#some have a nack to bite and others to annoy

[blank-and-ocs]

R.C: we have a problem Yuu: speak R.C: so i was showing the racoons their positions for the race and some of them have gone missing. specifically near where we pass the chamber of mirrors thing. and i can't go search for them because i have 90 other racoons to watch and make sure they don't escape Yuu: they just...........disappeared? R.C: either snuck into the mirrors chamber and went through the mirrors or someone yoinked them up Yuu: okay do you know any featured that make them different that me and Grim might be able to use to tell they're one of your racoons? R.C: they all have a pink kazoo tied around their neck like a whistle, two of them are wearing mini shirts -Discord is the melanistic one and Pixie is the albino -, one wearing sunglasses -Loki-, one has a flower crown of daisies -Mischief-, one of the others is very attached to this small plush cat -Fidget-, one has a bow around it's neck -Katherine Howard- and the last one is a piebald with a white face and a bandana -Ivor- Grim: how'd ya' remember all that?! R.C: i know them by heart. they're also the oddest and most mischievous group racoons i take care of

Yuu: i'll ask around if anyones seen them

[kerosene-saint]

some killjoy hcs for my like... versions of them? or maybe AU of them? I'm not sure-

FABULOUS FOUR:

Jet Star: she/her, he/him, xae/xaer. Was born inside the city but he and his mom fled to the Zones when he was really little (like 3 or 4). She is definitely a boygirl, girlboy, girlfriendboyfriend, and that boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that the Killers were talking about. Absolutely has both a mom voice and a dad voice xae can do. Eye patch is star shaped for aesthetic reasons. Only writes letters in glitter gel pens. Father figure goth girl (no you don't get any context). Tired a lot and probably has a sleep disorder but it's not confirmed since she lives out in the Zones. Usually seems stoic or angry to others but the 'joys that know xaer know that's just xaer resting bitch face, though xae can be quite mean at times if need be. Has the most medical experience but can't really help much outside of stitching wounds up, disinfecting, and bandaging. Often looks very disheveled for no particular reason. 19 years old.

Party Poison: they/them ... just a bit of a enbywhore, just a little bit. Hides their feelings a lot since they view themself as the leader, "makes up for it" by being overdramatic to annoy people. Sassy. Has nightmares a lot due to the trauma of making it into the Zones in their early teen years. If you ask them to turn down the music and don't give an actual reason as to why they should (like overstimulated or have a headache) then they'll just respond with "LINE?? SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER HOW SHINEY THIS MUSIC IS!". Found family sucker, made their own out of the Fab 4 (and also sort of the 109 radio crew). Unlabeled. Has definitely kissed a 'crow just to catch them off guard so they could dust them. Or kissed a crow for fun just because they could. Kobra Kid is their brother. Would be the unreliable narrator. They have dyscalculia, which doesn't come into play very often in the zones but is why Jet is the one who handles all money transactions. Supposedly a prophet? their night terrors turn out to be sort of prophetic. 18 years old.

Fun Ghoul: Uses all the pronouns, every neopronoun, every binary pronoun, doesn't really have a preference. Completely Zone kid, born and raised. Feral little guy. Has a bit of a sweet tooth (a nack for explosives). Running away from the consequences of xer actions. Burnt off their fingerprints on one of their experiments. Really smart but acts dumb because it's fun to trick people (they are a little dumb though). Cartoon character energy. Sniffs people??? Nearly goes cage mad every other week due to understimulation (which is why her finger prints are burnt off). Sharp teeth that they shaved to be that way after they got bored of blowing up things one week. Sometimes Jet will take them driving or racing to keep cake entertained. Possibly bisexual?? Bites people as a love language. Somewhat violent and is prone to throwing bombs to let off steam instead of yelling at people. Gets into fights every so often that Party has to break up. Probably has a fair amount of hearing loss due to being dumb and exploding things without ear protection. Around 17 years old (clouds exact age is unknown since xei never kept track and don't really have paperwork due to being born in the Zones).

Kobra Kid: he/him, they/them, ve/ven/vens/venom. Silent violence type. Either non verbal half the time or just doesn't want to talk. Left blood in your Valentino white bag. Has memory problems which is why the Fab 4 often take a lot of photos so ve can remember. Just a little bit crazy, but more so protective. AUTISM. Special interest is snakes currently since he found a book on them. Got the vodka taken away from them after they tried to chug it on a dare from Ghoul. Mood swings, often rages out and joins Ghoul in blowing things up with bombs. Has a hard time crying though, it's really tough to get them to cry which they both love and hate. Cat energy. Owns a katakana cause why not and also ven is super cool so of course. Has Pathological Demand Avoidance (or what some people with it call Pervasive Drive for Autonomy which honestly I like better) and isn't aware of it, Party has found quite a few work arounds from trial and error from living with him as his primary caretaker for a while. 16 years old.

109 RADIO CREW:

Dr Death Defying: he/him, but has grown to not care as much what is used for him. Keeps insisting that he's fucked up from the war and that he's dangerous but really he's like a dad for everyone. Wears silly patterned socks a lot. PINK GUN! Has lived through a lot including multiple assassination attempts. Pan, but is extremely defensive??? Pro-respect women fr "It's okay to murder but it's not okay to disrespect women.". Raised Show Pony and Cherri Cola for the most part, being the two's biological uncle. Way too avid music listener, when he's not running the radio station he's finding new music (and sending Show out to get said music). Hasn't actually lived through a lot, he's died multiple times but he's friends with the Witch, her being an old friend he knew before she became the Witch, so he ends up getting revived. Iron deficiency, which eating the food that they can get out in Zones has not helped in any way, is the main reason he uses a wheelchair (along with joint pain and such). He has a couple different wheelchairs, including one that is all terrain which he can pop a wheelie on but he refuses to go out as much so it doesn't get much use. Taught the 109 radio crew and the Fab 4 sign language and holds classes for 'joys wanting to learn it. Around 36-38.

Show Pony: they/them primarily but uses a few neopronouns (which I've yet to decide on). Weirdly obsessed with water for some reason, any safe (or even not safe) body of water they've probably jumped in. Definitely has danced in the rain like a crazy person. Memory problems and often forgets things they've said more than things they've done. When they were younger they were a fairly shy kid, after a while they had a sort of personality change. Paints their nails a lot, sometimes paints others as well. Feminine in the way a gay guy is feminine but also they're enby. Pushes their heart shaped sunglasses down their nose so they can look over them like an annoyed librarian. Has probably been deficient in a lot of things before and sometimes just lays on the ground when they feel sick because it's the only thing that seems to help. "The power of friends and GUNS!". Likes to tease people, especially cis guys, because they find it funny when they get angry and frustrated. Does the exact same thing to 'crows because seeing a crow lose control and try to kill them while they do barely anything to dust them is entertaining. Also a bit of an enbywhore like Party. They got given their first pair of roller skates by Dr D when they were 10 and now barely take them off. When they aren't wearing their skates they sometimes trip over their own feet because they still have the motor memory of skating. 19 years old.

Cherri Cola: he/him, they/them. They pirated their gender from BL/ind, they call themself illegally male. Mixed emotions kinda of person, looks angry when they're not. Definitely get angry while also appreciative, tough love-ish. Also prone to just… crying for no reason? can also fake cry really well which he uses to confuse 'crows. Pathetic little dude, coughing blood and then asking if he looks good. Kind of a bitch but that's okay. Punched a wall once because he was "full of love". Eating ibuprofen like it's a snack (much to the dismay and concern of Show and Doc who often try to hide ibuprofen bottles so they won't take them as often). Gets mad and slams his fists against a table or punches a wall and doesn't think about how much it would hurt until after he's done it. 17 years old.

[letsperaltiago]

one single thread of gold tied me to you

From the very first time Jake mentions her name, Karen sees a thread of gold tying him to Amy. In other words: a series of small moments in which Jake is talking to Karen about Amy.

or

Jake talking to Karen about Amy throughout their relationship

Read here or on AO3 

The new girl

“Anything exciting happening at work?”

“Nah,” Jake halts, pausing to think between bites of the dinner Karen has prepared for the two of them. Because he’s the only child (and the fact that he’s a huge momma’s boy) he tries to stop by Karen’s once a week. Either for a quick chat and a coffee or longer. If the latter includes dinner, which it often does, then it’s always a huge plus. Tonight’s visit is one of the longer ones, much needed, and of course dinner is a must.

“Or,” he takes back his prior dismissal. “Like, this new girl joined the squad last week, so that’s… exciting, I guess?”

Karen’s head perks up letting her son know that she’s indeed listening.

“Well that’s always a good thing. What’s her name?”

By then Jake is already busy chewing on another bite of her mom’s baked potatoes - a personal favorite of his. Then again any food his mom makes is his favorite.

“Amy Santiago. She seems cool enough, I guess. Then again she just arrived so I guess I’ll have to see.”

Although the world, more specifically Jake, isn’t aware of it yet, the spinning of his and Amy’s golden thread commences its journey here. Karen smiles to herself as this, she realises, is the perfect opportunity for her to pick a bit on her son who’s never shy of teasing her. Lovingly, of course.

“Maybe she’s cool enough to date?”

The statement immediately interrupts his before eager chewing, a press on his entire body’s pause button, and earns Karen a deadpan expression as answer to her so-called proposition.

“Mom, please.”

There’s small smile on his face as he knows his mom is out to pester him. “Charles already went all Cupid on us when she arrived, so the last thing she needs is me hitting on her. Plus,” he’s back to being chewing on a mix of potatoes and meat, “I don’t even know her.”

“Well that’s just a matter of time, honey.”

Having nothing else to add he figures a shrug must be answer enough.

“Anyways,” he looks back up from his plate to his mother. “How’s Carla?”

Rivalling close friends

For her son’s birthday Karen has invited the squad over to her place for a celebratory dinner. At this point, since they’re good at dropping by if they’re ever in her neighbourhood or nearby for work, she’s familiar with most of the people Jake spends 95% of his time with - this with an exception of Amy and Holt.

They’re setting the table while Jake gives her one last quick rundown of the 99th precinct’s squad, so Karen is sure of who the different people are.

“… And Amy, besides Holt, is the last one to have joined the squad. She’s that super neat, kinda annoying one, I’ve told you about. You know, the one who tells me that I can’t eat in her car, and constantly corrects my grammar.”

“I thought you liked her?” He can’t see tell, since he’s busy setting the table, but Karen frowns finding it unlikely that her son suddenly has something against a colleague he most of the time spoke so highly of.

“I do, mom and that’s what’s so annoying. She’s the worst and best of all worlds...” He pauses in the middle of putting down a plate giving himself some time to turn over his thoughts. “… I mean, she probably is my best friend at this point, besides Charles, yanno? But please don’t tell him I said that. His little heart can’t take it.”

“Because of jealousy or because he’s dying to see you and Amy together?”

“Both,” Jake chuckles shaking his head in disbelief of the fact that he puts up with this situation daily.

Karen knows Jake’s “brother from another mother”, how the little man had introduced himself the first time she met him, very well  and can’t hold back a chuckle at the very vivid mental picture of a both jealous but also over the moon Charles.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

It brings an even wider smile to his face upon seeing his mother pretending to lock her lips and throw away an invisible key. Okay, maybe his mom is his best friend, but Amy and Charles are a close second.

Sadly Amy has fallen sick and never makes it to the birthday dinner, but upon arrival Rosa hands him a pretty gift bag with a tiny card and impeccable handwriting that says: Happy birthday, Pineapples ;) Inside the bag he finds the limited edition Die Hard 2: Die Harder-poster that had smashed his heart to pieces when someone had outbidded him for it on eBay. Little had he known it was Amy, sitting just a few feet away by her desk opposite of him, who’d outdone his bid with a sly smirk on her face. A smile which she could hide behind the big computer screen.

The smile on his face is impossible to hide and he immediately sends her a text:

‘ur gift made me die hard!!! guess ur not so bad after all ;) all kidding aside thank u so much and get well soon <3’

Later that night after everyone has left, he’s helping his mom cleaning the kitchen. Suddenly she hands over a homemade doggy bag with leftovers from the dinner.

“Don’t you think sweet, sick Amy deserves this after the gift she gave you?”

Her smirk doesn’t go unnoticed.

Jake of course agrees and later, on his way home, he drops it off at Amy’s place. It being late and not wanting to wake her up, he leaves it on her doorstep and sends her a text for her to see whenever she wakes up:

‘the bag on ur doorstep is not a bomb but a care package from mother peralta. hope ur feeling better but if u dont can i have your desk at work?’

A few days later Karen texts him a picture of a beautiful thank you card with the infamous, neatly Santiago style-written message thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. Jake smiles to himself and replies with a simple: ‘shes a good 1’

Unconsciously developing feelings

He never explicitly tells her. Still, Karen has her suspicions and they only grow every time her son mentions Amy’s name. Sooner rather than later it becomes very clear to her: her son would go to great lengths for his partner - even though he isn’t ready to acknowledge it yet.

“Mom, there’s no way I’m losing my car to her. I’m gonna take her on a date and she’s going to hate it and i’m going to love it- I mean… love her misery,” he corrects himself.

