambleberry, and they will also have all of this stuff (they also donate to some good charities, too.). It will take a bit longer, and there will be a shipping fee too, so see what works best for you. (They have amazing fragrances, too, if that's your bag. For anyone who's tried my soap, most of my fragrances come from them.)

Note 1: Everything is measured by weight. These numbers look a little rando because my (round number) recipe makes like, a buttload of bottles, so I've reduced the recipe it to about 10-12 ounces of lotion)

Note 2: This lotion recipe makes a creamy, moderately thick lotion. If your texture preference is more on the runny side, you can up the water content. I haven't experimented with it too much, so I'd guess 30 grams, but play with it and have fun. You can't do harm with this.

Water: 187.5 grams (Distilled ideal, filtered tap works fine.)

Oil: 37.5 grams (Avocado Oil; can also be found in many local grocers as well as Costco. Olive Oil works well too, but in my experience, it's a little more oily in the lotion.)

Emulsifying Wax: 12.5 grams (binds the oil to the water and lets it mix)

Stearic Acid: 10 grams (thickening agent and stabilizer to keep it from separating back out)

Optiphen Preservative: 2.5 grams (this is important; since lotion is 75% water, unless you intend to use all of your lotion within a week, you will grow fuzzies in it without this; if you want to do some research on alternatives, you'll want to look for oil-based preservative)

Optional: Fragrance* or essential oil of your choice: .7 grams (Or a few drops)

Other things you need: Kitchen Scale, container for the lotion, stick blender/egg beater/whisk, two microwave-safe bowls. Glass preferred, plastic okay as long as its microwave safe. One bowl will ultimately need to be large enough to hold all of the ingredients combined.

THERMOMETER - this dude is amazing and would recommend just having one in general. Regular stick ones work fine, but will be slow.

Safety gear needed: None, really. Gloves if you don't like the texture of the lotion.

That's it! That's all that goes in your lotion! As someone who also makes soap, I do not use the same bowls for my cooking as my crafting. But for lotion, you can use cooking bowls. Just... wash them well after, or your next meal may taste like ass.

Because I make products to sell to other people, I run all my equipment through a brewing sanitizer - including the bottle(s) and pumps the lotion will be in, just to be super duper sure that no fuzzies get introduced. Basically just fill the sink with hot water, toss in a capful or two and then rinse. I'll leave it up to you if you want to skip this step or not for personal use, it's kind of an annoying one.

HERE WE GO

If you're going to disinfect, do that first. Only items that need to be totally dry is the bowl you'll be putting your oil in.

In one bowl, weigh out your oil of choice, the emulsifying wax, the stearic acid and heat it slowly in the microwave in bursts of about 20 seconds, stopping to stir. Eventually the emulsifying wax and the stearic acid will have melted into the oil.

In a separate bowl, measure out your water, and warm it in the microwave as well, until it's about the same temperature as your oil/wax/acid mix.

With your stick blender/egg beater/whisk handy (if you have a stick blender available, use this. Your hand will thank you. This can be done with a whisk, but it takes longer.), add the two sets of ingredients together into whichever bowl is larger and whisk. Relatively quickly, it should go from this translucent oil to a milky, creamy color. Good. No need to keep mixing once it's milky and uniform.

We want to wait until the temperature drops to below 140F (60C) before adding in the preservative (otherwise the heat will break it down and make it useless). If adding any fragrance, then would also be the time to do so, and blend a bit more to make sure it's all mixed in.

And that's it! Pour it into your container of choice! The warmer it is when you pour it, the more 'liquid' it will be. As it cools, it will thicken and become creamier.

Handling the hot lotion is safe, other than if the temperature is too warm. This particular recipe is very creamy; if you like your lotion more runny, then add more water as you're blending it.

And that's it, you've made lotion. It can be used immediately, even straight from the bowl.

Happy lotion making!

Note on fragrances:

*If you are using a fragrance, please make sure it's skin safe. Adding more than the suggested amount to the recipe could cause irritation on the skin. Most 'fragrances' sold at stores like Walmart are intended for oil diffusers and may not be skin-safe. Essential oils are usually fine since they're being diluted by the lotion; never apply them directly to the skin. The shop I like for my purchases, Brambleberry, has a bazillion fragrances, and each one details what it can and cannot be used for. (Not an affiliate link, I just really like them. Great equipment if you're interested in actually doing it seriously. Tons of tutorials too; pretty much how I got into the craft in the first place.)

cracked and bleeding hands are not more tolerable than the feeling of lotion

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signanothername · 3 days ago

Note

it might be an awkward question but-

HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO DRAW SO MUCH?? how do you get so many beautiful ideas? how do you keep yourself motivated? tell me your secret I will sell you my soul

🩵 🫴 take it.

Why thank you 🫳🩵

Ah the question ever

Truthful and simple answer is that there’s no secret

This might seem contradictory considering how much I post, but I genuinely am not as motivated or as inspired as I seem to be

I struggle a lot with ideas and motivation and that is a problem I have on a daily basis that’s been happening for years (I have SO many wips that I never shared)

It’s not about the struggle, it’s about how I curated my art to that struggle

I’m at a constant threat to experience burnout (certified chronic pain and chronic fatigue haver), so to combat that, I take measures to make sure I don’t burn myself out and actually reserve the very little energy I have to continue doing artworks/comics

To give you a specific example, if you notice with my comics, they’re always sketchy and are never colored, that’s not because I don’t want to make colored comics, but because of knowledge from previous experiences that if I actually forced myself to make colored comics, I’d immediately plunge to burnout and would probably not be able to draw for a few weeks after because of it (in fact the last time I made a colored comic was here, which is a rare occasion even then btw, and that comic caused me to experience a near burnout)

Which was extremely frustrating to me at some point might I add, because before 2021, I had no problem making so many colored comics and artworks at a short span of time, I actually had motivation before (something that is lost to me now), so you can imagine how genuinely frustrating it is, it even made me feel like I’m not a “real” artist

(The concept of what is considered a “real artist” is bullshit btw, someone who draws stickmen everyday is as much of a real artist as someone who makes diverse fully colored artworks with backgrounds and everything, as long as you use your creativity and turn it to something meaningful, you’re already a real artist, regardless of skill or the extent of which you are able to conceive with your art)

That being said, it’s all about finding your own footing and workflow, what works best for you? What doesn’t?

Some things that you’d love for them to work (in my case making colored comics) might not work in reality, life is disappointing like that, so it’s also about acceptance

Acceptance of yourself as you are, maybe it’s not what you truly strive for, maybe you wish you could do more, but sometimes taking a step back and looking into yourself to see if you can actually achieve what you want with the resources you have could be life saving

So when it comes to motivation? Find your workflow, what are the things that you know could make you lose your motivation? On the other hand, what are the things that preserve your motivation?

