#some low quality gifs 4 y'all

[sarah-yyy]

Sorry to bother you, is My journey worth watching?

what: period cdrama // completed // 24 eps, roughly 50 mins each where: iqiyi (i think most eps are still vip-locked) (standard disclaimer that i don't use eng subs so i don't speak to the quality of the subs) why: ngl, i was in it purely for zhang linghe to start, but then got !!! over cheng lei and lu yuxiao, and was too invested to quit even when the plot got sloppy. extremely gorgeous cast, extremely gorgeous set. the cinematography?? chef's kiss. you can see the budget for this show was good. the relationship between the characters? v interesting.

story revolves around the Gong family who is v prominent in jianghu even though they live up in the mountains and keep themselves sequestered away from the rest of jianghu. the Gong family itself is split into 4 different factions: Shang, Jue, Zhi, Yu.

Yu 羽 - the Yu household deals with internal affairs. the head of the Yu household is the head of the Gong family (the title is Sword Wielder or zhiren)

this is our male lead, gong ziyu (a baby). second son of the Yu household. his dad is the zhiren and his big bro (gong huanyu) is the named heir who will inherit the zhiren position. has a v lukewarm relationship with his dad. introduced as being quite useless. his martial arts is :/ and he sees no need to improve his skills etc because his brother will be there to protect him.

is quite suddenly thrust into the position of zhiren when his dad and his brother die under ~mysterious circumstances :(

Jue 角 - the Jue household deals with...external affairs, they are the ones who leave the mountain to Get Things Done outside and manage all relationships/partnerships outside

gege step on me this boy is gong shangjue, head of the jue household. he is The Man. the pride and joy of the gong family. everyone (*cough*i say everyone but really yuanzhi-didi does it enough that he counts for everyone*cough*) worships him. martial arts skills?? loyalty to the gong family?? incredibly attractive resting bitch face??? he is a 10 no matter how you assess him.

missed out on being the zhiren by virtue of him not being home when tragedy struck the old zhiren and gong ziyu's brother. doesn't think gong ziyu has what it takes to be zhiren and take care of the Gong family. my boy gong shangjue would make an Excellent zhiren tbh

do i have to seduce y'all into watching this i think i have to:

Shang 商 - the Shang household develops/produces weaponry

for most of it, the show has a p dark vibe, BUT whenever gong zishang shows up, we know we're in for some laughs. this zishang-jiejie is the eldest daughter of the head of the Shang household.

her father doesn't take her v seriously because she's a girl (also because she's always following behind gong ziyu's personal bodyguard jin fan like this: 😍💖🤞🏼; valid life choices tbh because same) but she does take her craft v seriously! ride or die for gong ziyu.

Zhi 徵 - the Zhi household develops poisons

YUANZHI-DIDI!! this boy loves two things: poisons and gege. #1 gong shangjue fanboy at least 10 years in a row. parents died when he was p young, and gong shangjue took him under his wing. whiz at poisons and v fight fight fight (ง •̀_•́)ง. is suspicious about everything and VERY protective of his gege.

alright that's the main Gong sibs all sorted. there's also an assortment of Inner Mountain (houshan) characters that are v interesting but i won't get into because 1) spoilers, 2) this post will get too long if i get to talk about hua-gongzi and xue-gongzi/xue-tongzi.

okay so the Gong family live in p much a fortress up in the mountains. no outsiders are allowed in, and only a select few are allowed out of the Gong family territory at all. we learn that this is to protect the Gong family from Wu Feng, a spy organisation which has p much taken over jianghu. Wu Feng learns that the Gong family will be holding a bride selection contest thingy for gong huanyu, and sends:

yun weishan, a low-ranking assassin in Wu Feng (Chi, the lowest out of 4 ranks chi, mei, wang, liang), disguised as a bride.

her mission is to be picked by gong huanyu as his bride, and become the next zhiren-furen so she can p much feed intel to Wu Feng. when gong huanyu and the old zhiren both croak, her attentions turn to gong ziyu who is by that point already 😍🥰😘 over her anyway NO SURPRISES. the 恋爱脑 on that boy istg, absolutely head no thoughts only yun weishan at least 20 hours in a day.

shangguan qian, a higher-ranking assassin (Mei, one rank above yws) in Wu Feng

my love my wife her mission is a little different from yws. her target isn't anyone from the Yu household but gong shangjue instead. the goal is to get her hands on this secret weapon (this is also a v HMMM part of the plot but no matter we endure what we have to) that the Gong family is safeguarding.