Karen is leaning against the doorframe to his still unaltered childhood bedroom, where Jake is currently rummaging through boxes containing a mix of childhood memories, dust and worthless nick-nack.

“You don’t happen to still have those old pictures of me and Jenny Gildenhorn, do you? I want to find an exact replica of Jenny’s hideous blue dress to torture Amy with.”

Knowing of Jake’s repressed, yet to be realised feelings, because a mother does know best, Karen rolls her eyes. He doesn’t notice. Probably because he has his head buried under his bed looking for more boxes and childhood treasures. Telling him to look for acknowledgement of his feelings for Amy while he’s down there is almost too tempting, but Karen manages to bite her lip. Hopefully he’ll see it himself one day… Or just keep talking the way he already does about her, even when complaining; it’s always with some kind of admiration. Karen sees the little twinkles in his eyes whenever the raven haired detective is brought up in a conversation.

To Amy’s sheer luck, Karen of course has loads of childhood pictures stored in a box in the garage and she gets to sit by knowingly as Jake searches multiple internet websites for the most horrible, blue, 80s dress possible. “Oh, mom… She’s going to hate this so much. Amazing.”

She doesn’t say anything but smiles knowingly as her son sits on her couch, laptop in his lap,  a boyish smile telling her that he is up to no good as he plans the (best) worst date for his “just a good friend”.

Pining

Everything seems harder at the moment. At least harder than what he’d like, Jake thinks to himself as he lies in bed, feeling tipsy from the few beers he had a Shaw’s. He knows he should just sleep but for some reason he can’t. Instead he tortures himself by staring at the ceiling which is definitely spinning - just a tiny bit though, he tries to convince himself.

He’s just come back from being undercover, and although it was kind of fun and definitely exciting in more ways than one, deep down inside he can’t deny that a tiny part of him had hoped Amy by now would give them a chance. It’s not that he’d expected her to break up with Teddy for him - it was her life to control after all. Not his. Although there was no shame in dreaming; dreaming that she’d welcome him back to the 9-9 with a slow motion run and kiss that would blow them both away, telling him that Teddy and his pilsners were out of the picture and that they belonged together;  all this time they’d been destined to belong to no one else but each other.

Alas this wasn’t the case and he returned from the mafia to a:

“I’m still with Teddy.”

The short sentence plays over and over in his head like a broken record he can’t turn off. The worst soundtrack of his life - without a doubt. Suddenly his phones rings, interrupting his spiralling thoughts.

“Hi, Mom,” he mumbles not hiding the fact that he’s exhausted, physically as well as mentally, and tipsy.

“Hi, honey. How did your first day back go?”

“It was... fine. Good to see everyone.”

Good to see Amy, Karen thinks before she does a double take when she picks up on her son’s voice clearly representing a moody side of him she, or anyone, rarely gets to see.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing, It’s-” he starts out not wanting to get into it, because feelings are messy and he always ends up being the hurt one anyways…  But on the other hand, he thinks, his mom will figure out either way - if she hasn’t already. Perhaps his lack of soberness also takes part in his sudden honesty.

“Amy,” he sighs.

“Is everything all right with her?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. I just-” he pauses. “She’s with this guy and-”

“You wish she wasn’t?” Karen beats him to it and finishes the sentence for him.

“Yeah or- I don’t know. I want her to be happy but...” he sounds utterly defeated to a point that hints at teary, she can tell even though she can’t see him. In that moment Karen wants nothing more than hug her little boy. “I really like her, mom.”

His voice never breaks entirely but it’s a fine line he’s walking throughout the entire conversation. Everything pours out of him; he’s a book of sentimental secrets opening up about his Achilles’ heel for the first time and all his mother can do is listen as he describes his favorite parts of Amy (which is pretty much everything): everything from the way her dark ponytail swings back and forth with purpose when she walks to a crime scene to how, when they’re out drinking with the squad, she always get him a beer whenever she gets up to get herself one.

It’s almost as if the spinning of the golden thread, still unknown to the world, between him and Amy is slowly choking him.

“I want her to be happy, mom… I just-” he almost dozes off before finishing the sentence but fights through it and it’s all at once incredibly endearing and heartbreaking to Karen who’s still listening from her end of the line.

“... I just wish she would be happy with me instead.”

New couple

It’s truly unbelievable. Jake can’t believe he’s about call his mom to tell her: tell her that he’s with Amy now.  

It’s been a month now; a month of him being with Amy and being so very happy he still can’t believe he’s been spending all this time not feeling like this. However, not wanting to rush things or put any pressure on either of them, simply enjoying being together, no one else but the squad knows about them.

Them. Him and Amy. A thing.

Just thinking about him and Amy that way, it almost makes him dizzy of pure disbelief. There had been so much buildup, such a long history of back and forth, bad timing, but all that aside now here they were. Amy Santiago was his girlfriend. Maybe that is the thought that causes his heart to take on a way too quick beating pattern and the hand holding his phone to become clammy. Now is the time though and he doesn’t hesitate to hit his mom’s contact. It rings. Jake can clearly hear his heart thump loudly against his ribcage. Should he be this nervous?

One time.

Two times.

Thre-

“Hi, honey,” his mom’s warm chipper voice interrupts the monotone ringing instantly making his lips spread into a small smile and heart take a break from the irrational thumping.

“Hey, mom,” he starts pacing around his apartment in attempt of diverting all the energy and emotions rushing through him, unconsciously bringing him everywhere from his bed to his kitchen.

“So it’s actually been a little while now… And I haven’t said anything since I didn’t want to rush anything but,” he cuts the sentence in two with a deep breath. “So, like… Amy and I are dating... together... her and I,” he starts rambling and wow he really should’ve written this down first. Karen doesn’t let it go on for too long though too excited to not say anything.

“Honey, I’m so so happy for you two! And it was about time that you finally told me!”

Jake’s pacing stops on the spot.

“What do you mean “finally”?”

“Oh, Jake... Sometimes I think you forget that mothers know everything. Plus you’re not very good at hiding… bruises,” she clears her throat, emphasizing what she’s really saying while imagining her son blush on his end of the line. “Also you’ve been visiting less and less, which means someone else has to take up your time.Someone who is even cooler than your very own mom, someone who makes you this gitty and nervous to talk about… It had to be her you were calling about.”

The smile in her voice is clear as day, but Jake is still baffled trying to come up with an explanation or the very least a decent answer. There is none, he quickly abandons the plan and instead lets out a happy huff.

“She’s really cool, mom. So cool. The last month has been like… the best. I don’t know how else to describe it. She’s the best.”

Compared to the defeated and heartbroken man she spoke to all those months ago, after his return from being undercover, this is a whole new version of her son that she’s longed to see. Karen can’t physically see him but can still clearly tell he’s flipped the page and is taking on a better chapter of his life.

Early relationship

It’s another night at his mom’s. Although the motivation behind the visit is a tiny bit different than usual this time. Sure, they’re gonna talk and have a nice dinner prepared by Karen as per usual, although tonight the mother has to nurse a whiny Jake who’s missing his dear but very out of town for the week-girlfriend. And the experience feels… mixed.

“Dinner is ready!”

No response.

She looks up from where she’s just carefully put down a sizzling pan to see her son back against the one arm of her armchair with his legs svung over the other. Physically he might be close but mentally he’s so far away, clearly more focused on whatever is going on on his phone’s screen.

“Jake,” she tries again but rather than giving his mother a reply Jake start typing as if nothing or noone was within miles of him. Karen can’t help but feel like she’s raising a teenager all over again, a teenager with the attention span of a goldfish, although this time her son is actually in his late 30s, lives by himself and has a girlfriend. So little yet so much has changed about him.

“Jacob,” she tries with her more more stern voice. She knows what he’s doing, texting Amy, and even though it’s cute he needs to snap out of it. At least for long enough to eat. He finally reacts and looks in her direction. Realization hits him which immediately prompts him to push himself out of the seat.

“If you stop eating you won’t even be alive to see her when she comes back.”

He deserves to be teased, he figures.

“I’m sorry. It was a text from Amy and I just wanted to reply right away. I just really miss her, I guess... and this is the closest we’ll get to talking today since she’s busy with her family, so...”

He leaves his phone behind on the coffee table, implicitly letting his mother know she’s got his (somewhat) full attention from now on.

“It’s so weird. We’ve only been together for like...” he counts in his head. “... 5 months now, but I already can’t stand being away from her for too long. Am I insane?” he drops down into his usual seat by the dinner table, almost in defeat but Karen is quick to rescue him in his moment of overdramatic despair.

“No you’re not, I assure you.”

Karen grabs his hand to stroke it comfortingly. She knows her son didn’t mean to be rude, didn’t mean to ignore her and she loves how much he’s opened up about his emotions since getting together with Amy.

“It’s a good sign that you care so much, but just remember that distance makes the heart grow fonder and it’ll feel even better when she comes back… and until then you can let your old mom entertain you.”

They share a chuckle because they both know what that means.

“Did you get ice cream?” he asks.

“Strawberry, chocolate chip and cookie dough… and to top it off: Die Hard is ready to play the second we’re done eating and doing the dishes.”

It’s a little tradition of theirs: their shared comfort snack plus movie-combo.

“You know me so well,” Jake smiles almost forgetting about missing Amy.

If not for the rest of the week then at least for a couple of hours.

Going steady

This week is a a lot different from the usual. While it’s not every single week they actually manage to see each other or even get the time to talk, Karen knows for sure that she won’t hear from her son for at least a couple of days. Jake is away on a cruise with Amy, and so besides the few pictures he’s texted her of them eating shrimp in bed (she wonders how he talked Amy into that) and a huge seagull stealing some of Amy’s fries, Karen doesn’t expect a whole lot of her son’s attention that week.  

Which is why she is extremely surprised when her phone rings, her son’s picture and name displayed on her phone, in the middle of the night. Yes, the element of surprise is of course due to the fact that she knows he’s busy being away with Amy, but also much due the time at which he calls.

01:21

A mother’s undeniable fear and worry for her child never goes away, no matter how old said child is, and it now creeps in making her fear that the worst has happened. What could possibly lead him to call this late? She frantically grabs her phone from her night stand.

“Jake, it’s in the middle of the night. Is everything okay?” She doesn’t mean to come off as accusing but she’s definitely trying to get to the bottom of the mystery right away.

“I love her.”

It falls from his lips, very out of nowhere, and it’s hard to tell within what context it is to be interpreted. Interlacing with his voice is the sound of crashing waves and a strong breeze making Karen wonder where her son finds himself.

“Honey, what do you mean? Where are you?”

Maybe she should’ve understood right away, it was obvious, but not only was she sleeping just seconds ago but the background noise on his end of the line only makes the whole scene way more confusing than it already is.  

He breathes, out of breath almost as if he’s been running. “I’m outside. On the deck. And I love her, mom.”

“The deck?”

“No,” he pauses catching his breath. “Amy. I told her… Or she told me first and then I told her back. Nothing has ever felt more right.”

That makes way more sense, Karen thinks although still quite unsure of exactly why he’s calling her. All that aside her heart is flooded with happiness, when she realises her son is not out of breath from running or crying, but rather all the emotions he must be feeling.

“Aw, Jake. I’m so happy for you. I know how much she means to you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah… You’ve changed so much throughout your relationship with Amy and it’s only for the better. You were already wonderful, you’re my son after all, but she brings out so much more good in you. This was only a matter of time. I think you’ve loved her for longer than you think.”

Another silence allows the crashing waves and whistling night wind to make an appearance. Following words almost fall off his lips in a tremble but Karen can tell it’s because he’s moved and is trying to collect himself, his emotions and thoughts. This is a big step for him - she knows.

“I have. And I don’t think I wanna stop again.”

Their talk lasts a few more minutes; just long enough for Jake to explain that he couldn’t sleep, too excited about the fact that he loved Amy Santiago and, even better, she loved him! Instead of staying in bed, restless and thus risking waking up Amy, he’d carefully disentangled himself from his girlfriend’s grip and decided to go for a night stroll. Next thing he knew he was calling his mom’s number.

“I should probably go, mom. I don’t want Amy to wake up alone.”

They say their goodbyes and when Karen finally gets to meet his daughter-in-law a few weeks later, at Jake’s chaotic birthday dinner, she is even more sure: their golden thread is so very strong.

Moving in together

The first time Karen visits Jake and Amy’s apartment (the words still make his stomach twist and turn with excitement every time he says it or even thinks it), Amy is out getting groceries for the dinner they’ll all be preparing together.

Jake proudly gives his mom a full apartment tour explaining where he’s added his Peralta-touch to the household while still praising his girlfriend’s taste in interior design. She has to laugh at the huge Die Hard poster discreetly hung on the inside of their closet door. Framed pictures of the couple together hung and standing around the apartment only makes Karen’s heart melt even more.

“How are you guys liking living together so far?”

They’re in the kitchen, Jake is preparing them both a cup of coffee.

“I mean, we already took constant turns crashing at the other’s place so it doesn’t feel that brand new, but still…” he pauses to smile and pours his mother a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee before continuing. “This is so much better. We share a home now. She is officially my home now, yanno?”