Not only that, but time management is also a contributing factor

Of course, my own way to preserve my motivation/energy is as follows:

1- never force myself to finish artworks/comics if I feel like I can’t (even if I really really want to), I save them up for later when my motivation for them kicks back in

2-let perfectionism go, if I keep fretting over whether every line in an artwork looks good I’ll never accomplish anything but destroy my mental health (certified perfectionist speaking btw)

3-comics stay as sketches, as much as I want to make beautifully colored comics, I know this will only contribute to my burnout, so keeping it real with myself and what I can accomplish with my own resources (energy, time, health, etc) is important

4-making multiple sketches in a day then choosing what fancies my brain that day, or getting back to older sketches I already made before (sometimes months before) to see if my brain has the itch to work on any of them, by doing that, then I’m giving myself actual diversity in choices to choose from, which helps me feel like I don’t have to be forced to work on anything new, or something that I don’t wanna work on

For clarification, I’m talking actual sketches, not cleaned up ones, if you make clean sketches you won’t be able to make multiple ones in the same day

Here’s an example of what I mean by sketches

5-stop beating myself up over things I can’t control, if I keep being harsh on myself over the fact I couldn’t finish an artwork or the fact I’m not satisfied with it, it’ll only contribute to make me feel bad about myself and that would only contribute to me losing even more motivation which contributes to beating myself up and so the self torture cycle goes on, myself deserves to be pat on the back gently and be told “it’s ok, you’ll get there in time”

6-teach myself that it’s ok to lose motivation, there are times in which I do not open my art app for weeks, instead of hating myself for it, I tell myself “you need time, you’re tired and you need the break”, and it’s true, if you lost motivation, it’s most likely due to something else contributing to it

So i just ask myself what’s up, sometimes, I’m overworked in other life aspects, other times I’m in too much pain, so instead of forcing myself through my demotivation, I take care of these factors demotivating me so I’d feel comfortable enough to be able to work on artworks again

If I couldn’t identify a factor contributing to my loss of motivation, then I take it as my own brain telling me that it needs the break, it needs the dopamine if doing something different and I do that, whether by watching my favorite shows, playing my favorite games, trying a different hobby like writing or reading, etc

7- work on my own time, sometimes I do finish artworks quickly, and I do have the capacity to do so, but I’ve noticed that my loss of motivation became less of an issue when I gave myself the actual time to work on artworks, sometimes, a simple artwork that I could finish in 20 minutes takes me weeks to finish, not because I can’t finish it earlier, but because I intentionally worked slowly on it as I’m working on other artworks just as slow, that way, I don’t overwhelm myself and I’m making progress on multiple artworks/comics at the same time, and seeing such progress gives me even more motivation

Cough, anyway, got lost in talking about motivation ghcchch

As for your other question about how I get my ideas, it’s usually something I saw that inspired me, whether an artwork, something irl, etc

Or even sometimes, my own artworks inspire ideas for comics, so I’d draw something, then ask myself (asking yourself questions is such a great helper when it comes to coming up with ideas) why is the character doing this? How did they get there? Etc

That helps me come up with answers which are then answered via comics or multiple different artworks

For example, this comic, what inspired it was me asking myself one simple question, “what would happen if Murder actually asked Nightmare for a visit home for once, instead of running away like he always does?”, and that immediately got me to work on the comic

Of course, it doesn’t mean I always am on the ready for an idea, in fact, a lot of the time my mind is blank, nothing up there to help me, which is why I turn to mindlessly sketching sometimes

I just open a canvas and start sketching, what? I don’t know, I’m just gonna sketch something, could be a character, environment, scribbles, meaningless lines etc, it’s my iwn version of a warm up, and it helps a lot with making my brain get into the zone

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head

Enjoy a look into my brain chhcchch

#ngl sometimes I wanna stream my art process from the beginning somewhere #just so you guys would see how much I struggle behind the scenes chchchhc #i know I make it look easy af #but I promise you if you see what I go through you’ll be even more confused by the frequency of which I post chhcchhv #anothers ask

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purpdrawsthings · 1 day ago

Text

I SWEAR THIS IS THE FINAL ONE

God this app is going to be the end of me.

For anyone asking where their oc was, don't be afraid to ask me! =3

@ominus-potato @h4ppysoki @fenicearts420 @icedbeverageenjoyer @alex-dolmatescu2-0 @zenith-astral @moonlight12086 @sakuwura-meow-meow @josiekatxd @echostarsys @neo91502 @smgx-pez

Special mentions!

@birdy-four @scimagic @fruit-sy

Links to the two past posts!

First

Second

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DAMN ANIMATIC CUZ I NEED TO.

Finally.. With that settled..

Was this worth it? Idfk.

I am so burnt out..

This thing was made in both Flipaclip and Alight motion. Give all the thanks to my fingers and thumb chat 💜💜💜💜

Now this thing was originally supposed to premier on the 31st right at new years. Problem was, IT HAD 2K+ FRAMES AND I STARTED AT THE 21ST. WORSE, I DECIDED THAT IT WAS THE AMAZING DECISION TO ADD 85 PEOPLE AND DID NOT PLAN THIS. This thing has got me doubting myself, I think I almost went crazy.

I did 500 frames for the first day then 200.. Then 100... THEN LESS THAN 100. By the 31st, new years had past. Meaning it was outdated. Might as well finish it right? I took a break for almost week before going back at the project thinking "WHAT AM I DOING??". I finished by yesterday and uh.. I did like 500+ frames from yesterday cuz I was that desperate to get rid of my misery. I edited the thing today and everything was ready right?

WRONG.

I HAD TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM OF ME ADDING THE 4 MINUTE ANIMATION IN THE POST, WAITING FOR IT TO SAVE, ONLY FOR IT TO REJECT ME. This went on for a total of 3 hours with me just WAITING for it to let it save while I watched videos from my tv. Eventually, I gave up and decided to split the video.

Thought that was end? NO. I REALIZED THAT I COULDN'T PUT 2 VIDEOS IN ONE POST, NOR CAN I ADD MORE THAN 50 MENTIONS IN ONE POST. These past few hours was stressful my god. Finally seeing it end was a relief.

I am NOT doing this again.

Anyways, with that outta the way.. I'll get on with my uh.. Statement for Christmas!

Thank you for everyone for an amazing and awesome year. It's been a wonderful one and I cant express the amount of gratitude and love to each every person I've met this year. Even if it was for a short while, I still enjoyed every moment.

I can't believe that joining one fandom would get me this far, it blows my mind because of how many connections I've able to make because of this one fandom. I give my highest gratitude to the SMG4 community, and the amazing people who are in it.

I started my early days in this internet in amino. Although small, it let me explore new stuff and new people. And to that, ill say a thank you to all of my among us friends, and the community itself. This whole fandom inspired me to make my own series, create my own ocs from scratch, and slowly grow. Although during that period I didn't get the amount of attention I have now, it was a great, small place to start off as a small creator.

Back to the SMG4 community, I would like to say thank you for 200+ followers on both Tumblr and Twitter! Old me would've exploded so many times because of that milestone. I can't believe I have so many people I look up to that actually follow me, like what you guys actually notice me?! I'd like to say so much more but it just really flabbergasted me of how far I've gotten. I can't even think of the words or anything! All I can say is thank you for the experiences I've had. All of this couldn't have been done without you.

It's time for some little statements for all the people I adore.

@tiredsmashbros @strange0-0storm @its-a-me-mango @cookiepopcat - Omg I see y'all as the big artists of the community sishsishishdid interacting with every single one of you was a pleasure and it was amazing! I don't usually interact with people I admired or looked up to due to me being a bit shy.. But y'all are so amazing! Everytime any one of you would reply to my posts, I get a huge squeel! I was getting noticed like help??? You guys are like one the first few artists that I saw when starting in the community, you guys can't imagine how much of an inspiration you all are to me, and for that, thank you for everything, big or small! 💜💜💜

@rr3d2y @mikchi8 - AKO AND MIKCHI YOU TWO SILLY PPL GUHHHHHHH. First off, AKO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU'RE LITERALLY MY FIRST SMG4 RELATED FREN!! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT OUR FIRST INTERACTION QUICKLY JUST MADE US FRIENDS LIKE, YOU SO COOL??? AND MIKCHI, ALTHOUGH WE DON'T INTERACT OFTEN, I FIND YOU SILLY, AND GOOFY. STOP PUTTING PREGNANT EMOJIS GUHHHH!!!! /silly You two are so silly sihsisgdishsishdidg love you two 💜💜💜💥💥💥💥