the relationship between these two wu feng spies is so interesting too!! they're not friends, not exactly allies, but also not quite enemies. they will help each other out if they really have to (and only if it doesn't jeopardise their own positions and there is adequate compensation), but will also not hesitate to stab each other in the backs if it serves their respective missions.

i needed like 100000 more scenes of them together ngl

ANYWAY the plot revolves around the Gong family trying to Catch The Spy, the Wu Feng spies trying to Complete Their Mission, gong ziyu trying to Prove Himself as the zhiren, and ofc there's romance sprinkled around. that's p much the gist of the show.

listen listen listen... i know this show has a bad rep in the cdrama circles, i agree. the plot is......HMM and it tries to hard to be one of those clever mysteries when it should just be what it is which is p much an idol drama?? i mean...it is a guo jingming show, we weren't going in expecting to be wowed by the plot. i think if they'd just stuck to the basics, this would have been a stronger show, but imo this wasn't bad bad. the worldbuilding was good and the characters were interesting, and like i said, the whole thing is shot really beautifully!!

the ending was......but i'll keep this spoiler free and just say that it was HMMMMM and v unnecessary what they did.

with the preface that i watched it without much expectations as to the plot, i enjoyed a lot of parts of the show! it's an incredibly easy watch, and because it's only 24 eps, the pacing is quick and conflicts don't tend to drag on for too long. if you're looking for some easy entertainment, i'd say go for it, but if you have Standards regarding plot etc, this is probably not the show for you

[mamiinmiumiu]

V-Day Gift Guide '23💌

It’s that season where everything is pink and red, hearts cover the stores, and love is alllll overrrrr! Y'all know what that means; it’s February, the month of love!

I personally adore Valentine’s Day, always have. Remember passing out little Valentine’s in school and getting the cutest treats? 🥰 Yeah, I always been a fan.

Plus, I love love. I’m here for alllll the cute lovey dovey shit!

So, with that being said, I decided to make things a little easy for anyone finding themselves a little stumped on what to get that special someone and cooked up a ‘lil gift guide! [ur welcome (˘ε˘˶ )]

From bougie gifts to the stuff that counts, I got y'all 💌

FOR HER:

1. Lego Flower Bouquet | Amazon $48

What girl doesn't love flowers? So, what about some that last forever? Plus, y'all can have a cute little date night building legos together. So cute! 

2. Venus Et Fleur Flowers | Not even gon’ hold yall, these hoes pricey. Prices range.

So luxe, so chic, so stunning!

You seen ‘em on IG & TikTok for sure, but Venus has been running the luxury flower game since like 2015! [I remember turning 15 and swearinggg up and down I was gon’ wake up to the biggest box on my bday. Ha! 🤣] Although they are very expensive, I’ve heard they are well worth the $$$ + do last long!

3. SKIMS | Skims.com $15-100 

What did Kim put in these? Let’s talk about it!

Every girl loves a good lounge set and basic staples that she can build outfits around so treat your girl to some Skims! Comfy, cute, and not wild expensive. I recommend the “Fit’s Everybody T-shirt” + “Fit’s Everybody Crew Neck Long Sleeve Bodysuit”

4. Fragrances 

Brazilian Crush Cheirosa 62 Perfume Mist | $38

Chance by Chanel | $95

Candy by Prada | $134

Very Good Girl by Carolina Herrera | $138 [MY ABSOLUTE FAVE + TOP PICK!]

5. Stationary/Planner

Nah, deadass why y'all together if y'all not pushing eachother to continuously grow & stay on y'all shit? 

I swearrrrr by my planner! It makes my life go so much smoother and is a place where I can situate my thoughts, plans, goals, expenses, etc. Help ya shorty tackle the new year and get her together with a planner. 💅🏽

2023 is about elevating, feel me?

6. Diamonds are a girls best friend, right? We’re talking Jewelry!

Good quality jewelry don't gotta cost you bands, you can get some cute, good quality pieces for the low. Plus, girls can get away with "costume" jewelry [jewelry from Dior, LV, etc., is “costume” jewelry, none of that shit is real.] too.