“I’m proud of you, Jakey,” Karen playfully ruffles her son’s curly hair, something she rarely gets to do but still immensely enjoys every time. It reminds her of when he was still a little kid and hits her with just how far he’s become. She’s not just proud: she’s so proud.

“Plus, now I get to annoy her 24/7, which is great,” he laughs and Karen playfully pinches his ear.

“Be nice to her, Jacob,” she’s chuckling too.

“I am! Our relationship is practically built on a foundation of pestering and messing with each other. Trust me; she loves it.”

Prison

“Amy… I miss her so much.”

As if the fact that her son has been wrongly accused and is facing 15 years in prison isn’t agonizing enough, Karen also has to suffer the pain it causes her to hear her son cry out to her over the very rare phone calls they get these days.

“When I say I’m afraid of never getting out of here-” he heaves between fallen, sobbed words; sobbed words which Karen knows he tries to subdue in order to not show the other inmates weakness. But it’s hard; impossible. “It’s mostly because I’m afraid of not seeing her again. Every time she visits-,” a sniffle “I’m always afraid that it’s the last time I see her. And all I wanna do is kiss her and hold her, but i just- I can’t. I miss her so so much, mom.”

Karen’s heart breaks alongside her son’s, even hours and miles between them, tears rolling down her red cheeks. She knows she has to be strong for him, and that it’s harder for him than for herself. Denying the ache and fear in every cell of her body is impossible though… But she has to keep her head up for him.

“It’ll be okay, honey,” Karen forces herself to stop crying when she speaks and will instead let the tears fall freely whenever he can’t hear it. “The squad is doing everything they can to get you out.”

“I know... “ he takes a deep breath and Karen can tell he’s trying to collect himself for good this time. “H-how is she?”

For a split second Karen considers lying, not telling him that she’s spent multiple nights consoling a crying Amy and even sleeping over at their place when the young woman was too tired to take care of herself. She considers telling him she’s fine, but she knows it’s pointless: Jake and Amy are two open books who tell each other everything. Just like Amy knows Jake has never been more afraid and seeks hope in every second he gets to be with or even just talk to her, Jake knows Amy is struggling though she’s a trooper and tries to fight through it as seamlessly as possible.

“I visited her on Wednesday and…” Karen bites her lip but eventually a sigh escapes her. “You know how she feels... It’s hard for both of you. But she’s strong, honey and she manages. And on the days where she can’t, I’m there with her. I promise.”

Silence.

He’s holding back tears again.

“I love you both, mom. So so much. You two are what is going to get me through this.”

“I love you too, Jacob.”

Their golden thread might be strained, but now is time for it to show its strength.

Engaged

He can’t put it into words, at least not properly, because how does one describe how it feels to be the happiest man alive? How does one describe such a wide, complex, incredible range of emotions? It’s impossible.

Instead he settles for a text.

It’s truly comical but also very much them: a picture of Amy in the evidence locker, still partially crying although of course also smiling as she shows off the shiny ring on her finger. It’s followed by the message:

‘MOM, I’M MARRYING HER!!!’

Later that night, tipsy after celebrating at Shaw’s, Jake and Amy facetime Karen. It’s safe to say that she gets a good laugh at 3-drink Amy showing off her new, favorite bling while Jake is all over her, placing small kisses to various parts of her face.

“Okay, you two... I’m going to hang up before this goes beyond a PG-rating. Once again congratulations. I love you both and can’t wait to see you soon.”

Married

Bomb threats, ruined cakes and a lost veil are just a few of the things that go horribly wrong on Jake and Amy’s wedding day.

Now, a few weeks later, all these tiny disasters seem to be long forgotten, almost as if they’d never happened.

“... But in the end we’re married and that’s all that matters,” Jake finishes telling his mother the tale of their chaotic but incredibly beautiful and unique wedding which was followed by a PG-rated version of their trip to Mexico.

The three of them are taking up the space of Karen’s living room as they chat and drink their usual coffee. Jake’s arm is slung around his new wife’s shoulders, fingers interlaced with a happiness and peace that warms the mother’s heart. Compared to the anxiety and sadness they all experienced during Jake’s time in Florida and then later on in prison, this moment in time is a major contrast. It’s a moment which Karen at times had feared she’d never be able to witness ever again. Yet here they were, the three of them together in the same room and Jake looked happier than ever. He was married to the love of his life, showing off a warm glow that he could thank both happiness and the Mexican sun for.

“I’m so happy for you two. It was always meant to be this way.”

Karen beams just as much as the married couple, feeding off the pure bliss they display in each other’s company. Amy perks up at the comment growing curious.

“Always?” she questions with a smile.

“The second he told me that the new girl was “pretty cool”, I knew something was meant to happen.”

Jake feels blood rushing to his cheeks even though said new girl is now his wife.

“Aw, babe,” Amy turns to him flashing a teasing grin. Every opportunity to tease must be put to good use. “I can’t believe you’ve been into me for so long. How embarrassing for you.”

“Hey!” He whines and it’s clear to see that he’s trying to fight the blush and embarrassment alas it’s already way too late. ”Be nice to your husband, Mrs. Peralta.”

“Not my fault that you’re so into me, Mr. Peralta.”

There’s a short pause in the conversation where Jake realises there’s no way out unless he uses her own teasing ways against her.

“I’m a lucky man… I guess,” he counters playfully and it earns him a just as playful slap to the shoulder.

“You guess?”

Amy is quick to pull away  although doesn’t allow their fingers to untangle while she sends him a mock-pout.

“Be nice, Jake.”

Karen loves her son but will also, at any given time, take Amy’s side before his. Jake came to learn this the second he introduced the two women and they started gossiping about him. He would care to mind if it wasn’t for the fact that there was nothing better than his two favorite women getting along so well.

“I’m joking, babe,” he loses no time and before Amy can add anything he’s pulled her back into the nook of his arm, adding a kiss the top of her head - just for good measure (and because he’s crazy about her). “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

Their golden thread has tied an everlasting knot.

Trying

Jake and Amy trying for a baby had been such a joyous announcement, and Karen will never forget the proud look on her son’s face the day he told her. Although tonight, said proud and happy expression is long gone, forgotten and dissolved by the many months of planning, trying and holding on to their hope.

Jake is once again, as so many times before, on his mother’s sand-colored couch with warm coffee in hand but this time with a look of despair painted across his pale face. While she’s been getting cookies in the kitchen he’s fallen into deep thought and doesn’t say anything for a while. Even after she comes back and sits down across from him. The silence might be needed, Karen thinks and, of course, respects it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t shake her to the core when the next thing he says seems to question every ounce of happiness he’s ever lived.

“What if all along I’ve been the wrong choice? A bad choice.”

His eyes doesn’t budge from the same spot, an old coffee stain on the couch, he’s been staring emptily at for the past minutes. Even as he speaks.

“What if she was supposed to be with someone else. Someone who can give her the family she wants… the family she deserves.”

It doesn’t even sound like a question at this point but rather a horrible fact he states in a moment of frustration and agony, and it ignites a fury within the mother because she knows it’s his anxiety and fear of abandonment speaking. She knows that their love is way bigger than that.

Things are far from easy right now. On the other hand Karen hasn’t witnessed them fight and overcome every obstacle imaginable, everything from a stupid mattress to being sent away to both Florida and prison, only to come to this. This isn’t the tip of the thread. A golden thread isn’t spun without reason. It’s spun for the fated.

“Has Amy ever made a bad choice?” she asks.

For the first time in a long time Jake actually looks at his mom. He pauses but she knows he doesn’t have to think. Karen knows that in his eyes Amy can do no wrong.

“No… I just-”

“Okay, so do you honestly think that her wanting and fighting for a baby with you is a bad choice? Even if it doesn’t come easy.”

There’s another silence, longer this time, which hopefully means that something resonates inside his head even though Karen knows it’s a dark and confusing place right now.

“No, I guess…”

“No, don’t say “you guess”. You know, Jake Peralta. You love Amy and she loves you. I know it seems like life keeps on throwing you curveballs and I wish it wasn’t so, but trust me when I say that it’s not because it’s a wrong or bad choice. You being with Amy is the best, most right doing I’ve ever witnessed, and I’m so proud of it. Stop doubting yourself. Your love is too good for that. You’re too good for that, honey.”

Her voice had started out a bit rough, just to make sure to get her point across, but by her the last sentence it has grown soft like butter and Jake can’t help but fall into his mother’s arms. He knows she’s right and it’s in moments like these that, moments where he wants to give up, he’s glad to have her to fight off his demons.

“I just want to give her everything she deserves, mom,” he mumbles into her shoulder, still holding on for dear life; so closely that Karen swears she can feel his heart breaking against her chest. “And I know I’ve been hesitant about it in the past, but now I just-”

Karen feels him let go of her and straighten his back. His eyes are shiny and there’s so much hope but also hurt in them.

“... I really want to be a dad. I really do. And then I wanna do it right.”

Karen knows what he’s hinting at and the sentiment is so valid even though she’s back together with Roger and their father-son relationship has grown stronger.  

“You will be, honey. One way or another,” she whispers and reaches out to stroke his cheek. “And you will be the best. I promise you.”

Pregnant

Mother knows best, Jake can’t help but think on the magical evening Amy tells him the best thing he’s ever heard: she’s pregnant. The world seems to flourish around him like never before.

Of course the first person he wants to tell is his mom, but him and Amy quickly agree on keeping the amazing news to themselves, or at least until their baby has hit the safety that the 12-week mark comes along with.

Until then Jake and Amy plan on how to break the news to Karen (and Roger, of course) and Jake almost can’t believe it when the day finally arrives. Their 12-week check was just yesterday, and to everyone’s relief and joy their baby is growing as they should and thriving in their mother’s womb. They both shed a tear and ask for an extra set of ultrasound pictures to give to the future grandparents - both on his and Amy’s side.  

During dinner with Karen and Roger the following day, Jake is on the verge of bursting, yelling out the news the very second his parents arrive. Although a humbling squeeze of the hand from his wife keeps him in check until dessert. Here the hand squeeze feels different and Jake knows now is the time.

“By the way,” Jake gets up and heads to the kitchen to get another tub of ice cream. “We have a little extra surprise for dessert…”

Roger and Karen frown in unison as both of them are yet to finish what’s already in their respective bowls. Jake ignores it and comes back with a tub of…

“Lime ice cream?” Roger asks, clearly confused by the very specific flavour.

“I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Karen chuckles, always being the one to lighten the mood.

“Well,” Jake smiles with content as he sits back down. “I promise you: you don’t wanna skip this part. It’s the best.”

And so of course Karen is quickly hands on, pulls off the lid and is ready to dig in with her spoon but halts the second she gets to take a good look at the bucket’s content: a small piece of paper. Neither her or Roger understand a thing, and being too preoccupied by their confusion they fail to notice the wide grins on the other couple’s faces.

Karen takes the leap and digs out the picture quickly noticing something scribbled onto it with neat handwriting - Amy’s, of course.

Hi, grandma and grandpa. I’m now 12 weeks old and the size of a lime! I can’t wait to meet you <3

Karen feels her heart skip a bit, maybe even stop entirely for multiple seconds and looks to Jake and Amy for some kind of approval or… she’s not even sure of what. All she’s sure of is that she’s on the brim of exploding. Her son nods biting down on his bottom lip in excitement, and when she flips the piece of paper she’s met by the most wonderful picture she’s ever seen: their future grandchild, tiny as can be, in black and white, and completely perfect.

Karen tears her eyes away from her grandchild to look at her son to be met by his almost trembling voice and shiny eyes.  

“Good thing my mom was right when she told me that I would be a dad some day.”

Jake’s eyes are so sincere with tears threatening to spill as he holds his mother’s gaze talking directly to her, and it’s safe to say there’s waterfall’s worth of happy tears that evening.

Welcoming mac

The day Mac is born Jake feels as if his heart is suddenly beating and living outside of his chest in the shape of his son. There’s so much love even before their son officially arrives, but nothing can possibly top the feeling of holding him in his arms feeling the infant’s hand wraps around Jake’s thumb. Love is shooting through the roof and up to the moon. Never before has Jake felt so much love for someone’s he’s just met before and it’s scary in the best way.

He’s sitting in an armchair by Amy’s hospital bed, his wife fast asleep after the most exhausting hours of her life, when the door to their room pops open. He doesn’t even bother looking up at first as he’s too busy gazing lovingly at the bundle of love in his arms.

“Oh my goodness.”

Jake head perks up immediately recognizing the sound of his mother’s voice. By now she’s closing the door behind her, quietly.

“Hi, mom. Come say hi.”

Karen can hear his smittenness in his voice and sits down on a smaller chair next to him to better see her brand new grandson. It’s immediately clear as day that the newest Peralta is the perfect mix of both parents. Chubby cheeks, dark hair, full lips and a nose she’s gonna want to kiss over and over again.

“Meet McClane. Mac for short,” Jake informs her stroking his son’s chubby cheek.

“It’s perfect,” Karen clucks and follows suit stroking Mac’s other cheek. “He’s beautiful, honey. You must be so proud. I know I am.”