@coralalala64 @bear-boi-5 @libbytwq - You three are also silly like what. SOYYYYYYY I fucking love ur artstyle it's so recognizable.. I LOVE UR VIRAL VIRUS AU!!! I swear I look at EVERY SINGLE POST relating to the AU like I AIN'T JOKING I READ ALL OF THEM YES THAT'S WHAT I DO IN MY FREE TIME. The way you incorporate horror into your drawings is amazing, IT JUST WORKS! Coral you goof stop spreading the creachurs everywhere now my place stinks... /silly anyways, YOUR TRADITIONAL ARTSTYLE IS AMAZING! I FIRST SAW YOU THROUGH YOUR SILLY CREACHUR DOODLES AND I LOVED THEM!! TALKING TO YOU IS ALSO AMAZING CUZ YOU SO FUNNY! Somebody kick Ignatius away from SMGL:E /silly LORE YOU SO COOL!!!! THE THINGS YOU ARE WORKING ON WITH L:E ARE SO INTERESTING PLEASE DO KEEP ON COOKING I WILL EAT IT. I swear to god I don't know I how this all happened but I swear you three are cool af. 💥💥💥💥✨✨✨✨

@michealscorneroftheinternet @grinnames - WHERE TO FUCKING START... Micheal, I. Love. Your. AU's. SHOUTOUT TO @dorriostareyes TOO CUZ YOU COOL! I SHOULD'VE ADDED YOU IN THE SPECIAL MENTIONS GUHHHHHHH I'M SORRY!!!!! Continuing.. I LOVE YOUR THREE AU'S, UNDERTALE AU? AMAZING. CHANGE IN SCRIPT? ABSOLUTE CINEMA. THE FALLEN? AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE!!!! You can't imagine how much I love your content... I won't stop making fanart for you so that I'll actually explode your circuits =3 /silly /hj GRINNAMES I LOVE YOUR GODBOX AU. LIKE I LOVE ME TWO CORRUPTED SMG'S CONTROLLED BY THE GODBOX 💜💜💜 They are so silly like they could on a killing spree.. OH ALSO UR ARTSTYLE IS VERY VERY PRETTY. I LOVE IT! You two have amazing AU'S like god aishoahsoshsoshsohsosh💥💥💥💥💥💥

@icedbeverageenjoyer @h4ppysoki @jovialoddity @bidinonsense @fbanjex @4thwallbreakerdraws2 - do they all have in common? MR PUZZLES! Every time I see yalls Puzzles content I have a smile on my face that I can't describe cuz yalls Puzzles content is so peak, I LOVE ME SOME SILLY HANDSOME TV MEN CONTENT THANK YOU!!!!! Oh btw @alex-dolmatescu2-0 don't worry you're invited to the club too don't be shy 💜💜💜

@eliscz @opossol @theartistisme43 - YOU ALL SO COOL LIKE SOSHSIDHDODHOSHDODHD. Opposol I know you aren't involved in the SMG4 community much but I love ur content it's just so amazing and I love the cartoons kinda fuzzy art style. Elis also know you're in your sun n' moon hyper fixation phase but broadcast madness au is PEAK. Cantro I love your scarred verse like it a so interesting I love scarred SMG4 sm. Someone beat up that tv man 😔💥💥💥 /silly

@art-parasi-te @superluigiglitchy - You two are amazing people! Hamlos you should know by now that I am actually kinda into Dandys World and I even have my own oc so.. IDFK WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT AM I SPITTING??? Squib yaoi gotta be my fav ship 💜 PJ! I love ur silly Oliver squib yaoi content like HE IS SO CUTE SOMEBODY MAKE A MARKETABLE PLUSHIE OUT OF HIM!! So yeah you two so coollllllll ✨✨✨✨✨

This animatic was made to express my gratitude and love to every single on fo the people in this community, featured or not, you are all awesome. Hopefully this will get some smaller creators the attention they deserve 💜

Big or small, we all can achieve out dreams, next year ;)

Merry Christmas / holidays everyone 💜

I am so not okay chat

#smg4 #smg4 au #new year #happy new year #christmas

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sheeezu · 1 day ago

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(I cropped out the upper part of the screen, it had horny messages from my S/O popping up, for sum reason)

I am losing my mind over this reality- i did permashift, yes. Safe to say I'm no where near that reality, I am in my waiting room.

First of all, i am so disappointed to say, i wished I didn't post the "Farewell" of mine, it just felt like this big social experiment, trust me, you should have just left it to the goodbyes and such and I wouldn't pop out of the grave like a zombie. But this is my blog anyways, I make the rules don't I. (*pss* I don't actually care about my non-committal and zombie-like behavior)

First of all, I am reading all of your comments, even if i like it or not, the reason I posted a pic of my LIFA app was to show that, yes, indeed, I see what's going on with my posts, asks, comments, I have a tab for combined social media for monitoring human behavior (jk)

At one point, a person starts to feel ashamed, they're saying these big words one seconds, and make a graceful exit out the doorway and they whisper under their breaths "phew, I'm glad that's over, never turning back, I ain't."

But I'm not a cowboy in some western film, I am something else (childish, see the LIFA app) I will have my feet inside this reality and the other half of my body in any human's paradise, but you know what bitches, I am still here.

First of all- stop assuming I took my own life, basically behind my back.

I don't need to answer why that's... weird.

Secondly, to a special someone in my comments, please stop assuming I dont know what I'm doing.

Not to brag, but I know what happens after I shift. Stop being the shifting police and trying to make yourself sound smart by using the word "bud" against me. My clone existed, did what life was, forgot about shifting, forgot about my Tumblr and Reddit accounts, I have numerous posts on my blog explaining what's going to happen to me after I permashift.

Your repeated dissection of my post, trying to explain what I could have meant in my post, literally did not help anyone.

Alright, bye.

I am a pest you can't get rid, not even my own self can control what I have become.

#i am losing mind over complicated multiversal moral dilemmas #reality shifting #shiftblr #shifting antis dni #shifting #shifting blog #shifting community #shifting motivation #shifters #shifting stories #desired reality

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captainclickycat · 3 hours ago

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Sorry I was thinking about this again, because the whole audience/character or author/character relationship really interests me as a topic and it's something I think gets oversimplified a lot.

So, about identifying with characters. There's this sort of base assumption that you can only identify with, or explore things about yourself through, characters who look like you or have had the same specific experiences as you or are part of the same specific demographic group as you.

Which obviously doesn't really hold up - otherwise Aesop's Fables would have no useful lessons to impart if you're not a hare or a tortoise. But more to the point, a lot of people actually find it more useful to explore things about themselves or their personal experiences through characters if they can put some distance between themselves and the characters.

Putting yourself in a character's shoes in an active, conscious way isn't the only way to reflect on yourself through them, and can often feel a bit too close to home to be point of being uncomfortable or distracting. Whereas the kind of distance you get from a character who's clearly different from you is easier to approach - "this isn't happening to me, it's happening to my blorbo which means I get to be a spectator from a safe distance, and examine it from all angles."

So in actual fact, women might well "explore their own sexuality" through m/m stuff. It's not compulsory by any means, but they can.

Do you think it's bad for a cis woman to read gay smut fanfictions or the opposite, as it's not really about exploring the reader's own sexuality?

Hi Anon,

I know this question is controversial in fandom, and liking peace and quiet as much as I do (and disliking Discourse as much as I do), it would be much smarter for me to just delete your ask.

However, I have some extremely strong feelings about this, so I’m going to dive in and hope for the best in how it is received. (famous last words) It is going to be long, because I do think it warrants careful thought. The question of shame, fetishization, and homophobia is an important one, so I will address that. This may be a lot more than you wanted, but asking me any questions about morality is going to open up a huge ol can of worms. I am a wordy bitch. So here we go.

Firstly you ask, is it ‘bad’. To explain my own personal system of morality, my measurement for whether something is bad always boils down to, does it hurt people or does it help people? And when the thing we’re judging is a personal action someone has taken, I ask myself, is this person making a choice for themselves (as is their right to do) or are they making a choice for other people?

Obviously this can get very complex. I studied political philosophy in college, so I know that when you are in the fuzzy areas, you can debate these things until the end of time. People are still arguing over moral ideas put forward centuries ago. BUT that is the basis, the starting point for my own system of morals.