I love getting my pieces from Swarovski! Amazing quality, durable, and the shineeee! But I also love Pandora, The M Jewelers, and Nordstrom for when it comes to “designer” jewelry. 

Pictured Above:

Swarovski Pink Baguette Ring: $145

Swarovski Tennis Bracelet: $195

Palm Angels Bracelet: $180

7. A Purse

Every girl needs a good quality bag and lucky for y'all, designers love releasing the cutest on-theme purses for February, here's my picks;

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4 THE FELLAS:

Ladies! Our men DESERVE to get spoiled, too! Valentine’s Day is not just about us, show your man your appreciation and treat him! I picked out a few of my faves for the men this year.

1. Sneakers

If your man is anything similar to mine, sneakers are one of the for sure ways to his heart. [& y’all better not come up in here with that old wives tale about buying ya man shoes!] 

Plus, great thing about sneakers is there are so many different styles and color ways that you're for sure to find something that will fit whatever your man’s style is! But, if you want to keep it on theme with V-Day, lot’s of sneakers come out with Valentine Edition pairs. 

My personal favorites are the Nike Air Force 1 Low Valentine’s Day [2021] | Stockx $225

2. Playstation 5 / PC

What guy doesn't game? Upgrade him this year, sis! I plan to.

3. Hat / Beanie

Men love them a fye hat! And also, beanies are the hottest accessory right now. Think of a brand, I'm sure they got they own version!

I love the hats from Hat Club, they always got some dope color ways. 

Brands that got some fire beanies rn:

Billionaire Boys Club

Carhartt

Stussy

MM6 by Margiela 

Supreme

4. Cologne

I think I speak for all the ladies when I say; ain't nothing better than a man that smells good all the time!😮‍💨

These are all colognes I have personally purchased for my man and we loved.

My Cologne Picks (in my favorite order)

Viktor&Rolf Spicebomb Night Vision | $119

Bleu De Chanel | $102

Coach for Men | $105

Dolce & Gabbana | $135

5. Wallet / Card Holder

Men love them nice wallet so why not upgrade him? Think about it… he’s probably using the same wallet since forever ago, which no problem with that buuut an upgrade is always nice!

Pictured Above:

Burberry Sandon TB Monogram Card Case | $260

SAINT LAURENT PARIS Credit Card Wallet | $295

Givenchy Card Holder | $370

SAINT LAURENT PARIS Bifold Wallet | $525

6. Add to his passion/hobby! 🎭🎨🎙️🎞️

What does your man like to do? Is he an artist? Is he a collector? Is he into music? Or film? Think of your man’s interests and base a gift around that! Let’s say your man wants to start exploring photography, a good gift would be a tripod or ring light. Maybe he want’s to start up his own business? Purchase the LLC! Podcast? Buy him a nice mic! Or, if he’s into collecting a certain thing, add to it!

I think y’all get the point, lol.

7. Custom Rug / Art Piece

Men love art, too!

My man is slowly but surely tapping more into his artistic side and it's been so dope to see how his style progresses and what peeks his interests now.

A dope way to add to your man's area is by commissioning a custom piece for him! It can be a painting, rug, sculpture, etc. of whatever he likes! A rug of his favorite character, album, or even ya body ;) would be fye.

Pictured Above:

Curves By Sean Brown CD Rugs [MBDTF & VOL 3] | $250

Lighter Tufted Rugs by SatoriRugs on ETSY | $35

Wonderland Rug by @chris.cassette on IG | Prices range

Baby Milo tufted rug on ETSY | Prices range

EXTRAS:

KickBricks: Sneaker Building Blocks Handcrafted Air Jordan 3 | ETSY $59 | They have a few different sneaker options to pick from.

BE@RBRICK | Prices range | Super cute art piece and so many different styles + collabs.

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FOR YALL💏:

Matching tracksuits!: Such a cute + fly way to be headass! Lmao. Nah, but theres nothing cuter than a matching tracksuit, even cuter when you're matching with ya boo! So many brands have come out with their own variation of tracksuits so you're sure to find something that fit's yall <3

Brands with fye tracksuits right now:

Diesel

Marc Jacobs

Polo by Ralph Lauren

Palm Angels

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FOR YOUR GFS👯‍♀️:

Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about just romantic love! Valentine's Day is the perfect holiday to show your girlfriends some luv, too! Best part? It doesn't have to be expensive!