For various obvious reasons Jake has always struggled with acknowledging pride - even when he’s clearly felt it, he’s found it difficult to say it out loud or fully believe it. Today is different though and he wants to scream it from the rooftops: he’s so freaking proud of his beautiful baby son and his incredible wife.

He smiles fondly as he nods in agreement.

“I really am, mom. Proud of myself but especially of Amy. I’ll explain it further later but I Amy went into labor at the precinct, I was out helping with the blackout and almost missed the birth. I just barely got there before Mac was born and Amy managed everything like a pro. I can’t believe I’ve made a human with her. She’s the best… I’m so lucky.”

Jake looks at Karen sensing that she’s going to speak.

“I can’t imagine any other person for you than her, and together you’ve formed a beautiful little family, honey. One to be very proud of, so don’t forget to give in to that feeling, okay?”

Karen hand travels from sleeping Mac’s cheek to her son’s curly hair, on a mission to stroke it like she always would when he was a child and it prompts Jake to lean his head onto her shoulder. From his new vantage point he looks back at Mac, then Amy.

They’re his whole world, his two ends meeting and Karen can only sit by to admire the scene before her. Never has Karen felt more sure of the fact that there was always one single thread of gold tying Jake to Amy.

(And Mac).

[idrawstuffidk]

The Bloody Rose- Origin story.

Do not read if you are sensitive to: graphic depictions of gore, graphic depictions of death, murder, child abuse, bullying, mentions of suicide, Phsycological manipulation, physical abuse, Halucinations.

It started from as far back as she could remember. The screaming, the fighting, the loneliness, and most importantly, the hatred.

What was one to do when their parents fought for hours on end, what does one do when their older siblings get screamed at and hit? There’s only one reaction. You hide. And that’s what Sara Rosetta Drisskle did, every time. She hid her drawings, she hid her paper creations, she hid her nick nacks, and anything she cared about, less they be destroyed as Punishment. she hid her homework and her study guides, less they get her in trouble somehow, and she hid her fear, because if it showed through, she didn’t know what would happen.

she hid herself in her closet most of the time, so when she began having violent thoughts or murder and torture, night terrors and sleep paralysis, intrusive thoughts about her murdering and torturing her family, or even strangers she met, despite her fear of them, despite the lost sleep and fear of what was happening to her mind, she hid that too, because even though she was starting to scare herself, she was more scared of her parents.

She hid the bruises she got from the fights she got in at school, from when people thought she was weird for twitching and looking over her shoulder constantly, or from when people were too loud, or not loud enough. When people looked at her funny, ignored her or paid too much attention. She wasn’t above starting fights if she was annoyed with them, fighting, yelling, and hitting was what that child knew, and it was all she was good at. It was all she thought she could do. And she hid it, because she was more scared of her parents than she was of what she was doing.

This came back to bite her when she was 10, and it became clear why everyone hated her. She couldn’t blame them, but it was annoying when people ran from her in the halls, and even more annoying when people weren’t afraid. When they fought back was the worst. When they thought they were better than her was the worst. That was what serious blood was shed, that was when windows were broken, and that was when she chanted to herself over and over that she wasn’t scared of herself, she was scared of someone else.

But bad times don’t last forever, sometimes, it just takes time for everything to settle down, sometimes people get help, sometimes people get better, and people heal. That could be said for her parents, when her mother left her abusive job, when her father got a job that paid well, that could be said for her siblings as they got help, got therapy, as they warmed up to each other again. It could be said for Sara to an extent as well, because with time she calmed down, the fights she was in became scarce with long intervals in between, and it seemed like everyone was getting better. But that just couldn’t be the case, could it? Because Sara was an expert at hiding things, it didn’t outwardly appear that there was anything really wrong with her, but the dreams remained, the intrusive thoughts prevailed, the violent tendencies turned from lashing out at others to desperate claw marks on her arms, none of it went away, none of it, she just got better and better at hiding it.

When she was 12 was when everything was calm, that was when she met her first real friend, that was when Cindy came into her life. Cindy was low hanging fruit, easy to befriend but unfortunately, not easy to manipulate. There was something clearly wrong with her, the closer Sara got to her, the more apparent that seemed. She’d talk to no one, she'd claim to see people that weren’t there, and most odd, she seemed to believe Sara to be one of these “people” on certain occasions. It was odd, alarming, raised some red flags, and caused enough stress to cause more and more red lines to appear on her arms, but Sara didn’t have any friends, and she really wanted to.

Besides that, Cindy was funny, at least. She never failed to make Sara laugh. The two were almost inseparable. But that was where the pros ended. Cindy seemed to be a naturally manipulative person, constantly wanting everything to go her way, telling her that if she didn’t do what she wanted she’d expose her secrets or beat her up, that was fine, if Sara got annoyed she’d just give her the silent treatment. Who else was she going to talk to? Everyone thought she was crazy after all, she’d last a maximum of three days of being ignored before she’d come running back. In the meantime, Sara would scratch at her arms as she always did, angry at her, but waiting for her to return.

Of course Cindy did the same thing to her. It got to the point Sara wasn’t sure who started it first. But again, it didn’t matter so long as Sara lasted longer. And Sara always lasted longer. Because Sara at least seemed mostly normal, she could make small talk with her classmates, and though they had an aversion to her from memories they had, most were friendly enough. Cindy didn’t have that luxurie, and it was a good thing as long as it benefited Sara.

As the two walked to class, Sara stopped by her locker, opening it to get her textbook as Cindy continued making Idle chat with her Sara was barely paying attention to as she idly scratched her arm. A note fell from the locker that must have been slipped in through the side.

“What’s that?” Cindy asked, looking at it, Sara picked it up with her free hand not holding the textbook.

“Don’t know.” She answered shortly

Sitting in class she opened the note, a simple folded notebook paper with the same little cat print in the corner that was obviously from Nancy Baker's notebook. The message was short but clear.

“You should stop hanging out with that freak”

Really, that was all it had to say? Sara looked up to where Nancy sat, she knew her notebook only because Nancy was the type to flaunt every new thing she got, but besides that Nancy had never stood out to Sara before, she just sat with her friend in the corner of the classroom, She caught her eye, saw her holding the note, and simply smiled, winked, and went back to passing notes.

Huh, so it wasn’t an attack towards her.

That day Sara sat with Nancy and her friends, she learned their names were Elise and Judy, for lunch. Only because Cindy was going out for lunch with her aunt, as she always did on Friday. Had Cindy been there, Sara didn’t really want to know what she’d threaten to do if she saw Sara choosing other people over her. She said so much to Nancy, Elise and Judy, all three telling her that wasn’t normal. She neglected to tell them she essentially treated Cindy the same way.

For the next few weeks, Sara sat with Nancy, Judy, and Elise whenever Cindy wasn’t around. And she learned pretty quickly the type of people they were. They had a tendency to leave notes in people’s lockers, often with unsavoury messages, and sometimes water from the sewers out back as well. It was a neat contraption, a paper cup on a long string, and a syringe to drain the water from said cup between the bars that prevented people from falling in. It smelled awful, and tended to cause some insult to injury. Sara noticed they didn’t do it to Cindy.

“Why’d you give me that note anyway?” She’d asked once

“Because Cindy is crazy!” Judy had said “we were worried, and from what you’ve told us, we had a right to be.”

“Yeah” Elise had said “she’s insane!”

“Well she acts pretty insane” Sara has replied. She’d thought for a minute “why don’t you put notes in her locker?”

“Who knows what she’d do” Nancy shrugged “either to us or to you, she’s unstable as it is”

Sara thought again, Cindy has recently convinced her to help her paint a prop for the school play instead of working on an assignment, causing her to hand it in late. It wasn’t the first time she’d done something like that, and Sara had definitely done the same thing multiple times, but it was still annoying. And this could be funny. It would be what she deserved.

“Put a note in anyway” she had said “you have plenty of blackmail material, I can handle her.”

The smiles on Nancy, Elise, and Judy’s faces had been as malicious as her thoughts. And Sara noticed, since she’d started helping them, her arms had never been cleaner. Was this what she had to do to get the pain to stop? Was this where she was meant to be? She looked up as the three others, and her smile matched perfectly.

Over the next couple of months Cindy got worse, Sara couldn’t help but notice the bandages on her arms, and multiple times had to talk her down from doing something she’d regret. The next day though, she’d be feeding this information to Judy, Elise, or Nancy like they were hungry dogs waiting for their next victim. It was their longest lasting joke between the four of them. Until eventually it, like many other things, came back to bite her.

“I know you did it” Cindy mumbled, Sara looked over her shoulder from her easel, they’d decided to work on their art project in a smaller empty room, Sara easily getting permission for them, being as she was the best student in that class. Looking at Cindy she saw she was no longer sitting, she wasn’t facing her but she had her hand in a fist, holding something silver. “You‘ve been playing with me like a toy”

“The hell do you mean” Sara bit back, now pretty annoyed

“Don’t play dumb!” Cindy shouted, swirling around and walking towards her. She saw Cindy was holding a pair of stainless steel scissors she must have found in the desk next to her. “I know what you’ve been doing! You’re not getting away with this!” Cindy broke into a sudden run and charged at her.

Sara ran for the door but Cindy was closer and quickly grabbed hold of her arm, twisting her around and slamming her against a wall, she brought down the Scissors at her throat, but Sara moved attempting to crumple to the floor and get under her arms she lowered herself at just the right moment for Cindy to slam the scissors down right into her left eye. She screamed in agony and thrashed, landing on the floor and kicking Cindy hard in the shins, taking her down with her. The door slammed open and Sara faintly heard a Woman shriek, she saw a blurry image of Cindy being pinned to the floor and heard someone calling her name before her vision went black.

When Sara woke up she was in a white room, harsh cold lights shined in her eyes and she squinted her eye, realizing that she couldn’t do the same for the other one. She sat up and placed a hand in where her eye should have been, feeling gauze and tape instead. The fight she was in came back to her memory and she tasted bile in her mouth. A doctor walked in and said some things she didn’t care about. Soon enough she was cleared to go home and told that Cindy was being tried for assault. She easily agreed to testify against her, even if that meant she lost her best friend, it was fine. It’s not like she was much fun anymore, and she still had Nancy, Judy, and Elise to hang out with.

She wasn’t allowed back to school while the trial was still underway, she could have legally gone but her parents were both too scared to let her leave the house until they were sure Cindy was locked away. Sara didn’t fight it, she didn’t quite want to go back to school anyway.

When Sara did finally return to school, her parents insisted on driving her, and her father specifically gave her a pocket knife to hide in her pocket, less something like this happened again. Even though she couldn’t see anyone, someone was watching the car, she was sure of it. Their huge eyes watched her, waiting for a moment to strike, waiting to kill her and finish the job. It might have been Cindy, but who really knows. It could have been anyone. What mattered was that she got out of the car and could swear she heard steps behind her as she walked to the front door, could swear she felt breathing on her neck and saw shadows move in the trees. What mattered was that something, whatever it was, was watching her far too closely. She entered the school building and was shaken from her thoughts as she was immediately cornered by Judy and Nancy.

“Holy shit Sara! What happened” Judy asked. Voice going up an octave “word around the school is Cindy just stabbed you!”

“Yeah, she tried to kill me” Sara shrugged “I guess she found out that I was talking to you guys and didn’t like that”

“She deserves it!” Nancy exclaimed, crossing her arms “she deserved everything, she was crazy! It’s a good thing she’s gonna get thrown in a psych ward”

“I’m so sorry Sara” Judy looked close to tears so Sara put a hand on her shoulder

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault” Sara tried to be comforting but honestly, she just wanted to avoid the crying, she was fine now anyway, even if she knew she wouldn’t be for long, even if she knew something was still watching her.

“Yeah, Judy” Sara’s hand was pushed off her shoulder and replaced by Elise’s who must have been quietly watching or something. “If someone’s crazy, they’re just crazy. They can’t be fixed” Sara could swear she saw Elise glance at her, her expression unreadable “it’s not our fault.”

Later at lunch Sara again felt the glare Elise sent her way. Was it a glare? It was definitely some kind of stare and it didn’t seem like a happy one. It almost balanced out the stares from ever other spot in the room, the feeling of dread as something closed in on her, the breathing down her neck. She absentmindedly scratched her arm, leaving satisfying red lines. She stopped herself.

When had she last done that?

Not since making these new… friends, she supposed they were.

She excused herself to the bathroom.

Splashing water on her face she pondered, was it not enough? Was tearing people down and hurting her peers not enough to satisfy it anymore? That awful desire to hurt something? That anger she felt every day? Since when had it become not enough?

Or maybe it was the new eyes she felt, maybe that damned thing or things or whatever they were following her and staring at her through every crack and every empty space was causing all this? Maybe that was what was causing this racing and buzzing feeling that tormented her, maybe that was what was causing her to-

Her musings were cut off by Elise slamming a hand next to her on the edge of the sinks.

“Talk to me, what are you doing?” Elise growled, her stare was now openly a glare that didn’t scare Sara so much as it annoyed her.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent!” Elise spat “you’re just as much a freak as Cindy was! I only acted like I cared about you because Judy and Nancy were worried. I couldn’t give less of a shit about you!” Elise slowly started walking towards her, pushing her back against a wall. She kept talking.