So. Does reading fiction in private, or being horny harm others or even affect others? No. Obviously not. Does it help anyone? Yes! It helps the person reading it! People really really really underestimate how much pleasure, a release, a bit of serotonin, can turn your mood and therefore your mental health around. I’m all for profound emotional shit, but let’s not overlook the fundamental role simple things like pleasure, fun, play, and release make in our quality of life and mental health. Eat a cookie! Smell a flower! Laugh! Orgasm! It’s all the good brain chemicals, folks.

That’s even setting aside (for the moment) the more profound ways reading smut can help you with your own trauma, shame, or general desire to explore your sexuality. It’s also even setting aside the way that smut fics often also have strong emotional elements of love, connection, learning to trust, and healing from trauma. I am setting that aside because even though it is true, it is not necessary to my argument.

So, it doesn’t hurt anyone (I will get to the fetishization question, bear with me.) And it is usually great for you. Or not! You’re a human being. You get to decide what is best for you.

Further, asking “should a woman with X gender identity and X sexuality be reading gay smut of two men” requires a few things. It implies that I am going to pass moral judgement on someone for what fiction they read, and base that judgment on their gender identity and sexuality. So, it requires me to know what that gender identity and sexuality is. Then, it requires me to say...you should or should not be reading that.

So my first issue with that is that I always reject efforts to police, restrict, or gatekeep art. Yes, even horny art is art. Even art created to provoke a sexual response, which many people (often very religious people, but also a subset of online fandom activists) consider a “lower” or “base” function of the human experience, IS art. (I don’t believe the human experience can be dissected in that way, but that is neither here nor there.)

Just as importantly, I viscerally recoil from any effort to police people’s gender or sexuality to see if they are allowed to read (or are just shamed for reading) certain material. Just. Whooooeeee, no thank you. Dear god, no.

Setting aside the fact that people’s sexuality and gender evolve, and they may not even know how to label themselves, this mentality, this sort of approach, often requires people to ‘out’ themselves. It demands that they publicly disclose their own sexual and gender identities in order to enjoy fiction in peace. It is, and I cannot stress this enough, toxic, abusive, and always damages queer people far more than anyone else. It is the exact opposite of queer liberation. Please look up Isabel Fall. There is an article on Vox that thoroughly walks you through one example of people shaming someone and demanding their identity, sending a trans woman into the hospital, and back into the closet.

Cishet white men literally do not give a fuck what you think about what they read. It is always and I mean ALWAYS LGBTQ people that suffer under the policing and forced outing of sexuality and gender. It also stinks of fascism.

I hear people saying “we aren’t burning books, it’s not censoring, relax.” What if we aren’t actively restricting material? What if we just judge, stigmatize, and shame in order to bully straight people into changing their reading habits? Isn’t that ok?

And what kind of disaster would we call upon ourselves if we don’t force anyone to out themselves? I mean, if you just ‘let’ lgbtq people do what they want without disclosing, you could get a bunch of straight cis women slipping through! They could just be out there! In their homes! On their devices! Being horny for fun!!!

I’m completely fine with that.

I am aware that the conversation happening in fandom spaces is whether it’s inherently fetishizing for women to think two men together in fiction is hot, and whether the smut is the cause of a tendency to fetishize gay men. Since I care a whole lot about fighting homophobia, I’ll take that seriously and address that.

People always use the example of “but how is this different from men lusting after lesbians? Don’t women hate it when men fetishize lesbians? How is this different?” That is always the question. “What if the genders were reversed?”

So I am going to start there.

As a gay woman, I can tell you, what a man beats it to in private is his business. I could not be less interested in the details of that. It doesn’t affect or harm me. It is literally none of my business.

What harms me is when a man mistreats gay women. When he thinks he can ‘convert’ a woman, says that she hasn’t had the right dick yet, or asks gay women to perform for him.

And I can say with confidence that men reading explicit material about two women has zero to do with this.

(People often bring porn into this, but bringing real human beings performing sex into the equation would require a broader ethical conversation and you asked about smutty fiction, so I’ll keep it focused on that.)

So, to really drive this point home, we need to separate two concepts out.

Sexual attraction vs dehumanization.

Sexual attraction is being hot for someone. It is morally neutral before you have acted on it in a way that involves another human being.

Dehumanization is seeing someone as less than human in some way. Dehumanization is when people believe they have the right to touch, harm, or even kill another person. It makes people believe that another human doesn’t doesn’t need or deserve to decide what happens to their own body. Dehumanizing is how you get young army recruits to kill complete strangers. Dehumanization facilitates bigotry. It shuffles sexual assault under the rug. It devalues life.

Misogyny is a form of dehumanization. It is a form of violence. It is what causes men to feel entitled to demand sexual favors from a woman, and to disregard her sexuality and autonomy. It is not sexual attraction. It is misogyny.

And you do not “get” or “catch” misogyny from smutty fiction.

When men are still boys, before they even pick up a device or a book, they are taught to see women as commodities. They are taught by their parents, their pastors, even CHILDREN’S MEDIA that sexual harassment is comedic, stalking is romantic, and women are prizes to be won. That if they achieve certain milestones required of men, they are entitled to a ‘prize’ of the woman they desire.

Misogyny is systemic. It is everywhere. It’s in the water, the air of our society, no matter where you live. It is global. The thing that makes men walk up to women and demand their bodies is one thing: sheer, mind boggling, entitlement. Audacity. Gall. Fucking nerve. Insidious misogyny.

I know this sounds dramatic to people who don’t experience it. But think about it. Every time someone tells a girl that she is ‘mean’ for not responding to a ‘nice’ guy's advances they are saying...you are a commodity to bestow on someone as a reward. You are not someone who gets to just simply have preferences. That is for ‘real’ human beings. This kind of mentality, in the mind of a violent angry person, is quite literally why men kill women for breaking up with them.

(I know that men, and people of all genders, suffer abuse and violence against them. I am not denying that, I am just having a conversation focused for the moment on violence against women.)

NOW, the constant violence against women in this context (and you may not experience it, but please look at the numbers for rape and domestic violence and other gendered violence) has made people CONFLATE men’s sexual desires with predation.

That is how you get people who profess to be leftists and care about oppressed peoples treating the ENTIRE CONCEPT of men’s attraction to women as predatory and therefore stigmatizing and demonizing the entire concept of sex and men's sexuality. I’ve heard people talk about leftist puritans online and I think a lot of stems from a misguided reaction to a society that allows sexual predation to become rife. No, darlings, no.

The problem isn’t men or their sexuality. The problem is misogyny.

If we are to have even a prayer of a healthy, kind society, we need to separate those two things out. Get a crowbar. Pull them apart. Don’t allow the patriarchy to poison you against something that is an important, fundamental part of who we all are! There is nothing dangerous or shameful or predatory about men being sexually attracted to women.

If men think women are hot as fuck? If they want to read about or think about hot gay ladies together in order to get off? Shit, me too, man!!! ME FREAKING TOO.

We can apply this to the concept of women fetishizing gay men. When we talk about women fetishizing gay men, we are talking about women who ask creepy intrusive questions. Who call gay men demeaning pet names against their wishes. Who touch them without their consent. Who go to gay clubs just to treat it like their own personal entertainment and make everyone feel uncomfortable and on display. These are women who don't give a shit about the personal boundaries or comfort or well being of gay men.

This behavior is revolting. But the root of that behavior isn’t lust. It is homophobia. Homophobia isn’t just ‘I hate gay people’ or ‘I want to beat up gay people’ or ‘I think they shouldn’t get married'. It is also, ‘gay peoples’ sexuality isn’t real or important, and it just exists to entertain me or get me off.’

Again, we are taught homophobia from the cradle in a thousand different insidious ways. People have their homophobia deeply rooted far before they even find out what AO3 is, my friends. Homophobia is a violence. It is evil. It is systemic.