Here's my fave gifts to give my friends:

Self-Care Basket: One or my favorite things to make for my loved ones <3 You can really put thought into it and cater it to whoever you’re making it for! Some of my favorite things to put in are: A good book, blanket, eye masks, bath salts, candle, silk pillow case, etc.

Cute Treats + Sweets: Strawberries or preferred fruits, pretzels, etc! Super easy to make and fun, tbh.

A candle: I love gifting candles! The Replica candles are amazing! But, if you’re looking for a more affordable option, the Sand + Fog and the Sand + Paws candles are amazing! You can usually find them at Tj Maxx or Marshall’s for around $8-15 depending on the size. Also, candle's make cure decor, too. Body-shaped candles are such a cute, chic gift.

Wine + Matching glass: Also a great gift for a friend! I want to get more into wine this year so I don’t have many suggestions other than the only one I’ve tried; Stella Rose, lol. But, good wine + a pretty wine glass = perfect duo ����

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Alright babes, that's it for the gift guide! I truly hope y'all enjoyed this years V-day gift guide & that y'all came out of this with some dope gift ideas for your loved one(s)!

If you do end up copping something from/or because of this guide, pls lmk! I'd love to know what y'all took away from this! 💌

Until next time,

H 💋

[noctivague]

I posted 550 times in 2022

119 posts created (22%)

431 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lyresstrings

@crimsondawnsdevotionals

@slavicafire

@sephospaganplace

I tagged 418 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#altar - 41 posts

#sculpture - 38 posts

#painting - 37 posts

#illustration - 34 posts

#apollo - 30 posts

#hekate - 27 posts

#apollon - 26 posts

#aphrodite - 26 posts

#artemis - 25 posts

#demeter - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#sometimes i want to do that and start writing posts but i end up discarding them because idk it feels too much to share that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Incense blends for the Gods (part 2)

Link to part 1 here.

Link to my post about incense in ancient greece

Haven't done this in a whiiiile but I'm running low on my incense stocks so I'm starting to think about those blends again.

Once again, this is partly historical and partly UPG, so use this as an inspiration if you want and get creative !

In the months to come I will probably put some of these to the test and review how they feel and smell, because ultimately what matters is that the scent is pleasant to the gods and that you took time and effort to craft something special !

Hekate

Dragon blood - she is often associated with snakes and dragons, one of her epithets is drakaina, so naturally my mind wantered to this resin. So yeah, a poetic association. Plus I love the scent.

Saffron - this one is more historical as this spice and its color is associated to the goddess

Cypress (leaves or wood) - a tree associated with death which I picked due to Her psychopomp role

Yew - historically put around the neck of bulls ready to be sacrificed to Her, also burnt on funeral pyres

Dionysos

Labdanum - a thick and resinous product with a very instense and intoxicating scent

Pine resin - his thyrsos has a pine cone at the top so pine resin seems really fitting. Of course would be better to use a mediterranean pine but I think you can broaden a bit

Frankincense/Olibanum - as per the orphic hymn

Bay Leaves - connected to the meanads

Zeus

Oak (leaves of wood) - sacred to Zeus

Sage - it is said that he was raised under a sage bush

Storax/benzoin - as per the orphic hymn (see my other post)

Frankincense - as per the orphic hymn

Persephone

Violets (dried or scented incense) - she was plucking violets when she was captured by Hades

Lilies - same reason -> could work with roses as well

Patchouli - a rather odd combination you make think but to me it has a really earthy and nostalgic/sad scent to me and one that goes well with flowers

Benzoin/Storax - a ceremonial scent that would fit her role as Queen of the Underworld

129 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

#4

See the full post

158 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#3

Incense blends for the Gods (part 1)

A while ago I made a post about incense in Ancient Greece, and following that I really wanted to make my own incense blends for the gods as a way to have something I could dedicate to them and them only. I'm going to focus on the five gods I currently worship but if y'all are interested I can do more ! Since I already made a list of which incense is historically attested for which deity, I'm going to go a bit beyond that. I got inspiration from the historical links but I also picked things intuitively and relied on UPG.

There are no measurments as I haven't gotten to make these just yet (it's planned for next month) so this is currently a theoric recipe.

Grind everything in a mortar and mix together and store away from the light.

Note that I find all my incense from this french website which has incredible quality and really great prices, so if you're in Europe it's worth considering. I have no idea where people elsewhere might go to! Etsy perhaps?