“I’ve seen how you act, emotionless and cold, always seeming pissed off at nothing. I’ve seen how you go quiet; stop talking, I’ve seen how you’ve scratched yourself until you bled. You're as crazy as she is! You belong in that nuthouse right alongside her!” She pointed at her accusingly “I’m only telling you this for one reason! Leave me and my friends alone”

Sara grabbed her wrist, so suddenly she didn’t have time to pull back. How dare she. How dare she pretend to be her friend and act like SHE was the bad guy. Sara KNEW she had done some awful things to Cindy but she was NOT the problem here. And now all her previous aggression and frustration had one target, Elise. She grabbed her pocket knife from her pocket and plunged it into her arm she was holding. Elise screamed and true to pull away from her Vice grip, but Elise had always been smaller than Sara, and it was easy to overpower her, of all people.

Sara threw her to the ground, and days of pent up frustration finally came out in the form of multiple kicks, punches, and some minor strangling. Someone watched throughout, she knew they were, faintly, but she no longer cared. She suddenly felt a lot better. Finally, when she was done, she grabbed the knife out of her arm and left. No blood actually got on her, but she did have to run quickly. Most people were outside for lunch so luckily she hadn’t been heard, but she had to wash the knife off and dispose of it fast.

She ended up washing the knife off in the boys bathroom sink, double checking for blood on her clothes, left the bathroom and headed back for the girls. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and screamed as loud as she could.

Come the next day, while people were scared of who would have done that to Elise, no fingers were pointed at Sara.

Come a week later, Elise would die of complications in the hospital.

Sara told herself it wasn’t her fault, she tried again and again, it was the HOSPITAL’s fault, it was their fault for not watching her more carefully, for not doing more, she’d been stabilized, she was! She was never even on life support, she would have been fine but a procedure went wrong. It was the DOCTOR’s fault. Not hers. It was never her fault, and Sara would never kill someone. Never.

Sara wasn’t sleeping very well that night.

Why had that made her feel better? Why had that made her so happy? Why did that stop the pain for only a while? Why? So many questions, but no answers. Was she a monster? Was Elise right? Was she really crazy?

No, no she wasn’t, she wasn’t crazy and she wasn’t scared of herself. She wasn’t. She never would be. The eyes watched her and she shifted in her bed, her musings finally stopped. Her heart still raced, their eyes still watched, but she ignored them the best she could. They wouldn’t tell. Or at least, she hoped they wouldn’t.

Sara didn’t sleep at all that night.

Graduation came and went and off she was going to high school. She didn't care much for the hugs her parents gave her. She didn’t care much for the tearful goodbyes and the “your growing up so fast”s. It wasn’t like it was boarding school, she’d come home after the day was done. It was ridiculous, was what it was. She pulled her backpack on and walked out the door. The eyes never left. And they watched her closely. They seemed to have gotten worse since she’d killed, no, hurt Elise. They belonged to everyone she walked past. Every Time someone walked past her she tensed, expecting them to say “I know what you did” or “you can’t hide from me”

But no one did.

“Hi, I’m Kiyomi, I guess this makes us partners?”

That’s what the girl sitting next to her had said when they started their first group project in their science class, being paired with their “elbow neighbor” as the teacher had put it. She was a shy girl, long black hair and wore extremely covering clothes. She seemed lonely and walked to school alone.

Sara had been happy to make this new friend. And she had been happy to have been her only friend. She had been happy to no longer be in pain. And of course Kiyomi was sure she “wasn’t so bad” and that she “could help her”. Sara didn’t care. She’d never felt less pain in her arms, never felt less angry all the time.

She quickly fell into the same cycle she’d had with Cindy. Everytime Kiyomi upset her, silent treatment, when she wanted Kiyomi to do something, blackmail, again and again. It worked to an extent, but she didn’t want to be quite so harsh. When the voices got loud, the breathing got closer and the eyes got more and more intense she’d find someone else to push around. She’d never felt happier. She’d never felt more free.

Kiyomi had her golden moment though, when they had been late walking to school and Sara had broken into a run, Kiyomi trailing behind her, she had suggested Sara join the school baseball team. She had the speed for it, after all. Her lack of depth perception had been what mainly stopped her from going through with it for a while, but Kiyomi was insistent enough that she eventually did. She passed through tryouts and easily landed a spot on the team. It was probably due to luck, but she almost never struck out, and was overall a star team player.

That came with consequences, though, Kiyomi would have to come to every game they played, and Sara was willing to use physical force if necessary to gain that. She wanted her to join the team, so she’d have to do the work to make sure both of them stayed up to date school wise. She hardly complained, but when she did, Sara got angry.

And well, Sara was no longer one to hide her anger behind red lines on her arms, Sara was no longer one to sugarcoat the truth, and if someone upset her, she was willing to make them hurt.

Fairs fair. She assumed, fair was fair.

It was by mere coincidence she’d bumped into Rosie the first day of her junior year, the shorter freshman had large green eyes and brown hair, about the same shade as Sara’s natural hair colour, though the bleach had long since done away with the Shade.

Sara decided to help her up only because Kiyomi was there, and she wanted to play nice for her. Somehow, though, with that little gesture of kindness, Rosie too became like a best friend to her. She’d follow her around, she’d do anything for her. Sara had to wonder why, what could have happened to this girl to make her so weak, and so easily manipulated, hell, it was like she wanted to be manipulated. Sara almost felt bad, felt bad for the girl who really thought she was the best thing in her life. But maybe Sara was, and quite honestly, that was sadder.

But Sara threw her a bone, telling Rosie to do some homework for her or send her the answers, requesting she get her lunch from the cafeteria, and so forth. Rosie seemed happy to do it, and though Sara never new why, she’d call in favours from time to time.

Which was why, she guessed, she trusted Rosie enough to call her when everything went downhill.

She had been practicing for baseball, the official practice had ended, but she had stayed a bit longer, determined to perfect her batting technique. Kiyomi has shown up to watch, though something had seemed off about her, she’d seemed different, maybe scared or nervous, maybe resigned.

Eventually Sara had had enough of her silence, turning around and slinging her bat over her shoulder, ignoring the eyes from beyond the school gate, she looked Kiyomi over

“What’s the matter with you?” She’d asked, eyebrow raising. Kiyomi sighed deeply

“Sara, you know I care about you” she said in a hushed tone “but I can’t keep doing this.” Sara cocked her head to the side

“Keep doing what” her eyes narrowed as she observed Kiyomi for any sign of malice, but she found none. Maybe she wasn’t mad at her, but that it mattered.

“Keep doing THIS!” Kiyomi exclaimed “Sara you treat me horribly, I have no idea why, I haven’t done anything to you, but you treat me like I’m nothing, like I’m some toy for you to boss around” she looked Sara in her eye “I don’t know why you’re like this but I can’t be friends with you, or be near you, until you fix it. I have to stop seeing you.”

Sara’s eyes narrowed even more and she felt a snarl on her lips as she spoke

“Since when do you have so much guts?” She asked, walking closer to her “who put this idea in your head?”

“I’m not telling you!” Kiyomi backed up “I’m not telling you who I talked to but I talked to someone, and they made me realize I don’t need to take shit from you! So we’re done until you can get your act together!”

“Hah!” Sara laughed “you’ve got to be kidding, newsflash Kiyomi, I don’t need you, I still have Rosie and the rest of the baseball team. I don’t care what you do”

“Rosie shouldn’t be around you either! And I’ll have you know I’m going to talk to her about this, I’m going to get her away from you, Sara! You can’t keep doing this!” Kiyomi seemed to have a sudden surge of stupid confidence as she stepped forward “and you’ll get kicked off the team once she inevitably stops doing your homework for you”

Sara’s grip tightened on her bat

That was the last straw.

Red clouded her vision.

That. Was. The. LAST. STRAW.

She stepped forward, rage encompassing all of her mind as she swung the bat, Kiyomi hit the floor and Sara brought that bat down on her head.

“DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!!”

She hit her again, and again.

“YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!”

She heard ringing on her ears

“YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!!”

Faintly she heard someone pleading her to stop

“NO ONE TALKS TO ME THAT WAY!! NO ONE!! I HAD FUCKING EVERYTHING!! YOU WON'T TAKE THIS FROM ME!!!!”

She brought down the bat one last time.

Her vision cleared and she saw the amount of blood on the ground, the amount of blood on the bat, on her clothes, on her hands, on Kiyomi’s head.

Or, well, what used to be her head.

Sara stared at the corpse on the ground. She didn’t feel anything, she must have been in shock.

She noticed how dark it had gotten, and she started walking. Not sure where, she had to let herself cool down. Had to let the adrenaline out so she could figure out what to do.

She remembered seeing Cindy. She was walking towards her. She was going to hurt her, was going to finish the job, was going to tell everyone what she had done, no no no no no no no no

No.

That WASN’T going to happen.

She lunged at her, throwing the bat around her neck she pulled, Cindy stopped breathing. She fell down.

Sara looked at her.

That… didn’t look like Cindy’s face.

Sara had pulled out her phone, and called the only person she knew wouldn’t tell.

“Hey Rosie, I know it’s late, but I need to ask one more favour.”

Rosie has come by, seemingly oddly unphased. She’d brought two large suitcases and a change of clothes. She’d helped her push the woman onto the first suitcase, and then they’d gone to get Kiyomi.

“Don’t worry” Rosie has said “I know where to put these. No one will ever find them”

That was… probably concerning.

She’d walked home, sat in her room, the baseball bat hidden under her bed. She laid down as the eyes stared, and she realized something.

She wasn’t scared. Not of herself, not of what she had done, not of what could happen to her. For once in her life, she wasn’t scared. She felt fine with whatever would happen to her. That was what she’d always wanted, right? To not be afraid?

Oddly enough, that should have been the most terrifying thing of all.

She sat up again, as long as she wasn’t afraid, why not take out the people who were at fault for all this?

At 11:07, October 12th, 2017, Sara Rosetta Drisskle called into the police department to report the death of Lucas Drisskle, Mary Drisskle, Thomas Lucas Drisskle, Marleen Lillian Drisskle, and Julia Petunia Drisskle. She confessed to said murder on the call. When police arrived they found Sara sitting calmly in her room, she did not resist arrest and when questioned only said

“I finally feel free. And that’s all I care about”.

[thorsstorms]

Abroad Pt.11

(Chris Hemsworth x Reader)

Summary: Being the Hemsworth Kids’ Nanny, you were vowed to keep it strictly professional for their sake, but do the stolen glances go unnoticed between you both?

Word count: 4k

Warnings: Smut +18!! Bad Times at the El Royale spoilers. 

A/N: if you want to be tagged, PLEASE SEND AS AN ASK.

Masterlist

The morning came and went accompanied with security while trailing through S.T.A.T.I.O.N. while Chris pretended like he knew about it before yesterday. While you followed him through the entrance they had the manager and a few workers to show him around and answer any questions he had. A few people in the store turned into way too many before they started blocking off the entrance, letting only those who had booked for the tour through. He whisked through the gift shop section messing around with toys, nick nacks, and posing with his ‘life size’ cut out that was still not tall enough. You laughed way too hard at a few gifts, rolling your eyes when he acted concerned when his hammer didn’t come rushing towards him, while a few fans around him laughed, just pumping up his ego for him. 

We finally gathered around the tour entrance with the few lucky people that actually booked this tour in advance not knowing he was going to be there. You went through the motions knowing what was in store because you had been through it before. Your camera roll was filled with pictures of him playing simulation games, posing inappropriately on Cap’s motorcycle, and trying to lift the hammer from its throne.

When you exited the tour back into the gift shop, he quickly took a group picture with the store staff and you both were ushered out quickly by security, straight to the valet bay of the hotel. Your eyes widened, tightening your grip on his hands as you followed behind him walking past maybe a hundred people who were roped out of the store, all who had came in the thirty minutes it took to go through it all.

“That was one of the coolest things ever!” He turned to you as he shut the car door behind you both.

“I know! I think I have a hundred pictures of you in there.” He scrolled through the pictures, sending himself a few, waiting to post them until the morning.

The day was wasted away by shopping, day drinking, and probably annoying the shit out of the two guys you had following you both all day. You both trailed all the way down the strip, spending a lot of time in New York New York, gambling a little, and enjoying dinner at the end of the strip - Mandalay Bay at House of Blues.

He dragged your hungover lifeless self out of bed the next morning, throwing you some clothes for the day and handing over bags to the concierge at the door before you could protest for your face wash, only leaving you with a toothbrush to stuff in your purse later. How he was always more of an early bird than yourself was astonishing, but he was. You both grabbed breakfast from a bakery in the hotel before leaving and admiring the Grand Canyon. At least you were dressed appropriately, appreciating the shorts and top and sandals he grabbed from the suitcase before hauling it away so quick. Your hair was left to a messy braid at the mercy of no hair brush.

He was back on road trip mode, trying to stick to his schedule which entailed driving for almost 10 hours today. You made him allow you the first few hours to drive so you could actually be awake during that time before the driving makes you sleepy.