And we cannot combat it without NAMING it. Without UNDERSTANDING IT. Bigotry is baked into our society (whichever one you live in). You have to learn to IDENTIFY IT to COMBAT IT.

And to do that, I am begging people, BEGGING THEM, my god I am on my knees people, (cue Boyz II Men, down on bended knee) to learn the difference between sex and violence. Between attraction and assault. We don’t have a prayer of eliminating bigotry or the shame and stigma around sex until we do that.

Because the stigma and shame we attach to our bodies and to sexual desire (or lack of sexual desire, ace people are valid, all level of sexual desire is valid) are pernicious, violent, and toxic to our self worth and to our very spirits.

This goes back to the question I asked earlier. If we aren’t forced outing people or actively censoring material, isn’t a little shame and bullying ok just to keep the straights on their toes?

It really is not.

Please take it from me, a person with a metric fuckton of experience working through PTSD, depression, anxiety disorder, and dissociative symptoms, most of it due to sexual abuse as a child, that shame about your body and your natural desires (or, again, lack of) is what keeps their boot on your neck. It is what keeps you from healing. It makes you live a half life. It steals joy and health and peace from you. It is the enemy of the human spirit.

My god! There is nothing wrong with experiencing sexual desire for fictional characters or scenarios! There's nothing wrong with being horny in your own house! Lol Just imagine the damage that kind of shame and stigma does to people!

I was raised by fundamentalist Baptist right wingers. They tried to teach me the same thing. That the natural things my body did were shameful and disgusting outside the bounds of a marriage to a Christian man. It turned out all that did was make me a perfect target for predators because no matter what happened I would always feel at fault.

Besides all the abuse, I was also told point blank by my father and my pastors that gay people are all sexual predators, child molesters, and deserve to be executed. You may not see much of this attitude anymore in public spaces like twitter or tumblr. But it is still very very common all over the world. In fact, it is more common than not. And I internalized that to the point that even as a grown woman I am not whole. I still have work to do to get rid of the shame I have around my own sexuality. But I will get there!

And reading sexy fiction online (along with a metric fuckton of therapy, self help books, meditation, several inpatient hospitalizations, and, well, you get the picture, I’ve done a lot of stuff) helped me work through some of the damage that did to me.

So….thanks, sexy fic writers! (I’m going to talk to the sexy fic writers for a second) You cannot know how much you have helped me! Even all the fics that are ‘just’ pwp or ‘just kink’. You cannot know! It has been a process of shedding shame and being able to face up to who I am after having a whole bunch of self loathing dumped into my brain while it was still mushy and forming.

And reading sexy fic that doesn’t contain any representations of my own body has been really, really important to ease into learning to accept myself, because it offers me a space that will not trigger any hatred or shame I have attached to my own body. That is how it has helped me.

But it doesn’t have to ‘help people’. It can just be fun.

So, when women enjoy smut of two men, and people point and say “Look! Look! Those women aren’t gay. They’re just...(gasp, choke) attracted to men!!! And therefore!!! They like two men together!!!” as though it is just a fucking S C A N D A L. I just. It’s hilarious. Most people are horny, and GOD FORBID, some of them like men! (MEN?? NOOOOO, NOT M E N) Let me notify the church real quick. Let me clutch my pearls. Light some flares. Call the red phone. Turn on the bat signal. Help, Batman, help.

So, dear anon, I don’t know why you asked the question. I don’t know whether you believe it is bad, or whether someone has told you it is bad and therefor you feel bad about yourself, but my answer for you and women of any sexual or gender identity who love gay smut, I promise that you are not inherently bad.

Certainly, if people are like ‘I don’t trust women who only ship men’ or if they have critique about the way fics are written, that is their right. You must respect their feelings and their decisions about what they read and who they associate with. They have the right to feel however they want, and read whatever they want. Being a person is complex, and we all have our own perspectives.

But as for you? Being inherently bad? No, no, no.

And as for gay men, I can guarantee you that the absolute last people on planet earth to be horrified by an attraction to men, are gay men.

Just don’t treat real people like they exist to be your little pet or that their queerness exists to fucking entertain or serve you.

Just don’t confuse fiction and reality. That should be easy enough. One is words on a page. The others are living, breathing, human beings.

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getvalentined · 13 hours ago

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Okay so someone is going around on anon "warning" people about me, apparently, which explains a lot.

Reminder that I tag my posts excessively for filtering purposes, I censor character names when I am venting, and my less polite fandom vent posts are not rebloggable because I don't want my own personal frustrations spreading around and harshing other people's squee.

I feel like going around on anon referring to people as "mentally unwell" and insisting they've done horrible things without examples aside from having personal opinions is...much more toxic than the person being disparaged discussing those opinions in their own space.

Anyway. Apparently the wording of this message is partially copied from the blog of someone who blocked me a while back—because a friend of theirs had been harassing me for multiple years, it spread to both my friends and that person's own friends, and I went public with the actual situation so people could be fully informed. Popular people don't have to follow any rules or standards of behavior, unfortunately, so it didn't change anything, but at least it's out there, y'know?

If you got a message like this, I'm sorry for the trouble. I hope you know better, but I can't change anyone's opinions. Obviously.

Fact of the matter is, I am literally just standing here. I will continue to just stand here. Sorry if that's unacceptable to some people, but this Mean Girls bullying bullshit is not how you curate a healthy fandom experience for anyone.

#fandom bullshit #there's really nothing to tag this with that will matter #and this won't move the needle either #but at least it's out there

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ozzgin · 1 day ago

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Help ozz I need to convince my dad to let me adopt a puppy. I've already used the crying and the "it's good for my mental health" methods and it hasn't worked, help!!!

Look at him!

I'm wondering how unwilling your dad is regarding said pet. Is it, "oh, he absolutely doesn't want a dog but will eventually relent and spoil it rotten", or actually, genuinely indifferent to the point he'd ignore the animal and leave it entirely in your care?

The reason I'm asking is because animals are part of the entire household. In theory, it's easy to say it belongs to person X and nothing else matters, but in reality, life isn't such a perfectly isolated case. What if you get sick, or need to travel, or can't make it home in time? Can you rely on anyone else if you need help?

I'm telling you this from my personal experience: the rats we owned, my partner loved just as much, and what a tremendous difference it made. We both took care of them, and - most importantly - we shared the burdens.

I'd suggest you sit down and have a proper conversation about the dog. What are your dad's reasons for disagreeing? How can you counter them with solid arguments? You have to show that you put a lot of consideration into it. Financing, vet visits, walks, cleaning, training, what to do in emergency situations, all of these topics should be covered with some minimal planning. Perhaps there's compromises that can be made; but you ultimately must prove this isn't some mere impulse, a wish you've made without really digging further into the logistics.

That would be my recommendation. He is indeed a cutie. :)

#personal

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oifaaa · 2 days ago

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You are so right! I can live with pit Jason, sometimes, in a fic. It could be worse, like a fic I read where he was sad and hated himself for "ruining his relationship with his family everytime" and really needed babying from others all the time.

And the sad pathetic Tim! I usually call him weepy Tim in my head and I can't stand reading a fic where he's like that. And it's annoying that I can't filter that out. I guess the tag "Tim Drake has the self preservation of a wet paper bag" could be a good start???

Anyways, suffering is not being able to filter out popular characterization of x in fanfics

The funny thing is being able to filter out that would probably make me, the fic writers and the people who enjoy that type of fanon happier overall bc it's harder to complain about wet paper bag tim and can't control his own actions jason in fanfic when the solution is "curate your own experience filter out what you don't like" - it's why I actually quiet like the "jack and Janet Drake are bad parents" tag bc it did help me filter out some of those fics but bc that interpretation is also so widely accepted as being apart of tim drakes lore it didn't take out all the fics that included it which was disheartening

#ask #anon #so far my curate my own experience has just been to #stop reading dc fic #like it works #i cant say it doesnt work

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leslie-lyman · 18 hours ago

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Hi! I was thinking for your Stranger at my Gate series, what do you think Pero’s reaction to modern sickness and medicine would be? Maybe even getting a bit of a cold or the flu himself. And of course how would Tessa react to Pero’s “first time” being sick, or at least sick in the modern world.