Hermes

Indian/golden Benzoin - I tried many different types of benzoin and I found that this one is the sweetest of them all and the one that brings the most joy to my heart, hence why it seemed the most fitting to him

Dried lavender - a calming herb that smells delicious when burnt and that I associate with him (and I'm apparently not the only one)

Cinnamon - great because you can buy it in a supermarket, use either powder or sticks that you will break. Cinnamon is a common UPG and a scent that brings warmth to the whole mix.

Saffron - comes from the crocus flower which is associated to him. Quite pricey so you don't need to put tons of it.

Apollo

Oliban - Solar incense by excellence, this smells bright and confident to me. There are different types for different budgets so pick the one that suits yours the best.

Laurel leaves - historically attested and one I like to use for its purifying properties

Cloves - Smells incredible and brings warmth to the overall fragrance, one that I find to be solar as well.

Amber - it is known as a stone that is symbolically connected to the sun, but did you know it was also used as an incense since it's a resin ? To me amber feels like solidified sunrays so I thought it would fit nicely in the mix.

Artemis

Mugwort - also called Artemisia, this plant has a particular scent but one that works, I think, nicely for her someone just told me mugwort is toxic when burnt, which I didn't know! So please don't use that ! A good alternative would be sage

Cedarwood - Cedar is said to be associated to her and smells lovely. Note that cedar resin is also a thing so you can use that instead if it's more available to you.

Pine tree resin - I wanted something that reminded me of a forest for the Goddess of the Hunt and I thought pine resin would fit quite nicely.

Demeter

Barley seeds - historically attested and symbolically connected to the goddess and her title of Lady of the Grain

Mint - also historically attested (used in the Eleusinian Mysteries)

Elemi gum - a sticky ingredients that has a citrusy and woody smell and one I associate with her.

Aphrodite

Myrrh - symbolically seen as a feminine incense and one I find both beautiful and sensual, which is why I think it's suited to her. As to what type of myrrh you should use, obviously better quality will be more expensive and I found that they smell even better, so go with your budget!

Rose - for this use either dried flowers or rose scented granules such as these. This flower is perhaps THE aphrodisian flower so I couldn't not use it.

Jasmin - same deal than with the rose, use flowers or scented granules. This flower has a sensual and voluptuous smell that is perfect for this goddess.

Sandalwood - a delicious scent that mixes quite well with the other used in this blend and one that I associate with her.

228 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#2

☀️ Apollo devotional acts ☀️

Hello it's me again with a post I was meant to put online three weeks ago! I've done several of these: Artemis - Demeter - I also made one for Hermes during my 30 days challenge but I've just realized it's quite short so I will be making a new one again at some point in the future.

See the full post

323 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

340 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

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[yraine]

Have you ever seen someone so handsome before?

[piracytheorist]

My Notes on Rewatching “Call Girl”

I amuse myself by thinking that watching this film is an important rite of passage for anyone who’s an all-in Colin fan, as in, one who’ll watch anything and everything he’s in, no matter the content, theme or quality.

I actually used to think that this was a pretty bad movie... but, as you might have seen from my last few posts, I recently realized this isn’t the case. Sure, it is not your average short film, but breaking it down you realize it’s doing most things right from a filmmaking point. I mean, you don’t have to love it, but it does a great job overall.

And I mean, it’s got Colin in it. How bad can it be? ;)

Beware of spoilers, if you haven’t seen the film. And if you do wanna see it, here it is :D

~

I'm still surprised that... this is it. That's Colin freaking O'Donoghue right there. The pirate. The cowboy. The astronaut. The man the myth the legend.

Ah, early 00's.

Wait. Ok let's make a breakdown of the decoration here. There's: 1) a heart anatomy poster 2) a frame with an undiscernible picture 3) IS THAT AN ASTRONAUT FIGURE? dun_dun_dun.mp3 4) a small penguin (?) plushie with a nautical (?) hat on it 5) are those... mantis figurines stuck on the sides of the screen????

Oooooh boy you sure have some very specific decorations on your desk.

The music stops abruptly when Brendan's mother calls out to him to not close the door because she wants to see him studying. That's interesting. Also how old is Brennan supposed to be? Is he supposed to be in high school, or an adult in college? What was the age of consent in Ireland in 2003?

This vibe, though. White perfect shirt and dark vest...