You stared out the window at the boring open dark fields only lit by scarce street lamps, bored out of your mind. The brilliant idea of admiring his profile came to light. You had thought from the get go that him driving was too attractive to be normal. His thighs resting spread on the seat, forearms flexing as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel to the music playing through the cab. It was no secret at this point that his hands were enough to turn you on.

The wiggling in your seat went completely unnoticed by him as he plowed through a bag of gummy bears.

“Those gummy bears taste good?” You questioned him with a sly look. He replied with a duh, glancing your way, double taking when he caught the mischievous look on your face.

“What, is up with you?” He tried to eye you from the side, focusing more on the road once you clicked the seatbelt free.

“Hey don’t do that.” He dropped a few more gummy bears from his hand in his mouth and reached for the buckle pulling it back down, while you shifted your feet off the dash. You stared shamelessly at his hand pulling across your midsection at the strap.

“O’ come on. You are not gonna kill me are you?” You grabbed his hand from the strap and pushed his hand back to the wheel. “Two hands,” you told him sternly sliding your fingers across the center console to his thighs, and propping up on your knees in the seat.

“Babe what the..” Your hands squeezed his inner thigh, “Fuck, what are you...” You spent no extra minute going for his button and zipper, squeezing him through his jeans. Pressing small suctioned kisses to his neck.

“You..” He pulled his head away and looked at you bewildered. “You are dirty!” You just smiled in retaliation, biting your lip, wanting him to comply.

“Are you telling me no?” - “You are a dirty dirty girl! You act so shy and sweet and shit but you are dirty!”

You went again flexing your hand under his pants and feeling how hard he got confirming your interests. Momentarily, he lost focus, eyes switching to your hold on him, and jerking the car back into his lane, though it was late in the middle of seemingly nowhere with no one around you.

“Two hands on the wheel Chris,” you said again, reiterating what you meant earlier. You left your station by his face, sinking down under his arms and pulling him out from his jeans. You jerked him in your hands feeling him harden completely under your grasp, his pelvis jumping at your contact. You took the liberty of licking a fat strip along the side, skimming past the tip, wrapping your lips around the side. A frustrated grunt left this lips but he didn’t speak.

You wrapped your lips around the tip and sucking hard till you heard him hiss from above you. The car jerk slightly again giving you a rush of power and adrenaline while you worked him over.

You decided to play nice and you sucked him down taking as much as you could flat against your tongue, fingers tightening around what you couldn’t get at the angle. The wet warm feel of your throat closing over him had him fighting to keep his eyes peeled open. When you pumped him and pulled him in deeper you felt one of his hands wrap through your hair, not to guide you but almost to ground himself. You worked him over quickly when you could sense he was trying hard to not kill you both.

His hips stuttered pressing into your tight throat and getting more vocal had you working harder till you felt his grasp tighten on the back of your neck, brushing your hair opposite so he could see you. He came fast after, shooting down your throat while you sucked him clean till he tried to shift away from you in the seat from over stimulation.

Did he still think you were dirty? Yes.

Was he going to act like he didn’t enjoy it? No.

~

Many stupid car games and a short hotel stay later, you were finally coming into town, your turn to drive of course. Chris sent your mom a text from your phone with the ETA and she let you know they were all out at the ballfield, game just started.

Second inning just started by the look of the scoreboard as you pulled into the parking lot. Nerves started to float through Chris as he unbuckled his seatbelt trying to keep up with you who was itching to get inside already.

You paid at the gate and grabbed his hands so he would stop walking like a snail. He was just terrified of finally meeting your brother in person, he seemed to be the most important person to you.

“Look! He’s on deck!” You pointed down to where he was stepping out of the dugout with a bat in hand, Chris watched as he swung in line with the pitch even though he wasn’t on the plate.

“You know I don’t know much about baseball right?” You smile politely back at him, figuring as much.

“I’ll teach you.” You walked down the far side of the stands so he wouldn’t see you, not like he pays attention to the onlookers on a normal day anyway. You pointed out your parents in their seats and while he walked that way, you walked straight to the fence watching your brother step up to the plate.

Just as the pitcher was hiking, you let it slip, “Hey Tyler, homer for me, all right?”

Strike one.

He instantly flew around, distracted by the sudden sound of your voice yelling out to him from behind. Eyes finding you immediately. You waved and gave him a thumbs up, quickly pointing over to where your parents where and Chris slowly walking over there.

Meanwhile Chris was about to shit himself, meeting your parents with you not next to him. The resemblance of your mother was hard to look away from, both of you almost identical.

Your mom was the one to take initiative calming his nerves while your father merely looked his way with wave, focusing back on the game and his seeds, calling out as Ty hit a triple off the right field fence.

You met Ty at the fence as he came home, smiling and pointing up at Chris with your parents. To say it surprised him was an understatement.

Your days home were spent well, bringing lunch with your mom at the hospital while she was working, cooking dinner one night when they both got off work. You showed him around your city filled with pride and sadness from missing it. You both shopped, went to another game, and had drinks with Ty, Chaz, and a few other mutual friends after the game.

A lake day took place on Saturday, pulling out both your parents Seadoos and Chief Cox’s boat, courtesy of Chaz. Getting sunburned and swimming in the dirty water was the best past time.

Church on Sunday, required by your father, but you think it was mostly to see how Chris would behave. He seemed to slide right in as you greeted some long lost acquaintances that you hadn’t seen in a long time but grew up with. Chris and your dad had gotten along well so far, to your knowledge.

A Sunday family dinner and a stormy/tornado-y Monday came a went slowly. He 100% lost his chill while listening to the NEWS broadcaster. Meanwhile, your father was perched out on the front patio AKA the driveway, with lawn chairs, craft beer, and a few neighbor buddies.

Tuesday night your last night home. You sat next to him on the couch eating dinner while your brother prompted to telling stories of yourself to embarrass you, you not hesitating to start back.

“Do you like him, mom?” You asked her shyly. The three disappeared into the garage. You leaned against the kitchen counter as she put away leftovers and started the dishwasher.

“I do,” you waited for her to continue speaking. “He’s funny, very intuitive, and I can see he loves you, a lot.” You looked away from her blushing. A small smile to yourself was present.

“Well, I’m glad you think so.”

You walked to the garage door and threw it open to see what they were doing. All three eyes immediately snapped to the door, none of them moving a muscle. They stayed silent waiting to see what you were doing.

“Uh ok,” sensing the weird vibe, “I’ll just go back inside.”

“No sweetheart your fine,” your dad dismissing it, “come here.” He motioned you over, throwing down a towel.

“Chris here, doesn’t know what these are. Do you?” You rolled your eyes at him, figuring they were probably testing his knowledge out here.

“They are spacers, Ty- did you seriously get new tires again?”

Chris sat silently, leaning against the workbench. Your presence halted their reactions. He wasn’t able to get their answers yet.

His hands were sweating, knowing this was the only time he was going to be able to talk to them about this. He had put it off to the last, last second, seeing as you were both leaving in the morning.

His silence caught their attention while they were goofing around taking tires off, trying to relay their knowledge on to him.

“I had a great time here,” he told them to start off. “I loved it honestly, thank you for hosting us.” Was that too formal?

Your dad didn’t know how to respond, starting to eye him sceptically. “Well, you’re welcome son. Don’t be too shy about bringing her back around, you hear?”

Chris nodded in understanding, your brother finally standing up straight to observe the interaction.

Your dad was not one to speak very much. He was pretty simple in your eyes. He kept his family happy, protected his family, and watched out for those he loved. He was not a man of many words. Never had been.

“No of course, she was so happy to be here, I’m glad she’s willing to share it with me.” Your dad stood up straight, throwing a towel over his shoulder and crossing his arms, daring him to continue.

“Listen,” Chris stopped, searching for words. “I know it’s been what, 8 months since I have met her. But I love her, I do.” He looked away, scratching the back of his neck while your dad burned holes into his head. “I think she would think I was absolutely insane if I asked her now, to allow me to spend my life with her, but I would drop everything tomorrow to keep her.”

His eyes almost start to water under the pressure of asking this, feeling slightly overwhelmed and outnumbered. “I’m not saying this is going to be anytime soon, I just- I know, myself, I won’t be able to see you both often and I want to ask before I lose my chance to.”

Your brother stilled, watching him like a statue. “Im- I am asking permission to marry your d-” the garage door flew open, revealing a curious woman of the hour. Chris’s heart jumping out of his skin at the intrusion of the silence.

“Uh ok, I’ll just go back inside.”

You rolled your eyes at Ty, what he had was never good enough, of course he felt the need to upgrade again. He takes after his father.

“Are you okay?” You took a few steps in his direction after noticing his silence. Chris nodded and forced a smirk at you.

“You guys be nice to him!” You yelled back at your father and brother, pointing their way. “Blink three times if I need to save you from them.” You loudly whispered jokingly, but also 1000% serious.

“I’m nice!”-”I’m always nice!” Their responses went ignored while you shook his arm, trying to get him to stop acting like a robot.

“I’m good Princess,” he was sly with a kiss on your forehead, nudging you to go back inside.

There is that stupid word again, ‘I’m good’. Whatever. Whenever someone says that, they are always, in fact, not good.

You double checked him again with your eyes before making your way back inside. Going out there was an awkward mistake. The door pressed shut behind you while he forced himself to hold up his head. A beat of tension passed before he figured he’d try to not make himself seem like such a pussy.

“Ty, I-”

“I know Chris, I got it.” Ty held his hand out, stopping him from speaking. He had heard enough, and he already knew his answer.

Ty was positioned just behind his father who made a thoughtful moment, picking up the towel again and busying himself to avoid talking. Chris’s locked-in focus switched between them both, catching on Ty while he gave a slight nod of his head in approval, turning back to finish what he had started for the evening.

“Son, I just have one question,” your father spoke with a soft voice. “I know my daughter, I know what she wants.”

Chris felt another wave of nervousness flood over him, Ty ignoring him after he had given his response had left out his safety blanket.

“What she wants, you have already had.” Your father stopped again. It was never in his intention to sound rude, and he will try his damn best to never be. He gathered his words while Chris stood at attention, subconsciously crossing his arms, a movement most often misread as a defense mechanism, but was really a form of self comfort in distressing situations.  

He looked up, finally ignoring the towel once again. “You had a family Chris, I know that much. You had three children and a wife.”

A sinking feeling settled in Chris’s stomach. He didn’t figure your father would pull an old fashioned moral on him, he’d been married and divorced. Of course he has reservations.

“My question is, are you able and willing to give my daughter a family?”

“And before you answer that, I know you know what I’m talking about. The girl had been maternal since the moment she could carry the weight of a baby doll in her hands. You have seen her with children. That’s the reason you are standing in front of me for pete’s sake... But I can only imagine the life you live.” The ever returning silence of the three had only a moment before he reiterated the one question he wanted answered. “Are you willing to give my daughter a family?”

“I-,” he stopped to gather himself. He took the question way to deeply. When he meant that he would drop everything tomorrow for you, he lied. He would do it the moment you asked. He cleared his throat, shaking away the stupid emotions that he dare say hurt his masculinity a bit. “I would give her anything.”

~

“You’re not going to make me listen to this every time you drive are you?” You may or may not have added Jonas Brothers to your own road trip playlist. But it was only a few songs, and the rest consisted of Chris Stapleton, way too much 80s rock, and old Justin Timberlake. Just wait until he gets a whiff of the Juke Box Hero concert you were going to put on, although it was nothing compared to Back in Black.

“You have headphones, my dear. Don’t complain.” You have about two more hours till you passed into Tennessee, loaded with Miley’s address in google maps.

He rolled his eyes and laid back the seat, throwing an arm over his eyes, refusing to admit he didn’t mind a little bit of red dirt.

His turn to drive took place before driving through the city. You turned over in the laid back seat so he couldn’t see your phone screen even if he wanted to, sneaking in some headphones. You were not very discreet, stealing glances to make sure he wasn’t going to pay attention to you while you opened the Hulu app. You still had roughly three hours and it seemed like the perfect time to watch a movie, one that you hadn’t seen but wouldn’t admit to never seeing.

You stayed still pressing play on Bad Times, stealing one last glance in his direction before turning up the volume on the head phones and zoning in.

~

So remember that thing about not being able to be sneaky? Yea, you were already an hour and a half into the movie and you still hadn’t seen him. You stayed confused watching things happen with no explanation silently wishing for answers because it was so mysterious.

The scene cut to a young girl sitting in the sand before you heard his voice float through the headphones, and a more than arousing american accent with a southern ring to it. You pushed back a gasp, covering your mouth with the fingers sticking above the blanket to attempt to conceal the expression on your face as Billy walked into the water, naked.

Another 20 or so minutes of confusing hotel drama, and a girl calling her father on the phone while her sister wants to kill her, or maybe save her? You didn’t even know at this point.

There he was again. Walking in the rain through the parking lot. That is when you put the damn phone call together. She wasn’t calling her father. She was calling Billy. She called him Daddy.  A snort left you mouth once your realized she was calling him on the phone, not her father.

As soon as the sound left you, you froze not looking up at him though he didn’t shoot you a glance. Maybe he didn’t hear it.