(Also yes, I’m 18+)

Have a good day/night.

Oh anon, I’ve actually thought about this quite a bit! Thank you thank you thank you for finally giving me the push I needed to actually write this. I’m extremely rusty but god I missed these two so much.

Sick Day

Word count: 2.1k

Rating: T

Warnings: discussions of illness; flu symptoms (but no vomiting); anxious Pero; if I had a nickel for every time I wrote these two showering together without having sex I’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but weird that it’s happened twice

Masterlist. | Series Masterlist. | dividers by @/saradika

This process happens in two phases.

The first is the unlearning of essentially everything Pero has ever been told about how the human body works, how diseases are spread, and how to treat them. This isn’t terribly difficult to do, it turns out; Pero’s seen enough “medicine” administered during battles and in their aftermaths in his life to know it’s not a particularly useful or reliable field. Patients were more likely to get worse and die following whatever “treatment” they received in his experience. And any religious faith he had was utterly shattered by his time in China. It gets tough to believe the Church’s teachings about anything, including in the power of prayer and faith to heal, once you fight monsters from outer space.

The second is the absorbing of a deluge of modern knowledge about medicine. This one proves tougher. It’s easy for Pero to be convinced that his era’s beliefs about bodies and health were wrong. It’s far harder for him to grasp even the basics of something like germ theory, simply because such things seem to him as equally fantastical as the body being governed by four humors.

It is in this that Tessa, perhaps more than anything else, has to ask for Pero’s trust. He may not be able to understand the mountain of knowledge that underpins why and how, for example, vaccines work and are safe. Tessa and Henry do their best to explain, but in the end, Pero’s consent to get a flu shot relies on trusting that the Walshes are telling him the truth.

That trust gets easier to give over time, not only because Pero comes to trust Tessa in all things as he grows to love her, but also because his experiences with modern medicine start to accumulate.

He slowly comes to realize he doesn’t have to suffer through aches and ailments like he used to. The first time Tessa notices he has a headache, she offers him two white tablets and a glass of water. And it works. His pain eases. He didn’t even know he could ask for something to treat it.

He cuts his hand helping Tessa make dinner one night. (He may or may not have been distracted by how attractive he found Tessa deftly wielding her own knife against an array of vegetables.) Tessa calmly walks him through cleaning the wound (modern hygiene has been its own set of important lessons for Pero), then places some ointment and a bandage on it. In his time, he would have worried about the cut festering. At the very least, he would expect to add a new pink scar to the collection that already covers his body. But instead, the cut heals far faster than he’d have anticipated, and his skin heals without a permanent mark.

As for illness, Pero has muscled his way through a fair number of them in his life. He didn’t have much of a choice. He’s not afraid of dying from illness; death was a daily possibility in his time, and he’d learned to live with that. The risk of his being sick is not that he’d fall to pieces, but rather that he’d be the silent suffering type who wouldn’t ask for help.

So what truly scares him isn’t the first time he gets sick. It’s the first time Tessa gets sick.

It happens not terribly long after he decides to stay. Winter is, after all, cold and flu season. And while Tessa no longer works in an office environment or has to take public transportation to downtown Chicago every day or interact much with other people on a daily basis, she does interact quite often with her niece and nephews.

Kids are germ magnets. It’s just the way it is. And when one of them gets sick, they all get sick. And when Molly, Toby, and Finn have to stay home from school, and neither Amie nor Thom can take a day off from work, and Uncle Henry is busy with his own patients, guess who comes over to take care of them?

Aunt Tessa.

And she’s happy to do it, don’t get her wrong! And she does her absolute best not to catch the nasty flu that’s currently going around their school and that they’ve brought home. But there’s really only so much one can do.

It’s a bad one this year. Despite getting her flu shot (and making sure Pero gets his), after three days of helping to look after three extremely contagious kids she wakes up the next morning feeling like she got hit by a truck. Fever, chills, aches, the whole shebang. It sucks, but hey, that’s how it goes. She’ll take her meds, consume a steady diet of soup and Gatorade, and watch daytime tv for a few days.

Pero, on the other hand, panics.

Fevers are not things that are easy to fight off in his time. Imagine what seeing the woman he loves struck down with what he only knows as plague would do to him. It doesn’t matter what Tessa and Henry have explained to him about modern understandings of illness and how to treat them. This is not an unfortunate but routine occurrence in his eyes. This is something that could kill Tessa.

She spends most of the first day asleep, her fever lowered but not broken by the leftover meds she had from the last time she’d gotten sick the previous winter. Despite trying to both reassure Pero and convince him to stay away lest he catch this bug too, Pero refuses to leave her side.

He steps out of their bedroom only once, to make his very first phone call.

Tessa had shown him how to use her phone to contact her family in case of an emergency, but he’s never felt a reason to use it until now. Every aspect of it is completely strange, each time the screen responds to his touch making him flinch the tiniest bit in surprise. But he manages to call Henry.

“Tess?” her brother says when he picks up.

“Henry. I - it’s - hello.” Pero stumbles over the greeting, remembering at the last second that he needs to hold the phone against his cheek to hear and be heard.

“Pero?” Henry’s voice turns sharp, concerned. “What’s wrong? Tessa okay?”

“She’s ill. The same pestilence as the children.”

“Ah. Same symptoms? Fever, chills, all that?”

“Yes. She’s been sleeping for a while. Tried to tell me she was alright, but she’s…Henry, she’s burning up.”

“She will be alright, Pero,” Henry says gently. “She just needs to take some medicine and stay hydrated, and she’ll-”

“You don’t know that!” Pero barks, fear making it come out harsher than he intends. “Henry, please, just - will you come? She’s your sister, and she is…she’s my…”

He takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Please. I don’t know how to help her. I don’t know what to do. But you do. I need you to make sure she’s okay.”

Henry is silent for a moment, and seems to grasp the larger context of Pero’s fear.

“Of course I’ll come to check on her. And I’ll bring over some things that will help. Give me an hour or so.”

“Thank you.” Relief laces Pero’s voice. Henry snorts.

“Please, she hasn’t let anyone properly take care of her while she’s been sick in years. Now I have an excuse to baby my stubborn baby sister. I should be the one thanking you.”

Henry arrives with his arms laden with soups, sports drinks, ice cream, and several boxes of meds. Tessa grumbles first at being roused from her nap, then at the sight of her brother.

“Fuck’s sake, Hank,” she groans into her pillow. “It’s just the flu.”

“Good afternoon to you too, dear sister. What a pleasure it always is to see your lovely face.”

Tessa rolls over just enough to glare at him with one glassy, fever-glazed eye.

“It’s just. The. Flu. Courtesy of those little gremlins we’re related to. It’s gonna suck for a few days but then I’ll be fine. You should be taking care of your actual patients who really do need your help.”

Henry cajoles her into sitting up a bit, then slips both his stethoscope and a thermometer from a coat pocket.

“Really, Hank, there’s no need – ”

“Tessa,” he says lowly, and the serious note in his voice makes her pay attention. “I’m here because Pero called me. He’s worried, Tee. I think you’re scaring your boyfriend a little.”

Tessa’s gaze jumps to Pero, who’s lingering in the doorway. The way her expression completely softens would make Henry roll his eyes if he weren’t so damn happy his sister had finally found someone who loved her the way Pero did.

“I’m sorry, Pero,” she croaks. He shakes his head vigorously and comes to sit on the other side of the bed.

“Do not apologize, mi amor.” He tenderly pushes her hair back from her sweaty forehead. “Just please let your brother do what he must. I will not take chances when it comes to you.”