The look of "I'm gonna look at hot girls with my bedroom's door open while my parents argue across the hall" ALSO YES THAT'S A MANTIS

This just makes me laugh so much. Can you imagine sweet innocent (mostly) virgin Brendan typing it and his heartbeat skyrocketing?

Seriously though, that "Welcome back Brendan" thing. With one small addition you add a whole point in his backstory about him trying to deal with his urges.

Jesus I have forgotten so much. As soon as Brendan hears his mother coming, he immediately clicks "Dump her" on the "Virtual Babe" and it just... explodes. 

With a full low-quality boom sound effect to boot. Like seriously if you were trying to hide why the f have your speakers on. You had one job, Brendan.

A rare glimpse into Brendan's room, and I'm trying to understand what the pattern on his sheets are. Maybe I'm just confused by the astronaut figurine, but it looks... vaguely... about space? Like, if you squint, the circular thing on the top left looks like Saturn's rings. No?

Also, Brendan's mom being obsessed with disinfection. That was 2003.

"I don't want filth getting into my house while I'm gone." And two hours later, her son has sex on her bed.

Oh wait, his father says "The only contact [Brendan] has with the outside world is through that bloody computer of his," in a... weird, tone? Like he's trying to placate the mother's fears of any rave party suddenly taking place in the house, but also with his tone (and maybe by using the word "bloody"? idk I'm no native speaker but it piques my interest) it doesn't seem like he's very... understanding and/or supportive of his probably very shy and/or socially awkward son.

Mom: That reminds me, block off the internet, will you? Dad: *scoffs* Why not lock him in a tower while you're at it?

He is sassy though!

Lookit him though! So sad he won't be able to create and look at Virtual BabesTM while his parents are gone.

The parent's accents strike me more towards a British one and I got confused for a bit, but then I remembered that we see Brendan use euros later, lol.

*hatching the plan to search in his father's briefcase for any cards for escort services*

This is where I started feeling that this movie is better than I’d remembered. Like, it does the job of delivering Brendan's guilt over "tresspassing" into his parents room and disobeying his mother, as well as his fear of being discovered, even though he watched his parents drive away, so he'd hear the car if they came back, in a pretty well-done and clear way.

I love how he immediately knows exactly where to look. His father's such an organized fella. Also those pills that he seems to not need immediately (thus leaving them behind for the weekend) are... something. They're put there for a reason and I wonder what that could have been.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, once he opens the briefcase. He doesn't put the card back in, he only looks briefly at his parents' photo but then he's like "Yeah. I'm doing it."

That smile as he sees the card though, lol. 

Casual reminder to have safe sex, lads.

And then the phone operator is like, full business mode. Brendan stutters for one (1) second and she's immediately like, "You want a girl?" She's like, I've had tons of people like you, lad, can't waste my time waiting until you find the courage to ask. You wanna hire or not?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED The operator asks for the address, Brendan gives it, then asks how much does it cost. Then the operator says "Same as usual." BRUH she knew the address from how often his father used the service!

And then poor Brendan checks his savings and his "Uh..." says it all about how he wishes he could hire someone for longer than an hour. Bro, calm down. It's your first time.

And then he's like, waiting all anxiously by the door. I've never hired an escort service but I feel ya dude.

And of course Barbara the nosy neighbor, here to bring us to the edge of our seats, lol.

Look at how organized their fridge is. Why is that chick suddenly so eager to cook something for him? There looks to be so much food already prepared in there.

And dude. This movie has set-ups. Barbara tries to open a cupboard to like pick up ingredients to cook something, and Brendan, with a sudden "No!" rushes in and closes it. It only makes sense later, when we see that that's where he hid the money for the call girl.

Yikes she booped his nose as she left... what is he, ten? I mean even if he's supposed to be a teen here it's still... like... he's not a little boy to fucking boop his nose. No wonder her mother seems to trust her with taking care of him, with how both treat him like he's a child.

Hi there! You're gonna die :D

Shit I just noticed the portrait on the wall. Is that a... is that a fucking ruff collar his mother is wearing???? (btw I had to search to find that term with "shakespeare collar" XD)

I mean... you can't help falling for it. At first you're like, she seems too... simple for a call girl. But then you're like, who else could it be who also knows his name?