You are almost 100% certain your mouth didn’t close for the rest of the movie. Finding them all tied up and sitting scared shitless while he paraded around with some pie and a gun. You sucked in a breathe once you realized the sick game Billy was playing. The poor concierge shaking in his seat pleading with the Priest.

The movie consumed your reality, slipping a ‘what the fuck’ from your lips once the older sister was shot point blank.

“What are you watching over there?” His voice broke you from your trance, making you jump in the spot. Looking at you from over his shoulder. Fast reflexes left your system as you squealed a ‘nothing’ and placed a death grip around the phone, shrinking away and backing into the door.

You tried your best to ignore him and control yourself, sinking back into the movie. You found yourself mouthing an ‘oh shit’ silently while they got loose and started attacking Billy, beating the shit out of each other.

The commotion made it impossible to peel your eyes away from the screen, secretly rooting for Billy. And then it happened and the gasp was loud, shaking you to the core, and there was no way of dismissing it that time. You were not ready for that. You heard him ask again what you were watching over the noise in the head phones, but you ignored him. In turn watching him fall dead on the screen with a bullet shot clear between the brows. The blanket fell off your shake-y hands while you cringed, trying to look away from the screen but not able to.

“(Y/n) seriously what is it?” You look away from the screen and lock your phone, pulling the ear buds out. Is it wrong to say that almost made you sick to your stomach to watch? You didn’t even feel like finishing the movie, though you could probably guess what happens.

“Nothing, nothing. Just a stupid facebook video.” Ok, that was a lie and he knew it. He let it go. You sat up straight in the chair, pulling yourself back together to the land of the living. He made a little small talk about where you were at the moment. You just nodded, acting like you were listening but you knew the image of him getting shot straight in the head was going to haunt you for the next hour before you somehow forget about it. You stared at him as he spoke. Yep, still definitely alive.

He gave you a funny look before you turned back forward from burning your eyes into him. You tried to dissmiss that stupid nagging in your brain, slowly turning to glance his way again. Still breathing.

“What?” The patience losing in his tone, makes sense. “Do I have shit on my face or something?”  

Your eyes slightly widened as you forced yourself to look ahead again, shuffling your phone and hands under the blanket, pulling it up to your shoulders. You drew up a knee and rested your chin on it, trying to act interested out the window.

You always had so many questions when you finished a movie, waiting till the end to reminisce, but this was a whole other ball game. Why was cult leader Billy such a turn on, but creep you out at the same time? The movie had you hating him but rooting for him.

Before you knew it, you were back staring his way almost bewildered at the ability to transform into such a character. It was almost freaky but it was his job. Reason number one why you could never do what he does, you are not good at keeping reserved.

“Would you stop staring at me if you are not going to speak, you are freaking me out.”

“Sorry.. sorry.”

“Are you like, like, worked up aga-” Really?

“No. Jesus!”

“Hey! I’m just asking!”

“It’s not like that,” maybe you were worked up but it wasn’t like he was thinking.

“Well, what is it like because I am really confused right now!” He sighed, gripping his hands around the wheel. Damn, he’s the one worked up.

“I was just, I was- I was watching, uhh,” abort mission now. “I was watching Bad Times.” The moment you said it, you regretted it.

“You what? Were you really?” The ecstatic tone in his voice was trampled by the curiosity coming next. “Had you never seen it?” You shook your head.

“Well what else haven’t you seen!” You pondered the thought for a moment, racking your brain for movies you knew he had done. Think… What posters and movies are in the movie room at the house?

“I haven’t seen 12 Strong or Rush. I haven’t seen those Snow white movies. What are they called again?” You almost felt bad that you hadn’t seen the movies. But honestly, were you going to allow yourself to watch them and then have him catch you randomly, so he can get a big head about it? No.

“Are you serious right now? You haven’t, like, done your research or something?” Big head, was that it?

“Seriously, think about what you just said.” You shook that comment away. “I have seen Vacation, but we are not going to talk about that one.”

“Oh c’mon we can talk about it! I should be the one embarrassed here! Not you.” You didn’t reply. You were going to have to burn through all these movies really quick when you got home.

~

You both had burned through Tennessee in two days, laying low through Nashville and avoiding the more popular places. New York was a story in its own. At your request, you both went to a Yankees game, not because you liked the team, more so because you wanted to step foot into the stadium and say you’ve been to a New York Yankees game.

Chris slipped the contract into the post office before heading to the airport, knowing they would receive it by tomorrow since you were in the city.

“I did it.”

“I know you did, I’m proud.” A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, he didn’t regret it. You were right, he needed to do it for closure for himself at least.

“Now I only have one surpirse left while we are in the states, okay?” You eyed him skeptically wondering what he was up to.

You about murdered him when you were brought to a private jet. While he shrugged his shoulders and said it was free, all he had to do was film a quick video inside and post it for it to be sponsored.

“Besides, are you going to say no to joining the mile high club?”

“Yea, you wish.”

Taglist: @keithseabrook27 @odinson-barnes@jonsnowisthesexiestbastard@weekendswithnewtmas@innerpaperexpertcloud@toomanyflowerboys@thefashioncomplex@basmaraafat@imaginationintowords@taketimeandappreciate@superheroesaremytea @vampiregirl1797@ynm1505@danathewitchywoman@avengerswhonow @thorfanficwriter @disaster-rose @cap-just-said-language @xmarveled

[laraiswriting]

Deep Impact (FP Jones x reader)

Hey guys! This is my first time writing anything in english and I'm very nervous on posting it. This isn't my first language, so please don't be harsh on any mistakes. I'm trying my best. Also, it's the first time ever I've written smut. I hope you enjoy and love a certain serpent as much as I do :)

Summary: A one shot about seeing a certain serpent for the first time. FP gets out of jail and his first stop is the Wythe Worm where he meets a mysterious and cheeky woman who knows exactly what she wants.

Warnings: Age gap (reader is in her mid-twenties), cursing, smut

Words: 2257

This was the fourth weekend in a row where you were going to the Wythe Worm to drown your sorrows in alcohol. A lot alcohol. Beeing the oldest kid in a family, where image and prestige is everything, was never easy for you. You've been put through a lot of responsibilities and pressure from your parents and grandparents. And after you graduated school, they wanted you to go to an Ivy League College. Becoming a lawyer like your dad and your granddad...

It never counted that you wanted something else for your life. You had no choice at all. So you struggled and stumbled your way through University. But no grade or achievement had ever been enough. You had to be better, smarter, more powerful.

Every time you couldn't stand all of this anymore you turned to alcohol. Driving an hour or two to a bar where nobody knows you, sleeping in a hotel and covering the trip as 'learningtime in an inspirational new surrounding'. Surprisingly, your family bought this lie every time.

You discovered this bar full of -mostly- guys who are smoking and/or drinking and wrapped in heavy leather jackets, a month ago and decided to come back. You've always had a weakness for the 'bad guys'. Biker... Rocker... So you liked this view a lot. But you never did anything else than watching and observing. None of the men ever caught your attention. But this night promised to be different.

You sat on your typical seat at the wall and sipped on your drink when the door opened and a man you had never seen here before, walked in. And what a man he was. Tall, dark, handsome with big brown eyes, brown hair and a stubble on his face.

He was greeted with cheers and you thought you heard some 'welcome back's', too. This night was just getting interesting. Excitingly, you slipped from your stool and followed the man into the crowd.

When you were next to him you 'accidentily' stumbled against him. "Oh... I'm so sorry. Hey... stranger. I haven't seen you in here before", you started the conversation. His gaze went from your [e/c] eyes to your lips and all over your body. Which sent a shiver down your spine. You were dressed all in black and he seemed to like what he is seeing. "Same goes for you, gorgeous", he said in a low tone. "Well, I've been here for the last few weekends but I could definitely remember if I had seen you around, handsome." You winked at him. He chuckled when he heard your nickname for him and smiled down at you. "So, what about I get you another drink and you tell me, why you would've remembered me?", he asked you in a dark voice.

Saying that, the two of you went back to the bar. As you recieved your drink, you glanced over to the billiard table. "You play?", you asked, nodding to the table. "Sure. This is my bar. Of course I'm good at it." "Hmpf.", you scoffed. "Prove it."

You walked towards the table, hips and butt swinging, knowing, that he was looking. "So, what is your wager?", you asked the man whose name you still didn't know. "If I win, I want to know the most questionable thing you have ever done." His eyes went even darker and you let out a small breath. "Alright. And if I win, I want you to give me something I've never had before. Whatever it turns out to be." You looked up to him with innocent eyes, but he got the hint. "Let the game begin, sweetheart." "My name is [y/n] by the way. But I don't mind you calling me nicknames instead." You winked at him. "Pretty name for a pretty lady. I'm FP", he simply stated. "FP, huh? What's that short for?" "I'll tell you eventually if you win. So, ladys first.", he pointed at you.

You went over to the white ball, bent over and wigged a bit with your butt. "Reason one", you referred to your previous conversation. "I would remember someone paying for my drinks." FP scoffed. "Please. Don't tell me that none of my boys would've wanted to pay for your drinks.""Right. I didn't want them to. You know, I don't like everyone.", you said whilst your first two balls disappeared in wholes. "I think I need more reasons. Doesn't seem valid enough.", FP chuckled.

You smiled and surrounded the table until you stood next to him. "Reason two: I would remember your scent." "Now, this sounds more like the things I thought of.", whispered FP in your ear. You missed the white ball. "Hey!", you exclaimed. "Can't win without a little cheating, huh?" "Well, every game needs to be exciting and unpredictable, don't you think, doll?"

Little did he know, that you were leading billiard champion at your fraternity. Twenty minutes later you sank the black ball into the whole you wanted, hands in the air and shouting "HA!".

"I'm a good loser, so I'm paying my debt.", FP came closer to you as you jumed on top of the table to be on the same eye level with him. "What could I possibly give you what you've never had before", mumbled he as he stands between your legs, running his hands up and down your thighs. You sighed. "Done that before, FP. Don't waste my time." "Brave, little one. Brave. But be careful. You're playing with the devil." He intensified his grip on your thighs and closed the gap between you two. You immediately crashed your lips into his. This is what you were craving for the whole evening. No, the last few weeks. You needed a man. And FP definitely could give you what you needed.

Your hands went around his neck and you pulled his hair to get closer to him. He groaned against your mouth. This was almost enough to let you moan yourself. Suddenly, he lifted you up, hands around your ass, and started stumbling somewhere. You didn't ask any questions. Actually, you didn't care where you were going with him as long as the two of you would be alone. "This game just started to get exciting", you whispered in his ear while taking his earlobe between your teeth. FP's reaction was, that the stumbling fastened and you realized that you were going upstairs.

You didn't have sex in a bar or some kind of backroom before, but you didn't consider to tell him yet. Not even a second. You were beyond excited when FP opened a door and shut it right behind you. FP laid you down on a couch and hovered over you. He then started to kiss a trail from the corner of your lips to your neck. Little, too little tiny kisses. This started to kill you. You wanted him.

"FP... Come on. Why are you so soft?", you whined. "You're so impatient, love." After a few more soft kisses, he suddenly sinked his teeth into your flesh. Hard. "Oh god...", you cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain, arching your back. FP continued to suck on your neck, searching for your soft spot. Leaving bite and love marks and earning a flow of curses and moans from you. You dugged your fingers into the couch. Your other hand clasped into FP's hair to intensify the feeling. By the time he travelled with his one hand down your body, squeezing your breast, you were liquid under his hands.

You never felt this turned on by just neck kissing and little touching. He knew what he was doing, that was for sure. You tucked his shirt and took it over his head. When he raised his head, you could barely see his pupils anymore. His eyes were clouded with lust. And you were pretty sure, you looked the same.

He began to kiss a trail down between your breasts, to your stomach and til the beginning of your trousers. He took off your shirt and bra and started to roll your one nipple between his fingers while his tounge massaged your other nipple. You whimpered. "God, FP... fuck... do you want to kill me?" "I'm just paying my debt.", he said while breathing heavy himself.

You couldn't wait any longer. FP was such a tease. You sat up and started to unbuckle his jeans. "Stand up and take them off. Boxers, too.", you commanded. Amused and a bit surprised by your cockiness, he obeyed. You licked your lips at the view of a nacked FP. He not only kissed like a god, he looked like one, too.

You kneeled down on the floor right in front of his hard member and started stroking it. You bit your lip and looked up at FP. He was breathing hard, eyes closed and mouth opened a bit. You licked the tip of his cock and slowly closing your mouth around him. FP moaned by your touch and that gave you an extra boost of confidence. You moved your head back and forth, taking him deeper with every thrust. You felt how soaked you were and how annoying your remaining clothes felt on you. With one last thrust you let go of FP. Standing up, you impatiently got rid of your trousers. Knowing that FP was watching, you turned around and taking your panties off slowly, showing him your ass.

FP gripped your waist from behind and you could feel his hard cock against your ass. You whimpered. "Please, tell me you have condoms somewhere near.", you moaned. "Of course, baby. But we don't need them yet.", he teased. Again. You groaned. "FP... I... oh yes... oh god..." He had started to draw circles at your clit with his fingers. His mouth found its place on your neck again and with this mix of feelings and emotions you couldn't think clear anymore.