The fight instantly goes out of her. Henry checks her vitals and makes her take another dose of medicine, letting his healing Gift soothe the worst of the body aches and calming her chills. Once she’s drifting off to sleep again he briefs Pero in the kitchen.

“Meds every four hours, check her temperature as often as she’ll allow you. Make sure she keeps drinking, and try to get her to eat something when she wakes up. If her fever doesn’t break in the next 36 hours, or suddenly spikes, call me.”

Pero nods, looking more serious than Henry has ever seen him, which is saying quite a lot about a man who essentially invented resting bitch face a thousand years before anyone else.

Henry gives the other man’s shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“I appreciate you calling me, Pero. But I promise Tessa is not in any danger. We just live with these things now; we don’t die from them.”

Pero shifts his weight from one foot to another.

“It is…difficult. After a lifetime of seeing people die from what starts as the smallest wound or barest cough…but I trust in your knowledge.”

“As I trust that you would do anything to keep my sister safe,” Henry returns warmly, gathering his things. “You better just hope that those protective instincts don’t drive you completely insane once you two have kids.”

Henry is out the door before Pero can think of a response.

Tessa sleeps fitfully that night, but Pero is even more restless, hyper aware of every time his love tosses and turns. Her fever breaks sometime in the early morning, and she wakes completely drenched in sweat. He helps her into the shower, settling her onto the bench on the far end of the glass-enclosed stall. She’s still paler than she should be, but her eyes when she looks up at him are clear.

A smile tugs at her lips as he gently washes her hair, then her body. His large hands remove evidence of her sickness from her skin, and the tight knot of anxiety in his chest loosens as he rubs a soapy cloth along each part of her.

“You know,” she says wryly, “under slightly different circumstances I’d be two seconds away from jumping your bones right now.”

Pero huffs at the unfamiliar phrase.

“If that means what I think it means, you have a few days at least before you are up for such things again, mi amor.”

He coaxes her to lean forward against his chest so he can wash her back.

“Pero?”

“Mm?”

She loops her arms around his neck, stilling his movements.

“I love you.”

The knot in his chest unravels.

“As I love you, angel.”

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

He pulls back to look at her.

“You do not have to thank me for such a thing, Tessa. I will always take care of you.”

She nuzzles back into his chest, fatigue starting to wear at her again.

“I’ll always take care of you too, Pero,” she mumbles sleepily into his skin. He feels it sink into his bones like a vow. He resumes his task, mindful of finishing before the water runs cold.

“I know, my love,” he whispers into her hair. “I know.”

#answered asks #pero tovar #pero tovar fanfiction #Pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #the great wall fic

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ceruleanwhore · 2 days ago

Text

I made a post a while ago in which I psychoanalyzed Jin and I just wanted take a minute here to do the same with Chevalier, since he is my favorite and I have already posted about the ways in which he presents as being autistic. My impression is that, like Jin, Chevalier has a deep, complex psyche that the writers aren't really aware of but, unintentionally, they have written it into the story nonetheless. This is going to be a really long post so you might want to get a snack or some water before you start reading lol. Also, spoilers for various parts of the series, I guess.

I believe there are two main components to Chevalier's psychology: autism and trauma. It is also my belief that he does everything he ever does because of the trauma, but those choices and actions outwardly present the way they do because of the autism. The biggest example of this is his utterly fucking stupid plan for total conquest of the whole continent — he sees it as a black and white, binary choice (either Gilbert takes over everything or Chevalier does) because he's autistic but the reason he sees it as being those particular choices (total conquest with him on top vs. total conquest with him being crushed under Gilbert's boot) is because of his trauma. I've talked about the autistic side of things in that other post I made and I will also talk about it later on in this post, but I want to start with the trauma side of things.

So, first and foremost, the most important thing when it comes to Chevalier's trauma is his denial. With his autism, he exclusively intellectualizes his emotions and doesn't allow himself to actually feel anything beyond mild irritation but then he also refuses to consciously think about them as well. This results in what is basically the emotional equivalent of that one disorder that makes people not feel any pain — damage is done, and yet he doesn't register that it's there at all and just keeps going, but there is, in fact, damage. The way I think about it is that his inner child is bleeding out in a closet somewhere in the back of his subconscious and that scared, lonely, dying child is driving all of his decisions. Even though he doesn't feel things like fear, he is driven by it because he never fucking processed it.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let's take it back and actually pinpoint what this trauma is, where it came from and how, as an adult, it affects all the choices he makes and everything he does. If we look to his childhood, there seem to be two key things: abandonment and mortal combat. From a concerningly young age, he was targeted by assassins and, also from a concerningly young age, he was fighting them off himself. Along with that, he seems to have had the horrid experience of being born a perfect baby people loved and adored but then, when he was still only a toddler or very small child, everyone started to fear, envy, and hate him, including his own mother. When we're talking about psychological trauma, it doesn't matter so much what his own actions were and whether or not certain consequences were deserved because, whether or not it was valid for his mother to fear him after he killed someone at, what, like six years old, the fact remains that her having that reaction traumatized him. The fact that she died shortly after this incident and Clavis even blames Chevalier for her death, claiming that the emotional impact of that incident killed her would have only compounded the impact of that trauma.

With the assassination attempts, I think it's perfectly obvious how that would traumatize any child, but I think it's equally significant that he had to start killing people at such a young age for his survival because taking a life is just as traumatizing as having someone else try to take yours. The incident with his mother is where we see an intersection between all these things: at like six years old, someone was trying to murder him, so he ended up killing that person in self defense and, after that, his mother viewed him not as her son or even as a child but as a murderer and was afraid of him, and then she died and it seemed to at least one other person that her death was a consequence of that situation, that it was Chevalier's fault. Even if Chevalier always seemed ridiculously mature and intelligent for his age and even if he never allows himself to feel or even think about his emotions, all of this damage was done and, since he never processes anything, it's all just festered over the next couple decades.

As an adult, I think it's safe to say that his identity is inextricably tied to his country, so his survival and self-preservation now is more a facet of his greater goal of prosperity for Rhodolite but, just as much as he became a smaller piece of Rhodolite, Rhodolite became a smaller piece of him. What I mean is that, when it comes to something like his conquest plan, one side of that is that, in his mind, he needs to stay alive in order to carry out that plan since no one else can do it, but the other side is that he needs to conquer the whole fucking continent under the banner of Rhodolite to truly secure his own personal safety. Even though he's so highly skilled and competent in so many ways that result in his safety in spite of all the attempts on his life, there are still things that can hurt and kill him. Being the dictator in control of the whole continent would go a long way to covering those few remaining bases. This sounds extreme but so is his lifelong fight against literal assassins.

As for the abandonment issues, this explains literally every interaction and dynamic he has with every other character. He leans into his reputation and the horrid impression others have of him, encouraging all those lies and even adding some of his own in order to push everyone away, and yet it's painfully obvious that, at his core, he desperately wants someone, anyone, to truly accept him for who he is and love him as he is and not leave him. Yes, I'm sure that part of the reason he has so many romance books is because he's trying to teach himself social pragmatics and romance as a genre has the most focus on interpersonal relationships and interactions, but it is also because that's something he genuinely wants, even though he can't even admit to himself that he wants it. Just like Clavis and Licht, he wants someone to love him unconditionally the way his mother was supposed to but didn't. I also think he's afraid of loss, like his mother's death, which is why he pushes everyone away so that he doesn't have any weaknesses that could potentially be exploited, but also because he doesn't want to have that experience of becoming attached to someone and then losing them.