I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't asked to use the bathroom, which prompted her to look at his parents' bedroom and him to... initiate contact. Would he have mustered the courage to actually ask her about it or would he have been so flustered until she'd say something? What would she say? "You know, your mother said you would [something]" and he would FREAK THE FUCK OUT because how does his mother know? Would they have stayed there in awkward silence long enough for his mother to call, him to pick up and find out what she was really there for?

I mean, look at that! I'm speculacting the "what-ifs"! Good fucking movie!

That look, though. You suddenly go from "Aw you cute" to "WTF I know you're thirsty for it but that's... creepy"

Look at that smile, though! She is pretty nosy!

I just... I love everything about this. The way she's smiling at nosing in in her boss' bedroom. Him creeping behind her like the future killer that he is, actually scaring her. The way he says "This is my mother's room," so shy and collected. The fucking music, too. How it slowly builds up from the moment she spots the bedroom and it starts developing when Brendan kisses her.

And that kiss. So chaste and shy and yet she's like, wow yeah let's have sex now.

"You're not as shy as you look." LOL

For the pre-sex scene I just wanna link y'all to @killian-whump 's post about it, since it says it all.

Also dude the voicemail is set up from that moment too, but we've yet to hear what it includes, aside from his mother being bossy about the smallest things. "I hope you haven't gone back to bed." IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Not only what bed he's gone to, but also what he's doing on said bed.

"You don't waste much time, do you?" Lol if only you knew. And again his first response is to apologize if he did anything wrong.

And you know what? Plot twists are a hell of a lot of fun and well made when they make you go back and see things with the new perspective. Like, how chill and simple she was, why she said the last line I mentioned, the newly-known reasons why she said it was kinky to have sex in his mother's bedroom... *slams hand on table* That's a great way to do a plot twist! A fucking plus!

Like seriously, this convo: B: Have you met my father? M: No, but a lot of the other girls have though.

Pre-plot twist viewer: Wow whAT how do you say it like that Post-plot twist viewer: Yeah makes sense

M: I think he gets sympathy from them, like, you know, cause his wife's such an old witch... *realizes* Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! *more failed excuses and then THAT face*

And like, that's a bit inappropriate in any case but pre-plot twist you're like WTAF. And then you're like eh makes sense for frustrated employees to pity their bitchy boss' seemingly calm husband...

And there's that set-up from before. Job well done, film.

And then their argument about the money. Brendan being confused about the amount, Mandy saying she'll come back and speak to his mother about it...

Seriously though what if he'd found out the voicemail after he'd had sex and before the "confrontation"? Would he like, have sent her on her merry way with all the money and then had more sex with the actual call girl?

And then his instinct, to try and make sure his mother won't find out, is to fucking threaten the woman with a knife. Wow, a little too much, Brendan. And then his first instinct, when they're fighting, is to search and grab the knife and fucking stab her. Lbr though that's just baby Colin finding his call for playing messed-up characters.

Also how did she die so quickly. Guess I found one weakness in the plot XD

And now you're like Jesus he just murdered her but when Barbara comes a-knocking and he looks at her and exasperatedly calls her name, you're like... same, bro.

And the stupid bastard didn't even wash the blood off his arm. Like seriously, Brendan, either do a murder correctly or don't do it at all. At least you can't say he wasn't dedicated, bro sliced his own arm open. *pats head* you'll learn, my little murderous bean, you'll learn.

Brendan: I was doing the dishes. Barbara: Did your parents leave them for you to do? They must have left in a rush this morning.

Yes, Barbara, he can do the dishes, he's in an undetermined age between late teens and-

Barbara: They didn't even make their bed.

Wtf you nosy bitch.

See what I'm saying? Full character development for a character with like, two minutes of screentime.

And then the voicemail drops like an anvil. My first thought when his mother said that Mandy is nothing but trouble I was like "Yo look who's talking" but then I thought that... yeah she did creep in her boss' bedroom, actually had sex with her son in it, then pretty much talked dirt to him about her... I mean she definitely didn't deserve to die, but maybe his mother was a good judge of character for one (1) moment.

And then Lorraine appears.

And Brendan's like "Now I have money for like, three hours with her. Maybe I'll even convince her to help me hide the body too."

“OR MAYBE I’LL JUST KILL HER TOO.”

In conlusion, yup, I’m pretty glad I spent a good hour and a bit watching, analyzing, writing this review and screencapping this film. 10/10 would rewatch and review again.