He pushed you lightly towards the couch until your feet touched it. Still with your back towards him, he comanded you to kneel down on the couch. You did as he told. You heard him going away and a ripping sound followed. You closed your eyes in excitment of what was next to come. You felt your juice running down your legs. You needed him so bad. And you didn't wanted it to be gentle. Not tonight.

All of a sudden, FP slipped two fingers inside you and groaned. "Baby... you're so wet. And so tight. This is so...", he couldn't control himself anymore. He fingered you for some time but soon replaced them with the tip of his erected member at your entrance. "No need to be gentle, handsome. I can handle it.", you encouraged him. A split second later, he entered you with one hard thrust. You could feel this mix of pain and pleasure again and started moaning again. He pounded even harder and picked up his pace. "FP... harder... Please, fuck me.", you whined.

His hands were on your hips to hold you steady while he fucked you from behind. This was definitely the best sex you had yet. And you hadn't cum yet. But you slowly felt this familiar feeling inside your stomach. And as FP, always knowing what you needed, started to rub your clit again, you couldn't stand it anymore. Your moanings got even louder and FP felt your walls tighten around him. "Oh baby girl, this is so good. You're so hot. Come, tell me how you like it.", he growled. With his name on your lips, you exploded around him. You could swear you were seeing stars. Your whole body was shaking. This orgasm was intense.

With one more thrust, FP came close behind you. As you both rode out your orgasms and tried to catch your breaths, you felt yourself relax. Something inside you got fixed. You didn't feel the anger anymore. The pressure. The strain.

FP pulled out and the both of you collapsed on the couch. He opened his arms and you cuddled, head on his chest. "Reason three", you laughed "I could remember such incredible sex." He placed a kiss on your hair. "I hope, I could give you, what you asked for. Otherwise... you have to come back.", he stated. You gave him a light kiss on the lips and sighed. "I have to go now. I have to drive back early in the morning." You both got dressed and as you walked down the stairs you suddenly felt like something was sitting on your chest.

You didn't want to leave.

FP escorted you to your cab and pulled you in for one last kiss. With his hands around your waist, leaving no space between you, and your hands in his hair, the kiss was intense but soft and gentle. "Goodbye, little one." "Goodbye, dark one." FP chuckled at this new nickname. "I'll be back next weekend.", you said while entering the cab. "I'll be here. See you." As the cab pulled of you looked behind and you saw FP looking back at you. You let out a deep sigh. What have you gotten yourself into?

[niallssecret]

•Deck The Halls•

A/N: Just Niall and Jasmine being cute during the holidays. This was going to end differently but then niall went and disrespected us today so....here ya go! 

 Niall was having a shitty day. He was tired, and felt like he was working far more than he should have been. He understood one that being a co-owner of a cafe would mean he'd need to be there, most of the time. But he also understood that he’d rather be at home on the couch, doing nothing. He was exhausted,  and incessant holiday music that’d been on repeat in the shop the past week wasn’t helping.  It was Gerry’s idea and Niall about socked him when he suggested it. ‘It’s the holidays Niall. It makes people happy!’. So he let him. He wasn’t happy about it but it’s not like he had much of a choice.

 Gerry let him go home after lunch. He said he could handle everything on his own, and didn't need Niall there. Really he was  tired of watching him brood his way through his shift. He took his time walking home though. 

  He wanted to get home but he needed time to clear his head too. He walked around in circles, up and down a the same couple of block a few time listening to some moody music. It was all very dramatic. He couldn’t figure out why he was so...anxious. He just was. The holidays was had never his favorite. And it seemed lately he was acutely aware of  the constant reminders of what time of year it was everywhere he went.

  With his last circle around the block he dug his key out of his pack ready to buzz his way up to place. He was more than ready to change into some sweats and lay himself on his couch with the warm comfort of a blanket and a beer or two. So when he he opened his door to see Jasmine he thought the rest of the day could only get better.

She’d had a key now for a little over a month. It wasn’t a huge gesture, she’d spent a ton of time over at his anyway due to a weird roommate situation. So the thought of giving her a spare key didn’t seem to serious to Niall. He was worried that maybe Jasmine would think they were moving too fast, but she was just as excited as he was at the prospect of always having her around.

He kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket and backpack tossing them to the side near the junk table near the front door, and made his way over to her. He made it halfway through his small living room, before he tripped on a string of christmas lights. His place turned into Santa's workshop. And then he realized Jasmine wasn’t near the window just sipping tea. She was putting up more decorations.

  She didn’t hear him come in, too focused on the work she was doing,trying to figure out how she should around the ornaments on the pint sized ttree she managed to get. It was when she heard huff in the living room she turned her attention away from the tree.

“Hi! How was your day?” She smile, cheerful and as adorable as ever. He didn’t have it in him to be the smallest bit annoyed. She meant well he knew she did.

  “It was alright.” He lied. She didn’t notice, but it didn’t bother him that she didn’t notice.

  “Good.” She turned her attention back to the true, biting her cheek trying to debating on whether enough one side of the tree was too dressed than the other. He came up to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder pressing a kiss to her hair. She turned for only a moment to give him a proper one on the lips before going back to her tree.

  He took a look around and noticed a few christmas nick nacks here and there. A small christmas center piece arrangement in the living room. A magnet on the fridge. He knew Jasmine liked Christmas but he didn’t know she liked it this much.

  “Aren’t these a bit much?” He question pointing at one of the Santa ornaments on the tree.

  “I can take it down-”

  “No no- it's fine.” He said, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

  She finally put down the ornament she’d been fretting with down and turned to look at niall.

  “Listen, I know how much you hate Christmas -”

  “ I don’t hate christmas.” He huffs taking a step away from her.  Call it childhood trauma. Or mommy issues. Or daddy issues. But the fact is that Niall has not been the biggest fan of christmas, for a very long time.

  “Whatever. I know you have a complex about it and I - I still want you to have a nice one this year.” She was much too sweet to him sometimes, and he’d never understood why. He could be the most cynical person he’s ever known, but she still stuck around.

  “Thank you.” He let out a sigh smiling down at her. He brought her face close to his for a kiss that was interrupted far too early by an oven beep.

  “Jazzie?...What-”

“I made cookies.” She smirks up at him, placing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

She pranced into the kitchen,putting on an oven mitt he didn’t even know he had. She came back up with a tray full of sugar cookies. He followed her the small distance to his small kitchen and then notices the small station she’d set up on the kitchen, and the few other cookies already baked.

  “Jesus christ.” He’s huffs, rubbing his face. He looks annoyed but he was so endeered.

  “I thought I’d be fun for us to decorate some cookies. I know you think it’s silly but I use to do it all the time as a kid and I liked it so here.” She hands him a spoon and a tub of icing. She forces him down into one of the bar stools and hands him a plate with a snowman and a christmas tree shaped cookies.He takes the spoon from her without caution, unable to keep the smile. She’s so cute.

  She places the fresh cookies on a cooling rack. She takes another spoon from the drawer and plate before taking her spot next to Niall. She goes for one of the cookies that is already half eaten placing a spoonful of blue icing, and finishing it off. She reaches for another one, putting a spoon full of icing on it, and taking a big bite. Niall is so endeared.

  “I’m no cookie decorating expert but i'm pretty sure your supposed to eat them after they are decorated.” He’s chuckles.

  “So?” The words are mumbled, behind her hand as she tries to finish her last big bite.

  She reaches for another cookie this time actually decorating it, and Niall realizes he hadn’t even finished his first, too mesmerized by how adorable Jasmine looks concentrating so hard over fucking christmas cookies. She starts talking, and it's something about christmas presents but niall is preoccupied.

“What - Niall are you even listening to me?”

“I’m listening.” He smiles moving himself closer to her.

She goes on about her story. All he picks up is that the store ran out of nutmeg before she’s turned towards him again.”

  “You’re not listening at all are you?” There’s only a little bit of irritation in her voice. Niall gives her small smile, and instead of an answer gives her a long sweet kiss instead.

  “What was that for?”

  “Nothing. I just like you alot. Your cute when you’re ranting.” He smiled down at her brushing his thumb over her bottom lip. He knew they weren’t ready for ‘I love you’s’, and Niall wasn’t even sure he had figured out what love felt like. But with Jasmine he felt like he was slowly figuring it out.

  She narrowed her eyes a little, not too pleased that he wasn’t listening. But flattered by the compliment.

  “Your cute too, I guess.” He gave her an affronted chuckle and one more peck.

  “Thanks, appreciate that.”

  He excused himself from the cookie decorating to go shance into some backet ballshorts and comfortable shirt and made his way to the couch. He looked to the side, looking at the small charlie brown looking christmas tree Jasmine had half decorated and smiled. After a few minutes of scrolling through his phone, he got board.

  “Jazzie?” He called without looking behind him.

  “Yes…”

  “Come here” He called out. He heard her let out a huff before he finally saw her. She lifted her eyebrows, expecting him to say something.

“Come cuddle with me.” It was in that husky almost whisper tone, that Jasmine loves. It wasn’t fair. Still she pretended to think about it for a few seconds, hands on her hips.

“Okay.” He gave her a smug smile, and quickly got her as close to him as possible. He grabbed the remote and he let her choose the station. She’d settled on House Hunters which, Niall didn’t mind all that much. He enjoyed the show actually.

  After a few moments Niall looked down at Jasmine, cuddled to his chest. It was seeing her muttering to herself about how wrong the house was for the couple, that he figured out what love feels like.

[emptyheartandsoul-blog1]

I have a nack for ruining most things. So I'm never surprised when I do something and the consequence is destruction and peril. I had told one of my friends, someone I care about dearly that I would cause her to leave and she shouldn't expect that she was any different from anyone else. This probably made her frustrated as she always said that she wouldn't leave and she wouldn't not love me because of the way I am. I wish she had realized she was wrong so long ago. Before I told her all the things that make up my past, my present and future. I told her im annoying and one day she'll tire of hearing me talk. I told her I'm cruel, that one day I'll cause her to look at me different than how she perceives me. That I'm not the sweet caring girl she thinks I am. I told her so many different things that should have hinted to get away, to run while she still could but she didnt. She was so sure I was just being the pessimistic Debbie downer I am, that some of my other friends know I am too, and that she was different. that she wouldn't leave. I tried to leave her but I'm selfish and I told her this. Someone gave me the attention and conversation I craved for years. So I kept her but never stopped telling her what kind of poison I was to her. Just recently I annoyed the shit out of her with my apathetic view on someone else's emotions. I dont blame her for being annoyed. But I told her these things. Things others have left my life because, things my friends currently think about me but she's so sure she's different. She likes to say that shell buy me a house, shell buy me a bunch of things I like... but I know she won't, so I amuse her anyways and pretend it bothers me "Noooo save your money for important things in the future" I say, and she says something along the lines of 'I do what I want'. But the thing is, I know she won't do any of these things. Not that she wouldn't because she totally would. But I know by the time she can do any of that, I won't matter anymore. By that time I will have faded from important to acquaintance. If any of my friends still decide to talk to me by the end of this year I'll be fucking surprised. Its currently 1:03 am and I know that just like how the sun will rise in five hours I know that they will grow tired of me. My pessimism, clumsiness, incompetence, rudeness, etc will drive them away as it has everyone else. I love them but they aren't mine to keep. They're someone else's. Shit, no they're each others. I was barged in on and thrown into this without their consent. A mutual friend at the time had introduced me to her because he saw me sitting alone and decided they would keep me company. But it was that brief moment, when I ruined their lives. When they crumbled under my touch. They were all friends before hand, some at least. And the one added was because I had shown her them. I refuse to say names even though I know no one will even give this a glance so I'll just use the alphabet. Person A and Person B are best friends, both girls. Person C is person A's good friend and person B's friend and a boy. I drove person C away with my own drama and hypocrisy. Person C and I would talk about how person B wasn't the greatest person. Person A would just watch, probably be pissed at us. When person C pissed me off I drove him off with my stubbornness and backwards morals and bullshit. He's now more of a good acquaintance with Person A and not with person B. Now I treat person B like she's good and great because she is but I wasn't feeling that way months ago and I'm such a shit person for that. I used her to fill the empty holes in myself because if I asked her to she did. Im pathetic. Person A, I talk to 24/7 no exaggeration if we didnt have to sleep we probably would, we have. But she watches. She knows everything and sees all. Watches my personality changes and the lies I tell. The most common one is "I never lie". she watches me burn down everything she's had. She let's me destroy everything and says nothing, just watches and then tells me she loves me. As if I hadn't just torn another person out of her life with my personality. I knew I would destroy everything. Its what I do best. I dont belong here with them. They dance and sing and move wonderfully together like they are always meant to be together. They have their life plans but I... I wasn't never meant to be here. I sit and watch when they practice. I dont flow along with them I bump and stumble and get lost. I see them smile more and have more laughter leave their lungs when I'm not around, or when I'm falling behind when we walk in a group. I see what I'll never have. What is never going to be in my grasp. What I am currently breaking into shambles. But they all let me. They let me ruin the love they all have as a family because they thought adopting the rabid dog off the streets was a good idea. But the dog is chewing holes in the walls and biting people. I have one talent I can do better than anything. Isolating myself.