Taking it back to my point about how he connects himself to Rhodolite, this also drives that intense, patriotic loyalty he has and how, from the beginning, he's threatening to kill Emma on the spot if she ever betrays Rhodolite, because betraying Rhodolite is the same as betraying him and on a deep, internal level, that fear of abandonment and betrayal is what's really driving that. He says himself, multiple times, that he doesn't actually like killing people, even though he ends up doing it quite often, and it seems to me that this threat of killing anyone who defies him/Rhodolite is really an expression of his hope that people won't commit such a betrayal and he won't have to kill them. I also think that the degree to which he bothers to understand the people around him is, yes, a useful tool but I think some of it comes from this internal conflict of wanting to be able to trust and get closer to others but deliberately pushing everyone away and never allowing for that risk of yet more abandoment and betrayal. One thing like this that comes up in canon is how he memorizes the names of all the soldiers who die in his service so he can uphold their legacy as he strives to finish the work they started. It's a little different but it is a very similar sentiment that, again, he doesn't allow himself to really think about.

Now, as I move to transition to the autism part of the equation, I have to talk about the inherent trauma that comes with existing as an autistic person, which Chevalier has as well. Basically, being autistic feels like you were just born wrong and every fucking thing you ever say and do is just wrong and, left and right, people hate you for existing the way you are and talk about it like you're a normal person who's just choosing to be an asshole for no reason. Well, that's actually more like half of it and then, for those of us who are more like Chev (minus the murder), half of it is people lauding you as a genius and either being jealous of you or like gaslighting you about how your brain works and trying to get you to 'maximize the good points' of your literal disability while 'minimizing unwanted behaviors'. Yeah, it sucks out here.

So, in addition to the trauma I just discussed, there's also this element of how, from a young age, he got this message loud and clear about how his whole existence is just wrong, but it's worse than that because he's literally told, time and time again, that he isn't even a human being. Now, to be clear, dehumanizing shit like that is also a pretty common autistic experience (which is also why Clavis bothers me so much even though I like his story a lot) and this exact sentiment is where we get stuff like the changeling myth from. People talk about how horrible it is that the superstitious folks of Europe came up with a bullshit story like that to justify killing their autistic kids, but we don't talk as much about how some autistic people, like Chevalier, strongly identify with this sort of thing. In real life, this is the reason why people on the spectrum are at such risk of ending up on the alt right pipeline through new age spiritual shit like starseeds but, in Chev's case, he feels this same difference and responds to it by leaning into the shit people say about him without any kind of spirituality. He doesn't need a girl on TikTok to tell him he's a superhero from another world, he can instead just lean into the core beliefs of conspiracy theories like that and view himself as someone who is intelligent beyond the scope of the human mind, who in unhindered by pesky 'human' things like emotions and personal connections, and who isn't even human at all.

All of this is to say that, even if he never feels it or consciously acknowledges it, Chevalier fundamentally believes that this world is not for him, that he does not belong here because he was made wrong somehow, and he's worked his fucking ass off every day of his life since he could walk to try to carve out a space for himself and earn his very existence. I think it's ironic that his name is 'Chevalier' because every time I see his name, I think of the title chevalier mal fet, which is what Lancelot refers to himself as in The Once and Future King, and it translates to "the ill-made knight", which I think really is how Chevalier feels about himself on a deep, fundamental level. This kind of perspective is inherently traumatic, mainly because of the unfair treatment, discrimination, and cruelty it results from, so Chevalier also has this trauma.

Remember how I said that his trauma is the driving force of why he does everything he does? This desire to do whatever is necessary to belong in this world that he was born into yet also totally alien to is exactly what's driving him to conquer the continent. If the world is not for him, then all he has to do is sieze it and make it his, which he and everyone else knows he is fully capable of doing.

This brings us to the autism itself, and I first just want to quickly list off the autistic traits and symptoms I've seen from him in the text: hyperlexia, strong pattern recognition, above average logical/academic intelligence, below average social/emotional intelligence, a tendency for literal, black-and-white thinking, a photographic memory, sensory issues, and he likes parallel play once he actually starts to get closer to Emma. I want to start by clarifying that a true, photographic memory like his has never actually been proven to exist (it's physically impossible to have total recall like he does), but when it does show up in media as a fictional trait, it's always autistic coded, like with Spencer from Criminal Minds. My opinion is that Chevalier isn't really a genius, he's just autistic and the combination of traits like his memory, the literal thinking, the hyperlexia, and the pattern recognition are what make him come across like some incredible genius.

His true genius is how he's managed to use his privilege, resources, and the people around him not just to accommodate his disability (because yes, this is a disability, even when it's someone like Chevalier) but go so far as to turn his weaknesses into perceived strengths. It's no longer a weakness that he has abominable social skills and no emotional intelligence whatsoever, now it's a strength that allows him to be a better leader because he's uninhindered by all that illogical riff-raff, because he said so. Genuinely, it's really impressive he managed to pull that off even though it's all a load of bullshit. In addition to that, he also relies on his faction to make up for these same weaknesses at the same time he's trying to claim they're not weaknesses. Even he can recognize the importance of interpersonal skills in the political arena, so that's where Clavis and Nokto come in to cover for him.

But, like I said earlier, when it comes to the choices he makes, it all really comes down to the way he thinks as an autistic person. Everything is either simple math or a binary choice after he 'considered all options and eliminated the ones that were inefficient' because of how his autistic brain works. For him, it will always come down to a violent solution because diplomacy and negotiation are just too hard for him to do, so it really is more efficient to just whip out his sword because at least he's competent with that.

This is where that internal conflict around his autistic identity comes back up with some of the trauma because he really doesn't like killing people and it is, unfortunately, true that he never would have started killing people like that if he weren't autistic. People saw him as a threat from such a young age because of the 'genius' of his autism, so the assassination attempts along with his reputation all started with his autism. His reputation and the very literal, very autistic, black-and-white choice he made on Bloodstained Rose Day are then also the reason why everyone keeps trying to kill him currently. On top of all of that, you have this true ineptitude when it comes to social pragmatics and communication skills so, between all those different things, he very literally keeps killing people because he's a prominent figure in society and he is autistic.

I think this is why he's actually willing to work with Emma and change to be less violent because he never wanted to kill people this way and, on top of that, he literally has childhood trauma around that exact thing. This massively tangled web of contradictions is what makes him the way he is and yet he can't stand to consciously recognize the vast majority of all this shit, so he's like the fucking Plato cave allegory with the denial about it and it's so fucking dangerous. Think about it — he's making all of these critical decisions about Rhodolite, who lives and who dies, and even conquering the whole fucking continent out of this psychological mess of his personal inclinations, emotions, and trauma, all while being fully convinced those things don't even exist and he is actually making the best, most objective choices since he believes that he's free of all that other crap.

The tragedy of Chevalier is that his psychology is going to destroy Rhodolite and he won't even recognize any of that as it's happening. Coming from the USA and looking at other massive countries like ours around the globe, I can say with confidence that there is absolutely no way to make a country this big and actually have it work, especially when the idea is that you're expanding a smaller country. The second that Rhodolite gets combined with another country, 'Rhodolite' is dead, and Chevalier has no concept of that. He sees countries as borders on maps with a name slapped on top and fails to recognize that what really makes his precious Rhodolite the country he's sworn to protect is the people within those borders, their culture, their language, and all that kind of stuff. Assimiliating Rhodolite with the entire rest of the continent to make one massive country will inherently destroy Rhodolite, and there is no way to avoid that.

This isn't even to mention the problems with succession and how the worst problems of any monarchy get even worse when we're talking about an empire that spans a whole continent. Chevalier is, unfortunately, exactly the type of guy that if, in the future, one of his descendants takes over the empire and fucks everything up because that's exactly how shit like this always turns out, that's only on them and Chevalier wouldn't see himself as being responsible for that even though he would have made the whole system in the first place. By keeping a totalitarian structure, especially if he gets rid of the Belle system like he wants, he will have completely sealed Rhodolite's fate. However, he won't see it that way and, if he does all of that, he will live the rest of his life thinking he succeeded in all of this and saved Rhodolite.

#ikepri #ikemen prince #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #chevalier michel #ikepri chevalier #psychology #psychoanalysis #autism #autism spectrum #actually autistic #asd #character analysis #analysis

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